Suit of the Week: Iris & Ink

89 Comments

1. What do you all think are the most effective top coats and base coats for nails? Not the at-home gel ones, just regular.

   1. Top coats- either Seche Vite or Essie’s “gel setter” (it’s not actually gel but gives a nice glossy finish)

      1. +1 for Seche Vite. I liked it so much I bought the base coat as well.

      2. I just did this same search and dove deep into Reddit threads on the subject!

         +1 to Essie’s gel top coat and I also like CND Vinylux, I think the latter is lasting longer than the Essie typically does. Seche Vite has lots of fans but apparently “shrinks.” I don’t even know what that really means.

         For a base coat, I’ve been using the CND Stickey but just bought Orly Bonder as a replacement.

         I don’t use at-home gel except for the “long wear” OPI polishes that don’t require any special treatment.

         1. The Seche Vite does shrink. If you look at your nail after it’s dried, you can see the edge of it is slightly away from the end of the nail.

            I was a regular user of Seche Vite for a long time, but it damaged my nails. I use the OPI top coat now, but it dries out so fast and I hate having to keep adding thinner to it.

   2. Seche vite, and I also love the OPI Drip Dry drops – one drop as very last step (not a top coat but a quick dry layer). Also, there’s a window of time where if i nick freshly painted nail I can rub the dent out with my finger.
      I use the Orly all-in-one top coat right now, and it is okay but will go back to Seche vite when done.

      For base coat I like Essie Treat Love Color as a base.

2. Bay Area friends. I can’t even. The dark orange sky is like the end of times.

   1. The Bay Area has just been so brutal lately. My entire Labor Day weekend was spent indoors due to the horrible smoke and 110-degree temperatures (huddling around our window unit only did so much) and now this…I’m just thankful our power wasn’t cut because that could have literally been fatal with no way to access relief.

      1. It feels apocalyptic.

         1. I’m on the other side of the country but I’ve been reading The Uninhabitable Earth by David Wallace-Wells and it’s like I’m watching play out in real time what he is writing about.

   2. my brother is sending me photos, it is AWFUL! I hope everyone out there is safe

      1. It’s truly terrible. I agree with a prior poster though, at least it’s not unbearably hot today. This weekend the sky looked nicer but the air quality was worse and we couldn’t really open our windows for most of the day. Most of us don’t have A/C. We can’t go outside. We can’t go to an air conditioned movie theater. It’s nuts.

         I’m getting an A/C quote today.

         1. Yeah, I think people living in other areas don’t REALLY get how bad it’s been here. We don’t have central air, we can’t exercise outside or even go sit under a tree to escape, we can’t find relief at the mall or the theater because of the pandemic, exercising indoors is a no-go when it’s so stuffy and smoke is still seeping in…god I can’t wait for winter.

            1. Why don’t these homes have central A/C, though? Don’t they all cost a gazillion dollars?

            2. Well my prior house was a 2 br 1 ba “teardown” on a tiny lot and it’s worth >1mm now. So price doesn’t equate to quality. Don’t think a million dollar home is a mansion.

               But we don’t have A/C because historically we’ve only had a few hot days per year. Climate change seems to be affecting that now. I personally think it’s time to get A/C, and maybe solar panels to power it.

            3. Hilarious. That joke isn’t showing much compassion right now.

            4. Not a joke. A/C is a basic necessity in CA, and if these homes cost so much they should have it.

            5. It’s like you don’t understand how things cost different amounts in different areas.

            6. Most coastal houses in Northern California (and a LOT of the older ones in Southern California) do not have A/C. (My parents live within a few miles of the coast in San Diego in a house built in the 60s; none of the houses in their neighborhood have A/C.) The temperatures near the coast are usually (historically) temperate and spending thousands to install A/C in a house that lacks the proper ducting is not seen as worth the money.

               As someone said, that might be changing.

            7. Wow, that comment about A/C. I live in the Seattle region, where single family homes are generally at the million dollar mark. Not mansions, just regular homes. Guess what? Those homes generally don’t have A/C. I am from the South, where A/C is required and the homes are less than half of they are up here. The market, not the actual property or home itself, is what drives the price. Same house in the South might cost $400,000, but up here it’s a cool $1 million.

            8. It depends what part of the Bay Area, but until recently (climate change is changing this) temperatures over 90 were rare in many places. And it’s a very arid climate so it gets into the lower 50s at night, even when the daytime high is 90. I lived there from 2010-2015, and I think I ran my AC twice in that entire five year span. You just open everything up at night and your house gets nice and cool. It’s completely different than 90 degrees and humid like you have in the Midwest or Southeast where you might only get an overnight low of 70. Of course wildfires interfere with the ability to open all your windows overnight, but those are a recent development too.

         2. You gotta love the person who really clearly does not live in the Bay Area and have never lived in the Bay Area opining on how A/C is a “basic necessity”.

            (1) A/C is not running water or even electricity. It is not a basic necessity anywhere.

            (2) Only about 30% of the houses in the Bay Area have central air. Most of those are not in the City itself (it is much hotter in the East Bay).

            I grew up in the South and guess what? In the 1960s and 1970s, people did not have air conditioning at all, much less central air.

            I lived in San Diego through the 2003 and 2007 fires. My deepest sympathies to everyone up north right now!

            1. LA is a bunch hotter than San Francisco, and most older homes and most homes in West LA don’t have AC. We have window units for AC in the bedrooms, which is pretty common for older houses. Around the time that we bought our house, we looked into getting AC, but we just didn’t want to spend thousands on an upgrade to a 1950s tract house where we’d use the AC a few months out of the year.

            2. Also the value of most houses in urban CA is basically the land value. The structure itself is really secondary. If we sold our house this year, I’d be really surprised if someone didn’t flatten it and build townhouses or do a tear-down renovation.

         3. I’m so sorry for what you all are experiencing, so true you didn’t used to need A/C in the city. I used to live in So Cal and neither our house nor our in-laws had A/C. When we remodeled we added split systems, which were great because they were less expensive than ducting and very flexible. Areas just a few miles from the beach used to reliably get ocean breezes and fog during June and many summer mornings. Now, everything is built up and the buildings and concrete have eliminated the cool air flow. Now I’m in CO where we just experienced similar smoke and a hot summer. Here many houses don’t have A/C either, but they’ll need it as we just broke the record for the number of 90+ degree days ever recorded in one year at 73 days. Even at altitude there is no relief.

   3. My friend/coworker in Medford (Oregon/cali border) called me in a panic yesterday as she was going to get her sister. Sister’s home burned to the ground. Then she went back to her house and packed up her kids (single mom) and evacuated at 11pm with just what they could fit in the car. Their whole valley was surrounded by fire. She’s alive but suffering because she has reduced lung function from an almost fatal MVA. I hope that her house didn’t burn. I didn’t get much sleep last night worrying.

      1. I’m sorry for your friend and her sister. My parents had to evacuate in the Bay Area wildfires, but fortunately they and the house are okay (several family friends lost their homes, though). The stress was unreal while that was happening.

         1. I’m so sorry to hear that this mess has reached Medford. I’m sorry for your friend and her sister too. Wow.

3. I got a gift card to Athleta and was thinking of one of their loose cardigans / wrap cardigans / the Prayana cardigan (spelling may be off). There is a local store, but I want to be firm on a target before heading in and being overwhelmed. I normally would find this spendy, but where I am likely to be WFH through the end of the year, I need comfy layers for daily wearing and putting on a sweatshirt seems to be too heavy for this time of year and also not as good of a look for the random zoom call. A nice outer layer over a nicer tee seems to be the at-home version of suiting separates.

   1. I am wearing a Pranayama cardigan right now. It looks great on Zoom. I was worried about the fabric’s pilling, which has been my experience with other Athleta sweatshirts, but it hasn’t been an issue. It runs large, so I sized down. It is my favorite Athleta item ever.

      1. I am a huge fan of the Pranayama! I am 5’2” and ended up ordering the regular instead of petite bc I liked the longer length.

      2. I have a “wear two ways” wrap from them and love it. One of those is a great choice for WFH. They’re so soft.

   2. I have 2 of the Prayana cardigan and I’ve been wearing them this week, as the temp as dropped where I live. It looks great on Zoom and it’s a great layering piece for me. Its very comfy and warm.

4. I think a pop of color shell would cheapen this look. I’d go with navy.

   1. I agree. Gorgeous suit!

5. Those of you who own substantial book collections, how do you organize them?

   I’ve had about a single bookcase of books but it’s expanded enough that I’m getting a second bookcase. I had it roughly divided into fiction/non-fiction and then fairly randomly within those; because it’s a small collection that I can find everything easily. Now that it’s starting to expand, I’m wondering if I should adopt an organizational scheme and if so, what I should pick.

   1. Alpha by author last name. I keep fiction separate from non-fiction, but that’s mostly because I have a ton of academic books that I want to have in my office, and I keep fiction downstairs in the living room.

   2. I sort all the books into groups according to a tree structure, then shelve either chronologically or by subtopic within those groupings. For example, I have a section of my bookcase for classic literary novels (mostly stuff I read as an English major), divided into British, American, and other, shelved chronologically within each category. For nonfiction I have sections for space, nature and animals, history, economics, psychology, and funny memoirs, with each section shelved chronologically or by subtopic. Etc. etc.

   3. Hahah that is such a topic. I have a substantial book collection (I’m 55 – most of my heavy duty reading was pre-kindle.) I also spent a lot of my 20s browsing used bookstores buying hardcover classics.

      I have bookcases in almost every room of the house. The room that serves as my office is lined in bookcases – I bought them from a place that sells unfinished bookcases and had the store stain them the right color and finish them. The room has windows on two sides so the bookshelves are shorter – come right to the bottom of the window. I also have a tall bookcase next to my desk on a windowless wall.

      I have a tall bookcase in the living room that holds mostly sheet music/books, as that’s where we have the piano and the stand up bass. The guitars and other instruments are in cases in another room but we play the instruments in the living room most of the time so it makes sense.

      My teenaged kids both have large bookcases they use for a mixture of their books and display. I have a low bookcase under the window in our bedroom that holds books I am currently reading or are next on my list, plus books that honestly have come to live there because I never moved them.

      Ok so organization. First of all, I use the Library Thing app on my phone, so I have cataloged all of my books this way. It’s easy because you can read the bar code or type in the ISBN. For my oldest books (like I have an original Uncle Tom’s Cabin) I have to try my best to find the right copy by title.

      I have entire bookcases organized by genre. So my biggest bookcase is all literary fiction, but the bottom shelf is tall, so that is where the picture books/coffee table type books end up. (Mostly
      Gifts)

      I have a low bookcase that is all cookbooks. Another low bookcase that is all knitting, sewing, and gardening books. Another bookcase of science books, another that is about half biography, half other non fiction. A travel section. A bird section. You get the idea.

      Within these bookcases I organize roughly alphabetically by author, like all of the F Scott Fitzgerald books are together, but size also dictates some organization because the shelves are different heights. I’m always glad I have the Library Thing because if a book is out of order at least I know I have it somewhere.

      Books are dusty! Plan to dust the tops of your books as best you can. I find a feather duster or a microfiber duster on a stick work really well.

      1. I just saw how big my comment was after I posted it! Haha sorry. Crazy book lady.

   4. I don’t. It’s haphazard and I’m fine with it :)

      1. I that I was the only one. I do try to put books by the same author together, and roughly group subjects (food and drink, disease/science, etc.) but I don’t really care.

         And now I am wondering if it’s possible to “arrange” books on my Kindle. Because that would be helpful.

         1. Yes – “Collections” – it’s basically like little sub-folders!

   5. Topics.

      Living room:
      Trashy historical fiction (history of royal mistresses); anything Hamilton related.
      Biographies.
      US History
      World History
      Books re maps
      Books re philosophy
      Books re art
      Books re photography
      Books re gardening
      Books re religion
      Hardcover general

      Den bookcase:
      Paperbacks
      Books for kids
      Random trivia books
      More Hamilton
      Books re geography (paperback)
      More kids books
      Things not suitable for company

      1. Your Hamilton is making me laugh.

   6. By topic, like you’d find in a second hand bookstore. Then sometimes by subtopic/groupings. Then rarely by author within topic (like with fiction). So I have a large bookcase with all music books, and those a grouped by composer or music type rather than by author, you know? And my medicine/science are grouped by subtopic. And there is logic within each subgrouping that makes things easy (for me….) to find. And of course all the cookbooks….. not by author.

      1. Cook books are organized loosely by cuisine, although sometimes that’s hard, because does The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen belong with the Moosewood books or the other Mediterranean cookbooks? It’s with the vegan and vegetarian books right now, but I’m frequently unable to find it, because that’s not where I look. And all of Julia Child are grouped together whether they are baking books or cook books.

   7. I used to organize them by category but then I organized them by color. Don’t hate me. Was surprised to learn I own about an even number of each major color! And yes, I had a black/multicolor section at the end for sets. But I mostly switched to an e-reader so I no longer read many of them.

      1. I organize mine by color as well! I have a visual memory, so I can often remember what a book looks like more quickly than its title or author. Though on a thread a few weeks ago, someone accused people who do this of not reading much. Shrug.

         1. I do the same thing for the same reason and was offended by that thread! I read 100+ books a year. I organize a lot of stuff by color (my clothes; the apps on my home screen, etc.)

   8. Alphabetical within each genre/section. With a historian and a librarian in our house, we have literally thousands of books. Where each subject/genre itself is placed within the shelves is random to outsiders, but is actually based on where each person most likes to sit in the study. Mysteries are close to librarian’s favorite chair, etc.

   9. Loosely by genre. I have four bookshelves and I try not to split up genres between them.

   10. Genre, roughly, and by author within genre. Bookcase downstairs has most nonfiction, first bookcase upstairs is all sci-fi/fantasy, second bookcase is cookbooks and overflow travel books, bookcase in the bedroom is overflow from everything else. I have a lot of books. My dream home renovation is built-in bookcases. Simple things…

       1. This is interesting to see. I love to read. But once I’m done a book – I’m not reading it again and it becomes clutter. I’ll give it to someone or leave in a Little Free Library. Hundreds of books are great in my public library, but are clutter in my own home. But of course to each her own! I do keep a few coffee table-type books that I can dip into.

          1. I was like this when I was younger, but now I’m finding myself returning to books I read 2 decades ago. I’m usually able to find them again, but occasionally I want to re-read something and can’t remember what it’s called or just can’t find it, if it was older/somewhat obscure to begin with.

6. My 80 year old grandmother had a fall and broke her wrist this summer. She needed surgery for that and things have gone very downhill since then. She’s been back in the hospital for a week with low sodium and they can’t figure out why or what to do about it. We are fairly sure she has dementia, but she has never been diagnosed because whenever someone suggested it she switched doctors. The hospital is horrible and barely returns phone calls, and no one can go in because of COVID. The case worker said my grandmother should just be put in a home and basically to give up. Is that really the only option here? I find it hard to believe someone who was living independently suddenly needs full time nursing care just due to a broken wrist. Surely there is a doctor for elderly patients who can help with this more than the hospital? My mom is having a hard time and I am trying to provide moral support as best I can. I would like to help her with a plan that is not “give up.”

   1. Hmm, what do you mean by “give up”? I know this is a huge and complex topic, but my grandfather has a far higher quality of life now that he’s in a long-term care facility than he had when he insisted on living independently. My uncle found him face-down on his floor due to complications of a UTI that he was ignoring. He easily could have died without intervention. He was barely eating and much more isolated before the crisis forced his hand. Also, what you’re describing is not simply a broken wrist.

      You may have a callous case worker, but you may also just have a case worker who’s very pragmatic and blunt, and has seen this play out many times. Her message may not really be “give up,” but rather that you need to reorient your expectations a lot.

   2. In my family’s experience, hospital social workers and doctors are not much use when it comes to coordinating and planning elder care. They just want to get the patient out of the hospital and into a short-term nursing home situation. I would try to find your own geriatric social worker, along with a doctor who will serve as a “medical home” and coordinate care across multiple specialists. For one parent in my family, this was a gerontologist; for the wealthier set of parents, this is an internist with a “concierge” practice (basically a membership fee of a couple thousand dollars a year on top of what is billed to insurance for actual services). When it came time to place one parent in memory care, we used an agent to arrange tours, coordinate application paperwork, and monitor waiting lists.

   3. I am so sorry your family is experiencing this with your grandmother. My 80 YO mom went through something similar when she had a minor hand surgery. My sister, who is a medical professional, was absolutely freaked out when my mom, who had been living independently up until this minor surgery and a resulting staph infection, was incapable of dealing with meds and other facets of daily living after her release from transitional care. Sometimes a significant medical event at that age brings on (or amplifies) deterioration in ways that aren’t in line with what someone of a younger age would experience. It’s heartbreaking at any time; even more so during these times when you can’t be there yourself. What about transitional care at a nursing facility to better assess what she is capable of while getting her the physical therapy that she will need to recover from her broken wrist? Unless you or your mom can have her move in with one of you, it’s probably the best option, rather than sending her home and risking an even greater injury.

   4. Many elderly folks get much worse in the hospital–and they get back on track when they leave. Once the sodium situation is resolved, perhaps she can be discharged to her home, or to rehab to gain some strength. Tell your mom to take it one step at a time, and hang in there.

   5. I don’t understand all the contributing factors but hospital environments are very very hard on the elderly, even if the cause of the hospitalization is relatively benign. Sorry you are going through this.

   6. Physician here (former hospitalist, current palliative care director)…
      This is a surprisingly common story. Sometimes people are able to resume independent living after doing some rehabilitation at a skilled nursing facility; others do better with a higher level of care, like assisted living. Depending on her condition and her location, she might be eligible for some in-home services, like a visiting nurse, home physical therapy, etc. If her Medicare plan doesn’t cover those services but she has assets, she could also pay out-of-pocket for in-home caregiving to help with chores, bathing, meal prep, etc.
      If you don’t mind posting the state where she lives, I might be able to make more specific recommendations.
      So sorry you’re going through this. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating to feel so helpless.

      1. Virginia, thank you!

         1. I don’t know Virginia well (I’m on the west coast), but from a couple of thousand miles away (so take all of this with a grain of salt), here’s some points to could consider:
            – Agitation in the hospitalized elderly is almost always a manifestation of delirium, which is incredibly common and multifactorial. It is often treated with medications that can be sedating, so the patient ends up spending more time in bed, getting weaker, which then necessitates a stay in a rehab facility to regain strength/balance. It’s really a vicious cycle. That’s why it’s so important to avoid hospitalization except as a last resort. Once she’s out of the hospital, see if there’s a doctor in her area who can do house calls. A quick internet search shows a couple of options, depending on where she lives.
            – If your mom has siblings, get everyone organized so there’s a single reliable point person for the hospital staff to talk to. This helps keep the messaging simple and consistent.
            – The point-person should insist on a call with her hospital doctor. This can be done by phone call or video-conference and is very common. Usually asking to speak to your grandmother’s nurse will be the quickest route to getting the doctor to call you back. If that doesn’t work, ask to speak to the charge nurse — this is the supervising nurse on the floor, and they often have more bandwidth and authority to get doctors to communicate better. Explain to the charge nurse that you’re not getting adequate communication from the doctor, and that you need better care.
            – A helpful way to think about what lies ahead is to ask the doctor about the best case, worst case, and most likely scenarios. Doctors can be very hesitant to share bad news, but if you give them an opening and make clear that you really need information so that you know how to prepare for the future, they are more likely to speak frankly.
            – Has your grandmother done any advance care planning? Does she have a living will? Or a healthcare proxy? If so, now is the time to find those documents. When her mental status improves, try to engage her in a conversation about what matters to her when it comes to healthcare decisions. The Conversation Project has some great resources on this.
            I’m logging off today but will check comments tomorrow to see if you have any follow-up. Good luck and hang in there.

         2. If she is in Northern Virginia, reply back and I can share resources on assisted living, skilled nursing, and a great gerontologist in the area

   7. Ooof. I went through a similar course of events earlier this year with my father, and it is brutal. Similar to your grandma, he was in the hospital and I was not allowed go to in once he was admitted from the ER, despite the fact that he had dementia. I could not get a call back from his doctors, and I ended up calling the risk management department of the hospital. They got me calls back every day after that. So, that could be a good option for the immediate term.

      For the longer term — As someone else said, medical events and situations like sodium imbalance can be way worse in elderly people and can cause lots of unforeseen problems. I’ve learned there are also some conditions, like UTIs, that can cause symptoms similar to dementia, and the dementia-type problem resolves once the issue is resolved. There are doctors who specialize in elder care (gerontologists), or I had good luck with a doctor who treated a lot of elderly people due to the nature of his practice (specifically, a cardiologist was very good with my elderly father, but a neurologist for the potential dementia could work as well). If she has some independence, she could be discharged to an assisted living facility rather than a nursing home, or a rehab if there’s a thought that she could get better. Once she is there, you might be able to take her to a gerontologist or similar. When my father was being discharged from the hospital, I spent a lot of time calling various types of facilities to find out their current visitation policies, and that dictated my decision. It’s a lot of legwork, but I’m not sure how to get around that right now. The hospital cannot discharge her without some sort of plan for how she’ll be cared for, and knowing that helped me be methodical.

   8. To add a bit more info, we certainly don’t expect her to be back home. We were in the process of moving her into an independent living senior community before this started. It just seems like the care she is getting is so bad. Of course I’m getting everything third hand at this point, but my mom says they basically have her sedated because she is agitated about being there (I think understandably) and it has been a week with no diagnosis or prognosis. It seems like a bad strategy to just sent her to rehab or a nursing home and hope she gets better from being out of the hospital, but maybe that’s where we are. I understand at her age that there could be any number of issues, but I would have expected there to be a little bit more of an effort at improving her quality of life for the time she has left. I wouldn’t want to be treated so cavalierly, so I think that is why I am finding it frustrating.

      1. You may want to look into finding a geriatric care manager. The one I worked with was invaluable when my dad was entering into late stage Alzheimers. She helped me find a fantastic caregiver, was in the process of helping me with out of home placement when COVID hit and then when he took a very bad turn for the worse helped me find great 24 hour in home care and a good hospice provider. I didn’t find their assessment to be all that helpful (he was in late stage Alzheimers) but her list of contacts and the expertise in senior care (including the good and not good rehab facilities) was super helpful. Ours charged by the hour.

      2. Gently, if she is agitated and has, if you are correct, event early stages of dementia, hospitals can be a very disorienting place. She likely isn’t sleeping well (all those BP and other checks at all hours of the day and night) and without constant monitoring, (not enough staff for that anywhere) sedation is probably the safest solution at the moment as they work to figure out what’s going on. This isn’t bad care, it’s keeping her safe from another fall. If she’s agitated, it’s not hard to imagine a broken hip or something else that would narrow your options and prognosis even further.

      3. So– I’m not saying your grandmother has dementia or Alzheimer’s, but the type of agitation/confusion in a hospital setting that you’re describing is very common, even in the early stages, of both of these. My FIL had mid to late stage Alzheimer’s and was admitted to a hospital for a GI issue. His agitation in the hospital was do bad that the hospital said he was being “aggressive” and sedated him. We had to get a sitter to watch him at night there and in the rehab facility afterwards. His agitation did get better after leaving the hospital.

         My grandmother got extremely agitated after a hip surgery and had to be sedated. She was close to 80 and had never had any noticeable dementia symptoms before then (though in hindsight she definitely had symptoms). My mom arranged for her or a sitter to sit with her all night to keep her from getting so agitated. She eventually transitioned to a rehab facility and then home with additional home health and recovered her cognition to baseline. She was able to live at home with my grandfather until she passed away several years later.

         So– I don’t think you should assume this is the “end” for your grandmother by any means, but just know that this type of agitation in a hospital setting you are describing is very consistent with dementia/Alzheimer’s. It is often really shocking for family (I was shocked with my grandmother and FIL) but is really common in a hospital setting.

      4. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. My grandmother (also 80) went through some very bad medical stuff like this last year, where it was one thing after another, multiple surgeries on her leg, etc. and it was horrible. It seemed like she couldn’t get better, the medications all made her insanely disoriented and really unable to talk or hold a conversation. Earlier this year, just before COVID hit, she finally went home and was put on hospice. We thought it was the end, and were all mentally preparing for that. However, being home and having no more procedures, pain killers, etc. she has made an almost complete rebound – it’s pretty crazy. I know that isn’t the case for everyone, but just echoing all other posters who have said being in a hospital is really disorienting and rough for older people. I am sending good thoughts your way as you make decisions about what to do next.

      5. Recommend getting in touch with the patient experience/patient advocacy office/risk management office — whatever it is called in that hospital. Explain to them your situation and that you would like an assessment by a geriatric specialist and then possibly a psychiatrist. I have had to go that route twice in the course of caring for an aunt and then my Dad (for different reasons), and both times it focused their care. I would also push for her being released to a rehab hospital if that is possible to see if she can recover to the degree she needs to in order to live independently (with help).

         As for your grandmother going into a nursing home/assisted living/a retirement home – I think that actually extended my aunt’s life — she had dementia that was worse than we knew because she was very articulate and independent. But she lost her prescription pills in her house multiple times, ate crap (loved ice cream) and was actually very isolated. Being in a retirement home and then a nursing home meant she got the right medication at the right time, ate much better and had people to talk to. That was 10 years ago — I know COVID has changed things.

   9. My mom went into a nursing home and basically never left. They want the full 90 days of Medicare payment and will do anything and everything to keep you there the full 90 days, then they either try to get you to private pay (which my mom couldn’t do) or try to kick you out. I would say look for assisted living rather than a nursing home if at all possible.

      1. FYI, at least in my state (Virginia), assisted living is not covered by Medicaid, or at all by Medicare. It’s private pay.

7. What should I buy with a Title Nine giftcard? (I’m also the sports bra poster from this morning if anyone can recommend any there!)

8. I found my new “feel like a boss” outfit! Black loafers, dark rinse skinny/straight jeans, shell, and oversize bright color blazer. My office is newly casual and I love how I feel (yay flats!) I used to be 100% sheath dress and low heels.

   What are your outfits, for when you have to see people? Not just boss of the couch. :)

   1. Sounds like a good wardrobe plan.

      I’m not sure when I’ll ever “see people” again. WFH forever until I retire. I’m already sad that I can’t wear my fall clothes – nice wool jackets and swackets and pretty dresses and boots this fall.

      I did decide to start wearing my nicer clothes as soon as it gets cooler. Dress tops, cardigans, maybe my cashmere cardigans, the cute booties that I bought. Nice denim or brushed velvet pants instead of leggings 24/7. I worried about ruining things (when making lunch or picking up the little dogs) but I’ll deal with it. I may bust out an apron for lunch prep. Otherwise I’ll never wear some things again, since I can’t go to work or dinner or church or people’s houses for parties.

   2. I’ve been wearing that outfit but with a cardigan or an open long sleeved shirt/jacket in place of the blazer for all of my zoom calls. I’m absolutely wearing all of my work tops because why not.

9. Just wanted to share that after reading yesterday’s post about donating blood, and all the comments about how to make it easier (by drinking tons of water ahead of time), I donated blood this morning before work. And the actual donation itself took less than 10 minutes! It was about half an hour for the paperwork (my first time giving through that organization), 10 minutes for the donation, and 20 minutes to drink gatorade and eat potato chips. I was out an hour after I arrived. And now (well, in two weeks!) I will finally know if my crazy symptoms in July were caused by the extreme heat or by covid, because they test all blood donations for antibodies.

   Thanks to this community for giving me the push I needed!

   1. Hooray! Good for you! I hope they told you to eat well now to replenish your iron stores. If there were ever a time for a victory cheeseburger or bean burrito, it is now :)

10. I have some basic, dumb questions about cars and car insurance. Thanks to many, many years of living in NYC and now San Francisco, I don’t own a car and I don’t really drive. In the before times that was fine, but now that I live in SF, I want to have the ability/freedom to get around without relying on public transit. I’m thinking about doing ZipCar or a long-term rental and then eventually getting a car later this year. I took a “refresher” driving class before COVID that went fine, but want to do some more driving before I actually lease or buy a car. I luckily have a garage space that I was previously subletting, but my subletter just moved out of town, so this seems like perfect timing.

    I have so many questions: Do I need to get separate car insurance if I’m just renting? It looks like my credit cards have car rental insurance; is that sufficient? Is there such a thing as a short-term (1-2 month) rental? Or would I be better off just doing a short-term lease? Has anyone used ZipCar in the COVID times, and have you felt comfortable about their COVID precautions? Any advice is welcome :) (The sky being on fire today made me realize how trapped I feel not being able to get in a car and drive away…)

    1. If you want a car, why don’t you just buy one now?

    2. I think you might need to check the laws in your state, because there are usually insurance minimums that you must carry to drive. I also don’t think that you can rely solely on your CC insurance for rentals. I think that might just be for physical damage (or theft) to the actual rental car itself, but wouldn’t cover any liability if you injured another person or their vehicle. That’s a huge concern, and you’re really going to want insurance for that.

    3. Renting a car just to get driving experience before buying one seems like a waste of money, unless you’re going to try out specific models you’re interested. I would double check the deductible on the insurance that comes with your credit card, it might be quite high. After a few bad experiences where rental companies tried to charge me for things that were definitely not my fault, I now just pay for the insurance when I rent a car for the peace of mind, but I’ve never rented a car longer than a week. I’m not sure how spendy that would get.

       1. I had a minor accident in a rental car overseas. The damage was a few thousand euros. My credit card company eventually reimbursed me but it was like pulling teeth providing the documentation they needed (who saves that piece of paper they give you at the rental agency? Me, now, but not before now) and I basically felt like they were trying everything they could to get out of it. I’d rather buy the insurance now.

    4. It has been a while but when I was in college and did enterprise car share (like zip car) they had liability coverage included as part of your membership fee. It might be low limits though so something to investigate further

       1. Low limits and high deductibles!

    5. You can probably do monthly rentals through one of the car rental companies (check Costco if you have a membership). They should also be able to provide you with insurance options. See this article for explanation of insurance and rental cars.
       https://www.allstate.com/tr/car-insurance/rental-car-insurance.aspx

    6. Get Metromile auto insurance, where you pay by miles driven. It’s been hugely efficient for us. But i would definitely get it if you’re renting a car. Just ask them. You can apply online but it has also been really easy to talk to a live person so far.

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