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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 430 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Fashion

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Born - Alissa (Grey Full-Grain Leather) - Footwear Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I've been at a conference for three days, wearing a suit and thinking/listening/networking really hard — so I cannot wait to to kick back this weekend. (Let's just say the massage is already scheduled on Saturday!) The idea of leggings, tall boots, and a comfy oversized sweater sounds juuuust about right for the weekend, and these boots from Born (highly rated on Zappos) strike me as both cute, comfortable and stylish in a laid-back way. They're $185 at Zappos. Born – Alissa (Grey Full-Grain Leather) – Footwear

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. sc

    I was fired from a position several years ago, because of a jealous and threatened supervisor. (In the end, the organization paid me a settlement.) Now I’ve started a new job which requires membership in a professional association that she also belongs to. How should I handle our next encounter? Thanks!

    • E Anon

      How small is the association and how likely is it you’ll be bumping into each other in a small group setting? If over 100 people are likely to be at any event, I would say just ignore her. If it’s likely you’ll be in a position where you’re in a small group and it would be obvious to others that you’re avoiding her (or if she comes over to you in a larger group) I wouldn’t say anything beyond asking her how she is, and if she brings up your history, just tell her you’d rather not talk about it.

      • Shayna

        This – and I doubt she’ll come over and strike up a conversation about it – most people would just as soon ‘let sleeping dogs lie’.

    • divaliscious11

      She would simply not exist for me. I am not going to impede my professional progress because of one person. If forced to speak, I’d be civil – no need to bring the rest of the group into your history, but I wouldn’t pretend to be friendly or chat her up etc…

      • anon

        I am on a committee for a professional association where I have to run into a former supervisor that I used to socialize with frequently. She didn’t stab me in the back to the extent you describe, but there was a falling out that got pretty nasty. She recently joined the committee, so I have to occassionally be on the same calls. There also have been a few conferences where we end up in the same room. I suspect it is just as uncomfortable for her as it is for me. We’ve literally been a few feet from each other and just don’t aknowledge the other. I now DREAD participating but know it is in my career interests to keep at it. At the end of the day, I’m not going to let it stop me from attending, doing, or being anything I want in this life. All I can do is create the best reputation I can for myself. If others don’t see it or choose to believe otherwise, then that’s not something I can control.

        That said, I still think the less interaction the better. The last thing you want is to open a door to letting her back in your circle.

    • Anonymous

      If forced to interact with her, be civil but distant. If you don’t have to interact with her, pretend she doesn’t exist. And whatever you do, never badmouth her. Even if you were 100% in the right, talking about her will make you look bad.

      • Anonymous

        I understand this may be very awkward, but for the sake of your own peace of mind, I suggest (with the utmost respect for your feelings) taking the high road. If you avoid her, you will set yourself on a path of seeking to avoid her forever and you will have that weight on your shoulders every time there is a possibility you will see her. The awkwardness (and emotion investment you have) may increase and not abate. I would not be overly friendly but I would actually make a point of speaking to her if you bump into her/end up in the same circle talking. Just a curt, “hello, it’s been a while” and then keep walking/turn away/whatever feels natural. If she tries to be overly friendly I would just cut it off and walk away. Just my 2 cents. I’m not saying forgive and forget, I’m saying don’t give her any more power over you.

    • martha

      i actually would take the opposite tack: don’t seek her out, but if you do encounter her, sugar wouldn’t melt in your mouth. be so nice that it’ll be weird if she’s weird to you. i used this tactic to successfully overcome a still-unexplained animosity a senior coworker had to me. she was randomly bitchy to me, but i just completely ignored and was so nice it made HER look like the problem, not me. she eventually knocked it off. this is particularly useful if the encounter is in front of people. just another suggestion.

  2. Georgia

    I keep waiting for a post devoted to this (I know there have been some in the past), but am desperately seeking a warm (wool), dressy, winter coat. Something to wear with work dresses and suits. Any suggestions? Have done camel in the past, want something with a little more pop to it this year.

    • RR

      Last year I bought a great coat from Talbots that they have again this year. It’s knee length, with no front closures, but a belt so you wrap and tie. I really love it and think it’s a little extra dressy. And it comes in some color options if you are looking for even more pop.

      I don’t work for Talbots–just buy most of my clothes there.

        • Georgia

          Great suggestions! Another question and I will be ever grateful to the Corporettes for solving. I wear a lot of dresses for work that hit right at my knee (I am a smidgen under 5’6″). It seems so many coats stop 2-3 inches above the dress hem. That’s all wrong, right? What do I wear? Do I need to find a coat that goes down to my ankles? Mid-calf seems dowdy, but dress hem showing just seems like I have on the wrong coat.

          • Lyssa

            I’ve always considered that to be appropriate and cute (because you see that there’s more going on then just the coat). I could certainly be wrong, though! (Although I admit that I’m not going to go about buying a new coat just to correct it if I am- although I would like a full length one, just for the extra warmth)

          • Mags

            Won’t you look naked if there’s no clothing emerging from under the coat? (Stockings, I guess…but in any case I feel weird if my skirt/dress isn’t visible beneath the coat.)

          • Anonymous

            I prefer to have some dress hem showing, actually. I think it’s a matter of personal preference.

          • nonA

            I always thought you were supposed to show dress hem; otherwise, it made it look like you had nothing on under the coat!

          • jcb

            I think Georgia is right that the old rule is your coat should cover your dress/skirt. That being said, I don’t think most people follow the old rule anymore.

          • KZ

            i’ve never heard of hem rules for coat/dresses. You wouldn’t want a really long one anyway because the hem would just get wet in the snow.

      • michelle

        I bought a wrap coat in a similar color from Calvin Klein last year that is very nice, think I got it from Macys or Nordstrom? Nice switch from my black and camel coats when I want a little more oomph.

      • anony

        I’ve been disappointed with Banana lately, too. Nothing fits well and many of the cardigans have seams going down the back (which look cheap). Smalls are too big (especially in the shoulders), petites aren’t fitting, the list goes on. I thought it was me, but apparently not. I hope they’ll make some changes

    • anon-ny

      I really love Benetton’s coats. I don’t believe they do online sales but over the years I have accumulated several coats from there and am always happy. I haven’t looked this year (because I absolutely do not need another winter coat) but they usually have a variety of colors and lengths and the quality is excellent – I don’t think I’ve ever had any of their buttons fall off (ahem, Banana).

    • Georgia

      LOVE that Garnet Hill coat. Might pull the trigger on that one.

      But it raises another question. I have never in my life been able to get my knot look like it does in that picture (with the nice flatness to it). My knots always look…knotty. Is anyone able to explain it?

      • Cat

        for me, it works if I tie a square knot, and as I’m tightening the final knot, paying attention to where the ends are pointing. If they’re pointing down when the knot is firm, they (usually) stay that way :)

        • Georgia

          Thanks all…I’ve been lurking forever and only occassionally posting as “Anon,” finally decided to pick a handle.

      • an0n

        my mother and grandmother are WAY into perfect knots and bows. here’s what i was taught:

        knots: right over left and through (the loop); left over right and through (that loop). i hope that makes sense! it’s a neat rhyme, but difficult to explain how to tie a knot in words…

        bows: make two rabbit ears and then knot them (only once). that creates the picture-perfect “sorority girl in a sundress” bow!

    • Anonymous

      Got an error message the first time and am trying again, hope 2 posts don’t show up.

      Lands End women’s car coat: http://www.landsend.com/pp/WoolCarCoat~211480_59.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::RCY&CM_MERCH=IDX_00002__0000000142&origin=index
      and last year’s iteration is on clearance in limited sizes and colors! http://www.landsend.com/pp/WoolCarCoat~208871_48.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::IVO&CM_MERCH=IDX_00008__0000000142&origin=index

      If you happen to be plus sized, I also love this one: http://www.landsend.com/pp/SizeWoolFunnelneckCoat~208919_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::BLA&CM_MERCH=IDX_00008__0000000159&origin=index

      This long coat from LL Bean is also classic and warm: http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/61752?parentCategory=504728&feat=504728-tn&feat=sr

      • Rach

        There are also some Ellen Tracy and Michael Michael Kors coats at very marked-down prices on HauteLook and Ideeli….

    • Carrie

      I have been buying JCrew coats for at least the last 15 years. I always have one of the shorter wool peacoats with the thinsulate lining and I’ve also bought a couple of the the longer, dressier coats. I’ve had mixed results with quality of other JCrew things over the years, but I’ve always had excellent results with the coats.

      I don’t know what the options are out there this year, but it is worth checking out.

      • MJ

        This–the “Lady Day” coat from JCrew has some STUNNING colors, including a rich forest green and a great purple.

        I have the coat in black, pale pink and royal blue from years past. The wool does not pill, it was warm enough for NYC (which is cold!), and it looks great with both pants and skirts–hits me just right. And the empire cut is SUPER-flattering. And it has a fun lining.

        • SF Bay Associate

          I also have a Lady Day with thinsulate and love it. Size up – the coat always runs small, especially in the shoulders. Size up two sizes if you plan on wearing thick tops underneath.

        • t

          i have a j crew coat too: i really like it, but imo its ONLY warm enough for NYC if you get the thinsulate.

    • 3L (so. relieved.)

      Several years ago I invested in a long cherry-red wool & cashmere Burberry coat. I adore it. It is my reason for getting dressed in the winter. I feel like I queen when I wear it. I get stopped on the street and asked about it. It was worth every penny I pinched (before and after the purchase) because it makes me cheerful when the weather’s anything but! The “pop” you refer to is a must when everything outside is dreary and gray. FWIW, I’ve noticed some lovely purples out there this year, if red’s a little much for you.

  3. SF Bay Associate

    Wow, open thread is early this week! Nice.

    So, I’m living out of a hotel for the next two months in not-my-home-city as part of a trial team. Thanks to all of you with great advice on living out of a hotel. I’m exhausted but it’s occasionally really cool, and I’m hoping that I’ll look back on this experience with pride. My current dilemma is a food one – I am very lactose intolerant i.e. cheese is bad for me and therefore bad for everyone around me (sorry, tmi). And as we’re working late and together, many times someone on the team will order pizza for dinner. And then again for lunch the next day. And maybe they’ll order a salad to share, but there’s crumbled/shredded cheese all over that too, so it’s not like I can pick it out. I’m fine peeling cheese off a sandwich but there’s pretty much nothing I can do about pizza, cheesy salads, or hot sandwiches with melted cheese. Not to mention at this rate, no one will fit into their suits in a month. I feel like a second class citizen, which I realize is silly but all I do is work and eat and sleep (and spend too much time on corporette). One of my three activities is really a problem because with all the darn cheese, I have to scrounge for food from the cheesy options. I am resentful.

    So my question is, how do I handle this? I don’t want to seem like the picky eater brat who wants a special order from somewhere else (because pizza places put cheese on freaking everything including salad, even if you say not to), but given both my dietary issues and my need to continue fitting my suits, I may just need to own my role as picky eater. I love cheese, I wish I could eat it, I don’t begrudge anyone’s enjoyment of it, but I just can’t eat it. Help!

    • anano

      I think that you are just going to have to be assertive and order from a separate place for yourself if you have to. It isn’t your fault that you are lactose intolerant, and it’s not in anyone’s best interest for you to feel less than 100% while in trial. Your colleagues just might not understand what a problem it is for you, i.e., they may think that you can just take a lactaid or something and have everything be OK. Maybe say something along the lines of “Hey guys, the pizza is really starting to mess with my system, so I’m going to need to go with something dairy-free this time. Anyone care to join me for Chinese/sandwiches/whatever?”
      Good luck!

    • AE

      There is nothing picky about being lactose intolerant, and in order to work effectively, you need to keep from getting sick. If you haven’t already done so, I suggest you let your colleagues know your problem and suggest other take out or delivery options. Even after a few days of pizza, I’m sure they will be ready for a little variety.

    • Ru

      I had a medical condition that caused really awful reactions to dairy – so I just told people I’m allergic to dairy (but I wasn’t lactose intolerant). Thankfully, I went to the doctor and everything’s great now but for one year, I had no dairy WHATSOEVER. I just mentioned that I’m allergic to dairy, which is something everybody understands. For some reason, people respect the word “allergy” more than “intolerant”, so maybe that will work for you. Don’t be afraid to speak up – most people won’t think anything of it and if some do, it’s too bad but they don’t have to suffer as you unfortunately have to.

      Also, while this may not be to your palate, ask if whatever place you’re ordering from has a vegan alternative.

    • CFM

      Can you order somewhere else on your own? It would be much more considerate if they would consider your cheese problem, but maybe talk to your hotel concierge and arm yourself with a stack of menus that you like. (Or is there anyway to bring your own food? I realize its extra hard with the hotel situation, but the easiest solution would be to just bring your own food) I would arm yourself with your menus, and when someone says lets do pizza, just say “great I’m starving, I’m going to order from Blank, I have the menu if anyone else wants something from here”

      Try not to be resentful, it would be great if they cut out pizza, but pizza is a really easy way to feed a big group for free. Just keep a cheerful attitude and take care of your own dietary needs. Better food will also make you feel better! I would definitely try to start bringing your own meals

      • Catuk

        CFM’s approach would be mine too. Is it the sort of place/situation where you order your own pizzas and you could ask them to hold the cheese? The chances are that there may be someone else in your group with gluten / diary intolerance / allergy or who just doesn’t like pizza, or who likes it but is now just fed up with pizza!

        As for seeming like a picky brat….I think that is more to do with the way people handle situations like this rather than the fact you can’t eat dairy. A cheerful, relaxed and confident approach wouldn’t come across to me as picky, but a whiny, attention seeking, highly stressed approach would…hope that makes sense!

    • MPC

      Do the lactase enzyme pills (e.g. Lactaid) work for you? They’re widely available in drug stores, online, etc. This wouldn’t help with fitting into your suits, of course :-)

      You could also suggest that they order Chinese, Thai, or Middle Eastern food sometime.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Lactaid works for me with foods like yogurt, where there are active cultures already present to help, or very aged cheese where the bacteria have eaten a lot of the lactose sugars already. I usually take 6-8 lactaid if I eat a dairy item, and carry lactaid with me at all times. But soft/un-aged dairy i.e milk, cheese, cream, cream cheese, or the mother of them all, buttermilk are a disaster. Lactaid doesn’t totally ameliorate all the effects of dairy consumption for the severely intolerant, it just lessens them. I’d rather avoid dairy altogether.

        I can’t say dairy allergy because I can eat lactose free yogurt and keffir (Green Valley, at Whole Foods), and with lactaid, very aged non-cow cheese (american heavily bred cows have much more lactose in their milk than goats, sheep, or buffalo). My dad has a life-threatening food allergy. I always try to avoid saying allergy unless it’s actually an allergy so that I don’t contribute to people not taking allergies seriously, along the lines of the boy who cried wolf.

        I realize I could order a sans-cheese pizza, but come on ladies, who thinks that’s going to taste kinda ok? Your average pizza chain doesn’t use high enough quality ingredients to make a cheeseless pizza palatable. Still feels second-class to me. It may get to that point though.

        Your points are all excellent and I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

        • M in CA

          For what it’s worth, I order cheeseless pizza all the time and I love it. Maybe I’ll sprinkle some parmesan on top. I’m not lactose intolerant, sometimes I just prefer the taste and the way I feel afterwards (lighter, less greasy, etc.) YMMV of course. :)

          • mm/dc

            Me too. I’ve always detested most cheese . . . I don’t like it on pizza, hamburgers, sandwiches, salads, pasta, etc. I’ll eat aged parm, chevre or feta sometimes, but that’s about it. If people are asking around taking pizza orders at the office, I usually just ask whether anyone minds if one of the pizzas is ordered half with no cheese. No one ever seems to care, so I just tell whoever is ordering to do this. The secretaries in my office know about my weird cheese issue and kindly order accordingly.

    • AD

      Could you bring your own lunch with you to stave off having to deal with whatever someone else ordered? Maybe have your hotel make you something in the morning before you leave, or pop into a grocery store for something like a take-out soup (almost always my default lunch, maybe also not what you’re looking for)? If you have the opportunity to get to someplace like a Whole Foods, or another store with a good prepared food selection, you could even stock up on a couple of days’ worth of items and keep them in your room.

      If you feel too self-conscious about having your own food – and frankly, I think it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business – could you try to eat at a different time from the rest of the group?

      I think you’re certainly within your rights to at least request a special order on occasion though, even if you don’t want to do it all the time.

      • BD

        I’m a consultant so I’ve definitely got experience living/eating with colleagues in a hotel. We’ve had vegans, observant Jews, and people with all kinds of food allergies (shellfish, coconut, and mango are presently on the list; it changes as staff rotate through), yet no one has gone hungry!

        I don’t know how your team dynamics work, but on my projects it has never been ill-received when someone says, “I can’t eat the cheese on pizza” (or even just “I’m sick of pizza!”) as long as they follow with “…so I’ll put in an order for Thai for anyone who’s interested.” It works best if this alternate option rotates a bit – Thai one night, then Indian or sandwiches.

    • divaliscious11

      I think this is when you simply say, I need to order something for dietary reasons. Lactose intolerance is fairly common so I don’t think anyone would think you picky or particular.
      Can’t your order a turkey sub without cheese or a plain burger etc…?

    • North Shore

      If you’re ordering from an Italian place, you could ask that they send you some pasta instead. Just tell whoever is ordering that you’re sick of pizza, and would like something else. I don’t eat cheese and hate being the wet blanket at a pizza party. If it’s just for one night I’d pick off the cheese, but you can’t do that for two months.

    • Anon

      I’ve never been away at a trial, but I am lactose intolerant, too. I am able to use Lactaid in a limited sense (a few slices of pizza once a day, a couple of days per week). I always have some with me, just in case a partner or whatever takes me to lunch and I don’t want to be seen as picky, or if I’m just in the mood for cheese.

      Otherwise, I ask if I can order something separately or I ask if we can get the cheese on the side (if it’s something like a salad). I’ve never had an adverse reaction. I also carry a lot of food around with me. A jar of peanut butter from a nearby supermarket and a few apples can be a lifesave.

    • Anonymous

      I have severe food allergies and if my colleagues disregarded them, I’d end up in the hospital. So I’m adamant about making sure communal food meets my dietary needs. No one will object if you state clearly and firmly that you must have dairy-free food.

      Also, what’s stopping you from ordering your own meals? Do you have to eat whatever someone else orders? Why can’t you just order something else? You could still eat with your colleagues, just eat your own thing.

    • Emily

      If you really don’t want to say anything (which I totally understand, as I’m often the only woman on large teams of male garbage-disposal eaters), you could call the pizza/salad/sandwich shop on your own time, and request that whenever an order is placed for your team, they include a non-cheese item. These restaurants seem to be getting a lot of business from your team, so they should be happy to help out.

      Otherwise, I second the commenters who have suggested reviewing various delivery menus on your own, figuring out what you can order from them (for instance, lots of national pizza chains have chicken wings or chicken fingers), and then just speak up in a confident, helpful way about what you want when the next person is going to order. Or, you could offer to spearhead future orders!

    • Chicago K

      As a vegetarian, I feel your pain. I hate speaking up about dietary needs too. But when I do, I just keep it short and simple, along the lines of, “Just so you know, I don’t eat meat (or can’t/don’t eat cheese, in your case). So if we could order something without it, that would be great.”

      People are actually really understanding, even if I do get those obnoxious comments in jest such as, “hey, want to go for steak tonight!” wink wink, smile smile. Once they stop laughing about how funny they think they are, I am getting a million suggestions for meat-free options.

      Pizza is an easy cheap option, but so is chinese. If all else fails, try stocking your bag with Luna Bars and apples, or an extra salad from your lunch order or even a frozen dinner (maybe you could keep them in the office freezer?).

      • AN

        This. Just speak to the person who orders, if you’re self conscious about speaking up in front of the group. I am a vegetarian and I feel your pain. Luckily my Jewish boss has food constraints too so I never feel like the odd person out. But you have to speak up.

    • anony

      Have you been formally diagnosed with being lactose intolerant? I know some people who have thought they were lactose intolerant because they felt ill after eating cheese, ice cream, etc. In fact, they were not lactose intolerant and it was more of a “too much fat” issue. I would suggest seeing a doctor to determine if you really are. Additionally, try taking pills (Lactaid). They can work quite well.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Not at all E :). Enjoy your delicious pizza, and eat my share too! I’ll just be wistful in the corner over here.

        anony- not formally, but I’ve done some experimentation and am quite confident that it’s the lactose. I wish it was a “too much fat” issue. See above to my comments re: Lactaid if you are curious :).

        Emily – very smart to call the pizzeria ahead and have a standing request. I am definitely doing this.

        • Anonymous

          Can’t read all the other suggestions right now, but please don’t make yourself sick. I’m a pescatarian and I also have traveled for trials for 2 month stints. Get help from the concierge or a secretary at your local counsel, they must have a book of menus for delivery (or use room service if you all work out of the hotel)–let everyone know you are ordering–I’m sure others also want to eat healthfully/more variety than pizza. Don’t make a big deal out of it diva-style/don’t order expensive meals — but you are giving up your life for 2 months, you are entitled to eat!!

          • Valerie @ City|Life|Eats

            Late in responding, but I do agree with the assessment of don’t make yourself sick. It’s just not worth it. I would do a combination of speaking up (whether to the team or to whoever is in charge of ordering) and having some back-up foods for yourself. I suspected for a while I had some sort of food allergy to dairy but hated to speak up, especially because at my last job, I was in a lot of eating-with-the-team situations like yours. Fast forward a few years, and it turns out that I actually am really intolerant to dairy and gluten and feel miles better now that I avoid those things strenuously, as opposed to just making do the way I used to. I understand you don’t want to be known as the picky eater, but honestly, you are working with these people 2 months around the clock, and it’s a lot easier to work those hours if you feel better physically (and therefore work better). As other commenters have said, the key is to make your request nicely, and not be a diva, but be firm about what you need. I find people always respect that. Often people say “wow, that must suck not being able to eat ” and I always respond with “yeah, especially because I was never a picky eater” and I invariably get a response of along the lines of “it’s not being picky if you can’t eat something because it makes you sick.”

            Good luck!

    • JessC

      I must be extraordinarily blunt (check out my response to Zee’s issue below), but I’d suggest just being straight forward and speaking up. “Listen guys, I am severely lactose intolerant. While that pizza looks quite yummy, if I’m subjected to any amount of cheese it’s going to be very unpleasant for myself and possibly the rest of you. If ya’ll want pizza, that’s cool I’m just gonna order something different. But consider this my vote for chinese takeout.”
      I highly doubt anyone will be offended by dietary needs/issues/allergies. You’d be surprised how receptive can be when you straight with them.

      • Valerie @ City|Life|Eats

        Agreed – people are always receptive when you are straight with them about that stuff. The most I get is “what happens if you eat cheese/bread/pizza/whatever other foods is the subject” and I just say my stomach hurts badly and it’s not worth it and people back off. I rarely get pushed on it and don’t discuss all t he other symptoms I get because while people get the stomach hurting explanation, often people don’t get joint pain/headaches/sinus problems as a symptom of food intolerance.

  4. Newy

    Does anyone have advice for waterproof shoes? If it was for work I would just wear rain boots and change, but its for class, dinner (not business dinner, just out with friends), etc so I’d love something that’s waterproof, but not as shiny and rubbery looking as rain boots.

    • Lynette

      If you can handle “funky” try the brand Melissa. Although they are a little shiny, you might like them.

    • MelD

      I have a pair of Dr. Scholl’s flats made of polyurethane or something similar that seem to be waterproof. I walked through puddles on Monday and my feet were not wet at all.

    • Ru

      I have rubber boots but I loathe them and only wear them in blizzard-like conditions. I wear leather flats or wedges and they do a great job of keeping my feet dry (unless there’s a huge puddle, whoops).

    • AD

      If you’re willing to spend >$100, I’d definitely look into Aquatalias. Much of the line is boots, but there are decent looking dress shoes and cute flats – none of which look like rain shoes, all of which are weatherproof. Endless.com has a large selection.

    • C2

      La Canadienne makes gorgeous waterproof suede boots. You can catch them on sale at 6pm.

      • mew

        I love my suede La Canadienne boots. I practically live in them in the fall and winter.

      • AE

        I have a funny story about my experience buying La Canadienne boots.

        I recently bought a pair of La Canadienne knee high suede boots. I searched high and low for the perfect pair and found them on LC’s website. They were not yet for sale on the usual websites (they are now and I should have waited), so I had them shipped from LC’s flagship store in Montreal. The post office would not drop them off at my condo in DC because the package was from outside the US, and left a notice telling me to pick them up at post office 1. I went to post office 1, waited in line and was told they weren’t there (with a bad attitude, as if it was my fault that they weren’t there) and to go to post office 2. I went to post office 2, waited in line for 30 minutes, waited an additional 20 minutes for them to search for the package and was told with a worse attitude (she actually raised her voice at me) that they weren’t there and to go to post office 3. I went to post office 3 and was told (politely) that the package was at post office 4. I went to post office 4, waited in line, and was told (rudely) that they weren’t there and to call a number for the delivery manager. I tried the number and it finally worked after 15 tries. The delivery manager checked their logs and told me the package was at post office 4. I told the delivery manager that I had visited post office 4 and was told it wasn’t there. The delivery manager called post office 4 and spoke to the rude clerk who I dealt with at post office 4 and told me that the clerk had found the package after I left post office 4. The delivery manager also explained that they left me the wrong notice at delivery (the right notice would have sent me directly to post office 4, not post office 1). I returned to post office 4 and retrieved the package from the (now contrite) clerk.

        Once I tried the boots on I discovered the boots were too small in the calves. I paid a shoe repair shop (probably too much money although they did an excellent job) to put an extra 1.5 inches in each boot.

        The bottom line- I LOVE them, and I will wear the h*** out of them this fall to make up for all the trouble I went through.

        Lessons learned: 1) make sure boots fit your calves before you buy them, 2) do not go to the post office in DC if at all possible, and 3) when ordering online or by phone make sure the merchant is in the US or they ship by Fedex or UPS.

        • mew

          I feel your post office pain. Whenever I go to the P.O. to pick up a package, they’ll tell me it’s not there. Then they remember that there as a 2nd spot where packages are. Then it’s not there. So I have to speak to the manager. Who apparently goes to the 3rd, top-secret package holding spot. It’s always there. So I’ve learned to ask if they’ve checked the big package pile, the small package pile, and the “other” place where packages are kept.

    • Anonymous

      LL Bean makes a skimmer/ballet flat style rain shoe that’s super cute. It’s obviously a rain shoe, but adorable.

    • kellyn

      Danskos always work for me! I have several pairs of the patent ones and they do a good job lifting you out of puddles, etc., keeping your feet dry, and they are relatively slipless. They can be a little shiny looking, which is a downside, but they are great.

  5. zee

    Please help with a weird work situation! I have two last names and am married (did not take husband’s last name). Yesterday, in a strategy meeting, a partner said I should just pick one of my last names because it’s too confusing to have two, and said something about my “maiden” name and my “married” name. I told him I don’t have a “married” name and he was all “well where the [] did your names come from”? Taken aback, I told him one was from my mother and one was from my father. He went off about how it was “weird” or “silly” or something, and how people with short names are more accessible blah blah blah. All this in front of the other people at the strategy meeting! My question is (a) did I miss something where it became ok to criticize people for their “weird” names, and (b) how do I deal with this in the future? I was horribly offended but am overly sensitive occasionally, so I would really love to hear what the corporettes have to say! Thanks so much.

    • Anon101

      He sounds like a jerk! He has no business instructing you on what you call yourself. But don’t waste your time being offended, his opinion doesn’t matter. You should be proud of your name!

      If it happens in the future, you can try to make a joke about it like “Yes, I like to confuse people” or “two names means I work twice as efficiently”…

      • Ru

        I completely agree. If you can’t laugh it off, then just a subtle acknowledgement should make him look like an a$$ in front of everyone else. I’m a more confrontational person so I’d probably say something along the lines of, “Your concerns are duly noted, moving on…..”

    • jcb

      I think he was way, way out of line. Sounds like a completely oblivious boor, so don’t take it personally. Just know that he’s kind of an idiot. If he starts harping on it again, maybe calmly mention that you aren’t in need of a [] stage name.

      • Miriam

        I agree. Sounds like an insensitive, thoughtless jerk. I come across them more often than I’d like. It’s impossible to ignore them, but generally people who make comments like that once, will do it again.

    • anano

      Wow, that is really offensive that he would do that, and hopefully it won’t happen again, because most people have more sense than that. I know it’s hard to think in a moment like that, but if he says something again, maybe something along the lines of a stern “I’ve had this name my whole life and it’s never been an issue for anyone before.”?

      I did not change my name either when I got married, and some people seem to be really threatened by that for some reason. Whenever someone questions the fact that my husband and I have different last names and is acting weird about it, I usually say something along the lines of “Well, I’m a pretty enlightened person, so I let him keep his own name when we got married.” Which usually gets a laugh, but also kind of makes a point.

      Good luck…I find it so frustrating that this is even still an issue.

      • C2

        anano, I love that response, hilarious.

        Zee, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, his behavior was really inappropriate, not to mention at best ignorant and at worst racist in light of the huge portions of the world which use that “weird” practice of passing down both parents’ names.

        I hesitate to recommend using humor to diffuse it if it happens again, because honestly he deserves to be put in his place. However, as I assume he is a superior, you can use the line a dear multi-last-named Chicana friend of mine always does — “No one asked my vote in the deliveryroom!”

        • anano

          Just to be clear, I was not advocating using humor in this particular situation. C2 is totally correct that he needs to be put in the place. I actually like Anonymous’s suggestion below (“I find your comment quite rude. My name is my name, and that’s that.”).

          I do find that humor tends to work well in social situations, or where someone is just having a strage reaction to my name, but not being flat out rude like this partner.

      • dee

        I have a similar response to a similar question – when people ask me how my husband feels about our (future) children having hyphenated names, I tell them he feels lucky that I am allowing him to append his name to the children I give birth to.

      • UnSub

        I hyphenated my name when I got married years and years ago and you would not believe the push-back I got. My then office manager told me that he was going to put only my married name on my mailbox and I better get used to it. I calmly explained that if my husband did not mind my name, I didn’t see any reason why he should. He got used to the hyphenation.

        If you have any kind of name other than the “Jane Smith” variety you have to be diligent about using it or people will try to force you to comply to the norm. Sad.

    • Lydia

      I don’t have a good answer for you as to a good response, but it’s definitely not okay to criticize someone for his/her name. I’m not planning on changing my name when (if) I get married, and I’m shocked that this guy thought he could judge your name. You might remind him that the English upper class have multiple last names, and that Spanish-speaking countries, children often are given both parents’ last names (although I think they drop the mom’s last name if they are girls and marry). Basically you are in the right and your boss is both wrong and tactless. (And bosses with tact are more accessible and less weird and silly than bosses who talk out of their asses and make everyone uncomfortable.)

    • Anonymous

      Wow, his comment was completely inappropriate and offensive (and I am not sensitive). If that happens in the future, I’d respond by saying simply “I find your comment quite rude. My name is my name, and that’s that.” Keep it short and don’t draw him into further discussion. I also think that his comment was borderline sexist and ethnically insensitive – people with short names are more accessible? You should use your married name? WTF.

      As for right now, though, I don’t think there’s anything you can do to follow up. Hopefully he won’t mention it again. I’m surprised no one else on the strategy team stuck up for you; I would have.

      • JM

        Yes, his comment was extremely sexist and ethnically insensitive. I also have two names, not because I am married (I am not) but because of my ethnicity. I would be LIVID if someone told me that I had to shorten my name/keep one name because frankly, it would not be my name anymore. I really sympathize with you. I would feel very embarrassed even though his comment was really insensitive and he should be the one feeling bad.

    • carolina

      LOL — I went through this. I don’t find it funny, but have to laugh b/c it’s so ridiculous what 50+ year old men think they can say/do. I am the only female attorney at a small-ish law firm. One day, my letterhead on the computer was suddenly missing my maiden name, which I use as a middle name — First Maiden Last, initials FML. My letterhead just said First Last. I asked my secretary to fix it. She couldn’t. I emailed our office manager and asked what happened. Apparently one of the our named partners thought that First Maiden Last was “too long,” and told the office manager to change it. The female office manager did it! I was po’d at the time, but as calmly as possible told her to change it back. She did. Later that day I was able to laugh about it a litte, and told my direct boss what had happened. He laughed too….but then had the gall to bring it up in front of the entire department at a department meeting. I was pretty mad, but in retrospect, find their ignorance pretty humorous. Working with all men, many of whom are 60+, I get all kinds of inappropriate comments, 99.9% of which are totally harmless, but inappropriate nevertheless. Lucky for them, I am able to laugh most of them off. We do openly joke about the supposed lawsuit that I’m going to one day file against the firm. When something inappropriate is said, I say “okay, Joe, I’ll add that to my petition as Count 38,” and they seem to get the idea.

    • In-House Biotech

      Zee, let me just tell you how often something like that happens to me. I have a hyphenated first AND last name. I am neither married nor divorced. In addition, I am from the Northeast and my first name is very “Southern” as most hyphenated first names are. SO I get questioned about my name all the time.

      It’s best to just laugh it off or have a really easy and witty one-liner that is neither defensive nor rude. I often say something like “What can I say, my parents had quite the sense of humor” or “It will make it easy for me when I start my own law firm since it will appear to have two partners already.” What you need to remember is that this person already made himself look like a jerk by saying things like that in front of other people.

      In my earlier years I convinced my entire school that I had a hyphenated middle name as well and in law school I convinced a few 1Ls I was divorced already. I am a bit snarky so that type of stuff is just fun for me. I wouldn’t dream about doing that in my workplace now but it’s sometimes nice to think of fun ways to screw with the nosey people who ask.

    • Another Anon

      (Warning: I’m really grumpy.)

      Some twit in an authority position launched an attack and it worked. You took the submissive position. It’s too late now, it’s over. Prepare for next time so this doesn’t become a bullying problem.

      Next time, you need to realise what’s happening and call him on it. Try repeating his words back to him (keep your voice low, you’re not asking him for approval, you’re pointing out a behavioral problem), or try “Excuse me. Are you serious?” Or even just leave silence hanging and stare calmly at him.

      OK, rant over. I need coffee stat.

      Good luck.

      • t

        wow, another anon, do YOU always come up with the perfect repartee exactly as a situation is happening? she was blind-sided at his completely out of line behavior. it is frequently hard to come up with the perfect response to that kind of thing on the spot. more power to you if you don’t know what’s that like.

        • Another Anon

          She’s going to have to learn how to handle being blindsided because it won’t be the last time. It gets easier with practice. I wish her luck.

    • Jules' Law

      I completely agree that he was out of line but I have to say people say crap like that all the time. I recently changed my name from my maiden to my married name. Granted I went from a very short and easy to pronounce maiden name to a very long last name. Frankly it’s been an adjustment for me too. But now I’m at the point where I find it really disrespectful that literally every person I encounter – my boss, friends, family, the teller at the DMV, even telemarketers – feel they can comment on my decision. Listen, I know it’s a pain to spell out. However, a) it’s pronounced phonetically so let’s at least make some kind of effort people and b) it’s a personal choice that I made because I wanted to have a family name with my husband. Even my supervisor, after over a month of working here still refuses to learn how to pronounce my name and introduces me to people by saying my first name and then garbling my last (as a joke I guess). Why people feel it’s ok to tell me on a daily basis that I should change my name back is beyond me.

      Ahhh, sorry for the rant but I can completely relate to Z’s concerns and just had to tell you you’re not alone. In my opinion based on this experience, I think it should just be made known that a person’s name, whether it’s the one their born with or one they adopt, is not really anyone else’s business to comment on. Grrrr.

      • NYC

        How obnoxious of your boss, and the boss of the OP. If you didn’t grow up with a long last name, I can see it being quite a shock to find out how often people comment on it! I just went from a VERY long, difficult to pronounce name to a very short, common name. I barely went a day without someone commenting on my maiden name. I think it is useful to have a sense of humor about it. Add in silly words when you are spelling it out (“s is for silly putty…m is for meatball”), crack jokes about how your hubby is worth it, tell them you considered combining them and then come up with a hilarious combination of the two. Or you can just do what my dry cleaner did, and act like my last name had four letters (the first four) rather than twelve. Good luck!

      • Anon

        I feel your pain. I have an “unusual” first and last names which are always botched in spelling and pronunciation. They are both two syllables each so people have no excuse! I have a sense of humor, but I don’t let people get away with it. I patiently explain how to say my name, and I don’t respond if its mispronounced or changed. I will simply act like you didn’t say my name – cos you didn’t.

        I’ve been known to call people out with a simple “Sorry, that’s not my name”. Once a saleslady in Sephora was ringing me up and looking up my rewards card. I spelled my name for her and she said “your name has too many vowels”. I said “excuse me?”. She repeated the statement. I politely asked for the manager to ring me up.

        People will stay rude unless corrected.

      • Anonymous

        I think you need to speak to your boss and politely tell him that it upsets you when he garbles your name, that it doesn’t seem funny, and you’re concerned it’s hurting you professionally because people aren’t introduced to you properly.

    • zee

      Thanks for your comments, everybody. I think I’ll definitely take a harder line next time. I’m pretty new, and I’ve seen this guy get away with a lot so it seems that he has a lot of sway. I’m trying to balance standing up for myself with having as few enemies as possible. C’est la vie… I’m just glad to know it was as bad as I thought it was and I wasn’t overreacting.

      • NYC

        Good luck! And I agree with the comments above that suggest handling it with humor or in some subtle way that points out to him how rude he is being. You don’t necessarily need to let him know how much it is bothering you…if you can pull it off, some of the smart comments above delivered dead pan might do the trick. Love the law firm comment or the twice as efficient or “you want me to choose between my mother and my father? what is this — divorce court?” Depends on the context and your comfort with humor, but sometimes that is the best way to call an office bully on his BS.

    • C2

      This thread is really depressing me. It never ceases to amaze me how a name change, or a compound last name, seems to invite the world into a woman’s personal life.

      I offer this tale of progress: I was on a conference call a few days ago with about 15 other people, and the call leader noted that a woman with whom we all deal (not a party to the call) had changed her last name, so we should update our contact list. Someone on the call asked, “Oh, did she get married?” and the call leader — a man — interrupted to say that we ought not speculate about her personal life, and then he moved right along. He was polite, it wasn’t awkward, and no one seemed offended.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        But those that ask aren’t trying to be jerks. They probably just want to congratulate her on her marriage. Yeah it would suck if she changed her name because of divorce or because she was entering witness protection or something but I think it is polite to congratulate someone on a happy occasion and I would think more often than not, name changes are for marriage, though I may be wrong.

        • C2

          I agree that they had good intentions, but the bottom line is if you don’t know someone on a personal enough level to know that she was engaged, it is not appropriate to ask about her personal life in front of a roomful (phone line full) of colleagues and clients. I have seen this happen to newly-divorced women so many times, and it just isn’t something men have to go through. Between this and the original poster’s situation, it just seems like women’s life decisions and occasions are seen as open for discussion and commentary.

        • t

          ditto the above: i have a close friend who went through the divorce thing, getting chipper “ooooh, did you get married? how exciting?” comments over and over and responding with “no, actually, the opposite.” not fun.

          • zee

            or people who change their names to separate themselves from their parents who are horrible people… kind of hard to explain. If you did get married, that’s one thing, but if you didn’t and have to explain why you changed your name, that’s another…

      • Taylor

        ? If I change my name, I would think nothing about people inquiring as to whether I got married.

        • Anonymous

          Yes, but some women change their names because they got divorced and are changing it back to their maiden name, so better not to ask.

      • Miriam

        Maybe the call leader shouldn’t have mentioned anything at that time. I think an e-mail notification from the woman would have been better because an announcement like that is bound to result in a similar comment. I think it’s only natural to assume that someone got married if she changes her name and the man who asked probably just wanted to congratulate her as others have said.

    • Anonymous

      He is out of line. He sounds like the type who has problems with what he might call “ethnic” names too. I have a non-mainstream first name, and people comment on it a lot, but no one has ever suggested I was wrong to be named that. Too hard for him to handle, I guess. Hope he doesn’t do client/customer-facing work, yikes! I would probably respond with something like “most people can handle that level of complexity, I’m sorry it challenges you”.

    • Nonny

      I sympathize totally because I am in exactly the same situation, except that my hyphenated last name is all my dad’s (not my mom plus dad). It requires the patience of a saint to explain my name to people and to ensure they get it right. To some degree I’ve just reconciled myself to the fact that people are going to get it wrong pretty frequently, but if someone I know gets it wrong more than once I will correct them. I’m not married, and sometimes if it is the right sort of situation I will joke that “I need to marry someone with a two-letter last name, ha ha”, but that is really all I can do. As well, sometimes I do tell people the full story of my hyphenated last name (there is a story), but only if they appear genuinely interested. Don’t let it get to you too much, but don’t let anyone get away with it more than once either!

    • anonalicious

      Super-offensive. Sorry that happened to you. I hyphenated when I got married and at one job, my jerk boss continually used only my first last name (my maiden name) because using both names was “too hard” and “too hard to spell.” Both of my last names only have five letters, don’t see what’s so hard about that.
      How do you deal with it? Don’t change anything. It’s his problem, not yours. This is one of those things that you really can’t do anything about, because honestly, what would you do – change your name for this guy? No way. If he makes any further comment about I would use one of the witty comebacks listed here, or just laugh it off.

    • AN

      Wow, that’s awful. Where does he get off criticising your names? In fact I think it’s great that you have a last name from both parents as opposed to the “dad only” last name.

      You may want to mention in a nice way that your culture pays equal respect to both parents and hence you have 2 last names. I’ve seen many Latin American/Spanish folks who have this, and I think it’s great.

    • JessC

      I may be in the minority here, but I find the suggestions of “making a joke out of it” or “using a little humor” to be kind of passive-aggressive. He was rude and offensive. His reaction was completely uncalled for. It’s. Your. Name. And I agree with Another Anon above who said that this kind of behavior is likely to continue if not corrected.
      That being said, I would suggest either bringing it up to him next time you see him or be prepared to say something next time he goes off on a rant about your name (or chooses to say it how he wants to say it). If you decide to bring it up to him sooner-rather-than-later, you could try something like: “I’ve been thinking about what you during our strategy meeting about my name. The truth is, I found it rather offensive. My name is the name my parents gave me and I’m very proud of it. I have no intention of changing it and would appreciate it if you would use it as it is in the future.” Or if the subject comes up again, just say that “My name is my name and it’s not changing.”
      All that aside, take some comfort from the fact that what he said he said in front of a room full of other people. He’s the one looking like a damn fool, not you.

  6. RR

    So, reporting back on my keratin treatment Monday (I knew nothing, so I’m going to write a book in case anyone is looking for details):

    I paid $350, which is high, but I love and trust my salon, so worth it to me. It took 2 1/2 hours. She washed my hair twice, then blowdryed it, then put on the keratin in small sections, covering my entire head. Then she combed it through for awhile, removing the excess, and left me to sit for 20 minutes with a plastic bag on my head. Then she came back, blowdryed again, then flat ironed the hell out of it–like 8 times over each small section. Then I couldn’t wash it, put it in a pony tail, tuck it behind my ears, etc. for three days. Luckily, dry shampoo was okay! It was annoying by the third day, but doable.

    The keratin (don’t know the brand) didn’t smell bad at all–a little coconuty. The fumes did bother my already tired eyes a little and occasionally bothered during the later flat ironing.

    So today was my first wash and blow dry, and oh my was it worth the money. I have coarse, thick, frizzy, curly hair. Not tight ringlets, but a very definite and strong curl. Since I had kids and as I get older, I literally could not get my hair nice and straight on my own. I’d spend 45 minutes drying and flat ironing, and it would still be a frizzy mess that just drove me insane. Today, it took me 15 minutes total to dry and flat iron. I could probably get it straight without the flat iron, but I’m bad with styling with the brush–I have lots of layers, and use the flat iron to get some of them to go the right way. But, in 15 minutes, straight, shiny, silky hair that looks like I just came out of a salon. I feel like a shampoo model. And it still has body (to be fair, I have extremely thick hair). I did some experimental scrunching before blow drying, and I think I could totally style it curly as well–just without the frizz. I love this. Love love love love love.

    It’s supposed to last 2-5 months, but the stylist predicted good results for me for a few reasons: I have dry hair and don’t shampoo every day. My curl doesn’t start right at the scalp–it tends to be straighter on top and in the front and then curlier toward the middle and back and ends. She also said they can do a deep treatment like refresher to perk it back up once or twice rather than having to do the whole thing twice a year.

    Finally, I got the keratin shampoo and conditioner with the price of service. You have to use special shampoo and conditioner (or just with no sodium something in it).

    Highly recommend!

    • divaliscious11

      That sounds like a really expensive relaxer (what Black women to chemically straighten their hair for about $80, but slightly different process) but glad you are happy with it!

      • RR

        I think that’s exactly what it is! Just a different (and intended to be less-damaging to the hair) process. And I definitely paid more than the going rate, but that’s true of everything at the salon I go to. I’ve had enough bad hair experiences in my life that I choose to not care. I think you can have this done for under $200.

        • lawyergrrl

          RR — If you’re located in NYC & wouldn’t mind disclosing where you got this done, the specific recommend would be appreciated. Congrats on being so happy with your treatment.

          Thanks!!

    • S in Chicago

      I was wondering how it was going. You’ll have to let us know if it really does last a bit.

    • Anonymous

      It costs 250 (or more) at a typical nice salon in MA as well. I have heard that it is cheaper at Brazilian-owned salons (it is also called a Brazilian blowout I think).

      • RR

        I think Brazilian is a specific type of keratin treatment–maybe a different brand. What I had was not a Brazilian.

    • houda

      I got keratine 10 days ago and it is great!
      I am bi-racial so have frizzy hair that is thick and coarse.
      My keratine was a different type but worth all the money!
      I went in the salon, it took 6 hours (oh yes), no plastic cap, no smell and no tingling. I washed it the same day, it still looks great.
      My hair is no more puffy at the gym and I can choose to keep it straight or have more curl definition.
      I will stick to this treatment for as long as I can!
      Note for the shampoo, I didn’t get the keratin-specific one (too expensive) I got some mild shampoo with natural oils and that’s it.
      Oh yes and there is no breakage in the process which was always my pet-peeve for “regular” relaxers.

  7. Anon

    I need some advice on appropriate business wear in Japan. I will be traveling with a senior partner to Japan for a week in November to meet with clients and potential clients. I figure that a suit is required and I am going to have to supplement my one-suit wardrobe. (We’re business casual, I don’t meet with clients often and I dearly hope to never see the inside of a court room so I haven’t invested heavily in suits.) Are pants-suits acceptable for women in Japan or would pants look out of place? I was thinking that having both a skirt and pant option would be a nice way to get double the wear out of one jacket without looking like I was wearing the same suit everyday. Also any recommendations on suiting that travels well?

    • MelD

      The pantsuit should be fine. The main differences to keep in mind is that the Japanese are much less conservative about skirt length and much more conservative about showing the chest/arms. Sleeves and high necklines are a must. When I lived there, patterned tights were the go-to legwear instead of pantyhose, but I don’t know if that’s still the case today.

    • E Anon

      I work at a Japanese firm in the US and have traveled to Japan a couple times on business. I would say that few if any of the Japanese women at my company wear pants (all I’ve seen are skirts and occasional sheath dresses with matching blazers) but they don’t bat an eye at foreigners with different styles of dress so I think what would be considered a formal pantsuit here would fly there just fine on you. (I’m a skirt-all-the-time girl anyway, so I wear skirt suits exclusively when I’m there.)

    • Anonymous

      Japanese women don’t often wear pantsuits, but if you’re fine being the only woman in the room in pants, no one will think badly of you for it since it’s obvious you’re not Japanese anyway. Japanese women dress more modestly/conservatively – think high necklines, covered upper arms, covered legs and feet..

      • MelD

        Covered legs? Really? My coworkers always wore waaaaaaaaaaaay shorter skirts than I ever wore here and let’s not even get into the school practice of having to do skirt checks every morning.

    • Anon

      I noticed in Singapore that women tended to keep their shoulders more covered but wore shorter skirts. Not sure if the same is true in Japan.

    • Salarygirl

      I work for a firm in Japan and pantsuits are definitely worn by women here. I wouldn’t worry too much about your outfit as long as you aren’t showing cleavage and you look polished.

      • anonymous

        I lived and worked in Japan for about 4 years and now work for a Japanese company in the US. As long as you are in a work appropriate suit I don’t think it matters about pants v. skirt or hemlines. I would stay away from bold colors, though, and stick to black and navy if you want to blend in as best you can. Jewelry tends to be more understated and smaller. For example, my engagement ring is pretty typical in nyc but it’s considered flashy in Tokyo. I still wear it, but limit the rest of my accessories (sticking to studs or pearl earrings.) Also, remember that many restaurants will require you to shed your shoes, so if you opt for pants be aware of what trouser socks you have on since everyone may be seeing them. I hope this helps–have fun!

  8. Jamie

    A PSA for anyone who knows a kid who may be queer (or may be mocked for “being gay” by classmates even if s/he is straight in reality). And you may have read about this or seen it on TV by now, since it’s been getting a lot of coverage in the wake of the Rutgers suicide.

    Dan Savage, a gay sex columnist and commentator out of Seattle, has started a YouTube channel for videos from adults telling kids going through awful adolescences that life will get better for them. The videos people have submitted have been really varied and moving, and Dan has gotten letters from a few parents saying they’ve shown the websites to their kids, who seem to have taken to it. I told my brother, who is 18 and whom I suspect is gay, to look at the videos, and I know he’s been watching a lot of them. (My boyfriend, who is definitely straight, has done the same and been moved. As have I.)

    So if you know kids who might benefit from watching, either because their lives suck or because they are bullies who need to stop, you might want to send them the link:

    http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

    I suspect that not everyone on this site is a fan of queerness, but I also suspect that no one thinks a thirteen-year-old should be shooting himself with his stepdad’s gun or hanging himself in his grandmother’s barn because his classmates have decided he’s gay.

    • stc

      I’ve heard about this and think it’s a great idea…my fiance actually plays for a predominately gay rugby team and he’s gotten them organized to start doing team and individual videos this project. When I heard the news about the Rutgers student, it made me just so sad.

      • KM

        stc – are you located in Chicago? My fiance plays for another rugby team in the city and he mentioned to me last night that the B side team for his team (my fiance plays for the A side) is playing a predominately gay team from the city as well. I’m wondering if its the same team.

        • stc

          I’m in Central WA now but he still plays for a mostly gay team in Seattle. They do a big international gay teams tournament every two years and I think I’ve heard my fiance talk about Chicago. Last summer the tournament was in Minneapolis, so I’m sure they would have gone. It’s been pretty cool to watch-my fiance previously played on regular teams and just loves rugby, but with the gay team they get a lot of guys who haven’t played contact sports before-it’s so neat to watch them get confident on the field. It’s also been nice to watch straight guys gets more comfortable having gay friends.

          • KM

            I may be wrong but isn’t rugby pretty gay friendly in general? I remember my fiance saying that one of the biggest French players is gay. I will mention the youtube video thing to him tonight and see if perhaps the Chicago team would be interested in doing the same thing.

      • Jamie

        A (mostly) gay rugby team sounds like a great addition! One of the things I especially like about the videos is that you hear from so many different types of people — class, national origin, race, age, profession….

        • stc

          I think it is to a degree-there’s a famous Welsh player who recently came out. But it’s interesting to hear my fiance talk about when he first started playing for the team and they would play these towns in small town PNW and get called fags and the like.

      • nonA

        Thanks for reminding us of all the hate-filled swill that fills the rest of the internet. And if you were being serious, please go help fill it and leave this site alone.

      • Let's keep this non political

        I don’t know how popular my comment it going to be but I think that (ridiculously bigoted) comments like Mac’s are why we should try and keep the blog non political and uncontroversial. It’s going to bring out the trolls in a really big way. Many sites are overrun by professional trolls and it changes the tone of the comment section. It is coming up to mid terms and the one time there was a post on Corporette, the conversation deteriorated pretty quickly. This is one site where I don’t know if readers are Democrats or Republicans, or conservative or liberal – and I love it! There are so many other sites which are about political and social commentary. Corporette is a place where all women can support each other. I love the off topic discussions but if every time a new non profit was set up, or an issue was in the news, it became routine to post it to Corporette for discussion, I think it would become unbearable.

        So just to say that I hope this is a one-off comment rather than a shift to ‘Gawkerette’ because I would like to strenuously resist any attempt to politicize the blog.

        • Anon

          I don’t think a project to reassure children that their lives will not be filled with pain and humiliation for the rest of their lives can be categorized as “political”.

          • anone

            Perhaps not political, but what does it have to do with breaking the glass ceiling or office-appropriate fashion discussions either?

      • Miriam

        If someone disapproves of homosexuality, then they should not engage in homosexual acts and it should be left at that. I think the problem with the debate on homosexual rights is the some people think they have the right to tell others how to live their life, which they clearly don’t.

    • Anon for this

      I’m asking this with all respect – could you explain why you suspect that not everyone on this site is a fan of queerness? I can’t say that I’ve been looking for signs of bias or intolerance, but I haven’t noticed anti-GLBT bias on this site – am I clueless? I would have thought that people here, being educated and successful women, would be more accepting of differences than the average person. Is that naive?

      • Anonymous Poser

        I suspect because it seems to be, logically speaking, a fair bet.
        For some, sexual orientation is a matter of diversity.
        For some, sexual orientation is a matter of morality.

        I think that the difference education *might* make would be the way that views are expressed and acted upon (e.g., no one here has shown anti-LGBT bias, and we would all likely agree that the suicides are a bad thing), rather than necessarily which view is held. YMMV, and I could be quite mistaken.

      • JessC

        Well we can all agree that there are people in our society that take issue with homosexuality (for religious, moral, whatever reason). So if we assume that the Corporette readers represent a range of moral, ethical, religious, etc. beliefs, then it would make sense that there are likely some Corporette readers who “are not fans of queerness”.
        I doubt Jamie was pointing at any specific poster(s).

      • divaliscious11

        Yes, a bit naive, but I think it was the OP’s way of saying she recognized other’s right to have opinions on the underlying issue. There have clearly been comments on Corporette, intentional or otherwise, that evidence bias and intolerance, but that is to be expected. Just because we are academically educated etc… doesn’t mean we all are socially progressive or have the same cultural mores.

  9. michiganexpats.com

    I need some advice about where to buy a good (maybe great) suit for an affordable price. I love Ann Taylor’s suits, but I just can’t stomach a $200 jacket plus pants. Do you have a favorite place to buy suits that is maybe in the $100 to $150 range?

    I recently bought a suit from Ann Taylor Loft and another one from Calvin Klein at Macy’s. Unfortunately, the material is thin, so it wrinkles by mid-day, which is just not okay in my opinion. I’m hoping for something a bit higher quality, but still affordable.

    Any advice is appreciated!

    • Lyssa

      I’ve been really happy with The Limited. I think jackets tend to be about 160, pants 80-ish, and skirts 60-ish, but I’ve never paid full price. If you have a credit card (pay it off right away, of course!), they send out tons of coupons (I almost never don’t have at least one good one around), and run good sales.

      Generally, their clothes are decent quality synthetics, non-wrinkle, but no lining or fancy fabrics. Sometimes they try to get too cutesy (I hate ruffles or other twee things on my most professional of professional clothing), but they’re usually pretty good.

      • Bonnie

        If you sign up for their list online, you will also get coupons sent to you without having to get their credit card. I like Tahari suits and they are often on sale in your price range. I’ve had the best luck with getting suits on sale at Lord & Taylor.

        • Midori

          Just got coupon for The Limited for 50% off a suit, in store, until Oct. 3 only. I used the same coupon a couple weekends ago to get a suit for under $100, and I LOVE it. You might be able to get the coupon if you sign up for their email (that’s how I got it), or if you don’t mind sharing an email address, I’ll email it to you.

      • Emily

        Also, if you sign up for their credit card, you get your pants shortened for free.

        A couple words of caution though – the Limited has a very low-cost line of suits (entire suit for under $100) that are cut very poorly. Make sure to try all of the Limited’s suits on in the store, and don’t listen to the clerk when she tells you to buy the pants a size too small so they can “stretch out.”

        • Midori

          I’ll ditto this. I bought the charcoal plainweave suit, which I think is their mid-line. I wore the skirt for 3.5 hours in a car yesterday to meet some clients, and didn’t have a wrinkle problem, which is a pretty good endorsement.

        • JessC

          I think it’s the “400” line you’re referring to. I normally love Limited suits – everything except the 400 line.
          Stick to the suits from their regular line and you won’t be disappointed.

    • Anonymous

      Is there a Filene’s, Loehmann’s, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, etc near you? Filene’s always has nice suits and other off-price stores should too. You could also try Nordstrom Rack.

      • KM

        Ann Taylor actually has some suiting on sale right now and if you wait a little bit they will offer an additional 40% off marked down prices. The items I looked at yesterday were already significantly discounted (around $170 for a skirt suit – the jacket was discounted to $120 I think) I’d sign up for the email list (if you haven’t already). It’s also about time for AT to offer a friends and family discount so keep a look out for that too. (I used to work at Loft so I’m still pretty familiar with the promo cycles).

        • Anon

          This. I just purchased two new suits at Ann Taylor a few weeks ago and used a 40% off coupon. Each suit came out to less than $200.

    • MelD

      Are you anywhere near the Ann Taylor outlet? They offer $150 for 2 pieces, $200 for 3 pieces on a fairly regular basis. They often have sale suits for even less than that. Nordstrom often has suiting pieces in the Halogen section that are inexpensive as well.

      If AT fits you well, Limited may not. I find the Limited style is far more narrow/straight up top. When I’ve tried on the jackets, I couldn’t move my arms in the size that otherwise fit me.

    • sittininla

      I don’t know if you have one near you but I found a suit that I liked and was under 100 dollars at H&M. The quality is similar to the limited or express.

    • t

      ann taylor has been given out 40% and 30% off coupons lately left and right: brings their suits down to the price you’re comfortable with.

  10. New in Chicago

    I am a recent law school graduate from Ohio who has been job searching in Chicago. I have been discouraged for a few reasons, and I am in need of some job searching advice.

    1) Understandably, Chicago companies are loyal to Chicago schools. There is nothing I can do to change the fact that I went to school in Ohio, but is there anything I can do/say in my cover letter or the like to help my chances of even getting an interview?
    2) I feel that I am being very realistic in my job search. While I would rather have a job where I was able to use some of the skills I learned in law school, I realize that in this economy I have to be flexible. The problem is that every job (from executive assistants to teachers to paralegals) require substantial experience. I feel like I am fully capable of doing some of the jobs, but when the listing says “5 years required” I feel that it is disrespectful to apply when I have zero years of experience. Should I apply anyway? If another job opens up at the company is it likely they will remember me negatively for applying to a job I wasn’t qualified for?
    3) Being that I went to school in Ohio, I have no way to tap into Chicago’s networking resources. Not many graduates from either my undergrad or grad school ended up in the city so I am having trouble making connections that way. Any thoughts for how to connect with attorneys in the area?

    Finally, any ideas on where to search for jobs? I have tried everything from Career Builder to government job sites to legal temp agencies. Any thoughts or ideas are appreciated! Thanks~

    • Bonnie

      Try not to get discouraged. The Chicago legal market still has not recovered and there are many out of work attorneys there. Apply for jobs even if you don’t think you’re qualified. The worst that is going to happen is that you won’t get an interview. However, perhaps they have an unadvertised opening for a position for someone with your qualifications. You don’t say whether you are living in Chicago now. Having a Chicago address on your resume would go toward showing your interest in Chicago.

    • Anonymous

      I am a Chicago native and IL-licensed attorney currently working in DC. The job market for lawyers in Chicago right now just sucks. Many public-sector agencies are under a hiring freeze. Your best bet is to get a job at a small firm. To do this, you need to be in Chicago, network your butt off at bar events, and possibly work as a clerk at the firm for a few months before they hire you as an associate. Are you living in Chicago? Have you passed the bar and can you join the IL bar association and the city bar association?

      In the meantime, I’d register for contract work, but honestly a new lawyer isn’t like to get much. The market in Chicago is just really, really bad now. I’m sorry to be so discouraging, but maybe you should consider working elsewhere.

    • KM

      I was in your same shoes, I went to law school in another state and ended up in Chicago with not prior contacts. While looking for a permanent position I began volunteering at a legal aid organization in the area that I wanted to practice and found a position that way. If you want to talk a little more about it, let me know and we can figure out the best way to do so.

      • Anon

        I also think it’s good to make clear when you apply that you are serious about moving to Chicago and plan to stay. (As opposed to just applying anywhere and everywhere.)

      • Midori

        Ditto here. I ended up getting a job through an undergrad contact (that I met on facebook, no less!). Tap all your resources–you never know.

    • nonA

      Did you go to OSU or Case? There are a decent number of those grads in Chicago. Whatever school you went to, check with your career services office at your law school to get the names of some local alumni, anyone at all, and start there. Even if they can’t help you directly, they can sometimes point you in the right direction.

      I also live in a city far from where I went to school and, especially since the economy has gone down, have gotten a lot of these types of emails. They never bother me, so don’t feel bad about cluttering up someone’s inbox!

    • divaliscious11

      In a word – NETWORK! Build some relationships.

      Chicago is a bit clique-y, and you really almost always have to know someone to get an in, especially now while the market is still struggling and there are lots of very good, yet out of work attorneys, who are applying for jobs that in a normal market, they would have way too much experience to even be considered.

    • Chicago Assoc

      I would join the Chicago Bar Association Women’s Alliance and join a Mentoring Circle. I would also contact legal aid orgs and volunteer (Legal Assistance Foundation, CVLS, Chicago Legal Clinic, etc.). There is also a Women’s Bar. I haven’t been to many of those events but it is very active and probably great networking.

      Good luck!

  11. Anon for this

    I have to give up diet coke! I have a tremor! Doc said to give it up and see if tremor goes away. I am a big time addict (up to 6 a day) but otherwise quite healthy. Has anybody else done it?

    • K

      I used to have about one Diet Coke a day and decided to give it up nine months ago. I went cold turkey and it was actually MUCH easier than I expected it to be. I find I only miss it when I’m eating certain foods, like pizza or Mexican food.

      I still have one cup of coffee in the morning but that’s my only ‘vice’. I stick to water or iced tea after that, and I find that my sugar cravings have dropped immensely. Worth it, in my opinion.

      Good luck!

      • stc

        I really love carbonation and try to drink club soda with lime or lemon at home (free office soda is killing me!)

        • JessC

          I’m the same way. I haven’t tried this yet, but a friend suggested using the crystle light/flavor packets with seltzer water – that way you get carbonation and flavor.

    • happyness

      start slow- and excedrine migraine is your friend – don’t go cold turkey!!

    • E Anon

      What do you think attracts you to the diet coke? The sweetener, the carbonation, or the caffeine? For me, it’s the sweetener so if I’m ever having problems with caffeine, I switch to diet sprite (or caffeine free diet coke). Of course, that doesn’t help me get off the stuff entirely, and the sweetener could actually be part of what’s causing your problems, but that’s all I’ve got, unfortunately.

    • EG

      I recently gave up coffee (6 cups? 8 cups? a day). Withdrawing from caffeine can be difficult, with bad headaches and lethargy, so first I replaced the coffee with one diet coke and one cup of green tea. The first few days I felt a bit slow, but then it was fine and now I just have one cup of green tea a day, no problem. I think with six Cokes a day you will want to cut back gradually.

    • Emily

      Chew gum. Then you’ll have something in your mouth and you’ll get the sweetness without the caffeine.

      • E Anon

        Please don’t do this at the office. Or if you do, be certain to chew silently, with your mouth closed. This is one of my hugest pet peeves – when people around me start chewing gum, I usually have to put on music because it drives me that nuts.

    • MHU

      They make caffeine-free diet coke, so you can give up the caffeine (which I assume is the issue) without also having cravings at the same time. (When I try to reduce my caffeine, I get headaches. I’m not sure I could stand the headaches *and* no diet coke.)

    • Elle

      I was a fellow diet coke addict in the 6 per day range too. I gave up soda entirely for lent and was okay. Plus, as long as I was giving up soda, I weaned myself off of coffee too so my caffeine intake plumetted! (I had several motivations, one of which was strange fast heart rhythms (self-diagnosed…) but mostly I wanted to make sure that if/when I got pregnant any time soon, I could handle no caffeine!!)

      I always had water at my desk. Plus, I drank hot decaf tea and Gold’s Peak unsweetened iced tea as transitional drinks when I needed something other than water. I stayed away from juice b/c I didn’t want the sugar. When I craved the bubbles, I had a La Croix. Always having something else to drink at my desk at all times helped.

      It was TOUGH – but mostly a mental challenge for me since I gradually cut the caffeine over about 2 weeks and didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms. Since then I’ve stayed with it and only have a half cup of coffee every day or two and a diet coke periodically – maybe once a month. I have to be honest – there is a noticeable difference and I feel so much better now than I did when I drank that much caffeine and carbonation.

      So, good luck. And I’m telling you from another diet-coke lover that it is indeed possible.

    • LMo

      Crystal Lite lemonade! Seriously. You can get it in the little “to go” packets. It’s helped me a lot.

    • AC

      I had a 10 Diet Coke per day habit for about 10 years (yes, I know that’s totally insane). During my second year of law school, I started waking up occasionally with very severe heartburn. “Occasionally” morphed into “regularly” and then suddenly turned into “daily,” and after 5 mornings of agony and thinking I might be getting an ulcer, I quit cold turkey. Whether it was the caffeine or the carbonation, I’m not sure, but the symptoms went away. The headaches, tiredness and withdrawal were bad for maybe a week, but so worth the lack of heartburn. I made sure to drink an excessive amount of water every day, and I tried to exercise almost every day for the first couple weeks…it seemed to help for some reason. I now drink water or Crystal Light almost exclusively. I will occasionally have a Fresca or Sprite Zero, but recently after having one Fresca per day for the first 3 weeks at my new job, I woke up with heartburn one morning and figured I should cut that out before it becomes a habit.

      If you can cut caffeine out of your life entirely, you will feel so much better. I drink coffee maybe once every two weeks or so and that’s it. Luckily I was not a coffee or sweet tea drinker before I quit Diet Coke, so I decided not to substitute one form of caffeine for another and form a new habit. I feel so much better now. I noticed a huge difference in my concentration and mental stamina during the first set of law school exams after I quit – I was no longer on the caffeine roller coaster, either way up or on the way down. Now I cure the dreaded afternoon slump with a big glass of ice water, a walk around the office, and sometimes a 100 calorie bag of popcorn to give me something to do to wake up.

    • KZ

      Someone at work the other day gave me one of those little packets you add to a bottle of water, like the lemonade ones, except this was something with vitamins and caffeine. I can’t remember the brand, but it was something like this: http://www.vitaminshealth.net/vitamins-supplement-nutrition/energy-vitamins/super-c-energy-vitamin-mineral-drink-mix-berry-28-packets-total-reviews.html

      Whatever brand I was using had slightly less caffeine than a can of coke zero, so that might help with caffeine withdrawal. I’m trying to wean myself off soda (we get free coca-cola products in my office, which caused a not-healthy uptick in my soda drinking), but I still need caffeine, and this prevented my I-haven’t-had-caffeine mid afternoon headache.

      • Anon for this about Diet Coke

        Thanks all. Yesterday was day 1. I had one. Today is day 2. So far so good.

    • Anonymous

      I now limit myself to one Diet Coke a day (it’s the first thing I drink in the morning). I’ve found that diet tonic water over ice and perhaps with a splash of orange juice is a nice substitute.

  12. C2

    OK, you classy, put-together ladies, I need to know: what are you wearing underneath your dresses that makes you look so sleek? I have a small lower-stomach pooch that is smoothed by a good pair of control-top pantyhose, but as soon as I sit down, the pantyhose roll down/otherwise go askew, and from then on you can see the lump of the waistline.

    If the answer is Spanx, what specifically does that mean? Do you wear full slips, high-waisted shapers, half-slips? I am a short-waisted hourglass, if that makes any difference. Thanks!

    • Annon

      Related question: When you wear slimming items, does it affect your digestion at all? I find that when I wear anything with a tight waist, or even just control-top stockings, I end up with an achy stomach and gas. (TMI? Apologies.)

      • Rachel

        I have the same problem! My friends make fun of me because once I was wearing the high-waisted Spanx out to dinner and I had to go to the bathroom just to roll them down because my stomach hurt so much!

        In light of that debacle, and the fact that I don’t work out enough to have a flat stomach, I’ve foregone tight dresses recently. However, I did try on the full slip a few weeks ago, and I thought it was promising. I just don’t know how realistic it is for me to wear a full slip under a dress to work (seems fine for a couple of hours, but I don’t know how comfy it would be to sit in all day), so I couldn’t justify spending $90 on it.

    • Legally Brunette

      I’m a short waisted hourglass/slight pear. I have a flat stomach but ample hips. I wear the Spanx high waist shapers and find that they really help when I’m wearing dresses and pencil skirts.

    • ET

      Sigh. Someone actually asked me this question recently and it depressed me.

      I don’t wear anything under my dresses other than typical undergarments. I look sleek because I work my ever-loving arse off when I do make it to the gym, eat well and forego vending machine trips at work. It gets me steamed that people now assume, because of the proliferation of Spanx, etc., that I am using such things to hide all the lumps. I work really hard to take care of myself, and deserve the credit that comes with it.

      • C2

        Congrats to you! Your reward is in not having to deal with Spanx and tummy troubles to look great, I envy you. I also bust my bum to stay in shape and eat right, yet I have one of those curvy figures that always has a small stomach bump, even when I’m underweight. I actually love how it looks in a bathing suit (or birthday suit) — it just doesn’t look so sexy in work clothes.

        LB, thanks for the recommendation!

      • Anon

        Ummm…don’t fear ET. Spanx can only hide so much and I am sure everyone still recognizes your smokin hot body. : P

      • v

        Dude, it’s awesome you’re taking care of yourself in a way that works for you, but it’s not really something for which you deserve moral brownie points from random strangers, anymore than less svelte co-workers deserve your judgment and condemnation.

        • Shayna

          Agree … I’m post-weight loss and I get peeved when people compliment me on it… it just seems so shallow – esp. when those same people had little to no accolades on what I consider ‘real’ accomplishments like grad school/cpa exam/etc.

          Lesson: Be healthy, educated, etc., for you – and you alone.

      • AEK

        Waiting for other people to give you “credit” for something you’ve done is a great way to wind up “steamed” all the time. People aren’t always going to clap for you—especially for something like your figure, which involves so many more factors than your workouts and willpower.

      • Anon

        ET, pardon me for a moment while I channel everybody’s mama: your value and worth as a human being have exactly zero to do with other people’s undergarments.

      • Spanx wear-er

        Anyone who sees you naked will know that you’ve got no extra help looking sleek…
        You’ll get plenty of credit then. Peeling off a slinky dress to reveal Spanx is so unsexy.

    • North Shore

      And for those of us who haven’t been to a gym in a decade (yes, me) . . . Spanx Hide & Sleek, full slip. I hate the feel of high-waisted shapers, and I have a Spanx half-slip, but it rides up and rolls over. Love the full slip.

      • Another Laura

        I bought this last week in the middle of the day…left for Nordy’s at 10:00a.m. because I really needed help! Under suits I just wear the bicycle shorts but a slinky dress just needed more. I do work out but unfortunately I eat more than I work out.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I just bought my first Spanx today at the Nordstrom Rack in preparation for the fear/likelihood of gaining weight while in trial. Rite of passage? I certainly feel a bit closer now to my “middle age” than my “youth” portion of life. Thank goodness I have many virtual role models here.

        Based on the corporette suggestions, I sized up as I am more keen on smoothness under fitted clothing than compression. I did try on my true size in the Spanx as well and yikes – that’s quite snug. I can’t imagine hunching over a desk all day in something that tight, but hats off to those who can. I did buy the half slip and I hope it doesn’t ride and roll as yours does North Shore. I also got the shorts and a cami. I’m glad I was able to find these at the Rack because wow are they expensive even with 33% off!

    • AE

      I have the same body type. I find I have to go high waisted with the undergarments (all the way up to the braline). When I don’t wear hose I use Spanx super higher power shapers. When I do wear hose, I usually wear control tops. I’m shortwaisted too and have no trouble finding hose that come up high. I bought some Spanx hose that has not shipped yet, but I can’t wait to try. If your hose rolls down, maybe you need to go up a size.

    • MelD

      I wear the bicycle short style shapers- I haven’t had any problems with them rolling down. They seem to be much more comfortable than the skirt since I can actually walk normally. I also find them to be more comfortable than control top pantyhose. I do have a long waist with ample hips, so that may be why they stay up on me.

    • Louise

      My solution is to try on hundreds of dresses until I find that elusive one that doesn’t make me look lumpy. I’m way too much of a wimp to wear shaping undergarments. Tight? Pinchy? Hot? No way.

      And earlier this week, the heavens opened up and I found a great dress at Macys! Seriously, I heard angel voices in the dressing room, it fit that well. I paid full price, and I NEVER do that. Today I was back in the store and the dress was 25% off. Macys will give you the discount if you bring the receipt back within X days (30?) so I didn’t have to pay retail in the long run.

      It is better to be lucky than good.

      For those of you interested in the actual dress, it was this one, in black:
      http://www.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=341493
      A going-out-to-dinner dress, because it is rather clingy fabric as you would suspect of a polyester/spandex blend. The ruched waist hit me just perfectly, hiding my tummy and then falling gracefully around my pear hips. 3/4 sleeves hide the upper arm jigglies. Faux-wrap v-neck is modest enough for me.

      • anon

        I have that dress in black! It’s one of my favorites, and I was thinking of it from the description before I even clicked your link. Too funny!

    • Anonymous

      I cannot wear any undergarments that are the “right” size. I usually wear them one or two sizes bigger so my clothes look smoother, but I don’t feel so cramped.

  13. Anon in NC

    The question I think I already know the answer to is … I have been invited to a dinner in DC where I will be able to extensively network with staffers at a regulatory agency where my role requires significant interaction with on a weekly basis. My 6 year old daughter is having her christmas program performance on the same night my knee jerk reaction is to decline the invitation (even though I would love to go) and attend the christmas program – Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      Your daughter will have only one six-year-old’s Christmas program, and there will be thousands of networking dinners. Go watch your baby perform.

    • CSF

      Christmas program for your daughter. It means infinitely more to her that you see her performance than your attendance means to anyone in DC.

      • brown eyes

        Yes, you DID know the right answer! What a real parent you are!!! A “super parent” would have tried to both.

        Enjoy the show and your daughter’s bright smile when she sees you there.

    • Arachna

      I can’t say what you should do. But I feel like I have to comment as the dissenting voice.

      Depending a little bit on my daughter I would go to the dinner.

      I’m someone who doesn’t put a lot of value on actual dates. I frankly don’t care if someone doesn’t make my birthday or my graduation as long as they spend time with me etc.

      Now if its a performance that is super important to my daughter and she would be crushed if I’m not there… I’d choose my daughter. Absolutely. But that’s because of its important to her not because of what it is in and off itself. But if its a performance for which she hasn’t invested too much time and doesn’t care about too strongly, I’d skip it. Will your husband be there for her? As long as she does not feel abandoned I don’t think its a big deal.

      Your daughter will have a ton of events in her life for you to go to.

      • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

        She may have many more events, but she will always remember the one where her mom was missing.

        • North Shore

          I don’t remember much of anything from when I was 6 years old. My kids have tons of performances like this, and I simply cannot be a working parent plus attend every school play, church pageant, recital, dance show, gymnastics meet, basketball game, etc. My kids don’t seem bothered — they know I love them and try my best, but sometimes I have to do things for work. My parents also both worked while I was growing up, and didn’t make it to every event of mine. I never felt less loved because of it. There are still some valuable lessons to be learned, like the value of a parent’s work and that we all pull together as a family, which sometimes means supporting the kids and sometimes supporting mom’s work.

          • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

            Maybe the difference is that I did not do much as a child (introvert by nature) and so when I did have things, it really meant A LOT for me to have my single mom there. And in all fairness, when I wrote my original comment I was thinking about how my mom missed my high school baccalaureate ceremony because we were having an argument. It hurts just as much now as it did the day of the ceremony.

          • Anonymous

            My mom and dad also both worked. They made it to every single thing my brother and I did, declining work events when necessary to make that happen. It always made me feel so secure and loved, and it’s one of the things they are most proud of, 20+ years later. It’s not your kids’ job to support your work. They didn’t have a choice about coming into your life and having to deal with your career. You did make a choice to have them. So it’s your job to make sure you aren’t putting your career ahead of their needs. Sorry, but I don’t understand this idea of “my kids have a responsibility to support me.” BS. You had the kids. You take the responsibility. It’s their childhood and you have an obligation to make sure they grow up secure and happy. They don’t have an obligation to make you feel secure and happy about your optional life choices.

          • Working Mom

            Working to keep my job is an optional life choice? Must be nice for you, but not for me. My kids will be more secure and happy with food on the table than the huge stress that comes with unemployment. Maybe it’s different for a networking event, but some of us have to travel for work, and that makes missing events a job requirement. And not all of us have partners to support the family financially.

          • Er...

            I don’t mean to be rude, Ms Basil but it would be helpful for women everywhere if people caveated their comments. If you were an introverted child with a single mother who punished you by not attending your events to purposefully hurt you, then yes, not attending childhood events = scarred for life.

            How is this typical? That is not everyone. That is not every family. Making pronounced judgments on the emotional health of every child in every family based on your experiences is unhelpful. Especially since your blanket statement was easily disproved by the posts that followed it.

            I (2 parents, siblings, extrovert) had two parents who worked and missed some things and made some things. They would never have dreamed of missing any of my life events to be punitive. I really didn’t care! I’m not scarred for life and I applaud parents who are willing to allow their children to be part of a family, instead of being put up on a pedestal to become spoiled brats while the rest of the family falls apart around them.

            Flippin heck!

          • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

            @Er… My mother did not intentionally hurt me. I drew from one experience to indicate how the OP’s child may perceive her absence. I do not feel that I need to add a caveat to any opinion I choose to express because it is just that, my opinion. And my comment may not have been helpful from your POV, but if it made the OP take just a moment to consider a ramification of her possible action, then I consider it to be helpful to her. I appreciate your comment, but please understand that I am in no way “scarred for life” nor was I indicating that the OP (or any other child) would be.

        • Er

          @ Ms Basil

          My parents would no more miss an important event of mine because we had argued than they would fly off the side of a building. It’s punitive and wrong. And it doesn’t compare in any way to what the OP was suggesting.

      • Cat

        Arachna, I agree . I frankly remember very little about kindergarten/first grade, especially not the Christmas programs (which generally blurred together from year to year anyway). My dad traveled quite a bit for work when I was young and rarely came to my little shows as a result — impact on my future: none. Especially with videocameras these days, where you can watch your child WITH your child so they know you saw them and paid attention, if (1) this is not something your daughter is going to be obsessing about, (2) this is an important work event and you’re feeling like you should go, and (3) you do not miss your daughter’s events on a regular basis, I don’t think you should feel guilty about attending if you choose to.

        • North Shore

          I’m sorry, Ms. Basil. That’s very sad, and I can see how you would be hurt. Very different from the situation in my family, with a near-constant stream of events. And ok, some of those elementary school plays are so bad I *wish* I had a business trip.

    • anonalicious

      Your kid doesn’t give a crap about your job or how important you are. She will remember that her mother didn’t come and watch her perform in the Christmas show. Which do you think will have longer repercussions – you missing the networking event, or your daughter’s disappointment? Kids do remember things like that, believe me. Decline the networking invite. Go to the show.

      • former kid

        your kid DOES “give a crap” about your job…because when you don’t have one, it sucks. look, i remember one school play i was in before the fourth grade, and i only remember that because it was a hugely important play and i was one of 3 “major stars.” i still have no idea if my dad was there (mom was SAHM at the time) or not. i guess he was, but either way, it was videotaped so he saw it eventually. as for the other crap little christmas/thanksgiving/kindergarten graduation/spring/fall/valentines plays, shows, and book reenactments (yes, seriously)…no idea if my dad was there (again, SAH mom, so i know she was there).

        will SOMEONE be there for her? i’m assuming yes, because she needs transportation to and from. if so, i think you’re ok to go to the work event.

        is the work even something IMPORTANT? or is it just something that would be nice to do?

        yes, it DOES suck when a parent can’t be present for a life event. but there’s a HUUUUGE difference between missing a 6 year old’s event and missing a high school student’s event. i have a sister much younger than me. i am a MAJOR part of her life (as is our older sister). it’s always SUCHAMAJORDEAL to her (she’s 13) when i can’t make a dance recital or school play or voice recital or pageant or whathaveyou, but seriously? a year later she can’t remember that i missed one.

        if you’re a present parent; if you are almost always there for her and she knows how much you love her and you find ways to be a wonderful mother to her on every random day, then missing this one special or semi-special day is probably not a big deal.

        i think you can go either way.

        • Naijamodel

          Agreed.

          My parents missed school events. I can’t tell you which, or why, or how many, or when. That’s just life. Sometimes you don’t get what you want even when you want it realllllllyyyyy badly.

          Clearly OP has made a decision already that works for her, and thats cool. But this Super-Mom culture is unhelpful and totally unrealistic.

      • MelD

        Surprisingly enough, kids can and do understand that sometimes their parents had to work. My elementary school had a lot of daytime events that neither of my parents could attend. I don’t remember being scarred for life or even more than mildly disappointed about it. My father also had to work some weekends and missed events then too. I think it’s important for kids to realize that parents may not be able to attend all their events, but that doesn’t mean that they’re unloved.

        • Anonymous

          Agreed. It’s not about one individual event (okay, unless that event is something extraordinarily major). It’s about a pattern – if parents, by their actions, let their kids know that they’re loved and that they care, one event won’t make the difference.

          • cda

            Agree. If there is a pattern of love and support, presence at any given event doesn’t really matter. One or both of my parents missed many events while I was growing up, including some big ones like college graduation. It had nothing to do with whether they cared, and I don’t begrudge it at all. I am not the center of the universe, and sometimes their work truly was more important than whatever I had going on.

        • Shayna

          Absolutely – if you can’t be at this play it in no way means you don’t love your child! And your child is intelligent enough – yes even at age six – to understand that

      • Anon

        I skipped my daughter’s holiday show for a work event. Grandma and Grandpa went instead. She had a blast, never asked where I was, and I am sure has no memory of it at all. Parenting is more than just a few isolated moments. I wouldn’t miss major surgery, but otherwise, it’s all a juggle.

    • Miriam

      I agree that you should go to your daughters Christmas program. Perhaps you can send a thank you note to whoever invited you to maintain the relationship and mention how you would love to attend another event.

  14. Wine lover

    I loved wine (red in particular) and hate beer. However, I often end up in bars where the wine options are non-existent. What’s a good beer for those who like a pretty medium to heavy bodied red wine?

    • Amy

      Do you like spicy reds? Fruity reds? If you’re in a beer bar you should be able to find some fruit beers you may enjoy. For a typical bar with only a few less well known beers on tap, I’d stick with the darker less-hoppy options. So, stay away from IPA’s or anything light (light beer in my opinion tastes a bit skunky). You may enjoy Guiness, an Irish Red, or even try an Oktoberfest style beer.

      • JL

        Didn’t see your Guinness suggestion before I posted below. I second that recommendation!

    • Anon L

      I love a good red wine and find that I prefer Blue Moon, Hogarten (sp?), and various ciders…another one that’s fun is Lindemann’s Framboise (again sp?) although it is somewhat pink/ dark red in color which might be off-putting to some while “drinking w/ the boys” so to speak (this may actually be a cider or ale as well…)

      Corona/ Corona Light is pretty good too. =)

      • D

        Lindeman’s is a lambic, a type of Belgian ale. I’m a huge fan as well. Framboise is the raspberry flavor. They also carry kriek (sour cherry), apple, and cassis.

        Hoegaarden is another Belgian ale, a witbier (white beer). They were recently bought by InBev (Budweiser). Blue Moon is a Belgian-style wit-bier by Coors. Both are excellent with a slice of lemon/orange on a hot summer evening :)

        • divaliscious11

          Yum…Lambic…In a prior life, and before you weren’t restricted to 3 oz bottles of fluid, I used to schlep this and Stella Artois back from Brussels on the plane a case at a time. Major PIA all the way home, but the next day after being in the ice barrel…..heavenly!

    • Chicago K

      I am thinking a stout?

      Do you like hard cider? I also loathe beer but love a good hard cider, which is pretty easy to get at most bars. Why not go for a mixed drink? I’ll have a nice T&T while the rest of my group down the beers.

      • Jen L

        I also don’t like beer, but have recently discovered cider. I don’t know how many places have it, but my favorite bar in NYC has it. This may sound silly, but since it looks like beer and comes in a similar glass I feel more comfortable with it than with a mixed drink when everyone else is drinking beer.

        • Chicago K

          I can see your point. I think though, from an alcohol content perspective, a mixed drink *should* be the same as a beer. Of course, your bar tender’s skills will play heavily into this equation. I generally hang around with people who will knock em back all night long, so my 1 or 2 mixed drinks compared to their endless beers pale in comparison.

          • Chicago K

            Ok, my last sentence obvisouly makes little sense! Please excuse the typos!

          • Jen L

            I get that point about alcohol content, but I was going more with the idea that beer seems laid back and mixed drinks might come across as a little more high maintenance. Might be stupid, but I realized I like cider so its not even like I am giving something up in order to not seem high maintenance. This all might be in my head though.

    • Miriam

      I love wine and my all time favorite beer is Yuengling, but I don’t think that is widely popular or available.

      • Anon on this one*

        it is very popular and available at most bars that i’ve been to.

        • Miriam

          I figured it was widely available until I went to some bars that unfortunately did not have it.

    • Anonymous K

      I love wine and like Yuengling also! (And it is definitely widely popular in the areas where it’s available, so if you’re in D.C., VA, PA, etc. you should find it at every bar.)

      As someone else mentioned, you might enjoy Oktoberfest options, as well. You could probably find some good fall/winter seasonal beers that you’d enjoy. (My favorite is Great Lakes Christmas Ale, but that’s difficult to find outside of Ohio, although, they are expanding.)

      • anon

        Ohh, you just got me thinking about Christmas Ale. One month or so until its out!!!! We literally line up for this stuff in Ohio :)

    • jcb

      Ooor, consider whiskey! I hate beer and cider is only mildly better and gives me headaches. In bars without decent wine, I order an irish whiskey on the rocks (even less-nice bars will usually have Jamesons or Bushmills).

      • AIMS

        I do the whiskey too but that doesn’t work out too well if you have a long night ahead of you.
        There are some nice beers out there, I have discovered, but it really depends on where you are. Guinness may be over much (it’s thick), but agree that Yuengling or Browncastle may be a good match. Also, I am a fan of Sierra Nevada — even though it’s relatively light, it’s got a more nuanced flavor than your typical Bud or Heineken, which I think would work for anyone into good wine.
        I would just look to see what’s on tap, and go for any sort of craft beer available. If that fails, try a Heineken dark.

      • jcb

        Ok, the Pumpkin and the Banana Bread ones sound worth trying! Though I really just hate that twangy beer taste. I keep trying a sip here and there though. @AIMS is right, whiskey isn’t good for all-night drinking unless you are ok with slowly sipping and switching off drinks with mineral water with lime (or juice or something, though having working in bars/restaurants in college, the bar juice kind of grosses me out). Definitely be forewarned! :)

    • Wine lover

      Thanks so much for the recommendations! I’m going to try the Yuengling, I think. How do you actually pronounce it though? :)

      • Wine lover

        Oh, and another question– what is the difference between getting beer “on tap” versus in a bottle? Assuming it’s the identical beer, is one better than the other?

        • AIMS

          You won’t go too wrong by saying “YingLing.”
          On tap generally means fresher, better.
          Go ‘on tap’ unless you ‘on tap’ options are Miller Light and Bud :)

          • Wine lover

            Thank you AIMS! I feel silly asking these questions but I truly know nothing about beer.

          • Anonymous K

            I’m not trying to make you like something you don’t. (I don’t like rum and I feel like my friends sometimes force me to like it. They always say I just haven’t had the right kind of rum/the right rum drink/etc. and it irks me!)

            But, FWIW, I never used to like beer much either, but once I got more into it and tried some of the craft breweries, I learned to appreciate it and now it’s my choice when out drinking about 50% of the time. Not saying this is going to happen to you, but I think it’s great that you’re willing to come on here to ask for suggestions and to try something that may not be your favorite!

    • LawyrChk

      I think a good brown ale, such as samuel smith’s or newcastle, might suit your tastebuds. Sweet, dark, and complex.

      • KM

        I once has a Banana Bread beer that was amazing — I love beer but this didn’t really taste like beer, it tasted like fresh banana nut bread. It was amazing and you’ll look adventurous (sp?) for trying it. So my suggestion would be to find something like that perhaps?

    • D

      You might want to go to a local brewery or craft beer store. They often have tastings and their employees usually love to gush about beer to the uninitiated.

      Otherwise, try a beer flight at a restaurant or brew pub sometime. You’ll usually get 3-6 small glasses of different beers for the price of one or two big glasses.

      If you are near a big city, check to see if there is a beer week or a beer show. New York just got done with a craft beer week.

      There are two main categories of beer: ales and lagers. Ales use a warmer fermentation process. They are stronger and are usually more complex. Examples of well-known ales are Newcastle Brown Ale and Guinness. Lagers are cleaner and crisper. Examples of well-known lager are Budweiser, Corona, Rolling Rock. The examples above are not the best or recommended, but just to give you an idea of the difference.

      From there, ales and lagers are divided into a bunch of subcategories, often very different from one another.

      I was originally a red wine-only girl. I started drinking stouts (oatmeal and chocolate) because they seemed less carbonated/beer texture-y. I think they can be just as complex as wine. I slowly branched out into lambics, especially kriek (sour cherry). Now I really enjoy my local microbreweries’ offerings.

      Unfortunately, most bars don’t carry beer from smaller breweries. I’m lucky I’m in a city very much into its beer.

      Don’t feel bad if you never find anything you like. Sometimes it’s just not the drink for people. And you”ll save a bunch of calories that way too! I recently found out a pint of Young’s Double Chocolate Stout is around 200-250 calories. Gives new meaning to the term beer belly :(

    • rebecca

      I love red wine too, and only started drinking beer in the past year or so. Yuengling is a good choice, but Blue Moon is my favorite – it comes with an orange slice (or at least it’s supposed to) which made it SO much more palatable when I was trying to teach myself to like beer!

    • Shayna

      Try ESB (extra special bitters) or Porter – they’re full without being over rich or bitter (yes, the ESB has bitter in the name …ignore that!)

    • Beer Convert

      Try some craft beers. If you appreciate red wine then you’ll appreciate craft beers. The crap that Americans have become used to (bud, bud light, miller, corona etc) is watered down and a poor excuse for what a true beer is. Real beer is complex with ranging tastes. That stuff is good for drinking games, but if you want a drink to savor and enjoy craft is the way to go.

      Some to try: Dogfish head is fantastic. They’re located in Delaware but they are expanding quickly and are available in a lot of places. The owner is opening a new place in NYC with Mario Batalli soon as well. They have numerous different varieties. Their pumpkin is FANTASTIC (its called Punkin Ale). Midas Touch is great and lighter and if you decide to go darker there are a ton of options.
      Russian River (if available at the bar you’re at) will certainly impress any of the boys around you. Delish and pretty hard to find. Russian River and Dogfish are considered two of (if not THE two) best craft brews in the US. Russian River is made in the Russian River Valley right by Napa. They have one beer that comes out once a year, the line is miles long and it sells out in a matter of hours. They know what they’re doing.
      Anchor Brew is also pretty good.

      Be careful because craft beers are higher in alcohol sometimes. Some of Dogfish’s beers are actually wine level alcohol %. Also, if you are in LA I recommend going to Barney’s Beanery and trying there. They have a TON of beers that you can try. You can also find specialty beer and wine stores and they will explain everything to you.

    • TK1

      Sam Adams Cherry Wheat is great, you can really taste the cherry, but you might not find it at every bar. Sam Adams Summer Ale is also good and usually on tap in season. I agree with the Oktoberfests, Yuengling (pronounced Ying Ling if no one else answered that yet) and any locally brewed fruit beers.

  15. C3

    I got a last-minute invitation for a professional (though not my profession) event this evening at a nice hotel downtown. The invitation says “Black Tie Optional.” What exactly does this mean for women? Can the dress be short? Does the dress have to be black? I don’t want to look out of place. Any thoughts?

    • Emily

      I’ve always taken Black Tie Optional to mean a dark (black, plum, dark red, navy, dark brown, etc) evening dress or evening suit, but the skirt doesn’t have to be floor-length – cocktail length is fine. Just not a sundress, and probably not even the kind of dress you’d wear to work. Since it’s a professional event, I’d avoid any skirt that is shorter than you’d usually wear to work.

    • JL

      I would probably wear a cocktail dress. I think black is a safe choice. There will probably be a range of dress styles and you would not feel over or underdressed in a little black dress.

    • Chicago K

      Are you going to be with a date? Is he opting in for the black tie? You want to be in sync with him. Black tie generally means floor length for women…however this would seem odd to me for a professional event and not a party/wedding scenario. I would go with a coctail style dress.

      FYIW, I went out of my way to find a floor length dress (nothing too fancy, navy wrap dress with a chiffon skirt) for a black tie optional wedding (my date was sporting his tux) and most women my age (20s) were wearing obscenely short prom dresses. I thought they were inappropriate and stick by what I wore, but it seemed I was the only one attempting to follow the dress code…

    • nonA

      My experience is that for any event that is black tie optional, most people opt out, especially on a Friday night where most people have worked all day and don’t have the time to get ready for it.

      The alternative to “black tie optional” is a cocktail dress or similar. Maybe with a dressy jacket/wrap to cover your shoulders.

    • Zoe

      I have found (in NYC) that black tie for women = cocktail dress (or fancier, but cocktail dress is fine). So if it’s black-tie optional, cocktail should be A-OK.

    • Elle

      In my experience (Midwest for context), black tie optional events on a M-F are usually a relatively dressy work dress with a few more accessories or flair. Perhaps a wrap instead of a jacket or cardigan.

      On a Saturday, a cocktail dress would be appropriate.

    • Another Sarah

      If you have a black knee-length-ish dress that could work for both work (like put a blazer over it) and after-work (like take off the blazer, put on shiny-chunky necklace and lipstick), that would fit the “black tie optional” thing. Black sheath dress that’s part of a suit fits the bill, black pumps, and put jewelry/makeup in your purse. Done. :-)

  16. Trying to post one more time

    It means formal or semi-formal attire is appropriate. A cocktail dress will be fine, but many women will probably opt for a gown. Black tie means men’s formal attire, that is, a tux, while black tie optional means either a tux or suit is fine.

      • Anonymous

        It was really weird because I wasn’t getting an error mesage or a message that the comment was awaiting moderation or anything – it just seemed to refresh the thread and take me back to the comment I’d tried to reply to, but my reply never showed up.

        • Chicago K

          It was odd because I could see your comments and it said, “your comments are waiting moderation.” There were 2 of them in the thread above, and I sure as heck didn’t write them and then they disappeared!

          • Anonymous

            Oh SO weird. And there’s no way we’re on the same IP address, because I am not in Chicago (I’m in DC).

  17. CJ

    I just received notice that I have been selected for an interview through the DOJ Honors Program for the US Atty’s Office in San Diego. Any corporettes out there who can offer words of wisdom on how I should prepare for this interview (aside from knowing my resume/application forwards and backwards)? I do not know anyone currently working at this office and I have heard various stories about the interview process, but I’m not sure what to believe. Thanks in advance.

    • C

      I have the same question but for the Antitrust and Criminal Divisions of the DOJ. Thanks for any thoughts!

    • AE

      I came to DOJ in 2007 through an HP as a civil trial attorney with a different division of main justice other than the ones C mentioned.

      I think the most important thing you can emphasize in your interview is your ability to handle a lot of responsibility right away. Be enthusiastic about wanting good litigation experience. (This may be less true for Antitrust, which I understand involves mostly investigations.) One of my interviewers talked about how challenging it was when she started and how she did not know what she was doing. I was clerking at a clerkship with significant responsibility and said that it sounded like what it was like when I started my clerkship. Emphasize how you thrive on challenges like that. You should learn what you can about the different compenents of the divisions you are interviewing with and what the functions are, because they might ask you if you are selected what component you would be interested working in.

      • anon sf

        DOJ HP 2006, here. I agree with what AE says. Also, don’t be afraid to wave your American flag a bit (it’s a govt job after all) and emphasize your personal commitment to public service. If you applied for several positions, mention why being chosen for this one is so exciting and/or that it was your first choice. Finally, if you know who is interviewing you, do some research and try to make a personal connection with the interviewer. Good luck!!

    • JL

      Go to the office’s website and read up on what is going on in the office — press releases, etc.

    • Oh well

      I guess this means I shouldn’t keep my hopes up for a DOJ interview if I don’t have one by now?

      -Oh-well (aka 3L who is toiling away and seemingly never getting a job…)

      • ww

        I’m with you oh well, wish people wouldn’t post until the rejection letters go out. Kinda sucks getting your heart broken here when you are not expecting it!

        • v

          My sympathies, ww! Something similar happened to me when I applied and found out classmates had gotten offers while I had heard nothing, and I was devastated; DoJ should get their rejections out in a timely manner. Best of luck with your job search.

      • AE

        Sorry it didn’t work out for you. FWIW, the HP has become extremely competitive, especially now that the economy is bad. I did not get in the first time I applied as a 3L in 2004. I applied again in the last year of my clerkship in 2006. (It was a funny situation, because I came in for the interview the second time around and they said “Welcome back.” I didn’t know whether it was a good thing they remembered me, because I didn’t get the job the first time around!)

        DOJ takes a lot of laterals and a lot of new attorneys (besides through the HP). Best of luck!

        • CJ

          Sorry if my original post was insensitive….I did not realize not everyone had been notified.

          • v

            If I remember correctly, they don’t bother sending out rejection letters until a couple of months after the hiring decisions have been made. I think it makes it pretty unavoidable that people will learn through other means (though extremely irritating).

  18. Anon

    Hey ladies, I posted this on today’s other thread but there is much more love on the open thread today so..

    I purchased a Tahari (not Elie Tahari, not Tahari by ASL… does that mean it is T Tahari?) pant suit from Loehmann’s the other day and got a great deal (originally $558, and I got it for $100). The pros and cons to the suit are below:
    PROS
    1. It is black, and I have been looking for a black suit forever.
    2. It FITS!!! I wear a petite size and can never find anything that fits right. Even though this suit is not petite, the proportions seem right so all I will need to do is have a tailor hem the pants for me.

    CONS
    1. It has these horrific black gauzy ruffly things (on an otherwise very classic looking suit) coming out of the front seams and in place of buttons on the suit sleeves. I took a close look and think I can rip them out easily (or have a tailor do it) because the ruffle fabric is THAT thin. This is fixable and, therefore, not a big problem.
    2. The fabric has a rougher texture to it. This is the thing that I am most unsure about. I don’t want to look like I am in a cheap suit (although it is originally more expensive). The material is 50% wool, 48% polyester, and 2% rayon. This makes me wonder if the wool was not very good quality… wool blazers are usually softer, polyester pieces are usually smooth… am I over-thinking this? Do materials “soften up” with time? Is this a particular style (the fabric is a bit heavier)? To give you a better idea, in terms of “roughness,” it is a bit rougher than the Ann Taylor sharkskin suit I bough online recently (the texture of that suit even surprised me initially).

    Please let me know your thoughts!! Is fabric feel important?

    • brown eyes

      Anon – twice now I have bought jackets which have those thin, gauzy bits. The first time, I wore it as is and then all the gauzy stuff started to shred. Looked horrid and ill-kempt. Off to the tailor and couldn’t even tell it had seams opened and closed. Second time, directly to the tailor from the store where it was purchased. If you like the streamlined look but the items flatters and fits, have the stuff removed. This month I also had chest pocket flaps on a chanel-esque DKNY jacket from Nordstrom Rack sewn down. Much better on me.

  19. Student Loan Advice Needed

    I’ve seen the topic of student loans brought up quite a lot. I’ve “inherited” a student loan from my ex. I co-signed, he stopped making payments a year after we split. I’ve been paying his (our) loan since.

    Has anyone been in this situation? It makes it extremely hard as the loan company won’t let me set up autopayment or inform me of anything directly as I am not the primary on the account. I have to make a manual payment every month. Which makes me think about my ex every month. Sigh. I talked to the loan company and they assured me if payments are not made, they will come after me – at some point – to make them if he isn’t responsive. I don’t want this impacting my credit, so I keeping making payments.

    Anyone had to deal with this? Any advice? Can I sue my ex to try to get the amount of the loan recovered? I’ve tried to contact him and asked he remove my name and he tells me he doesn’t remember this loan or know what I am talking about.

    And yes, he’s a jerk. He was abusive and our relationship ended poorly (read: leave while he is at work with anything I wanted in my car with me)

    • zee

      I’m so sorry! I don’t know how to help, but hope someone here can. Good thing you got this jerk out of your life.

    • E Anon

      Yes, you should sue the ex to recover any payments you’ve made.

      I’m sorry you’re going through this. :-( This is why I won’t co-sign for anyone (not even family) – maybe someday for my kids, but that’s it! This happens all too often, unfortunately.

    • divaliscious11

      No advice but sorry your dealing with this.
      The student loan people are the worst and they will come after you because you can’t even get rid of them in bankruptcy. and the loans are old so its not as if you are dealing with the Dept of Ed…. yikes.

      Do you at least know the balance? If so I’d try to pay them off as soon as possible, as you can’t take the interest write off, have none of the academic benefits, just the bill.

      Did you at least have the ex – wait was this ex-husband or ex-boyfriend? – give you a promissory note to pay you back if you had to make any payments?

    • Just Blonde

      If it is ex-husband I would try to get alimony to cover the payments. The one way student loans can be discharged is if the student is permanently disabled or dies (at least federal ones, not private.) Not that I am suggesting anyone push him in front of a subway car or anything . . . ; )

      • Just Blonde

        One other thought. Maybe you could ask the student loan company to exhaust all remedies against him and then send you a letter when those failed and then you will make the payments. That way he doesn’t get a free pass and you don’t get your credit ruined. Not sure if it works that way or not.

    • Bridget

      My bank has autopay, which means they write a check every month. I use this for places that don’t have auto-debit, so I assume it will work here. It’s perfect, because you don’t have to think, but the payment is made.

    • Dasha

      That sucks! No experience with this but I’d get professional advice in this situation…

    • Anonymous

      You need to speak to a lawyer specializing in consumer law with experience in family law. If you don’t have a lot of money, most legal services organizations have attorneys specializing in those areas of law who can help for free or at a low cost.

    • lk

      Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no – nothing to be done. I was in a slightly different situation – married, consolidated loans that were 90% my husbands but I was primary person listed nn consolidation docs, then we split … our divorce was at least amicable, and we agreed that we would pay our proportionate shares of the loan, but the loan people were of NO HELP at all. I’ve since paid off my share and had him sign an indemnification agreement since my name is still the primary on everything and I’m liable – not sure it would hold up if push came to shove, just figured it was better than nothing. It still shows up on my credit report, etc, and will until he pays it off. So far, so good, but if he stops paying, dies, becomes disabled, etc. I’m on the hook for a ton of debt that isn’t mine.

      Sucks to be a cautionary tale, eh?

    • Miriam

      Wow, that is terrible. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I would still try to speak to a lawyer to somehow absolve you of liability or at least get him to be responsible for half of the payments. I’m sure you and/or the bank has the appropriate paperwork to prove that he signed this loan that he claims he doesn’t recall.

      On a side note, after my summer in family court and taking family law this semester, marriage seems like a frightening institution! It can really ruin your life!

      • Ballerina girl

        In some states, if it was your husband, you can recover a portion of the salary that he now makes as a result of his higher education. Depends on where you are and I don’t remember much about this, but I know that in certain places, the education is considered marital property and can be split evenly. That at least compensates you some for his debt (but only if he’s making a lot of money with his new education).

  20. B

    Oh my goodness…and I thought *my* ex was awful! At least he only bilked me out of a couple grand!

    Best of luck:/

  21. ES

    What do you use as a wallet/wristlet? I’m looking for something to throw in a larger bag that can hold money, cards, cell phone, and maybe even some of those “time of the month” accessories. I’d like something that’s more structured inside/wallet-like, and am trying not to spend a lot of money. Like this one, love lodis, but $96 for a wallet is out of my price range. Any suggestions?

    http://www.zappos.com/lodis-accessories-diamonds-slim-wristlet-wallet-grey

  22. A

    Just returning with shopping squee and a sale PSA: Dillard’s is having an extra 40% clearance through tomorrow!! I got this (http://tinyurl.com/2bflwpn) suiting jacket for $70 and this (http://tinyurl.com/2d84d6j) skirt for $40. I’m a second year law student on the west coast and I thought it was a fabulous potion for classy business casual.

  23. Anon Big City

    I had an interesting experience this week – I’m on a case going to trial early next year, so we had a mock trial this week. Our lead trial counsel is an amazing, talented, generally ass kicking woman who was one of the trail blazers for more recent generations of attorneys. Under here are two male partners, both talented, somewhat younger and somewhat less experienced. In order to make the mock trial realistic, we had teams who each put on a case for one of the parties involved, and the mock jurors didn’t know which client was the “real” client. So male partner 1, male partner 2, and female partner put on the cases of the parties.

    From behind the spyglass, we watched the juror reactions to each of the cases. Things proceeded normally in the first two parties, represented by the two male partners. When the female partner began her case, all of the female jurors looked at her, looked at her shoes (nondescript but nice peep toe, which is appropriate in my area of the country), looked at her nice clothes and jewelry (think Bloomie’s, not Bergdorf), and then many of the female jurors, especially jurors with lower levels of education according to their questionnaires made negative faces and displayed closed body language. The jurors did not have this reaction to the male partners, who also wore obviously very nice suits and ties.

    In deliberations, the several rooms of mock jurors of both genders commented on how they liked the male attorneys. And how they didn’t like her. The men were “smart” and “hard working” and “credible.” She was “distant,” “arrogant,” “aggressive,” “aloof,” and “unfriendly.” To my eye, all three behaved both appropriately and similarly, though I certainly wouldn’t call the female partner a Georgia peach. But the jurors thought she dressed too nicely, wasn’t friendly enough, didn’t smile enough even though she smiled probably more than the men did, and basically wasn’t girlish enough to conform to their gender stereotypes. The female jurors were harsher on her than the male jurors. And then the juries convicted our client.

    It was ridiculous and really hit home for me the double standard that women face in the workplace, even those at the top of their profession. It’s ok for men to wear nice things, but not women? Men don’t have to smile and be friendly, women do? Men who are serious are trustworthy, women who are serious are mean? She’s worked her way to the top and she’s still dealing with this crap. And that the female jurors were more harsh than the males? So now, one of the male partners may take a much larger role at trial because the jurors will probably like him better, and the bottom line is doing the best for the client, even though it’s HER client.

    The whole thing was really disheartening.

    • L

      Urgh, that is terrible. I wonder if it’s regional? class based? Grrrrr. I guess you will know more re jury selection now, though?

      Sorry.

    • divaliscious11

      That’s awful, but….how different is that from some of the snark here, from educated women? And far too often, the response is, that’s the way it is, so deal with it……

      • rocknroll

        Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. I just finished third chairing my second big jury trial a couple months ago. I have been pretty bummed over one particular aspect, which is this: during the six-week span of the trial I felt like I had no repoire with the jurors. When I would walk down the halls alone, they would ignore me. When I would walk with my slightly senior associate (a male), quite a few faces would light up in our direction and in fact several times this associate complained to me that jurors were putting him in an awkward situation by trying to talk to him.

        At my first trial, this male associate was not there and it was just me and the partner (a male). It was in a different (and wealthier) county. The jurors all seemed to smile at me and after the trial, many of them came up and said they thought I did a great job, etc. In fact, the foreman made a special point of saying how much the jurors liked me and had repeatedly commented about me during the trial. In contrast, when this second trial ended, all the jurors ignored me, but were excitedly flocking to talk to my associate with huge smiles.

        At both trials, I performed primarily the same function (basically, being my boss’s right hand, doing the exhibits, prompting him if he suddenly lost his place or forgot something). My associate at this trial examined one minor witness for about 15 minutes and for the most part sat at the counsel table and I would guess the jurors thought he was taking notes. So, I don’t think the difference in reactions between the trials was due to a change in roles.

        Also, I think we dress comparably, although my associate tends to have slightly nicer suits (I think mostly Hugo Boss). I have one Theory suit and the rest are Benetton. I wore the same clothes and same hairstyle (a bun) at both trials.

        Basically, even though the jury returned a verdict in our favor, I have been kind of bummed out ever since, wondering what I could try to do differently next time, but I keep coming back to the thought that maybe the jurors just like male attorneys better. It’s really agitating!

        (It’s not all bad though, because the client, opposing counsel, and the court staff all at various times told me and, more importantly, my boss (heh), that they thought I was doing a great job.)

  24. NClawstudent

    Thanks everyone for all the great suggestion a couple weeks ago for my husband’s and my Hawaii vacation in December. We settled on the North Shore in Oahu, and booked it. It’s about the only thing keeping us sane right now in the midst of 2L life (he’s also a law student).

  25. Annie

    I know this seems like a basic question, but how does one determine what shape her body is? I read so many magazines with features about dressing for your body shape, but I am perplexed about where I fit in. I previously believed that I am a pear shape due to my athletic thighs, but I am not sure anymore as I do not have some the issues with fit (ie, dresses fitting on the bottom but not on the top) that some of the other people who comment on this site do. My shoulders are broader than my hips and I do have a defined waist. Thanks for any resources people can point me to!

  26. KZ

    a question for the runners. There is a very nice park near my apartment that I want to start walking/running in, but the problem is it’s slightly too far to walk, so I’m going to drive, which means I’ll have my keyring, which is fairly bulky because of the remote to my car. And I want to take a cell phone since I will usually be by myself. However, most of my athletic-type pants don’t have pockets. So what do you runners carry your stuff with you when you run? Or do you just not bring anything beyond your house key (which is easy enough to tie to a shoe)?

    • J

      I personally don’t take a cell phone when I run. I know I should, but the problem of carrying it annoys me (and I usually start/end my runs at home anyway). Also, I don’t like it ringing in the middle of a run!

      When I’ve had to drive to a running site, I leave everything in the car except my iPod and my car key (removed from my also bulky keyring). I have an armband for my iPod, and I just shove my key into my sports bra. Not pretty, but secure! Some running shorts like the Nike Tempos have a little key pocket in the lining, which may be useful for you.

      If you’re concerned about safety, check out the Road ID (roadid.com) — it’s a little tag you can order with your name and contact info in case of any mishaps/accidents/more sinister things. I’ve been meaning to get one for a while.

      • A

        I have a little black belt with a pocket on it that goes around your waist. It’s like a water belt without the water. Mine is big enough for my keys and, depending on the size of your cell phone, you could probably fit it in there. My husband bought it but I am pretty sure he got it at Academy.

    • MelD

      I have several Adidas shorts/capris that do come with a pocket. It took a while to find them but they work well for carrying a pocket. I also have a New Balance top that has a small pocket that will hold keys. When it gets really hot out I will bring a string pack so I can also hold a water bottle. It’s lightweight so it really doesn’t drag me down when I am exercising.

    • Anonymous

      I tuck my key and my ID/emergency contact info in my iPod case. They also make little wrist pouches you can tuck stuff in – those would fit a small cell phone.

      • JM

        I take the keys I need off my ring and either string them through my shoe laces or put them in the tiny pocket in my shorts. I carry a cell phone and hold it in my hand. It bothered me to have something in my hand the first couple times I did it, but now I don’t even notice it.

    • cbackson

      A lot of running tights have a pocket at the small of the back. Check out Sugoi or North Face.

      I don’t carry a cell phone when I run, but I do carry my full set of keys and I usually just tuck it back there.

    • a lawyer

      I usually only take my house or car key remote, either of which fits in the inner pocket of running shorts, but when I run on travels, I use a wonderful neoprene waist belt from spibelt.com (I purchased at FleetFeetSports, but this is the website). It will stretch to hold my blackberry, reading glasses, car key, and money. It does not bounce and is the best alternative I have found in 30 plus years of running!

      • goirishkj

        I have a pair of running tights from Target that have a zippered pouch in the back for keys/ID/etc. A cell phone probably wouldn’t fit, but I haven’t tried. I’ve also put a key in the inside pouch that’s in many shorts but I feel more secure with the key zipped in. Back in college I once lost my room key that had been tied to my shoe. I still don’t know how I did it, but that’s the reason behind my paranoia.

        I don’t run with a cell phone, although I know it would be a good idea. In my city there’s a trail that runs along one of the fairly busy street that is popular with runners. It isn’t so busy that you can’t run, but there are nearly always enough people out that you are within sight of someone. Plus there are several local businesses and such along the way. If you have something like that near you, maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to have a cell phone and could leave it in your car? Obviously, if it makes you feel safe so you can focus on your run, bring the phone and have a good run!

    • Anon

      I either tie my key into my shoe laces or use a little pouch that velcros through my laces (when I remember it). I also don’t carry anything except my iPod and the key. When I do longer runs (10 miles+) or races, I use a fuel belt that is big enough to carry gels, my key, and sometimes chapstick.

      • anony

        When I run with just my key, I tie it onto my shoe. I would advise against putting it in the pocket that some of the shorts/ tights come with. I did that one time, and somewhere along the way lost the key.

        If you want to bring your keys, phone, etc., I highly recommend the ifitness belt. I bought it to wear when I do my longer runs and wanted to bring my phone (for safety) and gus with me. It is super comfortable, does no chafe, and is big enough to hold my blackberry. I have the 2 pouch version, but they also make a version with only 1 pouch.

        http://marathonbelts.com/store/

    • L

      Nike running tights have zipped pockets in the back and many of their running shorts have pockets as well. I sometimes run with my cell phone and put it in these pockets when I do. When I go on long run, I run with a camelback, that allows for a phone and granola bar.

  27. Anon for this about Diet Coke

    I have a belt thing for water bottles that has a little pouch in it, big enough for keys and cell phone. Two water bottles and in between a zippered pouch.

  28. Unemployed

    I just got laid off, out of nowhere, yesterday. The company is definitely feeling the effects of the economy, but I’m devastated. I know I need to update my resume a.s.a.p. and get ready to make calls to look for another job. My current job is giving me a couple months to find something else and said they’d use their contacts to help me, but I definitely don’t want to drag this out that long. I want to give myself a 2 week deadline to be out of there.

    Any advice? :(

    • Anonymous

      (((hug)))

      No advice – I’m sure I couldn’t say anything you don’t already know – but I figured you needed a hug.

    • Suze

      More hugs. How awful. Of course you know the basics of getting underway – resume, calling, networking and all that. I do suggest that you might try to be more flexible/gentle on yourself in terms of a deadline to get out. I am sure you really, really want to move on and put the event behind you, and hopefully you will find something very soon. But having the use of their phone/computer/office space and the appearance of still being employed might be more valuable than you think right now – I know it’s an old adage and the exception always proves the rule, but there is occasionally something to the idea of it being easier to find a job when you have one (or the trappings/appearance of one).

      Just a thought. I wish you well in your search and hope you quickly find a much better job :)!

      • Kaye

        Agreed – definitely take advantage of their offer of a few months to find something. That way you’ll have income while you look, and you don’t need to explain in your interviews why you’re unemployed. Trying to find a new job in 2 weeks is a nice goal, but it’s OK if it doesn’t happen.

    • MelD

      Sorry about the layoff, but at least you can use the extra time at the current job to your advantage. Don’t be too firm with the deadline you’ve given yourself. I agree with Suze that it’s much easier to find a job when you are already employed. In two weeks, you’ll probably be able to update your resume and send out some resumes, but it’s doubtful you’ll be able to interview anywhere in that time. If you give yourself a little more time, you can at least interview while you still have the job.

      • Unemployed

        Thanks everyone for the advice (and hugs)!

        You all are probably right about hanging on to this job while I search for my next one. In the last 24 hours, so many thoughts have gone through my head, it’s nice to get outside/rational opinions. I do want to look at this as an opportunity to find something better and that I’ll actually enjoy on a day-to-day basis.

        • Louise

          Sending you a cyber hug.

          A bit of encouragement: everyone I know who has ever been laid off said in the long run it was one of the best things that ever happened to them. It may feel awful right now, but I’m crossing my fingers that this will lead to better opportunities.

          In the meantime, it’s okay to be hurt and sad and scared for a while. Lean on your support groups of friends, family and Corporetters!

          • goirishkj

            THIS! I recently went through this and was fortunate enough to find something. I’m lucky, but emotionally, I was pretty fragile for a while. I still am sometimes, but I already see that personally, I’m in a better place. And every person I spoke to told me that life is better on the other side. If there are people you trust in real life who have been through this talk to them–I found out that people I considered to be superstars in their fields had been through this before and were more than willing to share their stories. Seeing that they made it through really helped me through dark times.

            Be kind to yourself. This is hard. Mope if you need to, but take care of yourself too, whatever that means for you. Whether it is exercise, a night with the girls, a bubblebath, just take care of yourself. You will get through this.

    • Experienced

      First let me say that I’m very sorry that this has happened. Good for you on giving yourself a week. My advise: hit the search hard. Do not let any grass grow, despite the fact that you’ve got a couple months. I know this is devastating news (happened to me). I’ve witnessed some people make the following mistakes: 1) they have severance so they “take a break”. You have a break -just keep moving; 2) they maintain their spending and lifestyle under either a hopeful denial or just plain ignorance; 3) dip into savings to maintain lifestyle. Most immediately, I simply recommend recognizing and responding to the new reality, quickly. I’m sure you’ll get a new job quickly, but you’ll feel better if you get a plan going asap.

      Silly but important: smile and practice being happy!

      • Unemployed

        This is really good advice. Have to keep moving.

        Thanks everybody for the kind words :).

    • mille

      Unemployed– Please see below for my response– I got error messages and the post ended up posting in a new thread.

    • divaliscious11

      1. As much as you deserve a pity party – DON’T TAKE ONE!
      2. Reach out to your contacts now…have everyone keeping their eyes and ears open.
      3. Spiff up your resume.
      4. If there are job listing sites in your particular area, get on them and get alerts for new listings.
      5. Get out and network. I am not looking but it seems that so many networking events now have job boards or an opportunity for people to indicate if there are openings or anticipated openings in the near future.
      6. Cut your expenses to the bone now…., unless that is not a problem. From what I’ve heard, the more senior you are, the longer it is taking to find a job, so you want to stretch your reserved funds as far as possible….

      • Anon

        I second/third a lot of the advice here.

        Also, there’s a lot of “why me?” and “what did I do?” in the initial phases of the layoff. This is minimally productive–it lets you recognize possible mistakes you made and fix them for the next job. Alternately, it might have truly only been about the economy and there’s no wisdom to be gained from this sort of self-reflection. Either way, recognize that _processing the layoff_ does not move you toward getting another job. And in that respect, even though it’s like a breakup, you have to force yourself into denial of the past and move on. It’s painful, but you really need to just put your old job behind you, even if you have to keep showing up to pay the bills.

        I agree with prev. posters–cut expenses, KEEP YOUR JOB (it’s much harder to explain why you left than just “look for new opportunities and growth”), don’t let yourself take much of a break, and don’t burn any bridges. It will be blessing. But it will be hard at first.

        My last piece of advice is to connect with a friend (a girl friend–boys don’t talk about it as easily) who has been laid off so that you can have a cheerleader and support system. It REALLY, REALLY helps to have someone that’s been there.

        Chin up, buttercup!

  29. Lawgirl

    Oh, for any fashion nerds who care: Lloyd Benson from Anne Klein/Jones New York fame was at my local mall (White Flint in Rockville, MD). It was supposed to go from 2-4pm. I get there at 3pm (late, but hey, it’s a mall event, right?),.. Fashion show is over, snacks are sparse, Lloyd is no where to be found, and only 15 lucky ladies would get the chance to have a 10-15 minute “style consultation” with him. Time & place, not disclosed. Humph. Big bust. I thought dude would be milling around with models, talking, chatting, signing books, etc. It seemed very tightly scripted. I mean, Lloyd, if you’re listening: It was a 2 hour event.. You have to go retreat to a greenroom from the throngs and unwashed masses after a mere 45 minutes of work? Lots of mad (mostly black) women there, I tell you (me included). BummERRRR.

    • divaliscious11

      Lloyd Boston????

      (Wasn’t Lloyd Benson the Sen for Texas (“I knew John F. Kennedy, your no John Kennedy”)

      lol…I know folks were hot!

  30. CT

    Question: sweater dresses. I really want to find one I love, as they seem so perfect for fall. In person, though, they’re usually too short and hug my curves a bit too much for me. Any recommendations for stylish, comfy sweater dresses that are a bit more forgiving on a bigger bum? Thanks!

  31. Anon

    I have a question for you ladies regarding travel. My husband and I just decided today to plan a trip to London in January. We’re very excited, but neither of us have ever been there and so we’re clueless about what area to find a hotel in and how much money we should plan on having each day for food, getting around, sightseeing, etc. I’m in law school so obviously we’ll be on a budget for this vacation (which will sort of be our honeymoon–we’ve been married three years and life kept getting in the way of taking a real honeymoon). Any info on restaurants we have to check out and things we have to see would be welcome as well. TIA.

    • D

      Check the Rick Steves graffitti wall for London. People post reviews about restaurants, etc. Have fun! London is wonderful. Take good walking shoes!

    • MelD

      For the budget oriented, Earl’s Court or King’s Cross are probably going to be your best bet. There are lots of inexpensive B&Bs there and the price will vary depending on whether you want your own toilet/shower. Check out http://www.eurocheapo.com for inexpensive places to stay.

      If you want to get your bearings your first day, there are free walking tours. I did one when my friend came to visit and it was quite good. I also did a Jack the Ripper tour when I went to London after high school and loved it.

      For travel, you want to get the Oyster Card, which reduces the cost of travel dramatically. It costs 3 pounds and you can return them to get your money back when you leave London.

      One thing to keep in mind about going to London in January is that it gets dark very early (think 3:30-4) and attractions close correspondingly early. I think the Tower closes at 4 and I am not sure what time Hampton Court closes. They are usually pretty expensive to get in, but you can often get a discount if you buy online. Most of the main museums are free and there is a half price ticket booth for theater.

      For lunch there are a lot of budget options in the sub 7 pound range, while you’ll probably need at least 15 pounds for a full meal for dinner.

    • Mary

      I second the free walking tours suggestion – here is the website http://www.newlondon-tours.com/. It was one of my favorite experiences there. However, a January trip might make this impossible unless you’re wearing a coat and have an umbrella! It’s always a good idea to have indoor activities as backup.
      My friend and I saved quite a bit of money by not eating in restaurants more than once a day. For the other meals, we’d stop at a grocery store and get something to take back to our room. We usually got french bread, jam, cheese, fruit, and some delicious English chocolate, and never once felt deprived.
      If you feel like getting out of London for a day (or two) trip, the buses to cities like Cambridge and Oxford are fairly affordable (much cheaper than the trains, at least) and drop you right in the center of the city.
      I hope you have a wonderful trip!

    • ADS

      If you’re looking to save money on a hotel, look at the B&Bs on Gower Street, in Bloomsbury near the British Museum. Great Tube access, a lovely neighborhood with nearby pubs for inexpensive food and beer, and a wide selection of budget places to stay. We stayed at the Ridgemount Hotel, and it was exactly what we wanted: clean, convenient, and with a very good included breakfast. Super tiny, but we were more interested in clean, cheap and convenient than luxurious. (London is expensive.)

      Here’s a post from TripAdvisor about Gower Street B&Bs. You might find the list useful.

      http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowTopic-g186338-i17-k2504381-Gower_Street_Hotels-London_England.html

    • TK1

      Definitely budget alot for food. For some reason it seems like if something costs $1 over here, its costs a pound over there so the exchange rate more than doubles the price. We went to Pizza Hut one night, and what would have been about $40 dinner was over $80!!!! Local pubs are probably your best bet. On the up side the food is actually meal sized, not enough to feed a family of five like they are over here.

    • ADB_BWG

      Budget for beverages too. Drinks (including water) can be expensive and the “free refill” concept seems to exist only for coffee at included breakfasts.

    • Laura

      one thing a friend and I did while in London to save money was to buy a pre-made sandwich and drink from a grocery store in the morning for lunch (aprox 5 pounds) and to save our money for better dinners out. If you’re in school and have a current student ID try showing it at tourist places /theatres for discounted tickets. ditto on the oyster card.

  32. New poster

    Hope it’s not too late in the weekend to get responses to this question. I just told my husband that I wanted to have a child (our first) in the near future, because I expect to be at my current job at BigLaw for another 2 years or so (I’m a 4th year), and I didn’t want to wait and have a child right after starting a new job (likely in gov’t or at a small firm). I worry that taking maternity leave right away at a new job sends messages that (fairly or unfairly) will have a negative impact on perceptions of my dedication to the job, as well as prevents me from getting up to speed and meeting people right away. Not to mention, I may not be doing my very best work right after coming back from maternity leave and trying to adjust to new routines, so I’d hate for that to be some of the first work I do with new colleagues. My husband thinks that this makes no sense at all, and that the time I take maternity leave relative to starting a job will not influence others’ perceptions or my career.

    There aren’t really other major factors affecting our decision when to have a child, and I want to try starting our family (to the extent I can, of course, knowing that nothing’s predictable!) in the way that will be most beneficial for both the family and my career. What do you think?

    • Kaye

      What you’re saying makes a lot of sense to me – it’s better to first establish yourself and then go on maternity leave.
      However: if your current job is absolutely crazy, and your next job will likely be pretty relaxed, then you might actually find that doing good work at the new job is easier than even just trying to stay afloat at your current job. In other words, if the requirements/hours are a lot lower in that next job, you might find it easier to work there post-maternity-leave even though you’ll have to work harder than others to prove yourself.
      I hope this makes sense. Note that I don’t have any experience relevant to your situation, just thought I’d throw out this angle.

    • D

      Depends entirely on where you work. I had a baby at my first firm after 2 years of killing myself for them and suddenly I was Mommy tracked, despite that I was one of the few associates who continued to hit my billable hour req. even after returning from maternity leave.

      I jumped to a second firm while pregnant and it has never negatively affected me in any way. They were gracious about the pregnancy, accommodating and have always fairly treated me. Most people here have kids, despite that it is BigLaw, and it’s just part of the balance.

      You know yourself. Whether you’ll continue to kick butt after you come back is more about who you are than anything else.

      Enjoy – kids are amazing. A lot of work, but amazing.

    • Anon

      Your logic makes sense to me. But I’m sure you can make it work well either way, with reasonable expectations and a decent workplace. I don’t know how many kids you expect to have, but if it’s more than one, you’ll probably be having a baby right at the start of job #2 anyway.

      • Anon

        I wonder if I’m reading too much between the lines here, but is it possible that what’s actually going here is that you are telling your husband you feel ready to have a baby and he’s saying that he’s not ready yet? That this has nothing to do with what makes sense in which job?

        • Anonymous

          This. Your husband pushing back has nothing to do with the appropriate timing of maternity leaves, something most men don’t spend 30 seconds thinking about. He’s not ready to have a baby and this is how he’s telling you. Push forward at your own peril. Been there.

        • New poster

          Thanks everyone for the thoughts!

          Anon and Anon, it is absolutely true that he is not quite ready yet, and frankly, I’m not quite sure if I’m ready yet — don’t even know what that means. And of course, I will respect my husband when he tells me he’s not ready. I was more concerned about his response to this particular aspect of our discussion.

          For us, it has always been “next year”, and I’m not sure when/how that answer will change. But I’m getting worried about my age and my career path. And when we were discussing timing, and he completely dismissed my planned career transition out of hand as a “silly” and “irrational” concern. Now, I don’t think this is the type of consideration that should dictate getting pregnant when we’re not ready, but I also think it is far from “silly.” So I just want to know if I am overestimating the potential problems, i.e., being silly.

          If any of this even makes sense! Hard to explain something so personal over the internet (of course).

          • Anon

            You will never be actually ready, you will only feel ready to dive in and learn how to handle it regardless. Babies and children are wonderful, wonderful beings, but more transformative than you can ever imagine. Good luck!

          • anon - chi

            I don’t think your concern is silly at all. It sounds like you need a broader conversation with your husband about the baby-making plans, including what sounds like concerns about your age and that it seems like the decision keeps getting put off.

            Not that you are assuming this, but I would also caution anyone who thinks small firm = better hours/ more flexible schedule. Sometimes the opposite can be true, especially in boutique firms.

    • Anonymous

      Your logic makes sense to me too, but I also would caution against scheduling your baby plans around your career, or your career around baby plans. There’s never a perfect time to have a baby, and whenever you have yours, things will work out fine in the long run – in 30 years you’ll look back and remember special moments with your child, and you won’t remember whatever was going on at work at the time. Do what seems best for you and your husband, not for your job.

      • Anon in NC

        Agreed – attempting to “time” things just doesn’t work well when it comes to pregnancies and children and career. Things can change drastically in either area of our lives. I have 3 children ages 6,8, & 10 – believe it or not we did not attempt to time things it just fell into place. We have always strived to put family first which has impacted career decisions but I have no regrets.

    • Anon

      I started a new job as an attorney with a governmental agency right after I had my second child. It was difficult for the first couple of weeks to get used to everything (including a long commute and pumping so I could continue breastfeeding), but at my 6 month review my boss said I was one of the most productive attorneys. This office also had a few other new mothers as well, so I felt like there was a sort of support system already in place, at least among ourselves.

  33. mew

    Question for all of you. I just broke down and bought a gorgeous camel skirt. It fits great and looks good, but now that it’s hanging in my closet, I can’t decide what to wear with it. What colors (other than black) will look good with camel.

    • MM

      I would think any jewel tones would look great, particularly plum, royal blue, and bordeaux. White and navy would certainly match, though — depending on the style — might border too much on “uniform.”

    • MOR

      I’d wear it with any dark/rich colors – reds, darker/brighter blues, and definitely second the plum recommendation. It will be great for fall! Camel usually is pretty versatile, and it will probably look good with lighter colors in the spring, too.

      • anony

        RED! I saw an amazing article in Real Simple (I believe) and it paired red with camels and khakis in ways I never would have thought of.

        You could also try creams or ivory, in a ‘winter white’ sort of way…

    • anon

      It looks great paired with dark brown; very neutral but, at least for my skin tone, flattering. I have a pair of great camel pants that I wear with a dark brown sweater, dark brown heels and pearls … I always get tons of compliments :)

    • anon

      Dark brown or charcoal are great. Depending on skin tone, orange can look really amazing, too.

  35. elevenplus

    Ladies,

    I bought the Coach Elisabeth shoe this weekend and want to show it off. If anyone is looking for a super-comfortable conservative round-toe black pump (2″) that doesn’t also make you look like you’re pushing 70, please take a look.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/3101000

    The leather is fantastic. That gold button does say Coach, but in a swirly script that’s hard to read. I’m normally name-brand allergic but gave this one a pass. And that thick heel is soooo comfortable to walk in. Wish they’d come back in general for dress heels.

  36. mille

    This is a bit of a brain-flow post– I am sleep deprived and on some pain medicine, so fair warning :)

    Don’t define yourself as “Ms. Laid Off” or “Ms. Unemployed”. (I personally like “Free”, as you are now free to look around for something better). Your employment situation is not your identity. You’ve been laid off, which is a crisis situation, but you are a strong, smart person who will make it past this. You have a new project– find a job– and you will get it done.

    Take the two months to stay in your current job while looking for another. I believe that will be a plus to an interviewer, in that your current company values you enough to keep you on as long as possible, and that you are staying with that company shows loyalty and good business sense. Also, maybe your current company will allow you to spend some work hours looking for other places to apply.

    Start now looking for another job. Use all of the resources the old company is offering you, and all other resources you have to start looking now. Don’t feel pressured to find a job in two weeks (probably impossible) and don’t feel pressured to find one in two months. Keep a steady pace on looking for a new job, and know that it will happen eventually. Hopefully very fast, but you can’t count on that.

    For Unemployment purposes (if it applies to your situation)– As long as they are going to have you working the same amount of hours, keep working as long as you can. Unemployment is calculated with the last few months you’ve worked, so you want to be making as much as you possibly can right up until you are eligible.

    Think about where to cut spending now. Save money but don’t let yourself become depressed or obsessed over the finances. Have a plan for health insurance– see if your company will agree to continue paying it or having you on its policy for the next six months or so. Don’t feel like you have to eat top ramen and give up getting a latte with coworkers in order to save money. Those are big lifestyle changes that you just don’t need right now.

    And don’t feel awkward around your coworkers– some might act a little weird knowing you’ve been laid off, but being laid off doesn’t change your work relationship or who you are, so don’t let them act like it does. Yes, you’ve been laid-off, but you know what to do and you are doing it, so let them be jealous of your newfound freedom. Don’t dwell on your situation. You are being given a life raft to get off that sinking ship– they are still clinging to the bow believing they will not be next.

    I think you will eventually see the experience as positive, but for now it will probably be hard. Get help if you start feeling really depressed. You are now going to deal with the feelings of rejection from being laid off, the rejection from companies you apply to and don’t get hired at, the sudden loss of income, the sudden loss of your “office family” and the socialization that goes with it, and the new sensation of not feeling secure in your job. Your mental health is important during these times. As such, I’d avoid making any decisions like “be gone in two weeks” right now, because your mind is probably going in 500 different directions and you don’t want to pick the wrong direction.

    With this new curveball, it’s hard to feel “normal” in your everyday life. Really, though, you are someone who has the opportunity to find a better, more satisfying job, and in two months you will be moving on from one company to another.

    • Unemployed/Free

      Wow, thanks for your response, lots of good advice! I’m definitely motivated. I already applied to my top 3 firms in town and heard back from 2. Gotta keep moving though.

      I’m hoping this will turn into an opportunity to get into the kind of work I’ve always wanted to try. I took my current job in tax bc the firm thought it would fit my personality better, but I really think I’d be better at audit. Now’s a chance to go with my gut feeling.

      I really appreciate everyone’s advice.

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