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Thursday’s Workwear Report: 3/4-Sleeve Knot-Front Fit-and-Flare Dress

September is always a weird time of year clothing-wise. Labor Day has come and gone, so I’m ready for all the fall things, but it’s still too warm for full-on sweater weather. This machine-washable, 3/4-sleeve dress from Lands' End is a perfect item to get you through until it’s time to really bundle up.

It comes in a wide variety of colors and a broad range of sizes, so there’s something for everyone. I would wear it with bare legs and flats for now and transition to tights and booties in a month or two.

The dress is $69.95 and comes in regular sizes XS–XL, petite sizes XS–L, and plus sizes 1X–3X. It's available in four different prints and two solids. 3/4-Sleeve Knot-Front Fit-and-Flare Dress

Update: Lands' End is now offering up to 40% off full-price styles and up to 75% sale and clearance styles, which brings this dress down to $41.97!

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

222 Comments

  2. If you don’t like working from home right now, would you take a remote job?

    I have a contract that is ending in a few months. Therefore I’m looking for a new job, but I have savings and had prepared for this so I’m not in a huge rush. I just got a job offer for a startup that is completely “distributed” – they don’t have an office anywhere, and their about 40 employees live all over the country.

    I don’t like working from home at all. I know it’s a pandemic, but in the before times I was basically rarely home except for sleeping/cooking/chores/having people over. If I wanted to read a book, I’d go do that in a book or a park – I’m just not a homebody. I enjoy being in the office and working with and talking to people. I worked in a startup that looked straight out of the Silicon Valley show before and loved it.

    All that being said I’ve been better than expected with pandemic WFH, but that’s mainly because I know it’s the only real choice so there’s no point being down about it.

    I’m in my mid-late 20s, no partner, no kids. I would still want to live in a particular HCOL city., and working out of my apartment all day would be a bummer. Even if we say a programming job like this would be WFH anyways for the next year, after that if I were still working remotely I’d want to rent a WeWork office or work out of coffee shops.

    In other ways, it’s a good job. Good title, interesting work, interesting cause. I don’t know the salary/benefits yet, will find out later today.

    1. It sounds like you know your answer. I WFH 100% of the time pre-COVID and had mixed feelings about it, but overall liked it a good deal. COVID WFH is totally different and sucks (kids home, sharing a small office with my husband, can’t leave ever, etc) but if you don’t think you’d like it outside of the COVID context, I wouldn’t take the job unless you only plan to stay a year or two (because I think we may all be WFH for that long now).

      1. Actually, with this contract work and stuff I’ve done recently, I’d want to stay in my next job for at least 2-3 years.

        1. I would take the job because you need a new one and right now WFH is safer and more stable than an in-office position. Based on what’s happening with the large employers in my area, I am betting that many employers won’t be bringing people back in to the office until at least next summer, and that many jobs like yours may remain WFH permanently. If you stay with this employer for 2-3 years, you probably won’t be WFH for more than a year longer than you would have with a non-distributed employer during that time period.

          1. My Fortune 100 company in the NYC area has brought everyone back already. I would not bet on WFH until next summer.

          2. NYC is much better off than most of the country now, with positivity rates around 1%. I live in the DC suburbs and our rates are hovering above 7%. No one should be going into work with those rates.

      2. I would never WFH full time. It is so annoying to sit in front of a computer all day and have status conferences and depo’s. Also, not being in the office is a bad thing. I am back in the office today, and am loving it! The building management is very happy we are back, tho other offices are not all back. I was able to go get some food from the deli on 3rd avenue, so I did not have to bring much with me. Lynn restocked the fridge, and also made coffee, so it is like old times. We do wear masks in the office, so it is not completely normal. Lynn put on some weight, as did I so we will both have to work to slim down in the next few months. The manageing partner told us we will have a big firm outing once everyone can travel out to his place to the Hamtons. YAY!

    2. Pre-pandemic times, one of my friends negotiated an office into her contract for a remote job. She didn’t want to work from home, so she told them that and they rented a small office space for her. I’d definitely ask them about paying for a WeWork office space when that becomes an option and getting it written into your contract before just turning it down if that’s your dealbreaker – what do you have to lose?

    3. It might depend on how much you actually like your daily assignments in this potential new role, as well as what your social life looks like outside of the office once life goes back to “normal.” I am an extrovert who would have hated working from home with my last company, where I had built extremely strong bonds with my coworkers in a very social environment. For most of the 4 years I worked there, I was also single and was happy to stay late for work happy hours, vent sessions with coworkers, actual work projects…really any reason at all. I wasn’t passionate about my actual work, but I loved the (in retrospect often slightly toxic) environment.

      In the past 2 years, I met my now-fiance, began a new job where I LOVE the work but am just friendly with rather than close to my colleagues, and became an aunt for the first time. I love working from home during the pandemic and am glad that WFH is expected to become a long-term option for my team. I don’t miss being in an office at all. I l am passionate about my actual work projects, but I rarely think about office politics, work drama, and all the things I was addicted to at my old job. I understand the importance of maintaining friendly relationships with my coworkers, but my craving for the hyper-social aspect of work is just completely gone.

      So, I guess I’m saying not to immediately shoot down this job if the compensation is strong, the projects are compelling, and you think it is a positive career move. Perhaps you can lean into your social circle, family, hobbies, volunteer projects, faith tradition, dating, and travel (post-pandemic) to derive more of your social and emotional satisfaction.

    4. Absolutely I would take it. Everyone is forced to WFH or limit their movements right now, so it doesn’t matter where you work. Once that eases up, you can easily turn a remote job into a “work at the cafe or library” job.

    5. I WFH and have for 6-7 years now. I used to travel, though, and without that it’s much more stifling.

      My travel was just occasional to other offices or client sites. Not constantly on the road but enough to give me facetime.

    6. Yes, with the plan to live in a dynamic neighborhood and rent coworking space when is possible again.

    7. If everything works out except that it’s remote work, I suggest you take it for now. Getting a good job could be challenging in the next months, and it is likely that most jobs will be remote work right now. When things start to turn around, and if you still hate working remotely, you can find another job and quit.

      I work for a Fortune 100, and we are back in the office 50%, and expect to be 100% in January the latest. So, if you really don’t like this job I think there is a possibility to find something in an office earlier than other posters here do. Regardless of what we think of this, it may be a competitive advantage for you that you want to work in an office when the opportunity comes u.

  3. Anyone have pet (specifically cat) insurance? I’m assuming it’s marginally worth it similar to home warranties?

    1. We do and it typically pays for itself every year. It’s mostly to prevent marital breakdown when I say “I’m not spending that much for a CAT!”

    2. For a puppy or kitten who is likely to hurt themselves it’s generally worth it but for lazy indoor cats, no. You also have to look at your own personal willingness to pay for a pet, are you the type of person who will put down a sick animal or cough up the 5k for a treatment that will extend life a few years? If you’re the former insurance would be a loss for you, if you’re the latter it could be worth it depending on the exclusions. Personally DH and I save for the cats just like home repairs of vacations, a little bit of money is set aside each month.

    3. We don’t but we have a large emergency fund and paying for an emergency surgery would not be a huge hit. I don’t want to throw away money on the premiums in that case when it seems like the insurance excludes a bunch of stuff anyway.

    4. Super interested in this. We’ve had three dogs and during the time period just after the first two died I SWORE that I would get pet insurance to avoid having to deal with those financial decisions again. And here we sit with dog 3 and no pet insurance…

    5. We got it from PetsBest for our then three year old lab. She has a bad habit of eating things and after a few scares/narrowly avoiding surgery (she ingested and PASSED a giant burp cloth/reusable diaper – truly remarkable…), we caved and got it. It’s a small annual cost relative to the potential cost and peace of mind it offers. We haven’t had to use it and it hasn’t “paid for itself” as someone else said, but I’m glad to have it.

    6. We’ve had it for both dogs for years. It paid for my oldest’s $3k ACL surgery and subsequent PT. He also takes $150 worth of meds each month and it covers those. Worth it, for us.

        1. I have a unique situation in that my employer pays 50% of the premium. The premium does go up as the dog ages. I just got our renewal notice for the year for the oldest pup and the premium is $100 (after a 5% discount also through my employer, and another 5% discount for having multiple dogs). I think my younger dog is somewhere around $65ish? But he also doesn’t have as many health issues (yet).

          Our deductible is $250.

          There is a variety of programs and deductible options. We have it through Nationwide, but FWIW, I don’t know that they are the best out there. I just use them because it is a work benefit. My BFF is happy with Healthy Paws.

    7. I don’t have it, but I have a good-sized emergency fund and recently shelled out 3k on vet fees when kitty got sick. I might consider it for my next pet…

    8. I have five cats, and a large emergency fund instead of pet insurance. I read tip from vet online that instead of pet insurance just put back the same amount in savings that would be the premium each month for the insurance.

      2. This works as a concept until the animal needs an expensive surgery, or more than one. Our pet insurance premiums are $35 a month. I posted my story below; one of our dog needed two surgeries that totaled about $10k. It would take many months of saving $35 a month to save $10k. P.S., most vets are not like people hospitals that will let you set up a payment plan; you have to pay the total amount due on the day the animal gets released or you don’t get to take your pet home. The “financing” some vets offer is actually a high-interest credit card. We learned a lot from our dog nearly dying twice; I won’t be without pet insurance again.

        1. I am concerned that wide spread pet insurance could drive up costs for everyone, and I haven’t found that “you get what you pay for” with veterinary care (not even close).

          But I may well reconsider if I had dogs instead of cats; I’ve read dogs end up costing a lot more in healthcare costs on average.

          1. Yeah, I wish I’d gotten pet insurance for my pup- in a year and a half he’s had 2 UTIs, an infected paw that turned into MRSA and required 2 surgeries and 3 weeks of crazy antibiotics, ate a rope and needed surgery, developed canine flu, developed an allergy to dog shampoo (so now he uses human shampoo) and got slightly hit by a car.

            I’ve never had insurance on the cats, and have not needed it.

    9. Anecdotal, but we have Healthy Paws for both of our large dogs and like it. It makes it much easier when a big procedure is 80-90% covered to just do it, and it’s automatic draw so I don’t even think about it anymore. They’ve honestly been great for us.

    10. I have it. One of my cats is about 9 and the other 1. I got it for both when new kitty arrived. I had a sweet cat previously who had a lot of medical issues as he aged and it would have saved me a lot. That said, I get a GREAT rate because it’s through a big corporate buy program through my F-500 company. The amounts are taken straight from my checks so I don’t even miss it.

    11. I had it through VPI and they weaseled out of every claim, twisting everything and saying it was pre-existing. We were furious about the scammy-ness. We now just have pet care as a line item in our monthly budget so we can set aside a nest egg.

      1. This is why we don’t have pet insurance–I doubt that it would actually pay for anything.

        1. That’s why I don’t have it. I had two cats who have now passed that had fairly serious health conditions – heart disease, which required visits to a veterinary cardiologist and the other one had kidney disease. I feel like they would treat those as pre-existing conditions.

          The biggest expense thus far for my current cats is dental work. One had really bad teeth and gums which required several extractions. I’m not sure if insurance covers that. Other than that is just yearly check-ups and vaccinations. I haven’t looked into whether that is covered.

          1. If I were a pet insurance company, I wouldn’t want to cover dentistry, diabetes, IBD, or kidney disease, given the amount of carbohydrate, inorganic phosphate, and gastrointestinal irritants in cat food generally. I think the chance of kidney disease alone rises to 80% with age, and we know that food additives contribute directly.

    12. We have it on both pets. One of our dogs ate some carpet fibers last year and ended up having to have two emergency surgeries (one for the original issue, one when he had an adhesion create an intestinal blockage about two months later). He was insured, so of the nearly $10,000 we were billed for the surgeries, aftercare, meds, etc. we only paid about $2,500 out of pocket. The pet insurance premium is $35 a month, so it paid for itself many times over. We also have it on our other dog, and have only claimed against it once so far. But she is getting older and I feel better having the insurance in place as she has greater medical needs.

      For those of you saying “I would never spend thousands to save a pet” – at one point in my life, I thought that too. But when you are looking at a helpless animal (who, p.s., is your child’s best friend) and that animal is in pain, suffering, dying, and there is something that can be done to save them? I ended up in a very different place than I thought I would. We told the vet to do whatever was necessary to save the dog, both times. IMO it was worth it as I do not have doubt and remorse that we put down a dog who still had many good years ahead of him, and it looks like he does. The dog is perfectly fine now, has had no further issues, and is currently living his best life snoozing on the couch right now under an afghan (my kid likes to make sure the dog stays warm).

      1. What insurance company do you use? I got a quote of around $70/month for insurance that would only cover about $1,500 for surgery to remove an ingested object. That did not seem like a good value to me. If the dog eats something every other year, I’m better off without insurance.

        1. Nationwide. I was really surprised that they did not fight us on the claims, as I saw a lot of pet insurance companies had that reputation. I was pretty convinced they would reimburse zero on the second surgery since it could be considered a “pre-existing condition” as a result of the first surgery. But they paid. I will say, this is a benefit offered through my workplace. My work doesn’t pay any portion of the premium but they offer it through a bonus benefit package. I am not sure if that means the insurer is more likely to pay than if someone gets it on their own.

          1. Nationwide is the company where I got the quote above with very low limits on benefits by condition. The only option without these limits was a $140/month policy that pays 90% of everything after a $250 deductible. Breed doesn’t seem to matter–I quoted for a Golden Retriever and a larged mixed breed because she is an overseas rescue with limited papers and I’m not sure how the company would classify her, and the cost came out nearly identical. Is that the policy you have? Perhaps the premiums are lower or the coverage is better because your employer brings a lot of potential subscribers and therefore has leverage to negotiate better terms?

  4. I am not happy with my teeth, which I now stare at constantly on Zoom. Are there any at-home teeth whitening kits that work? Do they destroy your teeth?

    1. All tooth-whitening products have the same active ingredient — hydrogen peroxide! So, they are all more or less equally effective. Different products basically have different concentrations and different applicator methods. I’ve used these products for decades and never had any issues, and my dentist repeatedly assures me they don’t damage teeth.

    2. Crest Whitestrips really do work and they don’t cause any damage. They may leave your teeth and gums sensitive for a few days, but they’re the easiest and most cost-effective option. They have different “levels” of whitening, so I’d start with the most basic and least expensive type to see how you tolerate it before trying the stronger ones.

    3. A dentist in my family recommended Opalescence Go 15%…I haven’t purchased it yet but plan to order it soon.

    4. Just wanted to say that I have had custom trays made and also have had laser whitening and both were equivalent to the Crest white strips. So save your money. (I’ll also add that the laser whitening was so incredibly painful a few hours after the treatment, and I don’t normally have sensitive teeth. I actually thought I might need to go to the ER. Just horrible experience.)

      1. My teeth hurt just reading about your experience! Ugh, sounds awful! Thanks for the warning.

    5. Brush with sensodyne for a few days before and after using the whitestrips and it will help with the sensitivity that they induce

  5. In this new era of postponed weddings, I have a new gift question. A friend has postponed her huge wedding from this fall to fall 2021, but just told me that she’s still getting married on the scheduled date. Their wedding will be a “micro” wedding with just her new husband and their parents with plans for the party next year. Because it was a big formal wedding, they sent out postpone the date cards. My plan is to drop a wedding card and a bottle of champagne off to her house and then wait until next year to give a registry gift. Frankly, given salary reductions, it’s a lot better for my budget to put off the big gift until the party. What are others doing for these scenarios?

    2. In the interest of celebrating the marriage rather than the party, I sent a gift for the wedding rather than wait for a big reception that may or may not actually happen.

      But by all means keep the gift within your budget!!

      1. I agree that your plan sounds perfect. It’s really nice to recognize the marriage itself rather than the party.

    3. Based on watching a close friend go through this, I’d say the most important things are (1) to recognize the wedding date (which you are), and (2) if the couple is struggling financially due to COVID, such that it strains their savings to celebrate, to help them to do so. Your plan ticks both boxes, so I think it’s great!

    5. I say go for it–I’ve had a couple of friends get covid-married this summer, and have done flowers and champagne. If they end up having formal ceremonies at a later date, I’ll do a registry gift then.

    6. I like your plan.

      We declined to attend a wedding that went ahead with 100+ people in the Midwest. I sent a gift from the registry the day I declined but a less generous gift than I would have if I had attended. I think a lot of my judgment about them going ahead with the wedding crept into my purchasing decision.

  6. Is anyone else’s employer encouraging them to take PTO right now? Mine is because she wants there not to be such a high PTO balance on the accounting books on December 31 (although the official reasoning is that it will “promote mental health.“) I don’t think that my employer should have any say in how I use my benefits and I’m not going to waste PTO to sit around my house, but I’m curious if anyone else’s employer is doing the same thing.

    1. Same here. We have a limit to how much PTO we can carry between years, which is mostly a financial decision. There’s some misplaced hope that they’ll adjust the carryover amount, but I don’t see that happening. My company has a mix of parents and people who are low on PTO because of family-care issues and those who have plenty but want to spend it on interesting travel and not a staycation.

      1. I’m OP and same mix here. I had previously advocated for a more equitable sick leave and PTO policy so sicker people or parents/caregivers could have the same right to vacation that healthy people have, but the company didn’t budge and I think they are not too happy about that decision now. I have also long suspected that the company has discriminated against working parents and maybe it’s coming to bite them in the ass now as all these older, DINK employees are saving their PTO for their European vacations in 2022. Karma, I guess.

          4. DINK here, didn’t read this as angry at DINKs. I know a handful of other DINKs with chronic health conditions and/or that would prefer the setup OP describes.

          5. I totally read it this way and also, OP doesn’t provide any evidence of actual discrimination against working parents, just her “suspicions.” If “discrimination” means applying PTO equally among employees, then there really is no discrimination here. Yes, working parents will have less PTO for vacation because some of it will be eaten up by child medical appts, etc. but that’s part of their calculation to have kids. Sounds like OP instead wants more PTO for working parents, which frankly, isn’t fair to everyone else.

        2. Your attitude is abhorrent. Why should parents get more time due to a choice they made (having kids)? Surely fewer European vacations are part of the calculus when deciding to have kids. Stop judging those who made different choices. Vacations are a valid use of PTO. Get over yourself.

          1. Yikes! She didn’t have a bad attitude about it at all. You’re the one clearly needing an attitude adjustment.

          2. True. OTOH, I hear that some (US) folks are banking PTO to live like Europeans next summer or in 2022: taking months off in the summer, etc. It would be nice! [But if everyone does that at the same time, no doubt the policy will change.]

            I, of course, will be happy just to keep my job and avoid a major salary cut.

          4. Ugh, this again. Economies cannot survive without procreation. If you want somebody wiping your _ss when you are old, stop with this nonsense.

          5. When you are old, you will need other people’s kids to:
            Grow your food
            Transport your food
            Maintain infrastructure (roads, highways, sewer lines)
            Stock grocery stores
            Cook food
            Drive you to your medical appointments
            Fix the clogged toilet
            Repair cars
            Perform surgery
            Build and maintain equipment and machinery (everything from an oven to an MRI machine)

            Kids may be one couple’s “choice,” but they aren’t optional.

          6. Anon, at 12:15, your argument is such a straw man. The world is facing over, not under, population problems. The human race will not cease to exist any time soon because not enough people are having kids. Also, just because you have kids does not guarantee they will take care of you in your old age.

          7. Anon at 12:15 P.M., your argument completely misses the point. The argument was that employment policies should be family status neutral–it argued against special treatment for parents. The argument isn’t that kids are bad or that people shouldn’t have kids. The argument is that those who have kids need to be prepared that their lives will look different from those who do not, including how they use their vacation time. Touchy much?

          8. YoU CHoSe to HaVe KIdS. It’s a stupid thing to say, and I will continue to call it out. I don’t mean that my own kids will wipe my _ss (although who knows?), I mean that somebody … younger than me… will have to do it. As paid work. And the overpopulation thing is a dumb argument too. The world is overpopulated in certain areas. But not in others. We can’t meet our economic needs on immigration alone, for a number of reasons. The economy needs children, and frankly the country gets a free ride on my uterus.

          10. Yeah, no Anon at 1:08, it’s not dumb. What is dumb is your allegation that “the country gets a free ride on [your] uterus.” So not true. You get a tax break on account of your kids. DINKs pay school taxes to provide education for children they do not have. And probably some childless schmuck is picking up the slack at work while you supervise Zoom school or otherwise engage in child rearing activities (or leave work early for kids in pre-quarantine times). Clearly I’m not going to change your mind, but you should think twice before alleging that you have it so hard due to your choice and that you get no support from those who choose not to have kids. It’s there, you are just choosing not to see it.

          11. Anon at 1:29, ever heard of a public good? Education is one. You pay taxes for it because it benefits you even if you don’t have kids in school, but if given the choice you’d be a free rider and refuse to pay for it.

          12. Tax break. Lol. Ok. Read a book on economics.

            I’m the sole person in my function. Nobody is picking up slack for me. And I’ve had full time child care since the beginning of the pandemic. Again… another dumb argument.

          13. Well congrats to 2:11 for doing it all! My coworkers with kids aren’t contributing shit but have the audacity to complain about low/average performance reviews.

          14. Kids are definitely optional. Not everyone needs to have them. In fact, the world would be much better off if more people opted out. Elderly asses would still get wiped and the environment wouldn’t be suffering so badly.

          15. Sorry 2:58 – can’t help it if you’re not successful enough to work in a place with co-workers you like. THAT is a choice.

            Here is who I have covered for (in past jobs) – a middle aged guy who had a heart attack, a young mom who had a retina detached, a childless women who had gastric bypass and wanted plastic surgery. In each case, I was happy to do it. Because I’m a decent human being and not some stingy, bitter person who is counting who gets what. Everybody contributes something. Everybody needs help once in a while.

          16. @ 2:11–it must be so heavy carrying the full weight of the country on your uterus in addition to that really gigantic superiority complex.

        3. No, when I said discrimination, I mean that there have been no employees with young children hired in 10 years. There are two employees with young children total (in the entire org) and both were here before they had kids. The CEO regularly makes jokes about how much she hates kids, we don’t have a maternity leave policy of any kind, and our leave policies in general are not equitable (not just to people with kids). Does that answer your question?

          1. Ugh — that is awful. My bet is that they’d hire a dad with a SAHW (but not a mom). I hate the anti-kid mindset since usually just means that certain types of female employees aren’t welcome and won’t advance.

            I used to think I’d hide my kids in an interview (I’m old enough that they could be grown by this point had I had them in my 20s vs late 30s). But now, I figure it’s easier to weed out employers vs change jobs b/c your life goes against their culture.

      2. My employer is increasing it’s permitted carryover by 2 weeks. This doesn’t let everyone carryover all of their accrued 2020 leave, but it’s a nice compromise. Carrying leave liabilities on the books can negatively impact employers, so the resistance to unlimited carryover is not without basis.

    2. Most places have limits on how many days you carry over, so the only encouragement we are getting is to use days we would otherwise lose.

      1. Oh, man. My workplace is generally “use it or lose it.” Then fairly early on in the pandemic they said we could carry over 10 days upon request. Then more recently they walked it back saying “upon request with a DARN GOOD REASON other than the pandemic,” which basically rendered it illusory. I’ll probably just take a bunch of Fridays off between now and the end of the year rather than try to carry any over.

        1. I would push back on this – IIRC, you are in CA, correct? CA views accrued vacation or PTO as equivalent to wages and therefore cannot be taken away once earned. Employers can set a reasonable cap on accrual (generally 1.5-2x annual accrual amount), but once earned, cannot take it away. This is also why you have to be paid out for all accrued vacation/PTO upon the end of employment. Just want to make sure you aren’t missing out on benefits to which you are entitled!

    3. As senior staff, we were required to take 80 hours of PTO between 6/1 and 8/31 and must take 40 hours between 9/1 and 12/31. They are also reducing by 40 hours the amount of PTO we can carry over. Not thrilled with the mandates, but it made it at least a bit more socially acceptable to take the time off.

      1. That’s insane! What if you didn’t have 120 hours to take between 6/1 and 12/31, or were planning to carry some over (below the limit) for use next year? Right now I am trying to accumulate PTO in case I get sick.

        1. Exactly – I started with this company in 1/19 so had been trying to build up a cushion. Heaven forbid if I or someone in my family gets COVID. :(

    4. Ours is mostly “use it or lose it” – limited rollover. So if people don’t use PTO for either staycations or Covid-safe travel, it’s gone. People have only just really started using it in the last month or so as it’s pretty clear the rest of 2020 isn’t looking any better… I suspect the office will be a ghost town in December as a result.

    5. Hahahahaha that’s cute. Your employer absolutely can require you to use your PTO

      2. We have at least one commenter who often posts condescending remarks about how easy it is to answer questions that no one asked. I can’t tell if it’s a troll or just some rude person who is easily confused.

    6. We only have a certain amount of time we’re allowed to roll-over so anything above 240 hours is ‘use it or lose it’ and we’ve been told that COVID isn’t changing anything about that this year.

    7. Yes. Burn out is real and we’re absolutely seeing it, especially in our junior staff. As a matter of policy, we can only roll over 5 days so there is messaging about using it before you lose it (trying to get this number increased this year given everything, but no luck yet). Further, managers can deny requested days off. As much as taking PTO has become the employee telling the employer when they’re taking days off at our company, we can’t have everyone out for all of December or all Friday’s now to the end of the year as everyone scrambles to use PTO at the same time. So there was also a reminder circulated from HR that managers still have the authority to approve or decline PTO, and they will, as we manage work flow through year end.

      So, while i agree with your sentiment, OP, it’s probably one part know-your-company and another part of know your individual PTO parameters.

      1. +1 to burnout. I’m bracing for significant turnover in 2021 and encouraging everyone to take PTO is one way to let people turn their mind off. It’s not easy to “turn off” when your commute from the desk to the couch is 2 feet.

    8. One more reason for them to remind staff to take some time off now is if they need coverage at work and would have to deny vacation requests if everyone tries to take days off at the same time.
      Unless they are pushy about it, I don’t have a problem with an employer sending out reminders to take care of oneself during these times, and remember that PTO is available. As long as they walk the walk (people really can disconnect), that is.

      1. This — not everyone can use it at the same time. So maybe it is just ordering the chaos a bit?

        1. This is the convo at my company right now. People are hanging on to their hours here also. There will be a lot of disappointed people when everyone tries to take 3 weeks off at the same time next year and requests are denied, because business continuity demands that we have to have some people in the office to run the business. I think it is absolutely a good idea to try to bring some order to the chaos, and I also feel like people who adopting the attitude of “I’m going to save my vacation and take 4 weeks off at a peak time when everyone else also wants to take vacation, and the business can just deal with it” are an off-putting combination of naive and selfish.

          1. This! I don’t get the entitlement of well I want to save up all my PTO so I can take a big chunk of time off (which in general is disruptive but especially if everyone is doing the same thing). Can’t wait for the 2021 posts complaining that their 3 week vacation was denied and how unfair it is

    9. Yes, my company sent around a communication earlier in the year that they expected/required people to take their allocated vacation time on a consistent basis across the year (including in the summer) and not just wait for year end/some imagined date where we’re all free to travel. We have a limit on days that can be carried over although there is an exceptional approval process for excess days, and I fully expect them to refuse to carry over “extra” out of policy days this year.
      I think there are a number of factors – they don’t want everyone taking vacation at once, there is a financial liability to unused vacation, and I do think it is valuable to develop a norm that people can still be “out of pocket” when at home. We thought this stay at home thing would be done by summer, and then by fall, and it’s still going strong. Of course, the work place then needs to be supportive of employees on PTO and not expect them to join calls or produce work “just because we know you’re around anyway.”

      1. What are people who are living in natural disaster areas supposed to do, though? It doesn’t seem right for an employer to require someone in the Bay Area to take PTO right now, for example – everything is still locked down, it’s too smoky to go outside, a lot of beaches/parks are closed to prevent crowding, it’s uncomfortably hot for many inside, etc. It just doesn’t feel right and I just don’t feel inclined to feel sympathy for the employers when they’ve historically been so stingy and inflexible on PTO in all my prior positions. I think I would feel very differently if my employer had been historically generous and understanding, though.

        1. But the flip side is once everything normalizes, you can’t have the entire company/office take PTO at the same time.

    10. Burnout is a real thing and maybe more so in these trying times, and I saw it hitting a lot of people in August. Those who took time off came back more refreshed, even if they just used that time to go hiking, have a picnic, and watch TV at home. So I think there is productivity value for the business in encouraging people to take PTO

    11. I’ll just say I think people *should* be taking time off for mental health reasons. I work with a few people who I wish I could just say that straight out to. Their work is suffering and it’s much less pleasant to work with them and I am genuinely worried about them. Just take a dang staycation already!

      1. Staycations aren’t helpful for so many right now. I pointed out above that in the Bay Area, it’s really stressful to be home and there are very few options for outside recreation, at least until the wildfires/smoke clear. I think employers need to cut people a little more slack as we all try to figure out how to work in this pandemic that has dragged on and on.

        1. If taking time off is not the right thing for you at this time, then don’t. Even for someone in the Bay Area, a day or two off from work stuff might be helpful to get an emergency kit ready, or escape for a day binge watching something and cooking something healthy. There is no one solution that fits all.

        2. I agree with you, but a lot of people in this country don’t live in the Bay Area. It’s not helpful to shoot down every suggestion because it might not fit in one part of the country. (See AAM’s sándwich example in her commenting rules.)

          1. I really fail to see how a lot of people going out of their way to nitpick one critical comment is conducive to a positive commenting atmosphere. Why don’t you just ignore it and give it less attention?

          2. Oh, but yours is helping? I wasn’t angry in my reply, I wasn’t rude. And it’s not “a lot” of people. I didn’t see the other reply when I was composing mine. So sorry you don’t like it.

        3. I don’t get why working at home in those conditions is less stressful than taking PTO.

          1. For me, it’s stressful to know I’m “wasting” my PTO on a day I’m trapped inside. Unlike some here, I do need to save my PTO to deal with my chronic health condition flare-ups. On the other hand, work is a good distraction and gets me through the day even when there’s underlying stress. I’ve been stressed lately, but I just got a bonus and had another major professional win so it seems to be working out okay.

          2. As someone who lives alone and is already struggling to fill the time with pandemic-safe activities, a day off from work when I can’t go anywhere or do anything is more stressful than working. I already have plenty of time after work and on the weekends to bake, watch tv, video chat with friends, etc. I would much rather save my PTO in case I get sick.

          3. Anon at 1:18, exactly. We’re already at home all the time – we don’t need yet more days stuck inside when we’re already fulfilling our hobbies on the side.

    12. We’re being encouraged to take annual leave (PTO) both for mental health and so there aren’t issues when everyone tries to take it at once, but we’re also able to carry over 4 weeks rather than one to next year. I’m taking every second Monday to test out working Compressed fortnights (so that at the end of the year I can say ‘I still did my full job over nine days per fortnight) and use up leave, but will also carry over a little more into 2021 than I carried into 2020.

    13. Mine employer is too! I’ve heard this from at least one friend at another company, too.

    14. I know a lot of people don’t like it, but we have unlimited PTO and it’s been great. I don’t miss having to keep track of my time off.

  7. I have a narrow heel and high arches and an at the wide end of medium width ball of foot

    ROTHYS are my usual walking / standing / commuting shoe but I feel that they are not so cute on my triangular shaped feet. Mine are also in need of a replacement after years of great service.

    What else is out there to consider? I have the ROTHYS round tie flats. I’d be interested In Something not too different or a casual sneaker or other type shoe / soft loafer with rubber soles (it is super rainy where I live and all floors seem to be tile, so slippery).

    I had my heel game down and now those shoes are in an office I don’t go to. Will be WFH into the winter.

      1. Any thoughts on the Rothys sneaker or chelsea boot? I am liking the thicker sole of those and hoping I could size up and wear socks under the chelsea boot (keeps my cold feet warmer as we head into fall).

        1. I have a narrow heel and high arches, and the Rothys sneaker slipped right off my foot. The only Rothys I can wear are the point and the loafer.

    2. I have similar feet- the high arches in particular. Rothys aren’t my favorite because I like better arch support. For dry days, I like wearing loafers- I like the birdies leather flats and a pair of Dr. Sholls loafers. For wetter days, Sorel booties are really functional and cute- I like the lolla and the emilie chelsea. I’ve also been plain white sneakers- Stan Smiths and the Kate Spade keds.

      1. It’s funny — my high arches are OK if I am walking, even a LOT of walking. What they are not OK with is standing. Like I could not be a grocery store cashier and have to give up my wedding photography gigs b/c it was just too much standing no matter the footwear. IDK if this is a high arch thing or a getting-older thing. I had no problems being a cashier in my teens and early 20s.

        1. Try ABEO metatarsal. The only shoes that have made me realize what arch support means, since no other shoes seem to reach my arches.

          1. Thank you for this. My podiatrist commented that I have the highest arches she’s every seen on anyone, ever – my footprint is literally the heel print and then the ball of my foot/toes and nothing else.

            The ABEOs actually look like they might come even 75% to my arch which is more than I can say for any of my other shoes and they’re not ungodly expensive.

  8. Anyone here familiar with the cosmetic dermatology services offered at Kaiser Permanente? I’m wondering how the skill of the doctors and nurses compares to a derm office that focuses on cosmetic procedures. Also wondering about costs too.

    1. I went to the Falls Church VA location for a laser removal of a spider angioma. I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I thought it was fine. They talked me through removal options, did a quick laser flash, and that was that. It cost about $250, which seemed fairly priced. Not a spa-like experience though – very much a typical Kaiser experience. I would trust them with a basic injectable, but would go somewhere else for something complicated.

  9. Quick heads up: anyone who loves the Jcrew sweater blazers or coats – particularly the factory ones – they are all 50% off online. These were life savers for me at the start of the WFH era and will be heavily used this fall/winter. It’s a super easy way to look polished on Teams or Zoom calls. Just ordered a couple new ones myself.

  10. New York women, please help with a gift idea. I lived in NY for many years but moved away and am not knowledgeable any more. My inlaws live in Westchester and we’d like to send them a gift box for Rosh Hashanah since we can’t visit right now (no planes for us currently). But they already have the Kneaded Bread bakery nearby and so it’s hard to figure out what delicious food to send. I was thinking Brooklyn Larder – any other good suggestions? Thank you!

    1. My vote would be for Russ and Daughters or Breads Bakery. Edith’s is a pop-up in Brooklyn that is doing Rosh Hashana dinner boxes that look amazing, too.

      1. Breads Bakery has apple babka and a date-filled cake. I’ve had their regular chocolate babka, and it’s amazing.

  11. I’m trying to decide between Airpods and Airpod Pros. Anyone care to weigh in? (I’m also interested to know if anyone loves a different brand).

    2. Pro, hands down. More comfortable and the option to have either noise cncl or transparency is fantastic.

    3. I don’t have the originals but LOVE my Pros so I’d say if price isn’t a factor just get those. They’re probably my most-used item of 2020!

    4. I had both and the originals sort of stayed in my ears, pros flew out constantly, got the beats pros that go over your ears and find them much more comfortable than either apple option (also sold by apple though)

    5. My husband has the Pros but I prefer my original Airpods. I think which fit your ears better is the biggest, but how you use it matters a lot – he likes the noise cancellation, I was indifferent.

  12. I’m not looking for solutions or answers I just need to vent. My boss has been struggling with Covid and it has manifested in erratic and unusual behaviour. I miss before times when I had a stable boss.

    1. Commiseration. My boss is struggling too and is misplacing her issues on all of us (insisting on company-wide Zoom calls that we’re all struggling with working from home even though our teams have been producing amazing quality work, offloading her personal issues onto us, etc). It’s rough.

    2. I’m sorry, I’m feeling it too. This morning I learned my office scheduled me to be three different places on Monday. (Well, one place in person but on two virtual things.) People have totally lost it over here.

    3. I had an argument with my boss last week when he came into my office to say how disappointed he was about a thing I had said the day before about a colleague. I insisted I didn’t know what he was talking about, not only did I not have a memory of the conversation but the the opinion expressed about the colleague is not an opinion I hold, so it didn’t make any sense for me to have said it. He has occasionally thought he told me something because he told someone else, but this was the first time he thought I had said something I hadn’t. He was very stubborn about it and left my office. As I was texting my spouse to say WTF, he ran into “Jane” in the coffee room and somehow remembered that it had been her who had said it.

      I’m still mad about it.

      1. Wow. I think you’re justified in being angry over this. I guess it doesn’t matter but was the comment about their character or a work product? I’d be pretty annoyed right off the bat if my boss gave me a talking to for something I had said about a colleague. Then to double down instead of backing off when I point blank told him I didn’t say it? WTH. Did he apologize to you when he realized he’d mixed you up with someone else? I feel like Covid is causing everyone to lose their minds and it’s getting pretty old.

        1. The comment he attributed to me was “Twyla is a bitch”, or maybe “Twyla can be bitchy”. He did come to me and apologize, and it was sincere, but I’m not quite over it yet.
          He’s a bit high strung under normal circumstances but the Covid and generalized 2020 anxiety is not putting him at his best. One might even say he’s being a bit bitchy.

          2. Wow, that is totally insane. Do you and “Jane” share any similar traits or characteristics? Because I had this happen once and it just happened that other person and I are both of the same race and pretty junior associates so the partner confused us.

      2. If we didn’t live in different places I’d think we had the same boss. Mine misremembered something so big that if I hadn’t fought back would have caused an international incident.

    4. Mine is behaving somewhat irrationally too. Luckily not so much towards the attorneys but totally towards the staff. He has the old school mentality that if he can’t see you working, are you really working? He doesn’t care so much about the salaried employees with billable hours but the hourly assistants. I had an argument with him about just having to trust people and we can measure their responsiveness and output to see if they are really working. He insisted they are getting paid full time to do part time work since they can’t do their physical filing right now. I reminded him there is enough work piled up that they are filling the maybe 20 minutes per day they did physical filing with plenty of extra electronic filing.

      He got pissed when I brought up trust again and went off about how this isn’t a trust issue and I’m making it more personal than it is. I said if you are accusing people of putting down more hours than they have actually worked, you are saying they are committing time card fraud, so yeah, you are saying you don’t trust them to be honest about their hours worked. He just couldn’t see it that way.

      It was all about having staff come back to the office and one person needed to stay home longer. I finally convinced him to let her to stay home but OMG it was a fight.

      1. My boss is the same way. She doesn’t see that her constant implications that we’re “on vacation” at home are saying that she thinks we’re all committing fraud on our timesheets. It’s extra annoying because she is aware (and has been for a long time) of someone committing ACTUAL fraud and has done nothing.

  13. I’m dealing with some general “life burnout” right now and could really use a day or two to decompress. Unfortunately, I’m also in the middle of a busy season at work and don’t feel like I can miss work without falling behind and getting even more stressed out. My lack of summer vacation is coming back to bite me — should I just take the time off (I have plenty accrued) and deal with the consequences later?

    1. My vote is yes-do nothing or things that help you get mentally refreshed so you can see things in a new light and with new energy. even like an extra half day (i recommend a morning) or something would likely help!

      1. I agree. When you “can’t”take a break is often when you need one. I find a less burned out version of me is more effective and efficient anyway, so it’s not a total loss to just take the time.

    3. Can you plan a mini-break for after the busy season? The anticipation of a break helps almost as much as the break itself.
      This only really works if your busy season is a month or so; if it’s longer than that I’d say take the time now.

    4. Yes!! I am taking a week off right now during the last month of our fiscal year when everyone is mental because business is of course down due to two industries we support being trashed bc of COVID. None of this is my fault and this is the first real time off I have had all year. My boss can manage the “emergencies” while I am out. Everything else can truly wait.

  14. Shout out to whoever recommended the Stars Above joggers and lounge pants from Target. I think they are my new favorite thing.

  15. I thought some of you may be interested in newly released Biden/Harris campaign wear – 19 top designers have come together to create clothing to support the campaign. There are items from Vera Wang, Tory Burch, and many others. I just purchased the black sweatshirt from Jason Wu. Here’s the link, or go to the Team Joe store > Collections > Believe in Better.

    https://store.joebiden.com/believe-in-better/

    1. Man, a lot of those are u-g-l-y! I really like the Unity face mask by Monique Péan though.

      2. I disagree. I think it’s fun street wear that deviates from the usual plain campaign T shirt.

    2. The garments also seem to be made using ethical practices *cough* unlike certain other movements *cough*

  16. How do you stop people from loitering in your yard? I have a rowhouse in a major east coast city and there’s this 1 homeless lady in particular (although others do this too) who sometimes sleeps on my front stoop, leaves her stuff, there, leaves trash (and a ton of empty liquor bottles) everywhere, and if we happen to run into each other (as when I’m leaving to walk the dogs or something, she screams, throws stuff at me, threatens to kill me, charges at me, etc. I got a security camera so now when we see people out there I nicely ask them to leave, and I’ve called the cops a couple of times to nicely ask her to leave, and she usually does but eventually comes back. What can I do about this? I mean her no harm but I really can’t have this continue, especially with the threats and physical nature of what she’s ding.

    1. I 100% wouldn’t tolerate this either (as a card-carrying progressive, no less). I would contact a social services agency and ask for advice, but keep calling the police if she charges at you.

      1. +1 to asking a local social services agency for advice. My city has a Housing & Homelessness office, maybe there’s something similar where you live, OP?

    2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this it’s so tough. Can you put up a gate or fence? Perhaps a bright light to make your stoop inhospitable? I’d also reach out to your local homeless services, they probably know the woman by name and might be able to do something. I own an East coast row home too but luckily LE are quick to show up and take violent threats very seriously.

    3. Wait all the city living progressives here have problems sharing their space with the homeless? You should WANT to house them on your front porches. At least that’s what I gathered from the amount of screaming I endured when I asked about Ca vacation spots where I wouldn’t be around the homeless — because as a normal person at least I admit that I dislike that sort of thing. I guess you all don’t practice what you preach.

      2. I suspect if this woman was just sleeping and leaving, taking her mess with her, we’d be having a different conversation. I have homeless people rest on my rock wall at times. I don’t care unless they are acting profane or leaving trash. If you want to stop for a breather or tie your shoe, go ahead.

      4. Yes, clearly this anonymous poster represents every single progressive who has ever commented on this site AND her desire to be safe from a particular person violently threatening her at her home means she doesn’t want to share any public or private space with any homeless person ever.

      5. I do think that there are some naive posters here who think that all homeless people are these demure families down on their luck and in need of a temporary helping hand to get them back on their feet. Those people are definitely a sub-population, but what you see day-to-day is more the hardcore, extreme mental illness, substance abuse, public-defecation sub-population and that group, particularly when it’s composed of men, is much harder to deal with day-to-day. If you’ve never had the experience of walking through the Civic Center BART station in San Francisco while 16 men are shooting up in front of you and ogling you and/or shouting at you as you hurry by and dodge urine puddles, you’re very lucky.

        1. There is a huge number of posters here who do not understand how many homeless are just straight up dangerous whether that’s because of hygiene, disease or refusal to take meds for mental health issues. The homeless aren’t sweet single moms who lost a job.

          1. I think there are different segments of homeless. I live a bit rural and there are a couple of homeless people that live off the nature trails by the river in tents. They keep to themselves and we leave them alone. They are essentially full-time tent campers. No idea what brought them there but they are far from dangerous. More reclusive than anything.

            These are not the same people that you encounter on downtown city streets.

          2. There’s three classes of homeless people (roughly) in my estimation:

            – People who are down on their luck and recently became homeless after an eviction or other crisis. They may be unstably housed before that point (crashing with friends). They will not be homeless forever and will benefit from social services. Often includes mothers/families with some minimal assets like used cars.
            – People, including veterans, who are severely mentally ill (including suffering from PTSD) and who may be belligerent, have substance use disorder, or otherwise very disruptive to society. They are more likely to utilize services like soup kitchens but less able to benefit from things like employment assistance.
            – Drifters/people who keep to themselves – they camp alone, don’t bother anyone, and clean up after themselves. They are not interested in most services and make some money through odd jobs.

          3. “Refusal to take meds” is so judgmental. We do not have good medications for many serious conditions. You might not want to be heavily sedated to control your behavior either, if that’s all that was on the table.

    4. IDK about this design, but is adding a fence/gate/shrub possible? Or adding some heavy potted plants or something that makes it less comfortable/possible to lounge there? Is it well-lit?

      1. Also, is your camera visible or can you get a sign that says “this area under video surveillance at all times.” Plus a bright motion detector light.

    6. If she is really threatening you and charging at you, get a restraining order! That will keep her off your property or get her arrested for violating it. This isn’t a vagrancy issue. It’s a dangerousness issue.

      1. +1 to restraining order. It doesn’t sound like your other options have been working.

    7. You can search for discouraging loitering by design for ideas about how to make the area less hospitable. No judgement here, she appears to be mentally ill but that doesn’t mean you should be unsafe.

    8. Restraining order should give you more leverage when you call the cops. Eventually she will get tired of dealing with them and move on.

    9. I don’t have advice past what the other posters have suggested, but I do have an observation. I have noticed over the years that certain homeless people refuse to be detached from a particular spot. In a nearby town, I watched daily on my commute for 5 years as a person who slept on a bench remained in that spot daily despite the bench being taken away, a sheltering shrubbery being removed, complete construction of a new office building at the site, installation of a new bench, removal of the new bench, installation of anti-sleeping spikes, and finally the humane placement of a new bench. The person slept there in all weathers – some mornings cops could be seen checking that he hadn’t frozen to death in the night. The town has plenty of services for folks like that, but instead he remained outdoors in the same spot.

      In my own suburban neighborhood, a dilapidated apartment building was knocked down during a road widening and replaced with a newer, larger building on the same site. A homeless woman who frequented the old building stayed nearby, outdoors, during the whole construction process, and now sits under a tree near the new building every day.

      I think for some people there is something about a particular spot that they can’t give up. That might explain her hostility towards you, since she obviously considers your stoop “her spot”. You may need to physically prevent her access via fence, locked gate, etc. to detach her from the spot, and even then she may linger nearby.

    10. Keep records of when she is there and not there and call the non-emergency line about the threats (unless you think she is imminently dangerous). Local law enforcement may be able to help, and/or contacting your elected officials for suggestions about how to proceed.

      A friend had a similar issue, and she had some luck getting people to stop sleeping in front of her house by explaining that her son needed to be able to walk out of the house to get to school. Homeless people in my area (especially men) tend to give anyone with children a very, very wide berth unless the homeless person is already super agitated and shouting.

  17. Who else has an employer with unreasonable expectations during COVID? We are all under a ton of pressure and the workload is intense. Everyone is fatigued from the WFH scenario and dealing with a lot personally. It’s all a bit of a sh!tshow, and some of this extra works seems SO unnecessary, like we’re trying to justify our own existence.

    1. I’ve got one of those employers. I am expected to be more productive than ever, bring in more external funding, cover more of other people’s time with my projects, be more visible internally and externally, and consume fewer internal resources. Oh, and I still don’t get the promotion that’s overdue (I have been performing the job function for at least two years), because it’s a pandemic and we all have to make sacrifices.

      1. Are you me? My company has actually performed pretty well during this crisis but the strain is really starting to show. I have one very high performing senior team colleague who pretty much got ordered to take PTO this week to get his $%^& together because he’s flaming out. I’ve been in the professional world for more than 30 years and have never personally witnessed such a breakdown – it’s incredibly worrisome. Junior colleagues with families are only a step or two behind him. it’s gone from “everyone pitch in so there are no layoffs” to “we must meet our already-crazy-set-in-January-goals and act like nothing is happening”. It’s not sustainable in these unknowing times.

        1. OP here, and YES THIS. Why can we not shift our goals? Not abandon all hope, but my goodness, recognize reality? What we are doing is unsustainable, and even everything “normal” has changed. It’s too much. I’ve had a headache for days, can’t sleep and my jaw is permanently clenched.

  18. What would your reaction be if you received a save the date for a distant relative’s wedding this past March, declined because it was scheduled to be held in a Covid hotspot (where no one in the bride or groom’s family lives BTW), sent a gift, received a bridal shower invitation, sent another gift, then, two months after the wedding date had passed, received another save the date for next year, same Covid-hotspot-where-none-of-us-live location? Four of my friends have eloped this year and sent out “we love you but please for the love of god don’t crash our wedding” notes. We are older than the couple in question. It just feels very princessy to wait until your wedding registry is fulfilled and then send out another save the date. Am I way off base here?

    1. Stop sending gifts! You’ve already sent them 2. If you go next year, you’d owe them a gift them (technically not but it’d be nice) but if you are declining again — yeah don’t send gift no. 3.

      1. No, you wouldn’t owe them a gift next year. They got a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift already.

    2. How is it princessy to delay your wedding due to covid and want to have it a year later? You have fulfilled your gift giving obligations. I wouldn’t read this as them asking you for more gifts, but genuinely inviting you to their postponed wedding. You do not have to attend if you don’t want to but you should be kinder in your assumptions.

      1. Agreed, I would assume good intentions and that they want you to attend the wedding if you are able, and there is no need to purchase another gift for the wedding.

        I sent save the dates in March for what would have been an October wedding. We didn’t officially postpone until last month, mostly due to complications with the venue refusing to reschedule until we were within a certain window of the event. I also just sent my new save the new dates for our rescheduled date next fall. I would hate to think our guests are assuming this is a gift grab, rather than understanding the realities of postponing a wedding are very complicated. It would be ruder for them to not invite you to the new date after you’ve sent a gift!

    3. You are getting a lot of different issues tangled together in a big mess.

      1. Save the dates mean “please come to our wedding,” not “buy us another present.” You are reading princess into something that does not deserve it.
      2. They are likely having the wedding in the same location because they got some of their money back by doing that.
      3. A hotspot this year may not be a hotspot again in March.

      It sounds like they are under your skin because you think they had to elope and are mad at them for not doing so. That is actually your own problem.

    4. Yes. What’s the problem. You chose to send a gift already. You don’t need to send another now. Go or don’t go. Idk what the issue is with a save the date.

    5. I really feel like questions like this only come up when you don’t really like the people all that well to begin with. In any event, of course you don’t need to send any more gifts. Whether or not you want to go to the wedding on the new date is up to you.

          2. I think you should do it! You can put up a post and people can reply with their questions! Please try it out tomorrow or any day really!

    6. A lot of things are in flux during this time with weddings. We have cancelled one, rescheduled one, cancelled again, and are now planning to elope. We definitely don’t expect multiple gifts from each person, but things change quickly and some people have more hope than others that things will be back to “normal” at a certain point, especially young couples or those that always dreamed of a big wedding. It can be challenging to give up the dream. You’ve sent the gifts, so you’re done. Decline when you get the new invitation for next year or attend if it feels comfortable depending on Covid. No additional gift required regardless. These are difficult times for a lot of people and we’re all trying to figure it out as we go; try to show some grace.

      1. I’m sorry you have had this happen to you, Anon. And yes, +1,000,000 to “show some grace,” especially to people who are NOT putting people at risk by going ahead with the big weddings.

    7. I think a lot of venues will only let you reschedule 90 or less days out from your event date. She probably wasn’t waiting to reschedule until people sent her gifts, it’s more likely that she wasn’t able to reschedule until the date got closer. I’m sure if it’s still a hotspot next year she will delay again. Nothing wrong with waiting to get married rather than eloping.

  19. The topic of stimulant meds have been discussed a bit here so I am seeking input. Recently prescribed Vyvanse 20mg and having trouble figuring out a morning routine that works best with the meds. My psychiatrist does not believe it makes a difference, but my own experiences in the past few weeks + everything on the internet suggest otherwise (things like when to eat, the effect of coffee, protein, water, acidity, various supplements, etc). About me: I WFH and for the most part have a very flexible schedule/can start the workday when I want. I drink 1 cup of coffee in the morning, I make cold-pressed green juice (fruit-free, non-acidic) at some point in the morning/early afternoon, and drink lots of water. Generally snack on nuts and hardboiled eggs when I need some protein. Have never had an exercise habit. Any suggestions? Thanks!

  20. Apparently when one donates blood you will also get a Covid antibody test. I was very close to donating but my husband (a privacy rights analyst) cautioned me against it as we aren’t sure how my personal data will be used down the road.

    Has anyone looked into the T&Cs of data privacy of the covid antibody piece? I’m curious if you guys are going ahead anyway, which is what I am currently inclined to do.

    1. I don’t think it is for nefarious reasons. It is so they can use the blood with the antibodies on the patients with COVID that need it the most.

    2. First I would check to see if where you plan to donate actually tests for antibodies routinely. The NYC blood bank does not, for example.

    3. Blood donations are always tested, for HIV and other bloodborne diseases. They just added the antibody test to the dozen other tests. I think it’s great to be mindful of one’s personal data, but this is not new, so I’m confused why your husband’s alarm bells are ringing at this particular moment…

      1. Not OP, but my guess is: Because there are terrible healthcare happenings in the US under Trump & we’re heading down a road where pre-existing conditions will be a problem again.

    4. I donate at a hospital’s donation center and if they test for antibodies, they do it without informing me. So should I assume they’re doing when they’re processing my donation? And if yes, then why wouldn’t they share that with me?

      Related, but I would prefer to donate at Red Cross but gave up after they canceled two blood drives, and because their blood drive search engine is so hard to use. If only some kind internet search UI company could help them straighten that out!

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