Weekend Open Thread

586 Comments

1. Discuss- St. Patrick’s Day outfits!?

   I’ll be wearing green toms, black skinny jeans, a black/white striped sweater with a green cami underneath (the sweater is sort of sheer), and a green belt.

   I also have on some apple green nailpolish from butter (Dosh, I believe), and some green-ey eyeshadow. Yay!

   1. I’m having a green tea latte right now in honor of the occasion =).

      1. The manageing partner was MAD at me today b/c I did NOT wear green. He said I should have come in wearing a green SARI.

         Can you imagine, a Green Sari?

         FOOEY on him. I will NOT let him make fun of me. FOOEY!

         1. A drunken guy with a smelley green shirt barfed all over my apartement hall way last night and the cleaneing staff will NOT be here clean it until Monday! Fooey!

   2. Today I’m wearing a black and white striped tee with an Ann Taylor kelly green cashmere cardigan and Gap trouser jeans (Love them!).

      Tomorrow I’ll probably wear JCrew vintage bootcut cords in Green Tea (also love, have had them for about 6 years) with a black long-sleeved tee.

      As an aside, my cords are from the first year of the vintage cords and they’re awesome. Soft and stretchy. I have pairs from other years. The tag says they have the same fabric makeup, but they’re not the same. They’re less stretchy and soft and they wrinkle in the dryer. Has anyone else had this problem?

      1. Yes! I have vintage cords from earlier years and some from fall 2011 and they are definitely not the same. Fooey on J. Crew for its relentlessly cute designs + relentlessly declining quality + prices that pretend it is still good stuff.

      2. Not about the JCrew cords, but I have this problem with the Kelly-green corduroy skirt I’m planning on wearing tomorrow. The corduroy is definitely less soft, maybe a bit cardboardy right now. But it’s an old skirt (4-5yrs old, many washings.)

   3. I’m home sick today, but I threw on my green sweatshirt this morning in St. Paddy’s day’s honor.

   4. Today – minty green cashmere cardigan from Martin + Osa (it’s held up pretty well for 3 years! I’m pleasantly surprised by the longevity, although it’s definitely a Friday-only piece now).
      Tomorrow I’m running the DC Rock n Roll half marathon — in lime green shorts, white tech shirt with green piping, green socks, and orange-trim shoes. :)

      1. Your marathon outfit sounds awesome, particularly the orange trim shoes :)

   5. I’ve got green nail polish on, just did it last night. It’s a blackened, slightly shimmery green from China Glaze’s 2010 Holiday collection. I think it’s called Jolly Holly.

   6. Is anyone else in NYC checking out the parade tomorrow? I’ve never been in New York when it’s fallen on a weekend, so I think I’m going to try to find a spot on the upper east side. Does anyone know what time the crowds start forming that far up the parade route?

      (And yes, I know it’s very likely going to be a drunken free for all, that’s half the entertainment!)

      Outfit plan at the moment is dark blue skinny jeans, black boots, either a light green v-neck sweater or a dark green turtleneck, and a claddagh necklace and earrings!

   7. Tomorrow I’m planning on wearing a kelly green drape top, a black cotton mini skirt and knee high black socks with green four leaf clovers all over them. With green make up and a Guinness in hand. But what shoes to wear?

      1. the perfect c*rporette shoe: neon green + leopard, obvsly

         http://www.karmaloop.com/product/214198?VendorCode=FIE

         1. I love it! Too bad I didn’t think about this when I still had enough time left for shipping…

   8. Ooh, I just got the Butter British Racing Green — you’ve inspired me to get it on my toes before tomorrow!

   9. haha, wore a sage green tshirt today, completely by accident! of course there is a grand total of 4 people in my office today, and no one has mentioned St Pats Day, so whatevs.

   10. Wore my outfit today. Emerald green Olivia Moon three quarters sleeve knit blazer over Loft green and navy stripe tee, navy J Crew Minnie pant, neutral beige woven t-strap sandal, green crystal Liz Palacios earrings. Erin go bragh!

2. Hi Ladies,

   Last fall, I landed my dream job, a tenure-track position at a law school. I would be very interested in the hive’s thoughts about how a young female law professor should dress.

   I think I would be most comfortable (at least to start) in suits. But not “interview suits,” per se. I’m thinking more along the lines of what I would wear to professional networking events—casual and/or trendy suits worn with bright colors, fun pattens, etc.

   From my callback, I gather that my future school is a fairly casual place—most of the professors I met with were dressed in some shade of “business casual.” But I don’t think I would ruffle any feathers if I veered more toward the “business” side of the spectrum, as long as I avoid very “business formal” looks. At least I hope so…

   Anyway, I know there are professors who read this blog and lots of people who have been—or are currently in—law (or another professional) school. Thank you in advance for any thoughts or suggestions.

   1. I agree interview suits would be a bit stodgy and probably out of place. I had a young, new female professor in law school who dressed very formally and it seemed out of place. But I think what you’ve described is perfect. And if you are feeling a black pantsuit or something, then you can wear fun jewelry or shoes or a bright top that would make it less business formal-looking. One of my favorite professors wore a lot of gorgeous slacks and blouses with jewelry and I always thought she looked professional but appropriate for the job.

      1. Ack, apologize for not offering my congratulations! I do know how rare it is to get a position like that and of course I love to see anyone get their dream job! Congrats!

   2. First, congratulations on the job! I’ve had several friends who’ve tried to get jobs as law profs and haven’t made it. This is quite an accomplishment.

      Agree with KLG that your proposed work wear sounds appropriate. You could also do separates–jackets with skirts or pants–to look professional but not out of place. I agree that as a younger female, you’ll want to dress more on the professional side than the business casual side if you want your students to take you seriously. Depending on your age, you may have a lot of students who are older than you are, making professional dress even more important.

      1. Thank you! And thank you for your comments. The age issue is definitely a concern for me. I’m not going to be crazy young, but I’m definitely on the younger end of the spectrum.

   3. I think that wearing a unique jacket with matching or non-matching skirts or pants is a great way to go. A structured sweater “swacket” is another good choice. The look would be businessy but not uptight. You are on the right track with color, patterns. Think tweeds, seersucker etc.

      Congratulations!

      1. I agree with this. In addition to “fun” suits, I’d look for structured pieces that can sub in for a jacket. Something like that may be nice for days that you are just holding office hours and catching up on stuff, but not actually lecturing.

         An extremely well tailored button down shirt may not need a jacket to convey authority.

         and, you may also want to think about adding some dresses into the mix, particularly for days when it is too warm to wear a jacket.

         I’d be careful with the accessories. I had a couple classrooms in law school with bad acoustics, and the professors would wear mics. If they had on a jangly necklace or bracelet, the mic would pick it up.

         Congrats on the job!

   4. My best-dressed law prof always wore a button-down shirt, neatly ironed, and neatly tucked into dress slacks, with dress flats and a nice belt. Also a necklace. Usually it was a bright color on top and black slacks.

      Jackets, scarves, and separates would work well, too.

      Dresses sound like a great option.

      1. I’m a professor, though not in law so this may or may not apply. After I transitioned to academia from the real world, I found I rarely wore my suits or blazers because they just weren’t that comfortable to teach in. You’re moving around, gesturing, writing on a dry-erase board, etc., (or at least you should be and not just standing behind a lectern) and those garments often don’t move well with you. I generally wear structured sweaters or cardigans with dress pants or dresses, often with scarves or grown-up jewelry. And comfortable shoes!

         1. Agree on the advice to make sure you can move around, bend, stretch, etc. I am a professor, not law. I usually wear black or grey slacks, tailored cardigan or similar soft jacket with shell or silky shirt. Scarves sometimes and “statement” earrings always. No jangly jewelry. Heels in the two inch range. I try not to look too dowdy (black slacks and a cardigan can be a bit Mr. Rogers if I’m not careful) so bright colored tops and/or splashy colored scarves.

   5. I’m a prof at a large state school in business. I generally wear black or grey pants or skirts with a blouse and jacket (usually a leather motorcycle jacket or a denim jacket or other type of blazer) or a cashmere sweater, black tights, and black shoes. I’m very young, and I don’t try to hide it although I always look professional. On non-teaching days, its common in my department to wear jeans. I usually wear jeans with the same toppers on non-teaching days. (My jeans are denim trousers from Jcrew)

      Practical advice: make sure that you can reach overhead with both hands (for writing on the board, pulling down screens) and totally bend over (for picking up papers, etc) without any wardrobe awkwardness. I hate adjusting my clothes in front of a class. That said, I am a 32DDD chest so I rarely wear button-up blouses in front of the class.

   6. Congrats! That does sound like a dream job, even for a non-lawyer type like me(finance-geek).

   7. i had a ridiculously well put together legal writing professor. if you looked up POLISHED in the dictionary it would have her picture in there. she might have invented the concept. and during the year she got pregnant, and believe it our not, pregnancy made her even more POLISHED because she got a new wardrobe. seriously, she made us slubby law students look worse than we already did. she always wore meticulously well put together business casual outfits, gorgeous blazers and mismatched pants, light colored blouses, pearls, dress suits, structured trapeze jackets. her blonde hair was always in a perfect professional ponytail and she worse plastic eyeglass frames. and very nice jewelry. seriously, i think i might want to be her….she definitely brightened up our days and gave us future corporettes something to aspire toward

      1. My best dressed professor also taught legal writing (she happened to be GC of a rather well known fashion brand, so maybe that had something to do with it). Rarely a suit, but always in classic pieces, never frumpy. I think the easiest way to class/dress up an outfit is with a gorgeous silk scarf and power earrings (this is my go-to combination when I have to make a court appearance after a long night…)

   8. I teach at a state university in a professional program – I started the job at age 27, so most of the students were (and still are) older than me. Add to that, many of them come to class straight from work in the big city. I would say 1/2 are in suits and business wear while the other 1/2 are in college duds.

      On teaching days I wear business wear – dresses or a skirt with shirt and cardigan. Once the teaching starts though, I am usually down to the shirt – since it can get hot at the front of the room. I suggest comfortable shoes (under 3″) that don’t “click” too much, since you will be walking around a lot. And shirts that do not move too much when you are reaching, writing on the board, pulling down a screen etc.

      I prefer looking polished and professional – I think the students respond well to it. It also shows them that you take the job seriously. Suits (especially on a female professor) would be a bit too much for the classroom where I teach – even though it is a big city.

   9. Thank you to everyone for your advice; I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your input.

3. Does anyone have thoughts about what it actually means to “be professional”? I’m not talking about your credentials, job, clothes etc.–I mean by behavior. So often we talk about “being professional” or “being unprofessional” but I have never seen a breakdown of what this means.

   I’m prompted to ask because I have two, somewhat contradictory observations at this stage in my career:

   1) Being good at your job, and acting 100% professional at all times, is not the ticket to success. It’s the bare minimum you have to do if you want even a CHANCE at success. You also need great communication skills, a good sense of interpersonal dynamics and office politics, intuition, and some luck.

   –and yet–

   2) Some of the most successful people I know frequently behave in ways I find totally unprofessional. Making petty comments, making things personal/taking things personally, being disruptive or rude, being chronically late, producing work they clearly did not proofread or even spell-check, not using criticism productively, saying they will do things and not doing them, flirting inappropriately, and more. Most of these are senior men, but I do not know how they behaved decades ago when they were coming up.

   If anyone has insights, I’d love to hear them.

   1. Addressing #2 — I think that people who are successful are often also interesting or memorable. It’s difficult to be memorable when being 100% professional all the time in the ways you list as your contrary examples. Successful people are people too, and everyone has their foibles.

      As an example — I find most of the people in my firm to be very “professional” to the outside world, but as an insider, I see some of them making petty comments to one another and taking things personally. I’ve probably had very unprofessional reactions within the walls of my own firm, as have most of the people I work with. I don’t know if you’re in law or not, but most of the litigators I know and work with take their work very, very personally, and it can be easy to have a short fuse when you have that outlook on your work.

      I’d think it’s very rare to have all of the traits you mention and still be successful, but lots of successful people have one or two of those traits added to the ability to do their jobs well and act in a mostly professional manner.

      1. To clarify, I mean — I’d think it’s very rare to have all of the traits you mention in your list of unprofessional behaviors.

         1. Unfortunately I had a boss who hit just about every item on that checklist, at least to some degree. He was my very own, real-life manageing partner, and from what I can tell his career was kind of stagnating (in his early- to mid-50s). He was still making plenty of money, but I don’t think new opportunities were lining up much. His most interesting work seemed to be behind him and he was not very well-liked from what I could gather.

            1. But did he have bad breath?

   2. I think what you can get away with at the top is very different from what you need to do to get there, which may explain the seeming contradiction between 1 and 2.

      Also, just because some very successful people behave that way does not mean that all or even a majority behave that way. Perhaps at some point the success has gotten to them or they have lost touch with their better judgment. For instance, I work with someone who is very successful in part precisely because he goes out of his way to be pleasant to a lot of people.

      I do think that being 100% super professional all the time is probably not good because you can come off as a robot (see Mitt Romney). A well timed F word or some other small “faux pas” can usually do you a lot of good.

      1. I think one of the luxuries of more responsibility is that you can take a break from being perfect all the time! I definitely find myself pushing the boundaries of definition 1 as I progress in my career.

         And AIMS, I second the value of a well-timed f word. I think it communicates that you are comfortable and human, and also that you can hang with the boys.

         1. Agree. I also wanted to add that certain aspects of what is professional can be very practice area specific. To give an example, as a criminal prosecutor, you need to not be Biglaw, 100% “professional” all the time. In order to connect with some of the victims, witnesses, and law enforcement I need to build good rapport, and that often means dressing and speaking more casually, dropping a few well-timed swears, being louder than I might otherwise be. I also know people who do workers comp and plaintiff side personal injury who purposely rough up a little to fit in with their clients and make them feel comfortable.

            1. I agree with all of this, but notice that the OP was talking mostly about behaviors that actually meant lower-quality work, not being casual and cursing occasionally. I don’t have any tactical explanation as to why someone would, for example, submit a document that they hadn’t edited. I think that’s the kind of thing that just comes down to “I’m doing this because I know nobody will call me on it.” Must be nice!

      2. Not to open a can of worms, but I also think there is a difference in what you can get away with as a white male (or older, or upper middle class, or well-connected, or whatever) than someone who is not. In our culture certain attributes are accepted as signifiers of competence. If you are missing one or more of those signifiers, you may have to make up for it in some way in order to be successful.

         1. So very true.

         2. That’s not a can of worms. That’s reality.

            1. yep.

   3. If you need a breakdown, read Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.

      And yes, the rules are different for younger women and older men.

      1. Yes, when I got to the section on not sitting on one of your feet, which is a very “little girl, like 5-yr old Shirley Temple” thing to do, it reminded me of a coworker who did this and complained about not being taken seriously.

         NGDGTCO also lists other behaviors that are not seen as professional (or particularly helpful to women), like playing with one’s hair. I would add another one: if you’re sitting and you’ve crossed your legs at the knees, don’t swing your foot or leg (the one that’s on the top) wildly while at the meeting. It’s rude and disruptive and inappropriate.

         Some of these are just general rules on how to carry oneself when out and about in the world.

         1. Ack. I definitely play with my hair and sit with my ankle crossed under my leg. I might not play with my hair so much if I didn’t have my own office and such a boring job. It’s a hard habit to break, especially if you have tempting curly hair. I never heard of the sitting on your foot thing. Seems a little bit nitpicky, but I’m glad it’s on my radar now.

            1. That’s how I am sitting right now and how I sit in my office. I think if you’re in your own office, you should sit however you are most comfortable.

         2. I have female co-workers who do both of those things and they seem to be bounding up the ladder just fine. One of those women is very high up and has a pink email signature line.

   4. I think being professional means always being courteous and gracious, while never being a doormat.

      Courtesy doesn’t just mean politeness; it also means being considerate of others, e.g. being on time for meetings, not doing shoddy work that will have to be corrected by someone else, not getting ridiculously drunk at the office happy hour, etc. People who are very good at their jobs can get away with being unprofessional, and in some cases it’s even an asset (e.g. an aggressive litigator), but it rarely wins them the respect of their peers.

      1. Oops. This was me. I always forget to put my name on the first post of the day.

4. Anyone else get a notice that their Direct Loans are going to ESA/Edfinancial?

   1. No, but I got one from Access Group that my servicer has changed to ACS. Is there a change in servicing guidelines or something from the federal government that is causing this?

   2. I haven’t received either of these! I don’t think I like ACS, if I recall correctly one of my loans was serviced through them and their borrower services were really terrible. Hopefully they’ve upgraded!

      1. My Access Group loans were moved to ACS… unfortunately, ACS has not improved.

   3. I think that started around November for me.

      1. I had a switch in Nov too – and now they are switching me again…

         1. Ugh it was such a pain! All my automatic payments got messed up and took about 4 months to get everything straightened out.

   4. No, but when I signed into my account to pay it, the balance was gone. I called up and finally traced my loan to a servicer out of Utah. No notification from either company. I was livid.

      1. yeah – I logged into to check my balance, and it was all paid. It’d be nice if it stayed that way :) However, I can’t yet log into the new servicer yet. The email I got was basically a heads up that I’d be getting a letter once the transfer was complete.

   5. No, but if you fill out the employer certification for public service loan forgiveness, all of your loans will automatically be transferred to FedLoan Servicing. I am looking forward to my payments being messed up!

5. I am debating grad school. My dream program is two years, full time. If I decide to go for it, I would start in 2013 and be 28 when I finish the program. I would be fully funded with a stipend for the program, so debt isn’t a factor, and I really can only advance one more level in my career without needing some sort of master’s degree. The idea of taking time away from my career and my husband having to leave his job to move with me has kept me from doing it so far. If I don’t do the program full time, I would stay with my current employer and they will pay for a degree. There are several local programs in related fields that would qualify me on paper for the jobs that I want, but the actual courses I would be taking are completely different and not really of interest to me. There are pros and cons to both! I feel like if I do a part time program locally I am just doing it for the piece of paper, whereas if I do the full time program I’m doing it for the experience. Is the experience worth it or should I just get the piece of paper in the least disruptive way possible?

   1. Your answer totally depends on you and your husband and the type of program you want to do.

      If it were me, the part that might be most nerve-racking is my husband having to leave his job and move, especially if you planned to move again after grad school. If your husband is in a field where the job market is tight, would it be possible to be long-distance and commute on weekends? My parents did this for a year when I was 7, and I’ve had friends do this with their significant others, but typically with commutes of 5 hours or less (driving). It sucks for everybody involved, and I’m not saying you should do this, but it might be an option.

      Is there any way to accelerate the program with more hours or summer classes and graduate in a year and a half so you take less time away from your career? Many grad programs use summers for experience, but since you already have that, just finishing as soon as possible might work better for you.

      You may have already done this, but before you commit to a big move for a program, do everything you can to make sure you really will enjoy the program – visit, sit in classes (and not the ones the admissions office steers you toward!), talk to current students. The same goes for your local programs – maybe you’d be more interested than you think once you were involved. Just gather as much info as possible before making a decision!

      1. Wise advice, SC. I would add that grad school is kind of nerve-wracking enough on its own. You would not be good company. So a weekend commute might actually work out better for your relationship, as you would no doubt pay more attention to him if you saw him less. He may even realize it and be grateful :-).

   2. It totally depends on what kind of grad school you’re talking about — business school or are you getting a masters? I feel like business school is all about the connections you make, and, therefore, face time is important, along with attending all of the social functions. If it’s business school, go full time to the best school you can go to. If it’s another program (say for example, a master’s program), I would let my employer pay for the degree. Don’t worry about a disruption. You’ll still be young when you graduate, and it’s only for two years.

      1. The degree I want is a M.Ed in Higher Education. If I were to stay where I am, I would substitute an MA in Counseling. It’s way more psychology than I’ve ever wanted to learn, but it would be an acceptable alternative degree for the jobs that interest me.

         1. Going to grad school seems like such an awesome opportunity! I say go for the program you are more passionate about and that fits what you want to learn most. How many opportunities do you get in life to immerse yourself in that kind of a learning environment? It would be a bummer to spend all that time and money on a program you weren’t that interested in. And don’t you think if the situation were in reverse, you’d support your husband if he wanted to move for grad school? At least don’t rule it out until you’ve taken a look at your options and figured out a few ways you might be able to make it work.

         2. I would go for the M.Ed program.
            It sounds like this is something that you’re really passionate about, and while the local programs might be acceptable alternatives, would you regret not doing the other program?

            I second sitting in on classes at both places and talking to the department heads. There is a difference between a M.Ed and MA, and that could make a difference further down the line in your career.

            I’m not sure what the distance between the two locations are, but long distance is an option. Maybe you could meet up for weekends in the middle! (My fiancee and I used to do this in these random middle-of-no-where towns in VA and PA) Since your program has a set time frame 2 years (or less!), that makes long distance easier.

   3. Hi Grad School,

      I am not sure that there is one right answer to this. When I decided I wanted to go to law school, I focused on the area my husband and I lived in. He had just begun his dream job and I just could not ask of him to move away for me. That being said, I did not have a particular dream school that was outside of our area. But a friend of mine chose to attend her dream grad-school program in a different country (business school). Her SO did not move with her because of his job. I am sure it is not easy for them, but they make it work somehow. It is all about what you think will be best for you and your family.
      Good luck!

   4. What about a hybrid M.Ed that has (mainly summer) residencies where the remainder of the coursework is done online? This has the advantage of networking, a peer group and face-to-face instruction while not requiring you to leave your job or move. Since these programs are aimed at teachers, most of the residencies are done in 2-4 week chunks during vacations. University of Nebraska Lincoln is one: If you’re interested, let me know and I can give you other names.

   5. As a professor in a graduate program, I would suggest going to the program that most interests you. Graduate school, after having worked for a few years, can be very stimulating or very frustrating – depending on your reasons for being there. If you are there to learn and grow and be stimulated by the material and your peers, you will have the former experience. If you are there to get the degree for a promotion, you will have the latter experience – and probably be frustrated with the lack of pay, prestige, and frustration with colleagues. In my experience, students who care about the material are happier and much more successful in graduate school. Students who just want the credentials have more trouble shifting from having a career and making money to being a student, losing that professional identification and now spending money. Motivation matters a lot in graduate school!

6. I have an update from last weekend. I posted that my DH wanted to get me the new Ipad, but I didn’t think I would use it. Well, he went against my advice and ordered it for me. I’m sure I will love it. He bought me my IPhone a couple of years ago after I told him I didn’t need a smartphone and now I LOOOOVE it. Do any of you have favorite Ipad apps? Do you have a cover that you really like? Thanks, gals!

   1. For the ipad, get an app called Zite. It’s free. You tell it what you like and it finds great magazine, blog, etc., posts that you can then read. You can give things you like thumbs up so it becomes better and better over time. It’s awesome. There’s a version for the iphone, too, but it’s not as fun reading on the phone.

      Also, if you have netflix – it’s awesome on the ipad. I don’t like the idea of a TV in our bedroom but now when I feel like it I can stay in bed and watch British mysteries.

      Also, most magazines/papers have apps and are really great to read/archive.

      Cooking apps can also be really fun and come with demo videos, etc. Mark Bittman’s app is really good. Anything by Martha Stewart, too.

   2. Love the apple smart cover in pink and my Mark Jacobs bright pink zipper case. I always use both. The smart cover only protects the screen and MJ case protects the whole thing while its not in use. Nordstroms has good options.

      My favorite apps are magazine apps (Glamour, Marie Claire, Allure, Elle). I am a magazine junkie but I hate the clutter of magazines all over my apartment. You just enter your address into the app and then you can get your subscriptions straight to your ipad. You still get the print editions.

      Online banking apps are good too. I only use them on my home wireless though b/c I’m scared of someone hacking my account info :)

      Netlix, redbox, abc all are great for watching tv shows. I really want to get apple tv so I can catch up on my Modern Family!

      1. we must be very similar, as i have both of those items and love them

   3. I bought a ipad cover on Etsy. There are tons of them and they are wonderful.

      I love Crosswords for my ipad and Minesweeper (just like the old version that came with Windows 3.1!).

      If you’re using it for work, I love the Dropbox and GoodReader combo. I use iCloud to edit word documents.

      My boyfriend calls my ipad the “Angry Birds Player.” As far as he’s concerned, it doesn’t do anything else.

   4. My order status says that my new iPad is waiting at home for me, and now I am too excited to keep working until the end of the day. Keep the recommendations coming!

   5. Grid-it cases if you have accessories (stylus, headphones, chargers, etc. )

   6. My new iPad (3d gen) arrived today and I am almost done setting it all up. I am giving my original ipad to my colleg age son and he is thrilled. Compared to the original the thrid generation is a major step up. Graphics are super sharp. It is much lighter than my original and much much faster. I am very pleased. Now I need the perfect cover.

   7. I use the iPad front cover along with a CIMO back cover I bought from Amazon. The CIMO is a hard plastic shell designed to protect the back of the iPad while the standard cover protects the front. A guy at the Apple store recommended this and I’m very happy with it.

      I initally ordered an iPearl leather cover (like a portfolio) for only around $25 from Amazon because I didn’t know what kind of cover I wanted. I liked it OK but it added bulk and I find the iPad fits much better in my handbag with the slim covers I’m using now.

      I love my iPad. If you do social networking like facebook , twitter, etc, check out the app called MyPad+, which integrates all of them into one app. I also use iPeriod to track my cycles (which was embarrassing when I left my iPad in a male colleague’s office), and – guilty pleasure – I love all the shopping apps like shopstyle, ruelala, amazon, and so on.

   8. I bought a smart over but haven’t used it. Instead I bought a black cover from Walmart that works great and protects it all.

      Buy A Great Stylus. I love mine from Acase.

      Apps…. Note ability, flipboard, Facebook, words w friends, The Daily, and Drop 7 are my most frequently used.

7. Hair related threadjacks:

   1. What are your thoughts on dry shampoo? Any recommendations?
   2. I’m pretty sure my conditioner was recently reformulated and I don’t like whatever is in it now. It makes my hair, for lack of a better word, tacky. It feels almost wet (but it isn’t because it has been blow dried) and makes my fingers feel like they are coated in something. I dye my hair so a color saving/maintaining conditioner would be great, but I’m also interested in switching back over into an all natural one that actually detangles and works on lots of thick hair.

   TIA!

   1. No advice for #2, but for #1, I honestly love the Suave dry shampoo, especially the new keratin version. Full disclosure — I’m blonde and have long hair, so the fact that it comes out white doesn’t make a difference and I can easily brush through to blend. YMMV, but I love the stuff and you can’t beat the fact that it’s about $3 a can. I’ve gone through 5 or 6 cans already in the last 6 months, but I’m down to washing my hair 3 times a week, tops.

      1. 2 recommendations: SaschaJuan volume powder spray and Klorane dry shampoo. Unfortunately, both are kinda pricey.

         1. I agree Klorane is pretty good.
            But frankly I think there are 2 main uses for dry shampoo: in the hospital, or backpacking.

         2. I love suave too! I used psst and another brand in a blue canister, but I find that suave not only acts as a dry shampoo, but is also a better styling agent (think: creates texture like a spray on wax). Also, it smells better than the other brands.

      2. I like Psst. It seems to brush out better so I don’t have that weird residue in my hair after using. I also am a big fan of a little baby powder/translucent powder on the roots, if its just a late night and I need to cover up the fact I’ve been at work 12+ hours.

         2 – non colored hair, but very dry so I often use “color savers” – I like the loreal sulfate free conditioner. Also, you can use a little water and baking soda to help get some of that tacky feeling out. I mix it pre-shampoo. I’m not sure how this works on people with color in their hair but it’s amazing and cheap!

   2. On #2 – I’ve had this happen. A lot. With a lot of different conditioners (including every Bumble & Bumble line I’ve tried). When it happens, I use a clarifying shampoo (I use a Herbal Essences one that’s minty) and then change my shampoo/conditioner. I switched to Wella about 6 months ago (specifically the Wella Professionals Brilliance line – for color treated hair) and I don’t have the wet-even-when-dry feeling any more. I also use their deep conditioner once a week to tame my tangle-y and thick hair.

   3. for #1, I love Oscar Blandi Pronto Dry Shampoo. it also smells really amazing. not super cheap, but IMHO worth it.

      1. Seconding this… LOVE Oscar Blandi. (I tried TRESemmé, but it just left my hair feeling dirty.) Unfortunately, I have very fine hair, so I like to use dry shampoo on clean hair to give is a little body that will last through the day—so I try to save the Oscar Blandi for days when I’m running late and need to skip a shower before work.

   4. omg, i actually have recs for both of these! that never happens:

      1: i second the other rec for Klorane gentle dry shampoo. It is pricey, but it lasts forever, and my scalp is sensitive, but the Klorane doesnt make me dry and itchy like the cheaper ones do.

      2: i LOVE Kevin Murphy hair products. They are also pricey, but I get them on amazon and usually can find them on sale. They are the most highly recommended by my colorist, they are all natural, and very good at protecting color. My color stays so rich for a long time. I use the Angel Wash (shampoo) and Angel Rinse (conditioner), which are for color-treated, fine hair, they are very light on my hair, but i have noticed a significant difference in how healthy and shiny my hair looks after a year of using them. I think the one for thick hair is called “Luxury,” so you could try those, but my hair is fine and gets very tangled usually, but after I use the Kevin Murphy conditioner, the tangles literally fall right out with the comb, its amazing.

   5. 2. If you use conditioner without silicones or other -cones you shouldn’t have this problem. You’ll have to clarify first though.

      1. Thanks for all the recs! I’ve got some shopping to do now!

         @ makeupjunkie I know the conditioner is silicone free but I’ll check out the rest of the ingredients. Good to know!

   6. No clue about the conditioner issue…

      My own experience with dry shampoo has been disappointing. In theory, it sounds like the best product in the universe – especially as my fine, straight hair is prone to get oily and limp. When I have tried dry shampoos, they have left a lot of noticeable powdery residue in my dark brown hair. So, I brush it a ton to try and disperse the powder … and all the brushing just makes my hair even oilier and flatter. Fail.

      1. Have you tried pulling the section that’s oily forward and spraying the roots from the back? I do this to avoid streaking and clip forward until it’s dry. Then I brush forward which usually takes away the odd gray color and give some volume. Hope this helps!

      2. I’ve never tried this because I don’t have dark hair, but I’ve heard you can use cocoa powder as dry shampoo.

         I use corn starch on my light-ish brown hair. I just keep a canister from Trader Joe’s in my bathroom and apply it to my roots with my fingertips before brushing out. It does take quite a bit of brushing to avoid the powdery look in my roots.

   7. I don’t know if this is your problem, but every once in awhile my hair is kind of waxy (not really greasy, but more tacky, like you are talking about) mostly around the crown of my head. It looks bad and I hated it, and at first I thought I just wasn’t rinsing out my conditioner well enough. Even after not even using conditioner for awhile, it still wasn’t going away and I couldn’t get it to wash out. Anyway, if it persists, get a good strong clarifying shampoo to cut through it. Mine had gotten to the point that I just used some dawn detergent like I was a duck in an oil spill and that was finally what got it out. Once it was gone, I only had one recurrence about 6 months later, but I caught it in time that clarifying shampoo did the trick.

      1. I had that EXACT issue and thought I was crazy because just that crown section was oily/tacky/not fully drying. I got my hair cut yesterday and my hair dresser noticed it and did some stripping/clarifying treatment, and it has made my hair so much better (lighter feeling, fluffier, softer, he even said my color – natural brunette no dyeing – looks much better). Hairdresser said I had a crazy amount of build-up in my hair. I suspect it’s because I started using head and shoulders for dry scalp about 6 months ago to combat some minor flaking, and it just didn’t agree with my hair. Hairdresser recommended a light moisturizing shampoo and no conditioner to see how that works for me to cut down on the excess product build up. Since I just went to him yesterday I haven’t really seen it in action yet, but that treatment plus a light moisture shampoo might work for you!

         1. My hairdresser gave me the build up answer too, but I thought it was kind of weird at the time. Wouldn’t build up happen gradually? My hair was totally normal, and then BAM. weird waxy stuff that wouldn’t go away. Anyway, I’m just glad it’s gone. And I’ll agree – a clarifying treatment is a way better idea for your hair than Dawn, but I was pretty desperate :)

      2. Like you were a duck in an oil spill – LMAO at the mental image.

      3. This happens to me on occasion, especially after I try head & shoulders or any harsher shampoos. I use Paul Mitchell tea tree oil/lavender shampoo & conditioner and it’s gone after one wash, rinse, repeat cycle.

   8. For #2, try Trader Joe’s Nourish Conditioner. It’s organic, and it detangles really well (I have long, thick, curly hair; I double condition with it and I don’t need a detangler). Best of all, it costs $2.99 for a 16oz bottle.

      1. try looking at mamamia[dot]com[dot]au. On the homepage there is a link to an article called “If you have hair, you need this product” – it’s about dry shampoo.

   9. I like Psst a lot as well. I use that or Oribe dry texturizing spray. Psst brushes out well for me, but I have blonde hair so maybe it just blends in better.
      I also strongly disagree with the assertion that dry shampoo is only good for hiking. Dirty hair is lot easier to do updos with, and I’ve found dry shampoo makes my hair the perfect balance between greasy and dirty versus too clean to stay anywhere.

   10. 1. I recently discovered (and now love) Batiste dry shampoo. I’m blonde, so I haven’t noticed a visible powder residue, and it does a great job of soaking up oil and giving my hair some much-needed body. I was washing my hair every day and now I can get away with once every three days. The original smells a little too kitchen-cleaner-y to me, but the Brit and Refresh versions smell amazing. Plus, only $8 per bottle!

       1. I’m blonde too so I’m glad it works well for all you fellow blondes. Also, good to know about the build up thing. I don’t have that right now, but I’m pretty sure that has happened in the past!

       2. Love the Batiste Refresh! The scent is not overpowering and I’ve found it absorbs better than the pricier products. I’ve got dark auburn hair and I’ve never noticed a powder residue.

   11. late to this, but i wholeheartedly second all of the recommendations for suave dry shampoo (both original and newer keratin formula). it works just about as well as the oscar blandi i’d been buying from sephora at about a tenth of the price.

       for the conditioner – when i colored my hair i started using aveda brilliant shampoo and conditioner, and added a deep conditioner a couple times a month (also aveda but i don’t remember which). i alternate between the aveda stuff and fekkai glossing now, though i don’t color my hair anymore.

8. I am not a huge fan of this skirt, or as my mother would say “sack.” I actually know what Kat means about those fun lounge around skirts — I have plenty (I call them my dont-have-to -shave-your-legs skirts), but something about this is not doing it for me. I think its the combination of color/pattern/general shapelessness.

   1. I agree, but I also think that the way the model is standing makes it look kind of weird, the model in the blue skirt really shows off the skirt more. Also, I’m pretty sure you have to be tall and thin to pull any of this off! (That’s a LOT of pink!!)

   2. Doesn’t it kind of look like a beach towel wrapped around someone’s legs?

   3. my fantasy self would look beautiful and chic in this skirt but my real me would look like a shlumpy neon sack

      1. So very true. You just made me laugh out loud!

      2. Love the word shlumpy. I agree for me too!

9. Does Madewell sizing run roughly the same as JCrew? I bought the Lucinda silk shirt at JCrew last fall and I’m lusting over the Pemberly at Madewell, which looks somewhat similar.

   I’m a busty size 8 or 10 depending on brand, although lately more 10 than 8. However, I’m an 8 in JCrew silk blouses that I’ve tried/purchased in the last 6 months. I’m waffling between the medium and the large in the Pemberly. Has anyone tried this blouse? We’ve got a Madewell b&m opening soon, but until it opens I’m stuck with online-only.

   1. Madewell may run a smidge smaller than J. Crew, but I don’t know if its enough to go up a whole size. Although for a flowy, blousy top, you might want to go with the 8 instead of having a too tight silk shirt…

      1. Sorry…”may want to go with the large instead of . . .”

10. I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for a good fan/fan+ humidifier for the bedroom. My bedroom feels like it’s always 10 degrees hotter than the rest of the apartment, and I always wake up feeling extremely warm. We have one now that only really affects one side of the bed, so one of us is always too warm.

    Thanks

    1. Given the climate I’m in, I’ve never needed a humidifier, but my bedroom is always the warmest room in the house so I have one of those Vornado circulators, pointed sort of half-up. It really works to circulate air throughout the room. Totally worth the price.

    2. We have run a Vornado every night, all night, for 3 years now. It is still going strong, incredibly quiet, and very effective at air circulation. Love that thing.

    3. I use a tower fan that oscillates – mine is called a Hawaiian Breeze fan. It’s about 4 feet high and it does a wonderful job circulating the air and cooling down my room.

11. Anyone have recommendations on finding a contractor? I’m in Seattle and had some drama with a pipe breaking and soaking the walls and ceiling of my garage, so the drywall needs to be torn out and replaced. Sadly, hardly any of my friends own homes, so they can’t recommend! I’m not even sure what sort of person to call–a general contractor? Something else? It’s not a very big job, but I also want to get it done soon–the garage stinks and won’t be drying out anytime soon, not in Seattle!!

    1. Angies list or yellow pages? Whatever you do, make sure they have a contractor’s license, and are bonded and insured. They should have their contractor’s license displayed prominently on their business cards and other materials. You can check their contractor’s license on the WSDL&I website (https://fortress.wa.gov/lni/bbip/) It will tell you if there are any judgements pending against a contractor. Also ask for references.

    2. Ask a real estate agent. They have good contractors on speed dial.

    3. Didn’t your insurance company cover this? They usually do, and are usually really on top of getting water damage dried out because they don’t want to end up with a related mold claim.

       1. Oh, I called them right away–but they’re just saying “we think it’ll cost $X, so we’ll send you a check for $X-deductible! Call us if someone wants more!” and not, say, recommending someone.

          1. I would seriously look for a new insurance company!

             My daughter left plug in the bathroom sink upstairs and the faucet slightly on all day when we were at school and work. By the time I got home, there was a puddle right next to my piano on the first floor, and it had discolored a dark wood rafter on my ceiling (old craftsman house.) I called my insurance company and within an hour they had sent out a “Restoration” company. The professionals from that company installed giant fans to dry out my ceiling (they ran round the clock for three days!), took away my rug to have it professionally cleaned, and then when the ceiling was dry, they sent out a tradesman to paint the ceiling and exactly match the stain on my rafter.

             At the end of all of this, they billed me for my deductible ($1000) but I didn’t have to take care of diddly. It’s in their best interest to do this to make sure, as I said before, you don’t end up with mold.

    4. We used a great guy named Jim Sprague (Sprague Construction) for small remodel projects in Seattle. This is aside from all the mold/insurance, etc. issues. It’s basically him and he hires subs as needed. He is a super nice guy, very reliable and does great work. He did a ton of small jobs for us and I literally have no complaints. My husband (who is extremely an*l about this kind of thing) was very happy too. See if you can track him down. He’s great!

    5. I’ve used Tukan Services for years. He does all kinds of things, from drywall repair to painting to installing a new bathroom fan to hanging Christmas lights and washing windows. Dmitri is a hard worker, shows up on time, and usually comes in under bid.

    6. I worked with Larry Rogers of Rogers Remodeling on a bathroom remodeling and found I had fairly extensive water damage. He did excellent work, chose great subcontractors when needed and was an all-around pleasure to work with: 425-888-5557.

12. Can we as women stop referring to ourselves as “hormonal”?

    If you like it, own it. Please don’t blame your opinions on your crazy little lady brain.

    1. Aw, I giggled at the “maybe I’m hormonal,” because I know sometimes I like crazy things that seem garish in the bright light of a different time of the month. Hormones are a biological fact, and although they don’t make me any less capable, they do influence my mood sometimes. I own that.

    2. But…sometimes I AM hormonal. Why don’t you let me OWN that????

       (Sorry to get all Elleny on you…maybe I’m just hormonal.) ;-)

       1. Dude, I was totally going to say that.

       2. that was my thing! we have hormones. they fluctuate. why is that something to hide in shame?

    3. Haha, I was curious about that – I think my hormones have lots of different side effects, but I did not know that liking potentially garish clothes was one of them (and I would also describe myself as hormonal right now and all I can say about the skirt is that it looks comfy). But anyway… I need to go find some chocolate (and I wish I were kidding!).

       1. Where is this chocolate! Bring it here to the hormonal ladies. :-P

       2. I read an article once that said that women are more likely to dress in loud prints/revealing when they are ovulating…

          1. it’s true… women are more likely to dress in ways that attract the eyes of a mate while they’re at their most fertile time. :)

          2. Really!? How interesting. I just thought it was because sometimes when you’re hormonal you pick things or “like” things that later you look at and “what the heck was I THINKING!?!?” :-)

          3. Fascinating! Thanks for sharing :)

             BTW, TCFKAG, I took a white chocolate candy from my secretary’s desk, and it did not hit the spot AT ALL.

    4. I also don’t like that turn of phrase, although not as much as “on my/your period” – that one literally spikes up my blood pressure.

       I similarly hate the phrase “mommy brain” or “pregnancy brain.” I get that hormones fluctuate and everyone experiences this differently, but I still find it all kind of unnecessary. That said, I don’t think that “we as women” will ever agree on any of this so this is a fight I have given up. All I can do is never shift blame for my own behavior on my lady parts. And F. It. – if I want to like a long bright pink skirt paired with an orange top, I don’t need a reason :)

       1. But AIMS, if I can’t shift blame to my lady parts — who can I shift blame to? I can only blame my husband for so many things before he starts arguing! ;-)

          1. My SO says “you may not always be right, but you’re never wrong!”

             1. Thats a smart SO you have right there CA Atty.

             2. Your SO and mine must be related he tells me the same thing all the time.

             3. Yes he is :-) Although I have to admit that at first I thought he was saying that I was an unreasonable dictator, i.e. even when I’m wrong I just bully/hysteric him into agreeing with me. But that’s not how he meant it. He more meant it like on HIMYM when they say (or used to say, it’s been a while) “laywered!” meaning that Marshall just totally took something that meant one thing and logically took it step by step into something else.

                (Also, I have never had hysterics in my life.)

             4. oh, like when you are “2nd right”

       2. Second “on my/your period” – I don’t know why, but that one has always bothered me!

          1. This!

          2. Ditto. It makes me think of someone sitting on a giant piece of punctuation, a giant red period. Ugh.

             What’s more annoying is that a lot of people use it to suggest that you’re not on top of your game. When I was in London on vacation w/DH, there was a crowd of people we were wading through, and going in the opposite direction was a guy pushing a cart/wheely luggage of some sort.

             He had this look like everybody was supposed to make way for him and when he moved towards me, he said, “Must be on your period” when I didn’t instantly make way. I couldn’t resist but say right back, “yeah, but you’re an @sshole 365 days out of the year.” I was ready to slug him one, too, and would have, if I thought he was going to get threatening.

             1. Hah! I love that you said that to him. I hate it when people do sh*t like that.

          3. I don’t why it’s so hard to just say, “I have my period.”
             I think the “on” part sounds so hideous because it evokes the phrase “on the rag,” which I don’t think most people would use so I don’t get why they would use its slightly less offensive cousin.

             But you guys I totally have my period right now so that is probably why I am being all b*tchy about all these word choices ;)

             1. I think this is regional or something. The first time I heard someone say “I *have* my period, ” I was in college and I thought it sounded overly formal, like she should say it with her pinkie out. The other thing I always think of is that it sounds like “I have the flu,” which isn’t good either – it’s not a disease, no matter how wretched it may be.

             2. Kind of like how native New Yorkers say “on line” instead of “in line”?

                Drives me nuts.

             3. AIMS, I hate “on” too (and for the record, I do not have my period right now). It just sounds so gross to me. I never heard “on my period” until I moved to the Midwest. Here, even my OB/GYN says it. Ick!

             4. Yes – it is totally the offensive cousin issue that gets me!!!

       3. AIMS, I’m with you. We don’t become noticeably dumber when we’re pregnant. We don’t become suddenly irrational when we’re menstruating.

          As Sarah Palin said when she went back to work 2 weeks after baby #4 was born, “And any man who believes that, I will escort that neanderthal back to the cave.”

          1. The baby didn’t make me dumb, the sleep deprivation did.

       4. I was at the optometrist today, and visibly pregnant, so we were discussing the effects of that on my contact wearing. Totally appropriate. Then he switched to small talk that included “How is your thinking? Fuzzy and forgetful?” Totally INappropriate. I *hate* this assumption/story that pregnant women don’t think straight.

          1. My two bosses both became very fuzzy and forgetful, I did think that was true but I’ve never been pregnant.

             1. I agree that no one should assume that is the case but many women do get mommy brain and fuzzy thinking when pregnant. Just a fact of life.

    5. I feel like most people get hormonal, but people only acknowledge it when it’s women. I know that I get hormonal and moody at certain times of the month, and I know how to recognize when I’m not acting rationally and to take the steps necessary to avoid my irrationality from impacting the people around me. I think that’s the responsible thing for men and women to do. I don’t have much respect for people who scream at their husband in public, or say, at a bride at her wedding (*cough* hypothetically) and then argue that their behavior was acceptable in some way because they’re on their period.

       I don’t have any problem with Kat’s use in this case, because I don’t see it as any different than me saying, “Maybe I’m hormonal, but I really want a big bowl of chocolate ice cream right now.” (I normally hate both chocolate and ice cream)

       1. I so agree with this. It took me forever to “own up” to the fact that I am really out of sorts around the start of my period. Once I just accepted that fact as true, it made it easier to recognize when I was being ridiculous and to take steps to avoid unleashing my bad mood/emotional brouhaha on other people. It’s not an excuse for my behavior but for me it is a fact of life that I need to deal with at least once a month. I am envious of those who don’t have such dramatic mood shifts.

       2. Absolutely, and dudes totally get hormonal. They may not get all weepy, but I definitely see “cycles” of behavior and attitudes.

          1. Yep, totally see this at work. One of the benefits of working in an almost all-male field – dudes are totally calling each other out on being moody. And they give me a heads-up on when to or not to approach a certain supervisor for whatever reason.

          2. Oh men definitely get hormonal. My DH went through a week of just being depressed/grumpy/clingy, and my first thought was that HE was on his period :) I do hate the phrase and excuse, so it was more just in my own head that I kind thought so that I could laugh off his unusual behavior. He went back to normal the next week, so we’ll see if he gets grumpy again toward the end of the month :)

          3. about one day a month my husband is grumpy and snappy. he is good about recognizing it the next day, though, and apologising for PMS-ing.

       3. I actually disagree that men get what we’re calling “hormonal.” Physically, they don’t have cycles. At all.

          They do have behaviors influenced by hormones – testosterone and its associated rages and behaviors must be very difficult to live with – but it’s not cyclical in any physical sense.

          1. I didn’t mean in it the cyclical sense, although that’s how it has been taken, I meant it in the sense you used it- that they have behaviors that are influenced by hormones.

       4. I get so hormonal that my doctor finally prescribed me birth control year-round (which is so so awesome). Before the changed meds, I had a male friend who would just stare at me everytime I was acting crazy and say “are you PMS-ing?”. Normally, that would have bugged the hell out of me – but he was always right. And it served as a reminder to try to temper my behavior or try not to inflict it on others.

    6. I get hormonal when I am on my period and two weeks before. Not only do I own it but owning it has helped me at work and at home. I now recognize that when I am angry, I mean really, really angry, at more than one person on any given day, it is probably me and my period and nothing to do with them. I also started taking an anti-depressant and I stopped telling my boss how he should run the office once a month. When I actually start my period, I give myself a break and do the bear minimum at work, eat donuts, don’t do the dishes at home, and I go to bed early, without guilt. I OWN my bitchiness during my period, but I have learned not to inflict it on everyone else. . . as much.

       1. I get hormonal when I am on my period and two weeks before. Not only do I own it but owning it has helped me at work and at home. I now recognize that when I am angry, I mean really, really angry, at more than one person on any given day, it is probably me and my period and nothing to do with them. I also started taking an anti-depressant and I stopped telling my boss how he should run the office once a month. When I actually start my period, I give myself a break and do the bear minimum at work, eat donuts, don’t do the dishes at home, and I go to bed early, without guilt. By the way, my pre-teen son is extremely hormonal.

    7. I don’t mind ‘hormonal.’ I just wish we’d say “I’m feeling all cerebral” more often.

    8. I am sooo hormonal right now! Nothing wrong I owning it. It is a medical fact after all.

    9. I just ate smoked fish followed by two cupcakes. I don’t blame that on my “crazy little lady brain”, but I’m definitely blaming it on progesterone. See also: going jacketless and sandal-clad in 55-degree weather and still sweating.

13. If you’re in Los Angeles, join our meetup on Sunday 4/1 at 11 a.m. For details, send an email to LosAngelesCorporette at yahoo dot com

14. I’ve noticed that some posters here have 3 kids. We have 2 boys (3 and 1). We like the idea of a bigger family (plus I like the idea of a girl, which I realize is not guaranteed) but being pregnant again, breastfeeding, dealing with an infant, etc. sounds horrible to me. Pros/cons of 3? How did you decide to go for the 3rd?

    1. I actually wanted to stick with 2, but my husband wanted 4 – 3 was sort of our compromise! Our kids are now 7, 5, and 3. It is nice b/c they are close enough that they can pretty much all play together now. However, initially, it is CRAZY when they are all so little. Cons = things are made for 4, so now that there 5 of us, it is not always ideal; someone is always left out (some combo of 2 gang up on the 1) Pros = can’t imagine life now without our little one -she is a complete sunshine; our third was easier b/c she is often entertained by the other 2, which is less work for us.

       Whatever you do, it will be the right decision! Good luck!!

    2. I can’t speak to parenting 3 kids, but I grew up as one of three kids. I love my family to death and I’m very close to my sisters, but some of the reasons we are planning on only two kids:

       1) Logistics. You’d think restaurants would be used to seating parties of 5 but they always look at you funny and have to rearrange something. Ditto hotels. 4 people in one room is easy, add a 5th and you have to ask for a cot or get a second room. Sometimes it’s really no big deal. Other times it’s a pain. 3 car seats? Going to be tough to fit in one bench seat. My room was always the guest room when people came to stay because we lived in a 4 bedroom house, etc.

       2) By the time we were 12-18, being one of three kind of stunk. There is no way two parents can be in three places at once and throw in two working parents and there are limits to how many sports teams/activities/etc. can be covered. The big events will inevitably sometimes all fall on the same weekend and transportation can be an issue. Will you buy a car for the oldest to drive when he is of age? That definitely helped some.

       3) There is frequently a 2 vs. 1 issue with 3 siblings. The alliances will change daily/weekly/monthly as everyone goes through their different phases.

       I really did have a great childhood so I certainly wouldn’t discourage anyone who enjoys a bigger family but I know the extra minor complications of 3 kids is not for me.

       1. I’m the oldest of three (as are my mother and her mother, interestingly!)

          I think KLG brings up some great points.

          1. In our family, we would get 2 hotel rooms on vacation. Parents got one room with a King bed, while the 3 kids got another room with 2 beds. Because my brother is extremely tall, he always got his own bed while my sister and I had to share. I know I shouldn’t complain – we got taken on vacation, after all! Still, not a fan.

          2. Once I got my driver’s license, I was expected to take over some of my mom’s chauffeuring duties – that was how I earned the privilege of using one of the family cars. Even after I bought my own car, I still found myself driving my siblings to various activities. My mom has said this kept her from going insane from too many hours spent behind the wheel.

          3. I think the alliances thing will occur in any family, but it has a lot to do with how far apart the kids are and what their genders are. We are fairly spread out – I’m 3 1/2 years older than my sister and 8 years old than my brother. I’m sure that things would have been different if I had 2 sisters or 2 brothers, or if we were closer in age. Not necessarily better or worse – just different. Despite shifting alliances, my siblings and I are, and always have been, very close.

       2. Just to chime in . . . no kids myself but grew up as one of four kids. Not to sound cheesy, but the joy of growing up in a big family coupled with the unique bond I share with each of my siblings so far outweighs any logisitical/economical downsides. I know my parents agree. Not only do I have a wonderful relationship with my sister, but she has a very special bond with one of my brothers because their personalities are so similar. It is so cute to see. My dad would have had a fifth but my mom had to finally put her foot down. What probably helped with managing some of the craziness is that my parents, while being unbelievably supportive and loving, didnt coddle us. Yes, my brothers had to share a room for a while, and yes, I watched what felt like hundreds of little league games of my siblings. But the good and fun outweighed the bad.
          Im sure whatever you decide will be perfect for your family – good luck!

    3. As a friend told me, the real difference is the switch from man to man defense to zone defense. Good luck!

       1. Yes, my mother would echo this. No kids for me yet, but I was one of three (the middle!). My mom says basically that if you have three, you may as well have four or five, because you’re outnumbered- more kids than parents and, importantly, more kids than hands.

          That said, I love having two siblings and I plan to try for three– but am giving myself permission to give up after two (or one!) if I decide it’s more than I can handle.

       2. One of my mentors told me that one time. He’s a 6’3″ guy from North Carolina with three boys. I spent a hilarious 20 minutes with him trying to have a conversation about patients with him fielding multiple phone calls from his wife (a full time OB-Gyn) and nanny about little league rain outs and a very complex childcare rearrangement schema. It made me realize how invested he was in his kids, illustrated exactly why he had been so quietly supportive of me while I was pregnant in residency, and clarified the complexity of three kids in extra-curriculars. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t say a whole lot and is definitely NOT an over-sharer, so when he looked me dead in the eye and said with the up most seriousness “we’ve gone to zone defense and it isn’t easy” I took it to heart.

       3. This is how I’ve described it to my friends. Do I know you? :-¡

    4. From a purely practical viewpoint – perhaps not popular – my parents were open with me and my brother that one reason they didn’t have a 3rd was cost. They decided that they simply wouldn’t have room to feel comfortable with keeping pace with retirement savings and supporting more than 2 kids at the level they wanted to be able to (from the childhood expenses of lessons and braces to college tuition and weddings).

    5. Agree with the comments about hotel rooms, cars etc. Not really a problem for me when my kids were young, but now that they are teenagers, I’m saddled with a gas guzzling SUV (in lieu of minivan) and we often book two hotel rooms for vacations. As we face college in the next few years, I’m terrified of the overall cost, especially since we won’t qualify for financial aid-I’m jealous of those with two kids who “only” have to afford $400,000 for two college tuitions, as opposed to $600,000 (or more) for us. Also, I “tried for the girl” and didn’t get one-not a problem now, but I wish I had known that if you have 2 children of one sex, there is a 75% chance (or something similar) that your third will be the same sex too!

       1. is that true? why wouldn’t it be 50/50 chance the third would be the same sex?

          1. A lot of people believe that some men are more likely to make babies of a particular gender, so if someone already has 2 girls, then they’re likely to have a third because the husband has more X sperm than Y sperm. However, I learned in high school sex ed that this is not actually true. Maybe one of the doctorettes can clarify?

          2. A lot of people believe that some men are more likely to make babies of a particular gender, so if someone already has 2 girls, then they’re likely to have a third because the husband has more X sperm than Y sperm. However, I learned in high school s-x ed that this is not actually true. Maybe one of the doctorettes can clarify?

          3. A lot of people believe that some men are more likely to make babies of a particular gender, so if someone already has 2 girls, then they’re likely to have a third because the husband has more X sp-rm than Y sp-rm. However, I learned in high school s-x ed that this is not actually true. Maybe one of the doctorettes can clarify?

          4. A lot of people believe that some men are more likely to create babies of a particular g-nder, so if someone already has 2 girls, then they’re likely to have a third because the husband has more X sp-rm than Y sp-rm. However, I learned in high school s-x ed that this is not actually true. Maybe one of the doctor readers can clarify?

             (Sorry, trying to avoid moderation.)

             1. Not a doctor, but it is true. A friend of mine had only had boys in his family going back for generations and generations, and he, as expected, had two boys also. It’s not all coincidence.

             2. And to clarify – by family, I mean in his paternal line. Apparently it was genetic.

       2. I once knew a family that had 2 boys. When the oldest was in high school thy decided to try for a girl. They got another boy. The decided one last time to try for a girl. They got twin boys. Apparently figuring that by now the two oldest were out of the house in college and the military, they went ahead and tried again and got a girl. So…5 boys, 1 girl. ACK!

       3. Some people believe that y sperm swim and die faster then x sperm so the closer you have sex to your actual time of ovulation the more chances of you having a boy. So to have a girl you’d want to time sex a couple of days before ovulation to give the slower x sperm a chance to get there. They say that it’s about 80% effective. I’ve read it in a couple of books but the only one I can think of right now is Taking Charge of Your Fertility. The author, Toni Weschler, doesn’t say she necessarily believes it but she included the information and a citation anyway.

    6. We have 3 boys – 12, 9 and 6, and I wouldn’t change a thing (although, really, very few parents ever regret having one more child, imo). It’s true that many more things are made for families of 4 than of 5, but in hotel rooms we get a cot, we can still fit in a sedan if we have to (for now), they all get along really well, and there’s always a playmate if someone is doing something on their own or is at a friend’s house. Yes, we can’t always afford as many things because of that added extra cost, but my boys don’t feel deprived of anything.

       Dh & I each grew up with 2 siblings, and we always felt 3 was a good number of children to have.

       Although, things did get crazy when #3 was born – I was working p/t from home as a contractor at the time, and ds#1 had just started kindergarten. It took me a few months to get into my groove again, but everything is fine now.

       I think a lot of it depends on the personalities of the children, as well. Some kids are just higher need than others. And sometimes siblings don’t get along as well as my boys do.

       It’s a big, tough decision. Good luck! Oh, and beware, you might end up with a third boy, so don’t base your decision to have another on wanting a girl! And I understand the whole diapers, breastfeeding thing, which is why there are 3 1/3 years between our last 2 and only 2 1/3 years between our first two.

    7. I’m one of three and I love having two sisters! My parents didn’t save $600,000 or anything like that for college for us ($0!) and all three of us have managed fine to go to good schools. I feel that my two sisters are the biggest gift my parents ever gave me, especially now that we get older.

       Also, consider the fact that the more children you have, the more grandchildren you will (statistically) have. Read Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids for the statistics. Also, one of my sisters does not have a big career (She works in IT) so she will live in the same city as my parents for all of their old age, unlike my other sister and I who have moved across the country for our jobs.

       Also, sex-selection IVF is now about $15K, so if you really, really, really want a girl, that is something to consider.

       I think it just comes down to what you will regret more, having a child and not being able to fully provide in the fashion you want for all the children (time, money, etc.) OR not having a child and wishing you had.

    8. Jeez, ya’ll have small families. I have cousins who are a set of 12! You don’t have to worry about seating at a restaurant because you can’t afford to go out to eat! :)

       1. Wow – don’t have any 12s in my generation (the biggest is 6). My parents though, are part of a 12 and a 16. No multiple births, but does include Irish triplets.

          And my dad’s 12 have double cousins – his mom’s sister married his dad’s brother….

    9. We have three and I mostly love it. I wanted my kids to have more than one sibling — I’m so close with my brother, and I thought how great to have that x2. For us the transition fro
       1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3. Once you have two, both of you are on duty 100% of the time, if that makes sense (less opportunity to trade off child care, at least at first). But agree that traveling is a major pain.

    10. My kids are 8, 6, and 3 1/2. My husband and I always planned on having four, but my last two pregnancies were physically challenging, so we stopped at three. I’m one of five, and my husband was one of two. I had such an awesome childhood, and I’m still sooooooo close to my siblings. I wanted my kids to have that experience. I think there’s something about having to share – parental attention, clothes, toys – that brings you closer. My husband had a very lonely childhood, despite that fact that he’s close to his brother. He would have had five or six kids if I had been game.

        My parents raised my siblings and me on very little money. They could only help a little with our college expenses, and there were times that they wondered how they were going to pay the bills. But they both came from big(ger) families – my mom was one of 10, and my dad was one of 4. Whether they could “afford” a big family was not a question they asked.

        If you were raised in different circumstances, the question of having “enough” money to have more children may be more important to you. Ultimately, it is such a personal decision. I have friends with two kids who are perfectly happy. On the other hand, as someone already said, I don’t know anyone who had another child (whether on purpose or not) who regretted it.

    11. I’m one of five, which is at least two more than my parents could afford. We grew up poor, and my parents’ marriage might have been less dysfunctional without the added stress of more children (or it might not have, who knows?), but I am very close with all of my siblings, and I know my parents don’t regret any of us.

        I, however, am having two kids, tops!

    12. Not one of three, but my dad is and my mom is the youngest of 7. I know that their main reasoning for having 2 children instead of more was based on their own experiences growing up — they were determined not to have any kids “lost in the shuffle”. My mom always says that 2 is perfect because then you have only have two hands! Also, it’s hard on the older children if you have four, and as my aunt (who is the oldest out of the 7) says, never make your children your slaves.

        Plus, I know that my parents have always been proud of the fact that they have been able to pay for the whole of my brother’s and my (public) college tuitions. I know this is something most people can’t afford and is a huge luxury, but I’m immensely grateful for it and I know it’s something that my parents definitely couldn’t have managed if we’d had another sibling.

        Also, and I know this is kind of controversial, but even more one person has a pretty big environmental impact — more trash, more consumption, more everything. I’m not criticizing large families, but I do know that this is something I will give a lot of thought to if I ever decide to have more than one child.

    13. I grew up in a family of three girls. I would consider that the least favorable combination ever, because it was always 2 vs 1 amongst us sisters. I’m the oldest, and I believe the younger two most frequently united against me, but there were times when either of the other two was left out as well.

        It sucked for my parents that we could never, and I mean never, all three get along. I also hated being the second mom – and I was that, because my mom got sick and tired of us and put me in charge all the time – and my middle sister to this day resents me for it.

        Of course, if my parents had stopped at two it would be just me and this middle sister, who is still terribly difficult to get along with, and I wouldn’t now have my baby sister as an ally. But then again, I wonder if our middle sister might have turned out to have a less martyred personality if she hadn’t been stuck in the middle. She’s very much a Jan Brady type, which is a middle child stereotype and something to think about if you’re going to make a middle child.

        So, I think two or four is an ideal number for offspring. I personally have opted for two because my husband and I were a bit older before me met and started a family. In fact, none of my sisters and I have three children – my other two sisters have more than three due to remarriages and stepchildren – because I think we all feel the same way about our family dynamics growing up.

        1. As someone with 2 girls considering a third, can I ask the age (difference) between you & your siblings? You’ve described one of my main concerns with having another.

           1. Stair steps – 2 years and 2 years

15. I haven’t been able to focus all day, I took a prenancy test this morning and it was positive! We only got off the pill in November and I really didn’t think it would happen so fast but I’m really excited. I have an appointment on Tuesday morning for blood work to confirm.

    Here’s a grip though: Why can’t I find any text only pregnancy info on the web? I’d love to be doing nothing but reading all about it right now but all the pictures are too much for work right now.

    1. You can turn off the images in Firefox.

    2. And congratulations!

    3. Congrats! If you have an iphone, there is a free app from What to Expect that has some good info. I’m only 6 weeks along and can’t focus at all today.

       1. I have a blackberry and that app is available but I have an irrational fear of What to Expect. So far I really like The Mother of All Pregnancy Books and I just bought Your Prenancy Week by Week. I’ve noticed with PWBW every couple of chapters they have this disclaimer that pretty much says: Some information may scare you but it’s not applicable to most women. Don’t worry, and if you do see your dr. I think it’s hilarious.

          1. 6 weeks and reading WTE now. Don’t fear it. Frankly, I’m skipping huge sections of it because I can’t get over how much it talks down to women. I may have to try PWBW because WTE is so condesending and cutesy. What I really want is a list of what I can’t eat, do, put on my face or be around. That is all. I don’t want cute references to how much I should be craving ice cream, but avoiding it because I shouldn’t want to get fat.

             1. mayo guide to preg is better for just facts.

    4. Wow, congratulations!

    5. Thanks ladies!

16. Need some travel help. I’m coming from the West coast for a meeting in DC and then need to be in NY for another meeting the next morning. For those who travel between these two cities frequently, do you prefer to fly or take the Acela? Cost doesn’t really matter. Thanks!

    1. I prefer the train just because it goes from downtown to downtown and you don’t have to deal with all the security.

    2. Train definitely, over flying. Getting to Reagan isn’t awful from DC (though it isn’t great) but its a real pain to get into NYC from any of the airports.

    3. Third the train. Less chance of being significantly delayed.

    4. Acela, hands down. When you factor in the early arrival for security and transportation from JFK/LaGuardia into Manhattan, it takes about the same amount of time. Plus, wifi and lots more leg room.

    5. Train. It takes just as long, but there’s a lot more time to relax or get work done, as opposed to shuffling from one line to another. Just show up, sit down on train. It’s also usually less crowded, and the quiet car will beat a screaming child kicking the back of your chair every time.

    6. Train! The time you save by taking the train is wasted on the airport so it’s not any faster to fly. Plus the train station in DC is gorgeous. Penn Station in NYC is nothing to write home about but it’s not worse than NYC’s airports, esp. Newark and Laguardia.

    7. Definitely the Acela. Much more civilized (way bigger seats than a plane) and you get probably 1-2 hours more uninterrupted work time than you would on the plane, dealing with security, etc. Plus there’s reliable wifi.

    8. train train train, and i every one of the above reasons….

    9. Another vote for the train.

    10. Train. Always the train. No contest.

    11. Yet another vote for the train, for all the reasons mentioned. Love the train. Want to take the train everywhere and resent the fact I don’t live in a European country or Japan where this is an option. (I want my Northeast Corridor bullet train, darn it)

        1. i resent it too, Gail. But I want the Pacific Coast bullet train, darn it!

    12. Acela. Quiet car. Pure bliss.

        1. I LOVE THE QUIET CAR!!!

        2. THIS. I’ve gone back and forth between dc and nyc far too many times than my bank account should allow (boys, what else) and nothing beats the acela quiet car. Nothing. Also, flying into nyc and taking a cab isn’t so bad, but flying OUT of jfk is pure h-ll on earth. lga isn’t quite as bad, and is closer to the city, but it’s still the same bull just on a smaller scale.

    13. Thanks all, train it is. Can’t believe it was unanimous!

        1. So unanimous things on Coporette:

           1) Trains > planes

           2) Dobby dying was the worst heartbreak of HP

           We are an interesting bunch.

    14. Even taking the bus is faster than flying. Take the Acela.

        1. Haha I take the bus. But when other people pay, I take the Acela.

17. TJ: My associate mentor is pregnant and due in not too long. I’d like to get her a very small gift–something appropriate for our relationship (I haven’t been in my current job for very long), but a gesture nonetheless. My instinct is a small stuffed animal or book, but does anyone have any other ideas?

    1. Babies go though swaddling blankets like crazy. I’ve never known the parent of a newborn who had too many swaddling blankets. I have known them who had too many stuffed animals though (though books are always great!)

       1. Aden & Anais blankets are really great, especially for summer babies.

    2. No stuffed animals, please! She will probably get a dozen, or more, when the baby’s born. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem as common for people to give books-I especially loved when we were given some of the “classics” (Dr. Suess, Boynton books) that I know I would have wanted to buy anyway!

    3. I received this set of blocks that you arrange for the age of the child (i.e., 1 week, 10 weeks, 4 months, 2 years) as a gift and think it is pretty nice. $40 plus shipping. http://www. bbblocks. com/

    4. Thanks for all the comments! I admit I thought of the stuffed animal because they’re cute, and when else do I get to buy them? But I guess a lot of people go through that thought process. I’ll check out the blankets and books.

       1. You can buy stuffed animals anytime you want, dearie. For yourself or for others. I certainly do!

          A few years ago, I gave a good friend a plush puppy as a Christmas puppy because she wanted a dog but lived in a non-dog friendly apt building. (I knew her well enough to know that it wouldn’t make her sad, or come across as weird.) It was really fun to go to FAO Schwarz and look at all the stuffed animals, and pick out a plush puppy for her, which I put in a cardboard box w/big air holes punched in. (I’ve watched too much Toy Story…)

       2. As a new mom, I agree with the stuffed animals. My little one has way too many given to her. I appreciated books (Dr. Suess and Robert Munsch) as well as blankets and towels. I also really liked gift certificates although people think they are impersonal.

          1. yes, gift certs- i’ve been trying to think of nice ways to include others in the buying process, but there isn’t a good way in my case. i have so many cutesy things I need to return them now, which isn’t a good use of my time, packaging/shipping, etc. people want to buy cute things; what we need are diapers, cremes, etc. books are okay, but we won’t need them for a year or more so not ideal. ideally for me, gift certs to whole foods (baby shampoos etc), target, even local consignment baby/kids shops are a dream compared to any more ‘stuff’ i’ll have to regift or exchange for whatever I can get for it. (seriously- I’ve received over 75 newborn onesies- that she’ll grow out of in a few weeks after being born. especially for city people living in condos, we try to keep non-needed stuff like stuffed animals to a minimum. but i realize gift cards are more boring for the giver, so I just keep getting clothes and will need to do something with them. want to be appreciative, but honestly another box arrived today, and it’s just one more thing to deal with I don’t need on top of work, errands, and pregnancy.

    5. As a former teacher – Eric Carle books are the best. Love them. All of them.

       1. Agreed. My son loves them. I second the no stuffed animals thing because like others, we got too many.

    6. Really nice burp cloths are a great gift. The ones you use every day at home get stained pretty quickly, so it’s great to have some pretty decorated or trimmed ones when you are out and about. Same goes for a nice cloth bib.

18. Repeat after me: Nonny, you cannot buy the pretty orange Emerson Fry dress or any other item of clothing right now. You are in the middle of moving, which is cray-cray expensive. Stop looking at pretty clothes on the internet. Buy nail polish instead.

    1. As you may have noticed, I’m having trouble with my shopping diet. I need moral support.

       1. I’m right there with you. Banana Republic sent me a 50% off coupon and since I really do need to go there this afternoon and replace a black wool blazer, it’s really hard not to browse the website and find a lot of other pretty things to pick up for 50% off!

          1. PLEASE post the coupon code for 50% off BN..

             1. Like their Facebook page, and you can have 50% off, Sunday only, instore only.

          2. Yep, the 50% this weekend—and oh, the 40% every Wednesday in April? Really glad I found out about all of this after I just blew through my spring clothing budget (conveniently, mostly at BR)…

       2. Think about all of the new stuff you need for your house, and how pretty it will be when you buy it with the money you saved from not shopping for yourself!!! (but i totally go through this too)!

    2. “Nonny, you cannot buy the pretty orange Emerson Fry dress or any other item of clothing right now. You are in the middle of moving, which is cray-cray expensive. Stop looking at pretty clothes on the internet. Buy nail polish instead.”

       Moving is expensive, also, then you just have to pack up the clothes you buy and take them to the new house. I just found a paid of pants and a skirt that I bought when I moved last time (2009) and apparently tucked away until I moved this time (2012) and they don’t fit me anymore!

       1. Hee hee, thank you CA Atty. :-)

    3. I always cut back on shopping because I hate moving. So, the prospect of packing/unpacking one more dress/hanger, etc. just makes me cringe.

       And I always vote buy nailpolish, I’m in love with Dosh from butter, it’s the perfect apple green. I’d highly recommend. Plus, polish is a lot easier to throw in a box versus a dress.

    4. I’m in the same boat. Not moving for another two months, but my reasonable side exasperatedly sighs “Not another piece of clothing, you’ve already got a whole closet to move!” every time I spot something in a store window. The onset of spring isn’t helping… too many cute dresses ;)

    5. see…. nail polish is dangerous …. because if you only buy that you will turn into manomanon…. who has 2 cases (8x10x10) filled to overflowing with nail polish… because you buy it all. the. time.
       But not buying the pretty dress is probably a good idea – at least when you finish moving it will probably be on sale and you can have it as a post move reward

19. For the Anon who was thinking about med school earlier this week —
    I saw your reply to my reply (ha!) asking about how I’m doing the prereqs. Not sure where you’re located, but if you’re in the DC area, University of Maryland has a great program designed for post-bacc “career changers” who are working but have dreams of med school. There are probably similar programs at some other universities as well.

    At UM, it’s called Science in the Evenings, and basically offers all the necessary classes on a two-nights-a-week schedule. If you take 2 classes per semester, it preps for MCAT in 2 years and then another “glide year” with some higher level courses. The lecturers are mostly adjunct faculty, which means they often have great insight about the real-world applications of their subject, but they follow the same standard curriculum for the University. I considered community college, but I’ve seen some professional schools note that community college credits are not accepted for the prereqs, so I erred on the side of caution.

    Like I said in the other thread, I’ve really enjoyed it so far — it’s a great community of students because most are in the same boat with the stress of a full time job + school, and there’s a very diverse bunch of current careers represented, which is always interesting. Most of the students are in their late 20’s/early 30’s.

    Feel free to e-mail me: Anastasiarette at gmail if you want to talk more!

    1. Thanks so much! I sent you an email!

20. Did anyone see this article about working less?

    http://www.salon.com/2012/03/14/bring_back_the_40_hour_work_week/singleton/

    I honestly feel that I would work more efficiently and produce better work if I worked less, but since I am judged purely on how many hours I bill, that’s not an option. I wish I worked in an industry that looked more at the quality of my work instead of quantity.

    1. I like the article. I will add that I think in fields where you do most of your own scheduling, nobody tends to come forward and say “I work 40 hours/week, and that’s it” or “I feel pretty balanced, not too stressed,” or “I didn’t do any work over the holidays.” There’s an element of showmanship to how much you work, and so we never find out who is actually most productive while maintaining a non-crazy schedule.

    2. That’s a really interesting article – thanks for sharing!

    3. love it.

       i’m not sure there is an industry left that looks at quality over quantity. If there is, sign me up!

    4. I like it too and I 100% agree with it. I used to work 60-80 hours per week and it was miserable and exhausting and etc… I now work about 40-50 (the 50 is when I work through my lunch breaks and/or are traveling) and it’s unbelievable how much more I get done! (When I can stay off Corporette!!!)

21. Anyone have tricks or tips for how to not make yourself motion sick while dealing with two monitors at work?
    Also, anyone have a rec for a super quiet desk fan?

    Everyone have a great weekend!

    1. The Dyson desk-sized fan is amazing and quiet, though $$. I don’t own one, just have seen it in action.

    2. I use two monitors and don’t get motion sick. I do, however, get car sick.

       Are your monitors at roughly the same height and plane? If not, I’d start there.

22. I just have to rant –

    We’re renting out our house now while we are away for my clerkship, and the tenant has called four times in the last three days because there are (1) ants, and (2) she has seen a mouse. She wants us to send a handyman over to set a mouse trap because she doesn’t know how/doesn’t feel comfortable.

    1. Keep your/our house clean and this won’t be a problem.
    2. If you rent a 70-year old house in the country, you will sometimes deal with critters. Please stop acting like we’re breaching the implied warranty of habitability because there were four ants + one mouse in your house.
    3. Really? You want us to CALL A HANDYMAN to come SET A MOUSE TRAP? Don’t you have any friends/ability to take care of yourself?

    Also, any advice on how to hold it in and not be totally condescending and horrid to her would be helpful.

    1. Seeing how angry that came across, I feel as though my desire to scream from the roof has been satisfied and I feel much better.

       Also, I promise I am not this angry in my real life. I just really, really needed to get that out while I dealt with her professionally.

       1. Speaking as someone who lived in a rental with mice — despite having kept it clean — the existence of mice frequently has more to do with age of house and existence of entry-points then it does with tenant-cleanliness. Now, you rent a 70-year-old house in the country and expect no mice…that’s a whole-nother issue (and you can’t set a trap…well…I can set a trap, I just hate when they catch things!)

          Anyway, just coming a third to her defense.

          1. While I agree she should set her own ant/mouse traps, I am minorly sympathetic to the fact that she may have been ignorant of the mice possibility. I’ve lived in the city in a high rise for a number of years and recently moved to a single family home in the country. I left some peanut butter bars in my car (which was parked in the garage) because I am one of those people who are terribly awful when they are hungry and the next thing I knew, I had mice in the car/garage! It just never even occurred to me that that would happen because I’m used to city living and have left food in my car all the time with no problems. Now I am driving around with a mouse trap in the trunk :)

             1. At least there probably won’t be roaches or rats in the country.

       2. well, i would definitely *not* call a landlord about *ants*… are you kidding me? Ants are just freaking ants, sprinkle some cayenne pepper and move on…

          but mice? I’d probably want some help dealing with mice. Or at least the landlord to help offset the cost of traps or something. But then, I’ve never lived in the country, seems like something to be expected in a rural location.

          But vent away! ;o) I’ve done it hear, and i felt so much better after!

          1. Cayenne pepper for ants? I’ll have to try it. Thanks! Ants are the one thing my cats won’t hunt/kill and I hate spraying RAID where the cats might decide to lick it.

             1. oh yeah, there are all kinds of non-toxic ways to deal with ants. Cinnamon is another one, actually. But those two work more as a barrier, if you know where they are coming in the house, you can periodically sprinkle somethin there and eventually they will stop. But if you can’t find where they are coming in, you might have to resort to ‘killing’ rather than ‘blocking’. But for killing i really like orange oil products, which don’t hurt the furballs either. ;o)

          2. I agree, I’d call about mice but not ants. I’d ask for an exterminator, though, on the theory that if you see one there are 10 more you don’t see, which would probably be a whole lot more expensive than a handyman.

       3. Yeah, she’s being ridiculous. Mice are a function of living in the Country. Also, they sell these really great traps http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Mouse-Trap-Humane-Mousetrap/dp/B000YFA7HW that will not hurt the mouse and then you can drive like 5 miles away and set it free. And then hope that the next one you catch is not the first one, but really, what does it matter? There is an unending supply of mice. You can try to find and plug all the access holes, but whatev. Don’t leave food out and they probably won’t stay for too long. (And by don’t leave food out, I mean in anything other than a plastic, metal or glass container with a tight/locking lid. They will chew through paper, plastic, burlap, etc…)

          Also, to “Usually Lurks” it may be both. See above paragraph. Also, calling 4x in 3 days is ridiculous. Most places can’t get a handyman/owner/management company to come deal with a low priority like one freaking mouse in less than a couple days. Setting a mouse trap is not at all hard, I was able to do so when I was 9.

          Finally, to OP, if the tenant is unclean, maybe giving them some sort of “here’s what to do when you live in the country” guidelines? Like, don’t leave out dirty dishes, put all food, even flour, dry pasta, etc… in appropriate storage bins (define appropriate). Also, let them know when they call the first time when you can expect to be able to get someone out there to handle the situation or that they’re going to need to handle it on their own in order to prevent so many calls in so few days?

          Other than that…good luck!

    2. Well, which is it? Is (1) the tenant unclean or (2) is there vermin because the house is in the country?

       I’ve never set a mousetrap and I’d have the landlord deal with that situation. Actually, I’d probably move out, especially if I had to call the landlord four times in three days to take any action.

       1. Could be either – or neither. But it’s more likely that it’s a 70 year old house that has cracks and crevices through which a mouse can enter. It only takes something ridiculous like a quarter inch opening for mice to enter a building. And you can be certain that if you’ve seen one, there are more besides that one – they aren’t solo travelers. So getting a handyman to set a trap is not likely a one time occurrence – because that little guy has friends. I doubt the landlord is going to keep paying for someone to come out and set (and then come back and remove the dead mouse) traps.

       2. Umm, not to snark Usually Lurks, but have you ever lived in the country? Mice/miscellaneous small critters just come with the territory. If you believe you need a landlord to set a mousetrap for you, please stay in the city. It will be better for everyone.

    3. Drop off a cat for said tenant, the mice problem will be gone! I agree she is overreacting a bit, whatt is next calling for a spider?

       1. I totally call my friends (who live across the street) to kill spiders for me. Or I vacuum them up.

          That spider-catcher thing in SkyMall was made for people like me…

          1. That SkyMall spider catcher thing is the first thing I bought the day my now ex-husband moved out. No lie.

             1. Must know more about this. Is it the bug vacuum or something that passively catches bugs and spiders on its own? I may need it for my basement!

             2. Best ever, way.

                http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102248756

                Should also say, “eliminates the need for crappy first husbands.”

             3. LOL. Smart choice!

       2. Yep, I’d totally have someone give her a cat. Of course, then she’d have the cat leaving dead mice at the door as a present, but at least they’re dead, right?

          1. Right! When I lived in a ground floor apt in an old house years ago, I awoke one night to the sound of loud gnawing. A rat was gnawing through the ceiling (had gotten in through the basement that was behind us) and was trying to get into the pantry! My BF put a glue trap in the space above the ceiling then LEFT TOWN! He told me if I heard a rat shrieking, I should call his brother. A couple days later, I saw a rat running across the side street near the house and hoped it was “my” rat. Never heard from that rat again.

    4. Sorry I am kind of the renters side. When you rent you don’t have to do work around the house. And if there is mice that means there is a hole somewhere in there. I am paying so that I don’t have to ask my friends to come over and do stuff or pay for the mousetraps. (That said I do a lot myself so I don’t have to deal with the handyman)

       1. I agree.

       2. I disagree. If you rent a house, you generally do the routine maintenance, like cutting the grass, shoveling snow, etc. So you would probably be expected to take care of any mice or bugs unless it was an infestation. However, if you live in an apartment, especially an apartment complex, it would be more common to call the maintenance people/landlord because even if you get the mice out of your own apartment, they will probably be in other connected apartments if those people haven’t dealt with them. I would still set my own trap if I saw one, though.

       3. Totally agree too. Depending on the state, Ms Angry Landlord should realize she probably is responsible for dealing with a rodent problem (and insects, which does cover ants, even though I’d try cayenne first myself). Mostly because they do have more to do with the state of the house than the housekeeping of the renter, and that they are hard to eradicate.
          I’d probably move out too if I had to call her 4 times before getting any action.

    5. When I’ve had mice, I’ve called a handyman to find the holes where they might be getting in and caulk it up. Maybe that’s what she wants you to do.

    6. Do you have a friend in the area of your house that could go over and see what the deal is? Perhaps your friend could set a mouse trap or put out some ant traps, plus evaluate the cleanliness of the house (I would expect to pay the friend for their time and expenses, or at least take them to dinner if it didn’t happen often and they wouldn’t take money from you).

       Four calls in three days is a lot, but if you haven’t responded to her, I think you need to have better communication (even if it’s to say, I am busy now and this sounds like it’s not an emergency, but here is my plan for addressing this issue).

       1. Also, as far as bad tenants go, this sounds fairly tame. Try to remember that when you speak with her.

       2. Part of what made this so frustrating was that I have answered the phone every time she has called. We have a handyman and a backup, but she called at 9PM with the ant question, at 5PM the second day with the mouse question, at noon (I got our friend/handyman on the phone at 8, she said she could be there by 4PM, I passed that on at noon) and then she called again at 3:20 because she wasn’t there yet, when I said she would get there by 4PM.
          I definitely talked to her every time and said, here is when our handyman is coming.

          So that’s what was frustrating. One mouse in a 70-year old house in the woods when the weather warms up was not an ’emergency’ in my book, but it was in hers.

          Also I just realized I call my lady friend our handyman, which is probably a little gender-awkward. But maybe it made her feel a little awkward when another woman showed up to set mouse traps.

    7. Sorry but as a tenant that’s currently dealing with mice, she has a right to live in a residence relatively free of vermin and you have an obligation as a landlord to seal up the cracks/crevices where they could be getting in. Of course they won’t be perfect, mice can get in almost anywhere — but you need to at least make the effort.

       1. I think it depends on where you live – she’s renting a 70 year old farmhouse on 8 acres with a pond and dock for $450/month, way out in the country. For what it would cost us to seal up that house, we’d have to more than double the rent.

          1. Oh my goodness, I’m jealous of her! For that price she should be thanking you for the privilege of having a mouse and a couple of ants.

             Seriously though, it sounds like her expectations of country life are perhaps out of touch with reality. Not really sure how much you can do about that, although maybe seeing your lady “handyman” will encourage her to think about who is being ridiculous here. It might just be something to keep in mind the next time you choose a tenant.

    8. This reminds me of when I was a kid and we had mice (in our house in the country, of course), and my mom cleaned out the cabinets, put the cat in the cabinets (they were all connected), and shut the cabinet door.

       We never saw a mouse again after that.

       1. In my old apartment, my landlords solution was to put down poison. Which caused the mice to die in the walls and stink to high heaven. My solution was to borrow a cat for a weekend, when a friend with a cat was going out of town. I’m allergic, but was willing to suffer for a weekend to (a) get a few mice killed and (b) have the cat-scent after-effect which seemed to last a couple months. I did what I could to plug holes, but many of the holes were likely behind the kitchen cabinets/stove, and therefore inaccessible to me.

       2. It took my parents re-siding the house to get rid of the mice – basically because that was when you could see all the d*mn holes they were sneaking in through. And that house was only 30 years old. And also in the country. And we never saw them in the kitchen. It was more like in the bedroom, or the basement, or scurrying around on the suspended ceiling in the basement.

          Yeah – its a bit of a shock when you see the mouse darting along the base boards out of the corner of your eye, but I’m not terribly sympathetic to the renter. Has she seen the mouse for every time she called, or is she just calling to follow up because the handyman didn’t show up at her down within 24 hours to deal with her mouse emergency?

          1. exactly, a mouse is not an emergency, it will take a few days to figure it out, and meanwhile it won’t kill you. 4 emergency phone calls is excessive.

             plus, ppl are being pretty harsh to the OP, she clearly admitted she was venting. Lots of us do it, no need to jump on her for ‘poor landlording’

          2. Also – the mouse is WAY more scared of you – its not like it’s going to purposefully come out to bug poor tenant. OP – you were as responsive as could be expected. Sounds like a beautiful (and cheap!) place. Good luck with the tenant!

       3. LOL!

    9. We’ve used mouse traps that don’t show what’s been caught. There’s no “setting” and the little door closes when something has been caught, so you don’t have to see or touch a dead rodent.

       1. When our apartment building was invaded by mice–probably displaced by the two construction projects down the block–I asked the local food co-op to suggest an organic, nontoxic and nonlethal method of mouse displacement. (We couldn’t borrow a cat because I’m seriously allergic to them.) A co-op worker informed me that I needed something “to disrupt their scent trails” such as concentrated boa constrictor urine (CBU) or peppermint oil. Since CBU was not available I bought the peppermint oil, dabbed it on cotton balls, and tucked them near the points of rodent entry. The kitchen smelled like Santa’s workshop but _no more mice_ appeared until the peppermint wore off. (Solution: put out more minty cotton balls.)

          This method does nothing to reduce the mouse population, but that was never my intention: all I wanted was to encourage the little critters to go SOMEWHERE ELSE (sorry to shout)! I also thought that living with peppermint fragrance was less disgusting than letting the mice die a terrible death in a glue trap, having to extract dead mice from a fast-acting mousetrap, or turning myself into the Mouse Taxi by driving mice several miles away before releasing them from their humane traps.

          Confession: I soon learned how to stop myself in mid-scream but I never learned how NOT to start screaming at the sight of a mouse. Has anybody else have this experience?

          1. We have a lake cabin that has had mouse issues since we bought it 6 years ago. Problems seem to vary with the weather (we have all four seasons); we’ve tried plugging holes and all sorts of mouse abatement techniques. We tried a new product last fall “Mouse Magic” – Amazon and many garden centers sell it – it’s a combination of essential oils (peppermint & spearmint I believe) and you just put the little packets around your house. They’ve been really successful at keeping the mouse population down this winter.

    10. Having lived in many rural and city locations, mice are a real problem for many people. Keeping the house clean does not guarantee no mice. Your house has cracks and crevices through which mice are entering. If you do not remedy the situation, it may get worse–rats and raccoons may be next, speaking from experience.

        My insurance company spent upwards of $15k removing insulation from the attic, soiled by the raccoon family which had moved in and procreated, spraying some sort of parisiticide (I know this is not a word but it gets the point across), and re-insulation, not to mention repairing the hole into the attic from raccoon damage. This house (a second home which is usually not occupied) is in a gated subdivision in a suburb.

        A friend just had mice entering his house he rents out–turns out the water pipes below the house had cracks of enough size allowing steam to escape and separate cabinets, allowing mice up through the foundation by the sink’s plumbing.

        It’s worth having a handyman or exterminator check out the situation and get it fixed before you wind up with more expensive problems.

        Plus, it is not reasonable to expect tenants to live with mice.

    11. I am renting now, and while I can set a mousetrap myself, if I saw a mouse, I’d call my landlord to get an exterminator. I don’t want those nasty things in my house!

23. I’m a new female employee, replacing a male employee. Today at lunch someone mentioned that my male boss used to play golf with my predecessor on a very regular basis. I also play golf (he knows this, we talk about it frequently) but have never been invited by my boss to join him.
    I’m about 100% sure that the only reason I haven’t been invited is that I am female and that “people” might talk in our small community. Even though it has nothing to do with me per se, it’s still frustrating and sad (to me). This is a boss I respect very much and would like to have as a mentor. Obviously, he can mentor me off the golf course — and he does, he is very good at inviting me to other professional events, meet-and-greets, etc. — so this is more of an acknowledgement that it makes me feel a little sad that my gender keeps me from being invited to these kinds of things. …

    1. Maybe it’s just because you’re new. It may take some time to develop. Plus you don’t know what kind of a golf player he is. He may expect not to discuss work at all while he plays and he’s not sure yet that you want the same thing.

       I would just let it sit a while and if an opportunity ever presents itself likeyou know he’s looking to round out a foursome…volunteer. If you want to create an opportunity, create one. Look for an alumni charity golf event or something like that approach him.

    2. Being female can have something to do with it. But I do understand, because it can look like a date. Technically, two people of the appropriate sex doing something fun in private is hard to distinguish from a date.

       Have you considered organising a group golf outing?

24. Ten Commandments of Corporette-a draft
    1.) know thy office
    2.) if in doubt, return it to Nordstrom
    3.) inevitably, whatever Kat has posted will be too long, short, or expensive for you. Your pocketbook thanks her
    4.) if you’re debating between law school and med school, run screaming in the opposite direction
    5.). If your underwear is showing, your outfit is not office appropriate
    . . .

    Additions ladies?

    1. 6) We all have opinions, but try not to be nasty.
       7) Don’t identify anyone so that they will be recognized, unless you are saying they looked amaze-balls.

       1. Oh and having read Corporette long enough, I now subscribe to number

          8) The infinite offices thereom: that anything (no matter how appropriate or inappropriate it seems) will be okay or unacceptable for someone’s office. Even black pumps or tweed formal shorts (on separate ends of the spectrum).

          1. So true! But I humbly submit that it is really 1a) to Anne Shirley’s list – i.e., a subset of “know thy office.”

             1. True — I retract and amend my submission to be 1a. :-P

    2. 9.) Your nail polish is too wild or completely doesn’t matter.
       10.) Hose is always appropriate. Always. Especially nude hose.

       1. 10)b) Hose is always appropriate — except when it makes you look like a dowdy troll.

          1. or sexy troll?

             1. Frumpsnooki?

             2. @MaggieLizer, frumpsnooki is my new favorite!

             3. Frumpsnooki! Genius.

       2. Nude hose*
          hose in a color that matches your skin tone (no Hooters tan hose) and very little sheen.

          Nude = nude for you aka match your skin tone.

       3. 9(a) the appropriate accessory to crazy a** nail polish is always always a hair band on the wrist.

    3. Bonus – tights/leggings are not pants.

       1. That is not so much a commandment of Corporette as much as it is a commandment of LIFE. :-P

          1. True, but a number of Corporettes have admitted to breaking said commandment ;)

          2. And one that my coworker broke last week. And then asked me for approval on her outfit. What do you do if a non-friend coworker asks for a blessing for leggings as pants, if she’s wearing them at the time?! I muttered something noncommittal.

             1. “I think it needs a longer shirt next time”

    4. 11. All skin problems can be fixed with Paula’s Choice and the Clarisonic Mia.

    5. 12. Read NGDGCO. And don’t argue with anything in it. And recommend it to everyone you know.

       1. I’m gonna be the dissenter on this, but ive read this book, based on reccomendations on this blog, and i think it sucks. it was the worst $12.95 ive spent.

          1. I think Hel-lo was exaggerating for effect. At least I hope so. But it is true that people on Corporette do occasionally (frequently) give NGDGCO more weight then it really deserves.

          2. The only thing I got out of that book was bored.

          3. I always recommend “Ask for it” instead. Incredibly practical and not condescending at all.

             1. (“Too condescending” being my main critique of after a skim through NGDGTCO.)

             2. Just searched for this book on Amazon. There is more than one book by this title, and they have VERY different covers. I hope I picked the right one …

       2. Are you the author?

       3. Uh…what’s ngdgco?

    6. 5(a). If you have VPL, your underwear is not office appropriate.

       1. 5(a)(1). If you have VPL, your pant size and/or butt size is not office appropriate.

          1. How can the size of someone’s rear be not office appropriate? That “and/or” implies that you meant someone with a more generously sized behind is inherently not office appropriate. Not true, and booooo.

             I think it’s more “If you’re wearing appropriate underwear and you still have VPL, then your pants are too small”.

             1. I think Beach Bar probably meant pant to butt ratio, but agree no one’s rear is inherently inappropriate :) I guess the situation I was envisioning was when the pants/dress/skirt is reasonably loose but either 1) the poor-quality granny panties have thick seams that show anyway, or 2) the undies are way too small in the rear, causing unsightly bulging. These phenomena are exacerabated by thinner materials, like linen and jersey.

             2. Oh and the reason I was “envisioning” it is because I see both everyday. *Shudder.* I really want to say something to those women but I know I can’t….

             3. Ha, sorry, that second part was sarcasm! Meant to be a joke at how some are horrified at absolutely any kind of VPL and believe you must bend over at every angle to check before leaving home, even when you will likely not be bending like that at work and for some of us generously backsized ladies, avoiding VPL at every angle is just impossible (unless you’d rather see my cellulite dimples that show if I wear a thong).

             4. The only way I can avoid VPL (by this I’m including the “if you know it’s there and squint” kind of VPL) is by wearing thongs. At which point, my pants stick to my butt every time I stand after sitting. If my pants were any looser, I would be swimming in them. I have given up on this topic. If someone wants to judge me because of my barely there VPL, they are welcome to.

             5. Lynnet, totally with you on this.

             6. Lynnet, I agree. Pant-to-butt ratios are what they are. There could be more variety in the underwear market to suit different shapes and sizes, but that does not seem to be the case.

                Why is it inappropriate for a pencil skirt to go in an out, following a woman’s curves, assuming that the skirt is not skintight, but it’s considered a good fit for a well-endowed woman to wear a shirt or sweater to follow her curves, assuming that the shirt is not skintight?

       2. This made me think of someone who should look at herself in the mirror and realize that a thicker bra or a jacket would be very appropriate. (ugh)

    7. 12. Somehow someone will always make your stuff about them. Come here and tell us so we can celebrate you.

       13. No matter how bad your day or date may be, at least you’re not Ellen… PHOOEY!

       14. Never forget that mentoring can be done electronically by a bunch of women who’ve worn bad clothing or had bad hair days or had no clue about whatever you’re struggling with.

       1. I love # 14.

          # 13, however, is not as obvious to me. I somewhat envy the elegant poeticism and predictability of Ellen’s life. In fact when I was posting about my little professional drama (still ongoing, update to come hopefully) it was a huge comfort that Kanye East kept pretending that the manageing partner’s bad breathe was my issue. IF ONLY!

          May I offer # 15: We almost never find unanimous agreement on any given topic. When we do, you have your orders. (BTW, every time I have seen a consensus of this kind, it was that some dude needed to be dumped.)

          1. Or taking the train from DC to NYC, instead of flying.

          2. Its true — DTMFA is one of the few things we seem to be able to come to accord on.

          3. We also universally agreed that EC MD should talk to her husband when she was feeling sad about [see thread]. In terms of DTFMA situations, we do always agree to lock down your finances and consult an attorney immediately if there are any joint/community property issues.

             1. And you were universally correct. Because you were not “hormonal.” (See above thread).

                Also, is it okay if I accuse a guy who is being grumpy or irrational of being “oh his period?” Or does that perpetuate the stereotype inappropriately.

          4. So, Rule 15: Any unanimous Corporette decision is automatically binding on the querent. This doctrine has such limited precedent that everyone knows the relevant cases by heart.

          5. “…the elegant poeticism and predictability of Ellen’s life.” THIS.

    8. Obviously Rule No. 1 is: Don’t talk about Corporette Fight Club.

       Oh, wait, I meant to say Hermes Birkin bags.

       1. Wow! Going old school with the intern with the Birkin bag (which btw…I still couldn’t pick out of a crowd…but never mind).

          1. It is a guaranteed $h!tstorm, I tell you. Works every time.

             1. Only thing I know about a Birkin bag is that Logan gives Rori one. And then they get arrested for stealing a yacht.

             2. Logan and Rory’s grandparents are my sole source about what people consider “fancy.”

             3. Eeek, gg references! I love all you chicas so much. ;o)

       2. Oooh, good one!

       3. Well played, KE. Well played.

       4. Infinity LL points!

    9. 2a) Make all purchases at Nordstrom whenever possible. Remember that Nordstrom price matches.

       15) Go get properly fitted for a bra at either Nordstrom or a quality lingerie boutique in your area. The bra size you think you are is almost certainly not the bra size you actually are, even if you were in fact that size at one point. You will look and feel much better and more confident once you are wearing the correct size.

       16) Never ask someone if she is pregnant, or refer to their “obvious” pregnancy until she does first. You could be wrong, and your foot won’t taste that good.

       1. I was asked if I’m pregnant last weekend. And I’m not. I’ve been revamping my diet efforts this week. In fairness, I was wearing a pleated jersey dress and I have gained some weight since I last saw this person. On the other hand, she asked in front of a co-worker I barely know. So… yeah, I’ll support #16.

25. HEY EVERYBODY, my doctorette sister matched today, to her first choice! WOOHOO!!!!!!! Congrats to everyone!

    1. Congrats!!!

    2. *a big hearty YAY!*

       That’s great news. Please convey our congrats to your sis. And I love “doctorette.” Too cute!

       1. I also love doctorette! I’m a lawyerette myself, but…doctorette sounds so perfect:)

          1. I’m wondering how to make this work for finance. Financette looks too much like a mincing version of fiance. Maybe investorette. :-)

             1. Bankerette?

             2. Financière?

          2. Wondering what the equivalent is in IT…

             1. Technorette?

    3. I remember that feeling! Our match was on St Patricks Day, and I was in a small northeastern city, and it was a blur. Congrats to her! Tell her to enjoy this time, because July 1 is coming fast. She SHOULD not worry about it until at least June 1. Enjoy this time. It is so so so so lovely!

    4. question – i thought matching was done only on 12th of March. How could your sister be matched on 16? I have my cousin in the same situation, and told me that 12th was the official matching day. Am I wrong?

       1. You find out whether you matched at all (yes or no) on Monday prior to match day, and where you matched on “Match Day.” Most US grads expect to match somewhere, so the Monday is not as big of a deal. For foreign grads, it probably is more like the true match day.

          My husband went through the match last year on St Pattys Day. It was definitely a drunken blur. It was also definitely something I don’t want to go through again. What a stressful situation. I started crying before he even opened the envelope because I really really didn’t want to move. Ugh. Best wishes to all of you who went through it this year or had loved ones who did!

26. So, I’m pretty sure we all have this issue but I’m gonna vent. I have a student loan at 6.98%, I know that’s not bad but it’s my highest (others 6.75%, 5%, 3.75%, 3.25%) I also have a teeny tiny bit of CC debt (not really sure how it happened, honestly, I had them all paid off last year and slowly they creeped back up. I blame the system for getting reimbursed for work expenses, including airline flights, hotels, car rentals etc…which would often take 3-6 weeks). Anyway, with my tax return I can either pay off my CC debt (17%!) OR almost ALMOST pay off that student loan. If I pay off my CC debt I will still have a little to put towards the student loan.

    I WANT to pay the student loan. I want it to GO AWAY!!! I know I should (and I will, sigh) pay my CC debt. I will just say that I was really looking forward to my tax refund because due to the cray-cray place I worked last year I had a HUGE mileage rebate, and I work somewhere else now where they actually pay me reasonably so I will not have a huge rebate, and now I’m sad about it because it was going to almost pay off my student loan and now it’s going to pay off the CC and only a teeny tiny bit of the student loan.

    One more big sigh for CC debt.

    1. So — stupid question. But can you transfer the credit card debt to a new card that has a 0% introductory APR and commit to paying it off in X months (within the time the rate lasts) and then pay off the student loans now?

       1. Yeah, possibly, but I would be nervous about not paying it off in the time frame, and that seems like I might just be setting myself up when I should suck it up, pay off the CC debt, put whatever I can towards the student loan, and commit to making the payments that could be going towards the CC debt in your scenario (and the interest charges that I’ll be avoiding) towards the student loan. If I can be disciplined (i.e. avoid buying TWO of the blouses featured today!) I should still be able to pay off the student loan this year. Humph.

    2. I know the feeling but seriously, you are doing yourself a favor by paying off the CC debt. Sucks in the short run but definitely the better long run choice. Good for you!

    3. Pay off the credit card debt first! Sometimes, the plan changes. Just do your best to roll with it. It sounds like you’re still completely on top of repayment, even if the numbers have changed a little, so good for you.

       I am slowly digging myself out of a student debt hole. I can’t wait to throw a party when my net worth hits $0.

27. Any advice for not taking out my temper on my boss? He’s micromanaging, which is annoying enough, but he’s also doing it badly, all the while insinuating that the reason we’re having trouble with this project is me, and not the fact that he got me the information I needed to start it a week later than originally scheduled. This is addition to the fact that it’s becoming increasingly clear that he’s taking advantage of me in general, and that the current project he has me working on has the distinction of being as disruptive to my life as possible while giving me as few hours as possible (I work at home on an hourly basis) and giving me absolutely no substantive experience.

    My emails are becoming increasingly snippy. How do I keep my cool?

    1. Start looking for a new job. You’ll feel better once you realize that this situation is temporary.

       1. It is temporary (I’m working as a contract lawyer) and I’ve been looking for a new job since before I started this. I just don’t really believe anymore that I’ll actually get one (I’m still sending out applications, but it feels a lot more like buying a lottery ticket than it does like doing something that’s actually going to have an effect on my life).

          1. I feel your pain. I’m right there with you.

          2. Apologies for my lack of advice, but *amen* to your description of job hunting/resume sending. That articulates exactly how I feel.

             1. This x3774582

             2. I find that when I am really irritated and annoyed, taking 15 minutes to write out my anger in longhand really helps. It sounds dumb, but getting the anger and frustration out of your head helps alot in calming you down.

                And I know what you mean about the job hunt.

    2. Is your boss someone who you can ask to meet with to discuss this?

       I do want to give people the benefit of the doubt, even though at this point, your description makes me doubt that he can have a rational, pulled-together discussion where he takes some responsibility.

       Still, he’s your boss for now, and it may be helpful to say, “Mr. Cray-Cray Boss, can we talk for a bit about the process for this project we’re working on now? ”

       And then tell him that you know this is an urgent project with a tight timeline, and tell him that you’re aware that the project has had some bumps along the way, and offer up the idea of trying to optimize the use of the remaining time left on the project by: having you work for blocks of time without interruption/his checking in, but in return, you’ll voluntarily provide him regular and (just frequent-enough) milestone updates so he’s in the loop.

       Not sure if Mr. Cray-Cray Boss would buy that, but maybe worth a shot?

       1. Would your communication be more effective if you talked over the phone? Emails have a way of making both parties assume the worst about each other. Sorry for your frustration. That sounds difficult.

          1. No, the micromanaging comes both over the email and the phone, and our communication is equally ineffective. On the bright side, I’m hoping my snippyness is coming across as a result of the ineffectiveness of email communication, rather than as snippyness.

28. I would appreciate any advice on this problem: my husband hates being a lawyer. He’s been at it about 5 years (2 years clerking and 3 years at two different firms) and is now certain that he hates it and will never like it. Although he’s not sure what else he would want to do. He’s been doing litigation, but has no interest in transactional work. I’m a lawyer, too, and all though I don’t love it, I think it’s as good of a job/career as anything else I could do. I have no idea what to tell him. All I know is that I can’t stand this daily “I hate my job, kill me now” attitude that he has. Any advice?

    1. Well, first he needs to figure out what else he wants to do. Then if it’s feasible.

       The only real advice I have is that guys tend to be problem solvers while women tend to be listeners (I know this is not universal, just a tendency!!) so he could be moaning and groaning to you for sympathy (get naked!) OR he could be moaning and groaning because he truly doesn’t know what to do and knows that you are brilliantly smart and wants your help figuring out his next step. So next time he starts the whine trail just say “ok, lets make a plan so you can quit. There’s no reason to be a lawyer if you hate it this much. What else do you want to do with your life?” Maybe get him a copy of “What color is your parachute” may be a bit dated now but it was invaluable to my mother in figuring out what she wanted to do with her life.

       Also, see what else you two can do to make life outside of the office fun. Go skydiving, hiking, whatever you like to do. Then hopefully he can see it as a job that pays the bills until he’s in a position to get out.

       Honestly there’s not a lot to do once you realize you hate being a lawyer. With loans and life you’re kind of stuck. But that doesn’t mean you have to be stuck forever. Also, maybe he’s not a firm guy, what about DA, PD (if he can find one, those jobs are rare too!), go into government, etc…

       1. “(get naked!)” LOL. Awesomeness.

          1. :-)

             I mean really, what better way to distract a guy AND cheer him up? Works every time!

             1. And distraction is sometimes what you need to clear your mind when you’re in a miserable situation. Figuring out what he does want to do is the biggest concern. You want to be running towards something, not running from something.

       2. LOL! He’d probably be okay with that response if I just stripped the moment he started complaining.

          Yeah, I’ve mentioned the DA/PD route, but that’s not what he wants either. He hates being confrontational, at all. He finds the law and legal theory fascinating, but doesn’t like taking one side or the other. He’d be a great professor, but we’d have to move to get near a law school that he might eventually be able to teach at (still a long shot), and I don’t really want to do that.

          I’m going to check out that parachute book. That might help – he’s kind of in a rut and not sure how to get out.

          Thanks so much for the advice!

          1. I know this is still law, but has he considered doing T+E and/or nonprofit work? It is not confrontational (unless you get a contested estate, but that is REALLY rare), and if you work for a big enough firm, you get to do a lot of legal research on tax issues and trust law questions that are odd (in a good way) and you can sink your teeth into, etc.

             I also hate to argue and love doing research, and T+E is great.

             1. I don’t think either of us thought of that area, probably because we weren’t sure what T&E involved. That’s definitely something to think about – thanks!

          2. Oh, hang on, you don’t want to positively reinforce the complaining! How about getting naked when he *stops* complaining???? ;)

             1. mamabear, you are wise!

          3. He sounds like me five years ago! I transferred to complex claims at an insurance company. No billables, steady hours and still involves legal analysis, interaction with attorneys, but without the drag of litigating.

             1. Thats what I do! (Though not an attorney myself, I was one of those “trained from college-hires”)

                Sorry, just got really excited to run across someone else

             2. Oh, this is another good idea! Thanks!

    2. Did he like clerking? If so, are there any career clerk positions in your area? (If you think this might be a good idea for him, I suggest combining it with CA Atty’s advice and tell him about it while getting naked.)

       1. He loved clerking, and he’s thought about becoming a career clerk, but wasn’t ready to commit to being a clerk for his whole career (because apparently it’s hard to do anything else once you go down that path). That’s still an option though.

    3. I suggest a career, life or executive coach who has experience with lawyers as clients (not I). There are careers in law that he might not know about that would make him happy and there are also careers where a law degree would be valuable (although he ay have to take a lower-level position to start). Whether it’s starting his own firm, leaving the law, becoming a banker or writer or professor – there are things that he can springboard to with his law degree.

       He could start with some books: Here are the top-ranked books in Amazon using the search words “Alternative Careers for Lawyers” 1) Alternative Careers for Lawyers – Princeton Review 2) The Lawyer’s Career Change Handbook by Greenberg 3) What Can You Do with a Law Degree? – by Arron

       Best of luck to him (and you).

       1. Thank you! Will order those books for him and suggest the idea of a career coach (he’s only been sulking privately, but may open up to a professional if he believes it will help).

    4. Based on his interests as you described them, he might enjoy:

       – Being a career clerk/staff attorney for a court, where all he does is research and write decisions and memos to the judge
       – Working as a policy advisor of some sort, perhaps for a senate/house committee for the state or federal government, for a think tank, or for a non-profit
       – Teaching government courses at a community college, for-profit/online college, or high school
       – Practicing administrative/regulatory law or immigration law (since you mentioned he hates transactional and litigation)

       1. Ooh, or working for Lexis or Westlaw as a research attorney/representative. They help clients at law firms with their research questions and whatnot. I have a friend who does this and she likes her job a lot.

          1. Oh, or a law librarian! They are the coolest. :) Not sure how the job market is, though.

             1. Thanks for the shout-out to librarians! To become a law librarian, he would need to get another degree (MLS), although I’m not sure about qualifications for librarians at law firms. The MLS is the terminal degree and generally takes 1-2 years to complete. Public services law librarians (reference/teaching) at law schools usually have both a JD and MLS. I can’t speak for the situation anywhere else but at the university where I work, law librarians have in some ways a more tricky status than the librarians in the main library. They are a subset of the law faculty, but non-voting so they have no opportunities to represent the law school on university committees, or have a say in law school business. Only their director is a voting law faculty member. That said, the academic library life is pretty good. The profession in general is graying so it’s not bad timing for well-qualified people, although jobs can be scarcer because of cuts in higher ed.

             2. @anon for this – they were tenure-track at my law school, so I guess not all schools treat them the same. The head librarian was actually a dean – the dean of research and libraries, or something like that.

             3. Sorry I wasn’t clear. They do have tenure track faculty status but it’s just this weird status they have as part of the law faculty under the law dean and not under their own dean, as the main library librarians are. Like I said, that could be very institution-specific.

             4. At the firms I’m most familiar with (west coast mid- to biglaw with some branch offices), the law librarians had/have a JD but not an MLS.

             5. Any law librarians out there? I have been litigating more years than I care to say and have thought about going back to school to get MLS. Just curious about how people like the job, what the market is like, etc.

                Thanks in advance.

             6. Not a law librarian but in a senior library faculty position at a university. I know that the work would be very different but I just want to say that I wouldn’t suggest just going to the closest library school. Some of them just aren’t worth it because they are more geared to school librarians. At the better ones (Michigan, Indiana, North Carolina), you come out really marketable with great skills. An MLS program would seem easy to you after law school (and it was for me after a more rigorous master’s program). As for jobs, as I mentioned above, the profession is graying so in many ways it’s good timing for well-qualified candidates, but so many universities are in financial trouble that positions are frozen. Law libraries used to be in much better shape financially because of the MOUs required by the ABA (allowing the law school to keep a lot of the revenue they generate), but with law school admissions down all over the country, that may not be true anymore.

          2. Thank you for all the ideas! It was so awesome to log on and see all of this great advice – I have a whole page of options now. My next pow wow with the husband will go so much better; the last one ended with us running out of ideas and just looking at each other sadly. Will report back once we have a game plan!

29. I saw this skirt online last night and thought this might be a good buy for my sister. She loves maxi skirts and dresses, but I didn’t buy and today this skirt’s on the weekend open thread. Wow!

30. My boyfriend and I have an anniversary coming up, and he has recently mentioned he’d like a watch. We set a budget of $200 for presents this year. Any ideas for a good, professional watch with a metal, not leather, band for under $200? Thanks in advance!

    1. I have seen some gorgeous bulova and movado watches at tjmaxx for around that price should you want to hunt for a bit…

    2. My beautiful emporio armani tank watch was $200 at Nordstrom. Here’s a selection of men’s watches in that range at Nordstrom:
       http://tinyurl.com/839jkda

31. Grrr argh!! I ordered something from amazon, it was sent signature required. Now it says delivered and signed by me. Only I didn’t. Someone stole my package which contains a gift for my SO. Mother FU#$%W^&**&(^%$#@!

    1. Oh no! That’s horrible. Are you under a tight deadline to give a gift to your SO?

       If not, IME, Amazon is usually pretty good about replacing broken/missing/stolen stuff, so try your luck there. And, not sure about the city/town you live in, but would it be worth filing a police report? In some places (the town where I grew up, for example), the local police would follow up reasonably well on stuff like this.

    2. While it may not help if it was time-sensitive, I’ve had this happen before with an Amazon package and they were WONDERFUL about replacing what was stolen. It was during Christmas and they simply re-shipped everything in the order. Just contact customer service and explain what happened.

       1. So, I did and they can’t replace the order. They will refund it, and I’ll see it back on my credit card in 3-5 business days. The customer service rep was really awesome and I gave him a glowing recommendation, but honestly, I didn’t feel better until he assured me that it’s all insured and they make a claim directly to UPS and UPS will investigate and 9 times out of 10 it’s driver error. So maybe someone didn’t steal my package…but mostly likely they did because UPS says that I signed for it, which means that either the driver stole it and signed my name, (boy he must be pissed now, my SO is a technophobe so this was the most basic, CORDED earpiece for his phone you can imagine), or he said to someone just walking by “hey, do you know [CA Atty]?” I’m leaning towards the driver stealing it because apparently the signature has the correct initials, and if you just heard my name you would assume different initials, you would have to see it to sign it correctly.

          It’s not a real time crunch, so I may just see if I can find it in stores, but again, SO is a technophobe and most of the ear pieces are blue tooth, latest and greatest fancy things in store. Also, the others I considered were all at least $10 cheaper on Amazon than through Verizon.

          1. If it makes you feel any better–I had a pair of earrings “go missing” last year, shipped via UPS. We had a PO Box and a street address, and UPS said that the PO Box was on it (it was a gift), and instead of dropping it off at the post office, like they usually did for us, they decided to look at 9-1-1 databases to determine the street address. We could look at the tracking to see where it was delivered, and we actually went there (rural area, a little creepy). The woman there said that they got the package, and she assumed it was a gift for her daughter who lived somewhere else but had the same name as me and had a birthday. It was a very strange story, but the jewelry store ended up just replacing (same deal with the insurance).

          2. Well, he would have handed them the package before they signed (at least this is what my UPS guy does), so they would have seen your initials on the package. At least in my city there’s a high rate of package theft. So don’t assume it was the driver. Also, could it be possible that you weren’t home and a neighbor signed but hasn’t brought it by to your place yet?

    3. Could your neighbor have it?

       1. No, I live in a condo building that is pretty independent/isolated. I don’t know any of my neighbors at all, and in the 3 years I’ve lived there while I may have nodded to one or two, we’ve never exchanged more than 2-3 words at a time and no names.

    4. That sucks! Amazon is great about replacements/refunds, although that doesn’t really help you now. SO will understand!

    5. This happened to me and I paid with Amex and either they or the shipper re-credited me after I was a squeaky wheel (I can’t remember who paid, sorry, but its worth calling both your cc company and the shipper). This is entirely embarrassing: in my case, was a package from Bare Necessities of bras and undies. I lived in a walkup building with no doorman and strongly suspected a weird old man neighbor who used to stare at me – UPS would usually just dump packages in the lobby after randomly buzzing people to get let in. The whole thing gives me heebie jeebies thinking about it.

32. I posted a couple of weeks ago miserable about my job and I just wanted to update and say that I am actually doing something about it. I reached out to a recruiter that had worked with former coworkers and she has already found a job posting for me that 1. is actually something I’m qualified for 2. is the location that I want (walking distance!) and 3. is the amount of work that I want (40 hours/week). I’ve never had a recruiter present a job that met all three of those things and often they try to push me into jobs that have none of those qualifications.

    So please wish me luck that they will want to interview me and I can move onto a career that doesn’t kill my soul! (or at least doesn’t consume all of my waking hours.)

    1. Good going, taking those steps. Glad to hear that they’ve yielded positive results already.

       Good luck with getting an interview and I hope you find a good career that fits your life!

    2. Phenomenal! How exciting. I love to hear success stories like this. I hope it works out for you! Freeeeedooooom!

33. I got headhunted and think about going for it. Though I really like my current job, and haven’t been working here long enough to be ready to move, it sounds like something I’d really love. Now I’m having all sorts of feelings that make it hard to act fast. I feel kind of bad about being unloyal, I feel excited about the new opportunity, I’m afraid of not doing well or not being senior enough if I get hired, afraid of losing my colleagues, afraid of regretting it if I don’t…

    But I think I want to do it. I don’t think a guy would say no. The role is a bit more senior than my current, but pretty much where I want to be in 1.5 years. It’s at an IB about half an hour from my house, the pay is better than what I have now. I’m pretty surprised to get recruited for the role at my level, I did not really feel ready for it. But the description of the personality type they want is pretty much exactly me, and it sounds like something I really want to be part of.

    Please give me some courage…

    1. 1. Congrats on being headhunted! It’s nice to feel sought-after on the job market!

       2. The job sounds like it’d be interesting, and you’d get some good career and skill-growth from it. That makes it fairly worthwhile already.

       3. You are NOT DISLOYAL. Pardon the Ellen-caps, but I really want to emphasize that. If you are already working for an IB place now, and are looking at another IB, then there’s very little loyalty, anyways, unless you’ve had a fantastic mentor who’s been shepherding you all along. Which I doubt because I think you’d have said so if there were.

       Loyalty should be a two-way street and I have no doubts that your current employer would lay you off in a heartbeat if it suited their bottom line or if they thought they could get someone do more than you for less money. So interview, get to know what this other place would be like and keep your options open.

       YOU CAN DO IT! Ganbatte Yo! (I love this Japanese phrase of encouragement and will use it every chance I get!)

       1. Thank you!

          It does feel nice!

          And yes, I could stay there for a few years and be fairly sure to experience both personal growth and career progression in the way I want. The time between now and then may be fun or stressful, and I’ll probably make some mistakes, but I’ll also probably do some things really well.

          I actually work as a consultant now, in a banking practice. I do have a mentor, and he is pretty helpful so far. (Hence feeling guilty.) I’m also one of the people who get a lot of training when others get less. (Other source of guilt.) The company as a whole did everything right, in my case. That said, my new direct manager actually made it clear that billable hours*hourly rate > my control over my career. She just became my manager and I hardly know her. I could fend off a long term assignment in a direction I don’t want, by accepting a shorter, but more lucrative one that I managed to shift a bit to be in my direction. My mentor did help me by telling me what people to influence to regain some control. All the other management is really great though, and treats me well. I’m pretty active on the networking/organizing side, go to al the meetings and parties, and I know people will be really shocked.

          But I know I should be more gutsy in life, and not afraid to rock the boat.

          1. As well as they may treat you, no one but you is looking out for you. Really focus on making sure that you will be happier in the new position. If you are certain that it will be a good move in both the short run and the long run, go for it! And congratulations, regardless of what you do this sounds like an exciting opportunity!

             1. agree- do NOT feel guilty or hesitate based on that. the people in charge didn’t get there worrying about that. and the rug could be pulled out from you at any time, whether you think so or not. you really need to do what’s best for you. they will understand, and if not, they are at fault.

             2. I did it!

                I told the headhunter to go through with it. And strangely, I realised that I already did a good thing for myself, no matter what the outcome is.

                After I pressed the send button…I had a kind of epiphany! The whole loyalty/guilt idea comes from my mother. It’s actually the key belief that held her back in her career and life, it’s a completely subjective belief and it is a belief that would limit me.

                I’m a grown woman, this is my own life, and I can choose my own ideas, the ones that work for me :-)

                The only thing I really owe my current company is:
                1. The notice per my contract.
                2. My effort during that time.

                That’s it.

                Thank you Susan, Ruby and Anon :-)

             3. Hello Ladies!

                I’m in shot nerves city. Someone from the IB called while I was at work, to talk about the opening. I sneaked into a free office quickly. He said role X that headhunter offered me was a bit different now than it was presented and he thought I suited role Y more. (Which is even more senior and if I eff up, some pretty heavyweight people would devour me.) We talked about me and the role and I was really nervous and said a few dumb things in reply to trick questions because of the whole surprise element. He did say I was probably too junior yet he also said he’d present me to the manager. (So…What does that mean?)

                I don’t know how I’ll eat and sleep tonight, but keep your fingers crossed for me!

34. Happy weekend, Hive! Would love to hear your thoughts on the following…

    I recently started a new job (non-law) as a contractor. This is my first experience contracting; I was with my last company for almost 8 years. My current contract is guaranteed for 1 year, and when I was interviewing, I was told that it’s basically guaranteed that they will renew for an additional year (although I’m not counting my chickens before they hatch!). I really like the company and would love to get a permanent position here. I think this is something that I should discuss with my manager, as I think she can tell me how realistic this is and hopefully help me get hired.

    My question is: when to initiate this discussion? I was thinking that after I’ve been on the job for about 6 months would be a good time. That way, if things have changed and they are not going to renew my contract, I will have plenty of time to find a new position. And if they are going to keep me, hopefully we can work out a “get me hired” strategy that I can implement over the remainder of my time as a contractor. Does this make sense? Other suggestions are welcome!

    1. 6 months in is good, but most important is to ask straight after you added some value. But do ask what % get hired permanently. Some compaies or department have a certain percentage contracters as a peel to be discarded in bad times. You really want to find out if this is the case, and calculate your chances. Your manager may not be allowed to hire you if the peel is currently not thick enough.

       And it’s wise to save some money if you have a contract for a year.

35. I *know* we’ve discussed this before, but I can’t find the thread – my google-fu has gone missing –

    What do I tip my hair stylist? When?

    What do I tip the woman who washes my hair before it’s cut? When?

    Got my hair cut last night and I think I screwed up some aspect of this transaction. Must I carry small bills around the salon? If I mis-tipped last night, can I rectify it now?

    I’m in Chicago and the salon is small but upscale, River North, if it makes a difference.

    1. I tip $10 on a $70 cut plus $2-3 for the shampoo person, also at an upscale Chicago-area salon.

    2. Also in Chicago, love my salon but not very upscale. I tip $15 on a $65 treatment (shampoo/straighten/trim), and there is no separate shampoo person.

       Do you always see the same stylist? If so, just tip a bit more next time. I don’t think it is worth it to go by to give an extra $5 or whatever.

    3. In NYC, a not-so-fancy place I leave around 20% of the service and $3-$4 for the shampoo lady.

    4. At my salon you leave the tip at the front desk as you pay and they divide it up among everyone who helped you. I tip 20% rounded up to the nearest $5, always in cash (because I’m not sure whether they get the full amount if I put it on my debit card.)

       My stylist often talks about saving his tips for this or that, so I know they do get to him, and the woman who usually washes my hair says she spends her tip money on tattoos (I am not making this up) so I know it gets to her, too.

36. Anyone else’s bracket just get destroyed?

    Thanks, Missouri:-( But apparently since the universe is favoring things with long odds happening for me today, I’m going to buy a lottery ticket.

    1. Ugh. I was at 100% until tonight. FU Missouri, Michigan, San Diego (should have seen that one coming), and CT. Not happy.

       1. How about Lehigh! What up PA!!

          1. I went to Duke:-( It was just all around a bad basketball day for me. (Not that I had Duke going terribly far this year, but still).

             1. Then that means it was a good day for me. And I don’t even have a bracket.

    2. That was me. 100% of my pretend money (a friendly pool, no real betting) was on Missouri, which has been my favorite team in the world since I picked them randomly from a list earlier this week.

    3. Entirely. I’m surprised at how devastated I am considering that I filled it out (under duress) in two minutes without using any knowledge of the teams whatsoever. (How blind was I going into it? Apparently a lot, literally: I somehow managed to not even notice the rankings while doing so.)

    4. I took Duke, UConn, Syracuse and Georgetown to the final 4.

       1. Lololol!

       2. Love it! My team went out in the first round but I’m a huge Indiana fan so I was yelling at the tv last night. My neighbors probably loved me as it was after 1am in the UK.

       3. Just lost Georgetown! I’ve only got Syracuse left…

37. I’m seriously struggling with depression and I hoped someone might recommend anti-depressants that worked for them. I have an HMO and my PCP spends about 2 minutes with me before prescribing, but if I come in with information she’ll hear me out.

    My symptoms- anger, disillusionment, anger, sadness, did I mention anger, especially toward my poor husband?

    I plan to go to therapy, I’ve started working out regularly, but I think I need a medical intervention before I alienate the man I love (and my apparent dumping ground for my sadness).

    1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and so proud of you for admitting you need help. Medication can be a godsend. It was for me. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to antidepressants. I first tried one of the most popular ones, one that my friend tolerated very well, and ended up as one of the special people who gets those “very rare” side effects they’re required to rattle off at the end of the tv ads and in fine print in magazines. I tried a less common one next, and it suited me well. You need to see a psychiatrist, who unlike a primary care doctor will be experienced in finding the right antidepressant for you. Your PCP just doesn’t have as much training. Gather up your willpower (and I truly know how hard that is when you are depressed) and make your PCP refer you to an HMO psychiatrist. The psychiatrist will talk with you and take an educated guess about what med will suit you. It may work, it may not. Stick with your goals and try out meds until you find the right one for you. Hugs and hugs.

    2. Ask her for a referral to a psychiatrist. Like SFBA said, there’s no one-size-fits-all. You can research on sites like drugs.com, but ultimately a psychiatrist is the best person to evaluate you and recommend what will work best. If you can’t find one in your network, ask for a list of sliding scale clinics. Most either have a psychiatrist on staff or work with one who will write prescriptions and do medication evaluations.

    3. Worked for the same symptoms + persistent suicidal thoughts.
       Didn’t feel like a Happy Pill either – just helped to deal

       1. In addition to seeing a psychiatrist, you should also speak to your pharmacist. Many psychiatrists will just do a one-size-fits-all approach as well. I had a psychiatrist give me wellbutrin which was terrible for me. Easy money for them. I got my anti-depressant from my ob/gyn and found that she listened to my symptoms and problem much longer than the psychiatrist. She gave me Lexapro, a Godsend for me, and my husband.

          1. Another example of how individual this is: Lexapro was horrible for me, but wellbutrin has been awesome.

    4. I am doing well on amytriptiline and citalopram for PTSD + depression, but you really need to talk with a psychiatrist to figure out your options, and be prepared to have to adjust dosages and switch meds a time or five before you find out what works for you. Also, the meds will probably take at least a couple of weeks to make a difference.

    5. No referral or medication reference from me, both from me as human-me and me as licensed-mental-health-professional-me, for obvious reasons. That said, until you can get to therapy, keep track of your sleeping/eating/exercise patterns. Get in a solid 8 hrs/night, track your nutrient intake on a website of your choosing, try for an hour of some type of exercise, and make sure you’re getting some sunlight. Also, if you’re able, spend 10 minutes before bed keeping a journal. It’s not important what you write, just that you write. It’ll help you to get the thoughts out before sleeping and it’ll allow you to work with your therapist and show him/her where your mind is.

       In the meantime, perhaps you can set up some type of plan with your husband so that you don’t damage your relationship until you’re able to get the consistent help you need?

       sending love!

       1. Also, look back through your OB/GYN history… sometimes birth control or other hormonal influences can really mess with your state of mind and mimic major depression or anger issues.

          I didn’t realize how depressed and hateful I had become after 3 years on Nuvaring– then I went off it and suddenly I stopped wanting to punch people and the world had color again.

          1. The NuvaRing had the same effect for me. Within two days of taking it out for good, I felt better than I had in years. I will never go back.

    6. Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions on dealing with my depression. I really appreciate it, in part because some of my symptoms have me feeling worthless and as if no one understands or cares about me, but the outpouring of concern and advice from virtual strangers on the internet contradicts that. I’m printing all of your comments and keeping them in my journal!

       I never thought about birth control having an impact on my depression. I just started the nuva ring again after several months of natural family planning (and living with the fear of making a mistake…to much for me).

       I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for the end of the month (not my PCP this time) and hopefully I’ll be able to see day light again soon. Thanks again.

38. Hope this won’t just land in moderation, but: if you heard an alpha male corporate type described as a “BSD,” would that have any meaning?  

    1. Big Swinging D!ck. It means your co-workers need more Urban Dictionary in their lives.

    2. In business school, we had to read Liar’s Poker. It’s a great book!

       1. LOVE LOVE LOVE Michael Lewis.

39. Random, but in light of the NYT Op-Ed, is anyone else’s (non-IB) business culture rotten to the core? Just curious.

40. I need help with my hair. I have limp, fine, thin hair. Lovely, right?
    Anyway, it has become increasingly oily. I try to wait a day in between washings, and use a lot of baby powder as a result, but it really isn’t helping. It is so bad, that when I wash my hair in the morning, it is already oily by 4pm. I am hoping this can be helped by changing my shampoo? Does anyone have any suggestions for shampoo for fine, oily hair?
    thank you in advance!

    1. That’s my hair too – I have to wash it everyday no matter what. I’ve had good luck with Kenra Platinum Shampoo for Fine/Thin Hair. It’s expensive, but sometimes you can find it on sale on Amazon. It’s the only shampoo I’ve found that doesn’t weigh my hair down by the end of the day.

       1. thanx! I’ll try anything at this point.

    2. I have thin fine hair as well. My hair used to be really oily but that has decreased as I’ve gotten older. I (gasp!) wash my hair twice most days – not because of oiliness but because I do really intense workouts. I suppose I could just rinse my hair afterward but I don’t want product buildup that would weigh down my hair. I have to be really careful not to use products that weigh it down (although ironically I need something to keep it from being wispy and flyaway) or make it sticky. To make my hair a little thicker, I color it, then I use Rusk brilliance for color-treated hair (fabulous grapefruit scent a bonus). I never use conditioner but I use Rusk Thick spray to keep down the wispiness and a tiny bit of Brocato Cloud 9 Miracle Repair Style Creme on the front to keep it from getting dried out from blowdrying.

       1. hmmm. maybe I should try this spray.

          1. It’s great! They also make one called Thickr, but it’s in a tiny bottle and not worth it. I kept one of the old bottles to use for travel, but there’s absolutely no difference between the two.

    3. I have similar hair, and get headaches if I don’t wash my hair daily (I have extended as far as 36 hours, but that is my max).

       Seriously, what worked for me was VO5 $.99 shampoo. I call it paint thinner. I use one of the green ones – I think it says clarifying or something? Whatever, as long as it doesn’t claim to be moisturizing, it will work. Couple that with a decent – not $.99 – conditioner (I like Herbal Essences Hyrdalicious Featherweight Conditioner) and don’t apply the conditioner to the crown of your head. I constantly get told how healthy my hair is and the only time I got split ends in 10+ years was after not cutting my hair for over a year. That being said, I do not blow or use other tools on my hair routinely, so YMMV.

       1. I used to love VO5 when I was 8 years old and on the swim team! I haven’t used it in years – I’m going to try it again now.

       2. One warning about it – there is a reason I call it paint thinner. It takes everything off, which makes me incredibly happy, but if you highlight or treat your hair in other ways, it will probably shorten the lasting time of that.

          I used Neutrogena clarifying shampoo for a while too, but only once a week. It was good, but not as effective as the VO5.

          1. I will try that, too!

    4. Me too! My answer, possibly included in an earlier thread: Dry shampoo (love Oscar Blandi)—but not just on second-day hair. I wash my hair every day, mostly because of morning runs, and I find that a bit of dry shampoo gives me a bit of body and helps everything look good at the end of the day.

       Honestly, I would probably wash every day otherwise. I know lots of people say not to, but I don’t see any reason to start the day off oily when it’s the exact problem I’m trying to fix.

       1. you know, I have never thought of using it on freshly washed hair for body. interesting.
          I don’t use dry shampoo on second day hair. I find it not as effective as baby powder. My hair is sooo light that baby powder blends in really well.

    5. Do you have a sensitive scalp? I have sensitivity/eczema and when I use harsher shampoos with a lot of sulfates/SLS, I notice that my hair gets oily/itchy pretty early in the day. When I use gentler shampoos, sometimes I can use a dry shampoo every other day instead of having to wash. Because of my scalp issues, I tend to use shampoos specifically for that purpose- Aveda Scalp benefits 4-5 days a week, Aveda pureformance exfoliating shampoo (it is for men, but the beads are really good for exfoliating the scalp) once a week, and a prescription dandruff shampoo once a week.

       1. I don’t think I have a sensitive scalp. I do not have dandruff and no itching. that would be an indicator, right?

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