Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Chale Blouse
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love the drama of this scarf-neck top from Jacquemus. I’ve never been confident in wearing scarves as an accessory, but I love the built-in scarf look here. I would pair this with solid trousers or a skirt in order to keep the focus on the top for an office look that doesn’t require a third piece.
The blouse is $990 and comes in French sizes 32-48. You can also find it at MyTheresa.com, as well, and see it styled another way.
Looking for something similar? Check out this blouse at Aritzia.
If you want a more traditional scarf blouse, some of our latest favorite secretary blouses for work in 2025 include ones from Quince, Banana Republic Factory, Boden, Lilysilk, and more at Nordstrom.
Sales of note for 9/5/25
- Nordstrom – Summer sale has started, up to 60% off top brands
- Ann Taylor – Friends of Ann Event: 30% off your entire purchase, including new arrivals
- Anthropologie – 30% off clothing and accessories
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- J.Crew – Everyday styles from $34.50 — see our full roundup of what to buy for work at J.Crew
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off fall faves + extra 60% off clearance
- L.K. Bennett – 20% off all new-season
- Nordstrom Rack – Season Closeout: extra 40% off select clearance dresses, sandals, shorts, and swimwear(ends 9/11)
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 5 panties for $39 + 35% off 3+ styles + buy 2 get 3 free panties — readers love these PJs and these no-VPL panties
- Talbots – 25-40% off select fall styles + extra 30% all markdowns — here are all the reader favorites at Talbots
- White House Black Market – 50% off all sale styles (ends 9/5)
Good morning. Can anyone provide a gift link to the E-p-s-t-e-i-n article in the NYT about JPMorgan Chase? It was published about 30 minutes ago. Thank you.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/08/magazine/jeffrey-epstein-jp-morgan.html?unlocked_article_code=1.kU8.kQfU.lis8LcivHSXG&smid=url-share
Different anon, thank you!
Thank you, a very interesting read. Sounds like it was one strong supporter and everyone else not willing to stick their necks out too far.
I still don’t know why he is called a financier. I think he was at best a clever schemer with no finance background who supplied one thing that got him in with such rich and powerful people that he became rich and powerful himself. But if you scratch the surface, he’s just a guy who was a really good salesman. Not some whiz or even someone you’d want to trust knew how to do a basic 1040. Just “take care of Leslie Wexner and he will take care of you.”
I’m the OP, thank you so much!
So if you withdraw $10k in cash to go gambling in Vegas for your buddy’s bachelor party, the bank is up your butt with KYA and regulations. If you engage in human trafficking, it’s all okay because you make money for the bank.
Sickening.
Only high dollar trafficking, apparently. The stuff in the cheap motels by the interstate — who even polices that?
Ditto trying to open a bank account for a Scout troop.
That should have been KYC, sorry.
Are we wearing colored pants suits to the office? I keep seeing them on social media but I can’t tell if only politicians and royals can pull off the look. My team is on the business side of business casual and men typically wear slacks with a coordinating patterned sports coat. We have an offsite coming up and I was thinking a suit in a nice fall color like dark green could be nice, and I can always break it up into separates later. I can afford to be a little dressier as I’ll be presenting one day as part of the leadership team.
That sounds Like a great out for go for it
I say go for it! Dark green in the fall is a lot easier to pull off than bright colors. If you need to keep it conservative, go for a simple blouse/shell and shoes/accessories to tone down the overall look.
If you’re looking for permission or courage, I’m here to get it to you!
Dark green is perfectly appropriate!
I have an olive green suit (dark olive green) and I frequently wear it with both a plum crew neck top and a black turtleneck top. I am always happy when I wear it.
I also love a pant suit because it gives me that power feeling. My first few ‘real’ jobs were working with politicians where you had to be wearing a suit or equivalent to enter the floor.
1. There was an interesting article in yesterday’s WSJ about how sports broadcasters and their suits (also, walk-in suits by pro athletes). Very fun, from a fashion perspective.
2. Further on that, Derek Guy talks (IMO meaningfully) about how men’s suiting pieces and sport jackets (and the pants worn with them) are different creatures. I think it’s a bit murkier for women (isn’t it always?).
3. Finally, I don’t think we’re done with suits, only that they have gotten much more casual (sort of how leisure suits were a thing in the 1970s). Soft pants + sweater jacket + executive tee or casual blouse = suit equivalent for much of where 2025 takes me. Or a blazer / “fun jacket” + jeans or soft pants. That sort of thing.
Yes. Buy the suit. In my world, the more colorful suit are typically worn by more senior women.
I work in higher ed. the president and the provost often rock colored pants suits. I think with the caveat we’ve discussed before that it is more noticeable if you repeat frequently you can definitely go for it!
I have a dark green suit I wear often together and as separates (it’s sold out but on the White House Black Market site if you search for green Waist Seam Fluid Blazer). My co-worker recently wore a gorgeous mauve / darker pink suit to federal court and was complimented by the judge.
Yes to dark green! Something other than black or navy will make you appear more senior.
I say go for it! A few of the very senior women I work with frequently wear pink suits (more dusty rose than barbie pink) or light blue, and they look very serious/professional in them.
Fun fact: I just did another closet cleanout, 1 year and 11 months after retirement, and the last suit standing is hot pink.
I am a big coffee drinker normally (20oz first mug, then another cup later in the morning), but all of a sudden find coffee isn’t tasting good. Tea is the same. Any ideas for a morning drink that isn’t coffee or tea but that still is somewhat ritual-worthy?
Herbal teas have a pretty wide range of flavors so you could probably find one that appeals. Or a smoothie?
I enjoy a high quality dark hot chocolate as it gets colder. My favorite is from Dandelion and I make it with almond milk.
How long has this lasted? Have you had Covid recently? Coffee tasted awful to me for about two weeks when I had Covid, then everything went back to normal.
Have you considered a pregnancy test
Ha. I also had this thought.
OP – I would try some different types of herbal teas. There are so many different tastes, hopefully you can find one you like. I like mint teas.
Recommend the pregnancy test before the herbal teas, as most are a big no-no if you are expecting.
I drank mint tea and peppermint tea throughout my pregnancies, and my kids are fine.
Oops, I meant mint tea and ginger tea!
That’s fine anecdata, but for real, some herbs are counter-indicated for pregnancy.
I took a test for my last child after I went out for dinner and thought all the wine tasted terrible. That is basically counter to my normal personality.
Haha, I did after we went to the movie theatre, I washed my hands before going in, and was sickened by the smell of the hand soap the entire film. Kid is 8 and I still think my sense of smell is too acute.
Yeah my heightened sense of smell never went away post-pregnancy.
+ a covid test
Second for smoothie or throw your favorite electrolyte packet into water and enjoy. I’m a huge fan of Trace Minerals Zerolyte Salty Watermelon flavor.
When was the last time you gave your coffee maker a good clean? That’s normally the culprit for me.
Could also be a change to your water – how it’s treated, if levels are low, etc.
mushroom coffee is a thing! i also saw this a while ago and sent it to my brother, who does not drink coffee:
https://www.vermontcountrystore.com/original-postum-instant-beverage/product/64003
This is a genuine non-sarcastic answer – sometimes when I wake up and don’t want coffee but still want a cup-of-warm-something-to-sip-on…I’ve started just boiling a mug of hot water.
A cup of hot water after dinner is sometimes what I want and have!
Love this too – sometimes with lemon.
Chai latte – I love the cardamom/cinnamon mix
Hot vanilla – I take my high protein Fairlife milk + some good vanilla + a little splenda and heat it up in the microwave. Delicious. Nonfat milk works great, as Fairlife tastes so rich.
Does anyone have a San Francisco restaurant recommendation that would be good for a solo diner? I’ll be attending a conference alone and love all types of cuisine.
I’d try Verjus or Cotogna (same ownership, both in Jackson Square area), or Nopa on Divisadero Street. I can 100% confirm that Nopa offers walk-in seating at the bar and that it’s a great experience; you might call Verjus/Cotogna in advance to ask about seating for solo diners since I see reservations only for 2+ on their respective websites (though Verjus at least refers to a bar, and I believe Cotogna has one too).
Thank you so much. I keep running into the 2+ issue when I check for reservations.
NOPA is a great recommendation for a solo dinner. I live in SF and would totally go there and sit at the bar to eat solo. It’s lively and fun. Also Absinthe has a great bar where you can sit and eat (although I haven’t been there since before the pandemic).
I’ve never been alone, but I think Greens would be lovely with the view. The food is all vegetarian and wonderful.
I went to Ju-Ni a few years back for omkase sushi counter experience and really enjoyed it. They’re located over by the painted ladies!
This sounds really fun. I’ve never had an omakase experience.
Itria is fantastic and I think would be fine as a solo diner.
The empress of china- gorgeous spot with a view of the bay and slightly upscale chinese.
Lolo or Harborview
I really need a new pair of jeans. My problem is that I’ve ordered several pairs, and on all of them, the pockets on the backside are too low. They start like mid-butt and go down to my upper thigh. This makes my butt look flat and droopy, which it’s not!
I need to find jeans that have the pockets sewn higher, or have the entire butt area higher. I have no idea what this would be called in size/fit terms- anyone know? Is there a search term that exists for this? I don’t have time to go shopping in person and most stores don’t carry my size so I am limited to online shopping.
Unfortunately, I have never found a good way to screen for this, other than just trying them on. I will say that Old Navy is the WORST offender for this (on me).
Any chance you’re on the cusp of wearing petite sizes? I’m 5’4″ and have this problem at times in regular lengths but not when I wear petites.
Everlane, Abercrombie, and Gap brands usually are good about having multiple denim lengths.
Yes, I’m 5’2 so I order petites or shorter inseams. Even then I have this issue! Idk if I have an extra-short butt or what!
Have you tried Paige jeans? I have a few and the pockets are on the higher side.
If you’re not tall or super short, I’d head to a Nordstrom Rack, they have tons of denim brands. I’ve also had good luck with Madewell and Pilcro from Anthro.
I think this is a problem with current cuts (or with poor implementations of current trends). I’ve tried on some that seem to actively flatten, which is just not right! One of the cult favorites for pocket placement and lift was WAX jeans on Amazon back when we were wearing skinnies, but I haven’t tried any of their trouser/wide leg styles.
I’m curious about Levi’s curve 501s; has anyone tried them?
I like jeans from Frame. Also Mother.
Mother has a petite line which might work well for you, called Snacks.
I have had NYDJ and Democracy jeans (both in petites) and the pocket placement is decent.
I’m 5′ even, 155 pounds, size 31. My new Spanx jeans work well.
I’ve had a cat for 12 years and have never had a problem with flies in the litter box, but we’re having it now. Any suggestions for getting rid of them?
Ugh, flies are SO bad this year. I think it’s just that part of the lifestyle and we’re stuck waiting it out. Make sure your screens are good and nobody is leaving doors open.
Just focus on standard solutions for getting rid of flies. If it wasn’t the litterbox it would be something else once you have a fly issue.
(Assuming it’s getting scooped promptly! If your cats would tolerate a hooded box with a door or a curtain, that might help, but that is very cat specific.)
Hanging a fly paper is gross but effective.
I paid off $86k of student loans this year and I am DONE!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhh!
CONGRATULATIONS!
AMAZING! Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Congratulations!!!!
Excellent!!
Woo hoooo! Good for you! Congratulations!
Hooray!! Well done!
That is a huge accomplishment! Go you!
The gift that keeps on giving! I randomly think about how my loans are paid off and it feels great.
That is the best feeling!
CONGRATS!
Well done!
Woohoo! Way to go!
Paging shots, shots, shots!
Congrats! That’s amazing!
CONGRATS!!! Yaaaaaaaaay!
I have a week off work coming up where I’ll be off but my fiancé will still be working. Unless the weather is good (debateable at this time of year in England) three days of the week I will be without a car while he goes to the office, but I do have an occasional bus into town and a train station ~half an hour walk away (village so not much in the way of public transport).
What would you do with a week off alone, mostly at home? I already have a few appts booked like a haircut, dentist etc, and plan to go into town shopping one day. If it makes any difference, we are both off the following week, so we’ll be off doing daytrips etc that week, so this isn’t my only time to get out and about.
Do the hobbies I have that he doesn’t like? Like murder documentary marathon while I knit or run the shredder? Tennis or golf lesson? Massage?
I’d sleep in, do a ton of reading, some projects around the house (I need to repaint so this would be an ideal timeframe to do it), time-intensive cooking or baking projects, take my camera out into the neighborhood to refresh my photog skills, generally lean into the cozy fall vibes…
I like to read and work on embroidery projects, so I would spend most of my time doing those things. I also like to cook, but rarely have time for elaborate meals. So I would spend at least one day making something delicious but time-consuming (things where the sauce has to simmer all day, and the bread has to rise, etc). I would also plan to exercise–a long walk and some yoga at home would be my choice. And I love to nap so I would try and take a nap lol.
I wouldn’t spend a precious week off mostly at home. Make plans and go somewhere exciting! Go visit a friend, go camping, do anything you like that makes the most of this time.
I’m struggling not to roll my eyes. I spend lots of precious time at home and am better rested and restored for it.
I think both of these scenarios are a “know yourself”/“good for her, not for me” situation. I personally need to leave my house every single day. My husband could happily be at home for a week.
I absolutely will be getting out of the house most days, but a trip isn’t doable right now – we have one coming up later in the year, plus money is relatively tight with our wedding coming up. I also get a lot of leave from work (~40 days) so don’t feel I need to go away every break like I might if I had less leave!
In elementary school, the last day before winter break was “wear your pajamas and read all day” – I might do that as a “day off at home” treat! Go to the library and stock up, get some nice tea or whatever favorite snacks, set up the hammock, etc
Cook something elaborate that takes a half day or more. Maybe lean into fall and make something like a tarte normande, biscotti, or a pumpkin Bundt cake. Or make a chicken pot pie or other meat pie from scratch!
Personally, i would take a day or two to read a good book or spend some time on another hobby. Make myself a good lunch or bake. If you’re going to set out for the day, I would do somewhat the same but maybe go to a museum or just have a lunch out and linger/wander.
My favorite days are a big stack of new books, and something simmering on the stove all afternoon.
Any nice walks in your area, one or two train stops away? I love to spend a day doing a couple of circular walks with cafe or pub breaks, with a sandwich and book in my backpack. There are some great guides from the Pathfinders series with Ordenance survey maps.
At home, I’d do a jigsaw puzzle, some gardening (either meaning of the word), make some overnight no-knead bread, declutter some visible places, play music really loud, do some bicycle maintenance, sleep and relax. Would go and get a coffe, lunch, tea, lager or whatever somewhere each day, with a book, some knitting or a crossword for company.
I would not do: screens or any normal cleaning.
How high is the rise on those pants?!
This looks like weird photoshop/AI work. The perspective looks skewed in such a way that the proportions appear uncanny.
So Google is failing me with this. I have a dress I’d like to wear as a bridesmaid , it’s like a stretch satin material. It fits (and is a touch big) except across the chest it has the stretch lines where it’s pulling (if that makes sense). Does that mean it’s too tight or is there any undergarment / tailoring that can fix that ?
No. Minimizer bra.
If the style of the dress allows, a minimizer bra could work.
A good friend is trying to start her own business, and is living very frugally right now. I think she’d be sensitive about this so I’m asking – is there a good way to tell her let’s go out to dinner at a restaurant, my treat? We used to go out a lot together when she had money and I think she’s going a wonderful, brave thing so I really don’t mind paying for a couple dinners.
Simple is better: suggest the restaurant and tell her that it’s your treat. Don’t over explain.
I would say something like, “can I take you out to dinner to celebrate all of the hard work you’ve been doing? I’m so proud of you!”
Ooh thats a good idea, she did just reach a milestone that this would work for.
I’ve done exactly this. If you don’t think she’ll accept it, propose dessert out somewhere nice instead.
Consider hosting at your house – either cooking or takeout.
We have a larger friend group, and one friend was unemployed for a long time. We all still wanted to see get together for dinners, but he was living off of savings and trying to be super frugal, which we also supported. Understandably, he struggled when we would go out to dinner and then everyone pulled out credit cards to split the bill, but tell him to put his card away. The solution was for one person to host and do take out. If the host had everyone put in orders for take out and paid, then that moment of credit cards coming out didn’t happen, and our friend just never said anything about how dinner was getting paid for.
Oh I like that, that would definitely work. I just want to eat a meal or hang out in some way other than a walk in the park.
I have been that friend and appreciated that friends covered outings while I was unemployed with something along the lines of I could just pay it forward with others which I have done. Of course I don’t think I would have been as comfortable with people I wasn’t close with doing that.
That’s how I feel. We’ve all been there, and you can always pay it forward some time.
Could you pick something cheaper than a full dinner? If I were struggling financially and sensitive about it, I wouldn’t accept a friend treating me for dinner, but I would allow a friend to treat me for coffee or a happy hour drink.
Looking for recommendations for a restaurant in New York City for date night. I land at La Guardia and will be headed to Midtown, glad to hop on public transportation. Open to anything, just hoping for something great. TIA!
Le Coucou is great.
But truly, there are so many options! If you narrow down preferences by neighborhood or cuisine type, you may get more suggestions.
I unfortunately don’t know enough about New York to identify neighborhoods. Something in Midtown/near Penn Station?
I’m a vegetarian who’ll go pescatarian for a special occasion. We’d love something adventurous. Does that help? I know I’m too much of a blank slate to be easy to help here.
Hangawi is vegetarian Korean, not far from Penn Station, and is lovely.
Midtown itself is mostly disappointing food and expense account restaurants, so I would suggest heading out of your neighborhood. Check out Sixty Three Clinton if available your dates and/or scroll NY DOT Eater DOT com which has maps and see what strikes your fancy.
I’d go to the Nomad area which is not far from Penn.
Cafe Carmellini is great. Then you can get drinks at Nubeluz. Portrait Bar is new and looks good.
From Penn, you can also do Hudson Yards. Locanda Verde is decent. I actually love the Peak for an out of towner. Dinner gets you access to the deck.
Extremely low stakes question for this Monday morning. What is your absolute, all time favorite cookbook? I love my NYT cooking app, but I’m looking to try and work my way through a couple physical cookbooks in the coming months. Bonus points if there’s an emphasis on vegetarian cooking, as we are trying to incorporate more veggies into our diet. I already have The Bean Book (LOVE) and How To Cook Everything Vegetarian. TIA!
The Cookie and Kate one. About 90% hits.
This is what I came here to say!
Bowls of Goodness is the one I reach for most often. The Swedish potato salad and daal tadka.
I ordered the Leon Fast Vegan after borrowing from a friend and realising that I’d cook 80% of the options. Once my husband finishes a FODMAP diet (the absolute worst) and we figure out what he can eat – I’ll cook my way through it.
Oh man, LEON is essentially the British sweetgreen but I end up eating there at least once whenever I am in London for work! My copycat peas-and-seeds salad is a big hit with my family.
If you like soup, “Soup for Syria” — a lot of great vegetarian and veg-forward soups.
How to Cook Everything (1st edition… after that they moved stuff around and my brain doesnt work well with it) and Marcella Hazan’s Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking. Both are disgustingly stained from the amount of use they get.
Wow, this is so hard. I collect cookbooks. Here are the ones I use the most:
– All of Ina Garten’s books.
– All of the Half Baked Harvest books.
– All of Julia Child’s books.
I actually own and use Cooks Illustrated and Better Homes and Gardens. I internalized a lot of Martha Stewart and no longer reference it.
I have vegetarian cookbooks but not any I’ve had luck with.
My library does a fabulous job curating cookbooks, so I’ve gotten some good recipes from their latest finds.
Agree with the Cooks Illustrated Cookbook. It’s giant, but almost everything I’ve tried has been great.
The original Moosewood Cookbook.
French Vegetarian Cooking, by Paola Gavin
Moosewood Restaurant Daily Special
Supermarket Vegan and The Mediterranean Vegan Kitchen, both by Donna Klein
Martha Stewart’s Cookies.
Also seconding all the Ina Garten cookbooks – her recipes always work!
I also love everything by Ina Garten, but the cookbook I actually use most often is Julia Turshen’s Small Victories. I also use Ottolenghi’s Simple a ton.
This is where I heart my local library. I check out things that interest me to peruse and if I like enough of the recipes then I buy. I have never had a bad result from a Melissa Clark recipe so all her books are good, and they are generally veg-forward but I don’t recall if she has any that are strictly vegetarian. Ottolenghi Simple has a lot of interesting vegetable recipes (though I would call it Simple-r, compared to his other books, and not totally Simple)
NYT has a no-recepie cookbook that I adore- “New York Times Cooking: No-Recipe Recipes”.
I’ve recommended these before but the weekday vegetarian cookbooks by Jenny rosenstrach are the only cookbooks I’ve cooked bought that I’ve actually cooked out of consistently – they are all relatively straightforward but punch above their weight.
I have a copy of ‘The Kitchn’ cookbook I reference a lot. The Kitchn being the sister website to Apartment Therapy. There is also a section of the book that reads like a home decor review of several kitchens. It’s a fun read.
Any of Meera Sodha’s cookbooks are veggie heavy, if not completely vegetarian. Her recipes are mostly Indian/Asian Inspired. Her fried rice recipe got ky kids to eat brussel sprouts.
For practical- Jenny Rosenstrach’s Weekday Vegetarian
For more ambitous vegetarian/vegan cooking, I like Hetty Liu McKinnon’s cookbooks. Tenderheart or To -Asia with Love.
The Moosewood Cooks at Home has been a go-to of mine for more than 30 years. I was excited to get Jenny Rosenstrach’s Weekday Vegetarian, but I was somewhat disappointed – many of the recipes are complicated compilations of lots of smaller plates/recipes, and I found it somewhat limited. But I absolutely love her Dinner a Love Story, and it’s a go-to wedding and baby shower gift for me.
If anyone’s been to Iceland in October, what did you pack? What were you glad you had packed and, if anything, what did you think wasn’t needed? I’m a little overwhelmed trying to find the right balance of layers without being too warm and/or buying things I’ll never wear again – I live in the US South, so no need for giant puffer coats 95% of the time!
I went in November, and it was cold! Definitely wore fleece lined pants and puffers, boots, gloves, hats, etc. Many parts of the island were extremely windy, which obviously made it feel colder. I assume that October will be slightly milder, but I would still plan on very warm clothes.
I went in March, but they have similar temperature profiles, and I agree. I had a heavy, wind-proof coat, wind-proof winter pants, hats, gloves, etc. The wind is the biggest issue, and (IMO) there is no way to be outdoors comfortbly in the winter months without heavy winter clothes that will also provide a wind break.
That said: I am a notorious winter hater and loved Iceland – but only because I was appropriately attired to be outside.
ALL THE LAYERS. I went in August and wore my fleece lined pants, wool long sleeve, wool sweater, waterproof coat, and a wool hat 90% of the time. I brought some cute clothes that never got used because I needed all the layers every time we went out. And this is coming from Minnesota! If you are used to warmer outdoor weather you will probably need more. Can you borrow some warm layers from friends so you don’t have to buy as much? I highly recommend fleece lined windproof pants. I have a pair for cross-country skiing that came in clutch. Have a great time!
Buy layers you can wear separately in your climate or for other travel – base layer (wool or poly long underwear), mid layer (wool or fleece), top layer (light weight puffy coat – down or synthetic), shell (waterproof). Add a wool hat and some gloves and you’re good.
Th blogger Jo Lynn Shane is prepping for a trip to Iceland now and has had a couple posts about clothing with more to come.
I would look for a used coat at Goodwill or FB marketplace if the one-time use is bothering you.
How many pairs of purple sneakers is too many? Asking for a friend. ;) Was looking for more cute sneakers and I like both the a d i d a s superstar ii in preloved purple (metallic) and the grand court in silver dawn (pale lilac), but I am feeling oogy about keeping both. Def keeping the shiny ones!
Assuming you can easily afford two pair, it depends entirely on your views are about how many shoes you want to own and how much space you have to store them.
If you love them and you’ll wear them, keep both. It sounds to me like you’ve got a fall/winter pair and a spring/summer pair.
por que no los dos? :-)
Life is short, keep all the shoes that make you happy!
N+1 (or more), where N = the number you have now.
Say you own a bunch of mutual funds as TIC or JTWROS with your spouse. The spouse dies. The mutual fund company wants you to do a new account application (but they already have your info — you are already on it) prior to using any of the funds. I would have thought that if you show them the death certificate, they just remove that person from the account and it continues on as yours. It’s billed that way when setting it up.
Let’s say you call them up and ask instead of these roundabout pseudo hypotheticals.
+1.
I’m sorry for your loss. My experience with a couple of financial institutions after a loss was that they were pretty awful and one violated the law and its own policies. It was easier and cheaper to do what they wanted than sue them, but it really soured me on those institutions.
what exactly is the question? I will say that financial firms have a lot of weird procedures that don’t make sense. when I went to college I had a checking account that also had my dad’s name on it. we were lazy and never took his name off (he never did anything with the account), and then when I got married, I wanted to take my dad off and put my husband on. in order for that to happen, my dad needed to be physically present with us (there was no form, even notarized) that they would allow. however, if i wanted to withdraw all the money, and open a new account with my husband, I could do that, without the co-account holder’s position. the end result is the same, made no sense to me, but that was their policy
When I got married I added my husband to my checking account. He doesn’t have a debit card in this account because we had to both go in person , during the day, during the week. We largely didn’t wholly combine finances because it was too annoying for people later on in their lives. We are transparent though but it will be interesting to see what we did for adding as a signatory vs adding as a co-owner because I can’t recall exactly how we did it. It’s likely a bit of a mess for where we tried to merge things and did just whatever paperwork was less annoying.
Depends on the company—we transfer the assets into a new individual account for the surviving spouse. There’s tax implications to think about and some other stuff, but it depends on the company.
A death certificate would not be enough. The spouse would have also had to list you as their beneficiary for the funds.
I had a couple of similar similar experiences with Vanguard and Morgan Stanley. Vanguard’s explanation was that they don’t just re-title an account – they create a new one, and therefore need a form to be completed.
With Morgan Stanley, we were transferring from one JTWROS account to another (same owners on both old and new accounts). They didn’t explain, but my guess is that they have internal policies that say something like “if the account is more than x years old, you need to get updated income and asset info from the client before processing” – presumably so they can target their investment advice and sales appropriately. It makes sense, even if it’s a bit annoying.
I would start by telling them no, I’m not going to do that, I already have an account with you. I might phrase it as, oh you must’ve sent me this by mistake, I already have an account with you. Please go ahead and do xyz with my account, thanks. If an email doesn’t work I’d have that conversation by phone with my primary contact at the financial institution, telling him or her that I just need you to do xyz asap, please, I already have an account so there’s no reason why you can’t do it asap and you are holding up the administration of my deceased spouse’s estate and increasing my stress at this very difficult time. Maybe they have a legit a reason for requiring a whole new application, in which case I’d reluctantly do it, but I doubt they do. Many condolences for your loss and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this inanity on top of it all.
Does anyone have the Cartier trinity earrings or similar Cartier style with the pinchy back and can comment on comfort? I have been very happy with my Cartier watch and want to buy a pair of earrings to celebrate a milestone. There are mixed reviews that they can be heavy or pinch, and unfortunately I don’t live near a boutique to try.
People who work in development, please weigh in! When dealing with individual donors or potential donors, do you go along when they engage in chitchat about their interests (e.g., favorite sports teams), or do you relentlessly steer them back to the need for funding? I would imagine that allowing them to feel some sort of personal connection would increase their willingness to donate. I am trying to determine whether a directive from my nonprofit boss is normal or odd.
I don’t think this question can be answered in the abstract – it’s like asking “how much time should I spend on chitchat with coworkers?”. It just depends a ton on the individual donor, the overall relationship with that specific donor, what other activities the chitchat is displacing, etc, etc, etc… there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
If your boss is asking for less chitchat, it’s worth understanding why – are you all spending a lot of individualized time on donors who end up not donating or small amounts, have there been incidents when the chitchat went south and the fundraiser didn’t know how to get out of it, etc?
Yes, of course you need to engage in small talk, express interest, etc. That’s part of building relationships.
Yeah I don’t think you’ll get far if someone’s trying to tell you about their family vacation and you hand wave “right, sure, sure, now about that money…”
What is your boss saying?
?? Of course you need to build a connection but also ask them for money. Good fundraisers are charming.
Echoing that you definitely have to talk about their favorite sports teams and their grandchildren. They’re presumably giving a lot of money, they like to feel heard and known.
Yes, of course you get to know them as humans and not ATMs!
You need to engage in chatter about, frankly, whatever topics they are interested in, at any moment. That’s the gig! These folks are big donors. Let them steer the ship so long as their giving does not decline.
Is your boss telling you NOT to engage in chitchat? if so, it astounds me that someone running a nonprofit would say that. My perception of development is that it runs largely on relationship. If your boss IS saying that, and he/she seems a reasonable person otherwise, is there some kind of context or misunderstanding going on?
Yes. Boss literally told us to remove all personal office decor that might interest the donors (e.g., sports memorabilia), to avoid engaging with the donors if they try to make conversation, and redirect the conversation to the work and funding if we can’t brush them off. The strategy seems ill-advised.
😬 the most successful donor manager I used to work with had a spreadsheet on all donors with their kids names, personal interests, alumni, what was written in every card etc to make conversation super personal. People love feeling heard and remembered.
Nearly 20 years in development, and yes, you engage in chit chat. And yes, some bosses have no clue! When I started my current job, at my very first donor meeting with my boss, she definitely steered the conversation back to business. It felt very awkward. She literally was like “so let’s get into it, shall we do introductions” as the donor was organically chatting with me as the new person. Then after the meeting, my boss gave critical feedback that we were too “chatty”. Of course, this person has no background in fundraising. It is always a delicate balance managing up when your CEO/boss doesn’t know or understand your field, and you’re still building the trust to show them that you know what you’re doing.
I’m the potential donor in this situation and I would be very annoyed if the development person kept doing that and I’d be less likely to accept a future invitation from that person. I stopped going to the gallery where the owner took every opportunity to suggest that I buy something. I return again and again to the gallery whose owner talks to me about the art with no such pressure. She understands the long game.
Same. Good Lord.
That said, you do need to ask for what you need. It’s equally annoying when you both know darn good and well that the purpose of the converstation is for them to solicit a donation, but they won’t open their mouths and ask.
I’ve been in advancement for over twenty years and have rarely had to ask for gifts — my experience is that if you form a close enough relationship with the donor, you’ll be weaving organizational stories throughout your conversations about their interests and hobbies. They will then volunteer their resources or ask “How can I help?” rather than you having to pitch them on a gift. You can also focus on initiatives that mesh with their hobbies and interests, and ask “Given your love of sailing, is this youth boating program something you could help us support?” This is, however, the long game and doesn’t work if you’re at an org that has ask quotas.
To be fair, I’ve worked with fundraisers who were too nervous to get down to the business of the ask and used small talk as way to continually postpone this portion of the relationship/conversation. I like to favor a system for development officers that tracks number of donor interactions each month by type (ex: phone call, meeting), but the caveat is that these only count if they move the prospect’s relationship with the institution forward in some way. (And if the call results in a “I hate you and I’m never making a gift,” that also counts!) That way you don’t have to ask every time, but you need to deepen the relationship in some way.
Yes, of course you do!
What are your go-to changes you make when you need to lose some weight? I’ve gained like 15 lbs without really noticing and now I need to scale back.
I eat at least one can of beans a day. Satiety for days.
I’m facing this now, and I am cutting out my lattes (I didn’t realize how many extra calories I was drinking, not even eating) and drinking more water than I ever thought possible. I had read here that hunger is sometimes actually a thirst cue so I am forcing myself. Although I thought it would make me feel more bloated, it is helping me feel less bloated and shed some water weight.
Take a hard look at whether my worst habits have crept back – how many times/day am I going to my coworker’s candy bowl? Am I saying “yes treat yo self” each and every time queso is available? Is it a particularly busy social time and have I been going out/drinking more? Cut back on that and amp up the good stuff – sleep, healthy protein, fiber, exercise.
I have a final 20 lbs to shed postpartum and am interested in all these answers!
Full on ~ omit snacking overall indefinitely and forego sweets/treats during the week.
I will have one treat on the weekend….need some special treatment!
you can do this!
Tracking my calories and knowing an actual portion size helps. We’re usually just eating too much overall because we think portions are bigger than they are.
I try to increase nutritional density (even if this means taking a multi or prenatal). I know people sometimes take issue with terms like “empty calories” sounding derogatory since we all need calories and calories aren’t bad. But I know my body will prioritize hitting RDAs even if that means excess caloric intake. Also the foods I can just keep eating are usually the least nutrient dense ones. So I try to fill up on nutritious foods so I don’t get any cravings.
I also try to eat more of what I’m eating earlier in the day, since for me overeating happens when I under-eat all day and then catch up in the evening when I’m already winding down (maybe this is a variation of the same kind of “avoid cravings” idea; if cravings aren’t an issue for you it may be less relevant).
I don’t buy the danger foods/snacks. None in the house.
Keep lots of other snack options around (berries, nuts, roasted chickpeas/lentils)
Cut down on eating after dinner. A little chocolate something, but that’s it.
Then I eat reasonably ok meals. Not perfect.
One high-protein, high-fiber meal a day and if needed, eggs, fruit, yogurt, or nuts as a snack
Get exercise earlier in the day (even if it’s only a quick lap around the block).
Cut down, way down, on carbs and sugar at the end of the day. I can eat carbs for breakfast or lunch; when I eat them for dinner, I tend to gain weight.
I track intake, but I don’t track non-starchy vegetables. This encourages me to eat more vegetables. And I pretty much cut out wine because even a small glass with dinner leads me to eat more.
Serve myself a large portion of veggies and a decent portion of protein with each meal. Those items have to be consumed first, after which I usually feel pretty full.
Trying to ask myself whether I’m actually hungry before I eat if it isn’t meal time.
The only things that go into the grocery cart are nutritious items; none of the snacky stuff that I love to eat, including when I’m not hungry. If I’m hungry enough to eat cherry tomatos, then I’m actually hungry; me being hungry enough to eat Doritos means absolutely nothing. If I eat well at home, then I’m okay sneaking to my coworker’s candy dish a few times per week.
I’m a partner in a small office of an AmLaw 100 firm in the tristate area outside of NYC. We have 2 associates who are likely to be made partners as of January 1. I would like to get them each a small gift as a congratulations. Any ideas or recommendations?
I would normally suggest a nice card case, but I don’t know anyone who carries around business cards today except for myself, and I am OLD. Another nice gift would be either a bottle of champagne or a gift card to a nice restaurant so they can celebrate with their loved ones.
If your office is an ice box in the summer, someone gifted me a heavy very nice blanket for my office, and I love it.
champagne/sparkling wine!
Nice name plates for their desks? Somebody gave me one similar to this and I liked it a lot: https://www.executivegiftshoppe.com/smoked-glass-name-plate.html? Or, ooh! Look at this! https://www.thingsremembered.com/Engraved-Spinning-Cube-Pen-Stand-for-the-Professional-i136500.item? (Things Remembered dot com actually has a nice selection of personalized office decor.)