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Updated: Jul 10, 2021 193 Comments · by

All Our Picks from the 2021 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale!

Weekend Open Thread |

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July 2024 Update: The biggest sale of the year — the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale — starts July 15! (Unfamiliar with the NAS? Check out this page for more info on why it's the best sale of the year.) Sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the major workwear sales, or check out our roundup of the latest sales on workwear!

The below content concerns the 2021 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

The 2021 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started, and I'm still sorting my picks — but we're also running this as the Weekend Open Thread because there are SO MANY lovely, affordable tops like the ones above. I love elevated tees like this because they work in so many different domains — a nice upgrade to shorts for brunch with your friends on the weekend (or hey, even a chill first-date outfit!) — but they also work great with a business casual wardrobe as well as layered with more structured items for a more conservative workplace. And they're machine washable, and everything above is under $25 on sale. Yay!

See further sale notes and favorites below… Happy weekend, everyone! Who's going where? If you're shopping this weekend, what sales are you most interested in?

Pictured at top: $11–$23: blue / black / pink / white

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Some of the most-bought reader items in the sale include:

In terms of specific products, here are some of my favorite…

Elevated T-Shirts for Work

I'm always a fan of elevated T-shirts — they look nice with most bottoms but are easy to take care of and wear. (If you're on the hunt for weekend tees, this Caslon one is on sale for as low as $11 and is one of my favorites.)

Pictured, $11–$23: blue / black / pink / white

More Great Tops for Work

There are also a lot of nice (and affordable!) tops and sweaters for work in general… Some of my favorites are below, but definitely check out the offerings from affordable workwear brands like Halogen, Vince Camuto, Foxcroft, and CeCe. 

Pictured above, $23–$35: blue / red / black / blouse

Affordable Dresses for Work

There are actually pretty slim pickings for affordable dresses this year — you can check out some of our favorites below, or check out the full offerings on sale from reader-favorite workwear brands like Halogen, Vince Camuto, and Foxcroft. If you're on the hunt for desk-to-dinner type dresses, check out brands like CeCe, Ted Baker, Maggy London, and Eliza J. 

Pictured above, $43-$64: black / blue / gray / purple

Bags for Work in the 2021 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale

Above, $79–$330: Tumi / Coach / Rag & Bone / Tory Burch

Also great bag selection from Tory Burch, Dagne Dover, Tumi — and a TON of Longchamp, for some reason!

Shoes for Work in the 2021 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale

Pictured above, clockwise, $71–$231: gray cap-toe / pink embossed heel / black boot / snakeskin flat

Lots of nice shoes and accessories from reader-favorite brands like Ferragamo, AGL, Tory Burch, Sam Edelman, and Marc Fisher LTD!

Investment Picks for Work

If you're the type of person who prefers to buy fewer items but tries to get really well-made clothing with luxe fabrics and so forth, there are a ton of great picks to be had — and they're still in the affordable, under $500 range. Some of our favorites are below, but there are a TON of sale items from Hugo Boss, Theory, L'Agence, Rebecca Taylor, Lafayette 148 New York, Vince, Reiss, Co, and DvF.

Pictured above, $138–$220: cashmere sweater / tweed jacket / wrapped sweater / purple blouse

Pictured above, $247–$359: camel blazer / cropped cardigan / tweed jacket / sheath dress / long coat

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Of Counsel

    I have hit a shopping wall and was wondering if anyone could help:

    I need pants (or leggings) for walking/running in hot weather. Not shorts, not skorts, not anything that leaves my legs exposed to the sun – I need pants (at least past my knees). I realize that the usual advice when it is hot is to wear something that leaves your legs exposed but I need protection from the sun. Any suggestions (other than only exercising outside at night)?

    Thank you!

  2. Anonymous

    Eyebrow help! I am a brunette who keeps buying blonde eyebrow products and they are still too dark for me. My eyebrow hairs are sparse enough that gels or dyes don’t show up at all. Does anyone have tips for this? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      As a blonde, I feel your pain. The best I can offer is to really clean off the brush (if using a mascara kind) before applying. ELF in taupe is one of the lightest in color that I’ve found. Going over a darker shade with clear after also helps tone it down a bit.

    • AZCPA

      I went to coloring my brows with henna every 3-4 weeks. The color deposits on the peach fuzz in my brows, not just the actual brow hairs, making them fuller and nicer. Then, I don’t do anything daily other than comb them.

    • Cat

      Try Revitabrow? The lash version is 100% awesome. It usually goes on sale during the NAS.

      • Anonymous

        This! Use your eyeshadows and a small angled brush. It’s also good for just figuring out what colors actually work in your brows for when you purchase dedicated brow products. But I find that no matter what brow products I buy, nothing has replaced eyeshadows for the main base.

    • CPA Lady

      I really like anastasia brow wiz pencils. They have 12 different colors and a really fine point. I really like the medium brown color. It has a cool, grayish undertone that has a nice soft look. They also have a lot of lighter colors.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had some regrowth (still natural blonde, white eyebrow hairs) after using BHA on my face for a year for different reasons. I can now use the little brow mascara Gimme Brow from Benefit, and the lightest color 1 works for me.

      I still use Hourglass micro brow sculpt eye brow pencil (sort of, it’s chalk in a tube) in the color Platinum Blonde as well, and fill in with that. Needs a light touch and small drawing-motions to mimick hair to be applied nicely. Primer necessary, setting spray is also nice to use.

      I find that using a well-chosen highlight under the eyebrow makes a difference. If I use a slightly lighter than own skin under the eyebrows, whatever I’ve done to my brows looks so much better and is so much more visible.

    • Anon

      I think your eye needs to adjust to having eyebrows of a standard brunette color. As a fellow sparse-browed brunette, it took a long time for my eye to adjust to having brows. But a brown brow is natural looking on me, and what doesn’t actually look as natural is my eyebrow-less appearance.

      I’m not saying you need to go full sharpie brow, and please don’t, but a brunette eyebrow pencil is going to be your best friend. Don’t try to buy the ones meant for blondes – they are going to skew reddish on you and look less natural,

      Buy a fine tipped retractable eyebrow pencil that has a spoolie brush on the other end. Anastasia is standard but most lines have them – I’m currently using Wander beauty.

      Start by lightly drawing the bottom of your brow. Yes, just an arched line. Then make small hair length upward strokes from that line, filling in areas where your brows are sparse. Then go through and brush it with the spoolie brush until you like the look.

      It is going to look different from how you look now! That is the point. But it will look natural on you, especially if you keep the thicker part of your eyebrow less filled in than the arch and end. It will take some getting used to, but this is the way to go.

      • Anon

        How about we trust OP knows what they like and doesn’t need to just get used to the stark difference of a brunette brow. I am a very dark brunette. I’ve been doing my brows for a long time and am very used to the different looks they can give. Depending on how dense my natural brows are, a blonde product with a cool gray undertone would be a great option for filling in. Blonde does not imply warmth when it comes to brow products.

    • Hollis

      I would recommend that you experiment with more warm brown shades and more ashy/gray shades and see which one looks more natural on you. When I found the etude house eyebrow pencil in gray-brown, it matched my eyebrows perfectly and didn’t look unnatural. I also love the benefit gimme brow and go for a lighter shade (either 3 or 4) and use a light hand.

  3. Anonymous

    Inspired by a post a while back about Elizabeth Holmes: If you were advising her about what to wear to her upcoming trial, what would you tell her to wear and why? What do you think she should be trying to convey and how do you think she could convey it?
    (Note: I am not an Elizabeth Holmes fan at all and hope she goes down in flames, but I am interested in this hypothetical exercise and have not been impressed with her choices thus far.)

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know a ton of specifics other than she and her partner were total frauds. I’d try to convey that she was a victim of her partner, got swept up in stuff, and is terribly contrite that everything spiraled out of control.

      As stylist I’d probably emphasize the pregnancy. Round-toe flats, legs crossed at ankles, dumpy pregnancy pants and skirts. Very little jewelry. Not “masters of the universe I apologize for no one” attire but “I’m just trying to get through the day without peeing myself” outfit.

      • Monday

        This sounds smart. I might also advise going back to her natural brown hair to get more distance from her trademark (now disgraced) look.

        • Ellen

          Yes, she is going to have a rough time, and I am not sure her looks will make a difference. When you do a crime, you must expect to do the time. She is with child now, so that can be a mitigating factor. She should not wear tight clothing b/c she will look silly.

    • Anon

      Given that she’s pregnant, I would outfit her in Isabella Oliver’s dresses. They hit the right mark between feminine and businesswoman.

      • Anonymous

        I haven’t posted about this before. I did see one earlier post (as I noted). Did I miss other posts?

      • Anonymous

        **OP tugs on black turtleneck and clears throat after speaking in artificially deep voice**

        • Anonymous

          It is so weird that you don’t believe me and also didn’t refer me.to another post. This is a working women’s fashion blog on which a lot of the posters are lawyers and the question is about how a female exec on trial should present in court. I saw comments about her one outfit here but I like the thought exercise about how her clothes could affect the jury and what effect you’d want them to have. There are layers to this thought exercise that I find intriguing. But if no one wants to play, I won’t get engagement.

          • Anonymous

            Sorry I’m a different anonymous @4:45 & was just making a joke. I’m sure whatever her look is will be carefully crafted!

    • Anonymous

      My metric for this is “would a Mormon mommy blogger wear this?” She should go for something very feminine and soft yet conservative.

    • Anonymous

      The few pics I’ve seen of her post-scandal seem like a college student look. Sort of casual & sporty, emphasizing her youth & enthusiasm I presume. Maybe they’ll put her in preppy clothes & a blazer several sizes too big or something.

  4. Fig Tree

    Does anyone have advice for a long weekend in Portland, ME? Two friends and I are going there in August. We’re all women in our 30’s, like eating, drinking, general exploring, and at least two of us like most outdoor physical activities (not sure about the third). We’ll have a car, and we’re flying into Boston and then driving to Portland. So we’re open to stops along the way and visiting things outside town, though of course we only have three days. We’re not wildly extravagant, but not particularly budget-constrained. I’d also appreciate advice on what area to stay in. Thank you in advance for any ideas!

    • Anon

      Eventide! Eat as much Eventide as possible. I went 2 years ago and still dream about the brown butter lobster roll.

      • Is it Friday yet?

        Yesss, Eventide has amazing oysters too. Duckfat and Highroller are also fantastic.

        • Anonymous

          +2 to Duckfat and Eventide, which I went to on recs from here!

          I also really enjoyed wandering around Fort William Park.

    • Monday

      I’d consider doing one hiking day (sounds like that suits the group), one beach day (by August you might not freeze swimming), and one walking around downtown day. You wouldn’t need reservations for any of this, so you can roll with the weather.

      For food, you really can’t go wrong in Portland proper. I’d suggest getting a B&B on either the East End/Munjoy Hill, or on the West End. The middle of the city is fine for staying too, but will feel a little more crowded/loud/drunk (at least by Maine standards).

      • Monday

        ETA: if you’re interested in more of a party vibe, consider the Regency as it’s surrounded by favorite bars, excellent food, and you can walk home.

  5. Anon

    For those parents pondering over that “should I attend the wedding with my kids or not” question from this summer, I’d like to share what happened to my best friend’s kid. Last summer he got mysteriously extremely ill – previously a completely healthy 10 yr old, in and out of the hospital over the course of several weeks. His friend had been diagnosed with covid but they got him tested too late for it to show up as positive. He had what seemed to be a small cold but then his health started dropping precipitously after it looked like he recovered. I was on the phone with my friend everyday for emotional support while we waited whether or not he’d be put on life support. Thankfully he made it out but it took until December for him to gain full strength and normal blood pressure (after multiple episodes of passing out after hospital release). He was diagnosed with the Kawasaki-like virus associated with kids and covid that scientists still don’t know that much about. He’s continuing to be monitored in a study about these kids.

    This isn’t to fear monger or anything. The stats speak for themselves that serious complications for kids with covid is extremely low. But it’s more for those who seem to want to downplay the effects covid can have on children – that small % of kids made very sick are real people, one of whom I care about deeply. Please think before you speak dismissing this illness in kids.

    • Anonymous

      Of course no one wants children to be hospitalized with illness. However, I don’t think narratives should be elevated over statistics. I’m sure there is a child who was hospitalized for a serious flu case after attending a winter wedding. The child’s parent or friend could write a similar paragraph to yours. The existence of such sad, but very rare, cases, doesn’t mean kids should always miss out on big family events.

      • Anonymous

        No not always but maybe when there’s a novel deadly virus circulating and they’re expected to be able to get a vaccine within 6 months

      • Anonymous

        Disagree. Narratives are important to humanize the pandemic and aid decision-making. It’s also not about kids “always” missing out ln big events. It’s about staying home for their own safety for a short period of time because they cannot be vaccinated yet. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making ONE wedding weekend adult-only.

        • Anon

          On the flip side we skipped a family event right before my grandmother passed away and my youngest child missed her one opportunity to meet her great grandmother and it’s one of the biggest regrets I have. But, sure, covid is just only a short period of time as we are coming up on like 18 months of living with it.

      • Anon

        +1 from a parent of a kid who was hospitalized with RSV. Yes it’s scary and sad but I would never use my story as a reason to scare parents from bringing their kids to family events. Yes covid is a risk but life is full of risks. And every pediatrician I know thinks covid is less of a risk for young kids than the flu or RSV.

    • Anon

      Thanks for sharing. I think about it as “it’s a low risk, until it’s your own kid.” That always makes me want to be more careful.

    • anon

      I am so sorry they are dealing with this; it sounds terrifying. And no, I don’t take this post as fear-mongering at all. We are so close, SO CLOSE, to having vaccinations for kids.

    • Anon

      Please don’t shame other parents for making tough decisions. This isn’t helpful to anyone.

      • Anony

        I don’t think it’s shaming parents making touch decisions. It’s shaming the tone of some of the posters that kind of seemed like “wtv they’ll be fine”. And taking kids to a wedding is not a touch decision, it’s a very optional social event.

        • Anon

          This is completely trying to shame parents who choose what all science says is a low risk activity for kids. Does this poster also shame pregnant women for drinking coffee or new moms for not breastfeeding or any other thing that she “feels” is the right thing despite flimsy scientific proof? I don’t know any parents that aren’t aware that covid is a risk and aren’t calculating that into their decision making around social planning. This post seem aimed at fear mongering and shaming anyone who makes a decision that is statistically less dangerous than getting in a car. Moms deal with enough. Leave us alone

          • Anon

            Um there are plenty of parents who don’t think covid is a real risk. Like those who didn’t take it seriously for themselves either.

          • Anon

            Ok let me rephrase, I don’t think anyone posting here isn’t aware covid is a risk. If OPs target audience is people who don’t believe in covid she’s in the wrong place given the thousands of posts on covid here

          • Anon

            There are plenty of parents not calculating covid risk for their kids. This post was not at all written in a way suggesting that you should shame parents who would take their kids to the wedding anymore than you should shame parents who wouldn’t. Each family’s risk calculus is different. Yes, getting injured in a car crash is more likely, but in many places never getting in a car is not an option so that’s a risk we choose to take, but perhaps they don’t want to add additional risk to their life with something they view as unnecessary at this time. Someone deciding they’d rather wait til their kids are vaccinated to attend a wedding is not ruining their kid’s life. Just like some people who are vaccinated are still wearing masks in stores – no need to shame them either.

          • Anon

            I would wager 90% of car travel is avoidable. It’d be inconvenient to not have but car travel isn’t essential unless you’re going to the hospital or a doctor. Unless you’re also going to point out that it’s a really risky activity to get in a car to go to target or the grocery store or school drop off this post is absolutely fear mongering. A wedding isn’t essential but neither are most things that are riskier that we do daily

          • Anon

            Given the inelasticity of demand for gasoline, 90% of car travel is not avoidable.

        • Anon

          They’re also at risk traveling to the event. I came down on the side of not going but the truth is, it’s a fairly low risk activity for the kids, we are surrounded by risk all the time, and anecdotes don’t equal statistics.

          • Anon

            Of course anecdotes don’t equal statistics. I personally don’t know anyone who makes every single life decision based on statistics. My kids are statistically more likely to get injured in a car accident than covid from eating indoors in a restaurant, but for our family the added risk of eating indoors at a restaurant is not worth it compared to the benefit we’d get. Someone else might make a different decision and I don’t judge them for it at this point in the pandemic.

    • Anon

      Not to fearmonger, but let me tell you an antidotal story about a friend, so I can encourage you to ignore evidence, stats, and advice from actual health experts.

        • anon

          Does neither of you know how to spell “anecdotal” because no, this is not 100% accurate lol

          Asking people to be less dismissive toward the (admittedly small) percentage of kids who *do* experience serious side effects is definitely not the same thing as fear-mongering or asking people to disregard science. Or did you not read the whole post??

          • anon

            No one was any more dismissive yesterday to the rare cases of serious side effects than people are dismissive of the tragedy of plane crashes or car accidents. You can say that the post wasn’t intended to be fear mongering but that doesn’t change the fact that it was fear mongering. It was addressed to parents considering whether to take their kids to events, in what universe is it not fear mongering to say “hey parents, this really scary thing could happen to your kid”????? There was also an underlying tone of “well, if your kid does get sick, you’re a bad parent because you read about this anecdote and still chose to go” in the post. If the point wasn’t to fear monger, what exactly was the point of this post?

            Also, congratulations if your phone never autocorrects words you know how to spell. Please share your secret with the rest of us so we don’t have to be subject to snarky comments.

          • Anon

            Geeeez so defensive. Also the “secret” to writing things correctly is reading them. I am beginning to understand that anything involving reading is mega challenging for some of you.

    • Anon

      You definitely should not go. I have a friend who drove somewhere once and was in a major car accident.

      If you’re flying you also should not go because sometimes plane crashed and I personally was injured on a flight when the cabin lost pressure and my eardrum perforated.

    • Anon

      I think OP misses the point that kids don’t enjoy weddings and people at weddings don’t generally enjoy kids being there. Get a damn sitter.

  6. anon

    This is embarrassing to admit, but I’ve been struggling with FOMO lately, especially in parenting. Any advice? Two specific examples:
    – We have chosen a less scheduled life for our kids; they’re in activities, but the low-key kind where the season lasts six weeks and there’s no tournament. Or lessons once a week instead of practice 3x a week. I know this is the right choice for our family because none of us thrive when we’re overscheduled. We like our weekends open to do as we please. However, when I see how many of my kids’ peers are on travel sports teams and intense dance programs and doing really well with them, I second-guess our decisions. By choosing less intense activities, have we doomed our kids to never fulfilling their true potential or knowing what it feels like to be great at something? I am probably projecting here, as that’s what I wanted as a kid — to be really excellent at something.
    – I have a friend who is truly an excellent mom. She’s loving and affectionate, very attentive to her kids’ needs, her kids are polite and well-behaved human beings, they’re super smart, emotionally open, and on and on. On top of that, she’s always opening up her house to her kids’ friends and loves being That Mom who has the house everyone wants to be at because she’s so warm and welcoming. I envy her so much. I want to be that mom, but my introverted personality is a challenge to work around. I feel like I’m constantly having to work at being patient and being a good teacher and role model. I honestly do not enjoy hosting playdates at all; I feel slightly uneasy around other people’s kids and prefer their parents to be around.
    – School got out last week. Being a working mom during the summer months adds a layer of guilt that isn’t there during a school year. Instead of lazing about all day and meeting up with neighborhood friends, my kids are shuttled off to camps and summer programs where coverage is guaranteed for a high price tag. They have actual bedtimes because they have to get up and out of the house fairly early. They don’t complain, but I still feel like they’re missing out.

    When I type all this out, it sounds dumb and self-centered. But on a deeper level, I wonder how much my own shortcomings and preferences have limited my kids from finding their place, making friends, etc. Or maybe I have a very over-idealized idea of how childhood goes. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this IRL, so please be kind.

    • Curious

      Hugs. I can imagine myself making all of those choices and feeling the same unease.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think of it as FOMO but i “compare and despair” all the time. I feel like a terrible parent a lot when i compare myself to others, especially on this board. I constantly question whether I’m making good decisions for my family, and i have a special talent for feeling guilty about 2 opposite things at the same time. The pandemic has made this especially hard i think. We live in a small apartment in NYC. Our 3rd grader has devolved into constant screen time. We just don’t know what else to do anymore, and we are absolutely sick of doing things together. Thankfully he’s back in school FT, finally, but most of the after school programs are still closed. He’s overweight and needs more exercise but he has zero interest in kicking a soccer ball around with us or going on bike rides after more than a year of family fun. My husband is a teacher so our son won’t be in camp every second this summer, but when he’s not he’ll be doing screentime fiesta I’m sure, not running through the woods or something. I feel guilty we didn’t move to the burbs where he could go play outside (although he probably wouldn’t), or that he doesn’t have siblings to play with. But we kind of love NYC and definitely like our jobs, and we could not afford to be here comfortably with 2 kids. And always felt somewhat overwhelmed by just 1. Anyway, i relate!

      • Anon

        Just wanted to give hugs to you. I also have an only child; during the pandemic we allowed for WAY more screen time (and online gaming time with his bruhs) than we would have normally; and my son also gained about 15 lbs he doesn’t need during that time (partially because he was really grieving not getting to participate in his chosen sport, and as a result did nothing physical for quite some time). My kid went back to school in April (he’s done for the year now) and will have a camp-helper job this summer, and his sport has resumed. He’s lost some weight, his mental outlook is 100% better, and he’s voluntarily cut down his screen time just because, as he put it, he spent so much time on some of that stuff during the pandemic it’s boring now. I saw him reading an actual physical book the other day, LOL, and he’s voluntarily going to clean out his closet next week before his camp job starts. I feel like we are getting through it, finally, and coming out of a dark place.

        This whole pandemic thing was a giant sh*t sandwich for everyone, and every good parenting practice I adhered to went out the window. Largely because there were many days I felt I was just barely hanging onto sanity by my fingernails. We did what we can do. What our kids will remember is we were there for them. You care, and you are doing a good job and I believe that’s what your kid will look back and think about.

    • Anonymous

      How old are your kids? Have you talked to them to see how they feel about things? As long as they are happy, healthy and overall good human beings, then you’re doing just fine.

      Just because other kids are in travel sports or doing well with dance, doesn’t mean that other areas of their life aren’t suffering. There’s probably a lot of driving around and spending time away from home.

      Once your kids get older, they can have friends over without you having to supervise them. Let the other Mom be open to having all the other kids over and having to clean up after them.

      Is getting a babysitter for the summer an option for having the kids stay at home during the summer?

      I’m sure you’re doing what is best for your family! Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

      • anon

        This- talk to them and see what they want to do! My kid is super into baseball. We do spend a lot of our time in baseball activities. younger brother likes but doesn’t love it, but we make it fun for him so for now he is happy to go (he gets to choose whether to go to practices or not). Bottom line- it is a crazy schedule but it doesn’t feel arduous and my kid is getting so much more than baseball out of it. So it is right for us. But I can easily see this feeling like a punishment if the kid doesn’t love it. See what the kids want to do!

    • Flats Only

      For the sports/activities, I’ve always assumed that if the kid really is a phenom the teacher at the weekly lessons will recognize it and suggest more intense involvement, so if that hasn’t happened you haven’t deprived your child of anything. More likely, you’ve spared them unnecessary pressure and allowed them to sample more things instead of specializing early just for the potential prestige.

      • Seventh Sister

        And even if the teacher sees that your kid has the ability, it’s also about the kid’s interest. Not every kid stays interested.

        When I was watching “On Pointe” (a documentary about the School of American Ballet in NYC), I thought it was really interesting that at the tippy-top pre-professional level, the teachers said that while they could make pretty good predictions about which of their ballet students would be able to get a job with a professional company, they could never predict with any accuracy who would wind up as a soloist or a principal dancer.

    • Anon

      I and my husband were both heavily-scheduled sports kids, and we both suffered injuries that have permanently impacted our quality of life (he destroyed his fibia and tibula and has screws holding his leg together, I lost teeth and my implants are suffering from bone loss).

      My kids are not allowed in those type of sports. I firmly believe that the competitive attitudes and pushiness are actively harmful to children.

        • Anon

          I’m this way about skiing, FYI. I have so many friends who are SO into skiing, but I don’t know one who hasn’t had a major injury with lasting effects. (I’m in the bay area, so tahoe is close)

          • Anon

            I am this way about cycling. My friend’s father died in a bicycling accident. Another friend almost died, and the husband of the woman who stopped by to help him later died on a bicycle. My cousin almost died but thankfully fell, I kid you not, within sight of an EMT.

    • Fig Tree

      I can’t speak to your first two concerns because I don’t have kids, but both my parents always worked full-time my entire childhood, so I was always one who started summer day camp the Monday after the last day of school. We had to get up early every morning just like for school, pack a bag, and there was a different theme for the morning every week (science, crafts, etc.), and then swimming and playing in the afternoons. At the time I felt some wistfulness that I couldn’t hang around at home all day during the summer like some kids. But when I was 11 my dad started working from home, so my younger brother and I stopped going to camp. The extra time to read was a lifelong benefit, but we watched a good amount of tv, and mostly played with each other because our friends were mostly still at camp.
      In retrospect, all the scheduling at camp was fine – we learned things, and had tons, tons of time just to hang out with friends, play in the pool, make string bracelets, play kickball, whatever. And it forced me (also an introvert) to get better at making friends with new people. I think it was really good for us and I remember those summers very fondly. It was definitely a more active lifestyle than hanging at home, and my mom and I have talked since then about how she does not have a personality that would have enjoyed staying home with her kids, even though she loves us to death.
      So based on my experience I doubt your kids are missing out. It’s a different experience than kids who stay home all summer, but not necessarily worse, and maybe even better for them (it was better for me). And your desire or need to work matters to your family as well. So I hope you can reframe your view of your kids’s summer experience and let go of some of your guilt – I definitely acknowledge your feelings, but I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about at all.

    • Anon

      Hugs, I have been through these exact same conversations with myself.

      When I start to second-guess my parenting choices, I remind myself that:
      – My kid is being fed, clothed, housed and educated, and every day we tell him we love him. We give him what we are able to give him. A lot of kids in the world only have a fraction of what he has, and do fine.
      – I can only be the person I am; I can’t make myself over into someone I’m not to be the “perfect mom.” He loves me because I am his mom and I don’t need to be different to gain his love.

      I do feel you about the conflict between kids not being overscheduled, and kids not having the same opportunities unless they are intensely committed to something. It seems like something my brother did casually – like play Little League baseball – has all gotten really intense and high-stakes and I don’t fully understand it. So few kids end up getting college scholarships for sports – especially baseball, basketball, football, and hockey – that the amount of money, time and energy invested into club sports with travel teams doesn’t seem smart to me (and also I don’t love the idea that everyone is exhausted all the time because they only have time off in the ever-shorter off-seasons). My son is involved in one sport where he could compete at a high level, but he’s made a choice not to, and just focused on his individual development as an athlete. Will he later look back and regret not winning a bunch of trophies? Maybe, but I wasn’t going to force him to do something he was only mildly interested in (if that).

      We’ve presented my son with a wide array of choices and opportunities; far more than I had as a kid. That’s been possible due to our high income. I am hoping that out of the array of opportunities, he’ll hook into something that really excites him, or that he’s good at, and leverage that for his future life success. I don’t know whether that “offering a menu of choices” approach is better than hyper-focusing on one thing, but I will say in exploring things in his childhood, we never did seem to find any one thing he loved more than anything else (other than coding, which he is now pretty skilled at but isn’t sure he wants to make into a career). We didn’t want to force him into doing something he wasn’t passionate about just so we could say he had a commitment to it.

      Life is long and there are so many paths kids can take, and not all of it is up to us. I can’t concern myself too much about what I think my son’s future regrets will be because I don’t think it’s possible to live a life free of some regrets. We’re not obligated to provide our kids a perfect life. It sounds to me like you are definitely, definitely giving your kids a very good life. So acknowledge that to yourself, and congratulate yourself for doing a good job. Because you are doing a good job.

    • SMC - San DIego

      Do you love your children? Do your children know that you love them? Do you refrain from beating them? Belittling them? Do you accept them for who they are and not who you wanted them to be (or who you wanted to be)? Do they have food, shelter, medical care, and season appropriate clothing? Do you try as best you can to make decisions that will keep them safe and healthy?

      If the answers to those questions is yes – CONGRATULATIONS! You are an excellent mother. Your children will be fine.

      The only mothers who think they were perfect were not. Kids who are in every activity are over-scheduled. The ones who are not are missing out on the opportunity to find their passion and/or achieve excellence. The ones who have lot of friends and are social are not teaching their children to entertain themselves. The ones who don’t are raising lonely hermits. The list goes on. Perfection is unattainable. Don’t beat yourself up trying to achieve it.

      • Anon

        This. Seeing and loving your kids for who they are is the most critical thing you can do. Everything else is extra.

    • Anon

      On the first point, do your kids have any say in that? If they’re old enough to, that is. I was (and still am, really) a competitive swimmer starting from about age 6 and I would have been devastated if I couldn’t go to practice every day or travel for meets, but I was always the one asking to do it. If your kids don’t want to go all in on their activities you’re absolutely right not to make them but I hope they at least have the chance if they do find something they’re passionate about.

    • Anon

      You’re beating yourself up on both sides of the equation here –
      1) your kids are not scheduled enough compared to other kids because they don’t do competitive sports
      2) your kids are too scheduled compared to other kids because they go to summer camp

      What you are doing sounds 100% completely typical. First of all, your kids will have a lot of fun memories of summer camps. Some bad ones too, but overall my now late teen kids talk a lot about what they did at summer camp. Stop beating yourself up over that one.

      My daughter ended up doing a competitive sport starting in 8th grade, after doing none for her entire younger years. It seemed like every one of her girlfriends was tied up with soccer and softball and volleyball and she wasn’t, but we couldn’t make the schedule, which was very often practice at 3pm two or three school days per week. As two working parents, we couldn’t swing it. When she got interested in her sport, we got interested too, and she joined both club/travel and her school team. Her lack of elementary school age experience seems not to have hurt her because she was her school’s varsity captain her Junior and Senior years of high school. And now she’s in college and doesn’t seem to miss it. She didn’t want to get recruited, so obviously we went with what she wanted. (And now matter how many anecdotes you hear, the chances of your kid making it into an elite college program and possibly to an olympic level are basically nil.)

      My point is, let your kids develop their interests on their own. They will be exposed to tons of sports and arts in summer camps -if they really feel like they’d like to do more of it, they will tell you. What you are doing now sounds absolutely, wonderfully fine.

    • Trish

      We prioritized our son having plenty of downtime and opportunities for free play. On occassion, I feel bad that we didn’t do little league and other activities but I know it would have added stress and fighting. Our son is a senior in college, well-rounded with plenty of interests. Do what is good for your family.

    • Anon

      Not a mom, but have been a kid. Depending on the ages of the kids, I’d see how they felt? It sounds like you’re doing a good job. It may be that if you ask them, they prefer going to do new things during the days over the summer instead of their friends (who are probably complaining about being bored, if they’re in contact on phones/social media–again, don’t know age ranges/electronic policies for your house). Maybe they like having days off from sports/dance/hobbies. Sometimes kids are perceptive. I saw kids that were strung out between so many different activities they were overworked. Even at that same age as them (elementary) I still knew I didn’t want that. I know you can’t leave everything up to them, but I’d imagine that when they’re older, they’ll appreciate having input and you’ll feel more at ease doing the things that you can reasonably bet they’ll look back on fondly. I know it doesn’t do much to ease your concerns that maybe your kids won’t know greatness because they didn’t have intensive hobbies, but if your kids don’t want that, then they’re not going to resent you for not forcing it on them. And if your kids do want that, well, that makes things harder, but if it’s within your means, providing it can be one of the best gifts I would have loved to receive from my parents.

      Either way, it sounds like you’re doing great, and the point I’m trying to make, is if you ask your kids, they’d probably agree, and in the end, it’s their feelings that I’d hope matter most in the long run.

    • Anonymous

      I am an introvert and dreaded having kids over and hosting birthday parties and playdates. My daughter has a friend with a mom just like this. The fun mom. I’ve known her for many years. When the kids were small she was playdate central. When they were in high school she would rent a beach house for a week for her kids friends. She even hosted a senior trip to Paris for 6 girls. We paid but she was there to make sure they were safe and had fun. Now that her child is out of the house she is getting divorced. She confide in me that she had a loveless lonely marriage. I can see now why she put so much effort into the kids. She had nothing else. I’m not saying all super social moms who like to host have lonely marriages. I am saying that you should not envy what you don’t have a full picture of. Also by not burning your kids out with an exhaustive schedule you are more likely to have them carry those activities into adulthood and enjoy them more. My kids took tennis lessons once a week and love to play to this day and they are mid twenties now. Relax. It sounds like you are doing great!

      • Anon

        I was a kid with a mom like you and I was happy to go hang out at a friend’s house sometimes with her super-loving friendly mom. No shade on my mom, she taught me many other great things! It truly takes a village so be glad your kid has the loving mom and the friendly aunt both! I liked seeing how my aunts (both real and pseudo) did things.
        For example, even the way they crossed the road/argued with people! My mom was timid and my aunt was assertive and stood up for herself. One time we got cat called walking on the street my aunt yelled at them right back! And they turned and retreated! This was so eye opening to me.
        It truly benefitted me in seeing different valid models of relationships/ behavior and I think I am an amalgam of many of those good qualities I internalized from these different women I visited and spent time with.

    • Seventh Sister

      How old are your kids? My eldest is in middle school, and it’s been interesting to see how she’s doing compared to friends who definitely had more intense activities (and more intense parents). And…she’s doing just as well if not better than these kids who had enrichment classes every weekend and played intensive sports, etc. when I was covering childcare every summer.

      My kids are in a less-intensive dance track and while one of them is actually quite talented (per the teacher not me), neither has been interested in a more pre-professional training schedule whenever I’ve brought it up. While I would 100% support either of them going for it, I’m not going to push them past their own interests.

      All of this said, I do sometimes have to remember that while my kids don’t have the “play in the creek until dark” memories I remember, I didn’t go to Iceland as an 11yo or march around a major urban art museum like I owned the place or live in a city where I could walk to school. It’s not better, maybe, but it’s different.

    • Anon

      Context I don’t have kids but I read your post and think it sounds like you’re a great mom! I love the idea of doing shorter term things – gives your kids a break too, and then they get to try new things if they want. Your kids can equally enjoy playdates at houses other than your own. (also why should you enjoy being around *other people’s kids*? it’s fine to feel uncomfortable about that). And as to summer programs, I have great memories of doing stuff in the summertime while my mom worked :) – your kids will learn and grow there too. They’re not missing out, it’s a bonus for their social growth.

  7. Anonymous

    We don’t eat a ton of meat but when we have a week solid of vegetarian eating I’m often run down and unfocused and weird — that seems like the exact opposite of how everyone who is vegetarian/vegan says they feel. Is there a withdrawal process? Am I low on vitamins or something? Hate feeling like I need a steak after a healthy week.

    • Anonymous

      It is very difficult to get all the nutrients you need on a vegetarian/vegan diet without taking supplements, so yes, you very likely are low on something – iron, Vitamin D, B12, or something else.

    • Anon

      I was a strict vegetarian (no meat ever, and at one point I also stopped eating eggs) for about 5 years. After two years of consistently feeling tired, a fellow vegetarian explained that I needed to be taking a B-complex supplement and I started taking one, and felt much better. You can try that, or go get a B-12 shot and see if it helps – lots of non-vegetarians can be low on B-12. I still take a B-complex vitamin because I don’t eat a lot of meat (especially not a lot of red meat, although I do love a good bacon sandwich every so often) and I feel like it helps my energy level.

    • Anonymous

      If steak is what you crave, some of the things you might be low on:
      – iron
      – fat
      – proteins
      – energy/calories in general

      For iron you could try adding beet root and kale to your vegetarian weeks, and remember to have vitamin C with your iron, if not you won’t actually get the benefit. Eating more fat will keep you more satisfied.

      Don’t worry too much about how everybody else feel. And remember that you could have a great way of eating before, some of the newly impassioned may have eaten junk all the time and actually improved their diet a lot.

    • Anon

      Try tracking your micronutrients that week in Fitbit or cronometer (using the most official data source available). This will let you check your dietary intake.

      One more nutrient that can be hard to get on vegetarian diets and that isn’t always on people’s radar is choline.

    • Anon

      I feel the same and when I feel that way, I start craving a big steak with sauteed mushrooms. Or a hamburger with all the fixings. I generally like eating vegetarian, but when I actually have a dream about eating red meat after a week of pasta and hummus and lentils and falafel, I just give into it. I figure my body is telling me something.

      Also, I read somewhere (twitter?) where a guy said his mom’s antidote to c-nstipation was a fast food hamburger and a cigarette… and that works too, though I replace the cigarette with a coca cola.

      So those are the two instances in which I just decide to eat red meat. I’m mostly not eating it for environmental reasons, so 90% progress is still better than 0%. (And yeah, poster from this morning, go ahead and call me unethical)

    • Anonymous

      For me this is a sign I have not planned in enough protein. Look at beans, lentils, etc. for more.

  8. The Original ...

    If you are or have been married, please share… When did you know that person was The Person? Are they still The Person?

    • Anonymous

      6 months in … when he was supportive during a difficult time … Yes!! It’s a cliche but when you know you know. And when you don’t know … he ain’t it!!

    • Anonymous

      When we were hanging out all weekend and neither of us wanted to leave the other to do stuff like run errands. So we just did them together. We spent the whole weekend together and the fact that I wasn’t sick of him by the end — or even annoyed made me think it was the real deal. We are married now and he annoys the crap out of me sometimes but he’s still my person and the only person I want to annoy me, if that makes sense.

    • LaurenB

      Within a few weeks of dating one another. I was 18 and he was 22. We are now, ahem, appreciably older (56 and 60) and we still enjoy being with one another.

    • Anon

      Very, very early on the general topic of having kids came up and the way the conversation happened I felt comfortable talking about what I wanted in a way I hadn’t in previous relationships. That feeling of ease and comfort around him was something I noticed really early on and I think was a big sign that this was going to be a good relationship. A couple of months later he was somewhat seriously considering moving back to his home country. I really, really did not want to lose him so I told him that if he could wait I would move with him and I meant it. In a previous relationship the idea of moving for the other person had come up and I never actually wanted to do it. The willingness to change my plans and goals to include him in my life was another sign. Both of those feelings are still there, so he’s definitely still The Person for me.

    • anon

      When I realized it was just easy to be with him and I trusted him completely. There was no drama and lots of deep, companionable friendship. We wanted to be with each other all the time, and he was, and still is, the first person I want to talk to when I have stuff to process. He makes me laugh and is such a good balance to my more serious personality.

      We’ve been married 17 years, together for 20, and he’s still my person.

      • Anon

        +1 to this. It wasn’t a grand realization, but I wanted to spend time with him and when I had good news, he was the first person I wanted to tell and when I had bed news he was the first person I wanted to tell. And when I wanted to veg out on the couch, I wanted him to be on the couch next to me. He’s still my person. Married 7 years, together 10

      • AnonATL

        Similar for us. We had our first date on Thursday night, then spent the entire weekend together and have been pretty inseparable since. He’s the only person I dated that was just easy to be around. It was natural.
        Together nearly 10 years. Married 4.
        Admittedly we are not in the happiest point in our relationship right now with a young child and pandemic life, but he’s still my best friend and there’s no one I’d rather dream of the future with.

      • Anon

        This describes us down to the exact number of years together and married :)

        My first inkling was on our third date which, by my suggestion, was a hike (near the city, I knew hin before we started dating). I already knew I loved talkig to him, but that day showed me just being in silence with him for long stretches of time was also comfortable, warm and safe.

    • AZCPA

      I got married at 40, all of six months ago. I’d never married because I’d always tired of someone’s company, or just coexisting felt like too much work (I’m an introvert) even when the on paper things like values, money management, career were compatible. While I’ve enjoyed a number of rich and interesting relationships, I really didn’t ever think I’d marry.

      My realization was, after several years, I still preferred his company to being alone (and I LOVE being alone). Plus, I truly trusted him, whether it was with money, or my beloved cats, or my friends and I’d not felt that without any hesitation before. But, it was a full three years before I felt like I knew with enough certainly to get engaged, and we got married another year after that. I know a lot of older folks feel like you can know faster since you are more certain of your own needs, but that just wasn’t the case for me.

    • Anon

      Pretty much somewhere between the 1st and the 3rd date, so within a week. But I kept it to myself for a bit in case it scared him. Turns out he was thinking the same thing.

    • Cat

      The night we met, confirmed by our early dates and general ease of being together. Together almost 20 years now.

    • Anon

      One week in. Engaged a month in. Married 6 months later. 10 years later more in love than ever. He’s absolutely my soul mate, best friend and I am so lucky. (I also kissed a thousand frogs and had a number of not the one relationships.)

    • Anonymous

      One week in. Engaged a month in. Married 6 months later. 10 years later more in love than ever. He’s absolutely my soul mate, best friend and I am so lucky. (I also kissed a thousand frogs and had a number of not the one relationships.)

    • Anon

      We had a lot of chemistry immediately after we met, dated for a few weeks, talked about marriage and agreed it was in the cards and we just needed to figure out a date. He proposed about 11 months in, we got married a couple of months later, and we’ve now been married for 18 years. Looking back, I realize our relationship was built on chemistry more than it was on friendship and that has made for a hard road to get this far. I don’t want to split up, but if I could go back to my 19 year old self, I would tell her to slow way down and evaluate some specific things about him before leaping in.

      • Anonymous

        Whoa. You talked about marriage a few weeks into dating when you were 19? That is just so opposite to my life, with opposite results. It sounds like we both sometimes now question how we approached dating at that age. Having never married, I look back and think about all the great men I treated as disposable back in my young years.

    • Anon

      On our first date, which was a blind date. I just knew that I was having my first ever meal with my husband.

    • Nesprin

      I spent a 4 day long weekend with him, just hanging around his apartment and keeping each other company and I was bummed when it ended and couldn’t wait to see him again. 20 yrs later seems to be the right decision.

  9. Anon

    Probably about six months in. I had dated for the better part of 15 years of my adult life, and he was (and is) the only person ever to have accepted me exactly the way I am, warts and all. Every other guy I dated seriously always tried to change me in some respect, and he didn’t. It was and is an incredible gift!

    • Hollis

      I love how you described this because I found myself nodding in agreement. A lot of people are really looking for someone who fits their vision of their future spouse, so they need the other person to act a certain way, dress a certain way, like golf, keep their hair long, not wear too much makeup, work only part-time, and so on and so on. To be with someone who loves me just the way I am is a gift.

    • Senior Attorney

      Amen. We’ve been together for seven years, married for almost five, and I still can’t believe he actually enjoys me instead of shaming me like my former did!

  10. Anon

    Regular going very anon for this.

    I messed up with a coworker today. Long story short, I basically told him my husband thinks there is something going on between us. There is not, although the coworker and I have been working together a very long time and have a good working relationship. I think of him as a brother and friend. His wife and I are friends. We socialized as couples before the pandemic, but my husband would often make it awkward by being surly for no apparent reason. Husband told me last night he thinks I’m having an emotional affair with my coworker (I had just relayed a funny incident from the office, where my coworker made a pun about a project that had us all laughing in a meeting). My husband is definitely the jealous type, and that has gotten much worse now that our area is opening back up and I am no longer working from home every day. Husband previously would stand on the other side of the door and listen in to my work video calls and grumble that any man on the other end was flirting with me (these were group calls and nothing inappropriate was ever said). Husband always says he thinks my male coworkers dislike him, and this might well be true because he’s kind of a jerk around them. This particular coworker seems to have become his particular target lately because we work on multiple projects together.

    This morning my coworker noticed I was quieter than usual and asked if I was ok. I blurred out something like “my husband thinks we are a thing” and then I kind off froze and booked it back to my office. My coworker looked a little confused, but left me alone and didn’t say anything else about it when we crossed paths later this afternoon.

    How do I recover from this? Do I apologize, pretend I never said anything? Turn cold and aloof? What do I do?

    • Anon

      I would not worry so much about your coworker but seriously examine your relationship with your husband. Is he controlling in other areas of your life? This isn’t normal behavior.

    • Anon

      Your problem is with your husband, not your coworker.

      Think about it. Your husband is jealous and controlling. You can apologize to your coworker, but your husband issue is bigger, and you need to work on that immediately.

      • Anon

        Nesting fail.

        Op here. I don’t disagree, but I also don’t want work to be any weirder than I made it. How do I clear that up?

        • Anonymous

          Just say, hey sorry for making things awkward the other day. Explain that your husband is going through something and irrationally worried about ALL your male coworkers & it was really stressing you out. Tell coworker you’re sorting it out with your husband & didn’t mean to drag him into it/bring your personal life into work.

          I think that’s best so coworker doesn’t think you have a crush on him or something.

          Never speak of it again!!

          • Anon

            OP here. Thank you, this seems like a script I can use to help smooth over the awkwardness at work.

        • The Original ...

          If you’re truly friends, I might say something like, “I apologize for sharing something about my marriage. While it sounded like my situation was about you, I know it’s really a marital issue, I’m dealing with that with my husband, and I apologize for making you uncomfortable.” Then I’d probably take a beat in case he wanted to respond, then change the subject to something friendly or bring up the pun you mentioned and hopefully move past it.

          If you’re not truly friends, I might say, “I realize what I said earlier was an overshare about a marital situation, I apologize, it won’t happen again” and then move into a work topic.

          I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that and I do hope you seek out some individual counseling about why you are in a marriage with someone whose behavior is inappropriate and harmful.

          • Anon

            OP here. Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. I am doing a lot of soul searching about this and trying to sort out what I feel and want. Husband’s behavior is definitely not okay and I am working through how to deal with that, but the spillover into my work life was a mistake on my part.

    • Monday

      I would pretend it didn’t happen and hope he doesn’t bring it up. If he ever does, just say it was inappropriate and there’s nothing he needs to worry about. (I doubt he would bring it up unless he was in fact trying to push boundaries with you.)

      Your husband sounds controlling and somewhat scary. Listening in on your work calls, and now being more “jealous” since you’re out of the house? You’re carrying a burden from him that probably just spilled out in what you said to your coworker. Consider individual counseling to explore how far this dynamic has gone.

      I’m wondering if you are the same woman whose husband read her texts and obsessed about a deleted thread, or whose husband checked her browsing history. I’m freaked out by how many controlling husbands we seem to have here.

      • Anon

        OP again. No, I am a different person than the others. Unfortunately there are a lot of duds out here.

    • Anon

      No definitely say something. Say: obviously we are just coworkers, I am so glad to know your amazing wife, my husband’s under this weird mistaken impression, sorry for the awkwardness. And then be very very professional.

      Your husband’s controlling behavior is absolutely not ok and calls for some serious intervention now. Be careful.

      • Hollis

        Yes, say this in your own words next time you are working with him one on one. And then ihow you act after that will make it either a one-off weird thing or will make it continuously awkward. What is the deal with your DH? How long have you been married? Is he jealous of other male friends also? What did he mean by emotional affair?

    • Anon

      You get counseling, prepare for divorce, and you tell your coworker that your husband’s jealousy is seriously impacting your ability to work.

  11. Anon

    Op here. I don’t disagree, but I also don’t want work to be any weirder than I made it. How do I clear that up?

  12. Pregnant New Hire

    A couple of months ago we hired a new analyst into a team that I manage. Due to the pandemic, the interview was over zoom, and we had no idea she is pregnant. Obviously, this would not affect our hiring decision but would give us a lot more time to plan. She just announced that she is due early July. Can you give me your best tips for planning for leave on such a short notice? She has already taken on a decent amount of work. Disclaimer that I fully understand that any one of us can get hit by a car and end up on medical leave suddenly. I just have not had to manage that before.

    We have a full workload and I planned to give her a complex project to manage independently. The project spans 8 weeks. I can’t give it to her anymore, right? Help me as I’m torn between supporting a fellow woman and parent and getting the work done on time.
    I also don’t think she will be eligible for FMLA, is that right? What does this mean for my group? Could I use her unpaid leave to justify hiring a temp?

    Thanks for your wisdom!

      • OP

        Op here – of course I’m in touch with HR. They rightfully do not advise on business strategy though! Hoping the ladies here can share their experiences with being unexpectedly short staffed.

    • Anon

      You definitely need to talk to HR. Can you give the longer term project to someone else and take some shorter term projects off their plate and give to the new hire to even the workload out?

    • Anon

      “We have a full workload and I planned to give her a complex project to manage independently. The project spans 8 weeks. I can’t give it to her anymore, right?”
      You could, especially if she is a rockstar and works quickly and it’s possible for her to deliver it ahead of schedule. Personally, I would not. I would find an alternative assignee for that project. You’re not denying her the work because she is pregnant; you are moving the work to another employee who will be able to complete it in the appropriate timeframe. If she didn’t know she was getting assigned the project, there’s really no issue – just assign it to someone else. If you have a full workload, have her take on other tasks until she goes out on leave. Rebalance work amongst the team in the most equitable way possible; just make sure you aren’t giving her any kind of menial or make-work tasks she wouldn’t normally receive. In some organizations, newer team members more-or-less automatically get assigned less-desirable work, but if you hired her into a high-level position and start giving her nothing but crap tasks to complete, that could prove problematic later if she perceives it as pregnancy discrimination.

      “I also don’t think she will be eligible for FMLA, is that right? What does this mean for my group? Could I use her unpaid leave to justify hiring a temp?”
      This definitely needs to be discussed with your company’s HR department, but as an HR professional, I can tell you that the answer is almost certainly no. Employees working for companies that have at least 50 employees within a 75 mile radius have to offer FMLA, but an employee has to work for 1,250 hours within the previous 12 months to qualify for it. If this employee has only worked for you for “a couple of months,” she almost certainly doesn’t qualify for FMLA. BUT that doesn’t mean she doesn’t qualify for other leave, as specified in your employee handbook or by the city, county or state laws where SHE is located (so if she’s in California, and you’re in Texas, it’s generally California labor law that would apply to her situation, not Texas labor law). This is most definitely where HR needs to advise you. The employee will probably want to have a conversation with you about leave if she hasn’t already; in these situations my preference when I was working as an HRBP was to be present for the conversation with the manager and the employee so I can answer questions about legality, and also hear what both sides are saying and document so that there isn’t a lot of “well, but SHE said” (on either side) if later on, confusion or conflicts arise about leave. (In some companies, managers aren’t allowed to have conversations about leave with employees and it’s only HR that has those conversations, for that reason.)

      I also just want to say, there’s no reason to start anticipating she will not come back to work, or any other doomsday scenario. Things happen. She could have gotten a cancer diagnosis two months into working for you (happened with an employee in my last job) and had to take leave. You’re asking good questions and you’ll figure this out.

  13. Anon

    Has anyone here had cosmetic surgery for cellulite removal? I’m not overweight (BMI 17.9) and yet somehow, I have more cellulite on my thighs than I’d expect compared to other people. I don’t see it going away with weight loss (and I’m sure it’s probably not recommended that I lose weight when I’m already technically underweight). I’ve started running to try to build up some muscle there but I don’t know how much that will help either. I just don’t like the way that it looks.

    Is there an effective treatment for it?

    • Anon

      I think this is what cool sculpting treats. I’d go for a consultation with a reputable plastic surgeon.

      • AZCPA

        Most Coolsculpting is done by derms and medspas. But, I’ve had it done and it absolutely does help with cellulite. But I’d probably try and build up some muscle first.

      • Anon

        Hey OP I don’t know if you’re still reading but I actually talked to a friend in the field who is very knowledgeable about cool sculpting. She says it’s more for fat reduction so if you have pockets of fat it might help with the appearance of cellulite, but they’re still working on how to treat actual cellulite. She said to keep an eye out for trials and see if you can sign up for one.

    • Elle

      I used to work in an adjacent industry, cellulite isn’t caused by fat it’s caused by connective tissue so fat loss won’t help! There’s a product that is coming to market this year (may already be on the market?) called Qwo that is an injectable that is supposed to get rid of the dimples caused by cellulite. I don’t have first hand experience but it may be worth finding a plastic surgeon or derm near you who has worked with it and get their thoughts

      • Anon

        Wow, thanks for posting this! I have an appointment with my cosmetic derm next week for Botox and am going to ask about this too! It looks like it is available already.

    • Trixie

      Cellulite is not excess fat, it is caused by the structure of the skin. Men don’t have cellulite generally as their skin is denser and thicker than women’s. You cannot diet or exercise it away. With a BMI of 17.9, I think that self acceptance and humanizing your attitude about yourself is the way to go. Working out is always good, and just let yourself be as the wonderful and beautiful person that you are.

  14. Float tanks?

    Has anyone done those sensory deprivation float tanks? Thoughts? I can’t decide if I’m grossed out or intrigued or if I’d be bored out of my skull.

    • Anon

      I want to try it just to see what it’s like! But I haven’t yet.

      I felt the same way about acupuncture, and I’m glad I tried it, since it was way more bizarre than what I could have imagined in advance. For me these fall in the category of experiences that are pretty much harmless and that at least some people find somehow salutary or relaxing.

    • Davis

      I’ve done it several times! They’re not gross. The water is highly salted and typically UV sanitized. It felt very spa-like to me. I like it for about 60 minutes, but I get restless when trying 90-minute sessions. I find it peaceful, lovely, and sometimes I fall asleep. Maybe try a package of 3 sessions and see if it is for you. The first time or two you might experiment with getting comfortable so give it a few times to see if you enjoy it.

        • David

          The places I used have a circle float thing that’s like a halo so your head will float nicely. It’s so salty that many people don’t need that but I felt better using it. With that, I had no qualms about drifting to sleep.

  15. Elle

    What would you wear to meet your boss for the first time? I started a new job during the pandemic and we’ll be WFH until at least October. We just had guidelines rolled back so that you can have in person meetings if you’re all vaccinated. My boss invited me to get lunch at a steakhouse next week. Business casual seems right, right?

    • Anonymous

      Is your office dress code business casual, when people are working in the office? If so, that would be appropriate, but perhaps on the dressier end of the business casual scale.

  16. Question for lawyers

    Do you use Oxford commas? I thought this was highly encouraged for lawyers but am seeing more examples where they are not used. I’m wondering if there is a trend away from it or certain practice areas where it is not used.

    • Anon

      I love the Oxford comma but transactional attorneys tend to not use them. It drives me bonkers but I’ve accepted that’s just how transactional documents are usually drafted

    • Anon

      Jane enjoys cooking, her family and her dog.

      Jane enjoys cooking, her family, and her dog.

    • January

      Transactional lawyers tend not to use it. I was puzzled by this when I started practicing, but it seems to be the norm for some types of contract drafting.

      • Eye roll

        It’s the norm because transactional attorneys tend to hand down old forms and contract drafts drowning in old school practices. Fresh drafts on new issues for new clients tend to have Oxford commas from what I’ve seen.

        • Anon

          This is generally true re forms but I still see a lack of Oxford commas on newer stuff in transactional documents. Often because it’s rare to have an entirely new form and it’s sloppy to have a mix of using the Oxford comma and not. I personally just add numbered/lettered/Roman numerals to lists, which I think is clearer than the Oxford comma in any event.

  17. Anonymous

    Any recommendations for relaxing beauty treatments and/or massages (particular places or services) in Boston? Also just curious if anyone has any fave beauty treatments in Boston (sans relaxation).

  18. Anonymous

    Yes. Always. I fix forms without them. For the life of me I cannot understand why so many transactional lawyers are such terrible writers or why they are so uninterested in clarity. It’s fine, though, because it keeps me employed as a litigator.

    • anon

      Ha! To answer your question, it’s not that we are uninterested in clarity, it would make deals much harder or impossible to get signed if everything was clear :) Also, many of these documents are drafted or finalized between the hours of midnight and 6:00 am and there isn’t always time to have things proofread before the market opens

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