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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: High-Waist Crop Cigarette Pants

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Gray pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Every time I comb through the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, I find something new to love. These high-waisted crop pants from Vince are perfectly tailored and well-suited for any business casual office.

Pair them with a blouse, sweater blazer, and loafers for a comfy, pulled-together look.

The pants are $209, marked down from $325, and come in sizes 00–16.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

270 Comments

  1. My partner and I are thinking of planning a 2 week trip to Northern India – the well trod Golden a triangle area + whatever is realistic in 2 weeks. My partner is pretty apprehensive and not sure the trip will be fun/reasonably comfortable and relaxing. This stems from a very difficult trip to Egypt in 2019, where we saw amazing things but were nowhere close to comfortable or physically safe.

    We want to travel independently (no tour group) and have low levels of comfort by Canadian standards – what should we be aiming at when looking at hotels/guest houses? After looking at the Indian gov rating system is it 2 star? 3 star? Is this whole plan doomed? Looking for lived experience or helpful blogs from non influencers…

    1. Well if you want fun and relaxing, you don’t do a totally self guided trip staying in two star hotels. India is a great destination! It’s also chaotic and overwhelming and poor.

    2. I think you should probably find someone else to go with you. India is a beautiful place that’s well worth visiting, but travel there isn’t going to “comfortable” and if he didn’t enjoy Egypt I don’t think India is going to be better. I took my husband to Thailand a few years ago and it was a disaster. I’ve accepted that he’s not the right travel companion for developing countries unless we’re just based in a resort.

    3. I would only do a tour in India if you want comfort and I’d focus more on affordability of hotels than stars. Personally, I’d hire a travel agent or tour guide if I didn’t personally know people who are Indian and could help me plan.

    4. I am Indian-American but don’t speak any Indian languages, and DH is Caucasian. We did the Golden Triangle for our honeymoon in 2013. We worked with the travel agency Infinite Journeys which arranged our trip. They booked our hotels, a personal driver for the entire trip, and English-speaking tour guides at each city. We stayed at the Oberoi in Delhi, Samode Haveli in Jaipur, and Taj Hotel in Agra. It was shortly after the gang r@pe of a woman on a bus in 2011 and I was nervous about traveling there, but having our own driver and guides to greet us at each city put me at ease. It is still one of the most memorable trips we have ever taken and I always encourage people to visit India and do the Golden Triangle in particular. But you should be aware that India is one of the most dangerous places for women, so you should be hyper-vigilant. Stick to open-air markets for shopping, not buildings where you could be trapped by aggressive salespeople. Don’t give money to beggars on the street, otherwise you will quickly be swarmed. To avoid food pathogens, eat your meals at the hotel or restaurants that cater to tourists. It sounds like you are seasoned travelers so you may know these things already. Also, remember to get a travel visa for India! I know someone who didn’t know he needed one until he got to the airport, and ended up not being able to go.

      1. I would definitely use a travel agency that arranges for a private driver and guide for a trip like this.

      2. I endorse this. DH and I went to India for a milestone birthday of mine in 2012. I had lived there (diplomatic brat) as a kid. We used Easy Tours of India to arrange the trip, and were under what I call “heavy escort” greeters, drivers, guides, porters, the whole works, and the trip was very efficient and smooth. At our one somewhat-budget hotel (think 4 star not 6 star) we chatted with a couple traveling independently and they were dealing with many, many hassles with transportation, touts, etc. For your itinerary, Golden Triangle is great, if time allows I would go west to Jodhpur (fly or overnight train) and see the wonderful Fort there, and then work your way east to Jaipur then Agra, and back to Delhi via private car. Taj and Oberoi hotels are in most (all?) cities and are all wonderful, and we had no issues with sanitation. All that said, if Egypt was a problem because of exposure to poverty and not just comfort/safety, India might not be a great choice. Traveling with a man you will be generally safe (the safety issue there is more sexual harassment than terrorism).

    5. Just in case you need to hear this: it’s ok if international travel to exotic locales isn’t your thing. It’s the trendy thing right now, but you can make something closer to home your thing.

      1. Yes, but also there are a LOT of countries that are easier to travel in than India and it’s ok to stick to those too. I’ve been to 50+ countries and India is still daunting to me.

    6. TBH if “fun/reasonably comfortable and relaxing” is the goal, I’m not sure that an independent trip is a match for it? That kind of trip is fascinating, mind-expanding, incredible, but it is going to require a ton of energy (both in the planning and in the execution) and being outside your comfort zone to do it as a DIY.

      1. Another Indian-American here. I would not describe traveling in India as relaxing. It is definitely an active vacation and traveling in big cities involves a lot of cars and honking. It can be a bit of a sensory overload at times, so build in time to relax in your hotel. Also, consider traveling in the winter. It will be incredibly hot and uncomfortable in the summer.

        1. Following closely-I am Indian American and husband is white. We have been to India together (his first time) and it blew his mind. He also doesn’t love this kind of travel. We have two kids, 5 and 8, and I really want them to see India and know that the whole world doesn’t live the way they do. While I’m passionate about giving them this experience…I am not excited about the trip. It’s so much work and not very relaxing and I’m really afraid of the kids getting sick. I still think it’s worth doing it, i would love to hear your recommendations for traveling to India with kids.

          1. I’m the anon from 10:40. My husband is white and I will not travel with him to India. He would not enjoy the travel, heat, etc. The only times I’ve been to India have been to visit family. So I’ve been to India several times, but sadly haven’t seen much of the country. I remember going multiple times as a kid, but again we had family there who we stayed with and basically did daily life stuff with them. I don’t have kids, so I’m sorry I don’t have any specific recommendations, but I would wait until they are in their teens.

            My mom has an Indian friend who did a tour with a group. I think it may have been Gate1. She’s also visited India many times, but saw so much more than she did when just visiting family. Gat1 skews older, but you’re in a big group, everything is organized for you and you would probably travel in air-conditioned buses There were a couple of recommendations above for travel agents as well who will arrange the hotels and tour guides. If not with a group, then I would definitely do that.

            You have to be careful about what you eat and only drink bottled water. Once I bought a prescription of Cipro with me which I ended up using. Bring Pepto and Immodium as well.

    7. I’m an immigrant from India. I really do have to dissuade you from travelling there anytime soon. I cannot emphasise enough how difficult it will be to ensure your safety as a woman and peace as a foreign tourist (you will be hassled and scammed from the time you fly into the airport). Don’t do it.

    8. Thanks for the comments everyone – the types of hotels being mentioned by name are well, well beyond our price range and intended level of comfort, which makes me a bit worried about my vision of the trip at more moderate (by western standards) hotel options.

      For those who have gone, does having a driver and a guide insulate you from the worst of the hassling? I know when we were in Egypt, the few times we had a driver or guide we were significantly less targeted by randos…

      1. Yes, I would say a driver and a guide are requirements for having a safe trip. I’m Indian and live in the US. But even when I visit I get stares because it seems like people know I’m from abroad. I know you said you don’t want group travel, but if this is your first time that may be a better option for seeing the country. You would have to see if it is cheaper than going through a travel agency and hiring private guides, etc.

      2. Yes – 99% reduction in hassling with guide and driver, though my tolerance for hassling beggars and touts is pretty good so YMMV. Look at the Taj Vivanta hotels – they’re still Taj quality but not flagship level pricey. (Think Courtyard by Marriott vs. JW Marriott). They’ll be “luxury” by Indian standards, but not converted palaces with a butler for every room luxury.

        To the point above about how it’s OK if international travel isn’t your thing, I would add that it’s also OK to skip a destination that’s very hard to do well independently on a small budget until you have a bigger budget to play with. It’s also OK to use the resources available to make the trip more pleasant – just because I was delivered by a liveried chauffer in a private golf cart to the Taj Mahal, vs. walking from a hostel in Taj Ganj, doesn’t mean I didn’t see and appreciate it.

        1. Thanks, that’s helpful, and the tip re: Taj Vivanta. When I googled and saw that the other hotels were $400 CAD a night, it really made me rethink what is necessary for a reasonably comfortable trip to India, or perhaps what others here consider comfort. A lot to think about and try to assess from a distance…

      3. Taj Vivanta is a good option. Also Fairfield by Marriott. The India most people visited is not the same as todays India. Lots of development and tons of foreigners in the golden triangle, but it’s also expensive. If you stick to cooked food you’ll be fine. Indian cuisine has something for everyone.

        Frankly if I decided to go to place based on what was reported in the news, I’d never venture outside my super safe country. I’d certainly never go to the US.

      4. I went to India a few years ago for a friends wedding (the spouse grew up and has family there). We had a private driver and were with locals much of the time but even so, when you are in a market or tourist site or what have you there will be people coming up to you and asking for money. It’s incredibly beautiful and fascinating country AND there is incredible crowding, poverty, and filth. I would love to return but not for a trip where relaxing was the goal.

    9. Can I ask what went wrong on your trip to Egypt, and what you would do differently if you were to decide to go again? I have always, always wanted to go to Egypt but my husband is very dubious, because of concerns about comfort and safety. If we need to save up enough money to have a private guide the entire time, that would be fine but I would like to plan for that in advance. We’re thinking about going next year for a milestone anniversary.

      1. Original poster, speaking specifically of spring 2019 in Egypt from the perspective of young-appearing, white Canadians. We had a significant interest in history and hit the main spots – Cairo, Luxor, Aswan, with day trips to Abu Simbel and the less-famous pyramids in the Cairo vicinity (step pyramid, etc.). In Cairo we were in a cheap-ish hotel, in Aswan and Luxor we were in guest houses hosted by locals. The guest house experiences were great, the hotel was acceptable but not great.

        In terms of experience, tourist and non-tourist targeted terrorism was a much more significant factor than we had expected when we initially planned the trip. There were bombings of tourist buses near the Great Pyramids both before and after we left, resulting in numerous deaths. There was a bombing at a historic, tourist-friendly mosque the day after we went. Unrelated to terrorism, there was a significant train crash in the Cairo train station, resulting in numerous deaths, a few days after we had taken a train from that station to Aswan. There were (probably inoperable) metal detectors and xray machines for bags, staffed by bored men with machine guns, at all sorts of sites. To get to Abu Simbel you have to be driven through a military establishment with so many check points and machine guns and etc. etc. Also at the time Sudan was going through/beginning civil war or unrest – I forget – and Abu Simbel is close to the border. All this made me feel unsafe.

        Tourism numbers were extremely low while we were there, and we were the subject of significant harassment/touting. I obviously have sympathy for the people who struggled to make a livelihood with no tourists, but it was often 10-1 ratio (touters to tourists) most places we went.

        Official government workers at the tourist sites – who make most of their money from tips – also suffered from low tourism, and we were heavily touted by the various guards who unlocked sites for us. The exception was Luxor, which was clearly run very differently.

        We did a significant amount of independent travel in Cairo to see the major Islamic and Christian sites. We should have hired a guide/fixer, especially for the Islamic sites. Various guards didn’t want to let us in because we “didn’t look like the pictures” on our Cairo Pass, oh we’re closed right now, etc. etc. until we paid high high “tips.”

        That said, we have many positive experiences, some great home stays, good guides to Abu Simbel and the lesser pyramids, a great felcua sailing time, etc. etc. But that all came after a tough 5 or 6 days in Cairo….

        If we were to do things differently, I would:
        1) Stay in a nicer hotel in Cairo. Having a respite from the city would have been nice.
        2) Hire a guide/fixer for everything in Cairo. Do not spend any time independently in the City.
        3) I would not have taken the regular train from Cairo to Aswan – it was fine, but not good. Not sure what the other options were, but I should have found one of them.

        1. Oh, I am so bummed to hear this. DH and I had a magical DIY trip to Egypt in 2008, 20-something Caucasians – we flew into Cairo and toured with no trouble, spend time on the Red Sea / Mt Sinai, and did a cruise from Aswan to Luxor. The worst that happened was a pair of DH’s pants went missing from the boat. But times have changed :(

        2. Having also been to Egypt (although decades ago), I can tell you with confidence that the things you wish you did in Egypt you should DEFINITELY do in India. It will make or break your trip. A note on the train since you mention it: I took the train in India, overnight in first class AC, but I did it out of nostalgia for my childhood trips in second class, so it was fun. My husband, who didn’t have the nostalgia coloring everything, didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I did. It’s a relatively clean, relatively safe, cheap way to get around, and you’ll get a chance to interact with the “real” India, but even in the best class we still had rats in the compartment and you could see the train tracks going by when you looked down the toilet.

        3. My husband and I went to Egypt over Christmas/New Years this last year (2022-2023) and had a wonderful time with very little harassment. We worked with a travel agency and had guides/fixers in each city but were not on a tour. Sounds like we did a more luxury trip but I felt perfectly safe as a youngish, white American woman.

      1. Tours aren’t a very good option for us, as I find we have signifigantly different interests and speed than any tour group that has to cater to multiple people. For instance, we typically start early/go late and skip lunch, but then want to spend longer than average at each specific site. We are not interested in shopping or “visit the factory” or whatever. We don’t want to do a fake homestay for a day or two. Obviously I understand why tours exist and I was dragged on some as a teen, but that isn’t something we are considering.

        1. If you don’t want to do a tour or hire a driver/guide and also want a relaxing, not stressful trip free from harassment and scams, don’t go to India.

        2. I hear you, I’m pretty anti-tour group too, but people do tours because it’s cheaper, safer, and more convenient than doing it on their own. Yes there are drawbacks. But if you want a safe and at least somewhat relaxing trip in a not particularly safe country, then you either need to pay out the nose for private guides everywhere and hotels that cater to tourists, or you can go with a group so you’re sharing those costs with others.

          1. Just wanted to comment that my fiancé and I are not group tour people, but we’ve also have good luck with reputable local guides, and have not felt we paid out the nose for them. We have not been to India, but had a private driver and guide for 7 days in Jordan and in total, it was not a great deal more expensive than the cost of a taxi from place to place, and it enhanced our experience and comfort level greatly.

        3. I think the quality and availability of tours has really. improved — you can find some great organizations that offer small group or private, customized itinerary, etc — it is worth seeing what’s out there (and look carefully into the reviews!). However, great quality services like this are expensive – so if you’re trying to do this trip on the cheap, may not be the right fit

          FWIW — I consider myself a very seasoned, very comfortable, solo female traveler (totally comfortable winging it in eg Sierra Leone, Morocco, China, Ethiopia, Guinea, Colombia, public transport everywhere, sleeping at the bus station, working in languages I don’t speak, know I can keep my head in an armed robbery, calm with police and border guards) and also good at navigating “adventurous trips” with people who are not (took my brother who hadn’t left the US in 10 years on a public transit, taxi-brousse, Senegal-to-Mali trip and he loved it!) — and I would not go to India alone without A LOT of planning. It’s a tough one! If you found Egypt difficult but still want adventurous independent travel, don’t feel bad about picking somewhere easier than India to start

        4. I’m here to agree with you on the tours point. I think having a private guide would be fine, but I’ve done group bus tours in two countries that aren’t very accessible to solo Americans (Cuba and Iran) and they were both horrible (the tours, not the countries). I really, really dislike group tours and it sounds like you do too. It’s ok to own that and not want to do a group tour! But it also means India may not be the place for you if you can’t afford a private guide.

    11. I think of India as a bucket list, cultural experience trip, not a fun relaxing trip. If you want a compromise, I’d suggest splitting up the trip with time in Europe wherever your layover would be.

      But also, it sounds like your partner doesn’t want to do this trip? You know them better than we do, but for a lot of people, expressing apprehension is a nice way of saying no I don’t want to do this. I think you owe it to your partner to find a mutually agreeable location, especially if you’re asking them to devote 2 weeks of vacation time to this trip.

    12. The golden triangle has tons of 4/5 * hotels. You can hire a car and a curated tour also. Very doable and safe.

    13. don’t do it. my husband and I did exactly the trip you describe on our own in 2013 and it was miserable. so stressful that, I, who have endo and bleed at the drop of a hat, missed a period. I was constantly harassed verbally and physically. Even having a guide at a tourist site didn’t help – at one point the guide had to threaten to call the cops when some teenage boys kept following and touching me. when we got back our Indian friends asked us what the h3ll we had been thinking. And this was Southern India, which is supposed to be safer. we are very seasoned travellers in hard-to-travel in places and India defeated us. I will never go back.

      1. I’ve heard the same thing from several well-traveled friends, some of whom are Indian-American. It’s a HARD country for travel.

    14. You might want to look into the small group, flexible/adaptable, tours offered by Overseas Adventure Travel. They have a great reputation, especially in “difficult” countries, and often will adapt to travelers’ requests for adjustments on the spot. This might be the sweet spot between an unaffordable private-tour and guide trip and an undesirable fixed bus-tour type situation.

  2. Do you ever think about what it means to live a “big” life? If so, what does that mean to you, and how do you go towards it?

    2. I see the posters on here and in my own life who choose to chase the brass rings of big house, car, private schools, the “right” clothes, vacations, etc and thank my lucky stars I opted out. So I’d say first, examine if that’s something you actually want, or do you feel compelled to go along with it all because that’s what your society expects of you?

      1. This! I try to spend my time with people who have similar values and lifestyles. I’m not interested in keeping up with the Joneses.

    3. this is a gretchen rubin- ism, i think, right? I think it means challenging yourself to grow. Going for what is best, not easy. Changing jobs, getting a dog, going back to school…. i broke up with someone once because i felt like he wanted a small life (same job, same apartment, didn’t vacation).

      1. i think you go towards it by challenging yourself. I work in the GCs office at university, i’m a lawyer but decided to get an MBA. that felt big to me. i have sent my kids to schools that are less convenient than our perfectly serviceable public schools. I’m going out to dinner tonight and i could just go in what i wore to work but want to put on something new and cute and current and look great. Big lives can be small too :)

      2. Yep, one of her sayings is “Choose the bigger life.” I think one example she gave of that was getting a dog – it’s more work but it’s also “bigger.” To answer the OP, this is something I think about from time to time. It’s often, for me, another way to say “Don’t be lazy.” Take that trip, attend that party, do that new thing – to me it doesn’t mean being prestigious or important, but more like experiencing life in all its variety and opportunity.

        1. When picking a dog, definitely go with the big one! My great danes have been fabulous companions.

        2. Similarly, I think going bigger means going after what I REALLY want not just what I will accept. Even if it’s hard, impractical, not ideal, etc.

          1. Yes! This resonates with me. Don’t always make the safe choice where you know you can Do the Thing and there’s no risk involved, etc. A “big life” is one where I don’t always stay in my comfort zone and refuse to do anything that might fail or go awry.

      3. Yes, that’s the first thing I thought of. Choosing what will be more meaningful and rewarding. Not bigger house etc.

    4. I can’t say I’m familiar with that exact term, but I did recently read some Laura Vanderkam and dig up the 100 Dreams List I made a few years ago and refresh it. I think a “big” life to me would be meaningful in several areas, including relationships above all else, but also in my work (a job I like and am inspired to work hard at), a few carefully chosen hobbies (at least at this stage of my life), and intentionally creating enjoyment for myself (a pretty home, good books, good food, micro-adventures).

      1. This is how I think about it. Relationships first, but also enjoyment from the small things and working hard toward things that matter to me. Also, I’ll add spirituality. Maybe that sounds too small, IDK. But I’ve learned that I need balance in all things to be my happiest, healthiest self. The older I get, the less I desire “big.”

    5. I don’t think of life as big or small, but I do make choices that lead to the best one I can. And I choose the things that are life expanding, like saying yes to invitations, having pets, throwing parties, traveling, making time for girls trips, etc.

      1. this is a very silly example but whenever i change my pocket to something special (as opposed to carrying my regular bag) i think that i’m doing something expansive.

      2. OP here– love the term “life-expanding,” maybe that’s more true to what I’m envisioning. Thanks!

    6. To me this means trying new experiences and stretching yourself. Doing what feels uncomfortable. I think that people can have different degrees of “big” lives—I’m not going to be climbing Mount Everest or jumping out of a plane, but on the flip side, I want to travel to unusual places and look for unusual experiences. I don’t want to do the same things time after time after time.

    7. I want my life to be big in terms of people/relationships, I want to feel connected and integral to my community, the person you call if you need an extra pair of hands for a volunteer event, who will take your kids in a pinch/whose kid you’ll take. I want to keep seeing the world and increasing my exposure to ideas – not through some nomad existence but through some travel, books, museums, adventures. I want to chat with people on the bus and have a fleeting but genuine moment of connection/shared experience. I want to laugh hard, I want my kid to see my striving hard for my work but also making hot cocoa and curling up with some books.

        1. I think we’ve needed a lot of help b/c of my travel schedule, and it’s helped cement connections? People know we might ask but also, we’ll equally eagerly volunteer to return the favour? I took a friend’s daughter to the library while they went to the parent-teacher conference and watered their plants while they were on holiday, they picked up my son when we were running late, etc. Our neighbours watch our cat, I fix their computer and bake them cookies. It feels like an attempt to live a more communal, less individualistic lifestyle, despite social trends towards self-reliance.
          I’ll also happily cuddle all the babies… I don’t want anymore, but need me to hold your baby while you help your older kid get changed for swim? I’m your girl.

          1. Oddly enough, our Facebook Buy Nothing group is having a similar effect. People borrow/lend things all the time for an event – a large drink dispenser, a book for book club, a lawn blower for special clean up. Balloons for birthday parties are used over and over until they are dead. It is not quite the same “hands on” effect, but it is so nice asking or sharing something that you don’t always need for someone else’s intermittent need. Does create a sense of community, of a sort. Right now, as vegetable gardens come in, it’s really active.

      2. This is close to what I came to say. I think a life full of connections with others is really the biggest life.

        I really thought this over when my grandmother passed away at almost 100 years old, having lived a full life with so many friendships. She traveled a fair amount for someone from her small blue collar town, but otherwise I imagine her life would look quite “small” to many since she spent her whole life in the same town, going to the same tiny church.
        It was really touching to see how many people came out for her funeral, and despite a life that looked very difficult on paper (pretty dire childhood poverty, losing her sister in a violent accident, her husband leaving her for another woman with seven kids to raise to name just a few!), she had so many wonderful stories to share and made an impact on so many people. She was an RN who especially liked working with teens going through addiction, and two of her former patients came and spoke about the impact she had on them at her funeral. It was incredibly touching. I remember going to the grocery store with her as a kid, knowing that there would be somebody she would know and we’d have to wait while she chatted (and if not, she’d chat up the cashier or somebody else!). She was generally a happy person aside from the final few years when dementia took that away. That’s what I want.

        1. I had really severe depression when I was younger, and one of the symptoms of that was that all my feelings were muted – everything felt grey. When I came out of that, I was so hungry to lean into connection, experience, feelings – that’s what a big life has meant to me ever since. I want to be strongly connected to others, even if that brings both happiness and sorrow. I want to try new things, even if that means both fear and triumph. I want to be like your grandmother, with a funeral full of people who loved me telling stories about my crazy, wild, wonderful, loving life. That’s what a “big” life means to me.

    8. I don’t know what a “big” life is but I do prioritize spending time with family and friends and pursuing hobbies and adventure which to me is big. It’s also important to me to have a job that I like and that’s helping.

      I don’t care at all about prestige or status or money.

    9. I think about it a lot in terms of my kids, in particular. We live in a competitive school district in a VHCOL, and the pressures in terms of academics, extracurriculars, and athletics are enormous. I try, really hard, to expose my kids to a lot of activities, lifestyles, and adventures that are outside the norm of what they see and hear, every. single. day. at school. I participate in city government, and we show up for friends and family as much as humanly possible so that they feel connected to a large community. I see a lot of kids get specialized early and then everything in the family and kid is focused on maximizing the participation and engagement in the sport. I want my kids to have tried and dabbled in a lot of stuff, so that they have perspective if they don’t make a team or struggle in a class or have a falling out with a buddy or any other number of things that will happen to them throughout their lives.

    10. To me living a “big” life means that someday I will climb a fourteener in Colorado, or go on a 100-mile bike trip through Italy. A “big life” for me is one where I can be outdoors, moving my body, pushing myself physically, seeing amazing vistas and being in harmony with nature. Feel the pulse beat of the world in the river or ocean, and feel the stillness of a mountain meadow or deep forest or snow plain in the Rockies. It means not holding myself back from doing something that may be hard physically, because at the top of the mountain, or the end of the trail, or on the other side of the rapids, I’ll really have seen and done something.

      I have zero desire to rise into the executive ranks of any company, get Instagram famous for literally anything, be seen as a “thought leader” on LinkedIn, etc. Nothing man-made really interests me that much, TBH. As I get older, I find myself wanting to move closer to nature and farther away from technology and the people who think technologically-driven lifestyles are a worthwhile use of our finite life-hours. I would rather live in a cabin in the woods than in the biggest mansion in Beverly Hills. I would rather drive our beat-up Hyundai Santa Fe into the wilderness than drive a fancy luxury car to some black-tie event in New York. To me, a “big life” is living as you want, and not how other people think you “should” be living, or spending your life working a job you hate so you can buy things other people “think” you should have. And it’s also not about living on constant fear of the future, or of death, and making all your decisions based on those fears. None of us are getting out of here alive, so it’s all about what we do with our one wild and precious life before our time is up.

    11. Not familiar with this phrase, but there’s a super cheesy John Denver song (Annie’s song) where he’s describing things that “fill up his senses.” I try to maximize my opportunities to do that – live music, travel to places with natural beauty, reading quality books, taking the time to prep decent meals on the weekend so I don’t eat crap during the week. Especially after being locked down for a couple years, making time for quality experiences vs. mindless time wasting is how I’d characterize having a ‘big life.’

      I also try to minimize time on the internet (this site notwithstanding) and doom scrolling. It can take up hours of your life with nothing to show for it except regret and anxiety.

    12. I’ve never heard this term, either, but recently my husband and I have been talking a lot about saying “yes” to things. And I think doing that leads to my version of a “big” life — more friends, more experiences, more opportunities for service.

    13. In terms of my career, it means being at the courthouse all the time and doing cases that get in the news. Some people deny that’s what they want, but I admit it. I worked in Dade County courthouse before law school and that place rocked all the time. Right out of law school, I got a job at a small firm in the burbs doing social security law. I was so sad so I went to work at the PDs office downtown again for the action. I later took a job that required travel to good and terrible places. It is always stressful to change jobs but I would be so bored in the same office my whole life. As far as dogs go, I am happy to babysit the granddog! As I grow older, I am more interested in my home and family and not having a big social life.

      1. I think the first part of your comment is great. A lot of people love being in the mix, taking on the big hairy projects or cases, doing things that put them in the spotlight (or under the microscope, etc.). We need people who like to do those things – I am not one of them, but I admire it when people can be like “yep, I like to be in the thick of it as much as possible” because those are people who absolutely get involved in the kinds of cases, or movements, that change things for the better.

    14. Yes. For me it just means a life of adventure. Outdoorsy stuff, travel, always being up for trying new things. Havng a meaningful life where I try to make my corner of the world better than when I found it. Just rejecting complacency in general. I don’t always succeed, but it is at least my goal.

    15. I’m happy to be just living a life. I’m from a poor family with a lot of premature death, so I’m just super grateful for my financial security and mostly healthy nuclear family.

      I feel like this sort of navel gazing is the kind of thing rich people do that ends up with you and your son on the Titanic submersible.

      3. Ha! I am with you, I am really pleased to have gotten a good education, done challenging work, and provided financially for my immediate family. The notion that work is bad, to be escaped at the first instance for social work or hiking is a very UMC white girl thing.

        1. Or it’s the product of doing labor type jobs with long hours and physical strain for relatively little pay or control over your hours. My jobs are not my passion, but a means to an end. You’re damn right I’m retiring as soon as I’m able, so I can be busy doing what *I* want to do, when I want to do it.

    16. choosing to have a fourth kid. we may be more limited in terms of travel and things like that, but it felt like a bigger life we were choosing by adding in another person and really choosing to have a big family.

    17. I tend to think about the opposite a lot, actually-it’s ok to not want to live a big life. I occasionally think about the Pam’s last line in the Office (“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?”), and I read this recently on Bitter Southerner lately, and both resonated (which, side note, if you don’t read Bitter Southerner, they have some quality stuff): https://bittersoutherner.com/feature/2023/obituary-for-a-quiet-life

      2. Totally agree. I love that line too, and I have Pam’s last line from The Office on the wall above my desk. :)

  3. need a “cocktail’ outfit for a rehearsal dinner and “semiformal” for the wedding. I would have thought these two terms were interchangable until i was old otherwise. I’m a 48 years. Want to look great, current, attractive but not…. mutton as lamb. i have no idea what to get, at any price point. Most of the dresses i like are on the long side (i wouldn’t call them gowns or formal but still not sure if that’s OK?)

    help!

    2. Those are basically the same thing, it’s a distinction without a difference. Just get two dresses in the wedding guest category and you’ll be fine. I like Tuckernuck for this category, personally, but I’m also a preppy ex sorority girl who apparently could have gone to a southern college so ymmv.

      1. Agreed they are roughly equivalent and agreed on the Tuckernuck suggestion, especially given that the wedding is at a winery in Virginia. I have also had good luck with My Theresa, which is another website similar to Tuckernuck that sells a mix of high end brands. You could also check out Agua by Agua Bendita or Cara Cara if you like prints (both of which are actually sold on Tuckernuck and My Theresa with some regularity).

      3. I agree, those dress codes mean the same thing. I wouldn’t wear the same dress to both occasions though. I’m curious why OP was told they are different and what the difference is!

    3. I think they’re the same and this request is annoying. However, if I wanted to try to make some sort of remote distinction, I may go knee length/traditional short for cocktail and midi for semiformal.

    4. I’m 45 so right there with you. I think the key to looking confident as myself (and not an aspiring 25 yo) is to wear more sophisticated silhouettes and prints. I’d steer clear of an A-line sundress in a solid but would wear, for example, a 1-shoulder dress. If you think it appropriate (and can deal with the bathroom issue), a jumpsuit would probably be great. Here are two options – the first is more evening and the second is more day
      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/dress-the-population-tiffany-one-shoulder-midi-dress/5064746?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=800
      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/stripe-knit-dress/7373434?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&color=260

    5. I’m about the same age, also looking for cocktail dress for wedding in Oct, but I’m petite. Cannot figure out where to go to buy anything! My budget is $200-300 and can’t be black. Where does a middle aged shortie shop for cocktail dresses?

    7. Cocktail is usually evening with darker colors, etc. A semi formal day time dress is usually lighter in color and less dramatic. Knee or midi length is fine; I wouldn’t do maxi.

  4. What are your favorite bowl or salad recipes for work? And, has anyone used the Bentgo salad container, and how so you like it?

    1. I highly recommend the Salad In a Jar cookbook by Anna Helm Baxter, but if you don’t need another cookbook in your life, the technique is thus: dressing on the bottom, protein and tough vegetables next, then everything else, then salad greens on top. If you’re adding cheese or nuts, put a square of wax paper on top of the greens to put the cheese on so it doesn’t get everything else soggy. I do this with all kinds of salads; will reply with some of the ones I enjoy the most.

      I also really like Budget Bytes’ tuna salads and Smitten Kitchen’s broccoli rubble farro salad.

    2. I like making chickpea Mediterranean salads. No recipe in particular. But something along the lines of chickpeas, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, red onion, etc.. With a oil oil, red wine vinegar and seasoning.
      The chickpeas give me that protein I need over lunch to feel full the rest of the afternoon. But this sits well in the fridge for a while and tastes great cold.

      2. I can make this type of salad once a week and my bf and I love it! I often add in bell peppers and olives and make my own dressing for the week.

      3. Thank you! I was out of ideas and now I have a shallot macerating for this salad. My kingdom for a cucumber, though. I will have to make do without it this time.

      1. I make a sort of rift on the harvest bowl from sweet grean. on sunday roast two big chicken breasts and a sweet potato and massage a nice bag of kale. each day i make the salad anew and add some goat cheese and nuts. Sometimes i also add wild rice but mostly don’t bother.

  5. Sisters weekend in Chicago in October – recommendations for a fun restaurant for Saturday night? Wide variety of palates; nothing too extremely foodie, but really solid, good food. We are staying in the Magnificent Mile area. Thank you!

    1. Anything in the Restaurant Row/West Loop area should fit the bill–
      Rose Mary [Croatian]
      Trivoli Tavern [Italian/American]
      Girl and the Goat [various]
      Duck Duck Goat [Chinese]
      Monteverde [Italian]
      Aba/Ema [Greek/Mediterranea]
      La Josie [Mexican]
      Rooh [Indian].

      You’ll need reservations for any of these on a Saturday–Rose Mary, Trivoli, and Girl and the Goat can be tricky to get so look early.

      1. God, just ate at Rooh last week and it was fantastic! Also love Rose Mary and Monteverde. The only one on this list I haven’t been to is Trivoli, but the rest are all great.

    3. It’s been a few years since I’ve been there and I have no idea if it’s “cool” – but RPM Italian in Chicago is one of my favorite restaurants. I went with my DH and in-laws, who have pretty high food standards and are a tad picky, and we all loved our food.

    4. Avec, either location (West Loop is more clubby, loud)
      Le Select (a little inconsistent but feels like an event, gorgeous space)
      Swift & Sons (steakhouse)
      Tzuco (Mexican, real deal not Tex Mex)

      Have fun!

  6. Any advice on how to be a better at training employees on the job – specifically for reading comprehension or research skills? I’ve got an employee who is just over a year in a higher-level job who isn’t performing at the level I would expect. I’ve sent him to online training courses in his field, he gets weekly meetings with a manager at a different location for training, we have an hour set aside daily for training/answering questions. I show him how I do the research, writing and problem solving, but it’s not helping. Any advice?

    1. Call me harsh, but teaching adults reading comprehension isn’t part of my job description. I’d personally make an effort to try to get the employee to be productive over an acceptable period of time (which it sounds like you’re doing), but at some point it’s just not a fit. So, advice would be to document everything and talk to your own manger to figure out next steps and get advice.

    2. First, do you have confidence he has the aptitudes that you’re looking for, for this role?
      If he does, but somehow they aren’t taking hold, do you understand WHY all this training isn’t being useful to him? And does HE understand why—is he on board with solving his own problem here and being an active participant in figuring this out and growing?

    3. Honestly, this sounds like he isn’t cut out for the role. That’s a lot of training for someone a year into the job. What is your performance review process? Can you put him on a PIP?

    4. I can’t actually tell from what you’ve said if he knows exactly what’s wrong with what he’s doing currently? (Maybe he absolutely does, but sometimes it seems like everyone knows someone isn’t performing to expectations before the poor performer has clearly heard this!)

    6. Have you been clear that this is job-threatening and the employee really needs to focus on improvement?

    7. First question is what is the actual issue. What does he say when you ask? I can’t teach someone to care about their job. But most other skills are teachable. Reading comprehension issues might mean he’s overwhelmed, experiencing anxiety, doesnt understand the instructions – you have to get to the root of the issue if you’re going to help correct it.

      If this is a competence issue then you should create a paper trail to put them on a PIP and potentially terminate.

  7. For the poster who has ADHD and trouble driving, if you haven’t looked into it you may want to be evaluated for binocular vision disorder. It’s co-morbid with ADHD and while you may have ’20/20′ vision your eyes are tracking/focusing differently. I learned this was a thing in my late 30s and I’m about to start vision therapy/wearing prism glasses. It’s not a cure all but it definitely shed a LOT of light on my issues with motion sickness/depth perception/spatial awareness – perhaps worth looking into.

    1. No that poster, but this is interesting. I’ve never heard of this, how did you figure it out?

      1. Kind of random, but TikTok. I find the ASD/ADHD content really helpful to explain in short digestible snipets what it’s like to live with those issues and some ideas for exercises/therapies. Then the algorithm suggested BVD content and some doctors did short explainers/tests. Turns out never being able to make the magic eye things work should have been a clue!

    2. I also suggested that on yesterday’s post, as I also have a binocular vision disorder and have always struggled with terrible depth perception and motion sickness. I hope you have better luck than I have with treatment, though. I did vision therapy for a while, but didn’t have a lot of luck, and mine has now gotten bad enough that I don’t drive much anymore, which is actually quite limiting sometimes. I have strabismus, though I didn’t have a noticeable (but still intermittent) eye turn until fairly recently (early 40s).

    4. can i just say – when I thought I had long covid it sounds like this is something i had! i kept telling doctors and my eye doctor that it felt like my eyes weren’t focusing at the same time, and that i would like see things but not “see” them because i wasn’t paying attention – no one suggested this. the problem has mostly gone away, maybe because i’m on wellbutrin for ADHD? but it’s wild that no one thought of this.

      1. I could (and have!) gone off on loooong rants about how so many things that people with chronic illness experience (POTS, brain fog, BVD, etc.) are only now getting appropriate attention and funding because many people experienced them after having/during recovery from Covid. On one hand, I’m glad doctor’s aren’t telling me I’m not imagining my POTS/migraines, on the other hand it is infurating that it took millions of people experiencing these things (including doctors!) before they believed they existed.

      2. Binocular vision issues are a well known issue after concussions, so it’s not super surprising that they might be an issue with long covid as well. If you’d talked to a neurologist or someone else who deals with concussion rehab they probably could have helped.

    5. Definitely she should be seen by an eye doctor. It is what is needed when you have trouble with depth perception.

    6. Wow, the alarm bells are going off for me after doing some quick internet research on BVD. I have a neurology appointment next week for severe dizziness and lightheadedness I’ve been experiencing, and I feel my slight tendancy to get distracted (pre-covid) has ramped into full-blown ADHD in the past couple years. One of the first things my doctor recommended for my dizziness was also seeing the eye doctor, which I did, and I was put into astigmatism contacts/glasses, but it’s really not fixed the problem entirely. Obviously I can’t diagnose myself and it might not be the thing, but I’m about to start asking a lot of questions…

  8. Posting here instead of the moms’ board because I think those of us w/ older kids are mostly here (?). Our long-time nanny needs to take another job closer to her home – this past year she had gone to 2 days a week (after school) and I handled the rest of the days, which turned out to be fine – no issues w/ getting work done etc. My kids are in middle and high school, and the oldest is about 6 months away from getting licensed. Would you try to find someone else, or just handle the after school rides as it comes until oldest can drive? FWIW, I am an equity partner, so not getting fired ;-) and I move/schedule meetings around kid pickups, etc.

    1. I would absolutely get someone else for after school. I don’t see how you can count on being able to schedule work around that every day. I’m quite surprised you’re getting away with that much now, and would anticipate that changing as more companies are having people go back more often. I’d get help now, before everyone is looking too.

        1. Getting away with that much schedule absence as an equity partner in a law firm. That kind of flexibility is incompatible with that kind of job, typically. I wouldn’t expect it to last.

          1. Wow. So even though the OP is an equity partner – meaning she is basically an owner of the business – and she worked hard all those years to make partner, she still doesn’t have the flexibility to go pick up her kids for a few months, until the oldest kid gets a license?

            I am really glad I decided not to go to law school. Working for BigLaw seems like a hellscape of neverending trauma and insults to human dignity, lol.

          2. …that’s actually one of the best things about being an equity partner in my experience? The level of flexibility I had was awesome (I’m now in-house).

          3. Yeah, I mean if she’s a solo or in a small firm, maybe. But every large firm I’ve known carving out a chunk of time like that to drive kids around would have caused scheduling issues and time issues. It’s a job where you get paid based on how much you bill and that time needs to get made up somewhere. No way would I not outsource something like carpooling for the kids in OP’s shoes. I’d outsource a lot more than that, frankly.

          4. I was an equity partner in an AmLaw50 firm and I definitely had that kind of flexibility…

          5. Yeah, I don’t think at most firms equity partners are compensated based on how much they bill vs how much revenue “their”cases make. Income partner is different. Availability to clients is a different issue, but could be addressed by having a junior partner or sr associate be on front line for day to day. And am reminded of the old adage of law firm flexibility – work any 20 hours a day you want!

    2. I would try to find someone else (college student) since while your oldest getting a license solves the problem for 1 kid, who’s driving the others? Are you going to be comfortable allowing your oldest to drive your other kids? It was pretty common Back In My Day for new drivers not to be allowed to have passengers (distraction).

      1. Siblings are normally an exception to that. Oldest normally drove younger siblings to/from school in my day (even though legally new drivers couldn’t have non-family passengers). Not sure if that’s changed.

        1. Gruesome to think about but my parents’ concern had been losing all their kids in an accident with the newbie driver.

          1. Yeah as a parent I’m not sure I’d want a 16 year old driving younger siblings. But it was normal in my Midwest suburb in the early 2000s.

      2. This is why I only could have had kids in the 80s, back then we drove our siblings and friends around. Parent rides after age 14 or 15 or so weren’t a thing because you usually had at least one older friend.

        1. I consider myself a pretty hands off 90s-style parent but there are good reasons for teens to not drive friends. It hugely increases the risk of an accident.

      3. Some states have restrictions on the number of passengers for younger drivers, be sure to look into that!

    3. I might half-heartedly try to find someone to cover the two days, but to your point – it’s just two more days of what you’re already doing and you’re not getting fired. I know finding coverage that time of day can be really hard so I would probably just concede and pick up the coverage on my own, especially knowing it’s short term / temporary.

    4. I think it depends on after school activities that and whether in 6 mos the older could truly drive the younger.

    5. I would get a driver, but I find being the shuttle driver while also trying to work to be insanely stressful. I’m surprised you can get away with it.

    6. Can you find a carpool with other school parents? Otherwise, I would try to find someone new to help drive.

    7. I also have older kids and an equity position. I probably wouldn’t hire someone, but would look for a few names/numbers to have as back-up. My favorite times to hear about how my kids’ day to day lives are going are at pick-up and drop off and bedtime, and with driving, I really enjoy getting to know friends/hear the backseat chatter/sometimes participate in it. Once they get home, everyone slinks off to decompress or do homework, so I can easily work without interruption, but sometimes I get interesting intel during the drive to ask about at bedtime or other downtimes.

    8. Is carpooling an option? How much driving are we talking about and when is it – 3-5:30 when work may still be happening, or later on?
      We’re facing a similar issue with my kids (10 & 12) – my husband is FT WFH but can’t check out at 3 every day, and we have help from grandparents two days a week, and I’m home 2 days a week and we make it work. If we had less help, we’d probably look to carpooling or a college student who could be there to hang out with the kids and drive a couple days (which is basically what our current “sitter” does during the summer).

      1. Adding that the silver lining of my older kids’ activities moving later – often start times of 7:30-8 or beyond – is that we don’t have the same end of work day conflicts that we did when practices were at 5-6 pm. I’ll keep remind myself of that when picking them up at 10 pm when I’d rather be in bed…

        1. Oh, the harsh reality of my desire to be in bed at an earlier hour coinciding with the later and later pick up times for my kids’ schedules—I feel your pain.

    9. Schlepping the kids around is an excellent gig for a college or grad student if you are near a college. That’s what I intend to do at that stage if my nanny is no longer working with us.

      1. I had this for quite a while and it was great. The sitters were college kids and a church friend’s post-college kid who wasn’t working full-time. One was a young lady from my hometown who wants to be a professional actor and had a bunch of free time because she was just starting out.

    10. I would try to get someone to help even beyond when the oldest gets their license – and use them to the hilt! Can they prep dinner, fold some laundry, pick up a grocery order, take the younger one to pick out a gift for an upcoming friend birthday. These years are so, so crazy – I always would say that why I would not ask them to do more than I could do, I could do a LOT. I also paid top dollar, but the trade off was – they weren’t on their phones, or sitting around waiting for someone to get ready. They were making my life easier and better. I would advertise for “afterschool driver/assistant household manager” which frankly would weed out many who did not want to do more than the bare minimum. We are still in touch with many of these women, who were such great friends and role models to my kids.

    11. Find an after school sitter who drives. Not easy to find, but worth it. My kids are a little younger – middle and elementary, and our current after school sitter’s previous job was driving around two high school students.

    12. Hire a college student to drive the kids, bring them home, get them started on homework, and do light dinner prep. You could pay someone for 3 hours a day this way and if you pay something like $25 an hour you’ll find someone good. Look for a high GPA, which is positively correlated with good driving.

    13. If I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t bother hiring someone, esp. if there is a rideshare service that specifically takes kids and/or taxis can take under 18s in your area. It also depends on the distance to the school, road conditions, etc.

      FWIW, I’m (appropriately) anxious about my teenager driving, but not more anxious about her driving her younger brother. It’s allowed in our state and they wouldn’t be going very long distances and/or on a highway.

  9. I am getting ready for a 2+ week trip overseas (vacation) and I would love to know your trips for packing light. This time around I’m using compression cubes to organize my items. I plan to take detergent sheets to do sink laundry if I can’t access a laundry facility. What are your go-to-tips?

    1. One pair of shoes only (sneakers) unless you have something super fancy planned
      A fresh shirt and pair of underwear for each day but planning to rewear pants, sweaters, etc.
      I can normally pack for two weeks in a carry on pretty easily if it’s a warm weather climate.

      1. oh strong disagree on the shoe advice. Wear your bulkiest shoes on the plane, yes, but who doesn’t want pretty flat sandals for dinner, or Birks for comfort and open air, or flip flops for the beach?

        1. Birks and other sandals are waaay less comfortable for me than sneakers! I don’t really care about having cute shoes and (despite what a lot of people here seem to think) cute, fashion-y sneakers are widely worn in casual restaurants in Europe. For a beach vacation without much walking, I’d bring water shoes instead of sneakers.

          1. oh I totally agree on street sneakers being a look. Great for daytime touring. Just wearing the exact same shoes all day every day would, for me, be smelly (can’t air out sufficiently) and uncomfortable (my feet prefer variety).

        2. Agree, but one of each type is my limit. One sandal for dinner. One for the beach and one sneaker (that gets worn on the plane).

          1. +1. I can’t do just one pair of shoes but I usually bring one pair of sneakers (Vejas or Allbirds), one pair of flip-flops for the pool (or spas/showers), and either a pair of Birks, or a pair of Skechers GoWalks that I can swap out for the sneakers if I am going to walk a long way one day. Shoes are so bulky and limiting the number of pairs you take will help greatly with packing light.

        3. +2, my trick actually is shoes – they change a look and you need to change your shoes for comfort too. If you take flats, they pack up small, I get 4-6 pairs in two of the away brand shoe organizers and still manage to pack for a couple of weeks in a carry-on. My trick is also pack a collapsible bag so you don’t have to rigidly pack for the trip home.

        4. Agree – your feet need a break from the same shoes all day every day. Wear the bulky sneakers on the plane, but put something else in there as well.

        5. Yeah, I guess this is weather dependent, but I really learned my lesson on the one shoe thing when my one pair got completely soaked and I was stuck with damp shoes for several days in a row and ended up with cold, blistered feet. Do not recommend!

      2. I would never do this with shoes. If you get a sore spot or they get wet, you’ll be miserable. I’ve had too many trips where I get side tracked hobbling around trying to find another pair that could be comfy in an unknown place while missing out on what I wanted to do and then struggling with wanting to take them back with me. And the same tennis shoes that are comfy for lots of walking tend not to be as flexible style wise if you choose to do something fancier.

        To keep bulk down, I try to choose thin fabrics as much as possible for a base (so might wear something like an Athleta brooklyn pant vs jeans). Technical fabrics also will be your friend since they tend to wash and dry quickly.

      3. Also I like switching up shoes when doing a lot of walking so that they rub in different places. I’m all for reasonable shoe packing, but for me that’s probably 2-3 pairs (sneaker one, nicer sneaker two and nicer non-sneaker three)

    2. 1. Putting $50 or so in the budget to send a load of laundry out at a hotel mid-trip.
      2. Pay attention to the clothes you wear normally that often end up in the “worn once but doesn’t need washing yet” area of the closet, and bring those. For me that’s usually dresses; knit tops often feel sticky after 1 wear.

      1. One more tip: pack some alcohol wipes from the first aid section of the pharmacy. They’re useful for a lot of things, but are especially great for spot-cleaning when you spill something on an item you need to wear again.

    4. I wear layers on the plane because it’s often cold, I can take them off if I get warm, and that’s one less thing to pack.

      +1 to wearing bulkiest shoes on the plane.

    5. I pack specific outfits to ensure I didn’t end up with extra unmatched items.
      Preparing for rewearing most items – even if a few things are soiled or spilled on after a wear, it’s unlikely that most will be.
      Make sure to check actual weather forecast in days before and adjust if it’s warmer/colder/wetter/etc. than typical.

      1. Agree with this. For my last trip I actually wrote out my planned outfits for each day/activity and then packed those items plus just a couple of extra tops (and weather layers, of course), and it was super smooth (partly because there was no dithering about what to wear).

    6. I like versatile dresses in easy care/non wrinkly fabrics for trips like this – like a nice t-shirt dress, for instance. Can be dressed up a bit if needed, can be worn with sneakers, and looks more put together sometimes.

      1. In a dark solid color that goes with everything else you bring – probably black, navy, etc.

    7. I wore a lot of Eileen Fisher on my last 9 day trip in a roll-aboard and tote only. I wore crepe pants, silk tanks, cardigans, lightweight jackets, and only packed one pair of shoes in addition to the ones I wore on the plane. I brought along one skirt to wear with the separates (an old knee length straight skirt) and wore that with the separates for dinners etc. My shoes were one pair of sneakers + one pair of low heeled/ almost flats that are constructed like sneakers, dressy looking enough to wear to dinner (though I fully admit I bought a beautiful pair of shoes in Paris.) I always bring along a woolite packet and do some sink laundry once or twice during my trip. The silk tanks dry pretty much immediately, the pants just take a day, but I will re-wear pants unless I get something on them. I didn’t even fill my Tumi continental carryon on the way over so I could do a tiny bit of shopping to bring home!

  10. Running belt rec? Does brand name matter? I’d like to be able to carry hydration for longer runs but won’t always need it. Should I get two different belts? Preference for vest vs. belt? I am new to longer runs and don’t know where to start!

    1. I have a flip belt which is good for shorter runs under 7 miles. I’m training for a half now and want something with a larger bottle.

    2. I like a slim belt on runs I don’t need water and a vest if I need water. I got both of mine cheap on Amazon.

      I have the Nike slim waist pack and the inoxto hydration vest. I love love love the vest.

    4. Strong preference for a vest here: if the run is long enough to need more water than fits in my handheld, I just go all the way to a vest. My Nathan handheld flask holds 10 oz of water; my vest holds 35 oz. If I only need 20 oz of water on a run, well, I have some left over.

    5. I have a Nathan vest that I love. Running belts are okay for short runs, but they get really annoying to me on long runs. They either bounce, or I need to cinch them so tight they put pressure on my stomach. I thought I’d hate a vest, but it fits so well I don’t even notice I’m wearing it.

    6. Congrats on the mileage increase!
      I use a Camelbak hand held for short (<5 miles in summer) runs. Love my vest for longer runs and disagree on them being hot. I have an Ultimate Direction vest for women. Having the pockets is great for my phone, keys, hand sanitizer (if porta potties happen), sunglasses (if you start early and run long), and food. The front pockets hold water bottles and there's a big bladder, although I only use this for trail running when there aren't water fountains on the route.

    1. They look pretty standard by what I see around the office – straight leg crop is nondescript. The rise, however, looks super out of proportion to the style!

    3. Not exactly current, but not terribly dated, either. Almost no one is working in the office right now, but I see pants like this occasionally.

    4. Dated, but office wear needn’t be on-trend. I would wear something looser on top and chunkier shoes with them.

      1. I feel like this is a weird photoshop issue, not bad pants. You would actually be much cuter!

    6. My go-to pants have the same leg shape but are lower rise, which is annoying when I want to tuck shirts in. Does anybody know of pants similar to these that are more in the $100 range than $200 range?

    1. I guess I wouldn’t know, but I definitely have friends who talk openly about working on their credit card debt, as well as friends who talk about their finances such that I would be amazed if their credit cards weren’t paid off (including several who are way too into credit card rewards optimization).

      In the case of two couples I can think of, I’m actively jealous of how well traveled they are and of their rich social networks, so maybe it’s worth it for someone who can handle the anxiety! In other cases it’s much more about making ends meet. For people my age, it sometimes seems like carrying a “forever” levels of student debt can either make people really debt averse or have more of a “well I’m already in debt” attitude.

    2. I paid off a ton of credit card debt 20-plus years ago and I am Team Never Again, although I do put everything on cc’s for the points. I would be surprised if my peers had revolving cc debt at our age.

    3. I imagine a lot of people carry CC debt due to stagnant wages + inflation. Housing and food costs keep rising. If you only have enough cash to cover rent one month, then groceries go on the CC.

    4. I know when I had pretty minimal cc debt in my mid-twenties I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted to appear to be an adult that Had It Together. I feel like friends in my circle will share that they’re on a budget to save up for a big goal (down payment, reno, vacation), but I’ve don’t think I’ve heard anyone talk about paying off debt once we were out of our twenties (and most of that talk was about student loans, not consumer debt).

    5. Pretty sure my sister is maxing out credit cards sequentially. She makes a good salary but is not great with money. But it’s not my business until/if/when she comes knocking for a “loan.”

    6. I have a decent chunk of cc debt that I am working on paying off but I would never tell anyone about it, due to fear of being judged for making poor decisions and also for a while having low/zero income so some necessities had to be put on a cc. I’m in my 30s and it seems very shameful at this point to have cc debt when my peers are making 6 figures and I just started making high 5 figures so I actually have the cash to pay off bigger chunks of the debt.

      1. I’m here with you. I lost my job and have to put many expenses on my CC. I have savings that goes toward the mortgage, but I haven’t ever earned enough to have 6 months of cash for all expenses.

    7. I have a ton. The pandemic was rough for me and I have a lot of outstanding A/R that I am hoping clients will pay this year (the amount due to me individually is more than my BF’s annual salary) that will knock it out, but that is not a given. Right now I am trying to move things around to take advantage of some 0% financing offers to help me knock it down more quickly. I am also on team Never Again but have to get there first.

      1. We have some because my spouse’s business got hit hard by COVID and his new job has a good but not great salary. People don’t talk about it because it’s embarrassing.

    8. A few years back, my husband made my MIL an authorized user on one of his cards and she ran it up to the limit, $20k. How I felt about this situation is a whole other post, but even with a loan from her sister (that she never paid back, of course) MIL was not able to pay off the whole debt and so we spent some time paying it off. I didn’t tell anyone about it not because I was ashamed of the debt, but because it would have embarrassed my husband.

      We now have zero CC debt and anything that’s on a card gets paid off within the grace period. I don’t talk about that because it just doesn’t come up in conversation very much. I also think that people’s finances are their own business, for the most part, and I don’t ask people questions about their finances because I don’t like it when people ask questions about my finances.

    9. I’ve never carried interest-accruing debt on a card (I put everything on cards for the points but pay the bills on time), but I think a lot of people with flashy lifestyles are in some degree of credit card debt.

    10. Well, I attempted to do a financial intervention for a friend who is already in over her head and its getting worse, and she’s no longer speaking to me, but I’m willing to wait it out. We both make good salaries, and she doesn’t want to admit that she can have a lot, but not everything.

      1. I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for your friend to come back. What an obnoxious thing to do to a friend.

  13. Has anyone ever bought clothing from Kate Hewko and can report back? I’m a bit obsessed with some of the pieces/looks but haven’t pulled the trigger.

  14. I have a lot of longer tops that are a few years old and otherwise tops I like, except they’re too long. I try to tuck them in and blouse them but they come untucked too quickly. Short of hemming them, any suggestions?

    1. Depends on the top, but I’ve been wearing my longer casual tops untucked with denim shorts. It feels a bit more current and “cool girl” to wear a longer cotton blouse with short cutoffs and Birks.

      Probably would not wear a silky or polyester work-type blouse with denim shorts though.

    2. I feel like a lot of my tops are suddenly too long as well! I’m mostly wearing them but the longest ones went into the goodwill pile. I have a couple of rayon tops I’ve carefully line dried for a couple of years so they wouldn’t shrink, and yesterday I told my husband (chief doer of laundry) to go ahead and throw them into the dryer.

      Tucking doesn’t work for me after birthing three babies. (sad face)

  15. If you’ve going back and forth on when to tell your work you’re pregnant, do it today. There might be upcoming layouts before year end and Management may be having closed door discussions right now. Get yourself on the “protected” list.

    1. One of my good friends was just laid off from a Big 4 firm eight days before her maternity leave was scheduled to start. She was an excellent worker with highly rated annual reviews. Being pregnant definitely isn’t the protection it used to be in layoff situations.

    2. This! You don’t have to tell *everyone*, but make sure HR and/or your direct supervisor know! Ask them to be discreet for a few weeks if you’re not ready for the news to spread.

    3. This is not great advice. Pregnant women can be and are laid off legally — disclosing a pregnancy is not some sort of forcefield that automatically protects you. Some companies may be skittish about the options, but it is hard to know in advance whether your company is one of those. Changing an already well-considered decision on when to disclose because of hypothetical layoffs is not a good idea.

      1. In some industries, upcoming layoffs are not hypothetical, but reality. Look around, if your company recently finished some large projects and the forecasted book of work for 2024 and 2025 is drastically minimized…pink slips are likely eminent.

        And you’re right, many small companies without deep HR resources will be skittish about perception of laying off certain categories of individuals.

        So if disclosing a few weeks early could offer a slight advantage as Owners are taking scissors to the company roster…would you do it?

    4. Yeah, this isn’t the advice I’d give a friend. You *can* get laid off while pregnant, especially if they are doing something like laying off whole departments or groups of people. Tell them when you feel comfortable.

    5. What are you smoking? There’s no such thing as a protected list. I’ve known people who got laid off during their maternity leaves.

    6. You’re not protected by being pregnant. Companies can and do lay off pregnant women all the time. It only looks suspicious if pregnant women are vastly over-represented in the layoffs. E.g., if pregnant women are 1% of the workforce and 50% of the people laid off are pregnant, that obviously looks very suspicious. But if it’s 1% of the workforce and 1% of the layoffs, it’s not an issue.

    7. my friend was laid off 5 weeks after she told them she was pregnant. talked to an employment attorney, she had no case and particularly so because they did a sweeping set of layoffs and she wasn’t a one-off. So, I get the sentiment of the post but by no means are you “protected”.

  16. I had to wipe my personal laptop yesterday to deal with a malware issue and now no longer have any Microsoft Office applications (Word, Excel, PowerPoint)…. and also no longer have access to the institution where I got them for free as part of my graduate degree. How does one get those applications these days? Is the only option truly the $70/year 365 subscription? I asked at work and my employer doesn’t even offer a discount anymore.

    4. I use the free Open Office software, that has similar applications to Microsoft Office.

  17. Would anyone have any recommendations or advice on finding a lawyer for a prenup? Partner and I are talking about future plans and both on the same page on getting a prenup but I have no idea where to find a reputable firm/attorney since all of our friends have gotten married young and/or without prenups. We’re in Maryland, just outside Baltimore if that’s of any help!

    1. In case you’re still reading, the “best of” lists are pretty bogus— but they’re better than nothing if you don’t have any personal recommendations. Look at the list for family law in Baltimore magazine (I’m assuming it still exists?).

    2. You need a family law attorney–you can search Chambers & Partners or Avvo or Superlawyers.com to find a highly rated attorney. You and your partner will each need separate counsel, but once you find one attorney, they will have a list of other attorneys they often work across from.

      Better yet, if you are junior and work somewhere like professional services, ask a partner or exec at your company that you have contact with, if they have any suggestions. Your parents (if they are in the same state) may also ask around if they know anyone.

  18. I’m on vacation and I’m going to run out of my meds on Sun (we return home W, maybe Th PM). It’s Wellbutrin. I just called and pharmacy can’t mail it to me out of state and says i could get it transferred to a local CVS but it would probably be a pain to get it transfered back.

    Does anyone have any better ideas other than just taking it every other day? TIA!

    1. I think there’s something called a “vacation override code” or something that the pharmacy and your prescribing MD can use so that the pharmacy near you on vacation can give you a few days supply. It is some magic term that they have to whisper three times to the insurance company to let them dispense a small amount to you as a one-time thing.

        1. Yep, this. They can give you a couple days to cover you. Or they can transfer your script to a local CVS/Walgreens – easy peasy.

      1. Not with Wellbutrin, it’s usually taken as an extended release formulation, so this is a very very bad idea and might cause a seizure.

    3. It’s not that hard to get it transferred back. I’ve done it. You just ask your local pharmacy to grab the prescription.

    4. I don’t see why getting it transferred back would be an issue, and if it is you can just get a new prescription, right? Just transfer it to CVS now.

    5. Walgreens has an online “Chat with a Pharmacist” feature if it would help to discuss options with a human who is qualified and not in a rush the way they can sometimes be on the phone.

      Wellbutrin has a really long half life and isn’t really known for withdrawal or discontinuation syndrome (probably partly because it “self tapers” with the long half life). So I’m not sure if “every other day” is what the pharmacist would advise or not.

    6. For me and Wellbutrin, taking it every other day for a few days would be fine. You have five pills for eight days, right?

    7. I transfer prescriptions to and from CVS across state lines at various vacation destinations all the time. It’s pretty easy. Just call the vacation destination CVS (receiving pharmacy) and have them call you current pharmacy to get it. When you get home, same process in reverse.

  19. London Calling- at night
    This group is the best when it comes to travel tips! I’ve learned and benefitted a ton from your experiences and tips , so thank you:)
    I’m putting final plans in place for our first trip to London- mid August with tweens and wondering about good evening activities for the family? Any tips for seeing a show at the West End, or any good museums that stay open later, or good evening walking areas?
    TIA!

    1. No specific suggestions from me, but get a Time Out magazine to check out special events/festivals/exhibits happening when you are there.

    3. Londonist is a great resource for what’s on, free exhibitions, newly opened, soon closing, special discounts etc.

      Friday is late closing day on several museums.

      Victoria & Albert currently has a paid exhibiton (general admittance free) called DIVA, about the history of divas. If one of your tweens would get a kick out of seing clothes worn by Rhianna, Cher or Elton John that might be fun.

      When you’re booking tickets to a show, check the seat view on Seatplan.

      Guys & Dolls at the Bridge theatre is good fun.

  20. Just saw Barbie and loved it. No spoilers but at one point I heard a little worried voice behind me say “Mommy, am I going to die?” Putting that out there for anyone considering if it’s age appropriate for their child.

    1. Eh my 5 year daughter had the same reaction to the new Little Mermaid and it didn’t scar her for life.

      Barbie seems boring for little kids though.

  21. Hi! PIP/Toxic Workplace poster. Posting just to get folks’ reactions/thoughts, and any advice.

    I just did a first round phone screen and they asked me to advance to the second. Company is in high-growth mode, I’d get to learn a segment of my industry that I have limited exposure to, etc. It’s local and hybrid.

    They were very honest about compensation up-front – I’d take a paycut of about 20%, and of course they were bullish about reserved stock (which I’ve never had as a benefit) and bonus opportunities, but I know that is far from guaranteed. They sent me other benefit information, and I’d have to see if DH’s health plan could keep us with our beloved provider group, because theirs won’t.

    The work itself sounds interesting, but I feel a little blow about the compensation/benefits. I’m not sure what the hours would be compared to now – if there was better work/life balance I’d be open – but I don’t know if that’s the case, especially the first 6 months-1 year of a new job….

    On the other hand, whatever happens with this PIP I know there’s no to very limited growth here for me, so at least if this new option is a good fit after interviewing – it’ll be a fresh start?

    1. Absent red flags, and provided you can handle the pay cut, I would take it. Reality is you’re coming up on a pay cut of 100% and the stigma of being fired for cause.

      2. I feel like the fact that they were so honest about compensation/what the budget is for the role out of the gate was a green flag, tbqh.

    2. Another update – they are re-jiggering my portfolio and moving me under a new boss (someone I professionally like and have worked with before) for a 1 month period at work. At today’s meeting my boss once again brought up examples of things that were not reflective of what actually happened. When asked for comment, I simply said I did not agree with her recollection of events, but that we didn’t need to go back/forth given that there is a plan to move ahead.

      I had sent documentation of the inappropriate/toxic things my boss had said, and since then my boss has given me a very wide berth – I think she was likely told to do so.

      I’m sure this is likely a way to cover themselves so I don’t file any formal complaints about the environment, but I’m so relieved to be removed from her orbit, even if it is for a brief time.

    3. I figure as long as you can tough it out for a year, you should take it. Update your resume in 6 months and start the job hunt in 10 if it’s terrible. Better to job hunt while you’re employed and not let your current employer fire you.

    4. This all sounds really promising!

      Remember that their opening offer for comp might go up if you really wow them in the interview rounds. So focus on doing that! It’s early days.

      And then you might be able to negotiate, say, a 10% raise from what they quoted, so you’d only be down a bit from where you are today.

      Your #1 focus should be getting out of wherever you were PIPed.

      Good luck–the lame-os at your current job do not define your future!

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