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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
6pm has a number of sales on designer clothes, shoes, handbags and accessories this weekend — and there are too many fun things! This dress jumped out at me — it's a great office party holiday dress, if you feel comfortable wearing red, and with the right accessories (perhaps a wrap sweater?) it would even be great for the workweek also. It's $208 at 6pm.com (was $348). Elie Tahari – Lori Dress (China Red) – Apparel
Jen L
I posted this in the thread on briefcases, but it was too late to get a response, so I’m going to try again. A kind Anon was able to find a picture for me.
I am looking for a briefcase like the one Alexis Bledel carries in the movie Post Grad (not a good movie by the way). http://www.impawards.com/2009/posters/post_grad_ver2.jpg
Does anyone know what bag this is or know of something similar? I’ve exhausted every google search term I could think of to find it. I like that it is thin and I love the handles. It seems too thin to carry a laptop, which is exactly what I am looking for so I can take it on interviews. This would solve my purse + portfolio dilemma. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Janie
Your link is broken.
Have you looked at Filofax briefcases? There are many on ebay as well…
http://www.filofaxusa.com/store/businessdetails.asp?catId=3&productId=242
lawyerette
That is a lovely briefcase!!
Jen L
Sorry, hopefully this one works: http://www.flixster.com/news/2009/04/18/poster-alexis-bledel-in-post-grad
I like the Filofax suggestion. Thanks!
Janie
:)
If you end up getting one, please let us know! I’m curious what they are like in RL…
Anon
I think that what you are looking for is a zippered binder with handles. here are two that I found.
http://www.pronto.com/product/monarch-bellissima-zipper-binder-w-p_1622314185
http://url2it.com/doks
Jen L
Thank you! I never would have thought to search for that. I love the first one you posted. I’m just concerned that since it is a binder it wouldn’t be as practical as I hoped for. I think the binder part of it would get in the way and possibly wrinkle my resume and writing sample that I would have with me.
Does anyone have a suggestion for a briefcase or purse that looks similar to these?
Eponine
Try Franklin and Covey, too.
ATLAttorney
Try Jack Georges. I’m not sure if this will post as a link, but you can search for the maker. He has several under ladies’ totes that might work. I have this one, and I can attest that it is very well made and serves exactly the purpose you describe. It has a lot of organizing pockets and dividers inside. The site says you could put a laptop in, and I suppose you could, but I never would.
http://www.jackgeorges.com/products/Chelsea_Collection_5886_Alexis_Tote-317-58.html
Bonnie
Just stick your resume in separate manilla folded or clear sheet protectors.
ATLAttorney
This one looks the most like the binder, but isn’t a binder.
http://www.jackgeorges.com/products/Chelsea_Collection_5881_Manhattan_Business_Tote-292-58.html
Anonymous
Check out the Latico Candice Slim Porter on endless.com. It is my go-to interview bag.
Jen L
Thank you for all the suggestions! You all came up with some great options.
Guest
FYI, I’m a first year associate and for graduation I got a jack georges bag: http://www.jackgeorges.com/products/Half_Moon_Collection_3629_Top_Zip_Shoulder_Bag-398-36.html
It’s fabulous and I’ve already been asked about it by a couple of people on the street! I also like that the brand name on it is very small…I hate being a walking billboard!
Eponine
I want to thank whoever recommended Clinique High Impact lipstick as a lipstick that won’t dry out my lips. I bought a tube last week and have worn it every day, and I love it. Great recommendation.
ChickintheStix
Any color review you can share? So hard to decipher from on-screen colors.
Eponine
I got ‘rosette,’ which is a dark rosy and slightly shimmery shade. I didn’t want shimmery, but the lady told me that all the moisturizing lipsticks are shimmery and matte ones tend to be drying. The shimmer turned out to be very subtle on, so I don’t mind it. Also, the lipstick is long lasting, which is nice.
AIMS
That was me :)
So glad it works for you!
Aimee
Can anyone recommend a good undereye concealer? I have fair skin and use Bare Minerals for foundation. My skin is pretty oily and any time I’ve used cream concealer it slid right off.
Bonus points if it comes from a drugstore, I have an interview Tuesday and there’s not time to order anything.
Res Ipsa
I like Benefit Erase Paste. It’s not cheap (around $25) but it’s very effective. You will probably have to go to a Sephora or Ulta to pick it up.
reg
I use the Erase Paste too. I find a little goes a long way, so although it’s expensive, it lasts forever.
Jen
I wear glasses all the time, and I use powder instead of concealer. It usually needs to be reapplied at some point in the day, but it doesn’t slide into the creases the way cream and liquid concealers do, and I think it’s pretty discreet because it’s powder (and blends in with the rest of my face). It won’t totally erase your undereye circles, but it will lighten them without announcing to the world that you are wearing concealer. Before I switched to powder, I had used an expensive Aveda cream concealer and a Trish McEvoy [sp?] one [the latter recommended by my derm], but both had the crease issue and seemed pretty noticeable.
Eponine
I love Neutrogena 3 in 1. It’s opaque, blends perfectly, and feels moisturizing.
Eponine
Oh, I have oily skin too and it’s not a cream, it’s somewhat liquidy. It doesn’t slide off me at all.
lawyerette
Not a drugstore brand but easy to get: Clinique line smoothing concealer. I absolutely swear by it, although it is cream-based. But when I put it on you cannot tell at all I’m wearing concealer, and it’s buildable coverage too. I now don’t leave the house without it.
Another Anon
YSL Touche Eclat. Pricey but worth it.
L
Bobby Brown Creamy Concealer Kit. It has transluscent powder and a cream concealer. The powder really sets the coverage and prevents creases.
DrugstoreDiva
I use L’Oreal True Match concealer and foundation. Anything from their “neutral” or “cool” lines seems universally lovely (I have a number of friends who, like me, have switched from much more expensive makeup). Their “warm” line is a little hit-or-miss…sometimes a bit orange-y. I apply it with a blush, let it dry for a moment then continue with the rest of my make up. You didn’t ask about this, but if you have oily skin like mine, I highly recommend Urban Decay’s eye-primer to keep your eye liner and shadow in place. It stays Allllllll. Day. And I’m as perfectly crease-free at 11:00 PM when I wash my face as I was when I put the stuff on at 6:30 AM. Magical. (Disclaimer: I’ve never seen Urban Decay at a drug store, but its good enough to merit a trip to Sephora.)
DrugstoreDiva
*I apply it with a *brush*
Celia
I second L’Oreal. I also use Estee Lauder Smoothing Creme Concealer, which works incredibly well with my oily skin.
i'm nobody
Bobbi Brown Corrector.
Makeup Junkie
Silk Naturals Sleep in a Jar
Aimee
Thanks, ladies, I’ll look in to these.
I have tried the Urban Decay eye primer and it’s great. I like their De-Slick in a Tube as well, but for $28 I think the tube could be a little bit bigger!
DrugstoreDiva
Wow!! I just watched the video on De-Slick. It looks amazing. Has anyone else with oily skin tried either the De-Slick spray or tube products? Is it worth the price??
Aimee
There’s a spray? Where? I’ve only tried the tube.
MM
Wise ones, please teach me how to “condition” my leather purses. They are all “getting up there” in age — about 3 years — and not as supple and soft as they used to be. There aren’t noticeable stains or scuffs, so I’m not sure they need to be cleaned or polished per se, I just want to maintain them. I want them to feel delicious again when I rub them against my cheek. :) I saw some saddle soap at CVS and this seemed like the right idea. What do you think?
Eponine
No no no saddle soap on nice leather. Saddle soap is a cleaner and it’s intended for rough leather, e.g., saddles.
Get a nice leather conditioner from a leather goods store. Coach and Cole Haan both make conditioners. Don’t use a drugstore brand.
Anon x 10
Oh man, I hope this is a legitimate question and not a troll! Troll you say, but why?? I once had what I thought was an innocent conversation with a friends boyfriend about “conditioning” leather products. Turns out there is a world of people with leather fetishes and talking about this is like calling a 900 number. He was one of them. I had NO idea. I cringe thinking about how much he would have enjoyed this post…. ugh…..I haven’t looked at my leather coat the same way since.
oy
Good lord. What is more likely, that its a troll into leather fetishes who gets off listening to tell us what kind of chemical product is good for preserving bags, or that a woman, on a woman’s fashion blog, has a legitimate question about her purses.
Anon x 10
Im sure it is not a troll. It just reminded me of my creepy blast from the past and I want to warn other women if some guy seems way too interested in how you care for your leather goods – beware!
oy
haha how did you find out he even had that? that is horrifying, and its truly amazing the things people can turn weird!
Anon x 10
Sadly, she confessed in tears one night that she was going to leave him because of it. The final straw was when she found out he was enjoying discussing it with her friends, without their knowledge. I apparently was one of them.
kz
don’t use saddle soap. i use it on my cheaper leather shoes, and my nice riding boots, but I wouldn’t recommend it for purse leather, which tends to be not as heavy. Look for a conditioner designed for nice purses.
kellyn
Get clear (ie not colored–it’s more versatile and leave you with peace of mind that you don’t have a big black or cordovan smudge somewhere on you!) shoe polish and give them a good polish, and buff it off really well. Go easy on the straps because they touch your clothes. Make sure you let them “rest” for a day or two before using them again. For upkeep, get a shoe polish sponge– give your purses a quick once over and you should be good!
anonymous
What do you do/say when your friend’s marriage is falling apart? I never liked the guy, thought he always treated her poorly, but of course never said so after I mentioned it once when she first started dating him. Now their short marriage is on the rocks and she’s been sleeping on my couch for over a week. Of course she’s very stressed and upset about all the drama that’s going on in her marriage, and trying to decide if she wants to go for a divorce or stay, or what. Anyone would be a wreck.
Meanwhile she’s in my tiny apartment and I don’t know what to say or do. I’m afraid to really point out what an a$$hole he is because if she goes back to him, then I’m the bad guy. I want to be a good friend and help her, but how? I can’t handle a long term houseguest. I don’t think they have much money, so she can’t afford to get her own place, plus they both think getting her own place is the end of their marriage which she may not want. Her family always hated the guy, so they probably would be no help. I think she should divorce him – he’s the same awful guy he’s always been, but it’s not my life, it’s hers…except that she’s on my couch.
Please help me with wise words, ladies.
Elle 2
Take it from someone who has learned the hard way – the best thing you can do is be there to listen and provide a safe place for her to sleep when she needs it. I’d recommend keeping your opinions to yourself.
As for her being in your tiny apartment, I would suggest letting her stay until she figures out her plan – whether that is going back to him or moving out. If she decides to move out, then I’m sure that she doesn’t want to stay on your couch long term (no offense meant to the comfy-ness of your couch!). The topic will come up naturally and then you can talk about options for her to live elsewhere (either her own place and have him move out or have her move in with another friend with more room).
If she decides to end the marriage… again, take it from someone who has learned the hard way – I would recommend STILL keeping your opinions about the guy to yourself. If they get back together, then you’re the person badmouthing the love of her life. If they stay apart, then you’re the person who didn’t protect your friend as she was making a bad decision. It’s lose-lose.
Just be a good friend to her now with a shoulder to cry on, a couch to temporarily sleep on, and an ear to lend.
Another Anon
1. You’re awesome.
2. Don’t bad-mouth the guy. She probably still loves him and it will stress her more. She likely feels really isolated.
3. Let her know you’ll be happy to let her stay for another week, but that’s all.
4. You’re awesome.
Louise
Agreed. This is such an awesome thing to do for a friend. I know it must be hard for you, but it is so, so, so much harder for her right now. I hope you can find it in your heart to hold out for a while longer while she leans on you for support and housing.
Even if she doesn’t know how to thank you, what you’re doing is good and right and worthwhile. I don’t know you, but Thank You. You restore my hope in the goodness of people!
ET
You are doing all the right things, and I wish I had friends like you when I was going through this same thing.
Unfortunately, all of my friends LOVED my ex, so they totally deserted me after I announced our divorce. I was terrified and lonely during that period. I ultimately left when he became violent, but was too ashamed to share those details…especially since I feared that he would come after me for embarrassing him in front of our friends.
PSA: PLEASE don’t judge your friends who get divorced if you don’t know the details! Losing my friends was the most painful part of my divorce. It is as if ten years of my life was erased entirely.
zee
This is horrible. I’m so sorry.
Secret Handle
Aw, I hear ya. While I didn’t get divorced, I broke up with a very long term boyfriend (high school sweet hearts) because of his manipulation, depression, alleged suicide attempts, pathological lying and failure to do anything productive with his life.
To our friends, however, he was a happy go lucky fun to be around guy. No one understood why I broke his heart and I decided it was better to lose friends than to tell them his darkest secrets. Awfully hard decision but I am in a great place now with a happy hubby and new friends.
And please don’t bash me for leaving someone with a mental illness. He was in denial, secretive, not getting help and severely affecting my life.
At an informal high school reunion a good mutual friend told me “I just want you to know, you don’t have to tell me why, but I always thought you must have had a good reason for leaving X and I never held it against you. I’m glad to see you are happy.” I do wish he had told me that then. I could have used the support.
UnSub
Your story really touched me. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I hope your life is joy filled now.
Arachna
Disagree with the concensus on keeping your mouth shut. It’s true that repeatedly bad mouthing someone’s SO is big nono and never leads to anything good. However there is nothing wrong IMO about providing a little outside perspective and stating what you see. Once.
Other people’s opinions of our relationships often have an effect on us both for good and for ill. If her family hates him…having her friend express that she think he isn’t treating her well might just be the push she needs.
I’ve never badmouthed friend’s lousy SOs. But I’m pretty sure all my friends knew excatly how I felt – it came through but since I didn’t bad mouth or harp and was guinenly happy when things were going well and open to being convinced I was wrong they still felt that they could come to me.
Anon
I agree with this. Tell her, “I’m only go to say this once and then I swear I’ll never bring it up again, but I feel like I wouldn’t be doing my job as a friend if I didn’t tell you this…” Then say your piece. Unfortunately I’ve had to have a somewhat similar conversation with a very good friend of mine recently. It’s tough because you don’t want to hurt her and you don’t want to hurt your friendship. But I know in my case, I felt absolutely compelled to tell my friend. I think it’s really important to make sure you let your friend know that you’re always going to be her friend regardless of whether or not she decides to go back to her husband and that ultimately, you just want her to be truly happy–whatever that ends up meaning for her life. But only say it once.
AE
If she asks for your opinion, I think you should give it. She’s at a crossroad in her life and if she wants some trusted advice (and not just an ear and a place to crash for the time being) I think you should give it. Obviously she trusts you. Sometimes friends have to look out for their friends at the expense of being percieved as the bad guy. If the alternative is that she spends the rest of her life miserable and with someone who treats her poorly, then you should tell her what you think she should do.
Kaye
Agree with AE and Arachna. I think there’s a difference between badmouthing the guy and pointing out that you don’t think he treats her well. It’s a hard balance to strike but if your friend wants your advice I think you should give her your opinion, as level-headedly as possible.
MelD
I couldn’t agree more. Be honest and let her know you’ll support her whatever decision she makes. I have a close friend who came to stay with me during a particularly tense time in the marriage and asked my advice. I was honest with her about how I felt (that neither party in that case was blameless and that a therapist would probably help more than I could), but when she decided to stay with her husband I told him I had no ill feelings against him.
coco
If you decide to voice your opinion, try to stay away from blanket personality statements (such as “he’s a jerk”). Stick to behaviors you’ve seen that seem to negatively affect her (“I’m your friend and you know how much I care about you and it is hard for me to see him yell at you all the time because you deserve someone who treats you better”) or specific examples (“I saw how upset you were when he yelled at you at the restaurant that time in front of everyone and I hate seeing you that upset”). Condemning behavior tends to be more constructive because it forces you to be more specific about what it is that you don’t like about the other person.
Laura
Totally agree that blanket statements are not the way to go. I also think there can be a time and a place for offering your thoughts if she wants to hear them.
When I’ve been in this sort of situation, I usually come out and say that I’m in a difficult place because I don’t want to say a bunch of negative things about someone who she may end up/stay with. I try to be honest about what I’ve seen while couching that honesty with the fact that I am not her and I’m not in the relationship and each relationship has lots of unseen pieces. There are good and bad parts in almost every relationship, and I try to be honest about any good parts I saw, not just the bad ones.
Having said all of that, I think one of the best things you can do is ask her questions–neutral ones, ones where it’s clear you have no preferred answer. Hearing yourself say what you know to be true but didn’t necessarily want to acknowledge is incredibly difficult, but I think it also helps you to accept whatever path you choose to take.
She’s lucky to have you as a friend!
rg
Having recently been in similar shoes to yours (though friend did not stay with me, husband went to go live with his friend), I’d say don’t voice your opinions. Even if she concludes that he’s bad news, if she doesn’t come to that conclusion herself, it will not, in the long run stick or be healthy for her. But do listen and feel free to ask questions…even somewhat personal ones. My friend appreciated that b/c it forced her to examine her feelings etc.
FWIW, I’ve always liked but not adored her husband. They are now trying to work things out…so during their bad period when I thought he was being a total jerk I’m glad I didn’t say it that way. I did, however, ask things like, “Do you think he’s being fair/justified in his actions?” And this forced her to make an honest assessment.
Miriam
You really are being an amazing friend and I’m sure she appreciates that especially during the holidays. She probably feels stupid if everyone hates him and told her how awful he is. I would just be as supportive as you can, which it sounds like you are. Honestly, I think gently telling her your opinion isn’t so bad even though she likely knows how you and everyone else feels. It’s very hard when your emotions are involved, but if she’s sleeping on your couch she knows things are going downhill and helping her deny that isn’t going to help either of you. Once someone moves out, temporarily or permanently, they know they have issues and should address them. It may help her to talk about it; maybe let her know that you are there for her to open up and let her know that you will not judge her if she does decide to stay because that will make her not censor herself.
I’m in a similar situation, deciding if I should stay or not although not married just in a 4 year relationship…..4 years and not living together, no talk of the future, no ring, and he’s 10 years older than me. wonder if I’m wasting my time.
My two cents
You’re wasting your time, honey. I’m sorry, it totally sucks, but I’ve seen too many of my friends in a similar dead end situation.
Anon2
Oh Miriam, it’s a dead end situation. Cut your losses and move on. It’s so hard but it’s better to leave now and recuperate than to stay for even another day.
lawyerette
You don’t say whether you’ve ever brought up this talk and what his responses to it are. If you haven’t and he hasn’t either, I wouldn’t say it’s a dead end situation. If you have, it really depends on what he has actually said in response. It’s important to communicate. If marriage is important to you, you have to say it. Perhaps he doesn’t want to get married at all and thinks you don’t either.
Miriam
Oh no we’ve talked about it. If I don’t bring it up then it doesn’t get addressed. The situation is that I am a 2L and I just transferred law schools to one that is actually closer to him. Of course he was not the reason for that; I’m not that stupid! He has a difficult family situation and I wont go into his dirty laundry, but I’ve dealt with it for 4 years and nothing has improved. He also might have to relocate for his job, but still only an hour and a half from me. So he basically says well why talk about moving in, etc if we can’t do it now and I want to make sure we are on the same page for the future so I don’t waste my time. I want someone who says that when I graduate we will work it out to live together and get engaged, etc. I actually broke up with him in September, but he came back saying how he really wants to make this work. I am only 25 so I don’t need or want to get married right now, but I don’t want to waste my time. Obviously there are some good things about the relationship and I do love him or else I wouldn’t have stayed so long. I know it sounds stupid, but I just wish there was a way to get through to him so he really knows he needs to fix things or let me go. It’s like he doesn’t see anything wrong with the relationship.
JessC
I think in that situation it pays to just be straight forward. I’ve been in a situation kinda similar to yours. My darling BF have been together 3 years now. We don’t want to get married just yet – I’ve just started my career and he’s still working on his degree – but there came a point when we had to address what we wanted out of our future. I felt the same as you – I knew I didn’t want to get married, but I didn’t want to “waste my time”. Basically, I said to him something like – “I know you don’t want to get married right now, and neither do I, but I need to know whether or not you see a future together. We’re not ready to get married yet, but I don’t think we need to waste our time if that’s not what we both want down the road.” Try something like that. I won’t be easy, but it’ll get your point across.
ADS
He knows. You don’t need to “get through to him” – if he were interested in a future with you, he’d be making plans. He’s 35 – you’re just not the girl he wants to settle down with. Believe me, I’ve seen too many friends go through it, and it sucks, but even if you’re not ready to get married right now, if you want to be moving towards that, it needs to be with someone else.
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
lawyerette
It seems that he doesn’t and you do. When you broke up with him, did you make it clear that what you wanted was to know that he wants to marry you after you graduate etc? (essentially what you wrote here). He doesn’t seem to have actually addressed your concerns upon his return, just made vague promises, so my question to you is — why did you take him back?
Ann
I know exactly how you feel because I am in a similar situation (although it is slowly improving). It sucks. Although I know a lot of people would say that you should give up on your relationship, I don’t know that that is always true.
You have to determine exactly what you want from this relationship (and in life). Then you need to sit down and talk with him about it. He needs to know exactly what it is that you want- even if that means just telling him that you want to make sure you are on the same page. When you talk to him, you need to make it clear that you will leave if he doesn’t get with the program. If he can’t give you what you want, or if you aren’t on the same page, then you need to decide whether you are willing to wait for him to catch up. If you aren’t, then cut your losses. Sometimes that is enough to make men realize that they don’t want to lose you, but not always.
Remember that only you can know what is right for you. As much as you love this guy, you have to love yourself more, and you should do whatever you can to make yourself as happy as you can be.
Miriam
JessC- thanks for the advice. I’ve addressed it and he never brings it up so he probably just doesn’t care or think about it. Idk.
ADS- I thought that. I figured he just doesn’t want to really put forth a decent effort to be with me, but then when I broke up with him it was like he was not willing to let me go. If he didn’t want to be with me, he had plenty of chances to end it and move on. I don’t know why he wouldn’t if he didn’t want this. I think you must be right, that I’m just not the girl he wants to settle down with, but I just don’t understand why he keeps coming back. But at the same time, why do I keep staying? My friends say I’m too loyal and I care too much.
Layerette- I took him back because I believed him. We spoke for about 2 hours, and he said before it “just didn’t click”. There was a whole list of things I didn’t like and he said he would fix it, a lot of little things like not making me feel appreciated, not being eager to see me, etc. We only see each other once a week and he shows no interest in increasing that. I feel like he wants me to be the 21 year old, who just cares about having fun like I was when we met. It should be me saying “no, sorry I have to study tonight. Let’s meet up tomorrow.” rather than him saying “don’t you have to study?”
L
My mom’s advice about relationships is to be with someone who makes you bigger–someone who builds you up so that you are a better person with them than you are on your own, as opposed to someone who makes you feel smaller or minimizes what you’re feeling. Not sure which way you feel, but I think it’s worth asking yourself.
ADS
“If he didn’t want to be with me, he had plenty of chances to end it and move on.”
He DOES want to be with you – he just doesn’t want to be with you long term. If he did, when you broke up with him, he would have come back and talked about long term plans, not asked you to go back to exactly what it was before. Like you said, he wants the 21 year old back. You’re growing up, and he wants to stay where he was.
I was in a similar situation once – my boyfriend and I broke up because we had two major differences in opinion that would have prevented us from being happy together long term. That and he wasn’t really sure he was ready to settle down, which kept him from thinking seriously about what to do about those two differences. We broke up tearfully. It was awful. A year later, he came back, and said he’d realized he’d made a terrible mistake, and he wanted to marry me. We spent another two years making sure, but we did get married, and have been very happily married for four years. If I hadn’t left, it wouldn’t have happened, and if he had come back and wanted to just date more, I wouldn’t have taken him back.
Be clear about what you want. Don’t apologize for it, and don’t settle for less. Best of luck.
Miriam
Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it.
ADS, you really do make an excellent point. If he did want to be with me long term he would talk about moving in together and getting married. HE would want to lock it down and realize what a great catch I am. I was always confused about why he wants to stay if I always complain and nag, and he never permanently fixes things. I guess it is easier to be with me than to be single. I’ll have to deal with all this after finals. Thanks again for the great advice!
cbackson
Miriam, I was involved with someone who kept coming back to me – at one point, he drove across the country with a ring in his pocket and asked me to marry him. I did – and four years later, he’s divorcing me because he’s suddenly decided that he thinks he could be happier with someone else (not a specific someone else, just “someone, someday”). As I’ve gone through the divorce, I’ve gotten a lot of advice, and one piece of it has really stuck with me: you shouldn’t have to convince someone to spend the rest of his life with you. It sounds to me like you already know that this guy doesn’t value you and your relationship in the way that you deserve. I know it’s hard to leave someone you have so much history with, but you should have the life that you want, and it doesn’t sound like you can have that with him.
Anon for this one
@cbackson – I wish someone had given me that advice when I was thinking of marrying my now-husband. “You shouldn’t have to convince someone to spend the rest of his life with you.”
Anonymous
Miriam, it’s time to move on. Four years is plenty of time for him to make a decision about moving the relationship forward, if he knows that is what you want. I say from seeing too many of my friends go through this – do not waste the best years of your life on a guy who is never going to commit. You are young and may not feel immediacy about this, but time ticks by and eventually you end up in a situation where you are older and want things and it’s not as easy to meet people who want those same things. Not everyone wants to get married but if you want a life partner, and may want children someday, this is not the guy who’s going to be there for you for that. You need to think not just about what you want NOW but what you want, and where you want to be five, ten and 15 years from now.
I know a couple of guys in my social circle (not “friends” of mine, but we end up at a lot of the same parties) who are in their mid-thirties to early forties and they are masters at stringing girls along. They are cute, nice careers, fun to be around, etc., but are not relationship material. They end up dating progressively younger women – the 42-year-old’s last girlfriend was 23 – because women their age are smarter about men, less inclined to tolerate BS, and do want a relationship that’s going somewhere. Candice Bushnell called men like this “toxic bachelors” and toxic is right; they are total nightmares for women and at this point women their own age stay away from them, because they know how bad dating them would be.
Right now, your appeal to your boyfriend is that he can dictate the terms of how, where and when he wants to see you, and you don’t protest. It’s awesome for him, I’m sure. Is it awesome for you? Is this what you want for yourself? If your sister, best friend, daughter came to you with this story, would you tell her to hang in there, or would you tell her to cut her losses and move on? If this was a friendship, would you tolerate the limitations he is putting on you, or would you move on? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself.
25 is plenty young to get back out there and meet someone else who really wants to be with you, and is willing to be with you on some of your terms, not just all of his. I agree 110% with the advice that “you shouldn’t have to convince someone they want to spend the rest of their life with you.” It should be obvious that this is the right path – the only thing both of you can conceive of doing. I married my husband because we were in love and couldn’t imagine NOT spending the rest of our lives together. I didn’t have to convince him of a thing. I beg you, get out now while you are still young and have time, energy, good looks, etc. to your advantage. It’s a totally different ballgame when you wait until you’re 34 to move on from bad relationships like this. Good luck.
govvie girl
I had a long-distance string-along “relationship,” but after 2 years, on advice of my mom, I told him to fish or cut bait. He cut bait and although it took a while to mentally/emotionally kick him to the curb, with time comes clarity and feeling much better. For this guy, “toxic” was a good way to describe it.
Another Anon
Random “Bored at Work” poll?
What’s the WORST career advice you’ve ever received — and did you follow it?
surrounded by lawyers
A well-established professional told me to wear the same clothes for the first several days on my new job. Needless to say, I did not do this.
I’ve also been told to always smile, be agreeable at all times, and do absolutely anything asked of me. (Of course, this “advice” tends to come from people who would benefit from this.) Double no.
Jen L
I’m really curious to know what good would come from wearing the same clothes for the first few days of a new job. I can only think of negatives!
Perhaps
The only possible rationale I can think of is that, especially in a large office, people might recognize you more easily and remember you more easily. I still think it’s a bad idea, but that’s the only possible benefit I can think of.
surrounded by lawyers
Ha! She actually recommended that I wear the suit I wore to the interview for the first week or so! People would probably have thought I slept in it too. Great way to make a first impression, right? Via smell as well!
Ses
Not exactly advice, but I had a boss who sheltered me from all criticism, so when he left I was blindsided by my new boss’s feedback about some negative perceptions others had of me.
I guess I’d advise anyone to be suspicious of too much too-positive feedback.
eaopm3
One of the (younger, male) attorneys at the office I worked in before law school told me that I wore heels that were too high and too much jewelry for people to take me seriously. If it hadn’t been a ludicrous bit of advice, considering my tame jewelry and three inch heels, it might have dampened my spirits.
govvie girl
What did he do, watch dog shows in his spare time for women’s fashion standards?
sgb
during an interview, I was given the advice that I needed to pick one name for my hyphenated married name. Needless to say that interview did not go well. I did not take his advice and I DO use my hyphenated name. When someone askes me to pick one, I tell them that the whole thing is my name.
zee
Mine’s two last names, not hyphenated. I was born with it. People feel the need to comment on this all the time. One partner has brought it up thrice now. “You’ll be more accessible if you pick one name.” “Clients like easy names better.” Etc.
anotheranon
“Clients like easy names better”
Not much you can do if you were born with it. Unless you change it. Does he also think that we also go back to the days when immigrants were stripped of their names and given “American” ones? *sigh*
AEK
Got a notice from our 8th-grader’s school notifying us of confirmed cases of whooping cough among the students. Our kid is vaccinated but neither my husband or I have gotten the adult booster as far as we know. So just to stoke my paranoia/ hypochondria, anyone have any experience with whooping cough ?
Anon2
I got the Tdap last week as part of a pre-travel regimen. It covers Tetanus, Diphtheria, and Pertussis. I’m in TX which has outbreaks of whooping cough every year but from what I’ve read about it it’s most dangerous for babies, kids, and the elderly (or those with weak immune systems). Got it on the doc’s recommendation and because I had to get a tetanus shot anyway (over 10 years since my last one).
anon
No personal experience, but I would call your doc and see if you can get a booster for yourself and your husband ASAP. Since this is something that can be administered by a nurse, they will likely be able to accomodate you. You might even be able to get it this weekend at a Walgreen’s with one of those walk-in clinics staffed by a nurse practitioner, but I’m not sure. I would also call your kid’s doctor to double check that s/he is up to date on the vaccine.
Anon
I got the Tdap at CVS Minute Clinic. Insurance will usually pay for it.
Anon
I got the Tdap at CVS Minute Clinic. Insurance will usually pay for it and it’s walk in.
North Shore
No, but I made an appointment with my doc and got the vaccine this fall after reading some horror stories. It’s a part of the tetanus vaccine, so if your tetanus booster is up to date, your whooping cough should be, too. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a tetanus shot.
Lyssa
My younger brother had it when he was about 15 (He’d been vaccinated, too, it just didn’t work.) He was never dangerously ill or anything, but he was pretty sick (dragging around, missing a lot of school, feeling lousy) for at least a month or so. No lasting problems, but it seemed like it was pretty lousy.
You could ask your doctor if you and your husband should get bosters, but it’s probably not that likely that you’d be exposed. Try to stay healthy in general (rest, hand washing, etc.) and don’t worry too much.
Another Laura
The danger isn’t to you so much, it’s to any newborns <6months that you might expose. Newborns can't get the shots until 2 months and don't get full immunity until age 6-7. Many die each year. It's a little more dangerous for unvaccinated (or unprotected) pre-school and school-aged kids. So if it is in your community I'd definitely recommend getting the shot: I'd feel guilty if I got it and passed it to an infant. There are heart-breaking reports of parents giving to their infants with fatal results.
ChickintheStix
My OB thinks I’m currently suffering its effects. Get vaccinated. It’s an estimated 6-week recovery time, and it’s kicking my tush. Trust me. You don’t have time for this.
anon in CA
Go get the booster. I had whooping cough (I believe I picked it up on the plane around the holidays). The congestion is painful. I coughed constantly. The treatment is easy enough, but it took a while for me to get diagnosed (my doctor thought it was just a bad cold).
Just get the Tdap that Anon2 recommended.
Miriam
I know someone who had it as an adult and it lasted for something like 10 months. It’s not fun!
i'm nobody
I had it last year, and it was miserable. It took about 3 months, and several rounds of various steroids, to clear up. I still have after-effects more than a year later.
michelle
have a friend at work who got whooping cough and she has been miserable for months already – I’d say get the vaccine; she did not know you had to have adult boosters and wishes she had known.
DocP
I’m a family physician. Unfortunately you cannot assume a recent tetanus shot contained any protection for whooping cough (pertussis). Both dT (diptheria/tetanus) and Tdap (diptheria/tetanus/pertussis) are commonly available. The one without pertussis is less expensive, so many ER’s use that for boosters. The vaccine you want is Adacell. Call your family doctor on Monday and arrange to have the booster. You can have it even if you recently had the dT type tetanus shot. The Chinese call whooping cough the “hundred days cough”.
somewherecold
a little late on the reply, but definitely get it. a friend of mine had it in college–right around when childhood vaccines wear off, i guess–and she broke a rib from the coughing fits.
Anon2
This is for Bonnie who has the Groupon discount for Shabby Apple.
I ordered this dress last week (http://www.shabbyapple.com/p-506-west-coast-swing.aspx) and it fits nicely, is a pretty deep red color, and would be ok for work on a casual Friday. The sizing recommendation was to size down because it “fits generously” – I have a pear shape and am usually an 8/10 on top and 10/12 on the bottom so I ordered a M and it fits nicely (form fitting but not tight). The only weird thing was that the belt loops are really low – I’ll have to remove them but don’t mind as the belt is thick and seems to stay in place. Plus I plan to wear a dark brown belt with it so the loops would look weird anyway. Nice thick material but I’ll probably still wear some shapewear so all my bits are “in place.”
I also ordered the Egyptian Blossom bracelet (http://www.shabbyapple.com/p-737-egyptian-blossom.aspx) which is pretty but feels a bit flimsy because of the magnet closure. I’m keeping it because it’s a unique and fun piece.
Hope this helps! Happy shopping…
kz
cole haan fans-sale alert: I just got a pair of cole haan pumps on sale at Macy’s for $75. They’re the cole haan air clair–just plain, simple, and not too high of a heel. They don’t have them online any more, but check your store (I got them in black and am calling other local stores to try to find them in brown, which was apparently the more popular color and the one I really need…)
Bonnie
30% off at Banana Republic through 12/12.
LTQRH43F7B6V
Anon Here
I know this is probably a stupid question and the answer should be staring me right in the face, but do I have to do my taxes if I have not worked at all this year?
EM
You need to file if you have collected money (unemployment, interest, gambling, sold assets, etc.)
punk rock tax attorney
It depends on if you had any income. For example, unemployment is taxable income, so if you collected unemployment, you’ll likely need to file a tax return. If your gross income (including unemployment, interest, and other taxable non-wage income) exceeds the threshhold for your filing status ($9,350 for single filers who no one can claim as a dependent), you’ll need to file. The first part of the IRS’s 2010 Tax Guide explains the requirements in more detail: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p17.pdf
zee
love your handle :)
punk rock tax attorney
Thanks!
Easy E
I would file, even if you had no income at all this year and have to fill in all zeros. I learned this the hard way.
Of the five years I took off between college and law school, I had no tax liability for two of them. (I worked, but earned very very little.) After law school, I was offered a job with a state government agency and before I started, I had to fill out a bunch of tax and background paperwork. My new supervisor joked that unless I had failed to pay my taxes or something, I’d be all set. I thought nothing of it until I got a call from HR two days before my start date asking me to call them. They’d checked my tax records – found gaps for those two years, and wanted answers. It worked out in the end, but involved a mad 2-day scramble involving calls to the IRS, old employers, an unbelievably lucky unearthing of an old W-2 floating around with tax records from a completely different year, a sprint in the pouring rain for printer ink, and another to the UPS store 10 minutes before close to fax in my late returns (where, by the way, UPS charges a criminal $1.50 or something per page to send a fax!) Had I not managed all that, I wouldn’t have been able to start the job.
Not, of course, that this will happen to you, but experience says it’s much safer to file things the first time around and forget it than have it come back and bite you in a decade in some way you never would have thought of!
Anon
Agreed. I’ve had to fill out similar background check questionnaires and was thankful every time that I have all my taxes filed and records organized.
Janie
Does anyone have any advice on cleaning nubuck boots? I took them to a shoe repair place and they said they don’t do cleaning.
On the same note, I have a suede purse that I love but the color has “aged” and not in the best way – went from “eggplant” to dirty brown. Can it be dyed?
clueless
Hello all! I got some good advice last week on what to wear for a networking meeting, but being as clueless as I am was hoping for some very specific advice in case anyone is bored. I am meeting a partner at his office, its definitely not an interview, but it will be a good networking opportunity for me since he practices where I want to work eventually (I am a 3L with no job yet). I have a skirt very similar to this one http://www.thelimited.com/detail/luxe-bound-waistband-pencil-skirt/7756288 that is my favorite to wear, does anyone have any tips/links for a blazer to go with that so it doesn’t look like I am wearing a mismatched suit? If that seems to bottom-of-a-suit-ish because of the pinstripes I have a black pencil skirt as well, so links to shirts/sweaters/blazers that you think would be good and make me look sharp would be appreciated!
(Speaking of being clueless, asking for links from you makes me feel like I have my own matching machine from the beginning of the movie clueless :)
2L NYC
Do you not have any suits at all? For something like this, I would wear a suit.
clueless
I do have a suit, I was worried about a suit being too presumptuous, and the general consensus seemed to be to go for more of a blazer separates look but maybe I will rethink that.
2L NYC
Hmm, maybe it would be if you were meeting outside the office, but in the office, everyone will be wearing a suit? If you are concerned, you could wear one of the less formal-looking suits — i.e. something with three-quarter sleeves, or a cuter blouse or something.
v
If it’s a business formal office, I agree. But if it’s not (and most places aren’t now), everyone will not likely be wearing a suit.
Anonymous
Very, very, very few law firms are of the kind where everyone wears a suit nowadays. That goes for BigLaw too.
cbackson
I have to say that I had some meetings of this type when I was a student and a couple of the attorneys I met with commented if I showed up in a suit – as if they needed to make it clear that it wasn’t an interview. So I started wearing nice business casual instead.
clueless
Right this is exactly what I am worried about, I think it would be presumptuous to show up in an interview office, esp. cuz I have a feeling that the attorneys won’t be in full suits.
2L NYC
Hmm, it is clear that I am in the minority here, but here are some reasons why I suggested a suit (although you should wear a non-interview type suit):
1. Since the person you are meeting is a man, I noticed that whenever I have been in a similar situation (a lot of the law offices in NY), business casual for a man is usually sitting around not wearing the matching jacket that goes with their suit — i.e. wearing just the shirt and the pants. Usually when you go outside, he will put on the jacket, especially because it is winter. Even working as a summer associate last summer, this was my impression. You can do the same casual thing as they do — take off your blazer when you get there.
2. Typically, women have much more casual looking business casual than men do. And I think you can make clear while wearing a full suit that it is not an interview — like wearing a three quarter sleeve suit, or wearing a scarf as an accessory. Maybe that is what you are doing here by having different colored blazer and skirt, but it doesn’t make any sense to buy something new when you already have a suit and can dress it down.
Maybe I just don’t think that it is presumptuous to show up in a suit. In any case, many wiser comments have been made, and best of luck in your meeting.
coco
Go with something in a different fabric that makes it clear it is a blazer. I only have my suit jacket, so when I want a blazer + skirt look, I not only pick a different color, but a different fabric, like a tweed.
From the limited, two blazer options:
http://www.thelimited.com/detail/black-tweed-jacket/2219137
http://www.thelimited.com/detail/grey-tweed-jacket/2519138
Chix Pix
I just don’t like this dress at all. There is too much going on. Ralph Lauren has a nice red party dress – with good sleeves – that’s very drapey and glamorous but not extreme.
Anon
Hi, all. I’m a frequent lurker, but a non-frequent poster. I could really use some advice.
Shortly after I graduated from law school, I got my first job as an attorney with a solo practitioner who was looking to expand his practice. My boss is generally a nice person, though he has his frustrating moments, he is very generous (I started at a fair salary, and my annual raises have been 10%, plus benefits are paid by the firm instead of from my paycheck), and I work very good hours (generally 9:30-6, though I have occasionally worked a 14 hour day or on a weekend when necessary).
However, I’m finding myself wanting more. Not more in terms of salary, not more in terms of better hours, but more in terms of job advancement and opportunity to learn. Although I realize how lucky I am to have the job that I do, I am beginning to fill unfulfilled professionally. My boss is the only attorney I have to learn from, and I find that he often cuts corners and produces sloppy work. I don’t know how I’ll ever continue to develop professionally if I stay with him for the foreseeable future. I feel like I have much to still learn (I hope to never stop learning!), but I can only learn so much from one person who is extremely set in his ways.
My boss has given me so much, aside from my first job, and I know that if I leave, he’ll be hurt, not to mention hammered with almost twice the work. I want to put my resume out there and apply to a few jobs I have seen advertised in my sector (bankruptcy/litigation) to see what happens. I am fearful that if I do not make the leap now (I am a fourth year associate), I could be less attractive to potential employers in the future, or I could be stuck at this practice forever (I am not interested in buying my boss out when he retires in 15 years or so). I am so confused about what to do and, if I do get an offer elsewhere and decide to accept it, how do I “break up” with my boss? Any advice is sincerely appreciated!
Janie
While I’m sure he would be sad to see you go, do you think that maybe he would be understanding your desire for bigger and better things, now that you are four years out of school?
LongTimeSolo
I would start setting him up for the news now. If nothing else, start making it clear that you’re interested in the broader legal world. Go volunteer at a clinic doing something way outside your practice area and tell him about it. Attend a CLE on a topic he would find surprising and tell him how excited it made you. He sounds like someone who cares about your professional growth and would respect your move if he saw it coming but might not take kindly to a shock. If he is laboring with the hope that you will buy him out when he retires, he considers you an investment and deserves as much respect (advance notice is respectful) as you can give him.
Pants
Has anyone tried this brand or these pants? I think they look cute online but I’ve never seen anything by them in person: http://www.theoutnet.com/product/210925?cm_mmc=LinkshareUS-_-Custom-_-Link-_-Builder&siteID=J84DHJLQkR4-74woYFLaV8dgkzg5VGRh4w
Ellen
I have to work ALL weekend on a big case. The manageing partner will be coming in tomorow, so I know NOT to wear sloppy jeans and a scrunchie, even though I will be digging around in the library and in the files to write a BRIEF for him.
The only good thing is that Alan will be cooking up a YUMMY dinner for me on Saturday, and he will be taking me out on Tuesday, after we file this brief with the court. I think he REALLY cares because he is giving up going bowling on Saturday to cook me dinner. That is SOOOOOOOO sweet of him!
Anon
I need some holiday gift advice. I’m a junior associate at a large law firm, and everyone in my practice group exchanges gifts (i.e., everyone person in the group buys every other person a gift, and they are typically fairly expensive gifts). I have no idea what to buy for the partner this year (I got him a nice bottle of wine last year). He’s very private and so I have no idea what he does outside of the office. I’ve asked the other group members for ideas but they had none. Please help!
Anonymous
Wow, this is an awful policy. I would continue with wine or food if you don’t know what he likes, but this certainly sounds like something that HR should put a stop to.
Blonde Lawyer
I agree the policy sucks! How about a gift certificate to a nice restaurant near work or his home? Everyone has to eat.
Bonnie
Check out redenvelope.com They have some great and unique cuff links, business card holders and wine accessories.
Anono
Question regarding etiquette in leaving a job: I have been planning to leave my 200-attorney firm in April (I am a third year associate; no new job yet). I just found out that I have a destination wedding in March that will require probably a week’s vacation. As background, my resignation will probably be a big shock to my group, who I mostly like, but I hate hate hate my job. So: is it awful, tacky, and/or disrespectful to take a vacation 3 weeks before quitting? I really don’t want to quit before the trip for financial/logistical reasons, but the thought of tacking on another “courtesy” month or two makes my stomach hurt…
Fiona
Last year, I took a two week vacation in April, and got a new job offer right when I got back. I had to give notice about two weeks after I got back from my long vacation. No one cared about the vacation – once you’re leaving, the focus is on you leaving.
Louise
I agree. You earned your vacation time as a benefit of the job. No one needs to know you have been planning to quit for many months.
Louise
Also, look at the reverse scenario: If there was a layoff scheduled for April and you asked for vacation time in March, the company would probably let you take your time off. You could very well be fired when you got back. It’s just business for them, so it should be just business for you. Be polite and professional, and move on with your life. You deserve both your vacation, your time at the wedding to celebrate a friend’s milestone, AND a job that makes you happy.
Good luck!
Laura
I would leave and tell them to stuff it up their wazoo. You earned your time, gurl, so you go for it, gurl!
As for the dbags that would challenge you, I say let them implale themselves with a parcheezi stick!
Another Sarah
I agree with everyone above, but I think you should be ready for some possible bad-blood-making. My friend was chosen to head up a new ginormous-important national-scale project at her work; at the time she was chosen she knew that she was going to leave in a couple months as her husband (then fiance) got a job out of state. She said nothing, got married, took a week off for her honeymoon, and her first day back turned in her 2-week notice. She hated her job and her field so she didn’t much care, but she really left her managers in a lurch and they definitely let her know, especially when she refused all remote-working solutions they gave her to “make” her stay on and had to suspend the project. I would hate for her references to talk about how she ditched them in the middle of a ton of work. This wasn’t in the legal field, so there was no continuity-of-counsel plan set up like lawyers do starting out a big trial, FWIW. While I think that was a poor business decision on the company’s part, the people she worked with didn’t seem to understand the difference between “it’s business” and “she ditched me.”
ADS
This is a VERY different situation than the one described. I agree that it is bad policy to take on a new role when you know you’re leaving: there’s nothing wrong with taking a vacation nearly a month before you plan to give notice.
Another Sarah
This may be a different situation, but I guess my point was to gauge how the departure would be seen by the rest of the group, including the managers. Also to keep the communication lines open – if the part she hates can be remedied, then there may not be a reason to leave. If in an interview the OP can’t talk about the things she did to try and remedy her hate of her job before actually leaving suddenly, shocking her group, then she may bring the interviewer to think “Ok, so is she just going to up and leave here too?” And she may love the people she works with, but if her managers don’t take her leaving well (which she has been planning now for months but they never knew), they may not have nice things to say about her as references. In the OP’s case, I think it would be very easy for someone (who doesn’t think that this is ‘just business’) to say that she pulled a fast one on them and the firm. Especially if she doesn’t have a new job lined up, another one doesn’t suddenly come along, or a life emergency.
ADS
Yes, I suppose it’s always possible that the OP’s group will be a bunch of nutjobs who don’t understand that people leave jobs and that it isn’t personal. All I’m saying is that your friend actually DID do something terrible and unprofessional when she left her job, and what the OP is thinking about doing isn’t in any way unprofessional. Your friend DID ditch her co-workers, so I don’t blame them for how they feel.
And no one should ever give any reason why they left a previous job other than something innocuous like “I saw better opportunities elsewhere,” or “I felt that I would be better able to succeed in a different environment.” I have never hired a person who complained about how much they hated their last job. It just screams “unprofessional.”
Another Sarah
I completely agree that my friend was unprofessional, and we had a big long conversation about it when she told me what she was planning. And I agree that the OP isn’t necessarily planning on doing something unprofessional. Even if they don’t take it personally, however, I think it would reflect poorly on her if a reference says that “she just kinda up and left after she came back from her vacation for no reason.” If there’s the possibility that that would happen, I would stick around. :-)
FWIW, I would definitely stick around for a couple more months after a vacation if nothing else came up. I know that vacation is earned for hard work already done, but I, personally, would feel like I was free-loading time. I would need some serious animosity towards the people I work with to hand in my notice coming off a vacation for no apparent (outside) reason.
Anonymous
I think this is a different situation than the OP’s but it does provide a good object lesson. I think in an ideal world, if you knew you were going to be leaving a company, you would be able to decline big assignments, although that might either A. be a tip-off you were leaving or B. make you look bad and still affect your reference – although I would MUCH rather know from someone they didn’t want to do something big, than have them quit later once the entire thing was launched.
I think nowadays there seems to be an understanding that once the notice is given, that’s it – the person is moving on and there’s not much point in handwringing or pleading with the person for concessions. I have quit jobs after taking vacation; my husband has too. OP, look at it this way – in many states, vacation/time off is considered part of your overall compensation package and the company must pay you for it if you leave with unexpended vacation time. If you’re in one of those states, they’ll have to cut you a check for the time anyway, so you might as well take the vacation – that’s how we’ve always looked at it. It actually doesn’t cost them any more than it would have anyway. And it’s not like you won’t be giving notice and then working out your notice – you won’t be leaving them in the lurch. I wouldn’t worry. Enjoy your trip.
Traveling soon
I remember a Corporette reader posting that she lives/works in Singapore. I will be traveling there over the holidays to see friends. Any input on current trends over there? Is there anything big in the US that one shouldn’t wear there? Thanks in advance!
Canadian
I don’t live there but was there a few months ago. The humidity is astounding – we couldn’t spend much time outside. But inside is very very air conditioned so layering is key!
AN
I live in Singapore. If it’s clothes, don’t worry!! everyone lives in shorts/minis/vest tops etc all year round. Singapore is WAY more casual than the States. No don’t. On the contrary, Singaporeans would probably have to get way more formal if they went to the US, judging by the corporette posts!!
It’s 100% safe & super clean at all times. Plus, no tipping in Singapore:)
But remember, no chewing gum, no littering and no drugs. Singapore has a zero tolerance policy on latter, drugs = death penalty.
If you have more specific queries, happy to answer! Enjoy your time.
notabilia
I recently relocated to Singapore from NYC. Don’t worry about trends. It’s so hot and humid during the day, you’ll be happiest in t-shirt/tunics/tanks and shorts/skirts/linen pants. Make sure everything you bring is made of natural materials; you’ll die in poly.
Email me if you have more specific questions.
Traveling soon
Thank you! The friends I am going with went to high school in Singapore but haven’t been back since. The drug policy is amazing to me! No wonder the city is so safe.
Lindsay
I was wondering if anyone had experience with the Land’s End Canvas brand button downs? I just got accepted to a DC internship program for the summer and am looking to slowly (and inexpensively!) build my professional wardrobe.
Here’s the link: http://canvas.landsend.com/pp/StretchPoplinShirt~216044_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::WHI&CM_MERCH=IDX_00017__0000002215&origin=index
I’m interested the white stretch poplin shirt, but am worried that it may be see through. I’m definitely trying to avoid that look, so any input anyone has will be wonderful. I’m also going to take advantage of the Brooks Brother’s sale to get a button down or two, so major thanks for alerting me to the sale.
So now I just have approximately 3094820 items to purchase…and figure out where to find suiting that won’t suffocate me in the heat.
Janie
Regarding the heat, last summer in NY I found that I was fine in JCrew suiting- both the stretch wool and super 120s. As long as you take off the blazer when you will be outside, it’s fine. I went with skirts on extra hot days, but I wore pants up to 85 or so. The lined pants are especially nice because the lining stays cool. Closer to the summer, places will have cotton suiting too, which I personally like as well, but it isn’t any cheaper.
I like thinking about the hot summer, let’s talk about this some more :)
Lindsay
Thinking about summer does sound nice, I’m from Michigan and facing a winter storm warning of over a foot today! I’m glad to hear that JCrew is good for warm weather, I always love their work shop looks.
It’s normally 70 in summer here with low humidity because of Lake Superior which is wonderful for me, so DC will be a major change in climate (and in every other respect too).
Mac
I’m also in Michigan and enjoying our lovely snowstorm. I’m currently catching up on reruns of Tabitha’s Salon Takeover and What Not to Wear, as I refuse to leave my house. Stay safe out there!
Anon
I’ve never tried the Canvas button-downs, but I’m a huge fan of their regular no-iron shirts.
So
I have this shirt, in white, and love it. It’s not super see-through, though I wouldn’t wear black undergarments with it or anything.
Michigan too
I’ll second the J. Crew suiting in hot summers. I tend to wear flats until I get to the office (partly b/c I keep a pair of heels there and am not a fan of wearing flip-flops either with a suit or on city streets in the summer) and (if possible) leave a jacket at the office. If not, I’ll just carry the jacket to/from work. I also go for short-sleeved knit tops over button-downs, but that’s also because I don’t really iron things and (frankly) find them to show sweat less when it’s boiling outside.
And yes, am in Michigan now too and definitely broke out the snow boots today! Unfortunately no “What Not to Wear” marathons for a little while yet as I’m a 2L and we’re starting finals now.
l'eremita
I have a hair question I was hoping you ladies would help me out on. I’m starting my articling term next summer in a big firm and I want to stop dyeing my hair, which is really grey around the area that frames my face. It’s likely not as grey in the back areas, so I think it may grow in rather two-toned. I plan to do this with the help of a stylist. Is this a no-no? I’m 29, if that makes a difference.
Anon
Do you mean, is it a no-no to have your natural hair color if it is greying unevenly? I think it depends – on some women this looks really chic, on some neutral, and probably on some dowdy. A good cut should help keep it looking good.
If your question is more, how do I keep it looking decent while I grow out the color – then I would go for temporary dye. (I usually use Clairol Natural Instincts, and while it doesn’t cover grey for very long, it fades evenly so I don’t get terrible grow-out lines.) I’d probably phase in temporary color while the permanent color is growing in, then stop using it once the permanent dye is all grown out.
Anon
I am a 3L who was fortunate enough to have 2 job offers. I really look up to one of the women at the firm that I will not be working for. Before I got either offer, we had one of those “Oh, we should go to lunch sometime” type conversation, but it never materialized. The offers were back in August. Would it be weird of me to email her after the holidays and see if she wants to have coffee or lunch sometime? While I was a summer associate at the firm, we definitely had more of a mentor/mentee type relationship than a friendly one, if that matters.
Anon
Definitely email her and ask to get together. I am a senior associate and have remained friends with several young women that have not ended up accepting offers at my firm. Especially assuming you are in the same city with them, it’s fairly likely you will see them at bar events, in court, etc. No one takes it personally if you don’t accept their offer.
Siouxsie Law
GRRL POWER! Let’s get out the vote for Kat’s blog. Corporette is one of the few blogs that is written and published by a woman that has been named in the top 100 blawgs on the ABA Journal. It’s also one of the best blogs out there.
There are 111 comments here so far, but Corporette only has 60 votes on the ABA Journal’s site. If everyone who comments on this thread votes for Corporette, Kat will be in first place, where she deserves to be.
To vote, register here: http://www.abajournal.com/register
And then vote for Corporette here: http://www.abajournal.com/blawg100/2010/forfun
Kat
aw, thanks Siouxsie!
Coach Laura
I voted…for Kat, of course!
Cat
I didn’t realize the ABA Journal registration was free… signed up and voted!
Anon
Come on y’all, more votes! Registration is free (annoying, yes, but quick and free)–it took me about 45 seconds to register, get the confirmation email, click through, and vote. Go Corporette!
L
just voted! only up to 75 votes though, so we need lots more for the win!
not trolling, I swear
Need advice-
I have a not-great job with a problematic boss. There are all sorts of um, issues, but there is one I am stumped on. We deal with actual paper files. My boss will LICK her thumb to turn the pages. And by LICK I mean LICK. Like, there’s a noise involved. She gets saliva on every page she touches. I am not a germaphobe, but this makes me nauseous. I have been chastised repeatedly for being rude- infractions include not looking happy enough and not being able to read her handwriting. Seriously. Basically, everything I do or think is rude, so I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make this stop. I need to a) find a way to tell her to stop, and b) figure out how to hide my gross-face when it happens. Thoughts?
lawyerette
ugh that is pretty horrible :( I assume you’re looking hard for a new job …. other than that, I would use gloves when handling paperwork and explain you get sick easily and do not want to have to miss work b/c you’re sick. Or I guess you could straight up tell her to stop getting her germs everywhere….
ADS
You won’t be able to make her stop. Just keep Purell around at all times, and keep looking for a new job.
Blonde Lawyer
I lick my fingers to turn pages too. I never thought it would gross someone out. We have these little page turner finger things that the filing clerks use. Maybe you could give her one and be like “oh, I just found out about these. I can’t stop licking my fingers.”
Anonymous
Is there any other context where you would lick something a colleague would have to touch? I can’t think of one.
Blonde Lawyer
Oops, I meant to say “I CAN stop licking my fingers.” Important typo.
JessC
Does she lick her fingers to handle cash too? Ewww.
There are little wet pads or pots of wax you can get to make handling paper easier. My guess is that you might be able to get them at an office supply store – I remember using these things when I worked as a cashier in college.
AEK
I have a colleague who does this with every single page. He never even tries to turn a page without licking his fingers, so it’s not like he knows they’re stuck or something. I get grossed out by it, too. One thing I’ve done is make extra copies to give him, so that he never takes “my” copy of a document and yucks it up. Ew. (He’s also always sick, and part of me wants to suggest that if he wasn’t constantly sucking on his fingers, he might not catch every cold that comes within a mile.)
Sounds like you and your boss have some issues, but I’m totally with you on the page-licking.
AN
Sympathise. Had a boss who did that and I cringed each time. Good luck!
sgb
sneeze all over something and then hand it to her for review. that should sufficiently gross her out. or casually mention that you have horrible stomach bug, and are religoiusly washing your hands, but hope that she doesn’t catch it.
govvie girl
Sounds like you’ve got a bit of a bully with some lack of, um, people awareness, to put it mildly, thrown in. Yep, keep looking for a different job and get away as you can to go scream/vent/walk around, so you’re able to maintain your poker face at work. (Yes, I’ve learned this through experience- to express not-so-professional things outside of the office. ) Meanwhile, how DO these social idiots get into supervisory positions? Oy…
Brooks Brothers Question
When does BB go on its Xmas/end of season sale? I know there are deals on at the moment but I’d like to know when current season stock goes to 50+% off.
Thanks :)
Cat
I’m not sure what the % off is the day after Xmas, but if you go early in the day (before 10 I think), they give an extra 10-15% off.
am i being unreasonable?
I have a neighbor who blasts his hip hop very loudly multiple times a day. It is loud enough that I can hear every word of the songs he plays and feel my couch/bed/chair vibrate from the bass. The times he plays range anywhere from 8am to 3:30am depending on the day. I have complained to my complex management several times, but they’ve told me there is nothing they can do since the neighbor thinks it’s unreasonable for me to request he turn his music down. I think if the music is playing at a level where others can clearly feel and hear it, it is far too loud for any time of day. FWIW this is an upscale complex geared to young professionals, not a student complex.
I was just wondering what you ladies think and whether I am expecting too much.
Anon
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Unfortunately, if the management isn’t willing to take action on it and your neighbor refuses to turn his music down despite knowing that others can hear it, there doesn’t seem to be much that you can do. Other than moving of course. If you don’t want to move out of the building entirely (which, frankly, if I were in your shoes I might be tempted to do–I think the management in your building sucks for refusing to take action) you could try asking that they put you at the top of the list to move into the next vacant unit.
Lemon
Check your city’s ordinances – more than likely they have a noise ordinance. If he’s playing his music in violation of the noise ordinance, contact the local PD to make a noise complaint. Even if they don’t have a specific time frame for music, during the week after 10 PM, neighbor should STFU and turn down his music.
JessC
This. I would also check the terms of your lease – there may be rules about noise.
I love the way this guy thinks – it’s unreasonable for you to expect him to turn down his music, but it’s not unreasonable to subject someone to something he/she doesn’t want to listen to. *rolls eyes*
Also sounds like the management might not be taking your claims seriously. Sometimes people complain about anything and everything – I had a neighbor who must have had supersonic hearing for all the noise complaints he filed against me. Next time your neighbor blares his music, invite the management over to hear it from inside your apartment themselves.
Sounds like your neighbor is a major dick – sorry that you’re having to put up with this and that the management is doing much to help.
LizM
Contacting the police may get your management company’s attention. In many cities, the number of complaints or police calls are public records, and people do look at them before deciding to move into a building. Having multiple noise complaints makes it more difficult to rent an apartment. You should consider mentioning your willingness to call the cops when you discuss this with the apartment management.
Eponine
Call the police. Your management may not care, but I guarantee you there’s a city ordinance prohibiting this kind of noise at the very least after 10pm, and most likely at all times.
kz
You’re not being unreasonable-I find it really inconsiderate when people do that late at night (during the day, I’ll tolerate it). Are his speakers against the common wall with your apartment? If they are, maybe you could ask him to move them and that might help some.
Anon
I lived in student housing and then apartment complexes filled with young people for so long, so I completely understand your frustration. I’m sure you’ve tried it already, but have you spoken to the neighbor directly? The most success I ever had dealing with this situation was to talk to the person directly. It was harder for him to refuse me than getting to tell “his side of the story” to the management company.
I also think that you should make it clear to the management company what an issue this is. Every night that the music is so loud your furniture vibrates, call them. Eventually they will probably get sick of the calls and feel pressure to do something. Keep a record of the date and time of every time that you complain to them. Is there something in your lease that says you need to keep noise down after a certain time of night? You might point that out when you speak to them. Also, perhaps you can talk to the other people who live in apartments next to him. I’m sure you are not the only one going through this. Maybe if you all continue to complain, the management will do something.
I agree with everyone else. There is probably a city ordinance prohibiting loud music after 10pm. If it just won’t stop and the apartment management won’t do anything about it, you should call the police.
Overall though, as awful as it is, there is probably not much you can do about the music during the day. Between the hours of 10pm and 8am though, you probably have a good argument to both management and the police that something needs to be done.
am i being unreasonable?
The terms of the lease prohibit any sort of loud and obnoxious behavior, but there are no strict time limits. The city ordinance is similar in terms of not allowing loud/disturbing behavior at any time. I have called the police during a loud party, but it must have been a busy night as I am not sure they ever got around to checking the place out. I have complained several times during the day in hopes the management will go to his apartment to hear the music for themselves, but they seem to have thrown up their hands at this point.
I sent a letter to the corporate property management headquarters to complain about the management here and reference specific terms in the lease. I don’t know if I will have any success. There are several other similar complaints on apartment complex review sites that have cropped up in the past month or two, so I know I am not the only one having these issues.
mbs
Keep complaining, and I second everyone’s advice regarding notifying the police. Given all that, it may still not do any good. In my last year of law school, I lived in a first floor apartment in an apartment complex, and a new tenant moved in above me. The very first night, she was hanging pictures at 2:00am. Hammering nails into the wall, on a week night. It went down hill from there. She did aerobics (high impact, jumping up and down) at 3:00 am regularly. People didn’t believe me, until I had my boyfriend actually climb up on my patio fence and look inside her glass balcony door, because the ceiling and walls were shaking in my apartment – yes, she was doing aerobics at 3:00am. I called the apartment management each and every night she made noise, they would go by her apartment, tell her to stop, she would apologize, and about a week later, it would start again. I finally moved into a house. I am still astounded that anyone could be so incredibly self-centered and self-absorbed, that they just wouldn’t care how much they disturbed the people trying to sleep around them.
anon
Many jurisdictions say that a tenant has a right of quiet enjoyment. If you live in such a jurisdiction, the management has to work to make sure you have that quiet. That does not mean library silence though – you are living in a multi-unit building. But also remember, be careful about leaving your lease – if you have a management who will not make the neighbor turn down the stereo may also sue you for leaving before the end of your lease.
Lyssa
That’s true, but (assuming that she can show the magnitude of this problem), she can certainly defend that management breached the lease by not taking care of the problem, not her. (Of course, defending something like that is a major headache in itself, though.)
not unreasonable
Depending on where you life, if it happens after midnight (weekdays and later on the weekends) you can call the cops. I had this problem when I was a student but the city I lived in had a noise ordinance. Call the cops directly, not 911 and tell them what is going on. It really pissed off the neighbor but after about the 5th or 6th time I did it he got so fed up he stopped with the music. My sleep and study schedule was more important to me than pissing someone else. It all depends on how aggressive you want to be about it.
not unreasonable
and by life I mean – live… oops
gov anon
Check your city’s noise ordinances. That would be a code violation where I live.
Then next time it happens call the non-emergancy police number and make an anonymous compliant. Believe me after a few visits he’ll either turn it down or management will refuse to renew his lease.
govvie girl
I wouldn’t talk directly with him, frankly, because if he’s that defensive about it, who knows what reaction he might have, or what he keeps in his apartment. If the police don’t resolve it, maybe there are other neighbors who are ticked off at him, too, and you can band together in a complaint to the corporate offices or something, about the general lack of action on issues by the management office.
Get fiesty, get crazy
I’m a 1L procrastinating on my finals. LOL. Upstairs neighbor is a 2am potterer and his girlfriend wore heavy docker boots and was continuously late so running everywhere above my head. Guitar playing at 1am and all that crap. I spent two months politely complaining. Then I accosted, yes accosted, his stupid cow of a girlfriend *running* out to work at 6.30am on a Sunday morning. The ceiling was shaking and my entire apartment was woken up. I stood *in front* of the gate as she unlocked her bike and *did not move* for about 10 minutes as I politely asked her to stop doing that, think *I’m a psycho* too calm voice. Followed that up once at 2am on a TUESDAY MORNING when they bounce in from a night out the day my memo is due. I got up, went downstairs and *rang their doorbell* for 10 minutes until everyone in their entire apartment got up. Then I went to bed. End of problems.
I would start by going to complain as early in the morning as you can get up EVERY SINGLE DAY for as long as you can do it. 6am/5am, whatever you can do. Ring his doorbell for at least 10 min. It’ll stop.
chic chick
I just came across this article, and wanted to know what you Corporettes thought of it: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/29/AR2010102900354.html.
Can wearing a sheath dress be considered “power dressing?” If it’s worn with a matching jacket, could it be equivalent to wearing a suit–and why/why not?
divaliscious11
I would say yes, but I am not a member of the blue suit/cream blouse/flesh hose/black mid-heel pump = power dressing school like many who post here regularly. I tend to be of the “the woman makes the clothes” school of thought, barring obvious inappropriateness, which I will admit, is in the eyes of the beholder. So for example, there are some who see a platform shoe and think inappropriate, and others who’d think it was fine. What I would so is that despite the protest, there is no definitive rules, within the parameters of being well dressed and well-kempt. It will always be influenced by the industry as well as the personality of the person.
mbs
I would say yes, especially when worn with a matching jacket. I’ve always loved that look. Can’t imagine why anyone would think it’s not equivalent to a suit in professionalism and formality.
chic chick
Yes, this is what I’ve assumed, as well, but I’ve read somewhere (perhaps on this site) that a sheath dress + matching jacket doesn’t look as authoritative as a pantsuit or even a skirt suit. I have also noticed that commentators on this site debate about whether to wear a skirt suit or a pantsuit to an interview, but I’ve never seen the question of whether to wear a dress suit come up. Are they just not as traditional as skirt suits? Would it be wrong to wear a dress suit (to clarify, I mean something similar to this: http://www.anneklein.com/Two-Piece-Dress-Suit/90310456,default,pd.html?cgid=90411391&variantSizeClass=&variantColor=JJ4QGXX&ep_tag=AF200905) to an interview?
Would anyone who agrees with this or has heard this be willing to pitch in with her thoughts? I am just curious.
Nita47
If you are in the early stage of your career, you probably want to dress conventionally for interviews with people who would be your superiors. The conventional interview outfit is a matching skirt suit. The idea is to remove any doubt that you can fit in with the organization.
If you are more established in your profession, you don’t want to look like a sought-after subordinate but instead like the equal of your interviewer(s). This generally means looking very polished and prosperous, secure and confident. In that situation, a “power” look removes any doubt that you can be a leader, rainmaker, whatever.
Employed 3L
I wore a dress suit to several OCI interviews. It wasn’t quite as edgy as the one you linked to, but it was a dress. I got four 2nd Interviews and two job offers. At the firm where I accepted a position, several attorneys have commented that I dress with “maturity” and “confidence.” (These comments have been made in appropriate contexts, so I don’t think anyone’s hinting at anything.) I’m 27, slim, and my face looks like I’m twelve.
Nita47
Sheath + jacket, if well-tailored and expensive looking, strikes me as more powerful than a suit. Suits are worn by people who are trying to move up — going for an interview or trying to impress superiors. A sheath+jacket implies, “I don’t worry what the boss thinks because I am the boss.”
With a sheath in lieu of blouse/top, some kind of statement neckwear (jewelry or scarf) is needed. Also, it’s okay if either the sheath or jacket (not both) is a print or pattern, but a matching print sheath + jacket needs to be sophisticated or else it risks looking a little “Mayberry.”
Bonnie
I think a dress suit could be appropriate for an interview but not this one. I’m not a fan of the bolero jacket.
Anonymous
Hey Corporettes, in need of some advice since you ladies give great advice . I met the love of my life in college. I went off to med school and we did long distance for about two years when I broke it off because (1) I couldn’t do long distance and (2) I just thought I was too young to commit to someone and wanted to have fun and focus on my career. We’ve remained friends for the past 6 years and I have dated lots of guys since then but no one compares to him and I always constantly think about what could have been. I don’t think he’s dated anyone since we broke up (strange, I know.) I always knew I couldn’t restart anything unless I knew 100% that this was what I wanted because I just never want to hurt him again. And well, now he is what I want. Has anyone tried to rekindle something after so many years? Any advice? I feel like he won’t take me back just because of the cold way I dumped him (ie wanted to focus on my career and having fun rather than on him).
Anonymous
If you are single and he is single, you don’t stand to cause many problems if you have an honest conversation with him, say “this is how I feel” and at least put it out there. I can say from experience the worst, worst thing is to wait too long, then he meets someone and the window of time to open the conversation is gone.
People do things when they are young. You’re older now and know better; maybe before wasn’t the right time and now is. I was just talking to a woman last night who had met her now-husband when they were in college but similar to your story, it was bad timing and they didn’t end up going out for very long. They both moved out of state and fell out of touch. Ten years later, she was standing in a grocery store in her new city and he came up and tapped her on the arm. They started talking, then they started dating, then they got married and had three kids. It does happen.
You have more to gain, I think, by going after what you want than you do by sitting and waiting for it to possibly pass you by. Good luck. :)
Anon101
You have nothing to lose by trying.
E
Most people don’t regret things that they did in that situation, but rather what they didn’t do. It may be painful, it may not turn out the way you want, but at least you’ll know and won’t regret saying anything. Life is not a romantic comedy as well all know, but opening your heart to someone may yield surprising results.
Anonymous
Hi all, original poster here. Thanks so much for the responses. It’s good to know that people think I should at least try. I think I’m just too scared that it might not work out or things will end weirdly between us. But you guys are right, I can’t dwell on this forever and need to just say something. Thanks for the encouragement and thank you for your stories. I will keep you posted on how it goes!
anon
I did it. It worked. It’s been great – go for it.
mille
For the plus-size women out there, I wore this dress to our company open house/holiday party and received tons of compliments on it. It was marked down in-store to $99.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3108622?origin=category&resultback=4974
My two cents
Ooh, this is gorgeous! I’m sure you looked great. :)
mbs
Gorgeous dress!
Louise
Great color! And I love that the satin in on top, rather than the skirt. Satin skirts can get wrinkly so fast and look messy.
houda
Lovely dress
anon for this
I have an in house interview coming up, and I’m wondering if any of the in house counsel on here have words of advice, particularly re: how this interview may differ from the law firm interviews that I’m used to.
TIA.
MM
If you don’t read Above the Law regularly, you may not have noticed that they have a new feature about in-house counsel, written by one and talking about what they do, how they operate, and what they look for. There are only a few installments now, but the information would probably make a good resource for you.
divaliscious11
Also Law Shucks….
divaliscious11
In-house IS different. Just understanding that can put you to the top of the list. There are lots of things, but what I see as the biggest challenge is the transition from being in a law firm, where you own the answer for a discreet question, to being in house, where you own the answer, and often participate or facilitate in the implementation. An ability to understand the business is huge. So when you do your research, don’t just research the people you are interviewing with, but also the company and the industry.
Anonymous
This is good advice. Make sure you are knowledgeable about any recent news about the company, particularly legal news — major litigations, investigations, etc. — and particularly items with outcomes favorable to the company. Also if a public company, read up on their annual report and other public documents. Look for profiles of the CEO and any other key executives. Understand who their major competitors are and how they differentiate themselves in the marketplace. Understand how the company has adapted/thrived in this recession. Also, my experience in-house has been that your boss makes a huge difference, whereas in a law firm you have many “bosses.” Try to understand where your prospective boss is coming from, experience with the company, why has your spot opened up, how many women are in your department, how long have they been around, what is the “track” for attorneys to move up. You don’t say, but it sounds like you are leaving a firm — have a coherent story about why this is the right move for you. Also, you need to bring just as much energy and enthusiasm as you would to any other interview. I’ve seen candidates who seemed to think “in-house is laidback” and took a low-intensity approach that just came across as lacking motivation.
J
I’ve been inspired lately by Kate Middleton’s clothes, so wanted to review two imitation pieces I’m very happy I bought.
First, I got the Anthropologie “Network” dress (http://tinyurl.com/2bov8hu) that looks like her blue engagement dress. It’s a high-quality jersey that is definitely work-appropriate with a cami underneath, and casual/dressy without and depending on accessories. It’s expensive, but should be versatile. FYI, the skirt is lined, but I suggest ordering a size larger (I’m usually a small but got the medium) to avoid it being clingy.
Second, Kate has a fabulous cream wool coat (http://tinyurl.com/23sosmg) that I have been coveting, and I found a similar version at Old Navy: http://tinyurl.com/29us8dy. I got it a few weeks ago with a discount, and I’ve had multiple compliments when I’ve worn it out. Very fitted, very flattering coat that I love.
Any other Kate-related finds from other fans of her style?
S
Both pretty items!
CSF
I know this is late for the weekend thread, but I am hoping for some feedback! I am a 3L, set to graduate in May, and my parents would like to have my resume and cover letter professionally reviewed/edited as their graduation gift to aid in my job search. I would love recommendations on people/companies to use. Thanks in advance for any recommendations or suggestions!
Anon
Your career services should do that for free. I don’t know of any professional resume/cover letter companies that I would trust, especially since law and legal hiring is really different from other industries. Tell your parents to use that gift money toward a great interview bag or suit.
Totally Anon for this one
Don’t let your parents waste their money. When I graduated law school, I took a job at one of these companies while waiting for a Real Job.
My co-workers were either JDs who couldn’t pass the bar, recent grads waiting for bar results, or attorneys doing this to make money until something better came along (a couple of actors, a stay-at-home mom, etc).
You can have your peers/career office do the exact same thing for free, because I do agree that everyone needs a fresh perspective on their resume. You just don’t need to pay for it. (how much does it cost, anyway? We never really knew what the company was charging)
JessC
What the others have said. To be honest, sounds like a total waste of money (no offense to the person who once did this as a job) especially if you can have it done by your career services offices. There’s also tons of websites that can give you suggestions on what to do. It might also be worth asking a few of your classmates to offer their thoughts (heck, get a group of people together and everyone swap). Or maybe a former co-worker/supervisor/practicing attorney may be willing. I know if a classmate had asked for my opinion, I would have gladly given a few minutes.
Just as a side note about cover letters. While there will/should be some similarity in your cover letters that you submit different jobs, I would advise against just sending a standardized letter to all potential employers. No two jobs or offices, though similar, are identical. Use your cover letter as a chance to highlight what makes you a great fit for that office (which may not be the same thing that makes you a great fit for a different office).
CSF
Thanks for all the responses. I guess I’m just looking for something to give me an edge in the application process. I’ve got stellar grades, at a good school, with good job experience and great “extras” and I can’t seem to even get an interview. It’s just frustrating at this point. But I’m glad to know this about the resume editing. I certainly don’t want to waste my parents’ money!
divaliscious11
Whew!
Just submitted my last B-School assignment!!!!
Another Anon
Yay!
Where are you taking us all for a drink? ;o)
Divaliscious11
e-Bar None!
I’ll have a …oh wait, need to get some work done first!
Anon!
Have we ever had a post on what to say during an interview when you’re switching jobs? I had already decided to leave my former job and then was sort of scooted out the door–so, in some ways, it was mutual. In other ways, it wasn’t. I just don’t know what to say when my potential employers inevitably ask why I left the prior job. It was in a niche practice area, and my boss is very well known, so I can’t blame it on personality (although that really was the problem, at least from my perspective). I also was getting enough responsibility, and it was at a big firm (and I plan on applying to other big firms), so I can’t really say that it was due to the type of work (since all big firms pretty much do the same thing). Any ideas?