Coffee Break – Warby Pumps

Miz Mooz - Warby PumpsThese shoes have much more of a vintage vibe than what I normally post, but I can’t help but thinking how amazing these would look with summery trousers, like white, beige, or light gray. I (of course) particularly love the cobalt, but they also come in black, yellow, red, and a nude-for-me beige. They’re $108-$119 at Zappos. Miz Mooz – Warby (Cobalt) – Footwear

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  1. momentsofabsurdity :

    Running from thing-to-thing today at work, but wanted to thank everyone for this responses on this morning’s TPS regarding my friend who lost her baby shortly after birth. I will send flowers and have put it on my calendar to keep checking in with her. I’m not sure if there will be a service or not – if so, I may try to go out (4 hr drive) for it. Luckily, her parents and family are in the area so hopefully she has a lot of local support as well.

  2. so anon for this :

    I’m leaving my current job at big, faceless MMC in a few weeks for business school. I am excited to be moving on, because this job has been very painful and a dead-end. But my manager frequently mentions how he thinks this role was such a great opportunity for me and a really big step up from my last job. (which it isn’t really, it is just a bigger company with even more administration). At the same time he has made remarks about how my options after b-school are also limited and how I should return to this opportunity. I am torn between giving him a sense of how I truly feel before I leave, versus playing it cool until I leave.

    Any advice on dealing with this?

    • so anon for this :

      sorry… obviously it should be MNC

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I would play it cool for a variety of reasons. I think it’s better not to burn bridges, even if you think you won’t be returning.

      When he says things like, “Well, I don’t think an MBA will be that helpful to you,” just smile and say, “I’ve thought about it and it’s the best step for my career at this time.” When he says, “You’ll want to get a job here when you finish up here,” say “I’m sure I’ll be exploring a variety of opportunities when that time comes.” Etc. Just don’t engage and change the subject to your current work when it comes back.

      That being said, at your exit interview, if you have concrete ideas as to how your position could be improved, I think it wouldn’t hurt to share them in a constructive way.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I would be very careful not to burn any bridges. You never know who might ask him questions about you. I would just ignore his comments, personally.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      If telling him how you really feel will burn the bridge with him or the company, then I wouldn’t do it. What do you hope to gain from telling him? If it is just to get it off your chest, then I wouldn’t do it. But if you think telling him could result in him helping you find something after business school that is more in line with what type of organization you’d like to work for, then it might be worth saying something if you think it is worth the risk that the discussion could go differently and it might ruin the relationship you have with him.

    • Anonymous :

      Play it cool! I ended up being too honest in the exact same situation and it was just awkward. I’m one of those people who absolutely cannot handle factual inaccuracies, but trust me. These corrections just aren’t worth it.

      • Seconded–not worth it. I was also in a similar situation. I tried not to correct my boss’ comments, but I’m sure if he was paying attention a little of my attitude probably showed through my front. Luckily I don’t think it did any damage.

        At any rate: you know what you know, a burned bridge does not benefit you, and who cares why he keeps saying things like this? He could think he’s being helpful, he could be playing ego games, and he could be doing it without thinking at all (since after all, this isn’t his life or his career). JSFAMO.

    • Remember that even if you tell them how you honestly feel about your current position, potential, etc. it will likely be viewed under a different lens from yours (ie – she was bitter, she couldn’t hack it, etc). It’s unfortunate, but feedback is not always appreciated.

      I really had to try hard not to tell my employer what I thought about the work environment during my exit interview. Thankfully my coworkers pointed out that those people who had said something had been portrayed badly after their exit, and their comments had not been taken at face value. I just thanked them for the opportunity, and years later I’m glad I decided to not burn bridges.

    • I would tell him that you will consider all OPTIONS during and after you gradueate from school, INCLUDEING this one.

      I agree you do NOT want to burn any brideges, b/c you never know who you will need for a referance. That is why I am alway’s very respecteful to the manageing partner b/c he pays my salary, and b/c he is good about the 20% reimbursment of my clotheing allowence.

      I would not get these pumps, even if $20, b/c they are OPEN toe, and the manageing partner always coments about my feet. I do NOT want to give him any thing to talk about, particulearly if it is about MY body! FOOEY on that!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Definitely play it cool. You don’t know who he knows… maybe his golfing buddy’s brother-in-law is your potential employer.

  3. Kat, you are killing it with the blue shoes lately. This style is so right up my alley. Love the low, walkable heel.

    The black/white and the taupe/white at Zappos are good looking choices too.

    • I love the blue but hate the wood heel.

    • I love everything about those shoes.

    • Anonymous Poser :

      They are awesome looking and it looks like the heels are not too high, as well!

      It’s not Kat’s fault that I can’t afford them…. ;)

    • emcsquared :

      I tried these shoes on at Nordie’s, and they were super comfy – soft, supple leather with padding in all the right places and a sole that is wide enough for easy balancing (coming from a woman who wears 3 inch skinny heels daily) but not orthopedic looking. Alas, I’m on a no-clothes budget for a few months, or I would have bought them on the spot (they were marked down to $78, I think).

      The blue was very bright and vivid and purty. The nude-for-you was actually a tone-on-tone, which might help resolve some of the “which tone am I” questions. The yellow that I saw was more lime-y (is that called chartreuse?).

      I justified not buying them because I felt the leather at the peep toe might chafe my big toe a little bit (and I needed a reason to walk away). If given the choice again, I would totally buy them.

  4. Okay, my post disappeared, so sorry for the double post if it reappears.

    AIMS mentioned the Bloomie’s sale that starts tomorrow. Is the 40% on top of the already-reduced prices? Or are the prices as marked? I’m hoping it’s the first one, because the items in my shopping bag shockingly added up to $600.

    P.S. Am I the only one who is always, always shocked when I see the total of what I picked out???

    • lawsuited :

      No, I’m always, always shocked too (and then desperately searching the internet for a promo code because I can’t possibly get those pants without that top). My mental math selectively degenerates when adding items to my online shopping cart….

      • “My mental math selectively degenerates when adding items to my online shopping cart….” Love this- it definitely happens to me, too. And in my actual shopping cart. And, I’ve noticed, when tallying up calories in a meal. Sigh.

    • Prices are as marked but there are promo codes to take $25 off $100 that you spend.

  5. Annoyed Guest :

    So I’m the one from last week posting about having to attend the wedding with the bizarrely modest dress code and no notice of this. I ended up wearing my one outfit that complied with the bride’s standards. But, I was pretty much the only one. Other people wore exactly what you would think to wear to an informal park wedding (strappy, short sundresses and other garden party sort of clothes), others wore nice sheath or work dresses but with no sleeves or no cover up, some of the family members were in evening dress type attire, and others were old ladies who wore, well, old lady clothes. The bride’s dress was still va va voom, but she stuffed a piece of sheet in the back of it to make it less so? It was strange. Also, the rabbi was Reform and the ceremony very short and modern. Still very confused as to how and why that dress code existed (but not really since few people followed it), but I still think the moral is that if you have a very specific requirement for a wedding or event, please let people know well ahead of time.

    • lawsuited :

      So bizarre and frustrating – good for you for taking the high road and complying with the last-minute dress code. I think it says a lot about you as a good, respectful friend…and a lot about your friend as a thoughtless one. Totally agree with either making guests aware of the dress code ahead of time or letting the chips fall where they may!

    • Random thought – when you posted about this, I got the feeling that the bride herself wasn’t totally on board with the conservative dress code. It seemed as though she would tell people who specifically asked, but otherwise wouldn’t say much about it. Maybe that wasn’t the case, but it was the feeling I got. It was nice of you to follow through with it though.

      • Annoyed Guest :

        You know, this is actually really insightful. Maybe it was her parents or grandparents or other family that was pushing for it, and to be a bit passive aggressive, she didn’t really get the info out on purpose. Thanks for offering this suggestion. Knowing her family I actually think this might have been 100% what was going on. I’m glad I followed through now because I know a lot of her family members too and if this is the case, I presume dressing ‘correctly’ gave them a favorable opinion of me and I would have hated to offend them after knowing them a long time.

    • I was wondering how that turned out. You did the right thing and don’t let the rest of it bother you. You could have just as easily walked in to a situation wearing a strappy sundress only to find everyone else complied. Always better to play it safe. And definitely shame on her for not giving better notice. Shopping on a deadline is never fun and it’s far worse when there are all sorts of rules you’re trying to adhere to in addition to your own taste and budget.

    • Research, Not Law :

      I’m not surprised. I’ve been to two email-invite, in-the-park ceremonies and have missed the vibe both times… as have most of the guests. I was underdressed for the first, then (thinking I’d figured it out) was overdressed for the next! Park weddings are sweet, but help a girl out. I just want to look appropriate for your wedding.

      I’m trying to picture the sheet tucked in the dress. And good call, Flamingo, on the bride not being totally on board.

      • The sheet tucked in the dress is making me think of a bride in a cape. Sort of like the football player in the Snickers commercial who thought he was Batman. To the Bat Cave!!!

        • Annoyed Guest :

          Given the suggestion that these dressing oddities may have been caused by her family’s wishes, I actually feel bad for my friend. I wonder if her parents or grandparents made her wear her dress in such a way. If it’s the case, it’s too bad, because the whole push towards that didn’t match the ceremony at all, nor did it really match the bride and groom.

          The whole dress code thing makes me think of the new fangled creative dress codes people are using these days like Texas black tie or Carribean chic or goodness knows what else. Like, I don’t actually know what that means. Can you please put a blurb on your site telling me exactly what I need to do if your requirements are outside the norm?

  6. Oh man, I wish I wasn’t on a buying freeze. I love those!

    Can I rant for a minute? Or maybe even ask for helpful advice? When you were a newbie at your job and had no idea what you were doing, what did you do? I work in a tiny office (one lawyer, two paralegals) in a field completely new and foreign to me. Everyone is crazy busy and always talking about how swamped we are. I’ve been here for about 4 months now, and am still floundering. I want to help, really. I prefer to be busy–it makes my day go faster and gives me a sense of accomplishment (besides not making me feel like my career is completely stagnating). But I have NO IDEA what to do. I have a 3-page to do list, with each item on it involving waiting for feedback that someone else is too busy to give me. I’d answer client emails, but I don’t know the answers, so all I can do is relay them up the chain and wait for non-responses. I ask for new work, but once again, everyone is too busy to explain a task to me in sufficient detail for it to not quickly end up on my “waiting for feedback” list. I end up spending a lot of time just trying to find blogs on this new practice area, reading my old textbooks on the subject, or, eh, reading Corporette. I feel like I’m cheating my employer, but I don’t know what else to do.

    Have any of you been here? How do I snap out of it? Is it just time? Or time plus something else? Am I being whiny to want more training than this, or is this just life in a small firm?

    • Heh, this is life at a small firm. I’ve been at mine for about nine months now, and it’s gotten better as I’ve learned how to do more things with less feedback. I was in exactly your situation last Fall, though, and I sometimes find myself back there again now. My only strategies have been to (i) try to pay attention so I can work more independently sooner,(ii) let my boss know when I’m slow, and (iii) be thankful that I work at a place that’s busy (even when I am not myself busy).

      I know this advice isn’t that helpful, but I’m not sure there’s too much you can do about the situation. I know it’s frustrating.

    • I’m not a lawyer, but I felt the same way when I first started. I was lucky enough to have a couple coworkers just a year more senior than me who could help. In your situation, I would ask to schedule a meeting weekly (or even a daily 10-minute chat over coffee if that would go over okay) with your manager to go over some of the things you need feedback on so you have tasks you’re able to get through each day.

    • I would also add that it may be helpful to get authority to do certain things on your own (e.g. answer client emails about x, y, or z) so that you can start to bump less up the chain.

    • My sympathies go out to you! Do what you can to get more work, but don’t beat yourself up about having time on your hands. Being “busy” is all about perception and some people are just trying to look that way, even if they aren’t really. So don’t assume that you are somehow being way less helpful and productive than everyone else. But for your own sanity, I hope things improve. Learning how to assert yourself is difficult but essential. Some people you are working with may have control issues and hesitate to hand over information or projects to you because they haven’t learned how to delegate. Choose which items are most important for your role, and try to gain more power/knowledge in those areas.

    • Try things like drafting the email back to the client and giving that to your supervisor. Or draft a bullet point outline of what you think needs to be responded to and how. Maybe you’re already doing this, but you’ll get more feedback if you try to draft something first and then afterwards ask for feedback on it. Being new and junior isn’t that much fun, but it doesn’t last forever.

    • karenpadi :

      Been there, done that and now I’m on the other side. First, it will get better, and suddenly. One day you’ll be waiting for feedback and the next, people will be like “looks good, ready to file.” Then you will be swamped too, I promise.

      For now, honestly, just keep your mentors on their toes. When I hand something to a newbie, it’s mostly because I’m worried it’ll fall through the cracks if I don’t do something about it. Putting a newbie on the project is my way of making sure it doesn’t disappear and that it gets done on time. So, be diligent and keep bugging the people you are waiting on. It helps if the newbie says something like “I’m waiting for feedback from you and three other people. I have time now to work on your project so can we meet today?” and remind me that the deadline is coming.

  7. Anon for This :

    One of my friends just had her third miscarriage in 1.5 years. She has been a close friend since we were younger, but ever since her first miscarriage she has really pulled away. Any advice on how I can help her or reach out to her? Even though she has pushed me away, I want to be supportive; however, I am at a loss regarding what to say or do. She lives far away. Thanks for your advice, ladies.

    • K... in transition :

      send “thinking of you” cards at random, email just to say hello, send a gift box of silly things that might remind her of happy friendship times with you, etc. Don’t require her to talk about things she doesn’t want to but don’t make her ask for your support :)

    • How exactly has she been pulling away? Does it seem you-specific (may be hard to tell as she lives far away)? If you happen to have kids/get pregnant easily, it might just be painful for her to talk to you because she’s reminded of that. If it’s not aimed at just you, she is likely just going through the grieving process doesn’t have the energy or inclination to maintain long distance friendships, and has probably pulled inward and away from many people in her life. Some people need this to heal. I would try to give her her space while letting her know that you are around if she needs anything. If the miscarriage was recently, perhaps sending her some flowers with a note that says you are thinking of her and are there for her would be enough. Then let her take the initiative if she would like to reach out.

      P.S. – I’ve only ever been on the friend end, I haven’t had a miscarriage myself. I’d be interested to see if those who have experienced it think this is a good approach that I should keep using. Ultimately, I think it’s a “know your friend” situation.

      • Having been on the other side, your approach is great. As is K’s suggestion to send a card and/or gifts. Sometimes you don’t want to talk about it, but just knowing that people are thinking of you is helpful.

    • Anonymous :

      Since I can be tone-deaf for these things, I just spoke very honestly to a friend who went through I don’t even know how many miscarriages: “If you want to talk about it, I will listen to anything you want to say. If you don’t, we can talk about other things. Or not talk at all, just hang out.” This might sound weird, but I also told her that I thought what was happening was incredibly awful and unfair and she had every right to be upset – in other words, I DID NOT spout platitudes about it being “for the best.” I just wanted her to have a safe person to say things to, no matter how angry or bitter or hopeless. Being a science geek, I also wanted her to have someone to talk to who wouldn’t be freaked out or judgemental by the nitty gritty of fertility treatments.

      And, I gave her a stack of fluffy books to read! Which was somewhat helpful, in a way.

    • yeah, I am also wondering where you get the idea she’s pulling or pushing away. I had a total personal breakdown a long time ago, and i kind of disappeared from my friends for a couple of weeks cause I just didn’t know what to talk about, and didn’t want to talk about ‘it.’ and a couple of my friends ended up kind of confronting me for ‘ignoring them’ and it completely ended our friendship. If they had reached out, I would have loved to talk to them, but i just wasn’t in the frame of mind to reach out to anyone else, and they totally jumped to a conclusion that wasn’t true.

      So, if it’s just a vague feeling you have that she pulled away, I would do what the others said and reach out to her anyway, often and randomly. She might be happy to hear from you.

  8. Am I being weird or do these pumps seem a bit risque for the conservative office?

    • Not at all.

      The ones I saw in Barney’s this weekend that said “S E X” in rhinestones across the toes? Those get a little closer.

      • These?!LOU/CHRISTIAN+LOUBOUTIN+-+SEX-100 and for the low low price of $1,400 you too can have utterly ridiculous shoes!

        • Yup, those are the ones. I’m pretty sure anyone who is wearing those shoes has already made it clear enough through her other sartorial choices what she’s interested in.

          • Equity's Darling :

            I can’t even formulate a response to those shoes. I just have so many questions: Who designed them? Who is the target demographic? Where would you wear them? Why would you wear them? What would you wear them with? How did these shoes happen?

          • I would totally buy these as a gag gift for some friends/family members. If they cost $14. Get a good laugh once and then put them in the back of the closet to look at when you are having a horrible day.

          • I’m more concerned by the fact that the shoes spell out the word “Seex.” Seex?? What is this nonsense, and why does it need to be on my shoes?

          • I would like to second all of Equity’s Darling’s questions. I just called my secretary in to look at these. We are stumped.

        • What on–I can’t even. I just can’t even.

        • There are people out there that would pay a lot for a good conversation piece. And this is beyond good, this is da bomb.

          • Apparently, Katie Perry, Kate Upton, and Jennifer Lopez have all worn them:

            b23, I’m just jealous that you got to see them in person!

    • Maybe you’re not being weird, per se, but I don’ t see anything wrong with those pumps provided you don’t work with people who will judge you for wearing expensive designer shoes. I really like them, actually.

    • I think they are very pretty. The inside detail adds just the right amount of interest. Personally, I could not get away with wearing such expensive shoes at my workplace (it would be the talk of the town), but the design itself is very nice.

  9. Ladies,

    I’m just sad about a situation and don’t know how to help. My mother is brilliant, really, and very amazing. She grew up in a very bad situation and her parents forced her to marry when she was 15; very abusive and she divorced when she was 20 and pulled herself up from living in a homeless shelter to receptionist to office manager of a medical practice that grew from 4 to a dozen doctors. She did that for about 10 years; then managed a custom construction company (that built fancy mansions). She was very well compensated and successful, all with just her high school diploma. When she became pregnant with my little sister, unplanned at 42, she told her boss that she planned to stay home until she was old enough for kindergarten; boss said he didn’t want to find a replacement and shut down the business and retired.
    When my sis went to school, my mother went back to school part time – got her associate’s degree (was valedictorian and class speaker) , then was accepted as a transfer at prestigious university 2 hours away (in top 20 public schools in country) and commuted and went part time; graduated with BA after 10 years total back in school. Sis is now in high school.

    So, now my mom is 56 years old, has her degree, has worked her butt off, is brilliant, and nobody will hire her. She’s working what is basically an hourly receptionist job and commuting an hour each way. She’s applied for hundreds of jobs and gone on more than three dozen interviews in the past year, but can’t make it past the interview stage.

    It’s just frustrating, saddening, and maddening. Every rejection she gets feedback indicating that it’s some combination of her age (they repeatedly express surprise when she comes to the interview that they thought she was younger…even though her 20+ years of experience are listed) and of how she spent ten years out of the workforce (getting her BA from a top college!). Until the past few years, my mom always looked 10-15 years young for her age – a 40 year old who could pass for being 25. It just seems wrong that after all her hard work, she genuinely would have been better off just sticking with a high school diploma rather than go back to college mid-life.
    And with 10 years out of the workforce while she went back to school, her retirement, etc is not close to being enough to sustain her for more than 5-10 years at most.

    I keep trying to be positive and strong for her but it all just seems very, very unfair.

    • Mousekeeper :

      What is your mother’s degree in? Are there government offices within a decent commute? I’ve learned over the years that government employers are less spooked by older female applicants than private employers. She needs a pension of some kind, so a government job would provide that if she can stick it out long enough to vest. Another thought – depending on what her degree is in, she might seek employers where the leadership is predominantly female. In male-leadership offices, unless the company head is particularly progressive, they are either looking for eye-candy or simply a female who does not remind them of their mother. As a post-50’s lawyer, I totally sympathize with what your mom is going through. Prayers and good wishes for her. She deserves some good luck after all that hard work.

      • Her B.A. is in Pyschology, she had hoped to go on for a master’s in counseling, but that is just financially/logistically not possible right now. So she has the dreaded liberal arts degree.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          My husband has a psych degree and no graduate degree. He has had luck applying w/ the government, insurance companies and law enforcement. As far as law enforcement goes, while your mom probably doesn’t want to be a cop, she would probably make a great victim witness advocate, school resource officer or dispatcher. (Though in many states, the SRO still has to do the full academy.)

          • I second this.

            My previous employer delivered employment services for persons with (mostly mental health) disabilities and addictions. For front line employment counselling roles, we *only* hired people with BAs in psych or social work: Anything less and they weren’t qualified; anything more and HR got suspicious around whether or not they’d stay.

            If your mom is interested in something similar, I’d advise her to put her time and energy into volunteer roles (e.g. women’s shelters) to beef up her resume, rather than another degree. Relevant experience is everything.

          • Also: Your mom’s personal experience in the system — homeless shelters, etc — would make her an incredibly valuable asset to a lot of social work agencies.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          Check correctional facilities too. Many hire BA level only for certain programs. (Again, not as a corrections officer but for mental health staff.)

        • If she’s interested in counseling, has she considered going the work-at-a-school route? She can’t be a full-on school counselor without the master’s, but she could be the secretary of guidance, or the testing secretary, or the transcript secretary, or something like that. She might even be able to squeak in as a counselor at a private school. And education seems pretty friendly to hiring older people.

          Seriously though, your mom sounds amazing. Job searching is utter hell. All of my best wishes are going towards her.

    • Does the top college she attended have a strong alum network and/or good career support for non-traditionally aged students? If the old boss is still around (the one that retired when your mom left), does he have any connections that could help? Your mom sounds awesome and strong, and I hope something works out for her soon.

    • Would she be interested in being a hall mother/residential head/rector at a boarding school or college, or maybe even a house mother in a sorority? A BA in psychology is the right educational background, and her age is right, too. She could also be residential staff in a halfway house or homeless shelter, a school guidance counselor, admissions counselor, or something similar. Perhaps she could even work at the community college where she got her associate’s degree as an advisor.

      There was a woman about your mom’s age in my law school class. Like your mom, not too many firms were interested in hiring her (since firms lose money on associates for the first few years, and she was only about 10 years away from retirement age, I assume they made an illegal but financially logical decision to discriminate). But she was persistent and came out ok eventually.

    • What a horrible situation. I hope it works out for your mom soon. She sounds incredibly resilient. Hopefully, this is just a dark time that will pass soon, and your mom will move on to a great new phase of her life (along with a stable job she can be proud of). It seems so unfair and heartbreaking.

      • Silvercurls :

        Just wanted to let you know that one more person “out there” is thinking positive thoughts on behalf of your mom.

    • Do you live in a big city? has your mother contacted temp agencies and/or head-hunters? Temp agencies will give her a higher wage and perhaps a foot in the door of a company that has other openings.
      Headhunters will help her target something specific. Her college’s career services office should help her find a reliable recruiter.
      Good luck!

      • Silvercurls again :

        Many social service agencies (religious & secular) offer career counseling for the general working public and/or for specialized subgroups such as immigrants, refugees, older adults, older women, etc. One place to try is (see also and Religious/ethnically based social service agencies vary in their missions: some serve all people, regardless of affiliation, and others serve only their community of origin.
        Full disclosure: years ago I worked for IAJVS. No continuing financial relationship!

  10. PharmaGirl :

    I’m a member of Team No Peep Toe but would actually consider these shoes… love! Just wish the heels were a bit higher.

  11. Thanks, ladies, for all the great recs from the morning thread on what to do in NYC between 730-10am!!! I will definitely be going to Le Pain Quotidien and not Starbucks, it seems like the perfect place to relax with a latte and start drafting the story I want to write. You’re all awesome =D

  12. This is an odd question, but I’m looking for a closed shoe for commuting in the summer that a) looks okay with skirts and dress pants (in a commuting sort of way, not a wear-in-the-office sort of way), and b) is big enough to fit my orthotics in.

    I was thinking about a lace-up pair of Keds. Any other ideas?

    • I got a pair of slip on Keds primarily for this purpose, and I like them (they are a fun pattern that makes me happy, and comfortable enough). Another suggestion would be Born mary janes.

    • Someone on here recommended the Lands End Gatas shoes, and I ordered a pair and I adore them. They are the perfect sneaker to wear with casual dresses, or anything really, and the memory foam insole is so comfortable.

    • Boat Shoes :

      What about Sperry Top-Siders? They aren’t everyone’s style but would fit your criteria.

      • Sperrys make me swoon. I may or may not own 5 pairs and I may or may not be wearing the metallic gold pair as I type this…

    • RussiaRepeat :

      I have a pair of Clark’s black leather ballet flats that are my go-to commuting shoe, not sure if they’re big enough for orthothotics, but they’re a bit more substantial than Tory Burch flats.

    • I asked about it last week and ordered the J-41 Beachcombers. They arrive today so I’ll tell you how if they’ll stay. :)

    • Joan Holloway :

      I have just discovered Alice Alan shoes. I made a personal appointment to try them on at her showroom and LOVE them. I haven’t decided which ones I will buy yet because I’m trying to sort out my wardrobe priorities, but I am thrilled to find shoes that I can wear with both a skirt AND my orthotics. I’m so tired of frumpy comfort shoes. Admittedly, Alice Alan shoes aren’t entirely frump free, but they’re the best option I’ve found so far.

      • Joan Holloway :

        I should give you the website to make things easier (if it doesn’t end up in moderation):

    • Thanks, everyone! Great suggestions!

  13. Estate Planning for Unmarried Couples :

    Hi All,

    Any recommendations for resources (books, newsletters, podcasts, etc.) to help with estate planning for unmarried couples? By way of background, I own a house with my SO and we do not plan to marry, but we do plan to live out our days together. I want to make sure that we are doing all we can to protect and provide for each other.

    (Although we are not same-sex, we often find resources directed at same-sex couples helpful, so please feel free to share those as well.)


    • HereThere :

      I had a whole nice/long response typed and it got eaten by the posting too fast monster. ;)

      I’d suggest a local attorney rather than piecing together your own. The majority of wills I’ve seen done online/using forms do not reflect the deceased’s intent and often create many difficulties in court as well as within the family. It shouldn’t be expensive and will give you a greater peace of mind.

    • Maine Associate :

      As an attorney who on occasion has been called upon to untangle the webs of my well-meaning clients, please see an attorney. 99% of the time the client would have saved himself/herself money if I had been consulted before the web was woven. Since you are dealing with estate planning, if one of you dies and your estate plans do not conform with state law, it is very likely your wishes will not be carried out.

      • This. When folks ask me whether they need an attorney to make a will, I ask them whether they’d be happy with what would happen under intestacy laws. If the answer is no in any way, I tell them to see a lawyer. Law school text books are full of examples of what even semi-trained lawyers can accidentally mess up in estate planning– at least if you got professional help, there’s the possibility of recovery through malpractice (worst-case, obviously).

    • just Karen :

      Yes, it is always best to talk to a lawyer, but if you are going the book route, I highly recommend NOLO’s “Living Together: A Guide for Unmarried Couples”. If that’s no longer around, I would recommend checking out the NOLO books directed towards same-sex couples – most of the legal issues will be the same. aaaaand I just saw that you already know that second part :). Joan Burda wrote a good book on same sex estate planning, but it is directed towards attorneys. Good luck!

    • I’m going to 4th or 5th the attorney recommendation. My husband and I used an estate planning attorney to set up our will, advance medical directive, revokable trust and power of attorney documents. It was surprisingly inexpensive, from what I recall, particularly since his office filed the paperwork necessary to move title of our house into the trust without resetting the clock on our property tax basis.

    • Jumping on this thread – does anyone have a recommendation for an attorney who does estate planning in NYC?

      • Jumping farther: does anyone have a recommendation for an attorney who does probate litigation in NJ (preferably Bergen County)?

      • Anon for this :

        Herb Nass. Solo, does high quality work, used to dealing with lawyer/banker types, thorough but won’t talk you into unnecessary nonsense.

      • How about Twin Cities?

        • which part – St. Paul, Minneapolis, East Suburbs, West Suburbs?

          • I only ask because I’ve got a friend doing family law in the northwest ‘burbs, but that’s kind of out of the way for about the 3/4 of the metro :)

          • Live in St. Paul, but anything is possible.

      • Amy Holzman, [email protected], phone 917 405 8342. She’s been my friend for over 20 years and has done wills/trusts/health care proxies for all of my friends and family. Used to work at Debevoise.

  14. Elle Urker :

    Question: has anyone bought belle by sigerson morrison shoes? Are they comfortable and good quality? Have basically been drooling over them and have come to realize that they are really my style (especially the d’orsay pumps and various wedges). Anyway, are they known for quality and comfort? Would love some insider info.

    • I have, and liked them. Found them to be good quality and reasonably comfortable. Only complaint with my pair is that the suede stretched a lot (more than with other suede shoes that I’ve had), so they’re now too loose and slip off easily. I really should donate them, but they are the most gorgeous teal color, and I keep telling myself that I will somehow magically find an insert that makes the shoes fit.

    • I have a pair of their flats, and they are quite comfortable (and cute!). As to quality, they are about as good as most “cute” flats I’ve purchased at similar price points — that is, good leather and everything but NYC streets eat them up quickly if you don’t take them into the cobbler to be resoled.

    • Lil lurker?

  15. Equity's Darling :

    I usually use an aha exfoliator once or twice a week, but I got sunburned this weekend.
    From my google looking, it’s unclear whether the aha will be bad for my skin (i.e. make the flaking worse, and make my skin raw), or good for my skin, or neutral for my skin.


    • I would not use any exfoliant until your skin heals. Try a nice aloe lotion/gel.

    • I got a really bad sunburn on my back during my recent vacation. Once it started peeling and flaking (gross, I know – sorry!) I would gently manually exfoliate in the shower with warm water and a wet washcloth. Then I would slather on moisturizer. I tried a couple different kinds but what worked best for me was Aquaphor. I have 2 small patches that are scabby, and I’m treating those with Neosporin. All the other skin is recovered. Moral of the story? You need to put sunscreen on your whole body, not just the front.

    • Unsure on the exfoliant — if it will help or not. But, when the peeling comes, I’ve found that argan oil helps mask it and doesn’t irritate my skin.

    • Being a redhead born in the 70s, I’ve had many, many bad sunburns. My advice would be – don’t peel it, even when it starts peeling itself (hard to resist, but the skin underneath isn’t ready yet!); don’t use oils, use aloe-based moisturizing lotions for relief (or just plain aloe, though it’s sticky); and for heaven’s sake don’t exfoliate. Your skin has been burned, it needs to heal.

  16. HereThere :

    Any comments on meclizine? I just started taking it yesterday (thanks to some issues filling it) for vertigo. I think I’m having some of the side effects (extreme tiredness, drained, v. dry throat, possible that throat is itchy/glands are starting to swell). I’m on 25mg three times per day, so I’m trying to figure out if I should keep taking it or not. I unfortunately can’t reach the doctor that prescribed it.

    • I used to take meclizine for veritgo, due to an inner ear issue that finally resolved. It made me very sleepy, I really could not take it during the day.

    • I also take meclizine for vertigo, and have found that a dose that’s half the typical 25mg works so much better for me. My doctor writes me a 12.5mg prescription, and it’s enough to take the edge off of my symptoms without all the bad side effects. Maybe try breaking a few tablets in half and taking them instead until you can get a hold of your doctor?

      • HereThere :

        How often do you take it? Once or three times per day?

        • 2 or three times a day, depending on my symptoms. I can handle about 37.5mg of meclizine cumulatively before I am totally worthless for the rest of the day.

      • You can get a non-prescription dose of meclizine OTC; it’s called “Less-Drowsy Dramamine.” My husand just got hit with a bout of his recurring vertigo and I bought the generic version at CVS. However, it still makes him sleepy, just not as completely knocked out as the prescription meclizine.

        Vertigo is really miserable (at least it is for him); I’m sorry you’re going throuth this.

        • Bonine is also an OTC form of meclizine. Good luck finding something that works for you!

        • In the Pink :

          I can buy a bottle of 100 pills of 25mg meclizine, generics, over the counter, at Wallgreens for <$10. I just ask at the pharmacy counter.

          One day when scouring around for the bonine (cheaper than the dramamine) a store clerk told me about this. Sold.

          Hope you feel better.

    • karenpadi :

      I take OTC meclizine (low dose) for motion sickness while scuba diving. I like it better than dramamine (I get less drowsy). That sounds like a really high dose and I’m not surprised he’s getting those side effects.

      Maybe see if a smaller dose might be better? Most standard dosages are calculated for an average-sized man. If you are a smaller woman, the dosage may be way too much for you.

  17. Has anyone learned a second language as an adult? I’ve tried Rosetta Stone (for Spanish) and found it to be monotonous and too slow. I’ve tried other self-study methods, but nothing is sticking. I’m considering a class, but I’m wondering how much I will learn from it seeing as how I don’t have much to show from my 7 years of French classes in HS/College. What has worked for you?

    • If you’re interested in functional language learning–i.e., you’re traveling to France for the summer and want to have some good phrases–I highly recommend Pimsleur. It’s 95% audio based. I am a visual learner, but I actually had a lot of success learning some Albanian in preparation for a summer in Kosovo.
      On the other hand, if you’re interested in diving deeper into the language–not just having some useful phrases–check out some language learning blogs, like They have lots of good tips and inspiring stories!
      Good luck!

    • I’ve been learning Pimsleur while commuting. It’s strictly listen and repeat, very light on the reading and no writing, but it’s working. I’m really learning. I’m in the middle of French 2.

    • Anonsensical :

      Just came across this article and think I’m going to try a combination of this guy’s recommendations and Pimsleur while commuting to see if I can get my Spanish back.:

    • learning as an adult the key for me was having a lot of time to practice, not just work on it by myself. I had great teachers, but the best was conversation classes, as opposed to just general classes. Or, look for free conversation groups in your area and make friends you can practice with. It comes so much faster when I’m actually using it regularly, then when I try to just learn by reading/listening.

      • Away Game :

        I learned Italian at the Dante Institute, and thought the class was great. Structured, good balance of conversation and reading comprehension, spelling, etc. I could have done a lot onm my own after the intermediate level to boost my fluency, but getting a really strong foundation in class helped enormously. I highly recommend a class, followed by whatever works for you – conversation tutors, online courses, etc. But nothing will beat having a professor tell you, no, it’s not pronounced quite that way or a better way of saying that is X.

  18. momentsofabsurdity :

    You guys.

    In an effort to get a more comfortable chair, I switched out mine with a coworker who’s leaving. Unfortunately, I got mine out of my office, brought the new one in and am now unable to lift it with enough clearance to get over and behind my desk.

    So now I am squatting on the floor waiting for someone to come help. Awkward.

    • Merabella :

      This made me laugh out loud.

    • You just made me laugh out loud in my office. I hope someone comes to save you!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Someone came to save me. Unfortunately, they walked in at the exact moment I was squatting at my desk, trying to type, and choking on a Triscuit with tears running down my face.

      …this is my life.

  19. Good accessories for travelling? Looking for accessories that are vertsatile but inexpensive to jazz up a travel wardrobe. Any ideas? I’m especially partial to etsy :)

    • I found this great silver necklace that I use for this. (I actually keep it in my bag in case I need to dress up an outfit.) It is just silver, but not super shiny, links. There are about 10 to 15 chains going from one side to the other of it. Unfortunately, I bought it at a specialty store, so depending on your location, probably not an option to get the same. I’ll see if I can find an example, though. Mine was super cheap and great quality. I get compliments on it all the time, which is great when I’ve just pulled it out of my bag and put it on on a whim!

      • Combination of these:×600-2-400×600.png&w=400&h=600&ei=hVLWT4_oKuH30gGKoMj3Ag&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=533&vpy=2&dur=1969&hovh=275&hovw=183&tx=113&ty=143&sig=113692761097119495090&page=4&tbnh=121&tbnw=83&start=68&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:68,i:321 – but with less at the back and more sets of small links in the front which look like,r:23,s:68,i:365

        Sorry, I don’t know where an exact link is! I think this style of necklace works well, but I use it for casual and fancier, so it really depends on your personal style.

    • Leslie Knope :

      The source of this may be a little embarrassing, but Courtney Cox’s character on Cougartown always wears a long gold necklace with small discs on it. She wears it in basically every episode and it looks good with everything. I don’t want to link and put this in moderation, but search “jules cobb necklace” on etsy and you’ll see several examples. She wears it long or doubled-over or layered with other necklaces, so it’s really versatile.

    • Research, Not Law :

      H&M is good for inexpensive accessories.

    • travel musts :

      I have a “chilly jilly” travel wrap that doubles as a scarf. They come in pretty colors.

  20. Please excuse the venting. I try not to complain about my family, because in the grand scheme of things, I’ve got it pretty good–no one’s addicted to anything, no one is toxic, no one is incarcerated or larcenous or mentally unstable. But YOU GUISE. Long story short, my relationship with my dad is a little tense right now (the age-old story of Parental Hopes & Dreams crashing against Reality that Your Child Can Make Her Own Choices Which Will Sometimes Be Different than the Choices You Want Her to Make). He was supposed to help me move this weekend, since he has a strong-backed farmhand, truck, and trailer, but he called me today to say that really, it would work better for him if we could move–tomorrow.

    My father has many wonderful qualities. Respect for other people’s time and schedules is not one of them. He runs his own business and has a very flexible schedule, which, combined with his natural inclination towards not respecting anyone else’s time, and willingness to hear what he wants to hear about the end of my school year, is making him incredulous/annoyed that I cannot just–be done already. And now he’s saying he won’t be able to move me this weekend. And is annoyed that I can’t move on Monday, since I’m starting one of my (pre-Spain hooray!) summer jobs, and am scheduled to go all week. This is really not that urgent, since my lease goes through the end of July, but just–argh. I do not appreciate the guilt tripping and sniping and acting like I’m the problem because my schedule is not as flexible as his is.

    Also it’s raining so my plans to take the furball over to the state park and run have been scuppered, and if I run the same route through town one more time I’m going to scream, and I’m hungry and have no food in my house, and WAH WAH WAH. Okay, vent over.

    • Blarg!!! That is so frustrating, a. I have a thing about time and commitments, so this would also make me insane.

      no advice, but {{internet hugs}} … just scream if it makes you feel better! :o) also, this has been making me feel better when I’m particularly Blarg (it’s a Buffy/Angel reference, but I think it’s pretty universal)

    • I feel your pain. My parents do the same type of thing (re parental hopes and dreams vs. my actual choices — I swear, my father never liked me so much in my entire life as when I decided to go to law school), and can be really unhelpful generally. Hugs! Hopefully you got to run out some anger!

    • Booth Tarkington :

      Are you a half-sister that I knew nothing about? Or is your dad my dad’s long-lost twin. This. is. my. life. Just survived a major life event and herding him through the process should have resulted in my receiving the Dean’s Award for Organizing Recalcitrant People.

  21. New poster :

    I was reminded today of the poster who was frustrated with her assistant for mailing an empty envelope. Today I received a mailing envelope from Anthropologie, with the packing slip for the dress that has been back ordered for over a month that they had emailed me was now available. Just the packing slip. No dress. So annoying!

    • anonymous due to personal stupidity :

      I once mailed my office rent check to the prosecuting attorney’s office by accident.

      • The bank rejected my last rent check because I dated it May 29, 2102 instead of May 29, 2012.

        • Ugh, I really should do something about this numbers issue, I stared at that for 5 minutes trying to figure out what was wrong with it.

          • Same here, I am clearly not made for banking.. or finance.. or numbers really

    • lucy stone :

      Uh oh, I think my intern has a second job. :(

  22. Research, Not Law :

    Does anyone have personal shopper experience to share?

    I don’t have an affinity for shopping (gasp! I know…) and don’t want to do it anymore. I’d love to have a personal shopper, but I’m not sure how it works. I know Nordstroms has them. Does any other place have them? I’m not sure that I want all my clothes to come from Nordstroms. Is there a minimum for how much you have to spend? Is there a charge? I don’t typically spend a ton of money on clothes and don’t want to feel pressured. I work in a very casual office, so I don’t need much professional wear – mainly I need someone who likes to shop to find me things that would look good on me and prevent me from buying one more tan sweater.

    • I used a personal shopper at Nordstroms a few months ago. The stylist was pretty incredible. We corresponded over email about some things I was looking for and my sizes. When I arrived, she had a bunch of looks ready, and she continued to grab more things as I tried on clothes. Even as I changed my mind about what I had initially said in my email, she went with it. I admit, I did feel pressure to buy, but like the stylist said “It’s Nordstrom, you can return it.” I will say, everything she picked out looked absolutely fantastic. If you can do something like this, I recommend it. I set up the appointment because I’m tall but really thin, so finding clothes that aren’t in the juniors section that fit can be difficult, and I also am not big into shopping BUT I don’t like spending a ton. It really worked out.

    • I think this depends a lot on the store, as to how much pressure to spend your hard-earned money there is. But I know a lot of places have them. I’d just call and ask, if there are any stores you know you like already.

    • Kontraktor :

      There may also be the possibility of using a Nordstrom shopper or wardrobe consultant to round out your wardrobe and help fill some holes. This may help keep your budget for new things down and also help you to not have to shop for awhile, since the stylist will help you pick out some key pieces that will offer you increased combinations with what you already have.

      I think I remember a comment from way back in the day where somebody said she did a service like that and the person recommended a forest green blouse, which is something the commenter would have never thought of but apparently added a ton of wardrobe possibilities for her based on what she had already.

    • See if you can find an independent person who does this (try Craigslist). I have a friend in my law school class who was a free lance personal shopper before she came to law school. I went shopping with her a few months ago and OH. MY. GOODNESS. I will never shop alone again. It was awesome. She went through my closet to figure out where gaps were. She grabbed all sorts of stuff at stores I wouldn’t have tried on myself. She gave me honest feedback about what looked good on me, wrangled and negotiated with sales staff to get me the best deals (like getting them to tell her when the next sale was and hold stuff for me, talked them out of charging me shipping on something I had to order, etc). While I would check out at one store, she’d walk to the next one so I’d have a dressing room full of clothes ready to go. It was amazing, and I totally revamped my wardrobe in about 6 hours, and I truly love everything I got. She made me realize how crappy I am at shopping on my own. Absolutely worth paying somebody a couple of hundred dollars to do.

      I hear personal shoppers at Nordstroms, J. Crew, etc. are good – but they only work at one store. My strategy is to stay very good friends with this woman forever.

      • Research, Not Law :

        Yes, THIS is what I need!

        Thanks to all above, too. This is really helpful.

      • Does your friend still do this? I’m looking for recs for personal shoppers, preferably someone who works with plus sizes.

    • or you could just hire TCFKAG ;o)

    • Joan Holloway :

      My friend loves her personal shopper at Anthropologie. I was surprised to hear they offered that service.

  23. Kontraktor :

    OMG people I almost just had a heart attack. Have an interview tomorrow with a VP type at a very large company. He just phoned me and said the interview was scheduled for today at this time and was he supposed to call me. We chatted through it and determined it had been scheduled on his calendar wrong, although thankfully I checked the confirmation email I received from the recruiters and secretaries and yes, indeed, tomorrow was correct and it had been scheduled incorrectly on his part.

    Seriously friends I just thought I had lost a fabulous opportunity due to my own ineptitude. And I’m still wondering if somehow my phone magically turned the word Monday into Tuesday just for my eyes and I am wrong anyway.

  24. TJ: is there any way to prevent a pimple that is now just a sore spot beneath the surface of the skin from erupting? cold or hot compresses or the like? I don’t break out very often, and this feels like it could be a doozy!

    • Take 2 Aleve

      • 2 aleve + ice. Might work.

        • Couldn't Wait to Quit :

          Interesting. I rarely get a pimple now, but when I do I can feel it coming on for a couple of days and it really hurts! I’ll try this next time.

    • For those type of pimples (sounds like a cyst) I use hydocortisone every few hours – it helps calm the inflammation.

    • Windex!

    • Rural Juror :

      There’s a Neutrogena “sore pimple gel” that I use in those situations- works well I find. It comes in a very small tube.

    • Tea tree oil is great for impending breakouts. I dilute it for use on my face. I also keep Mario Basdescu Buffering Lotion (Ulta/Sephora) on hand but I think it dries out my skin a bit more.

  25. does anyone have any experience with wallpaper alternatives? I would like to do some sort of accent wall behind my upholstered bed. Nice wallpapers seem pretty expensive once the cost of installing it is added. I have found a couple that I like from “Blik” (not including link to avoid moderation)… has anyone used something similar?

    • In the Pink :

      There are many things you can try. Wallpaper is a good idea. If you are wanting something temporary, you can glue wallpaper to thin wood paneling and install the paneling with screws or small nails.

      We have also used patterned formica the same way.

      You could also use the strategy and have beautiful tiles put on the board.

      Again, it could all be somewhat easily removed rather than putting something directly onto your wall.

      What do you think about decals on the wall itself?

  26. I have been putting what I thought was hydrocortizone cream on a giant bug bite on my hand all day…. I just looked at the label to discover that it is anti-fungal cream! No wonder it wasn’t working!!

  27. Yuck...gross :

    TJ- have to rant about the Old Boys’ biglaw.

    My fiance just called to say he wasn’t attending the client dinner (following the client meeting that ran until 8pm), partially because the “dinner” was being held at a strip club (client’s choice).
    Seriously? Didn’t that sort of nastiness go out in the 90’s?

    What’s worse is that I know there was a female associate present, who was clearly not invited. My fiance (luckily) was able to beg off after pointing out the amount of paperwork he had to finish.

    I’m not the sort of woman to forbid my SO from going to a strip club (I could care less if he’s with friends), but being asked to do so in a professional capacity is SLIMY.
    Did this guy have no friends?

    I also reserve the right to hold client meetings in a nail salon once I move into a position of power.

    • pedis n cosmos! :

      while watching chick flicks, of course…
      Dashing Diva lets you do a ladies night group pedi party, this is a perfect idea ;)
      The boys can get pedis too!

    • Ugh. I’m with you, OP. Totally inappropriate, excludes women and… just yuck.

      I thought that went out of style sometime around 2008 when expensive corporate outings started making headlines.

    • Client yoga! Client zumba! Client shopping at Nordie’s!

      Take that, guys. A strip club? Seriously? If I were the woman associate I’d have flipped my lid.

  28. OMG I literally had to restrain myself from yelling FOOEY at the printer when it ran out of paper. What is this site doing to me?

  29. What time od day are preg* tests most accurate?

    • First thing in the morning when the urine is most concentrated.

    • anon in tejas :


      your urine is not dilluted, and you are likely to have the highest concentration of pregnancy hormones (Hgc, or something like that).

      I’ve read a lot about this. trust me.

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