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Weekend Open Thread

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Stem Burnout Diagonal Stripe Maxi SkirtSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Maybe I'm hormonal, but I really, really like this skirt. Yes, it's fluorescent pink (fine, “Rose-Lilac”) but it looks like a great skirt to wear for a leisurely day — at the movies, maybe slouching through a few stores, and possibly grabbing mid-afternoon drinks with friends. It was $78 at Nordstrom Rack, but is now marked to $29.97 (and it also comes in a blue “Green-Biscay”). Stem Burnout Diagonal Stripe Maxi Skirt (L-2)

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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586 Comments

  1. I had no idea re: AGL flats until I caught a TJ the other day discussing them. Um, I want.

    Oh, the things Corporette has introduced me to…

    1. I love AGL! My mom broke her foot last year, and apparently AGL was the only professional-looking brand she could wear while recovering (after several months in a boot and ortho shoes). A few months ago she talked me into letting her buy me a pair – touch sell! – and they are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned. I have patent leather nude pumps with about a 2″ heel, but, oh, the arch support!

      1. I have one pair and I bought my usual size. (I’m a 9.5 and I bought a 39.5 in AGL).

  2. Cute skirt. In my part of the country, it’s time to break out the summer skirts and dresses. Hurray!

    1. Cream, grey (dove and darker slate shades), beigey colors, and navy. A greyish lavender could also work if it is just the right shade. Sounds like a great find!

    4. Leopard… Seriously! I wore my green pencil skirt to church this morning with my leopard-print Tippi sweater from J Crew. I thought it looked awesome!

  4. Good morning ladies,
    I’m hiring a summer intern (first time ever, yay!) and received an application last night. I like acknowledging receipt of applications after having a depressing number float out into the ether with no acknowledgement in my own previous job search.
    My new applicant has a Chinese name (I am making that assumption based on Chinese fluency and previous work in Hong Kong on resume) and I don’t know what the person’s gender is.
    For those of you with names that don’t indicate gender to some people, how do you like to be addressed? In my previous application acknowledgement email I said “Dear Ms. So and So” but should I leave the name off here? Any thoughts? Thanks!

    2. Truth is, it may not really be non-gendered – more that it’s a language/culture that you are not familiar with. Have you tried googling the name to see which gender of person pops up? If it’s mixed, then I’d go with the suggestions from StLaz. You might also post the first name here to see if anyone else is more familiar.

    3. Did you receive the application via email? I usually just reply with “Thanks, we’ve received your application. Shortlisted candidates will be contacted for an interview.” without a greeting or whatever. I think Dear Firstname is fine, too (unless you can’t tell which is his/her firstname?). You could also always google the person and look for a picture.

    4. I have a unisex first name and think that “Dear FirstName” is the way to go. However, I’m used to getting emails addressed to “Mr. LastName,” and I would think someone from another culture would be accustomed to various flubs of his/her name(s). So, even if you do flub up, it’s easily fixed and likely will not cause offense.

      1. I do agree that“Dear FirstName” would be the best way to go if you can determine which is the first name and which is the surname, but I have to disagree [almost violently!!] that flubbing up by using “Mr. LastName”will likely not cause offense.

        I am personally tired of having people assume that I am a man! Perhaps it’s because I’m starting to sound like a female Andy Rooney, but it’s not 1974 anymore and the workplace is filled with [okay, mostly underpaid] women. I say FOOEY!

    5. If the resume indicates which is the first and last name, then Dear FirstName should be fine. It’s hard to tell with Chinese names, even if you have one yourself. Otherwise, Dear EntireName. I’ve been called various combinations of my Firstname and Lastname (reversed, rearranged etc) and it’s slightly disconcerting, although I totally understand the confusion.

    6. Are you at least clear on which name is their surname? Is there a possibility that the person wrote their name Chinese style?

      Baby name websites can help determine the person’s gender.

      1. I wouldn’t put 100% stock in a baby name website. On many, my name is listed as exclusively male; best case scenario is that they acknowledge it’s a unisex name.

        In fact, I recently received an email from a new colleague in Germany addressed to “Herr LastName.” When I replied and let him know that I am actually a fraulein and not a herr, he admitted that he was unfamiliar with my name, looked it up online, and determined based on the results that I must be a guy. Not so much.

    7. I have a Chinese first name and luckily everyone correctly assumes it to be a girl’s name. It starts with “a” and has lots of vowels, and also most people incorrectly read it as one of several common English girl names.

  5. Gift Dilemma

    My best friend’s oldest son’s Eagle Scout ceremony is next weekend. I have NO idea on gift etiquette. This is the first close person who has “Made it” in our circle.

    He also just signed on for the Navy, though his Basic training isn’t until Sept.

    Other than attending – what have members of the Hive done?

    1. My SO got his Eagle Scout in high school. He said he remembers not really feeling like he should get “gifts” because there is a significant public service component of becoming an Eagle Scout. Maybe a card to acknowledge his hard work and a donation to his troop or if possible to the public service project he completed.

    2. I agree with Anon that he might not want a gift. But I think the most appropriate gift would be something highly functional, like a really sweet multifunction pocketknife. I used to have a great one that I left on the top of a mountain like 12 years ago and I still miss it. A really awesome watch with a compass, etc, would also be cool. Or a really nice toolkit – I love my toolbox (Christmas gift my freshman year in college from my brother), and my maintenance guy was seriously impressed with it when he asked if I had a hammer he could borrow and I pulled it my toolkit. GPS devices, camping gear, hunting gear if he hunts, things like that would also be nice. I think he’d really appreciate any sort of gift like this.

      2. I’d second the Leatherman suggestion (if you get anything at all). They’re pricey, but my husband uses his constantly.

      3. I love my Swiss Army knife. Mine has a detachable usb drive, which has saved me quite a few times.

        It also makes me look totally bad*ss at work when I whip it out to solve some problem.

    3. Not sure about gift etiquette, but things he might be able to use: a pair of Oakley sunglasses for being outside and working out outdoors (protects eyes from debris), definitely a nice knife if he doesn’t have one, a set of name tapes for his uniform/cammies AKA aquaflage (more of a sentimental gesture and they are cheap), money towards his uniforms since they are expensive, a nice backpack (Kelty or Blackhawk brands are good for military use).

  6. Well, I had the Friday from hell. I’m going to give a brief synopsis as a PSA (every workplace needs a safety plan.) I’m going to leave out a lot of details for client confidentiality so sorry if it just leaves you more curious.

    Opposing pro se party in a commercial real estate dispute case shows up at my office from out of state demanding I give him the release he is due on my client’s real estate attachment on his personal house. Due to this opposing party’s own error, which occurred yesterday, I have to wait to Monday to give him the release, and informed him of that yesterday.

    He insisted to reception that he was going to remain camped out in our lobby until he got it. I went down and explained to him why he couldn’t have it. He got more angry. I told him he had to leave my office but could return in an hour after I confirmed some story he told me with my client. That wasn’t good enough and he still wouldn’t leave. I then said he had to leave immediately or I was calling the police. He said go ahead, call the police. So I called the police.

    Apparently there was simultaneously an armed robbery and other life or death issues going on in my town so my call was stacked on triage. It took the police over an hour to get there. They did call me back to check in multiple times but in the interim things kept escalating. When that previously suggested one hour mark passed he started demanding that I come downstairs to give him an update. (We agreed I should be out of his line of vision during this which is why I was upstairs.) Meanwhile the police decided to call his cell phone to tell him to leave which he refused to do which made him even more angry. I was so upset with the police for doing that.

    My husband ended up calling me during all this and he suggested from his LE experience that since the guy was mad at me I should leave out the back of the building until the police could get there. When the police called back to say the guy refused to leave after they called him and that after their talk they were sending multiple responders, they agreed I should leave. I’m the only person with LE experience in my office and everyone else was either completely oblivious to the danger of the situation and could care less or freaked out and relying on me to tell them what to do.

    So after telling my staff to get out of the area the guy was in I left out the back. I returned when I received confirmation the police where there. As I pull up, they are talking to the guy from around a corner, hands on guns, with more officers showing up. He wasn’t backing down! So, I get back in my building and they send an officer in to talk to me and she says “so, is there anyway he is getting the release today?” WTF! Even if I could give him the release, there is no way in heck he should get it after pitching his fit.

    The convo should have gone like this – “you were told to leave this private property. You didn’t. Leave now. No, okay, you are under arrest.” So I explained all my safety concerns to the officers and they got him to leave and told him if he returned he would be arrested. We then locked our doors for the remainder of the day.

    Also, while this was going on, new clients were walking into the lobby. For future reference, we should have had someone outside diverting people into another entrance. I also should have sent out a firm wide email to tell everyone what was going on. It was such a mess, I got no work done and am now working this weekend to get my filings that are due Monday done. This sit in went on from a little after 1 to 4:30.

    Honestly, nothing is scarier than needing the police and hearing that they can’t get there “just yet” but will be there when they can.

    1. Oooh, that is so scary. I’m glad he didn’t resort to violence. I hope you’ll be filing a complaint, documented with the police report, with his state’s bar. This sort of behavior would at least get him suspended in my jurisdiction. I’d also file a request for sanctions with the court overseeing your case. You may also want to contact the clients who witnessed the incident to assure them it was an anamoly and that security measures are being taken, and send a bulletin to staff on security procedure.

      I also think this illustrates why every law firm needs a security guard or security company. At my office, our security guard would have escorted him out of the building and notified the management to send an emergency alert to staff. All kinds of disgruntled cranks can show up at a law office, and the police may not always take it seriously or be able to respond quickly. If your firm can’t afford to hire a guard to sit at the front door, perhaps you could contract with a company that will respond to emergency calls.

      I also would suggest that you hire an in-person guard to sit there at least during business hours for the duration of your involvement in the case with this attorney. He’ll probably be back.

      1. I just realized that he was a pro se party and not a lawyer. Obviously he can’t be sanctioned by the bar, but I’d still request sanctions from the court.

    2. Yikes! I hope you are feeling OK – I would be so worried/unsettled if that had happened. And sorry you need to work all weekend, and that the police were too understaffed to get there in time! :-0

    3. How terrible. I’m so sorry, and if I were you I would still be shaken and angry. Huge kudos to you for staying so cool, and good wishes to you through the rest of the case. I hope you can find even a little time this weekend to breathe deeply and think about other things.

  7. Landlord problem:

    A few weeks ago, the toilet and bathtub in my apartment backed up with raw sewage, flooding my bathroom and hallway. I ran upstairs to tell my landlord, and she got the problem (back up down the line?) fixed that day.

    However, she did nothing to help with the cleanup. My fiance and I spent about $50 in clean up materials (with mops, buckets, masks, tons of paper towels, and the strongest cleaning supplies possible, it adds up), and an entire horrifying Friday night cleaning. I’m in law school, so the $50 is not nothing to me, plus, it was a disgusting way to spend our evening and a huge source of stress.

    I would like to collect the cost of the cleaning supplies from her. I have my receipts. Any thoughts on whether or not I can collect or advice on how to attempt to get her to pay this? I’m in Chicago, if it makes a difference. (I know that I possibly should go to a tenants rights agency, but since it is such a small amount, and since I don’t really have any other problems with her, I don’t want to make this into a huge deal.) I am considering a note with a receipt attached requesting payment. WWYD?

    1. I’m sort of a landlord. I rent out a house that I still own. If the problem was with the city line and not the fault of my property I would assist in coordinating to get it fixed but you would probably be on your own for the clean up costs. I’d suggest you see if you could get a professional clean up from your rental insurance company.

      If the problem was due to piping I was responsible for, then I would probably offer to pay the clean up costs as a gesture of good will. I however, would not feel legally obligated to pay for it.

    2. For what it’s worth, when I had a bedbug problem in my apartment the landlord offered to pay for all my cleanup costs, including dry-cleaning and carpet cleaning. Though bedbugs is probably a problem that the landlord wouldn’t want me to complain about and give the building a bad reputation, so he was extremely nice in handling it.

  8. Hive,
    I am recently admitted attorney (graduated last May) and working in a job I’m happy with for the most part and feel fortunate to have. However, DH and I are considering making a pretty big geographic move (to be close to family or due to a good opportunity for him) to places that I am not close enough to to feel like I can do any effective networking. For one of these places, I would not need to re-take the bar, but for the other I would. Have any of you had experience with this and been successful? I don’t want to leave a paying job with good experience for nothing in this economy so I am scared to make a move until I have anything. Also, have any of you used a recruiter and if so, how do you find a good one, how long does it take, how much does it cost, etc? I’d appreciate any input! Thanks in advance!

    1. do not leave until you have a new job. period. In law, it is just too dangerous (especially at your level).
      headhunters do not cost any money. the firm that hires you pays their fee.

      1. I agree. The market is really bad right now, and you don’t have enough skills with one year of practice to distinguish you from any other applicant. Don’t leave until you have another job or you could find yourself unemployed for a loooong time.

  9. I saw someone mention before that those “24 months no interest financing” deals for furniture are really bad for your credit score. Is that true? I’ve got some big furniture purchases coming up next month, but I don’t start working for a couple more months after that, so I’d like to finance it for just a few months and then pay it off in full this summer. Bad idea?

    1. It shows up on your credit repot essentially as a maxed out line of credit, which can bring down your credit utilization ratio. However, credit utilization ratios are calculated using all of your available credit, not just one card or line of credit. I think the general rule of thumb is that you should try to keep to less than 50% credit utilization – e.g. if you have $10,000 in credit limits having more than $5,000 in debt would negatively affect your score. But your credit score also bounces up very quickly when you lower your credit utilization ratio, so if buying the furniture would lead you to have high credit utilization but you could pay it off in a year, it might be well worth it and it won’t affect your credit score in the long run.

      I suggest you create an account at Credit Karma and play with the tools there. You can play with their tools and calculate how different actions will affect your credit score. I use it to monitor my credit and I love using the tools.

        1. FYI, it’s 30%… you don’t want to go above 30% of your credit limit on any card whenever possible, anything higher impacts your score.

          Absolutely seconding credit karma. Also, for anyone who has basic questions about finances, I’d recommend Suze Orman’s “young, fabulous, and broke” book which answers tons of questions and I’d also say that catching her tv show is a great way to keep up on the best options for any economic time.

          Hope it helps!

    1. We got a foot of snow last night. It’s currently snowing and sunny here. The snow clung to everything so all the trees, etc are covered. So pretty!

      1. Although I have to work all day anyway and now my car is a lot cleaner, so actually maybe that should be a :-)

    4. Low 80s here in my bit of the Midwest. Totally gorgeous – I’m heading out for a walk right now! Um, maybe first I’m buying some Frye sandals from 6pm.com.

  11. Grrr…. I am so sick of trying to find a nice suit now that a) Benetton no longer seems to carry wool suits and b) my bottom half has outgrown Theory!

    And now for the PSA– Brooks Brothers has a couple of decent-looking (meaning no strange doo-dads) suits on deep clearance on their website. There are a bunch of other good deals to be had too… esp. button downs, jewelry and shoes.

  12. Help! I have my very first court appearance ever on Tuesday and I woke up today with a MONSTER zit. (Sorry for the caps but they really are necessary to convey the size of this thing.). Any ideas on how to shrink it fast? It’s on my chin, it’s totally hormonal, and it’s below the surface….for the moment. I already felt nervous about Tuesday and now I feel like I have a giant arrow pointing at this ugly thing. Any advice would be much appreciated…

      1. Yes – the paste not gel type. Or try a face mask with zinc, e.g. ProActiv.

    3. Holding icepacks on it will shrink that sucker pretty fast (assuming it’s in the swollen, slightly painful, under the skin stage).

    4. Dip a qtip in hot water and just swab the zit. also, tea tree oil always works for me!

  14. Any advice on how to not punch a wall when the “bad guy” seems to win? Whether it’s a bad boss who takes credit but is your boss so you have to let it go or a roommate whom you can’t get rid of or another situation, I get super super frustrated when the bad guy wins. I logically know I’m supposed to trust karma or get my revenge by living well, but does anyone else have any tricks for not questioning the way of the world as a whole in such times?

    1. Corporette is great, but there’s no substitute for having someone to rant to in person. Find a friend/SO/whatever that you can vent to who will listen patiently and who can validate that you were in the right. Also, for the boss situation specifically remember that your boss kind of owes you now, whether s/he acknowledges it or not. I can’t imagine that there will never be a way that you can use it to your advantage in the future – even if it’s in a resume line when you’re looking for a new job that says “Saved the company X million dollars by finding Y,” or whatever applies.

      Remember too the times when the world HAS done you favors by chance. There is both bad and good stuff that happens when you don’t deserve it. I’d like to think that it all evens out in the end!

  15. PSA for anyone in the Bay Area interested in checking out Jeremy’s – they are having their annual 65% off sale this weekend. (no affiliation, I just happen to live in the neighborhood)

  16. Hello all – I recently gave notice at my job. The separation is amicable, as I am going to bschool and manager is very supportive. After ten years, I have an extensive internal and external network. Any tips on how to gather/store all this contact info? Internal contact info is in Microsoft Office and external contact info is in Bloomberg.

    1. I haven’t used Outlook in ages, but I know you used to be able to export your contacts into a .csv file (Comma Separated Values), which you could then turn around and import into another database of your choosing.

  17. I am finishing up my one year clerkship with a bankruptcy judge and I just got a job offer. It’s with a small firm, incredible culture (very pro-woman, trying to keep its women from going in-house, so they’ve set up 3 months paid maternity leave, flexible hours, and the option of going part-time in the future and/or working from home), pay ($115,000) is nearly big law for my mid-size market city (think Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, etc) plus a yearly bonus based on hours billed (1800 minimum) and other criteria, 6 year non equity partner track (eligible for equity partnership after 8 years). Sounds incredible, right?

    The only problem is it’s patent prosecution but I thought I’d work in bankruptcy law. My mentors are bankruptcy judges and professionals for whom I’ve worked or from whom I’ve taken classes and I feel like I’m letting them down. But the job market for bankruptcy in my city is extremely competitive and I’m just not finding much.

    My mentors all say that I will find something if I hold out, but it’s scary to turn down such an incredible offer. My deadline to respond to that job offer is March 26. I had lunch with three bankruptcy group partners from the #1 law firm in my city last week, but they have internal issues to work through and may not be able to let me know before my deadline. And it sounds like it’s a 2 year staff attorney position that would possibly turn into an associate position if they like me. Any advice?

    1. One more thing I forgot to add: my mentors have encouraged me to apply to be a permanent clerk for a bankruptcy judge who is currently looking for one. I am really not sure about this, but it is another possibility. Again, just a possibility, which makes it hard to turn down the patent law offer with just a hope of a bankruptcy clerkship.

    2. Well, do YOU like patent prosecution? Sounds like a great job opportunity to me. You should do what YOU want to do.

    3. I’m a patent prosecutor. I really enjoy it and I think it’s great. But…you never mentioned how you feel about patent prosecution.

      One thing about prosecution, you can’t fake liking it. And people who don’t like it aren’t going to stick around.

    4. If your only qualm is that you’ll let your mentors down, then take the job. Your mentors will understand. Plus, there is a dearth of people who understand bankruptcy *and* patents – you could make yourself a nice little niche someday.

  18. Just need to rant about parent problems.

    First of all: I recognize that I’m lucky enough not to have that much in student loans (~70K) and even luckier that I have parents who have decided to apply my father’s annual bonus towards helping me pay down part of that loan amount. I’m very grateful for the help, especially since I just took the bar in February and don’t have a full-time job, so I’m doing contract work to pay the bills.

    But I hate — absolutely hate — how they make me feel like I have to kowtow to them because they are doing me this favor. For example, I called earlier (as I do every weekend), and he says “Call me back at 3:30.” I call back at 3:30, and he says “call me back tomorrow… I’m having lunch.” (Who has lunch at 3:30?) I explain that I’ll be working all day/night tomorrow so I’d prefer to call back today. He tells me that I need to respect them for giving me money they could have used to go on vacation and that I need to breathe.

    Again, I’m grateful… don’t get me wrong. But argh, parents.

    1. Please remember that this is coming from a random stranger on the internet but my first thought is that there is something else going on here. Your parents want to have a closer relationship to you or feel that you don’t respect their judgement or something and are using the money as a way to change your relationship with them – or as a way to change something about you. If it were my family, I would talk to them and ask what is really going on. “I’m so grateful for your support, especially for helping pay down the loans, but I feel as if you are using that are a bargaining chip. If there is an aspect of our relationship you wish to change, I want to talk about it and try to come up with a solution that works for both of us.” I would probably also talk about how there shouldn’t be strings attached to you getting the money, and that if there are, they need to be addressed separately. Something like, “If you want me to call, that’s fine. But you can’t tell me I have to call because of the money. You can tell me I have to call because that is the type of relationship you want with your daughter and that talking to me makes you happy or reassured or whatever.”

      Obviously, I don’t know the whole story and your family might not be open to this type of discussion, but I think there is something else going on and that it should be separated from the money.

      1. You mean people putting strings on gifts? It’s can be indicative of a controlling relationship. Which I would call a problem.

    3. Ha ha! That one’s easy, I had the same problem with my own parents very early on. The answer: don’t take the money. Tell them you don’t want the money because you’re an adult and want to be treated as such. Then pay off your own damn student loan. Fixes all that in a blink.

    4. I would only take the money if I were in danger of default. Money was merely one of the ways my controlling mother controlled me. Until law school – I went on my own dime, er, loans. Fortuitously I was able to pay off the 20 year note on them 10 years early. But, even if I were still paying them, miserably, it would be worth it to have ended the lifelong money control by paying my own way starting with law school. I previously had been grounded [high school], or cut off or had car taken from me, etc. [college] if my grades were less than an “A” or the equivalent or if my “behavior” somehow did not pass muster. In law school, when my first semester grades came in, my mother called and demanded to know what they were. The unmitigated joy with with I told her that I was doing the work, and I was paying the bills, and therefore my grades were no one’s concern but my own is a joy I carry with me to this day. Dave Ramsey says “the debtor is servant to the lender”. He is correct. Take the money only if major financial disaster is the alternative. Otherwise, eat rice, shop consignment stores for clothing, rely only on yourself for your finances, answer to no one, and be happy!

    5. Thank you all for the responses. I’m definitely not in danger of default, and I’ve decided not to take the money. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before!

  19. Went by Banana Republic today to return some pants I ordered, and they were having a buy up to 5 regular price things for 50% off deal going on. I ended up buying 2 of their stretch cotton suits, one black and one khaki. Does anyone have any experience with these? Do they stretch out and wrinkle horribly throughout the day? Or look nice all day? It was totally an impulse buy, and now I’m wondering if I made a mistake. But 2 suits for $250 total was hard to resist.

  20. Had to brag somewhere – due to some quick clicking/sheer luck on HauteLook, I scored a $468 Beirn bag for $35!!! Made my day :)

  21. Realize this is late in weekend thread, but thought the pregnant and working moms out there would appreciate more than most communities. Got my 30 weeks’ pregnant email with info on what to expect this week. Clearly not written by/or busy working women: it suggested this was a great week to enjoy all the quiet, free times and learn some lullabies. Seriously? What time? Nothing against the stay at home set (swear- jealous of them right now)- but boy, major awareness of what the other side is like.

  23. If anyone else loves Hanky Panky thongs (which I learned about from the awesome commenters here) I just found a nearly half price deal on them. For those who aren’t familiar, HPs are made in the USA and incredibly comfy.

    Neiman’s has a “Hanky Panky Thong Box Set” 5-pack available in regular and low rise versions for $78 (normal price is $20 per thong). I’ll add a link as a reply so it doesn’t get stuck in moderation.

    Enter code INT25 to receive 25% off
    Enter code FSMAR to receive free shipping

    Grand total is $53 plus tax for a 5-pack. Pretty good deal!

  24. What kind of deals did everyone find on the $29 Bluefly blowout? The only thing I managed to get was a pair of pradas… all the good stuff went so fast.

  25. Can you please research and post on the most comfortable hose / tights? I just struggled through yet another winter of paying $$ for tights that snagged before I even made it to the office, or worse, dug into my stomach and thighs all day (and yes, I actually purchase a size up to try to avoid this!). Has a post been done on this? I would pay almost anything for durable comfy hose / tights.

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