Coffee Break: Grackle Flats
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I've been hearing good things about Bared Footwear, and they're having a sale right now. The big caveat, unfortunately, is that anything more than 10% off is final sale… but if you happen to be familiar with the brand and know your size, this is a great opportunity to stock up.
As we know, I love a good sophisticated strappy flat — my narrow heels/wide forefoot (aka duck feet) always appreciate the extra support. Bared Footwear has a number of options that look great, including the pictured ones (Grackle or these very similar ones) but also these ankle-strap flats and a number of Mary Jane styles.
The shoes were $299, but are now marked to $269; the brand offers sizes 34-43.
Sales of note for 8/14:
- Ann Mashburn – Seasonal sale, up to 50% off – we just included them in our updated Top 10 Brands for Comfortable Heels!
- Ann Taylor – 25% off all suiting! Also, extra 60% off clearance — readers love this blouse and I always love the variety of colors/textures for this jacket (it's a great separate)
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale!
- The Fold – Up to 50% off, further markdowns (new lines added)
- J.Crew – Up to 30% off
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off sitewide, extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – Summer sale, up to 50% off
- Lilysilk – Anniversary sale, save up to 70%
- Me & Em – Sale! Up to 60% off (new lines just added, exclusively online)
- M.M.LaFleur – 20% off pants (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom Rack – Clearance, new markdowns up to 75% off! Nice selection of Vince, Veronica Beard, Reiss and Rag & Bone, a ton of affordable work dresses from Calvin Klein, Maggy London, Eliza J, and Donna Morgan
- Saks Fifth Avenue – Take 25% off one item (ends Mon)! Great selection of Veronica Beard, L'Agence, Vince, and more.
- Talbots – End of season clearance, 60% off all markdowns. $24.99 pants and jeans
- Theory – End of season sale is on! Love all the colors their best-selling sweater tee comes in, and some colors are on sale.
- Tory Burch – Private sale, ends 8/19!
I’m so angry at my brother, I need to vent. Brother’s son and wife just had a baby; my brother’s first grandchild. Brother and nephew have had a tense relationship since brother divorced nephew’s mom a few years ago. Their relationship has slowly improved, thanks I think in part to nephew’s wife (though she doesn’t get any credit) and brother’s new wife. Both wives are lovely people. I had my first baby last year, so I am very recently familiar with new baby stuff.
Brother was miffed that he didn’t get invited to the hospital. I didn’t invite him or our parents to the hospital when I gave birth. I explained that those hospital days are such a whirlwind and I could barely catch my breath let alone think to invite people to watch me bleed and shake and cry all over the place. I told brother that he needs to have some grace with them and reminded him about my experience.
Brother was invited to their house to meet the baby but didn’t go because it “wasn’t a convenient time” for him. I told him he needs to make time. They invited him again and he went. Idk what happened during the visit but brother is very upset that new mom was “rude” and took the baby back from him. He says he knows how to hold a baby, but he also says he told the first time mother of a one week old, “they’re not that fragile you know,” which makes me think he does not in fact know how to hold a baby. He says that he promptly left because he felt unwanted. I told him to get his head out of his A. I suggested that he could go do some dishes or laundry or something but he’s pouring because they were mean to him or some nonsense.
I’m a flight away so I’m pretty limited on what I can do to help smooth all this over. Other than tell my brother to knock it off. Our mother is of course telling him he’s a good sweet man who would never hold a baby wrong and how dare that little harpy think she knows better blah blah blah. I’ve told her to knock it off too. Why can’t these people just be nice?
It sounds like your brother has a victim complex (while I’m assuming being a SWM so the pinnacle of privilege). People like that are beyond help.
Vent away. I’d be pissed, too, but like this commenter says, this man is beyond help.
Why are you making this your problem?
Vent away, but your first mistake is thinking you have any responsibility in smoothing things over.
Grandparenthood is going to prove to be very challenging for him. You need to acknowledge now that you have no control on how things like this play out. Today it’s visiting the baby. Tomorrow it will be something else.
Tell him to get his head out of his a- – on repeat, and leave it at that.
Too bad. New moms will be protective and anxious. Him leaving promptly I’m sure was not sending a great signal.
Tbh it sounds like he stormed off in a huff. I only have his side of the story, but even from his side it sounds bad.
Our mom said she was horribly rude to her MIL when my brother (her first) was born even though MIL was trying to be helpful. I asked her to at least tell brother that; even if a new mom is rude (which I seriously doubt here), it’s pretty understandable that she’s overprotective! That doesn’t mean you’ll never get to see the baby. She’s feeling a lot of feelings rn, just be kind and patient!
I don’t have kids but everything you said about this entire situation rings very true.
You can’t fix your brother having his head in his A, especially if your mom is telling him how wonderfully he is performing. But I think you can send something to the new parents expressing enthusiasm etc etc (but not calling out your brother). Support the new parents. Your brother will have to deal with the consequences of his behavior at some point.
Your brother will either learn or he won’t, but this is not your problem to fix. You have your own relationship with your nephew.
Your job is to be a terrific aunt and great aunt. You cannot and do not need to fix this. If your brother bitches to you, I think it’s totally fine to tell him that he’s being a grade-A d*ck. Otherwise, this is not your circus to manage.
You can’t win this one. New grandpas notoriously underestimate fragility of babies and new moms over estimate it. It’s a tale as old as time – chances are they are both right to some degree. If nephew vents to you, the only solution is to provide his dad with a project. Preferably something to build with lots of parts that will take the better part of the day. Items made with wood rather than plastic are best for this.
Honestly, he’s showing son and daughter in law who he is. They have a right to make decisions accordingly. If you coach him into acting like a different person, you run the risk of making them think he’s evolved in ways he hasn’t. It sounds like his son is well-versed in setting boundaries with him and knows exactly who his father is. You don’t need to manage their relationship or try to make their relationship into something it isn’t.
+1. He’ll learn very quickly that if he won’t change his behavior his access to his grandchild will be restricted. They have the trump card in this situation, the baby, and any hissy fits will likely be ignored.
What I would encourage you to do is support the new parents, refuse to take your brother’s side, and tell your mom when she’s being a jerk. It sounds like you already are doing this, so good job!
Your feelings are valid! He’s being a jerk and really insensitive to how hard those newborn days can be. He needs a reminder: It ain’t all about him!
On behalf of the ungrateful, mean daughter-in-law whose very demanding in-laws were the worst when my kids were small, thank you for sticking up for your nephew’s wife.
PSA if you cold contact people spell our your organization’s full name, you will annoy people if they have to google your vegetable soup acronym, because no you are not important enough that random people know your acronym.
2010 called. It wants its shoes back.
These were seriously great shoes though. May get a pair.
I had the same thought! but also kinda cute
i work as a senior person at university. is it costumish to have a suit in the schools color? was generally looking and found one that comes in royal blue. would never wear anywhere else might be fun for school events?
What?! That would be so fun!
Sure, it’s costume-ish, but also common for higher ed leadership in some campus areas. At our university, I’ve seen the school color as a blazer, a full suit, and formalwear among senior leadership in AAD, athletics, and campus life.
For my own part, I’d limit it to a blazer or a silk blouse or top to wear under a suit, but then our color is a lot … more … than royal blue.
i’m pretty involved with my undergrad alumni group and you’d be amazed how many deans and professors come talk to us in royal purple. love it!
Totally, but this is something I would do.
Yes, it’s costumey. Only you can decide if that’s something you’re going for. Could be fun, could be cringey. Depends on you and on the event. Less costumey would be to wear the blazer and pants separately.
Also a senior person at a university! We have boring school colors (black and gold) but I totally dress in school colors for certain events like Orientation or Reunion! I would totally grab the blue suit.
This is very common at the university where I work – I actually get asked to dress in our colors all the time, which drives me nuts because they’re horribly unflattering on me!
This seems very normal, if not explicitly expected, for senior university staff.
Royal blue seems like it would be easy to style for non-school functions, too. I have royal blue trousers in heavy rotation myself.
+1
I worked in higher ed for years. This is pretty common for senior leaders at universities. My school had boring colors (black and gold) so people mostly wore black with gold accents – I don’t think I ever saw a gold suit. But you see a lot of purple at Northwestern, red at Stanford, etc. for the schools that have fun colors.
Yes, costume-y but that could be totally the right vibe for some occasions – like, you’re attending a fundraiser + cheer on the basketball team event?
Or if you’re the basketball coach! cough Kim Mulkey cough
Do it! I used to work in leadership in higher ed and I had a lot of things in our school colors, from a blazer to rain boots and umbrella. I loved it.
I actually think it’s pretty common for university people to wear at least blazers in their school colors. Blue isn’t particularly out of place anyway – my head shot is in a brighter blue suit jacket.
reassurance or advice please for possible bedbugs, I live in a apartment building:
Just put my sheets, carry on bag and couch covers in the laundry and had already washed clothes from my trip this morning.
context:
I flew home from visiting relatives yesterday and was gone for 4 days. I didn’t think much of the bug i wiped off the couch cushion last night while relaxing. Today, I have small raised bumps in a few spots on my ankle, knee and lower arms, they dont itch and I noticed the bumps on my knee before bed last night. A google image tells me it could have been a bed bug. the color and shape was similar from what I remember.
I have a simple metal bed frame and a covered matress and I dont see any critters so far. I haven’t seen anything after stripping the couch down either.
Is it a be vigilant, but wait and see game? Should I give the apartment building office a headsup?
Unfortunately, I have experienced bed bugs twice. You could wait a few days and see if they go away or increase, but the bumps sound like they could be bed bugs. The next step would be giving your apartment building office notification. They will have to exterminate your apartment, which will require you to vacuum and wash a bunch of things. It’s annoying but you will survive! And extermination with a professional is effective.
Are the bumps in a line? Thats a telltale pattern for bedbugs. Although mine itched like crazy, by far the itchiest bites I’ve ever had.
If you have the budget (or your apartment building will pay) heat treatment is much easier than washing and bagging everything. We didn’t really have to do anything except vacate the house on the day they did the treatment.
thank you both! in hindsight, I should have snapped a pic of the bug I wiped away to document it. I get small gnats sometimes from my houseplants so it didn’t occur to me at the time.
theres a good 3 or four inches between the bumps on my arms, and the ones on my leg are clusters of 2 or 3 bumps, but the clusters are distant from each other.
I’m going to stay vigilant and document any more sightings but give myself two days to contact the landlord. If theres no more signs or bumps, maybe it was a fluke.
While I have the couch and bed sheets in the wash, I pulled the furniture off the walls and am cleaning (might as well do a deep clean now)
We had a scare a couple summers back, but that turned out to be cicada mites (remember that???).
I had terrible itching from some kind of bug infestation we got after visiting a farm. The crazy thing is no one else in my family had any bites, while I was covered in them and nothing stopped the itching. I decided to treat for fleas (we don’t have pets), and they went away. So not bedbugs.
There’s a lot of bad information online. The both good and bad news is that bug bite identification is mostly bunk. Aside from necrotizing spider bites, there are no bugs that can be positively identified from bites alone. Sure, there is probably a severe “textbook” case of bed bug bite pattern out there that could be conclusive, but anyone telling you a few bites on your legs and arms can be 100% ID’d is misguided.
Wait and be vigilant is right. Keep the area clean. This is not because dirt attracts bed bugs — it doesn’t — but because it will make detection easier. If you have them, you will eventually see either a bug or a cast or blood/excrement spots. Stay calm and good luck!
The editing of this model’s legs is wild!
Anyone have any advice for budgeting when considering a big interstate move? I mean, you can look up the cost of living index and see that things are more expensive there and you can look up housing costs, but there are so many things that are just hard to get numbers on until you’ve lived it. With my financial anxiety, I just want to get a cheap dumpy apartment and be really frugal for a year and then reevaluate, but my husband doesn’t want to do that for obvious reasons. But he is also a man who likes luxury and has over committed in the past, so I can’t just hand the reigns over to him. Trying to figure out how to make a safe but reasonable choice.
Where are you looking to move and you can probably get some anecdata here? Like, center city Philly here, and a TJ’s run typically costs me about $30 per full grocery bag (mix of produce, breads, and prepared foods – we don’t buy meat there). Utilities (electric + water + gas) around $300 a month for a rowhouse with efficient appliances and HVAC, etc.
Trader Joes prices are supposedly the same across the country. I think it’s not quite true because they have regional suppliers for some things and state taxes on others, but as someone who has lived in multiple states with very different COL, they’re certainly pretty close across cities.
Looking to move to Portland area, and where we live currently is pretty cheap. Childcare cost is what worries me the most – we’re in an area where I can get the toddler and the baby care for $1500/month. Utilities on the 3 bedroom apartment are $200/month, groceries for the family run $300-$500 depending on whether I’m replenishing a bulk store of something.
We’re moving for a new job for my husband that’s opens up a lot of future doors and pays a lot more, but it’s also clearly a much more expensive area and I don’t know how to calibrate quality of life adjustments. Like, 3 bedroom apartment with a yard and a ton of nearby parks and plenty of parking with a 20 minute commute is very affordable and attainable where we’re at, but I kind of doubt that’s the case in any major metro area, Portland included. Even with the raise, we’re not gonna be making anywhere near the amount that some readers on this board do either, so we actually do need to budget for living expenses.
Can you go to the websites of daycares or call daycares that look like they’re in line with your needs to find out how much they’d cost and what the waitlists are like? And look at ads for housing?
I’d do this before committing to move because your costs are likely to be way higher.
Or ask here or the moms page – I’m sure some posters there can give you a sense of childcare costs in Portland.
Vancouver, WA is cheaper than Portland, and there’s no income tax. There are two Trader Joe’s, Chuck’s and New Seasons. Some fine restaurants. Farmer’s markets. The Great Outdoors minutes away, and the Columbia River too. I recommend it over Portland.
And I came from Los Angeles… and I still prefer Vancouver over Portland.
If you’re working in Oregon don’t you owe state income tax there even if you live in WA?
What is your goal? To eventually buy a place? I vote to rent an actually nice apartment in the specific area you think you want to be in as a start.
Do you have the ability to go for a weekend?
Have you figured out new job locations?
Look at neighborhoods and figure out the trade-off between commutes and neighborhood and cost? (zillow has reasonably good tools for neighborhood exploration)
Look at apartments + ask what utilities are like?
Figure out mass transit routes/driving commutes to work + costs?
I’ve moved a lot and have found that it’s really the housing associated costs (rent, utilities, parking, commuting) that vary the most from city to city, and because they’re the largest part of most people’s budgets, they also matter most, though if you have any other big items in your budget (daycare being an obvious one, also health care if your insurance will change) you clearly need to account for that too. Things like food don’t vary so much unless you’re moving to a really different place and it’s easier to cut back on meals out or more expensive groceries if you find yourself over budget. It’s harder to break a lease or deal with an expensive commute, so I’d think hardest about making sure your housing is affordable, but is also something you like and works well enough for you that you’re not desperate to move, which can also cost a lot.
+1 on these threads there’s always a person or persons who gets heated about how non-housing costs don’t scale so Omaha isn’t really that much cheaper than SF. But housing costs vary SO MUCH, plus it’s a huge share of the total budget for most people, so it’s the thing that matters the most. I would focus on how your housing costs will change and not worry so much about groceries and stuff like that.
I do think that’s right though, the biggest thing that’s different regionally is housing. Other costs tend to wash out. In OPs shoes, I’d just see how far my current housing costs go in Portland (which is where many people move from the Bay Area for cheaper housing). There are nuances in Portland about property taxes so do homework before buying but this doesn’t seem like a shocking move in a way that moving to SF or NY would likely be for a lot of people.
Instead of letting Anxiety have the power over your decisions and force you into a cheap dumpy apartment and super-frugal living, why not get a decent apartment and live normally for a few months? Then do a check to see if living expenses are more or less than you thought they might be and adjust your spending accordingly. Then at the end of the year evaluate whether you want to move somewhere cheaper or stay where you are. The apartment doesn’t have to be either “super dumpy” (you) nor “luxurious” (your husband). Somewhere in between.
I agree. I tend to be Mrs. Frugal, but sometimes that is just driven by pure anxiety and your quality of life will be better if you are open to compromising with your husband. He might have a good point!
This was my thought, too.
Oh, I know I’m in the wrong here, just not quite sure how much to give.
What’s your big picture budget right now? My guess is that <5 things drive 80% of spending: housing (the very big variance by location one), healthcare (are you changing jobs in this big move), childcare if it's relevant, taxes, mayyybe gas and car insurance. Look up actual numbers for those & then put a single approximate % on all your other spending (ie. groceries and oil changes might be 20% more expensive where you're moving, but it's not going to be 2x as expensive. Or like, even if movie theater tickets are 2x expensive where you're moving, it's going to be insignificant in your overall budget compared to housing.
add at least 5k to your budget for landscaping. will you need to purchase cars or do you already have? those were some of the biggest expenses when we moved. we also had to buy more furniture for a bigger space.
Ha! Those shoes do look a bit like grackles, minus the piercing yellow eyes.
There’s a swarm (not a flock. A. Swarm.) of grackles that visits my neighborhood every once in a while. There are so many of them the sky goes black when they pass overhead. They are LOUD obnoxious birds. I think they’re going after the rotten acorns, or maybe the bugs living in rotten acorns?
Idk who picked the name for these shoes but I don’t think they’d ever met grackles!
Grackles are my favorite. I like their calls too. I’m more used to starlings swarming this way, but I’d be excited if it were grackles.
I’m not really seeing the resemblance, but if these shoes want to come nest on my porch I will happily adopt them.
are we wearing mary janes to work? i still can’t wrap my head around them. any favorites?
If you like them! My work shoes just have to be serviceable.
Any suggestions for comfortable travel pants? I love the concept of Athleta’s Brooklyn Mid Rise Ankle Pant, but the waistband is horribly unflattering on me. I’m a size 10 very curvy pear. What alternatives are there?
Why unflattering? I’m that body type but a pants size larger and I find it very flattering.
I prefered the Vuori version, which is the Miles pant. I have a very short rise naturally, so low/mid rise pants fit much better on me.
I am exactly the same size and the Brooklyn pant doesn’t work for me, but I have two pairs of “Athleta Endless High Rise Women’s Stretch Tapered Pants Size 10 Tall” and I’ve worn them on many very long flights.