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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Winetasting Jennings Jacket

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A woman wearing a wine-colored jacket with gold buttons, and light blue jeans

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Oooh, I’m really into this slightly elongated blazer from Pomander Place for this fall. I love the slightly boxy silhouette, the textured tweed, and functional pockets for a perfect office look.

I’m leaning towards the wine color, but it’s available in six other colorways (usually a good indicator that lots of folks are liking it). If I were feeling a little spicy, I might grab the leopard print. 

The jacket is $148 at Tuckernuck and comes in sizes XXS-XXXL. 

Sales of note for 9/4 (Happy Labor Day — see our big roundup!)

407 Comments

  1. Good morning! Is anyone here hypermobile? How did your diagnosis change your exercise routine (or life in general)? I think I am but not sure I’m EDS, debating whether I should seek an actual diagnosis.

    1. I was diagnosed a few years ago on accident. Hasn’t really changed my exercise too much other than I’ve learned not to over extend my joints and I have added some physio type stabilization exercises in. As for life changes it has allowed me access to a very cool team of specialists and geneticists at my local research hospital and my medical care has improved a lot, I’m no longer the annoying complaining lady, they actually look into my issues! The specific team is referral only and doesn’t have a website so without diagnosis I wouldn’t even know they exist.

      1. I am not the OP but *wow* this is dismissive. I know a woman who spent twenty years trying to figure out what was wrong with her; finally, an ER nurse whom she “knew” via an online community recommended getting tested for EDS.

        I am hypermobile but not EDS-level hypermobile. It has profoundly affected my running; I’m unusually injury prone.

          1. You cannot deny that there is a rise in social media-based health diagnoses. I mean, 50% of the population (i.e., all women) do not suddenly have lipedema.

          2. It’s more than two people. Try searching for “EDS” or “POTS” or “MCAS” on r/medicine sometime.

          3. Questioning internet self-diagnoses is not ableist. I would argue that overdiagnosis and self-diagnosis are what’s truly harmful to actual disabled people. “Emotional support animals” and fake service dogs provide a useful analogy. In the past, no one questioned the presence of a guide dog or other service dog in public because they were all obviously genuine service animals performing the tasks they were trained to do. Now that everyone is putting a “service dog” harness on their pet and bringing them into Trader Joe’s to sniff the produce, people with genuine service dogs have begun to get more questions and pushback. Along the same lines, now that half of young women have diagnosed themselves with autism, people have less patience and understanding for kids who are actually autistic.

          4. I’m not sure that 10:35 understands how social media algorithms work. 50% of people are not claiming they have lipedema even on social media.

          5. okay but I see your emotional support animal example and raise you depression isn’t a real disease.

          6. Studies on ASD have concluded that self-diagnosis is pretty predictive of really having autism, and also that the rates of diagnoses in women are as expected based on the diagnoses that are missed in girls in K12.

            That doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone out there with a personality disorder who thinks they have ASD and is wrong. But the reverse scenario was still far more common last time anyone checked.

            A lot of people really loathe autistic adults whether they were diagnosed as kids or not. Actually autistic adults also wear out people’s patience with actually autistic kids.

      3. Oh please. EDS has a spectrum from being slightly hypermobile in a non-disruptive way to having joints constantly come out of place and needing mobility devices to reduce pain and injury risk during everyday activities. Raising awareness for an under-researched condition that primarily affects women (!!) is a good thing.

      4. There’s a link to ADHD and ASD, so that is kind of a lot of people right there, some of whom you may find annoying whether or not they’re also hypermobile.

        But eating disorder and deconditioning can weaken connective tissue and loosen joints, COVID can damage connective tissue, undiagnosed rheumatological conditions can damage connective tissue (diagnostic delay of seven years from symptom onset is not unusual, and that leaves people with a lot of time to try to self diagnose and self treat!).

        1. Well given how many people deny the existence of post viral illness, and absolutely loathe neurodivergent folks it’s not exactly shocking they’re being rude about comorbidities too.

          1. I’m not sure that I am even talking about post viral illness; just the domino effects of a vascular infection (connective tissue needs a lot of blood from tiny capillaries that can’t handle microclots very well; it’s the same reason infection can be bad for teeth).

    3. Yes, I have to be very careful with exercises that are hard on my weak joints (knees for me – almost no jumping). I have also reluctantly accepted that weight training (slowly, low reps but high weights with perfect form) are really, really important for reinforcing my cruddy joints. I had a private trainer for a few months to get clear on form and it was worth every penny.
      I’ve had EDS/POTS/MCAS my whole life, with a diagnosis it’s something that I can understand and treat vs. just shrugging and going ‘guess my body is doing something weird again’. I danced as a kid and all the uber flexible girls are now facing the reality of how those loose joints degrade as you age, it’s not fun.

        1. I watched the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader show this year and every time Faith whipped her hip out of joint all I thought was ‘oh honey, you’ll regret this in 20 years’.

      2. +1 million for strength training with enough weight and proper form! I am not hypermobile but have knee issues, and strengthening all the surrounding muscles is essential to preventing pain and injury.

    4. Yes, I am hypermobile. It’s not a diagnosis.

      I haven’t identified any benefit to seeking a clinical diagnosis of hEDS or joint hypermobility syndrome. I believe that people currently diagnosed have a mix of underlying conditions. There’s also a tremendous amount of stigma in healthcare, enough I’ve been told it’s probably better not to have this diagnosis on your chart at least in my area healthcare systems. If something hurts, go see a good PT, right? They’ll see that you are hypermobile and take this into consideration. If you need support garments or ergonomic devices, insurance often doesn’t cover those anyway, or if it does, it will cover them for a more specific issue.

      Genetic testing was worth it to me though since I tested positive for a completely different genetic condition that causes hypermobility (social media would have you believe it’s always some kind of EDS: it really is not). I also have a few autoimmune conditions, including GI conditions which led to deficiencies in zinc and folate, which is terrible for connective tissue, but which is also treatable. I honestly feel that I might be in bad shape if I’d been clinically diagnosed with hEDS or hypermobility syndrome and then everything was chalked up to that.

    5. I have hypermobility. I first learned the term from a hand specialist doctor who I was seeing for carpal tunnel. Up until then I just thought everyone could extend their joints as far as I could. Mine isn’t to the level of EDS. You might mention it to your personal trainer if you have one, your yoga teacher, etc. It affects my yoga practice in that sometimes certain poses don’t give me the full stretch that others might experience and it also helps me do some poses more easily. It also makes me more prone to hand injury due to computer work and I have a specially fitted thumb brace to help with that.

      1. I have to be so, so careful with yoga. I dislocated joints multiple times in my 20s because teachers would ‘guide’ me into poses my joints could get into, but that my muscles weren’t strong enough to support me in. Reformer Pilates and very, very gentle yoga with no ‘guiding’ is much better for me.

    6. Never diagnosed but always suspected it – former dancer. I was lucky in that I had dance teachers that focused on matching strength and flexibility – if you can’t hold it there, don’t put your leg up there. It’s hard to articulate, but it gave me a good sense of where the “safe” range for movement is and where the “unstable” range of movement is. As an adult, I work out with a trainer with a PT background, and every new exercise is a discussion about where the exercise should end, how the exercise feels, do I feel in control with it, do I like the exercise. It also means that I typically drop the weight a lot when trying something new so I can feel it out.

      1. Same. I am hypermobile and a former dancer. My knees and elbows hyperextend and my wrists flex and hyperextend in somewhat alarming ways. When I was a kid I totally did not realize this degree of extension was abnormal! Now I work with a PT and have trainers for lifting who understand and provide useful advice/ modifications. The advantage of having a dance background is you have a better grasp of where your body is in space so you know where your squat should stop, etc!

    7. My postpartum PT clocked it almost as soon as I walked in the room. Our focus together was my abdominal separation, so we did a ton of core work. Weirdly I think it’s made me more aware of maintaining stability in other joints too.

    8. Yes I have hypermobility as diagnosed by several doctors and physical therapists over the years. They told me an HEDS diagnosis would require a documented family history so otherwise it’s just hypermobility spectrum disorder. Not sure if that’s still the case with the diagnostic criteria though.

      I need to be quite careful as I injure myself in different ways than “normal” people and often something that would be a minor annoyance to someone else can cause severe injury to me (think dislocations, tears requiring surgeries, etc.).

      Honestly now that I know I have hypermobility and based on past experience, I go to PT first before I see a doctor. The PT can then decide if they think imaging or a consultation with a surgeon is warranted. A good physical therapist is worth their weight in gold with hypermobility!

  2. Love that jacket, decided to see if it’s on Poshmark. Snagged it for $65! Love secondhand shopping.

        1. If only sizing was that consistent, it can vary widely even between colorways on the same item.

          2. That’s why I always ask for measurements of any secondhand garment. It is essential to work with a tape measure–sizing is such BS.

      3. Yep, and with the money they saved they can wash it, tailor it and still come out ahead. Isn’t shopping secondhand grand?

        1. Nope, I’d never invest that much in a used piece. I don’t throw good money after bad.

          1. Pfft. I found a great 14p Lafayette blazer for 50 bucks. I wear it all the time. Don’t be a snob.

    2. I love this!! I wish we would all vow to check secondhand sources first. So much better for this planet!

  3. I need a distraction so, what’s on your shopping list for your closet right now?

    My list is part needs replacements, and part better solutions for where I’ve been making do with what I have:

    replacement walking sneakers with arch support

    a cardigan thats not cropped, not chunky knit, in cotton or a cotton blend, no collar, no pockets, and that’s not red, chocolate brown, grey, or black

    hiking or cargo style pants for fall and winter that I could layer leggings or tights under. nice but not a need to have of adjustable waist or pant cuffs

    a not frumpy fleece or quilted vest (I end up in my puffer vest on wfh days sometimes in the winter and want something not so….puffy)

      1. same! 2 pair please~ one cordovon, one black.
        looking for recomendations. must be able to walk a mile in them please.
        budget up to $300 per pair

        1. My Cole Haan loafers took forever to break in, but now I love them. I wore them yesterday, in fact.

        2. Miz Mooz are my faves and are comfortable right out of the gate. Only the styles with the more structured, firm soles; not the softer, flexible rubber soles.

          I also like Sam Edelman and Born, although they are less reliable.

          For comparison, no Cole Haan shoe has ever fit my foot shape.

        3. Mgemi is running a sale now, I’d look there. The Una line is shockingly comfortable. I ordered another pair of Una flats and a soft loafer for fall.

        4. Marc Joseph NY loafers are the most comfy loafers I have ever owned. They are so well made! Highly Recommend.

      2. Meermin! I got a pair recently based on a recommendation from Derek Guy. I had to figure out the sizing a bit (is UK-based). But OMG not much more than Bass $ for staggeringly better quality (and a DUST BAG). Apparently the are good enough to resole vs just toss?

        I also have a pair of Solovairs, also a Derek Guy recommendation, again with the UK sizing to figure out. Quality. I have really high arches / insteps and I think that my feet fit a hair better into the Meermins but both are such good shoes.

        I have duck feet and the Sam Edelman Lorraine’s did not fit my feet at all and I had wear issues with the finish wearing off the toe area shockingly easily (even though I have other SE shoes that have worked well for my feet).

        1. I have duck feet and cannot wear anything from Sam Edelman. I also thought the quality was not great for the price.

        2. I like the style and fit of the SE Lorraines but cannot stand how the synthetic lining means they become sweat boxes on my feet. They don’t breathe at all. If they were leather lined they would be my dream shoes.

    2. A cocktail dress for two different work galas that even though they are called galas aren’t formal attire and have to be plus size and not too dowdy but also more work than play since I’m representing my company.

      1. Out of sympathy (what a tough set of parameters!) I searched “jewel tone satin midi wrap dress plus size occasion dress” and it popped up some very pretty results.

      2. I bought a gorgeous silk dress from Eileen Fisher last fall that wasn’t too revealing but very pretty for a work event. Maybe check there.

    3. I needed linen pants, but I just bought some from Modern Citizen and Banana Republic that fit the bill. I had posted here a few days ago about it, and I think the Banana Republic buy was based on a comment here, so thanks!

      I realize I need some nicer work stops with said pants.

      I just bought a work dress from a TJ Maxx like store.

      I need to buy a light lace-ish sweater that I can wear on dresses. An AC sweater if you will.

      I really need to start thinking about fall wardrobe instead of summer wardrobe so this thread should be good.

    4. I need a walking sneaker and a fashion sneaker – both of my pairs are collapsing at the soles, and I’d quite like a light autumn jacket but I ordered two crop trenches and both had mutton arms!

      3. I ordered a cute cropped plaid trench, in cotton even, from the Gap and I was so disappointed by how … bulbous… the arms were. Not cute.

        I am obsessed with finding a cropped, but not too cropped, plaid jacket in cotton. I hate synthetic coats, I get too hot. If it’s raining, I’ll use an umbrella so I don’t need something waterproof.

    5. My wardrobe hole is sleek-not-chunky, black suede loafers that will accommodate a wide foot and I welcome all suggestions.

    6. Ha, there are some parallels in our lists!

      The perfect navy blue sweater that isn’t fitted. Cozy without being sloppy. Not cropped. Rollneck would be nice. Can’t stand wool blends, so I realize I might be asking for a unicorn.

      A couple more sweaters for work that have enough room in the arms to accommodate a shirt underneath. Again, not cropped, not sloppy, but with ease.

      A fun blazer for fall. I’m looking at a plaid one from Liverpool.

      OP, look at Patagonia’s Micro D half-zip for a good fleece! I bought a pinkish mauve color last spring and wore it all the time.

      1. For your first item, have you tried the J. Crew 2025 rollneck in cotton? It is just on the border of “sloppy” but is really cute and comfy.

        1. It is on my list to check out. I could do “border of sloppy” as long as it’s not actual sloppy. I like that it’s cotton. How heavy is it?

          1. The weight is right in the Goldilocks zone. Substantial without being too heavy.

      2. Marine Layer might be a good place for the sweater, or Faherty. Prices are higher than JCrew but quality is 90’s level.

      3. I bought a Frank and Eileen cotton navy sweater at Macy’s. It’s a stupid price for cotton, but it’s exactly perfect so I decided the money was well spent on not searching anymore!

        1. *At Nordstrom. There was a Macy’s ad on my screen before and it must have permeated my brain.

    7. Love this. I just bought some oxblood modernish ballet flats from jcrew that I’m looking forward to wearing. I’m also looking for new jeans (the worst quest ever) to wear with flats to work. Need higher waist, a sizable or tailor able waist to thigh ratio and like a boot cut or subtle flare.

    8. I love casual fall clothes so much — it is completely my vibe — and yet what is the point of buying more when I’m in workwear 4 days a week? It makes me sad. I’m trying to lean into subtle fall touches for work instead.

    9. My impossible-to-find items are

      Dress pants in cotton, cotton blend, or lined wool that are sleek and fitted at the top and flare gently into a trouser leg, without patch pockets, and in non-black neutrals like olive, gray, and navy. Basically the J. Crew linen Carolina pant in other natural fibers without the dumb patch pockets that they put on the non-linen versions.

      Shoes in narrow widths that are actually in stock. Margaux, how do you expect to sell shoes and make money if all of your shoes are perpetually sold out?

      An interesting but not over-the-top dress somewhere between c-tail and black tie in formality to wear to the symphony and the opera, where patrons’ attire runs the gamut from hiking clothes to evening gowns with real furs. Preferably not black because I am a musician and whenever I wear black as an audience member I inevitably get teased by every fellow musician I run into (“I didn’t know you were performing tonight, tee hee.”).

      1. Tuckernuck would almost certainly have options for the dress! I’d check out Boden for pants, they are generally good quality and offer colors.

    10. Stay with me here, but channel your inner 1993 girl. Remember the oversized cardigan that the character Allison wore? I want that.

    11. I went overboard on the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, so I can’t think of anything I’ll need for a while.

    13. More or less everything, I’m approaching the end of serious weightloss on a GLP-1 and now about three sizes lower than I was when I last needed my cooler-weather wardrobe. I mostly work from home so I’ll be focusing on rebuilding on casual items, with a couple of nicer outfits to wear when I travel to events. I want to be strategic about what I get and will pick up a bunch of the September issues to try to figure out pieces that are current but not going to be outdated next year, as well as reading several substacks that cover this sort of thing.

      I don’t have a pot of money set aside so I’ll be buying things as I go and my big challenge will be not just grabbing fast fashion because it feels fun to get dressed again (for years now I’ve been buying ‘good enough while I lose the weight’ pieces rather than things I really loved) when my real need is a solid rotation of quality. I really want to start off with some great jeans, a high-quality loose cashmere jumper in jewel tones, and perfectly-fitted pretty bras.

      1. I’m in the same boat and have switched to buying work event clothes from TJ Maxx etc. It takes some digging but I get better quality brands than I would have otherwise, and the prices are manageable.

    14. A dress for my brother’s beach wedding in October. No idea what I want, but it needs to both look good in pictures but also not bridesmaid-sy (they aren’t having bridesmaids so I’m not sure this really matters, but my mother thinks it does)

      1. Look at the photo of Constance Zimmer on the Go Fug Yourself website today. I love that dress and think it would be perfect for some beaches in October.

  4. I’ll be in Italy in September and would love any restaurant recommendations in Rome, Cortona, and Venice (and whether you need advance reservations)! Looking for breakfast, lunch, or dinner suggestions. Thank you.

    1. Venice – La Palanca (on Giudecca, super easy to get to as right next to the vaporetto stop). FWIW we had consistently better quality meals for the price on Giudecca than “mainland” Venice, though I can’t remember the names of the other places we went over there!

      Rome – Testaccio neighborhood for similar price-quality, esp. the pasta stall at Testaccio market.

      1. oh, and traveling as a couple, for these types of spots we usually messaged ahead while there – they’re not like ‘res open 3 weeks out and if you don’t book on the dot you’re SOL’ type spots.

      2. The Hilton on Guidecca is 5 stars! We used our Hilton points. Favorite place to stay in Venice

    3. I was just in Rome this summer! Hostaria Romana is my favorite. I’ve been going for decades (yikes) and the food is consistently amazing, but do note that some of the waiters can be quite brusque. They only accept reservations by phone, I would definitely reserve. Testaccio Market is great but a bit of a schlep from the center city, so we didn’t make it out there this time.

      New to me spots we enjoyed:
      -Ristorante da Cesare–great for seafood. We were there on a Sunday and it wasn’t too busy, but they take reservations online so why not make one to avoid issues.
      -I Supplì dei Coronari–more of a casual grab and go type situation although they do serve alcohol and have a few seats.
      -Mercato Trionfale–perfect for a quick lunch after the Vatican Museums. They don’t have as many food stalls as some of the other Roman markets, but it was a great spot to wander and browse, and shockingly non-touristy for the location. Either pick up cheese, fruit, snacks, etc., or we had genuinely fantastic pasta and tiramisu at La Casina Del Caffè.

      Buon viaggio!

    4. Regina Sconta in Venice

      In Rome – the best gelato is gelateria la romana. there are a few locations. Pier Luigi for a splurge

    5. for Rome –
      Beppe and his Cheeses in the Jewish quarter – can get an amazing cheese plate here
      Rimessa Roscioli – looks like a wine-tasting tourist trap but it’s actually really good and the food is also REALLY good
      La Carbonara – you want the location at 136 Via Emanuele Filiberto, it’s better than the one at Campo de’ Fiori
      In Trastevere – Spirito Divino – has an ancient (like really ancient) wine cellar. The restaurant is part of the ‘slow food’ movement and has attempted to re-create Roman dishes from Julius Caesar’s time. It’s delicious and very interesting.

      definitely recommend reservations anywhere.

  5. Recently I’ve started to get an error on this site really frequently that says request header fields too large. Does anyone else get this – when I search on it it tells me to clear cookies which I do and it works and then I just get it immediately again the next time.

    1. I don’t get that error but I do find that any time I have it pulled up, when the ads reload it freezes up my cursor (even if I’m in another app). I have to click in my window to get the cursor active again. It’s so annoying.

  6. Sparse eyebrow ladies – what products are you using? I loved the peel off tint Maybelline Brow Tattoo, but I think it’s discontinued.

    5. I have sparse eyebrows and I have to say that using castor oil on them has definitely helped. I tried quite a few of the eye brow serums and they did work too, but the castor oil seems to work just as well and it is not a bunch of chemicals and it is much less expensive than the serums.

    8. Regular brow tinting services, Anastasia Brow Wiz pencil, Benefit Gimme Brow gel

    9. Revitabrow if you are looking for regrowth. Salon tinting and Anastasia pencil and gel.

  7. Does anyone have suggestions for a spring break (last week of March) destination for three families with 7 boys between 8 and 16? International is good. We went to Costa Rica last time and like to stay in a big house together. Swimming is a must. We like eating well and liked bringing in a chef. Some culture would be great but with our crew it would be more hiking up a pyramid than 6 hours in the louvre . During our wine fueled brainstorming session we thought a villa in Tuscany would be great and then remembered it’s too cold then. Would love to hear recommendations or advice!

    1. Central America does sound like a good fit – Belize for combo of snorkeling / diving, swimming, and inland adventures (cave tubing)?

      1. I’ve been to both Belize and CR, and there are a lot of similarities. So OP, if you want “CR but different” Belize is a great option – and if you want something less similar, I might save Belize for another year. Both are entirely awesome trips and beautiful countries!

    2. I feel like the islands in the Caribbean are perfect for this. My kid went on an eco-adventure tour in Puerto Rico in middle school with her school and had a blast and it seemed to the beginning of her wanting to work in environmental science.

      Also, if you have a Scouts connection, Family Camping in or near Sea Base?

    3. Tuscany is lovely in March, although it probably won’t be swimming weather for most people. It was our best spring break trip ever, so I wouldn’t immediately discard it if there’s any flexibility on the swimming point.

      If you want guaranteed swimming weather in March, I don’t think anywhere in Europe will work. Central America and the Caribbean is the best bet.

    4. Brazil! Highly recommend Trancoso, in Bahia. Many beautiful rentals where you can hire chefs and great restaurants in the village. Trancoso is upscale, but march is past the high season. There are many other villages and different beaches you can go to in the area, by car or boat, for a different vibe. Caraíva is really cool and Praia do Espelho is a must. Ridiculous prices for locals, but the dolar to real conversion is so favorable I bet it will look like a steal for your party. Lots of different water sports for the boys.
      You can fly to Sao Paulo and then take a flight to the regional airport in Porto Seguro or stop in Panama City and go straight to Salvador, the state capitol.

  8. How do I break up with someone who I’ve been seeing for multiple months who is very sweet and nice but…also boring? We are not a long term match and I’ve let it go on too long because there was nothing objectively wrong but…I just can’t.

      1. Yes—if I don’t have some prepped phrases I fear I’ll say something more hurtful than I mean! There’s nothing wrong with him and I’ve enjoyed spending time but at this point we’ve dated long enough that I would really want it to be becoming something serious and I absolutely don’t see that happening. But I’m pretty sure he’s been wanting more and will be sad, and I don’t want to make that any worse than needed.

    2. I’ve had 2 of these situations. One was amicable when one of us moved for a new job. One I had to suck it up and tell him that we wanted different things out of life so I was breaking up with him. He was sad about it, but aside from feeling bad that he was hurt I was just fine. Rip the bandaid off before he gets more invested and it hurts him more. Or accept a promotion that forces a move.

    3. You bite the bullet and do it, a text is fine. Have AI draft it if you need help. Just get it done – it’s not fair to either of you to put it off one second longer. Do it this morning and meet up with a friend tonight.

      1. Do not have AI draft a break-up letter, Lord. How disrespectful to someone who has invested months in you. Part of being a human is figuring out how to use your words to have difficult conversations and how to say something upsetting without being insulting.

        2. I stand by this, she can EDIT it but she’s having trouble getting started. She needs words on the page. It is better to just do it already and that can help get over the hump. There is no good way to break up with someone. It’s always going to suck for them. Just get it done.

          1. If she had been on 3 or 4 dates, she could do it by email or text. And even then, don’t do it at the beginning of the work day.

            But that’s so cruel after months of dating. Unless you have a reason to fear for your safety, that’s a conversation to have in person.

          2. It may be hard to get started, but it’s not impossible. Getting over that hurdle as a real human is a skill that needs development. Don’t use that AI crutch just because some stuff is hard.

      3. If you need AI to draft a break up letter you are emotionally stunted and/or lacking in the friend department.

        1. Agreed. Not over text! The easiest way to do it isn’t always the best way. Give people the dignity of a real conversation. You can do this. Hard things are not always bad.

          1. So it’s better to awkwardly watch someone process their emotions in real time? Why? It’s not a negotiation. Just be done with it.

          2. It’s better to treat humans like humans, with kindness, rather than treat them like a task to “just get done.” Seriously, what is wrong with you?

      5. Oh god no. We’d all jump all over a man who broke up by text after several months. After a few dates, fine. OP, meet him in person, be kind, just tell him he’s great but you don’t see this going anywhere.

    4. A guy once told me that while he enjoys spending time together he isn’t sure he sees it turning into a serious relationship, and after going out for this long he should feel more certain. It sucked to hear but was a fair point. I appreciated that he didn’t waste more of my time.

    5. In-person, be brief but not rude, include that they are a lovely person but just not the right fit for you. And then, move on.

    6. You’ve had a nice time getting to know him but you don’t think you two are each other’s person longterm.

      I would deliver the news in person at a location that is convenient to him. A phone or video call is ok too if you two do that normally.

    7. Your words here seem like a good start: “You are very sweet but we are not a long term match.”

      1. Glad someone said it! If I could do one thing differently in my life, I would have married a boring man rather than a charming and suave one.

        It really depends what you want though.

        1. I made this mistake too. Charming and charismatic was really just narcissism.

      2. Ehh, a guy can be a great guy *for someone* without being a great guy *for you* (different from guys who are just not good guys). This guy isn’t the guy for OP.

      3. For you. A true blessing *for you.*. We could just accept that this adult doesn’t want to be in this relationship and not grandma-lecture someone else about their life.

        1. Sometimes “boring” means “unwilling to be the adult”, someone who never suggests things to do or make plans, or someone who is never going to support their partner to grow as a person. Let’s trust that OP”s reasons to break up with this person.

      4. Ugh, this is awful, awful advice. You can settle with somebody who doesn’t do it for you if you want, but I don’t hate myself and I’d like to actually be happy.

  9. I am on a 10-week cycle of salon appts to cover my grays with semi-permanent color and am frustrated with the expense. Has anyone successfully switched to Madison Reed’s semi-permanent option? Is it salon grade? All feedback welcome!

    1. I have not, but that’s what my sister uses, and I think her hair always looks great and shiny.

    2. I used Madison Reed for a couple of years during and after lockdown. It is by far the best at-home color available. It comes out darker than pictured so go a shade or two lighter than the photos would suggest. I found that it faded more quickly and a bit more orange than salon color.

      You will have much more success applying the color at the roots if you get the bowl and brush. The application process is tedious.

    3. Your hair is your primary accessory. It is worth the time and expense to have it done right. Get a kindle and read through the appointment if you want to feel productive, or make a plan to meet up with friends after when you have fresh hair so it doesn’t feel like a chore.

    5. I use the Madison Reed salon subscription where I get unlimited root touchups for $75/mo. I go every three weeks, or as needed. They also have a membership that gets you a touch up every six weeks for $45 month. I think they also have at home color memberships that include discounts and free shipping.

      In any event, if you want to try their color, you could go to one of their salons for a consultation and they can help you pick a color.

    6. I prefer Execellence and Nice N Easy over Madison Reed. Madison Reed had fancy packaging and a bunch of stuff that was not helpful (a shower cap that just made the dye jump down to where I didn’t want it). I have very easy to dye medium reddish brown hair though. If you’re blonde or another color that needs a lot of toning, you have to suck it up and do salon visits or get very good at dealing with brassiness. box dye is not great for blondes who need dimension.

  10. I had this weird flashback today about when I lived in DC during the DC sniper time (right after 9/11 and IIRC right around the anthrax mailings). And how a bunch of us who went by places where the shootings had been were thinking of just buying bullet proof vests and how maybe they’d help and maybe they weren’t enough and then deciding to just take our chances. Pumping gas behind tarps. Not going to that Home Depot. Life is just so strange. That was a long time ago but that feeling came back and hit hard.

    1. I was in college in DC at that time and I agree it was a weird time. Maybe it was my youthful casual attitude by my parents were worried and I wasn’t. We were all told to “walk in a zigzag” but that was just ridiculous advice. Later on when I was living the the area I do remember distinguishing between Home Depots and other stores related to the sniper, but not to avoid them.

    2. I remember! I used to zigzag my walk in parking lots. It was actually a really stressful time. I think I was only 19 and a college kid.

    3. i was a senior in high school then in the DMV. it was awful. fall sports were canceled. we had to be called to the carpool lane one by one like we were kindergarteners.

    4. I was about 30, I remember doing the zigzag walk and just trying to move through parking lots quickly. One of the shootings happened at a gas station I used regularly, so that was weird. I also remember sort of lying across the front seat of my car while the gas pumped so I wouldn’t be visible.

      It was a very weird time.

    5. With respect to the anthrax mailings, there was real fear opening random envelopes in case there was white powder inside! People were terrified anything that might have passed through the postal service and were stockpiling Cipro. And yep, white box trucks.

      Back then I used to comfort myself that my parents lived through WW2 and it wouldn’t ever get that bad again. Now, who knows.

      1. Oh, I also remember the plane crash near JFK in November 2001 and how scary that was coming right after 9/11.

    6. I remember those terrible times in DC but not in the exact same timeframe. Because of our mismatched memories , I looked online (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2001_anthrax_attacks and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D.C._sniper_attacks). Apparently everything happened in the months of September and October, but while the anthrax mailings were almost immediately after 9/11, in September 2001, the DC sniper incidents occurred a year later, in October 2002.

      I want to credit the historian Heather Cox Richardson with pushing me to check out the facts online. It’s interesting how our minds can compress time, so that from a distance of 20+ years these two events seemed to happen in the same year.

    7. My main recollection was worrying I would get stuck in one of those traffic backups that would happen when the police thought they had the sniper and would close down an area. Not because I was concerned for my safety, I just didn’t like the inconvenience.

      Because I was/am an incredibly busy and important Washingtonian (not!).

      1. After the first WTC bombing, a PATH train was held under the Hudson for something like 6 hours. I always go to the bathroom before getting in an elevator or any train. You just never know.

        1. Some of my colleagues were once held in a plane on the tarmac for hours because of a security concern. After hearing their stories I always make sure to pack a full water bottle and several snacks for even the shortest of plane trips.

    8. My kids were in elementary school and after the shooting at the school in PG county my dh volunteered to help “run” the kids at our school from the door to the bus every day. They put up tarps and rolled out blackboards to make a tunnel and each bus pulled up in turn. It was mayhem, but everyone was on such high alert. With anthrax, my job for the Feds involved opening dozens of envelops a day — our mail was sent to be batch irradiated at a facility several states away and so our mail was so delayed and all of our systems needed to be revamped. I think about Dr. Hatfill frequently — my son lives near Ft Detrick now so he comes to mind whenever I’m out that way.

      1. I was trying to explain to someone a month or so ago that you can in fact kill youself with just OTC meds and this was my Exhibit A. And if you fail, you wreck your liver (with Advil, it’s kidneys).

  11. I have thick, straight hair and my current Revlon dryer might be dying. Is the Dyson Air Wrap worth it? Are there other options that you recommend? I only heat-dry a couple times a week but the promise of something faster and lighter is appealing.

      1. +1 – I bought that after trying out a friend’s Dyson, which was very damaging. Love the shark.

      2. +1 – it’s a perfect step up after the Revlon and much gentler on your hair over time.

    2. I went from the Revlon to the L’ange and I really like it. A good step up from the Revlon, but not as pricey as the Shark or Dyson.

    3. I think the Dyson is worth it. Nothing else looks quite as good, it’s the only one that styles all the way from the roots.

    1. Yes! I think they are a great idea. We just have another name for them in our house haha.

      1. I also think they are a great idea, and hope they continue (with a different name)

    2. I haven’t get, but it’s on my to do list for my baby who qualifies for the $1k. It’s free money, so I’m doing it for her. Not bothering for my older kids, since we don’t qualify for any of the non-profit contributions

    3. If you have a baby born during the window and you qualify for free cash, there’s absolutely no downside.

    4. Have not. Given all the fraud he commits when it comes to various financial crimes, do not want it.

      1. While I don’t have a child who qualifies, and I really do understand your sentiment, this seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

    6. My financial advisor who shares my political beliefs says its worth it if you have very young kids and want the free money, but probably not worth it for the limited value to my teens.
      I also think if you’re financially secure you can make the decision to not participate due to distaste with a clear consious.

    7. We are setting one up for my son, but not putting anything of ours in it. Just getting the free money. Also I refuse to call it a Trump Account, and just calling it his 530A :)

    8. I held my nose and set them up for my kids earlier this week. They don’t qualify for the free money, but the ability to have them start understanding markets and potentially putting some cash in there makes sense. Compounding returns are real.

  13. Are there any accounts on insta that show real college dorm rooms from the 90s? I feel like my kids get fed SEC girl dorm nonsense and I want them to at least see 90s dorms that went with grunge, flannel, and land-line phones.

      1. I think it’s just what’s going on right now. Last week was sorority rush at some SEC schools but a lot of places went back this week or go next week.

        So, public service announcement: stay out of Targets and Ikeas this weekend!

    2. My kid’s college posts “dorm tour” photos and videos on its website and on Insta that are incredibly depressing. See if the colleges your kids are considering have those. Also check the college parent FB groups for dorm photos. All of this will be a good reality check but current.

    3. I mean, the SEC rooms are so much better than our 90s versions. What’s wrong with aspiring to live somewhere nice? I wish I’d had a room like that in college.

      1. Those rooms are so stuffed full of junk that looks like it came from Home Goods. As soon as the kids actually start living in the room there will be no place for them to put anything without its looking like a pile of clutter.

      2. I feel like boy dorms are normal still. OTOH, a friend’s kid assigned to a triple (maybe at an ACC school) wants to bring his kayak.

        1. If he has space under his bed (doesn’t work if there are bunk beds), he can bring an Oru.

      3. I would have loved a fancy dorm room, but my mother would have drawn the line at hiring a designer!

        1. I thought that my Caboodle made me fancy. It was basically a fishing tackle box with rounded edges.

      4. Dorm living is inherently transient and buying a bunch of tchotchkes is wasteful. Get a bedspread, some posters, maybe a lamp and a rug you can reuse and call it a day.

          1. I have a cotton throw rug I used in college, bought at Crate and Barrel circa 1985. It’s basically a thick woven cotton mat and is still going strong – I keep it in my car for impromptu picnics.

          2. I don’t remember anything bad happening to rugs when I was in college. Some students got full size wool rugs instead of prayer rugs, and they looked great to me all four years.

      5. It’s the same thing as having your 16 year old want a new car because her friends’ parents bought them new cars. They can’t have everything they want, up to and including the Smeg dorm fridge at $1,500.

        1. It’s not even the friends’ parents. It’s random influencers on social media and half the photos aren’t even real.

    4. I can’t even imagine what constructive purpose this would serve. Times change – don’t be the old man yelling at the clouds.

      1. I will in fact be him, shaking my fist at the clouds.

        BUT I think that this happens only at very large not-so-selective state schools, where you have a mix of first-generation and very poor families and the Tradwicks, and this is how you signal that you are in the latter camp.

        I think that this never happens at very homogenous and/or ultra-selective schools unless you have an under-hobbied rich girl mom. So yes at Ole Miss and no at MIT or Stanford or Yale (would be subtle, like wearing your Lawrenceville hoodie).

        1. I would agree with this take on it. The whole thing strikes me as just another way of circling the wagons against the poors, and that it’s coming from aspirational moneyed folks not generational wealth. With that said, my nuclear family is not generational wealth and if I had a child who was going to be devastated by being left out of this room ridiculousness I would privately roll my eyes right out of their sockets but go with the room decor. Within reason.

          1. My work puts me regularly in contact with people with generational wealth. And while some might be of the “elbow patches and old Volvo” school, MANY are into flashy things.

        3. It happens at mediocre private institutions in the south too. I work at one where half the students are the underachieving offspring of oil tycoons and the other half are on scholarship. Dorm decor from this school has literally made the national news.

  14. shop for me please. i’m in my BIL’s wedding in mid october in westchester, NY and I need a dress for the rehearsal dinner, which will be at a restaurant. where i live it will likely still be 90 degrees then, and i don’t really know fall fashion. i am low 40s, 5ft 4 inches, ~135/140lbs, a very short torso and a bit of a belly from having two kids. looking for a dress + shoes. would love to stay under 300 for the dress.

    2. I was looking at these for my upcoming 90 degree autumn rehearsal dinner:

      https://www.brooksbrothers.com/viscose-bronze-gold-slip-dress/WX00929.html?dwvar_WX00929_Color=GOLD&
      https://www.donnakaran.com/collections/dresses-and-jumpsuits/products/ka6e1k97-pru

      But ideally I want something with a print, so I’m still looking. Also I’m not very confident given how much trouble I’m having finding something for the actual wedding still, since I’m not in the wedding party. And I really need to try on a slip dress over my preferred shapewear before I decide whether it works with my short torso and belly!

      1. OP doesn’t want something to wear in 90 degree heat. She’ll be north of NYC in October. Her home location will be 90 degrees then so her usual go-tos won’t be weather appropriate.

          1. I grew up in Westchester and agree with this. I would plan for it to be in the 60s but it could be anywhere from the 30s to the 80s.

    3. OP on this:

      Where do you shop? Asking because we are shape twins and I am struggling to find places to buy clothes without them looking like clown outfits or needing substantial alterations.

    5. Tuckernuck–they have some cute tiered dresses that are middle-aged friendly, and also they cut for petite folks, IME. GL!

  15. Restaurants in Albuquerque: Looking for options for a place that has sit down service, good food, good cocktails. Doesn’t need to be super fancy, but more on the calm side (we’re old, late 50s).

    Open to any cuisine but would love places that do local cuisine well. Probably would like to stay around $20-$40 for entrees.

          1. Sitting down? What is the alternative – are there stand up restaurants where you are from?

    2. I recently did a ton of restaurant research for Albequerque, although our group composition was different than yours. Indian Pueblo Kitchen at the Cultural Center looked great, although the hours didn’t work for our group.

    3. M’Tucci’s. Three locations with regional Italian food. Very good food and cocktails. For New Mexican food, my recommendation is El Pinto. It will give you the ambiance you want, it is beautiful, it has some quiet areas, and it has a full bar. It is not the best New Mexican food, to be honest, but it has the whole experience. For the actual best New Mexican, Sadie’s. The one on 4th is the classic location. Just be aware that it is spicier than average.

      1. I should explain that New Mexico’s liquor licensing scheme has tiers, so some restaurants have only wine and beer, while some have cocktails. Speaking of beer, Albuquerque’s microbrewery scene is great: Starr Brothers, Green Jeans food hall (anchored by Santa Fe Brewing), Tin Can Alley food hall (also Santa Fe Brewing), La Reforma (Mexico Mexican food), or Steel Bender. Other calm choices with cocktails: Seasons (Old Town), Savoy (northeast heights), Jinja (tiki bar themed, used to be owned by Gene Hackman). El Pinto is in an old hacienda house in the North Valley and has amazing ambiance, which is why I recommend it to out-of-towners. If you care more about the food itself, Sadie’s, El Modelo (carry out only, and red chile only), Duran’s.

    4. Okay hear me out on this… Vernon’s Speakeasy. It was a little hokey at first, but the music was good (if you like jazz) and I remember the food being great.

    6. The Artichoke Cafe is my longtime favorite for calm, fancyish. And I haven’t been there myself, but trusted friends love the restaurant at Los Poblanos in the North Valley.

    7. These are great suggestions, thank you!

      A long time ago I asked here for recommendations for a restaurant in Miami and went to a couple of the places suggested here / they were excellent. So I look forward to checking out the Albuquerque recs.

    8. Campo at Los Poblanos may be a smidge pricier than that depending on what you get, but is delicious. Will need a reservation.

  16. Update from yesterday’s post about difficulty scheduling a vacation with cousins – I pushed us to cancel and I think everyone is happier. Really glad I did. Life is too short to drag people kicking and screaming on a vacation they claim they really want to go on. I’m going to go to the same resort destination at a less busy time and I told them they are welcome to crash if they want to, which I think they actually might. Win win.

    3. Good for you! You did the right thing, based on what you shared with us. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to do, and you should feel good about making the right call.

    5. Excellent outcome! Sometimes someone has got to just bite the bullet and say the thing that nobody wants to say out loud. Kudos to you for taking it on.

  17. I’m having spinal surgery in a couple weeks due to a severe herniated disc. Has anyone been through the same thing? Or any advice for going through surgery in general? I’ve never had surgery or even been in the hospital for anything before so I’m pretty freaked out!

    1. Yes, I have a lot to share on this front:

      My husband had a microdiscectomy in his lumbar spine 2 weeks ago. You may be given wipes to use post-shower the night before your surgery, all over you body. They will dry your skin out but are otherwise not a big deal. You’ll likely be told to arrive at the hospital very early, as most surgeries are completed in the morning. My husband did not have to stay overnight. He needed to void his bladder, and then we were permitted to depart. He has two small incisions (2-3 cm each) and a few stitches. He cannot twist or bend for the first 2-6 weeks, and he shouldn’t stand or sit upright for long periods of time–but he does have to walk frequently. That has been the major recovery challenge. He’s largely in our bedroom, laying down or walking around. I purchased shower replacement wipes to use on him on Amazon and I highly recommend getting some of those.

      I had a discectomy in my cervical spine 6 years ago. I was like you, never had surgery or general anesthesia before. I was nervous. They operated through the front of my throat and I had a 1.25 inch incision, glued shut with stitches on the inside. I had no movement restrictions post-op. I did get nauseous when coming out of the anesthesia and vomited, which wasn’t great but not a huge deal.

      Both surgeries changed our lives. We had major neuropathy issues, and both of us came out of the surgery immediately improved. Neither experienced major pain post-op. Neither had to take op*oids post-op. Both agree we would recommend surgery to anyone with a slipped disc.

      You’ll be so glad you did this in a few weeks!!

      1. Thank you for this!! I’m very hopeful after reading about people like you who immediately experienced relief after surgery. The nerve pain has been ruining my life.

        Unfortunately I will have to stay overnight which I think I’m dreading more than the actual surgery. I hate being away from my own bed!

        1. I had to stay 1 night overnight after mine. It was totally NBD! You won’t sleep much (or at least I didn’t, I was near the noisy nurses station), and I remember I was starving the next morning. We drove right to a drive-thru to feed me!

        2. My sister had this surgery, also had to stay overnight. It all was going really well but then there was a natural disaster and she had to stay in the hospital for an additional night (or maybe even 2, I can’t remember) without power or water in the hospital (she was in Asheville when Hurricane Helene hit). In spite of how difficult that was on many levels, the surgery was absolutely life-changing for her and very worthwhile.

          I hope things go smoothly and you have similar results, minus the natural disaster element!

        3. I had a laminectomy in my lumbar spine in early 2025 and it provided relief immediately – as soon as I woke up from anesthesia. I had the sanitizing wipes the night before and again in the morning when I arrived at the hospital. This was my second surgery, and I knew from the first that I vomited uncontrollably after I woke up, so they addressed that with meds before and after surgery. I was out of work for three months, but only because I had a requirement to lift 25 lbs and that took a while to be cleared. I did recently reinjure my back, but it is improving. I got lazy with my PT exercises – take them seriously and commit for the long term! It was totally worth it and was life changing.

          1. Thank you for sharing! Mine is also in my lumbar spine. I never want to feel this way again so I’m going to try really hard with PT. I’m extremely lazy by nature haha.

    2. If you get motion sick AT ALL tell that to the anesthesiologist and they can give you zofran with your anesthesia meds and it will keep you from vomiting.

      3. Yes, please tell them this! I get mildly car sick once in a very great while and did not know that was an indicator for horrible anesthesia-induced nausea. Post-hysterectomy recovery was a bear, puking my brains out while trying not to engage my abs and pop stitches was nigh impossible.

      4. Yes, this worked for me in my last 2 surgeries (cervical disk replacement and fusion, and full hip replacement).

    3. Very general advice: bring the most comfortable noise-cancelling ear buds or headphones you have, and an eye mask. Install a white noise app on your phone. Bring 10- foot charging cords.

      Good luck with your surgery!

      3. More general advice for the overnight stay — bring warm socks, lotion, and chapstick/vaseline. You’re going to okay and this will change the way you live in your body. Please update post surgery!

        1. I’d add a phone charger battery, and 1-2 more changes of underwear than you’d expect to need. Just in case.

      4. And maybe line up some friends and family to pick up a meal and bring it to you. My hospital stays have ranged from hospitals where I would compare the food to Marriott room service level to one where the doctor actually told me to arrange for food to be brought in because she needed me eating and warned that the hospital food was pretty much inedible.

        The long charger cord is key equipment.

  18. My family has to rehome our 10 month old puppy because she bit my 8 year old in the face resulting in 15 stiches. I know that is the right thing to do but I am so so sad. We have wanted and planned for a dog for a long time and the dog really felt like a great addition to our family. She brought us so much joy and something to all focus on together. I hiked with the dog every day and work from home so we were together all the time. I miss her.

    I also feel bad because I worry I am too sad about the dog instead of putting my daughter first. And I know people face far more difficult hardships.

    Any advice or commiseration? I feel like I need to move on but cannot stop thinking about her and randomly crying.

    1. Did your kid deserve it? When I was young I needed stitches from my cat clawing me and it was 100% my fault, we kept the cat and I learned a lot about respecting the boundaries of animals.

        1. Agreed. I could never live with myself if I forced my child to live in a home with a violent dog that had already attacked them once. Talk about doing permanent damage to someone’s psyche as well as their body. And yes, I will HARDCORE judge any other parent who keeps that dog. Some stuff is wrong and it needs to be said.

      2. You’re not understanding differences between dogs and cats, and between scratches and bites.

        Your cat did NOT bite you in the face and would not have.

      3. This is harshly put but yes, did your daughter agitate the dog and can this be solved by training her about how to interact? I’d probably start there before jumping to rehoming.

        1. No. Do not take the chance with your child’s literal face. I honestly can’t believe some of these responses. In the 90s and before, parents were more hands-off and kids did not get much training in how to safely interact with animals. We were up in our dog’s face ALLLLL the time and didn’t know better. She never once even nipped us, much less tore into us. I would be completely devastated as a parent if my dog bit my son’s face and left him disfigured with 15 stitches. Rehoming (at a minimum, and only if I could be reasonably assured the dog would never be around kids again) would be no question for us.

          1. Cool? Don’t put your child’s face in another creatures face and then blame that creature for the response.

          2. Children are allowed to exist in their homes – to run, jump, play, move their bodies freely. I cannot imagine wanting to raise my child in a house where they need to walk on eggshells to avoid stepping wrong, jumping wrong, getting too close or too far, etc. to avoid having their face viciously shredded by an animal. The poster who is all over this thread defending the dog is an anomaly and is clearly not a parent. I would go so far as to say that if you have a dog who has grievously injured your child, you are a *bad parent* if you do not immediately get rid of the dog.

        2. No. A puppy shouldn’t even bite another puppy that badly. This isn’t normal behavior. A puppy that responds this way to non-optimal interaction is unsafe.

          I even wonder what breed it is because there are some breeds that have developed a reputation for this kind of biting (presumably from being so badly inbred).

    2. I am really sorry. I had to give up a kitten I’d brought home and bonded with because of increasing conflict with a pre-existing household cat (initially they seemed to get along!), and it was rough. It’s been three years, and lately I can think about it without starting to cry as a fairly recent development. It is just that hard to kind of rip out the part of your heart that goes with them! Maybe it helps a little when they are young and at the age when they might be leaving to find their own way in the world anyway?

      I hope your 8 year old is doing okay; that must have been very scary.

    3. I’m so sorry, that’s awful for everyone involved – including the dog – but you’re doing the right thing. I hope she finds another good home.

      How is your daughter doing?

      It doesn’t mean you can’t ever have a dog, but it would be understandable if she’s now afraid of them.

    4. That sounds like a horrible situation, that sucks. I don’t really have any advice, but I would also be spending a ton of time randomly crying. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and I imagine you’ll be sad about it for a while yet.

    5. You made the right call. Imagine how you would feel the next time the dog bites your kid. You’d be so angry at yourself for knowingly putting your child in danger.

      Losing a dog is hard because they become part of your home and routine. It will feel like something’s missing for a while. It’s okay to feel sad even if you’re confident in your decision.

    6. Is this dog going to be rehomed into a household with kids? In my area, biting a child is grounds for putting an animal down. I would do that without hesitation, tbh. I love animals and have always had pets but violence against children is something you can’t come back from. I’m so sorry for your daughter and family.

      1. Give me a break. The dog is allowed to have a moment of feeling threatened that isn’t labeled “violence toward children.” Sounds like the dog got a real $ hit break with this family. His life is viewed as irredeemable by people like you. Shame on you.

        1. The dog was literally violent towards a child. This wasn’t a little nip, it required multiple stitches.

          I agree the dog shouldn’t be rehomed to a family with kids but it might do fine in an adults-only household. OP should just be honest about the reason they’re getting rid of it.

          1. They’re probably going through either a breeder or a rescue depending on where the puppy originally came from. (This is one of the challenges of the situation when it means we don’t really know where they landed!)

        2. It totally depends. My sister was bitten (also on the face) by a rescue dog we took in because for inexplicable reasons she was getting the dog to jump up and take treats that she was holding by her face. We did rehome that dog. Having said that, a couple of years later we tried again, with a dog we got as a puppy, who was the sweetest thing and our beloved family dog for 11 years. Not all living situations are right for all animals, and we don’t know enough about what happened here to say whether the dog will be ok in a new home.

          I hope your daughter is ok, OP!

        3. I understand it’s a puppy, but a serious bite to the face at a minimum must be disclosed to any future adopter (and not downplayed).

          1. Oh I totally agree in disclosing to any future adopter, but I just don’t think the dog is definitely irredeemable. And we don’t know how they are rehoming the dog – it might be going back to a breeder, to an experienced all adult household, any number of scenarios where children would not be involved.

        4. OP – the breeder agreed to take the dog back. They are going to evaluate her, retrain her if necessary, and will either keep the dog with them or eventually give her to a home with no children after fully explaining the situation. Our vet suggested euthanasia because of the severity of the bite but was also okay her being rehomed to a family with no children.

          I do not think the dog got a bad break with our family. Believe me, I have been thinking constantly about what we could have done differently and what caused this. While I feel awful about the situation, I don’t really think we did anything bad to the dog. We loved her, went to puppy obedience classes, worked with a private trainer, and gave her enough exercise every day. I actually think the bite was more a startle response than an attack which makes the situation harder for me, but we understand we cannot take the risk of keeping her

          1. The dog isn’t allowed to have a startle response? unreal situation for this poor creature.

          2. Where did the OP say that it was “just” a startle response? That’s something you’re projecting. For all we know, the puppy chased her daughter and attacked fully unprovoked. Wouldn’t make a difference to me, though. Biting a child in the face is one strike, you’re out, and I make zero apologies for that stance.

          3. Then don’t be responsible for a living creature. One strike is the laziest pet owner stance imaginable. You don’t deserve the right to one.

          4. If you don’t understand that biting a child in the face is totally, completely unacceptable, then you don’t deserve to be a pet owner yourself. I’m so sick of all the violent dog apologists in this world – especially the pit bull owners.

          6. 1:01 pm, I know people who have done far more for dogs than I believe you have done — people with real expertise who rescue and rehabilitate from horrifying situations, who have saved countless dog lives, who train abandoned dogs on a volunteer basis for their local shelter and rescues — who have a one strike policy for rehoming after a bite of this severity. You are the one who is irresponsible here, and your stance makes dogs less safe.

        5. I will never agree. I’ve seen too many dog owners downplay obviously dangerous dogs that then go on to bite a second or third person. The last time, a two-year-old girl had her face torn off and was lifeflighted to the highest-level trauma center in another state. That dog was finally put down and thank god for it.

          2. My grandparents kept a dog that snapped at people until an attack put my granddad in the hospital. They’d had many dogs before and didn’t treat or train this dog any differently. Some dogs are unwell. I don’t know what this dog’s issue was. Maybe he’d hit his head or had a brain tumor. It’s horrible to go through, but we have to understand that we’re very, very biased in favor of a pet that we love and want to keep!

            Hopefully OP’s puppy just revealed a temperament that isn’t safe around children and the breeder really will find a more appropriate home.

        6. I have love all my dogs like they are people, perhaps my favorite people. They aren’t pets they are family. With that said, I put down a nervy but sweet dog that caused the need for facial stitches. Am a lawyer, and from a legal standpoint that would be my advice for any situation short of a dog actually being tortured and reacting as a result of the torture.

          1. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I believe it’s what I would have done too. I believe it was the right thing to do.

            Still I felt like doing the obviously right thing was very cold comfort for me when I gave up a household pet because of household incompatibility, even while knowing he’d be fine in another home. It was the right decision for everyone involved except me, and I just couldn’t get over it for a long time.

            Sometimes being the human with the human responsibility is a very hard thing.

      2. I’m with you. A dog attacking a young child resulting in permanent disfigurement in the form of 15 stitches/scaring on the face, I also would not hesitate for a second. I love animals, but I love children more. Period.

          2. Yep, and that’s why we don’t have animals in the house. The responsibility I feel for my child makes this a no-brainer.

          3. Anonnn, that’s a reasonable stance to take. A pet isn’t something your family gets to try on for size.

          5. She didn’t dump this puppy at the local shelter. She returned it to the breeder. That’s not irresponsible at all. I’m skeptical of the breeder’s retraining plan (I don’t really believe this was a training issue), but if the vet is okay with this plan, it’s also not irresponsible to follow it.

          6. If I married a person and then found out that he was violent, the commentariat here would be unanimous in its advice to divorce him. Why are there so many vocal dog supremacists here insisting that once you take in an animal you must keep it no matter how dangerous it turns out to be?

          7. You can have a responsibility for both AND your responsibility for a child is still far, far greater.

            (OP – I’m not surprised you feel sad/miss the dog too though! I think you can’t responsibly keep this dog; but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel sad about a sad situation)

          1. Be serious. A child only requires 15 stitches from an attack. And 15 stitches makes for a lifelong scar. This involved both an attack and permanent disfigurement, and it is heartbreaking to hear. Why on earth would you try to minimize that??

    7. I am so, so sorry this happened to your daughter. This is heartbreaking. I was attacked by a dog as a child and it had some lasting impacts, so I recommend considering whether you should engage a trauma therapist for your daughter now to try and get ahead of those issues, which may both be related to fear stemming from the attack and feelings tied to the scar that will result from the attack.

    8. My sister was attacked in her stroller and never got over her fear of dogs.

      That said, you made the right call in removing the dog from your home. This was not a hey stop it nip, this was a mauling that required many stiches. I appreciate feeling sad about your pet, and feeling sad about your daughter. The two can coexist, it’s human.

    9. OP I wanted to tell you you’re doing the right thing. I was bitten in the face by our dog as a child, and my parents kept the dog, which ended up biting me again. At that point there was no choice but to put it down. Your actions are saving the animal’s life, while also protecting your child from possible future bites. Some of the commenters on this page have no ability to see nuance in a situation and you should not give them credence.

    10. I’m so sorry for your daughter.

      Fifteen stitches on a small face is A LOT, this is very serious and traumatising.

      It will not help your daughter if she understands that you are grieving this hard for the dog that hurt her this much.

      It would be super easy for her to feel that she is somehow guilty and responsible for mom losing beloved dog rather than comforted by mom when dog bit her IN THE FACE.

      I assume that if your dog had bitten one of her friends in the face, it would already have been picked up by the police and put down.

      2. Yup. You can be sad, but you can’t show that to your daughter. Rehoming the animal is 100 percent the right call, but I also hope the dog doesn’t go to another home with children.

      3. This. Wtf OP? Your daughter will be permanently disfigured in her face and traumatized. I feel bad for your daughter She. Is. Eight. She is learning she can’t trust her mother to keep her safe/empathize with her.

        I don’t know if you are a bad dog mom, but I strongly question whether you’re a good human mom. Your poor daughter. You are giving narcissist vibes.

        1. This is harsh, but also reflects my gut reaction to this entire thing. Please, please OP do not ever let your daughter know you had this preoccupation with sadness about getting rid of the animal that bit her on the face before her 10th birthday.

        2. WTAF. OP is rehoming the dog. People get attached to their pets. She is allowed to be sad about it and should be. Get outta here with this bullying.

          1. Agree. She is absolutely allowed to grieve and daughter can learn that feelings are complex and that the world does not revolve around her. What is wrong with you people?

        3. We don’t know that the daughter didn’t cause the bite. Maybe the guilt is appropriate.

          1. A serious bite to the face is not a proportionate reaction to any treatment from an eight year old. This isn’t getting snapped at. You sound like you know nothing about animals at all. It’s not only okay to have standards for temperament; it’s a basic responsibility of dog breeding.

  19. I thought I’d seen it all with brides but this is a new one. The wedding will be in bride’s family’s longtime vacation area, which is a flight plus drive or very long drive away from where we all live. Bride booked an Airbnb (a house) for some family members. She plans to use the house for deliveries etc for wedding stuff before they can get into the venue. The family members now don’t want the house. Bride is leaning on me and some other friends to take over the reservation (ie to pay for it so she can still use it as a staging area). It would be $600/person for 4 nights split among 8 people in 4 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms.

    I said no. I’m only staying one night. I’m traveling solo because the wedding is child free (which is fine) and bride made no accommodations or even recommendations for childcare (which is annoying). I’m not paying $600 to share a bed and bathroom for one night. I think this is a totally reasonable position. Bride and another friend who is interested in the house have been pressuring me to agree even after I said no and explained why. I said no again. Bride and friend continue to beg.

    It’s so uncomfortable and frankly makes me want to pull out of attending altogether. It’s a big lift to attend this wedding. It’ll be 15 hours of driving in 2 days by myself while DH is at home with LO by himself. I also have to take a day off work because the wedding is on a weeknight. I was happy to make these sacrifices because I’m excited for my friend, but now I feel disrespected. I haven’t formally RSVPed yet. I could say actually it’s not going to work for us so sorry and send her $100 in a card. That’s probably the end of the friendship though. Wwyd?

    1. Is this a close enough friend that you can just… talk to her? Explain all of this? If she is expecting this from you, it seems like you are relatively close. I would pull out for a regular/distant friend, but have an honest conversation with a good friend.

    2. For me the friendship would already be over because what kind of friend would make such demands? I’d RSVP no.

    3. No, this is an insane request. Bride can figure it out. One of the hazards of a destination wedding. Stop trying to explain and just repeat that it’s not going to work for you.

      I wouldn’t want to go either. That’s a lot of effort of a wedding. Would you be ok with the bride being mad?

    4. I think declining this was totally fine. I also get why you now feel miffed about attending at all, I think I would feel the same way. I think you’re fine to say something came up, RSVP no, and send a card/cash. If it ends this friendship, then the friendship isn’t all that worth having in the first place.

      1. +1. The repeated hassling to spend $600 to share a bed for one night would put me off this wedding. Given the driving and family situation, I’d skip at this point.

    5. Wait, this is the family’s “longtime vacation area” but they don’t own a house there?

        1. No privilege at all. I am just a poor who didn’t think you could claim a vacation spot unless you owned a vacation home.

          1. Now ya know. If you go frequently, and it is your spot of choice, ya can claim it!

          2. It’s perfectly common to feel a connection to somewhere you travel to regularly without owning a place there.

      2. They do. I’m not sure how far it is from the venue though. The Airbnb is right next to the venue.

      3. huh? I grew up going to the same SC island for a week or two every summer in an omgrental 3BR condo with my parents and siblings, and we married there! You can have longstanding happy memories without real estate…

      4. I think it’s totally fair to say it’s your long time vacation area if you vacation there regularly for many years. Not everyone is rich enough to own a second home, and even for those who can afford to, it’s often not worth the hassle of maintaining it. My mom and her sibling sold their parents’ house in a prime vacation area because they can each only get there for 1-2 weeks every year, and for that amount of time staying in a nice hotel is much cheaper than the annual taxes and maintenance on the house, not to mention much easier. We still go there every summer and I would describe it as our longtime vacation area. I’ve literally been every summer since I was born, and I’m in my mid-40s.

    6. I wouldn’t go and I agree she’s being rude. My “math” would be the $600 + the PTO day I’d have to take, which is a super bold ask from the bride. But depending on how important the relationship is to me, I would still pick something nice off the registry and send with my (genuine) best wishes. If she wants to end the friendship following that then it’s not a big loss. Hopefully in 5 years she’ll be able to laugh over what a bridezilla she was.

    7. Five thousand dollars for a large house is an expensive staging area. She can get deliveries at a hotel.

      I’m angry on your behalf, because she’s doing a lot to offload costs to her guests. Weeknight wedding? Cheaper for the bride and groom, a PITA for other people. Destination wedding? Possibly more expensive, possibly saving them a pile of money.

      If you want to, you can tell her one more time, and maybe say something like, hey, I’m sure this sounds like fun to you, having everyone sharing a big house during your wedding celebration, but adults don’t want to share rooms, deal with ancient mattresses, fend for themselves in the morning, etc etc. Everyone just wants to roll in whenever they get there, know that the WiFi works, enjoy a free hotel breakfast, and retreat to their own space.

      1. +1. Tell her one final time that this house is unappealing for the price and you’re uncomfortable that she keeps pressuring you. If she doesn’t back off then decline and send a nice gift.

        On these types of posts I always have to point out that the groom is equally responsible for wedding decisions. Maybe he doesn’t know she’s hassling you about the house but he also committed to this staging area.

        1. This is the way. One more time, and if/when she asks, tell her that you need her to stop pressuring you because the answer is no. If she asks after that, then this is a friend who doesn’t respect even tiny boundaries and you can just not go to the wedding.

        2. Also, EIGHT people getting ready for a wedding with two bathrooms?

          That is going to be a total cluster. Eight people needing showers, bathrooms, makeup, hair dryers, all at once. No no no.

        3. Yeah but typically the bride, not the groom, is the poster’s friend and the reason the poster is attending the wedding.

    8. I would pass, given everything you’ve said here. A bride asking people to subsidize her $5000 Amazon Locker is ridiculous.

    9. No way would I agree to this. If you are trying to do that much traveling in such a short time, you need a space where you might conceivably get some rest for safety reasons on your long drive, and this tightly shared house will not be it. Have you already booked somewhere else?

      1. Yeah I mean, cost aside, it would be a terrible plan for me. I’d arrive early afternoon the day of the wedding. Maybe people are at the house or maybe they’re enjoying the scenery nearby. Someone will have to let me in (no door code). I’ll want to shower and take a nap. Who knows what my roommate will be doing. She’ll probably want to get ready and preparty during the time I would like to nap.

        I’ll want to come home a bit early because I’m getting on the road early. Idk if everyone else will have the same plan. I’ll wake up the house with my 6 am alarm, which I’m sure they’ll love, and then I’ll have to find breakfast on the road somewhere.

        Or I can book a hotel room with points so it costs me $0 out of pocket, nap and shower whenever I want without bothering others, and have a nice breakfast before I get on the road. It’s a no brainer.

    10. A weekday wedding you have to travel to / destination wedding is already a bold ask IMO.

    11. I would absolutely RSVP no and send a card. You can do it graciously and unless she’s truly an awful person, it won’t end your friendship.

    12. I’d probably have one final conversation with the non-bride friend where I was extremely clear that the house wouldn’t work for me and I need them to stop bugging me about it (and ask her to relay to the bride). Assuming they did then stop, I’d still go.

  20. I need advice on jeans/pants. I’m just getting out of my postpartum haze and am ready to wear something other than soft pants. I still have a bit of a soft belly and curvy hips – size 8-10 probably. What is current for casual wear/jeans? I feel like I have been pregnant for the past year and don’t really know what people are wearing these days.

    1. Ok this is either going to work for you or really not work for
      You but I bought these after seeing my boss wearing them
      And if you are the right body shape for them (I’m a curvy 8 and bought a large) they are great! Yes they are elastic waist jeans but it’s a flat waistline and the length is correct and flattering for me. https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/veronica-beard-carson-high-waist-ankle-flare-jeans-oxford/9090531?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll+Results&color=44444GSVPV

    1. I would not make a decision about where to live based solely on avoiding the bar exam. That seems like a real way to hate your life. Studying for the bar exam isn’t fun, but you do it with your law school friends and most people pass the first time.

    2. Taking the bar, to me, sounds easier than finding an attorney with the willingness to supervise you for 675 hours unlicensed.

      2. Caveat I haven’t heard of this before so don’t know all the details, but 675 hours isn’t that much. Our “to-be-licensed attorneys” nearly work this many hours between law school graduation and finding out they passed the bar. If this meant I didn’t have to pay for them to study for the bar and then give them a two-week vacation after they took the bar, I’d absolutely consider this program. I’d probably save money.

  22. I am at my wits’ end with my kid who is home from college. This kid somehow manages to do the adulting things that are important to her, like getting a summer job and planning trips with her friends, but refuses to do the small necessary things like paying the credit card bill, scheduling car maintenance, finding the dorm move-in schedule, getting her parking permit sorted out, hanging up wet towels, etc. Her excuse is that she is too “overwhelmed,” but I don’t know how someone who has several weeks off between her summer job and the start of school can legitimately claim that they are overwhelmed, and these things need to get done regardless of her feelings. It creates an enormous amount of stress and mental load for me because her failure to do these things have consequences for me as well as for her (I am still the technical owner of the credit card and the car, she wants me to travel halfway across the country to help her move in, it’s my carpet that will mildew). I have tried everything from leaving her to her own devices to repetitive nagging and nothing works. At this point I am seriously worried that when she is out on her own she will wreck her credit rating and her life by failing to pay bills, sign up for insurance, etc.

    At her age I was completely financially independent and had to keep up with everything for myself. I was acutely aware of the consequences of letting anything slide because I had zero safety net. Sometimes I worry that we’ve spoiled her by being responsible parents–she knows that she’ll never be out on the street so she just doesn’t care.

    1. Take her off your cards and let her fail. That’s part of learning. You can explain what needs to happen and give warnings about the seriousness of the consequences but you can’t let her wreck your credit.

      1. +1 to this. My much younger half sister has had some issues launching that have been heavily enabled by her parents. It really only gets worse and it’s better for everyone (most of all her) if you remove her from your cards/anything else with serious exposure to you and let her fail. I really wish her parents had let her do that and just grow into adulthood naturally. She’s turning 30 this year and still struggling.

    2. First step: Take away the credit card for a month or two. She will get sorted out quickly, I can guarantee it. (I was this child, and man did that work.) Second step: Consider taking the car.

      1. Easier said than done. Using a debit card for everyday purchases is insanely risky–when she had just a debit card in high school the number was stolen and there are so many fewer protections for debit cards than for credit cards. She needs the car for her practicum courses. And if we let her wreck her credit rating, how will she ever be able to rent an apartment and move out? The ultimate goal is to have her living independently after graduation.

        1. She can write checks. It is insane, and embarrassing in this day-and-age, and it will make her think twice about not paying her credit card bill.

          I agree with you that you shouldn’t let her tank her credit rating. Don’t go that route.

          1. Yeah I’m an adult with a 800+ credit rating and primarily use a debit card. So do most of my peers. like, not even letting her use a debit card/cash is a sign that I think you might be babying her too much for being college age.

        4. You’re being an enabler. My parent gave my brother that level of ‘support’ and he is still at home at 31 with a salary over 100k.

        5. You seem intent on enabling her. So learn to live with the person you are actively creating.

        6. The same way everyone without a helicopter parent managing their life for them does.

          You raised this; either change your ways or continue dealing with the consequences of your own mess.

        7. This loop is keeping you stuck. You need either to take her off the credit card or freeze it for a few months. You need to perhaps take the car away as well. She can uber or bus etc. to practicum courses, or bum rides from friends. You need to put the wet towel in her bed, and then not do her laundry. Etc. etc. etc.

          You’re making her comfortable and enabling this. Stop enabling it. I get the hesitation, but this will become a bigger issue the more you take care of everything for her.

          1. how do you Uber without a credit card? Debit? But yeah, cut off the credit card for sure!

        8. It’s also insanely risky to launch a kid into independent adulthood when you have never let them experience consequences of their bad decisions and have instead taught them that mommy dearest will take care of everything.

          Safety nets are for catching, not for preventing the fall.

        9. it doesn’t take decades to build good credit. I moved to the US as an adult and built a credit score from nothing that got me a decent home loan in less than six years.

        10. She could get a secured credit card with a very low limit in her own name – just what she would do if she didn’t have parents with great credit. If she wrecks her credit score, she’ll have to either live somewhere crappy that’s cheap enough she can pay a larger rent deposit, or she’ll live in an informal sublet, or she’ll realize this is a problem her senior year and work on improving it. You can’t both shield her from all consequences *and* expect her to treat all the tasks as critical, consequential ones

    3. Sounds like a normal young adult. You have to stop expecting her to act like a mature grown up, because she’s not. Let her figure stuff out. She’ll learn. I agree that if she can’t be responsible with the credit card then she doesn’t get one.

    4. She needs to face the consequences of her inaction.

      Take her off your credit cards. She can open some of her own, and deal with the consequences of not paying on time. Give her a deadline by which you need to know her move in date. If you don’t have it by then, you are not available to help. If she doesn’t get a parking permit, she doesn’t get to take the car to school.

      If you always save the day, she has no incentive to learn and be an adult.

    5. My rule is, if I have to get involved then I’m not doing it for you but I will do it with you. Carve out an hour and make a snack and sit at the kitchen table to do boring stuff. Open the credit card app on her phone and have her sign up for autopay at the minimum amount. Have her put a recurring calendar reminder on her phone for the date of the autopay to make sure she has enough money in her account. Have her look up the phone number for the parking people and call (or whatever) while you sit there hopefully doing nothing.

      I would help her get to the bottom of this sense of overwhelm. Is she nervous to go back to school? Is there something more to it? And then show her what to do when she’s feeling overwhelmed. I think that resilience piece is really hard to learn and for whatever reason this generation of kids seems to be struggling more than in the past.

    6. I have one kid with a disability who may never live independently, so I would not assist one who just choses not to.
      I’d move her off the credit card (you can just turn most of them off if you are really the holder and she just has a card on your account) and onto something like a Greenlight debit card, which is for children.
      And no car. She can move herself in. She launches or doesn’t. She wrecks her credit or doesn’t. Navy corpsmen are like 19 and running around saving lives. She could pick up the towels.

      BUT: any chance she’s depressed / anxious / ADHD and really just needs a counselor? When my normally-abled kid gets poorly-funcitoning, it’s almost always a bad coping mechanism with stress and what we really need is to take a long walk where I just listen.

      1. I think you can be anxious, depressed, even ADHD and still get your stuff together without a counselor… Like the poster said, they handle the things they care about.

        1. No doubt.

          There is a good book called Tangled that I reread periodically when I need to refresh the dynamic. It always helps.

    7. Sounds like she shouldn’t have a car on campus. Unless you share the account, let her deal with the credit card. I don’t even know if my parents were aware I had one in college, let alone when statements are due. She can screw up and figure it out!

    8. Perhaps the too-gentle approach (because this totally would have worked on me at that age):

      Tell her that there is day when you’re going to sit down and go over all this stuff. Do. Not. Nag. Do not berate. Be calm.

      Then spend Saturday patiently explaining what to do and how to do it all. Have her watch you. Here’s the place where we get the car maintained, here is the stuff that needs to be done for college, here is where to find this information. Pen, paper, academic calendar, have her write it all down.

      People develop adulting skills at different rates, and it can feel like missing the train the first time means you’re SOL forever.

      Regarding moving her in… if you can do it, do it.

      1. I agree that people develop adult skills at different rates, and just because you’ve learned one doesn’t mean you automatically know them all, or that you won’t learn them. For example, I would’ve been nervous to take the car in for service at that age, because I wouldn’t have known if they were trying to upcharge me for things I didn’t actually need or know what questions to ask. This is something I developed experience in and confidence over time but it helped to have a parent there at first.

        Also, there’s a lot of room between paying a couple of credit card bills late in college and “wrecking her life.” Make her get her own card and stop it affecting yours, but it’s not all life or death.

        1. Yes, this is what I was trying to say.

          I’ll also say that for me personally, “you’re going to wreck your life” is a sure fire way to paralyse me with fear.

          One of my good friends is the same way: when her parents push and push and push, the button isn’t “do this now,” it’s “be so damn scared that she wants to not deal with it.” We are both very motivated and high achieving people; counterintuitively, we need to have some breathing room to be able to get stuff done.

      2. This can also be a good way to suss out if she’s really struggling and trying or whether she actually needs the help and support, based on how she responds. If she really doesn’t want your help, take that as permission to cut the cord. If she’s putting in a good faith effort, try to meet her where she’s at.

    9. Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me. She knows you will be there to pick up the slack so why should she care?

      1. I have to agree, this is what it sounds like. She’s a capable young woman except in the areas she (a) doesn’t want to be and (b) knows her mother will pick up the slack. She’s being a jerk. She’s young, so that comes with the territory, but steps should be taken to teach her consequences.

    10. Geez people on this thread are harsh. Granted I have a sweet tiny baby. I’m constantly in awe of things he can do. I cheer like a crazy person when he points at something he wants. It’s hard to imagine that someday I won’t be a cheerleader for the minutiae of his day. Do you really become that numb to your precious little baby’s accomplishments?

      3. I mean…this attitude is how we get college-age kids and adults who literally can’t function and have their parents calling their employers lol.

      4. You are ecstatic when he points to things he wants because it demonstrates he is growing and learning to communicate, presumably at a developmentally appropriate age. This college aged kid being able to manage her calendar, get her parking pass sorted, etc are the equivilent of a baby learning to point to things he wants.

    11. There is probably some room for stepping back and letting natural consequences take their course, but the comments above strike me as a little harsh. I didn’t do any of these things in college (well, other than hanging towels, although probably not all the time) and I turned out to be a normal functional adult. People mature at different rates and I do think a decent number of college students are not fully independent adults and really start learning independence when they live independently for the first time post-college. Dorms are sort of a halfway step between childhood and adulthood so it’s ok for a kid to not be a fully formed adult yet. Also how many years of college does she have under her belt? There’s often a big difference between a rising sophomore and a rising senior.

  23. Long shot but does anyone have an LLBean coupon code that hasn’t expired? Thanks.

    1. Wait until Labor Day weekend, they always do 10 or 15% off on holiday weekends, never more than that for sitewide discounts.

  24. Any recs for the perfect fall layering cardigan for travel. Looking for something with lightweight warmth but that could go easily over a basic long-sleeved tee without the arms feeling tight. Needs to be “regular” length ie, not cropped and not boyfriend length. I can only seem to find one of these criteria but not all! Blends are fine because…budget but can stretch to merino or less luxe cashmere.

    2. Uniqlo is my go-to for price-to-quality ratio. I just looked a they have a bunch of cardigans that would fit this bill!

        1. Op Anon – thanks for the links. That last one looks very definite for layering. I like the others, too. Had forgotten about Uniqlo!

  25. I’m headed to a bar mitzvah in Atlanta at the end of August. Any suggestions on outfits? Dress code is “church/temple appropriate” for the service, then fun chic casual for the party. I assume it will be HOT. I am emerging from a significant GLP journey so I basically have no clothes that fit the bill or my body other than a black shirtdress which would work for some of this. Would love suggestions.

  26. Are….you kidding me? Clapping for a baby learning how to walk is very different than letting an 18-year-old abuse a credit card. Every single person commenting here has had a precious little baby and has celebrated their accomplishments, and then they have *raised* that precious little baby with all the accomplishments and challenges that come with that.

    This is a laughably ignorant post. I hope you’ll revisit it in 10, 15, 20 years.

  27. I really liked Blue Lights on Brit Box. What else is like that that I should check out next?

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