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A bit of backstory here: about 18 months ago I got an amazing lip tint at Sephora on sale for $5. It was unlike any other lip product I'd ever had, in that the product went on wet, not tacky at all, then the wetness settled into a moisturizing balm, while the stain lasted for hours but below the balm, so (for example) I could wear it with a mask without transfer. It was one of the most comfortable, longest lasting lip products I've ever tried.
They have, of course, discontinued it.
This led me to the world of Korean lip tints, which the Jelly Melt was apparently a version of. I've gotten a few of them now, including two from this brand Rom&nd, and I really like them. I'm still trying to get the color just right for me — Fig Fig is a bit too warm a red for my taste, while the Plum Coke (pictured) is cute but more of a wintry shade for me — but neither is a big, in your face color.
Note that when you first apply you can either blot immediately, blot and layer it, or just let it fade naturally.
All in all I really like the ones I've tried, recommend them, and am definitely going to be keeping an eye out for more products like them.
This one is under $20 at Amazon, and available in 25 colors.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Anon
What tips would you give a teenager specifically about how not to be scammed or suckered into something that costs you dearly?
I discovered my naive high schooler recently “applied” to be a “brand ambassador” for a cheap jewelry scheme. It was your typical MLM deal repackaged for the IG generation. I feel like I failed to pass along a healthy dose of my own generation’s cynicism and am concerned she is going to head off to college and get talked into signing up for usurous credit cards or something and not realize what is what.
Anon
*”People are dangerous and not to be trusted.” (From the series Hannah.)
* Never sign anything until you have read and understood it. It is OK to ask clarifying questions, and if the person who wants you to sign gets annoyed, that tells you they care more about getting you to sign than they do about you.
* No matter how embarrassed you are by something you may have agreed to, if you come to me/us, we will help you.
* Most of the time, you (and your time/attention) are the product. Don’t sell yourself away.
But also, the world is a large, interesting, wonderful place, so be open to the [right kind of] experiences.
Anon
IDK but it’s good that you are thinking along these lines.
In the work front, people show they are legit and value you by paying you in money with an understanding of how much and when up front. They don’t pay you in “exposure” or in kind. [For influencers or one kid I know who is getting pitched for NIL deals but to pay in stuff vs $; kid doesn’t have $ to pay the taxes on the stuff he earns.] So if you are babysitting, you need to empower your kid to have this discussion before they get picked up, not leave the house not knowing if they will be paid, what they will be paid, or if it comes in cash or Venmo to mom (not all kids have that).
Read the fine print (minimum balances to avoid fees on bank accounts).
Anon
I don’t know who told this kid that taxes are not due on in-kind payments, but there is trouble ahead.
DC Inhouse Counsel
I think Anon at 2:17 is saying that the kid does have to pay the taxes, and it’s a problem because he doesn’t have money to pay the taxes.
Anon
OP on this: this is correct. Of course, most people don’t know that. But it’s like winning a car on the game show: you need cash to pay the taxes on that b/c it’s income and you can’t withhold on a car.
Also, if they have Venmo, put a passcode on it and even still never share you phone. It killed me when a woman asked to use my phone to call for a ride when she said that her car broke down, but I didn’t know her from Adam. I asked for a number and said that “I can’t share my work phone but I can make a call for you” and then . . . she walked away.
Anonymous
Can’t you make phone calls from a locked phone? I hand people my phone to take pictures at tourist attractions, and they do the same, but my phone stays locked.
Anon
I don’t know, but you are smart to try. Unbeknownst to me, my daughter listed a top on Poshmark or similar and was suckered into one of those “I’ll send you a check for over the amount, send me the balance in gift cards” scams. She lost over $1,000, and it makes me sick to think how hard she worked for that money and how easily she let it go. How she never thought to mention it to me, I have no idea. It was 3 years ago, and it still makes me sick.
Anon
Some people will never get it. I am surprised at how many people from my generation copy and paste those stupid things on Facebook like “mark Zuckerberg is going or start charging/selling your data/deleting your history unless you paste this into your wall. Pass it on”
These are people I previously thought were intelligent! I can’t imagine what they were like as teens. Anyway, yes! Pass along ALL the cynicism to your kids. All of it.
Anon
Yikes, I wouldn’t start talking about failing if your daughter is only a high schooler! This is how you learn these things, by making mistakes. This seems like it was a pretty low-stakes way to learn this lesson. Maybe don’t convey to your daughter that you think she’s an idiot.
Anonymous
Seriously. Adults fall for this crap all the time.
The old adage, if it seems too good to be true, it is, still applies in 2023. Generally, teach her to be curious and ask questions and think about how the person responds and what that shows her. This is applicable in life generally.
Anon
+1
No Face
OP said that *she* failed to pass on lessons to her daughter, not that the daughter failed or is an idiot.
Anon
Yes, thank you. We are in a small town where street smarts are more earthy than gritty, if that makes sense, and I don’t want to quash her optimism generally, but she is old enough to learn to pause and evaluate to avoid being taken advantage of.
Anonymous
I think I would give the same advice as I would to an adult or senior. Never give money or effort to something on the promise more is to come. (I know a lot of new freelance writers and designers get cheated this way.) Don’t do business with someone without a contract that specifies how and when you will be paid. If someone approaches you instead of you approaching them, then you need to vet. Teach them what vetting a person or business looks like.
Anon
Also, if you are a “creative” just no to jobs that want to see sketches before committing. If you have done the work for free, you lost the ability to monetize that time to them or anyone else. And they won’t hire you once they already have a good sketch. If they value your work or time, they will pay you for it even if they don’t use what you produce.
No Face
Do you watch tv with her? Watching the Hulu or Netflix documentaries about recent scams can be entertaining and illuminating. Like the one about that leggings MLM.
Anonymous
So… I hate MLM, but I wouldn’t say it “costs you dearly.” I’d suggest it’s a good thing to talk through these decisions as they come to you — you’re signing up for a new gym, how many times a week do you have to go to make it work? what does your payment include? how long are you committed? Similarly with app store stuff — if there’s a free trial make sure you know what they’re charging you for and when. Or if it’s all upsells in-app — maybe this isn’t the right app.
So along those lines — the MLM she signed up for — did she have to pay money initially to buy in? what is the math on whether this would work out? how long is she committed for? if she decides she hates selling to her friends how early can she cancel?
anon a mouse
It’s a good place to lean in on research, too. Googling “Is X a scam” will yield some pretty interesting results if you’re not sure, and you can make your own decisions from there.
Anon
She didn’t complete the sign up b/c I caught it in time. Had she gone through with it, she would have handed over her debit card info to a company knowing there were recurring fees to get sent a box of cheap jewelry each month. The premise being that she would get a commission from any sales she makes and can theoretically cancel at any time. Online reviews say not only is the jewelry awful quality, but the company won’t respond to emails or website contacts asking to cancel. She would have lost out on months of recurring fees, then bank fees to stop payments, etc. For a kid who only makes a few hundred a month and has no influencees to earn commissions from, that is a dear cost.
AIMS
I agree that you learn thru experience. But a good other point is don’t use a debit card to sign up for stuff.
Anonymous
I’m late chiming in here, so I don’t know if you’ll see this…
Scammers and influencers use most of the common marketing tactics when trying to hook people, so I got ahold of some old marketing textbooks and taught my kids what to look for. I also taught them to be very critical of what they see online and to fact-check everything. We also talked about MLMs and how they work.
I also taught my kids to be aware of a tactic that probably has a name where scammers will say something leading and wait for the mark to fill in some information before they continue. Fortune tellers and ‘psychics’ do the same thing. It’s hard to pick up on if you don’t know what to listen for (and sometimes even when you do) which is why so many adults fall for these things…
Lighting
Favorite online places to shop for lighting? Looking to replace two hideous boob-lighting fixtures in our dining/living area. If you have anything specific to recommend, please post. Just needs to work with standard size post-war NYC apartment ceilings. One would be going over a round dining table, the other closer to a foyer in an open plan living/dining living room with no separate entryway.
Anon
Rejuvenation if you are trying to match a more it’s been here for a while aesthetic with solid metal. It will cost you though. Also love danish design store (similar price point).
Anon
I’ve ordered lots of lights from Wayfair. I have a Rejuvenation fixture that I bought used, and even at half-price, it was lots of dollars for what it was. Wayfair tends to be a step up from HD, but lights are really lights. You are mostly paying for the design; the guts of one are nearly identical to the guts of the rest of them. I’ve probably personally installed a hundred lights over 30 years of home ownership, including a couple of houses we’ve flipped, and I’ve never had a problem related to the quality of the fixture itself. (Ceiling fans are a different story-there are differences in brands of ceiing fans.)
Anon
We just replaced a number of lights in our 1930s home with (barely) 8 foot ceilings. We needed flush mount with short drops and I love the Pottery Barn Clarissa models. They give great light and are gorgeous. If you have high ceilings, you have more options. I liked the Adeline models too.
NYCer
Shades of Light has a lot of nice options.
Anon
They have awful customer service.
anon
We’ve had a lot of luck with West Elm.
Anon
+1 – I love west elm lighting
Cat
Late comment but Pottery Barn’s lighting is also great. Higher quality than the furniture. Love their sconces in our bathrooms.
Runcible Spoon
I love my Ballard Designs carriage house pendants in black. They come in three sizes, and I put a large one hanging by a chain over my dining room table, and a small one flush-mounted elsewhere. They have no glass, so easy to dust/clean, and quite inexpensive. Repeating the same ceiling light fixture throughout the home is a design thing, too.
Anon
Thanks all for the bra recs for a projected 38G last week. Based on your recommendations I ordered the Panache Andora, Panache Envy, and Panache Ana. They all fit so I’m keeping them. I wore the Envy balconnette bra all weekend and while I’m still getting used to the wires, which are shaped differently from Elomi, it’s the fit and neckline I was looking for.
Thanks again!
Anonymous
hooray! so glad you got some good ones.
Anon
Glad you found the comment supportive! -pun very much intended ;)
OP
Haha but literally, when you get new bras you realize how stretched-out/unsupportive your old bras have become. My eyes are up here, thank you very much… but so are my b00bs, now.
Worried
I so love how a new bra makes you realize how stretched out the old ones were! As a 34 ff, my bras stretch out after six months, though I keep them longer, but I certainly notice the difference!
This is not what you asked, but one suggestion— I have a couple of panache bras, and the shape is amazing— however, the panache underwires do bother me quite a bit( this may not be the case for you) I would also recommend freya or fantasie, as their wires are not as rigid and are narrower, making them more comfortable for me. I’ve gone so far as to phone bravissimo, and ask for thinner wires and a deeper plunge, as I’m only 5’4 and otherwise the wires are too high on my frame. They were helpful with pointing out some specific styles.
OP
Thanks for that. I think narrower wires would be wrong for me, but lower ones, yes! I’ve heard of people bending them slightly outward but I’d hate to do that to my nice new bras.
Worried
I’ve been happy with some plunge styles for sure. I agree that fiddling with wires on new bras is likely not the way to go. I have a fleet of older no longer worn bras that I am stockpiling and may experiment with all the diy one day:)
Anonymous
You might like the Bravissimo Millie, then. It’s still too wide for me, like Panache, but the wires are slightly lower and less rigid.
Jules
Great!
Anonymous
How much should I expect to pay to get shoe soles replaced? MCOL area. Italian leather oxfords
Anon
Depends on the shoe but I’d estimate $40-$60.
Anon
It’s gone up in the last couple of years. In my MCOL city, it would be $60 minimum.
Anonymous
Yes. Update: $45 for half-sole, $25 to add the heel.
Anon
I just paid $52 for my Ferragamo loafers to be re-soled. BC they set me back 35-40.
New manager woes
Hi all, I have recently started managing my first report (less than 2 months) and it’s going badly. Missed deadlines, miscommunication about deliverables, what have you. I’m used to receiving and parsing incomplete instructions and figuring out a lot from context clues, and this new hire is not there yet, and she is also new to our line of work, so I don’t blame her for that. I think I can address issues of not dropping tasks and communication separately, but I need to get better at giving precise instructions. Are there checklists for that kind of thing? And do I need to do everything in writing now, so I can refer back to what my instructions were exactly? That feels kinda adversarial.
AIMS
I would reframe how you view written instructions. Rather than being adversarial, think of it as helping this person follow what is actually required by having something to reference other than their own notes/memory and something that may be helpful to you in terms of what info you may be leaving out that’s necessary for them to know.
I think being able to figure things out with incomplete information is a valuable skill and I can appreciate being frustrated that you have to spell everything out but I don’t think using, say, email to communicate things is bad in and of itself.
Anonymous
Instructions in writing are actually what many people would prefer, since it’s something you can go back and reference a few times and not worry that your own note-taking was incomplete. With missed deadlines, can you walk him or her through how to create a production schedule for the project or task? Sometimes when new, it’s easy for a person to underestimate how long certain steps may take, such as wrangling input from a client or team member or getting approvals. Walking through how you do this and the potential sources of delay and strategies to avoid may help set them up better for success going forward. You also may find it valuable to do more regular check-ins. This will be an opportunity for them to ask questions on anything that’s incomplete and improve communication with you and for you to keep a closer eye on progress. Sometimes a lack of communication is as simple as a new hire not wanting to trouble someone because they are getting the vibe that they need to just do the best they can with incomplete or conflicting info so as not to trouble others but not knowing how. You are a manager, and a big part of bringing someone new up to speed is managing this way with taking the time to give thoughtful instruction, set realistic goals, demonstrate and explain work processes, set communication standards and processes, and create systems for achieving objectives.
Nesprin
Make sure they bring something to write on to every meeting. At the end of each meeting, ask your report to verbally summarize what she you talked about and what she has on her todo list.
Anon
Talk to them about the requirements first, then follow up with a written summary. Think of the 5 Ws and H from grammar school. “Hi Katie! To summarize the project we just discussed, I need [what] by [when] submitted to [where]. This is for [who], and remember they like it in [how] format.” You don’t need to include the why in the written instructions, only in the beginning verbal instructions so they understand the big picture.
Anon
Just want to say this after this weekend’s discussion about “small cocaine” (LOL). The discussion was amusing, but there’s an underlying theme there that I feel like I want to talk about because I am the child of an alcoholic, the sister of an alcoholic/addict who nearly died due to addiction, and the relative and friend of others who have struggled.
One thing I learned in Al-Anon is that outside of a prescription medication for a diagnosed medical condition provided by a licensed physician, looking to mind-altering substances to help us cope with emotions like sadness, disappointment, anxiety, grief, etc. can become a problem quickly. It’s not so much that “I had a bad day and so I’m having an extra glass of wine” is problem behavior. But going into a place of “I had a bad day and so I NEED a glass of wine (or a gummy, or a bump, or whatever) because I can’t tolerate feeling like this, even temporarily” can lead to a road of “I am going to use a substance instead of finding another way of dealing with my feelings.” Because bad feelings are part of living, and we will all have to confront them at some point. And ingesting a substance rather than handling the feeling just postpones experiencing the feeling. Substances don’t erase feelings; they just mask them. And putting substances between yourself and your feelings is how many people get addicted.
I also think there is still a perception out there that unless you are homeless/unemployed/have hit bottom, you can’t have a substance-abuse problem. Functional alcoholism/drug addiction is absolutely a thing. You can be a very together-seeming, employed (successfully!), organized person with involved friends and family and still be an addict. If you need the substance to get through the day, and being without the substance for an extended period starts to feel psychologically burdensome and you feel you need to release the pressure somehow – consider you may have a dependency. And if you have one, then it’s okay to ask for help. It’s actually critical that you ask for help. Before things go down a dark road.
I promise, I am not trying to stir the pot or be a scold. I drink and I have used MJ gummies on occasion. What I saw in the weekend discussion from the OP concerned me, especially when she got defensive in some of her rebuttals. Defensiveness about use is a waving red flag. If someone is at the point when they get defensive about what they’re doing, it’s time to do some self-examination about why that is. I just want to encourage anyone who may have any small or big worries about their substance use – there’s nothing wrong with going to an AA meeting or reaching out to a counselor to discuss. There are people here who are in recovery and can give totally anonymous support and help. Trust me – everyone in your life would rather see you reach out for help than suffer in silence.
Anon
Another child of alcoholics here. Amen.
Anon
Thanks – a great post. All true.
I was listening to this week’s NPR podcast Hidden Brain, that is always interesting. The guest was a psychologist/counselor who counseled folks with mood/life issues and they regularly used substances, and how common it became for the substance use to actually become the source of the ongoing problem. One of the talked about their use of cannabis, which was not too unique. It was all relatable.
But what was interesting about the episode was it told the story of the psychologist, who actually developed an addiction to reading romance novels. She describes, a little embarrassed of it herself actually, her progression to reading more and more hours in her free time and advancing to more erotica and how it was actually interfering with her life. And it’s funny how long it took her before she realized she was in fact dependent… a kind of addiction… on her romance novels for her daily hit of pleasure and now was choosing it over spending time with her family/kids/everything.
Really, the tendency towards addiction is in all of us, some of us more than others, especially if we have mental illness in our genes/life or stressors or other tendencies. It can be addiction to anything from drugs/alcohol to gambling to shopping to eating to video games to our cell phones etc… Sometimes we can control our habits… obsessions… but once they become addictions they are interfering with our lives.
And again – all of us are susceptible – under the right conditions. And some of us have a higher genetic risk. So don’t judge…. it could be you… your child… your friend…. your spouse.
Anonymous
But this seems like a bastardization of the term addiction. I can’t function in the morning without coffee. A good friend goes on runs really regularly for her mental health. Taking drugs to help correct neurochemistry is discussed here frequently, and while pot isn’t the same as Wellbutrin one could argue that’s because of federal governmental regulations and the war on drugs – cocaine, barbiturates, morphine, opioids were once prescribed widely.
Not saying there isn’t some soul searching to be done, but likening these things to actual addicts isn’t appropriate.
(And, if Ozempic and other drugs can “cure addiction,” what does that mean?)
Anon
You misunderstand the definition of addiction. That’s ok – most people do. You absolutely can be addicted to all the things I mentioned. it’s just that some of the things are more likely to kill you if you become addicted to them. Perhaps that is what you mean?
You should listen to the podcast.
Ozempic just confirms what doctors already knew. There is a biologic cause / contributor to addiction. It makes complete sense. It’s why some people become quickly addicted to substances and others don’t. Our genetics vary from person to person, as does our brain function based on our environment/meds. It’s why some Parkinsons patients suddenly become addicted to gambling at the age of 80 when started on a medication that increases the dopamine pathway.
Not everything is under our direct control.
anonshmanon
Thanks for such a thoughtful post. The line between treat yo’self and using stuff to cope is not always easy to identify!
Anonymous
I’m the original poster of that thread and I really don’t appreciate this. As I mentioned in follow comments my issue is not addiction, I was very sad to be not pregnant meaning my latest IUI failed and trying to find some levity in the situation. It was a painful day for me and I don’t appreciate a condescending lecture today.
I was not defensive in my responses just clarifying. For your information, although you don’t deserve the courtesy, I’ve never taken any sort of drug and wound up having two glasses of rose.
But congrats on kicking me while I’m down I guess. I appreciate everyone else who didn’t!
anon
Wow – that is not at all what any of us expected to hear. Your other post was written so…. oddly, that we took it as either a joke/fake or a non-english speaker trying to be funny or ….? That’s why the responses were so tongue in cheek.
You need to share a little bit to get what you need, if it’s something serious.
I’m glad you feel comfortable now to share where you were coming from. That sucks. Many on this site feel your frustration. Hope the rose helped.
Anonymous
I got exactly what I needed! Many people commented that they could not stop laughing which cheered me up to no end. What I did not and do not need is a condescending lecture days later.
Anon
Reconsider becoming a parent, at least for right now. You’re not ready for it, if you can’t handle anyone questioning your choices when you make very questionable statements.
Anonymous
Wow. Way to kick someone when they’re down. I hope you aren’t an example to anyone.
Trish
I am sorry the mean girls are out in full force. The cocaine comment was obviously a joke.
Anon
If you think this isn’t defensive, try reading it out loud to yourself. And also ask yourself – if someone you didn’t know said they were TTC and asked you about trying cocaine because they’d quit drinking – how would you react? What would you think about that person?
I’m sorry about the IUI. My thoughts are with you. Help is here if you need to talk.
Anonymous
Why would I want help from you when you persist in assuming I’m an addict because of a light hearted Friday post? I cannot be any clearer. I have never tried drugs. I do not have a drinking problem.
Anon
How were we to know it really was a lighthearted post??
Anonymous
Context clues
AIMS
It’s not shocking that someone didn’t get what was meant to be a joke on the internet. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, OP.
For those defending the overreaction, maybe just say “glad you’re not actually struggling with cocaine issues, that wasn’t clear to me.” Not every post is a judgment on you personally just because that is how you may feel about it in that moment (see also: the great granite debacle on what was also intended to be a lighthearted thread about things that are silly).
Anon
Hugs and solidarity
Anonymous
Thank you I really appreciate it!
Explorette
After today’s post, I had to go back and reread the thread because I didn’t pay much attention and just laughed about small cocaine. I didn’t find your responses defensive. I think this poster is projecting their experience onto everyone. I didn’t appreciate today’s post either, especially after rereading last week’s and today’s poster saying your responses were “concerning.” I’d take this with a grain of salt (or a bump).
Also, try gummies! That’s my go-to when I don’t wine but want the same feeling.
Anonymous
Thanks! I truly do appreciate it
Cat
I took your post in the spirit intended and really dislike when people dredge up a prior post bc they didn’t have their say sufficiently at the time, or whatever. Hugs for what is a really tough time!!
Anon
OK but this morning’s bad driver truly was defensive!
OP, I just recommended you take a gummy but it was really hard to figure out if you were serious when you asked if you should be doing some coke. You can not appreciate a follow up post that is apparently heartfelt all you like, but if you wanted a serious response to your original question, you should have worded it more clearly. I initially thought it was a tr-ll.
Anonymous
I was fine with everything Friday! I just really didn’t need a follow up.
Anonymous
Here’s a follow-up anyway. Your post was hilarious and now I think “small cocaine” will be part of the vernacular here.
Anonymous
Excellent! My work here is done.
Anon
Yikes, you picked a weird way to express that on Friday.
Beenthere
Knowing this is way to deep down in the threads that it will not be seen, I still want to have my say. I suspect answers will vary depending on whether the posters have had experience in their lives of addiction to the level it gets ‘non functional’ or not. If you do live with someone who can become non functional following taking whatever substance (be it legal or not) you are very highly tuned to changes in behaviour that mean maybe they have taken too much prescription medication, or gone and bought a bottle of vodka and the spidery senses are usually right. If this a world you have not lived in, then those behaviours can seem totally normal and explainable away with ‘a bad night’ or a ‘tough week at work’. My hugs to those who live in the former world. It is hard.
Anonymous
Jumping off the recent conversations here about discontinued skincare/beauty products. What are your Holy Grail items that have been discontinued and you actively scour AMZ, EBay, Posh, etc for?
Mine are:
–Lipstick Queen lipsticks…I love their texture and have two colors that look AMAZING on me. I may have 4-6 tubes of the color changing one (Frog Prince) and a nude for me one (St Nude) tucked away for when I finish my current tubes
–Jellycat stuffed animal…my preschooler’s favorite stuffy is a white furred [animal] that’s no longer in production. I found another new one on EBay and we’ve been actively rotating them so the two wear evenly. Would not mind a second backup.
— a few favorite pieces of clothing in the next size up due to weight gain. I could really use my favorite Lole shorts in a larger size to complete my summer casual look these days
Anon
There’s a J.Crew business dress from a few years ago that I now own in multiple sizes and colors. (I’m a pear, and it has a pleated skirt which is so forgiving on my shape!) I have an alert on eBay and Mercari and search Poshmark when I think of it.
Anon
I too am interested in J. Crew business dresses with pleated skirts… what is it called?
Anon
I don’t know! My search term is “J.Crew pleated dress.”
Runcible Spoon
L’oreal Active Daily Moisture SPF 15 Lotion — I MISS it!
Anon
I do that until they get too expensive. Stella by Stella McCartney is ridiculously expensive now on the secondary market.
I still look for a lipstick I like but now I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want it to get too popular and expensive haha.
Anonymous
wait, is lipstick queen gone? oh no!!
I desperately miss Kiehls royal beauty balm even though it’s been well over a decade since they made it. I may have cried when I found out (admittedly, post-partum tears not really about that)
Clara
I know there are some romance fans here so figured its a good place to ask –
What are some romance books you’ve read that are a good example of how you would actually want a relationship to be?
I was chatting with a guy on an app and romance novels came up – I was thinking of mentioning the Jasmine Guillory ones, thinking of more.
Bet Me
Bet Me, by Jennifer Cruise. She stopped writing romances a few years back, but this is my favorite.
Anon
Uhh none? Romance novels, at least all the ones I’ve read, read like they were written by a 12 year old girl who has never been in a relationship. I mean, I enjoy reading them on occasion, but it’s wild to me that you would considering modeling a real relationship on one.
Anon
Yeah, I’ve got to agree with this. I do sometimes enjoy a romance novel, but I find romances and romcoms fundamentally problematic as a relationship model due to their inherent structure. When the entire point is a happily ever after, the only way to have a plot is to contrive barriers that ending. That usually occurs due to the characters doing something stupid, annoying, or irrational to create entertaining situations before reaching the happy ending. For that reason, I find myself gravitating more to romances with sad endings or genuine barriers between the couple, not just people being stupid and miscommunicating to create plot.
In real life, I prefer my relationships to be happy, drama free, with open communication, and not at all interesting to read about!
Anon
I do usually dislike romcoms that fall back on contrived barriers.
Life doesn’t always give us an option about genuine barriers, so I do appreciate stories that reflect those experiences.
Anonymous
Romance novels are the *last* place I would look to find a good example of how I would want a relationship to be.
While I have read some I like, the entire genre is nothing more than an unrealistic and idealized fantasy of relationships.
Anon
I mean, prolly not GoT.
Anon
I love the relationship between the narrator and his wife in Wallace Stegner’s, “Crossing To Safety.”
Anonymous
Big romance fan here, but I had to think about it. My favorite tropes are
– alpha surprised/appreciative of how competent and amazing his wife is (marriage of convenience, forced marriage)
– enemies to lovers… mostly because he appreciates how competent and amazing his enemy is
– secret dating that then leads to falling in love because he appreciates how competent and amazing she is.
Huh.
There are other tropes where “she finally finds someone she can trust and relax with” and “she’s so so tired and… trusts him enough to relax” and … huh.
So trust and appreciation of the whole person, I guess.
Maudie Atkinson
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Maudie Atkinson
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