Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Charmeuse Dress

270 Comments

1. I am trying to decide if the Lettuce Grow “farmstand” is worth the money. It has awesome reviews and I like the simplicity of it! I eat a ton of greens and love the idea of doing my DIY seedlings later.

   I have also checked out the Gardyn and some of the table top ones. Any thoughts? I live in mildish/hot weather, so outdoor growing isn’t a huge concern. I just don’t have the time to do a full-blown garden, but want to grow a few of my own things.

   1. What exactly are you trying to grow? As a hydroponic growing kit, there are a LOT of cheaper options out there. You also really don’t need to use their seedlings (it will be more expensive than basic seeds).

      If you want to grow lettuce, chop the bottom off a head at the grocery store and it will regrow two to three times in just a small bed of water. If you want to grow microgreens you just need a seed tray and grow lights.

   2. I’d just get some lettuce seedlings or seeds, some pots (even yogurt pots will do, but avoid buying new plastic pots if you can) and soil and see how you get on. I have a little planter which I use for mixed salad greens and it is super satisfying to grow your own.

   3. I hadn’t heard of either of the ones you mentioned but I have a Click and Grow and I really like it. I have had success with everything I’ve tried (greens, herbs, and tomatoes).

   4. Lettuce is absurdly easy to grow and a packet of seeds is really cheap. Lettuce will also do better outdoors with natural sun than indoors under a grow light (that’s a recipe for gnats in the house). Poke some holes in a few yogurt tubs for drainage, fill with soil, and plant a few seeds. Water them, pull them under shelter if there is rough weather, and enjoy.

      1. It is easy to grow but we are coming to the end of the season if you are in hot weather. My tender lettuce starts to wither in late June.

   5. I have tried hydroponic this spring (something like the click and grow).

      I really like it for very thirsty herbs. I can finally grow coriander successfully, because they water themselves as much (a lot!) as they like. I think basil will be fine, as well, but so far the only difference from soil ones are slightly bigger leaves. I don’t expect to use it for anything else, I like soil for spinach, pea shoots, other herbs etc. Have never gotten the hang of lettice.

   6. I grow lettuce from Mar-Nov, just move around the big pots/fabric bags to avoid harsh sun in mid summer. It grows like weed, if watered and picked regularly. Try different types of lettuce, they have different level of hardiness. Lamb lettuce is pretty hardy and a favorite of many people.

2. PSA: On the recommendations of some readers I ordered a pair of Eileen Fisher wedge sandals off Poshmark and I love them. Soft and supportive and cute for a suburban mom:) I think these are my ‘fancy’ sandals of 2021!

3. Does anyone have a container for carrying soup to work that they love? I’m looking for something that’s leak proof and not plastic. I have access to a microwave and fridge so it doesn’t need to be insulated but I don’t have access to a sink so I can’t use a mason jar plus bowl that I keep at work (and I find eating out of a mason jar uncomfortable!). I’ve found a bunch of options online and they are all not cheap and have limited reviews so I would love to hear any personal recommendations.

   1. Thermos.

      1. Yes, this is exactly the sort of thing a thermos was intended for. Don’t overthink it.

      2. +1

   2. Have you tried a wide mouth mason jar? I heat in the jar and eat straight out of it if it is a wide mouthed one.

      1. Yes I did and unfortunately I found it unpleasant — which sucks because that would be the perfect and inexpensive solution!

      2. Be careful with mason jars in the microwave! I’ve had one crack, around the full circular base. As you might imagine, it made an enormous mess when I tried to remove the jar from the microwave– the base stayed put, the rest of the jar and all the soup did not.

         Since then, only pyrex goes in the microwave. :)

   3. I like the IKEA glass storage containers (microwave, freezer and oven safe) with the sealable silicone lids. You will need a microwavable lid as well, since the wide opening will mean splattering soup everywhere, and if you don’t have a sink I’m guessing cleaning the microwave will be tricky. And you need a plate or oven mitts to handle rhe warm glass.

   4. Pyrex snapware is leakproof and microwave-safe, and you can replace just the lids when they wear out.

   5. The Pioneer Woman’s soup containers. Lid is plastic; container is ceramic.

   6. Use a mason jar and bowl and then bring both home to wash? You can give it a quick rinse in the bathroom sink and a full clean at home. You can get a collapsible hiking bowl for easy transport.

      1. Please don’t endorse washing food down in the bathroom sink. That causes all kinds of problems and is really gross for other users.

         1. Seriously disgusting when people do this.

         2. She’s talking soup. I wasn’t saying dump food down the drain. Dump the food in the trash and rinse the liquid from the bowl. Not sure what problem that would cause.

   7. The round glass Pyrex containers are leakproof.

4. Wow — seniors are starting to graduate (some with parents allowed in, and the rest of the world watching via zoom). Good for them! This year has been a slog.

   I’m noticing for high school kids, schools often show a college + undergrad major. Is that how it works now? I remember applying for college to merely be an undergraduate and not declaring a major until the end of sophomore year. A friend says that now, kids apply at least to one of our big state Us and have to state only two intended majors on their application and then are accepted and given first year classes based on that if they get in (I guess this helps engineers, who have sequenced classes, but if most majors are only 24ish required hours, you’d think you’d have some wiggle room for declaring so early). I don’t know if I’d have been prepared for this as a 17 year old senior (OTOH, the kids who will be doing welding or cutting hair ID career fields this early and go into training for them). IDK why I was thinking about this so much when I walked my dog this morning — I see that if you are paying $$$ for college now, it makes sense to go with a thought-through plan (but also: how you could easily go for 5+ years is you change your plan) but how it seems to up the stakes, especially for kids who are first-generation, to have it all figured out in advance (who knows if they want to be a pharmacy-classics-accounting-statistics-spanish-math major off the bat?). And who on earth would seniors (and now juniors) have leaned on for help discerning all this during the past year and a half?

   1. I think there is so much pressure to specialize now, even for majors which don’t translate directly into a job. I knew what I wanted to study at my tiny liberal arts college, but there weren’t a whole lot of options available to me. I’m in the UK now and you have to chose your exam subjects so, so early, there is no starting out as an English major and deciding you want to be a doctor. And it feels really restrictive for kids. What if they don’t take math at 14 because they hear that the teacher is terrible, and then they can’t go into any sort of science?

   2. I started college in 1977 and had a declared major going in. It’s not the major I finished with, but almost everyone I knew had a declared major (there were a few “General Studies” people) to start with. I was in a social science field, not STEM.

   3. I know several young people in college. From what I can tell, it is very easy to switch majors after you are a student, regardless of whether you declare early on or not.

      1. It depends. Some institutions require permission to change majors and will not agree if it would extend someone’s graduation date (looking at you, U of California system). The institutions like to keep their 4- and 6- year graduation rates up, so they may be reticent to let some students switch.

         1. That makes sense. All my young people switched within the first year, so no real danger of extending the graduation date.

   4. Here in the UK we have to apply for a specific degree programme and I think it absolutely has that downside. It’s most visible when you look at the social background figures for different degree courses – the more ‘academic’ social sciences subjects for example generally have students from wealthier backgrounds, while first gen students seem to be more likely to do courses that have an obvious link to a job – Law, Social Work, etc.
      (Law and medicine are undergraduate degrees here)

      1. Yes, definitely! My building cuts through history and classics, and those kiddos are aggressively posh.

         1. Interesting. I’m in the US and classics majors here were often pre-divinity students (to learn ancient languages). I was a history major, which was a vanilla liberal arts major and not something fancy at a liberal-arts public college. Maybe different at a private U?

            1. Big “ancient” university in the UK, and classics basically produces future Tory MPs, because they went to posh schools that teach Latin.

            2. US is different. It’s possible to major in Classics in the US without any prior background in either Greek or Latin. I tend to think of it as a good major for first gen students since the classes are smaller, the faculty will generally do whatever it takes to ensure that motivated students succeed, and while anyone can learn a language with the right instruction, it’s challenging enough to impress professional schools. And rightly or wrongly, “Classics” can lend some prestige among the exact people who might look down on a first gen background.

         2. Lol, I went to the university I think you teach at, and I agree with the “aggressively posh” designation for history/classics. I came in from a foreign country and had no idea what to expect. I noticed that my fellow classmates weren’t all that concerned with paths that lead to actual jobs after graduation. (Nevertheless, everyone was very nice to me and I had a great time, but it was quite the introduction to the British class system!)

            1. Ha, small worlds! I think it must be even more pronounced at St Andrew’s but the preponderance of privately educated kids is so, so high. Missing class because of a bad oyster…

      2. Pages 12-13 of this show what I mean https://www.ox.ac.uk/sites/files/oxford/AnnualAdmissionsStatisticalReport2021.pdf#page=16

         1. Wait, there’s still ‘Oriental Studies’?!?! In the US, did ‘Oriental’ terminology die in the 1980s?

            1. I think rugs can be Oriental but people can’t. I would imagine in this case it refers to the Orient as a part of the world.

   5. In many/most cases you can change your major, but yes, schools require incoming freshmen to have a major declared. This is used to assign academic advisors and so forth. Two of my kids changed majors from STEM to humanities after freshman year. But it’s obviously difficult to switch the other way around.

      1. This is, again, not true. I’m sure some schools do. Many do not.

      2. I know at NCSU, you can apply by major (and you only get one if a transfer student; otherwise two and they are very specific — each engineering type = one major); some majors are harder to get into than others, so you can’t apply to an easier major if you are a borderline candidate in engineering and hope to switch. I do think that this is bad for first-gen students and students who may require more intense work in STEM basics to be successful in a STEM major (so you can switch from engineering to communications if you are just overwhelmed in that major, but really never vice versa). Outside of STEM, I don’t think it matters or I don’t think it should matter (or matter much).

   6. Two decades ago we had to declare a major, even if that was “undecided” or changed every 3 days.

      1. Same. I don’t think this is a new thing at all.

      2. Agree. In 1994 when I started college at a small state school, I had to declare a major. I changed it within the first semester, but I had to have something down when I enrolled.

      3. +2 I changed my major about five times in my first year!

   7. Please stop drawing broad conclusions like this from random experiences. No. High school seniors do not have to declare a major. Yes, I’m sure some high schools do list what they plan to major in because it’s a fun fact to share.

      It’s not that serious.

      1. Add all to that sentence. Some schools require it. Some dont

      2. Well she’s gotta have something to clutch her pearls over, apparently.

   8. I declared a major as a freshman ~15 years ago, but I was in an honors program that required it. About half my friends/acquaintances changed their major at least once. Most didn’t make a huge jump like engineering to English, more like engineering to architecture or similar.

   9. Are you the same person who keeps freaking out about how hard it is to get in to college, colleges’ dropping SATs, etc.?

      1. Clearly yes and it’s getting super old. There’s enough drama in life without inventing it.

      2. Yeah, it’s always the same person with this really peculiar style of writing and lack of paragraphs.

         1. Yeah and people say “what, are you a comment detective?”, but you don’t need to be a detective. You just need eyes.

         2. What’s the point of responding like this though? Just collapse the thread & move on.

            Sometimes people are going to say things that don’t interest you personally!

            It’s like you’re monitoring/regulating the conversation of a group your not even in at a party … people are allowed to talk about whatever they want & that’s not your job.

   10. I think part of it is a recent (as in last 15-20 years) push for students to focus on STEM majors – we generally declare early so we can get all the prereqs done early, and there are a stupid amount of them for a life sci major like I was. I know only of one guy who decided to become premed in his sophomore year of college and he was already about 1.5 years worth of courses behind since he needed to catch up on a lot of the basic science courses and labs.

   11. I feel like this has been standard for a long time – I started college in 2000 and I remember applying directly to my college of interest within the university – in my case, it was the engineering college. At my undergrad, freshman were admitted to “lower division” within the engineering college, which allowed you to take Chem/Calc/Physics for Engineers, and start your course sequencing. At the end of sophmore year, assuming you completed all your prereqs, you then applied “upper division” for your specific major, and it was at that time that a lot of people would switch majors either within the engineering college, or even switch to a major in a different college, like College of Liberal Arts. In the first two years, it really didn’t matter what major you declared unless you were in a program that required sequencing – otherwise it was more nebulous. It really only mattered if you were trying to get into a class that was offered in a different college, because they usually gave priority to their students first.

       1. So like for Duke, you’d apply for engineering, but that doesn’t apply to the whole rest of the school. Everyone in liberal arts didn’t declare a major.

          Same with all liberal arts schools, all top universities, etc. Harvard doesn’t have you declaring a major before you get there.

          State schools like UCal and University of Texas do. I don’t believe UVA does.

          1. Certain schools do (or did!) at UVA required applying at the outset or early in your first year. Liberal arts didn’t.

          2. Are you excluding all public schools from “top universities?”

             1. Eh, when I saw top I meant top 3-5. So yeah?

   12. It depends on the type of school you apply to. At many large state universities, you have to apply to the major or at least the college (college of engineering, for example). At the University of California schools, it’s much harder to get accepted to STEM majors and the odds of being able to transfer into one later are very low (this is necessary to manage the number of students in high demand fields). If you want to switch out of a STEM field, it usually works fine, though. At most private schools, especially smaller ones, you don’t have to declare a major when you apply. If you’re interested in STEM, you still need to start with the correct classes as a freshman, but you don’t have to declare so early.

       1. Yikes — so if you want to go to a “good” school, how do kids figure it out? Fudge your major (fine art? music performance?) or rule out entire career fields? I get that if you continue to a professional degree (law, medicine), it doesn’t matter what your undergrad major is and matters more what school you are from. And med schools say that want more than just bio majors. IDK though if you just want to be an accountant, I wouldn’t think it would be harder to get into an accounting program vs getting into the school (like if you get into Duke, you should be able to get into Duke’s accounting program, if you even need to state that as a HS senior).

          1. I don’t even know what you are asking? Fine art is one of the hardest majors to get into, btw

          2. If you aren’t a superstar, you choose between a “good” school and a tough major. Bluntly, given that engineering flunks a lot of people out, if you’re scraping by to get in, you probably won’t get out.

          3. If the school you’re interested in requires a major and you don’t yet know what you want to study, go to a state school to figure it out and then apply to transfer when you know what you want a degree in. You may even find that, once you know what you want to study, the school you were eyeing at age 17 isn’t actually the right place for you.

             You also can’t just randomly declare a fine arts major to secure a spot somewhere, you’d need to audition or submit a portfolio to get into a fine arts program.

   13. One of my favorite things about my college (not that I took advantage of it) was that you could transfer from school to school without applying. It was literally just some paperwork to switch between the engineering, business, and arts/sciences schools. There were a few specialty programs that had to be applied for but they were very niche. It was very very common for people to switch colleges in their first year or so. I love that my university gave students the option to switch and didn’t make them apply for a “transfer” of their first college wasn’t for them.

       I knew what I wanted to study as an incoming freshman and didn’t declare that until end of my sophomore year. I was taking classes in the subject but for whatever reason didn’t declare until the deadline. I declared my second major at the end of mr first semester senior year! I’m one of the few people I knew who came in with a major in mind and stuck with it!

   14. At my university, engineers had to declare at the end of freshman year (and chemical engineers were encouraged to start that track at the start of freshman year); liberal arts declared at the end of sophomore year.

       There’s a lot of focus on getting kids out in four years. Colleges also need to balance their classes; if you normally have 30 people majoring in French, you can’t enroll 200 French majors one year. My understanding is that having students state their intended major, even if it’s not what they ultimately get their degree in, results in a good enough approximation that the university can get everyone into the classes they need.

       1. US colleges and universities would love those 200 French majors to support the tenured faculty who have no one to teach because there are so few French majors, lol. I don’t disagree with your point, but this specific example entertains me because of the reality.

          1. Also laughing, signed, the last German major at my college before the program went away.

          2. Well, it was the example used by the dean of my alma mater, precisely because the upper-division language courses are supposed to be smaller classes and having a huge increase in class size would cause enormous problems. (Then again, my alma mater has a very heavy international and IR component, so there wasn’t really a problem finding things for the foreign language teachers to do, unless they taught dead languages.)

   15. I was in college within the last decade and was told that 2/3 students changed their major. I’m not sure how they calculated those stats though, because just about everyone I knew graduated with something slightly different than what they started with. I didn’t “change” my major, in that I kept the one I had indicated an interest in from the beginning, but I added a second one. So did my best friend. My SIL started out intentionally open-ended and ended up with two majors and two minors. Do those all count as “changing” your major?

       And I agree with other posters that this is probably just a fun fact to share, or perhaps done for the benefit of scholarship donors. When I graduated in a small town, it was very important to let the donors of any local scholarships know what you were planning to do with it, even if it didn’t pan out.

   16. A) Who cares? Do you have a rising high school senior? Why is this keeping you up at night?
       B) I graduated college in 2002 and went to a tiny liberal arts college. They didn’t care what my intended major was, but everyone I talked to asked me what I was going to study in college. They asked (generally) at my admissions interview. So when I graduated HS it would have been easy to say:

       Anon Anon
       Tiny College
       Intended Major: Biology (or Natural Sciences. Or Undecided.)

       Frankly it should have read:
       Anon Anon
       Tiny College
       Intended Major: Beers and Dudes

       1. Cracking up but also accurate for me but big public uni majoring in beers and dudes.

   17. When I graduated from high school almost three decades ago, the high school listed college + major. A whole lot of majors were “undeclared.”

   18. My son is entering college as a computer science major this fall and was required to choose a major when applying. At some schools undeclared was a choice but we were led to believe that would hurt chances of admission in what was already a very very difficult year. Computer science is impacted at every school so really the only way to graduate with a CS major on time and get all your classes is to know day one that’s what you’re doing.

   19. I had to declare a major for my college 15+ years ago, and my freshman classes were all based on my major. It was a good thing for me because I learned immediately that I hated my major!

   20. This has been going on for at least 10 years, maybe more. Not necessarily listing it in HS graduation programs (that may just be bragging), but big universities have been pre-admitting people into engineering, high-profile business admin schools and nursing schools. A few of my friends were pre-med and pre-law as frosh. Most of these need programed freshman classes so that the progression through the four years is streamlined. If students don’t start these classes in first year, they often have to take more than four years to graduate.

       1. It’s been much longer than 10 years, at least at big state schools. All of the schools I applied to 20 years ago asked for an intended major and all of the big schools admitted you to a specific college within the University at that, and that was also true for my older brother 25 years ago.

       2. FWIW, pre-med is basically, take bio, chem, organic chem, and physics. Pre-law is nonsense.

          1. Yup. When I was in college there was a theory that being a liberal arts major would be an advantage on med school applications. There was a “pre-med” student in my English honors thesis seminar.

5. Mare of Easttown post (no spoilers). I am here for regular-old-Kate-Winslet, and may try the low pony (but my hair is a bit limp). Spouse was into it at first, but felt that it was the same as SITC (too many bad men in a small geographical area). Nb this was roughly the plot of Oz.

   1. Huh?

   2. I thought it was great, even though it was basically Broadchurch set in Pennsylvania. Loooved the accents, seriously I could listen to Kate Winslet talk to me in a Delco accent all day.

      1. They totally copied Broad Church! I’m not complaining though.

   3. Loved that show. So sad it’s over. Kate Winslet is excellent.

6. Superfluous vent: I went to the mall this weekend and had such a hard time finding cute shirts! I have absolutely no interest in puff sleeves or any theatrical details on the arm and apparently that a deal-breaker right now. I just want something cuter than a plain T-shirt that doesn’t make me look like a magician.

   1. Club Monaco has blissfully said no to the nap dress ruffle smocked creations. Madewell also has good options. Co-signed ruffles look silly on me.

      1. I always forget about Club Monaco, I’ll check them out.

   2. I KNOW. I have about $300 in J.Crew gift cards right now, and cannot find anything I’d buy with that “free” money, much less my actual paycheck. Every dress looks like a ruffly muumuu in a crazy floral print, and the tops are all cropped and boxy. Those might work on some women, but I am not one of them.

      1. Same. The tiered dresses are everywhere, but who the heck can pull off that silhouette?? Not me.

         1. The tiered dresses look really cute on my niece. She is 3 and likes to twirl. Enough said.

         2. I cannot stand tiers on any article of clothing. No matter how I try to style it I look like an extra on Little House on the Prairie.

         3. I am 5’5″ with an athletic build, and I actually like the short tiered dresses. I have a black knit one with puffed sleeves from Sanctuary that somehow looks cute and feminine but not juvenile. I cannot abide the Nap Dress, though.

            The current trend that absolutely does not work for me is short dresses with elastic waists and blousy tops. I am a long-waisted rectangle. These dresses are made for short-waisted hourglasses.

            1. Disagree on the last. Those dresses are better on pears. Hourglasses very quickly look like some sort of dairy maid p0rn extra. (Hourglass here…)

         4. I can’t! I’m short chubby and middle aged but I put my confidence on first and think I look great.

            1. Oh darn I mean I can! You can too if you want to!

            2. +1. Absolutely! Confidence is the best accessory.

         5. Looks like maternity clothes on my petite but busty frame. I need tailoring around the waist.

         6. I’m not getting any, but I love the tiered dress trend because the dresses actually look comfortable! Here’s to more comfy clothing being popular!

   3. I feel you. On one hand, it’s saving me money? I’ve been scouring sites for a ‘nice’ elevated shirt and so far had the best luck at JCrew, Talbots (I know it skews older but so be it), and Brooks Brothers Red Fleece line. I also just sorted the Nordstrom/Bloomingdales sale sections by cotton blouses with short sleeves and am waiting on some Kate Spade and Hobbs options to try on.

   4. Lol at “magician.” I’m in the same boat though.

   5. Oh, I feel you. The puffed sleeves are following balloon sleeves and bell sleeves and … just give me plain sleeves. I don’t want all the silly frou-frou which doesn’t flatter me and will look dated in 10 minutes.

   6. UGH yes. I feel like it’s been years since I bought any “nice-casual” shirts. It’s work blouses or Old Navy tshirts. I want something a step up but it’s all hideous.

   7. Dissenter here, I love all the sleeve details these days – all you see most of the time over the top of a table, standing and chatting, and in the hopefully days gone by, zoom video, is your top. I love that they’re doing sleeves and the sleeves are interesting.

      1. Thats all well and good if my office wasn’t air conditioned to like 65 degrees. I hate sleeve details, but it is so hard to layer some thing on top of it.

         1. I have absolutely no trouble – just hold the end of the sleeve while you put a jacket or blazer on top.

            1. We’re probably thinking of different sleeve details because what I have in mind looks dumb and feels uncomfortable under a blazer/sweater.

            2. Fair enough!

   8. Hey!

      1. LMAO!!

7. Ribena here! I saw a great thread on Twi tter over the weekend about working at NASA as a young woman which contained lots of advice and personal stories. Will link it in comments

8. https://twitter.com/hunt_harriet/status/1398386049521422338?s=10

   1. Nesting fail, sorry

   2. Thanks, I was the OP on that whole advice thread! The girl in question knows about this post :)

      1. Great! I imagined she would have seen it but I thought I’d share just in case

9. Actual fashion question, though not very high-end: I need a nice drapey t-shirt that comes in a million colors that I can wear as my summer uniform. Crew, scoop, or vee, doesn’t matter.

   My office is summer casual – shorts, t-shirts, and Sperrys – and my old tees (the modal J.Crew 365 from a few years ago) are looking sad.

   1. You want the L.L. Bean Pima cotton T-shirts. They’re perfect.

      1. Eddie Bauer has some nice ones and they come in tall (I’m long waisted even if not tall). Only problem is I ordered 3 new white ones and they are actually ivory. Other colours look good though.

   2. Quince has washable silk tees that look really lovely.
      For a less-expensive option, Old Navy’s “luxe” shirts have a nice drape. ON is also still selling my all-time favorite tee, the vintage textured stripe crewneck: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=673865002&pcid=999&vid=1&&searchText=textured%20stripe#pdp-page-content

   3. I don’t know if you consider 100% cotton adequately drapey, but I am a big fan of Uniqlo’s supima t-shirts.

   4. You want to check out the Uniqlo drape t shirt. I have it in 9 colors. It’s a bit bulky on me but serves as a good Zoom shirt today and will tuck into a skirt or pants when I eventually return to an office.

   5. Universal Standard T rex shirt might work here.
      Also Boden’s slash neck tee.
      Following this with interest!

      1. The Boden slash neck tee is my platonic ideal.

   6. I bought several of the Jetsetter tees from White House Black Market last summer and I really like them. They’re lightweight, drape nicely and the detail at the neck makes them look a bit nicer. However, I don’t like the prints they have this year very much. I went with those because I prefer a V neck, so you might check some of their other options.

10. Anyone here suffer from GERD? I’m not positive that’s what I have, but I’m trying to do some work on myself while I wait for my appointment with my doctor next month, his first available. I have been having intermittent heartburn and feeling of fullness and queasiness for a few weeks now. This isn’t the first time I’ve had one of these episodes, but it’s not something I’ve dealt with in the long term. What are some questions I should ask or things I can try for relief before I see the doctor? He gave me the blessing to try Prilosec, which I am doing now, but I know I’ve seen other posts here over the years recommending dietary changes. I’m trying to limit fatty, greasy foods because those seem like clear triggers so far. I’m also wondering if a small amount of weight loss might help. I’m currently teetering on the (admittedly flawed) BMI threshold between overweight and obese, although I am otherwise healthy and physically active. Would appreciate any thoughts.

    1. When I had this happen, it did go away when I lost even a few pounds of weight (which had gone to my stomach area) and I was careful not to wear tight pants or belts. It was stress induced for me.

       1. Yep. I am learning that for me, now in my 50s, as little as 4-5 lbs makes a difference for heartburn or no heartburn. And those 4-5 lbs just barely get me into the “overweight” BMI category.

          I understand that fit and fat is a thing, but apparently not so much for me.

    2. Hi! I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. I’m a longtime sufferer of various GI problems, so I know it can be tough.

       First, know that a lot of GI problems have the same symptoms, so it’s hard to know exactly what you have – and you can be misdiagnosed even after tons of testing – so if you experience ongoing problems, or something doesn’t seem right, don’t be afraid to get another opinion or push for more tests, or whatever. You know your body, so definitely listen to it.

       GI symptoms can be caused by a ton of things, and yes, that can include the types of foods you eat and also weight gain. But, it can also be triggered by anxiety and stress. It might be caused by an over-production of acid, or it might have nothing to do with that. It could be a mechanical issue where your LES doesn’t close all the way, or an overactive nervous system causing your LES to open more frequently than it should, letting your stomach contents come back up. You might also have multiple, overlapping issues.

       I think one of the most helpful things you can do for yourself – rather than experimenting with a bunch of things or trying to drop a bunch of weight would be to track your symptoms, eating habits (what, when, how much, how long before symptoms start), stress levels, etc. so that you have a more full picture to give your doctor at your visit. If you do want to eliminate some foods now, you might start with foods that are known to weaken the LES, like chocolate, alcohol, coffee, and acidic foods. If you think that you have anxiety or stress that could be triggering it, doing diaphragmatic breathing exercises a few times a day may also help to relieve some of your symptoms.

       Best of luck to you!

    3. Me! Every body is slightly different, I’m told, in both causes and help for GERD. In my case, I went on meds and a very strict and limited diet until symptoms improved – for me that was a LOT of baked potatoes and oatmeal with plain water for about three weeks. I was on Rx-strength Nexium for three months then Rx-strength Pepcid for 6. In my specific case: I’m now entirely off the meds and back to eating a much wider variety of foods, but am limiting: high-fat, greasy foods; alcohol; carbonated beverages, including seltzer or soda water; coffee; spicy foods; and large portions. I’m down to 1.5 cups of coffee in the morning instead of 3, have totally eliminated the lunchtime Diet Coke (might have one on the weekend), generally avoid soda water (ok once per week), and cut alcohol to a glass or two on the weekends, smaller portions of everything, more greens, and no eating after 8pm (I go to bed around 10-11pm). I was told by the GI doc that losing even 5 pounds can be helpful in some cases. Other cases are more what the patient is eating not the weight of the person. Other cases might be mostly genetics. In other words, he said, the solution is often some general principles (change of diet, meds, lose weight, elevate the bed, don’t exercise right after eating, stay upright for several hours after eating, etc) plus trial and error for each patient. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

    4. Having worked on this professionally (but not suffered from it personally), I’ll share some basic advice:
       Take a walk after you eat, even if it’s short.
       Don’t lay down after you eat.
       Eat smaller portions in one sitting.
       Avoid acidic foods.
       Put the head of your bed on cinder blocks to create a tilt.
       Feel better!

       1. Mint was a trigger for me. I used to use ACT (the cavity prevention stuff) mouthwash before going to bed and it gave me the worst heartburn. So I switched to using it in the morning – as long as I remain upright, it’s fine, but mint + lying down = heartburn.

    5. In addition to dietary changes, some things that worked for me were not laying down too soon after eating (preferably 2 hours), using a wedge pillow to sleep (it helps prevent acid from coming back up when you’re lying down), sleeping on your left side, and not wearing tight clothes.

       Those things help, but ultimately I had an endoscopy which revealed significant inflammation. I went on a high dose of meds for a period, and have been on a low maintenance dose ever since without issues.

    6. My husband had a bleeding ulcer that was misdiagnosed for months and was dangerously close to perforating. Luckily he’s now fine after treatment with medication. Please push for a definitive diagnosis involving a scan (gastroscopy?)

    7. I have GERD. I was on PPIs for years, which affected my kidney function. Anything you can do to avoid long-term meds will be better for your organs.

       Lose weight, prop up to sleep, ditch the main known food triggers (but tweak to your individual needs, by tracking with a food diary).

       I had to get down to 22 BMI to get relief, and my food triggers are not the most common (nightshades are the worst, fried breaded meat is second, cow dairy is third but I can have sheep or goat dairy). Also intermittent fasting helps me; I keep a food window of noon to 8:00 pm and don’t eat or drink outside that time.

       If the basics don’t work, then you’ll have to get into the more complicated steps, like testing for specific bacteria strains.

    8. Hi all, thanks so much for the great tips. There are some that I haven’t heard at all before and I’m hopeful they will help. Really appreciate it!

    9. These sound a lot like the symptoms I had from gallbladder issues. I thought it was heartburn and started myself on antacids. Ended up that I had gallstones and had my gallbladder removed. Relief was immediate after the procedure and I’ve had no issues since. Just throwing it out there so you can check this out with your doc.

11. I know this has been covered in the past, but I am hoping some of the academic STEM ladies can weigh in.

    My best childhood friend was recently granted tenure at a large, well-respected research university on the west coast. She is an Asian-American whose field is the hard sciences. She also is a parent of a 4 year old.

    Needless to say, I am so proud of her. I would like to send her a gift in the $100-$150 range. I would like it to be a gift she can use for work – so not a consumable, flowers, etc, and she will never ever use a business card holder. She wears jeans and a t-shirt to her lab.

    Can anyone offer me ideas for a thoughtful gift?

    1. Oh, I think that’s tricky to know. Like I’d like a cool backpack but it is so personal, depends on your daily carry etc. Maybe one of those fancy mugs that keeps your coffee warm all day?

    2. Why does it have to be something she can use at work? Why not a gift certificate for a restaurant in her area so she can go out and celebrate her accomplishment?

    3. My best friend from college has a PhD in molecular biology and works in a lab and has done for her whole career. She is limited in what she can wear in terms of shoes / pants / tops (certain safety requirements apply) so she likes to have exciting earrings / necklaces (which she can tuck under her shirt when needed). She also likes fun bags/large purses because she carries her laptop back and forth from work and her lunch. I would go the jewelry or bag route.

    4. I would do a nice (not super expensive pair) of stud earrings with a note that you are proud of her and to remember whenever she wears the earrings of what a bada$$ she is. Not your typical gift, but sometimes, at least personally, I have days when I just want that extra boost of sentimental confidence.

       1. Earrings were my thought, too.
          Or – Instagram has been sending me ads for Xena shoes, which are lab/site safe boots (think steel toes, static dissipating soles) that are actually cute. Maybe a gift card?

    5. A potted plant for her office?

    6. A nice pen is classic.

    7. Good noise canceling headphones?

    8. I’m a bioscientist and I love slightly quirky ear rings and socks, but not everyone does.

       http://www.joyofsocks.com had some good ones, and Etsy should have more earrings than you’ll ever need.

    9. I really like having a desk clock. I feel like it’s so much less stressful than looking at your phone to see the time.

12. My kiddo was a gremlin last week and we woke up on Saturday really dreading the day, and it was a sea change. We had the most pleasant weekend, no tantrums, no grumps. We really leaned into family time and I cuddled with him for ages at bedtime because I figured cuddling and rubbing his back for 30 minutes was more pleasant than up and down the stairs to tell him to go to sleep for the same amount of time.

    1. Lovely win!

       1. Oops, meant for the moms page, but thanks!

13. Any recs for a whiskey gift set (or even just really nice whiskey) for a Fathers Day present? Looking to spend up to $150 and google is bringing up too many confusing options. Thanks!

    1. Ooh the Arran whisky if you can get it, or the Tobemory.

    2. If he’s a whiskey fan you could go to a nice liquor store, give them your budget, and see what they recommend. You could definitely get a nice bottle of bourbon for $150; I’m less familiar with scotch whiskey.

    3. With more information, I could give you suggestions.

       Where do you live? This influences which types of whiskeys you’re able to find.

       What does he have? Assuming he has rocks glasses, I would add in a Glencairn glass, bitters, and a smoker.

       1. Thanks! I need to find out exactly what he has, but we live in a small town in SoCal, so not a ton of in person shopping options.

          1. Chiming in so late, but please find out what he drinks and then ask a reputable liquor store for a rec based on that (or just repost here). I am a scotch drinker and have so many whiskies that clients/relatives/friends have given me that are not even in the family of what I drink. I just end up re-gifting to people who are not actually whisk(e)y people and don’t have established preferences but will be happy to have a fancy bottle of something. If he drinks it straight (i.e. not in a cocktail), he doesn’t need bitters.

             For a nice single bottle, I would find out what he likes and then look for an independent bottler expression (for example, if he drinks Talisker, instead of getting a Talisker brand Talisker, you can get a bottle of Talisker whisky that’s been selected and bottled by someone else). That will be an interesting variation on whatever the standard is, since it will be a cask selected by the independent bottler to match their particular tastes. Single Cask Nation, The Boutique-y Whisky Company, Gordon & MacPhail, Valinch & Mallet, and Signatory are all good options.

    4. I’ve given Aberlour Abunagh to a few people, and they’ve all said they liked it. The packaging looks fancy, so it makes a good gift. Or Talisker 10-year or Lagavulin 16-year. In my state, those would all be well under your max price. They’re all usually available at my local fancy grocery store, but if you’re in a state that allows shipment of liquor, it should be easy to find at least one of them.

       1. +1 for Lagavulin 16

       2. I love Talisker.

    5. Based in SoCal, I’m guessing you might have access to stores with Japanese whisky? Lots of great Japanese ones, I would recommend the Suntory brand.

14. This is normal, right? I’m leaving a job and starting a new one, but can’t help feel a little…scared? Second-guessing my decision? Basically wondering if I’m making the right decision. I think part of it is that I’m leaving the private sector to join the public sector, so I’m taking a pay cut. Is this typical when you’re leaving “the devil you know”? Does anyone have any personal stories of feeling this way but then loving the switch after being in the new job for a while?

    1. Definitely normal! Congrats on the new job!

    2. Yes. I often tell people if you don’t ask yourself whether you’ve made a mistake for about the first six months you probably haven’t made a big enough change. It’s normal.

       1. Love this, I think it’s absolutely true.

    3. I did this last year. I took almost a 50% paycut to become an AUSA. It is an awesome job and I am loving it so far. I have so much responsibility yet so much autonomy. This job reminds me of why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place, which is more than I can say formy previous gigs in the private sector. Congrats, and good luck!

    4. I think this is typical of every job I left! Currently struggling with this as I job search and try to decide if it’s worth moving on…

    5. I have felt this way every time I made a switch except one, when I was leaving an abusive employer to return to my previous employer. I even broke down crying (In private) in one instance where the move made perfect sense and an improvement in prestige and pay just out of anxiety about the decision. In every instance I have ended up happy that I made the switch. It was never immediate, though. I returned to regret weeks in sometimes, only to come out the other side. Totally normal.

    6. I tell myself there’s no perfect choices, so when I pick one it comes with inherent trade-offs. You picked this new opportunity for reasons. Focus on those, and know that it’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out. I’ve had jobs that worked out and those that didn’t. They all gave me valuable experience and got me to where I am now (spoilers: a good place).

    7. Totally normal! Congratulations and good luck!

15. I’m trying to up my Omega 3 intake through food and could use some suggestions for ways to cook salmon. My typical is sautéed or grilled but I’m realizing I’d like it better with some sort of sauce of coating. I shop primarily at TJ’s if there’s something there you’d recommend. Thanks!

    1. When I don’t have fresh salmon on hand, I use a packet of salmon from Wild Planet or Patagonia (although the latter is $$$) and make a salmon rice bowl with a soy sauce/sweet chili sauce drizzled over the top. I include whatever vegetables I have on hand. You can get the sweet chili sauce from TJ’s.

    2. I mix hoisin sauce with a little soy and sriracha and slather that on top, then roast at 400 degrees.

    3. This is totally not what you asked, but I discovered Mamma Chia pouches over the weekend and really like them. They’re weird but good. Full of Omega 3’s.

       1. I read that the omega 3s from seeds and nuts are not “complete” – I guess like proteins from vegetarian diets – but that’s all I know.

          1. I don’t think not complete is the right term. Your body will transform the omega 3 from seeds like linseed into the variants your body needs the most (long-chained ones), while the omega 3 in fish oil is ready-to-use without transformation.

    4. Salmon bulgogi is nice, with rice, veg and kimchi. Use a bulgogi marinade, and oven bake.

       Depending on what you have access to (and can afford!), there is more Omega 3 in wild salmon.

       1. Totally planning to get wild salmon only. Thanks!

    5. Honey mustard, pesto, harissa all work well with salmon.

    6. Try the Herby Mustard Yogurt Sauce from Dinner A Love Story! You can find it online if you search. We tried it with baked salmon recently and it was delicious.

    7. I like avocado butter (avocado mushed with butter and a few squeezes of lemon or lime juice) on salmon. Preparation is flexible, but I like to make a foil packet and bake at a low temp – 250 to 300. – with a bit of olive oil or butter and a slice of lemon or lime and/or some dill.
       Dill yogurt sauce is another classic for salmon.

    8. I like to top grilled salmon with a yogurt (or sour cream) dill sauce. I just mix plain greek yogurt with a bunch of fresh dill, some chopped garlic, and some lemon zest and lemon juice. Let that sit while the salmon is grilling. It is so good! I also like grilled salmon with mango salsa. I dice mango, tomato, jalepeno, onion, cilantro and add lime juice.

    9. I like dijon mustard, honey (or just buy honey mustard I guess) and dill, slathered on salmon then roasted in the over. Or I do soy sauce, a little maple syrup and some grated fresh ginger (powered works too) – kind of teriyaki style. Cold salmon is also good in a salad with lettuce, cucumber and a lemony vinaigraitte.

    10. The Gimme Some Oven green curry salmon is easy and delicious.

        I like cooking salmon en papillote (in a parchment packet) because it keeps the fish moist and doesn’t stink up the house.

    11. Miso-glazed salmon is classic, but I also like going with a ginger-lime sauce.

    12. I like honey siracha glazed salmon. Or salmon cakes which can be dish intensive.
        There’s also this dish that Costco premakes that has big clumps of pesto butter on it that is so good.

    13. Salt and pepper your salmon, cook about 4 minutes per side in a skillet on med-high. Take out the salmon, tun the pan to low. Add a pat of butter, about a half cup of white wine (or chicken stock), the juice of a lemon (or about 2TB of bottled), 1TB of spicy mustard and let it reduce by half while scraping up anything that sticks to the pan. When it’s thick, add another pat of butter and swirl that to melt. Serve over the salmon.
        This is a great pan sauce that seems fancy and is not hard. It’s good with any herb thrown in as well, or add a TB of jam or honey and use it with pork chops or chicken.

    14. Use a 9×9 or 9×13 pan depending on size of salmon. Add a basket or two of cherry tomatoes around the piece of salmon and crumble one block of good feta on top. Add 1/4 of wine or other liquid (if using water, add a squirt of lemon for acidity). Cover with foil and bake for approximately 20 mins, longer if the cherry toms have not burst. Remove foil and broil on high for ~5 mins (enough to brown feta on top). You can also add spinach on top for the last few minutes. You then have feta-y, tomatoe-y salmon and it’s delish. Serve with squeeze of lemon. It will get liquidy and poach in the oven during this time. The liquid is a yummy sauce and it reheats well for several days.

    15. Pinch of Yum’s blackened BBQ mango avocado salsa salmon or Jerk Mango Avocado Salmon.

        Or marinate in a garlic-soy sauce and olive oil marinade. Juice of one line, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 2 tablespoons soy sauce, 3-4 cloves of smashed garlic, pepper flakes to taste. Marinate for 15-30 minutes (or up to an hour) and broil or grill.

        Or baked on a bed of sliced onions tossed with olive oil(juices meld with onions) and lemon slices.

16. Someone here recommended Sali Hughes on Instagram as a makeup and skincare advice vlogger and I wanted to say thanks. I’ve followed her advice on several products and have been really pleased with them all

    1) the honest hydrogel moisturizer (great deal too!)
    2) NARS radiant tinted moisturizer with spf
    3) Bobbi brown stick foundation
    4) Bobbi brown shadow sticks

    I was looking for a revamp and I’m feeling pretty good now about how I look on zoom.

    1. Those are great recommendations. I’d add that I freaking love the supergoop invisible sunscreen. It’s basically like the cult smashbox primer or Maybelline babyskin primer but with SPF. Total game changer. I’d also like to say that if anyone was a fan of the Maybelline color tattoos in Bad to the Bronze, they still have it, just renamed (I think it’s something like the “runway ready” one). It’s similar to the shadow sticks you mentioned but cheaper.

       1. Do you have a link to the sunscreen? Is it mineral/physical?

          1. It’s not but their zinc screen (slight tint), matte screen (slight tint) and sheer screen all are. I used to like their glow screen, also all mineral, but it feels a little dewy now that I’m in a warmer climate.

          2. For a physical sunscreen my favorite favorite favorite is the Biossance one, after trying and rejecting about 20

             1. I bought this based on a recommendation here and I love it. Loooooove it.

       2. It’s the “unseen” sunscreen, sorry, got the name wrong. SPF 40 PA +++ – It’s chemical https://www.sephora.com/product/supergoop-unseen-sunscreen-spf-40-P454380?icid2=skugrid:p454380

17. Pandemic stress question – I have always had very thick hair, but realized about a month and a half ago that I had lost a fair amount of hair around my temples, and the nape of my neck. I noticed this when sectioning my hair to blow dry it that the hair in those areas was suddenly very short/fine/curly (frankly it reminded me of the weird re-growth I got post-partum). I’m guessing it is due to pandemic stress, and I’m seeing my primary care doc as she wants to run bloodwork. Based on the length of the new growth (2-3 inches) it seems I lost hair around the holidays….which was a stressful time for me both at work and personally, but somehow I didn’t think it rose to ‘losing hair’ levels. Did this happen to anyone else?

    1. This happened to me when I got divorced (although I was also weaning my kid at the time, so I guess there’s no telling the cause). I had bloodwork run and had low iron (a recurring issue for me) and b12 so I started OTC supplements because I wasn’t really in a spot for full-blown medical intervention. If it’s b12, make sure you’re taking the methylcobalamin form and not the cheaper one.

       It seems to be back to normal, though. My hair is a bit more textured than pre-baby, but I think that was the baby and not the stress. Hopefully you have the same experience!

    2. Yes it happened to me! I even went to the doctor (dermatologist) to confirm that I was indeed losing hair. They said you always lose hair but you can lose more of it at once if you experience a sudden shock or illness – your hair that is supposed to be regenerating at that time doesn’t regenerate and you notice hair loss 4-6 months later. I noticed it in November timeframe. Big clumps in the shower.

       Fortunately it stopped with no intervention.

       I can potentially attribute it to lots of things – the start of the pandemic, I think maybe I had covid in March 2020, I got laid off, I was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease – or some combination of these. I will likely never know.

    3. Might be worth seeing a dermatologist. I had similar hair loss that I attributed to stress. Finally got around to seeing a derm about it and turns out I have female pattern baldness. Was put on a medication that has stopped the overall hair loss but the hair at my temples is still thin and likely won’t ever fully grow back. I wish I had seen the derm earlier instead of assuming it was from stress.

    4. Have you been wearing your hair up while working from home or during the pandemic? I noticed I have a lot of baby hairs at my temple/nape of neck, but I think mine is breakage from wearing my hair in the same way (high messy bun) for most of the last year. I am trying to wear more protective hairstyles like braids, low bun, etc to combat this.

18. Help me plan a party menu. Hosting family get together this weekend. Very short notice and I have a crazy hectic schedule in the days ahead, including morning of the party. Probably a late lunch, timing wise (think 2/3ish). 15 people total, some little kids and teens, no major food restrictions but some vegetarians will be in attendance (fish ok). Everyone will be arriving at slightly different times so nothing that needs to be served hot. The idea is for people to hang out and nosh to their heart’s content.

    I’m okay with ordering some take out/prepared food and having a few things I can make ahead. In NYC so tons of options for things to buy but not a ton of kitchen/fridge space. It’s too late in the day to do brunch (my usual go to of bagels, pastries and frittata) and everything else i can think of just feels sort of random (sandwiches, dips, and ?).

    Please help!

    1. I would do the smoked mozzarella pasta salad from Whole Foods (I’m really obsessed with this for some reason), finger sandwiches, chips and dip, and fresh fruit.

       1. That pasta salad is sooooo good.

       2. In the parking lot of a party, I was once busted dumping containers of that pasta salad from WF containers into a baking dish. It’s SO good.

    2. I’d just do a couple platters of deli sandwiches with potato salad, fruit salad, and brownies.

       1. This. And have them include plates/napkins/silverware too. One less thing for you to do.

       2. One of our local sandwich places will, if you call a day in advance, do a full sandwich-tray setup with multiple types of sandwiches (cut in half so people can try more than one thing), pasta salad, green salad, fruit salad, and cookies, for a set price per person. It’s saved my bacon on more than one occasion when I had people coming over and no time to prep.

    3. Pasta salad
       Chips/salsa
       Fresh fruit
       Hummus w/ pita chips or veggies
       Some type of charcuterie board with cheese, meat and crackers
       Some type of finger sandwiches or wraps cut up into individual servings

    4. Definitely pasta salad

    5. I would do mini deli sandwiches (including a vegetarian one, my favorite local sandwich shop does a really good roasted vegetable sandwich), a couple of different dips (including something warm in the crockpot like spinach artichoke dip or chile con queso) with chips and veggies, pasta salad, and fruit salad. Maybe some extra snack-y things while people just hang out like popcorn, chex mix, roasted nuts.

    6. I would add a nice cheese board and selection of crackers if you can swing it! By that time, I am guessing some people may have eaten lunch already so maybe a few other snack items like bowls of nuts and fruit.

    7. Order some thin crust pizza (kid-friendly toppings) that work well both while hot and cold.
       “Make” some supermarket salad and add some more nice toppings (maybe on the side, cranberries, nuts, olives, feta…?)
       Have lots of chips and and tortillas and pretzels and maybe some baby carrots and precut veggies (do you have a Wholefoods with those massive trays?) Big bowls of dip with spoons so people can put the dip on their plates (pandemic adjustment) – things like ranch (big supermarket bottle), hummus, maybe some beet hummus, black bean dip or pesto.
       Cheese board with room temp tolerant cheeses (so no mozarella or other “fresh” cheeses) and cured meat (no easily spoiled deli meat).
       If you can be bothered, olive oil (not majo) based potato salad, bean salad, vinaigrette slaw (trying to avoid easily spoiled things).
       If things seem to disappear too quickly, order more pizza.

    8. Chick-Fil-A is my go to since everyone from toddlers to my 95 year old Grandmother love their trays of chicken nuggets and they are good hot or room temperature. Plus a big salad, cheese and cracks, and a fruit tray. And cookies or cupcakes and you’re done. Deli trays never go over well at my parties but CFA is huge hit.

       I went to this type of party this weekend and they had a taco bar setup from a local Mexican restaurant and it was a hit.

19. Aimed more towards those who don’t cook much/aren’t into food though I’ll take suggestions from anyone kind enough to comment — do you feel that you hit an age where just getting by and eating whatever and/or skipping meals takes a toll? I’m suddenly wondering if I can’t be doing this at 40. Feeling off for a few days — like don’t want to get off the couch/no energy. Then I realized that in the last few days I’ve gotten by on more caffeine than is normal for me, granola bars, junk snacks like crackers, and a few bowls of cereals. So I’m guessing it’s either not enough calories or not enough nutrition or both. Yet oddly in my younger day I’d feel ravenous which would be a signal to get a real meal in, yet now I am not feeling hunger just blah — like ok let me stay on the couch.

    Second question — easy meal or snack ideas to start getting the calories in today/tomorrow? I still have zero desire to cook and clean up — lack of energy; work is crazy busy; and life is just hitting hard right now. Yet I know I NEED to eat. I’m on calls all afternoon from 1 pm until probably like 6 today (still WFH) so I guess I’ll scramble some eggs or something before. I also think I should go get takeout tonight to get a full meal in even if it’s an unhealthy meal like fast food; if people suggest foods/snacks to grab I could stop at the store on the way there though I have no desire to wander the entire grocery store either!? Help me out please!

    1. You sound depressed!

       My go to depression rock star foods are roasted chicken from the super market and a selection of pre-prepared deli salads. Peanut butter on toast is good too!

       1. Peanut butter is an excellent way get energy quickly! You can also do peanut butter and apples, peanut butter and yogurt, peanut butter and banana tortilla wrap.

       2. Yep, those rotisserie chickens are so versatile. I’ll shred the meat and then throw it on top of one of those steam-in-the-bag veggie things.
          Other easy things:
          Peanut butter toast
          Eggs in many forms (omelets, scrambled, fried (with toast to dip))
          Canned soup
          Bagged salads (add that magic chicken)
          Those microwave rice + veggie packs
          Hummus, carrots, and cheese (bought prepped/pre-sliced)
          Smoothies
          Also I give you permission to use disposable plates and cutlery if you’re struggling. I’m sure the one vegan poster will tell me I’m evil for this but you gotta eat.

    2. Are you burnt out or depressed? I think many people are feeling some things on this side of the pandemic. Take some steps to address that.

       For food, I would get frozen Trader Joe’s meals and some fresh fruit. Drinks lots of water. Relatively inexpensive and healthy.

    3. I think a LOT of people have just been OVER having to cook/plan meals all pandemic long (I certainly have, omg, I just cannot deal with cooking another dinner moments). I have a lot of ‘adult lunchables’ options that help me to get in a decent amount of protein/veggies throughout the day as I am also a person who forgets to eat when busy:
       Snacks: Roasted salted peanuts, babybel cheese (or other pre-portioned cheese you can grab and snack on), hummus/yogurt dip, pretzel thins.
       No shame in buying pre-cut fruits and veggies if it means you can just grab and eat them when you’re busy. If I AM already cooking, I’ll often chop up extra veggies and stick them into my own containers so I can just grab them for lunches. I also eat a LOT of scrambled eggs/cheese quesadillas/PB&Js during the week for lunch, they’re quick, easy, and I make sure to add a good handful of veggies on the side so I feel ok about my overall nutrition levels.

    4. I’m 47, and I’ve noticed over the past few years that II tend to always be low in B, D and iron when I get blood work if I don’t take my supplements. Not so hugely that it concerns my physician. But I do notice more energy when I stick to taking them. Maybe you’re low in one (or all)?

    5. OP here – keep the suggestions coming if you have more! You ladies are good – yes I’m both burnt out and depressed. Burnt out by work (and probably pandemic life too though that’s improving) and depressed/feeling hopeless re my work situation/life in that — how will I EVER move on from this job which is not giving me the right resume experience?? I feel asleep around 4 am last night as I tossed and turned with this worry (and I think late caffeine had something to do with it too).

       1. This is a more expensive option, but I really like Blue Apron meals (I can send you 3 free ones if you want, I have up to 5 to give away). I find that it takes the stress out of having to pick your meals and all the ingredients are perfectly portioned. BUT, I say this as someone who likes to de-stress and cook after work. I find it relaxing. You may find it overwhelming with dishes. But it can get me back into enjoying the fun of cooking.

       2. I drink two cups of coffee first thing in the morning, then no more caffeine for me. Herbal tea and maybe decaf coffee from that point on. When I am in an insomniac cycle, the main way to break it is intense exercise during the day, then a benadryl-induced sleep starting at 8pm.

          When you are feeling better, just start apply for other jobs! You can do it! If this job isn’t giving you what you need, time to move on.

    6. Rotisserie chicken, bagged green salad, mashed potatoes or.potato or pasta salad. Grab a fruit salad or a bunch of bananas while you are already getting the bagged greens. In all my grocery stores, you can get this all in one aisle or at the front and it will stretch to a few meals. If you can drag yourself all the way to the dairy section, get some yogurt and pre-boiled egg for breakfasts/snacks..

       That said, yes- you need to take better care of yourself. You don’t have to be a foodie or a chef to get proper nutrition. And you feel bad decisions of all kinds, including nutrition, more as you get older, so kindly, you are going to have to grow up on this. If you can afford it, look into getting prepared meals delivered or for twice weekly pickup. Or make a simple weekly meal plan for yourself and put it on repeat. It should include vegetables and fruit daily. You can do grocery delivery or pickup since you don’t much care about selecting things yourself. You’ll be happy you made the switch to nourishment.

       1. While I agree with your food ideas for OP, geez it’s unnecessary to tell someone who is saying they’re depressed and/or stressed to GROW UP. Some people really aren’t into food and just eat for calories. Look at all the emotional eaters out there eating non stop because they’re stressed, would you tell them to grow up and put down the burger? Or is it just easier to pick on the skinny woman?

          1. Had the same thought. It’s easier to pick on a skinny woman, there’s not political correctness surrounding that. As someone who sounds a lot like the OP and has been underweight my whole life, I find some women can be pretty mean and accusatory about that sort of thing, including female drs (again not all but there are definitely many who are). I’ve heard the grow up, get yourself in the kitchen type of comments my whole life – along with accusations of EDs of course. Yet a skinny guy who lives on frozen burritos, eh will John just works 24-7 as an investment banker, he just doesn’t care about food . . . .

             1. iherself.i went out of my way to suggest ways she could avoid much cooking. And only because my post was already long did I not suggest frozen burritos – the more healthful versions. It was literally in there before I decided to shorten my comment.

          2. A few things – First – Nutrition and depression are linked. We don’t tolerate people who are not treating their depression with the tools immediately available to them. For the OP, eating for nourishment is an easy way to start getting better. She knows it, as she suggested it, so I simply suggested she now take that action. I have lots of sympathy for depression but less for ignoring the tools we have to address it.

             Second – The OP asked if she could get away with the inadequate nutritional habits she has survived on to 40 into the second half of her life without feeling any consequences. The answer is no and this is part of taking care of ourselves better as we get older. It just is. That is the “grow up” part. Let’s not pretend this post is written in a way that suggests this person is behaving maturely. She wants food but doesn’t want to “wander the entire grocery store either??” I don’t think the OP is immature. I think she is having one of those moments when she is sinking into childish thoughts and behavior out of exhaustion/depression/whatever. That’s okay. But my advice is – take better care of yourself as you age if you want to feel better..

             Third – You, not I, made the assumption the OP is skinny. From her post, I would not have necessarily drawn that conclusion. She doesn’t say it. Her diet (apparently a long-standing one) consists of crackers and granola and cereals and junk snacks. Those are the things I cut out when I am trying to drop weight. My comment throughout refers to nourishment, not quantity. Chicken and vegetables and fruits are all less calorie dense than what the OP is eating but contain essential nutrients and vitamins that will help her body function. Not being “into food” does not always equate to being thin or fit. And I responded to that part of her post by suggesting simple non-foodie solutions to the dilemma she posed. I didn’t tell her to “eat a burger” and get over herself.

             1. Amen to all of this.

    7. I make this smoothie for breakfast: ~1/2 cup frozen spinach, ~3/4 cup frozen berries, 1/2 cup greek non fat yogurt, and 1 heaping tablespoon of flaxseeds or almond butter. Add maple syrup if needed, blend well. Very healthy, portable, and lots of nutrition in a large glass.

       Dinners: buy a rotisserie chicken, nice whole grain bread, and a carton of eggs, and bags of frozen cauliflower, broccoli, green beans. Nuke the veggies while you scramble eggs or slice chicken. Add a bit of butter, salt and pepper to the veggies, toast bread if you wish. Plate dinner, not bad, fast and nutritious.

    8. Yes and I’m nearly a decade younger than you. I know I’m depressed when I don’t feel like eating a proper meal. And many of these days it just takes too much mental energy to even think about preparing a meal or ordering delivery etc on top of everything else that has gone on in the last 1.5 years. I like grabbing frozen meals to cut down on prep and cooking time, it isn’t the healthiest but if you kinda make a meal of frozen veg, bread or pasta, then some rotisserie chicken or some other easy protein, that’s decent food. plus a fruit or two.

    9. Start with easy things — go to the store and pick up a jar of peanut butter, bread, yogurt drinks/greek yogurt, frozen vegetables, and some pre made meals like Amys or the like. Nothing wrong with eggs and bread for lunch or PBJ for lunch, you’re start to get some good calories in. Between calls, have a yogurt drink rather than a coffee. I know people tend to be anti carb but nothing wrong with boiling some pasta and throwing a good amount of shredded cheese and some frozen veggies in — you get nutrition from the veggies and cheese, protein from the cheese, and calories you need from the pasta. On a night where you absolutely don’t want to cook and don’t feel like going out for takeout, throw in an Amy’s meal. They aren’t bad (kind of bland though but you may not care) and you get like 400 calories in and get some veggies etc., which is much more than a bowl of cereal.

    10. Are you the kind of person who can eat the same thing several days in a row? During the workweek I eat overnight oats with greek yogurt for breakfast and lettuce wraps for lunch. I mass-make the base ingredients on Sunday night so less than 5 min of work to get a protein-packed healthy meal. Since I know I’ve eaten well for the first two meals, I cut myself slack on dinner and if work is so busy I have to order DoorDash from a fast food place, that’s fine.

        Maybe grab some pre-made meals for the next few days while you’re at the store. Some breakfast burritos, frozen Amy meals, bananas and peanut butter for snacks, so you know some filling calories are only a few minutes away when you need to eat.

    11. Yes, absolutely. I’m 44 and if I don’t get fresh fruits/veggies every day I feel it in my energy levels. Same thing goes with too many carbs and not enough protein.

        When my husband (who is a little older than me) and I started realizing this was an issue, we started making meal-prep lunches on Sundays that are primarily vegetables with some protein and some kind of starch (usually brown rice but sometimes other things) included. We make 6 lunches on Sunday so we each have three; that way we know at least those meals will be healthy. I just have never found anything pre-prepped that isn’t way too salty, carby, sugary or fatty, and that also tastes good, to sub in for home-cooked meal prep meals. We usually put meat in the crock pot or grill extra when we make dinner on Sunday; I will throw in extra veggies to roast while I make dinner, and make the rice in a rice cooker while we eat dinner. After dinner we throw everything into meal-prep containers. When we pull the lunches out to heat them up, we add sauces like sriracha, salsa, Cholula/Tabasco, etc. to jazz them up. It’s made a huge difference for us and honestly, once we had the supplies and got into the rhythm of it, the time investment isn’t that burdensome. It’s way more annoying to me to have to figure out every day at noon what I’m going to have for lunch, and then defaulting to a not-very-healthy option.

        The other things that helps me is having a berry smoothie every other day or so (usually on the days I don’t eat a prepped lunch). Mine are just 6 oz of almond milk, a cup of frozen berries, a handful of fresh spinach, a scoop of vanilla protein powder, and a scoop of collagen powder, and then water if needed to adjust the thickness. On busy or tired days I add matcha powder for a boost.

    12. Boiled eggs are great. Make a bunch one day, eat a couple every day.

        Avocado with salt and pepper is a meal. Add a tortilla and a fried egg and it’s a great meal.

        Microwave quesadilla – two tortillas with pre-grated cheese in between, microwaved for seconds (wait a little before eating, that cheese is hot!). A sad meal, but it’s energy and it’s very quick.

        Banana.

        Bag of baby carrots and a tub of hummus.

        Can’t be bothered pasta from the pantry: boil elbow macaroni (or whichever pasta, it doesn’t matter), add a couple of handfuls of frozen peas when pasta is getting done, boil for a minute more, drain. Add butter and black pepper.

        Quick, filling salad: bag of prewashed greens (whole small bag, or however much from a bigger one, baby spinach is nice), small tub or handful of cherry tomatoes, feta cheese (half a block broken up with your fingers, or something from a glass in a marinade, whatever), drizzle of olive oil. Getting fancy: salt and pepper, some walnuts

        It doesn’t have to be delicious, but it’s great if there is both fat, protein and carbs to keep you going, and as much veg as you can manage.

    13. I am also OVER cooking, though I never forget to eat! I really like all the prepackaged salads from Trader Joe’s. Most of them have protein, either as chicken or cheese, and for me they’re a complete meal, maybe with a piece of toast. Crackers or potato chips alongside are good too.

    14. This sounds like burnout.

    15. Yes, I turned 40 a few months ago and I have noticed that I feel bad when I eat junk. I’ve really changed up my diet to eat more whole foods because processed foods feel so hard on my body. And I eat three square meals now to make sure I have a baseline of energy through the day.

    16. At this point just focus on eating 3 meals, whatever those meals are. It doesn’t matter for right now if it’s grilled cheese or microwave quesadillas or the occasional fast food dinner. That’ll start getting enough calories in to feel better. Don’t substitute out cereal just because you don’t want to cook — tortillas, cheese, peanut butter on bread, scrambled eggs etc. will get you different nutrients and more calories. THEN once you have the energy you can start focusing on going to the grocery store etc. To the person above, it isn’t just complaining when the OP says she doesn’t want to wander the grocery store. Sometimes when you physically don’t feel up to it, that amount of walking can feel like a lot as the suburban grocery stores tend to be huge. OP you may have lots of these things on hand but if you don’t and don’t feel like walking around, consider just running into a convenient store (sure you’ll pay more $ but it’ll be fast) or maybe doing a curbside order at a Target type of place; not every Target will deliver refrigerated food to you car but certainly bread, peanut butter type of foods are things you can order and pick up in 15 min.

        Also this may not apply but if you aren’t normally a coffee drinker, cut back. For me it acts like an appetite suppressant in some ways – IDK if it truly cuts appetite but for me it starts a low level reflux which I can’t even really feel but as I drink more and more coffee, I become less interested in eating and it’s only days later when I’m like oh wow reflux I need to take something.

    17. Lots of suggestions for rotisserie chicken here, including my own, so let me add one other tip that might help, since it sounds like you are feeding one — You can shred/chop the meat, portion it, and freeze it so you have it on hand. Buy two or three chickens and shred and portion them all at once when you get home from the store. You’ll have the option for a few weeks. It defrosts pretty quickly. Separate white and dark if you’d use them differently; mix them up if not. I am currently eating frozen vegetables with chicken I defrosted this morning. Lunch in 5 minutes. One dish and a fork to clean. Adding an instant/frozen grain or rice would have added a few more minutes. There are endless other applications.

20. Those of you who have worked with an architect, I need a gut check. We are working with one who comes very highly recommended and has done a lot of work in our neighborhood. We are hoping to do a gut renovation. Today for the third time, we got drawings that did not reflect what we had discussed. These tweaks are minor but I am frustrated. The architect has had 2 significant family deaths in the 6 months we have been working together, so I am trying to give grace, but I’m not sure where the line should be. I don’t know if we are paying for these additional corrections as we haven’t seen this month’s bill yet (and I will certainly push back on that if so). Is it normal to have to keep such a close eye on a professional like this?

    1. Yes it is normal

    2. Definitely normal to have drawings that differ from your conversations. Like anything, there are varying levels of communication competence. My architect was great at saying “here’s the new drawings, I know you wanted X but because of (structural issues, code requirements, your budget, etc.) you will see I did Y.” I’d suggest getting your architect on the phone – it was a lot easier to talk through things. And yes, that’s all part of the process.

    3. Well, it depends on what you mean by “minor.” We’re renovating a historic house and adding on an addition, and we love our architect (like, exchange Christmas cards, doggie play dates, love). I think most of our drafts have been close but not perfect because we’ve had to do them over Zoom. It’s SO much easier to share plans over the kitchen table and talk through things and scribble with a pencil, like we were able to do before the pandemic. But even then, he’d miss a minor thing like the direction of a door swing or something. Not because he isn’t a great architect (he owned his own firm for 30 years and is now retired and only takes on “fun” projects), but because he’s human. And I don’t think he’s charged us for simple things like that. So I just send him an email back that says, “John, could you get that door swing?” But I could imagine that little things like that would be frustrating if you don’t have the chemistry with your architect like we do with ours. Do you think there’s anything you could do to change how you’re giving him information? Maybe do a wrap-up at the end of your calls/talks, “Ok, let’s see, I think what we covered today was X, Y, and Z. Honey, am I forgetting anything? John, does that sound right to you? Ok, great, can’t wait to see the next draft!”

       1. +1 to the issues over Zoom. I work with architects in a professional capacity and it’s a struggle to review drawings online even with their fancy, expensive software. If you’re sending PDFs back and forth it’s that much harder.

          1. In our case I should have cut bait earlier when I saw that our architect wasn’t addressing specific items we asked him to address. And we paid dearly for him to make revisions that also didn’t fully address the issues. I’m talking about structural issues that he didn’t take into account, not minor aesthetic choices or reasonable differences in opinion.

             He came highly recommended, works in our area, and has a strong portfolio. I was too patient and wish I would have trusted my gut earlier.

21. Hopefully a quick/easy question — have posted here before about being unhappy with my job etc. Just saw an inhouse job posted in the area of my practice that I love the most/want to get back to but not necessarily in firm life — which makes it hard bc this area is rare in house. Problem is job is in NYC. I JUST left NYC like 2 years ago and am not moving back. Yet this company is a Fortune 500 whose global HQ happens to be 5 miles from where I live now. I have a feeling the job is NYC based because that team is NYC based. Would you apply? Would you first reach out to someone to ask if they’d be ok with someone sitting at HQ rather than NYC (to be clear I wouldn’t be asking for work from home, I could go to the HQ office here). I had connected via Linkedin and phone with this co a few years ago as an HR person had reached out for a position they were trying to fill and I had a call with her plus a hiring manager; I didn’t end up applying for that position because it would have taken my career in a very different direction but everyone was pretty nice. Not that they’ll remember me now because I’m sure they’ve spoken to millions of applicants over the last few years, but would you ask them re location and then apply? Or just apply?

    1. I would just apply – it’s a large company and you’ll go through a screening process if initially selected where you can ask about location.

    2. Does the posting indicate it’s near where you are now? I’m seeing a lot of in-house jobs that are more location-flexible now than they would have been in early 2020; typically the job is based at any corporate office in the US even if the GC’s office or other coworkers are based in a different city or cities. I’d apply now and see what happens! If it truly is in NYC with no location flexibility, they may screen you out anyway based on your not-NYC resume, or you can bring this up during a screening interview to confirm.
       Re: reconnecting… depends? If you spoke to the GC/section lead who is definitely still at the company and definitely involved in this position, I’d shoot a note saying “We spoke several years ago about … While it wasn’t the right time for me to make a move then, I see you’re now hiring for this other role and I wanted to reach out. I submitted my resume, and I hope we have a chance to reconnect about this exciting opportunity!” IME don’t wait on submitting your resume, as they may not respond right away and you don’t want to be at a disadvantage by delaying your application. Good luck to you!

    3. I would apply! I was applying for a job in the south Bay Area, only to realize that the position was in SF downtown. I said I can’t do SF. The recruiter called back and said they’d consider me for the other office location. The job didn’t work out for other reasons, but location was not the reason.

    4. I’d apply specifically because you are near the HQ and could go to the HQ full time. I know lots of people are doing it now but applying for jobs that indicate in-office/non remote, while saying nah I’ll work from home, is MUCH more of a turn off than people saying, look I can’t move but I can go to your corporate HQ every day if you were to hire me.

22. Does anyone have a framework for helping decide whether a marriage is worth the effort to save it? Questions to ask yourself, that sort of thing? I feel like I vacillate ever couple of minutes between wishing this whole relationship was in the past, and wondering WTF I am thinking to even consider that.

    1. I don’t have a framework but for me I considered (1) whether the quality of life in that marriage was appropriate for my future self and (2) if the issues that made me want to leave were solvable. I said no to both, got divorced, and am a million times happier but obviously every situation is different.

       If you have no kids and are not financially dependent on your spouse, nor they on you, then divorce may not be too much more complicated than any other breakup, just with more logistics and legal hurdles.

       1. similar points, but maybe approaching it from the other direction. 1) is the thing that makes me unhappy ever going to change, and if no 2) if I stay despite the thing, is it likely that I will regret staying or having stayed later on?
          To illustrate that, I had a BF in college, nice dude, treated me well, we had fun together. I also knew pretty early on that there were some reasons that we weren’t meant to be for the long haul. For a while I was in no rush to leave, because it seemed still a pleasant-enough way to spend my time. But at some point, I became more interested in finding someone for the rest of my life, so we broke up. That move worked out pretty well. I have good memories of our time together. I also have good memories of the years I spent single before I met DH. I don’t have regrets.

    2. Why do you wish the relationship were in the past? Why do you have the WTF feelings?

    3. I think you should first ask yourself why did you marry this person in the first place? People marry for very different reasons. Some are madly in love from the second they meet each other. Some are a slow burn over years and decide they want to make a life together. Some have sparks and fireworks. Some relationships simmer. Frankly, some are just good enough because people don’t want to be alone.

       Then ask yourself what you want your life to be. If they aren’t in that picture, it’s time to move on.

    4. Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay is the book that someone on this board recommended more than a year ago. Good luck.

23. Can anyone recommend a good CBT workbook? I’ve been doing therapy on BetterHelp for a few months, and have found that while I’m not getting much out of the actual therapy sessions/interactions with my therapist (I’ve tried several therapists already), I feel the journaling capability has really helped me. Looking for a way to keep journaling, and would prefer something guided rather than total free form. TIA!

24. If anyone is looking for book recommendations, Modern Mrs Darcy just released her annual Summer Reading Guide. I’ve read seven books from it now and have loved every one. I particularly recommend Project Hail Mary, The Firekeeper’s Daughter and Broken (in the best possible way). All of them are good on audio, although I read Project Hail Mary primarily on my kindle- just heard a bit of the narration. I’ve also read The Plot, The Most Beautiful Girl in Cuba, Hang the Moon and People We Meet on Vacation.

    I swear I don’t work for MMD, I just love her recommendations.

    1. I loooved People We Meet On Vacation.

       1. It was so cute!

    2. I just read People we Meet on Vacation over the weekend and really liked it, but overall I thought Beach Read was stronger/more interesting.

    3. Jennifer Weiner does a beach book every summer and I always look forward to reading the latest on vacation.

       1. I have it but haven’t read it yet.

    4. And just like that, my Libby holds quota has been maxed. THANK YOU!!

25. Thank you for this dress recommendation! I had a dress shaped like this years ago and I finally had to get rid of it because it was basically threadbare, but it was my go-to for all events – weddings, work dinners, restaurants, etc. I loved it. Mine was black but dark navy is so much better on me that it would be great to upgrade. I have about four dresses from Marina Rinaldi that have all been great, but nothing in navy!

    1. I LOVE this dress, but it’s outside my typical price range. Why can’t anyone make something simple and elegant like this at a lower price point? Recommendations very welcome!

       1. It’s really lovely. Universal Standard has a couple shirtdresses that aren’t quite the same, but similar.

Comments are closed.