Weekend Open Thread
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ots on your mind? Chat about it here.
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I just had an awful moment in my new office. I’m the only girl and of course the most junior person too. I was kneeling at the file cabinet to find a document and a coworker said “this is the third time this morning i’ve seen you on your knees, my god you’re a fantastic woman”. Ugh ugh ugh.
Serious sexual harrassment. I feel for you!
Um, sexual harrassment much?
that’s horrible. i’m so sorry. is there someone you can talk to?
start a log now of inappropriate comments, with the who/what/when, which makes it a lot easier to get taken seriously when you go up the chain. at a previous job, before law school, i was sexually harassed by a superior. it was awful. i started writing all of it down in a log and then one day went to a superior that i had a good relationship with and said we have a problem that needs to be addressed. at first he told me i was probably just sensitive, but i when i whipped out the log he realized how serious it was and had the harasser transferred to another office. while that’s not the legally required resolution, i didn’t want to make a big fuss because i still wanted to work there and i liked my job otherwise. i just wanted the harassment to stop.
As the only woman and most junior in my office as well, that would definitely have taken me back.
I hope you looked him straight in the eye and told him firmly that his comment is extremely inappropriate.
Hello sexual harassment. Honestly, I would either (1) report it immediately to the HR person and/or discuss it with this co-worker; or (2) if you are non-confrontational, start keeping a journal of events such as this. If it happens more than once, you really should report it both for yourself and other people in the office.
I am appalled. So so so sorry you have to deal with that.
If it is in keeping with your personality, you may want to consider making a few comments of your own when timing allows… such as, ‘it seems you guys aren’t used to having a lady around…’ or (jokingly) “it is going to take a lot to clean up this office..” et cetera. If you’re up for it and the situation presents itself, you also have the right to very politely mention to the offender that “although you do appreciate humor, you found his comment disrespectful and would appreciate if he would refrain from future disrespect.”
good luck!
I hope you are keeping a record of that incident. Really horrible.
I sadly did not have the presence of mind to verbally slap the guy, but instead laughed weirdly and walked away. I just got off the phone with my former boss, a tough as nails drop dead gorgeous woman in her 40s, who thinks I should report it to our chief of staff.
I definitely have done the funny “ha ha I’m female” jokes for the past 2 weeks. Cause I mean, yeah, I got here and I couldn’t find the bathroom cause no one else ever used it. And someone asked “we have a new person? who?” and someone yelled “the one in the skirt!” No problems there.
I told my supervisor, poor guy, who now is just about to fall down and die and is trying to come up with a way so I don’t have to go near the file cabinet. NOT THE POINT!
Your former boss is absolutely right.
Don’t laugh it off or make it into a joke. Sexual harassment is serious. It’s better he gets reprimanded for it now and learns to cut it out than that he decides it’s funny and does it to you and every female employee in the future.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I second your mentor’s advice to report him to the chief of staff. In no universe was that comment appropriate, even as a joke.
Personally, I wouldn’t take the “woman vs. man” joke approach in general.
I just reread my comment, and wanted to clarify that I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. I was afraid you’d think that since you said you’d made those kind of jokes before when you first started working there.
Just, in the future, I wouldn’t. I think it does not send the same message in a professional environment as it would if you were moving in with your boyfriend or something like that.
I think you’re former boss is completely right. I’ve worked in offices where sexual harassment was rampant and feel like it had a direct impact on my ability to be respected and move up within those environments. I was too young and naive at the time to put a stop to it right away, but these days I would definitely be firm with the offending employee and tell him that his comments are not welcome.
I agree. It sounds as though you’ve already told your supervisor. Try to avoid the offending co-worker. And also make sure that your office as a whole doesn’t have a personality like that of the offender. I once walked into an “only woman on the trading floor” scenario, and what I failed to understand was that the guys actually weren’t joking. They really didn’t want me there. So step lightly–this isn’t your fault, but complaining may not fix it, based on the culture of your office. Sometimes there are no women in a certain office for a reason–they’ve all run screaming from the place!
I would have probably punched him where he’d really feel it.
This is sexual harassment. You should report it immediately to your colleague’s boss or, if you feel his boss would not keep your report confidential or would retaliate against you, report it directly to human resources or your firm’s ethics monitor. It’s serious, and you’re not the only woman he’s done it to.
Good luck!
To Anonymous: holy crap…you totally did the right thing by talking to your chief of staff. What a bunch of BS.
And I second what someone suggested above: document person, time, place, what was said and whether anyone was there to witness it.
Given that you’ve already told a supervisor, I’d try a simple and stern, “don’t talk to me like that” if it happens again (as well as another report to your supervisor).
Update: Thank you all so much! Seriously, this situation is so much easier to handle knowing that I’ve got other women backing me up. I spoke with my supervisor this morning and we came up with a game plan to make sure this is properly documented. I’m not sure I’m making the right decision, but I am not escalating this yet. Anyways, thanks for the words of support!
Ladies: I was hoping for your advice about two things. First, does anybody have any thoughts about what I can do about my terrible, terrible skin? I’ve recently stopped nursing and my hormones are apparently having a problem with that, which has caused my chin and surrounding area to break out in a bad way. I’ve got lots of little blemishes, some of which develop into big mothers. It’s doing a serious number on my self-esteem. I don’t really have the time or the money to devote to expensive dermatologist visits, but if it comes to that I’ll do it. Does anybody know of a miracle product I could try first?
Second, I’m in the market for some sweaters, but I’m sooooo sick of buying sweaters that fade and pill. (Two I bought at Ann Taylor loft last winter were virtually unwearable after just a few times out of the closet.) Again, don’t have a lot of cash to spend. Oh, and I have rather long arms and a long torso (to go with my tall body). Can anyone recommend some brands I might try?
Thanks so much for any thoughts!
Let’s see – I never wear sweaters so I’m not sure if they get damaged from the washing machine or from wearing them. Would it work if you wore a thin shirt underneath (an undershirt or long underwear top or something) so that the sweater doesn’t have to be washed every time you wear it, and then after a while you can dry-clean it?
As for the skin, I went to a pricey dermatologist and the one life-changing product that I got there was retinol for my face. It really helped me to get beautiful skin, but I’ve heard that too much retinol can cause birth defects, so I will probably stop when I’m thinking of babies. There is also an antibiotic lotion called clindamycin phospate that really helps – perhaps your regular doctor could prescribe it?
You could probably try an endocrinologist if your insurance covers that as they deal with hormone imbalances.
If you aren’t trying to get pregnant again, the birth control pills that are formulated with androgen-blockers work magic.
If you end up going to a dermatologist, I’d shell out the money to go to a very good one – unless you know of a really good one that isn’t so pricey. I had gone to many dermatologists without success before I finally went to one of the upper-east-we-don’t-take-insurance ones who finally helped me. If you have an interview or a big presentation, the good dermatologists also have injections and other options to eliminate the big ones within about 24 hours (ie, that’s why you don’t see J.Lo with huge welts on her face).
When all else fails, I have found that the Chanel foundations are the Best – they are the only ones that do not clog my pores even more and they have amazing coverage (no need for a separate cover-up stick).
Good luck. Acne is so annoying. I’m betting in time your hormones will settle!
I wear a foundation for acne-prone skin. It’s by Neutrogena and it has a small amount of salicylic acid in it (the same stuff that’s in Clearasil). It helps me a lot, not least because it doesn’t clog my pores like most foundations would.
Re: sweaters, pay attention to what the sweater is made of. Wool is going to stay nice much longer. Many thin cotton sweaters I’ve purchased barely last a summer. It’s appalling. Avoid acrylic, too.
Also, only wash by hand in Woolite or a similar delicate detergent. Kind of a pain, but seriously worth it! I never dry clean sweaters anymore, because they stay so much nicer if you just wash them by hand. (Plus, they smell so nice.)
I really, really think you should save up for a nice sweater. Get something you can wear with lots of things like a black or grey cardigan. Refuse to buy any other sweater for a few months, so you don’t feel guilty about splurging. I’ve had good luck with cashmere sweaters at J. Crew and J. Crew Outlet.
handwash is better than dry cleaning? that’s great news if it’s really true!
Handwash, or even in the machine on the delicate setting, and lay flat to dry (I roll in a towel first, then lay flat on a dry towel to dry). I’ve done this with my sweaters (wool, cashmere and silk, for the most part) since I started doing my own laundry (quite a while ago), and I’ve never had a problem.
I have the same experience, except watch out for blends of silk with something else. I’ve ruined two such sweaters, so I think those need to be dry cleaned. Pure silk might be ok to handwash, I don’t know.
I second the nomination for the J.Crew cashmere sweaters. Get on the mailing list—they do an extra 30% off sale event about 4x/year, and I’ve nabbed some seriously pretty cashmere stuff for like $40-$60. It’s very nice quality for the price and some of it has lasted me 3+ years already.
My flatmate has a long torso and arms, as well as being extremely well-endowed, so finding sweaters that fit well can be tough. She’s had good luck with Caslon (which are cut waaay too long for a petite like me). They’re sold at Nordstrom, which is having their Half-Yearly sale right now. Good luck!
I machine wash on the delicate cycle with the sweaters in bags (1 sweater per bag). This cuts out the roll in a towel step because they come out only slightly damp. I would also recommend getting a wool and cashmere shampoo. I use the one from the Laundress (they market one through J. Crew, but I don’t think stores carry it) but if the sweaters aren’t expensive, woolite is probably fine.
I second the birth control suggestion since it will level out your hormones and should stop the blemishes. There are certain types advertised for acne, but I use one that is not and it still worked miracles for my skin.
If you’re looking for cheap sweaters, maybe Target (Merona) is the way to go? I just got 3 sweaters there all for under $20 and also have long torso/long arms. I’ve had similar issues with Loft sweaters and my Target ones from a few years ago have held up much better. Even if they don’t, for $20 or less it’s not a big loss.
I just bought 4 Merona sweaters at Target. Two turtleneck, two scoop neck, in gray, purple, dark red and robin’s egg blue. $10 each. Only problem was the sleeves were a tad long. But, they fit under my suit fine. I looked great in court today (and I won). I was warm enough to and from court too.
Might be worth investing in a clairsonic facial brush. I got one as a gift two years ago, and was skeptical, but I have noticed a huge improvement. It seems to exfoliate and make the cleanser more effective. I use in conjunction with the murad line sold at sephora (again, salcylic acid based), and that works well for me without being too drying.
http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P137406&cm_mmc=us_search-_-GG-_-br%20cson_tm-_-{esvcid}
Oooh I use one of those too! Super!
You beat me to this recommendation. I started using it a few years ago when my skin was freaking out and my facialist suggested I try it – even as she admitted I would probably need fewer facials to fix my skin. I have rarely, rarely had any issues since then. Completely worth the investment.
A few ideas:
1) In regards to the face. I use a 0.5% salicylate lotion (oil free, blue lotion from Kiehls). I find it gentle but excellent — I had the same issues with post-pregnancy post breast feeding hormone craziness and the the lotion worked wonders. It’s also a low enough percentage of salicylate that on my delicate/sensitive pale skin I don’t get peely/red.
2) How about Lands End (not sure what your budget is) but I’ve had great luck with their sweaters. Classic, basic, wear like iron, variety of styles and some long sizes.
I love Lands End! I’m not tall and so length isn’t an issue for me, but the quality of their clothing is great.
I developed terrible adult acne a couple of years ago after going off the pill. I too had a bunch of little red pimples as well as those deep and painful giant zits. What worked for me was this brand: http://www.glytone.com/products/index.html
I was just out of university and didn’t have much money, so it was a hard sell at first to get me to shell out for anything more than Clearasil, but it was so, so worth it. I use the 3 piece Step-Up kit for normal to oily skin for maintenance after the initial acne cleared up and I swear, it works wonders. It costs about $85-$100 for the kit and it lasts me a good 7 months or so. I highly recommend you give this a shot before trying any expensive dermatological treatments.
I have a few suggestions for your skin- all of which I used in my teens when acne took over my face and shoulders- and which I still use now during stressful times when I break out again.
One- get a good scrub! I use St. Ives Apricot Scrub- they make a regular a gentle and one with salicylic acid for oilier skin. I use the regular- the one with salicylic acid get my skin too dry in combination with the other things on my list.
Two- a good, reasonably gentle cleanser with some form of acne control- ie, this is where the salicylic acid comes in. I use basic Clearasil (not their fancied up versions). I have heard good things about some of the neutrogena ones too.
Three- in the vitamin section of the pharmacy, grab some tea tree oil. You can water it down a tad if the smell is too strong, but just apply a few drops to a cotton swab and wipe over your face.
Bonus- a few drops of tea tree oil mixed with some vinegar and water makes a great homemade multi-surface cleaner that smells awesome (the scent is really strong before you water it down, but after diluting, it is fabulous and fresh).
Few other random tips- don’t wash your face too much- it will make your skin produce more oil to replace everything you are drying out. My normal upkeep is apricot scrub in the mornings, clearasil in the evenings. When it breaks out more, I add a dose of clearasil after the apricot scrub in the morning, and a swipe of tea tree oil every other day.
Give it a week or so to take effect, and don’t hesitate to see a doctor- your family doc should be able to help.
Best of luck!
try the murad sulfur based on the spot cream for acne.
i recently started using paula’s choice products and love them. http://www.paulaschoice.com
within a few weeks, i noticed a major difference. until recently, i’ve been very lucky with my skin, but after a year at the firm it was no longer so good. maybe it’s all the late nights in makeup. my friend who had suffered serious skin issues turned me on to paula’s choice, which helped clear her skin up. the products are very reasonably priced and cite independent scientific studies without the brand name gimicks and “miracle” ingredients. i appreciate all the explanation for why this works, why this won’t, and why this ingredient that cosmetics companies are shoving at you will do more harm than good.
she also rates other brands and gives good and bad ratings to products from dozens and dozens of other brands across the pricing spectrum. i think of paula as the consumer reports of makeup/skin care: an independent resource worth checking to ensure a smart purchase. one of those smart purchases is her skin care line.
I couldn’t survive without Paula’s Choice. I LOVE all her cleansing products. The 2% beta hydroxy solution is the best.
Lately, I’ve been getting my sweaters (at least the cashmere and merino wool ones) from a second-hand store. Obviously, they’re a lot less expensive (like 1/10 of the price new?), so I can buy a lot more sweater for my money. Also, the one’s I’ve purchased look like they were either a) never worn or b) worn about 3 times over 5 years. In short: look around and see if you can find a good second hand store in your area with clean clothes and higher end labels. It’s worth the effort.
Also, do you know the razor-blade trick for pilling? You take a manual razor and you shave the pills off the sweater. It’s a long, slow process (you have to constantly remove the pills from the razor), and you have to be very careful not to cut the sweater with the razor, but it works.
You can get cheap battery-operated pill removers that are a lot easier to use. I got one for about $12.99 and it does wonders for pill removal.
Brookstone sells an amazing lint shaver for $20. I’ve had it for like 5 years now.
Emily, you should definitely consider a dermatologist. I found a good one in NYC that does take insurance (Dr. Jane Taylor group), and she put me on some topical medication (not Retin-A, but I forget the name). My insurance covered the topical medication too, so the whole trip was $40 in co-pays. It has done WONDERS for my skin — I’ve had maybe half a zit in the last month, whereas before I always felt like I had at least one huge one and another one on the way.
Emily
First, my sympathy – I’ve been there, and it’s no fun at all.
Second – please go to a dermatologist, as these kind of acne lesions can scar. (That is also why I would heartily disagree with the advice to use a scrub, as others have suggested. It can damage the skin, spread the break out, and make any scarring worse.)
Third, while this may well be a hormone change, look to other things in your life that have changed. This sounds like it might be acne rosacea or perioral dermatitis (the doc will be able to tell you.)
Some triggers for acne rosacea are red wine, caffeine (both in chocolate and in coffee), unpasteurized cheeses. All things that you may not have had, or may have severely restricted, while you were pregnant and while you were nursing. Eliminating them again may help. Also, exposure to sunlight is a trigger, so always wear a moisturizer with an spf. (I like laura mercier’s oil free spf 20 tinted moisturizer. It has a higher price point, but the coverage is great, it doesn’t clog pores, and I definitely think it is worth it.)
For perioral dermatitis, flouride can be a trigger. Changing your toothpaste to a natural and flouride free brand like tom’s of maine can help.
Finally, any nutritional supplements that you may have been on while you were pregnant or nursing not only helped your baby, but also helped you. Consider talking to your doctor about resuming some form of nutritional supplements.
Good luck! I hope that things clear up for you. :)
Emily
I forgot to add – once a breakout has been triggered, it will clear up most quickly with prescription antibiotics. Topical ones work great for most people, but the deeper lesions may require an oral antibiotic.
I am on finacia for a topical, and it works fabulously. I also use a sulfa based prescription mask (plexion) for spot treatment. With insurance, the total cost of the doctor’s visit and scrips was ~ $80 and the scrips last for about a year.
I have also heard great things about klaron lotion as a topical treatment.
If you are in Chicago, I can recommend the Skin Wellness Center (in the loop). If not, I would suggest talking to your obstetrician – she or he should be able to make a good recommendation.
Thanks for all the great suggestions. Re: sweaters, I don’t launder my sweaters often at all and when I do it either dry cleaning or on delicate with woolite, followed by laying flat to dry. The pilling seems to happen just from normal day-to-day wear and the fading seems to happen with a couple of washes. I guess I’ll pony up the bucks and buy a nicer sweater to see if it’s worth the investment. I’m already on j. crew’s mailing list, so I’ll try that next time there’s a 30% off. I’ll also give the Merona’s at Target, and the other suggestions a try. Thanks for the tips!
As for my face, I’ve actually been trying saliclyc acid (or however you spell that) both .5% and 2.0% (for spot treatment) for a couple months with no luck. I’ve also expiremented with the Neutragena, St. Ive’s, drug store stuff recenlty and throughout the years (the only time my skin is nice is when I’m pregnant or nursing -which was most of the time until recently). My current health insurance plan sucks with a capital “S.” But I am so tired of the acne issues. At age 31, I have to fight wrinkles and zits. So not fair! intend to print the suggestions and start working my way through them. I’m in the midst of convincing my husband to get a vasectomy (again, spelling?), but I might also go back on the pill to see if that straightens me out.
What an awesome group of women. Thanks so much for all the advice!
i feel ridiculous saying this, but in my defense, this is the only thing I’ve ever bought from an infomercial – proactive! the facial cleanser, toner, and repairing lotion cost about $45 and last 2 months for me. it’s made my pores look smaller, those yucky black-heads are gone, and i rarely get a zit.
ps: i don’t use the toner often because it dries out my skin too much.
pss: it bleaches some of my towels (all the pretty blue ones! but not the yellow ones! duh), pillow-cases, t-shirts (no sweaters, etc though so far).
The cheapest thing I have ever used to clear up my skin is apple cider vinegar. Buy the unfiltered kind, I use Braggs or sometimes the Trader Joe’s brand. I use it as a toner after I was my face. ACV does wonders for killing bacteria which is what causes the acne in the first place. Good luck!
Hi all – I am hoping to get some advice on shoes. I recently purchased these Tory Burch shoes http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3063192/0~2376780~6021632~6012945~6012949~6026718?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6026718&P=1
My questions are as follows:
1) Are they office-appropriate (law firm)? Or just for weekends?
2) Can you wear those bronze-ish shoes with black pants? Or are they to be worn strictly with navy/blue/brown?
I really love them, but don’t think I can justify the price tag if I can’t wear them to work. Many thanks!
Just to clarify – the shoes are much less shiny/glitzy in real life than in the picture.
Ohh, those are adorable. In my office, they are just fine. But, my office is pretty casual and I’m the only female attorney, so I can have a bit of fun with shoes.
I’d think they’d go well with black pants or a black suit as well as just about any other color.
Very cute shoes though!
I would wear them to work AND with black pants. Gorgeous!
Many thanks to all! I guess I’ll be keeping the shoes (and limiting my budget elsewhere . . . )
I think those are entirely appropriate, and you could rock them with black pants, absolutely.
FYI, the Gap Stores (including Gap and BR outlets) are doing a “Give & Get” sales event this weekend. You get 30% off with the coupon available at http://www.gapinc.com/giveandget/donorschoose/ and 5% of the amount you spend goes to Donors Choose (www.donorschoose.org), a nonprofit that provides funding to specific projects and classrooms in high-need public schools. Good through Sunday.
They are fabulous, elegant pumps. Wear them to work!
I agree that you can wear these to work. Maybe the first few times you wear them, wear them with a really plain outfit (I’m thinking black trousers instead of a skirt) so you can downplay the sexiness a little.
i agree – wear them and love them!
Firm Christmas party attire question: My firm Christmas party is coming up and I need to start thinking about what to wear. It’s a pretty casual firm, small (6 attorneys, 7 staff), we’re having the party at a nice but not fancy restaurant (I’d wear jeans and a sweater there for dinner no problem). This is my second party, last year I had just started here but was nearly 9 months pregnant. Thoughts, suggestions?
I’d like to go with something I can integrate into my daily wardrobe. I’m torn between going with a cocktail dress or a skirt and sweater combination.
Here’s a couple dresses I’ve found so far:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3034232/0~2376788~6002242~6007533~6025977?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6025977&P=4
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3037068/0~2376788~6002242~6007533~6025977?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6025977&P=1
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3011370/0~2376788~6002242~6007600~6007613?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6007613&P=3
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3036362/0~2376788~6002242~6007533~6025977?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6025977&P=5
I love the red dress and it might look very nice for the workday (maybe with a cardigan). I was only at one firm holiday party (big law firm) and lots of people wore red that day. I think all of your selections are all great choices though, depending on how they fit you and what you think you would wear to the office. The Juicy dress is a bit less structured, so it looks less formal than the others. Good luck!
I love the red, too! Most classic silhouette, and who doesn’t feel fabulous when they wear red?! (excluding those who don’t look good in red)
I think any of these dresses would work with a nice jacket. For some reason I have trouble finding cardigans that have necklines that look good with dresses, so I end up going with the jacket almost every time. I think that would be a good way to tone it down in the workplace. I think everything you’ve picked other than the satin one can easily be incorporated into a work wardrobe. I’m not sure holiday parties are quite so formal these days, so maybe the last one isn’t quite the right choice?
Could I get some shoe related advice too? I love my purple shoes featured here: https://corporette.com/2009/02/06/bargain-fridays-tps-report-naturalizer-purple-suede-daybreak-shoe/
They have a brown heel, trim and strap. Does the brown trim change the advice here to wear purple shoes with black, grey and navy? How, for example, could I wear a grey or black dress (i.e., what color tights, cardigan, or belt)? Or should I stick with navy or try brown. Thanks, ladies!
Cool shoes! (I’ve never tried purple shoes, so I”m afraid I’m not much help, but they are cute).
I would wear those with a rich chocolate brown, but not with anything lighter or tan-colored.
Just wondering if you have your nails done or if you do them at home. How often and what style (french, long/short, gelled, etc.)? I have short bare nails from many years of piano lessons.
I like the way my nails look when I get a manicure, but it seems like they chip almost immediately. When I do them at home, they don’t look very good.
After years of paying money for manicures only to have them chip within 48 hours, I learned how to give myself a really solid manicure.
-I start by filing my nails (I keep them pretty short since in the winter I favor dark polishes) with a glass file (find at Sephora, CVS, etc.).
-I use a cuticle remover gel and push cuticles down with one of those wooden sticks.
-Then I put on a layer of OPI Chip Skip (this is the key!!!), followed by an OPI base coat.
-I follow with whatever color polish I’m going to use — Essie is by far my favorite. You can find basically the whole collection for CHEAP ($3.80 per bottle) at http://www.transdesign.com
-I finish up with a quick-dry topcoat. Seche Vite is a current favorite.
-If you don’t have the steadiest of hands (this will come with practice!), one of those pens filled with nail polish remover or even a Q-tip around the edges works like a charm to correct mistakes.
-Tip: Wait at least a full minute between coats and you’ll have less chipping.
It takes about 45 minutes for me to give myself a manicure this way, and I honestly find it relaxing! I usually do it weekly while catching up on DVRed Gossip Girl episodes. With this method, I rarely get a chip before six or seven days is up.
I tend to leave pedicures to the professionals. I try to get them bi-monthly and I’ll change the polish and file a few times in between.
Love transdesgin. I live near the store so I can just go in and shop to my heart’s content.
I keep my nails short and filed. I love manicures too, but my polish chips within a day or so. Some of the female lawyers in my office have ridiculously long, painted nails, which I personally find tacky. I just (like, this week) started using OPI Nail Envy, which is just a clear nail strengthener. I think I paid about $10 for it at the drugstore. I put the second application on last night and it looks really nice! You might try it if you don’t want to spend $$ on weekly manicures.
I do my own manis and pedis. I keep my nails at finger tip length. I ususally change mani colors about twice a week and pedi colors weekly. I apply cuticle oil every night after a shower and quick-dry top coat is my friend; and it does delay the chipping. I am probably in a more creative field than most of the women who follow this blog, so my nail color choices don’t have to be all that conservative.
I keep mine short and do them myself with a neutral polish (OPI) and it usually lasts a week.
Manicures have always destroyed my hands, no matter where I go, from the cheapy place on the corner to the fanciest spa. Within a week my cuticles are dry and shredded, and it looks awful. I love the look of painted nails though, and I have recently switched to just getting a “polish change” which includes a trim/filing of the nails. If I have some spare cash I’ll get a short hand massage, which moisturizes. For my purposes this is even better than a manicure, and cheaper.
I think it probably depends on your nails, because I have the same problem. My nails end up about 10x worse after the manicure than they were before. I use moisturizing lotion once or twice a day at least, but it doesn’t seem to do much for moisturizing my nails enough that they don’t rip easily.
What colors do you guys think are office appropriate? I really like bright reds, deep maroons, and am loving the navy/deep green colors right now as well as the mints and bright purples.
But all summer I usually wore a light shell or very light pink. I’m back in school now and have more freedom, but was curious what you all thought… my office is suits 4 days a week, but the women seem to be pretty fashion forward with tops/cardigans/accessories etc.
Thanks for the advice in advance!
I keep mine neat with an emery board and do not wear any polish. As for cuticles, Burt’s Bees Lemon Butter Cuticle Cream is great. I use it along with hand lotion throughout the day. Nothing looks less professional than chipped polish and I’d rather do other things with my time than get a manicure.
I’ve been trying to do at-home manicures, as well, but I have the most awful problem: the nail polish remover makes whatever finger I was using to rub the polish off (usually my thumb) extremely dry. It becomes seriously flaky for about a week! I know I could wear gloves, and I do put heavy duty lotion on right after I get done with the removal part, but does anyone have any other tips?
What kind of remover do you use? You can use pure acetone, various degrees of remover with acetone, and remover with no acetone. The more acetone, the more it will dry out your skin.
I use the kind w/o acetone.
then I am stumped, sorry
Try using a Qtip to take off the polish instead of cotton / tissue. your hands should be far enough away from the remover
Thanks for the ideas!
Do you think sexism still exists? I’m in my early 30s and a senior level (guy) VP said to me, “You’re too smart and I never know what you’re going to say,” and continued on saying he didn’t want me talking anymore in client meetings. I can’t see him saying this to another male. Can you?
Yes, sexism still exists. But I’m not sure, without more information, that this is an example of it. It could be that he views you as a loose cannon or as not particularly tactful, and decided to lede with a compliment before telling you not to talk. Or it could be that he thinks you steal his thunder and wants the spotlight to him. I’d recommend bringing this up with a colleague you trust who’s at your level, because without knowing the particular circumstances and people involved it’s really hard to judge the situation.
That was my thought, too. I’ve gotten similar (though more tactful) comments from a boss of mine who in general is very supportive of my career and who definitely respects my intelligence (unlike the other male seniors in my office, who are mostly pretty dismissive of me). I’m not sure it’s so much that he’s afraid I’ll steal his thunder, as that he thinks I raise issues that are not critical to the overall team strategy, or that I don’t put things in the most tactful way. I think it was a valid criticism and I now try to speak up only if I think what I have to say is really important and/or consistent with prior discussions with my boss. Otherwise I wait and raise it with the boss afterwards, and if he agrees with me we raise it at the next meeting.
If I were you I’d wait a bit, and then raise it with the guy saying “I would have liked to have mentioned X at the meeting, but I know you had some concerns about my speaking up so I didn’t. Can we discuss your concerns further?” Try to get him to articulate what it is that you were doing wrong more specifically, and when it’s appropriate for you to speak up. He may feel you don’t respect him as a result of your speaking up in the past, so being a little obsequious for a while may get him feeling more positive toward you. (I once had a senior say to me “don’t you ever contradict me in front of a client” after I’d said something that just supplemented what he’d said – I was furious but then realized he was feeling threatened because I knew more about the client’s issues than he did, so I spent some time being extra respectful to him, and after that I could say whatever I wanted at meetings and he didn’t bat an eyelash.)
Even if it is sexism (and that may well be part of it – the same behavior can be perceived differently depending on whether you’re male or female), unless it’s extreme all you can do is try to work with it. You’ll face that kind of subtle sexism many places, so as long as you can keep growing in your career you might as well stay where you are and work with what you’ve got.
Sexism definitely still exists (see the first post here for something that constitutes not only harassment, but sexism in its basest form). But I’m with Erin – the comment here, without context, doesn’t sound any alarms for me. I can see a male saying it to another male around whom he feels insecure, or around someone whose temperature he hasn’t been able to take, especially when that person is junior to the speaker.
Sexism still exists, but it’s hard to tell whether this falls into that category without further information. Do you attend client meetings with any coworkers you can trust? If so, it might be a good idea to ask them for some constructive criticism on how you act in meetings. That should give you some sort of starting point. Perhaps he was just trying to find a nice way to say you aren’t so tactful or speak up at inopportune times, or he could be dismissive of all females in the office.
If you don’t get any specific criticism from your coworkers, you may want to consider talking to other women at your level to see if they’ve had similar experiences with that VP.
I know it’s a pain to go to the dermatologist, but seriously, don’t waste your money on expensive OTC products. I take an oral antibiotic every day – it costs about $10/month with my Blue Cross PPO. Yes, I am sometimes worried about the long-term effect of taking antibiotics every day, but not worried enough to stop and have my face break out, which is does within a day or two when I run out.
I only dry-clean my sweaters, but even so, they seem to pill after a year or two. Sigh.
For severe, chronic acne, Accutane is a miracle drug. I had acne for years, up into my thirties, and when I was 33 I went on a six-month course of Accutane. It cured the acne and it has never come back. (I’m 48 now.)
There are significant side effects, most notably a severe drying of the lips and birth defects if you were to become pregnant while on it. You cannot become pregnant while on this drug.
Seconded. I took Accutane my freshman year of high school (I’m 24 now) and it worked wonders. I’ve had some minor acne come back for the first time only recently since starting law school (I’m a 2L now), which is probably due to stress and my nervous habit of rubbing my chin and cheeks while studying, which I can generally keep under control with Clean and Clear face wash followed by astringent and toner. My main side effect on the Accutane was nosebleeds, since it dries out the membranes in your face, which were annoying but not severe. I also had to go in to the dermatologist monthly for a blood test to make sure everything was okay as far as the medicine and my system. I had tried at least a year of antibiotics, retinol, and every OTC product I could think of to no avail. I highly recommend it – it really is a miracle drug.
I agree with Erin’s response. You may have just gotten some valuable feedback about an area that you need to work on – coordination and communication. Have you taken some time to honestly analyze how you coordinate and communicate with team members in meetings? Do you quibble or raise objections without presenting solutions? Do you dominate the meeting? Do you suggest changing the course of action without checking with your team member first? The rule for client meetings in my experiences has been “no surprises” between coworkers. Clients come up with their own surprises…
It is clear that he is trying to hold you back. The question is whether that is a good thing or not. It would be an entirely different story if the comments came from a mid-level associate to a junior associate. Because it’s a VP to a mid-level person though, I think it warrants careful consideration.
And… I may be projecting here. Had the exact same thing happen to me, and have developed a shift in attitude as a result. Good luck.
Helpful suggestions, thanks. He’s only a VP though by default…it’s a small firm and he’s the only associate who never quit. I did mention the situation to a few of my peers in the company, who burst out laughing. They said he’s an idiot.
It’s entirely possible he thought I was a loose cannon. However, had the roles been reversed, I would have said something like, “X brings up a great point, and I think we need to revisit that later. Right now, let’s get back to Y.”
But throughout the whole meeting, even before I opened my mouth, he simply sat there in silence, letting the meeting veer off into the strangest and irrelevant areas. He said later that clients, “just like to talk and it’s our job just to listen, and if they want to pay extra for meetings while they ramble, that’s their business.” If I had to hire a consultant for something and they treated me like that, I’d fire them! I’m not hiring a psychologist!
“I did mention the situation to a few of my peers in the company, who burst out laughing. They said he’s an idiot.”
Well, there you go. It sounds like he is kind of a jerk. Since he’s senior to you, though, I’d do what he wants to the extent you can without harming your clients’ interests.
Question Re: Vacation Destinations
My boyfriend and I are graduating law school this year. Fortunately, both of us have good jobs lined up, but they won’t start until much later in 201o or early 2011. Thus, we have months to kill after the bar exam. This seems like an awesome time to take a great vacation, except for one problem: as recovering students, we will have very little money (yet). Does anyone have any suggestions for cheap places to go on vacation? We are open to going anywhere, and the length of our vacation will only be limited by how long our money will last. We have budgeted about $3000 for our “bar trip.” Any suggestions?
My finance’ and I are having a destination wedding next month that we’ve been planning for the last several months. When researching different resorts and destinations, I was pleasantly surprised at how inexpensive trips are right now. We were looking at all-inclusive resorts, and you should be able to go somewhere for a week for around $3000. More specifically, I would check out the all-inclusive resorts in Mexico such as Riu or Dreams or the Sandals resorts in Jamaica or the Bahamas (St. Lucia and Antigua will probably be above your price range). We ultimately decided to go to the Occidental Grand Papagayo in Costa Rica, and our 8 day trip is less than $5000.
Some people think all-inclusives are more expensive, but I suppose it depends on how much you’re planning on eating and drinking while you’re there. I just think it’s easier to have everything paid for before you go and then you can try as many drinks/appetizers/desserts as you want without caring about the cost! Also, if your trip is all paid for ahead of time, you can budget or plan to spend extra money while you’re there on tours or excursions off the resort property. Good luck and have a GREAT time!
*fiance’…..not “finance'” haha, oops.
Three thousand each or three thousand per person? Depends on how you like to travel; you could certainly go to an all-inclusive resort for a week for that money. Or, if you don’t mind staying in cheap hotels or hostels* you could probably make that money last for longer. It depends on your priorities. If you’re looking for a longer, cheaper vacation, I’d recommend Central America. The airfare is good, you can get cheaply from place to place via bus, and it’s reasonably compat. You could go to Guatemala and Honduras and Belize and see the Mayan temples then spend some time on the beach, or you could go to Costa Rica and Panama, hike through the rain forest and then chill in Bocas del Toro, which is the most spectacularly beautiful island chain you can imagine. I’d say you could live well on $1000 per week, or stretch and do it on $500 per week.
Anyway, I’d recommend you start with airfare and then build out from there. Look at the Lonely Planet guides for destinations with airfare you can afford. They’ll give you a reasonable idea of the potential costs for each destination, and the give a range of options from budget to more expensive. They’re not always the best travel guide, but they’re reasonably consistent enough that you can at least get a sense of any given destination from them.
* Note that if you choose the right ones, you can get private rooms if that’s whaty ou want.
Oh, and if you are looking for a beach vacation but are not set on an all-inclusive resort or something like that, consider Puerto Rico. I think you money will go relatively far there; you can spend some time on the mainland and then rent an apartment on Vieques or Culebra, beautiful outlying islands, for as long as it’ll last. It’s the low tourist season (unlike, say, in Europe) so you should be able to get some good deals and quiet beaches.
I second the Culebra suggestion. To save $$ you can always camp on the beach for ~$10/tent/night. Or get some other people to go with you and rent an apartment/house/condo for a week.
V–Thanks for the Central America suggestion… how hard is it go get around there if you don’t speak Spanish? I should have clarified above–Since we have nothing but time, we are more interested in a longer, cheaper, hosteling-style vacation someplace that we may not have time to fully explore in the future. I’ve hosteled around Europe for a month for under $3K, but that was back when exchange rates were favorable to US travelers. We figure that the week-long resort type vacation is something that we *should* be able to pull off at some future time, even while working.
I think Central America is definitely doable without Spanish — Belize is actually English speaking, and while I speak high school level Spanish, there seemed to be plenty of English speakers in Costa Rica and Panama. I suspect it would be slightly harder in other countries (I “speak” high school level Spanish, which is usually just enough to make myself understood while sounding like an idiot), but you’d be fine in the more touristed parts and you don’t necessarily want to be wandering around the untouristed parts of, say, Guatemala anyway. :-)
Uh, apologies for the repetitiveness in that comment; still early in the morning here.
I think it really depends on what type of travelers you are and when you want to go on the honeymoon. Spirit Airlines offers cheap flights to the Caribbean, Costa Rica, Peru, and a few other destinations. It really depends on whether you want more adventure or more relaxation. From what I’ve heard about CR, it’s a great mix of both types of activities.
While traveling in Morocco last year, I met a couple on their honeymoon there and they were having a blast! It’ll be pricier to get there, but you can find nice places to stay for under $50 and food/tours are also inexpensive.
Along the lines of the all-inclusive option, cruises are also a great choice if you’re not sure you want to be in the same place the whole time. Since you have some leeway on the dates, you may be able to find some great rates on Alaska or Caribbean cruises. Cruises departing from San Juan tend to be very reasonably priced. I often see prices for weeklong cruises for well under $100/day for an outside room. With the right planning, you could probably do a 2-week Southern Caribbean cruise and still stay within your price range.
I spent 2 months in and around Antigua, Guatemala for $1,200 including airfare after I took the bar. Highly recommend it.
Belize is really wonderful. English is the language, and you can do jungle (gorgeous birds and wildlife–monkeys, maybe a jaguar), Mayan temples, or the beach.
I’ve not been there, but many friends have, and Costa Rica is highly recommended and not expensive.
Or, you might try VRBO (vacation rentals by owner) and hunt for a cheap condo/apartment in an off-season place. I rented a house on Captiva Island, FLorida, for a month one time and lived there cheaply on one of the most relaxing vacations I ever had.
Thanks for all the wonderful suggestions! I will be spending some quality time at the bookstore over winter break to read some lonely planets about all those destinations!
You mentioned you had hosteled around Europe, so you may have already done it, but Eastern European countries not on the euro are also good – Poland, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Hungary, and the like. Beautiful, lots of culture, and the value for your money is so much better than in Western Europe, especially if you get off the beaten path a bit. You could take a train between some of these countries for pretty cheap and there are plenty of reasonable no-frills hotels, B&Bs, and rooms to rent (I stayed in a friendly, no-frills hotel a few blocks from Wenceslas Square in Prague, for example, when I was on a hostel budget in every place I visited in Western Europe). As long as you don’t eat or sleep in the exact vicinity of tourist spots, your money will go pretty far – in Prague, just eating several blocks away from a tourist spot I was able to get 2 beers, a glass of mead (at the suggestion of my Czech friend), my share of an appetizer, and a hearty entree, for the equivalent of around $10. I always enjoy local culture more than the “all-inclusive” thing and cities and mountains more than beaches, so that would be my suggestion. Happy trip planning, and congrats on graduating and the job offer!
Knowing you’re a bit more adventurous, I’d recommend Russia or China. I went on the Trans-Mongolian railway (from Beijing to Moscow) 4.5 years ago and had an incredible experience. Unfortunately the flight costs may make it a little too pricy for you to do the whole journey, but both Russia and China are inexpensive once you get there and have amazing sites to see. You could probably spend a month in China easy on your budget, if you can find an inexpensive flight.
Did you stop over in Mongolia much? I’m planning on going to Irkutsk/Lake Baikal and then through Mongolia next summer, and would love any tips you have.
Isn’t Moscow the world’s most expensive city, though?
em- Hosteling is still a pretty new concept in Russia, but there are quite a few reasonably priced options in Moscow as long as you stay out of central Moscow and use a Russian travel agent. If you try to use a foreign travel agent, you usually end up getting booked in the expensive hotels.
V- I didn’t get to stop over in Mongolia but had some friends who got off in Ulan Bataar and did a homestay. They absolutely loved it and I’d really like to go back to Mongolia to do that next time. I stayed in a hotel near Listvyanka, but many people do homestays there as well. That area really has almost no English outside of the hotels, so your best bet is to get your hotel/destinations written down in Cyrillic before you get there so you can just show it to a cab and have no issues. We tried the bus from Irkutsk to Lake Baikal but it was extremely confusing. It’s best just to go to a hotel and have someone negotiate a cab for you. I tried the bus, but I wouldn’t recommend it.
I would love to go to Russia or China sometime, but unfortunately, Hubby works in defense and they actually revoke some clearances for traveling to those places. Quite the bummer. Something to consider if you may be doing highly classified work.
I’m pretty sure that only holds true if you currently have a security clearance (in which case, whatever restrictions your security clearance granter places on you hold). People who have been to Russia and China can still GET security clearances, though it might make it take longer. (My anecdotal experience is that vacationing somewhere usually isn’t an issue even in that respect; it’s living somewhere and/or having a large number of foreign friends, acquaintances or relatives that really tends to slow things down.)
I talked with a few people about getting clearance and they didn’t seem to think the travel part would be an issue. I have lived abroad approximately three out of the past six years and that is what causes me problems when I want to apply to certain positions that require clearance. For some agencies it’s three continuous years living in the United States before you apply and for others it is three out of the past five years.
Russia is pretty strict with its visa registration requirements, so it’s not like you can just go there, disappear for a month, and then leave the country with no issues. China is much easier, but either way the average traveler is not going to be staying long enough to make any real contacts.
Your husband should check with his security office — I highly doubt his clearance would be yanked only for travelling to a sensitive country. He would need to report the travel to his security officer and have a detailed interview afterwards, including names/job descriptions of locals he met. But beyond that, a plain tourist trip to Russia or China isn’t going to tank a clearance.
Signed, wife of someone doing some very sensitive classified work
A friend and I did northwest (and a bit of southwest) India this summer for 3 weeks. Because we wanted to see as much as possible, we changed locations every couple of days, which obviously ratcheted the price up quite a bit. Also, I messed up the booking of an internal flight, which cost us some extra money. I’d say we spent $7/night per person on average for reasonably clean and comfortable accommodations. Food was also pretty cheap, even though we often ate where we lodged in the interest of cleanliness–I’d say we usually spent less than $10 per day for all three meals for two people.
One disclaimer: India is NOT for everyone. It is awesome, and I loved my trip, but it is a destination I’d really recommend only to those with well-developed traveling spirit, high tolerance for smells and dirt, and desire for a BIG change.
On the other hand, I’d highly recommend Latin America. Despite the bad rap Mexico is getting these days, parts of it are still pretty safe. I spent time in Mexico City and the surrounding area (Cuernavaca, Tepoztlan, etc) a few years ago, and Mexico is one of my favorite countries. For me, there is no better food in the world. That summer, my mom and sister spent time in Oaxaca and a close friend of mine spent time in Oaxaca and Chiapas–rave reviews. In the end, these are some of the poorest areas of Mexico, so the normal travel precautions apply, but most of the drug-related violence is concentrated in the North (along the US-Mex border). There are also amazing places to see in Central and Northern Mexico–Puebla, Guadalajara, Copper Canyon, the coasts (not all Mexican beaches are Cancun and Acapulco-like–there are still some lovely, less developed and more calm stretches of coastline)…
Central America is also fantastic–I’m Panamanian so I’m personally a huge fan of Panama. It’s not the cheapest cheapest option ever, but it’s pretty doable on a budget. There’s a lot to do–from a fabulous metropolis (Panama City), to gorgeous Pacific and Caribbean beaches, to hiking and whitewater rafting and amazing food. And Panama uses the US dollar, so you don’t have to deal with exchange rates (which I feel can eat up too much money when you’re on a budget). I’ve also heard WONDERFUL things about Nicaragua, which is supposed to be super affordable, beautiful, not-too-touristy yet, and full of friendly people.
I’ve heard great things about South America. I’ve only been to Chile, but I’ve heard Argentina, Chile, and Peru are all pretty tourist accessible (in particular, EVERYONE loves Buenos Aires), and there are affordable land and air connections.
One of my biggest pieces of advice would be to check high and low season. In some places, low season means same beautiful stuff, less favorable weather, way lower prices–this was my experience traveling in Spain and Portugal in December/January instead of July/August, and I think would apply to other places as well. Panama is another place that’s beautiful in both high and low season–low season means a bit more rain, but it’s usually just a couple hours a day in the afternoon and there’s a HUGE price difference between high and low season.
In some places, low season is low season because it sucks. My friend and I went to Goa this summer thinking that it would be attractive during low season as well. Suffice it to say, it was not the tropical paradise it is known as being. So either we’re huge beach snobs or there is a notable difference there in low season.
If y’all are interested in long-term stays places, there are some affordable vacation rentals out there (check vrbo.com, for example). Also feel free to contact me if you have any specific questions about things I’ve mentioned…
Happy travels!
I did a “bar trip” too (about 20 years ago) and my thought was to go as far and as long as I could since I knew it would be a while until I was able to take that much time away again (and in fact, it hasn’t happened yet). I had a fabulous trip to Australia, stayed with some friends and flew on a Quantas air pass (kind of like the Eurail pass). I’m VERY financially responsible/frugal, but it was the one time I did borrow money (a few thousand $) to pay for part of the trip and paid it off within 6 months of beginning my job. Never regretted it a second. Live-aboard dive boat for a weekend on the Great Barrier Reef, World Expo in Brisbane, Darwin, Ayers Rock and Alice Springs, Sydney, and so much more made it a trip of a lifetime. The world’s a big place and wherever you go, you’ll grow in appreciation, tolerance and awe for it. My trip was mostly solo, so going with your boyfriend is an added bonus. I think you never really know a person until you travel together, preferably on a long trip. Bon voyage!
I did the South Pacific too for my bar trip, and loved every part of it. Started out in New Zealand – there are tons of backpackers and hostels there, lots of tours and whatnot. Really beautiful and idyllic, full of friendly, fun people. Then went to Tonga with some friends for sea kayaking – this part was through a more pricey adventure travel agency, but I am sure there are less expensive guides/tours there – and it was really amazing. Not touristy in the least. Each morning we would kayak to and set up camp on a new completely private island (some had residents, most did not – on one, the village invited us to a feast – pretty much the coolest thing I have ever experienced). Then we did Australia, which also has a lot of hostels/backpackers/tours. We were tired of the hostel life by then and managed to find decent accomodations for around $30 night (split among 3 or 4). Diving in the Great Barrier Reef was life-changing. Driving down the coast and stopping off at the beaches was really fun, too. Sydney is still a favorite city (and the hostel there is actually pretty nice – but it books up so make a res).
Anyway, it was a wonderful trp and in a place that is difficult to travel to with limited vacation time. And I agree with LA above – I am a complete freak about having no debt, but I used my credit card throughout the trip and had zero regrets. It is a once-in-a-lifetime trip! So what if it takes a few months to pay off the credit card.
For your trip I would advise seeing America. Our country is so big, and few people ever get to really see much of it besides the coasts. 3K could get you really far if you did a road trip staying with friends and family where you could, make some reservations in some of the super nice once in a lifetime camping spots, and stay in hotels in between. Me and my now husband did this for two weeks, and including gas and food only ended up spending like $500 for one of the best vacations we have ever had.
Dear Anon: I am sorry to hear about the situation at work. May I suggest a different approach? By way of background, I spent two tours in the Marine Corps(at the time, it was 4% women and I was an enlisted person not an officer). My first job out of law school was in a male dominated unit within a big city District Attorney’s office. I am currently an attorney who specializes in employment law. The posters are correct in that this behavior should not be tolerated.
I would suggest you try this: Have a conversation one on one with this employee (Obviously, in the office and somewher where you are safe). Make it clear that you will not tolerate it and that your next step, in the event it happens again, will be management. If he apologizes and seems sincere and, of course, stops the behavior, you get points for first addressing it with him. If he reacts negatively or does not immediately stop the behavior, you have every right, and I daresay the obligation, to use the nuclear option.
I do not believe that you lose anything by giving giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. It is possible, just possible, that no one has ever addressed this with him. In the event that you need to move forward, you are safely entrenched on the moral high ground. I know that I will get some flack from other posters (Let me have it–I can take it after 6 years in the Marine Corps) but going immediately to the boss makes you seem like a crybaby.
Best of luck.
Ladies-
Does anyone have any recommendations for comfortable, non-ballet flats for work? Unlike most women here I really prefer flats to heels, but finding feminine, work-appropriate, comfortable loafer/moc shoes seems to be difficult. My office is biz-casual, but on the conservative side. I would prefer to spend less than $100.
Thanks in advance!
Kel, I wear flats about 99.99% of the time because of chronic plantar fasciitis. I’ve had good luck with Naturalizer. A lot of their designs are frumpy, but every once in a while they have something stylish, flat, office appropriate and comfortable.
I always look at the shoes in Ross and Marshall’s. They carry last year’s styles, heavily discounted. Lots of dreck to sort through, but you can find gems there. Marshall’s tends to carry higher end brands of both shoes and purses than Ross. Not truly high-end, of course, but you can definitely find biz-casual. And you can’t beat their prices!
Thanks! Maybe I just need to look around some more. I’ll see what Naturalizer is carrying these days, I did have a pair from them a long time ago that I liked. Unfortunately no Ross/Marshalls near where I live, though.
I’ve been a huge fan of Aerosoles flats! Cute, leather, sturdy, good support and room for supportive insoles if need be. I’m an online shopper, so I like Zappos. I’m not sure how non-ballet you want them though. I also love my suede mocs that I get season after season in fun colors from Lands End.
I have two pairs of loafers and one pair of peep-toe flats by Clark’s that I love – I got them on 6pm.com, which is where Clark’s sends all their outlet/clearance items. I also have a couple pairs of Croc Mary Janes in the brushed style that almost looks like leather, which are perfect for rainy days if you walk to work.
I have some seriously lovely loafers from Think! – they’re black with some delicate brown stiching. Pricey, though – I think I paid about 110 pounds. However, I’ve got the flattest of flat feet and have to wear chunky orthotics just to stop tendons tearing, so I pay for anything that works and doesn’t look like Grandma.
Twin mom – I agree!
To all you pear-shaped ladies,
I’m a classic pear shape, about a size 4 on top and a size 6 on the bottom. Does anyone have recommendations on exercises to minimize my hips/thighs? I have heard that you can’t target certain areas of the body, but I have also read some articles to the contrary. It seems like no matter how much I exercise, the saddlebags and bigger thighs remain!
In the same vein, any recommendations on a nice pair of dark wash jeans that flatter pear shapes? I bought the Curvy fit from Gap and I thought it looked good, but a recent photo of myself told me otherwise. I’ve also tried Lucky brand jeans and they’re fine, but not ideal.
Thanks! I love this site and all of the helpful advice I have received.
You can’t lose weight from certain parts of the body. You can tone the muscles there, but that may or may not actually make them look smaller.
Agree with the above commenter. — I don’t think that you can change the basic shape of your body, but I do think that if anything is going to help it’s going to be mostly diet, and only partly exercise. I have an “apple” shape and while I know I cannot ever have a tiny waist and smaller shoulders (I have opposite problem from you — 8 on top and 6 on bottom!), I have found that the most reduction that I can achieve in my waist area is caused by “simply” eating less, not more exercise, with the exception of when I was doing a lot of long-distance running. Of course dieting / calorie reduction isn’t always sustainable, esp if the dieting is extreme compared to normal eating habits, but unfortunately I think it’s the main thing that works.
I think the curvy fits can actually add bulk in the hip/thigh area and don’t really care for them. I have a pair of dark wash Gap Boot Cut (now I think it’s Perfect Boot) with a 2-button waist that fits well with no gapping around the waist. Ann Taylor used to have a slim fit that was also quite good, but I think it’s been discontinued.
Unfortunately I agree with Kel about the thighs. I haven’t found any real type of exercise that helps- most toning exercises may actually make your thighs bigger if you gain muscle in your thighs but are losing weight elsewhere.
I am pear-shaped too. You can’t slim down your lower half, but toning it through something like yoga or light weights may make you happier with the size. You also can build up your upper half – yoga can help your posture (so that you don’t hunch as most of us computer users do, making our shoulders look narrower than they are), and weight-lifting can bulk up the upper half overall so you look a little more proportioned.
But really, one size difference is not that significant, so if I were you I’d just focus on dressing to flatter your shape. A-line skirts are awesome; dark boot-cut cotton or wool pants without too much bulk at the waist are good; a trouser-style jean in a thin fabric can be pretty good (I’ve had Liz Claiborne and Talbots). Avoid heavy denims and corduroys. Wear heavier fabrics, frills, interesting necklines, and patterns up top – that will create the illusion that your top half is bigger and will draw attention away from your lower half.
You can’t spot reduce. Diet is key to losing fat – you can exercise all you want but if you are not in a caloric deficit you will not lose any weight or fat.
I agree with Karen that more details up top will give you a proportional look. Also try layering up top to draw interest up. You could also tivo what not to wear – they often have people with pear shapes and give good advice re: how to tailor your look to your shape.
I’ve had good luck with AG jeans, and a few of the Citizens of Humanity styles. The AGs are my favorites, though – just be sure to try the ones that aren’t too thin/stretchy – I find that the thicker denim has better structure and looks more flattering.
Also – while you can’t really spot-reduce, like everyone said above, I swear that pilates has changed my body a bit. The strength and flexibility focus has made my legs look nicer (I have always carried my weight there) and my posture way better (which helps everything look nicer).
Thanks everyone for the advice! I’m going to try AG jeans and see if those look better on me.
:)
As a 27 year old female engineer, I have encountered a couple of shocking comments from older male engineers. I have found that calling someone out immediately over a rude comment is the best defense. If another comment is made, I suggest looking him in the eye and telling him that you find the comment offensive. Explain that you do have a sense of humor, but you find jokes with sexual connotations, racial undertones, religion bashing, etc offensive. You do not want to escalate a situation like this. This guy may not understand that the office is no longer a men’s locker room. If you run directly to your supervisor, you will be perceived as a bad fit for the office and incapable of handling controversy. Also, if the man is confronted by management or HR, then he will certainly tell every man in the office. There is a good chance that everyone will walk on egg shells around you and that you will eventually be alienated.
Personally, I have dealt with male coworkers this way. At this point, I have really earned respect from some of the men that I have called out. Tolerating things that make you uncomfortable is not an option. Just give him a second chance. If his behavior continues, then arm yourself with documentation and report him through the appropriate chain of actions.
I also had a pair of Clarks flats that I loved. They were the most comfortable flats that I have owned and held up quite well, considering my track record for destroying shoes. They are available at most department stores and shoe stores. I got my pair for $10 off the clearance rack. Best shoe investment that I have ever made.
Thanks everyone for the advice!
What do people think of these — Geox “Catherine” — http://www.zappos.com/geox-d-catherine-04-black-patent
They look nice to me, but never worn Geox before, though always been tempted. Are they worth the money, comfortable, hold up well over time, etc.?
Thanks!
@Anonymous, re: vacation question
Have you considered South India? Your money would go a long way there. Though the airfare would take a large chunk of your vacation budget, you can live on almost nothing while you’re there (a huge plate lunch = $1), reasonable but not posh accommodations for around $20/night, and English is widely spoken. Tons of history, culture, delicious food, etc. Mysore, Pondicherry, and Goa are especially popular travel destinations… but all of India is worth exploring when you’ve got a chunk of time.
For budget travel, I would say that nothing beats southeast Asia. Flights these days are way down (depending on where you are coming from), and when you get there, you can find decent to very nice places for ridiculously low prices – like $10 a night. Plus there is tons to see from ruins to beautiful beaches. $3000 would get you a good few months if properly done. Start with a beach stay in Thailand to wind down from the stress of the bar exam, and when you are feeling more adventurous just start travelling.
Disclaimer on this is that the info is second-hand; hubby and I were planning on doing this kind of a trip next year and got lots of info from friends who have done these kinds of trips.
Let us know what you decide so we can live vicariously through your vacation! :)
RE: Budget travel.
Southeast Asia is absolutely where I would start. Thailand is lovely- both the mountains in the north around Chiang Mai and the beaches in the south. The food is delicious and the massages are heavenly! Scuba diving classes cost around $300 for a 4 day beginner course on several of the smaller islands around Ko Samui, accomodations included. There are great ecotreks with homestays in villages in the national park around Chiang Mai. Pooh Eco Trekking is HIGHLY recommended: http://www.pooh-ecotrekking.com/.
Vietnam is also lovely. The tradeoff here is that it is cheaper than Thailand, but a little more difficult- the bargaining is harder, and people will try to rip you off more (and no, I’m not talking about 10 cents more for food, I’m talking about taxi drivers taking you to an identically named hostel that is NOT the one listed in your guidebook, because they get a commission from the hostel owner). Depends how much experience you have with that kind of stuff from prior travelling, and how much hassle you want to put up with. Again, good ecotrekking in the north on the Chinese border.
Cambodia is a fascinating cultural experience- and Angkor Wat can’t be beat!- but experiencing some instability right now. I heard good things about Laos when I was travelling around, but didn’t make it there.
Whatever you do, enjoy the fact that you don’t need to plan ahead much in Southeast Asia! Regional bus tickets or plane tickets can be bought a few days in advance, travel visas can be arranged in one or two days, and if one hotel is full just go to the next one! There’s also an incredible range of travel options, so if you’re running low on money you can stay at cheap places on the beach, and if you’re feeling like splurging you can do a day or two at a luxury hotel with A/C!
If you’ve got several months on your hands, instead of just looking for a vacation destination, I would suggest looking into options to spend a longer period of time in a region of the world that sounds appealing to you. As newly-minted lawyers, you would be valuable assistance to non-profits and NGOs abroad. You could pick a region, find an organization to work with, find a local apartment and do something worth-while while also getting to travel. Plus, it could turn into something interesting to put on your resume for that gap period.
I lived in one of the Baltic republics many years ago. Taught English at a local high school a few times a week, took some classes at the university and generally, travelled A LOT. It was fantastic. I got to know the region and its people like a local, not a tourist.