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We've mentioned this YSL brightening pen a lot over the years, but I thought I would bring it up again at this time of the year, when the days seem long and you feel like you have to rally if you're going out after work, or if you need any general brightening on your face if your regular exfoliators aren't doing their job. Touche Éclat is great because it's the easiest thing to put on to brighten the undereye area without getting that white, too-heavy look. It's perfect — it makes everything look better. Touche Éclat is $35 at Nordstrom, where it has hundreds of rave reviews and comes in 10 shades, and it's also available at Amazon, Macy's, and Bloomingdale's. Touche Éclat All-Over Brightening Pen
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
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- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
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- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Artemis
Totally random travel question, but this place is a treasure trove of information . . .
A girlfriend and I have been trying to figure out how and when we can meet up for a weekend hangout without spending a lot of money or flying. She lives in Richmond, VT and in a few weeks I will be in State College, PA. We were thinking that perhaps we could both drive to meet up somewhere roughly equidistant in between, which puts us in New York. However, I have no idea where to go–is that the Catskills?
We just want time to catch up and veg out. All we need is a decent hotel, an area where we can walk around a cute town and/or take a nice easy nature walk/hike, a good restaurant or two, and a place to buy wine.
Any suggestions?
Anon
Finger Lakes is perfect for that.
K
Ohhhh yes!! Hike in Watkins Glen state park.
LOTS of wine (check out 3 Brothers, Hazlitt, and/or Bully Hill (they’re not very close to each other but they are really fun. Not the best wine but a really cool winery experience).
Anon
What about the finger lakes?
Anonymous
Berkshires? Hudson NY? Are both/either of you driving or hoping to meet somewhere with train accessibility?
Artemis
Both driving. Thank you all for the area recs; if anyone has particular town or hotel recs I’d appreciate it!
Anon
I traveled from State College to the Garrison, NY area this past summer for a bachelorette party. There were quite a few nice AirBNB options in the area that are reasonably priced. We went to nearby Beacon for dinner at the Roundhouse, and I would recommend it. There are also quite a few cute shops in Beacon.
L
I would second Watkins Glen. The Harbor Hotel is the nicest hotel in the area. There are a lot of B&Bs as well – The Inn at Grist Iron is great, with beautiful views, walking distance to Grist Iron Brewing, and closer to wineries. Definitely go to Watkins Glen State Park if it’s open, otherwise you can also check out Taughannock Falls. I like Leidenfrost Vineyards, Chateau Lafayette Reneau, Hazlitt’s, and Hermann J. Wiemer Vineyard (the last one is farther away though). You could also go to Corning Museum of Glass and do a glass blowing class if you get tired of drinking wine and want to escape the cold.
CR
I would just go to NYC. If you’d like something more mellow, Williamstown MA.
Fossil?
Does anyone have a Fossil smartwatch paired with an Android phone? I’ve been browsing the options, but don’t know anyone who has one.
Anon
My husband just got the Fossil Sport about 2 weeks ago. He says it was easy to set up, he likes using it, and it’s been tracking activity and exercise well. He uses it a lot for voice-to-text, as well. He did a lot of research before purchasing, and that one seemed to have the best reviews, and he’s been pleased with it.
JTM
I’ve had that setup for 18mos with 2 different Android phones .
I have an older model Wander in rose gold and I love it, and get lots of compliments on it. Pairing/syncing is easy, and battery life is good.
Life Balance?
How do you maintain a work/life balance? I don’t make enough to outsource house chores and I don’t make enough to take time off (I don’t have PTO in the type of freelance work I do). As a result, I spent 14+ hrs/day working or seeking gigs. I insist on sleeping for at least 7 hrs because my brain doesn’t fully function if I don’t. As a result, there’s never enough time to accomplish necessary house chores or to socialize, work out, or have any fun. I’m afraid to burn out but I’m not sure how to do things differently either.
Hoping the amazing high achieving folks here have some advice!
Anonymous
If your freelancing doesn’t pay well enough that you can afford to work a normal day, then it doesn’t work. Period. Get a regular job.
Senior Attorney
Or raise your rates.
Anon
A little harsh, but I agree. Can you supplement the freelance with a regular or part time gig that earns you some money while you build your freelance business? If you consider yourself established in freelance and are still working 14 hr days you’re not established or you’re doing it wrong. Not everyone or every role lends itself to freelance and that’s ok.
For a change you can make today, honestly you have no time to do regular household stuff or to relax in a substantial so I suggest lowering your standards with respect to housework and free time. It’s ok to not have a clutter free house so long as the trash is taken out and dishes aren’t attracting roaches and rodents. It’s ok to eat only eat frozen meals, cereal, and from the grocery store hot bar. It’s ok if your relaxation isn’t a 5 mile run but reading for 15 minutes before bedtime or zoning out on social media or Netflix. Relaxing those standards might help your mental health while you figure out this job situation.
Anon
Sounds like this isn’t sustainable for the long run. 14 hours of work + 7 hours sleep = 3 hours not working. That’s not enough time to eat, exercise, shower, clean, socialize, commute, etc. I would spend my weekends looking for other jobs and make a switch as soon as possible. Maybe move to an area that’s less expensive? Maybe find something that’s not freelance?
I have lived through extreme work situations like that such as working full time plus grad school but they always had an end point and I had a spouse to lean on for support around the house.
Idea
yeah, this is a short-run situation either way – either lean way in (sorry for the use of the term, but I think it is useful here) to work – hustle, work, get the gigs, keep your clients until they’re yours – or lean way out and focus on your family, health, hobbies for the time being. Your freelance situation does not sound financially sustainable now. What do you need to make it so? More clients? Fewer clients that pay more? More work per client? If you are not facing life crisis (you don’t indicate that you are, in the sense of a breakdown or hospitalization or anything, but you might be too subtle for me to catch), then focus on the work and getting it to pay for itself. Then you’ll have more balance.
anon
You either need to get a different full-time job, or start getting long-term freelance contracts for a lump sum rather than short-term hourly gigs.
Signed,
Hires freelancers
Leah
Definitely raise your rates. Generally speaking, a freelance hourly rate should be 40 to 45% higher than what you’d make per hour in a similar salaried position. If you’re in the U.S., use the Bureau of Labor Statistics to extrapolate data for your field/industry/zip code and see if you’re in the ballpark.
Extremely Anonymous
Ladies who tend their own gardens (so to speak) what is your process? I have never gardened without a partner and I want to give it a try but I don’t know where to start. Do you do anything to get in the mood or do you wait until the mood strikes you? Do you use videos or other materials? I know this is an awkward and deeply personal question, but I don’t know where to look for info on this and I’m not comfortable bringing it up outside the internet.
Anonymous
Just sayin: https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-vibrators/
Anon
Usually wait until the mood strikes and battery powered objects come in handy. Try a bullet.
Anon
Written material works better for me than visual. Whether it’s explicit/steamy romance novels or just straight up erotica, that’s my tried/true method of getting the motor going.
Anonymous
This.
Owl Lover
That being said, Madeline Hunter, Johanna Lindsey, Mary Balough, Elizabeth Hoyt, a new favorite of mine: Sherry Thomas are all my go to historical romance authors. The Sleeping beauty series by Ann Rice is a classic. Kit Rocha did a really good post apocalyptic sci fi series that was very good.
Do your self a favor and download the Libby App and connect to your local library. That way you can read these trashy romance novels for free on your phone instead of forking out the dough to buy them. :P
There are also lots of websites out there for erotica.
anonforthis
The Satisfyer is annoyingly named but a lot of women I know find it mindblowing.
Anonymous
The extremely annoyingly named Womanizer W500 is mind blowing. I highly recommend it.
I also like magic wand and think it’s fantastic for entry level solo gardening. It was my intro and I’m very happy I bought good tools. My flowers grow much bigger and faster than with a partner.
Anon
I recommend grinding against a pillow. It’s something you can do with no extra equipment and it pretty much guarantees success for me (always has). Would definitely consider it the most beginner friendly.
Anonymous
romance novel + pillow
Anon
I am honestly curious how you have not self-gardened in your whole life. Are you religious?
Extremely Anonymous
Not religious, just never really thought about that as a thing women actually did. My parents weren’t religious but didn’t talk gardening at all, so all I knew was what I picked up from school ed, TV and movies, talking to friends, and the internet. The only one of those that ever talked about it is the internet, and then only veeery specific corners of the internet. It’s only recently that I’ve seen it being promoted more as a positive thing to try.
As a side note, I’m generally very uncomfortable talking about gardening at all and tend to avoid the topic if it comes up, even among female friends, so I can see how those conversations could have been happening around me but I accidentally self-selected out of them. I have no problems with really anything gardening-related (I’ve been pretty experimental with partners), but my opinion has always been you do you, but I don’t want to chat about it unless you’re the one I’m gardening with. Except now I kind of wish I had built up some networks of friends who I could talk about this with.
Anon
Not the OP, but I haven’t and a couple of my very close friends haven’t either (at least, they tell me they haven’t and I have no reason to doubt them). None of us are religious. For me, it’s just always been something I’ve done with a partner. Admittedly, since I first started gardening I haven’t been single for more than 6 months. If I were single for a longer time period, I can see myself being interested in trying it. But like OP I wouldn’t even really know where to begin.
Anon
It’s just so common for children and teenagers to explore, it just sort of boggles my mind that you’ve never tried it, even as a kid. You should!
Anonymous
This. I’m only finding out as a result of this thread and some people don’t discover this as early teens. I have definitely been doing this since like age 12. Maybe this is why I haven’t had problems showing a new partner what I need/like?
Have never talked about it with friends but I just assumed everyone did it!
nuqotw
I am in (and imagine I am not the only member of) the set women who tried to figure this out during my early and I couldn’t. I gave up and didn’t get back to it until college, when I was more successful.
Anon
Not an above poster, but never have and never saw the need to.
Please do not tell any woman what she “should” do in bed. Even if you mean well, it is not appropriate.
Anon
Yeah, let’s stay away from “should” about anything bedroom-related. I heard from a friend who is asexual that it is really, really annoying when people assume that sex is “normal” and something you “should” do in adulthood. I was glad she spoke up because I am sure I said things like “normal sex life” without even thinking.
Anon
I have done it, but way later than most boys begin solo activities. At least at my public school, boys were taught about solo-gardening and that it was normal and healthy. Girls were not taught about it at all (no message that it was bad or anything, it was just not part of the curriculum). My mom awkwardly explained it to me at some point but only from the male standpoint. None of my female friends in high school ever mentioned solo activities, even though we talked about what we’d done with boys quite openly and graphically and some of my friends had done PIV. I honestly don’t think I knew that solo-gardening for women was a thing until college or beyond, when female friends talked more openly about it. I never accidentally discovered it. I think it is easier for boys to discover it because of the difference in biology. I definitely think 100% of teenage boys want o do this and only abstain if they’ve been taught it’s wrong (and probably not even then). I think plenty of teenage girls do it, but far less than 100%.
Anonymous
Not OP but this did not come naturally to me either – I had to read a book on how to get started when I was 22 or 23. (Gardened with someone else for the first time and was disappointed in the experience.)
Leah
My reasoning: a childhood with a very strict home life with no privacy (door couldn’t be locked, parents walked in without knocking because “it’s my house and I go where I want”), then college where I had a roommate and also no privacy, then back with my parents into the same situation again, then moved in with my husband and had no need for solo missions.
wayyyyyyyyyy anonymous
The mood will strike, and I begin. Or, maybe I’m not super in the mood but I have a little time to kill or just feel like it, and within a few minutes of starting or reading something, I’m on my way. I’m very aware of what I like and what works for me, and am pretty um, talented, at this, so I can take 1 minute if I just want to scratch the itch, or an hour if I want to really explore a fantasy (either just with my imagination, or reading something, or visual material).
Also, +1 to the pillow rec below. Seems a little strange, but this is actually very common among women. Girls often start doing this in childhood by accident, without realizing what they’re doing, and it carries over. I’ll do this, or use my fingers. I’ve never really used toys, but that’s just my personal preference.
Sometimes visual material, sometimes written. Written is fun because it leaves a bit more to the imagination and you can fill in the gaps with what works for you. Plus, its easier to find more variety in written material. Lots of mainstream visual material is geared towards a narrow idea of what cis het men want, and it’s just… not that great.
Tumblr recently “banned” pr0n, but it’s not all gone. The cool thing about Tumblr is that there was an endless amount of creative non-mainstream stuff, and because blogs could have a theme or focus, and would link to one another, you could really explore and find stuff that pushes your buttons exactly. It’s harder now that it’s been “banned”. I wish I had a recommendation for a replacement site.
I’m lucky that I’ve got a fairly open friend group and we discuss this stuff a lot. Just have fun exploring your body and what you can do for yourself. It sounds like you’ve got a good sense of your own garden plot, so you just have to figure out how exactly you like to till your own soil.
wayyyyyyyyyy anonymous
Oh, and Liter0tica (obvi “o” not “0”) is a good site. Story tags so you can find what you like, no noxious pop ups or ads or things of the like.
Anon
SIGH RIP tumbler.
Anon
Not to hijack the thread, but does any have recs for erotica that is written by women and that is not p0rnified? I’m looking for romance recommendations that do not involve violence against women, rape fantasies, BDSM, or anything in the violence family. It’s shockingly hard to find anything that isn’t written by men, for men.
anon
For women writers, try volumes edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel.
SF Anon
I really like Tessa Bailey. The guys she writes are always very “alpha” so it’s not super feminist, and some of the plot lines are ridiculous… but it’s hot and contemporary and better written than most of the stuff out there. I love erotica but I’m not into historical stuff and I just can’t with terrible writing, so it took me a while to find an author I liked. Any other suggestions welcome!
Anonymous
Is there a woman run sex toy shop near you? Like Babeland?
I find the women who work at those shops really know how to suggest and encourage without making anyone uncomfortable. They may even have a seminar (for real). And looking at they colorful buzzing toys can be almost like a museum visit in itself.
Anon
Love Babeland in NYC!! I spent a good 20 minutes with a sales associate and she helping me find a good toy.
Anon for this too
To get myself in the mood, I usually read romance novels that contain steamy scenes. I find that my imagination works better than watching a video, but ymmv. I started self gardening as a teen using my fingers to get the physical satisfaction, but sometimes I use toys now too. It’s really up to you – I’d suggest starting with your fingers & the pillow as suggested above, and then see if you want to try toys as well.
Anonymous
asstr.org
Another anon for this
For years I used steamy novels for inspiration but recently switched to erotic audio books. Audible has a Romance Package add-on that allows listening to an unlimited number of specially-designated audio romances for a flat rate of under $10 per month. Full range of romance sub-genres from sweet to ultra-hot. I’ve never used any toys but am seriously thinking of getting one…
Anon
Office politics question: I lateraled to my current firm about 6 months ago as a mid level (4-5th year) associate. I was hired primarily to support one partner. Most of my work comes from her, and I get a limited amount of work from other partners. I have been told that the partner I primarily work for has “dibs” on my time, and that other people cannot really enlist me to work on long-term random projects. (Another mid-level associate wanted to enlist me into working with her on something permanently, and the partners told her no.) Since I’ve been at this new job, all the work I’ve been given has generally been skill-level appropriate, and I’ve gotten the same type of work that the other mid-level associates have gotten.
In the past week, I have started getting random requests from a senior associate who is about to be partner to do random one-off research projects/depo summaries– the types of projects that a first-year gets assigned. (Yes, I still do research/depo summaries but generally for a case I’m on or the partner I’m specifically supporting.) Senior associate has been emailing these requests to me and a first-year associate, asking one of us to do it. I’m not really sure what has changed and am grateful for the work, but I frankly do not have time to do these requests because of the work of my own that I already have to do. I also did not think I was supposed to getting these types of requests from people other than the partner I’m supporting, since she has “dibs” on my time. This has only happened a few times… and I’ve been able to punt to the first-year, who is way less busy than I am, but I’m not really sure what to do about this if it keeps up. Thoughts?
Anon
I was hired on in a situation nearly identical to this – brought on as a mid-level to support one partner where it was understood they had first dibs on assigning work. I will give you this advice that majorly helped me – do not shun other work to exclusion. You need to build working relationships that are not tied to this one partner. Even if it is an easy research assignment (which you honestly should jump on since it will take you half the time as the first year and garner browning points), you should take at least some of them on as your schedule allows, especially for a senior associate about to become partner – you can become his go-to mid and soon senior associate and get great experience that way.
Why? Because partners lose clients,their work slows down, they retire or leave the firm, or maybe just decide one day they don’t like you. This happened to me for a period where the partner I was hired to support lost a big client and my hours dropped by half and there was no one and no work there to compensate. I was able to pull out of this by networking in the firm like crazy, but it would not have been so hard had I fostered those relationships from the get go. So take at least some of these assignments and deliver good work product, it will help you in the future. I also recommend talking to the senior associate about the type of work you can handle and he might only email you for more substantive projects – to a 12 year attorney, a junior and mid-level attorney may not look all that different in terms of research assignments.
Anonymous
If you truly do not have the time then yes punt to the first year. But I would do the assignments whenever possible so you keep that door open.
Do not limit yourself to working with only one partner. In addition to the excellent points made above, you need to think about your partnership prospects. Unless you are in a very small firm and the partner you work for is very powerful, hers will not be the only voice that matters when partnership decisions are made. Make sure that others in the office are at least familiar enough with you to want to vote for you.
Anon123
This. And, if you only work for that one partner and you do make partner on your own, you may not get continued work because that partner needs an associate. You definitely should start building your pipeline now.
Shoe Help
Posted this on the shoe post but it was too late to get responses…
Just bought a pair of heels shaped similarly to the ones in that post’s main photo. The back of the shoe, at the top, rubs the back of my heel. The part that rubs isn’t just the inside though, it’s the top of that area too, which feels rigid against the flexibility of my heel skin (if that makes any sense). How do I remedy this?
Anonymous
There are inserts you can put into the back of your shoe so they’re not so close to your foot which may help. Sometimes shoes just “bite” you wrong though.
Anon
I’ve heard deodorant helps (there’s also a thing marketed just for this in the shoe section).
Bezos
This Bezos blackmail thing seems all weird to me. I was originally thinking that the dude can’t truly be surprised that his shared pics got re-shared? And that it seems that his GF is likely the culprit (perhaps not deliberately, but by re-sharing with her friends)?
I mean, if my kid sent pictures to a BF and they wound up getting shared, I’d be disappointed in her, but not at all surprised that this is the ultimate outcome. I wouldn’t jump to “maybe it was an governmental agency.”
Anon
I think the point is how the National Enquirer is threatening to use them, not so much how they got them.
Anonymous
This whole thing is weird. Tech guy is surprised that his d*ck pics see the light of day? World’s richest guy maybe ought to realize that he is open to this sort of thing (if it is in fact true).
OTOH, what is the difference b/w “we may publish things that would embarrass you unless you do X” and normal negotiating? [I kinda remember this with the whole Autumn Jackson / Bill Cosby case, but it’s blurry to me now.] IIRC, if you have the right to do Y, then you can negotiate an agreement to refrain from doing Y. Maybe there are nuances?
cbackson
This question goes to the heart of why blackmail/extortion are complicated crimes. But in most states, yes, it is a crime to threaten to expose an affair unless you’re paid money.
Anonymous
My understanding is that people often request comment as a way of opening a dialog: we have pictures of [you and your mistress] that we will publish; do you care to comment?
“Um, can we work out an agreement not to do that?”
I mean, people don’t come out and threaten (usually) except on TV, no?
cbackson
I would assume not but my brief scan of the Bezos news suggests that basically did just say “do X or we publish.” Which seems…unwise?
Idea
I think the “thing” is the journalism aspect, since Bezos owns the Washington Post vs. The National Enquirer. One has an M.O. of paying for stories, and blackmailing celebrities, one doesn’t.
And also the assistance of Gavin de Becker, who actually advocates for being open and honest about being blackmailed in his book “The Gift of Fear”.
I agree, as I tell my kid, “selfies are for faces” and you never know where pictures may go… but that certainly doesn’t mean that anyone deserves to have their private escapades published. That wasn’t true, for example, for Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lawrence or Selena Gomez, and it’s not true for Bezos, his wife, or his mistress, either.
Anonymous
I don’t disagree. But I also get the sense of how the Daily Mail, etc. had so much that there had been some sloppy sharing of info and pics that was freely provided (and like with other public people who have overshared with “friends” or friends who repeated things indiscretely or were overheard). Think of how Above the Law gets stuff from people who overhear it on the Acela, etc. People are just sloppy and it’s amazing to me that things shared digitally are ever not publicly aired (or that people expect that to stay private).
Again, hacking is wrong. But sloppy repeating is IMO the reason that interesting stuff gets out.
Anonymous
But there’s more to this — AMI operated in tandem with Trump a lot, and there’s a Saudi aspect here I don’t fully get, which is what seemed to get AMI so nervous that they put stuff in writing.
https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2019/02/report-bezos-private-eye-suspects-government-entity-obtained-racy-texts/
Anonymous
What’s everybody doing for Valentine’s/Galentine’s next week? My DH is out of town so dazzle me with your exciting plans…
anon
Hoping my child isn’t born. Due date is Feb 16th and I hope it doesn’t end up with a Valentines birthday.
Anon
Just in case your kiddo does end born on the 14th, my brother was a Valentines baby and it’s never bothered him much either way (except for when he was 17 and it was his first year having a girlfriend and forgot that it was a gift giving day for her as well – he was able to regift a necklace I had received but never worn but it was very last minute).
Vicky Austin
Holiday birthdays make you a better, more patient person.
Signed,
Fourth of July, Memorial day weekendish (x2), week before Christmas (x2), day after Christmas and New Year’s Day, all in mine and my husband’s immediate families. No joke. (Cherry on top? This is 7/9 people. The other two, his sister and one of mine, share a birthday with each other right down to the year. Still no joke.)
NOLA
One of my cousins is a Valentine baby. She always had Valentine birthday parties and it never bothered her. I never forget her birthday!
Anon
Aw! My daughter was due on Feb. 17th last year and was born on Feb. 23rd (I’m already a mess about her first birthday!) I’m not sure if it’s your first, but first babies are often late. But I don’t think a Valentine’s birthday would be so bad. Double the love! <3
Anon for this
My husband’s birthday is Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been a big Valentine’s person so this has actually worked out great… other than trying to go out for dinner for his birthday, which is inevitably an overpriced sh!tshow :) Just please don’t be like his mom, who CANNOT just tell him Happy Birthday and has to plaster everything with big hearts and awwwww my Valentine’s baby type messaging.
Anon
Continuing to resist the patriarchy.
Is it Friday yet?
+1,000 F this garbage, commercially manufactured holiday
CountC
Yep! I’m going to pilates!
Rainbow Hair
Going for beers with my girls. We’re likely going to do crafts too.
Anon100
Going to yoga class and pretending this day doesn’t exist…
Feeling pretty bitter about it this year even though I never even really celebrated it when I was coupled up.
Anonymous
It’s my mom’s birthday, so hanging out with her.
Anon
High tea at a local mansion with my group of best gals for a late galentines in a couple weeks!
Anon
This sounds amazing!
Anon
I’m the one out of town in my family, and DH doesn’t care about the holiday so I think it’s basically cancelled this year.
Abby
My husband is working too, but we never do anything super special anyway. However, it’s our first one married and I was a little sad, even though it’s silly. I’ll probably do some girly self-care things, nails, hair & face mask, guilty pleasure Netflix watching or reading a book!
K
Fancy dinner and a play with my best friend. We’re season ticket holders to our city’s big theater, so we had tickets before realizing its on Valentines day.
Boyfriend can wait.
anon in brooklyn
Our valentines tradition is ordering a pizza + a fancy bottle of Champagne. Works out cheaper than a fancy dinner out, and no restaurant crowds.
Anon
Same! I can’t think of a way I’d rather spend my night. :)
Senior Attorney
Yes, my husband and I had tickets for the ballet on Valentine’s Day as part of our season tickets to the theatre. He’s not a fan so I’m taking a dance-loving woman friend. Big fun!
NOLA
I’ll probably bake Valentine M&M cookies for our students. They love homebaked cookies and I want to try out my new stand mixer. No romantic plans, obv…
Another anonymous judge
Have been thinking of you, NOLA, and hoping that all is well!
PolyD
Nothing on Valentine’s Day, but the following week we are going to a 5-course dinner that features bacon in each course. Also there will be wine. And we will spend not much more than we would have on a standard VD dinner.
cbackson
Taking a candidate to dinner or possible working out, because I basically forget this holiday exists unless someone reminds me.
Leah
Waiting for the Feast of St. Markdowns on the 15th. 70% off chocolate is my jam.
We don’t do Valentine’s because it’s two days after my birthday, so it’s a bit of a rerun.
Anon
I have a tendency to offer solutions to people’s problems when they seem really obvious, which I know is not the best trait, but in this situation, it seems kind of warranted. My best friend’s husband makes just above federal minimum wage (long story) in a low-wage state in a job he doesn’t care about. They live right on the border of another state with minimum wage of $12/hour. Would I be wrong to suggest (in one of the many conversations where she expresses concerns about their finances) that he look for another job he doesn’t care about directly over the border? It seems obvious and yet as far as I know, they haven’t looked into it. I know it’s not my marriage and not my problem, but I think if it were me, I would want a friend to point out a painless solution like that. Thoughts?
Anonymous
Yes. I have thoughts. No one asked you so mind your own business!
Anon
Stay in your lane.
Not your monkeys not your circus.
givemyregards
I think the answer to this depends on your friend’s personality, the type of friendship you have, and timing. If your friend is very sensitive about their financial troubles, and is coming to you purely to vent/for commiseration, I would tread lightly before offering a suggestion. But if you think your friend wouldn’t be defensive, I think the next time she talks about it you could casually ask “do you think he’d be interested in a similar job in [wherever the border town is] since they have a higher minimum wage?” (or “different wage requirements?” if you, not she, uses the term “minimum wage” when discussing his work). I would frame it as a question because while you suspect they haven’t looked into it, it’s possible that they have and he hasn’t been able to find a job there.
Anon
I’m sure they are aware of their options. It’s not your business.
Anonymous
I mean I wouldn’t bring it up out of the blue because it’s nosy to talk about someone’s finances. But if it’s becoming a thing where she has LONG financial discussions with you — THEN I think you can gently suggest a job over the state line. However, how you do it matters. I would NOT act judgmental or — I can’t BELIEVE you guys haven’t figured it out. If anything I’d be self deprecating about it — as in — I’m sure you guys have considered it, but why doesn’t he look for a job a few miles away in the other state, that’d guarantee more money? AND I also think it’s important to mention it once and then drop it. No reason to convince her in this conversation or future conversations. No reason to follow up or ask if he’s looked or why hasn’t he looked etc.
And to the poster above, when someone complains about an issue to you ALL THE TIME — it becomes your lane in a way. Not saying you have to go overboard but if she discusses it, you can offer ONE suggestion and then move on.
anon
I wouldn’t. Offering advice that isn’t asked for rarely goes over well, IME. I also love to give advice and I’ve had to learn to just shut my mouth 90% of the time, unless someone specifically asks for my input.
Anon
I am going to guess that you are talking about MA and NH. One problem is that the husband would have to pay MA income taxes on his wages earned there, while NH does not have a state income tax. Another problem is that there may be tolls (on the NH side), which would reduce the value of his work even further. Also, it’s entirely possible that full-time minimum wage work may net him more money than part-time $12/hour work.
Which is to say, don’t offer an “easy” solution that you do not understand the drawbacks of.
Anon
This. It’s really not as simple as you think it is.
Anon
Continuing: there is a market in wages. Let’s say that there is a Target in NH and a Target in MA, both near the state line. The latter is legally obligated to hire people at $12/hour. The former is obligated to pay at least $7.25/hour, but is obviously allowed to pay more.
If there were no drawbacks to going over the state line, the NH store would need to raise its wages to get anyone to work there. Now, it might not raise them all the way to $12/hour, but it would not be a $4/hour disparity. This is how markets work.
But he’s right near the state line and his company doesn’t feel the need to compete with nearby, higher-paying businesses for talent. Maybe ask yourself why that is before saying it’s easy and obvious.
Anon
I mentioned below that it’s not NH and MA, but in any case, I am very familiar with the situation and all the ins and outs of the job market and commute (this is my best friend and we talk daily). It’s good to keep your point in mind for other discussions, though.
anon
Unless this guy is a full idiot, he probably realizes he lives near a border. When I was job hunting after law school, I HATED advice from people who weren’t very familiar with what I’d done so far or my industry.
“Oh, have you thought about working for a judge?” Yes, yes I have thought about that very obvious employment category, which is also very, very competitive.
“What about the federal government? You could be a prosecutor!”
*head desk*
Senior Attorney
It is pretty much impossible that this has not occurred to them.
Not your marriage, not your problem.
Been there
Stick to, “Oh, that sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through this!”
Unless she says, “hey, I need advice…” then I give you permission to ASK – “Hey, is Tiny Tim looking for any jobs in (neighboring state)? Since I heard the hourly wage is higher there…” ONCE.
Also, take her out for lunch if you an afford to. She would love it.
Anon
OP here and it sounds like the consensus is to STFU. I get that, although it can be hard to stay silent in yet another “what do we do, it would be so great if he could make more money…” conversation. Will redouble my efforts, though! FWIW, it’s not MA and NH.
Anonymous
Idk I would probably say something but phrased like a question. Oh has he been looking? Has he thought about going out of state or is that too much of a pain?
Anon
If it’s California and Nevada, NV allows for federal minimum wage if health benefits are paid.
If it’s Idaho and WA, then the trade-offs are less (WA actually doesn’t have a state income tax but has a $12/hour minimum wage), but there… isn’t a lot of job opportunities right over the WA border.
Maybe?
Only if they ask you for job search advice. A friend of mine did give me advice that probably would have gotten a, “No s#!t, Sherlock” from most of you, but for some reason never dawned on me when I was looking for places to apply in my last job search. In my case, I had never thought to apply for staff jobs at the local huge university, because in my mind (probably a holdover from my very narrow, clueless perspective as a student many moons ago), the only people who worked there were temp/student workers, teaching assistants and faculty. I had literally never thought about the idea that there was a whole group of people that make up “staff”. As stupid as that sounds, I am not usually regarded as a complete idiot, but I totally will own my cluelessness on that front.
anon
I am slightly less in the “definitely not your business” camp than the rest of the crew. Depending on your relationship, you may be able to mention something if there’s a natural place to in conversation. My best friend and I both give each other lots of unsolicited advice about things, including things that are personal and invasive. So, in our friendship, it may be par for the course. But, it would be off-putting if she just emailed me cold. If we were, say, talking about money or wanting to afford down payment or whatever, I would find it fine for my friend to say “I’m sure you’ve thought about this, but are there higher wages in State X in your husband’s industry? There are in a lot of industries and that might be a consideration” (or whatever). I also agree with the other posters who assume that your friend are her spouse have though of this, so maybe not worth saying anything if it may frustrate her.
Cat
PSA: For those of you asking about whether the JCrew Going Out Blazer ever goes on promo — it’s part of today’s 40% off workwear sale (code Coffee).
ValkyrieLawyer
Thank you so, so much! I had been waiting for a sale to pick this up and didn’t know about the current sale. Thanks to you I will be the proud owner of two of them very soon! THANK YOU for the heads up!
Anonymous
Curious whether others share my grumpiness about this – a lot of guys on dating apps will suggest that our first date should be somewhere close to them, out in the burbs, not close to me/my work in or near the city. I work much longer hours than most of these guys. When I say, I could try to get out of work at 7, and he leaves at 4 every day, I think it’s pretty obnoxious for him to suggest a place 5 minutes away from his house and an hour (in traffic) from me, in the opposite direction from my house. My geographical radius is low but a lot of these guys work in the city and live in the burbs. They don’t have to come back into downtown proper, but they could at least offer to get pretty close. When I ask guys out, I always ask them where they’ll be coming from at that time so I can suggest a bar on their side of the city. Has anyone else noticed this? What’s the deal? Is it terrible that I want to just say no thanks when a guy suggests a place an hour away from me under these circumstances?
ToS
Counteroffer for somewhere in the middle, based on distance, for some place that is of interest to you. See if this is lazy thinking or if they make an effort.
Or see if it’s possible to pop out for a 30-minute chat with a chaste beverage & chemistry check at 4 to consider if any drive might be worth it for either of you.
Anonymous
I suggest a different place near me.
Anonymous
I would probably say no thanks. If I were working long hours, I would want to date someone in my city, not someone who lives an hour plus away with traffic. What would happen if you actually started dating someone living in the burbs? I think it would be inconvenient and you are going to be negotiating this on an ongoing basis. Plus, they live in the suburbs for a reason – probably cost and because they don’t take advantage of the city much, so there’s also probably a lifestyle difference at play. I think geography can be important in a relationship.
If you do want to give it a try with these guys, do you have a job where you can leave for an hour and go back to work? If so, I’d proactively suggest getting coffee or one drink for first dates. You can proactively offer a place near your office near the time when THEY get out of work (like 5pm). Then you can go back to work afterwards.
ATL rette
Eh I think everyone wants to go somewhere convenient for them, especially for a first date. Maybe they have a favorite bar right next to their house where they know the bartender and feel comfortable. Maybe look for somewhere in between as a compromise?
I get annoyed driving long distances for a first date, so I understand your frustration. But whenever someone asks me where I’d like to go for a first date, I suggest places in my immediate work/home vicinity (~10 minute drive) because that’s what I know and like. These guys are probably just doing the same.
As for how to handle, why not just say “hey that will mean an hour of driving/traffic for me, can we meet in x area or somewhere closer to my work?” Where x is an equidistant area from your location and his. I feel like that’s a very reasonable request and any guy who would refuse that is someone you wouldn’t want to date anyway.
anon
I just tell them bluntly that what works for my work/commute schedule. If that is a deal breaker for them, better know now. I’ll make something of an effort- I’ll met you at 7:30 for dinner rather than make you wait until I leave work at 8 and then eat take out on the couch, of course. Suggest something in the middle or close to you or no date. I haven’t run into many issues with this… but I also just don’t go out with guys who live in the burbs for this reason.
Anon
What are you telling them before they make these suggestions? Do they know traffic is still bad at 7 pm? Do they know generally where you live?
A lot of people don’t want to go back into the city after having gone home from work.
Counteroffer with something convenient for both of you.
This also might be why Saturday coffee dates were invented.
Anon
When I ageeed to a date, I suggested a place close to me. I figured I wanted the guy to put in a little effort. The ones who objected, I rejected. Take control ladies.
Ellen
I am suprised no one else has mentioned this. I think guys recomend a place near them, especialy if you work late and have to drive a long way to get there, b/c they think that you will be MORE likeley to stay over with them rather than drive back VERY late at night. Men think that if you are there, and they buy you dinner AND drinks that they can convince you NOT to drive home. But guess what? There is UBER! Let someone else drive you home. When I was in college, my freind Laurie got invited to dinner by a guy who was trying to get women to have s-x with him, and he gave her drinks and then said she should stay over (on his couch) and go home in the morning. He said he would not have s-x with her b/c he respected her. When she agreed, she went to the couch, and then he convinced her the bed would be more comfortable, but they would NOT have s-x. Again, she trusted him and went to sleep. She woke up when his hands were all over her. She told him no s-x, and after alot of pleading, she agreed ONLEY to let him hold her. He did NOT have s-x with him, but she did NOT get any sleep that night. This is a lesson for all of us — do NOT go home with a guy, even if he claims he does not want to have s-x — he DOES! FOOEY on these skeevey men for leading us on!
Anon
I would suggest a place close to me or midpoint as a counter. If they ghost me or refuse, then I unmatched them. Just goes to show they are inconsiderate or not that into me.
NicholeMarie
First time going skiing in a few weeks! Got a suite with a couple friends, but need some help from you ladies – What gear do I buy, and what do I rent? We are drinking to a ski town in the Rockies in Colorado, and I’m thinking I need snow pants, mittens/gloves, and a waist length, water/windproof jacket? I have a wool pea coat that has gotten me through years in the Northeast and this year in Denver, I have not very waterproof gloves, and no snow pants. My “Blizzard” jacket is the only better one I have and it was a handmedown about 15 years ago….
I don’t mind spending some money on this, but don’t want to go crazy if I don’t need to.
Recommendations? Other tips for the trip?
Anne-on
Rent your skis, poles, ski boots, and a helmet (if you can, I’d check first but that’s a nonnegotiable imho). You’ll need ski socks, waterproof gloves, a hat, a waterproof ski jacket of some sort, base layers, and ski pants. In a pinch, workout clothes (leggings, tank, long sleeved top) can sub in for baselayers, but if it will be really cold (or you get really cold) I’d go for true baselayers. I’d also bring or buy waterproof boots with a good tread on them, you’ll be walking to the base of the mountain and sneakers/regular or dress boots won’t cut it.
It will probably be a few hundred (400-800) for all that, so maybe ask friends who ski regularly if you can borrow things? I loan out snow pants and baselayers to friends all the time.
NicholeMarie
Awesome, thank you!
Anon
Agree with all of this and for first timers you can find cheaper snow pants and jackets at Dicks Sporting Goods vs the more expensive ski shops…,invest in more expensive gear after you learn and commit to the sport….
Miss
This is a great list. I like lots of layering, so I do ski socks (smartwool ultra light), sports bra, base layers, ski pants (I have joggers that I wear if I want another bottom layer), fleece jacket (with a hood that I wear up under my helmet if it’s windy), light down jacket (I skip this if isn’t too cold), ski gloves (bring hand warmers if you get cold), a neck warmer, and a waterproof ski jacket. I buy snow boots a size too big for after skiing because my feet always hurt a bit after being in ski boots all day.
You can definitely rent boots, skis, and poles. I don’t know about a helmet and that’s a must (plus it keeps your ears warm).
Anonymous
You will need to bring/buy:
– top and bottom base layer
– mid weight top
– ski jacket
– ski pants
– ski gloves/mittens
– thick wool socks (mid calf to knee height)
– goggles
– neck warmer (moreso if it is cold)
– warm hat for when the helmet is off
– snow-type boots (for walking around when you are not in ski boots)
Rent:
– skis/poles/boots
Notes;
– Amazon had a decent selection of gear for a low price (default to brands you have heard of)
– gortex is great for warmth, especially for gloves
– skiing is relatively physical and you will get cold on the lifts and warm on the slopes. Vents and other zippers will help manage this.
– don’t forget sunscreen and chapstick!
Anonymous
I just accepted a new job, and I can’t tell this to anyone in real life but I will now be out-earning my husband (very slightly). I am LOVING IT. It’s totally arbitrary, all of our money goes into one pot. This is just a personal goal I’ve sort of had for a long time and I have to say, it feels good.
Anon110
I recently negotiated myself into a 6-figure salary (in the midwest, not in legal profession) and it IS a fun milestone. Enjoy the feeling!
Anon
This question is for any freelancers out there. I worked a freelance consulting gig last year and got paid. They haven’t issued a 1099, despite my having requested it several times. Can I still file my taxes? Any tips?
Anonymous
Yes, you can file. Include the income you received in your gross income and include a copy of your invoice/receipt in your records as back up. If there’s any question what the 1099 might say- like you might have worked multiple projects that spanned more than one calendar year- you might want to wait to spare yourself having to file an amended return if there’s a discrepancy.
Anon
You don’t need a 1099 to report the income.
Tippi Optimization
I wear a lot of J. Crew Tippi sweaters. I have a couple of questions for the hive:
1. I hand-wash them every second or third wear, and find they shrink enough to change the fit after a few washes. I was hoping for a noticeable difference in shrink rate with actual hand washing vs. machine washing on gentle cycle, but feel they shrink either way. Tips or suggestions? Do I have to just suck it up and dry clean? For those of you that dry clean these or similar lightweight merino sweaters, do you notice any shrinking over time?
2. In the interest of getting more wearings between washes, I’m thinking about starting to wear a thin baselayer shirt underneath, such as airism/heattech. Does anyone have suggestions for half-sleeve versions? It seems the end of the sleeve on the short-sleeve airism shirts, at least, would be visible under the sweater.
Cat
I dry clean mine and they hold up very well w/ no shrinkage.
Senior Attorney
+1
Selfish Bestie
What would you do if you had a friend that you loved dearly and had a great relationship with for many years; but you “dated” one of her exes in the sense that you started off as his purely platonic friend (you all were in the same circle but living cross country), then you began to like each other. Much to your chagrin, he liked you more but you kind of explored it (knowing it felt wrong), because at that time you wondered (based mainly on his conviction and pleading), that maybe he could be “the one”. He was very supportive, kind, a great friend and so was it possible he was the one? Despite being your dear friend’s ex? You meet up with him at a very public restaurant (where you are having dinner, he’s around the corner, stops by and pulls up a chair). You have a drink and talk for a long time. It becomes clearer that you KNOW he’s not the one but want to remain friends. Which you know he probably won’t go for. Because he likes you much more than you like him. He walks you to your car, you talk and he kisses you. You rush to leave and driving home you know even more 10000% he’s not the one because you felt nothing at all. You let him know you’re moving on but want to stay friends. He blows up at you saying you never gave him or “us” a chance. That’s the last time you spoke. It was 5 years ago. And 5 years since you spoke to your dear friend, too. She’s been busy, working and when you changed your number 3 years ago, maybe you felt too ashamed to update her on the number change? Well, a few days ago, she reaches out. She stumbled upon your social media and she’s been trying to reconnect. You talk and it’s just like old times. “Does she know?” “Does she hate me?” “Did I or did I not ruin this friendship?” “Should I talk to her about it?” “She will never trust me again. If she was me I would never trust me again.” I love her as a dear friend just like I did sooo many years ago. But I fully accept that in that moment with him, allowing him to like me and allowing myself to explore it, I was selfish. There was no “girl code” there was a scared woman who wondered if she would miss out on “the one”. So she thought of herself only and she did what she thought was putting her happiness first. But time has passed and I do want to rekindle this friendship. Guilt and shame have me frozen from responding to her suggestions of meeting up. What would you do?
JB
It’s been five years! She has moved on and hopefully so have you. They were already exes when you explored a potential relationship.
Go back and be friends with your “bestie”
JB
Let me also add, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Its okay to explore feelings. If there was a relationship (but there wasn’t) you would have told her.
Selfish Bestie
What would you do if you had a friend that you loved dearly and had a great relationship with for many years; but you “dated” one of her exes in the sense that you started off as his purely platonic friend (you all were in the same circle but living cross country), then you began to like each other. Much to your chagrin, he liked you more but you kind of explored it (knowing it felt wrong), because at that time you wondered (based mainly on his conviction and pleading), that maybe he could be “the one”. He was very supportive, kind, a great friend and so was it possible he was the one? Despite being your dear friend’s ex? You meet up with him at a very public restaurant (where you are having dinner, he’s around the corner, stops by and pulls up a chair). You have a drink and talk for a long time. It becomes clearer that you KNOW he’s not the one but want to remain friends. Which you know he probably won’t go for. Because he likes you much more than you like him. He walks you to your car, you talk and he kisses you. You rush to leave and driving home you know even more 10000% he’s not the one because you felt nothing at all. You let him know you’re moving on but want to stay friends. He blows up at you saying you never gave him or “us” a chance. That’s the last time you spoke. It was 5 years ago. And 5 years since you spoke to your dear friend, too. She’s been busy, working and when you changed your number 3 years ago, maybe you felt too ashamed to update her on the number change? Well, a few days ago, she reaches out. She stumbled upon your social media and she’s been trying to reconnect. You talk and it’s just like old times. “Does she know?” “Does she hate me?” “Did I or did I not ruin this friendship?” “Should I talk to her about it?” “She will never trust me again. If she was me I would never trust me again.” I love her as a dear friend just like I did sooo many years ago. But I fully accept that in that moment with him, allowing him to like me and allowing myself to explore it, I was selfish. There was no “girl code” there was a scared woman who wondered if she would miss out on “the one”. So she thought of herself only and she did what she thought was putting her happiness first. But time has passed and I do want to rekindle this friendship. Guilt and shame have me frozen from responding to her suggestions of meeting up. What would you do?
Idea
I would double post to a weekend open thread.
Kidding.
I would not mention it and not feel guilt or shame. FWIW guilt and shame are 2 different emotions, one is outside-induced, one is internal.
You have no need to feel anything and it seems like you’ve been reliving this in great detail for years. Let it go. Lose his number. Reconnect with your friend. Find your love. It’ll be ok.
Anomanom
I am guessing here that you were quite young when this happened? You need to stop beating yourself up on this. This is not nearly the giant deal you are making it out to be in your head. You were not / are not a terrible friend. You need to let go of guilt/shame and forgive yourself for something that you’ve rounded up to some horrible sin in your head. They weren’t together and you were meeting up with him behind her back. They had broken up, they had both moved on. Unless I’m missing something in between the lines, you didn’t even date him. You had some conversations to explore it as a possibility and then shut it down. This is not horrible friend behavior.
Finally, gently, as someone who has struggled with thoughts like this in the past and waited way too long, I would highly highly recommend finding a therapist to talk through these kind of feelings with. You are being really hard on yourself and that is a hard thing to break on your own.
Another anonymous judge
This is really good advice! Let it gooooo and reconnect with your friend! It would be a shame to miss this chance!
Anon
I think you’ve blown this out of proportion. The best course of action would have been to let her know at the time that you were interested in this guy and going to give it a shot. However, it’s been years now since this happened, and it sounds like all that did happen was you went on one sort-of date and kissed him once.
It’s not like you’ve been hiding your torrid affair and secret love child from this friend. If you miss her, I would meet up with her. I’d probably mention it, but don’t make a big song and dance about it, just say hey, I think you should know this happened, water under the bridge kind of thing.
Also, I don’t really understand the concept of “allowing” someone to have feelings for you. Yes, there are degrees of encouraging someone vs. shutting them down, but it’s pretty common for friends to catch feeling a for each other and it sounds like you’re taking on an awful lot of responsibility/control for how this guy felt about you.
...
I sometimes cycle on a thought for way too long (I might even do that more often than “sometimes”). I would probably respond to the message to reconnect with something like, “I am SO glad you reached out and I’m sorry I’ve not kept in touch. 5 years ago, I bumped into -d0uchecanoe- while eating at a restaurant. He walked me to my car and then he kissed me. Although I felt nothing and I haven’t talked to him since, I got freaked out that this encounter would hurt you and I wasn’t mature enough then to talk with you about it and clear the air. I apologize for not handling that situation better, you deserved better from me. I promise I’ll do better in the future when it comes to being open about a concern rather than letting our friendship suffer. Are you free to get lunch on Saturday? I can’t wait to catch up and to reconnect with you, I really have missed you in my life!”
Maybe that’s ridiculous to some to bring up, but it would allow me to be sure that the situation was solved, even just by hearing her say “I forgot that guy even existed” or “yeah, water under the bridge” which would let my brain stop spinning on it and it’d let me rebuild the friendship from a place of feeling like everything was out on the table.
Hope this helps!
PS You didn’t ask, but I agree that you did nothing wrong here. Dude in the same social circle chatting with you online or at your table when he bumps into you isn’t weird or wrong. Dude kissing you wasn’t your choice, you chose not to start something with him, and since nothing started, there was nothing to tell Friend, which means you weren’t hiding anything. Your only mistake is letting the friendship drop, if this is someone you care about. I vote for explaining the situation (so you feel better about that), apologizing for being a crummy friend (which she deserves to hear), and then truly doing better in the future when a situation feels stressful! <3
Anonymous
Agree with the prior responses, wtg the caveat that it depends on the kind of relationship the guy and your friend had. Like, if they were engaged, or lived together, it would be different than a shorter, less serious relationship. If this is the case, I would approach it more delicately.
Anonymous
Have to post this because I have gotten so much great advice from this board, but – going over our household finances today, I ran the numbers and figured out we have hit our emergency savings goal (6 months of living expenses in savings). Hooray!
Next step: paying off my dumb student loan!
Anon
Congratulations!!
lsw
nice job!!
Anonymous
(1) If I have a two-week long overseas (family) vacation scheduled this summer, is it disingenuous to start applying for associate attorney jobs now? I.e., is it bad form to attempt to go through the interview process and potentially be made an offer and then have to say, “Oh by the way, I’ll be MIA for two weeks a few months into my employment.”?
(2) Speaking of applying for professional jobs, how do you navigate so doing when your current employer doesn’t know you’re hunting?
(3) Do lawyers need a summary on LinkedIn? I’ve been told we don’t need a summary or objective on our resumes, so assuming that rule still holds (does it?), is the same true for LinkedIn?
Anon
No to the vacation question. I’ve done this my last 2 jobs as an attorney, both as a associate (now partner but dynamics are different). First time – both after the offer – I said I am so excited to join, yadda yadda, but I have an x day vacation overseas with no cell reception x months after I would start. Is that ok? And they thanked me and said yes. I also did not plan any other vacations that year.
Second time I delayed my start date 3 months after taking an unexpected job offer. I wanted to have lots of time before moving to see family etc because I wasn’t expecting vacation time after the move, either. They were fine with it. ime employers want to know as early as possible and as long as they don’t need you for a specific project its usually ok.
Also be prepared to budget in case the time is unpaid.
Anon
How are others getting through snow day school closures? I can work from home but it’s not feasible to actually get much work done with a toddler. So far husband and I are trading “shifts”. We don’t have a regular babysitter and I’m not sure how to find someone I would trust on such a short notice. What have you done in this situation?