Weekend Open Thread
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
NAOT always makes solid sandals — extremely comfortable, but cute enough that you can wear with everything from shorts to casual dresses.
Given the metallic trend at the moment, I like these sandals — the mix of colors like silver, gold, rose gold, and white make the shoe feel incredibly versatile.
The shoe is $170 at Zappos.
201 Comments
Comments are closed.
Any advice on starting statins and what questions to ask the doctor to make sure you’re on the right medication? I’ve always heard of the increased diabetes risk and it would be good to have an idea of what monitoring or supportive measures to ask about.
Also, this is for suspected familial hypercholesterolemia, although not confirmed. I understand that there may be a genetic test for known mutations in a particular gene associated with this condition.
IDK but spouse has been on statins since his late 20s/early 30s. He does blood tests twice a year. His diet is garbage but his sugars are OK and well-documented.
They work well, and most people have no side effects. The major thing to watch for is any unusual muscle aches, as a side effect. Statins are broken down by the liver so if you have other meds etc.. that affect the liver, your doctor may keep an eye on your liver tests over time. And moderate alcohol use is always a good idea, as alcohol can affect the liver. The diabetes risk is really minor and is more for folks who are already at risk, but is good to be aware of and your doctor should be following over time anyway. But if you have hereditary high cholesterol, then treating with a statin may be key and will be very protective of the heart overall, and may even save your life.
There are also drug interactions between statins and quite a few other meds. Your doctors will forget to check those. So ask the doctor if this is an issue – make sure to mention ALL over the counter meds and supplements to your doctor before starting.
I keep a list of my meds saved on one of the online drug interactions tools, and check for interactions on my own and then ask the doctor about them.
What are your holy grail lipsticks?
Mine are Tilburry’s pillow talk and Mac’s ruby woo.
NARS Gipsy. Perfect for everyday or occasions. I love it so much. (Blonde hair, green eyes, pale in winter but quickly tan in summer).
Agreed. NARS Gipsy is the best!
Not exactly lipstick, but Dior Addict Lip Glow in Berry. I hate that this is where I landed, but I prefer it to any other lipstick or tinted product I’ve tried.
Stila liquid lip in Patina
Chanel LE ROUGE DUO ULTRA TENUE Ultrawear Liquid Lip Colour
That stuff lasts ALL NIGHT through drinks and food with absolutely no re-application necessary, especially if you apply two layers on initial application
I have the color Sensual Rose, which is a slightly pink bright red.
NARS afghan red
CT pillow talk and Bobbi Brown telluride
The discontinued Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Glossed Up Rose, though I notice a new name for it (it now says with hyaluronic acid and aloe in the name) so maybe they’re keeping it after all! I hope so! I’ve bee really stocking up.
(I also see a different color labeled Glass Shine if that helps anyone )
Pat McGrath Labs lip “fetish balm” in Temptress. My friends and I joke that it’s like the sisterhood of the traveling pants but for lipstick – it looks good on all of us despite our many skin tones and shades.
As a pale woman with dark hair and eyes, the three I always have are Glossier’s Vesper, Glossier’s Jam, and Mac’s Russian Red.
Clinique almost lipstick in black honey and Mac brave
Clarins Joli Rouge 705 “Soft Berry”, I nicked a travel size from my mom and fell in love, wore it on my wedding day. It’s the perfect “MLBB” shade and a lovely creamy easy-on formula.
I bought two Summersalt swim suits, which I really like. I’m a cusp size due to some recent and ongoing weight loss. The smaller size is a smidge too small. The larger size feels too big. How do these suits hold up? Do they shrink on wash? Their description says they should be snug when dry but that’s obviously pretty subjective. Thinking I keep the smaller bc I’m still losing and the big will just become bigger. Any strong opinions?
One of the two is the ubiquitous one-shoulder one. When I raise my arm my b oo b on the side without the shoulder strap feels like it could slide out. But the fabric around the back, up my torso, is what feels… stretched? Maybe that’s just compression doing its thing and I’m not used to suits with compression.
All swimsuits gradually stretch out with wear so I err on the “snug but not pinching” side.
+1. They tend to stretch when wet too
That’s good for me to remember, not OP, but as someone who is shopping for swimsuits for my new smaller size right now.
I have been exercising moderately regularly for years, doing various things – Peloton, running, walking, Pilates, weight-lifting. I have never, ever seen actual visible changes in my body as a result of this exercise. There are plenty of other benefits, of course, which are great and important. But I’ve never lost weight, changed body composition, or anything else as a result of exercise. (I’ve seen plenty of body changes as a result of weight loss driven by diet, but that’s different.)
If you have seen visible body changes as a result of exercise, I’d love to know what it is that you’re doing. I’m doing a lot of Reformer Pilates right now and would love to see the “lengthening” and posture improvements that they talk about, but so far, nothing!
How often are you doing these exercises? If you are only working out once or twice a week, it probably won’t make a difference. I’ve heard that losing weight is all about diet, toning requires weight lifting and running is good for cardio health and that it’s a good idea to incorporate all three.
You sound like me. I’ve never seen changes except with diet, but I’ve also been active for my whole life. I speculate that I look as good as I do at 45 because I’ve been exercising for so long and, without the exercise, I’d be seeing changes that I don’t like as I get older. I speculate that staying constant is what I get instead of visible changes.
I also didn’t see real changes until I gave up drinking, sorry to say.
I’ve been doing resistance training 4x a week for 2 years, using a band system, each session is about 30 minutes. About a year in I started noticing definition in my arms and legs. I’ve done a plank everyday since 1/1/23 and now can see the beginning of definition in my abs. I’m in my 60s, thinnish but not thin, I also walk every day, but otherwise do not work out.
Running absolutely made me lose weight but didn’t change the shape of my body. Lifting heavy weight regularly made significant changes to the shape of my body – I’ve added muscle to my shoulders that balances my lower body, rounded my butt, leaned out my legs, created visible abs. Those changes fade if I take breaks from lifting. Yoga and pilates have never changed the way my body looks but they do help with strengthen, mobility, and balance.
Here’s a link to some info about the myth of getting long & lean:
https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/articles/long-lean-muscles/
Intentionality, intentionality, intentionality. I like Peloton’s running content, but it is too varied to be anything but my weekly fun run. I like their strength classes (and I actually got my username because I was recommending their postpartum classes), but it can be hard to build a progression. I also loved OTF, but same issue—no programmed progressive overload because different people take different classes different days.
I have seen body comp changes when doing (1) a higher volume marathon training plan, (2) the Sweat app’s BBG (or whatever they’re calling it now) plan, and (3) Shaun T’s Insanity. All involve me doing whatever that day’s assignment is, rather than picking what feels good. (I did the BBG and Insanity in my late 20s…not sure how good they would be in my 30s and am not really recommending them, but the point of “you need someone to make you a plan” stands).
Maybe working with a personal trainer for 3 months would help if it’s in the budget? A good one will teach you the fundamentals of periodization, progressive overload, etc.
I put on muscle pretty easily. I lift 3-4x a week at home with dumbbells. With proper protein consumption I honestly see changes in weeks.
How realistic are your expectations? Running gives me muscle definition in my legs. Weight training with progressive overload makes my arms muscular instead of flabby. Losing weight through a calorie deficit makes me a slimmer version of me. But nothing really changes the overall shape of my body if that makes sense. I gained 25 pounds and lost 15 pounds and still like to highlight and downplay the same body parts. I don’t think there’s an exercise to give me a tiny waist when I’m just kind of rectangle shaped, you know?
I have always noticed changes very quickly weight training (I like the Kayla itsines workout) and even quicker now that I started using a trainer and going to a gym. I am fairly somewhat low body fat though (19%), so it’s easy to see. Now I find lifting weights to be torture so usually don’t stick to it long enough…
Hard HIIT classes 3-4x/week. 50% running, including sprints and hills up to 30% incline, and 50% weight lifting. The classes were so tough I was never quite sure I’d make it through. Less intense workouts like difficult yoga classes, orange theory, walking and jogs, done a few times a week have never helped me lose weight or change the way I look. At best they help me maintain a baseline.
Do a something that has workout plan concentrated on strength training, like this: https://www.nourishmovelove.com/category/workouts/move-blog/workout-calendars/
I’ve seen changes with boxing and Pilates. My boxing routine is intense, and when I do it 3x/week I have better posture, much more definition in my shoulders and arms, and a higher rounder butt. Pilates has also improved definition in my arms and helped my balance and hang time. I’m tall and have a naturally narrow frame, so small gains in muscle mass are easily visible.
This is probably pretty specific to you and how hard you’re working (RPE). For me, when I’m working out hard, I really have to clean up my diet and limit drinking to 1-2 times a week max. And now at age 38 I have to work out 5-6 times a week instead of 3-4 times a week to really see results. Also, at 24 I could take a week off from doing anything, keep on drinking throughout the week, then get back on the bandwagon the next week and look about the same. I can’t do that now. Not saying that’s good or bad, that’s just the way it is.
Physique 57
I saw visible changes in my body when I was doing 4x high-effort workouts, each 1hr long.
I love running (cannot do anymore due to spine issues), but used to run 4-6x week: 2 runs were chilled (slower pace, 45 mins) and 2-4x were more intense (either 10k+ distance or tempo runs or hill repeats, all around 1hr long). High effort, frequency, consistency were key.
I also like working out with weights and had good experience with Les Mills Body Pump, GRIT and Pauline Nordin workouts (she has some old classes called Bxt Bible on YT – they look like nothing, but I did them consistently with proper weights one summer and they work!). I used to do 3x BodyPump workouts and the remaining days were a mix of core and yoga.
Speaking of yoga, I was doing Ashtanga yoga 3x week, each session 1hr and that also strengthened my legs, arms and core.
Last but not least – HIIT workouts and swimming. I was doing Insanity as HIIT, 2-3x workouts per week were max what I managed without pain in knees (and even marathon runs gave me zero knee pain) or high-paced swimming.
In my experience, it all came down to the right level of high intensity, right frequency and consistency. And keeping an eye on nutrition, so that you don’t overcompensate with food (a protein drink after a strenuous workout took care of it).
Due to some chronic health issues, I cannot run or lift heavy anymore, so I had to overhaul my workout plan to a combo of spinning (great for legs), core + upper body weight workouts, walking, and occasionally swimming.
I also believe that you need to find the right type of activity that you enjoy and can keep doing for months. I always kept some running in my weekly schedule, some weights, some yoga or swimming, as I feel best with more variety.
I have worked out once a week with a trainer for 30 min for 2 years. (Baby steps!) Starting this year, I continued to carve out time and have added: 1 day/week of vinyasa yoga (1 hour), 1-2 days/week of running (30-45 min intervals) and 2 walks/week (15-30 min). Diet hasn’t changed. I notice change in arms and legs and abs about 3 weeks ago. My DH noticed before I did. My trainer has noticed I went from struggling through three sets of 10 pushups on my knees to pounding out 3 sets of 20 pushups (with good form/half on knees half plank); I was using 8-10 lb dumbbells and now I’m regularly doing 15 lb. We credit yoga with good form and running to increasing my fitness. So I got visible changes in 3 months but I significantly changed the amount I workout in that time.
Friends with much different body types have noticed changes with: hill workouts/lots of time on high incline treadmill, OrangeTheory, pilates/barre with weights, and/or weight lifting 3x/week.
The only times I notice changes to my body from working out are when I’m already at a reasonably lean place from diet and am doing regular progressive strength training intentionally. If I’m already lean and consistent with my strength training, I notice muscle definition change. But I have to be lifting 3-4 times a week with structure and lifting heavy weights (and increasing the load regularly).
Talk to me like I’m good at middle school math. “Required minimum distributions” are basically once you hit 72 (so, likely retired and where you can be taking social security), you have to take $ out of your 401K in an amount equal to:
[amount in your 401K account] divided by [# the IRS says is your remaining life expectancy, so about 16 years if you are 72]
You can take the $ and just put what is left after taxes into a taxable investment account or cash (or whatever you want). I plan to work forever, but learning things like this is making the planning for spending part of retirement feel more real.
[This has come up because my parents are looking at which buckets to use to fund assisted living and they are already taking RMDs. IDK if there is a standard answer for that.]
What’s your question here? If your math is correct? What you do with a RMD after taking it out of your IRA?
Where’s the question?
I think the short answer for your parents is, of course, take money from whatever investment is going to be subject to the lowest taxes. 401(K) distributions are taxed as regular income; distributions from investment accounts will be taxed as capital gains.
Don’t you have to take RMDs from every eligible account once you reach the relevant age? I didn’t think you got to pick and choose which accounts they came from.
Yes, you have to take RMD from every typical retirement account except ROTH IRAs, since you have already paid taxes on that money. All monies in retirement accounts where NO TAX has been paid yet are usually the ones you have to start taking RMDs from. Those are referred to as “tax deferred” accounts. The total distribution taken is taxed as income.
And if they have an account that is just a simple investment account – not a retirement account – then they do not ever have to take money out of it. But if want to, and they sell an investment, they have to pay tax on the gains. And that tax rate on “capital gains” is lower than if it was taxed as income.
You sort of get to pick. You have to include the value of every IRA (other than Roths), Roth, 403(b) or 457(b) account when calculating your RMD, but you can take the RMD from any of your accounts. So if you have 4 IRAs with a total value of $400,000, and. your RMD is $12,000, you can take the entire $12,000 from IRA A and nothing from B, C or D.
That might work if but if there are multiple plans from multiple employers with multiple vendors, plan documents may require an RMD from each account.
Historically I have been an immediate no to vacationing over holidays whenever my husband brought it up, but with some recent family drama I’m finding it an incredibly attractive option to think about for Christmas 2024. We’re committed DINKS and both get off from Christmas to New Year Day for work, so we have the time. Obviously the family drama will change and hopefully be more relaxed (no expectations on healed) by December, but indulge my escape fantasy…. if you were to travel over Christmas, where would you go? we’re late thirties, like a combo of active + relaxed (think day hiking and similar and then chill good meals), no kids. We do like road trips but we’re doing that in September, so for this one I’m open to a big grand destination type trip.
Hawaii! It’s a great place to spend Christmas. Lots of great outdoors options, chill meals, beautiful beaches. If not Hawaii, how about Costa Rica?
We went to Hawaii for Christmas/NY once and it rained and stormed the whole week. The sun came out on the last day, like half an hour before we had to go to the airport. We definitely got unlucky with the weather, but statistically December is the rainiest month and it really put us off going back that time of year.
I’d go to a fancy ski destination like Vail or Tahoe if you want to stay in the US. If you’re open to travel I’d go to Europe to see the Christmas markets in a heartbeat, that’s a bucket list trip for me once my kids are older. If money is really no option there are river cruises that hit the big Christmas Markets that look incredible.
If you can’t get to Europe for Christmas markets, is that a thing in somewhere like Montreal? Or save Montreal for the summer?
It is but it’s so damn cold. Like really, really cold. I’m from Boston and we did Montreal and Quebec City the week before Christmas a few years ago and it was ….. fine. Check the box done, but not like super charming European Christmas markets, which I’ve also done. Just a totally different experience and largely because of the weather.
I think Quebec/Montreal is best enjoyed in spring and summer if your plan doesn’t revolve around skiing. I know not everyone will agree with that, but that’s one woman’s strong opinion.
I second your strong opinion. They’re not Christmas-y enough to make up for the wretched weather.
That is a super popular time to travel anywhere warm from the US, so be prepared for $$$ flights unless you fly on off days (think actual Christmas, or going home on NYE). We enjoy Caribbean trips at that time and usually save up our miles to defray the cost. Mexico or Central America tends to be less expensive than the islands (maybe Costa Rica would suit your goals?).
I love visiting the Caribbean that time of year, but it’s very pricey. Not only regular “high season” prices but resorts jack up the price specifically for the holiday week between Christmas and New Year’s. I’m especially partial to St. Martin which has beautiful beaches and amazing food on the French side.
Some other ideas that are on our list for winter break over the next ~10 years (I have school age kids, but think most of these would interest DINKs too):
-Hong Kong and Taiwan
-Morocco
-Canary Islands
-Patagonia
-New Zealand
-Costa Rica
Vienna.
Yes!
No idea of your budget, but British Virgin Islands sailboat charter. Check out the Moorings or Sunsail as a starting point. You can hire a captain. Eating on boat or on shore is totally customizable. Some islands have amazing food, really luxurious resorts (Scrub Island, Bitter End), some are more casual beach vibes. It’s far and away my favorite vacation we’ve done. I sail, so I captain the boats myself when we go, but I’ve recommended to so many other people and they absolutely love it, too. I’ve never gone at Christmas because it’s peak season but we definitely will when the kids are older.
+1 on this being the best vacation ever if you’re into sailing and snorkeling! I did it a couple years ago with my mom in the US Virgin Islands and it was so amazing we’re doing it again in the BVIs next year. I’ve been fortunate enough to visit nearly 50 countries and have stayed in some really fabulous hotels, but chartering a sailboat with your own personalized itinerary really is impossible to beat. If I had the budget, I’d charter sailboats everywhere… Maldives, Croatia, Greece, Indonesia, etc. The destinations are really limitless, although the Caribbean is easy and a natural starting point.
Personally, I’d strongly consider hiring a crew even if you know how to sail. My mom is a very skilled sailor and I know how to sail too, but since our experience is on smaller boats we hired a crew and having a captain and chef on board made it much more of a vacation since there was nothing we *had* to do except eat and relax. They let you take the helm whenever you want, so it’s not like you won’t get to sail even if you have a captain.
If you want to splurge, check out Jade Mountain in St. Lucia. The sister property, Anse Chastanet is great too. There are options for hiking/sightseeing and the beach there is beautiful.
Singapore and Malaysia
We did New Year’s in London a few years ago and it was fantastic. I feel like Christmas would be even better. Highly recommend.
Theatre, shopping, dining, history, plus they go all out for the holidays.
Another yes!
Helen, Georgia is a Christmastown in the mountains. We went last year after Christmas and it was lovely.
London, Germany, Paris are amazing during Christmas. If you want to be more rural, Tahoe is gorgeous too. Or you could flip it and go somewhere warm like Australia. I think Christmas is a great time to travel internationally.
Southeast Asia is great around Christmas/New Year — Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Luang Prabang, Siem Reap, Hanoi, Bali, Singapore, Penang. You can also consider Tokyo, although it could be rather chilly. I haven’t been to Taipei in years, but I hear it is terrific — interesting design resources, historic Chinese artifacts museum, train ride up a mountain, and the original Din Tai Fung! You could also consider Cape Town or Nairobi. I would avoid heavily Catholic countries, as they may be shut down around the Christmas holiday. Enjoy!
Ooh, yes! I was in Ho Chi Minh City one year at Christmas and it was fabulous! Also nice and warm!
Stop vetoing your husband on this all the time. It’s normal to go on vacation at this time of year and it doesn’t mean you hate your family.
I think this is a little harsh. We don’t celebrate Christmas, so we typically travel this time of year, but I would be pretty resistant to spending Thanksgiving on a vacation because I want to be with my family. I guess if my husband felt strongly about it we could potentially alternate years, but I think the impulse to want to visit family on family-centric holidays is quite normal and nothing about the OP’s post made it sound like her husband is unhappy about the situation.
I’m 3/4 of the way through Bridgerton season 3. I was never that into it but there seemed to be a lot of hype about the current season so I decided to check it out. Turns out the hype is because (spoiler alert) the female romantic lead is a chubby girl. Why is this so revolutionary in 2024?
well, there’s whether it is revolutionary or whether it should be revolutionary, and the answers to those two questions are not the same!
My disappointment stems from the latter.
Wut? Who’s hype? The hype I’ve seen is because this has been highly anticipated by the fans of the show from the previous 2 seasons.
It has been observed that the TV adaptation deviated from the book – where the male lead only noticed the female lead after she’d lost weight. But I wouldn’t say that’s the main story of the hype I’ve been hearing? because I agree that it’s not an important detail.
So, I don’t agree with the assessment of the hype.
Maybe your social media feed is different than mine but it is EVERYWHERE on mine. As well as in the news headlines on my iPhone apps.
I’ve never really watched the show but there’s been a ton of hype around it since Season 1. I don’t think it’s just about the current season with the plus size lead.
nicola coughlin is awesome – apparently someone asked her how it felt to be representing her body type in this kind of role, and she said something like, you’re right, women with perfect breasts on television are so rare.
ok here’s the quote – “I am very proud as a member of the perfect-breasts community. I hope you enjoy seeing them.”
+1 – she’s the best. Absolutely incredible in Derry Girls too. And honestly seeing the love scenes was revelatory for me. She looks beautiful AND fat and I cannot remember seeing this ever before on TV or film. I also appreciate that she’s 38 and playing approx. 15 years younger. I’ve read the books, and this particular couple/book is one of the least interesting for me, so I don’t expect it to top season 2, but I’m a huge fan of the TV series in general.
She is certainly beautiful!
Loved Derry Girls! Highly recommend!
I thought that was wonderful, and she’s fantastic in the role.
That was a perfect comeback to a rude question!
I haven’t seen much more hype about this season than previous seasons, but the previous seasons were all about the representation of non-white characters. The main characters this season are both white, which might be why size is getting more attention. If it’s specific to your social media, it could also be because you don’t have a lot of Black or Indian friends, who seemed to post a lot about the first two seasons.
My husband has noted the “unrealistic” diversity in past seasons but I remind him that it’s made-up land, not documentary. I note that they seem to be introducing neurodivergence this season.
I am taking it partly as a playful response to the fact that most shows in historic settings are unrealistically homogenous for some reason. I think the inspiration was genuine racialized contemporary descriptions of queen Charlotte.
They might want to be careful with that. Apparently the Gossip Girl remake was so attuned to modern DEI that it was a complete wreck of a show to watch (I heard the characters would apologize and pledge to do better when they said microaggressions, for example). The SATC remake was also horrific – every single POC was tokenized, same with the disabled woman, fat women, etc. crammed into scenes to prove the show was enlightened and then never given even a modest character arc. People are pretty good at rejecting inauthenticity.
I watched the Gossip Girl remake and am pretty sure it was satirical? It was absolutely not woke.
Bridgerton is fluffy fantasy; it’s not any kind of wreck at all.
It’s been cast the same since season 1 — so this version of it has been incredibly successful.
I love Shonaland but was bored with season one. Haven’t watched it since.
Nicola Coughlin has the proportions of a doll or child imo, so I find the gardening scenes off-putting.
Has anyone ever changed hair stylists at the same salon? I like the salon in general and while expensive, it’s comparable to others in the area. My stylist is decent but she definitely seems like she is just going through the motions and doesn’t make an effort to make my hair perfect when I leave. For example, she blows out my wavy thick hair but doesn’t take a curling iron to it or a flat iron. It’s going to frizz up in a day. She also has an assistant help blow my hair out so I have two people working on me at once and just feels all around rushed and not fun to have my head pulled in all different directions. Am I being unreasonable to want a different type of experience? Would you switch stylists or salons?
I quit during the pandemic and didn’t go back. My hairdresser had increased and increased and increased her prices to the point that it was no longer affordable for me. I like her and am glad for her success but $100+ basic haircuts are not for me.
So I guess I took the cowards way out. I just never made an appointment with her again. I go somewhere across town now that’s half the price and get basically the same haircut minus the strong arm upselling on products.
Same. I hated how my hairdresser kept making my hair a really brassy color and that he smoked cigarettes while my hair set and would come back smelling horrid. I stopped going back after seeing how much better I liked my color doing it myself. So I now just go somewhere else and get it cut. It has been a huge time and money saver, too. My husband still sees him and I don’t think they talk about it.
Coward as well. I think it would be even more difficult if you had to see them again because you’ve gone to someone else in the same salon.
I did. Mine raised his prices by 25% but other stylists did not, and the cut I was getting was not any different. Ended up liking the new one better.
Have you asked for the flat iron after blow drying, or you assuming it should be part of the service? I also have thick wavy hair, and a blow out’s always been sufficient for me, so I don’t know that it would be immediately obviously that this would be useful for a customer. Which is to say – I don’t think you are unreasonable to want these things or ask for them, but you are also probably asking the stylist to spend more time on you than a typical service might entail, and your appt time may not have budgeted for that.
My guess is you are going to have a conversation either way (new stylist/salon or with current one), and probably at the time of booking the appt vs during the appt itself.
At the salon I go to, ‘styling’ with heat tools (curler, flat iron) would be an upcharge v. just a blow dry, have you ever asked her about it?
that said, if you don’t enjoy going I would switch salons.
In my book, hairdresser is a service provider, not my friend of family. I would have zero issues asking for a different stylist at the booking and also mention during the booking that you also want your hair flat-ironed/curled and you know that takes a bit extra time. I also don’t see any harm to mentioned to your current stylist that if your hair is not ironed/curled, it frizzes in a day, so can she add that to your service. What is the worst thing that would happen? She would charge extra? Think you are extra (in which case, sorry, but your haridresser is probably not the person on whose opinions you build your life)? It’s your life, your money, get the best out of it!
Have you used your grown up words to ask for these things?
I once switched to a different stylist at the same salon. I liked the new one better, but it felt awkward, so I switched salons pretty soon after that. The feelings of awkwardness might have been my own hangup. I think stylists working at the same salon should try to make the client feel comfortable if she wants to switch so that there isn’t any awkwardness.
I live in a warm area where sandals are office-appropriate. Any styles you like to wear for the office? Not looking for tall heels. Unsure where to start my search…
Prefer no ankle straps. Thanks in advance!
Nisolo huaraches
Dansko Tiffani
Modern minimalism is my jam and I like the plain, unbedazzled Fifi sandals from Donald Pliner.
Thanks for this rec. They are on sale at Bloomingdale’s and only my size is left (!), so I just bought them.
You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy them. I am on I think my fifth pair of black ones, having had a black pair in my closet since before 2005. They used to be nicer – were made in Spain, but I still live the style. If they are a little bit tight when new they will loosen just a smidge.
Question about the common advice not to make waves when you’re new at a company –
I joined a medium size company about 1.5 years ago. At the beginning I held back a bit but in my time there I’ve made changes and started a lot of new things. But I’ve been more reticent with team culture things, partially because I couldn’t tell where they were coming from. Did the team prefer it that way? Did the old manager (who it seems had a very different style from me) prefer it that way?
I guess I’m trying to figure out if I over-internalized the “don’t rock the boat too much” message. I know all the books like “first 90 days” and did do those things, but also held back on some things. How do y’all balance this?
I think we need more details before we can give advice. What kinds of changes are you trying to make?
Yes also what level are you and how was this positioned to you in interview process. Some people are brought into make change.
Not brought in to make change – replacement for a previous director. The company is quickly growing so some changes had to be made.
Culture changes are around things like how often we meet and collaborative the work is – don’t worry, not trying to make anyone come back to office or anything! Just increase transparency and communication. The team was extremely silo-d before I joined and it wasn’t serving them
At my company, director of managers, and usually has someone like 20-40 ppl reporting to them directly and indirectly.
Assuming director is similar, I think 1.5 years is definitely enough time to start changing those kinds of things: start asking your team those questions about how the meeting structure works for them, etc. Honestly 1.5 yrs in, you probably know who you can ask directly: where did XYZ come from and how does it work for you?
I think paying attention to what happened to this morning’s poster is impotent to listen to.
*important hahah
I feel like there are scouts / scout families on here. Has anyone gone to SeaBase (BSA camp in the Florida Keys)? One kid is going on a sailing adventure. I was thinking of renting a glamping tent and doing “family camping” with the other kid who is more of a nature lover and signing her up for some of their nature programs. The family camping place part of SeaBase is maybe an hour from where the sailing boat departs from (it’s not the one where they sail to the Bahamas or USVI or wherever the longer trips go. This is for next summer, but I feel like I need to plan now since this is a big unknown to me and a flight / long drive. [A million people we know have been to Philmont but not SeaBase, plus my kids are going with a different girls troop than the one they belong to.]
My brother did both SeaBase and Philmont and I know he much preferred Philmont. I think he found SeaBase hot, sandy, and salty. Not that Philmont wasn’t, but it was more of an experience. I think he decided he would prefer beachy/sailing trips that were a little more bougie.
Oh my gosh, I did SeaBase … in … 1993 or 1994? We were one of the first if not the first Girl Scout troop allowed to attend. Anyway the 20 year gap means I’m not much help, but it was a cool experience. That being said, I hope you are able to glamp. We camped and it was NOT glamorous lol. Lots of mosquitoes, dirt, no bathrooms, and every time we came back to the island we had to wade though this thick layer of sargassum which is a sludge of dead organic material. It was a crazy trip, but fun all in all, and I hope there’s some real glamping for you!
You could not pay me to camp in the Florida Keys in the summer. And I love camping! Way too hot and humid to be fun and there’s real risk of heat illness.
When I was dating in my twenties, it felt like cheating was so rare. I didn’t know of any couples that had infidelity in their relationships, and even the most casanova types of guys were loyal to their girlfriends. I feel like now that I’m in my late thirties, I’m finding out about infidelity in relationships where I never ever would have expected it. In some social groups, like DH’s friends who work in finance, it feels like faithfulness is the exception, not the norm. I also feel like most couples stay together after infidelity, whereas in my twenties I thought it was a universal relationship-ender. Is this just my social circle? How rare or common is infidelity in your social circles?
IDK — I’ve seen some done in where there was cheating (but IDK that it was cheating that sunk it — like those had a lot of problems, so substance abuse, cheating, money troubles, basically all the troubles). I know of one with cheating and a lot of PTSD and the PTSD was what sank things.
I see more substance abuse ending things definitely, then “we grew apart”. I’m not aware of cheating in complete isolation of other things, but also not likely to be in a position to know.
I’m in BigLaw, finance bro adjacent, and neighborhood is very finance-heavy.
I saw multiple divorces in my extended family as a kid due to (I now know) infidelity or addiction. I actually don’t know anyone who’s confided that there was infidelity in their adult relationships (other than a couple early 20s marriages)! (Doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened, but shared reasons for divorces have been financial/career/kids/just genuinely not getting along).
I always wondered if this was location and industry too because when I was in NYC finance and biglaw, yeah cheating was very very common and rarely did it ever end things in an established marriage with kids. The couple continued and usually were moneyed enough that aside from getting dressed up and making appearances at expected social functions, they largely lived separate lives even in the same home. And half the year they weren’t even in the same home, woman takes the kids and goes off to the beach house for the summer while man stays in regular house and works or flies off for a few weeks for Christmas and man visits a kids a few times in the summer and on Christmas and that’s it. The couples that did break up over infidelity were typically young and no kids – someone cheats within a year or two of marriage, usually the other person would walk away because they likely assumed it would happen again in ten years, again in twenty years and they didn’t want to live like that.
I posted at 411 but I can just see how this happens. Again I don’t have details on anyone’s marriage but I suspect quite a few work like this. I’m not specifically speculating on anyone but statistically this is probably happening. A marriage with a huge job and a huge commute and a bunch of kids looks the same either way from the outside.
One of my oldest friends is this wife. Husband is a finance bro. Don’t know what that means about his proclivities. Old friend but not close enough to know, but I would guess she shares with the other wives in the Hamptons or at the stables.
I think it’s part of the larger issue of younger men not wanting to commit to relationships and being addicted to p*rn. They’re always chasing novelty and upping the ante in their sex lives – how on earth can they expect to be satisfied in a monogamous relationship? I applaud the women who are choosing singledom over settling for men like that.
Oh girl men were cheating before that was easily available.
No sh*t, but the rise in men living in their parents’ basements into their early 30s, getting V*agra prescriptions in their teens, and choking women during sex on a routine basis are new.
ok………
What a bizarre list you’ve offered here.
I think mayyyyybe you are projecting based on personal experience?
FWIW I’m in a wealthy New York suburb and finance dudes cheating is almost a stereotype. Big law is not much better but I know less big law people despite my husband being former big law. I don’t know the details of many people’s marriages but i feel like a big career plus a big commute in a city and industry where drinking and party drugs are common kind of lends itself to this. I say this as someone who works from home while her husband’s commute is an epic poem. When he was in big law he said there were beautiful women walking the streets late night in midtown.
I feel like the 20s versus 30s cheating is a function of people being far more likely to be married or in a more committed relationship in their 30s. A couple in their 20s could just break up and move on quickly when things were rocky, whereas more people are likely to cheat and stay in their marriage because of (inertia/the kids/finances/etc.). Not that it’s justified.
And, yes, people are more likely to stay together later on because the stakes are higher. When you’re 27 and don’t have kids, it’s oh well, that sucks, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. It’s quite different if you’re 37 and have two kids together and would still have to be in each other’s orbit even if you divorced.
+1
Kids means that divorce makes you single and often poorer but you aren’t rid of each other. I see a lot of folks parting ways once the youngest in college, so by that point it may be “grew apart” but possibly with leaning out along the way?
But no kids? I’d not hesitate to get divorced.
I’m in my 50s now. I don’t know how common swept-under-the-rug infidelity is for sure, though I have some pretty strong suspicions in at least a couple of cases, but of my many many many divorced friends, infidelity on his part is by far the leading factor.
I am truly shocked at how many of my friends ended up divorced. Not judging as I am myself divorced and happily remarried, though indifference was a bigger factor than infidelity in my first marriage.
I’m 50 and am surprised at how many couples I’ve seen stay together. A lot of my friends ended up being SAH moms though and I wonder how much that is a factor. I can’t see them picking up a decent career at a certain point. I am surprised how many of the husbands turned out to be better husbands than I expected (or at least am not privy to whether they still cheat just as often as when they were in their 20s and single). I don’t know how many of them actually cheat and don’t get found out though (or at least found out in a way that would ever reach me). I’ve learned of married colleagues who almost cheated (one called it off at the last minute) and I was oblivious at the time. I suspect a lot of people project a perfect image of their home life even if they are unhappy.
I had a married male colleague for years who was always on the make, even lived with the other woman for a couple of years in a different city – she got demoted, he got promoted. Now that I think of it I know of two such men in the same relatively small office. Both wives took them back, they’re in their retirement years now and still together. I will never understand the wife’s point of view there.
I saw the opposite: constantly cheated on and saw cheating my 20s. Now it seems like people who would cheat just don’t get married or their spouses divorce them pretty quickly after finding out.
That’s just my circle, though.
I feel like I have seen this a lot in medicine. It’s like General Hospital is supposed to be a soap opera and fiction, not a roadmap.
Maybe: in-person high-stress job, down time in the same cafeteria, etc., etc.
I feel like people just broke up if one (or both) had lost interest when I was in my 20s rather than be unfaithful to one another. There was some overlap sometimes, but usually with people who were already in a rocky place.
As a 40-something, I know some of my friends broke up/got divorced over infidelity, but there are plenty where they stayed together after an affair.* I strongly suspect that a friend or two turns a blind eye to cheating, and it was pretty rampant at my spouse’s former Biglaw firm.
FWIW, most of my divorced friends had their marriages break up over communication, different life goals, stress, etc., not infidelity.
*To me, whether to stay or go would depend a lot on the circumstances. I never imagined that I’d say that, but here we are.
Infidelity isn’t what killed my marriage, it was his complete lack of respect and contempt for me.
Men are going to cheat and push for more from women if they can and the consequences for doing so are zero. Knowing what I know now I would have shopped for my next husband while married and then divorced once I had someone else lined up. If my ex husband hadn’t been so mean I would have stayed married and had an affair, picking a married man in similar circumstances to have as my companion.
My divorce hasn’t been overly expensive per se but it has been very disruptive to the children. The back and forth between homes hasn’t been good for them. I can understand why women don’t divorce because of infidelity. Drugs, laziness and domestic violence are reasons to get divorced. Infidelity is not a reason within itself if you have children not yet through college.
In other news, I caused huge upset when I referred to the ex husband’s girlfriend as his companion. It’s not technically wrong but I didn’t realize it would be perceived as demeaning or derogatory in Texas! Oh well.
I got married at 20 and became increasingly disilluiosned with my husband as I learned he was a liar. Found myself going to bars and making out with other men. Got divorced shortly after that. Can’t imagine ongoing cheating if I wanted to stay.
Lol sweetie, you just didn’t know what was going on in the private lives of other people. And you still don’t for sure.
Social circle is mostly finance. No one has cheated as far I as I can tell, except one guy and his wife choose to ignore it. We’re outside the US. Also wives all are highly educated and all high earners.
Any thoughts about whether Quebec would be a good skiing destination for March next year? Would it be likely that they would have snow then? This would be the first time my 2 middle school kids will see snow and we are first time skiers too. Coming from the South. TIA!
I would pick CO or other Rockies destination for first time skiing if possible – snow is way nicer. (I learned in Canada and it was misery – didn’t realize how much more fun it was in better conditions.) Just take it easy at altitude.
+1
I love Quebec skiing! Prefer Le Massif to Mont St Anne, which is the classic. That said, unless there’s a reason you’re focused on Quebec specifically, I would go to the Rockies (either US or Canada) instead. Quebec is cold and east coast skiing is much icier than out west – ice is a lot more difficult to ski on than snow, so first time skiers are much less likely to have fun due to both of those things. And unless you really like the cold, it could be extreme enough that you might not enjoy the trip very much in general. One other added feature of Quebec vs. the Rockies is that a lot of stuff is in French. You can definitely get by with just English at the ski areas and the cities, but in smaller towns even around the ski areas, less so. Not trying to be a downer and if there’s another rationale for this location I think adding in a day or two of skiing could be fun, but otherwise might reconsider destinations!
I haven’t skied Quebec in March, but I went to Mt Tremblant with Canadian friends for Christmas once and that was the coldest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Like my body was crying with cold while I was going downhill. Tears + shaking. Started drinking hard liquor at 5 p.m. when we got back to the chalet to forget the cold.
I went to Jackson Hole in January twice, and the temperature may have been comparable, but it was dry and not as windy, so I found it much more tolerable.
Thanks for these replies – I am taking Quebec off the list then, although it looks like a beautiful city, I think the cold will be too much for us!
I’m sure we have covered this before: best salutation for a cover letter when you know the hiring manager personally? (We worked together extensively in our university alumni capacity and s/he suggested that I apply.)
“Dear Taylor”?
“Ms. Swift”?
I should add: cover letter is explicitly requested in the job description.
First name if you already know the person. But I’m late 40’s.
Perfect! Similar ages.
Put a headerblock for person you’re sending to so you get their title in
Ms. Firstname Lastname
Title
Department
Contact info
Dear Firstname,
This is perfect
Back in the olden days I would type “Dear Ms. Swift” and then line through with pen and write “Taylor” above that. But I am ancient.
This is a classic. Used in politics and fundraising all the time.
I still do this with my personalized notecards – I line out my last name when I’m writing to a friend.
Yes and I think it presumed that your secretary had typed the letter (after you dictated it) and you were wielding the pen only to sign.
I really want to work in privacy. I am so interested. I independently paid for my CIPP. I’m a lawyer, 8 years out, slated to make partner in a year or two. Everything is going fine (I’m a corporate transactional associate) but I am really not interested in making partner here – mostly male, my comp will decrease the first couple years of partnership, etc. Every article I read about privacy interests me and I’m ok taking a couple steps “backwards” if it means I get to go into a new-ish area. Problem is – I don’t know anyone! I live in a rural area in a flyover state. Per the IAPP website barely any attorneys have the CIPP in my state, a few firms say they do privacy but I can find zero people online who do it full time. So I think I’d need to move. Any suggestions for how I can network, apply, get in a place to break into this field? I can’t code but am willing to learn if that’s a prerequisite.
There are privacy departments in banking (my industry)
I’m a healthcare Privacy Officer, so I’m biased, but there is high demand in multiple sectors of our industry. Insurance companies, life sciences, pharma, start ups, etc. I’d guess that about 30-40% of the privacy officers I work with, life sciences, are fully remote. I’ve been doing this 20+ years and the trend is attorneys with an IAPP certification.
Be careful what you wish for. It’s so boring and not highly valued.
Can you say more about this?
Piggybacking on this morning’s post: How do you heal your heart when you had such high hopes for a job and it turns out to be a nightmare? So many of us have our identities and sense of value wrapped in work but what happens when the work is demoralizing and devaluing yet there isn’t the financial freedom to just leave and some jobs take years to find?
I don’t think there’s any such thing as a dream job. I work to support myself and my family and I generally like my profession because I am good at it, but it’s still work. That’s why they call it work.
Saying “dream job” feels like setting yourself up for a fall.
You have to go to work on your identity and sense of value, and begin to disentangle them from your job. You have to work on discovering who you are when you’re not accomplishing a work task. This process can be really hard, especially if your life trajectory has set you up to believe that what you do for paid work is the most important thing about you. But you’re going to have to do the work at some point in your life; if not now, when you retire.
Hoo boy to the last sentence. My sweet husband is Exhibit A!
This is deep stuff. Have had to face this in a recent transition. Hard truth.
Jobs are for money not for dreams. Dream bigger and not about work. Work to earn what you need to live the life you want.
This! I just want to get the most money for the least amount of time. I don’t want to hate my job but it’s not my passion or my purpose.
Exactly the same here. I’m lucky that I like what I do and the people I work with. I look to make friends at the office and have never focused on climbing the ladder and somehow ended up quite high anyway. I think the people you work with make the biggest difference in being satisfied with a job. But end of the day, the job enables everything else, not the other way around.
I’ve got a two-day long road trip with kids, with an overnight stay at a hotel that doesn’t appear to have any kitchenette, and I’m looking for reasonably healthy breakfasts and snacks that do not need to be heated. (We’ll buy lunches and dinners.) We will have a cooler in the trunk that will be able to keep things cold for the trip. I’ve thought of dry cereal, milk, hard boiled eggs, fruit, and granola bars. What else can I add?
Yogurt? Adds some protein.
String cheese
Bagels and cream cheese
I like bagels and cream cheese, but lots of combos of cheese/jam/bread could work.
– Muffins keep beautifully for a day or two and are a very satisfying breakfast or snack.
– Instant oatmeal can be made in the hotel room using the kettle.
– Cherry tomatoes and baby carrots are a classic option.
– There’s a reason jerky is having a resurgence. My colleagues who drive for work a lot snack on jerky when they want protein. If they want hard boiled eggs, they buy them fresh at Starbucks or Sheetz or wherever.
As a business traveler, I would not pack eggs, yogurt, cheese, or milk and hope they keep cold. The risk of food poisoning is high, the mess factor is high, and almost all the alternatives are better.
+1 I think it’s a rare cooler than can actually keep things <40 degrees for 48 hours. This seems like food poisoning waiting to happen, which would be waaaay worse than two days of letting your kids just have muffins and bananas for breakfast.
My run of the mill Coleman keeps ice and ice packs frozen for more than 48 hours. I’m sure a Yeti or more robust cooler would do better.
I agree about milk and eggs, but yogurt and hard cheese don’t actually go bad that easily (the entire point of them is to preserve milk). Especially on just a two day trip with a decent cooler, I wouldn’t worry about it.
I also like muffins or oatmeal for breakfast, and yogurt goes well with that. I usually do nuts or peanut butter too, as I will eat pb&j for breakfast, lunch, or dinner or anything in between.
+1 even cream cheese will be ok if it’s made from pasteurized milk, which it is unless you’re buying weird raw milk cheese at a farmers market or something like that.
Trader Joe’s sells precooked chicken (Just Chicken), which my toddler will eat by the fistful. Cheese would also be a hit.
Skinny Pop popcorn is a decent snack on the road. Bring bottles of water, too, to keep hydrated.
Avocados. Either on toast or cut in half & eaten with a spoon and sprinkle of sea salt.
Nuts.
Fruit – esp. stuff like apples & clementines that keeps well.
I make muffins or whole wheat banana bread for similar trips, which works for both snacks and breakfast.
I gave up added Sugar two weeks ago and I don’t feel different at all. Have any of you had the same Experience? I really like chocolate, cake and cookies, and used to eat them everyday, but do not drink a lot of soda. I decided to try eliminating added Sugar that is cookies cake chocolate ice cream sweets but not fruit or bread. I don’t general eat a lot of processed food so just look a bit on labels for added hidden sugars. I wanted to give up sugar, Not for weight loss but general health. I tried it now for two weeks I feel no different at all. It did not have any negative consequences to give it up i had no withdrawal symptoms. But on the Other hand I haven’t had any of all the great benefits people talk about, like being more clear headed , better skin or being less tired. I just feel the same. have anyone had the same Experience?
I did it as part of weight loss, along with a cluster of other changes, and I did lose weight but I did not have any of those other effects. In fact, I have never before heard that those might be the effects.
I did — when I gave up sugar in the same way you did, I didn’t notice much of a change. But I’m just trusting that it’s a better choice for me not to eat the sweets and to be more intentional about added sugars. So you’re hoping for immediate and externally noticeable changes, then you might be disappointed. Or perhaps the changes take longer or are more subtle.
Years ago I did the whole 30 with a friend- I was hoping to feel better, she was hoping for some weight loss. The opposite happened- I dropped a ton of weight (that I really shouldn’t have, quickly learned that level of restriction is not for me), meanwhile her weight didn’t change at all but she felt fabulous on it. To this day she’ll often hop off and on it to feel better. I think people just react differently.
I think people who get dramatic benefits generally have something wrong with them (dysbiosis, metabolic syndrome, etc.).
Similar story here with sugar. I’ve kept off of it, because I feel like it really isn’t good for you, but I felt no difference giving it up. Same with increasing hydration. People kept telling me I would notice a huge difference in my skin and fatigue levels, but nope. No changes what so ever from adding about 50 oz a day of water. I really wonder what it is about me.
Thank you all for replying and telling about your experience
I’ve done the same (I have PCOS so I’ve given up everything at varying intervals). There was absolutely no change in me with giving up sugar. Same for caffeine, though I’m a phenotype that metabolizes caffeine quickly. When I give up alcohol, my sugar cravings go up – I simply try not to give into them. This isn’t to say stop; but I do have a suspicion that people who claim giving up sugar will make you more beautiful have good genes or are selling something.
I don’t really consider it “good genes” to be so sensitive to dietary added sugars that eating them causes all kinds of problems for me.
I gave up sugar for lent one year and my skin looked fantastic. I have genetic tendencies towards rosacea though so I think sugar increases the inflammation. Two weeks isn’t a very long time though, maybe stick with it and see if you notice any changes after a longer time?
Can anyone speak to the quality of Quince linen bedding? I want to treat myself to a new duvet and shams and am looking for quality at a value. Also open to other recommendations.
I have the sheets and love them !
I’m a Quince addict. I don’t have their linen bedding, but I do have a duvet, waffle duvet cover + shams, silk pillowcases, one of their bedspreads, and two of the sheepskin rugs for either side of the bed. I also have a lot of their clothing and leather products. Quality has been impressive on everything I’ve purchased, especially considering the price point. Returns are free and easy (happy returns) if you aren’t satisfied.
They’re fine for a cheap set of sheets. We have them in our guest room. They’re not lovely or a treat by any means, but the green check pattern is cute and looks nice. I wouldn’t call them quality but they’re cheap.