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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’re looking for a comfy T-shirt that’s fancy enough to wear under your best blazer, Ted Baker is the brand for you. They consistently have the prettiest prints and best fits on the market, and they introduce new ones each season.
This nude-pink print will pair nicely with black or camel neutrals for the office or dark denim for the weekend.
The shirt is $85 at Ted Baker and comes in Ted Baker sizes 0–5 (roughly equivalent to U.S. sizes 0–12).
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
GF Thanksgiving
To the poster from yesterday morning asking for gluten free Thanksgiving recipes, I highly recommend the Gluten Free Cornbread Stuffing from the blog Gluten Free on a Shoestring. I made it last year along side a more traditional stuffing. The GF one was so delicious that we’re skipping the other and only going with the GF one this year, even though the GF guests won’t be with us! The GF cornbread was also delicious on its own and I definitely snagged a few bites while prepping.
L!nk to follow in comment to avoid m0d.
GF Thanksgiving
https://glutenfreeonashoestring.com/gluten-free-cornbread-stuffing/
Anon
My mom has always traditionally made wild rice stuffing (although none of us are gluten free) and it’s delicious and naturally GF.
Anon
A lot of GF baked goods are tasty because they’re double the sugar. Somethings gotta give.
Anonymous
That was me. Thank you so much, and thank you for all the comments yesterday. Much appreciated!
Anon
Yesterday, y’all said to follow Charly Goss on insta to figure out 2022 clothes. I figured out that it wasn’t the hockey dude and found her. Today, at breakfast, I open insta to find her wearing skinny jeans tucked into tall heeled boots. I guess this means I’m done trying to figure out clothes, otherwise my head might explode. [Sadly, I only have mirrors above the bathroom sinks, so I have no idea how outfits really look until I roll into work.] Wish me luck — in 2022, it’s likely I can be right and wrong all at the same time.
No Face
Embrace the chaos and wear whatever looks good on you! Get a cheap full length mirror from Target or Walmart and hang it on a door in your house though.
Clementine
It really is the era of chaos fashion.
Cb
Yeah, I don’t work for a fashion magazine. I’m wearing colours and shapes I like, in comfortable fabrics.
London (formerly NY) CPA
+1 I wear the shapes and colors that look best on me, and hope for some overlap with current trends but if not, so be it.
I just looked at Charly Goss’ instagram for a few minutes and didn’t find a single outfit I liked (even on her, let alone what it would look like on my non-model body).
anon
I am really not into her look. It looks simultaneously expensive and sloppy, which is just not my thing.
Anon
On a flight in the late 90s I ended up talking about clothes with someone who worked for a fashion house. I had lost a bunch of weight and had recently bought a new work wardrobe, so I told her I’d focused on black and navy as base colors, and for colors I was wearing French blue and a little bit of red. She said “If I wore red to work everyone would look at me funny.”
Vicky Austin
I bet the fashion historians will have a whole chapter just devoted to the way COVID derailed the normal fashion cycle.
Ellen
I so agree, Vicky! Ever since the pandemic, I have been unable to visit the stores in person, and have relied on the Internet exclusively, which lead to a lot of packages sent and returned when they didn’t fit right. So I had been lazy and not returned stuff so I just donated them unworn when they didn’t fit right. Most of that was b/c of the tightness they are now making size 4’s in the tuchus. I think they should adjust sizing for pandemic pounds so we can still fit into size 4, but they haven’t. I hope they do soon, particularly if we start to protest.
What does the HIVE think about a resizeing exercise? We can ask the designers to start this first, and my guess is that they can afford to put a little more fabric into the tuchuses so we can keep our sizes without having to go up to a size 6 or worse! FOOEY!
Anon
Agreed. Crazy virus that makes people forget how to wear pants.
Also, why must so many Chelsea boots have giant platforms? I want a flat shoe, not a flat shoe 3″ off the ground.
anon
It’s so you can wear them with all the flare legs and barrel legs and what-have-you! (I also do not want to wear platform shoes.)
Anon
COVID lockdown made me forget how to wear skirts, actually. I don’t see myself struggling with tights again anytime soon.
s in chicago
I am 48 and WfH now. I am literally wearing camping slippers as we speak. The kind of slippers that are like down comforters around your feet. My feet have never been so toasty. I literally thought this morning how 20-something me would be completely dumbstruck if she could see me now. She used to run around city streets in uncomfortable cheap suits (still high drycleaning bills) and toe-cramming, high-heeled pumps because you needed to try to “dress for the part” you wanted. I’m sorry it took a pandemic to happen. But so glad that chapter of work fashion for me has finally ended.
Anon
It’s ironic, right? I have the highest-level position I’ve ever had, making the most money I’ve ever made, and I’m sitting here in leggings and Minnetonka moccasins with my dog at my feet and greasy hair (no camera-on meetings for me today). This is the dream, man! This is where I wanted to be when I was 22, and yet I am doing it without encasing myself in a dry-clean-only suit and horribly uncomfortable shoes every day.
Anon
Target literally sells full length mirrors for $10, definitely get one!
Anon
Yes! How on earth do you get dressed without a mirror?!?! I’m flabbergasted.
Anon
Sadly, I have realized that if I really want to see how an outfit looks, I need to take a picture and look at the picture. Somehow, even if the mirror doesn’t lie, the eye doesn’t always see the truth in it.
Anon
I am afraid that I might never leave the house if I did that. I know, I know; I am working on the self-acceptance.
pugsnbourbon
You take your life in your hands and stand on the edge of the tub, which lets you see most of your body in the mirror. At least that’s what I did in high school.
Anon
Agreed. It’s not that hard. And if the pants go on easy, they fit. Whether your outfit is flattering or cute to you is a mirror thing, but just putting on clothes that fit without one is just something I take on faith. I use the tub for trying on stuff I’ve ordered and once I see how it looks, it’s sort of plug and play to get dressed.
Vicky Austin
LOL, yup. Precariously grabbing onto the shower curtain rod if necessary, which is not designed to support the weight of even an adolescent!
Senior Attorney
I used to post on a fashion s!te where we all posted outfits of the day, and there was a poster there who took her photos standing on the edge of the tub! Every day! Good times, man…
Anon
And Target sells one that goes over the back of the door so you can definitely put it on a closet door without taking up physical or visual space.
Cat
If you’re talking about the pose in a black structured cardi and the light wash jeans and black boots, those aren’t skinnies, they’re torn boyfriend style jeans.
I still don’t like the stiletto-boots-over-pants look, though.
Anonymous
I haven’t seen the post, but please don’t tell me we’re going back to the days of wearing tall boots over non-skinny jeans that you have to stuff inside like I did in 2006. That was one of the worst looks I’ve ever tried to pull off. The jeans would be so hard to get inside properly and then would bunch around the knee. I actually think the popularity of riding boots was one of the reasons skinny jeans took off like they did in 2007ish
anon
I had totally forgotten that! Magazines would have all these tips on how to cuff and fold your jeans legs to make them fit inside your boots…
anon
Also, I just went and looked, and yes, it is total flashbacks to that look. The jeans look all bunchy and awkward to me.
Senior Attorney
I always felt like a pirate in that kind of look.
Anon
Because it’s a total pirate look! Add a puffy shirt (like the one featured here the other day) and you are a full-on, yarr, ahoy mateys, walk-the-plank pirate. I tried it once and then never again. I have sensory issues with fabric bunching around my legs, neck or arms and it was unbearable for me. I’ll opt out of that trend revival, thanks so much.
Anon
I just looked and no, those aren’t skinny jeans. Everything in that look is updated, including the heeled boots. That said, instead of following trends, find your personal style. If skinny jeans in boots is an A+ look for you, rock it. Find the colors you look good in and the silhouettes. Wear those. Find something that just screams you and make it a signature look. Then trends are just more a shrug and something to know about.
Anon
If they aren’t skinny jeans, what are they. Jeggings? Full let pants dont tuck into boots like that.
Cat
I commented above but they look like boyfriend jeans to me – overall looser through the leg than a skinny, but still a bit tapered toward the ankle.
Anon
Yep, they’re distressed boyfriend jeans.
anon
They are boyfriend jeans on a very petite woman. They appear to be skinny because you uhmm assume that there is more leg in there filling out the pants.
Curious
Yeah, she’s tall and she has a hard time eating/putting on weight due to her cancer. I like her sass, but the rest of it is not for me :)
Anonymous
The boots are wide. It’s an awful look.
Anon
+1
Those are absolutely not skinny jeans and the boots and cardigan are very current.
Actual skinny jeans with flat tall boots is still very out.
anon
I say let chaos reign and wear what feels good to you. And I still maintain that office fashion is much different than casual/streetwear.
Anon
Why can I not find this Instagram?
Anon
https://www.instagram.com/p/CkqEw1zrrNk/ here you go
Anon
Thanks!
Anonymous
Not a trendy influencer at all, but a 50-year-old friend on FB just posted some pictures of herself with friends where she’s wearing riding boots, beige skinny cords/leggings, and a white blouse, and it just looks so HER. She’s very Junior League/preppy/old money so for her it just looks classic.
anon
Honestly, I think the key is to break up your outfits from a few years ago so you aren’t wearing a full dated look. Like wear your skinny jeans, but not with a long tunic top and a statement necklace like a blogger from 2015. So take the jeans but wear them with a more updated sweater. There’s a woman I like whose website/insta is An Indigo Day and she has a whole post on it. Again, you do you and wear what you want but adopting a few of these updates that work for your body is very reasonable.
https://anindigoday.com/ways-to-update-your-basic-millennial-outfit/
pugsnbourbon
This is what I’m doing (or trying to do!).
anon
This is what I’m aiming to do. I bought these clothes because I like them, and I want to continue wearing them in some fashion. I also feel like shoes can keep the whole vibe looking current.
Anon Elder Millennial
I just looked through this and honestly some of the recommendations are “replace clothes for the sake of replacing clothes.” Like sure, I agree that the outfits on the right are more current, and as my clothes have worn out or no longer fit, I’ve replaced them with higher waists and looser cuts, etc. But many of the outfits on the left still look as good to me as the outfits on the right — and most of the ones that don’t appeal are the things that I never personally liked back when it was trendy (like colored skinny jeans and chambray shirts).
anon
I agree with you. With the exception of a few, most of the outfits on the left still look fine. Cutting edge, no, but I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a friend wearing any of these.
anon
The person is a fashion blogger. Of course she’s going to replace more of her clothes than you might. It’s just for inspiration. No one is forcing you to do anything. But multiple people have posted here that they want to look more current and don’t know what to buy, so it’s just a potential resource to take ideas from.
Anonymous
This. I sometimes wonder if a stepped into a blog for cost conscious homesteaders. I don’t want to sew my own clothes or wear things from thrift stores or keep a blazer for 20 years hoping it somehow comes back in style.
Anon
I just looked through that blog post and maybe I just have a very untrained eye for fashion, but in looking at many of the “comparison” photos, I was Pam in that “they’re the same picture” meme. Like, what is the difference between the “old” utility jacket and the new ones?
anon
The new one had a raw-edge finish on the bottom and was slightly looser. Personally, I think that’s more of a style choice than a trend, but whatever. (I prefer the first version as opposed to the more shacket-like second one, but my style is more tailored.)
Anon
The length
Anon
I have a pretty freestanding mirror that was gifted to me for a birthday. I love it and it’s such an upgrade from those $10 over the door mirrors. I think it was still only $50.
Anonymous
I actually like her looks a lot and I really appreciate her post about how she’s not into “flattering.” I’m 40 so it takes my eye a little while to adjust to what’s current but I find her neutral color palette really accessible. There’s so little I have patience for as I age (cheap wine, mediocre restaurants, friends who make me feel bad, second guessing myself, and trying to impress people) but retraining my eye toward what people are wearing is really so much more fun than sticking to what I know makes me look thinner. And good help me I want those Gucci loafers with the lug sole!
Of Counsel
As a survivor of the Great Silhouette Shift of the Aughts (when people on this esteemed board were loudly proclaiming that you would pry their boot cut jeans out of their cold dead hands), here is my theory:
There is no need to wholesale purge clothes from your closet or chase the latest, most trendy pieces, particularly if you are over 30 and do not live in NYC or work in a fashion adjacent industry. However, as you replace pieces, work on getting things that are current but not so extreme that they will scream “last year”. So straight leg or slight flare but not light wash, high-waisted Mom jeans. Loafers but skip the lug soles, etc. The problem with completely ignoring trends is that age-discrimination is a real thing, particularly for women over 40 (and don’t get me started on over 50) and you run the risk of being labeled “frumpy” (which is so often code for older).
And follow the 80/20 Rule. 80% of your clothes can be classics or slightly out of date as long as 20% is on-trend. So wear your skinny jeans, but not with ballet flats (and wear your ballet flats but not with skinny jeans).
Anon Elder Millennial
+1 to all of this except the NYC part — lifelong new yorker and this is what I do, as do most actual people (not influencers) I know here.
Anonymous
My love language is time – both how I receive it and how I show it. Several of my close friends have major health or family crises going on. I am finding myself exhausted as I travel multiple hours a week. I want to be there for them, they’re asking me to come and spend time with them/help drive/babysit kids/sit with them during appointments- but I’m realizing I’m overextended. I’m saddened I can’t spend more time and now it feels like I am forcing myself to choose people. Any guidance?
AnonMom
Gently, and as someone who has had way too many episodes of others imposing their preferred love language on me regardless of my own feelings, your love language is yours and yours alone. You are the only one keeping score about whether you meet your own expectations. You can be kind and caring without martyring yourself. They can ask you to help, and you are free to tell them that while you can’t spend 3 hours at the appointment with them, you can spend 15 minutes dropping off dinner or running the kids to soccer practice.
Anonymous
You are also worthy of love. Schedule time to care for yourself on your calendar. Say yes to what you can do without compromising your own needs. Decline other asks.
anon
You’re one person, and you can only do so much, particularly from afar. I tend more toward doing the practical thing than sitting at appointments with people, but I think this depends so much on who you’re dealing with. Also, and I say this gently, you may have to get more comfortable with other expressions of care and concern.
Anonymous
I count on the people I love to be honest with me about their ability to help. I would never even ask if i thought they took every ask as a demand and were considering neglecting their own self care to help me. If your loved ones feel the same way then the honest decline is a kindness. If they dont then you need to set healthy boundaries by saying no. Take care of yourself.
Anonymous
Can anyone speak to Ravella’s quality? Or recommend another nice silk top that comes in XXL? I’m looking for nice silk shells to wear with suits, and I’m slightly too big for Quince’s size range.
anonJD
Any advice for finding an online partner for language practice? I’ve been taking French classes online and am nearing fluency, but I want more practice speaking. (I posted the same question late yesterday, apologize for the repeat)
Anon
Following! I minored in a language and stay up to it with Duolingo but would prefer to have actual practice. I’m also applying for a job where language skills would be a plus but I don’t feel confident enough to say I speak the language.
Anon
Italki! It’s the best—you can find native speakers around the world and there are lots of packaging and pricing options.
Anon8
I like HelloTalk– it’s an app and you can find people near you or native speakers anywhere to practice with. You can chat, send voice messages or call. A lot of cool translation features built in too.
Anon8
I like HelloTalk– it’s an app and you can find people near you or native speakers anywhere to practice with. You can chat, send voice messages or call. A lot of cool tra*slation features built in too.
OP
OP here to say thanks for the recs! I have my first session with an Italki teacher next week. I’m going to try that out first, may also try HelloTalk in parallel for comparison.
Anon
I’ve been at my job for 11 months, I wasn’t planning on job searching but my friend sent me a job at her organization that seems like it may be a good fit (I need more info about the job responsibilities to determine that, but could find out in the interview process and by asking my friend to dig a bit more).
The job potentially is more interesting and potentially has better work life balance than my current role, but TBD.
The job pays between 15-20% more and offers double the PTO, separate sick leave (I hateee having one bucket now!), a much better 401k match and excellent health insurance, plus fun “extras” like a nice on site gym. Commute is same time but would switch from a walking commute to a subway commute.
I don’t love my current job – it’s kind of boring but also high stress and I don’t love my team or leadership. I have a hard time getting motivated too. Some of my benefits are great but most aren’t. I was planning on sticking it out for 2-3 years.
It feels like a no brainer to seriously pursue this job ( I have already applied), but a close friend of mine recommended my current job to me and I don’t want to burn her by leaving so soon.
Anon
Also adding that I fear looking like a job hopper: I spent 1.5 years at my first job, moved cities and then was at my second job 3.25 years and now at this job less than a year.
I’d love to find a job that I’m able to stay at for several years, if possible (right combo of interesting enough work, room to grow decent team, decent pay and decent benefits)
pugsnbourbon
Unless your industry moves unusually fast, it’s unlikely they’ll make a hiring decision before you hit the 12 month mark at your current job. Given the market, I think a lot of folks have job histories like yours and it doesn’t scream ” job hopper” to me.
Anon
Yes, good point – I think it’ll probably take 2-4months, especially with the holidays!
Anon
This is fine! You are basically saying that you weren’t looking to leave but this opportunity presented itself to you and it got you excited for the job, so you applied. You don’t even have to explain what you don’t like about your current job, but more so focus on why the new job piqued your interest!
Curious
I’d just do my due diligence — how stable is her organization financially? How stable is her department? Where does funding come from? Who sets culture and benefits? Are any of these likely to change in the next 2-3 years, making it so you need to move again?
Anon
This, but otherwise from what you’ve said, it’s a no brained to move for the additional PTO and salary.
No Face
Apply. Accept if you like it. Stay at your current place if you don’t!
If I was your close friend, I would not want you to turn down a job with better pay, double PTO, great health insurance, etc. Good friends want good things for their friends.
Anon11
Agree – go for it and see what happens! Best of luck :)
Anon
You’re getting way ahead of yourself. An interview is not an offer.
Anon
Obviously. But, I like to plan ahead.
Anon
You need to calm yourself and see what happens, though. You have no idea if you’re even going to be in the running at this point. Don’t start planning to work there yet.
Anon
I am well aware of that, but I do this every time I apply for a job (or consider any other major change). It’s just how I process.
Anon
I need a flat, black boot/bootie that will look good under black boot cut dress pants. Preferably $250 or less. Bonus points if available at Bloomingdales as I have a gift card.
anon
My favorite boots that fit this description are from Ecco.
Anonymous
+1!
Anonymous
Oh, following because me too. Bonus points if they’re comfortable.
Anon
do we think the sales next week will be better than the sales now? or should i go ahead and purchase what i want to purchase
BeenThatGuy
Get what you want now. If it does reduce further, which I doubt, you can always ask for a price adjustment.
Anon
I think a lot of places are going ahead with their Black Friday sales now. I needed to restock my Perricone MD skincare and went to the website and they were already offering 40% off plus multiple free gifts for Black Friday. I went ahead and ordered. Last year, I wasn’t blown away by the Black Friday offerings on most of the websites I frequent – this year could be different, of course. But last year I realized I could have bought a week or a few days before Thanksgiving and gotten the exact same deal.
Exhausted and stretched thin
Good morning, Hive,
I am in desperate need of advice and self-care tips. My life partner has been going through a bout of depression for the past several months. I feel like I need to talk him down on a daily basis and sometimes spend several hours at a time discussing his anxieties. We go over the same topics and the same solutions multiple times a week. I love him and am happy to support him, but I am beginning to get emotionally exhausted.
I am also incredibly busy outside of the emotional support I am providing. We just bought a “fixer-upper” house which is the source of many of his anxieties. I spend most of my free time doing house projects, which feels like the best way to alleviate his depression long-term. Work has also been overwhelming lately. I have a big brief due in December that has taken up a lot of bandwidth and my other projects are languishing. I am not missing deadlines, but I am failing to respond to needs in a timely manner. I am clearly underwater.
We’ve both started individual therapy. We are both leaning on our support networks of friends and family. I think that the physical and professional work will abate around the start of the new year, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to get there.
Advice on how to support my partner is welcomed, but I really need some guidance and tips on how I can shore up my mental health in the meantime. Thank you.
Vicky Austin
Drop the house projects right now. They can wait. If you can afford to outsource them, do.
Focus on work. That seems to be causing the most anxiety for you.
Talk to your therapist about how to tell your partner that you do not have bandwidth for hours-long discussions on a regular basis. You need to set that boundary. And he needs to put that on his therapist, not on you.
pugsnbourbon
+1. You gotta put your own oxygen mask on.
Is your manager reasonable? Can you talk with them about your workload or about delegation? If this brief is the most important thing, they need to support you in prioritizing the rest of your workload.
Figure out what you can streamline in the rest of your life. Agree with Vicky that house projects need to pause (short of like, patching an active roof leak). Get takeout or easy meal kits so it’s one less thing to think about. Release yourself from any holiday pressures you’re feeling (mom and dad get slippers, everyone else gets something off the first Buzzfeed gift guide you read).
Anonymous
I think you need to stop supporting your partner so much! You spending hours a day listening to his anxieties isn’t help, it’s codependency. “Darling, I love you, but I can’t listen to this for hours a night. Please follow up with your therapist.” Doing home repairs is not the best solution for his depression long term/ therapy and medication is. “No we can’t fix everything immediately.”
The solution is boundaries and doing less. You also matter.
Anon
Agree and recommend the book or audio version of Codependent No More
Anon
Oh my goodness, this. Follow this advice. For your own sake and for his.
Anonymous
100%. My husband also has major anxiety and depression and literally the only thing that has ever worked is setting boundaries. He hates it when I do that, but I will not be his free therapist anymore. There are tools that help with anxiety and depression. They are therapy, exercise, and medication. He needs to avail himself of these tools, not just perseverate with you.
At one point in our marriage, I actually said, “I love you so much, but I won’t talk to you any more about how unhappy you are unless you do something about it. There are three options: drugs, therapy, or exercise. You don’t have to pick all of them, but you have to do something. And if you don’t, I don’t know if I can be in this marriage any more.” It was awful, but it was effective.
anon
Hours a day discussing anxiety is not sustainable for either of you. If possible, he needs to increase the frequency of his therapy appointments and/or find another outlet, like journaling, that does not involve you. I don’t know what to say about the house projects. Those are hard even in the best of times. You do need to set aside some time just for yourself to relax or do things that YOU enjoy and fill you back up.
No Face
My husband’s depression fixates on certain things, but the things are not the issue. Drop the house projects for now, unless there is a real, immediate safety concern.
Spending several hours going through his anxieties is not good for him or you. How often is he seeing his therapy? When my husband is in a bad state, he goes more than once in a week.
Start going to bed really early. Get walks outside. Go easy on meal prep (a rotisserie chicken and party trays of precut fruits and veggies go far).
Curious
+1. When my husband is anxious, he can’t stand any mess. The mess is not the issue; the impatience is a symptom. Going for walks, seeing friends, and getting rest help him more than any chore.
Anonymous
“We just bought a “fixer-upper” house which is the source of many of his anxieties. I spend most of my free time doing house projects, which feels like the best way to alleviate his depression long-term.”
With love, none of this is right. The anxiety is the source of the anxiety. The house is just where the anxiety is landing right now. You can fix up the house and make it perfect and guess what? He’ll still be anxious, just about something else. You can’t fix this with projects or chores; he has to decide to fix the anxiety for himself. I highly, highly recommend Lexapro or another antianxiety medication. This is not sustainable for you or for him.
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you all for the thoughtful advice, it is greatly appreciated. I will work on putting my oxygen mask on and setting some boundaries.
anon
Curious if others agree with my unpopular fashion opinion: Straight legs are THE frumpiest cut on my pear-shaped body and I do not understand how they’re regarded as universally flattering. They never hang nicely on my hips and thighs, and the hem is neither slim nor wide. It looks sad and unstylish. I feel so much better in either bootcuts or straight-up skinny pants. Pick a lane, pants.
Anon
Fellow pear here! I agree, but I think so much of pant fit is in the tailoring. If I have a well-fitted waist, I can pull off almost any leg cut. But usually pants don’t fit me off the rack, so straight legs exaggerate the problems at the waist, if that makes sense.
Anon
Shouldn’t this hips, and maybe even the thighs, be pretty much the same for those cuts? I thought the difference was in the shape of the leg, particularly at the bottom. Clearly I need to go to pants school.
anon
OP here, and I think it’s a proportions issue. The hem does not balance the curviness in the hips and thighs, but is not narrow enough to look intentional. This may very well be a “me” issue!
Vicky Austin
I love skinny pants and would happily live in 2012 fashion for the rest of my life, but yeah, I don’t get straight pants AT ALL.
Anne-on
I’ve got bigger calves and totally agree – I either need skinny jeans, bootcut jeans (ideally a ‘mini’ bootcut), or a mythical pair of straight legs that have a wider opening on the lower leg (I recently tried on over 2 dozen pairs of ‘boyfriend’ and straight jeans trying to find one, this does not exist off the rack for me).
anon
YES. The baby bootcut, when I can find it, is a winner. Boyfriend jeans have always been a straight-up disaster for me.
Anne-on
I’m still mourning the retirement of Jcrew’s matchstick jean. It was the perfect slim straight leg opening, not too much stretch, high but not crazy high rise. I had high hopes for their vintage jeans but they’re really more of a 90’s style straight leg vs. a ‘cigarette’ style leg.
MagicUnicorn
Pear here and I like an actual straight leg, but it has to be what my sewing grandma meant when she talked about a straight leg and not whatever weird interpretation kids & retailers these days give it. The kind of shape that is tailored at the waist and hip, not too snug nor too loose in the thigh, and then the same width down from the knee without flaring, maybe with a slight taper towards the ankle.
Here is my lexicon of other pant leg shapes:
A skinny cut is basically a legging made in fabric thick enough to be acceptable as pants, and it must have real pockets and real placket or you are only fooling yourself that it is not leggings. Putting them on straight out of the shower is nigh impossible, although you can slip these into your DH’s dresser and the hilarity of watching him panic as he attempts to extricate himself after stepping into them while half asleep makes this shape a forever classic.
A slim cut is fitted towards the knee (further down the thigh than a straight leg) and then is the same width to the bottom hem.
A wide leg pant is the same width all the way down from the hip, looser in the thigh than a straight leg. Hemmed to an inch off the floor at most; any shorter makes these an accursed abomination.
A boot leg is usually fitted to the mid-calf or high ankle before belling out at the bottom, while a flare exaggerates that bell even more. The “fwip-fwip” sound the hems make when you walk lets others know you mean business.
A barrel leg is the devil’s own invention and is not to be considered by an old like me unless you really want to emulate an actual barrel.
A parachute leg works if you are MC Hammer and the fabric is shimmery metallic.
Vicky Austin
I’d attend MagicUnicorn’s Pants School for a full degree program any day. This is hilarious.
Curious
+1
anon
LOL, me too.
Wheels
Enrol me too!
Anon 2.0
Same. You need to learn to monetize this, lol.
Anon
A+
Anon
In my mind, Back in Black plays along with my fwip-fwip. I mean business. [Otherwise, I feel like Tony Manero carrying paint cans.]
PolyD
Fwip fwip. That’s perfect.
Anon
So is a bootleg the same as a flare?
Anon
I’m an old, but I believe that a flare is just more below-the-knee volume vs a bootcut, which is just to give you room for your boots.
MagicUnicorn
A flare is a subset of a bootcut. Definitely provides more FWIP-FWIP for full Back in Black vibes.
Baby bootcut is the most subtle, ranging through normal bootcut, then flare and on up to the extreme flare. I will be sure to devote an entire class section of my seminar to this topic.
Anon
I feel that that is definitely a thesis that someone needs to write. And then teach a master class in.
Also: can people trim in flares / bootcuts for shorter people? A 5-8 person can look good with one flare but it will totally overwhelm me and I will look like I took a sail off of a boat.
Anon
The title of the thesis/book/feature film is Fwip Fwip
Anonymous
The Fwip Fwip plus the click of a heel is how I most feel like a Professional Business Lady.
Anon
Completely agree. I’ve been team flares for years. Commented above, but it’s my personal style and I go with what works.
Cat
On my pear shape, the most flattering ‘modern’ cuts are a slight flare or a boyfriend. Straight styles only work cuffed on me – if shoe length, it’s not a wide enough opening to drape gracefully around my ankle, and it ends up looking like a puddle of mess.
PolyD
I’m a slight pear – I don’t have a huge waist to hip discrepancy but curvy fits often work better for me – and I find Banana Republic Factory Girlfriend Jeans to be pretty flattering. They’re straight but slim, so, not vacuum sealed to your legs, but slim enough to not look frumpy.
Ate least they don’t look frumpy to me!
Anon
I used to buy skinnies a size up and I think that they work well for 2022. Loose-fitting, but not too much volume on the leg. With chelseas though — my old boots look very dated to me unless worn with bootcuts.
anon
Agreed! Skinny jeans show off my thin calves so I look curvy. Straight legs are unflattering and just look like my pants don’t fit. I think straight cuts only look good if your legs are straight up and down with minimal curvature. I’ve been wearing bootcut when I want to branch out from skinnies.
Marketiere
Petite pear here. I can wear skinny jeans, baby boot cuts, and then wide trousers. Everything else looks awful on me. Straight jeans go directly to frump-land.
anon
petite pear/hourglass–I put on a pair of straight leg (borderline boyfriend cut) jeans and laughed out loud. They take the widest part of my body and just continue it to the floor. My legs actually looked like tree trunks. It was so bad.
I will say, they did feel comfortable.
Anon
All of us have bigger thighs than calves. That’s how humans are built. The skinny Jean comes in from the thigh and hugs the calf. The straight leg (if it really is a straight leg) continues the width from the hip down.
Whether either look is flattering on you is really a matter of your eye getting used to it. When skinnies cycled in, I felt like an ice cream cone – all hips and thighs with a point on the bottom. My eye wasn’t used to it, and I felt much larger in skinnies.
Now my eye is used to the skinnies and I feel larger in straight legs, but I objectively know they’re more flattering because they balance me out. I will get used to them again, and so will you.
Anonymous
Totally agree. I realized I need a close fit in the thigh, otherwise I feel terribly frumpy. On skinny women it can look intentionally baggy and cool, but I hate it on me.
Anonymous
As an upside down triangle/Y-shape, the death of the skinny comes way too late. I was a late adopter and an early abandoner. Viva the straight legs and bootcuts!
Anon
I unexpectedly have a few weeks to travel in January. I’ll be traveling alone.
Ruling out Europe since weather will not be ideal. In South America, I’ve already been to Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, and Colombia.
These are the places I’m considering:
Southeast Asia: Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia—a dream trip but might not be enough time to plan it well.
Costa Rica: would love to go, but doesn’t seem like I’d need three weeks.
Canary Islands: possibly? I’ve heard good things, but again, maybe not for when I have 2-3 weeks.
Peru and Chile: this is a top contender.
Any other ideas?
Anon
I think January is an especially rainy time in Peru’s sacred valley, but it’s such a cool place to visit. You might want to double check the weather if you’re planning to hike. They may not run all of the trips then.
Curious
If you’re doing Peru, I highly recommend Vamos Expeditions as a tour company that employs mostly locals and has super good values.
Anonymous
I think you can plan SE Asia! Buy a ticket today and you’ll figure the rest out. I would also consider Australia and/or New Zealand (you could def spend three weeks in each, But it wouldn’t be crazy to do a bit of both).
Anon
That’s amazing, I’d do Southeast Asia – there are zillions of blogs and books and surely you know people who’ve done that trip and can just follow their route.
If you want to do Central America, that would give you time for a few countries. I absolutely love Mexico City and have had great experiences in Guatemala, as well as scuba diving in the islands off the northern coast of Honduras (there are three with differing levels of affordability). Have also heard great things about Panama.
Cat
Australia? NZ?
NYCer
I would do Australia and/or New Zealand or southeast Asia.
NYCer
Patagonia is also a great option in January.
anon
New Zealand! And/or Australia. It seems perfect for a January break.
Anon
Peru. Arequipa and the Colca Canyon will have lovely weather, as will the southern coast. Arequipa is a nice colonial city, very walkable. The Colca Canyon has hiking with some altitude (acclimatize in Arequipa for a couple of days), a lot of adventure sports activities (rafting, zip lines, etc) and hot springs and condors. (Stay at Colca Lodge and Spa for a couple of days if possible). The coast has nice beach resorts for chilling out. I went in May and used Peru for Less travel to set it up.
Monte
I did two weeks in Vietnam and it didn’t feel like enough, so I would pick at most two countries in SE Asia and do that — my picks would probably be Vietnam and Laos.
Or NZ. Top tier, awesome trip!
Anon
I would highly recommend Patagonia. I have done 3w tour from Bariloche to El Calafate, including 1w hiking in Torres del Paine national park. Best trip of my life. We had our own 4×4 car, but I think you can fly in to Calafate, do 10d in Torres del Paine and then add other hikes as well.
I also keep recommending Mexico – it is so much more than just boring hotel strip in Cancun or Baja. You can easily travel for 3 weeks – Yucatan jungle, cenotes, beaches, Mayan ruins, Laguna Bacalar, then Oaxaca, Mexico City for art & Puebla with volcano, lakes and Las Pozas in Tampico region, San Luis Potosi, Guadalajara, butterfly reserve in Morelia, finish in Puerto Vallarta [hikes on the hills, beaches].
Costa Rica: I have been there for 2 weeks and could imagine adding a few extra days to do hiking in the hills in Central area [coffee plantages]. We have traveled from San Jose, volcanos, central area down to Corcovado, then up along the coast to Nicoya region and back to San Jose. There are so many national parks and beautiful country areas that I can imagine spending 2-3w easily. I have been there in October/November and saw too many animals for my taste [I am afraid of snakes]. Again, you would probably need to rent a 4×4 car.
SEA: I have done Vietnam North to South in 3 weeks, another memorable trip, highly recommend.
If you have 3 weeks, I would consider also South Africa [depending on your safety-preference levels], Australia & New Zealand, Botswana & Namibia & Kenya, Peru & Bolivia.
anon
I would do Chile and really go deep. It’s a big country if you want to see it all you need an extended time period. The Lake District is like the Alps but the mountains are perfect snow-capped volcano cones; further south you have amazing vast forests with very few visitors that are impossible to visit on short trips. Go to Isla Chiloe; that the 3-day passenger ferry through the inside passage down to Patagonia. Backpack the W in Torres del Paine national park (or stay in the onsite hostels/hotels and dayhike it), ferry over the Tierra del Fuego, and maybe hop a plane to Isla Darwin, which is basically as far south as you can get that isn’t Antarctica. Maybe cross into Argentine Patagonia and take a look at the Perrito Moreno glacier. There’s lovely wine country, as well, and the north (which I haven’t visited) is supposed to be incredible. Salt flats, star gazing in the Atacama Desert…there is so much to see and because of the geography you can’t do much of it without time.
Anon
Omg, Chiloe! It was magical, magical!
Senior Attorney
Team Southeast Asia. I’m doing two weeks in Vietnam, north to south, in February and I can’t wait!
Anon
Would you be up for sharing your high-level itinerary, SA?
Senior Attorney
In mod so check back
Senior Attorney
Sure and if you want to email me at seniorattorney1 at gmail I will send you the detailed version. (Heck for all I know there are still spaces available if you contact the travel agent!) Here’s the short version
Fly into Hanoi, full day touring including cyclo tour of Old Quarter, overnight in Hanoi
Transfer by car to to Ha Long Bay, two nights on “junk” (small cruise ship) with various excursions
Fly Hanoi to Hoi An, four nights in Hoi An with vairous excursions including Golden Bridge, fishing village, etc.
Fly to Puc Quoc, four nights at Sunset Beach Resort & Spa with various activities and excursions
Fly to Ho Chi Minh City, three nights including full day cruising Mekong River
Fly home from Ho Chi Minh City
There are no direct flights from U.S. to Vietnam that I know of. We are flying Asiana Airlines through Seoul.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t have any suggestions, but please report back once you go on your trip!
Anon
If you have three full weeks to travel I would go to Asia for two weeks and give yourself 4 days to recover when you get back. It’s hard to find two weeks to take such a long trip so I’d fully take advantage. Assuming you’re in the US, South America is pretty easy because there isn’t much of a time change and you can do that trip much easier than Asia.
Silently Celebrating
I’d skip the canaries. They are lovely, but I think with 3 weeks you’d quickly run out of things to do.
Anon
Thanks, all! OP here. You all have excellent suggestions! Some more context:
I’m actually going to NZ later in 2023; otherwise I agree that could be a good fit.
I’m more of a city person than a hiker. I’m fit and active but I get really anxious in lonely hiking areas. Would much rather get my walking in in a populated urban area where I feel like there are people who can help me if something goes wrong, since I’ll be traveling solo. (I guess I could do a group hiking trip, but I’ve never traveled that way. I tend to just plan things on my own).
Agree that Mexico is wonderful; I have been many times and will surely return, but it’s pretty easy to get to from where I live so I don’t know if I want to go for this unique opportunity.
I am leaning toward Peru/Chile or Vietnam. Really torn! Will continue to research itineraries and report back. Thanks again!
Anon
Just heads up you will never be alone in Torres del Paine national park, there will always be someone. I was once slightly ahead of my group and just sat down to wait for them. And at least 5 people stopped by to check and ask if I feel ok.
Anon
Given what you said about your interest and having been to both, I recommend Vietnam. Peru was a lot of fun, but a week is sufficient if you don’t want to go to the Amazon. Chile was also great, but it was all outdoor activities. Vietnam is a trip of cities. Each city has its unique personality and there’s so much to do. Given the length of the flight, the one week trip doesn’t really make sense.
Anon
Peru is AWESOME. I’m Brazilian and I went there by myself in January 2018 and it was the greatest trip. I went to Lima, Cuzco, Arequipa and Huaraz, and I really want to go back in the future.
Anon
New Zealand. Gorgeous in Jan!
Anon
Hoping anyone whos having a tough time coming up to Thanksgiving has a chance to find a moment of joy and peace, even if its just in a small way.
Earlier this week I was so stressed about something at work plus upcoming holidays and spiraling with anxiety and shame. i didnt sleep and have a lip sore breakout from the stress. Last night my bff took me to dinner for my upcoming Bday and we spent several hours after that in hysterics, crying from laughter, and just talking. I feel lighter today and treading the waters feels easier.
pugsnbourbon
I’m so glad you feel better!
Vicky Austin
Oh, wonderful – glad you filled your cup! Happy early birthday and I hope things keep getting better!
Anon
+1
Curious
Thank you for sharing that.
Anonymous
I was the poster who posted about layoffs in my office a few weeks ago. Now I have an interview at a competitor tomorrow. What do I if asked why I’m leaving? Ive been here for more than a decade and I feel like it’s industry wide knowledge that we got a new ceo who is laying people off. I want to say something like “Im concerned about the lack of advancement opportunities in a place that is contracting.” It’s the truth but maybe sound like I’m running. I would appreciate any advice or good thoughts. I’m pretty freaked out at the prospect of leaving what I thought was a super stable job.
Anon
Running from a company doing layoffs is absolutely reasonable, expected and normal. It’s what you should say. I interview a lot and people always struggle with the why are you leaving question. My flags are up when the answer sounds fake. This sounds real and reasonable and not about your personality or ability to get along with others.
Vicky Austin
I’m sure it is industry knowledge that you got a new CEO! I’d just say, “New leadership means changes” and you can stop there. They’ll fill in the blanks.
Anne-on
+1 – this is so, so common and should be industry knowledge. I’d either use the language above or something like ‘We’ve recently had a change of leadership which is leading to some internal organizational changes, so I thought it was a good time to explore other opportunities in our industry.’
Anon
If you’re at Twitter, EVERYONE understands and you don’t need to say a thing.
Anonymous
Haha. I almost wrote “I’m not a Twitter.”
Anon
My thought too! No one should have any questions whatsoever about why someone who works at Twitter is trying to leave! OP, I am glad you are not at Twitter just because – oof – what a mess that is right now!
Anon
If you personally have not been RIF’d, then your language is perfect. The phrasing suggested by several posters has a hint of pink slip which I would avoid if it is not accurate (or accurate yet).
Op
Thanks folks. I guess i was wondering, do I have to or should I make it clear that I’m a top performer who is probably not in danger of being laid off. It’s just that I’m not sure I want to try to get promoted to first mate on the titanic.
Liza
I think you can make your top-performer status clear in other answers, but the layoffs should not be part of your answer about why you want to leave.
And by the way, top performers can also be the target of layoffs, because their entire group or project may be eliminated, or they may be high-paid and an easy way to make a big cut. Making any comments that imply that layoffs are merit-based and top performers are immune may come off as somewhat insensitive or ignorant, especially if your interviewer has been a layoff target or is close to someone who has.
Anon
“And by the way, top performers can also be the target of layoffs, because their entire group or project may be eliminated, or they may be high-paid and an easy way to make a big cut.”
Yep. I got laid off despite stellar performance reviews. A really high-performing person I worked with, who at one point was kind of an organizational superstar, got laid off just before I did because our company decided to go in a different direction with their next round of products and what he and his team did wasn’t going to be needed any more. The whole team got laid off, even their admin assistant, and they were all good workers and valued contributors. It is not about loyalty or even past performance, it’s about what companies think they’re going to need going forward, and/or saving money where they can cut positions.
It’s completely fine, OP, for you to be looking even though you think you may not be on the layoff list. You don’t know if that’s true, and even if it is true, as you say – who wants to be promoted to a higher-level position when the ship may be going down?
anon
I disagree with the person who says not to mention it, but I would probably frame it as “I’ve been very happy at Company X and have also been very successful. However, as you likely know, we’re going through a restructuring and, while I’m not in danger of losing my job, the changes have pushed me to think about my next opportunity and to realize that I’d like to be with a company/opportunity/role that offers X, Y, and Z.”
You can basically make it sound like the impending layoffs caused you to realize that you, yourself, were ready for a change.
Anon
I have found that “As you may know” is a good way to start these conversations. It is industry wide knowledge? “As you may know, XYZ has new leadership, which is taking the company in a different direction. Previous leadership focused on A and B, which ia appreciated because…. Your company seems to value that/be headed in that dircetion/etc.”
Liza
I think it’s always good to focus on what’s interesting and positive to you about the new opportunity, rather than on what’s driving you out of your current role. “Why are you looking to leave your current role?” “I’ve been at the company for over 10 years, and I’m really excited to take on my next challenge. I think this role would be a great opportunity for that because of XYZ.” It sounds a lot better than, “As you’ve probably read in the news, things at my company are pretty unstable right now, so it’s motivated me to start looking around.” Even if all parties understand what’s going on, it brings in negativity.
Anonymous
This x1000. Keep it short, positive, and move the conversation on.
Anon
No one will be shocked when people leave voluntarily during a layoff cycle. You won’t have much explaining to do.
I left my Big Job during a time of company upheaval and I also felt like I had to have a good reason, but no one asked me! Everyone understood. Then it turned out that I was one of five people at my level who left within a month and all hell broke loose. But by that point, I was like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s extreme folly for a company to embark on layoffs and think they’re only going to lose the people they choose to lose.
Peloton
Are you at Twitter? I promise people will know why you are leaving without asking, and most will view you with sympathy.
Peloton
Just saw that you aren’t. Thank god, haha! I think you can easily say that you’re looking for a new opportunity and leave it at that. I’ve never thought less of someone who was RIFed as part of a large RIF, so it wouldn’t move the needle for me either way.
Anon
I’ve gotten non-stop compliments on my 90’s Talbots camel blazer (my building is about 60 degrees right now) from the students who are several years younger than the jacket itself. Let’s just say I’m not usually one who’s known for her sartorial choices, so it’s kinda fun.
MagicUnicorn
I love it!
Anon
This is great news, as I also have one of those. I’ll have to bust it out for my next day of in-person meetings.
Anon
I went to a small women’s clothing business’s trunk show recently. It was in someone’s house (along with some other vendors). OMG. I was not really prepared for that. 2.5 years of WFG in free tees with words on them and I am still clearly a corporate worker bee cog in the wheel and never felt more so. Also, it is abundantly clear to me how I work solely with dudes because the shock was severe.
Cat
fwiw, the attire of women attracted to small business trunk shows isn’t, IMHO, representative of what women in the general ‘attempting to be reasonably current but not a slave to trends’ world are wearing…
anon
Huh? What weren’t you prepared for? You are surprised that there’s a significant difference in fashion and vibes between working in a clothing boutique and working at your corporate job?
pugsnbourbon
I’m interpreting this to mean that OP hasn’t needed to shop for anything but tees and classic workwear, so newer trends in casual and “going out” clothes surprised her. Or maybe that they were really pricey?
Anonymous
I can’t intuit what’s going on here. What happened or what did you see that shocked you?
pugsnbourbon
Paging yesterday’s poster re: Buffalo: https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/buffalo-western-ny-brace-potentially-dangerous-storm-93488666
Four feet of lake-effect snow. No thank you.
Anon
I wonder if it is just micro-climates like that that keep US lake cities small (other than Chicago) and yet Canada has a lot of success with them. Geography matters, but like politics and real estate, local knowledge matters a ton vs just how things look on a map or in pictures.
anon
I live in Buffalo. All our streets are plowed this morning, school isn’t cancelled, the snow looks pretty, my house is cheap, and the people are nice here. It’s not for everyone, but this is a place where you can have a very nice life for a reasonable price in a blue state. A lot of people in my neighborhood used to live in NYC, DC, Seattle, etc. and now live here.
pugsnbourbon
That’s fair! I forgot that places that get lots of snow generally have very good responses to said snow.
Anonymous
Fwiw, there is a joke in my company that the only thing harder than convincing someone to move to Buffalo is convincing someone to leave Buffalo. Apparently parts of the city get more lake effect snow than others and money goes really far there as far as housing. It could also be that our Buffalo region is a good place to work for other reasons, but who knows.
I also think with regard to winter weather your lifestyle matters. Nyc winters are brutal because you’re walking though ankle deep slush and bitter cold for longer stretches of time. I’m in the suburbs and running from your car to your house is not a big deal. It’s not like waiting for a bus or waking twelve blocks. My friend in Minneapolis says she goes from heated car to heated garage to heated skyway and back to heated garage without actually dealing with too much bitter cold.
Z
I lived in Rochester for 5 years and thought they got a lot of snow. But somehow, Rochester is positioned so that they get less lake effect snow than Buffalo and Syracuse. It can still dump 2 feet in as many hours, but never as much as Buffalo gets.
That said, I loved living there despite the gray skies and snow. Western NY cities are extremely good at managing snow so it was never that bad to get around. I’m now in a different midwestern city that still gets a decent amount of snow every year and is TERRIBLE at managing it.
anon
I grew up in the part that doesn’t get as much snow and now live in the super snowy part. It’s much nicer. Way more parks, trees, etc. But it can be significantly different in terms of weather. There are times I have multiple feet more snow than family members who live in the northern suburbs.
Anon
I’m waiting for someone from Salinas to chime in.
Anonforthis
I’m not from Salinas, nor from a large city. IAMAL. But I like Salinas. We drive through it, and stop there to eat frequently, and I can see living (retiring?) there. Plus, they’re within a very short drive to the coast!
For California, and looking in from the outside, Salinas is not bad (unless this was a snobbism/racism related sneer)?
Salinas has gorgeous historical houses and buildings, a low key vibe (again, I’m looking at it from the outside), great food and produce, and–again–its very close to the Monterey Bay area.
Anonforthis
IANAL, (oops)
anon
Is anyone following the story on the deaths of the University of Idaho students? So many questions! The initial statements by the mayor and police seem really at odds with the facts. And two other people were home when this all went down, yet the first 911 call was about 8 hours later??
Vicky Austin
I’m originally from Idaho and two different friends lived within blocks of that apartment in college. I’m baffled and so sad.
Anon
I think the delayed 911 call can be explained by drunk sleeping college students who didn’t wake up until noon the next day. I’ve been there. I would have slept through anything.
Explorette
Same thoughts. It was also pretty bad how they first stated there was no threat to the community when they have no idea. They backtracked that today and said there could be a community threat since they have no suspect or clue what happened. This whole thing makes no sense, how did this happen without anyone hearing it, and not realizing it until noon the next day?
Anonymous
Drugs.
Anon
Or, as someone said upthread, it could be that other college students proximal to the event just didn’t wake up to hear what was going on. Back in college, on days I didn’t have morning classes or work (which were rare) I would routinely sleep until 1 p.m., even if I hadn’t been up super-late the night before. Let’s not jump to the conclusion that these kids were on drugs.
Anonymous
I have been following it as well. It is all so odd and the unanswered questions grow by the day. Is the community in danger or not? Should be be on high alert? Their flip flopping would not be comforting if I was an area resident.
Vicky Austin
The fact that they changed their answer on that (“no, there is no threat” to “we cannot say there is no threat with certainty”) is just bone-chilling.
Anonymous
Alright ladies – first trip to Rome booked for March. 7 days flying in and out of Rome though we’re open to going to another city for 2 or 3 days.
Can people list out their must do things for a first trip? Bonus points for things that keep us outdoors. On top of the usual tourist things, are there neighborhoods you can explore that let you see where locals live, eat, and shop and get you out of the tourist areas? Is outdoor dining likely available in March or is that too early and we should plan on takeout?
Finally would you take a train up to Milan for 2 days? I kind of want to as I’ve always wanted to see Milan and also have never experienced the European train system. But IDK I’ve heard people say Milan was boring if you aren’t into high end shopping.
Anon
A lot of the delights of Rome are galleries, museums, churches…indoors kind of places. If you’re too anxious to be indoors I don’t think you’ll have a good time.
Anonymous
Take the train to Florence. Read Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons before you go. Great way to learn some history of different sights for Rome and Florence without trudging through a guide book. Do a cooking class and a winery tour as a day trip from Rome in addition.
Cat
how many full days do you have? Is 7 including the day you land from the US and the morning of your departure? If you have actually 5 full days subtracting those two… I might just spend the whole time in Rome (with a day trip) rather than running around and losing a day in tr.nsition.
Anon Elder Millennial
I recently went to Rome, Florence, and Venice. It was my first time in Italy and it was a lovely trip. I would highly recommend adding in a few days in Florence, Venice, or perhaps Naples. The trains are incredibly easy to use — you buy a ticket for a particular train and seats are assigned. We had no issue just buying tickets at the station for whichever train was convenient, and they run frequently. Just keep an eye on local vs express trains (look at the travel time). The ticket kiosks are easy to use but allow a little time for them because you have to type in each traveler’s name. You can also buy tickets at a booth — we only did this one but the person spoke fluent English.
Florence was wonderful for all art and just a lovely city to be in. When we went, Venice was un-crowded and also lovely. If you are into that kind of thing, Naples has great archeological museum and is very close to Pompeii and Herculaneum — this is top of my list for my next Italy trip. I think any of these would be great additions to Rome, but if you pick Venice you should probably fly into or out of that airport.
Anon
Milan is boring and not especially close to Rome. Also pretty cold in March. Take the train to Florence for a day, much closer and better climate.
There should be plenty of outdoor dining in Rome. We were in Florence this past March and ate all our meals outdoors with zero issues.
NYCer
It is definitely still touristy, but Trastevere is a fun neighborhood to wander around. It feels a bit more local than the main tourist areas. We also enjoy getting drinks at the patio at Hotel du Russie (weather dependent). Overall, I would expect the weather to be a bit hit or miss in March. I am not sure you can bank on outdoor dining, but you could get lucky.
One my first trip to Rome, we did a prviate Vespa tour with Bici Baci that was great.
If you want to add a second city, I would consider Venice or Florence over Milan.
Senior Attorney
Venice will blow your mind. Be sure to stay in the city because it’s best in the evening after the day trippers have left.
Anon
Italians have an outdoor dining culture that predates the pandemic. They don’t close their outdoor seating areas in chilly weather the same way American restaurants do. We were there in March and the high temperature was in the upper 50s/lower 60s, and every restaurant that had an outdoor seating area (which is many) was happy to let us sit out there. I live in the Midwest and around here it’s pretty hard to find restaurants willing to let you sit outside at those temperatures. In my part of the US at least it isn’t even necessarily tied to the weather – many places close their patios for the season from like October to April, so outdoor dining isn’t available in March even if it’s 70+ degrees. Whereas in Italy the patios were open even in chilly weather and the second the temperature hit 60 or so all the outdoor patios were flooded with people.
NYCer
I was more meaning temperature wise. I don’t enjoy sitting outdoors in 45-55 degree temps. YMMV.
Anon
I think 45 degrees in Rome in March would be very unusual? Google says the average high is 57 at the beginning of the month and 63 at the end. I guess if you want to eat dinner hours after the sun has gone down it could be pretty chilly. But if you’re good with 6 pm dinners (or having a late lunch as your big meal and just getting pizza or something like that for dinner) I think the weather will be pretty pleasant for outdoor dining.
anon
I was in Rome earlier this summer (LOVED IT) and I recommend a train to naples and then a car to Sorrento or elsewhere on the amalfi coast for 2-3 days of it! Even in March it will be lovely. You could also do (as part of that or instead) a day trip tour to Pompeii.
I think outdoor dining will be available.
My coloseum tour was great; my vatican tour was good but long. I used Viator and the Roman Guy for these things – they’re basically all the same and all equally good I think.
Gail the Goldfish
I would definitely add another city for a few days–my pick would be Florence. It’s delightful. Or if you’re in to Roman history, go down to Pompeii (if you don’t want to go down there, Ostia Antica is a short train ride outside of Rome. Not as cool as Pompeii, but still cool).
Of Counsel
If the weather is nice, I recommend a day biking the Appian Way (you can take the bus to the visitor’s center to rent bikes; you can also leave the park and bike to the aqueduct park if you are feeling ambitious) and/or a trip out to Ostia Antica (take the train and download the Rick Steves audio guide). Both will keep you outside and do not need to be booked in advance in case the weather is not cooperative. Also, although St. Peters is obviously not outside, the space is huge and should not be crowded that time of year. And the Colosseum and Forum are obvious “first trip” outside activities. (You should try buying your tickets to the Colosseum on line from them directly if they are still available – much less expensive than buying from one of the third party sites; I personally think the Forum benefits from an actual guide).
With only 7 days, I would stick to Rome. At most I would take an overnight trip to Florence.
I hope you have fun! I love Rome.
Emma
I mentioned this on an another thread but we went horseback riding on the Via Appia which was unexpected and super fun. Through a company called Horseback Riding Ancient Rome.
SSJD
In September I visited Rome for the first time and loved it. I was there for about 5 days (arrived Tuesday morning; left Sunday morning) and am glad that I didn’t try to squeeze in a trip to another city. Rome has plenty to see.
Greatest hits that really were worth it include the Vatican (we had a wonderful tour which was worth the money), forum, Colosseum. We had an outdoor tour of the Jewish Ghetto area (and a bit into Trastavere) which was quite interesting.
Agree with the suggestion of biking the Appian Way if you are looking for outdoor activities. I didn’t do this but wish I had.
A short walk around the aquaduct remains south of Rome was also pleasant (but not exceedingly interesting).
We enjoyed the Domus Romane: An ancient house, excavated to several layers, depicting the history of a middle-class family in Rome. The layers are revealed with holograms and you start with the lowest and come to the most “modern.” You need to buy tickets ahead of time.
It’s a great destination. Have fun!
Anon
Skip Milan. Visit Florence and Pisa.
Anonymous
Broad question but are Wegmans baked goods good? I find the Whole Foods bakery to be meh. In need of pumpkin pies but all my local grocery stores like Giant have large family sized ones and no option for a half pie this year. Wegmans appears to be the only one with pies big enough for one or two people.
Anonymous
Every baked thing I have ever bought at Wegmans has been delicious. I would assume their pies are baked in store and extremely tasty.
Mar
I can’t speak to their pies, but the rest of their baked goods are far, far better than Whole Foods! Their ultimate coconut cake is to die for.
anon
No idea, but I’d buy the full-size pie and freeze part of it for later.
Anonymous
You can freeze store bought pie? How do it to keep it good from a food safety perspective? Slice it up and Saran Wrap pieces? I can’t imagine it’ll hold up just putting the plastic pie box in the freezer.
Anon
Eh, it’s fine from a food safety perspective, as you can freeze pretty much anything, but I’m more skeptical that most pies will come out with a great texture once thawed. Most custards will separate after freezing so I don’t think this will work all that well for a pumpkin pie. But you can always try it and see.
Cat
I like most of their house brand food, though haven’t specifically tried the pie.
Anon
I love Wegmans! I’ve never had any bad baked goods there aside from the pizza bar which I generally avoid.
Anon
For what it is worth, we do trader joe’s frozen pumpkin pie every year. Everyone loves it and no one knows it is a frozen pie.
Anon
Their stuff is ok, not amazing. If you’re near Philly which it sounds like you may be from those stores, sometimes smaller stores will have superior baked goods. My local organic market sells Frecon Farm pies.
anonchicago
I’m getting a Thanksgiving turkey and pie from Wegmans this year. Haven’t had them before, so hoping it’s good! I’ve enjoyed their other prepared foods.
H13
We love their chocolate cream pie and they have a mini version. Highly recommend.
Anon15
This is half looking for advice and half to vent, but does anyone else struggle with feeling very chaotically 0 to 100 when it comes to romantic relationships? I’m quite avoidantly attached typically (I always tend to be the partner who is “one foot out”, which I’m trying to work on in therapy) and tend to not feel romantic connections that strongly or that often. However, rarely (like once every few years), I will meet someone and will develop an immediate and oftentimes unrealistic connection that can feel very obsessive, chaotic, and unpleasant.
My current example is that I’ve been in a foreign country for work for about a month and am leaving next week. I’ve been casually using dating apps while I’ve been here, and matched with a guy early on. We’ve been chatting the whole time but have struggled to make our schedules work and only were able to meet up this week. We really got on, and went out on two consecutive nights this week (gardening both times, which probably contributed to this), with hopes to see each other one more time before I go, but no promises as he is out of town this weekend. I’m now struggling with real but objectively irrational feelings of sadness and panic that our time is so limited, regret that I didn’t try harder to see him sooner, and wild fantasies of it somehow “working out” when I go back to my home country. We’ve had no grand “Before Sunrise” style declarations of love–he’s been perfectly lovely but the clear understanding here is that it’s a short fling. So I understand that these are kind of insane feelings to have about someone I met 48 hours ago, and the issue is that they’re making it hard to enjoy the time I have left here.
I’ve experienced this throughout my adult life, and I’ve really struggled to handle these outsized feelings, as I normally am very guarded and wishy-washy when it comes to romantic relationships. I hate that my feelings are so YES/NO, and that when it’s a YES, I can barely enjoy it because it immediately comes with so many feelings of panic and insecurity and sadness as I overthink things. I’ve talked to friends about this and they’ve all given varying responses of “It’s a fling! Live in the moment and just enjoy it!” but that’s just….not how my brain works. This definitely impacts my dating life in general, and I’d love to get to a place where I feel more secure in my romantic interactions, and more open to them in general vs them hitting me like a brick wall and causing me to spin out.
anon
If this is your MO, I would strongly suggest not having a casual fling or hookup. Save your strong feelings for people with whom you have a reasonable shot at staying with for longer than a week or two.
Anon
+1
Agree completely.
OP – I have similar problems to you in my relationships. I could never, ever have a fling in a foreign country. I can’t have casual relationships, in general, unfortunately.
It’s great you are working on this in therapy. You’re doing better than me on that point…. But you know yourself well enough that you have to be careful about the situations you put yourself into.
anon
I wonder if you are so into this BECAUSE you know it won’t last and thus it plays into your avoidance?
Anon
I wonder if part of it is that he isn’t attainable, and so you’re putting him on a pedestal and getting really attached to the idea of him since your brain says there’s no chance of actual attachment. It may be that people who are real, grounded, and pose the potential for an actual relationship send your avoidant energy into overdrive, so your only outlet for romantic ideation is when it’s safe enough to be a fantasy. It sounds like you have a lot of pent up romantic energy that maybe just isn’t getting released in healthy and productive ways in your normal life! Honestly, with this guy, if you were to stay there a few more months, I imagine you’d get bored with him, resent any attempts at ‘suffocating’ you, and lose interest once the mystery and grand visions of what could be dissipated. Everyone is a person; no one is actually the fantasy of what you project when you first meet.
Also: may be worth looking up ‘anxious-avoidant’ as a framework.
Anon
If I didn’t know better, I would think I had written this. OP, you described so perfectly exactly how I am with men. It’s all or nothing. I rarely but occasionally meet someone with whom I have an insane connection but it’s almost not enjoyable because it completely consumes me.
If you are anything like me, I wonder if part of the appeal of this guy is that you subconsciously KNOW it won’t work. You might only allow yourself these feelings for men who aren’t actually good options for a real relationship (this is coming from someone who only wanted to date men who weren’t from my city because it meant they would be more “interesting,” which I now realize meant less likely to want to settle down).
Anon
Adding my voice to the group who thinks things a way of avoiding commitment. When you return to your home city, find a therapist, journal, read a self help book, or anything else that helps you work through your attachment style.
Also, know your own gardening emotions. If it makes it emotional for you, it doesn’t matter if other people don’t respond the same way – you happen to respond a certain way and need to work with that response.
anon
If you are avoidantly attached, you didn’t get your needs met in some way when you were a child. In my case, I lost one parent and my remaining parent was an overwhelmed and inattentive caregiver. I learned at a young age not to need anything from anyone. When we meet people who treat us sort of like our parents did, it feels familiar. We apparently subconsciously want to repair our attachment wound. So we are drawn to people who are problematic in ways similar to how our caregivers were.
What I hear you say about this guy is that he’s hard to get. It was hard to schedule things because he’s too busy. Does that feel familiar? Was that what your caregivers were like? You will keep being drawn to these guys until you heal the wound from childhood. And you probably don’t find well-adjusted guys attractive because that doesn’t feel familiar to you. I used to feel smothered by guys who were nice and attentive until I worked on my issues in therapy.
anonshmanon
Good morning, here is your (at this point daily) reminder to do The Thing. I just spent 7 minutes on the phone with AAA, politely asked why my renewal for car insurance comes with a 20% price increase, they told me that they tripled my estimated mileage for no reason. I went out to the driveway to read them my odometer, and they came back with a small discount instead of an increase.
Anne-on
Amazing, good for you!!
Anon
OK, you inspired me to do my car related thing today!
Green bean casserole
I am not a fan of green bean casserole, but it will be on our menu for Thanksgiving this year at guest request. Any “better” (ie not canned soup) yet faithful recipe suggestions? Don’t want to ask guest bc their recipe will involve canned everything – which I may end up going with out of tradition if I strike out on an upgraded-yet-faithful option.
Jo April
The NYT has options: https://cooking.nytimes.com/thanksgiving/296424-green-bean-recipes-for-thanksgiving
Senior Attorney
I’ve made Alton Brown’s version and it was good, if not, perhaps, 100% worth the trouble.
Senior Attorney
Oops forgot the link: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/best-ever-green-bean-casserole-recipe-1950575
Senior Attorney
I’d recommend doing canned onion rings becuase they’re easier and better.
Senior Attorney
Here’s one that calls for canned onion rings. I’ve made it and it’s good: https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/bas-best-green-bean-casserole
Betsy
Yes! Alton Brown’s recipe but with canned onion rings on top is required at our Thanksgiving.
Green bean casserole
Thanks!
anon
DH and I have made this several times, and I really like it. We’re not having it this year, and I’ll miss it.
Anon
There are a ton of these if you google them. It’s actually not that hard, you just need to sautée some mushrooms and make a béchamel sauce instead of the soup. But there’s there’s no real reason to be a snob about the canned soup. If people are requesting this dish, it’s usually because they like the canned soup taste.
Davis
Possibly that’s the reason. For me, it’s the french-fried onions that are interesting about this dish. It’s nostalgia, too!
Green bean casserole
Thanks, I was hoping for some recommendations of one someone had actually tried. And for the record I love canned cream of whatever soup for other dishes but don’t like it in green bean casserole. Or maybe its the canned green beans that do me in, which I do generally dislike. My request probably came off snobbier than I intended, sorry!
Meara
Born midwesterner and I 100% choose frozen green beans over canned!! Makes all the difference. I still use canned (or boxed, from Trader Joe’s) soup but I hate canned green beans.
Anon
Part of my dislike for traditional green bean casserole is that the canned soup (my grandmother always used Campbell’s red label Cream of Mushroom, yeecchh) plus the canned green beans plus the canned fried onions made the whole thing taste extremely salty and metallic, to me. We don’t make any version of it any more, but the last time I had it at a Friendsgiving, it had been made with bechamel and fresh green beans and I have to admit, it was a much better version (to me) than the original.
Anonymous
Smitten kitchen has one that uses fresh green beans instead of canned, and it’s good!
Anon
Smitten Kitchen’s got rave reviews when I made it one year. Unfortunately, the green bean casserole has become my husband’s contribution to the meal, and he’s not doing all that. He’s nuking some fresh green beans and then opening some cans.
anony
This BA green bean casserole was a hit with my MIL and she hates green beans. She has asked me to bring it again this year. https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/bas-best-green-bean-casserole
Senior Attorney
Ha, jinx!
Green bean casserole
Thanks!