Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Twist-Waist Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Banana Republic Factory is coming in hot again with some of the best under-$50 tops of the season. This 100% cotton top is an upgraded version of your favorite tee, with cap sleeves and a twisted detail at the waist.
This “pink crush” color is so perfectly summer-y that you’ll be reaching for it all season.
The top is $25 at Banana Republic Factory — with 20% off at checkout — and comes in sizes XS-XXL. It also comes in white, black, and “peri noon,” which is a lovely periwinkle color.
Sales of note for 6/27/25:
- Nordstrom – Almost 1500 new markdowns for women — and the Anniversary Sale preview has started!
- Ann Taylor – Semi-Annual Sale! Extra 50% off sale, and $50 off every $100 you spend, including new arrivals.
- Athleta – Semi-Annual Sale starts now, up to 70% off
- Banana Republic Factory – July Fourth Event, 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off everything
- Boden – Sale up to 50% off
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale.
- J.Crew – End of season sale, extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – All-Star Sale, 40-70% off entire site and storewide and extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Sitewide Sale, save 25% with code — this week only! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off seasonal faves, plus new penny loafers and slingbacks
- Spanx – End-of-season sale
- Talbots – 50% off all T by Talbots, 40% off rest of your purchase
So good I had to share – the Cholula seasoning mix for tacos, ground beef etc is surprisingly good. I bought it once when I was feeling extra lazy but its actually really tasty.
Ooooh, I should try that one. We usually use the Trader Joe’s seasoning mix or the Old El Paso one.
Are mirrors inside closet doors tacky? It feels college, but also convenient.
I don’t really have a full length mirror, and in my apartment I don’t want to take up space with a floor one. I’m thinking of getting those stick on mirrors and putting it inside a closet door. Who cares, it’ll be useful and no one sees it?
I don’t think they’re anything. I wouldn’t worry about tacky.
A full length mirror comes in extremely handy, it’s not tacky.
No.
no.
No, and twenty years later with many cross country moves, I still have my dorm room mirror since it is the most flattering mirror ever.
I don’t think that something hidden from view of the casual guest can truly be tacky. It’s certainly not a high end finish to your closet, but this is up to you.
How would this even be tacky?
Right??
+1
Who cares?
It’s not tacky, but you can get regular mirrors to screw onto your door. They’ll be a little better than the stick-on mirrors. Sometimes those can have a bit of a funhouse effect.
Target also has some that just hang over the closet door if you want to avoid the adhesive or screws.
Yes, I have one of those. Great and cheap.
Not tacky. Who would even see the inside of your closet door anyhow?
It’s not like a hiring manager is going to do a home inspection and judge you on that before making you an offer.
But if they do, make sure you hide your ponytail holders and water bottles. And the Birkin.
Never, OP! Lean into it, and make sure your skinny jeans are on full display, too.
You gotta be reaaaally invested in what other people think of you to have “is it tacky” on your radar for something on the inside of your closet door.
It’s not tacky.
The stick-on mirrors can be lower quality, like someone mentioned, a funhouse effect.
Good quality mirrors are quite heavy, so it’s a good idea to have your wardrobe fixed or secured to a wall, and have a look at the door hinges. With the extra weigth the door will also swing a little more heavily, so consider stoppers. Measure within the width of hinges and handles (don’t make my mistakes!)
Make sure that you choose the right door to get the best of your lighting and floorspace, and to avoid the mirror door being smashed by a room door opening.
I am spending all next week at a lake house in northern MN. I get bitten by bugs and mosquitos all the time, and I am reading that MN is worse – both bigger bugs and more hours of the day, not just sunrise and dusk time. Any suggestions for bug sprays or clothing? It is going to be hot so denim does not excite me.
OFF in the purple can. It contains permethrin, not DEET, and doesn’t feel as nasty on your skin. I live in a similar area and it works well.
I think you mean picaridin, not permethrin? Permethrin is usually used to spray clothes, but is highly toxic to cats, so you definitely don’t want to use it around them. And DEET will destroy some plastics, like sunglasses, so picaridin is a good alternative.
But I live in MN and also opt to stay fairly covered up a lot of the time I’m outside, both to protect from bugs and sun. Lightweight, loose clothes are good, like the Athleta Brooklyn pants, and sun shirts from Columbia or Patagonia. I’m usually outside early in the morning when it’s cool enough to want to wear a light jacket on top of that too, which really makes it impossible for the bugs to bite.
Agree with this. I’d do both lightweight layers and the picaridin spray – we go camping on the North Shore of Lake Superior and the mosquitoes will bite right through clothing.
+1 for picaridin. Loose clothing doesn’t help much for me–they fly right up underneath skirts and loose pants or shorts, and if it’s lightweight they can still bite through it where it sits against your skin. If you’re sitting in one place, a fan is supposed to help because mosquitoes can’t fly well in moving air. At home we use a Thermacell device, which works pretty well. Shop carefully for these–there are two different types that use different chemicals, and one is toxic to pets. I’m still not sure what I think about humans’ breathing the stuff, even the less toxic version, but it works.
Now that my favorite 3M ultrathon lotion is discontinued, I’ve moved to either the Ben 100 or Repel 100 or OFF Deep Woods. All of these are very high in DEET so not a good fit if you’re sensitive to that. I am very allergic to mosquito bites so while I keep covered up, I just don’t take chances.
I’d get a thermacell to use when sitting outside. I also like “bug soother” natural brand if you want something in addition to picaridin. And I would spray your shoes with permethrin before you go. You can also get a bug repellent lightweight hoodie from various outdoor brands; might be worth it.
Not sure of the chemical content, but the wipes sold to hunters really work.
you might mean the Repel wipes, which are picaridin and work well for me, although OFF makes deep woods wipes (DEET) which are individually wrapped which can be really useful if you are traveling. Or hike with my relatives, who swear they don’t need anything and then are getting eaten alive. I always carry a few extra.
Mosquitoes are weak fliers. If you’re sitting out on a deck bring a floor fan or box fan.
yes, this!
I also like the Bug Bite thing. There was just a review of it in the nYT.
Tip for catching that one mosquito that gets in your room and drives you mad trying to kill it – get your hands wet and then go after it. The micro droplets from your hands seem to disrupt even further their ability to fly and dodge.
ooh i hadn’t heard this thank you
I will attract any biting insect anywhere in the State. And I’m extremely allergic. The only thing that works is a repellant with picaridin in it.
You can get clothes that have been pre-treated to repel insects. These work pretty well. You can also send your clothes to the company to be treated. Less to spray on you. I am allergic to mosquitos and bees and wasps and I have lots of these and they DO NOT SMELL. https://www.insectshield.com/
I think llbean has some clothes as well.
I have an older house with no overhead lights in a room with one window. It’s dark. Add sconces on either side of the non-working fireplace? Have some table lamps but it’s not nearly enough. Could enlarge the window on the line exterior wall but would need to do in another room with adequate light to keep the front of the house symmetrical. WWYD? I could throw in some small mirrors but don’t have the wall space for a large one due to a horrid built-in and a pre-A/C build meaning we lose a lot of space to pathways between rooms for cross-breezes.
Ugh. Lone exterior wall.
Floor lamp to bring some more light higher up.
My living room in my older house is pretty dark despite windows on two walls. One window is small and north-facing, and there’s a hedge shading the east window. I just leaned into it, painted the walls a darker color, and went for “cozy.” I have a table lamp next to the couch, an arched floor lamp in the other corner, and we leave the exterior door open (with full length window storm door) most of the time for a little extra light during the day, as long as the outside temp isn’t extreme. You’re not going to get light and airy out of a room with only one window, so I’d think about task lighting and room use.
Same. I have decent size windows in the sitting room and dining room but they don’t get the sun at the right time of day. I’ve leaned in with dark and moody. I am going to get a wall mounted anglepoise for next to the sofa for reading.
Sconces will help. Lamps at different heights will help (one on a table, one on a higher bookcase, floor lamps, etc). Enlarging the window seems like a significant expense – if that scale of investment is on the table why not just have an electrician add some overhead lighting?
If you’re going to hardwire sconces just add an overhead light too.
Agree.
If you own the house, it’s worth a few thousand (at most) to install overhead lighting and get the associated minor repairs to the ceiling. Especially if there’s an accessible attic, the ceiling work is minimal.
I like the sconce idea, saves floor space. We just picked up a set from Costco for like $30. They’re not hardwired but they hold a charge for a long time and they’re hung above an outlet so they’re easy enough to charge when needed. It’s a touch light and they have three different brightness settings, which is great for our needs – in a nursery – where we want to be quiet but need enough light to change baby.
I got overhead lighting with a dimmer installed in my old, dark living room. It made a huge difference.
Plug in track lighting.
I think track lighting is an abomination, especially in an old house. Yes I feel strongly about this. Just get recessed lighting and use lamps when you want ambiance.
Ewwwwww
I would get a bunch of smart lights and add more lamps — with the smart lights you could set them all to turn on and off at the same time, either via remote or command. Also think about picture lights, behind-TV lighting, under cabinet lighting, etc/
The answer is all of the above. You want multiple lighting sources in every room to get a good layered lighting that is nice to be in. Sconces, floor lamp, and maybe swag a plug in hanging lights from the ceiling. Add some plants with plant lights that stick into the soil (they kind of look like halos over the plants). Put all of the plug in lights on smart outlets and set them to turn on and off automatically according to a schedule that makes sense for you.
Very left field idea, and it’s entirely depending on the built-in and the space, but one idea would be to lean big floor mirror in front of the built in for a layered look.
Related to the old house question. What are your favorite sources for inexpensive lighting/ floor lamps? Like a step or two up from the halogen pole lamps that I had in my first apartment (and I guess date myself because the bulbs were halogen, not LED).
Target! Mixed in with the cheap-looking lamps you can always find a few really nice ones. Look on line and filter for Target brands. I think all of our floor and table lamps are now from Target.
Here’s one we have: https://www.target.com/p/oak-wood-tripod-floor-lamp-dark-brown-threshold/-/A-53318981?preselect=17299861#lnk=sametab
Thx! I like the one you linked to below.
I like Lamps Plus, they have a wide variety.
I agree with Target – I would avoid Ikea though. Lamps Plus is also good.
inexpensive? goodwill! secondhand shops!
I would not trust wiring in anything I’d find at a secondhand shop, I’d be worried about having it set the house on fire. When we bought a lamp from a secondhand shop we bought a light kit on Amazon to replace the wiring but even that seemed risky.
HomeGoods / Home Sense
Favorite LED/light therapy face mask or device?
I found the reviews by Goals to Get Glowing (she has a website and IG) very helpful. Ultimately went with the Omnilux Men’s mask (waited for a Black Friday sale).
The CurrentBody series 2 is my fave, look for a code, you can generally get 10% off. I might also wait to see if there is a July 4th sale at this point.
Do so many people own multiple that they can make enough of a comparison
OP here-no, if assume not. Guess how I meant o phrase question was more which one do you use and do you like it? Seems like a pricey device and I’d like to hopefully get a solid recommendation.
*I’d
I bought the Beauty Pie one. It’s hard to see a huge difference but I am full of hope.
I’ve used Omnilux for several years and really like it
I can’t help but get freaked out whenever I hear about someone who was very fit experiencing a heart attack at a young age. I just found out this happened to the 36-something professional athlete husband of a professional athlete I follow on Instagram in our niche sport. He will ultimately be ok, but it was obviously a total shock. People have died young of heart problems in my family with no warning signs and I guess this is a reminder of that. Not sure what I’m looking for here and I suppose I don’t really have a point but just wanted to say something about it.
It is so scary and triggers my health anxiety all the time.
Yes, the husband of a family friend’s daughter who was perfectly healthy just died in his low 30s due to heart attack
Was it a true heart attack (blockage in the arteries) or sudden cardiac death, which is usually due to an electrical disturbance? So, so sad.
I think you mean a coronary artery disease heart attack?
Myocardial infarction isn’t always from blockage in the arteries, but I thought it still counted as heart attack. It’s relevant right now with people getting myocarditis from infectious disease.
These incidents are always disconcerting because when the person was overweight or older we can just blame them and avoid thinking it might happen to us.
If I had a history of sudden cardiac death in my family I’d definitely be talking to a doctor!
I hear you. It’s why there are defibrillators in more places.
I also get nervous about these news articles, especially when thinking COVID effects might be contributing to it (maybe inflammation related?) but I remind myself that this has been happening long before COVID–so its just scary, generally.
If i had a family history like yours, I’d definitely be making an appointment with a cardiologist.
If you are too young to remember him, google Sergei Grinkov. It can happen to anyone with the wrong genes. A cardiologist once told me that the first symptom of long QT syndrome is often sudden death.
These things run in families. If you have a family history of sudden cardiac death, book an appointment with a cardiologist and get a complete work up.
I always think of him! And treat heart health seriously. There are statins now (which people should use with just as much seriousness and no stigma, like how a diabetic uses insulin). My husband’s family has no adult men but him (on statins).
Girl, make an appointment with a cardiologist! (Or your PCP to start.) There are all sorts of tests and scans you can do.
Same. I navigate it by being on top of my screenings (everyone should have their cholesterol tested periodically in particular) and reminding myself to do the basic (but hard!) things like getting 150 minutes of exercise, getting 8 hours of sleep, etc. these are not guarantees, but they are the things in my control.
I didn’t realize how common it was until a close friend died in his early 40s of a sudden heart attack.
Given your family history, you may want to see a cardiologist to see if anything looks out of the ordinary that you can address now. But the single best piece of advice I can give you is this: If anything feels off, go to the ER. Every time. Don’t worry about being a burden. Don’t worry if it turns out to be nothing. Our friend would have survived if he’d gone to the ER instead of waiting at a nearby urgent care to be seen about his sudden shortness of breath. He (and his wife) didn’t realize it was a symptom of a heart attack.
OP here and this is such good advice. Someone gave me similar advice during pregnancy and I was so glad I heeded it because it led to early identification of a problem that could’ve been very serious. The nurses emphasized that they would always rather see you and have it be nothing then have you stay home to avoid being a bother and have a bad outcome.
There are things that no one can predict, but there are also heart issues we could screen for if we wanted. It’s sometimes proposed that we should screen high school athletes before letting them push themselves competitively. Usually it’s concluded that this would be too expensive. But with a family history, there are tests they can do.
One good and constructive thing for you to do, is to educate yourself and your family on common symptoms and warning signs for women. If you do get ill, you want to be treated seriously and urgently. Practise a few key phrases that will help you be taken very seriously at the ER.
OP here and don’t worry, I’ve been followed by a cardiologist since I was 22 years old. Doesn’t mean nothing will happen to me but we’re doing all we can to stay on top of risks.
Did they do genetic testing on you / your family members?
So many new genes have been discovered over the past 20 years that can contribute to things like this, be sure to ask every year at your appointment – is there any genetic testing that is relevant for me/my family?
Yes, they did (two years ago) and nothing of note was found. I was warned that genetic testing for cardiology risks is very imprecise compared to other types of risks, though.
The professional athlete part of the description might be the culprit here. DH’s colleague had a near-fatal heart attack around age 40 and subsequent treatment showed that it was due to damage he had from years of strenuous mountain biking.
Well, you’re going to die eventually. You’re afraid because you think it “won’t happen now” and this reminds you that it could. Being about to balance the realization that it could happen now with the fact that it probably won’t is a good thing — you don’t want to be overly drawn to either side of the mental spectrum. Your brain likes certainty, but certainty around your mortality is just an illusion.
Not very helpful. You sound like you have not had a lot of sudden death in your family. In young people.
I was thinking about leaving a comment along the lines of “Being right isn’t the only thing.” Because she IS right. But that doesn’t really matter on such an emotional subject.
Yes, I have. So I have accepted the fact that it might happen to me. (Well, accepting that is a daily process, but like…what’re the other options? Denial or depression? Blech.)
You’re going to die eventually. It probably won’t be today. Happy mental health is about being able to hold both of those facts in balance without buying too heavily into either one.
I’m the poster who went to the ER a week or so ago because I felt weird and couldn’t breathe and worried I was having a heart attack. It’s been interesting to realize how much stuff my Apple Watch has. For example: I can take an EKG on my watch to detect if the rhythm is normal or not. It can track my “overnight vitals” and detect aberrations.
I’m also healthy and athletic, but my mom had a serious heart attack and my sister has calcium in her main “widow maker” artery. I asked my PCP to prescribe a coronary calcium scan. I had to pay for the scan, it was ~$100. Apparently, almost no insurance pays for it unless your state requires it. The scan is very easy, you remain fully clothed, you just can’t have caffeine before it. It was done in my local hospital, took about 40 minutes. The scan can show heart disease before you have any symptoms.
My test found a 20% calcium blockage in a less important artery, and my doctor prescribed a statin. I wasn’t sure I need the statin, but I am at a healthy weight, am a vegetarian, don’t eat much processed food, and I lift weights, do Pilates reformer and run. There isn’t much diet or behavior changes left for me to make.
If you can afford the test, I strongly suggest you get it.
I did this as well and also recommend. Also be aware that it only identifies calcification in your coronary arteries. you can have soft plaques that haven’t calcified and that won’t show up. So it’s not a complete guarantee that all is well.
Wait, why doesn’t insurance pay for it? I’m kind of wary of asking doctors for tests that they haven’t recommended but this seems promising.
I hate the narrative that young healthy people who eat right and exercise cannot have hyperlipidemia (or conversely that if you have high cholesterol, you must be eating “wrong”). It is genetic for a lot of people, and you often need statins to control it because no amount of weight loss, dietary changes, or exercise is going to make a substantial difference.
My cholesterol has been very high (like total over 300, my doctors could not believe I was not diabetic high). Lost 25 pounds to bring my weight solidly within the healthy category and followed my dietician’s advice religiously and it went “down” to 280. Went off birth control and it went down to 235. Nothing I do short of taking statins is going to bring it down to a healthy range.
The point of this being – take the statins. High cholesterol is not a moral failing.
Bought these to wear to my business casual office and can’t figure out the right shoes – anyone want to vicariously shop? I have them in black and they are slightly cropped on me. Only requirement is that they have to be closed toe and not a super casual sneaker/running shoe:
https://shop.lululemon.com/p/womens-trousers/Daydrift-High-Rise-Trouser-Regular/_/prod11860288
loafers or modern ballet flats.
Are we wearing wide leg pants that are slightly cropped? I feel like either it needs to be intended to be at your ankle bone or it needs to be at the floor like all the model pictures show.
I live in Southern California and have been in NYC and Paris in the last three months, and I have not seen single real person walking around with their pants puddled on the floor (which would get nasty pretty quickly!). I see a lot of pants just above the floor and mostly covering the back of the shoe in addition to the ankle bone length or shorter – but I am not cool enough to make capris look good at any width.
In an alternate universe I would trade my desk job for doing something outdoors, like being a postal worker. In our area we have mail slots so postal workers walk from door to door. I love walking outside in any kind of weather. An article in WSJ about a guy who was a postal worker for a year after losing his marketing job made me think about this. What are other jobs that involve walking outside all day?
Dog walking. Tour guide. Campus tour guides, both of my kids did this for several summer sessions, they developed great skills in walking backwards.
My SIL became a dog walker for about 3 years after she lost a job, and she loved it. She listened to podcasts. Another woman I know has done the same. Both are dog lovers and have done some boarding for the families they do walk for.
Land surveyor. Building inspector. Various environmental engineering roles involve tons of site visits and sampling in outdoor environments. Anything with your town or state’s department of public works is going to have the potential to take your job outdoors on a regular basis if that is what you want. What I’m trying to say is there are professional jobs in the outdoors that involve skills, credentials, and advanced degrees. The two things are not exclusive of each other.
But if you are looking for something easier to get into: landscaper, gardener, lifeguards, and other parks department roles involve a lot of outdoor time on a more seasonal basis.
Detailed landscape work?
Parks workers.
I just got back from a month-long vacation and now I really really want to be a tour guide!
We missed you. Hope you had a wonderful time.
My city has a downtown ambassador program comprising a number of employees and volunteers, many of them retirees who just want something that lets them interact with the public. They have uniform vests and can be found on the sidewalks in our downtown area. They work specific events, too, but outside of that they are just a friendly face available to give directions, pick up litter, snip spent flowers from the curbside planters, etc. They sometimes lead walking tours. Does your area have something like that?
My dad has been a mailman for over 40 years. He hates it and has always hated it.
My mom is a middle school science teacher, so is only at her desk for grading but otherwise on her feet and in a very interactive job. Loves it.
My brother does B2B sales, and is always traveling around his territory (our metro area so never overnight). He loves it. His company is sports related (he got into it as a former college athlete) so the demos are more active than others. And, he gets to spend his day working with his sport.
Finally, I work in government in a job thats a mix of desk work and field work. Field work includes, among other things, a ton of coordinating and meeting with other agencies and the public. Lots of site inspections and the like too so lots of walking. I love my job.
I spent a long time as an environmental/outdoor educator and naturalist – teaching children and adults about the natural world. Lots of walking.
Oh this is me too!!
How do you explain to someone with limited scientific understanding why some bodies of water are crystal clear turquoise and others are brown/gray/green?
We have come to love an immigrant family from a third-world country. We took them to our country house for a week last summer. Because they had a two year old, we chose to take them to a local swimming hole along a river here: sandy beach for the little one, lifeguard, roped off areas marking shallow and deep swimming areas. The family seemed taken aback by everyone swimming, “The water’s dirty!” I looked around for trash or something they saw but I didn’t, and I realized that they just meant the water looked green-ish brown. Off the top of my head, I explained that the trees nearby drop their leaves and sticks in and tint the water brown, like tea. It wasn’t dirty, just natural.
The family’s coming back this summer and mentioned that they’d rather not go swimming where there’s tea water again. I can take them to a water park, and I was thinking about that before they even said anything, but, I mean, the ocean’s gray because it’s full of all sorts of decomposing stuff! And they said they wanted to go to the ocean. The mom specifically mentioned “clear waters like you see on the phone,” so I’m sure she’s thinking of the tropics, and you’re not gonna find those waters within an hour of my house ha.
Ideas for how to convey that natural waters aren’t dirty? (Do they think every creek and stream they drive over on a bridge is contaminated??) And why tropical waters are turquoise and American waters aren’t? I’ve been pondering this for a couple weeks now, so thanks.
Maybe show them pictures of different in-ground swimming pools that have different colored water because of the color of pool liner you choose?
The water is dirty. After certain procedures and on certain meds, I’ve definitely been advised to steer clear of the local swimming hole before. Fresh water is a bigger issue than saltwater since salt kills a lot (not all). They may be thinking of the tropics, but any tourist ocean beach has clearer, cleaner looking water than (for comparison) a great lake.
Yeah, I’m not sure your friends are totally irrational here.
Clear water can still have bacteria etc in it though. It’s just not the right metric. Mountain streams are dangerous regardless
Yes, I’m kind of wondering if OP does not think that every creek and stream she drives over is (at least potentially) dirty or contaminated. I’d swim at the local river that everyone else is swimming at too, but there are reasons the water park is using chlorine and it’s okay to be more careful.
I mean, visibly clean anything can still have bacteria, it’s not like we can see it with our naked eye. But if something is visibly dirty then we know.
Agree. I will not touch freshwater swimming.
This. I grew up swimming in a lake near my Midwest home, but most of the time there were alerts for high bacterial levels and I got sick at least twice. My 70 year old mom contracted strep from kayaking on a river with dirty water in April 2020 – that was scary because her symptoms aligned with some common at the time Covid symptoms and she had to go to the ER for testing and we were worried about her catching the virus there if she didn’t have it already.
Your friends aren’t being entirely irrational.
The color of water is due to light wave scattering as sunlight travels through the water.
Water with minimal debris look light blue (like a clear sky) bc blue is the shortest wavelength and it’s scattered by water molecules.
The more debris, the more longer wavelength colors are scattered and the more tinted the water gets (in the sky, pollution creates beautiful sunsets bc particulates scatter more colors ).
Milk is white bc the lipids and proteins scatters all colors of visible light. Skim milk looks slightly bluish bc there is less lipid content and not all colors are scattered back.
I’m a scientist. There are a lot of different reasons why the water might look dirty. One might be that it is literally “dirty” with small suspended particles of sediment. Another is that it contains tannins or other plant substances, and tea is actually a good analogy for these. And then the most concerning one is when the water might actually look perfectly clean but contains microorganisms that can make you sick. There’s not a good correlation between water that looks dirty and water that can make you sick, though you generally don’t want to swim for a few days after it rains, which will often also make the water look cloudy with sediment run off.
Places with turquoise beaches only occur where’s not much sediment run off and not much biological growth to cloud the water (basically dead zones), plus sand that reflects light the right way. That doesn’t mean that they can’t still have sewage run off that makes you sick, though.
TLDR, even clean looking water often contains pathogens, so if they’re not into swimming in natural water, I wouldn’t force it and just go to a pool. But most beaches test and close if they’re above certain levels, so I wouldn’t stress about it if you have a healthy immune system.
I think your explanation makes sense, but I still hate lake swimming. I’m from the northeast and while oceans obviously still have pathogens (red tide, jellyfish season, etc.) the idea of swimming in lakes just seems less safe to me. If I can’t swim in the ocean I’ll take a pool/water park over lakes fwiw.
Okay but I think the issue here is that the family wants to go to a beach. But a beach with clear water isn’t going to happen around OP
TBH, I generally dislike swimming in both lakes and the ocean. I grew up in the midwest where the lakes are often muddy bottomed and full of plants that tangle up in your legs. I now live somewhere the ocean is way too cold to swim in without a wetsuit. In between, I’ve lived a few places with rivers and streams that were fun to swim in, but mostly I stick to studying the water and taking walks near it, but stay out of it personally! Nobody’s even mentioned brain-eating amoebas, which live in warm fresh water around the world. They’re very rare, but horrific.
OP is probably in northern US bc she didn’t mention gators. Water temperatures aren’t warm enough most of the year…. Yet… for Naegleria fowleri.
I wouldn’t pressure someone to put their kid in unchlorinated water regardless.
Unfortunately they can live in most of the US now. Several people have died in MN in recent years
I would just tell them that there are no clear water beaches near your home. If they don’t want to come because there are no clear water beaches, then they can skip the trip.
FWIW, I also would not love swimming in a river that had brownish green water.
Can we please move past “third world” – it is both outdated (based on the 1950’s obsession with communism) and focuses on what vibrant cultures lack. Some options: https://borgenproject.org/alternative-to-third-world/
That made me do a doubletake too. I haven’t heard that phrase in real life in years.
Yes thank you. This phrase is outdated.
I pictured OP around 80 years old when I read that.
Yes, I am skeptical of any person who describes this relationship as “com[ing] to love an immigrant family from a third world nation” and who wants to teach them that they are wrong about something that the OP apparently does not understand themself. It’s giving white savior. They don’t want to go. Do what you would for a friend who you consider your equal and respect their wishes even if you think they get it wrong.
I live in a rural area where beautiful creeks and rivers flow through natural landscapes. And many of them are absolutely not fit for swimming due to farm runoff and industrial waste. They look absolutely picturesque and are contaminated beyond belief, like whole towns get sick from chemical contaminated well water up here. I take your point that the way a waterway looks does not necessarily correlate to its safety. But your friends are skeeved out by it and they have a baby so they get to decide. This is not a teaching moment.
if you have a local public health authority that publishes water analysis data, or guidance which lakes are safe to swim in, you could try showing that. I think your explanation was fine but your friends may have a different frame of reference, maybe they’ve had bad experiences with this before. You can tell them what information you rely on, and what types of beaches are accessible to you. You can’t make them believe or trust you.
This just isn’t a battle I’d be willing to fight.
This is the right answer. Why are you invested in schooling them? Just let them swim where they’re comfortable.
I’m confused. Did you take them to a river or an ocean? Regardless there’s a hierarchy here. I don’t really think rivers and lakes are for swimming. Maybe a Great Lake but I’ve never been. I learned to swim in the Long Island sound. It’s dark with rocks and seaweed. No one who grew up swimming on the south shore would be caught dead in it. But then no one who grew up swimming in the Caribbean is impressed by the Long Island ocean beaches. This isn’t to say that anything is unsafe with regard to water quality just that most people don’t want to swim in darker water than they grew up in. Go to the pool and enjoy your family.
I have to laugh because I currently live in San Diego where our ocean water is frequently gross and our beaches often closed, particularly the ones closer to the border, and grew up swimming in perfectly safe lakes in North Carolina and Georgia.
Which just goes to show that geography matters!
have we talked about the NYC mayoral primary? i don’t live there anymore so don’t have a dog in the race, but it’s been interesting to read how donors aligned behind Cuomo, I’m assuming to try to get a democrat that could beat Adams, but by doing so totally blocked the rise of newer democrats. I really hope Adams doesn’t win again he just seems so corrupt.
Wait what? A “newer Democrat” *did* win the primary…
but isn’t he technically a socialist, not a democrat?
No, I’m not a DSA-er myself, but this isn’t accurate. The DSA is not a political party itself. Mamdani is a member of the Democratic Party.
What is there to say besides the fact that establishment Democrats still continue to have their heads up their own asses?
I do live here, and I would rather have Adams than Mamdani.
Why?
I don’t love mayor Adams but I don’t hate him either. People can complain all they want but the democrats didn’t help him when millions of illegal immigrants landed on his doorstep.
People forget that he housed all those people, put their children in school and gave them food. Crime exploded because a small minority didn’t behave. Mayor Adams asked for help and was turned away. He did what he could with what he had. The school budgets were redone to manage spending on disabled children to accommodate the sudden influx of children who were traumatized by what they had been through.
So, I kinda don’t care that he pushed through a project that was never ending. We have all been stuck waiting for city hall to issue permits and complete inspections. It’s infuriating.
Say what you will about Mayor Adams, the fact is NYC is so much safer today compared to 4 years ago. My trash is collected, I can walk home and take the subway at 10pm and 5am with no safety issues. That wasn’t the case 4 years ago.
Stop spreading lies. The crime rate in NYC did “explode” or even go up meaningfully because of the influx of immigrants. Seems like you agree, since you say “NYC is so much safer today compared to 4 years ago.”
*Did NOT explode
The affordability crisis in NYC is out of control, and there was a recent NYtimes article about people making $50k a year and needing to live in homeless shelters. I am glad there’s a candidate putting affordability at the forefront and proposing creative, Abundance-style solutions.
The “abundance” discourse is so eye roll inducing, and I’m someone who generally listens to Ezra’s podcasts.
I live in NYC and loathe Adams. I’m cautiously optimistic about Mamdani; the fact that real estate developers hate him is more of a feature than a bug from my perspective. If Cuomo stays in the race, I think that will just benefit Mamdani as he and Adams will split the same group of voters.
I do not feel like the city is safer now than it was 4 years ago, but I didn’t feel like it was particularly unsafe 4 years ago. (I live a ways out in Brooklyn and work in Times Sq; I have been working in office and on the subway 4 days a week since 2021). Mamdani was not my first choice among the progressive candidates due to his lack of management and city gov experience–I ended up picking Lander–but I’m very willing to give him a chance. I am frankly not convinced I understand what it takes to be a great Mayor; it is more than just policy proposals and experience in various areas of government. De Blasio had all that and was middling.
Cuomo is a bully and hurt NYC over and over again when he was governor and DeBlasio was in office, for no apparent reason other than spite. Adams just lets NYPD do whatever it wants, which is primarily generate a lot of overtime pay for standing around on subway platforms as far as I can tell. As for his corruption – I assume the Turkish Embassy was just the tip of the iceberg, but we’ll never know now. The fact that he went begging to Trump for help tells you everything you need to know about his priorities as a leader of the City.
Don’t be obnoxious. Police “standing” is still work. It’s their job to be prepared and ready.
Don’t be obtuse. There was nothing going in the subways that demanded whole crowds of officers standing around in groups.
Staring at their phones and facing each other with their backs to the rest of the station is not being “prepared and ready.”
Do you want them there or not? Do you seriously need them to make eye contact with you?
No, to be 100% clear, I do not want them there, at least not in this volume. I didn’t feel unsafe on the subway before it was flooded with cops, and I don’t feel safer now that they are there. I would rather my tax dollars be spent paying for cops to do other things, and to be paying for things other than cops’ salaries and overtime. I can’t believe most of them want to be on subway platforms either since they don’t have much to do and can’t or don’t actively patrol. If they are going to be on the platforms, I wish they would do something potentially useful like look around for crime. Perhaps your subway station has much more attentive cops than the ones I frequent.
You must not live in New York. They arent alert or engaged literally at all. It’s beyond ridiculous and everyone jokes about it. I’m generally pro police but feel strongly if we’re going to pay six cops to stand on the platforms, they need to not be playing Candy Crush.
The truth is that the cops think it’s a joke too and that they’re wasting their time.
I do not live in NYC or follow its politics carefully so could someone with more knowledge educate me on whether the race is solidly between the Democratic candidate and the independents or if there is any chance a Republican takes it? That is always my concern when someone farther to the left wins the nomination – that they cannot win the general election.
Adams and Cuomo have both secured spots on the general election ballot on independent/other lines, but Cuomo may not actively campaign. There is also a Republican candidate, Curtis Sliwa, but he doesn’t have a chance of winning. The Democratic candidate, who is almost certain to be Mamdani–this is not yet official though, as counting of ranked choice voting won’t be done until Monday– has a very good chance of winning, but I don’t assume it is a lock. NYC is a deep blue city but many conservative voters–e.g. the Orthodox Jewish community–will likely pick a candidate who has a chance of winning, not Sliwa.
my understanding is that Mamdani made such a strong showing in the primary that Cuomo will not run as an independent… but that’s all I know.
A quick puppy update (a pupdate?)- I was the poster from earlier in the week asking if we had the dog in the crate too much. The trainer came yesterday and said the dog needs to be basically crated 24×7 unless actively being managed by us (not supervised, but actively trained). Dog essentially has no “casual” mode; she’s either asleep or hunting for action (ie trouble). We have both a pen and a crate, trainer said it didn’t matter because the point is when they are in the enclosure they need to rest/chill and the crate is perfectly fine for that.
We are essentially stuck until we can crack leash training (which is actually un-doing all the bad habits, then re-training), trainer said possibly a dog playdate but no doggie daycare until she’s more reliable. Also, dog cannot be outside without direct supervision- we have a 4′ fence but she’s already started digging under it even while we are there.
It does not sound like this dog is suitable as a family pet. 24/7 in a crate is not fair to the dog, and the management this dog requires does not seem to be a good fit for your family.
+1
I think being in a crate a lot for a few months as a puppy in this family’s home is probably a lot better than realistic alternatives for this particular puppy. It isn’t like there is huge demand for puppies requiring constant supervision.
OP seems committed to training, so this level of crate time is temporary. Once the dog is leash trained, he’ll be going on lots of walks and runs, which is going to help tremendously.
The puppy is 8 months old and they can’t walk it. This is not a good fit.
And? As another commenter said there might not be better alternatives for the puppy. The family made a commitment, and I applaud OP for trying to honor it.
Pen vs crate made a huge difference for our Labrador so i’m very surprised your trainer is so blasé about that. So much happier in the pen.
I love the coffee wood sticks for chewers.
OP here- I was a little surprised too, but we adopted the dog and the trainer we are using was a direct recommendation from the very reputable rescue/shelter. The trainer does a lot of work with rescue dogs and I think this may be a case of the particulars of this dog. She said basically the dog has too many privileges and a ton of bad habits to unlearn, needs to go back to the beginning, and we are also starting below ground zero on leash walking (like, dog does not even understand the concept). Make the crate the happy place, do all the treats/puzzles/toys in there, etc. We went over our schedules and you really can’t practically ask for a better setup. Yes, we both work but we are extremely flexible. We are going to give it a few more weeks but are already working with the shelter to make sure we can take on this kind of training. We’ve had a difficult dog before- that one was aggressive/reactive and this dog is not that, but it’s a whole other host of drama.
You shouldn’t own this dog. Start working to rehome it if you can’t be bothered training it. Cruel
What is this dog’s breed?