Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Jogger pants have been around for a long while now, but for some reason this is the first year they're finally speaking to me for workouts, lounging, and errands — these cute ones from Zella are getting some great reviews. They're $75, available in two colors in sizes XS-XL. Desire Studio Pants Looking for something more affordable? This $30 option looks cute and is available in regular, petite, tall, and plus sizesThis post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

151 Comments

  1. Anyone have a favorite face mask or skin pampering thing for when you have extra time? I ran out of the Drunk Elephant one I liked.

    1. Herbivore Blue Tansy and Tatcha Violet-C. I feel like my face is smooth after both, and glowy after the Tatcha one!

    2. I’m assuming the DE one is Babyfacial, bc that one rocks. I like My Beauty Diary sheet masks, the black pearl one and the hyaluronic acid ones are v popular, with a Daiso Sheet Mask Cover ($4 on Amazon) (keeps sheet mask from drying out and also keeps it in place) over it. You’ll look like a monster but slap those on and marinate for an hour or two. I haven’t used it but I really liked how Summer Fridays felt when I tested it in Sephora, I want to pick that one up soon.

    3. Silica Mud Mask from Blue Lagoon. It is $$$ but my face feels great for days after.

    4. Have loved Skoah’s clear gel AHA mask for several years now! It’s incredibly exfoliating, non-sticky, and super easy to remove. Sometimes I let it dry then sleep in it so the product has longer to work. Terrific at removing built up dead skin due to its fruit acids. My skin just feels so SMOOTH after! Product link:
      https://www.skoah.com/collections/products/products/aha-mask

  2. I’m going to tell my husband tonight that I don’t want to be married anymore and have a ton of anxiety right now. Coming here for good vibes and tips, if any. TIA.

    1. Take this with a grain of salt but I’ve always found that hard conversations go a lot worse at the end of a tiring work day (and week). I understand that you probably just want to get it out there at this point, but consider whether it can wait until tomorrow after a night of sleep.

      1. Appreciate that, but as this isn’t a “let’s figure out how to make it work” or a “i’m not happy” but rather an “I’m just done” convo, i figure i’ll give him the weekend to process? Plus he wanted to do a fancy dinner tmr and I don’t have the heart to go through with it.

        1. I’m sorry. That really sucks and there’s just not a great way to do it, but unless he has an especially bad day I do think you’re probably better off getting it over with tonight. Especially if you (or he?) can possibly even stay somewhere else for a day or two. I’d rather have more of the weekend to process it if I was him, and I’m sure you don’t want to spend another night anxiously putting off the inevitable. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

        2. In my household, we keep things super simple on Fridays as it’s more about unwinding.

          Could you tell him tomorrow morning?

          If the prospect of one.more.night is daunting, be elsewhere, doing something that takes care of you.

          If you are not feeling dinner tomorrow, say that, so he has a heads-up. If it’s the manner of just the two of you and reservations, that’s easy to table. If it’s prep, the food isn’t going to care. If there are other people in the plans, he can go without you, as that is the new normal.

          If telling him tonight is a must-do, get some centered on how it can go smoothly, especially if tonight is a good moment and you can both process what’s happening without: Him not accepting it and blaming it on your Friday exhaustion, either of you being at happy hour, or something else.

          1. Just because that’s how you do things in your household doesn’t mean that’s how she should do it.

          2. …especially when it comes to ending that household? Frankly this reply feels insensitive to me, as someone who’s gone through what OP is going through, but I am assuming that ToS doesn’t mean it that way.

          3. Sorry OP, I came off as tone-deaf, and I’m a bit Fried-on-Friday. I do wish you well, and am part of the chorus of encouragement. It’s a hard place to be, and you have my support.

          4. Sorry, what? If you are planning to tell your spouse you want to break up consider that perhaps you don’t have peaceful and mutually agreed on Friday night rituals?

      2. I disagree. I recently had to do this (long-term relationship, not marriage though) and the anxiety about doing it is awful. If you have made up your mind and want this to be more of an announcement, then discussion to work on things, I would just get it over with tonight. There is really never a perfect time to break-up and from my experience, everyone has a different opinion on the etiquette of timing. I swear I heard so many conflicting pieces of advice (do it on a sunday so they can be distracted by work, do it on a Friday so they can recover over the weekend, do it before you have to go to any major events – i.e. a wedding -, do it after you have to go to a major event so they’re not alone, it just goes on and on..).

        Hugs. It’s so hard but I’m two weeks out now and everyday I feel better than the day before.

          1. I’m in NYC! Never married but very single and could use some more friends for wine nights. I was home alone last night with take out, wine, and Netflix. It was kind of a pity party.

    2. Hugs to you. Been there and it’s awful but you gotta do what you gotta do so kudos for being brave and doing it!

      Do you have somewhere to go tonight so you can split after you break the news? Or at least a spare bedroom where you can hole up? (Come to think, spare bedroom probably better. Don’t want him alone in the house if you’re not sure how he’ll react.)

      1. I have both the spare room and a place to go. I think he’ll be fine alone and I also have a ticket to go to my sister’s (even if I throw it away the ticket, i wanted to know I have one). Thank you!

      1. thank you! same. I’m hoping so. After I saw a counselor this week, the next day I woke up with “oh, it won’t be bad, he’ll totally be fine” (not sure that’s necessarily true, but we shall see).

    3. Good luck and good vibes! I remember being in your shoes. Life is much much better two years later.

    4. Sending you good vibes tonight. I ended my marriage 2.5 years ago and even in the worst moments have never regretted it. You are seeing your life with clear eyes and there is power in that, even though the road ahead is not easy. There is so much power in realizing your life path is not working and steering it in a completely different direction.

      1. I too hope it went well. I had that conversation four years ago and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done . . . and the best. If you follow your inner compass, you will not go wrong.

  3. I’d like to thank everyone who contributes to different workout posts as they pop up here – they inspired me to try Pure Barre (did not like it), Orange Theory (loved it), and a sample Peloton ride (loved it but not the price)!

    1. Same here! Have you signed up for Orange Theory? I tried it and loved it as well. It’s too early for me to see any physical results yet, but I definitely feel like I’ve done something after class.

    2. All to complicated for me. Dad told me the best way to trim my tuchus is walking, and I’ve been on the 10,000 step/day routine for years now, and my tuchus has not gotten any bigger. While it has not gotten any smaller, it is more firm, I think, b/c of all of the walking and the glute work I do by taking longer steps. Dad thinks I could reduce more by doing more steps, but by the time I hit 10,000, it is the end of the day and I am tired and am NOT about to do another 5,000 for him b/c I simply have other things to do! Dad bought and had his man install a working desk for me at home right in the front of my treadmill, so I have that to work with instead of watching my 42″ HD TV if I am so inclined (which I am not). I know Dad’s heart is in the right place, but I am figuratively walking on a treadmill all day @ work, and would just like to plop down in my LazyBoy recliner in front of my new 65″ HD SMART TV with SurrroundSound! YAY!!!!

      The only thing better for me is if I were living in Chapaqua rather than on E 77th Street. Hopefully I will find a man who will take me away from all of this and move there w/me! YAY!!!!!

    3. Yay, glad you enjoyed Orange Theory! I currently alternate between that (love it) and Pure Barre (hate it, but good for my knee issues according to my PT). After my pack at Barre is up I’ll probably swap back to Pilates reformer.

  4. I live in an area where houses are huge. I am from where a family of 7 lives in a 3BR/1BA semi-detatched house. We (family of 4; kids are same gender) moved into a 2BR 1000sq ft apartment to do some remodeling on our house. Locals are . . . appalled. How can you live like that?! Um, it’s not hard. And it’s just for a few months. Millions of people do more with less. Ugh.

    1. Ugh. A 1,000 square foot apartment, provided it is laid out well, is “enough” for a family of four. It might not be ideal; it might sometimes get cramped; but it’s enough.

      1. The layout isn’t great (no counter space around bathroom sink — toiletries and toothbrushes basically need to hover), but could be a lot worse. And now that school is in, we basically just sleep and shower there. Thanksgiving might be a challenge, being home for a longer window. But it’s like we are doing an exchange program in our city, which is fun.

        1. You got this! Do something different for Thanksgiving this year–go out to a restaurant, or travel, or camp, or get invited to a friend’s house and promise to reciprocate next year :-)

      2. My house is a 1000 sf 1960’s “starter” home whose original owner raised 3 kids in it. My neighbors have 2 teenagers in a house that is identical, as do several other families on the block. I live alone, and it’s about the maximum amount of house and yard that I can maintain on my own. 1000sf is actually a good size – not too big, not too small- provided the space is used intelligently.

    2. I’m so with you. A friend who is married with 1 kid is talking about how they will need to upgrade their 2000 sq ft, 4br 3 ba house if they have one more kid. I don’t even know what to say.

    3. preach. One blogger I follow is building a house in a community that has a SIX THOUSAND SQUARE FOOT minimum requirement. I have no words.

      1. Is it for really rich people? That says Lovely Manor House to me. But if it’s not really for rich people, won’t the stuff be more OMG Hot Mess? Like if I moved in 6 trailers onto my lot? Big but not awesome?

        My house is 2800 sq ft for 5 people (one only PT now that he is in college, occassional visiting relatives). It’s only felt not-enough when all bathrooms are occupied and someone desperately has to go.

        1. Check out mcmansionhell.com for a whole bunch of big-but-not-awesome. That crap is everywhere!

          1. Beat me to it. My wife and I point out “nubs” when we drive to the burbs.

        2. What is this blog? Now I am insanely curious. 6K square feet is the minimum!? It must be in Texas.

          1. lol it is in Texas. The blog is Style Duplicated because it’s written by two Texas friends. I find it strangely fascinating — a bit like a sociology class?

      2. Just the thought of the air conditioning bill in a house that big in TX is enough to make me shudder!! I’ll happily take my 950sf tyvm.

    4. I grew up with my family of 7 in a one-bathroom Cape Cod. It’s manageable. Keep repeating that and don’t let others make a big deal of it on your behalf. It’s about them. They need so much space, they must be raising astronauts!

      1. Thanks, I needed to hear this for my own current house search! We are two humans, one dog, and 1-2 future hypothetical children. We’re looking primarily at 3-bed 1-bath houses (because that’s what we can afford comfortably in the neighborhoods we like), and the world is making me feel like some kind of super-minimalist crazy person. Especially about being okay with the one bathroom.

        1. We did one bathroom for a couple of months with 4 and it was OK, but you have to really work to retrain people not to flush if they need to get in while someone is showering. And opaque shower curtain FTW. If it is all on one level, it may be possible to carve out or add on a half bath, which as a pregnant person would have been a big plus.

        2. If it helps, I live in a 2 bedroom 1 bath with husband and 2 kids, cause, Bay Area. The 1 bath is not ideal, but we’ve been making it work for 5 years and counting!

          1. Yeah, in our ideal world we’d have at least a second half bath, but it’s just not a dealbreaker for us. My husband and I have very different work hours so we’re almost never trying to get out the door at the same time, so it’s just never been an issue.

      2. I would give up square footage for a second toilet (says someone with 3 people comfortably ensconced in 1400 square feet with room to spare, but only one throne).

        1. +1. I grew up in 400-800 sq ft apartments (family of 3) with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom, and the bathroom has been the only issue with the setup. Once we moved into an apartment with a secone toilet, it saved my family so many fights in the morning when we were all trying to get out the door. I like the Japanese house setup where you have a separate toilet room and a separate shower room; doesn’t take much more sq footage than a regular setup.

    5. Hubs and I are buying our first (and forever) home and we’re looking for something centrally located and 1000 sqft. Our friends and family can not fathom why we don’t want to buy a mcmansion in the suburbs for the same price. It’s frustrating that they can’t see their lifestyle is basically my nightmare.

    6. So yeah. I live in a 1 BR/1.5 BA/1000 sq ft condo with my husband (no kids, no pets) and pretty much all of our friends/co-workers cannot comprehend how this is possible.

    7. People are so funny about that stuff. I constantly remind my family that there are families in 1 million dollar plus apartments in nyc and their kids share smallish bedrooms. It’s fine.

    8. I hear you. I live in a house the same size as your apartment with the same size family on a permanent basis. I consider myself extremely lucky and well-off. It’s plenty of space for my family. The only benefit to my area’s extreme housing shortage is that it’s rare to get comments from locals about our house being small. I don’t really get the perceived need for giant houses.

    9. Eyeroll. You know perfectly well that choosing to live in a two bedroom with 4 kids is well outside the norm of people who can afford otherwise.

      1. I think in a lot of the the world, especially in a city of any size, this is absolutely the norm. My Navy friends would laugh — did anyone do the tour on the USS Midway where they describe what hot bunking is?

        And for a temporary move, you usually can’t get short-term rentals for any spaces, let alone bigger spaces. We tried this once where we needed space for 1-2 months and were told 6 months minimum (or we could go to a by-the-week motel that seemed really sketchy). How is this different than staying somewhere like Embassy Suites?

      2. Also you own a house plus you’re renting this additional space … that’s a lot

  5. Can anyone speak to what your recovery from a hysterectomy was like? Looks like I’m heading for one and I’m nervous.

    1. Depends on why you’re having it in terms of how the pain will compare to what you’re already going through, what type you are having, what is being removed, etc. If you want to post a throwaway em@il, I’ll msg you!

    2. I had complete hysterectomy and oophorectomy (sp?) at age 50 due to BRCA1 gene mutation so no previous pain. I did have the robotic surgery and recovery was quite easy. I was pretty sore for a couple or three days after the surgery and moved slowly for a while longer. I don’t remember needing any pain medication except for perhaps the first day home from the hospital. Not lifting more than 8 pounds for six weeks was more of a problem — I was literally herding cats rather than picking them up, but I think I was back at work in just a few weeks. Caveat — I also knew at the time of this surgery that I would soon have a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy, and I was MUCH more anxious about that! (It was also much easier, amazingly, than I anticipated).

    3. I had a complete hysterectomy almost four years ago, conventional surgery. I had surgery on Tuesday, went home on Thursday night, went back to work at five weeks and one day. I *could* have gone back sooner – but I don’t especially like my job, I have a long commute, I work long days, and I knew my boss would give me a break for only about the first ten minutes I was back. Going back mid-week was great – I knew I only had to make it through a few days before I got the weekend break.

      My doctor insisted that I get up and start walking before midnight after the surgery – she said that recovery goes much better and faster if you start moving immediately. I was not a fan – transitions from sitting to standing and vice versa hurt a lot – but I did it, and I walked a lot while in the hospital, and when I got home, I kept moving, and I think all of that helped with my recovery. I was not moving fast, or gracefully, but it was okay. I didn’t take any prescription pain meds after discharge – just Advil/Aleve.

      The only thing that has bothered me long-term is the surgery’s effects on s*x. I’m not as interested, and it doesn’t feel as good. That has been challenging to work out, and things have never gotten back to where they were.

      But not having periods? It’s very freeing not to have to worry about how to get through a long flight or car trip with colleagues, or sit through a three-hour meeting, or present for an hour and a half at a meeting, on certain days of my cycle – I had very heavy, painful periods. I used to have to carry around an arsenal of products.

      Practical suggestions for immediate post-surgery – if you’re having conventional surgery, consider buying some different underwear for the first few weeks. My usual underwear has a vertical seam – right where the incision was – so I bought some one-size-bigger granny panties. Turns out, the incision was so long that even the granny panties put pressure on the incision, so I ended up with Hanky Panky French bikinis – they have a horizontal seam, and they don’t put any pressure on your abdomen. I thought I would wear yoga pants , but again, the pressure on the incision was uncomfortable, so I wore drawstring pajama pants for the first two weeks or so.

      If you’re going to be in a shared hospital room (I was, to my surprise), bring earplugs and a sleeping mask (eye mask). My roommate had the tv on at volume 11 for 18 hours a day. Bring facial wipes and body wipes so you can freshen up without getting out of bed.

      Good luck – you’ve got this!

    4. I have a long comment in mod about my hysterectomy, but I just want to add that I apologize if one paragraph in particular sounds insensitive. I was past my childbearing years by the time I had surgery, so to be period-free was okay with me. If that’s not your situation, I really apologize – I didn’t mean to be flippant.

    5. I had an abdominal hysterectomy but left the ovaries. Recovery was ok. I did not expect the brain fog I had but physically it went as my doc advised. I was told to be off for 4 weeks and I needed that to get back full time. I was able to do half days a little sooner.
      You will need help with household tasks in the early days and children/pets if that applies.
      It was such a great thing for me as I did not realize that I had multiple aches and pains resulting from the fibroids. I am much more active now and have better energy.

  6. Hello ladies…I have an intern who checks on me every day at random times and says that I don’t look happy and I look stressed. We sit in cubes, so there are no private offices. He just comes to be cube or looks over when I am staring into my computer and makes that comment. I was polite and have some stupid reasons why I was not happy a couple of times, but it is driving me nuts now.

    1. Oh yeah you will be doing him a favor to shut that down and let him know that’s not a thing that one says to one’s colleagues.

    2. Bless his heart!!!

      Bring it up as a point of self-awareness. He’s doing a poor job of reading context, and it’s an interruption. He literally doesn’t know enough to make that evaluation. You are working. Have him talk about his role as an intern. What boundaries are involved?

      What’s the list on what to say..Is it necessary? Is it kind? That’s two strikes.

      There is some solid reading/research out there on happiness-as-a-work-goal, too.

    3. Oooh yikes! I would assume good intentions and set him politely but firmly straight on how that is not at all appropriate.

    4. He may be someone wanting to be (or appear to be) helpful. Maybe he is seeking more responsibility and thinks saying that will encourage you to offer to hand over some task to him. Maybe he is bored and thinks this is a polite way to offer to help. Maybe start with something like, “I’ve noticed you make this comment a lot. I don’t think you’re someone who would be intentionally rude or offensive so I want to check in with you about what makes you say this.” Listen and respond based on what you find out. Then, if it happens again, “I know you told me that you say this when _________ but I also know I made it clear that this type of comment is both rude and offensive. As an intern, I know you are here to learn so please learn that this is not ever an appropriate or acceptable comment or way to approach someone.” If it happens a 3rd time, go to their supervisor and let them handle it.

  7. I am in a job situation where my boss who supervises me do not interact much apart from meetings and emails where I am updating him and others in the team about how project tasks are going. I work in a research lab in a team of less than 10 people, numbers can increase for certain tasks. It is a postdoctoral position and the last one on one conversation I had with my boss was at the beginning of the year where I was called for meeting in his office. It turned out he wanted to do a perfomance review–a month after my previous one. I never got to talk or get my points across. I was being berated and yelled at.
    At that time I was instructed to see a more senior person in the lab–the lab director and with her we continued with monthly meetings to monitor project progress etc. I have posted about this before in case it sounds familiar to some. I am now at the point where I am ready to leave the lab and have started looking for opportunities. I am wondering whether to seek another meeting with this lab director, update her on my progress but also ask if she can act as a reference. The main reason she is the only person I have had clear discussions with about the challenges I faced in the job some of which were due to having a heavy workload that really requires 2 people instead of one. I am posting this now because she also leaves the lab soon for a position in another institute. This position has been toxic in different ways but I am trying to figure out how to move forward. At the moment I don’t know if other team members would be a good reference. FWIW I am not applying to academic or tenure track positions. Advice appreciated. Thanks in advance.

    1. The piece of information most important to my opinion here is that this lab director is leaving for another job. Based on that, and what sounds like a familiarity with your work and appreciation for challenges at this lab, I think she’d be a good person from.whom to request a reference. I would not ask other co-workers at this point. That is very risky.

    2. Why wouldn’t you ask the lab director for a reference? Most people familiar with “high powered “ labs know that may be the person who knows you and your work the best, instead of the super busy prof you rarely see.
      In my opinion it’s also ok to ask people outright if they can provide “a strong reference” for you. That leaves a decent person an out if they don’t feel they will be able to recommend you..it reminds them that instead of telling you they won’t be a reference, they could tell you, “I’m not sure, so-and-so knows your work better” or other hedging. You sound very isolated which definitely happens in academia- are there other junior professors you can try to build relationships with? Also as you pointed out it completely depends on the new job that they would be recommending you for- make sure your references understand what you’re applying for! Good luck

    3. this reply might be too late, but yes ask her! What do you have to loose?
      This postdoc ready to leave academia is sending you good thoughts!

    4. I am a PI and I don’t quite understand the dynamic that you describe. Are you saying that in a lab of 10 people, you haven’t talked to your PI since January? And the potential reference that you mention is more or less senior than the PI? In any case, you should be asking for regular meetings with each of them. Definitely ask the potential reference for a letter but be aware that anyone looking to hire you will want to speak directly with the person you refer to as the ‘boss’ directly. It would be worth trying to improve the relationship with each of them as you look to move on.

  8. Does anyone else here have skin that seems to be actually red? The inside of my wrist skin is very fair, but my face skin is just red (like a newborn baby’s skin — thin to the point where I just look a bit like a glowing tomato)?

    It’s not a new thing; more like a forever state of my skin. I never know what color makeup to wear (my skin is pink/red — not a thing in foundation). But I feel like it is just like being permanently windburn (I live in the SEUS and work in an office, so unlikely) and it just doesn’t seem very helpful when I try to look Executive And Serious.

    If you are another ruddy lady, do you do anything to tone it down? Or just deal with it?

    FWIW, my hair and eyebrows are medium brown (and my gray hair comes in white like paper, so it is all high contrast all the time it seems).

    1. It’s rosacea and you can talk to your dermatologist about it. There are some strategies that can help. I’ve also found that the Trader Joe’s tea tree face wash helps.

    2. Agreed that it sounds like you have rosacea, and I would echo the recommendation to go to a dermatologist. I have very pale skin with pink undertones and a lot of redness in the vicinity of my nose, cheeks, and chin. Alcohol and not getting enough sleep definitely make it worse. I love the Dr. Jart+ Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment for when I’m feeling particularly red.

    3. Hmmm! Depending on how much energy you wanted to expend on this project (and perhaps you have already considered or tried many of these steps) but I’d suggest seeing a dermatologist, using a cleanser/moisturizer/products targeted to “calm” skin and then perhaps consulting someone at Sephora (or maybe a Bobbi Brown counter). There are color correcting primers that can help tone down the redness before you start with foundation. Do some foods exacerbate the redness? Something else to consider.

    4. I spent so much money trying to fix this. All the creams, face washes, serums, etc., but in the end I went to a dermatologist and they prescribed doxycycline and it took care of everything.

  9. I’m a lawyer in a specialized area. My practice has grown, and my firm has agreed to hire a second person to split the work with me. I am friendly with two peer practitioners who are interested in joining and in my view would be great candidates, in terms of expertise and work style. I’m planning to pass along their resumes, but beyond that, I’m in need of advice on how much I can/should talk them up and how involved I should be in the hiring process or in weighing in on all applicants (there are others whom I don’t know and whose resumes aren’t as strong). I have a distinct preference for these two, since I like them personally and respect them professionally. This is a totally new circumstance for me, and I’m having trouble intuiting what is or isn’t appropriate, professional and helpful. FWIW, I also looked through the AAM archives but didn’t find anything on point. Thanks!

    1. This is going to be your closest colleague, and no one understands better what you need that person to do and to know than you do. So weigh in to be sure the right person gets hired.

    2. I’ve had this experience and I’ve done the following:
      1. Helped “prep” them for their other interviews by talking to them in advance about the job they’re applying for, dynamics, things about their background that would be helpful to highlight or not.
      2. If something about their quals didn’t come out in the interview, speaking to the interviewers/decision makers about that.
      Personally, I’ve found senior level people often don’t like sales pitches and want to make decisions themselves. So I don’t push and I let the interviews speak for themselves. I just get involved to make sure the interviewers and company have all the facts.

  10. Does anyone have recommendations for great headphones? I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of Wirecutter and Strategist reviews and have psyched myself out about all of the options. I want headphones that have some amount of noise cancelling to make travel more pleasant; work for conference calls; play decent music from my phone; and aren’t so enormous that I can’t bring them when traveling (and ideally, not outrageously expensive). I’m not sure about over the ear (seem better but so big!) vs. earbuds (smaller vs. uncomfortable?). Anyone with first-hand knowledge or recs? My current pair are a cheap set of earbuds I got in an airport so I think there’s plenty of room for improvement. Thanks!

    1. I love the Panasonic ErgoFit In-Ear Earbud Headphones. They’re around $10 on the river site and have a cult following because they have good sound quality, a microphone so they function as a headset, come in a bunch of colors, and have different sized earbud cover thingies for fit. They don’t technically have noise cancelling, but they block out a lot of sound because they fit like earplugs.

      About 10 years ago, I had some really nice $100 earbuds, but when they broke I couldn’t afford to replace them. I’ve been using Panasonics ever since and don’t notice much difference in terms of quality.

    2. I really like the sound and noise cancellation on my Bose noise cancelling over-the-ear headphones, but the “eardrum suck” phenomenon Wirecutter describes is real.

    3. I have recently got Aeropex by Aftershokz and they are amazingly awesome.
      They are cheekbone conduction headphones – leaving the ears open (but you can wear earplugs with them if needed)
      I like the open ears so I can run and cycle while wearing them.

  11. So I am the stepmother of the bride, ceremony is 4p in early November at a vineyard near Manchester New Hampshire. The dress that I thought would be great (sleeved, with a little wool, low key, ended up being both brighter and darker than I wanted. I wore it to work today with black tights, as I like it. I am SO TIRED of looking for a dress. I’m on great terms with the bride, she trusts my judgment, and I don’t want to trouble her with any of this, as she doesn’t need this, and her mom and my guy are the leads here. I’m trying to talk the dad into wearing something better than his too-small sportcoat. Would you all be so kind to post a little inspiration? Or searchable phrases?

    Bonus points for ideas on Dad, who is most comfortable in 3X in casual wear and would like to not purchase a new suit or rent a tux. Are there other rental options for Big and Tall?

    Attire level: Cocktail. Primary Location: Outdoor heated tent. Weather will be in the 50’s.

    I’m also taking on her youngest brothers who have outgrown their suits, which feels so much easier.

    1. I like this one in navy: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/js-collections-sheer-sleeve-soutache-sheath-dress/4815988?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=black%20nude

      Or this in navy: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/karen-kane-scalloped-lace-sheath-dress/3589743?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=navy

      This is a fun and unusual color: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/la-femme-lace-sheath-dress/4799004?origin=coordinating-4799004-0-1-PDP_1.PDP_1_DEFAULT-recbot-visually_similar_type2&recs_placement=PDP_1.PDP_1_DEFAULT&recs_strategy=visually_similar_type2&recs_source=recbot&recs_page_type=product&recs_seed=3589743

      I like this in the pink if it’s not too bright: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/harper-rose-bell-sleeve-bateau-neck-sheath-dress/5137872?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=magenta

      This is pretty and covered up: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/sam-edelman-pleat-sleeve-shift-dress/5097031?origin=coordinating-5097031-0-1-PDP_1.PDP_1_DEFAULT-recbot-visually_similar_type2&recs_placement=PDP_1.PDP_1_DEFAULT&recs_strategy=visually_similar_type2&recs_source=recbot&recs_page_type=product&recs_seed=5345571

      Love Ted Baker: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/ted-baker-london-norraa-fantasia-body-con-dress/5265858?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=navy

      Another that’s interesting and covered up, if a bit “look at me!”: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/komarov-charmeuse-a-line-dress/5166502?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=black%20meadow

      Anyway, I went to Nordstrom dot com and clicked on “dresses,” then on “wedding guests” on the left side of the screen. They have 64 pages so good luck!

      1. These are definitely in the zone, thanks!! The hack for Nordstrom helps, too. I feel like I’ve got some breathing space. The tweenagers have been the easiest part of this, wanting bow ties (easy) and needing dress shoes in a size now larger than my foot.

      1. Love that these are low-key. The A-line on the Boden is reminding me of dancing potential, once we get there and the asos and chichi options are great leads. RTR might get DH thinking of upgrading.

        Thanks for getting me past a low spot!

    2. Ok so thoughts. “Wool” is not a cocktail dress fabric!! And tell your husband his attitude in unacceptable. Honestly this is your key contribution.

      1. Agreed, this was more in line with the potential for this being cold, and it’s been a minute since I’ve been in the area, which is very central to her UNH people and not far from decently-priced airports. If I was successful with a wool blend, it would be a simpler dress with statement accessories. This weekend I found a dress, and with showing it, managed to get Dad thinking that this is a bigger deal…Baby steps! Ideally we’ll have him squared away in the next weekend or two.

        The tweenagers are excited to wear suits…yep, they get that from me!

      1. Because they’re kinda ugly and basic? When spending a lot of money, why not go for a nice atmosphere and not a conference vibe?

      2. Ha! When I picked a venue for my 2011 wedding (and I was 35), I chose in part for the convenience of my guests. So, a centrally located hotel was it. My photos aren’t insta-worthy and the venue wasn’t a fairy tale. But the band was decent, the food was edible, the bar was open and the guests weren’t at the mercy of the weather. And I think people had fun. I did.

  12. Help me pick a carry-on suitcase!

    I’m so confused about all the size regulations. I keep seeing this range: 9 inches x 14 inches x 22 inches, but my current suitcase is 22″ and I get asked to gate check it all the time. Have the regulations changed? Do I need to get something like a 19″ or a 20″?

    For background, I travel internationally twice a year and domestically 5-6 times a year. I don’t need a lot of space — I just want something that I KNOW won’t have to be checked. Recommendations?

    1. I like my Delsey Aero 19 inch spinner rollaboard. It was $140 less a discount for signing in at the website.

    2. I have a black lipault that has never needed checking, even on a tiny jumper plane. Spins, weathers well, and is quite light.

    3. I have a Tumi Vapor I have used for many years – it’s great. It is 21.5″. I fly 2-5 times a month and have never been asked to check it. It is relatively small compared to what other rollerboards I see. Are you being asked to check your bag because of its size, or because the overheads are full by the time you board?

    4. I have a Travelpro carry on I bought at TJ Maxx, I asked my SOs sister (a flight attendant) and she said her favorite is Travelpro. I love it, I bought a full-sized suitcase recently for a longer trip, also at TJ Maxx.

    5. There are a couple TravelPro rolling carryons at Nordstrom Rack online right now (I know cause I bought one earlier this week) for about $100.

    6. Most rollaboards that say “carry-on” are not 22″ total. They are 22″ plus wheels and handles. And some are expandable to the point where they are too big. I too got tired of having to gate check (although I’m happy not to have to pay if gate check is free) so I got a Travelpro International carry-on, which has stated height of 20″ which is probably more like 21″ with the wheels. I haven’t taken it internationally but for domestic flights it “looks” small and haven’t had to gate check it ever. I kept my old 22″ rollaboard for when I’m going to check luggage.

    7. Warning—I am a total functional bag nerd. I don’t care about luxury purses but take my suitcases and work bags seriously. My husband calls it a disease.

      Here goes: I travel 50%+ of the time including internationally and only ever use (never check) a Briggs & Riley Sympatico (http://m.lazarsluggage.com/brrisyincaex.html).

      The Sympatico is a hard sided (lighter than ballistic nylon), expandable (interior has clips to hold expanded size open), international (smaller than domestic) spinner (4 wheels). It works perfectly with my Lo & Sons bags that slip over the carryon handle securely to allow me to zip through airports.

      The Sympatico is by far the best carryon I’ve ever had and my second international size. It’s expensive ($600) but has a lifetime guarantee unlike Rimowa (competitor at price pint) which offers limited warranty. I’ve bought my last two carryons from Lazar’s Luggage in Studio City, CA. I do not live there but prices are good especially if sales, and sales people are very knowledgeable and helpful even by phone.

      Here are dimensions for the Sympatico:
      CAPACITY 2057 cu. in./33.7 L / 2420 cu. in./40 L CASE DIMENSIONS 19 x 14 x 9 in./49 x 35.5 x 23 cm OUTSIDE EXPANDED DEPTH 11 in./28 cm US Dimensions: 21″ 14″ 9″ Weight: 8 lbs EU Dimensions: 53.5 cm 35.5 cm 23 cm Weight: 3.6 kg Above dimensions with wheels and handle.

  13. I ran a court-ordered meet and confer today. There were 67 lawyers on the call. I was the only woman. Happy Friday.

    1. You rock! This female professional is going to law school so I can be one of the people on an upcoming massive meet and confer with an awesome attorney and/or ADR professional like you. We have many more hours of Friday here, may they ALL be happy for you!

      P.S. My hound’s name is Friday, and her tail would wag for you too, even if you didn’t say her name.

  14. I like the Everlane day heel but I can’t get past the rounded toe. I’m much more of a pointy toe kind of gal, but I like that in the Everlane shoe I can get from point A to B fast, on most any dry surface, in comfort. Any favorites that fit this description?

  15. If the Everlane day heel had a pointed toe, it’d be my dream heel. What I like is the comfort and how I can get from point A to B quickly. Looking for similar heel height, with pointed toe and similar price point. Recommendations?

    1. Take a look at M Gemi and Aquitalia. Both very wearable and comfortable but offer pointed toe options. I’m with you on pointed vs round toe. And why is the square toe back ?

  16. Why does my request for Everlane-like shoes (with pointy toes) keep getting deleted? What am I missing?!

  17. Ok, it’s working! ?looking for recommendations for comfortable shoes that can get me from point A to B quickly, something like the Everlane day heel, but with a pointed toe. Price point and heel height to match.

  18. FFS, made it through Friday the 13th (despite many graduate student appointments) just fine, after a long week, but managed to lose my keys, either this morning, or on the way to the car. Took two hours and some damage to my car (trying to get in) and a friend brought me keys, only to discover that my keys were not locked in the car. Finally found them on a table where some students were having a festival. Someone clearly picked them up. Dude I was getting comfortable with has gone silent. But, made it to the grocery, where I met up with a new guy I was texting with, and came home to dinner a an extra glass of wine. I might survive! Sheesh, good thing I’m getting better at dealing with this dating thing, but work might kill me.

  19. Hi- wondering what to wear with pumps in fall/winter when wearing pants suits at work?

    Been wearing off black knee highs for years but hat just seems very grandma (no offense to grandmas!).

    Is it better to wear trouser socks? No-show socks? Something else?

    Thanks for any thoughts!

    1. Barefoot? It took a while before I could get comfortable with the idea of nothing between my skin and the shoe but it is so much easier to pick out outfits. And no more static between the pants and my socks or knee highs.

      I bring socks and winter boots to change into for the commute when the weather needs it.

    2. In the fall, I wear no shows. In the winter I ditch my pumps and store several heeled booties in my office, and wear with trouser socks. But I live in Canada. Interested to hear what others do.

    3. I’d go with no-shows of some kind. I just can’t stand the stickiness (and smell) of going barefoot in shoes.

      1. Thanks all for the feedback! I had a vague feeling the knee high pantyhose thing was about 10 years out of date but wasn’t sure what the alternative was! :)

        Will order some no-shows. And agree- love the high heeled booties in the late fall/winter. So comfy/cute/warm.

    4. I switch to boots and put the pumps away after about mid-October. My feet get cold easily, even indoors, and I am so much happier in a shoe that fully covers my foot.

  20. I was wondering what everyone thought about the Felicity Huffman sentencing. 14 days in Club Fed. It seemed appropriate to me, maybe a tad light, because the acknowledgment and remorse was immediate and seemed genuine. Then I went out to pizza tonight and on the table next door, a mom was telling her husband (in front of their young kid) that if she knew it would allow their kid go to Yale, she would gladly go to prison for 2 weeks. It’s not quite the right comparison because Felicity’s kid’s school rescinded their admission letter when they found out about it, but the hypo got me thinking that he punishment was not enough to deter others from committing the same crime.

    1. But didn’t her daughter “dream of being an actress”? I’m not sure why she needed a college degree to do that. Which then begs the question why Felicity needed to help her get into college, to become an actress.
      Whole thing just seems a bit clueless.

      Am kind of waiting for the Lori Loughlin case though; now THAT seems like it deserves some prison time.

    2. That’s a really shocking statement by that mom (would go to jail to get kid in Yale). What about modeling integrity and honor and truthfulness for your kid? I’ve had a kid go through the college process – there are so many things in life that are more significant (character, e.g.).

    3. Why should Felicity Huffman do more time in jail than the person who orchestrated this entire scheme?

      The mother is a fool and we don’t decide prison sentences on the utterances of fools. If she did prison time so her kid could “go to” Yale, the kid would either be so outclassed that he would leave, or his admission would be rescinded. Maybe he would graduate before people found out, but people eventually would, and his degree would not be worth much. Nothing about this says, “If you do this, your kid goes to Yale and is exactly like every other Yalie.” Fool.

      1. Many students fully qualified to do well at Yale are turned away by Yale admissions. This doesn’t follow at all.

    4. I think 14 days is *nothing* and it would be well worth it* to get your child in a good school, especially with the reduced time she’ll probably get, IF it were not for the fact of having a record as a felon. Won’t matter to FH; would to the rest of us who live in the real world.

      In my perfect world, we’d crack down harder on white collar crime and animal abuse.

      And I wish they’d re-open the case of that poor woman who lied to get her son into a better kindergarten.

      *I’ve always wondered what I’d do if I landed in prison and mostly think I’d just enjoy the time to read most of the day.

    5. As a former AUSA, I think that sentence was to be expected. AUSAs were asking for 30 days, defense counsel was asking for straight probation.Judge split the baby, which is a very common strategy and perhaps even more so in a high profile case like this one.

    6. I think it’s too light. 14 days in a minimum security prison is really NBD, and I don’t think it’s much of a deterrent. That said, I didn’t expect her to get jail time at all so I was pleasantly surprised.

  21. A couple months ago, I wrote in this forum about a friend I had for many years. This friend & I were as close as sisters. We stop talking for a few years because life happened and we were both busy with many life changes. During that time an ex of hers, who was my good friend, and I started to like each other. We never hooked up, but when he confessed his feelings, I explored emotionally the possibility of dating him. I told him at length I had reservation about his history with her — but he was convinced we were soul mates. Ultimately, months later, I decided friendship was all I wanted from him and while I appreciated how much he liked me I couldn’t return the feelings. He subsequently broke off the friendship because he couldn’t move past it. (Other than him impulsively kissing me once, we never had physicality or hooked up). Anyway, years passed by, and my friend from all those years ago reached out — she and I were in the process of catching up over what had been 5 years of not talking. I was so excited to have her back in my life and was happy to catch up and we were even planning a trip. But then she abruptly stopped reply my messages. The only reason I could think of is maybe she and him reconnected (they were always off and on as friends or lovers), and possibly she learned a version of what happened or him liking me and maybe she decided she didn’t want to be friends anymore (I’m assuming, I have no way of knowing). To make a long story shorter — I’ve been thinking a lot about friends who are more like family. And that kind of support and community of friendship is what I want. Specifically her friendship. Should I just accept things or should I reach out and try to make it work? Even going through the stress of possibly hurting her by addressing my past situation with him? I don’t think due to how I am naturally and all the trauma I’ve had in the past with friendship that I could have a friendship that sisterly and deep again. I really feel I would benefit from having her again as my close friend. Please let me know your thoughts & please be kind; I’m being vulnerable here.

    1. I completely get wanting to keep friends close, especially those with lots of history. However…

      This person has dipped in and out of your life not just because life happens but now when you were planning a trip. Without explanation, just ghosted. Anyone who cares about you and your friendship would have the decency to tell you why they were hurt or upset or no longer wanting to be friends. This person has not done this, not just for a day or a week but for a while. Yet here you are worrying about her feelings if you reach out and bring this up. This is a person who is not your close friend. She is not someone who has shown that she cares about you or your feelings.

      I don’t say this to be mean, I say this because I am like you. I have chased so-called friends who just hurt me worse by not putting in the same effort back. I have had friendships where I’ve cared more than the other person. And I’ve had friendships that I neglected because I was chasing someone else who didn’t put in the same effort I was putting in. Please save yourself the heartache chasing this person who is so easily cutting you out of her life. Please focus on the people who put in effort for you, who talk it out when they are upset with you, and who show you the love you deserve. <3

    2. She was a good friend to you at some time in the past, but she is not a good friend to you now. She was eager to rekindle the friendship and then went silent on you and does not return your messages – that is not someone you can rely on to be there for you through thick and thin.

      My best friend from high school is the same way – for some unknown reason, she stopped returning my calls and emails. It stings, yes, but there isn’t anything I can do about it since a friendship is not something only one person can maintain if the other person does not reciprocate.

      Look around and you will see someone else or multiple other persons who will value your friendship and not take that for granted. You can create a future friendship with one of these people and they can become that close friend that you want over time.

      So, I’d say you should move on and invest time and energy into people who haven’t given you the silent treatment in the past and whose character shows them to be worthy of your time and your trust in them.

  22. Looking for workout shirt recommendations that cover the butt.

    And more generally, any thoughts on workout attire for business travel? When traveling with colleagues (mostly older, male), I’m mortified by the thought of running into them at the hotel gym, so much so that I sometimes avoid workout or go running outside instead. Hoping some conservative workout clothes will help get up my courage. I’m one of the only female senior leaders at my company in a conservative industry so I like to look put together and appropriate at all times.

    1. When I’m likely to run into my male colleagues while working out (either travelling or at the office gym), I wear a short sleeved running tshirt (as opposed to strappy/ open back tank top that I might wear elsewhere) and calf length tights. Yes you can see my butt, but who cares. At least it’s not skimpy workout clothes & not alot of bare skin, which makes me self concious..

      Usually people will stay zoned in on their own workout… A good percentage of the time, they don’t even recognize me unless I say Hi first (or don’t look close enough to register). Apparently I look quite different with no makeup/hair back etc vs office clothes.

      Depending on what kind of workout you do, you can also workout in your hotel room. I have occasionally packed workout bands and a thin towel (the kind for hot yoga) into my bag.

    2. Is there really something wrong with a classic tee shirt and some yoga pants? This is my travel workout attire. I do go out of my way to get bootcut yoga pants and not skinnies (Costco has some!) because I feel like you can easily wear them a little baggy for modesty and comfort. For tees, I like Nike’s cut because they’re longer while still looking like a woman’s shirt (though in a pinch I’ll just buy Hanes’ boys XL T shirts from Walmart or Target). Also, maybe time to remind yourself to have the confidence of a mediocre white man. I see male coworkers at the gym all the time, most of whom are wearing shorts and DGAF. Why should we feel embarrassed of being correctly dressed for an activity?

  23. I failed the bar exam. Got the results on Friday on my way to work. Had to get off the bus because I couldn’t stop the tears. Told my boss and she was super sweet and sent me home early – not because I was crying, just because it was a slow day.

    I know I didn’t prepare hard enough, which almost makes it worse? I did a fully online bar prep course, but found it extremely difficult to stay motivated when I was home alone day after day. Even leading up to the test, I knew I didn’t have enough memorized, but even that didn’t scare me into all-night cram sessions (which is what got me through law school). There are other contributing factors/excuses, such as working part-time and some personal problems.

    On one hand, I’m lucky that I’m going into politics/government affairs, and the jobs I’m looking for do not require a license. But even so, I’m planning on retaking it in February. I can’t just give up without trying my best. I just wish I had actually tried my best the first time.

    Anyway, I’d love some advice from anyone who suffered a setback early in their career.

    1. I hope you’ll repost this on the Monday morning thread. This is so common, and I personally know so many attorneys who failed the first time, passed the second time, and went on to fine careers. I imagine many of the other lawyers here could say the same.

      If your schedule and resources allow it, I would consider taking an in-person class, based on what you said here.

    2. You are not alone. I took it twice and went on to a successful private practice and in-house career. I am now a GC of a global company. And interestingly, many of my classmates who were the “smart ones”, who did well in law school and passed the bar in one go, are now struggling with their career paths or don’t even practice anymore. You never know how it will turn out. I know it is so hard, but I urge you to pick yourself back up (quickly), figure out where you need to bone up (determine which sections need work and whether you need to work harder on the same approach or try something new), and be honest with yourself, boss, family, etc on what this will take, then do it. Hopefully you have a strong network of supporters and encouragers. You’ll experience the highs and lows of test prep but stay focused and live courageously! Good luck.

    3. In case you’re still reading this several days later…

      From someone who has been there, hugs. This one is so tough, in part because failing the bar is actually pretty common but we usually refuse to talk about it except as something shameful (it’s not!).

      Give your self some time off, a few days or a few weeks. Whatever you need to grieve. I cried for a week straight. Then take stock of what went wrong and how you can address that this time around. I’m pretty certain that (i) the standard BarBri course (in which they overload you with information) didn’t fit the way I learn best and (ii) I had a (stress-induced) health issue the first day of the test. The second time around I got a tutor who saw the test as a game in which you pick up points. Instead of having me cram masses of information, she gave me targeted tests, determined the holes in my knowledge, and had me study those target areas. I was also able to address the health issue. I passed the second time, spent seven years at prestigious biglaw firms, and am now in an in house position where I am very happy.

      You can do this.

Comments are closed.