Weekend Open Thread

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221 Comments

    1. For travel tips, check the “graffiti wall” on the Rick Steves site. Recent travelers post there about good/bad experiences. We mined those before we traveled throughout France and Italy and found some fantastic restaurants we never would have visited otherwise.

      1. Second the tip for Rick Steves in general. His guidebook to Italy has a self-guided tour of the Vatican and St. Peters that we used (instead of the listening tours) that was incredibly informative and allowed us to move at our own pace.

        1. Thanks D, JJ. We’ve traveled through Europe many times over the past few years and we usually check out/download some Rick Steves’ resources. His guide to the Prado in Madrid is excellent. We’ve downloaded some podcasts for this visit.

    2. sorry for the long comment!

      My DH and I went to Rome and Florence in Feb for our honeymoon – had a great time!

      Shoes look good, however, can’t tell from the pic if they have ankle support… I ended up bringing and wearing ankle support braces (had messed up my ankles from running) and they were very helpful for not having tired feet at the end of the day. Something like this: http://www.cvs.com/CVSApp/catalog/shop_product_detail.jsp;jsessionid=ZknXMlZY1X2p1nJL3LvdzNh7PRghHXPfPBXnQQQDpj3xdZG4LMVH!1895994150?filterBy=&skuId=482561&productId=482561&navAction=push&navCount=1&no_new_crumb=true

      Shoe-wise, for our 10 day trip, I had a pair of puma sneakers, brown leather flat knee high boots, black leather ankle boots that had a two inch heel, and a pair of heels. I did see a lot of people my age (27) wearing pumas or euro-looking sneakers… and what worked best for me was to just switch up my shoes every day. I didn’t end wearing the heels because we always walked when going out to dinner and the boots worked better for me.

      I picked up the Italy for Dummies book on a whim at the airport and it was really helpful in terms of restaurant recs – when I get home I can check the name – but we had the best dinner of the trip at this little café on a hill by the Coliseum – very off the beaten path, amazing food, saw a lightening storm over the Coliseum from our table – amazing!

      Dark Rome (http://www.darkrome.com/) had the BEST tours! Crypts and Catacombes was our highlight of Rome. We went to the Catacombs of Domitilla which my husband loved because it was very “Indiana Jones,” the Basilica of San Clemente, which is church built in the Middle Ages on top of a 4th century church, built on top of a Mithraeum (pagan workshop space), built sorta on top/next to a roman apt building that had been partially destroyed in a fire in 64 AD. San Clemente was my fav of the trip – in the roman apt building – the water from the aqueduct still runs in the kitchen room and we were allowed to try a little sip. If you don’t do the tour still must see San Clemente – very cool! The last part of the tour was the Capuchin Crypt, which is a little creepy but really interesting too… And we also really enjoyed the Dark Rome Vatican tour. We used another company for a Rome greatest hits tour and much preferred Dark Rome.

      http://www.darkrome.com/crypts_and_christian_catacombs_capuchin_underground_rome_tour.aspx?id=3

      What we ended up doing in terms of food/money was to have a big breakfast at the hotel, grab pizza for lunch and then do a large dinner… Dinners were several courses so we often saved $ and our appetites for that. If you’re in a place that has it – try the deep fried artichoke – so good! Most places in the Jewish ghetto (another really interesting place to check out) have them.

      And invest in leather goods (esp. if you are going to Florence as well!) between the two of us, my husband and I each got a leather coat, 3 purses and 3 wallets (some of these were gifts but my purses were the envy of my friends when I got home) for about $1000 total.

      1. Thanks, Laura! When we were in Paris last summer, I took five pairs of shoes–it’s Paris!–and switched them up every day. This European trip, I want to take two pairs of shoes at the most. I’ve already packed my comfy, trusty Pumas but I need a black pair for everything else. (My ‘neutral’ is black!)

        Any Rome leather goods shops you might be able to recommend?

      2. I COMPLETELY AGREE about the Dark Rome Tours!! I just got back from Italy and MUCH preferred the tours booked through Dark Rome to any others.

    3. Love Camper shoes generally thought haven’t tried that one.
      A lot of people on this site have previously recommended Lands End flats, if I recall correctly.
      I, myself, am a big fan of Cole Haan air shoes — though one word of caution, they sometimes tend to be narrow so whether they’ll be comfortable or will need to be stretched depends on your foot. I like these : http://www.zappos.com/cole-haan-air-lyric-ballet-black-suede

    4. My “tried and true” travel shoes are the Cole Haan Air Bacara ballet flats http://www.colehaan.com/colehaan/catalog/product.jsp?catId=100&productId=278182&productGroup=278183 , if the look meets your needs. They were featured on Corporette a while ago, though I’d bought my prior to that. They’re really comfortable with the Nike Air technology and I’ve found them to be pretty versatile. I’m actually considering buying a back-up pair in fact, maybe the black python which are on sale .:)

      One thing I wish I’d know nbefore going to Rome is that it’s important to have dinner reservations at a lot of places. We had picked out some well-regarded (but reasonably priced) trattoria that we hoped to eat at but were unfortunately shut out. Also, if you’re planning to visit the Vatican, it’s possible to buy tickets in advance which saves a lot of time.

      1. Oh, these look great! I am heading to south of France in a month (first time there, if anyone has any trip advice to share) and these look perfect. I just bought them in the black python, which look like they will be great for work, too. Thanks!

        1. Where specifically in the south of France? Provence? Occitane? All of it is wonderful, though I confess Bretagne is my favorite region of France. I don’t have any fashion advice for France; I really tried to pack to minimize my “american-ness” and I am still pretty sure that, even avoiding t-shirts, sneakers, and baseball hats, I was pretty obviously a tourist.:)

          1. :) No idea where yet – will be starting out in Lyon and ending in Marseilles, that is all the planning that has happened thusfar! Any suggestions welcome. I will post again when there are more specifics!

    5. From a girl who studied in Rome for a semester:

      1) Check out St. Peter’s early in the morning, or later in the afternoon (close to closing), otherwise you’re throwing elbows for a glimpse of the Pieta.

      2) Eat gelato at every chance – favorite places include Gelateria Della Palma, near the Pantheon, and Old Bridge Gelateria, near the Vatican.

      3) One night, go to an Irish Pub for an authentic Italian experience. It seems like Romans loove Irish Pubs. Consider Fiddler’s Elbow, near Santa Maria Maggiore. Druken Ship in Piazzo Campo Di’ Fiore is nice, but can get very touristy.

      4) If you are inclined for a relaxing day trip, consider going to Lake Albano/Castel Gandalfo, which is about 45 minutes southeast of the city, just off the Via Appia. Beautiful, crystal clear lake and a quaint town.

      Have a great trip!

      1. Dear ShorT, many thanks. We have plans to check out St. Peter’s towards the end of the day and the Vatican Museums in the evening. (They are open late on Fridays in September and October.) I’ll eat as much gelato as my lactose intolerance allows ;). Irish pub? Never would have thought of that!

        Any thoughts on must-see ruins? We don’t have the time for too many more aside from the Colosseum/Forum/Pantheon but don’t want to miss anything *really* spectacular.

        1. Not really corporette-y, but anyhow:

          I’m lactose intolerant too and know I’ll be having constant battles with myself in Italy over gelato and pizza. The good news is though, Reader P, is that my doctor said you can’t overdose on lactaid pills. I usually have four lactaid per course if I’m eating a dangerous meal (which for me is the presence of butter or hard cheese).

          Also note that buffalo mozzarella, which is traditional in Italy, is *much* lower in naturally 0ccuring lactose than cow milk, especially the bred-for-maximum-milk-production American cows. My sensitive self can tolerate it with lactaid pills – hello pizza! Maybe learn how to politely ask “pardon me, is this mozzarella from a buffalo or a cow?” in Italian.

          Note also that pecorino romano is made from sheep’s milk, which is also lower in lactose than cow’s milk. However, true parmesano reggiano (cow’s) is aged so deliciously long that it has not a lot of lactose left once it’s ready to eat. Still, there is some.

          Also possibly explore Sicilian cuisine – they traditionally use very little dairy. There was an NY Times article not too long ago about exploring Italian Ices on Sicily. Maybe there are Italian Ices in Rome too :).

          1. Thank you, anon today. This is very helpful! I LOVE cheese and when I became LI, I cried for DAYS! (Then I figured out how to manage it ;)).

        2. Castelo San Angelo- it was awesome, I went back multiple times! Also, the Trevi Fountain.

        3. We went to Italy for our honeymoon, and loved it. The biggest detractor, however, was the weather. We went in mid-September, and it was still very hot, sunny and humid – I suspect it is even more hot in August. It was pretty uncomfortable and tiring to walk outside as much as we did (which was pretty much all day – around 10 miles some days), also while carrying around bottles of water. At the ruins, there is little shade, so you get baked in the hot sun. Just something to be prepared for.

          Also, I was concerned about having decent-looking shoes so I packed some cute flats but also “urban” style pumas. I ended up wearing the pumas every day. In fact, after a day of walking I would have been happier with my big, ugly tennis shoes – yes, they’re ugly, but I would have given up looks for not being in as much pain and not having to plan our trip around too much walking. But maybe you won’t be doing as much walking.

          We ate gelato every day, sometimes 2x day plus big pasta meals, but with all the walking I actually lost weight. If the gelato bothers you, they always have delicious fruit sorbets which may be more appealing in the heat anyway. Gelato/sorbet in Italy is simply the best, so take advantage of it! It’s funny because pretty much any time of day or night, you see people walking on the street w/cups or cones. Some places have these HUGE cones that were like 10 euros, but they were huge.

          We didn’t find good pizza in rome – the casual order-at-the-counter places all have the thick square Sicilian style pizza which is ok but not the kind we were looking for, and the restaurant pizzas we tried used cheap cheese – including one place that was supposed to be the best – so that was disappointing. We did find a couple places with amazing pasta, but I can’t remember the names right now…but if you want I can look it up in my scrapbook :)

          For travel plans I posted on the Fodor’s Italy travel board and people were really helpful. There are helpful reviews there too.

          Have fun!!!

          1. Thanks, cat! We’ve been in SCORCHING NYC all summer and are expecting warm temps. If you wouldn’t mind posting your restaurant recs, I’d really appreciate it.

          2. P, the best restaurant in Rome that we tried was Taverna dei Fori Imperiali, near the Forum. Good homestyle pasta dishes, and nice owners. We’re not huge fans of what I call frou-frou food, so we didn’t love Gusto (which was also really expensive). Also, the not-so-great pizza place we went to was Da Baffetto.

            Report back on how your trip goes!

      2. I had a fantastic Black Passion (really dark chocolate and raspberries) gelato at Gelateria Della Palma, so I second that.

        1. Also had ah-mazing stracciatella gelato at Gelateria Della Palma, by far the best gelato we had out of Venice, Florence, Sienna, and Rome.

    6. Oh I am so jealous!! Rome is one of my favourite cities. See it on foot for sure. If you go to St Peter’s, make sure you do this really early to avoid crowds but also to really get the atmosphere of the place (we went around 6.30/7am before breakfast). If you’re fit, you can climb up to the top for the best view in Rome.

      Colosseo & Fora Romana – again try to go early to avoid the busloads of tourists and queues.

      Trevi fountain seems to really come alive after 6pm.

      PS – Florence (Firenze) and Pisa and just a couple of hrs drive/train ride away & not to be missed.

      1. Also,

        1. Standing at a cafe bar and having coffee is cheaper than sitting at a table (approx 2-3 EUR atleast, last time I visited)
        2. Geox/Ecco type flats would be great. I cannot view your Camper ones, but assume they’re similar
        3. Have as much gelato as you can & walk it off in the Roman streets:)

    7. Rome was really hot when we were there in early July this year, and I’ve heard it is worse in August/early September, so I would recommend either taking some time out during the hottest parts of the day – lunch in a cool restaurant, going back to the hotel for a nap, a cool museum or something – to be able to enjoy the parts of the day that the heat is okay, and not have wilted from the heat.

      Remember to hydrate properly. A lot of people were walking around with 1.5 litre waterbottles, and you need about that amount to survive in the heat.

      It is possible to reserve times for attractions, which means you’ll get to jump the very long queues in some places. (Not St. Peter’s basilica, though) If you’re going to the Vatican Museum (which is kind of nifty), I really recommend it.

      I also advise to start the days early, and get a lot of things done before the major tourist invasion happens – and before it gets too hot. We were at the Colosseum a quarter after it opened, at 08.45, and had to queue for five minutes. Later in the day, as we walked past the area, the queue was much, much longer.

      Instead of walking everywhere, consider also taking the metro. It’s a pretty decent way of covering distances quickly.

      Check out how many languages the menus are in at restaurants. At most you want two, English and Italian, and the best is just Italian. (When you have more than that, in my experience, the quality of the food starts to sink, and the prices of the food increases, as those places tends to be very touristy)

      1. Trattoria da Lucia, in Trastevere, on Vicolo del Mattonato (hard to find, but worth it)

        Museo Borghese is amazing, beware that you must call to reserve the two-hour slot in which you’ll be visiting. Also, you have to check any bags, including your purse. Lovely Bernini statues, including his version of David.

    8. I’m a little late on this, but in case you’re still looking, I would like to advocate for Tory Burch Revas. I wore mine around Europe last summer and was suprised by how comfortable they were (although, as with any other shoe, I would break them in a bit first!). They’re definitely dressy enough to go from day to evening as well! Mine are black with the gold medallion on them, but I believe there’s a black-on-black version as well if you want to keep them more neutral.

  1. Does anyone have ideas for ways to keep track of networking contacts? I’ve been meeting some great people through my summer position and would like to be able to say “I met you at…” or “I heard you speak at…” if I see them at other events.

    Any suggestions?

    1. Although I have not tried this myself, I know people who swear by scanning business cards into Evernote (works especially well if you have a smartphone) — Evernote OCRs the cards so they’re searchable, and you can also tag them with whatever words you like to help you find them later.

    2. I put in my contacts in Google (before it was in Outlook), give them a category (such as law-contacts, or multiple categories), and write notes about where I met them etc.

      1. I do the same — I also sync my Google contacts w/ my blackberry which adds in their photos if they are on facebook. It’s a little odd/convoluted but since it all happens automatically it’s all good :-)

    3. Excel! I even include a cell in my spreadsheet for the attorney’s picture if I can find it on the firm website. I’m a visual person, so anything I can get to prompt my memory to put face-with-name is helpful! The reason I like Excel over Word is that I can sort the spreadsheet by any collum – so I can see everyone in a practice area, all female attorneys, all litigators, etc. VERY HELPFUL!

      1. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of including a picture. I’m horrible with names, so any little bit helps!

    4. Do you have business cards of your own (I assume from your name you’re a student)? I suggest getting some made up so you can exchange cards with people you meet. Often someone won’t think to give you a card if you don’t pull one out first. When I was in law school I thought the people who had their own business cards made up were jerks, but now that I’m a professional I realize they were smarter than me. Once I have people’s cards I actually file them in a Rolodex, 1990-style, and scribble notes on the back about where I met the person. You could enter the info into Google contacts instead.

      1. I go old school too. I put mine in a 3 ring binder with notes scribbled on the back of the card. I bought alphabetical dividers and made up my own directory of sorts. Works for me.

  2. I always write a few notes on the back of business cards. If I go to a seminar or CLE or speaking event, I will make sure to get the business cards of those who spoke and were interesting. The notes I write are: where I met/saw them, why they were interesting to me (if they were), anything personal they mentioned (where they’re from, husband’s name, favorite restaurant, type of law they’re interested in … you get the drift).

    If someone mentions a particular interest, this is great because if I see an article or something about that interest – I’ve been known to send an email with it as an attachment. This is a good way to send that awkward first re-connection email after a networking event!

  3. I have a terrrrrible time finding comfortable, walkable flats … I have really slim ankles/heels relative to the rest of my feet (and I mean, I’m a size 6 so they’re not huge). My heels almost always come out of flats when I walk in them – the few pairs where they don’t do that give me terrible blisters (and also I bought them when I was like 19, they’re not so much my style anymore). Plus I think my toes are longer than average, because I always seem to get toe cleavage in flats – HUGE pet peeve of mine so that lowers the pool of acceptable flats even more.

    Any suggestions for something, possibly wiithin a nonprofit intern’s budget?? Both work and non-work shoes – I’ll do heels for work, but I’m getting tired of wearing flip-flops every time I want to go out! I really like these: http://www.anneklein.com/Babiface/90283281,default,pd.html?cgid=90300024&itemNum=42&variantSizeClass=&variantColor=COGNASU – I think the mini-heel might help with the stepping-out-of-them problem, but the toe area looks short enough that the demons of toe cleavage will come to haunt me.

    1. I have narrow heels relative to the rest of my feet as well and was once told by a sales person that Ferragamo (not in my budget either) and Naturalizer make shoes for this shape of foot.

      1. Second the Naturalizer suggestion. I don’t have this type of foot at all, but I read the reviews on the Naturalizer site before I buy a shoe and I often notice that reviewers mention that the shoe was perfect for their narrow heel (which means that I shouldn’t buy it, sigh).

  4. Need help from any Corporettes who have dealt with plantar fasciitis.

    1. Shoes to wear to work. I usually wear 2-2.5″ Taryn Rose or Cole Haan shoes with Nike Air. Any suggestions besides putting some OTC inserts in them? I feel like flats wouldn’t be any better because they’re usually more soft and flexible. From what I’ve heard, that’s a bad thing.

    2. Exercise. I usually run every day (which I believe is what caused this) but don’t want to get completely out of shape while my feet recover. Any suggestions?

    Thanks in advance to anyone else who has had to deal with this.

    1. I had plantars from running as well and beat it back via the following:
      1) Wearing dif shoes every day – with good arch support
      2) Wearing ankle/arch support braces picked up from cvs esp. while sleeping to keep my feet at more of a 90 degree angle
      3) Switching from running to swimming and doing some feet flexing/toe pointing/ankle circling exercises (esp. while in the pool).
      4) Changing the shoes I was wearing for dog walks, errands, etc. (normally flip flops or sandals) to crocs ballet flats – the cushioning really helped my feet and they didn’t look that “clown-like”

      1. Laura, this helps me too. I recently started running again and my feet have been sore. I think the dog walks in flip flops following long runs and then wearing heels the next morning are adding to the problem. For the OP, I suggest cycling too for the times you can’t run.

      2. Flat flip-flops kill my feet, even for just a few blocks with the dog! I switched to Fit Flops and LOVE them. I walk all over the city in them and my feet feel great (though they are not exactly flattering to the foot).

    2. When I used to wear heels, I would occasionally have foot pain when wearing my athletic shoes or flip flops or flats.

      Since getting rid of all of my heels and wearing only flats (no heels at all, ever), I have zero foot pain, even if I walk miles in flip flops with no arch support.

      I’m not telling you to give up the heels (unless you want to) – nothing wrong with heels – just offering a different perspective on what might ultimately be causing the problems.

    3. I had this in one foot a while back. Doctor had me buy the hard sole inserts (the hardest ones they make; Spenco or Superfeet were the brands I used), which helped a lot. Also I switched to wearing 1-1.5″ heels (supposedly better than flat shoes for this particular problem) and yes, for a long while wore some fairly ugly shoes with serious arch support (went to The Walking Store and stocked up).

      [You didn’t ask for medical advice so I’m sure you have that covered, but the absolute most helpful thing was wearing a leg/foot brace to bed. The doctor made one for me – used cast material to form to the back of my calf and around the bottom of my foot, then I used Ace bandages to secure it for nighttime. I also had to roll a frozen juice can under my foot to massage it for 10-15 minutes a couple of times a day. And, even now, years later, I always always make sure to stretch out my calves before getting out of bed in the morning.]

      As for exercise, after reading about the horrible possibilities if it didn’t heal properly (some commenters literally could not WALK, had to crawl around on their hands and knees), I took it easy for a while! Then moved to more low impact exercise, e.g. swimming, bike, elliptical trainer (I was never a big runner though).

      1. Ah, plantar fasciitis. I find that stretching my calf muscles regularly keeps my plantar fasciitis from returning. I phased out heels entirely a few years ago but have started phasing them back in maybe twice per week, anywhere from 2″ to 3″ heels. As long as I keep up with my stretching I seem to be okay. (Knock on wood).

    4. I have had plantar fasciitis too. It is so painful. I found that Danskos were the best shoes for me because they have incredible arch support. But putting an OTC orthotic insert in shoes works well too. Get the kind that goes from the ball of your foot all the way to your heel and has a hard plastic support to hold up your arch. For casual shoes, FitFlops have great arch support.

      For exercise, can you do the elliptical at the gym? That is what replaced running for me. Any no-impact exercise like swimming or biking should be fine too.

      I also recommend rolling your foot on a really cold soda can when it is painful. That helped more than an ice pack for me.

    5. Honestly, heels will only exacerbate the problem–high heels shorten the plantar fascia and directly contribute to PF. I know it’s hard, but giving them up (except for special occasions) is the best thing I’ve ever done for my feet. I was laid off from running with PF for a full year, and now I’m back running marathons without pain.

      I cycled while I was unable to run, and also used the elliptical. But if you use the elliptical, you want your foot to stay flat on the footbed during your stride–don’t go up on your toe.

      Stretching your calves religiously will also help a lot.

    6. I suffered for two years and did the following:
      1) Never went one step anywhere (except the shower) without wearing supportive shoes from before I got out of bed in the morning including the summer and weekends.
      2) Wore the night brace every night for a year.
      3) Only wore low (1-2) heels at work during work hours (not commute, lunch etc.).
      4) Stretched, iced, massaged etc. every chance I got.

      What cured me? Honestly, I was diagnosed with celiac disease, stopped eating wheat and gluten and the plantar faciitis went away, never to return within two weeks of diagnosis. I know that this is sort of off-the-wall, but folks with active (and possibly silent ) celiac disease often have a lot of unusual complaints – such as arthritis pain, canker sores, and anxiety – that go away, poof , like magic when diagnosed. The gluten causes an inflamatory reaction in a lot of disparate body tissues. A word to the wise, as celiac is a vastly undiagnosed disease…

    7. My podiatrist made dress orthotics for me that I can insert in most dress shoes. That helped immensely!

    8. OP here. THANK YOU everyone for the great suggestions! It is painful and frustrating right now, but your ideas and information are very encouraging.

    9. I had plantar for about a year from running, too, and have had friends with the same problems. Here’s what worked:

      1) Lower the heels to 1-1.5 inch, using supportive shoe such as dansko or good Cole Haan. Keen makes casual shoes with great arch support.
      2) Wear a Strassburg night sock http://www.thesock.com/. It looks like it will keep you awake–it never bothered me, and I am a notoriously poor sleeper.
      3) I second the thought–wear shoes from the minute your feet hit the floor–NEVER barefoot.
      4) Stretch the calf religiously on a slant board. Stand on it 10 minutes at a time 4 to 6 times a day, before running, after running, at lunch, etc. I still stand on mine while I dry my hair every morning. I got mine from Footsmart, and it was adjustable for different heights, but I do not see it on that website now. http://www.inetlocate.com/viewsalescartC2.asp?pgbk=viewsalescartC.asp&H3845=8345&5539=22381&912JH=9&36&728MM.
      This one is adjustable but much more expensive: http://www.performbetter.com/detail.aspx_Q_ID_E_4180_A_CategoryID_E_280

      The slant board is what really finally cured my plantar. Plantar results from the achilles being too short/tight. Stretching it out is what will relieve the plantar.

      To keep running, stretch well before hand, and freeze a small water ball in the freezer and roll your feet over it before runnng.

      Good luck, be consistent with the stretching and night sock. It may take months to finally be cured.

  5. I’d like to hear from some seasoned professionals (particularly lawyers) about how they were able to bring in business in a niche area (think insurance defense but not car accidents). I’m an associate, getting work from partners but having a hard time figuring out how I am going to make the connections with the industry professionals to bring in the work. For now I am meeting people at industry social events and trying to stay in touch. Ideas? I’m new enough that I don’t have to worry about it but reading above the law today – I don’t want to become the 6th year atty wondering how it is done. Thanks.

    1. and all complicate it by saying with a billable hour requirements and a heavy work load when marketing hours do not count against the billable hour requirement.

    2. Are the commenters on ATL always that way? I was just taken aback at all of the nastiness. Rainmaking isn’t something that’s taught in law school and doesn’t come easy for a lot of people, me included. I never had to find a client before I started my solo niche practice last year. I worked in-house from day 1, so I had a lot of learning to do, and here’s what I did.

      1) Start making a name for yourself. Volunteer to speak at events. Your firm should support this. Find ways where your firm might be able to sponsor an event, and be the face of the firm at the event. I give talks about my practice area for business groups. I go to talks given by others that have to do with my practice area. I joined women’s networking groups. Check out organizations like Leading Women, The Downtown Women’s Club, etc. I go to industry events. A friend of mine volunteers 2 hours a month to meet with start-ups through a state-run program that helps grow small businesses.
      2) I have a network of attorneys that do work that’s similar to mine, but not exactly what I do. This means referrals.
      3) When you go to networking/industry events and conferences, go by yourself. If you go with someone from your firm, there’s a tendency to stay with the people you know. Stick your hand out to everyone you can and say hello, my name is. What brings you hear today? What does your company do? Did you like the speaker? Or something that gets the other person to talk about themselves and their interests, needs, etc. I went to a conference where the organizers sent out an email to the attendees the night before saying that all of the attendees had been prescreened for friendliness so talk to them.
      4) Don’t dismiss anyone. I received 2 great leads from a woman who sells Mary Kay Cosmetics.
      5) Blog about your practice area.
      6) Join LinkedIn. Become a member of Groups that are relevant to your practice area and follow the discussion. If you find a blog post or article interesting tell the author you liked it, and would like to buy him/her a cup of coffee to discuss further (if you can).
      I have an advantage as a solo in that I have my own website and my name is not buried in a big firm’s site, but there’s a lot of work involved in getting your name out to prospective clients.

    3. I’m also a relatively new attorney — seven years into my practice, but moved to another state so basically started over two years ago. In addition to KelliJ’s great suggestions, I’d recommend you try writing an article or two in whatever magazine or journal you can, including your local bar newsletter (in my experience, they are always looking for decent contributions). Pick any topic you like — a new case or statute in your field, a new rule, or whatever. Get your name attached to a particular expertise. I’ve actually had a couple of clients find me because they were able to locate articles I had written. Other attorneys will also see the article, and you may get some referrals from it. You probably won’t land a ton of clients with one article, but it’s a good way to get your name out.

  6. I recently accepted a new job that is giving me a bit of a fashion dilemma and I’m hoping the Corporettes can help!

    Part of this job involves exploring vacant properties, some of which are in really bad shape. Therefore, I need sturdy shoes and clothes that can be fairly easily cleaned (dry cleaning is OK but machine washable would be fantastic). However, I’ll be meeting with city officials during these property tours, so I still need to look as presentable and professional as I can (I am a government attorney, so I need to be able to represent my office appropriately).

    If you were in my shoes, what would you wear?

    1. LL Bean makes great, mid-priced clothing that is very sturdy and washable. Their chinos with a nice button down or sweater seem like it might work?

    2. Slacks, a short-sleeved blouse or a crew/v-neck sweater, polished-looking sneakers like the Sketchers mary jane style or Danskos.

    3. I agree on LL bean style. I’d also say keep a jacket in the car. A jacket over anything dresses up the look (even a t-shirt). If there’s no meeting, don’t wear it, or take it off before the hunt at beat up properties but after you first greet the official.

    4. I would probably go with lower priced shoes that you don’t mind chucking if they get covered in who-knows-what, of the sturdier, flat, variety — check out your local DSW/Famous Footwear — Famous Footwear perennially has buy-1-get-1-half-off sales which makes getting a pair of Clarks or Naturalizer flats fairly affordable.

      For clothing, while not high brow, Kohl’s often has suit separates that are fairly neutral (not overly trendy) in styling, as does Old Navy — affordable, washable, and should something get covered/torn/stained, disposable

  7. Does anyone know a website or store that sells quality clip-on earrings? I am so sick of the cheap stuff. They rust, dull, and the gold paint always chips off.

    1. If you are in NYC, check out the Brooklyn flea market. I was there last weekend and there were a ton of clip on earrings.

    2. I’m buying a pair of Alexander McQueen from Saks Fifth Avenue as soon as they come out next month. They may have others.

    3. I tried to post links but it wouldn’t let me. Alexis Bittar makes clip ons. You can find them at nordstrom’s website – search on his name and they will come up.

  8. I am one week away from the end of my summer internship (non-law) and I’ve realized that I am just not going to befriend a certain coworker. To put it simply, if our office were a high school, we’d be sitting on separate sides of the cafeteria. Neither would be picking on each other or maintaining petty rivalries — more like we’d belong to separate groups/cliques and wouldn’t have much to say to each other.

    We both act quite professional in the workplace: no one has any complaints about my work or hers (which do not really overlap), and neither of us gossip about the other (at least, as far as I know). We keep it civil, but the temperature is…if not frosty, then a bit chilly. It’s little things like, we both tend to cut each other off in meetings, and if we’re on break together there’s either silence in the lunch room, or we avoid each other as much as possible, since we have absolutely nothing in common. She has made a few non-work-related comments that seriously annoyed me, and I don’t think we could have much of a social conversation outside of the office.

    This girl (who is only three months out of school) has a job with the company and so will be there for at least the next two years. I would LOVE a job with said company come graduation in the spring. I really don’t think she could stop me from getting hired, but I think the frostiness between us is not helpful.

    Do any older, wiser Corporettes have any advice about how to maintain office relationships with people who annoy you for no good reason? How to balance the line between friendliness and sucking up when it comes to (slightly) higher-ups?

    Thanks!

    1. Unfortunately, this sort of thing is pretty common in the professional world. It’s about office politics – if you want things from people, you have to suck up to them. That’s the long and short of it. Some people call it “building social capital” or whatever, but the truth is, there’s a heck of a lot of “I’ll rub your back if you rub mine” or what ever metaphor you want to use.

      You kind of have to get over your own personal dislike of people and recognize what they can do for you in your career.

      In this situation, I might recommend asking her to lunch or something, and asking her advice on your career. Sometimes a little ego-rubbing/flattery can go a long way to making her like you and keep you in mind for the future. Or even maybe a card or email saying, “Hey, I really enjoyed working with you. I learned a lot by watching you.” Make sure it’s genuine, though.

      My point is: if you can change your attitude about her, then that might help her change hers about you.

      1. Agree — it could be that on an off day you frowned while thinking and she took it personally and that was all it took… the good news is that a non-groveling yet friendly gesture can be all it takes to put you on a better track. You might want to start small by bringing in an extra doughnut/cup of coffee in the morning for her — good luck!

    2. There’s only so much you can do when you just don’t “click” with someone. I used to take situations like this extremely personally until I realized one day that it really does come down to chemistry a lot of the time, and also that it takes two to tango. If the other person doesn’t want to at least have a superficially friendly relationship (where you can eat lunch in the breakroom companionably without sullen silences), that says more about them than it does about you. Not to sound like a broken record, but “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” has some good advice on relationships in the workplace. While success is, to some degree, a popularity contest, a lot of women spend too much time trying to make friendship work with everyone, which can be a waste.
      One thing it’s critical to determine, in future situations, is how much power this person actually has. In my experience, people who are overtly snotty and unpleasant to one person are usually like that to others, and generally have poor reputations in an office, even if it’s behind the scenes. Once you figure that out, you can decide how much you want to worry about this person. If you want to worry about him/her, I think there are two ways you can go:
      1. Stop trying to be friends. Ironically, sometimes when you stop trying to cultivate a relationship it will grow, just like ignoring some guys is the key to getting them interested in you. If that doesn’t happen, it’s not a problem. Be professional, be polite, and NEVER gossip about her with coworkers or go after her in meetings. But don’t kiss her ass either. You’re not going to be friends or even friendly with every single person you come across in your career. Spend time cultivating and strengthening other friendships so that if this girl decides to be negative about you, there are people around who will counter her. This doesn’t have to be as blatant as forming secret alliances to get her kicked off the island – you definitely don’t want to make it look like you are actively trying to cultivate her boss or her enemies in an obvious way. Also, believe me, most people have a very good radar for when they’re being used. Just be your competent, friendly self – make friends organically – and then let the chips fall.
      2. If you don’t want to do the above, then you can try the opposite tactic, which is asking for an assignment that would put the two of you in a position to work closely together and make something a success. This can be risky, because if she has a genuine dislike for you (and not just a “she’s not my type” attitude) she can use it as an opportunity to sabotage you. But sometimes working closely with someone allows you to see them as more complete people and notice their strengths along with what annoys you. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone into a project with one opinion about someone and then changed my mind once I saw that they were actually a hard worker, or had a unique viewpoint, or even found out that some of what they did at work was related to problems they had at home (single parent, taking care of elderly relatives, etc.).
      This is part of “workplace politics” and something we all have to deal with every so often. Don’t take it personally and don’t let it derail your priorities. The goal is to be a friendly, professional and competent person people trust, not to make absolutely everyone your BFF. :)

    3. You don’t have to be friends with your coworkers (in some cases, it’s helpful not to be), you just have to be cordial. It sounds like you actually have a fine working relationship. Just be polite: chitchat a bit instead of letting there be silence in the lunch room, even if just to say hi, how are you, when she walks in; don’t avoid her but don’t seek her out either. I also doubt someone with only 3 months at the company has a lot of say in hiring decisions and it doesn’t sound like she’d have any reason not to recommend you anyway.

  9. I need some help from my fellow Corporettes –
    I’m getting married this fall and I need help finding a dress for my 70 year-old grandmother. It seems like everything out there is bedazzled, shiny, and tacky! To add to it, she is a some-what hard to fit 20W petite. If anyone has any suggestions of places to look, I would greatly appreciate it! Oh, I forgot to mention that she doesn’t want to spend a lot of money – she has plently of money to spend, but like many people of her generation, does not like to spend it. So basically, anything over $200 is probably out of the question. Thanks for any help you can give me!

    1. Check consignment shops. They’re good for special-occasion wear, and will fit in your budget.

    2. Gah, I have a really long reply typed up and it just will not let me post it! Kat, something is wrong with the comments. Law-Less, I have some links for you! I’ll keep trying.

      1. Breaking this up over a few posts… You didn’t say how formal your wedding is so it’s hard to make recommendations but here are a few:

        David’s Bridal carries “mother of the bride” dresses in plus sizes: (let’s see if this will let me post without the link – just go to davidsbridal dot com and click on mother of the bride)

      2. I guess it only doesn’t like certain links.

        Finally, this may sound odd, but there are a couple of bridal sites catering to Mormon brides and they have modest, simple but nice MOTB dresses and bridesmaid dresses that, because of the long skirts and sleeves, would suit many older women’s tastes as well. Try beautifullymodest dot com or latterdaybride dot com.

    3. Check out JS collections at Nordies. Cannot tell if they are shiny from online pix but designs seem to be for mature women, in general.

    4. Some – but not all – Macy’s have decent dress depts for larger sizes — when I was plus sized I sometimes would buy a dress there and have it hemmed as needed for length b/c I’m short. Also, strangely, I had great success at TJ Maxx, but that’s more of a hit-or-miss and if you are under time crunch, a department store is a better bet.

  10. I realize this isn’t really work/career-related, but I figure you ladies have probably dealt with similar situations, and you always give very appropriate, well-thought out advice, so here goes.

    I recently (as in a few weeks) started dating a guy whom I really, really like. Tonight was supposed to be our 6th date, and he cancelled on me 4 hours before he was supposed to pick me up, citing exhaustion from work. Now I know he has a demanding job and his career is very important to him (as is mine), and I really admire his work ethic & ambition. Usually, I wouldn’t mind, but this is the 2nd time in two weeks he’s cancelled due to either having to work late, or being too tired from having to work late.

    The rest of the time, he’s great about keeping in touch via email, text, and phone calls, so I don’t doubt that he likes me, and when he keeps our plans, we have a great time together. He’s always very apologetic about the cancelling, but it still doesn’t feel great to me.

    How do you reconcile work and your career with your personal, particularly romantic, life? How would you handle this situation? For those of you who have spouses or significant others with high-powered careers, as well as a serious career of your own, how do you make it work?

    1. Could it be too much too fast? 6 dates in a couple weeks would be a little much for a commitment-phobe. I’d say give him some time and see if he warms back up. If not, he’s probably, like the book says, “just not that into you.”

      Either way, I think your instincts are right that work probably isn’t the issue.

    2. It sounds to me like he may be a bit overwhelmed at this point. If you’ve been on six dates and are keeping on constant contact via phone, email, and texts, he may feel smothered. I think for now you should give him some space and try to cut down the dates to once a week to see if that decreases the amount of cancellations. My guess is that he’s the type of person who needs some time to unwind alone.

      1. Normally I’d 100% agree with you, but HE’S the one initiating all the contact when we’re apart. All I do is respond when I am able to. Honestly, I think I’ve initiated contact by texting him twice in the few weeks we’ve been dating. I’m not sure it’s a case of me chasing him if I’m generally just being receptive to his attempts to contact me.

        1. Sadly, for reasons that are beyond me, there are men (and probably women) who really like to text, b/c it’s easy, and they feel important, or whatever, but have little to no follow through…

        2. If he has an exhausting job, and his job is very important to him, why would you assume that he’s lying or has underlying motives when he tells you that he’s exhausted from work?

          I’m going to go out on a limb here, and tell you that chances are, he means exactly what he says. If he’s been the one initiating contact, he probably really likes you. If he feels like things are moving too fast, he probably will – or at the very least, he should – tell you so.

          If you have doubts about how he feels, ask – don’t assume. While I can’t speak for your man, I will tell you that I feel guys in general are much more direct and honest about their feelings – or at the very least, the ones worth your time are.

    3. Not that’s it’s always successful, but if we take him at his word. . . .
      Maybe it’s a really busy time in his office, or maybe it’s always like this. Either way, at this point in the relationship it seems like a date is still a big thing that takes a lot of energy. Maybe in a month on those busy nights you can still be together, but just watch a movie at home etc. It does suck to have plans cancelled, so maybe you need to tone down the work week dates to something more “chill” or less frequent for a while?

      On the other hand, if you absolutely can’t handle work based cancellations you’re relationship is probably not going to end well. It’s kind of a fact of life in some jobs. It’s better to know now, than in 3 years. It might be worth asking if it’s always like this, or if this is unusually busy.

      1. Hate to be harsh, but if he wanted to be with you he’d be with you. Many guys (and girls) just like the attention of texts and emails throughour the day.

        Sorry, hon. Beer?

        1. I hate to agree, but I have to concur. I never realized this until I met my husband, who always called and spent time with me no matter what else was going on in his life. After experiencing that and then watching my friends try to analyze every single thing a guy did to figure out “what it meant” it made more sense, if a guy is serious he will let you know.

          1. I am sorry but I have to agree. If he wanted to see you, he would, if just for a quick dinner. After all, he has to eat, doesn’t he? My guess is that the texts and emails are a distraction from a stressful workday.

        2. To some extent, this is true. But sometimes people actually may not be able to be with somebody they like/love, regardless of desire. My fiancé, for example, is in the military, and the nature of his job dictates he often gets called away for days or weeks at a time on very little notice. During those times, I’m sure he’d love to be with me, but he can’t, lest I expect him to prioritize being with me over a court martial (or is he just not that into me?). Similarly, sometimes when he gets back, he’s so physically exhausted from the traveling/work/frequent time changes that he actually needs to sleep lest his health gravely suffer or he end up in a car crash on the road because he fell asleep while driving to come and see me.

          So, yes, it’s true that sometimes people aren’t making an effort because ‘they are just not that into you,’ but sometimes they actually “for real” might not be able to fulfill plans, despite having the utmost desire to do so. I think the ‘he’s just not that into you’ attitude does need to be tempered with a little bit of reason in order to avoid becoming unjustafiably demanding of somebody’s time or overly paranoid (ie, in order to avoid thinking that somebody hates you and isn’t worth your time if they aren’t wanting to be with you 24/7).

          1. I have to agree with this — I have been known to cancel dates because of changing work deadlines/emergencies — it has nothing to do with the man I’m dating – I would have had to cancel anything up to and including my mother’s birthday dinner depending on the crisis-of-the-moment’s severity.

            It’s the one time when “it’s not personal, it’s business” totally applies.

          2. This is true. I dated a guy in the Navy for a while, and sometimes he literally could not physically come to visit me. And sometimes I literally could not physically visit him because his ship was called out on a mission at the last minute. And he HAD to be there, OR ELSE. It was kind of annoying to tell my friends, “Oh, he got called on his ship,” and my friends say, “SO? He should get his butt UP here and be with YOU!” and they just didn’t understand that he would put his career on the line if he did that.

        3. I have to agree. I was dating this guy in college, on and off, and he had fairly intensive summer sports practices. A friend of my mom’s asked me how we were doing and I told her I didn’t get to see much of him lately because of his schedule. She gave me a knowing and seasoned look and said if he wanted to spend time with me he would figure out a way to do it. And she was right. That little piece of advice really did ring true over the dating years.

          If it is really important to him, he’ll rearrange a lot to make it happen. That said, I think it is entirely possible he has had a crazy week or two. I have crazy weeks wherein I hardly see my kids and husband and I really, really, really would if I could. Sounds like you’re going to have to give it some more time and see if he comes around or just sort of fades away.

          1. I am on the “he’s just not that into” side– if he wants to see you, he will find a way. I know a few people have pointed their exceptions, and while they do exist, another rule of he’s just not that into you is consider yourself the rule, not the exception.

        4. I get the whole “if he really wanted to be with you, he would make it happen” thing, and I agree.
          But let me pose this question – how many corporetters out there would be able to leave work in the middle of a big project/assignment/deadline because you had a date? And has no one out there been so drop-dead exhausted from a long work-day (or series of long work-days) that you genuinely did not want to go out?
          While I’m totally willing to admit that there’s a possibility that this guy “isn’t that in to you” or just leading you on, I think there’s a good chance that his reasons are legit. If you work hard and are serious about your career, sometimes work will get in the way of your personal life.
          If it’s really bothering you, I’m with HusbandofCorporetter above and just ask him. If his job really is this demanding, then you know now and can decide how to move forward.
          I’ve been where you are with my darling BF of 3 years. I was in law school full time, he worked in finance and went to school in the evenings. Sometimes we just didn’t have the time and sometimes we were just too damn tired to see each other. It sounds like your situation might be similar (assuming it goes long term). It takes honesty, trust, and alot of flexibility.
          So, give the guy a chance and talk to him. If in a few more weeks your BS detector is still being set off, then reconsider.

          1. These comments show exactly why the ‘he’s just not that into you’ attitude can only be taken so far. Of course, it has a point, but like many have pointed out- sometimes there are times of work or bouts of physical exhaustion that honestly prevent people from seeing each other despite mutual desires. Or, sometimes the timing just plain doesn’t work out. Despite what the cynics in the world want you believe, there are, in fact, real reasons why people may not be able to see each other that do not equal disinterest.

            So, I think the lesson is just to use reasonable judgment about the situation, gauge it and see- if he picks up a schedule again of seeing you, then you’ll know to believe him in the future when he cancels because he’s exhausted/hung up in a critical project/whatever *legitimate* excuse. If he continues to be evasive, *then* maybe put on the ‘he’s just not that into me’ hat and go from there. But I wouldn’t assume that from the get go just because he isn’t/can’t be around you all hours of the day.

          2. True, I regularly work 60- to 70-hour weeks, and the last thing I want to do on a Friday night is go out…but I know this about myself so I don’t make plans with people, just to cancel and disappoint them.

          3. Also – don’t forget that some people have health concerns they don’t want to mention when they just start dating someone. I have a friend w/ severe IBS who will cancel dates when he can’t get off the toilet. Instead of saying “I have the poops” he usually tells the girl he is too tired from work, or working. Once they get a little more serious he will explain the truth.

        5. Yep. Generally, guys who are serious about you do what they say they are going to do, and be where they say they are going to be, when they said it would happen. Especially early in the relationship. I’ve seen it over and over again with both my own romantic experiences and those of my friends.
          However. This idea probably falls under the heading of “game-playing” which I know many people detest. But you’ve been very available to him, whenever he’s initiated contact, and maybe it’s time to dial it back a little. You don’t have to respond to every text or every request for a date and sometimes not doing so can be a good litmus test of how into you he is. You don’t have to be pissy about it – but the next time he texts you can always just text back “crazy busy, have to catch u later – sorry :)” and then let it sit for a couple of days. If he suggests getting together during a time when you know he is really busy, or you are, just say “I know we’re both slammed right now, so let’s maybe wait until we’ll both be able to hang out and not think about work.” You don’t have to play Greta Garbo or anything, but not always being there when he feels like contacting you will show him you have a life, and aren’t sitting around waiting for his call/text. Which I think guys do find sexy. It used to work like a charm for me and I wasn’t even doing it consciously :)
          Ultimately, though, guys who are into you act like they are. Not to rub salt in your wound, but when my husband and I first started dating, he drove four hours, in the middle of the night, through a blinding rainstorm, after working a 12-hour day – just because I had a free weekend and he wanted to spend it with me. One weekend he spent 6 hours on a Greyhound bus because we had planned to spend a weekend together (we were long-distance at the time) and his car broke down, but he didn’t want to miss it. FWIW, My single girlfriends who have read “He’s Just Not That Into You” have raved about it. It might be something that will give you some perspective on the situation. Believe me, if it’s meant to be it will happen, but you can’t force it to work out. I’m sure you knew that already. :) Good luck!

          1. “Not to rub salt in your wound, but when my husband and I first started dating, he drove four hours, in the middle of the night, through a blinding rainstorm, after working a 12-hour day – just because I had a free weekend and he wanted to spend it with me.”

            Whilst I get that spending time together was important, no way would I want anyone to do this just to prove how much they loved me. I’d rather have a live husband/fiance/boyfriend than someone who died in a car crash because they were driving to see me at night in a blinding rainstorm.

            To the OP: Give the guy a few chances. if you still get the busy signal, maybe time to move on. But what if the shoe was on the other foot, and it’s a legit case of being tired/busy? Would you want to be dumped without a 2nd chance?

    4. So glad you asked this… after a self-imposed ban on dating (after a relationship ended I and did some priority re-aligning) while working full time and going to grad school and studying for the CPA exam I’m starting to date again (though still in the final CPA exam cram stages)…

      … I’ve been on four first dates in the last week, and am yet to figure out whether to call/text/e-mail a man (and when) after a good date, and have found out that I simply cannot tolerate men who are not as Type A goal oriented as me – none of which helps you, but you have my empathy!

    5. I think if he wanted to be with you he would, but at the same time you never know. Either way you are going to do what you want regardless of advice you receive. Just know the risks of whatever you decide and try not to get hurt.

    6. These are the initial days of dating, when people are on their best behavior and seeking to impress each other. If this is how he’s behaving now, it’s likely to continue going forward. Regardless of his feelings for you, is this how you want to be treated? What does the situation feel like if you focus on how you want to be treated and prioritized, rather than whether he’s into you?

      If you want to give him a chance — and find out for sure where he’s at — try a script sort of like this: let him know that you appreciate his work ethic, etc. (just as you graciously did in your post) but that you also have a busy life and still make time for things that you prioritize. You recognize that there are probably many, many women out there who wouldn’t expect him to honor commitments made to them, but you’re not one of them. If he wants to continue seeing you, he’ll need to think about whether his schedule permits him to date and let you know. His response will give you concrete data about what his intentions are and how you can expect him to treat you.

      1. She’s only been dating him a few weeks. Is she really in a position right now to demand that he make her a priority? Maybe if they’d been dating for a few months, but right now, it’s really too soon to start issuing those types of ultimatums.

        1. I have to agree with this. That kind of talk will probably scare the bejeezus out of this guy, and then it will be adios, senorita.

          1. Yep, you’ll scare away a guy who thinks it’s too scary to keep dates he has made. (He has canceled two out of six dates already?!) What a loss.

          2. @Lizbet- I don’t think he thinks it’s too scary. He’s probably exhausted, in a bad mood, and doesn’t want to burden someone he’s newly dating with his problems when they are so early into the relationship. It seems to me that he may want to go out more often than he’s really able to with the hectic schedule.

            I think the OP has to take the first step here and try to figure out a way to make sure that he’s better able to keep the plans he makes. That may mean sticking just to weekends for now. If he can’t even keep those plans, then I think it might not be the best time for him to be in the dating scene.

          3. @ MelD. I really don’t think that 4-5 dates equals a “relationship”. I know a lot of women feel this way ( we tend to want to speed things up), but most men do not.

      2. Yowza – I think a speech like that – no matter whether it was delivered in person, via e-mail or text – would kill your fledgling relationship… I know that if I felt that kind of pressure from a man I had just started dating I would seriously consider moving on.

    7. He’s canceled twice and you’ve been on 5 successful dates? His reason for canceling is probably exactly what he says it is – he’s overworked and exhausted. Next time you have a date, mention to him that you felt concerned about his intentions when he canceled on you with such short notice and see how he responds. Maybe you can make date plans on weekends instead of workday evenings so he won’t run the risk of canceling, but maybe you just have to be understanding of his hectic schedule and willing to put up with being canceled on if you’re going to date him.

      1. I’d be much more concerned if the dates he canceled were weekend dates. If they’re weeknight dates, and he’s trying to schedule as many as three dates a week with you, then his eyes may just be bigger than his stomach (i.e. he really wants to see you, and therefore is overly optimistic about how much energy he will have at the end of a long workday). But in my experience, it’s almost always possible to carve out a good chunk of a Saturday to rest up for, and then go on, a date.

        I agree with the other posters that you might get a better idea if you back off – don’t respond to some of his less important emails at all, and if he suggests getting together during the week, YOU could say “maybe, if we’re not too tired.” He should start putting more energy into your weekend dates as he realizes that may be all he’s going to get with you. If you end up seeing each other regularly on weekends (with no cancellations) and then seeing each other at most one night during the week for a quick last-minute dinner, that may be the most he reasonably has time for.

        1. Ugh. I don’t want to be catty, but you’re basically suggesting she play stupid, petty games. Why can’t people just be straightforward?

          1. You can certainly manage your relationships however you prefer, but in my experience men don’t respond to the direct approach, where you come right out with what you’re after and let them know you expect them to meet your expectations. One of my single male friends once recounted, with horror, a woman who on the second date told him “look, I need to know if this is going somewhere, because I am looking to get married and have kids, and if you are not interested in that, I need to know right now.” That was certainly straightforward. It also scared the crap out of him, and he never called her again. While I am sure there are women out there who know after a few fairly casual dates that a man is “the one,” I would say the percentage of men who have that experience is far less than 1 percent. Especially if a man is career-oriented, expecting him to respond to an ultimatum about time commitments early in a relationship is very unrealistic. Most single men I know break out in hives and stop answering the phone whenever a woman tries to pin them down or get them to make a commitment they’re not ready for, whether it’s marriage or Sunday brunch. Yes, it’s immature and yes, it would be so much easier if men were different. But they’re not. What some call “game-playing” I call “strategic thinking” and it’s the same in business as it is in dating – don’t put all your cards on the table too early. Leaving people wanting more – whether we’re talking about a new relationship or a tough negotiation – is much more likely to get a positive result in the end. In my experience.

          2. @ Amy – there’s a big difference between saying on a second date “I want to get married and have kids” and saying on a sixth date “It hurt my feelings when you canceled our last date on short notice; can we plan better for future dates to make sure it doesn’t happen regularly?”

            In my experience men don’t understand women’s silly games, and they loathe women who play them.

          3. Amy: If a man told me on the 2nd date that I should move on if I didn’t want to have his kids ‘x’ years from now, I would just walk out (regardless of how I felt). It would scare the life out of ANYONE, regardless of gender!

            Heck, it took me 9 yrs of marriage to figure out that I wanted kids :) – though that’s a different story.

    8. Well, for what it’s worth, when I met my fiancee he probably cancelled 3 dates in the first few months due to work – being too tired from work, working late, etc.

      All of them were weekday dates. All of them pissed me off. And my friends told me to that if he really wanted to see me, he would. It was my therapist who convinced me to continue seeing him. Her advice was this: If the guy likes you, he will make time to see you AT SOME POINT. So maybe he can’t Wednesday because he is exhausted – then you reschedule for Saturday. If he cancels and doesn’t reschedule then yes, he’s just not that into you.

      As others have mentioned, men are much more straightforward about things like this. To most of them, cancelling and giving an honest reason is the polite and logical thing to do. It’s (some) women who like to take this logical approach and run with it until it means a million other things.

      So, for me, I took it at face value and our relationship progressed and we live together now and are planning our wedding. I say relax about this one. He just met you, it’s understandable his job take priority over you. It would be kinda nutso if it didn’t, don’t you think? I mean, what if we could just as easily debate the topic of a guy who is leaving work early and skipping out on projects to see someone he’s only had 5 dates with. And then we ‘d be arguing if he is husband material or if he’ll ever be sucessful or if he’s too clingy.

      Just relax on this one and see how it plays out.

    9. If I have to cancel plans with someone I want to see, I reschedule immediately upon cancellation: “I am so sorry, but I’ve been sucked in to this big filing tonight and can’t make it. How about Saturday afternoon?” If I don’t want to see the person, I will just cancel without trying to reschedule. I agree that if he really likes you, he will make time to see you. It’s been my experience that when a guy really likes me, I just *know* it. I don’t have to guess.

      I’ll join you with Another Anon for that beer. :)

  11. Has anyone tried the No! No! hair removal system? http://www.my-no-no.com/ I was up late watching an informorcial for it, and I can’t tell if it looks like a miracle or if I’m just sleep deprived. Any Corporette’s out there who’ve tried it? Good results? Scary?

    1. I got it, fortunately only paid $99 with 15 percent off through Sephora. I have PCOS and so I have weird hair growing in weird places. The No!No! works on the stuff that is fairly fine. On coarser hair, forget it. I have noticed that on my arms and belly (fine, fair hair), the hair doesn’t seem to be growing back as quickly. It didn’t work at all on my lower legs (coarse, dark hair) and works marginally on my upper thighs (slightly less coarse, less dark hair). I wouldn’t buy it unless you have very minimal hair removal needs. I am happy with the results on my arms but that wasn’t where I was most concerned about hair removal, frankly. I haven’t tried it on my bikini line but I doubt it would work given the coarseness of the hair. You’d be better off paying for some laser removal, in the long run.

      1. Yeah, I thought it looked a little “too good to be true”, but I had hopes, anyway! Thank you for sharing your experience.

  12. I’ve been looking for a jacket that pretty much goes with anything. I’m thinking of something I could leave at the office (when I finally get a job) that I can throw on with whatever pants or skirt I happen to be wearing that day.

    At my internship last summer, I never knew whether I would get to sit in on a meeting with a client and always had trouble making sure I had something to dress up whatever outfit I was wearing when I would suddenly get pulled into a meeting. The only thing I could think of was to wear the bottom half of my suits and bring the jacket, but that doesn’t seem like an ideal solution. What do you all do to deal with this?

    I’m thinking this jacket might fit the bill. I’m a size 20 right now, so AT, BR, etc won’t work. What do you think of this? http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=51452&vid=1&pid=620884

    1. I don’t know if that jacket will work with most or all of your wardrobe, but it looks great! I used to have a black blazer that I kept for those occasions in the office… maybe keep two if there are matching issues?

    2. LOVE that jacket, LOVE it. I think it’ll work with almost everything if what you own is mostly black/grey, trickier with navy/brown but could work. Obvious caveat is that it’s only for fall/winter. I think I might have to buy it! :)

      1. just realized the jacket is dark brown and not black as I imagined. Now I’d say: hard to pull off with black bottoms, but would work with navy/brown for sure, possibly even gray if on the lighter side.

        1. I’m thinking that since overall it has a lighter appearance that it might still work with black, but gray might be a little weird. Do you not think so?

    3. I have a khaki-colored jacket that I keep at the office for the same purpose. That one looks fine. If you need more options, Macy’s tends to have a good selection of plus-size professional attire and Old Navy’s plus-size line (online only) tends to be of much higher quality than their regular stuff.

    4. I actually bought this jacket yesterday, and it’s very nice; it’s on the thin side, but fully lined and seems to be well-made. The pattern is dark enough that it looks black when I put it with black bottoms, so I plan to use it with both black and brown attire. I definitely recommend it, especially if you can pick it up with one of the 40% off coupons they’ve been handing out in the store!

      1. Wonderful! Thank you so much! I need to get my book deposit back from Barbri and then I’m buying it :-)

    5. Jen, I love love this jacket! I think it would be a good versatile basic for you to have in the office. The only issue I would have would be making sure it matches, like you said it might not go very well with gray. I was just looking at this last night and trying to justify the purchase, since i’m on a major shopping ban right now (but if you’re getting it, then i’m getting it :) ).

  13. I have a good dilemma, but I need some advice.

    In my region, it is common to work for several different law firms during law school, and only a few firms give offers right before your 3L year (most offer during the spring of 3L year or even right after the bar exam). So, I’ve worked for several firms. I was fortunate enough to receive a job offer today!!! YAY!! I am beyond excited. There are 3 firms where I want to work — Dream Firm, Good Firm 1, or Good Firm 2. The last two are pretty much tied, but Dream Firm is, well, my dream firm. The offer I received was from Good Firm 1.

    Is it okay for me to call Dream Firm and/or Good Firm 2 and ask whether/when they might make a decision about me because I have an offer from another firm? Both firms typically extend offers at the end of summer/beginning of fall before 3L year, so their decision making shouldn’t be too far away. When I had my exit interview at Dream Firm, she told me to call if I got an offer from another firm before I heard from them.

    What is the protocol here? Anything I should say or not say?

    Thanks!!!

    1. Sure, call, and I don’t know the protocol anyway. I’d say in this economy though, unless you have an in at “dream firm” to be sure they will offer you, don’t risk a bird in the hand.

      Also, an Above the Law attitude might say, “accept good firm 1, and if Dream firm offers you in a week or month or year, reject good firm 1 and take Dream firm” I guess the theory is that it firms can’t honor their commitments to summers, maybe summers don’t have an obligation to firms. On the other hand, it seems like burning bridges to me.

      1. That attitude bugs me so much, when people say “drop your accepted offer if you get an offer from this super-awesome firm.” Whatever happened to honoring your commitments? Grrrr…

        1. this stopped because firms didn’t hold up their end of the bargain. they aren’t worried about commitments to people; people don’t need to be worried about commitments to firms. sure, goes against the grain, but it’s the way of the world now, unfortunately.

    2. You are in a great position to call Dream Firm because you can leverage your job offer a bit. I’d say something like “I just received an offer from another firm, but I really enjoyed my work at Dream Firm and I am excited about the possibility of joining Dream Firm. I have to decide on the offer before [DATE]. Do you have a sense of when Dream Firm is going to be making its hiring decisions?” They’ll get the message – you have another offer, so if they want you, they need to make a move right away!

    3. Yes, call. Say you are extremely interested in working for Dream Firm, but you have an offer another firm (I wouldn’t tell them which firm unless they ask) and you must respond to their offer by (date). Ask if Dream Firm can make a decision at least a few days before (date).

    4. “When I had my exit interview at Dream Firm, she told me to call if I got an offer from another firm before I heard from them.”

      You’ve answered your own question.

  14. I know it’s completely the wrong season, but I’ve been looking for the “perfect” winter coat for oh, about five years now with no luck. In my mind, it should be neutral but not boring (maybe a navy, jewel tone, charcoal grey?), fitted around the waist, car length or longer, and heavy enough to withstand some serious wintry weather — maybe wool, lined. Feminine but professional enough to be worn into and out of the office. Any suggestions would be very welcome!

    1. Via Spiga makes very lovely coats at a very reasonable price point. I have a nice, feminine wool coat from there that is heavy, lined with a beautiful fabric, is calf length, has a fitted waist/princess cut, and has lasted perfectly for almost 10 years now.

      I think they are often sold on Overstock.com for prices even more discounted than you’d find the brand at Macy’s or a similar department store. I also noticed some nice coats of various brands recently on Bluefly.com.

      If you’re up for a splurge for a coat so versatile and wonderful that you could be buried in it, check out Burberry. Their wool coats are to die for and they feel so soft, luxurious, and sturdy in your hands. To be fair, they’re not even all that expensive if you’re looking at the coat as an investment basic you will have for years to come.

      1. I second Via Spiga – I have a down coat from them and it’s the most stylish down coat I’ve ever owned. I can imagine their wool coats will be really good.

    2. J Crew makes several jackets that are lined in Thinsulate. The Lady Day is a feminine professional option. I don’t think their wool coats are up on the site yet. Google “J Crew Lady Day” and you will see several photos. It’s a popular coat and always comes in colors and neutrals.

      1. I have the Lady Day with thinsulate and I LOVE it. Be aware that you should order one size up – the coat always runs small. If you are planning to wear a lot of layers, consider ordering two sizes up. I wear a 2 or 4 in JCrew; my Lady Day is a 6, which I can wear a regular sweater or other similar layer underneath. There may still be some Lady Days from last season left on the website as final sale. They will also go on promo sometime in September or October; typically 20% off. If you want a fun color, wait until January – most of the colors often make it that far.

        For tons of commentary on the Lady Day, check the JCrew Aficionada and Gigi’s Gone Shopping blogs.

    3. I have a wool swing coat from Lands End. The one I have is in a brown sort of plaid, not sure how to describe it, it was called brown spice but they don’t currently have that color on the site. Anyway, they have a couple of styles of swing coats now and I’m sure they’ll have more colors later on in the season, so you should check them out. I like that the swinginess adds femininity, that they’re loose (and supposed to be loose- they aren’t sack-like) enough to wear a suit jacket under, and that they come in a decent range of colors.

    4. I got a gorgeous coat several years ago from shin choi. Fitted up top, full skirt, interesting collar. Black. Its totally girly and professional. I saw it in a catalog, called the store and got it. So…keep your eyes open when you see catalogs and call the store if it isn’t online.

  15. Thread hijack — Just bought a pair of patent leather heels. Love them – hate the toe box. Slightly too tight. Can patent leather shoes be stretched like other leather shoes, or am I just out of luck?

    1. Yes, they can be stretched as long as they are real leather. Some shoes that look like patent leather are actually man-made materials, so just double-check the interior of the shoe to make sure it says “100% leather upper” or something like that. If so, you should be able to get them stretched without a problem.

      A related PSA – turns out it’s a bad idea to let your patent leather shoes spend any amount of time in contact with another pair of shoes. I had a pair of ivory patent leather shoes in a suitcase for a week, and they were touching a pair of black embossed leather shoes. The ivory shoes came out of the suitcase with black marks all over them. I’ve taken then to two shoe repair places, and both tried their toughest chemicals on them without having any effect — looks like the shoes are ruined :( Just wanted to pass that info along for anyone with a pair of light-colored shoes, don’t make the same mistake I did!

      1. Thanks for the info and the tip — I’ll be sure to keep them in bags when I travel!

      2. I have found that hand sanitizer on a tissue will wipe away scuff marks on my patent leather shoes. Worth trying before you toss them. (Although if that works after you shelled out for professional cleaning it’d be funny.)

  16. I’m starting a new job in the fall (after being in grad school) so I’m trying to build a wardrobe based on the quality, not quantity of pieces. I have to have business professional and business casual (depending on the day). I’m thinking of buying some Diane Von Frustenberg wrap dresses, and was wondering if a. they’re worth the money and b. do you consider them appropriate for an environment that is a mix of professional dress and business casual? Thanks in advance!

    1. Congrats on the new job! I know people love DvF wrap dresses and I don’t own any so I can’t speak about the quality. However, I would not wear too many wrap dresses in a business professional / business casual environment. Wrap dresses that are big enough and with the right foundation undergarments are very probably totally fine for the office, they just really don’t project anything powerful to me. Whatever your job is, I’m sure you want to come across as powerful/competent/sure of yourself. I’m not saying someone can’t look like that while wearing a wrap dress, but it’s much less likely than say, wearing a pencil skirt and blouse or button-down, or a jacket (collars in general). I own a few wrap dresses and lov ethem, but they are very “fussy” (need foundation undergarments to eliminate clinginess in the wrong places, possibly need tape or pins or camisoles to not reveal too much in the chest area, need to be careful that they don’t gape open) .. if your office is too cold, it can also be hard to find a jacket/cardigan that goes well with a wrap dress.

      Summary: I would invest in quality suiting pieces that can be mixed and matched, especially in jackets that are classic but have interesting details so you can use them without their matching bottom.

    2. I would only wear a wrap dress on a business casual day, and then only if it covers to at least an inch above your cleavage without a cami underneath and with no danger of slippage.

    3. Agree – wrap dresses are at the more casual end of business casual – fine, especially with a sweater, but not what I’d wear when looking to impress. They are figure-flattering but do not convey authority. However, they are nice to have for wearing out to dinner or for office-related parties.

      Personally, I hate button-downs and don’t think I look particularly powerful in skirts either: my formula is simple tops, simple bottoms in a fine wool-like fabric, and an interesting jacket. Even if the jacket and top are informal, they are more business-like, whereas the wrap dress is more “pretty” and date-like.

    4. I agree with everyone above that wrap dresses are kinda iffy in a biz-cas/pro dress environment, mostly because it would take a lot of work for them not to hug your body by the end of the day. However, I think it would depend on the fabric. A lot of wrap dresses I’ve seen are some kind of jersey material, which has the tendency of being a bit too clingy for a work environment, unless you’re a size 2 and wearing a size 6 dress. But if you find a wool or a cotton wrap dress (I’ve seen them, so I know they exist!) then I think it would be fine. Wool and cotton aren’t as clingy, I feel, and so would have a better chance of looking nice and professional throughout the day.

  17. What do you ladies think about men joining “Women in [Field]”-type organizations? I just joined the women’s organization for my (male-dominated) field, and I was really surprised to see quite a few men on the membership list. I don’t have any problem with networking with men, and several of these are Important People, but it just seems odd. Does this happen in other fields?

    1. It happens in law … when we’re talking powerful men in the field, I usually see it as supporting the organization / women, and I think that’s how it’s meant.

    2. I remember reading an article in the Times about a transgendered individual who maintained membership in such an organization (I think it was heavily feminist leaning). At an event, someone said to him that it’s great to see a man supporting women’s rights or whatever, and he said, “Of course I support women, I used to be one!”

      Your post just made me think of that and smile :)

    3. We regularly inducted our male classmates into our Women in Law-type organization in school. They supported us, came to meetings, had good ideas, and told us when an event definitely wouldn’t work with the men in our class. It was fine. They would even wear our t-shirts around school.

    4. Glad to hear that this happens elsewhere – I can definitely see it working as a show of support. I guess I was just a little disconcerted to discover that about 20% of the members in my subfield were male.

  18. anyone have any tips on dating sites? (free ones)
    I just broke up with someone who was way into WoW and I got into it too and now am starting to re-emerge. I am pretty ambivalent about this so I don’t want to spend any money on a dating site. It might just be nice to meet people with whom I might have interests in common. I am a corporate lawyer but most of my colleagues are way older than me and we have ZERO in common. They are nice and I like my job, but I am starting to feel a little isolated. Any tips, horror stories, etc. welcomed!

    1. Honestly, I think you’d do better to join some groups that are interesting to you and meet people that way. Or ask your friends if they know any nice single men.

    2. I agree with anon that joining groups is a better place to start, since you know everyone in that group already shares a common interest. However, I don’t like asking my friends to set me up. All the times I’ve been set up by friends have been disastrous and it just ends up being awkward some time later when that friend gets married and decides you should be sitting at the same table as your bad date from 7 years ago!

      1. …and you also have to explain to your mutual friend why their oh-so-perfect brother/friend/co-worker is in fact not Mr. Right…which is a whole other level of awkward

      2. The fact that you had an unsuccessful date with a man has the power to make you feel awkward several months to years later? It really shouldn’t be that serious.

        1. It was one of those memorably bad dates that you look back on and wonder what on earth your friend was thinking for trying to set you up.

    3. I work with someone who does VERY well on the dating sites because he’s a good writer — the answers to those typical questions are actually saved in his hard drive to cut and paste.

      As a human being? Um, he’s not so much. But by the time his dates figure that out, they’re usually sleeping together and they become desperate to try and make it work out.

      Be careful — there are so many other ways to meet people.

      1. Okcupid.com is free, and I’ve found it tends to lean toward the kind of guy you might like.

        1. I met my husband on OKCupid. Obviously YMMV, but it can’t hurt to check :-) I signed up for the quizzes and swore i’d go on just the one date as a lark — and here we are.

    4. I met my b/f of 3.5 years on a dating site and survived 1L so don’t rule it out! It could motivate you because I know being single and constantly going on bad dates or having no dates can be discouraging. I have a few horror stories, but now they are just funny. My only suggestion is of course to be careful and make sure you are safe if you decide to try the dating sites.

  19. Here is a question I know you guys will have opinions about!

    I am a rising 2L at the beginning of the BigLaw screening interview / OCI preselect cycle, and I have managed to schedule a preliminary four interviews with law firms here in NYC. I am a careful, conservative dresser with a previous corporate career behind me, so I have my outfit all picked out…dark grey crepe skirt suit and blue shell, stockings and low black pumps, pearl stud earrings.

    The thing is, I am engaged and have a beautiful engagement ring. It is a pink diamond set in white gold. I have large hands and wear no other jewelry. COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED, my roommate gave me a huge lecture about how I shouldn’t wear the engagement ring to these interviews. Apparently, the interviewers will see me as a woman who only wants to have a family and will slack and breed, etc.

    Nothing could be more distant from the truth. I am in the top 3% of my class, extremely academically oriented, and have a flawless job record and a master’s degree. I do want a family, but I don’t think a hiring partner should care about this. If he/she does, I am not willing to sacrifice my personal life goals for some temporary holding pattern where a director of attorney development or whatever thinks family life does not blend with law firm life (where women are concerned, but don’t get me started on this dual standard).

    Incidentally, my roommate is a law student as well. She did not do as well as I did during the first year, and has no upcoming interviews, so I suspect jealousy might play a role here. Also, she is a lesbian and struggles with her gender role somewhat. She recently had a painful breakup with her girlfriend. I really feel bad, but she keeps bringing up the issue of the ring. She even asked her mom about it, then gave me the unsolicited advice from her mother (“my mom says you shouldn’t wear the ring.”) Uhhhh…thanks?

    What should I do? Sorry for the long post and semi-anonymity.

    1. Congratulations for your engagement! An interviewer probably would not notice either way. I don’t think there is a significant risk that OCI interviewers would eliminate from consideration female candidates just because they are engaged. If the rock is exceptionally large or if you have my bad habit of playing with the engagement ring, you might want to put it in your pocket before you step into the interview, because OCI interviews are brief and you want the interviewers to be focused on you rather than your ring. I take mine off before I go into the courtroom for this reason. I’m sure other posters here might disagree.

    2. Wear your ring if you want. Like AE above, unless the ring is exceptionally large or you tend to play with it, I doubt anyone would have a serious issue with it. And think, if an interviewer was prejudicied against you for it… is that a place you would really want to work?

      1. I agree with AE above….I would wear the ring unless it is inappropriately large (over 1.5 carats IMHO) or covered with pave diamonds, or you play with the ring. More importantly, I strongly recommend midnight navy for a “power/interview suit” over gray.

        On a second note — Cat finally changed to the first person. =D

        1. Ha! That’s the 1st thing I noticed today (Kat becoming singular instead of the royal “we”:) & wondered why no one else commented on it…

          OP: As you say, “I do want a family, but I don’t think a hiring partner should care about this. If he/she does, I am not willing to sacrifice my personal life goals for some temporary holding pattern where a director of attorney development or whatever thinks family life does not blend with law firm life (where women are concerned, but don’t get me started on this dual standard).”

          Wear the ring in that case. Though not sure why your roomie is giving you HER unsolicited views.

          Also, FWIW, when a friend interviewed on Wall St with the bulge-bracket banks (10 yrs ago), she did leave off her ring and told me that it was fairly common for women to do so till they got in.

    3. If you are interviewing with large firms, I wouldn’t give it a second thought — many, if not most, married/engaged women around my big firm have “inappropriately large” (according to Hydrangea) rings and wear them every day. Just don’t fiddle with it.

      The only thing I would be concerned about is if it’s a bright pink, that the people would assume it ISN’T an engagement ring and wonder why you’re wearing otherwise “evening” jewelry with what sounds like a perfect OCI outfit.

    4. Not too long ago, it was generally considered to be the case that being married or engaged was detrimental to women in interviews because the company would assume she’d get pregnant within a couple years and either take a long maternity leave at the company’s expense or just quit her job after the company had invested in training her. However, I honestly don’t think this is the case today. Most companies view maternity leave as just a standard expense, the same as any other short-term disability (and often maternity leave falls under a company’s short-term disability policy). Most women simply can’t afford to stay at home and it’s incredibly rare for a professional woman to drop out of the work force early in her career, so I don’t think this is a major concern these days. I’ve even taken part of interviews of visibly pregnant women and never felt that my colleagues were considering her pregnancy as a strike against her.

      Having said all that, I have heard people make snarky comments about relatively new hires taking maternity leave, but no one made any comment when a male new hire took a chunk of time (borrowing against future vacation time because he hadn’t accumulated enough yet) for his honeymoon. So sexism and general hostility toward working moms is alive and well, if far more subtly than it used to be.

    5. If it’s important to you to wear it, then wear it. There is certainly an argument both for and against it, and it’s a personal choice, so please yourself. My bigger hesitation would be that it is pink. If it is a subtle pink and obviously an engagement ring, then I assume it will just sort of blend in – a very large percentage of people wear wedding or wedding+ engagement rings, so for me they tend to largely go unnoticed. If it is very bright pink, I would have more concern that someone might think it is a cocktail ring, as another commenter mentioned.

    6. I think it’s totally fine to wear your engagement ring, but I wouldn’t get annoyed at your roommate for mentioning it. My roommate met with a professor to get some career advice and the prof strongly recommended she not wear her very large ring to interviews. I think when it is an exceptionally large ring or an expensive setting, people might get the false impression you don’t really need the job as much as others.

      However, you have an excellent background and grades, and I think you should feel free to wear the ring if you choose. I completely agree that you might not feel comfortable working in a place that is going to judge you based on something that someone else may have picked out for you.

    7. I’m not in law, but as a single woman I’m always nervous that it will be held against me that I’m not wearing an engagement/wedding ring b/c us single chicks are seen as flighty and able to move cross country should we so desire while women w/ families are tethered to their locations/jobs/etc… basically there’s no way to know what weird pre-conceptions your interviewer may have (or not) so I would wear you engagement ring and focus on presenting your best professional self.

    8. Wear your ring but do not draw attention to it. This is not the situation where you have to go in front of jurors (where basically a plain gold band/no diamonds is your best bet!) but in front of attorneys. First, OCI will probably be in front of associates (i interview for my firm) and they are just not going to care/notice/judge. When you get to office interviews and you interview with old white men, it may be more of an issue. My ring is beautiful but modest; it was a non-issue. My friend has a 2 carat + and there was one firm where she was actually asked who her in laws were, whether she really planned to practice long, etc. But that was one firm out of many, and it was good to know on the front end, since you have to pick carefully.

      I know times are different and you don’t have the luxury of choosing from as many firms as we did 6 or 7 years ago (zoiks-its been a while!) but the point remains. You don’t want to work at the firm that is going to judge you like that, so just be yourself. BUT DON”T PLAY WITH THE RING!! (looks juvenile, or worse, like you are trying to draw attention to it).

      Congrats on the engagement and good luck in OCI!

    9. You sound like you have excellent credentials. I really don’t think that the ring will stop you from getting a job offer. And, do you really want to work at a firm that doesn’t want to hire married people, if such a firm exists?

      As someone on the other side of the game, I have heard people say that being unmarried actually hurts your partnership prospects at firms – the older folks see you as being unstable and don’t count you as part of the “grown ups” club.

  20. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do!”…. might as well wear sandals.

    The henley tunic sweater – I have it in black cashmere. I wear it to work in the winter with a printed black and white silk skirt, or with black pants. I don’t put anything at the neckline – I just leave the top buttons open. I think it’s elegant and different. I think this is going to be the year of the tunic.

  21. Hey everyone! I am in need of some advice asap! OCI begins next week, and one of the firms I am interviewing with is having a “cocktail reception” the night before the interview from 5:30 to 7:00. The invitation says the dress is business casual. What should I wear? I was considering a suit jacket over a wool black sheath dress that is above the knee yet conservative with hose and black heels. Or do you think I should stick to a skirt suit? Another possibility is a silk top with a pencil skirt, hose, and heels. Thanks so much for your help.

    1. I definitely wouldn’t wear a skirt suit if “business casual” was specified. The skirt/top or perhaps the dress worn with a cardigan instead of a suit jacket sound like the best options to me.

      1. Yea I agree. A nice dress with a cardigan would be fine. I would probably wear a pencil skirt and a blouse with conservative shoes and jewelery. Just don’t do the suit. It could make you look stuffy.

    2. No suit. A sheath with cardigan or pencil skirt or slacks with blouse is fine.

        1. If it’s for a NY firm WEAR A SUIT. Or the sheath dress with blazer. The attorneys will be wearing suits and so will most students. If that’s not the case you can always take off your blazer.

          Don’t know what to tell you about cities other than NYC.

  22. probably too late in the weekend to get a response, but does anyone know a good tailor in DC or near Silver Spring? I need to get a silk dress taken in in the bust, and I just moved here and don’t want to pick a random tailor for something as tricky as silk.

    1. Prestige Cleaners (9420 Georgia Avenue in SS). She does TONS of wedding dresses in the area and does a great job. Pricey, but worth it.

        1. I remember it was a couple hundred for a wedding dress, but that was also on very short notice. So I’d just say prepare to pay above-dry-cleaners prices. On the other hand, if it’s a dress that you’re going to wear for a while and it’s going to end up fitting perfectly, it’s probably worth it. Call ahead to make sure she’s free and can spend enough time with you.

    2. Mrs. Joon at Dupont Court Cleaners at 18th and S, downstairs below Rosemary’s Thyme Bistro.

      1. Yes, I LOVE Ms. Joon. I even brought things with me from CA to get altered while I was in DC summer.

  23. Can someone help me? I’m trying to remember the name of a designer who makes these little beautiful earrings–faceted gemstone earrings that are like a single briolette with a wire through them. Kind of like a hoop, or maybe a dangle. Not inexpensive, but I cannot find them! I thought it was Tiffany’s but when I searched, nothing came up. TIA!

  24. I don’t think a skirt suit constitutes “busness casual” – it is “business”. I think business casual for purposes of this cocktail reception is pants, a pretty top, and a jacket. If it is really hot weather, maybe skip the jacket. Neutral colors, nice jewelry or nice costume jewelry. Nice shoes, preferably with heels.

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