Weekend Open Thread

507 Comments

1. Bought this jacket at the Gap yesterday. FYI there’s a 25% online only code that expires today (GAPFALL25) but they were able to give me a 30% code in the store (not sure what the code was).

   Also grabbed a Ponte Academy Blazer.

2. Well, bad news ladies. It looks like my JSFAMO mug is not long for this world. It’s cracked where the bottom part of the handle meets the body of the mug. Although the handle hasn’t yet separated from the mug, the crack has me concerned enough about structural integrity issues that I don’t really want to use the handle when holding a mug full of steaming hot liquid.

   RIP, JSFAMO mug. You were lovely while you lasted.

3. All – what tips do you have for spotting issues? I’m a very jr attorney (just passed the 6 month mark in biglaw lit) and would appreciate hearing what the hive has to say. For example, when a partner gives you an assignment in a field where you have limited experience and asks you to spot issues, how do you usually start? In this case, I’m at a loss for where to start. I would usually ask the mid-level associates, but here, it’s a very small matter, so it’s just me and the partner, with no other associates involved.

   1. You could ask a mid-level associate that isn’t involved in the case (at least at my firm, this would be a good idea, and anyone would be happy to talk about it).

      One thing I do is look at jury instructions. My state publishes a book full of sample jury instructions. If I’m issue spotting, I’ll open up to the chapter that involves the subject matter (e.g., the contracts chapter or the products-liability chapter) and just read all of the instructions. Then I’ll go through the file and see what could fit.

4. Admittedly stupid bra sizing question for the busty hive members:

   So I’m confused. I’m pregnant, and the girls have grown from a D/DD to a DDD at present. And I think they’re starting to get a bit bigger. So, what cup size comes after DDD? I’m confused because when I looked for sports bras online after realizing my favorite Moving Comfort bras only went up to DD, it seemed like some manufacturers went from DDD to G and sometimes I would see an F cup size. Help!

   Also, not that this group needs it, but another shout out for Nordie’s service. I went to get fitted and will probably go again and the saleswoman was great! It was during the NAS and even though I was prepared to spend a lot for a bra that actually fit, the woman helping me didn’t just bring me expensive options–the one that I ended up getting that worked the best happened to be on sale which made me happy.

   1. http://bra-sizes.us/

      1. really.

   2. Not a stupid question at all. There is a lot of confusion after D because different manufacturers and countries have different sizing systems. This website has a very helpful chart: http://www.wizardofbras.com/cupsizechart.aspx

      You may enjoy the blog http://www.stackdd.com because she is also pregnant and is dealing with the challenges of a larger cup size after being large to begin with.

   3. Yeah, that bra size link doesn’t correspond to a lot of manufacturers. My most recent purchase was a Freya 32F, and its own label has it as an F cup across the board (that is, not an E like the link would suggest).

      I don’t know what the origin is (nor do I care to google), but some sites, like herroom dot com, show a universal cup size, so that it goes D, DD (aka D2), E (D3), F (D4) and so on. I would suggest herroom as a good site to check, and Freya and Fantasie as great lingerie brands.

      As for sports bras, the hideous Enell is great if you do high impact sports. I have used Moving Comfort (and I think the Jubralee goes up to E), but they are not as supportive.

      1. Unlike what I find on a lot of internet charts, I agree that D, DD, DDD/E, F, G seems the most typical. I spend a lot of time in the DD/E/F range during cycles of pregnancy and breastfeeding, and my peeve is when manufacturers don’t make it clear whether they consider an E a DD or a DDD. So not a silly question at all. It’s one major reason why I buy my bras nearly exclusively at Nordstroms with fitting assistance.

         I’ve heard good things about the Panache and Enell sports bras, but I chose to squeeze into the moving comfort Jubralee in E since the straps make it convenient for nursing (my current phase). It’s a bit smooshy since I probably really needed an F, but I do find it adequate for jogging.

         I’ll preemptively suggest Anita for nursing bras, if you plan to breastfeed.

   4. Just checked this–thanks so much for the helpful comments. The Enell is hideous but given how much the girls hurt after my last run, I think I need to finally give in, although I might look for the Jubralee option.

   5. Depends on country and brand . When I was pregnant, I bought bras from bravissimo that I’m still using (nursing mum) and they have E after DD.

5. Extra anon for this:
   I’m getting married in October. My fiance and I are both work in the public sector and are just getting by financially. His parents, who are fairly well-off, surprised us with a fantastic family heirloom diamond engagement ring. We understood from them that it was valued around $15k and had been sitting in a closet since his grandmother died 20 years ago. So we were shocked when we just had it appraised for insurance and it was valued at $115,000.

   Is there any etiquette for handling this? Do we tell them about the value? Do I offer to give it back? I have been wearing this ring (yes, uninsured–very dumb) for almost two years and I’m very attached to it. But I feel guilty stumbling into this unintendedly generous gift when there are several other siblings and cousins who had equal rights to it. Everyone knows that I have Grandma’s ring and have been sweet about hoping I wear it for a happy life, etc.

   1. I can’t imagine offering to give it back. I just think there’s no gracious way to do that, and short of selling it there’s no way to divide it up. If you’re planning to wear and treasure it, and pass it down to your kids or other kids in your partner’s family, then I’d keep the value to yourselves.

      If you were planning to sell it, I’d have a different opinion, as then it feels more like an asset and less like an heirloom. And God forbid for some reason you are in a different life position some day for reasons of death or divorce, clearly the ring has to stay with your partner’s family.

      1. Agree. Enjoy the ring, but understand that if something unthinkable happens the ring should stay in his family in most circumstances. And most definitely get it insured!

   2. They must have had some inkling of its value. A thank you note and a few gracious words in person, with no mention of money, is appropriate.

   3. Do you think they purposefully told you a lower value so you wouldn’t be freaked out? Maybe they had an idea of the value and didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

      Just insure the crap out of it and wear it with love.

6. Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice- posted earlier but I think I messed it up somehow.

   I’ve been slowly revamping my wardrobe this year, after spending most of the last few years in button down shirts, trousers and clogs..somehow I felt that this had to be what I wore as a medical resident. Well, now I’m a fellow and trying to branch out more. I realized that I look better in dresses and skirts, but since winter’s coming, I have to look into warmer options.

   I think the trousers I used to buy just didn’t look good on me. I’m 5’1″ and very petite. What should I be looking for in trousers to make them look good? And should I just given up on button down shirts? I’ve never found any that look nice on me..

   1. I love dresses and skirts, too! To be honest, I layer tights and leggings in cooler weather.

      I’ve learned some tips from others here that have been really useful:

      1. Double up on tights.
      2. Try fleece-lined leggings. (So awesome.)

      Depending on where you live, and how you commute, could you still wear dresses in winter? Winter dresses are my favorite–I have some silk lined ones I’d wear every day if I could.

      Some time ago, there was an awesome thread on what brands worked best for various body types. I wish I could remember when it was, because it was incredibly helpful.

      In trousers, I mostly pay attention to where the waistband sits relative to my hip bones, and then how closely they fit my thighs. I’m already a little absentminded, and I get jokes about it if I wear anything that isn’t closely tailored. I’ve always wanted to wear Katharine Hepburn style trousers, but I look disheveled if I wear anything wide-legged or any unstructured fabrics. What is it that you don’t like about your trousers?

   2. If you like wearing dresses and skirts more have you considered pairing those same outfits with tights for the winter? You may still need to find some pants but I don’t think you should have to switch completely to them. I say keep the dresses and skirts going if thats what you think you look the best in, just add tights!

7. Hi, all, might be too late in the weekend for this, but I thought I’d see if anyone’s around.

   I signed up for OK Cupid a couple of days ago, and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong, but I’m not making much progress. I get the usual “You have a nice smile” generic emails, but I’ve only gotten one normal, nice email from a guy who seems to have actually read my profile and commented on it.

   I’m dutifully emailing a couple of guys each day, and no one ever responds to me (which I guess is typical, but I’m just trying to stay active).

   I’ve had several friends read my profile and they said it’s great and sounds like me. My pictures are good, I think (one full-body in a cocktail dress, couple face close-ups, good hair/makeup, etc.). So what is it? Is this normal? I haven’t done this in a long time, so I guess I was expecting more interest. My friends say that you need to just be patient and check in every day and that sometimes it takes some time for things to heat up — is this true? I feel demoralized.

   1. I am a halfway successful OKCer / internet dater – I’ve gone on a handful of okay dates, get plenty of legitimate messages, but still haven’t met anyone I’m all that excited about.

      To quantify (and honestly I don’t know if this is going to make me sound really sad because its below average, or like a humblebrag) I average 86 visitors a week (there was a good 4 month period where I didn’t log in and I don’t think showed up in too many search results), I get 1-3 messages per day, and I still haven’t worked up the courage to message people, so I have no idea if I’d be successful at that or what ratio of responses I’d get – probably pretty low.

      Out of the 7-20 messages I get per week, only one to four of them (and only *maybe,* in some weeks) are ones I bother to respond to, probably at least 3/4 of them are spammy or from obvious creeps, and the remainder comes from nice enough guys that I just am not interested in. I used to respond to everyone saying “Thanks for reaching out, but unfortunately I’m not interested,” but then I got a couple mean messages back so now I just don’t respond.

      I think a few things could be happening here:

      1) Location. If you aren’t in a major metropolitan area, there might just not be that many guys around to message or to message you. I would say part of the reason I get a bunch of messages is because OKC is pretty saturated in my area, there are plenty of people who live here and there are plenty of options in general, on and offline.

      2) General demographics. Where I am, OKC seems dominated by college-educated people in their 20s and 30s but I have coworkers in their 40s who have said they found it pretty useless for them since there aren’t many people in their age range on it. They prefer other sites, like match.com or eharmony. I think the (many) different sites vary by location in what demographic is represented on them, so make sure you’re on the right site.

      3) Time on the site. It seems like the more time you spend logged in and active on the site, the higher you come up on people’s searches and home page. Answering the “questions” is a good way to kill time in that respect and also gives you another thing to stalk when a guy messages you (I’ve disqualified a couple guys because of answers to the questions that made it clear to me we wouldn’t get along).

      4) Race. I say this as a minority female, the OKCupid team did a blog post on race in online dating and found that what race you are greatly impacts the number of messages you get, and the race of the people who send you those messages. I wish this wasn’t true but it is (http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/)

      5) Profile. I think this is probably unlikely for you, because you said your friends have checked out your profile and liked it, but obviously if your profile is poorly written or the photos are unflattering, you’re less likely to get responses. I find shorter is better and I tried to stick a few sarcastic/joke-y comments into my profile so that it wasn’t just a dry, “Hi, my name is A, I work at B, I like to run, read and watch TV.”

      I think your views, messages, etc, will probably pick up and your friends are right – but I hope that helps!

      1. Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. I think 1 and 2 are in my favor, but 3 is probably working against me (I log in daily, but I haven’t answered many of the questions and I don’t spend more than 15 minutes a day on the site). I was just surprised because I’ve done Match before and the volume of emails/visits seemed much, much higher than this (same profile and pics), but honestly, I expected that OKC guys were more my type and looking for someone my type. Maybe I’ll answer a few more questions and see where that leads.

         You probably aren’t missing out by not messaging people, since it seems to get me and my friends absolutely nowhere. The only dates that have ever worked out for us have been from guys that messaged us first. I’m all for equality in dating, but it seems like online dating is an area where traditional gender roles still apply.

         I’m going to just try to stick with it — guess I have nothing to lose. Good luck in your OKC pursuits!

   2. I think it has a lot to do with location. It seems like different dating sites are more popular with certain crowds of people in different cities.

      As for OK Cupid, I think one of the things you should do is tweak your profile or answer some of the questions every couple of days. I could be wrong, but I think that puts you in the mix more when you show up as someone a person might be interested in.

      I had several friends read mine too, but once a friend’s boyfriend read it I was able to get a new perspective and make some changes. So I’d suggest having a guy read it if you haven’t already.

      Don’t feel demoralized though! It definitely seems like all you get is one word emails like “hey” from completely random people but then you’ll see one from somebody who has potential. Just keep at it.

8. Might be too late in the weekend, but I’ll try anyways. Have any ladies transitioned from lit to corporate in the junior associate years? Specifically, I do IP litigation (mostly trademark/patent) and was looking into transitioning into more of a licensing practice.

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