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Weekend Open Thread

dark blue merino leggings (ankle length) with a teal green geometric pattern running up the leg

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

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(There's even a matching top, if that's your jam!)

The leggings are $100, and come in sizes XS-XL…

If you're hunting for something more affordable, these $28 fleece leggings are reader favorites.

{related: the best hiking gear for women}

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Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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198 Comments

  1. I have some joggers where the elasticized cuffs get caught on my calves. The elastic is in a casing. It is so annoying — they look like weird knickers when I get up from sitting. Has anyone else gone into the casing and just cut the elastic? And is this the sort of pro move that I should let a tailor make?

    These are my COVID-15 pants, so I got them b/c they were in a SML size and forgiving otherwise. But I’m only 5-4 and cannot believe that I am having lower-leg fit issues.

    1. And these are sort of office-type more formal joggers from BR Factory, which I otherwise love and work for my casual office, vs something much more casual / athleisure.

    2. I’ve cut elastic out of clothing plenty of times, using a stitch ripper and scissors. sometimes the elastic is sewn in all the way around, sometimes not. It is pretty easy to diy either way.

    3. If the elastic is a thick band like a giant rubber band, go in with a seam ripper by the seam and just cut the band and pull it out.

    4. Feel around with the elastic to see if it’s loose inside the bottom casing, or if it’s sewn into the casing If it’s loose, just take a sharp scissors, cut a slit in the casing, cut the elastic, and pull it out. If it’s sewn in, you’d need to be able top open up the seams, pick open the seams holding the elastic, and sew the thing back together.

  2. I need inspiration for a Caribbean vacation next winter. Would love specific hotel/resort recommendations since the sheer number of options is overwhelming. Prefer destinations we can reach non-stop on United from Chicago, which includes Aruba, Bahamas, Caymans, Dominican Republic, Jamaica, St. Lucia, St. Maarten, Turks and Caicos. Less interested in Mexico, USVI or PR because we’ve been recently. We will have preschool age children with us, so can’t be adults only. We prefer all-inclusive but are willing to go to a non-AI place if it’s a good fit otherwise. We are hoping to keep hotel costs under $1k a night (could go a bit higher for AI) which rules out more places than I thought it would.

    1. I know two families that did the Beaches on 7 mile in Negril and had a great time.

      I also know a few that did the Beaches Turks & Caicos but I think that’s one of the more expensive Beaches – not sure if it would fit your budget.

      1. Thanks! Yeah, we’re considering Beaches. We’d probably do T&C because we’ve been before and stayed nearby and we know there’s nice snorkeling nearby, which is a plus for us. It’s definitely the priciest one (around $1,200 for the dates I checked) but I could do that since it includes all food and entertainment and childcare. I am, however, unwilling to pay $1600/night for the Marriott Grand Cayman that doesn’t even include any food.

      1. I’ve stayed at Trial, and wouldn’t really recommend it with young kids. Most of the houses have pools (not fenced off,) many have bedrooms separated and adjacent to the pool– it’s just not safe for little kids. (i.e. you have to walk past the pool to get to second/third bedroom.). And the housekeeping situation there is just… weird. There’s staff who are just sort of always around, ready to cook whatever you want/whenever you want it, but I found it uncomfortable for a variety of reasons.

    3. Hello, I know the internet is not the place to get medical advice, but I wanted to try just in case someone else has gone through this.
      I have ADHD (diagnosed only recently as an adult) and in the last couple of months started taking Ritalin. However, since my partner and I are trying to get pregnant and I’ve gone off birth control, I’ve stopped taking Ritalin. Psychiatrist doesn’t really have an idea on alternative treatment. Has anyone else had to do something like this, and if so, what did you substitute this medication with, if anything?

      1. There’s a study comparing the efficacy of saffron and Ritalin where saffron performed pretty well.

        I genuinely do not know the safety of saffron in pregnancy!

  3. Any recommendations for a sweater dress for someone with hips and a bit of a tummy? I actually ordered the Amazon one that was featured here but it wasn’t flattering. Wrap dresses do look good on me but it seems to depend on which one.

    2. I found a Prana (Bryce Blufff) dress on Zappos that has a wrap top but regular bottom. I’m not a severe pear, but do carry more weight in my lower abdomen and hips. I find it quite flattering.

    3. I adore the Lenese dress from Modern Citizen. The top wraps, but has a well-placed hook and eye for insurance against slippage. The wrap is wider than some, which makes for good tummy camouflage, and the fabric is stretchy and substantial, so it doesn’t highlight your soft spots. I’m a pear, with my bottom half 1-2 sizes larger than my top, and it draws regular compliments. I also loaned it to a friend with a very different figure – slim hips, busty, a tummy – and it was great on her, too. It’s like the sisterhood of the traveling pants in dress form!

      https://www.moderncitizen.com/collections/dresses/products/lenese-front-wrap-midi-dress-charcoal

        2. I’m only 5’4”, and it hits me at a good spot low on the calf. It’s definitely a midi, but it isn’t a maxi.

    4. I have an old ruched one from Express that is flattering if I wear spanx with it.

    5. I have the same body type – the sweater dresses I wear and love are ribbed/textured, and heavier weight knit. That way, they don’t cling but show the body shape. The ones I have are from Ann Taylor and Universal Standard from several years ago.

    2. Committed to fixed expenses that were affordable on what the future in-house salary would likely be. As in, bought a house that was about half of what we were approved for.

      1. +1. This is what I did when plannning to move from BigLaw to government. Bought a much less expensive residence than what I could have afforded on my BigLaw salary, paid down my debt as much as possible, and saved as much as possible. I never scaled up my lifestyle to my BigLaw salary and, if I had, I would have scaled it back down as soon as I suspected I wanted to make the move. Places its easy to spend money when you’re in BigLaw that you may want to reconsider: buying newer or more expensive cars or buying cars more frequently, expensive vacations, expensive clothing or large quantities of clothing, restaurants and take-out. I’m not suggesting you don’t do any of these things. I’m suggesting scaling everything down a couple of notches. Take a vacation, but don’t stay at the Ritz, buy a car but get a Lexus instead of a Merc, go to neighborhood restaurants instead of the 5 star whatever in the city.

    3. 1. Get a realistic take on what your takehome might be. I took a huge cut because I moved to a pension, but was living on like 30% of BigLaw salary so it worked out.

      2. Fund your nest egg. In general, I fully funded what I considered my modest retirement nest egg before I left (with rough assumptions of 4-5% for 30 years growth). If you’re living on, say, 80K now, run some calculations and figure out what you need invested now to have, say, 70K a year in retirement. Even if you don’t get there before you leave, it’s a good calculation to have your mind wrapped around.

      3. Frontload long-term savings. In the year you’re thinking of making the shift, front end your 401K contributions. If you have kids or may, consider 529 contributions now so you have compounding working in your favor when your salary is cut.

      4. Health insurance issues. I don’t know about your firm but often BigLaw’s gold plated health plans take more out of your paycheck than you will lose at a more modest place, so you may pay less for benefits. But, relatedly, if you want anything looked at or done on the gold plated plan, do it now.

      5. Life/Disability insurance. If you have access to plans that you can start on now and keep when you leave, look in to them. I forgot to do that and now I’m older and don’t have access to the pool that I would have.

    4. Not your exact target market as I went biglaw to govt but FWIW it’s a 200k gov’t job so not that different than smaller in house jobs [obv very different from investment banking biglaw where there are big bonuses etc.]. It may be helpful if you’d tell people when you’re planning to leave. Obviously if you’ve already given notice then your “planning” is much different from say a second year who is eyeing an in house move by year 5.

      Overall though – set up your life on your expected salary from that other job, not biglaw. Use that “extra” biglaw money for big things. When leaving biglaw ideally you should have as many of the following – a healthy 401k that you’ve been maxing to IRS max levels; a sizeable brokerage amount that’s as big as if not bigger than the 401k [not impossible esp since biglaw doesn’t match; all/most of your downpayment saved on your future home or if you’ve bought, then paying down the mortgage faster than required; a good handle on your student loans – I know many pay off all their student loans but sometimes that’s to the detriment of the first 3 things mentioned. YMMV but I think it’s VERY easy to save/invest in biglaw so I preferred using that extra money by making it work for me rather than sinking ALL of it into loans – don’t get me wrong I paid off loans faster than required but never believed in sinking entire bonuses into loans. Again YMMV though because I had sub 100k in loans + a sub 3% interest rate so it wasn’t an overwhelming situation at all yet I know my junior colleagues now often have 200k+ in loans at 6%+.

    5. I did the most common things, i.e. paid off my student loans and saved up the down payment for a forever home in a MCOL area. I have some regrets about not maxing out my retirement savings, but doing so would have come at the cost of being able to buy a house before the prices shot up. What worked for me was acting like the high-earning years could end earlier than I wanted and planning accordingly. It has been almost universally true for the women in my law school class (2013) that they had to leave before making non-share partner.

      I wish I had picked the health plan with an HSA early on, but I didn’t understand it at 25 and was worried that I wouldn’t be able to cover the deductible.

    6. Max out retirement. Pay off loans. Front load 529s and save for like, 50% of your housing down payment.

      If you have the option for a health plan with an HSA while in big law, consider it. Stuff that HSA full of money, too.

      All this is possible because in parallel, you are living within your “future you” salary and not your biglaw salary. If you are making over $350k, live like you are making $150-200 and that cash adds up fast, especially if you keep it in tax sheltered vehicles.

      Going in house doesn’t mean being poor. Our HHI is somewhere between $290-$350 depending on the year. I am several years out of biglaw working part time; DH makes $230k working a 35 hour week.

      1. A junior associate still isn’t earning that much and will get stressed out by what you’ve written. Take home pay on the $215,000 starting salary is $135,000 in NYC after taxes without any 401(k) contributions. Add in the tax deferment strategies of HSA, 401(k), and any sort of 529 and you are getting under $110,000 to cover rent and living expenses before we are even talking about paying off student loans or putting together an emergency savings account. This is exactly the unrealistic advice that stressed me out so much when I was starting out.

        Live like you are making $200k? They are making $200k.

        1. I mean, fair, but they should be getting pre-tax deductions which should lower their tax burden. I had to go back and look at my old W-2 from BigLaw and benefits and 401K are pretty big.

          Either way, no one is suggesting first years should save 50% of a downpayment. She’s suggesting people looking to leave BigLaw do so.

          1. I wish my ex had made as much as your DH, working only 35 hours/week! What does he do for a living? He must be smart if you are able to work Part Time in Big Law. In my view, this is a non-sequiter, meaning there is no such thing as part time in the law, especially in litieagation, where I work. That is why I have given up on working part time. It just doesn’t work, especially if I got married and had a baby. I would then have a real balanceing act to follow. I am glad that it’s only me, if only for that reason, tho I’d quit in a heartbeat if I could find a guy making enough money to support me and our child in a nice house like Rosa lives in Chapaqua. She’s got Ed and 4 kids and a housekeeper/cook and a nanny, and she has a personal trainer come 3x / week. That could be me very easily, except for the 4 kids. Now that I am about to become middle aged, my options are much more limited, as are the men who do nuzzle up to me investigating what is under my N-95 mask. I refuse to settle for a schlub. So I won’t.

        2. $215K is not alot of money at all, especially in NYC, where rents are high and owning is higher yet and taxes are even higher. Fortunately, I do not have loans to pay off and I still have to be fruegal at about 4x that amount as a partner b/c my Dad takes all of my pay and invests it and leaves me only with an allowance for food and incindentals. Even my credit card is capped to make sure I am limited in my budget for work clotheing that is not reimbursed by the manageing partner.

  5. Yay or Nay? Looking to upgrade some cookware and wondering if it is worth the price.

    1. No. I think we discussed this a while back.

      Get the Smithey. It is spendy. It pained me a bit, but OMG such a pretty pan and the smooth finish makes it really easy to cook in (and no chemicals flaking off or needing to use Pam / eating silicone sprays).

    2. It depends. It’s worth going beyond the super cheap stuff, but not necessarily really high end. Also, I’ve never found that it makes sense to buy big sets. I mostly just buy individual items as I need them. I cook a lot and still only have a few pans and a few pots. I actually have many more of each thing when it comes to baking stuff- at least three sets of measuring spoons, multiple muffin pans, lots of cookie sheets and sheet pans and mixing bowls. Those all take up a lot less space than pots and pans, though, and were relatively inexpensive.

    3. Farberware set for boiling things/ rice/pasta
      All clad heavy steel sauté pan for searing
      All clad heavy steel pasta pentola for tomato sauce/ soups that require sautéed things as bases

      Cheap nonstick fry pans for eggs / pancakes

      All nonstick only lasts a few years in my place

      1. Basically this list except add in way too much Le Creuset. Also, my pans for boiling things are also All Clad, which I admit is overkill, because I bought a set.

      1. Second this. They sell it at home goods often. There is a clear diff between my d5 and d3. I cook A LOT so it is worth it for me.

        The always pan is an IG gimmick. I used it at a friends house and was unimpressed

  6. Last minute business travel and I do not handle cold well. Where can I find fleece lined tights for ideally < $30/pair? Looking for opaque black tights(or hose? I'm not sure of the exactly correct vocab) that will work with black suede boots and a business dress & blazer. None of my business formal pants button up anymore and I really just need to get through this week-long business trip.
    TIA!!

    3. Target normally has a good selection and still had fleece tights in season as of this past weekend.

    7. I don’t know anymore, but back in the day, I hear it was Walgreens (nod to all the old timers)

  7. Who’s making believable-looking faux plants these days? Willing to spend for realism. I’m looking for everything from tabletop potted foliage to indoor trees to succulents. I’m admitting defeat; cat ownership and plant ownership are not compatible.

    2. I mean this constructively even if this sounds harsh and I know am going to get flamed for this: buying plastic crap to make it appear that you like/care for plants is totally unnecessary and really bad for the planet. If you can’t have plants, you can still decorate with branches, flowers, wildflowers, or just other things that are meaningful or useful to you like wooden bowls with fruits. The entire faux plant industry is a shame in a world struggling to tackle climate change and smart women on this board shouldn’t actively give their $$ to this industry.

      1. I’m confused about how a fake plant is different from any other decoration a person has in their home.

        1. Agree with this. I’m as environmentally friendly as anyone else, but the problem is that her cats eat plants, so she can’t have flowers or branches or anything else you suggest. I also have cats that chew and like to knock things on the floor so I’ve just given up on decorating with stuff like that altogether. We still lose several dishes every year, just when we leave something unattended on the table for a few minutes. Sorry, no answers for you, OP!

          1. There’s nothing especially terrible about plastic. I’m an actual environmental scientist- I’d rather see carbon in a plastic plant than more of it getting burned to fly someone on vacation or a million other things that are actually really toxic. We should buy less of everything, but there’s nothing worse about a plastic plant than a ton of other things she might buy and it might actually be considerably better than an alternative, like regularly buying flowers that get flown half way around the planet only to be thrown away after a week.

      2. Answer or move along, I’m quite certain I have a lower carbon footprint than you. I’ve been working from home for over a decade, own no cars, and am childfree.

      4. I hear you, but I’m still thinking of getting fake plastic plants.

        I like real plants, but I’m not doing a great job keeping them alive, and I cannot have any plants toxic to kids or pets in my house.

        I don’t have plastic siding or flooring or a car, so I feel like it could be worse.

      5. People here love to make declarations like this, but when green conversations turn to hard choices that actually make a difference (like having a smaller family or moving to places with robust public transport) then suddenly those commenters are treated like they’re unreasonable. I’ve seen it a least half a dozen times here over the years. Y’all want to buy your metal straws and pretend you did your part. It’s disingenuous and I see right through you.

      6. People here love to make declarations like this, but when green conversations turn to hard choices that actually make a difference (like having a smaller family or moving to places with robust public tr@nsport) then suddenly those commenters are treated like they’re unreasonable. I’ve seen it a least half a dozen times here over the years. Y’all want to buy your metal straws and pretend you did your part. It’s disingenuous and I see right through you.

        1. I mean, you’re not wrong, but I don’t think you can expect every person to do everything, and you don’t know the particulars of this person’s life. If anything, I think ownership of carnivorous pets is probably worse for the environment? That’s the one I struggle with as a dog lover.

      7. What if I’m so busy saving the world in my job that I don’t have time to care for plants?

    3. I have all real plants except for my office, which is in a windowless basement. My fake plants are in there and they are from Homegoods. I don’t think they look better or worse than the PB ones.

    4. Check out Etsy seller Unique Forest Arts. I have had a page open in my browser to their shop like a month now but haven’t hit send yet on the order because I can’t decide which.

    5. I don’t have any specific recommendations per se, but in my experience, I have found that succulents tend to look more realistic, since even the real versions are often sort of plastic looking. I have several strings of pearls, jade, aloe, echeveria and snake plants that I often forget are not real. You can also get a lot of mileage putting the fake plant in real dirt in a real pot. Trees are tougher, but I believe restoration hardware had a really nice looking olive tree (try to avoid ones with the fruits as those are more obviously faux), and Nearly Natural is a brand that has a lot of good-looking options. The NY Mag Strategist also has a recent article out called 39 best artificial plants 2021 that looks promising. I am a real plant lover with over 50 real house plants, but also a fair number of faux ones in areas that don’t get sufficient light to sustain real ones.

  8. I’ve been out of the workforce awhile. When I was last looking for an in-house position, candidates were always expected to wear a suit to an interview, even if the legal team rarely to never wore suits to work. Is this still the case?

    1. I think a more casual or expressive suit is probably the way to go, but I don’t work in Silicon Valley. I’m thinking a more modern suit in something other than navy or some fun jewelry, not your navy blue skirt suit with pearls.

    2. I’m in DC and I don’t know that I’d wear a suit to an interview anymore. I would wear great separates – a dress and blazer in great colors that I felt confident in. But I also wear a lot of color normally.

    4. Pants that fit and flatter, a blouse or top that is nice but not overly formal (like a silk shell) and a blazer that doesn’t match the pants. Shoes you can walk in, no stilettos.

    5. Are you interviewing in person? I have done numerous interviews (and just got a new job) for asst GC level positions and have not once even worn a jacket on camera. The most dressed up someone has been on camera is a button down shirt. I have worn everything from an Athleta sweatshirt dress to a tee with a Jcrew Juliette sweater as a topper. I am 14 years into my career and would absolutely not wear a suit on a video call but would likely do a sheath and a blazer or the Juliette sweater in person. I interviewed across multiple industries fwiw, including at Bay Area software company.

      1. Mostly Zoom interviews, but the possibility of in-person interviews.

      2. Don’t you find that in tech specifically, the mid to high level women are sort of tomboyish? I’m also in the Bay Area and am not in tech but tech-adjacent. We used to hear from women in academic STEM fields on here who said they couldn’t dress “girly” because they wouldn’t be taken seriously, and I feel like that’s still true in tech.

        I recommended a pants look above for that reason.

    7. Yes, you do not want to come in w/o a suit for an interview, even if the place turns out to be causal all the time. They want to see how you will look on a business assignment, which does not work with jeans and tee shirts. So make sure you exercise for a week to firm up and trim down and then, at a minimum, wear a nice blazer with a short pencil dress with 3 1/2 to 4″ pumps to impress the boss. If you have a tuchus like me, substitute an A line dress. And good luck to you!

  9. I work on my company’s PAC (political giving) with my boss and grandboss. I typed up a memo outlining our donation targets this year, and mentioned that we wouldn’t be giving to the 147 lawmakers who voted not to certify the election. Boss and I had discussed that (the not giving to the 147) in passing, but the point of this memo was to put something in writing and schedule a meeting with the three of us so we could really nail down who all we wanted to donate to this year.

    Within seconds of me sending the memo out to boss and grandboss, grandboss fires back that not certifying the election was NBD and Democrats have done it before (I didn’t know that, but it’s true – it happened during the Bush years, but never on this scale); that there are plenty of Democrats we need to eliminate from our list if we’re going to hold everyone accountable for every objectionable vote; “all the other PACs” have gotten over that vote and we needed to too; and who was I to “blacklist 2/3rds of the House Republican caucus.”

    I’m 40, I’m not a little kid, but I’ve always had great respect for grandboss, and I guess I’m just…sad. Pre-Trvmp, I would have called him an old-fashioned Paul Ryan / George Bush / country club Republican. Low taxes, small government, strong defense, sure. I can work with those. But I’ve noticed since Trvmp’s left office grandboss has become…bitter? Making snarky partisan comments – hard-edged comments that he wouldn’t have made in the past, and certainly not in front of a client! Boss is super liberal, grandboss is the conservative, and I’m center-left – we’ve always made a pretty good group. I’m sad for my work relationship, but I guess I’m more sad for the state of the American union if my formerly steady, Paul Ryan-esque grandboss thinks voting to undermine a free and fair election is NBD.

    The thing is, we don’t really lose any of our political targets by not donating to the 147. Sure, there’s House Republican leadership, and we normally donate to leadership regardless of who it is, but McCarthy isn’t the kind of leader who’s going to pay attention to our nerdy field anyways. We lose two members who used to be interested in our field, but they’ve gone off the deep-end since that vote and have abandoned our nerdy field to instead focus on culture wars, so giving to them this year would probably be a waste of money. There are plenty of other members of Congress who didn’t vote to question democracy and have interest in our field – and I highlighted them all in the memo, but I guess grandboss wasn’t interested. I’ll say all this during the meeting – but at the moment, I guess I’m just bummed that the bad guys are winning – Russia’s disinformation managed to seriously crack our democracy and now they’re pummeling Ukraine.

    1. It seems like you tried to drive the bus on this when it wasn’t your job to drive the bus on this. Would it have been hard to just list who you were supporting, since you seem to know that? The goal of the PAC is to advance your company / issue and not to be a scold.

    2. I had a somewhat similar experience at my last company. My former boss/head of department used to be a charming rascal of sorts. A contrarian but funny and disarming. He gives a lot of speeches and people always loved him.

      But after the last presidential election he also got bitter and mean, like your grand boss. I attended one of his speeches and at least half of the audience wanted to dig a hole into the floor out of secondhand embarrassment. Railing against the woke, the “fragile”, the “underdeveloped intellects” – it was so horrifying. He still speaks occasionally but now it’s mostly in-house because no one wants him back. I’m sure he thinks he’s been cancelled but honestly, our work is in finance, not politics, and it was so inappropriate. He doesn’t see it because like his apparent hero, he’s the ultimate victim.

      1. This description fits like 11 separate old men I know. It’s so embarrassing to watch. It reminds me of like a 15 year old kid playing devil’s advocate and getting pissed when no one invites him to parties.

        1. UGH I went on a date with one of these 15 year olds, all grown up.

          OP- that is very disheartening. There’s really no excuse to support anyone who condoned the January 6th events, hard stop. It *is* a very big deal.

          1. Do you ever notice how people who love to throw around words like fragile and woke and snowflake and make fun of safe spaces have a complete and utter meltdown if you dare to disagree with them? I mean what was 1/6 other than a disgraceful, deadly tantrum?

          2. Your side burned down cities. The only fatality of the January protests was Ashli Babbit, who was unarmed?

    3. I’m sorry, that’s really hard — especially because the events of Jan. 6 are very different than prior garden-variety objections. Is there anything else that you can look to besides the election certification? Like comments on Russia, or equal rights? Not my field but it seems like reputational risk for donations is real, assuming that your organization cares about that as much as keeping communication with members open.

      1. The PAC is for the org. You can vote your vote and donate, but I think that PACs need to be strictly business (so fund based on that and don’t make it seem that the PAC is following any one person’s politics (b/c then everyone wants their politics to matter and to a PAC, that shouldn’t be the case. You want people who benefit Big Teapot and who are likely to win / not get primaried and lose).

        2. Yes, strictly business…and living in a stable democracy is a critical component of having a successful business. Not supporting people who voted to decertify the election tracks with that.

    4. Hi! PAC manager here. It’s awful out there.

      For tangible next steps, I’d join PAC Pals if you haven’t already (there’s a linkedin group that can get you added to the weekly emails) – it’s helpful to talk to other people. This article also helped us internally (in a no-we don’t give to them because it’s a (severe and rightful) reputational risk). https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/07/06/drive-all-new-toyota-paranoia-official-car-jan-6-insurrection/

        1. Ah, it’s unlisted. Reach out to them on FB/twitter and they’ll add you to the emails (weekly and great!) and the LinkedIn/FB/etc groups.

    5. These men you are all describing and trying to convince yourselves are ‘nice’ are NOT that at all. They are showing you who they are. They are awful and if at all possible DTMF professionally. Completely easier said than done, I know! But please at least consider that and stop spending your emotional energy trying to convince yourself and others that these men are nice.
      You have my commiseration. I completely avoid my company’s PAC for these exact reasons- it is politically advantageous for them to overlook politician’s support of the events of Jan 6th and I don’t want to be involved in that at all.
      I hope you can find a path forward and I hope you can grieve and process the loss of who you thought your boss or grand boss is.

    6. Hon, you’re 40 and you are conveniently forgetting the shenanigans the Democrats pulled in 2000 and 2016? Both sides do it. Cut the doe eyed attitude or step off the PAC donation gig.

      Also, the only “Russian disinformation campaign” that was launched was when a former Secretary of State paid people to hack into her opponent’s servers and funded a dossier that falsely linked him to Russia.

      2. Anon at 1:19, assuming you are not trolling, why not try to frame your position without the “hon” and the condescending attitude? If you think you have something of substance to say to OP, you can say it without passive-agressive language, we are all grown-up women here.

      3. Falsely linked him to Russia? Trump has come out in public support of Putin! After he invaded a parliamentary government, and would be NATO member. You can’t get any more bought and paid for by Russia than that.

  10. These tights are nice, but are NOT meant to be worn as leggings. They are long underwear, so you’ll probably get some looks if you wear them as styled.

  11. Following up on a comment earlier this week about how to help the people in Ukraine: if your senator or rep is making positive statements about P*tin , and you don’t agree — now is the time to let him or her know how you feel. My grandparents fled Europe to escape authoritarian leaders, and believed this country stood for certain ideals. It is staggering and heartbreaking to see members of Congress admire P*tin’s behavior.

    1. Thank you for this. I wrote my Senator this afternoon because I don’t want lawmakers to wrongly draw the conclusion that nobody cares about foreign policy.

    2. Does anyone have thoughts about what other concrete steps to take? The only thing I can think of is to use less gas, recognizing that sanctions are likely to decrease supply and drive prices up even further, especially in the next couple months. Otherwise I am feeling profoundly useless.

      1. Reducing fuel & energy consumption is the biggie here, I think, both in the immediate and long term.

      3. Europeans ex-ministers have been pushed to step down of their C-suites positions in pro-Putin Russians corporations (Finish, Esko Aho, Italian, Matteo Renzi and Austrian, Christian Kern) by public opinion.
        French François Fillon, ex German prime minister Gerhard Schröder and Austrian one Wolfgang Schüssel are resisting to do it.
        If you have in USA politicians or relevant public figures involve in business with pro-Putin companies maybe is the moment to point it publicly.

      4. What about assessing how many of your dollars go to support authoritarian regimes? I have been trying to shift my spending away from China and to US and Canadian made goods, and to UK and EU imports. I have found good lists of US manufacturers on a green mailing list and a union-compiled Made in the USA mailing list, and my holiday gifts were all sourced this way. The EU is going to be hit hard by sanctions and maybe if we support them financially rather than China we can help a bit?

    3. I wonder about Putin. He is very dour and proabably isn’t that happy at home. If he isn’t married, I wonder if he respects women?

  12. Is anyone on here healing from a breakup right now? I am, and ughhhh. It’s hard to work. I know conceptually everything will be fine, but on an emotional level there is still a such a swirl of heartbreak.

    1. ME! Right here! Haven’t had a normal night’s sleep in weeks. It’s awful. Hugs.

    2. Healing from a different kind of grief, and mourning the loss of the future life I imagined is a very long road. It’s been 3 months, and I broke down sobbing today after I had been fine (“fine”) for weeks. Mentally, I know things will work out, but my gosh, there are days I just want ice cream and Hallmark movies and pjs and leave me alone to mourn, please.

      1. Sending you so many hugs!! Something helpful for me is remembering it’s the body’s natural process of mourning. It’s a physical pain and it floods your brain with hormones. There’s nothing wrong with the response and you will get through it, even if it feels like an eternity away.

    3. Ladies, multiple Hugs! You will be fine. I had a tough breakup years ago, but since then, I’ve never looked back! You should follow my lead and you too will not even miss your ex, regardless of the circumstances of the breakup. Ive learned that men are not that great even for the one thing we need them for, and Im tired of all the selfishness I had with my ex, so the rest of the HIVE can learn from my example.

      My words to you all are: BE STRONG AND FORGET ABOUT THAT DIP/DILLWEED WHO WAS SELFISH AND NO GOOD FOR YOU AND YOU WILL BE VERY HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT HIM. LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN A SHRIVELED OLD WORM THAT MUST BE ADDRESSED WITH RESPECT. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON! LIVE LIFE TO IT’S FULLEST. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

  13. Anyone have any small habits that have been helping them improve their lives? I’ve been running and meditating and the sense of calm has been huge. Would love any other recs!

    1. This is dumb but I have been absolutely religious about my rwice-daily toothbrushing this year after getting into a bad habit of sometimes skipping it at night. It’s made a much bigger difference than I expected!

      1. Hahaha! I have the same thing with face-washing. So small, but the days I do it twice make me feel so much more in control of my day (and life!). The smallest things make the biggest difference…

      2. +1 I’m on my second year of my only New Years resolution being to floss every night (which also gets me to brush and wash my face, and no not with a wipe) and it’s made a difference. Here’s to achievable goals.

      3. Definitely – I started flossing this year and I can feel how much better my mouth feels!

    2. I’ve gotten really into getting 8 hrs of sleep recently. I know everyone and their mother says it, but its been making such a positive difference. I would even skip going to the gym to get the full 8 hrs of sleep, bc right now for me the sleep is more helpful.
      I don’t do it as much now but doing puzzles was great, very calming and you’re making something.

      1. + 1 on the sleep, and going to bed and getting up around the same time every day.

    3. Throwing out the trash in my car when I get gas. Keeping tons of fresh fruit and veggies in the house to snack on. Getting dressed even when I’m not going anywhere.

    4. Stretch for ten minutes before bed. Write in a gratitude journal for five minutes a day.

  14. My teenager will be attending summer camp near Traverse City, MI. We would like to combine camp drop-off with a family lake vacation. I haven’t started planning yet because I am superstitious and didn’t want to jinx her chances of admission. Now that we know she’s going, we are only 4 months out and I have no idea where to look. Any suggestions for a hotel on the water in the general vicinity? Our goals are paddleboarding, walking/hiking, strolling around a cute town, reading, and outdoor dining. We like hotels, not B&B or AirB&B. Would like to keep it under $300/night, but that seems like a tall order based on the limited browsing I’ve done. I don’t even have an idea which towns would be best.

    1. Have you considered the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island? Traverse City is about 1 1/2 hours away.

      2. This is not accurate. Traverse City is more than 2 hours from Mackinaw City with zero traffic. In the summer (especially on weekends) there’s likely to be significant traffic. And from Mackinaw City you have to take a 30 minute ferry to Mackinac Island. The total trip can easily take 3 or 4 hours one way.

      3. Tell me more!! Not the OP but I’ve wanted to go there for ages. What’s the closest/easiest place to fly into?

        1. You can only fly onto the island if you’re on a private plane. The nearest commercial airport is Pellston. Traverse City airport is about 2 hours away. Either way you have to drive (quite a bit further from Traverse City than Pellston) and then take a ferry. It’s a beautiful place but a real PITA to get to if you don’t have a private plane.

    2. We live in a neighboring state and went to Traverse City in summer 2020. Maybe pandemic blahs were a factor but I was very underwhelmed. We had a very hard time finding outdoor dining, the food we did have was pretty bad, I would not describe the towns as cute and I did not think the area was particularly scenic. I would second the rec for Mackinac Island although the Grand Hotel is almost certainly not in your price range.

    4. I got married in Traverse City and visit the area frequently. There are several hotels on US 31 that are on the water and have paddleboards, jet skis, etc. Bayshore Inn, Holiday Inn are two that come to mind. Lots of cute shops and restaurants on Front St. You will also love the harbor towns on M23 for strolling and shopping – Glen Arbor, Leelanau. Definitely visit Sleeping Bear Dunes.

      1. Sleeping Bear Dunes and Glen Arbor are fantastic and there are some gorgeous scenic hikes and drives. There are a ton of B&Bs and motels in the area. For under $300 a night in prime summer season you might be better off going a bit further out (Empire, Platte Lake, etc.) and plan your trip around Lake Michigan and all the little towns between there and Traverse City.

  15. This is mostly a rant, but advice on your favorite furniture sources is appreciated. Why does it feel like all furniture, except that which is $7K, handmade and the same approximate weight as a killer whale, is complete and utter crap? We recently moved into a new house much bigger than our previous one and we don’t *need* to fill it up right now, but even just window shopping feels disheartening. I’d gladly fill the place with lovely handmade pieces if we had the budget for it, but we don’t at the moment.

    1. We got a chair from Inside Weather we really like. It’s not as wildly expensive as some other stores and it’s really nice quality.

      2. Yep go to your local or not so local furniture consignment shop. Keep browsing Facebook marketplace. Look for brands like Ethan Allen, and hopefully stuff that’s older.

      3. To an extent, yes. I just don’t live in an area where there is a lot to choose from. But I’m keeping it in mind, thank you!

        1. Check out Chairsh and Everything But the House, both online sources for antique furniture. Also, I like FB marketplace, too. For new, I’ve been impressed with Article.

    3. I don’t know the answer. Our kids are not babies anymore so we just re did our living room and spent $12k at Ethan Allen because I couldn’t stand any of the other stuff we looked at.

      To be fair, the last time we bought anything new was in 2011 (sectional that we still have and have moved twice) and 2015 (new mattresses when we moved). The rest is secondhand/inherited.

    4. Depending on what pieces you are looking for, I would suggest checking out some estate sales in your area. Given that I don’t need stuff immediately, and with all the furniture delay purchasing from an estate sale may be faster anyways, I’m looking for wood furniture at estate sales. It can take a little bit to find something that is my style, but the quality is so much better than i see in the stores.

    5. All the secondhand / antique / consignment. Stinks if you want to decorate in a hurry, but it’s a fraction of the cost of new. The bottom has really fallen out of the antiques market lately, so you can get amazing, sturdy dressers and chests for just a couple hundred bucks. Clean-lined Empire, classical Federal, fussy Victorian – it’s all pretty affordable right now.

    6. I feel your pain. We did fine with couch/chairs from Ethan Allen recently, but trying to find a simple wooden coffee and side table we like has been a chore. Found some online on some amish furniture stores, but actually getting responses to questions/quotes is feeling impossible. Estate sales and antique stores are an option, but it’s such a time suck to go to them all compared to a large furniture store, which just didn’t have what we wanted.

      1. This is where I’m at. I don’t live in an area where estate sales happen often, as near as I can tell, though we’re trying. There are good antique stores though! So I’ll try not to lose hope.

        1. You probably need to make a weekend trip to your nearest big city. Have some nice meals and enjoy yourselves, but also hit the big antique/consignment malls on the outskirts.

      2. We have decent quality new upholstered pieces from American Leather, Ethan Allen and Room and Board. We have found a lot of wooden pieces second hand, mostly off eBay, and there you can sort for quality brands you can’t afford new. I have a running search for Guy Chaddock, for example, and have found a dining table, chairs and a bedside chest.

    8. No advice but “the same approximate weight as a killer whale” made me actual LOL :)

    9. Yes. Needed a table for an 85” TV. Couldn’t find one we liked. We ended up building our own.

  16. For those frugal folks, what cell phone plan are you using?

    I have been a happy Republic Wireless customer for years paying <$15/month for what I need (unlimited wireless/calls/text, sign up for data only when you need it – like if I'm going on a trip). Wireless is upgrading and my phone and plan will no longer be in their new offerings.

    I want to keep it cheap, and really don't want to pay a lot since I just do not surf on my phone ever outside of the reach of wireless. But I will have to buy a new phone too, most likely (which I also dislike doing…).

    What are you using? Or if you use Republic Wireless, what are you switching to?

    1. I have a five-year old phone with no 5G and I was paying 35 monthly for 5 GB of LTE plus text/call/etc to Cricket. They recently ended that plan, and now I’m paying 40 for 10 GB that includes 5G. I will probably bite the bullet on a new phone this year, and I’m adding my husband so this makes sense. If I weren’t switching to 5G and adding a 5G user who wants data, I’d look at mint mobile, which I think is like 3 GB for 20 bucks??

    2. I love Boost Mobile for unlimited everything but I have some older family members who use Ting because they don’t use data.

    3. I have a prepaid plan with Verizon that comes out to $25/line/month for 5 GB data/line. I will only do prepaid because I’ve gotten burned with contracts in the past.

    4. I use Mint. I haven’t done an in-depth comparison, but I’ve been happy with it for a couple of years now.

    5. I switched from Republic Wireless to Cricket to get an iPhone. Good coverage in the DC area and decent price. They just upgraded me to 5gb monthly for what I was paying for 2gb.

    6. I use Ting. I’m grandfathered into the old plan, but I’m considering transferring to the new plan if my needs go up. It would only be a 5-10/mo difference to get unlimited (and still have to pay for data), so it’s reasonable. If you want a referral code, let me know at corpyburner at the mail of g.

    7. I use Ting. I’m grandfathered into the old plan, but I’m considering transferring to the new plan if my needs go up. It would only be a 5-10/mo difference to get unlimited (and still have to pay for data), so it’s reasonable. If you want a referral code, let me know at corpyburner at the mail of g.

    9. Thanks all – I hadn’t even heard of some of these services so this is really helpful.

      Thanks again.

  17. My airpods randomly connect and disconnect from my phone when I’m either trying to use them or they’re just sitting in the case. It’s super frustrating. The worst is when I have them connected, make a call, and then they disconnect as soon as the other person answers. Or when I’m not using them and they connect in the middle of a call. I’ve unpaired and re-paired them, but does anybody know if there’s anything else to do? Is this just the nature of blue tooth? Did I drop these ones too many times?

    1. I don’t know the answer to why they’re not working but they’re not working and no, this is not just how they are. You should not be trying to continue to use air pods that are this unreliable!!

    3. I don’t think this is normal for AirPods. Are they in their case when they’re connecting randomly? The only issue I’ve had is when I put them in my pocket instead of their case and they think they’re in my ears.

      1. Yes, they connect even when they’re in the case. I’m glad to hear this isn’t normal!

        1. Definitely not normal. How old are they? I like to keep devices as long as possible, but when my second-gen airpods wouldn’t hold a charge long enough for an entire zoom call any more I was glad I sprung for new ones. The frustration of the dying pair was not worth it.

  18. Late for the weekend thread, but I figure I’ll ask. I have just clued in that my glutes are WEAK. Like I used to be able to do clamshells at least, though I have sucked at lunges for a while. Now even clamshells are hard. Is there any equivalent of a couch to 5K for… the butt?

      1. Vinyasa is too advanced for me right now, unfortunately, but maybe I should look at some really basic videos.

        1. I Googled “couch to yoga”, and Adrienne delivered. That might be the ticket! Thanks!

        2. I really love the Down Dog app, too. There are some more gentle types of yoga there and you can adjust the level of difficulty as well.

      1. Squats would be good! If you have weights (or something heavy like a weight), dead lifts are my favorite glute/lower body exercise and are a nice pair to squats in a little circuit.

    3. Start with glute bridges, then single leg glue bridges, then weighted hip thrusts.

      1. Thank you! That sounds aligned with some of the gentle work I’ve been doing for core rehab.

    5. Some gentle ballet barre moves could be excellent for this.

      You could also try single leg lifts (bent knee, life leg straight in front of you) holding onto a chair. Bridge work?

  19. One other thought. Jane Fonda did a workout series for people of a mature age a few years back. I used it, without shame, despite not yet being quite the target audience, to ease back into working out after an injury and supplement my PT. If memory serves, her strength series had a glutes section that might be gentle but effective. I’m sure it’s online.

  20. (Reposting as I initially accidentally made this as a comment to someone else’s post.) I know the internet is not the place to get medical advice, but I wanted to try just in case someone else has gone through this.
    I have ADHD (diagnosed only recently as an adult) and in the last couple of months started taking Ritalin. However, since my partner and I are trying to get pregnant and I’ve gone off birth control, I’ve stopped taking Ritalin. Psychiatrist doesn’t really have an idea on alternative treatment. Has anyone else had to do something like this, and if so, what did you substitute this medication with, if anything?

    1. What? Your psychiatrist … doesn’t know? That’s not making sense to me. Literally doesn’t know or recommends either staying on it or taking nothing?

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