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I know Angie at You Look Fab says hunter green is trending, but I feel like I'm seeing emerald/malachite everywhere. Case in point: this fab quilted jacket from Burberry (also in black) at Nordstrom for $595. Gorgeous. Burberry Brit ‘Ivymoore' Quilted Zip Jacket
Psst: Lands' End has a much more affordable version in “antique pine” for regular, plus, petite, and tall sizes.
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
I adore the color and style, but this doesn’t look like it even fits the model.
Nonny
And she looks VERY unhappy about it.
OOF
Yes. So unhappy she may have died. And then she kept growing, hence looking like she’s wearing her grieving kid’s jacket.
Calico
Also adore the color and style, but it’s so fitted! What would one wear underneath a jacket this snug? Your favorite winter tank top?
Helene
Can we share best practice on getting guys to reciprocate after we have attended to their needs? I fear to ask a guy to attend to my female needs even after sex.
Anon
The easy answer is that if you have to ask, you’re dating/gardening with the wrong guy.
Nonny
But it is not always as easy as that. Different relationships have different strengths and weaknesses, and it may be a fantastic relationship that just needs some work in this area. I’ve been shy about asking about this sort of thing in the past as well, but it didn’t necessarily mean the relationship itself was a bad one…
Anonymous
Yes. Yes it did mean the relationship was bad. Paying attention to your partners needs isn’t rocket science.
Anonymous
Comunicate. That is always the answer to pretty much every relationship issue.
Anonymous
I think open communication is the best, even though it’s really really scary and hard. But I don’t think it’s wrong or weird to say, “Hey, that was amazing … do you mind finishing me off?” if you didn’t. Also, it’s okay to want to wait to start the gardening until you’ve gotten a chance to finish.
And really (really really) you should be with someone who makes your pleasure his priority. You may not finish every time, or all of the time, but someone who leaves you unfulfilled afterward (when you communicate with them that you’d like them to reciprocate) is the wrong someone for you.
Gardening Instructor
Generally, it’s considered polite for him to attend to your needs BEFORE he gets off. Not every time, and not every couple prefers this, but in my experience, this is generally the best way to make sure everyone enjoys themselves. Maybe not even all the way to climax – no way to better ensure complete arousal.
If he’s young, it’s annoying, but forgivable. Are you willing to teach? If so, tell him in your s3xiest voice, when it’s starting to get heated up, that you would love if he went down on you, and that while you really enjoy the s3x part, you don’t really get your needs met that way. Unfortunately, a lot of men honestly don’t know they’re supposed to be doing it, because media doesn’t portray it very often. (I loved that on True Blood, Jason was frequently shown as going down on the women he slept with as a matter of course – which explains his reputation and status as a great lover.) If he protests that he doesn’t know how, say you’ll figure it out together and there’s some books he can read – The Ultimate Kiss: Oral Lovemaking, a Sensual Guide for Couples is a good, straightforward book for both sexes, if you can get past the terrible 70’s photos and hair. If he protests that it’s too hard, or annoying, or he doesn’t want to, or it takes too long, or it’s gross, shout loudly, “SO YOU DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE TERRIBLE IN BED?” and leave.
Anonymous
Also, while great advice, if that is not what does it for you, explain that. I, for one (and I know there are others out there), really don’t enjoy it. Some women need more concentrated pressure that only comes from a finger on and around one spot. Wow, so much info. So anonymous.
Gardening Instructor
I used to feel that way! Then I started sleeping with my SO, and discovered that I just didn’t like the way the other gardeners were doing it. Something about his tongue is different, maybe? But yes, basically it’s important that he should know to offer right off the bat, and it’s important for you to communicate what you like.
And yes. So much info! Thank goodness for the anonymity of the internet.
anon for this
@Anon at 2:20pm. I’m one of those for whom the fingers also work. Sometimes,a slight switch in positions can do the trick.
anon for this
@Gardening instructor, I like your name! Good advice, but I don’t agree with the last part on yelling. Maybe you meant is a joke, but still I think that would be pretty mean no matter how bad the person. I would consider it immature, even cruel if someone did this. If they can’t improve, just tell them you don’t think it’s gonna work out and move on.
Anonymous
Eh, you sleep with me and tell my my lady parts are gross and I really don’t care if your feelings get hurt!
Anon for this
It is all a matter of presentation. You do not want to have your boyfriend reject you, but you want what you have just given him. I used to hear all the time from my own friends that it is better to give than to receive, but I don’t subscribe to that. If you want it the way you’ve given it, say so, and if need be show him exactly how to do it. I remember one situation with my college roommate who was very mad when the guy she was doing did not do it for her. She let it be known all over the campus that he was bad at oral, and that did it. I hope you don’t have to go that far, but it worked for her!
anon for this
Communicate, let him know what it is you like and how you like it! Also remember that some guys just aren’t good at talking they tend to clam up so picking the right moment is also crucial. And I think a guy is supposed to do this before he gets off rather than after. Unless of course you are going on the 2nd or 3rd round :).Also I agree with Nonny, relationships are different, other areas may be great maybe this is the one area you need to work on. I have also found that sometimes it just takes time for people to get used to each other physically, and the time period also varies from one relationship to the other.
Anon for this
I agree, communicate, but depending on your relationship / comfort level / your confidence in his enthusiasm, you don’t necessarily need to start with communicating in words.
You might consider just putting the hand where you want it to be, or whatever, physically showing him what you want rather than talking about it. My SO always responds well to this.
Friday Financial Quiz
The smartest thing I ever did with my money is : _____________________.
The dumbest thing I ever did with my money is : _____________________.
Tinkerbell
1. Earning it.
2. Not saving it.
ExecAssist
+1000! I see friends who earn less than me pay off debts quicker and I feel like someone just blew past me on the highway and I don’t know how…
Anonymous
1) Invest a bunch in a 401k when I was 22 and making ~$25K a year (so a “bunch” is relative). Not sure how it’s going to play out but compound interest has already been my friend and I hope it’ll continue to be so.
2) Buying an insanely expensive baby alpaca cape in Peru. It was gorgeous (still is gorgeous) but I am not the person, do not have the style, and do not live the life to pull of an alpaca cape. I see it sitting in my closet and just get sad. Oh well, maybe one day I’ll have a super stylish daughter who can’t wait to have her mom’s vintage alpaca cape.
Anonymous
Never regret the baby alpaca cape!!!
Anon
“Never regret the baby alpaca cape!!!” – for some reason, I’m hearing this in Sterling Archer’s voice.
ac
Yes. And yes. High five for Archer!
Baconpancakes
You just made my Friday night plans for me. I’m going to watch Archer wearing my ridiculous fur collar and blinged out wear-once-a-year moccasins while drinking a bottle of white wine.
Anon
Wear your cape around the house! I have a ridiculous dress that I’m much too old to wear that I lounge around in at home while I do important things, like watch Netflix alone.
AIMS
My mom did that with her wedding dress. It never ceased to amuse me as a child. Me, I like to wear caftans. Why bother with sweatpants – so boring!
MissK
I love this. Price per wear, right??
anon
I love you ladies. PPW indeed.
Alanna of Trebond
I will buy it from you right now if you email me. ptoncorpor**** at g – mail.
Anon
I’ll bite.
1. Learning to pay myself first. I decide how much I need for myself, then figure out how to fit everything else around what’s left.
2. Spending it on things that don’t matter or improve my quality of life. Example: I only buy clothes that I really love and will wear a lot (and preferably things that will last), even if it means I have a smaller overall wardrobe. I spend some of that savings on weekly sessions with a personal trainer, which has had so many benefits to my life overall that it’s so worth it. But only after considering #1, of course.
LH
1. Start saving aggressively from the time I got my first job out of school.
2. Buy a few designer clothing items in college and law school when I cared a lot more about brand labels. Most of them were barely or never worn because they were too nice & I didn’t want them to get messed up and now they don’t fit or are tragically out of style but can’t be resold for anything close to what I paid.
A Nonny Moose
1. Deciding to pay off DHs loans before saving for a down payment
2. Going to law school
tesyaa
This is not exactly the stupidest thing I EVER did with my money, but I once bought a new dryer, had the old one hauled away and paid a plumber to hook up the new one (gas line) – so $700 or more – then realized the reason the old one didn’t work was that the exhaust line out of the house was blocked.
Turtle Wexler
I read the Westing Game when I was in sixth grade. I think I read it b/c I misread the title as The Wrestling Game. All I really remember is that Turtle played the stock market. If she could, I could, right?
So a few years later, I talked my parents into letting me buy govt savings bonds with my babysitting money. And I got a job at a grocery store and started doing my own taxes in high school (state and federal) and my deal with myself was that I saved my money but I could spend my refund checks.
And the bonds paid enough to go to beach for a week when I was in college (when I was also working PT).
At any rate, I read a book when I was young that really lit the financial-responsibility-you-can-do-it fire within me. And I probably need to reread that book at some point.
Turtle Wexler
My worst mistake was being very illiquid right before the financial crisis. I never thought much of having a lot of cash (or a giant savings account). Then the perfect storm hit:
layoffs at work (I wasn’t laid off, but had a big pay cut)
new baby to pay day care for
bought a house to close concurrently with sale of existing house, only after Lehman failed, the buyer refused to close and tied up things for 6 months before finally closing
And this is why I recommend never stretching on a house purchase: if you buy based on things going right, I am testimony to how things can go terribly sideways with no notice.
Anastasia
I loved The Westing Game! And I got the same take-away from it (also something about chess, but otherwise I don’t remember anything). Turtle for the win.
Smartest thing: Listening to my parents’ advice (!) and using the money I would have otherwise spent on a car I didn’t really need to open and contribute to a Roth IRA when I joined the military at 18. Also took advantage of ALL my military education benefits.
Dumbest thing: I have two. 1. Selling stock when an unpopular business decision by the company caused a precipitous but temporary decline in share price. Luckily I only sold half, and I learned to look at fundamentals rather than momentum, but it was a very expensive lesson. 2. Spending way too much on vet bills at a time our expenses were also going up; DH and I have had to cut back on both spending and retirement contributions to rebuild our savings. We loved that pet, but in retrospect we should have taken a harder look at our finances as part of the decision.
Rachelellen
I’d second the “learning” theme. What scares me about our society not income inequality -it’s a divergence in what I guess you’d call financial literacy, though that term makes me cringe. I’m a journalist making peanuts compared to what most folks on this board, and perhaps many white-collar professionals, make. But I know how to gauge markets, I have a good sense of when debt is most strategic vs. using cash, I know how talk to people like a mortgage broker, and so on.
I also have a healthy understanding of my own sense of risk, whether that is investing in one asset class vs. another, taking out an adjustable-rate mortgage, or whatever. I’m afraid that’s come after several years of trial and error, though…
Baconpancakes
Where do you even start to learn that, if it’s not taught at home? I feel like most of the Suzie Orman type books are basically: Make a budget! Save for retirement! Make coffee at home instead of getting a latte every day!
Turtle Wexler
Read The Westing Game :)
Michele Singletary’s column in the Washington Post.
anon
Your Money or Your Life? by Joe Dominguez & Vicki Robin.
Really life-changing for me.
A lot of the simple living movement stuff from the late 90s…even if you aren’t into the minimalism ethic, they provide a really great financial education.
I also like the Vanguard Diehards forum online, but I do think that it’s a well-educated crowd unlike the masses (much like this group).
Anastasia
I have plugged The Motley Fool before on this board, but I’ll do it again. Both the books and the w e b s i t e have very good advice and information on how to advance beyond basic budgeting.
I 100% agree with Rachelellen, though. My public high school actually required an economics course heavy on “financial literacy” for graduation, but from my understanding, that’s really atypical. I feel so lucky that my parents taught me about money and the things you can do with it beyond buying stuff… I did a lot of subsequent research on my own, but I’m not sure I ever would have thought to do it – or at least not so early in life – if it weren’t part of my home environment. Or if I hadn’t read The Westing Game, of course. :) I think my dad actually gave me that book. Sneaky of him.
Rachelellen
I know, it’s awful, isn’t it? It’s like small-picture austerity.
I don’t have a good answer; it’s my job so that’s my learning curve. But everyday when I write I take very, very seriously the idea that I’m writing for people who are smart and curious but don’t necessarily know why they should care about the Fed. I try to explain why it matters.
National_Anthem
LOVED the Westing Game!
Clementine
1. Went to a State school for undergrad with a big scholarship and came out owing almost nothing.
2. In grad school, I was so overwhelmed by the stress of life and work and family issues that I stopped checking my bank balance. I ended up with $700 in overdraft fees… which I found about as I was walking in to take a Statistics final. That’s a great mindset for focus, eh?
I learned hard lessons early, but I’m thankful I did.
hoola hoopa
1) Same for me, except half great scholarship and half work. Work was great financially in two ways because I also graduated with a lot of experience and recommendations.
2) Buying a house at the peak before the crash.
CPA lady
1. Going back to school to become a CPA– the program was cheap, state-school student loans paid off almost immediately, first year salary double what I had been making in my previous dead-end job.
2. I’m pretty good at saving and doing stuff in chunks because of a high income (fully funding Roth for the year in one go for example), but terrible about day to day financial self-control/budgeting. Because of that, I routinely blow ridiculous amounts of money on small expenses like eating out/buying random crap that just add up. While we can technically afford it, it’s just not smart, and we could be so much farther ahead if I had more discipline.
Miz Swizz
smartest: Learning to budget.
dumbest: Paying only the monthly minimums on my credit cards for far too long.
OttLobbyist
1. Starting retirement saving while still in university.
2. Buying a home before I was really ready
Former Partner, Now In-House
1. Saving aggressively early in my career.
2. Not investing early in my career.
Saving =/= investing. I should have been doing both.
Senior Attorney
I need to do this in reverse order:
The dumbest thing I ever did with my money was being unconscious about it for far too long. Lived big-paycheck-to-big-paycheck for much of the time I was in private practice, and let myself get into six-figure non-mortgage debt (along with the former Mr. Senior Attorney). Dumb, dumb, inexcusably dumb.
Smartest thing: Saw the error of my ways, turned the ship around, paid off the debt, learned to budget, started saving like mad and investing and really recovered from that very bad financial time. I’m not where I would be without that big misstep and the recent divorce, but I’m on track for a good retirement nevertheless.
Burgher
Smartest – Investing in my 401k aggressively from the start.
Dumbest – Running up a bunch of credit card debt in college with the mindset that I could repay it back when I get my real job. I did repay it back quickly after graduation, but it would have been a lot nicer to have been saving that money for my wedding or house! It was a good lesson, though, and I’m glad I learned it early on with a relatively small amount of debt.
Chicagoooo
Ladies! I’ve been to Chicago a few times, and I’ve always loved it there. I’m heading back in a month or so and looking for cool things to do! I’ve done most of the really touristy things, so I’m looking for restaurant suggestions, and things that are a bit off the beaten path. And if anyone is looking to get together for a drink, that may be fun?
jc
Avec is amazing but doesn’t take reservations, but Blackbird (slightly more upscale but right next to Avec and owned by the same guy) does.
Girl and the Goat (make a reservation now and if you can’t get one, Little Goat diner across the street, it also has an awesome rooftop for drinks).
Bavettes (steak house, pricey but the atmosphere is really great and the food is outstanding)
Gilt Bar for drinks.
The Publican for brunch.
Enjoy!
Interview ?
Summer associate interview question: I’m a rising 2L who will be interviewing soon for summer associate positions. What is the best question that a potential SA asked you during an interview? Any other interview/preparation advice? I have all the material/info from my law school’s career office, but this is my first time interviewing with law firms so I am super nervous and want to be well prepared. Thanks in advance!
Anon
For me, it’s not so much about a silver bullet question. I appreciate a candidate who actually engages in a dialogue. For instance, if you ask a question about the firm’s pro bono policies, and I tell you that it’s great, we get billable credit, blah blah, and you follow up asking about what my favorite pro bono project was, or something else we can actually talk about, that’s much more impressive to me than someone who then moves on to the next question she decided to ask before she even walked in the room.
Maddie Ross
There is not (in my opinion) one “best” question, but in my opinion, please ask them if given the opportunity. The worst thing is when a SA candidate says “well, I think I had all my questions answered.” Do not do that. Keep a few general questions under your hat to pull out – what does a typical day look like? how did you choose your practice area? what about the firm drew you to it? what about the practice area drew you to it? what’s your best piece of advice for succeeding as a SA in your program? Just something. Don’t make the interviewers scramble.
Anon
+ 1. I had a summer candidate do this yesterday, and it completely tanked her whole interview. No way would I recommend an offer to someone who can’t think of one single thing to ask me. Ask me about the cases I’m working on, what my practice is like, what do I enjoy about it, etc.! Don’t leave the interviewer feeling like you can’t think on your feet or engage in small talk–that’s a TON of what lawyers do, and we’re looking for those skills.
TO Lawyer
This is a really good point. I’ve had to engage in a ton of small talk as a lawyer (even though I absolutely hate it). If I’m going to introduce a SA to a client or opposing counsel, I want to feel confident that they can carry a conversation and not embarrass themselves or the firm
Senior Attorney
And in addition to/instead of “what’s a typical day like,” I think “what are you busy with right now” or “what was your day like yesterday” are also good questions (that avoid the dreaded “oh, there’s no such thing as a typical day around here” answer).
kellyandthen
Go do a mock interview with your career office, or with a trusted mentor. Practice can help you just dust out the cobwebs and feel/sound more confident.
Turtle Wexler
This!
We have interviewed people who were glowingly recommended and yet showed up and the feedback is: does not sound like they work well with others, does not sound like they will work hard, person comes across as a jerk.
I’m sure that the person is probably a bad interviewer, since the people who’ve spent lots of time with this person like him/her (professors / prior employers). Some candid feedback would probably have gone a long way.
AnonLawMom
Yes, this, if you can. Reach out to alumni if you can, even if it is just for a phone interview. I just “interviewed” a rising 2L from my law school and he was great, but he definitely needed some direction on how to answer certain questions in ways that wouldn’t turn off potential interviewers.
LH
I’m always impressed when people ask questions that indicate that they’ve researched me or the firm. You don’t need to recite my bio to me (that’s always awkward) but a question that shows you’ve read it is a plus. E.g., I practice in two different areas so asking me to compare and contrast or what I like best about each area or something.
That said, I don’t except summer candidates to have amazing questions prepared. I’d focus more on making sure you avoid the no-no questions (your career services can give you a list) and that you come across as mature, professional, interested in being a lawyer and that you seem like you’d be pleasant to work with. Asking questions is part of seeming interested but the content isn’t super important to me. But you should have a few prepared for sure in case your interviewer expects you to sustain the conversation for half an hour (it happens).
TO Lawyer
+1 – with respect to the first paragraph, make sure to ask questions – not just take things as facts because they’re in my bio. i.e. it’s really creepy if you can recite random facts about me
Also – some firms have a long list of practice areas but don’t necessarily specialize in all of them. Asking me about some minor practice area that is on our website but that no one really does is not going to impress me – do some additional research on what the partners do and see if you find anything else not on the firm website.
Lorelai Gilmore
PLease be able to answer the following questions:
Why are you interested in my city?
Why are you interested in private practice?
Are you more interested in corporate or in litigation?
What about the firm interests you?
There are many, many answers that work in response to these questions – but when you don’t have an answer at all, or look like a deer caught in the headlights, it makes me think that you haven’t prepared for this at all and are not really interested in this job.
nutella
I agree with all of these including all of the recommendations above. In particular, your question and the ensuing conversation (and there should be a conversation after, even if brief, be engaging!) shouldn’t be the exact same as you’d say at another firm or another interviewer. Remember that for better or worse, law firms still have the hiring power even though hiring has improved. They do not like to feel like they are just another one of the many firms to you. Show you have an interest in *that* particular firm — more helpful for callbacks, though, I don’t think anyone expects you to have memorized every bio for the initial screener OCI when you meet with 12 firms a day.
MollySolverson
My go-to questions were: (1) Ask partners/senior associates what kind of assignments the junior associates working on their cases are handling for them right now, and (2) instead of asking what a typical day looks like, I would ask, “What did you do yesterday?” Easy for the interviewer to remember, and you are less likely to get a vague answer like, “Oh, every day is different!” If you have specific questions about the interviewer’s primary practice area(s), certainly feel free to ask, even if it’s just along the lines of, “I found X law class very interesting and noticed that you handle X cases. How did you get started in this area of law?” Questions like that are a good way to show interest in a person/firm, even if all of the firms seem the same to you (they certainly did to me!).
All that being said, I fully expect candidates to ask the same questions I have answered many times before, just as I’m sure I ask many questions they have already answered multiple times.
Interview ?-OP
These are great insights. Thank you! I appreciate all who took time to respond, I know similar questions have been asked before but I was not finding the exact thread when I searched the archives.
Senior Attorney
LOL! Jinx!
Great minds think alike…
MollySolverson
Indeed! :)
National_Anthem
I don’t interview people, but when I was in your position I always asked the interviewer what their favorite and least favorite part of their job was. It was usually pretty interesting – people love to talk about what they enjoy, and the least favorite part often told me something about the firm culture that wasn’t immediately obvious.
AnonLawMom
Keep in mind that once you are at the callback stage you have been screened for the basic requirements of the job. At this point you want to stand out from the rest of the crowd. One way people have done that for me in the past is to just be fun to talk to. It’s amazing how agonizingly boring some people are to interview.
Bonnie
Questions about my employer based on recent news coverage have won me over many times.
NHA
My sister lives in Phoenix and recently broke her ankle badly enough to require surgery. She will be unable to walk for about another week and will then be on crutches for quite a while. She is a SAHM and has a baby and a toddler. I feel terrible that I live so far away (Midwest) and can’t help her out in person.
Any ideas as to how I could throw some money at this problem? I was thinking of buying her a few weeks/months of housecleaning, or meal/grocery delivery, or some activity to go to that would keep the toddler happy but she and the baby could just sit and watch. Any suggestions (especially Phoenix-specific) welcome!
Intern
I’d go for a couple of months of house cleaning and a giant voucher to her favourite food delivery service.
Anon
Yep. That’s what I’d do.
Blonde Lawyer
A nanny or daycare for a month or two if it is possible to get in on short notice in her area.
hoola hoopa
If she’s SAH, then this definitely. You’re other ideas are on target, though, if they have something worked out for the kids already.
My SAH husband had foot surgery last year, and we had to get daycare coverage. It’s not possible to heal and care for young children. Not possible.
Seattle Recommendations?
Flying up to Seattle soon, going to cross over to Vancouver Island for the week, do some kayaking, then come back to Seattle for one Saturday afternoon/night before flying out the next morning. Any recommendations/must-sees in Seattle for the afternoon or evening, suggestions for dinner, and ideas where we could find live music? Thanks in advance!
cbackson
We’ve had a bunch of Seattle travel threads in the last six months or so (just FYI).
Danielle
Used to live the Seattle area. Unless you’re visiting someone or something specific in Vancouver Island, I’d highly recommend the city instead. (Alternatively, any of the San Juan Islands served by ferry are gorgeous and rustic with great hiking, unique shops, and cheaper prices than Victoria.)
-Crocodile Cafe and the Paramount were my favorite places to find mid-level indie rock bands.
-Capitol Hill neighborhood is great for walking and shopping. (Pagliacci Pizza for a cheap, tasty bite.)
-Top of the Space Needle is a bit overrated in my opinion, but Pike Place Market is not. The Seattle Center surrounding the Space Needle is good for walking.
-Take a duck tour or tour the locks to see the city from the water.
-I believe the S.L.U.T. (South Lake Union Trolley) can take you from downtown to GasWorks Park, which has a gorgeous view of the skyline. Also should take you near some of the houseboats on the Lake Union (a la Sleepless in Seattle).
-Go West Seattle for a beach vibe in the city or take the ferry from downtown Seattle to Bainbridge Island and back for a short cruise and another killer skyline.
-For food, explore restaurants by neighborhood. There are great local restaurants in a lot of the nicest/hippest neighborhoods (Queen Anne, Green Lake, Fremont, Ballard, Magnolia, Capitol Hill)
Seattle Freeze
The streetcar goes from Westlake Center (near main shopping part of downtown) to the south end of Lake Union – Gasworks Park is across the lake, on the north side in Wallingford. It’s 2.6 miles long, and you can go about as fast walking, since the streetcar gets stuck in traffic.
Check out the Tractor Tavern in Ballard for great live music – plus a huge variety of bars & restaurants on Ballard Avenue. I’d tour the locks over taking a Duck tour – those are way too loud & obnoxious.
Great weather here all summer, so a trip to Alki Beach in West Seattle would be nice – just be prepared for everyone else to be there, too.
If you’re not tired of kayaking when you get to Seattle, you could rent a kayak from the Agua Verde Paddle Club and get a water-side view of Lake Union – paddle up Lake Union to the Ship Canal, and go through the Montlake Cut to check out the Arboretum. Then go back to Agua Verde for awesome Baja-style Mexican food.
Anon for this
Go to Pike’s market. They throw fish and it’s fun.
Challenging the boss?
Hello Ladies,
I am in a situation where I am in disagreement with my boss . I am engineer and my language will be somewhat different than what is used here.
This is related to an important issue that I have been working on for a long time. This week, we (myself and the other person working on this problem) decided that we will need help from people working in another site. The people working in other site are willing to help. But we need to send some lab equipment to them in order for them to even see the problem that we are trying to resolve. Some other person in the team who always blocks other people from doing their work raised an issue that we have only two of those equipment and we don’t want to lose them. I took on full responsibility that I will make sure that we will get the equipment back. But my manager is saying that he doesn’t want to send the equipment to other site because he is scared of losing them too. He agrees that we need their help and we will not be able to solve the problem without them. In the mean time, I provided a workaround for the problem that we are facing which makes us recover from the problem and continue to work, but the problem itself is not fixed. Manager says we will live with the work around (and give it to the client with disclosure off course) than sending the equipment to other site. I am very very disappointed that he is okay not understanding the issue that we are facing which had the potential to leave us jobless and that too with a stupid reason of misplacing that equipment. I worked so long and hard on this and I am passionate about this. It can come back in some other form tomorrow and we will have to start all over again. I tried to convince him that it is important for us to understand the problem that we are facing (from my experience, anything mysterious is not good). Both myself and the other colleague tried to convince him but had to accept what he said.
How far you would go in an argument with your boss when you truly believe he is wrong?
Serafina
How “far” you would go is the wrong question here. It’s also not about whether you are right or wrong – and it’s certainly not about convincing your manager that you are right and he is wrong.
It’s hard to say exactly how hard you can push your manager given your information here. Key questions to understand: why does your manager believe the risk of sending the equipment to another site outweighs the necessity of fixing the issue? Is he covering his *ss? Doesn’t care about the client? Doesn’t trust that you can guarantee the return of the equipment?
I’d make sure to understand the emotions side of this problem. Start by asking (not defensively, very openly) your manager why he is concerned. Reflect his concerns back to him. Make sure you actually understand both the concerns he’s saying out loud and those that he’s not verbalizing. This will determine how hard you should push for this.
NYNY
I’m in a completely different field, but have certainly dealt with similar situations. In this case, it sounds as if your boss has made a decision and won’t go back. If I were you, I’d put together a list of what the problem may impact down the line, especially if the workaround doesn’t address everything. Then I’d present it to him and ask if we could revisit it at some point in the future. If he still says no, document and move on.
It’s always possible that your client will not be satisfied with the workaround when you disclose it. The client has more power to push.
I know it can be frustrating, but he’s boss for a reason, and it’s ultimately his call.
Challenging the boss?
Thank you for your suggestions…I posted this as soon as the thread came up and it went to moderation.
After he made his decision, I decided to see how else I could make it happen. I called a different lab in that site and checked if they had the equipment. Fortunately, they had something comparable and were willing to share with the people with whom we have to work. After 4 – 5 hours of work from my side, I came to the stage where we can use the locally available equipment. Everything is set and they will start working on it from Monday :-)
I did check with my manager after I found a way to enable people in other site if there are any other reason other than the fear of misplacing the device (like he thinks I should be spending time on something else etc) and if he understood the problems that it may cause if we don’t get to the bottom of it. Again, he just said he is concerned about the equipment. But he is okay with me continuing to work on this and understanding the problem.
It is truly not a matter of proving him wrong. I insisted on it because I truly care about it. I would not stand behind my work if I don’t know what is going on. Even this morning, I made it clear to him that we can release it to the customer, but these are the risks and unknowns. I was in situations were I disagreed with my boss but never have I come across with a boss who is so scared of losing an equipment that he is willing to leave a problem unresolved .
Anon for this
Tell it like it is. If the boss is a schmo, say so. If the boss is on the money, say so. I think the boss, personally, is a schmo, and too many bosses are even worse — utterly incompetent.
Toffee
Tell me I’m crazy for considering buying a $2500 office chair. It’s from Relax Your Back and perfectly fits (5’1″) me. But, that’s insane, right?
cavity maker
if you spend a lot of time at the office in the chair…
AIMS
That’s ten dollars a day if you spend an average of 250 days working. $5 over two years and so on.
If you can afford it, I don’t think that’s crazy. If you feel guilty, bring your lunch in from home.
hoola hoopa
If you can afford it and sit all day, it’s not insane. I agree with AIMS’ payoff breakdown.
If you can’t really afford it, then it is insane. There are cheaper ways to get comfortable at your desk. (I’m 5’1″ also and sit all day).
Anonymous
It’s insane. Your big problem is lack of time right? If you have 2k that needs spending use it on babysitters, housekeepers, and wine.
tesyaa
Maybe the chair will be more relaxing than wine.
Maddie Ross
Not necessarily insane if you’ve researched it. We spent an absurd amount on our bed and it’s so worth it. You spend a lot time there. Don’t be miserable.
Anonymous
I always hear that it’s worth spending money on anything that separate you from the ground- shoes, tires, beds, etc. How is a chair so different?
S in Chicago
I am so using that the next time my husband rolls his eyes at the seemingly never-ending pile of Zappos boxes that keep showing up at our door.
tesyaa
BTW, if I were considering such a purchase I’d want to test-drive it (so to speak) for a long period – at least a full day’s work and maybe more.
a lawyer
I did it and never regretted it. (I”m 5’0″).
Conflicted
Sounds insane to me. Though less insane than buying designer clothing.
Flying Squirrel
Cheaper than back surgery or being unable to work due to back problems. As a fellow petite who spent 6 mos practically bedridden, I think it’s worth it if it works for you.
Also, can you share what it is?
Anon for this
It is fine if you can afford it. After all, there are health benefits associated with having a chair that cushions your ass properly.
CJ
I spent about $1000 on mine. I’m 5’0″. I’ve never regretted it. I remember the first time I sat in it I thought, “Wow, this is what a chair is supposed to feel like!”
Cars and teens and insurance
This is sort of re the finance TJ above.
Am I hopelessly old-fashioned to think that teens who cannot pay for their car insurance should in no way be given a car?
I think that cars are for grownups who can afford them.
[I can remember my college didn’t give need-based scholarships for people with cars, since if were paying for them + insurance, you had means of some sort and the scholarship should go to someone needier.]
tesyaa
If the kid needs a car (to get to a job and/or school or college classes) and the parents can afford the insurance, why is this different than paying for any other living expenses?
Avril
I think that the OP’s question may be coming from the point of view that some of these things e.g. cars may be luxuries for some people. I.E. There are kids in this position whose parents cannot afford to buy them a car. So having the teen pay for their own insurance in a way lets them know how much it really does cost to have a car,and not take for granted that they are lucky enough to have someone pick up this cost. And maybe it also ensures that they drive safer e.g. speeding tickets =>higher insurance, where they have to pick up the tab. I think the only caveat here is whether the teen having to work to meet these expenses cuts into other important stuff e.g. keeping up with school work.
tesyaa
If the idea is that the kids shouldn’t have a sense of entitlement, that’s one thing. But sure, items that are unaffordable and luxuries for some people are taken for granted by other people. If I could (entirely hypothetically) afford to send my kids full-freight to private universities, should I not do so because they’ll get a sense of entitlement? Because a paid private education is a luxury for other people who couldn’t hope to afford it?
Cars and teens and insurance
I think if the kid has a job, they can at least help pay for their insurance and understand what it costs (shockingly high), etc., and begin to act like a grownup about it.
I am so wary of a world where kids have the newest phones and good phone plans and gadgets (that appear and yet the money fairy takes care of everything). I fear it ends with a scene out of Girls: I am being told to fund the NYC apartment for a 20-something to spend a few years writing a memoir.
Also: giving teens $ so they can go on dates (like $50, every weekend). I don’t think that teens working is a thing anymore (dealing with upper-middle-class people). Maybe test scores have become so important that no one does anything that’s not resume-padding (volunteering overseas at 5K/trip), but I am wanting to unplug and go all sorts of Walden on this stuff.
Anonymous
To be fair, it’s also really tough to find a job as a teenager in a lot of places, since in this economy, a lot of what we consider traditional “high school weekend job” work is getting filled by adult workers who obviously are often better than 16 year olds.
Nonny
But what happened to the basic teen jobs like babysitting, cutting the neighbours’ lawns, paper routes, feeding the cat when its owners are out of town, etc.? Even if the other formerly “high school weekend jobs” are no longer there, I would pay a teenager good money to mow my lawn once every two weeks. My next-door-neighbour has three teenaged sons who I am dying to give work to. But no takers! It really seems like the mentality has changed from when I was growing up.
Playing DressUP
To Nonny above –
I live in a subdivision with a housing association. All the people with landscapers don’t even like our lawn that my husband mows. Can’t imagine what would happen if we hand it over to a teen who’d rather be playing video games. Frownface.
Anonymous
I don’t think those exist anymore. None of my friends with kids would consider leaving theirs with a local teenager despite babysitting themselves as kids. Personally I’d rather pay for the car/insurance than be my kids’ taxi driver.
Anon
There is no cut-and-dried answer to this question.
We grew up in a “car city” (meaning large urban/sprawling suburban) that has no viable public transportation options. We attended a private school, so no school buses. We each got a (nice, used, safe, reliable) car when we turned 16 and my parents paid for the car/insurance/etc. Many classmates got brand-new, high-end cars (think Land Rover) but my parents didn’t buy into that model. They had no problem with a 16 year old having a car, but firmly believed that it should be a “starter” car, not something you buy yourself once you’re established in a career.
I’m guessing we would not have received a car if we’d grown up somewhere with viable public transportation (NYC, Chicago, Boston, etc).
Anon
To add to my 4:02 post – when we went off to college, we only got to take the car with us if we went to another “car pretty much mandatory” city. So the siblings who went to schools in large, urban areas with great subways had to leave the car at home – siblings who went to schools in areas w/o public transport got to bring the car. Seemed totally fair to everyone.
anon
I love this and aspire to be the kind of parent yours were.
We are fortunate right now to have incomes that exceed our needs and allow for lots of luxuries. And I love my kids and I give gifts to show my love because I grew up poor, so it’s really hard to restrain myself (my kids are little, so we’re talking about $20 on Lego here and there, not fancy cars).
Anyway, how to raise non-entitled kids when you are clearly able to spoil them is a constant question in my mind, and I’d love to have a discussion about it. Kat -maybe an idea for a Tales of the Wallet on the Moms site?
2nd This
I had a similar situation growing up: suburban area with no mass transit and a small school district with no school buses. My parents had to either buy us a car or continue making school runs. My mom wanted to go back to school herself, so they chose the former. In my area, given these logistics, it wasn’t uncommon for a kid to have their own car, be it a new BMW (seriously) or an older hand-me-down.
My parents paid for the car and all related costs (insurance, gas, etc.). Their financial support of the car was contingent upon me keeping my GPA above a certain level and generally being a good kid (no breaking curfew, throwing parties, etc.). I was also responsible for taking my little sister to her sports practices and dropping her off/picking her up from school. I was in love with the freedom of having my own car, so I followed the rules pretty well. My parents also didn’t shield me from the costs of owning a car, so I feel I a) appreciated what they were doing more and b) wasn’t completely shocked when I went out into the “real world” and had to pay $65 every week for gas.
Avril
First off let me say I grew up in a place where a car was not a necessity i.e. there was adequate public transportation. But now I live in a place where NOT having a car means you almost can’t go anywhere. So I share your sentiments upto a certain point, i.e. if the teen does not have a car, can they still go to school, sports events etc? If there is no public transportation, then someone has to be willing to drop them off. I do think that having the teen pay for their own car insurance can instill a sense of responsibility especially since the parents paid for the car (I’m assuming).
Anonymous
Hopelessly old fashioned indeed.
Anon
I think it depends on what the teen is doing with their time. If they have a job, then they can contribute towards insurance (for me it would depend on how much insurance costs vs how much they make. I would be willing to chip in.)
As for my daughter, she is busy with sports and I feel like they have been really good for her (confidence, exercise, learning to take critisism, keeping her busy and out of trouble, learning to be on a team, etc. . .) because this takes up so much time, I am willing to pay her insurance for her. It is also nicer for me because I don’t have to be a taxi anymore (her younger siblings and I spent tons of time driving and waiting for her at practices.)
If she was not involved in these activities, then I would require her to contribute to the cost.
Avril
+1 Agree with this
Playing DressUP
Yeah, a teen having a car can benefit the whole family, younger siblings, carpool, whatever.
I shared a car with my dad – I woke up early to drive him to the train station and I picked him up in the evening.
I disagree with almost any hard-and-fast rule about somebody else’s budget, even the example given in this thread about a college basing need-based scholarships on car ownership?! That seems crazy. Maybe a car was a gift, or (like one of my friends) inherited from a dead relative. She worked her butt off in our campus kitchen; I’m not going to begrudge her her dead grandpa’s boat of a Buick.
Anon22
Yep, agree with this wholeheartedly. My parents bought both my sibling and me a car when we turned 16 so that they could stop ferrying us to sports practices, private school, social activities, and yes, summer jobs. The cars were about a decade old but were reliable and safe(ish). Sure, we could have used our summer job earnings to pay for the insurance, but I think my parents were just so relieved that they no longer had to play taxi that this didn’t even come up!
Senior Attorney
Yup. I always swore I’d never give my son a car, but when the time came it was totally worth it to be finished with taxi duty! (And he got my old car when I bought myself a new one.)
Brit
This is what happened with me – I was so involved with after school activities, my single mom didn’t work in the area, and we lived in a very rural area, so it was really a necessity for me to have a car. And because of the after school activities, I didn’t have time for a job, so she paid for my insurance/gas. But, then on the other side, because her commute was so long, I would do the grocery shopping or other errands in town for her during the week. When my brother got his license, he wasn’t involved with anything, so I think she made him pay for gas, but she still paid for his insurance. Once we got to college though, she started making us pay for insurance. Neither of us got “nice” cars – I got an older one she was contemplating selling anyways and my brother got my grandmother’s car when she died, which was right before he turned 16.
housecounsel
Amen, Anon at 4:09.
Bewitched
I told both our driver’s age boys that they had to pay for part of their insurance and all of their gas. Insurance was crazy expensive so we paid some, but while they were working (summers) they had to pay $100/mo. $50/mo from savings if they wanted to use the car at school. You would have thought that we locked them in the basement without food or heat. I don’t know of any other parent in my upstate NY clan of friends who makes their kids contribute to insurance. Many pay for all their kid’s gas, even gas spent driving aimlessly around to their friend’s houses. One gave their college age kid a car and the kid did not work the summer between his or her freshman-sophomore year of college! I swear, I am get off my lawn old. I had two jobs each summer and bought my own car and paid for my own gas and insurance. I think asking a kid to contribute is NOT too much.
Cars and teens and insurance
I think that this is reasonable. And I would chip in to free myself from the taxi role. And when I think of “teen car,” I think of getting myself a newer car and letting them have the use of the 5-year old minivan (or maybe I find a 5-year-old civic or something as the joint teen car, since there are two of them and I think they ought to be able to coordinate for the one year they will both be driving and at home).
If you hadn’t guessed it, there are some spendy inlaws offering something that we truly don’t want and it doesn’t help that they’ve “helped” cousins to the tune of several thousands of dollars that the parents get stuck with (b/w insurance and car taxes) on teen cousins already (and that was before the speeding tickets).
Ginjury
Could your spouse ask his/her parents about potentially putting that money towards savings, rather than a car?
anon2
Check out the Insurance Institute for HIghway Safety (IIHS) – they recently did an article on the safest cars for teen drivers.
Baconpancakes
Depends on the teen. I had lots of extracurriculars, and no car, and had to rely on friends for rides, which was sometimes a little problematic. Otherwise, my parents would have had to pick me up, and that’s more than a little embarrassing for a 17 year old.
lawsuited
Why would being picked up by parents be hugely embarrassing for a 17 year old? Unless your friends expect you to have a car so it’s embarrassing that you don’t have one? If you’re 17, in school, not working and therefore can’t afford a car, why would your friends expect you to have a car?
I don’t think parents have an obligation to reinforce whatever facade their children are trying to create to pretend amoungst their friends that they’re more independent than they actually are.
Alana
Considering the general audience here, where many have the money to buy a teen a car and pay for insurance, and live in spread-out communities once they have kids, I am not amazed. However, as a former city kid, I was on the bus when I could not get a ride. Also, bicycles can go for several miles. Many kids work to buy a car and pay for car-related expenses. Part of the point of jobs for teens is to encourage them to continue their education. Also, it lends to gratitude later on in life when they work at jobs with better work environments.
Lawsuited, I agree. Children should not “have it all” because why would they want to grow up? Adulthood means freedom and responsibility.
In short, it seems this discussion is about the results of poor urban planning in the US and class-based expectations and priorities.
Mpls
The car I drove in HS was very clearly explained to me as not being “my car” but “the car I drove”. Me driving was as much a responsibility (hauling my brother to school and back, taking him in early to do driver’s ed, driving to a job) as it was a privilege. I paid for gas, but didn’t pay the insurance. I’m guessing that was pretty much the set up for the younger siblings too.
anon
I like this a lot.
Mo
That was how it worked in my house, too. My mom was happier about me getting my driver’s license than I was because it meant an end to hours driving me and my brother to swim practice.
Spirograph
Same here. And it was the minivan. My mom got herself a new-to-her car. I didn’t have my own car until I bought it myself when I was 20.
Annie
Yup, I had “the car to which I had access”. My mom got a new car soon after I turned 16. I drove my brother around a lot after I got my license, and ran errands.
2nd This
I can’t believe I forgot this part in my comment above. My parents funded the car and all driving-related costs, so they constantly called it “the car we let you drive” (even though I ended up taking it to college with me). It made me CRAZY growing up but I couldn’t exactly argue the point.
Also, I will totally do this to my kids.
I'm Just Me
That’s pretty much how it is with my teens. The car that they drive is a mini van. They need to coordinate their use of it (easier now with one of them an hour away at college).
roses
Yes, you’re hopelessly old fasihoned, because not giving a teen a car in areas where he/she can’t walk or take public transit to school/work means that one parent – and let’s face it, that’s usually Mom – needs to be available to drive him/her there. Nowdays, in case you didn’t notice, moms can have demanding jobs that prevent them from being chauffers for their children.
Aerith
Agreed. My parents were of the mind that I should pay for my insurance if I wanted to drive, which was fine by me – so I didn’t drive. Then they ended up wanting me to be able to go out and run errands and chauffeur around my siblings for them, so they decided they had to pay because it was apparent I wasn’t going to
Anonymous
I grew up in a place without public transportation. I used my car to get to my activities (so my parents didn’t have to drive me) and to and from work. I needed a car. My parents paid for it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I paid for gas but it would’ve been really difficult for me to make enough money for car insurance and gas when I was still in school and going to ballet class 5 days a week. We had plentiful summer jobs for teens, but I got paid 6.50/hour before taxes and could only work 40hrs a week (legally). So…that doesn’t add up to much.
Curly Sue
You’re taking way more flak for this than I’d have guessed. I do not think this is an unreasonable suggestion. I was very involved in high school — theater, clubs, and a job — and I bought my own car. My parents paid the insurance, but I paid the gas. Ten years later, I’m still proud that I paid for it myself and I think I took the responsibility of car ownership a lot more seriously than my high school best friend, who totaled two separate vehicles in under a year.
Carrie
I am pretty stunned by this thread.
I agree with the OP wholeheartedly.
What happened to bicycles? Walking? Carpooling with friends/other families? Prioritizing? And earning your right to drive a car?
I am amazed…
roses
What happened to bicycles/walking: School consolidation and re-districting? For many, living within a mile of their school is a thing of the past.
Carpooling with friends/families: Requires you to rely on the generosity of others, which is not always reliable. Plus now that extracurriculars are practically required to get into a good college, it is not easy to find someone with the same after-school schedule. And of course if your teen has a job, it would be even harder to find someone whose schedule aligns with theirs.
This doesn’t mean that teens are *entitled* to cars, but recognize that having a car isn’t only a fringe luxury for suburban kids who live in safe, close-knit neighborhoods. In a lot of places it’s a necessity that allows teens to go to school and work (and shuttle around their siblings) without demanding that mom or dad re-arrange their schedules.
Charlotte York
A lot of states now restrict who can be in the car with a teen driver. For example, in CA a teen can’t have any one under the age of 20 in the car during the first 12 months unless someone older than 25 is supervising. It makes carpooling with the kid next door close to impossible.
housecounsel
I always thought my kids would never have cars at 16. Now that I have spent 15 years driving them around, I cannot wait for my daughter’s upcoming sixteenth birthday so that she can drive herself to practice. Of course, she isn’t getting a NEW car. I am, and she is getting my old one.
This is but one of the parenting issues I thought I knew ALL about before I faced the situation myself.
Senior Attorney
Yep. This is basically how it came down for everybody I know.
Anon for this
I would never give my kid a car (if I had one to give). They have to learn to be responsible, and that begins by not asking mommy/daddy for one, because most kids are too irresponsible to deal with it and use the car for fun.
McGiggles
I would give my kid the car, the insurance, the gas as long as they have demonstrated responsibility and other good qualities along the way. IMO this isn’t the tipping point between a hard-working, responsible, grateful kid and a spoiled brat.
Perfect LBD
Vicarious Shopping Challenge: I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding (yay) and she’s letting us choose our own dresses (double yay). The wedding will be semi-formal, so I’m looking for a cocktail length black dress. I’m planning to spend about $350. Suggestions?
Clementine
I was in exactly the same situation and will be wearing this (purchased on sale):
https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/dresses/cocktail/PRDOVR~02890/02890.jsp
I thought about doing a RTR dress, but most of them were a little too short. This dress is to the top of my knee (5’8), flattering, and I can wear a regular bra with it.
January
I love that. Wish I hadn’t bought something else for an upcoming wedding (on the other hand, the dress I got was a bargain!)
Meg Murry
Not sure if you want to go with an actual bridesmaids dress since you don’t have to instead of an off the rack dress, but this dress was in consideration for a wedding I was recently in and I thought it was pretty and has rewear-able potential. http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/Bridesmaids/7279S
Meg Murry
There are lots of nice looking options under the “little black dress” category at Nordstrom as well. We also considered a dress similar to this one:http://m.nordstrom.com/Product/Details/3646734?categoryid=60139444
Musetta
Dating threadjack: How do you decide to continue or not continue seeing someone, especially when juggling a couple of different guys in early dating?
I’ve spent very little of my adult life single. This is due in part to the fact that it takes little time to find a guy I click with. For example I’ve been on OKC for about 2 weeks and am corresponding with/seeing 5 different gentlemen who all seem pretty great. Have two second dates lined up this weekend. I don’t want to just fall into a relationship; I really want to be more conscious of how I am making decisions about whom to continue to see. It almost feels like I am doing something wrong if it is that difficult for me to narrow down the pool. How many dates is enough to really gauge potential? Advice appreciated!
Baconpancakes
However many you feel like! Just make sure no one is under the impression they’re exclusive until they are. If you want to date casually, go for it! You might have a harder time finding guys who are into casual dating than you’d think, though. And you do have to actually keep it casual – generally, my rule is that seeing someone more than three times a month after you’ve been on two dates veers into more serious.
First, figure out what YOU want. Do you want a boyfriend? A date? A casual fling?
Playing DressUP
You should pick a fight and see how they handle it. Or tell them you think you’re pregnant and reject anyone who reacts differently from what you want. Then, when they meet your standards, hand them a rose on the beach. And smooch while the sunsets…
Seriously, get to know them, meet their friends, whatever. Just hang out. Have fun! Also — you might want to examine yourself and your motives more seriously (i.e. therapy) if this is a pattern for you. Whatever. Good luck!
Ru
Girl, welcome to my part-time job. Rather, my second full-time job. I date like I’m getting paid for it. Which I’m not. Maybe I should. Anyway, stop thinking so far ahead. I am currently talking to and meeting multiple people at the same time just like you. My expectations are to meet someone new and to get home safely. That is it.
When I’m on a date, I try to have varied conversation, get a feel for their personality. By the end of the date, I will have made up my mind as to whether I want to see that person again or not. Rinse and repeat.
Looking at each person as your potential future spouse is a great way to lose your mind.
Also, you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s not fair to compare people obviously. Just focus on that person and how they make you feel. If a person makes you feel meh, then pass, no matter how objectively amazing they are. If something serious is developing, you can have the exclusivity talk with Person of Most Interest.
Anonymous
Wow! I’m jealous! How do you manage to get past the online chat to an in-person date with so many guys? I gave up on internet dating because it was just endless emailing with strangers and, though the conversations were sometimes great, few actual dates transpired. What should I have be doing differently?
cbackson
I think that my problem is that I can have an enjoyable conversation with almost anyone. So I go on millions of first and second dates with people I’ve met online, and they’re perfectly fine, but there’s no romantic chemistry (at least on my end). But then the guy always thinks it went so well, and I feel like a jerk breaking it off because there’s nothing to point to other than “we had a nice chat, but I’m just not that into you.” And then I get TOTALLY stressed out.
The serious relationships I’ve had always started as friendships and so I find it super weird to feel like I’m basically interviewing guys for their dating suitability. But I feel like there’s a time limit for how long guys are willing to do friend stuff before they want to take things to a more romantic place, and that time limit is shorter than really works for me (not that they’re being jerks, but it takes me a pretty long time to get comfortable with people – it’s reasonable that they wonder what’s going on…).
January
Oh, you just summed up my experience with online dating perfectly. So frustrating. :-/
As for the OP, I think cbackson’s last paragraph may be what you’re getting at — you can definitely go on as many dates with a guy as you want, but you may want to figure out for yourself how much non-platonic involvement you’re comfortable with while you’re still dating non-exclusively. If that makes any sense at all…
Anon for this
You are lucky. Most guys will not send these signals my way until after I’ve slept with them. And nowadays, with all the HPV and other stuff going around, I am not anxious to start sleeping with a bunch of guys.
Rachelellen
Any folks out there in the Columbia, Maryland area? Would you be up for a meetup or just welcoming a new person to the area?
Me!
But I’m moving there in October! We can be new area friends :)
Marylander
I used to live in Columbia and am still fairly close… I have zero free time, but I would def try to carve out a tiny bit for a meetup!
rachelellen
Marylander, can you think of a place? Maybe in early October to accommodate “Me”? I’m moving to the area, not Columbia exactly, in a few weeks?
Brant
Eh, DH are on team “make ’em pay.” DH and I both free up comfortably upper middle/upper class, but in very wealthy areas. I went to a top-in-the-state public school where there were kids driving brand new luxury cars in high school. I went to a private college and my parents did not quality for any sort
of financial aid, but shelling out sticker price (I’m the oldest of 4) required
belt-tightening for sure.
In high school, I had use of the family’s “third car” (I was the only kid with a license, they bought it (used) when I turned 16, but it was not “Brant’s car”). I was responsible for insurance and gas and driving my siblings to a certain set of activities in exchange for using the car on weekends. I generally split my weekends: one night (usually Friday) babysitting (also did homework!) and one night out with friends.
For college, my parents asked that if I went to the private school vs the state option (where i got
Into the honors Program with a full ride) that I take out the max student loans. It ended up that I got a few Scholarships, which were “credited” to me. I graduated with about $15k in debt and it really helped me understand the value of education. I funded grad school myself (went part time). I’m now 30 and long done paying off my undergrad loans.
Me!
RachelEllen & Marylander: I’m available Oct 10-12 and possible 17-19!
Midtown Manhattan recs
I will be in Manhattan next week for 1/2 a day (flying out from the west coast)…..window is very short, but I would love to try to squeeze in a very little shopping.
My meeting is in mid-town Manhattan near 5th avenue / upper 20s.
Any recommendations for places to check out in the immediate viscinity? I’ll only have about an hour, maybe 2 max before I have to head back out to the airport.
I generally tend to favor stores along the lines / price range of Banana Republic.
Either smaller stores, or even just American brands that don’t show up in Canada would be great reco’s.
Thanks!
Anonymous
Just walk straight downtown on 5th. It’s a great spot for banana-ish stores between 23rd and 14th.
Ellen
YAY! OPEN THREAD’S! I love open thread’s and this question, b/c I work near where you will be!
I recomend you walk UP 5th to 34th then make a left on 34th, and you can get alot of store’s on 34th, and you can walk all the way to Macy’s on 7th Avenue, and you will be abel to buy so many thing’s! If you want I can help you find the best place’s but you will also be abel to go to L&T on 5th and 37th, and even see the Empire State Building which is right there! Look UP!!!!!!
The other poster had a great question, which I will ANSWER HERE:
1. The smartest thing I ever did with my money is : _____________________.
2. The dumbest thing I ever did with my money is : _____________________.
Smartest: Let dad manage ALL of my finance’s! I do NOT want to be bothered, and when I MARRY, I will let my hubby to EVERYTHING!
Dumbest: Letting Alan manage my 401K. We lost 73% according to Dad. He never thought much of Sheketovits, and even less afterward. That is why he was happy when I did NOT marry him.
========================
Finally, I am goeing out with Noah this weekend for Deli and the museum. He is VERY cultural, so I hope to be abel to show off my knowelege of Medeival History at the MET. I think he think’s I like him (he’s right b/c he is a DOCTOR) and will work and suport me if we MARRY! Wish me luck! YAY!!!!!!
Anon for this
I hope it works out with Noah, and that there is no flood associated with him.
Rachelellen
And if you need a pick-me-up or a place to sit, Cafe Prague on 19th, just west of Fifth, has great coffee drinks, sandwiches, salads, pastries, etc. god I miss NYC food. : )
MissK
Actually, City Bakery is on 18th just west of 5th. Get thee a hot choc and baker’s muffin before you head back to the airport. And a cookie. :o)
AIMS
Second on the City Bakery stop-in. Except I’d trade the baker’s muffin (which is great) for the pretzel croissant (which is incredible). Or get both and take one on the plane.
And yes – walk downtown on Fifth and you’ll find plenty of shopping. Anthropologie, JCrew, H&M, BR, Madewell, Sephora, etc., and all the way down to Nordstrom Rack on 14th street. 14th also has a huge DSW, but I prefer the smaller shoe selection at Nordstrom Rack, personally.
nutella
PAGING BROWN/BLACK BOOT PERSON from yesterday
I don’t know if anyone gave you a rec, but Cole Haan has some that I think are just lovely! Brennan riding boot.
roses
Thank you, I will check them out!
Family Conflicts
What do you do when you feel like family members gang up on you? This has been an ongoing (10+ years) issue. Admittedly I make the problem worse by reacting in the way that I do, but I feel like when I snap at them I become the problem and their behavior is ignored. (Yes, I know that the obvious solution is to not react or to react more reasonably, but I think that ship has sailed.) I don’t feel like a member of the family anymore.
lawsuited
This sounds like a chronic (10 years) and complex (multiple family members) problem so it might be worth it for you to get some individual counselling to talk it through. Not every problem can be solved on your own, and a therapist could help you decide how you want to react or not react to your family, in a supportive environment, which it sounds like you need!
Family Conflicts
Thanks, I really appreciate your response!
Anon for this
This is easy. Tell them that if they want to keep seeing/dealing with you, they ought to cut it out, pronto. Otherwise, you will stop seeing/dealing with them. Easy!
Playing DressUP
Kat, Saw you quoted in this month’s RealSimple magazine. Congrats! I was surprised that you didn’t get more publicity; I hadn’t heard of the other “experts”. WTG!
West Coaster
What would folks consider essential winter gear? I’m a Southern California native who recently moved to the DC area, and am trying to plan ahead for my first real winter. Any bargain hunting tips? General cold-weather best practices? I know this is nuts to think about in August, but I have to start from scratch so I’m hoping to get an early start and accumulate slowly.
purplesneakers
I moved from South India to northern France. What kept me from freezing were:
1) Layers. Lots and lots of layers. I was a TA so I didn’t really have a formal dress code, but one trick I found super useful was to layer a long-sleeved t-shirt under a co-ordinating short-sleeved one, so it looked like I was making more of an effort than I was.
2) Someone told me to make sure my feet, neck and ears were covered- it was an unexpectedly useful tip! I wound up getting a lot of use out of cheap, pretty scarves, and as a bonus the bright colours cheered me up when the weather was grey and dreary.
3) Best 5 Euros I ever spent was on one of those little handwarmers, the ones you drop into hot water for 15-20 minutes. I had to wait outside in the cold a lot and those things saved my bacon.
4) Boots. Get good ones. I spent half my rent on a pair of sturdy Geoxx boots with sneaker treads, and I did not regret it for an instant. Also, flats, not heels. I was grateful to not have to risk falling, especially when I had to walk on cobblestones.
Alanna of Trebond
Are you the subject of the new Helen Mirren film (Hundred Foot Journey)? I kid, I kid.
West Coaster
Thanks! I’ve never heard of such hand warmers- I’ll have to look into them!
Lavinia
For DC, you’d be better off preparing for 40 degrees with rain and sleet than for bitter cold and snow (although there were a couple days of that this past winter). You definitely want waterproof flat boots. I usually wear a lined (waterproof) trench coat or a wool coat + hat/scarf/gloves.
Anonymous
+1. We don’t do a ton of bitter cold here; we specialize in rain/sleet/snow mixes, often on the same afternoon. I’d prepare for that.
(assuming you drive) How’s your car? 4 wheel drive or front wheel drive will be immensely helpful.
West Coaster
Thanks all! I do drive, but sadly left my car in CA. I’ve never even seen snow, so I figure I have no business trying to drive in it!
ExecAssist
I asked a similar question about dressing for winter on the Frugal Friday post. I got some really good recommendations there. Yay for living in the tropics and never having seen snow! I’m glad I have company lol.
Kansas City?
DH, my 9 year old, and I will be in Kansas City for a wedding in a few weeks. Any recs on things to do during the day? We are up for anything, whether it be outdoorsy stuff or museums.
Anonymous
Depends on where in the city you are staying, but if you venture over to the Crown Center area you can visit Union Station (small museum/traveling exhibits in a beautifully renovated train station) and Crown Center itself has a Lego Land, aquarium, and some kid friendly dining options for lunch. Liberty Memorial is also nearby.
The KC Zoo is great if you want an outdoor option, but KC in Aug./Sept. can have some brutal heat and humidity- you may want to have an indoor back-up option(s).
Anon
Yes on the Legoland – my 10 and 13yo kids loved it. Union Station had an amazing Lego diorama when we were there, which was almost as good.
oh, for...
Dear people at my small, extremely prestigious grad school:
Yes, I get it. Orientation week is hard, there’s lots of infodumping, you are exhausted. But. Please, please do not use that as an excuse to get falling down drunk at the welcome reception that your faculty also happen to be attending. One drink, two drinks, sure. But getting soused? I’m sure that’s going to leave a terrific impression, especially given that we’ve been told all week how important networking is and how great our alumni/faculty network is when it comes to career advice and opportunities.
Question for you ladies: Am I being unreasonable when I say that I would take this lack of judgement into account when choosing whether to recommend people for internships/jobs? I don’t really care about what people do on their own time, but honestly, considering the people at my school will some day be in positions of incredible power, being dumb enough to get drunk at an official function does not speak very highly of their decision making ability to me.
Wildkitten
School is for learning and how to drink at professional events is a very valuable lesson. I assume the two faculty at this party see enough students each day/class/year and the students take enough classes that getting soused at one event won’t be burned into anyone’s memory or ruin anyone’s life.
Diana Barry
Guys from my high school used to get drunk at law school events every time. It was no big deal.
Scully
+1
Anon
Agreed, and OP it’s just the start. Heavy drinking is a core component of a lot of professions. Put down the pearls and pick up a glass.
oh, for...
That’s the thing. It wouldn’t have bothered me near as much if it had been a few months into the year and this had been one of the regular social hours our school conducts. It’s the getting falling down drunk the very first time you meet a good half the faculty I kind of side-eye.
Anonymous
Yup, unreasonable. If people are smart and competent enough to get into your super duper program, they know how to drink, network, wheel and deal.
Also, you sound a little snobby. “Extremely prestigious” and “positions of incredible power?” What is this, Skull & Bones?
P.S. Learn to spell “judgment” at your extremely prestigious school.
oh, for...
I was raised to speak the Queen’s English, I know how to spell judgement just fine, thanks.
I’m not snobby at all, just stating facts. We’re a small school serving a small niche industry, and recommendations from professors and alumni go a long way. And considering these people got falling down drunk at their very first official graduate school function, in front of faculty, I’d have to disagree with you on them knowing how to drink.
Playing DressUP
This conversation makes me need a drink. Wine, anyone? A whole bottle? I’ll share.
Anon
Yeah, I’m not sure I want people who are 1) snobby and 2) unable to hold their liquor to be in positions of “incredible power” :) Maybe this is a grad school for future dictators of small countries?
West Coast
Just a question, why does it matter to you? (yes, channeling Ferris Bueller’s day off,”what do you care if your brother ditches school?”)
If it is going to be looked down on by professors, all the better for you.
If you think that they may not represent the school when they go into the real world, you might have a point, but if I were in your shoes, I would put a little more faith in my peers.
If you want to know if you can let loose a bit more, ask some one a year above, or one of the administrators in the program office, what typical behavior is.
From experience, 5 years from now, these will be the moments that bring your class together and solidify your network.
molly
Hi! Longtime lurker, first-time poster. Seeking suggestions re: lunch containers/bags. Ideally would like one for adults and one for young kids. Have heard good things about PlanetBox and Lunch Bot. Seeking something insulated with multiple compartments. Do you and your families have a favorite container for lunches at work/school or snacks on the go?
Lunch Container?
Hi! Longtime lurker, first-time poster. Seeking suggestions re: lunch containers/bags. Seeking one for adults and one for young kids. Have heard good things about PlanetBox and Lunch Bot. Seeking something insulated with multiple compartments. Do you and your families have a favorite container for lunches at work/school or snacks on the go? Maybe there has been a thread on this topic that I missed? TIA
luncher
My husband and I both bought lunchbots. I got the metal tin with I think 3 or 4 compartments and he got a few of the watertight plastic lid containers. I strongly dislike the containers and don’t use them at all. My husband still uses his but I don’t think he is over the moon about them either. I would not buy them if I had it to do over again.
There are downsides to the metal, the main one being you can’t reheat anything. Also, with the multiple compartment container, even if I put everything in silicon muffin tins, the tastes meld together (ie my crackers taste like strawberries). This is a deal breaker for me. It is also tiny, and I don’t eat much for lunch.
I recently decided to just buy OXO containers instead (they have a green top) and I like them a lot better. They come in all sizes, and I even bought the baby food size to put sauces and small portions in.
Amelia Pond
I just bought a rubbermaid lunch “blox” set at costco which has individual containers that snap together for snacks, sandwich and then a salad set. they also have freezer trays that snap in as well to keep your food cold. I haven’t used it yet (just bought it), but I think it will work well as they are separate containers but snap together.
This is similar but not the exact kit I bought at costco http://www.rubbermaid.com/Category/Pages/ProductDetail.aspx?CatName=FoodStorage&SubcatId=LunchBlox&Prod_ID=RP092028&Redirect=1
Fishie
Gals, what do we think of the jacket below as a weekend coat for fall? The gray looks so nice but is a little light colored for fall, but the black looks yucky to me – like cheap fleece or something. Anyone have it? Thoughts? $130 is a lot for a sweater coat for me.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/patagonia-better-sweater-jacket/3501014?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=Black&resultback=450&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_1_A
Also, any mac users have weird issues with the nordstrom website? I have trouble signing in and staying signed in sometimes, and sometimes my whole shopping bag disappears when I go to check out.
Wildkitten
It looks like sweatshirt material to me – especially in gray.
Fishie
Right – can’t decide if I love it or hate it.
cavity maker
I just tripped, and fell in the street on my way to the office this morning. I scraped my leg, but managed not to tear my skirt or shirt or destroy my shoes. I feel like an idiot, and now I’m at my desk and the pain of the scrape is setting in. This monday sucks :(