Coffee Break: Nikki 60mm Sunglasses

best sunglasses under $15I have a few pairs of more expensive sunglasses that I adore, but I also like to stock up on less expensive ones to keep in our swim bag or wherever.  The consistent thread through all of my sunglasses: the bigger the better. Pictured: These $12 ones are huge, super affordable, and well-reviewed over at Nordstrom — score!  BP. ‘Nikki’ 60mm Sunglasses

Psst: Along similar but trendier lines, I thought I’d hate these geometric shape ones, but have seen so many similar designer sunglasses at like $500+ that I couldn’t resist ordering them for $11 — and I was really pleasantly surprised when I wore them on a recent date night!

Comments

  1. Re-posting my comment from this morning, since it was posted later in the morning:

    Any recommendations for a couples therapist in NYC? Specific areas of focus around communication and arguing productively. Both our conflict style is more avoidance, so focusing on techniques around bringing up issues would be great. Preferably in midtown with late hours. Thanks!

    • I will ask the manageing partner. When he first married Margie, they were haveing some adjustement probelem’s. I got him to meet with some female therapist on 59th Street and Park (I went the first time and the therapist thought that the manageing partner was MY husband! — FOOEY!). But I ONLEY went b/c I had to convince the manageing partner that it was a good idea b/c Grandma Leyeh used a therapist back in the 1950’s when things were NOT lookeing good for her in her marriage. I hope that is NOT the case when I get MARRIED. FOOEY b/c I need to find a boyfreind first!

  2. Speakers Fees :

    Does anyone do speaking engagements? I’m looking for advice on setting my fee. A colleague has suggested a floor (“it probably wouldn’t be worth your time for less than $X”) but not sure where the ceiling is. Since I’m starting out maybe I just figure I’ll go with $X and then raise it down the line? I get the impression that most people don’t negotiate the fee; it’s a set amount. I’m somewhat lucky in that these engagements are part of my job, so they’re on company time, but I get to pocket the fee (although only sort of lucky — I get the impression my employer justifies a slightly lower compensation because of its prestige and the fact that its employees can parlay the prestige into paid speaking gigs). Anyone have advice?

    • Prices can be anywhere from $1k-$50K+, but that obviously depends on the your typical audience. (If you’re speaking to corporations, go way higher than if you’re speaking to nonprofits.) Michael Hyatt recently had a great post on how to get started as a professional speaker.

      http://michaelhyatt.com/get-started-as-a-professional-speaker.html

      Curious what others say!

      • anon-oh-no :

        I can’t imagine charging a nonprofit anything, especially if this is part of your job (i.e., you get a salary regardless of any money made at these engagements)

        • The nonprofit I represents pays speakers — usually just in the $1k range, and only if they make their living speaking (that is, not someone who is speaking on behalf of an organization that employs her).

        • Speakers Fees :

          What? No! I work at a nonprofit. You pay for the good and services you use just like everyone else. If someone wants to make a donation fine but I mean we buy paper at the same price everyone else does. We pay rent. Why would speakers fees be different? It’s a service we’re buying on the market.

    • Realllly depends who you are (topic and credentials) and to whom you are speaking. We pay anywhere from $1000 and a comp’d hotel room to $75k+ We have also had like, a published scientist on a specific industry topic (and scientist was coming to conference anyway) to an ex president.

    • You might find it valuable to reach out to a speaker’s bureau and get an idea of what other speakers with similar credentials are charging. They’ll can be an invaluable resource, and making connections with bureaus is a great start anyway so that you are on their radar (and websites).

  3. Gender identity at work :

    I went to a “women in law” conference recently that had steam coming out of my ears. It was very “we have great balanced lives and never miss family events and always take great vacations and we hang regularly with our friends b/c we work PT and it’s all unicorns and rainbows.” Every last panelist!

    I have decided that I must be a man. Why, exactly, do I have to be a woman (compared to the above)?
    — ladyparts (not all women have them)
    — use of ladyparts to gestate / feed children (not all women do both, some do neither, I do neither at present)
    — married (not all women are)
    — married to a man (not all married men have female spouses)
    — cis-identifying (men can be, too)
    — can wear skirt (n.b., local Scottish population)

    What? I wear (literally) pants, am the bread winner, am good at math, can do car repairs of a simple variety, don’t read decorating magazines, like finance, like the trading floor, etc. And my life is routinely horrible (like FT guys have it), although it is also intersting and I’m not about to leave the $ before I save up more of it and have a good exit strategy. At work, I have decided, I am a man.

    • I do not understand anything you are saying in this post except that you went to a bad conference.

    • Anonymous :

      Eye roll.

    • a couple things: (1) obviously you’re confusing stereotypes of gendered behavior with gender identity; (2) even if the things you were describing were actually masculine/feminine in our society, there’s a difference between gender identity and gender presentation. I think what you mean to say is that you’re butch at work, though you still run into trouble with (1).

    • I sense you have a point you’d like to make about gender roles in the workplace, but I read your comment 3 times and still find it incomprehensible.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m not sure what your point is besides the fact that you are a primary breadwinner who likes finance and Home Depot more than decorating and cooking. Same for me. Reality is the women who are working p/t and aren’t missing a single kid event – it’s usually bc they’ve married a well to do husband. I don’t have that so I work “like a man” as you put it – full time, late nights and not leaving money on the table. But the reality is when promotions or raises or mentoring are the issue – I am NOT one of the bros.

      • Frozen Peach :

        THIS.

      • Anonymous :

        THIS. I’m single and thus all monetary pressure is on me. I follow the markets and invest like a crazy person. Love construction and hope to do a house flip one day. Watch college football every wk. Talk about food, cooking, gardening or decorating make my eyes glaze over. And yet – I know that my law firm will never consider me one of the guys when the need a 4th guy for a golf out ing or a client pitch. My hobbies and interests don’t change that.

    • I wish it were as simple as just “deciding to be a man” in the workplace and then no longer have to fight for each and every iota of respect, decent work, etc. But that is not really the way the world works is it? That conference sounds obnoxiously lean-out-y, I will give you that.

      • This. I used to work at a law firm where I was the only woman, and I thought I could just decide to be a man at work, too. I am quite tomboyish and never wear makeup, plus I had a great reputation as a litigator and traveled all over the country with one of the named partners. Such a man! And then I got pregnant, and overnight, all the subtle prejudices started coming out. I was taken off the cases involving travel and given a significantly reduced workload (which I didn’t ask for). Plus all the “harmless” jokes, like the partner who asked if I was going to put a bassinet in my office. I muddled through for a year and finally quit to take a partner-level job at another firm, and when I gave my notice, one of the partners asked if I was leaving to be a stay-at-home mom. So yeah, you can self-proclaim that you are a man at the office, but it doesn’t do any good if the people around you are still prejudiced.

        • Anonymous :

          No doubt.

          If I worked so little that I had a good family life, enough friend time, enough kid time, and enough extended family time, I would probably work 25% of the time I do now. I don’t think that my firm would buy that.

          But if this is what firms are showing as successful mommies, it shows you something, no? This is who gets the microphone and who gets to speak and who represents? It is, in its own way, a tell of a diminished expectation from management.

      • Anonymous :

        Yes.

        If a panel of all lean-out-y lady lawyers is doing it right, I’m not sure what the message is for those of us who aren’t on that track. Maybe everyone else was too busy at work to be on said panel?

    • Anonymous :

      Am I the only one who doesn’t go to women only professional events? Always turns into a work life balance thing in my experience.

      • Anonymous :

        I gave up because I’m in a technical field and none of them have ever discussed a technical topic. A lot of them were career-focused, like how to find a mentor or how to give a presentation. Nice but after a while, it is just repeats on the same theme. It’s lonely out there.

      • Anon for this :

        This. Plus, what “women in the law” event only has people who are PT presenting? I’ve never seen that.

      • YES I find this so annoying. I don’t think I’ve been to a single women only professional event that wasn’t super lean out-y. And I’m kind of the total opposite of that. No problem with that, but I wish they’d stop marketing these events as pro women’s advancement in the workplace when that’s not really what these women are gunning for.

      • Agreed. If you want to be “lean-outy,” I think that that’s great, more power to you. But it’s not me and I resent it when people assume that it would be because of my sex. (I think maybe that’s close to what the OP was saying.) One of the reasons that I started following this blog was because it seemed to be one of the rare things that go against that notion.

        That said, I try to remind myself that, if a large amount of people do want things like that, and I’m somewhat unusual, I guess I’ve got to deal with it to some degree (not the degree to which it harms my career, but to accept that it exists), the same way I deal with being a Southerner who hates college football and other such things.

      • lawsuited :

        +1 I don’t find the work/life balance topics to be helpful, especially because I’ve never heard any panelists be particularly candid which leaves the overall impression that women don’t/aren’t supposed to have any problems with work/life balance and if that’s the case, why dedicate a conference to it?

      • I am an engineer and I’ve found them helpful, especially since there are shared experiences on s8xism that we can all discuss. How to present yourself as [email protected] engineer in a professional manner, etc.

    • I’m going to assume you’re joking or have some kind of point, but there is no behavior, job, skill, clothing choice, gender identity, or family history that females cannot have. Females can do and be anything they want, but they will always be female. Embrace it.

      • Anonymous :

        This. I test out as “androgynous” and, if I accepted transgender theory, I would have to stop wearing dresses/skirts (fit my body better than pants), de-gender my wardrobe (aka dressing as a man because “male” is default in our society), and insist that everyone use my “preferred pronouns”.

        But I don’t accept that. I am woman because I am biologically female and because society has imposed certain expectations of me because of my female body. It isn’t popular but I felt much better about being gendered as female when I started reading gender critical and radical feminist writings.

        In my male-dominated profession, I do consciously adopt “male” traits. I lower my voice, I use body language that takes up more room, I spread out my papers in meetings, I don’t bring dishes to the potluck or clean up the kitchen. But I am still a female. I still get paid 80% of what my male counterparts get paid, I still have to speak up for myself, my ideas are still more likely to be ignored.

  4. I was looking through my drawers the other day and found a Cartier tank watch that I received as a gift during a short-lived relationship before getting married to my DH 10+ years ago. My current watch broke so I briefly thought about wearing the Cartier watch again, but my DH does not know its value and if someone brought it up in front of him (as people say all sorts of things), it might trigger him asking questions about its source. So, what would you do with it if you were in my shoes? Would you give it away, sell it, or just hold on to it? I tried to give it to my mom once awhile back but she doesn’t wear watches. Is there a charity that would accept it as a donation?

    • …tell your DH what you just told us, and ask if he’d be squicked out by you wearing it?

      as for subsequent third party inquiries, you can just say “oh thank you, it was a gift” and leave it at that.

    • Shopaholic :

      Is there a reason why you can’t talk to your husband about where you got it from?

    • Why not tell your husband and see if he cares? If he does care, you guys can decide together what to do with the proceeds after selling it. Your husband might say “cool watch. Enjoy wearing it” and not care at all about where it came from.

    • Quite jealous that you have a tank watch you just happened to forget about, haha, I don’t think I could ever forget it if i had one ;). That aside, if you want to wear it, I would be honest with my DH and say, this is a watch I received from an old flame, it has so little significance that I had actually forgotten all about it. My watch broke and this one’s a nice replacement, actually. Done.

      If I didn’t want to wear it because of the ex connection, I’d be inclined to sell it or give it away, depending. It would be kind of weird to give it to someone you know because of the karma you’re associating with it. Like it would still be around and feel weird. I would sell it. I have looked at used tank watches, they really hold their value and what’s more that’s a few student loan payments right there.

    • Marshmallow :

      Why not tell your husband about it? I’d tell my H about the watch, say where it came from, and tell him I’d like to start wearing it but not because of some emotional attachment, just because it’s a really nice watch. Not sure why this would have to be a secret. If you don’t want to wear it anymore, I’d probably sell it at a reputable jeweler after getting a few quotes. I’m not sure that the watch itself would be that useful to a charity, but you could always donate the money you receive from its sale.

    • Oil in Houston :

      hmm… a Cartier tank watch? I’d wear it regardless of who gave it to me! (unless that relationship still had a meaning to me, but I guess as you’ve been married 10+, it doesn’t), and I don’t think my DH would care, but you can always say ‘it was old gift and I forgot all about it’, because, well, it’s true!

    • Anonymous :

      I’d say to my husband “omg I just found this watch random ex gave me 10 years ago. It’s like mini-christmas!” And then I’d enjoy wearing it.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I would say “Oh my gosh, Hubby! I just found a watch I received as a gift during a short-lived relationship before we met! Good timing because my current watch is busted!”

    • I would sell it and buy a new watch with that money to replace the broken watch.

    • Bewitched :

      Can I buy it? Only partially kidding.

    • Team “Tell your husband about it and wear it.”

    • Anonymous :

      I’m surprised by the answers here. Is this something you really have to tell your husband about? I have a diamond necklace I wear all the time, I’ve never told DH that an ex gave it to me. It’s not as if I think of the ex when I wear it. The only thing to come of telling DH is to make HIM think of my ex every time I wear it.

      The only person who might recognize it as a gift from an ex is my mother. If she ever opened her mouth about it in front of DH, I’d say something like, “Oh really, I hardly remembered, it has been around my neck through such good times with DH, like the night he proposed, that I associate it more with good memories of him than Ex.” Obviously a bit different than OP, but seriously, I just don’t see the big deal. Unless you’re going to look at it and sigh longingly over your lost True Love, you’re fine.

      • lawsuited :

        +1 Your husband may be different, but my husband would not notice/care about the watch I was wearing or its origins. Not because he’s an a**hole or anything, just because my accessories do not register with him.

      • I think that it’s a little different if you’ve always had it verses just started wearing it. If I suddenly had a new expensive piece of jewelry that I hadn’t had before, I would expect my husband to notice and ask where it came from. I guess you could say that you’d had it forever and had just found it again without saying where it originally came from, but that feels a little like you’re hiding something. (Of course, my husband knows that I’m cheap and that my family is not likely to give expensive gifts, so it would definitely be weird if I just suddenly had an expensive item that he hadn’t previously known about.)

        But I don’t see the problem with telling him where it came from and wearing it or selling it from there.

    • Anonymous :

      If I were your husband I would feel a bit skeeved out by you wearing a substantial gift from your ex. I think the way to get around it is to tell him, and then offer to get it engraved with a message that celebrates your relationship. That way he doesn’t feel like there’s another man sitting on your wrist.

  5. Anon in NYC :

    I’d wear it. Would your husband really be upset about it?

  6. Question about links like the trendy sunglasses one above (which goes to Amazon). Does the blogger get a commission only on that specific item or click? Or does it persist for longer and apply to later purchases such as those made on prime day?

    • I think (though not certain), they get a small amount even if you go back to buy the item later unless you delete your cookies.

    • Anonymous :

      I think it lasts for 30 days and they get ANY purchases made from the s i t e, not just the sunglasses. Clear your cookies.

      • anonshmanon :

        or don’t clear them. You can support corporette and it costs you nothing. Your choice.

  7. anon for this :

    This is one of those things that anonymous internet boards are best for… because when I say it aloud I sound like a horrible person.

    We are struggling with going to the mattresses over an estate issue. Long story short, SO lost a parent a few years ago and has had a massive falling out with the surviving stepparent. We’ve suspected for a while that the estate didn’t seem quite right, but hadn’t pursued it because no withdrawals were being made and ERISA would probably protect us. It’s getting close to retirement age now, and with the falling out the desire to pursue it is much better.

    Are we terrible people for wanting to go to mattresses when we realize that if we win it will impact the stepparent’s retirement, and the money is not a make it or break for us? Stepparent has done horrendously mean things within the past year so the relationship is pretty much dead on arrival.

    • Senior Attorney :

      If a victory for you leaves the stepparent destitute, I think that does make you terrible people. You get less terrible, I guess, as the stepparent gets less destitute if you win.

      Some other things to think about:

      Is this really who you want to be? Somebody who litigates (which is awful, by the way) out of spite?
      Also, what would the deceased parent think about all this? Presumably he/she loved the stepparent and would be greatly saddened by this turn of events.
      Why is this your business at all? If it’s SO’s family, it should be SO’s call.
      Again, litigation is expensive and draining and just awful and I’d recommend against going there if you have a choice.
      There’s such a thing as the high road, which in this case could be used to just walk away from stepparent altogether.

      • Anonymous :

        Eh, I disagree. Perhaps personal experience has tainted me. I have a couple of family members with mooching spouses who have already taken tons of resources away from the family members’ children. If those spouses wanted to do right by their kids in death in the way they didn’t in life, then good on them. Idgaf if it leaves the mooching dirtbags out in the cold where they’ve always belonged.

    • I don’t know the backstory but you both sound like you need to let it go and walk away. If you do get this money will you feel really better about yourselves and the fact that you “gave it” to your stepdad one last time? Sounds petty and immature to me. Then again, we don’t know the backstory.

      • Agreed. Remember you will live with it long after the step-parent is gone. S/he may be a total jerk but you don’t want that bad karma of leaving someone destitute.
        (And I write this as someone whose family at one point included a sibling suing a parent. Believe me, you don’t want that hanging over your head, or the lawyer bills.)

    • the stepparent is grieving a very serious loss and deserves to be cut some slack. But am I right in understanding that you want to jeopardize this person’s retirement to prove your point/get your comeuppance? Or is the person stealing money from an estate that you have rightfully inherited ? If the latter, I would probably be willing to go to court. If the former, well, what would the deceased have wanted? If they would have wanted their spouse to be supported in their absence then maybe you should consider letting it go, especially if the dispute is arising from unclear drafting.

      • Anon for this :

        Perhaps I’m reading this differently, or I’m reading it via my litigator lenses, but I’m reading it as though surviving step-parent did something either erroneous, or perhaps nefarious, with regard to the handling of the estate. If that’s the case, then yes, I think you’re well within the bounds to litigate. If you’re contesting something otherwise above-board because you don’t agree with it or see a loophole, than I agree that it’s not worth the time and money and emotional energy.

      • anon for this :

        later and the loss was quite a while ago. just dealing with retirement account which would begin to pay out (and SO’s share would be 1/4). the stepparent basically hide assets from the estate and refused to support SO after age 18. so the situation is more complicated and the wishes of the deceased would be unclear in this situation.

        and to answer questions above, it is the SO decision.

        just struggling because it is in such a moral gray area and i was hoping that others had had experiences with these sorts of situations, since we come from all walks of life.

        • Was the parent still living when the stepparent refused SO support? If not, then no sympathy for stepparent.

          I was involved in a litigation over an estate with extended family. I probably would not have pursued it on my own, but the relative-executor didn’t pay out anything to anyone else, so I didn’t feel bad about holding his feet to the fire to get the distribution the deceased relative went to the trouble to specify.

        • Anon for this :

          This isn’t your situation, but when one of my grandparents died he left a large sum to a hospital for medical research. The executor of the estate never sent them the money, for whatever reason – maybe he was negligent, maybe he wanted to keep it for his own needs and expenses, maybe he disagreed with my grandfather’s choices. The hospital pursued it without a second thought, and the state AG’s office got involved.

          My view is that if your SO is entitled to the money, feel free to pursue it with a clear conscience.

        • Get a consult from an estate attorney. Many firms do free consults, so you would have nothing to lose and perhaps a lot of info to gain that would inform this decision. However, if parent died a few years ago and the estate is closed it’s going to be an uphill battle. wrt the retirement accounts, the decisions about how the beneficiary takes the payout are usually irrevocable, although I guess you could sue step-parent for the RMDs

          Morally speaking, I’d need more facts about step-parent’s alleged fiduciary breaches…

    • Anon in NYC :

      Was your SO a named beneficiary in the will and is s/he not receiving what they are entitled to? Or does s/he just want to contest the will/the estate? That would change my answer.

    • Anonymous :

      Is “going to the mattress” a thing? I’ve always heard “going to the mat” which I associated with a wrestling mat. Is this regional?

      In any event, if SO’s parent is doing something contrary to the parent’s intent, like not handing over assets that were left to SO, then I’d fight over it without a second thought. The parent presumably knew what their spouse’s financial situation would be like without those assets and decided to give them to your SO anyway. Your SO has no obligation to support a step-parent in retirement, period, but certainly no obligation to support a horrible step-parent.

      • Anonymous :

        That should’ve been “if SO’s step*-parent is doing something….” Really miss the edit button.

      • Anon for this :

        I think “going to the mattresses” refers to mobsters, who would literally hole themselves up in a room with mattresses when certain sh*t was about to get real. I believe I learned this though from “Goodfella’s” so I stand to be corrected.

      • Anonymous :

        I think it’s a quote from The Godfather. But yes, going to the mat (as in wrestling) is a much more common term.

      • Anne Elliott :

        Read ” the Godfather”.

    • Another perspective. If the parental estate left you money which the stepparent is keeping, then the stepparent is a thief and I’d take action. I would also pursue, for example, a financial advisor who stole money from me, even if it would be meaningful to their retirement. I can’t speak to the cost/time of litigation, but in your shoes I’d be extremely PO’ed.

    • inheritance :

      Your post doesn’t include the most critical information, as many have asked….. Are you talking about trying to dispute the will of the deceased parent? I do not like this. Or are you trying to get the monies your SO inherited which the step-parent has not appropriately dispensed? This is totally reasonable to pursue. But this also doesn’t make sense to me, as these monies should have been moved into his name/account years ago when the Estate was settled.

      The step-parent’s bad behavior has no relevance. Only the deceased parent’s intent / will should be considered.

      Or is there some odd “grey area”, where deceased parent left everything to step parent, with the “verbal understanding” that step-parent would support your SO to some degree or pass it on after she dies? Unfortunately, this is very difficult to tackle, and is a problem if it is not outlined in the will.

      Random aside…. My mother died suddenly, before my parents’ had finished their will/trust. My father very quickly re-established a relationship with a woman from his past he had secretly had an affair with for several years. She is now the beneficiary of all. That was my father’s right… it’s his money. But I know my mother would be very sad that her retirement savings (which was much greater than my father’s) will be going to this woman, who had hurt her in the past. It is what it is.

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