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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Whispering Vines Blazer

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A woman wearing black pants and a black blazer with floral embroidery

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m so bored with every blazer in my closet right now that I’m wondering if I need something with a little more pizzazz, like this embroidered number from Cinq à Sept. It’s a fine line between “slightly whimsical, but office-appropriate” and “kooky,” and I’m not really sure where this one falls, to be honest, but I like it.

For a conservative workplace, I think you might be able to pull it off with a black top and black trousers, but this is definitely a know-your-office situation. 

The blazer is $695 at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes 00-16. 

For a more affordable (and also more casual) option, check out this pretty embroidered cardigan at Boden. It's on sale for $119.

Sales of note for 2/6:

228 Comments

  1. Advice for finding a patient and kind way when your life puts you with people who just complain? I feel that all people have a lot of stuff going on right now (and the world isn’t doing well in many respects, either). I have work and life circumstances now where I am around people who just complain and carry on about every single thing and I feel like I am running out of patience for tuning it out and just accepting it as part of the background noise (but why can’t it just be “the road department” instead of “the g-d road department”? why just it be “stupid accountants” and not “accountants”?). I am getting a lot of mileage now from “that sounds rough.”

    1. If it’s someone with whom you’re very close, it can be helpful to tell them that the complaining is too much. I used to complain a lot without really thinking about it, because that’s how I learned how to connect as a kid. I’m really grateful someone close to me told me the impact and I’ve limited my complaining since.

      1. +1. My mother complained to me about everybody from a very young age, so I learned to do that as well. Once, when I was in my late 20’s and complaining (accurately) about the stresses of my biglaw job, my best work friend said “you know we’re all dealing with the same things, we just deal with it.” That gave me a much needed wake-up and change to my way of thinking.

    2. I give people grace when they’re going through a lot (especially in this administration – there’s more job loss, immigration visa nightmares, threats and violence, rising childcare costs, etc).

      However, I do admit to also being impatient when people complain a lot about predictable and easily solvable problems. “I can’t get outside for my mental health because it’s 35 degrees and I’m colddddd” grinds my gears coming from wealthy adult women. It’s not always an ice storm – get a jacket and get over it.

      1. Yeah. My parents are in tears because my dad, whose health is fragile, had a medical emergency and now their yearly month long trip to a tropical island is cancelled. He is lucky to be alive. Their home is warm as safe, objectively beautiful and outfitted with two fire places. They never need to be outside longer than it takes to walk to their luxury cars with heated seats. They have more money than they can spend, lots of friends, and me and their beloved grandchildren two miles away. Someone else is shoveling and neither of them has a real job. Sorry it’s cold in January?

        1. Hey their life is changing – that’s a rough reality that they’re facing their mortality in a real way. I’d try to give them a lot more grace.

          1. Seriously. They’re allowed to be upset about their lives being upended. It’s not just about the vacation, I’m guessing.

        2. And just as a bit of perspective on your complaints about their complaints, my parents had to cancel two beach holidays in seven months because of my Dad’s medical fragility and by the time the second one would have happened he was dead. I really wish he was here to cry with my mother about it.

        3. Sorry, but this doesn’t sound like a them problem. I’d take shoveling, no fireplaces, working full-time, etc. over realizing that my health is bad and possibly my freedom to travel and all that goes along with that may be ending. There is a difference between not wanting to hear others complain and negating someone else’s lived experience. When it comes to health, it’s hard to know just what someone else is going through.

        4. I’d definitely give them some grace here. It’s not necessarily this trip — it’s that their life is changing and there may not be any more trips ever. And medical emergencies are scary no matter what.

        5. This is harsh. Fragile health and the sense of vulnerability and looming mortality (or at least, the feeling that you may be beginning to lose the ability to do the things you love) are valid reasons to be in tears. I am sure they are grateful he is alive but there’s another side to this coin.

    3. who are these people? You’d handle it differently if it’s your spouse, your elderly father, your boss, you adult children, your coworkers, or your friend group.

    4. sometimes saying “huh, what are you doing about it?” can snap people out of whining mode. Or depending on the audience – going full Pollyanna (oh that’s too bad that happened to you! We had a pothole fixed in 2 days last week and the crew was great!) so they don’t get the reward of validation, commiseration, etc. and therefore look for a better target.

      1. Yeah either of these can work. Don’t feed into their whining basically.

        I also really hate the “g-d road department” stuff. It seems juvenile to me. In general, the road department or the accountants aren’t individually against you, and life is complicated enough no need to add more friction.

    5. It sounds like you’re getting this from a lot of different directions and not really from one person? If that’s the case then just deflect and avoid as much as possible. Be too busy for idle chitchat.

      January sucks. February sucks. People will be nicer in the spring. That’s on repeat in my head rn.

      1. If it feels like everyone, it’s also quite possibly a “you” thing. Sometimes depression or periods of stress can lead to difficulty with empathy. In fact, it’s often an early sign. Definitely is for me. Maybe examine if something else is going on? If it is depression, you may find things like light therapy, exercise, etc. help with mood and then it all soon kind of fades and isn’t an issue anymore.

        1. Fair enough, though I think this is a time of year when a lot of people are unusually cranky.

          I’m the opposite, I love the post-holiday period. I’ve finished my annual duty visits to unlikeable relatives, no one is making plans, I can focus on work and curl up in the dark evenings to cuddle with my kitties — who are friendlier than normal because it’s cold and I’m warm. I feel like a fluffy little songbird. So it’s not depression for me. Most people are just cranks.

          1. Same. I love January. No one expects me to create literal magic or make their special holiday oh so special. No one needs me to put on a bathing suit in public or sit outside getting bit by bugs. Yeah right now we’re under two feet of snow and ice but my heat works. I have warm clothes and a warm car and excellent red wine. Two weeks ago it was 40 degrees and perfect running weather. There is a cadence to the year that makes sense. There are supposed to be routine and restful times like this. Winter was downright difficult when I lived in nyc and walked everywhere. But in the suburbs? It’s a delight of peace and coziness and I think everyone is crazy for complaining.

  2. How’s everyone holding up in the winter storm?
    Central Indiana here, got over a foot of snow but no power outages thankfully.

    Looking for recs on electric snow shovels for next time. Does anyone own one? Bonus if its tall people friendly for 6’3″ husband

      2. also in MN; feeling like “murder” isn’t strong enough. This was an execution.

        1. fwiw I think “murder” is both stronger and more accurate. to me “execution” implies there was a trial, judgement, and sentence.

      3. It’s possible to be concerned about two things at once. You can care deeply about what’s happening in Minnesota but that doesn’t eliminate the need to deal with power outages, look after your own kids, and shovel your driveway.

      4. It’s incredibly moving to know that the protesters and citizen advocates in Minneapolis are braving cold and physical discomfort to do their work (and it obviously is even worse than that for so many). That’s what selflessness looks like.

    2. Also in IN, I haven’t tried myself but a friend recommended the Greenworks 12 inch battery powered shovel.

    3. So far so good (but my continued sanity is contingent on schools opening up sometime this week!). We were fortunate to not lose power, and while we got around 9” of snow and sleet, we didn’t have much freezing rain. Schools are currently closed today and tomorrow, but there is a decent chance they don’t open all week.

    4. We have about 2 feet in MA! Still snowing and I think there are some more heavier bands coming through this afternoon. Kids are off school and still asleep.

    5. Here in Ohio we got about a foot. Our snowblower came in very handy. My husband is 6’0″ and ours is from Honda. We don’t use it every year, but so thankful to have it for times like this.

    7. Is anyone else just terrified of losing a hand in one of those things? I know you’d probably have to be foolish but I’ve grabbed the handle of a pot temporarily forgot was hot when I was cooking. It seems like I’m prone to stupid mistakes like that. Have they made them safer or is it still a concern?

      1. I’ve never encountered an electric snow shovel, but assume the same process for snow blower and snow thrower safety applies to them: use a broom handle if you need to poke around inside them, and never, never do so if they are powered on. I.e., don’t idle the machine while you attempt to clear them out, but fully turn it off.

    8. Hello from Indiana, as well.

      It’s a bit chilly this morning (-5F, LOL) and schools are closed.
      Where I live we got about 8 inches of snow but the city plows and my snow removal guy came through yesterday night after it had stopped snowing, so it’s ok. Most of the state is under some sort of travel warning or watch, so not venturing out quite yet.
      No power outages, so the house is warm and I drink tea and watch my bird feeder while working – it looks pretty with clear blue skies and the glistening snow.

    9. Another Hoosier here. We got about 13″ and it was incredibly cold this morning. It’s only 8 now, so I guess it’s still pretty chilly! Unfortunately, they still haven’t plowed our street so we’re stuck at home for now. Fortunately, we have power and internet and plenty of food, so that’s no great hardship.

    10. South Texas here. We are just fine, if a little iced over – they termed our weather “thundersleet” and at least that’s made me chuckle

    11. my kid’s school is already cancelled for tomorrow. 3rd? 4th? snow day since we returned to school. (Ohio)

  3. What do your offices do when there is a storm and you have non-deferrable work but you lose power where you live? It used to not matter because we worked in offices in buildings with generators. But then we started working from home more and closing offices (or now it’s not safe to travel to them). But we don’t seem to want to put people in hotels to keep them working (or are hot potato-ing as to whether clients should pay) and that seems to be pretty wildly unrealistic. Is keeping the lights on overhead? Or just a contingency that no one really planned for? I am half thinking that work expects me to put in a back-up generator and make this my problem (but it’s entirely too late for that now).

    1. What’s situation prompted this post — is someone giving you pressure for not being able to work, when you’re snowed in and without power?

    2. I’m trying to think of truly nondeferrable work, but all I can come up with (hospital, weather service, firefighters, grocery store type things) would already have disaster protocols in place, and you can’t do most of them from home.

      2. Yeah I work in one of these fields. We have several layers of contingency plans for staffing, losing power, losing comms, etc.

        We had 2 crews (day shift/night shift) sleeping in our office (with generators).

        I’m on a team that needed to be elsewhere, so I’m in a hotel near our location with my team. In addition to the hotel generators, we have our own backup power supply and Starlinks (if we lost internet). They had us rent 4WD SUVs. We also all showed up with 3-4 days of food and water.

        Seeing as you have clients who you would charge for something like a hotel stay, I’m guessing you’re in an industry with a manufactured sense of urgency rather than a real one. In which case, the work is deferrable.

        Tell your bosses or your clients to get over themselves.

    3. how is this any different than a decade ago? if you can’t safely commute now, you wouldn’t have been able to get to an open office anyway. you either go a shorter distance to somewhere with power (a friend’s house, a coffee shop), you find someone with power who you can talk through the urgent work, or you reach out to the affected client to see if some additional time is ok.

        1. +1

          Our main outside counsel was impacted by wildfires a few years back (they evacuated in time but lost their house and most possessions). They were integral to our project, and just told us they would be offline due to circumstances, were terribly sorry, and would reconnect with an update on their availability in a week. We dealt, all was well.

    4. I don’t make heroic efforts, only reasonable ones. Power is out and the city is covered in ice so you can’t get to a hotel even if you wanted to? Oh well, guess those Zoom meeting aren’t happening today. I plan ahead and move anything essential if the forecast is as dramatic and dire as it was last week. I refuse to let my work dictate how my family gets through a stressful storm or situation and I definitely won’t put myself at risk to go in in person. I had an employer try to get me to come in when my city was on lockdown (Boston marathon bomber 2013) and even though the managing partner himself said to do it, that was a hell no. No one else did either.

      1. This. It is unreasonable to get a home generator for work (unless MAYBE work pays for it) and it is ridiculous to put people in hotels for work (and could people even get to those hotels)?

        Unless you’re in a hospital, disaster relief or like, work is not that urgent. Take a snow day.

        1. Yup. I work in disaster relief. I’ve been sleeping in the office with my colleagues, working 14+ hour days (with 24 hour operations), eating food I packed from home. It’s part of one of our several contingency plans. We have so many different options for in office, field, and remote work.

          Unless you work in healthcare, public safety, critical infrastructure, continuity of government, etc. then its actually not critical or urgent or whatever buzzword.

          People died in this storm. The report to the clients or whatever “important deadline” you have can wait.

      2. Agree. You make a reasonable effort but if you need to take drastic measures then work should have helped plan for that. That’s what happens for hospitals etc which are truly crucial.

      3. This. Lawyer in Houston who has been through the once every few years natural disaster for my entire career. We know the routine. People come first. Very few things are non-deferrable, and everyone recognizes that when there is a storm the courts shut down or your colleagues in other cities can handle. Actual essential services have ride out plans.

    5. There are lots of battery backups much smaller and more practical than a full generator.

      1. Do you have experience with this setup?
        There are very few batteries that can power your house including heating and internet for any significant amount of time.

        2. I mean, I have 2 power walls because PG&E likes to turn off my power. they’ll run my house for 4 days.

    7. My spouse and I will buy a hotel (on our own dime) walking distance to the hospital where he works or my office if necessary to get our jobs done and there is a weather risk. This weekend storm was sort of poorly timed because he had to move to a hotel on his personal time well before his next scheduled work shift in order to beat the storm. Admittedly there’s way fewer times my job requires that than his. Now that we have kids, that adds an extra layer of complexity but we figure it out.

      1. For me: kids, sick spouse, extra large dog. Headed to hotel that could fit us all on Saturday with supplies for until Wednesday. I couldn’t leave people in a house that has gotten down near freezing inside before when we have lost power on very cold days. Had I been single, I would have bought my camping gear and some mountain house to the office and stayed there but I can’t bring a whole family with me absent something catastrophic like Hurricane Helene.

    8. I put in the backup generator when we were at home during the pandemic. Worth every penny! But I live in an area with overhead lines and lots of trees, so outages are not uncommon and I have twice lost power for more than a week. Having said that, I don’t think of it as the employer’s responsibility to provide a location with power if there is an office somewhere and employees opt to work from home or are temporarily stuck at home and lose power.

      1. If the employee is stuck at home because the roads are unsafe and she loses power, it is absolutely the employer’s responsibility to defer the deadline or find someone else to complete the task.

        1. Spoken like someone who doesn’t ever want to be promoted. People in my office are understanding, but they expect limitations to be communicated with goodwill and tact.

          2. People who fall all over themselves to prove loyalty by complying with ridiculous expectations don’t get promoted. People who get the job done with confidence and authority, which includes stating in a reasonable manner what is not possible, do better in the long run. If your organization only promotes try-hard bootlickers, it will ultimately fail.

        2. In a large scale event like this one, I totally agree. If a single employee chooses to work from a remote cabin, and repeatedly is unreachable because of circumstances only affecting them, that might be a different story.

      2. Kind of an aside, but it’s not always practical to get a generator. I looked into it this past year. To get a generator we would have to:
        1. Have a propane source because we don’t have natural gas in our area. That means finding a place for the big ugly tank or excavating our yard to bury it. There are limited places to put it because of the septic field, well, and pool. We’d also have to pay to run a line from the tank to the house — the tank apparently can’t be built next to the house per building code – which aside from costing like $50/foot also requires digging up flower beds I’ve worked very hard on, relocating or killing at least one mature flowering tree, and digging up at least one stone pathway, which we would have to get professionally reinstalled because the gas guys won’t do it (properly). Cost of all this depends on where we put it; without excavation is around $15k not counting the masonry or landscaping removal and repair, which have to be done by different contractors.
        2. We need a new electric panel because the existing panel won’t support the generator. That requires also reworking some of the interior electricity. Estimated at $25k.
        3. Then once all that is done we need a place for the generator, which requires laying a concrete pad which means destroying a flower bed and a flowering tree. Estimate without landscaping was around $5k.
        4. Then we can finally get the generator and I don’t even remember how much that was going to be for something big enough for our whole house, but it was something like $20k installed.

        Basically, we would want to hire a general contractor to do all this because it’s just too many contractors involved for me to want to project manage. Which adds another cost. Conservatively, all this work adds up to like $70k. For a generator. As much as I want a generator, I don’t want it enough to dig up half my yard and spend probably closer to $100k the way my luck goes.

        1. That sounds like a whole house generator though? If you have a yard (they need to be placed a safe distance from windows and doors and such), you can get a couple-hundred-dollar generator on wheels that just powers a few outlets

        2. Yes, individual solutions are a big ask. A lot of the USA needs to update infrastructure so power outage is less of a risk at the community level.

        3. Just pointing out for others that you seem to be referring to a whole-house generator. Smaller, portable generators that can run a few carefully selected appliances don’t involve all of this infrastructure and don’t cost nearly this much. You will still be aware there is an outage, you just won’t lose your whole fridge contents and can recharge your devices.

          1. Yeah and if I have a smaller generator likr this I’m not using it to charge my work computer. Sorry not sorry.

          2. Portable generators are still expensive, require electrical work in order to patch them into the house’s electrical system, are dangerous, and require gasoline, which is impossible to get if you are stuck at home because of icy roads and the gas stations have all lost power.

          3. O…k? Like you said, it’s just a few appliances, like idk HEAT. It’s definitely not enough for my work computer, which comes way at the bottom of the list after my heat (or at least a space heater or three), fridge, cooking appliance of some sort, back up fridge, chest freezer, powering personal electronic devices, and I’m sure my family members have some things to add to the list.

        4. We knew it was a no just by the rules on how far away it had to be from other houses.

    9. I am struggling to think of what is non-deferrable in a weather emergency. Where I live, courts close when the weather is that bad or power or water outages are widespread. Health care workers stay at the hospital.

      1. Legal stuff like securities offerings. NYC can usually handle weather. SEUS gets added to deals and can’t look like they are the problem.

        1. The SEUS office needs a strong contingency plan, then. People who live in the SEUS know that power and water can be out for a week after any storm. At a minimum, train multiple staff to handle the deal so hopefully someone has power and internet.

        2. …we definitely do not work with the same types of securities offerings. None of the ones I am involved with managing in my day to day work are so vital to life or national security that the work can’t be deferred until multi-state power outages have been addressed.

    10. The only non-deferrable office work I can think of is running payroll/HR systems. Otherwise I think you try to reschedule/move things, and if necessary ask a colleague in another office that was unaffected to help out. If the company has zero layers of redundancy because of cost cutting that’s a them problem, not a you problem.

    11. I think in practical terms, this is mostly evaluated against “how often does it happen and how many other people are out”. If this is a once-in-a-decade storm, widespread outages, no one is going anywhere, then people are generally understanding – same as other unforeseen emergencies. I’d use my phone/couple hours of laptop battery to handle the most urgent stuff, communicate the situation to clients, make a contingency plat, and that’s that.

      If it’s more on the “you live 30 minutes outside of town in the mountains, and you are losing power a few times a year, and you’re always the last on the tech’s list for restoring”, then yeah, you’re getting into territory where you should look at a generator. It’s probably not worth stressing too much about whether it *should* be your responsibility to get, but it’s worth the $ to protect your reputation for reliability. You don’t need to get a whole-home, automatic, super expensive system, just enough to charge devices.

      1. I live in Houston and it seems to be an every few years thing. Summer 2024 we had no power at home for over a week and it was like 100 outside. Winter 2021 we had no power for 4 days and it was freezing inside. We were very very lucky to be able to drive out of our homes and have friends take us in but it was far from ideal. Plus we had no childcare. Fortunately i have an amazing boss and team where people help each other out if one person has power and one doesn’t.

    12. Back in ye olden days of the early 2000s, law firms paid for a car to come get you and bring you to the office. Once, when there was a prohibition against driving and the car service wouldn’t drive, they required us to drive our own cars into the office and the firm paid for any tickets we got for driving under a prohibition. They also paid for a hotel room to stay in for a few days when we couldn’t go home. Not exactly a family friendly policy.

      So yes this is overhead but also forms charge clients for a lot of their overhead so it’s kind of a toss up whether firms passed on the costs or not. I think the firm charged clients for the hotel rooms and car service but not for ticket reimbursement.

        1. In NYC you don’t have the power supply issues that we do u less you have lived to the burbs. WFH in the SEUS only works in good weather and never with freezing rain.

          1. My response wasn’t to the extreme weather, it was to the fact that your firm made you drive to work on roads that were so unsafe the authorities had prohibited driving on them.

          2. Seriously. I’m an in-house lawyer. When we have major weather events, my bright-line rule is that we never ask staff or vendors to disregard road closures or curfews. The potential liability for the company just isn’t worth the risk.

        2. I’m the person you’re responding to. At the time I worked for a boutique that is not in NYC but routinely works with/against biglaw in NYC and elsewhere. I think there’s a lot of pressure on boutiques like this to keep pace with the big guys even though you don’t have the resources for it. So the brunt of that resource deficit falls on the associates and to a lesser extent the staff.

      2. That’s nuts. Honestly that’s the kind of unethical I’d consider leaving a job over (or, simply refusing and letting them fire me if they really want to). If the roads are closed/non-essential travel has been prohibited, you put yourself and others’ (including first responders, and people who need to be on the road for a genuine emergency) lives at risk.

      3. That is absurd. If there is a prohibition against driving it’s likely for a reason. No one’s life is more important than some case or deal

    14. if your work is actually non-deferrable, there will/should be a company wide policy or plan. A few rungs lower (insurance/banking) where there may be legal obligations/deadlines for certain work – my company has a pretty robust business continuity plan for how to continue essential work. If you don’t have that & aren’t a C suite in charge of making one, not really your problem to solve, aside from making sure your shared work is accessible in the same way it should be for unexpected leave, etc.

  4. any real life reviews of thrive cosmetics? they’re pushing into my instagram feed hard right now and i do need new make up…. i’m 50 so probably their target demographic.

    1. I love their tubing mascara. I don’t have a comparison for it, but I have re-bought it several times and have no interest in finding another / a “better” one.

    2. I find their ads sort of annoying but I do love the tubing mascara (I prefer to get the 4 pack of travel size, but they might only have them around xmas). I buy it whenever I run out. The black is solid and the berry color (Elena?) is fun — I have green eyes and light coloring. I recently got the undereye brightener and also like it. I have also tried the eyeshadow sticks and they were fine but not special, or maybe I’m just not in an eyeshadow era anymore.

    4. I’m 47, so similar age. I like the eye brighteners, they are nice and subtle cream eyeshadows. I have also tried the matte lip tints and I am not going to rebuy. I end up going through them super fast because they don’t last.

      1. I have tried both the Thrive cream eyeshadows and Bobbi Brown. Bobbi Brown is 100x better for a similar price-perhaps a little more expensive in regular pricing but there are often sales. Laura Mercier also makes a cream eyeshadow that looks good. I would avoid Thrive in that category.

    5. if you like tubing mascara they’re a must try. i can’t stand it, makes my lashes look splindly and sparse.

    6. Love their mascara, but haven’t tried any of their other products. I only use tubing mascara and have tried a lot of brands, and this is my current favorite.

  5. I’m looking to do a style-refresh as I rapidly approach 40… Any recommendations for a Canadian-based personal stylist? I could make the trek into the GTA if they are great or work with someone virtually. TIA!

      1. not the OP but I’m also in the GTA. Charly Goss looks really interesting – I’m going to try out the monthly club, thanks Lydia!

        1. would love to hear about your experience if you end up working with them, or about the club! they also have a good amount of free content on their insta…but I’m curious about the club!

  6. I’m absolutely outraged by what is happening in Minnesota and elsewhere in the country, but I feel powerless to do anything other than donate. My congressional reps are solidly D, so I don’t feel the need to contact them. What else can I do?

    1. Contact them anyway. Even the most reliable Democratic congressperson needs their spines stiffened these days.

      I personally am looking into ways to donate to various relief efforts in Minnesota. Still looking around, but I’m sure people here might have links.

      2. I’m in a deep blue city in a deep blue state. I don’t usually call, but I called to encourage my representatives to do their very, very best.

        Donating is also great and very much necessary. Thank you!

        Calling loved ones who get their news from unreliable sources to tell them what’s happening and encouraging them to call their representatives is also really helpful.

      3. Yeah, if anyone can name a single Democratic representative who is truly doing everything they can, I’ll eat my hat.

        1. I find the people who say this have no idea how the system works and what is actually being done. In LA what made a difference were city lawsuits against federal agencies, press lawsuits against federal agencies and ACLU lawsuits against specific police persons. It took a while to work but then the feds backed down. I am certain all of that is in process. Try checking Democracy Docket

          2. I agree that donating to ACLU and the multiple legal efforts is key. But I also am in a firmly blue state and am disappointed with how quite my reps are. So I keep calling them.

            And if you are in a red state, you should be calling all the time, and letting them know your local.

        2. Hey, some of them are voting to increase funding to ICE so that they can improve their training!

      1. “If a federal agent can kill someone on video, while filming her himself, while five other cameras roll, while experts line up to say it was unjustified, and face no charges because the federal government controls the investigation and refuses to share evidence, then there is no rule of law. There is only rule.

        Mary Moriarty can change that. We need her to do her job and put out an arrest warrant. There’s enough evidence for a trial, let a jury sort this out like they would for anyone else…Call the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office at 612-348-5550. Tell them you want Mary Moriarty to issue an arrest warrant for Jonathan Ross. Tell them that if she won’t use the authority she has, she should resign and let someone else do the job. If you get voicemail, leave a message. If the line is busy, call back. If you can’t get through by phone, email citizeninfo@hennepin.us or write to 300 South Sixth Street, Minneapolis, MN 55487. Find Moriarty on social media at @MaryMoriarty or the official office account @HennepinAtty. The office is also on Facebook at facebook.com/HennepinAttorney and Instagram at @HennepinAttorney.

        One prosecution won’t fix everything. But it plants a flag. It proves there’s still a rule of law. Not just a ruler.”

        1. A million times, this. Laws and rules and votes don’t do jack shit once monsters stop respecting them.

        2. Thank you for breaking this down for me. Just called and a human picked up, I used this language and they said they are taking it down and logging it.

          1. I just called too and they said they’re getting lots of calls and feeling the support from around the country (I added that I hoped staff were managing OK there). Please call!

        3. Thank you very, very much for laying this out so clearly and for giving actionable steps.

        4. Thank you for laying this out very clearly. I am an active caller of my own politicians but never even occurred my voice would matter on this. Done.

    5. According to my local assembly person, the most helpful thing we can do is send direct support through StandWithMinnesota.com, a huge, volunteer-run directory of mutual aid funds, crowdfunding campaigns, and legal aid organizations.

      You can also call the Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and urge a NO vote on ICE end DHS budgets.

    6. Agree that you should contact them. The constituents who are in alignment with them matter too.

    7. Get involved:
      – yes, it is still very important to call your reps so people are aware of how pissed off you are. They need to know. Demand they speak out and do more.
      – donate to StandwithMinnesota
      – get involved— we have midterm elections this year (why do you think Trump is trying to extort for MN voter rolls?), and you can join your local Indivisible to get engaged. https://indivisible.org/
      – volunteer on getting people registered or re-registered to vote, locally a lot of that is done by the local Party, going to events etc. it’s actually fun to be at festivals and talk to people. The League of Women Voters also does this work: https://www.lwv.org/
      – Lastly, it’s an election year. People are running for office. Donate. Volunteer. You can call voters from the comfort of your own home. You can walk your community and knock on voters doors.

      It all matters.

    8. You could build connections with neighbors and make a plan for when they come knocking in your neighborhood.

    9. Help people in your community in tangible ways. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, a food bank, a blood donation bank, a Habitat for Humanity build.

      The things that are going on in Minnesota are awful and primarily affect lower income immigrants. (Wealthier immigrants are addressing their concerns by hiding, moving, or taking legal action). Frankly, it’s not safe for lower income immigrants to seek resources that are designed for the immigrant community right now, so the best way to support that community is to support organizations that serve all low income individuals.

    10. I have Ted Cruz, John Cornyn, and Tony Gonzales. I still call them everyday to remind them that they are public servants and they work for the voters, and to vote for/agaibst XYZ. Whatever good that does. Ted’s office, if I ever get a human to answer, tends to be super rude.

      1. Here in PA I’ve got Dave McCormick and the truly disgusting John Fetterman. I also call and Fetterman’s office is really rude; McCormick’s office is robotically Republican. Just to say — I’m with you in the dogged calling of these butts.

    11. Just called the MN attorney office and my senators (in OH). One of their mailboxes was full, which has never happened before… I’m taking that as a good sign.

    12. contact your reps anyway.

      if you have money to give, the mutual aid funds on the standwithmn website are absolutely the best way to directly help people with family members detained, unable to leave their homes, etc. Countless immigrants and POC are afraid to leave their homes which means not working – unable to pay rent, unable to buy groceries. There is a very strong mutual aid network getting money and essentials to these folks. Yes it is going to look different than your usual charity donations.

      if you are in an area likely to be targeted (blue state/city) start ramping up your community network. They have have been absolutely critical to the resistance here. Exchange numbers with your neighbors. Say hello to the immigrant family down the block. Participate in a local protest.

  7. What do you wear to winter weddings? My go-to dress is sleeveless. All the events are indoors, warm enough for sleeveless, but IDK if it would look out of place given the timing. Midwest, very real winter.

    2. Sleeveless. Add a wintry wrap or stole if you want, but you know it’s going to end up slung over the back of a chair in a hot ballroom regardless.

    3. You can still wear your sleeveless dress (I also live in the midwest). Get a shawl or faux fur coverup if you’ll be cold.

    4. Still sleeveless but a dress in a darker color and more substantial fabric. Velvet or sparkly purse, metallic or dark shoes. Your jacket will come off as soon as you’re inside so it doesn’t matter too much. If you need to wear a wrap during the ceremony a heavier fabric is ideal but in my circle it’s mostly an afterthought, not a perfectly coordinated accessory.

  8. If today’s featured blazer were embroidered, I would like it and could see it being acceptable in an office. As it’s rhinestones, it reads “evening wear” to me.

  9. Low stakes request for thoughts or recommendations. I work in a little corner of our guest room, and the light isn’t great. I have one little desk lamp that helps a bit, but I’d like to add another. There is very little desk space available, so I think I’d need something that clips onto the top of a monitor, or attaches to a wall. Would prefer something that looks nice, and not just plastic. Any recs?

    1. Search for plug-in wall sconce. (Be sure you’re buying the kind that plugs in, not the kind that you wire into the wall.) I might buy a couple, so you light up the general area and not just spotlight your desk.

      You can also buy a swag light fixture, the kind that plugs in and then hangs over the desk, lighting up the whole area.

      If you buy lots of home stuff, your go-to stores where you buy lamps will have them. Or, just any big-box place like . . . Wayfair, Home Depot, Lowe’s, Target, World Market, etc.

    2. Depending on what floor space you have, what about something like this:

      https://www.wayfair.com/Wrought-Studio™–Perlis-Modern-67-Arc-Floor-Lamp-with-Curved-Metal-Shade-Weighted-Marble-Base-and-Foot-Switch-for-Living-Room-or-Bedroom-X116160678-L6238-K~W005059567.html?channel=GooglePLA&ireid=29893908&fdid=1817&PiID%5B%5D=541069510&refid=GX711619031674-W005059567_541069510&device=c&ptid=2434600897616&network=g&targetid=pla-2434600897616&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17748912450&gbraid=0AAAAAD9ISC7YeAKzK26DbLvKwp5Saz7Qo&gclid=Cj0KCQiAvtzLBhCPARIsALwhxdpwV02pz8g89YVunfVEVgwD7evNkS3NXISbBabt6Ci511WUXd8gZj4aAhdIEALw_wcB

      1. Yes, I was going to suggest something similar. I have a gooseneck LED floor lamp that I use for my desk area in the corner of a room with limited desk space. I love that it’s adjustable, so I move it around to use for task lighting on my desk or to light up the area for calls. Mine has a remote that allows me to adjust the brightness and how warm/cool the light is, as well.

    3. Look at ikea, lots of options that clip onto desk or computer, or you can do something on the wall.

  10. What do folks think about the Wirecutter women’s work pants recommendations? (Will put the link in a reply.) Any of these among your favorites? Are the pricey ones worth it? I have to say, some of them look a little dowdy to me. (If you’re in MN, please know so many of us are standing with you! The world is awful and I’m coping by taking news breaks to distract myself with clothes, recipes, etc. On top of donating, calling members of Congress, etc.)

        1. The first two seem promising. They lost me at La Ligne Colby Pant, which looks like something I might have made in sewing 201 class. (Or the pant version of the very crappy skirt I did make while in high school home ec)

        2. I think they look nice on the person recommending them but pants are so body specific I think you have to try them on. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa.

          1. Yeah, I think I’m biased against pleated pants in any form. Not only are they deeply unflattering on my shape, they make me feel like a grandmother. I’m in my mid-40s, so there’s a fine line to tread here!

      2. agreed… horrible clothes recs, seems just like an affiliate link grab. Strategist is slightly better, I think, but most of the influencers are better than that.

        1. the fact that the NYT recs the same companies over and over (like aritzia or everlane) does feel like they’ve agreed on special terms or something.

    3. lol the Gap 365 trousers are my everyday work pants. I do have how polyester-y they feel but they fit well and are reasonably priced. I have AYR jeans and I am *obsessed* with how well they fit, so I’m intrigued by the work pants…

      1. That’s helpful! The Gap ones are cheap so will give them a try. The AYR looked nice to me too and the weather has me thinking wool is a good idea, but was curious if worth the price.

        1. I will say that the AYR sizing info on their site is spot on for me. It was nice to see their clothes on a non-size 2 tall model in the Wirecutter photos rather than the AYR product photos, gave me more confidence that the pants would look good :)

        2. Definitely try the Gap pants on in person. They looked ok in the store but shrunk after washing on cold/hanging and bagged out in the seat significantly throughout the day. That’s always been my issue with Old Navy/Gap pants though.

    4. I’m a little surprised not to see Talbots, Ann Taylor, or Banana Republic listed as I still think of those as staples for workwear. But their list seemed pretty normal and thorough (though I hate pleated pants and refuse to entertain the idea of barrel shaped anything).

        1. Seriously! Their bra recommendations are always weird. I also don’t understand why all of the pants are pleated?

    5. I’m a huge fan of the Aritzia Effortless pants, but the high waist and wide-leg cut is flattering for my build.

  11. A family member has asked for my advice about a housing situation, and I think I’m too close to the situation to be completely objective. So, I’m posting here in hopes of getting more thoughts and ideas to share.

    Family member is in her early 40s, divorced for a little over a year and separated longer than that. She and her ex-DH purchased the home from her grandfather (now deceased) in a sweetheart deal. So there is a lot of sentimental value in the home, but unfortunately, the demise of the marriage introduced a lot of unhappy memories. At the time of the divorce, she couldn’t buy out the ex’s share on her own, so her parents bought the home outright and she now pays monthly rent to them.

    In many ways, the home is great. She and her ex upgraded the bathrooms and made some cosmetic updates. It’s within walking distance of her kids’ elementary school. However, it’s also small for three rapidly growing kids, ages 7 through 13. Was built in the late 50s, and although it was well maintained by the grandfather, it has older-house headaches and issues. The maintenance has been a lot to handle on her own. The problems have been increasingly expensive and way beyond DIY (replacing a roof, plumbing, electrical, etc.).

    She’s been considering moving, and this is where it might get messy. Financially, moving is not going to be a great move. To get anything newer, larger, and with less maintenance would mean changing neighborhoods. The kids could stay in their schools but it would mean more driving back and forth, and more distance between her and her ex. Without going into the whole backstory, that would be a good thing for other reasons. Her parents may have some complicated feelings because they bought the property to ensure stability for the kids and a continued home base in a familiar place. But, they also wouldn’t throw a giant fit over it, either.

    I can tell she wants to move but have no idea what to tell her because 1) the financial piece is real. She has a good paying job, but she is one person. 2) the old house issues are also very real, but newer houses have problems, too. She deserves a fresh start, but I suspect that may involve some compromises she isn’t ready to make (e.g., maybe a townhouse instead of a single-family home).

    1. It sounds like what she needs first is more data: how much can she spend on housing (maintenance + mortgage + taxes) per year (answer this question first!)? And then, how much house, in what region, can that money buy?

      Sometimes when I’m stuck on a big decision, breaking it into littler questions that I can get more info on helps – like in this case, easy next steps are: making/clarifying her budget, and 2- hop on Zillow, talk to a real estate agent, get info on the market

      1. I agree. It makes sense to me that someone in her position might look around casually for a while, figure out what she can afford, etc. If you’re right and there are necessary compromises that she’s unwilling to make (e.g., seriously considering townhouses or smaller options), then she can make the decision at that time. Sometimes, that’s actually the better process where someone feels strongly about a significant life change.

        1. I agree she needs to make a budget and just see for herself. She should get a realtor so she can view private listings on the MLS app. It may be a rude awakening when she understands what she can get for her money. Make sure she pays attention to each home’s sales history. If it last sold 20 years ago and the value skyrocketed she needs to assume the taxes will increase significantly after she buys it.

          She should ask a realtor how quickly homes sell in her area. As a solo parent it may be hard for her to drop everything and tour on short notice.

    2. It sounds like she should stay and tolerate the things she doesn’t like based on what you said. But beyond that- it sounds like there are financial, logistical, and satisfaction tradeoffs either way- which are the ones she can live with? Since there seem to be significant issues on both sides, my bias would be to stay and not to incur the metaphorical and literal transaction costs of selling and moving. to me, the upside would have to be significant in order to incur that kind of headache, and it doesn’t sound like it is.

      1. Sorry, did not phrase that well in the post. She owns the house outright now because of a financial gift from her parents.

        1. This is more confusing. Did the parents buy the house and keep it in her name (financial gift) and then she makes payments to them and she will eventually own it entirely?

          Rent vs. making interest-free payments on a house she will eventually own is going be a way different calculous.

    4. If she’s renting from her parents, wouldn’t the roof and plumbing be their issue? I get they did her a favor, but if it’s truly a landlord situation, seems like it’s not her issue. I’d tell them about it and stay put. Moving isn’t going to be secure and changing schools isn’t great for the kids.

    5. One thing to consider about the old house issues: it feels daunting when you’re going through it, but there is a finite number of things that can go wrong with a house. She’s knocked out 3 of the top expenses. Next up will be HVAC, windows, and siding. But unless she has foundation issues, that’s kind of the end of the line in terms of big ticket home maintenance items for the next 10-15 years.

      I think there’s this tendency to feel like, omg I spent $100k on my house in the past two years I can’t spend $50k/year every year!! But that’s not actually how houses work. Everything goes wrong for like 5 years and then you get a (relative) reprieve until stuff starts to break again.

    6. I’d advise her that it’s time she does some concrete work so she knows what she’s actually dealing with. (I wouldn’t use those words!) Rather than deciding to do it and THEN finding out what’s involved, I’d encourage her to plan out the whole thing even though she hasn’t yet decided whether to do it. Then she can make the decision whether to move or stay based on actual realities.

      She’d start by listing the questions involved, and finding the answers to them. Will her parents sell the house or rent it out to someone else? Will they continue to subsidize her housing, or is she now on her own? How much down-payment will she need, and where will it come from? How much house can she afford? What will the monthly costs be, and what does she need to budget for yearly repairs? What will she have to cut out of their lifestyle in order to afford this other house, and are those changes she wants to make? What will her new “time budget” be, if she’s driving kids to the old schools, and does the driving actually work?

    7. Any house that she buys and can afford will be small for one adult and three teenagers/preteens, right?

      I ask because you’re talking about townhouses, too.

      My biggest question is why she’s doing the maintenance as a renter. That equity for her parents. Normally, if there is a big repair spike, people can use a HELOC to fix the place up. Renters almost never pay for maintenance (Arkansas excepted), so the landlord is in charge of that.

      I would figure out the renter situation first. Is she renting or do her parents have a private mortgage with her?

      1. +1. I’d be really angry if I was paying for big structural repairs like HVAC/roofing/etc. but had no equity in the house and it wasn’t explictly going to be my inheritance (outlined in a trust for example).

        1. Some of these repairs happened before the parents purchased the house. I don’t think it’s a straight-up rental agreement between the parents and her, but I really don’t know what was agreed upon.

        2. The house is in her name, just her parents gave her the money to purchase it outright.

        3. It’s her house, in her name. The parents gave her money as a gift, subtracted from her eventual inheritance, to buy out the ex.

          2. The she can get a HELOC to do the big ticket repairs. Those are once every decade or two.

    8. Can you offer to help her repaint/redecorate a room(s)?

      It seems like there are 3 big issues at play here: finances, space and memories. I wonder if investing a small amount of money to try and provide a fresh start would help with the memories.

    9. I would recommend that she starts with things less dramatic than moving. Changing schools/commuting schools and creating family drama sounds like it’s a lot more work than upkeep on an older house. Take the time to repaint and move/swap furniture if the memories are really unpleasant, it’s cheaper and less expensive than moving. Also, coordinate with the parents on house upkeep. It sounds like they’re generally supportive and would likely be able to help.

    10. She needs to get over the “50s house is too small for 3 kids thing” and stay where she is. The financial impact of moving will endure longer than the crowded bathroom. The 13 yo has 5 more years at home full-time, but it would cost tens of thousands of dollars to sell and buy something else. She may deserve a fresh start, but her priority needs to be security and stability for her kids which, thanks to her parents’ generosity, this house offers. She can paint or plant a garden if she needs it to feel fresh.

      1. I agree with you, but I wasn’t sure if my personal feelings were factoring into this too much.

        1. I agree. The layout may need some work – like often those houses have formal living and dining rooms and maybe those need to turn more into family lounge spaces? or maybe the kids need to keep some stuff like hairbrushes and toothbrushes in a powder room so that the bathroom can be prioritized for showers? but starting over with another house is not the answer.

      2. This right here. She and the kids (and their stuff) will expand to fill whatever space they buy. They need to figure out how to bloom where they’re planted. Moving will just eat it time and cash, which when you’re a single person with kids, don’t ever have a big enough margin of error. Moving would be an unforced error on her part. The grass isn’t greener elsewhere, it’s just different weeds.

        1. I commented earlier but now that I see she owns this house I agree. I suspect she’s frustrated that they don’t have the lifestyle she envisioned pre-divorce. But maybe she needs to turn her formal dining room into a home office and use folding tables at Thanksgiving. If she manages to buy a bigger house the stress of living beyond her means will take away any temporary enjoyment she gets from a nicer bathroom. Her teens might whine now but a few years down the road they’ll understand the tradeoff better.

          1. It is nuts to buy a bigger house to accommodate Thanksgiving dinner.

            Kids always want more. If she bought a bigger house, they would want fancier vacations.

      3. I agree with this. I’m going through a divorce and would LOVE to move 20 minutes away for a fresh start. That would be bad for my child in a number of ways, so I bought new furniture and wall decorations.

      5. Agree; sounds like she doesn’t understand the difference between needs and wants.

        And if she cannot afford to maintain this 1950s house, why does she think she would be able to afford a larger one? Roofs aren’t cheap, but if she thinks a different house will have no problems, she is gambling.

      7. my mother and her two siblings grew up in a 50s-era house. and she and her sister had to share a room while they gave the son not one but two rooms (connected).

      8. I have two kids in a 50s house with one bath and three bedrooms. Is it ideal? No. Ideal teen bedroom = Audrey Rouget’s room in Metropolitan (in a Park Avenue classic six, includes fireplace, has pink and green Laura Ashley bedding). But it’s safe and clean (enough) and in a walkable neighborhood close to their schools.

        Related: I used to babysit for a family who had three kids but only two kids’ bedrooms. Every September, the kids would switch bedrooms so one would be in the smallest kid bedroom and the other two would be in the big bedroom. It worked really well!

      9. This is where I came out. Kids can deal with a cramped house. It’s imperfect, but doable, especially with headphones and bunk beds.

    11. A lot depends on who actually owns the home and has access to the equity.
      If she owns the home, then can she access the equity to help finance the big-ticket items? I get it – my own old home constantly needs something. But newer construction is not a golden ticket either, and moving costs are no joke. I’d also put a HUGE premium on the youngest child being in walking distance of school with several more years there, and she as a single parent.

      If her parents actually own the home, then they should be doing the repairs (maybe deducting it from her inheritance if they need to pay themselves back).

    12. Well, I’d like to give you permission to stay out of it and not feel obligated to give detailed advice. Obviously she knows her situation better than you. Just tell her you’re biased opinion and move on with your life.

      1. Co-sign. This doesn’t seem like something a friend needs to be involved in. Listen to her concerns and support her choices. Assume that she has reasons that support her decisions and that you don’t truly know all the details.
        Unless you are friend?

    13. First, there is no house that never has maintenance issues.

      If she doesn’t want to hear this from family, I would suggest sitting down with a financial planner and work out her budget of what she can realistically spend on a renovation and a new house. And she probably needs to see what the market actually has to offer. As many pointed out, a crowded house will alleviate itself eventually. Many people have smaller houses — especially if that’s what she can afford.

      My guess is her parents are being much more forgiving of a loan than a landlord or bank would be so she also needs to think about what happens if she can’t afford the mortgage or rent on her own. Her parents aren’t going to kick her out. That’s just a reality in today’s job climate.

      Also, it’s been a year. Maybe she should also consider that time will likely change her perspective as she adds new memories to this house.

    14. Moving is not a rational financial decision. She is not thinking clearly, and someone needs to run the numbers.

      But perhaps she is ?rich as her wealthy parents will be covering her needs and wants long term, as I cannot think of a reason otherwise that she should be considering moving to a bigger more expensive house that will still have maintenance issues and will now suck more time out of her life by adding a commute for her kids to school. As a single parent. With one income.

      Maybe she should sit down with someone who can review her finances and talk some sense into her.

  12. Hi! Missed your post for DC restaurant recs last week so listing a few below. I suggest you let us know what neighborhood you will be in and people can post recs based on that. when I have out of towners visit, I always try to think of food that is less common in other cities (so seconding Chercher Ethiopia, Yellow Palestinian and and Dolan Uyhhur already recommended)

    Georgian – dumplings/cheesy bread/tasty veggie: Supra in Shaw

    Laotian – noodles, soups, (can be spicy): Thip Khoa is the long-standing standout in Colombia Heights and Baen Mae is more viby and SE Asian fusion.

    Afghan – dumplings, meats, spinach and cheese rice: Lapis in Admo/Kalorama for vibes or Afghania in Georgetown

    Balkan – Ambar in Barracks Row and Shaw has limitless brunch which could be really fun for a teenager

  13. We were recently told my position and my team positions would be eliminated end of Q3. I am headed to retirement so not interested in future employment. The severance package is extremely generous so can’t screw that up. Question is how to remain motivated. It’s the kind of work where it’s hard to coast but I truly just don’t care anymore. People have been told that they can still be fired for poor performance so there is the fear motivator I suppose. TIA.

    1. Can you speak with leadership about transition plans and hand off more work/train whoever will be taking this over? It’s not like you’re going to be doing 100% of the job one day and then 0% of the job the next, there needs to be some sort of off-ramp and it’s reasonable to transition more to training vs. doing.

      1. But her employer is planning for her to be 100% employed one day, and 0% employed the next day, so why do this? She has no obligation to provide a reasonable transition in the face of a lay off. This sort of ramp-down could lose her the severance. NEVER tell an employer you are leaving until you are ready to be walked out the door.

    2. Forget about motivation and focus on discipline. You don’t have to love every second or feel motivated to do your work. You just have to put your head down and do it so you don’t jeopardize your severance.

    3. How sh!tty to tell people they’re being laid off, but still threaten to fire them for performance.

      My org was horribly impacted by changes to government funding last year and the people who were at risk of being laid off, were specifically told that their job duties moving forward were finding a more secure job: They were instructed to use work time to job search, apply for jobs, network, and take interviews while on the clock. Our comms people would offer time each week to do your résumé and cover letter reviews and mock interviews.

      That is what people first looks like

        1. This is very normal. It does usually imply expectations are *reduced* (exactly what that can mean varies by company; but after all, there is a reason they are willing to keep paying you in order to have you keep working – they need XYZ project wrapped up, or whatever), but are not *zero*.

          It can be an emotionally difficult situation to be in, but it does give you a much longer runway to jobsearch (while still appearing employed, which is often a bonus in the US market), you get the money, and you usually have more wiggle room to do things like take a mid-day interview.

      2. 8 months of notice & a generous severance package is out of the norm though. If it’s a shorter period I agree that not expecting people to get work done & focus on their next step makes more sense.

    4. If they do not already know you are planning to retire, DO NOT tell them. Wait it out. Just adjust your timeline to collect that severance, collect it, and leave. If they are eliminating your position, there’s no reason to waste your time/energy working on a transition. If you are being laid off, just plan to do 100% of your job up to the date of separation, and then 0% of it. Any future need should be figured out by your then-ex employer. It’s not your problem.

        1. As mentioned above, if there’s any reason that OP is not similarly situated to others, she may be treated differently. Don’t give them a reason to NOT give you the hefty, generous severance package that everyone is getting.

          Just keep swimming.

          1. Especially if the employer is obviously on the lookout for “poor performance”. That means they are looking for reasons to dump people and avoid severance. Especially if she’s in a right to work state where you can be dismissed at any time for any reason. There’s nothing to prevent the employer, if they know she’s planning to retire, from making sure to find that she’s performing poorly so they can let her go without severance.

            I know a lot of you here are in management, so have drunk a little more kool aid than the rest of us, and are perhaps more invested in the career-as-identity mindset, but please, for the love of God, do not screw yourself out of your of severance so you can get that good-girl pat on the head by giving unnecessary advance notice of your plans. OP is retiring, so no need to worry about references or any blow to her reputation that might come from not giving a long notice period.

    5. How to remain motivated? Day by day, week by week, month by month. Heck, minute by minute! Get yourself a countdown. Start making plans for what the first few weeks of retirement looks like and anchor yourself to a few of those activities. Give yourself a touchstone so that when you are frustrated and not sure how you are going to keep going, you remind yourself why you are doing it.

      (And echoing the other advice to not tell anyone you are retiring!)

    6. I don’t think you need to stay motivated. Look at your task list and do the minimum or the “musts.” Let go of things that don’t matter or aren’t visible. They are eliminating your job, so there isn’t much incentive to do an A+ job. Just check the boxes. When jobs are eliminated, things get dropped out of necessity or ignorance.

  14. I have a question. I am in house. Without giving too much detail, one of my peers got invited to do a special training program while some of us are doing the more typical training program. Is there a way to tactfully ask how I can be considered for it next time? I genuinely want to participate, but I get selected for opportunities like this more than most and so don’t want to seem greedy or petty about this one.

    1. Was the person invited to the special training a superstar? If not feel free to ask and say you’d love to be considered next time, if so you might look a bit out of touch.

    2. Is it something you can talk about during goal setting? It’s a natural time to talk about desire for more education. Or are you constrained by a budget timeline?

    3. Just ask! “Hey, I noticed that Jane was invited to do Special Training and it seemed really interesting. Do you know how I can be considered for it next time?”

      I can’t imagine a mediocre man worrying about seeming greedy or petty…

    4. I’m not in house but I’m not sure why you can’t just ask? Couch it with a, hey I know I’ve done a lot of special trainings and I’m so grateful for that, if you want.

      But like. Women are always being told that we don’t get because we don’t ask. I don’t think a company training is such an amazing employment benefit that you should feel overwhelmed with gratitude or guilty about asking for more. And yes, I mean that even if the training is in Hawaii. They’re not doing you a favor. It’s a business decision. They take from you, take back whatever you can.

    5. Agree with everyone that’s telling you to be direct and ask. Don’t apologize or caveat (“Not to sound greedy, but…”). Just say that you’ve gotten so much out of x training program in the past, and that you’d like to be considered for this special training program next time it’s available.

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