Coffee Break: Pout Clout
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I bought this elf lip gloss at least a year ago, and honestly — I didn't like it at first. I always thought the color was lovely (“Bust a Mauve”), but I worried it was too shiny and didn't feel like I needed the plumping properties.
I got a very similar product for review recently, which shall remain unnamed — but let's just say it cost more than 7x as much as this lip gloss. I felt like the color and shine was identical to this one, which made me pull this one out again — and I felt like this one stays on a lot longer and makes my lips feel more moisturizing than the fancy product. So I've put it back in my rotation, and am now nearly at the end of it and thinking about buying more.
You can find it at your local drugstore or at Ulta, Target, Amazon, or elfcosmetics.com; according to elf.com it now comes in 12 shades.
Sales of note for 5/15:
- Nordstrom – 3800+ items in “new markdowns” — I kind of wonder if they've started marking down stuff for their Half-Yearly sale that usually starts the week before Memorial Day. Good deals on Veronica Beard, Vince, Reiss (esp. coats), as well as Wit & Wisdom and NYDJ
- Alexis Bittar – Vault sale! 100s of re-issued archival styles up to 70% off, plus 25% off all full-price styles too
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Boden – Up to 50% off with new styles added
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase and 50% off dresses
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 20% off orders over $125
- Lands' End – Up to 60% off sitewide + extra 60% off sale and clearance
- Loft – 50% off your purchase, and 5/15 only: take 60% off the LOFT Versa collection
- Mango – Weekend exclusive, 30% off everything, and free shipping with $260+
- M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Supergoop – 20% off sitewide + free Glow Stick (also, free shipping with $50+)
- Talbots – Extra 40% +15% off all markdowns, plus Summer Fridays One Day Sale (5/15), $19.50 pocket tees and $29.50 relaxed chino shorts.
- Theory – 25% off sitewide
- TOCCIN – 30% off select items with code! (You can't stack codes, but on full price items try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!)
- Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!
This would sound extremely entitled if I said this out loud, so bear with me:
Anyone have a successful conversation with your boomer parents about starting their wealth transfer while they’re still alive, rather than waiting for inheritance? Parents are in their late 70s and sitting on more money than they will ever use in their lifetime. We are two working parents with young children, paying a mortgage and staring down college costs in a few years, and stand to inherit a good chunk of money when they pass, but we need it more now that we will in, god willing, 15-20 years. Obviously they do not owe us anything, now or at death, but is there a way to bring this up? If some republican has written or spoken about it, even better.
I should ask my parents what they read that led them to this – around age 70 they realized they had more money than they could spend if they lived another 70 years, and without being asked started giving us up to the gift tax exclusion limit each year. It is so, so helpful, and so unexpected based on their previous indications.
For my parents it was reading about how high we would be taxed on the inheritance. And finding out that this is not an uncommon thing to do.
The estate tax exemption is $30 million for married couples. Unless they’re obscenely rich you won’t be taxed.
A lot of states have estate taxes for much lower estate sizes.
Some states have a much lower exemption. In mine, it’s more like 3 million, which is still a lot, but a more typical number for people who saved a lot to fund retirement and then got lucky with markets and not needing it for long term care. I’m not too worried about this, as if I’m lucky enough to be in this situation because my parents’ money keeps growing instead of getting spent down, it seems pretty fair to pay some fraction of that in taxes. It’s equally (more?) possible it goes the other way and I inherit relatively little or nothing, and that’s fine too.
My parents started giving my siblings and me a few thousand dollars a year on the advice of their financial advisor, who told them they aren’t spending enough money in their retirement. I have no idea if we’re all getting the same amount and it’s none of my business.
That said, I anticipate the bulk of their estate going to long-term care, at least for my mom (women tend to outlive their brains in my family). I keep hearing about the “Boomer wealth transfer,” but … I think it’s the nursing homes that are getting the best deal.
OP here, and I think you are spot on with your last paragraph. Parents in question are very paranoid about ending up at a bad nursing home, so I think they are hoarding money in large part with the dream of paying for in-home care (i.e. an entire nurse’s full time salary and benefits) until they die.
I’m not sure I understand how this is paranoia or hoarding, and not “reasonable concern” and “careful planning.”
This.
My sister wants my dad’s money yesterday (and could use it). He could still outlive it, if he declines but doesn’t die. Assisted living is so expensive (we are in year 2 at the most minimal level they have).
In home care is much more expensive than one nurse, if you have a lot of needs. It sounds like you are not very knowledgeable about this. Your parents probably have examples they have seen/heard about, and their fears are not unfounded.
I think so much of this depends on your relationship with them, and how secure they feel about their money. My husband’s parents have started this transfer and it has truly been life changing for all of his siblings at the time when they/we need it most- namely, higher education, home buying, and starting businesses. The reason his parents did it though is because they got wealth from their parent later in life, when they didn’t need it as much, and realized how much more it could have helped them earlier. I think you could start a conversation about their retirement security and plans and see where it takes you.
rich people love to talk about estate planning!
my parents have been kind enough to give me the gift limit for about 15 years now – it’s always helpful and it really isn’t a huge deal to them. that’s one easy thing.
but there are a lot of issues to talk about with them re estate planning in general – POAs, living wills, medicaid look-back rules… even discussions on who will inherit the IRAs, because a lot of times it may make sense to make you the primary beneficiary on both of their IRAs because the RMDs still apply on inherited IRAs so if the living parent inherits the IRA they’ll have a big tax burden.
This would not go over well in my family or with my ILs but I completely understand your sentiment. I’m a huge saver due to some early financial instability and listened to Die With Zero last year, and it completely changed how I think about estate planning and passing money down.
My mom will likely leave us some (if she’s not scammed or makes terrible decisions between now and then, which is likely) but is super spooked about running out of money and wants us to grovel in thanks at the most basic gifts like unasked for clothes for my daughter. My ILs will likely leave a good amount however likely have solid trusts in place and I would not be surprised if those bypass my DH entirely for the grandkids.
I’m not sure there’s a great way if they’re not interested. My parents have a net worth north of $10M and are still rapidly accruing in their mid-70s (my mom still works at a low six figure job, plus they get a ton of interest) but have made it pretty clear they’re not interested in giving us anything while they’re alive beyond very modest contributions to our kids’ 529 accounts. My grandmother burned through a lot (not $10M, but a more than most people could ever save) when she needed round-the-clock dementia care for nearly a decade so I understand their desire to hang onto their money until they’re dead.
They may be more interested in paying for college for their grandkids than just giving you money, so that might be one way to being it up.
OP – consider “Would you be interested in contributing to the grandkids’ 529 accounts? If so, here is the link where you can add funds to them directly.”
Am I right or just old? I’ve noticed that associates (in my firm and other firms) are using “drafted” instead of “draft”, i.e., “draft(ed) documents attached.” I’ve always used “draft”; the word draft is an adjective that describes the type of documents we’re talking about, which are drafts as opposed to final versions of documents. “Drafted” sounds wrong to my ear. I guess it means documents I drafted, so “drafted documents” sounds like passive voice? Is this how people are referring to draft(ed) documents these days, and I’m just old fashioned?
I have never heard “drafted documents,” and as a fellow old agree with you 100%. My tiny firm doesn’t have any very young associates (youngest is mid-30s), but I’ll ask my own kid, who practices at a legal aid office.
i am a 50 year old attorney. i think you attach drafts but i think it’s ok to say that you are attaching drafted documents. it’s not incorrect as best as i can tell.
Agreed. And I agree that it is the passive voice, which I hear at a deafening volume and simply cannot abide.
Maybe it would help to study some languages that rely on passive voice more? It is so not a big deal to me.
that’s new to me. I either hear draft as a standalone noun or verb (“please review Jane’s, Joe’s, and Tradwick’s comments and update the draft” or “please draft X”) but “drafted documents” is just word clutter!
I guess I should’ve put the word documents in brackets. The email might say something like, attached is a draft settlement agreement and the court-stamped complaint, or something like that. So “draft” is intended to convey that it’s a working draft and to distinguish it from other attachments. I’m seeing more and more young people use “drafted” instead of “draft” in this context. I guess it’s technically correct? It’s just weird!
In that context? Drafted is wrong. Draft documents are clearly the working versions. Drafted documents are the ones that were written, and it’s unclear whether they are final or not.
where are you going with this? like are you prepared to tell some entitled 26 millenial not to say drafted? good luck with that. let it go!
1 – the youngest millenial is several years older than 26
2 – they’re not entitled, they’re just using newer language which once wasn’t correct but now may be acceptable
3 – 100%, let it go
I am a millennial and I am almost forty. Please leave millennials alone for just one day. Please.
To my 26 year old ears, both sound good.
Going off my morning thread about complaining about work –
If you have a situation which is 1) not good and 2) not changeable, and are complaining about it to friends, how do you want them to respond?
Venting is fine and its good to get things off your chest, but if its the same repeated complaint, and because of outside forces that neither of us can control it can’t be changed right now, what’s the right response?
I’ve also definitely seen this turn bitter, where its a self reinforcing cycle of 2 people always talking about how terrible something is.
i am a fan of “do you just want to vent or do you want some suggestions?” as a starting point.
yup.
I prefer this for with your own partner (the person you presumably know best) but when said to a friend, it carries that undertone of “I do have suggestions that I’ll be keeping in mind as you speak.” If the question here is about what’s ACTUALLY helpful to hear when someone wants to vent, then “I’m sorry/that is so rough/ugh, I know” is it.
I’ve often struggled with trying to fix things for other people when they may not be interested in my fixes. So now I just let people vent and if it’s too much for me, I only see them as much as I can tolerate it. I’ve also come to realize there’s a lot of value in just listening and not trying to improve anyone. It isn’t actually my job to make sure they handle their life problems well.
I want someone to say, “I’m so sorry. That’s really hard. Hang in there!” I also really appreciate humor. Diving into the comedic side of life’s struggles is healing and helps you bond and process things without all the shame. That’s not something you can order up. Not everyone is naturally funny. But that’s something I really appreciate in friendships.
This makes me think of how Ted’s friends start making fart noises when he becomes insufferable (for other reasons/acting snobby) in How I Met Your Mother … maybe that’s the move.
Just support +/- commiseration.
“That really stinks / is awful / would frustrate me too”
I usually don’t because there isn’t any particular response I want, but it feels like this creates distance, so I’m not sure how to get it right.
it’s 80 degrees and you will need to do some walking. what is the most pulled together and stylish older woman who is not skinny wearing? like specifics.
Linen and cotton, generally.
Specifically, a midi length linen dress in a style appropriate for the occasion, with those jockey shorts underneath. Or linen shorts with at least a 5” inseam and a breezy button down tank. Or wide leg linen pants with a boxy cotton t-shirt that is not see through, tucked in, with a braided leather belt.
Context? Vacation? Work site?
op here: casual. vacation or weekend at home.
OP, if you’re the same woman who posted this morning about a trip to Arkansas / Oklahoma, and wanted us to tell her what to pack . . . . could you ask us a somewhat more detailed set of questions? Like, are you wanting to go shopping this week and are asking what you should buy? Or are you staring at a closet full of clothes and feel overwhelmed about how to pull out a capsule from among them?
yes. i am overhwhelmed. i have linen pants, i have summer dresses, i have gauzyy skirts, i have shorts.i have it all and hate it all and it all makes me feel incredibly fat and dowdy. i may be dowdy but i’m certainly not fat. i’m trying to figure out what the problem is other than i’m just older and heavier than i used to be.
I need a high waist pant or pair of shorts to look presentable. Maybe the rise is off for you. Elastic waists just give me the appearance of chub at any size.
Chico’s “Travelers” collection.
I say it a lot here, but she’s been so helpful to me. Check out JoLynne Shane’s blog. I am not interested in fashion, but I am interested in looking nice as a mid-40s woman. And I find the clothing that she posts and the explanations that she gives about why one piece works for her better than another, even when they are very similar, super helpful.
https://jolynneshane.com/
For example, a few days ago, she posted about shorts, which included a discussion about lengths. Today is a post for people who don’t like shorts to discuss alternatives.
I had a clean colonoscopy and was told to come back in 10 years. Then my younger cousin died of colon cancer before he was old enough to get a scan. Is it worth asking if I should come in early or still wait that long? I’m a little freaked out because this seems to happen a LOT with young people (eg Black Panther). WWYD?
Definitely talk to your doctor about your new family history. Ask them what they’d like you to do.
(My expectation is that they’ll go over your risk, your options, and the pros and cons of the options so you can take next steps.)
I would definitely make sure the medical team has that family history and ask if that affects their advice.
I would ask your dr. about it at your next annual.
Talk to your doctor and never let a doctor tell you “you’re young, it’s probably just hemorrhoids so let’s skip the colonoscopy.”
I’m so sorry about your cousin.
Sure, I would update your doctor. And I would take a look at my family medical history. Are there other cancers on that side of the family? I also wonder if you cousin had inherited a gene mutation that put him at increased risk of cancer at an early age. If you have a close relationship with that side of the family, you could ask them if he was ever tested. Testing is routinely done for someone young like him diagnosed with cancer. Because then you could qualify for genetic testing to see if you inherited the same gene.
I found out I inherited a cancer gene mutation from my mother, who died of pancreatic cancer. So I had to tell my cousins from that side of the family so that they could be tested. One cousin got tested, the other one wont get tested. He still smokes/drinks a ton, and I think he just doesn’t want to know.
I read that it takes more than 10 years for a cancerous polyp to grow from nothing. So if you were told you’re clean, they would still catch it if you come back in 10 years. Obviously ask your doctor in light of the new information.
You should ask, but last time I did a colonoscopy, they only considered first degree relatives in the risk calculations, not even including my grandparent that died of colon cancer (though when they were quite old). A cousin is even less direct, so they probably won’t count that either, absent genetic testing or other information suggesting a higher genetic risk (that could include a family risk of other cancers, however, as there some genetic mutations that cause multiple cancers). The most important thing is that you did already get one, it was clean and will presumably get another at 10 years. And obviously take any symptoms seriously.