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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Acerbo Ticking-Striped Blazer

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This blazer has a seersucker-type look, but I would wear this all year long. MaxMara’s tailoring is always gorgeous, so it’s not a surprise that this is so beautiful. I particularly like the length. I would wear this with a navy sheath and a pair of bright shoes to give it a slightly more feminine look.

It’s $791.55, marked down from $1,759, and available in sizes 2–14. Acerbo Ticking-Striped Blazer

A nice option that's more affordable is this Theory blazer, on sale for $186 at Nordstrom (60% off!). For plus sizes (as well as three other size ranges), try this Talbots blazer that's on sale for $129.99, marked down from $179. The entire site is 50% off today, which brings the price down to $64.99. 

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Sales of note for 12.5

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364 Comments

  1. Insomnia – short term and long term help needed.

    I posted 5 weeks ago about seeing a psychiatrist for the first time. I mentioned that I’ve been on Lexapro for about a year for anxiety. He added Cymbalta for depression. I took 20mg daily for 2 weeks to get started and I’ve been on 40mg daily the past 3 weeks (which is the intended dose for right now). I have noticed some improvement in the depression, but it has come with sleep disruption. I haven’t been able to fall asleep, or I wake up 2-4 times a night. At first, I was taking the medicine in the evenings. I switched to mornings a few weeks ago due to the sleep disruption, but it hasn’t helped.

    Last night, I didn’t fall asleep at all! I’m literally pulling an all nighter right now. I’ve never been in this situation before. Should I still try to work (WFH)? Take the day off? I have no idea how I’m going to feel later. I’m honestly freaking out that I went the entire night without falling asleep. Is this something I should immediately contact my psychiatrist about? Or am I overreacting? My next appointment isn’t for another 1.5 weeks.

    1. One night of no sleep isn’t a crisis. See how tomorrow night goes and definitely address this at your appointment

    2. Anxiety can create an avoidance cycle– you get anxious, so you avoid, and that reinforces the anxiety. So I’d try to tough it out today– get a nice coffee at a drive through, and just commit you’re going to feel tired this afternoon. Push off any super difficult tasks/meetings. It’s ok to say, “I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m a bit scatterbrained today” to trusted colleagues. That way, your anxiety doesn’t get the best of you that you *can’t* work if you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I think that’ll make it worse overall. For your meds, did you do the millennium labs cheek swab to see how you genetically match with Cymbalta? I’d ask your psychiatrist if you can come in and get that done now, and then you should have the results at your appointment. For switching meds, there isn’t an easy fix, unfortunately. Unless you’ve been on Cymbalta 6 weeks at the new dose, you won’t know if this is a permanent or temporary side effect. I’d look at the results, if it’s a good match I’d try to tough it out, and if it’s not, I’d try switching to a more compatible med.

    3. Yes, call the doctor. It can’t hurt. It could be a side effect of the medication or a symptom of depression/anxiety, but regardless this is something the doctor can help with. It isn’t a reason to panic though – insomnia is a really common problem that just about everyone deals with at some point. You will get through this!

      As for today, I would try to to work if you feel up to it and then take a partial sick day if you hit a wall. It isn’t going to do you any good to worry about this all day, so having something to do might be helpful.

      Keep in mind that people with babies and young children deal with sleep deprivation to varying degrees for years at a time. It is not ideal and something we try to avoid, but people manage to function. I’m just sharing this in case it is helpful for you to reframe this issue as not a reason for panic.

    4. I’m also dealing with sleep issues from antidepressants. I find that I still feel awake though despite getting way less sleep. The antidepressants are working so I want to tough through these side effects. A few things that helped me. Melatonin sleep gummies at night (I think I take 2 which are 3 mg) help me fall asleep. They don’t help me stay asleep. I have a weighted blanked that I use when I can’t sleep or wake up in the middle of the night. It helps to relax me. If I’m wide awake at say 4 am, I just get up and do some work and then go back to sleep from 7-9 am or so when I start feeling tired again. My doc said if I’m awake at 5:30 am to just get up for the day.

      I’ve had to take a benadryl for an allergic reaction and that knocked me out and I slept all night. I wouldn’t rely on that regularly without talking with your doc first though. Likewise, I needed a xanax one night and slept great. I also don’t think that should be a regular sleep medicine but your doc may recommend it if it breaks the cycle for you and gets your circadian rhythms back in check.

      Lastly, I’m someone pre-antidepressants that always stayed up late, slept in, and was always tired. Some of that could have just been my depression. My doc recommended that if I’m waking up early no matter what, to try going to sleep earlier so that I get more sleep, and to try to function on the less sleep and see how I feel. Maybe I’m going to be one of those people now that only needs 5-6 hours of sleep instead of 10.

    5. I’m not on any medication and this happens to me periodically. I usually work through it but will block off an hour in the afternoon for a nap if I can.

        1. It can also be a sign that the patient was misdiagnosed and has a different underlying condition altogether. Many medical conditions cause symptoms that overlap with depression/anxiety.

      2. To be clear, I just use this research as an aid to self-talk to the effect that missing one night’s sleep is unlikely to be disastrous. YMMV, as always.

  2. Does a rash guard really dry faster than a long sleeve sports shirt? I’m getting into paddleboarding and have been doing it in an Underarmor long sleeved running shirt. After falling off once, I found it really cold and did not dry very quickly. But I’m also not sure if a rash guard would dry significantly faster than a running shirt?

    1. Depends on the running shirt. I have a few really light, looser fitting ones that are super-quick to dry. They’re an older fabric that I don’t think you see very often anymore – maybe just the really cheap race shirts.
      Thicker compresssion/sun protection fabrics to take longer to dry.

    2. The rash guard I have (Lands End) is thinner fabric than sport shirts – think flimsy swimsuit fabric – so dries a bit faster. But while wet, it’s just as chill-inducing as a wet swimsuit in cool air.

      1. Agreed. Haven’t paddle boarded but for surfing the rash guard is essentially swimsuit material. I take it off as soon as I’m out of the water because it is unpleasant to wear wet. It’s an older rash guard and is meant to be just that – so you don’t irritate your skin while lying on a surfboard with wax.

        I think newer ones are meant more for sun protection but mine is solely for rash protection.

    3. Most of the time I don’t wear a shirt under my life vest. I have a dry bag I bring with me with some necessities. I could put an extra shirt or two in that. Maybe that would work for you and you could change shirts if you get wet? I’m paddling on lakes/ponds/rivers though, not the ocean so my board doesn’t get that wet on top.

  3. Trying to source some ideas as to what could be going on here. I think the clearest answer is “go to a physical therapist” which I would normally do, but don’t feel comfortable doing yet these days. For the past year, my lower back gets very tight when I stand/walk for longer than 10 minutes. It feels okay while I’m still standing, but hurts like heck when I sit down for a minute or two until the tightness dissipates.

    Based on advice here, I thought it was a weak core problem, so I started doing core exercises 3 months ago. I can actually feel my core muscles now and can hold a plank for 2 minutes, but still have the same back pain issue. I also thought it was because most of the cardio I do is spinning, but then I took 2 months off that in quarantine, and still have the same issue. Maybe it’s my bed? But we have a 5 year old tempurpedic, which is like only halfway into its lifetime, and I didn’t have issues before last year. Any other guesses as to what it could be?

    2. Try “The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook” – great for fixing casual aches and pains. For serious pain though of course see a doctor. Back pain can be related to a lot of things, like tight quads or a need to stretch out your chest.

      1. They’re basically the ones on the Peloton app, so a mix of abs and obliques. To someone’s point below, I’ve also been doing a lot of yoga (like 3-4 times a week) for the past 2 months, which I was really hoping would help :(

        1. Yoga with Tim’s chakra series really helps me with my low back, in case it helps!

    4. Check your shoes and your chair. Be sure you are wearing shoes that aren’t worn out and are truly supportive, and wear them most of the time. Try different chairs to see if that helps. Be sure to stretch. There are tons of back stretches online that might help. Foam rolling might help too, but ultimately you should check with a physical therapist.

    5. I would try foam rolling and gentle yoga to help coax those muscles along. If you can hold a plank but are mis-engaging your back muscles, you may be making the problem worse.

      Also pay close attention to your posture and the ergonomics of your workspace when you are sitting at a computer.

      Before bed, do some gentle spine stretches. I often will do 5 minutes of cat/cow and updog/downdog and it helps a lot.

      1. +1 for gentle back stretches, cat/cow and forward fold and just hang in that posture to loosen everything up

      1. This. Look into “anterior pelvic tilt” and the exercises to address that. A friend has had success treating her lower back pain that way.

    7. You could see if there physical therapists that would do a video appointment. It wouldn’t be the same as going in person, of course, but if you talked through your symptoms, maybe they can recommend some exercises/stretches you can do.

      1. I genuinely hadn’t thought of doing telemedicine with physical therapists! Duh! I am totally going to call and see if they will do that! Thanks!

    8. I have this problem and have very weak lower back muscles due to some childhood stuff. Things that help that are easy to do are a 5-10 minute sun salutation series when I wake up (I am not good about doing it every day but it for sure helps) and wearing shoes in the house – Birkenstocks work very well for me. Report back!

  4. I’m being smart and cautious with COVID but certainly have not been overly concerned… until now.

    I was feeling 100% for most of the last few months, I assume. Now for the past week I’ve felt just a little more sluggish / had a very occasional cough. I’ve called my doctors twice about it, I’ve worked from home way more than I ever have, etc. Normally, if I felt this way I wouldn’t even think twice. I’d go to work, go to the gym, meet up with friends, etc because I truly do not think I’m sick.

    HOWEVER, with COVID I’ve become a bit of a hypochondriac. I was out of breath walking upstairs yesterday – but it’s also 95F , humid, my AC barely works, and thanks to the COVID15 I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been by about 10-15bs (which puts me as overweight for the first time ever) I think I’m so concerned with being asymptomatic / barely symptomatic and accidentally spreading it to someone who is high risk and killing them it’s made me approach feeling 90% in a totally different way.

    5. Is there any reason to think you have been exposed to COVID? Have you been working from the office? Going to the grocery store? Gym? Hair salon? Other indoor spaces? Have you been masked the entire time?

      1. No exposure risk that I’m aware of. Working in the office and weekly food shopping but masked 100% of the time and no one else at work is reporting anything.

        I decided to call my doctor and if she suggests getting tested I will. If she doesn’t, I’ll stop being paranoid.

        I want to be very safe to protect other people, but I also don’t know how realistic testing and/or quarantine every time you feel 90% instead of 100% is. If you’re quarantining awaiting test results, you could be quarantined 2-5 days, get negative results and then a few days later think you need to get tested again. I also know tests are still limited (friends who are healthcare providers can’t get them!) so don’t want to waste them carelessly. Plus, most testing places near me are self swab which I do not trust.

        1. If you genuinely think you have Covid symptoms you get tested and await results. If you’re just being anxious, you look into methods to manage your anxiety- therapy and meds are an obvious choice but there’s also yoga, meditation, walking, journaling, mantras etc.

          1. Also, unless you’re wearing N95 masks the clothes masks or even surgical masks don’t fully protect against aerosols. I saw an article that mentioned their efficacy at reducing virus particle spread from coughing patients by only about 20% for non-N95 surgical masks and even less for cotton masks (supposedly from experiments in Korea). So the risk of exposuere is not nonexistent, esp if you aee going in to work. Get tested!

    6. Why not call your doctor? Tests are more widely available now than they were before and results are far faster than before too – I think it’s 12-48 hours in my area now, rather than the 5 days that it used to be.

      1. Results in my area are 5-7 days. You have to wait in line for hours for a test (my admin waited more than 8 hours in line) even with an appointment and the cost with good insurance is about $750. I am not saying don’t get tested, I just think it is more involved than just go get a test.

          2. Lol at you just baldly stating something isn’t true in OP’s experience based on no information whatsoever. You’re the same type of person that thinks women don’t get sexually assaulted because you haven’t been or that racism doesn’t exist because you haven’t experienced it. Just go sit down and think about your need to be right in the face of no evidence that you actually are.

            And just so you know, this actually is the case in many southern U.S. cities who are exploding in cases if you took two seconds to get off your arse and google.

        2. I just waited 6 days for the results of my test and I’m in a well-resourced suburban area. I didn’t have to wait in line for hours to get it, though.

        3. Yeah I’m the OP. I called and got an appointment. Soonest available is Wednesday and results will take 5-7 days.

    7. The cough and breathlessness would concern me if you are just walking up a single flight of stairs. 10-15 lbs is not overall that significant. Yes, you should be tested, and depending where you are there may be more testing available.

    8. I really dislike the way reasonable concerns about COVID are being cast as “anxiety.” There is a life-threatening virus spreading out of control. Getting tested in response to symptoms is rational, not an irrationally anxious behavior. Same goes for wearing a mask and maintaining physical distance.

      Getting tested if you didn’t have symptoms and hadn’t been exposed is what would be irrational.

      1. I guess to me I barely feel like I have symptoms and so it’s hard to justify it as a reasonable concern (even though it is).

        If it were any other illness the amount of mental space this has taken up this morning would 100% be anxiety.

        1. It’s also just really hard to tell what’s going on. I have a condition that causes chronic hyperventilation, and I also get asthma during allergy season sometimes. I often feel low on oxygen and short of breath because hyperventilation makes it hard to use the oxygen that’s there. My understanding is that COVID19 were involved, I’d be more likely to see lowering numbers on an oximeter. So when I’m really struggling, I’ve been using the oximeter to reassure me that it’s just my usual issues. I don’t know if this is super reliable as regards the virus, but my feeling is that “good numbers on an oximeter” is surely better bad numbers.

        2. But you do have symptoms — you don’t get tested because you think you need treatment, but to make sure you take the right precautions.

      2. Agree. She describes several Covid symptoms and response is that she may be anxious and need yoga. What?! No, you get a test and stop going into work and the grocery store until you know you’re negative.

    9. Ok – made an appointment to get tested. Soonest appointment was Wednesday and then results not available for 5-7 days! That seems crazy to me. The 10 day quarantine from onset of symptoms will be over before I get results.

      I also feel bad because a) healthcare workers still can’t get tests and b) it’s at CVS so it’s a self swab test which is … not accurate

      1. Where are you that healthcare workers can’t get tests? This probably isn’t true. You 109% just seem anxious. Please also work on that.

        1. I’m sure in some areas healthcare workers may not be able to get all the repeated testing they need, but if CVS is testing civilians in OPs area, she’s not taking tests away from healthcare workers who need them. Don’t feel guilty about using what’s available.

        2. I have a good friend who works in a hospital. She has covid patients regularly. They needed her to cover a different floor that has high risk non-covid patients. She was supposed to get tested before switching floors, but was unable to.

        3. I’ve heard from that repeat testing has been an issue at the local hospital. If they test negative once, then that is it.

        4. In Tampa there are CVS pharmacists driving around trying multiple test sites to get access to a test while their own stores are doing them. But being a cvs employee gives them no preference or priority. So it’s happening.

        5. You need to stop with the anxiety. OP is having symptoms and most importantly doesn’t feel like herself. You join the leagues of doctors who for decades/centuries have told women it’s all in their heads. Women are routinely not listened to about their own pains and their own symptoms.

          Don’t join the chorus. It’s not helpful at best and sexist and harmful at worst.

      2. There are different types of tests. The CVS self administered one is just nasal, not nasal pharyngeal. You only have to put it in less than an inch. There are studies that these are effective.

  5. A reminder from your friendly neighborhood accountant– if you still need to get some stuff to your account to finish your taxes by 7/15, for the love of all that is good and holy, please do it now. If you are waiting for a sign, this is it. :)

    3. Since you are a friendly neighborhood accountant, can you advise me on how to find a CPA for my new small business? I’m trying to figure out whether to file as an S-Corp or a pass through LLC. I’d prefer to leave as much as I can of what I’ve made in the company rather than taking it as income this year.

    4. Thanks for the reminder! Hopefully everyone listens to you and you will be able to get some sleep between now and the 15th!

  6. Every year before my birthday I find myself doing some soul searching. I like my life – I like my job, my city, my friends. There’s a few hobbies I dabble in that that I wish I did more. I wish I was a little healthier. I wish I had more adventure in my day to day life. But overall I like it a lot.

    I think I could get just a little more out of my life relatively easily. How do I work on this? How do I identify the things I need to get my life to my dream life?

      1. I think my dream life would involve moving across the country and doing a job that probably doesn’t even exist …

        I’m hesitant to move because I have a great group of local friends here. I didn’t have that in my last city and wouldn’t want to give that up. I also live in the city I want to settle down in. I’m not opposed to leaving and coming back, but also don’t want to move elsewhere and start putting roots down there.

        I guess I need to figure out a) what I want out of life and b) how to incorporate it here. Any tips on doing that?

        2. What is it about moving that appeals to you? Be careful of idealizing a life in another city. Not saying you’re doing that, but if you are unable to articulate what you want, that could be happening.

          Think about people whose lives you envy. Write down what aspects of their lives appeal to you and think about small steps you could take to make some of that happen for yourself.

          What kind of work do you currently do? What kind of work do you want to do? Think about what that work really looks like. What is a typical day like? How much do you make? How much autonomy do you have? Who do you work with? Asking these questions will help make the new job or career more real.

          Good luck!

    2. I would probably set aside the goal of getting to Dream life and focus on making your life a little more (fill in the adjective). You said you want more adventure in your daily life – so make a list of like six things that would make your life more adventurous, some of which are realistic for a weekday (trying a new recipe) and some that are more ambitious (doing a difficult physical activity) and schedule them in for the rest of the summer. In September, see how it went and make some tweaks to your approach or pick a new adjective.

      1. +1. I was feeling mopey about being cooped up all day and not going on vacation this summer, so I have made a schedule of things to do this summer: I’m trying paddleboarding next weekend, going dinghy sailing, hiking up a mountain with friends, and planning some bike rides. Just doing a new thing always makes me feel like my life is so much cooler than it was before. This isn’t a great time to move halfway across the country so I would focus on what you can do right here right now (while taking reasonable precautions and following the guidelines where you are).

  7. This jacket looks amazing on the model. When I try things like this on I inevitably look like a boat captain.

    2. Lol this is me with white blazers. Impossible to wear one without feeling like I’m pretending to be a doctor!

      1. I bought the white Nordstrom cotton blazer all blogs love. I wore it with a pink shirt underneath one time. I felt like I was straight out of Miami Vice the entire day.
        Not in a good way :)

  8. Work from home life – I told my husband how much I love one of his colleagues, not realizing that he was on his management team call. Awkward…
    Hope everyone is having a better Monday.

    2. I wasn’t on this call but a colleague’s kid had been struggling with constipation over the weekend, had a normal poop this morning and was super excited he wouldn’t have to go to the doctor. He ran out and announced it to his mom — who unfortunately was on a Zoom call with other colleagues. Luckily, everyone took it in good stride and joked about how everyone appreciates a good poo.

      1. Haha! My son was so grumpy on Saturday AM and my husband left him to play. 10 minutes later he came out and said he had a big poo in the potty and felt much better! I feel you, kid!

      2. Ha! I’ve been using pheromone spray and a diffuser for 4 days and my (formerly only indoor) cat finally pooped in the litterbox last night. Hooray! I didn’t announce it on Zoom, but holy crap, I am more excited than I should be.

  9. Any recommendations for shoes with good lateral support for HIIT that will work for narrow heels? My feet are sliding around too much in my running shoes. I tried a couple of Nike “training” styles, and they came up too far on the heel and irritated my Achilles tendon.

    3. I have a really, really narrow heel (AAAA). New Balance has a limited selection of good running shoes that come in AA, but I’m not sure about their lateral support. I wear their minimus shoe for CrossFit, and although it doesn’t come in AA, it has a pretty narrow heel and I don’t blister or walk out of it. I also just saw that Cole Haan came out with a running shoe – their shoes run narrow and might work.

  10. Does anyone have any experience shopping for a new couch solely online? I’m looking for a comfortable sectional and as a result, I’m getting ads for several different companies, such as Joybird, Interior Define, and Bench Made Modern. Would love to hear any recommendations for or against any of these companies and any of the usual suspects (brick and mortar stores)!

    1. We got a sofa from Interior Define completely virtually and are happy with it. My only gripe is that they said their nearest sale was 6 months away so we ordered without any discount but the following weekend and ever since they’ve been offering 15% off. So be sure to get it on sale!

      As for the sofa, we are very happy with it. I think they have too many options to customize to the point where I felt overwhelmed, but I guess that’s a good thing. I used the chat feature to ask about what the most common pick is for a lot of features (such as cushion fill and style) and to ask for example photos of various fabrics/options (they sent a bunch that aren’t on the website). We ended up customizing a fair bit–we got extra deep and the long chaise which is perfect for us but heads up this combo makes for a very large sofa. We got the Sloan because it was the only option to meet the very specific dimension requirements we had (wonky room shape), but I would probably go with the Sloan in any other room simply because the dimensions make for a very comfortable sit. We chose Interior Define over Joybird (and a lot of similar stores), but we didn’t consider Bench Made Modern. Happy to answer any other questions!

    2. We just got the Castlery Adams Chaise and love it! Probably not a 10 year couch…but hopefully a five year couch? it was easy to put together and is super comfortable. I personally liked that Castlery didn’t have lots of options – there was one color available, so the decision was easy.

    3. I have not purchased anything from Joybird or Bench Made Modern, but I have a custom couch from Interior Define. The quality is great and I was very happy with the finished product. The couch is over two years old and still looks brand new. The ordering process, including ordering free swatches, is very easy, and their customer service is great. I was hesitant to buy online, but I was so happy with the couch that I just purchased an accent chair, too. It was just delivered and is a beautiful piece. One caveat is that it does take the full 8-10 weeks for a piece to be built and delivered.

      1. +1000 to Interior Define. We purchased a VERY custom version of the Charly exclusively online. AND LOVE IT. We have two giant dogs and two humans and wanted a pet friendly sofa that fit all of us for movies/TV. It’s washable/wipeable and fits the full herd. The delivery process was super easy as well (granted, pre-C19).

    4. I love Article’s Sven couches and have 2 of them (velvet and tweed). One of them was to replace a Joybird that was the most uncomfortable thing I ever sat on.

      1. This is funny, because our Sven chair from Article is about 2.5 years old and I’m not happy with how the cushions are starting to become misshapen and because bottom cushion isn’t able to be flipped over or rotated, it’s not going to wear evenly. It’s very comfy, but I’m annoyed that a mid century styled chair (which SHOULD have nice, clean lines) is probably going to look pretty sad after a few more years. This wear would look fine on a white slipcovered Pottery barn style couch, but doesn’t work for this one. We don’t have kids and I don’t think we’re very hard on our furniture. I also rotate cushions like clockwork every six months, fluff inner cushions, vacuum and spot clean as needed.

        We have the Joybird Eliot sofa that while quite firm, is the same age as our Sven and it looks pristine (and all the cushions are reversible so it can wear nice and evenly). Article is priced a bit lower than Joybird, though, so I guess that’s to be expected.

    5. I’d check Wirecutter. They cautioned that while they used to recommend Joybird, recent bad customer service experiences made them drop the company from their list.

    6. Our current section was a Thomasville and while initially comfortable, did not hold up well. When we started looking for a new one I did a deep (crazy-making) dive into the US sofa manufacturers. I (personally) narrowed it down to Taylor King, Hancock and Moore, or Century. I wanted solid wood frames, kiln dried, 8-way hand tied springs, and lifetime guarantees on the cushion cores (in case they get saggy). This is a ‘forever’ (hopefully!) purchase, so those brands are about $5-$12k (depending on fabric/leather/options/etc.) All those brands also let you customize depth, size, cushion firmness, etc. so it’s a very custom piece. It’s definitely MORE money but optioned out, a sofa at some of the other places (interior define, etc.) was not that much cheaper. I’d encourage you to see if you can check out some of those brands via their local distributors.

    7. Email or call and request a fabric sample at the very least when you’ve narrowed it down. Many companies will send one for free. I bought a couch this way, trusting reviews on the way it feels to sit on it, measuring my space accurately, and getting a fabric sample (and testing it on my spill proneness)

    8. We bought our couch from Crate and Barrel just from the Website (without seeing or sitting on it in store). We had had good luck with the brand and the reviews were accurate. We’ve been happy.

    9. I got a sofa from Apt2B and was very happy with it. I was really happy because it was made right here in Los Angeles. They sent fabric samples and were great to work with.

    10. Joybird CS is pretty pathetic right now. I’m just getting an ottoman, but everything has taken two tries: ordering swatches; an email to thank the guy who actually finally sent swatches when the swatch department was MIA; changing my email address; and getting an update on the now-late order. Seriously, each of those interactions required two steps. I hope I like this ottoman, but I wouldn’t order from them again. (Also, they are running 3 weeks behind, which would have been fine if they hadn’t (1) lied about it and (2) tried to count the weeks in a bizarro way that makes them not 3 weeks behind. Don’t mess with math, Joybird. I can count.)

  11. Right before COVID shutdowns I was diagnosed with a pretty serious illness (treatable, not curable) that will affect my physical appearance while I’m in treatment. I really do not want to tell my co workers, but I’m trying to control what I can and plan for things. I’m working from home as much as possible but usually am in a business dress environment (sleeveless sheaths are Ok and we do have casual Fridays). Have any of you gone through this? Things like eyelashes falling out, sudden weight gain or loss, skin changes, sensitivity to cold or heat…

    1. Honestly, I would probably tell my co-workers. I’m assuming you’re probably referring to having chemotherapy and while I understand the idea of keeping it quiet, having gone through a cancer diagnosis and treatment myself, I would encourage you to be open with people. It has made it easier, not harder, on me to do so.

      1. This. You can also let the office gossip chain do its work; talk to a few trusted colleagues who will be supportive, and the rest of your office will find out. If your workplace is not completely dysfunctional, most people will be supportive.

    2. What changes? How you deal with this really depends. Losing eyelashes is not hugely noticeable.

    3. I certainly understand your wanting to look the same around your colleagues. Latisse helped me keep my brows and lashes which was important to me. I believe Ulta carries something similar for much less $.

      It also helped me to realize that most people are so focused on the way they look that t they don’t notice how others look.

      I’ve also realized that in general people are kinder and more supportive than you might think when you’re feeling vulnerable.

      Good luck!

    4. I had some ladyproblems that resulted in bloating / other symptoms / possibly also fibroids and b/c I looked at times pregnant and puffy, didn’t say anything. Had they not been ladyproblems, I probably would have. I’m weirdly sensitive that way. I have an ENT condition that I have been very clear all along in 2020 is a longstanding under-treatment ENT condition and not coronavirus to avoid having to deal with scaring people / HR / whispers.

    5. If it’s chemo, there’s a book called Pretty Sick that talks about beauty options if you want to be incognito.

    6. I am in the same boat! I’m telling people I’m close to and figuring the office gossip tree will do with it what it will.

  12. Talk to me about building vacation homes! We are DC residents thinking of buying a weekend retreat. Options are currently a woodsy cabin in West Virginia or something on a lake in Virginia. Internet connectivity is a must-have, which I understand restricts a lot of locations off the bat. Would love any and all advice, stories, anecdata about people who have done this. From the current inventory it would look like we need to do substantial renovations or build ourselves. We’re not opposed to doing so, but we want to be realistic about timelines since part of the appeal is having a place to stretch our legs during social distancing. TIA!

    1. If you build from scratch, a timeline would look like finding land now, working with an architect/contractor to finalize drawings over the next 6 months or so, breaking ground after the spring thaw next March/April, and then probably a year of construction to finish. So, you’d be able to move in for the spring of 2022.

      Finding something to renovate would mean that you could use the place now, while you make plans to renovate, then start renovations in the fall or spring, depending on the weather and extent of the work, so that the place could be ready by summer of 2021.

    2. I dream about this, but I think of how much I kicked the tires before buying the house I live in (like rented for 2 years, had friends nearby, etc., etc.) and there is still the issue of surprise money pit, version 28 waiting around the corner. The only people I know who sort of have made it work are people who usually live in Lynchburg who also have a place at Smith Mountain Lake (Lynchburg end). But they have been there 40+ years and know all of the locals, folklore, etc. No one is running a meth lab on their porch when they aren’t there (b/c the neighbors would tell them), etc.

    3. If you want to use this place within the next year, buy turn key. Embarking on substantial renovations or building from scratch could easily take the rest of summer and a big chunk of fall.

    4. We look into this semiseriously every few years but haven’t purchased anything because we can’t agree on location. I would not buy anything that required substantial renovations unless you have a place to stay nearby to oversee — managing from a distance will be a real headache. Building might be better if you hired a local architect to help oversee the construction. Internet connectivity really varies by area and the further you go from a town center, the more varied it is. Also consider whether you want to be on municipal water or well/septic. If you are on a well you will want to have a generator (you may want one anyway) and you’ll need to plan to test the water every so often.

      Also consider when you will actually be traveling — for example we would not buy anything west on 66 because we can’t reliably leave on Thursday night and Fridays means an extra hour at least in traffic. West Virginia has better homesites (near Berkley Springs) but takes longer to get to with more 2-lane roads, so it might be harder in the winter.

      1. THIS. My parents have well water and can’t flush when the power goes out (often: trees fall; ice storms; etc.) except via pouring water into the toilet (so there are about 50 non-potable gallons of water in the basement just for this).

        Also trash: a friend has to drive her trash out to the dump b/c they can’t leave if if they leave off-cycle b/c bears / animals will strew it all over.

        I’ve been bingewatching Ozark and am convinced I’d wind up hiring the local Ruthie as my in-town care-taker. Oops. Not that Ruthie doesn’t have some redeeming qualities, but she is orbited by people I wouldn’t want trying to sneak the key.

        1. Your parents need a backup generator! We have one and never have to worry about our well water if the power goes out.

    5. Building a new home is a big undertaking. A crew working in a subdivision with the land cleared and permits pulled already and all that can put up a new house in about 4 months. You don’t have land or a house plan or a builder…realistically you’re looking at a year-long process at the very least.

      If your goal is a corona getaway, I’d look for an existing home that’s adequate for now – where you can hang out for now – and do updates as you’re able to find the right professionals.

    6. We are not in your area – – the other side of the country. We are in the process of buying a small second home in the mountains about a 90 minute drive away. We were fortunate to find an amazing new build. We close next week and then need to figure out how to furnish it during a pandemic. We are super excited but a bit overwhelmed by all the work it is going to take to make it a place we can just head to after work on a Friday afternoon… No advice. Just wishing you lots of luck on your search.

    7. We did a reno on a family cabin in the woods pre COVID. It takes forever in normal times, so I would plan on buying a place you can use now and remodel it later, or rent a place you can use now while you scope out the area, find land and a builder and then can stay there while you manage the process. The problem in a rural or vacation area in normal times is scarcity, there is a handful of good builders and they are booked out years, there are only a couple of decent electricians, we had to wait a couple of months for the good tile guy, etc.

    8. Isn’t part of the appeal to be “glamping?” If so, do you really need to update it? Isn’t it supposed to be rustic? At least in New England lots of people own “camps” which are small houses with old furniture and no updates but are still fully functioning, on a lake, river or mountain.

  13. We’re heading towards birthday season in my family, and I’m looking for gift ideas. Have any items made your life post-mid-March better? What do you think will be the item everyone wishes they bought now come fall/winter?

    1. I asked for Spotify Premium for my birthday because of all the at home music we are listening to and it has definitely made my COVID life better. Those commercials are annoying.

    2. – Fix up an area of your house (or outdoor space) to maximize enjoyment. Whatever space you’ve been meaning to replace, repaint, buy new lighting or furniture for, or accessorize.
      – New exercise clothes or equipment or subscriptions.
      – Ugg slippers because they’re amazing.
      – Kitchen gadgets, or a new cookbook.

      For my birthday, my mom sent a beautiful flower arrangement and a Milk Bar birthday cake. Both were awesome–it was wonderful to have bright and fresh flowers in the house, and I cannot recommend that cake highly enough.

  14. I watched the documentary Maidentrip (streaming on Amazon Prime) over the weekend and wanted to recommend it here. It’s the story of Laura Dekker, the 14-year-old who wanted to become the youngest person to sail around the world solo. She became embroiled in controversy when all this was happening, but the film focuses on the actual adventure and her time at sea. Definitely a good watch if you like true stories about amazing kids, confidence and risk-taking, and defying expectations – not to mention its relevance during the pandemic as we all try to figure out how to cope with spending more time alone.

    1. On the other hand, if you are a parent, particularly whose children are in or are past their early teens, be sure you know the story before you watch. I started it and was consumed by anger at her parents for allowing a child to take that kind of risk.

      It is a wonderful, feel good story because it all turned out well. If she had been killed at sea or assaulted at one of her solo port stops, I suspect the coverage would have been very different.

      1. She could have been killed in a car accident at home or assaulted at a bus stop there – it’s not like home is a risk-free environment. She was well-trained and well prepared for the trip and the risk of a negative outcome was probably pretty low. She also demonstrated awareness of the risks of things like piracy and altered her plans appropriately, which showed such maturity and independence.

        1. Agree to disagree. She was a child who was encouraged and allowed to do something quite risky when she was not old enough to make that decision for herself. The fact that she was mature for her age does not change the fact that she was, in fact, a child. She was not old enough to drive, get married, drink alcohol, have s*x, or vote but she was old enough to sent over a year (out of school) sailing by herself around the world with multiple stops alone in ports and reliant on the help of strangers at several points?

          And any child could be killed in an auto accident or or assaulted at a bus stop, but I suspect if I let my 14-year old hitchhike her way across the country alone, or drive my car, or spend weeks alone at home, nobody would accept that as an excuse if she was hurt.

          This story had a happy ending and good for her, but I still think her parents were criminally negligent.

          1. A high school friend of mine ran away at this age to live on a boat (though not with parental support) and lived this way for several years. Plenty of people stay in school and have traumatizing experiences despite or even because of this choice; there’s just safety in numbers when recommending school as the best place for teenagers to be.

          2. Yep, agree to disagree then. I think it was awesome and she was ready for the experience.

  15. Are at-home rowing machines worth it? Considering getting one so I have an indoor option during the pandemic and winter, but I don’t want to spend a ton and I’m wary of adding another bulky dust catcher to my home. Can anyone speak to quality of lower-end home models? Any recs?

    1. I don’t own a rowing machine, in part because the only ones I find to be worthwhile cost about $2,500. I’ve used at-home rowing machines, and even the nicer ones just don’t give me that great of a workout.

    2. There’s a reason that concept 2 is the standard. However, they are very pricey.

      I’d also make sure you a) really love indoor rowing and b) are getting a good workout on it (many people don’t row correctly and therefore get less of a workout) before committing

      1. Concept 2 is the ONLY rowing machine I would ever consider. Former College rower and coach over here.

        Consider an older model (model C or Model D) which would be just as good.

        Just like 10:11 Anon said, Before you get a rowing machine, make sure you know how to row properly or you can actually hurt yourself. Legs, back, Arms. Arms, back, legs – not whatever the heck I see at the gym.

        95% of people in the gym have NO IDEA what they’re doing and it takes a lot for me not to say something when random people start using the handle to do curls. No. You should go to splits per 500M, aim for 2:00-2:30 splits as a reasonbly fit woman, drive from the legs.

        1. Those are way out of my price range. Can’t a lower-end machine still give you a workout if you’re just looking to get exercise, not train for rowing outside?

          1. I have tried out other cheaper options and there are none I could recommend. I would consider a cheaper stationary bike as an alternative.

          2. And… I realize I sound really really dismissive about this, not my goal.

            Just speaking from experience as somebody who has rowed literally thousands of miles on an erg (rowing machine) and married another rower who has even more miles on an erg.

          3. It sounds like you are in a very different class from OP, though. Not saying your advice isn’t good and that you don’t know what you’re talking about, but someone looking for a quick at-home workout doesn’t really need the same machine as a former coach and college rower.

          4. I would take the recommendation of a former rowing coach with a grain of salt. Her standards will be far higher than someone just looking into some basic fitness. You can learn proper form, but if you just need a rower a few times a week for the next year or two while things settle out, I’d recommend checking out some online reviews published by workout websites which usually provide actual pros and cons of several different models and give different price ranges. Once you read three to five of those lists you’ll start seeing commonalities of recommended brands.

          5. Not a rower, but I’m the Anon at 10:11 am who finds most at-home rowing machines to be useless. If I’m not gasping for breath after five minutes, I may as well swing a kettlebell for a hundredth the cost.

        2. Anon at 10:11 here! I was a collegiate coxswain and agreed – no one knows what they’re doing

          1. Anon at 10:11 here! I was a collegiate coxswain and agreed – no one knows what they’re doing

        3. Also a former college rower (Go Vols!) and endorse the Concept rower recommendation. With that said, for fitness purposes I would strongly recommend an old used model with the fixed foot rest and moving seat, with a chain mechanism (not a rope). The more expensive model (Dynamic) has a moving seat and moving foot rest, and is best used by experienced rowers who are working as much on on technique as they are on strength and endurance. In my opinion it is difficult to use this kind properly and thus get a real fitness benefit from it unless you are or recently were a competitive rower. From Concept, Model D and Model E are what you would be after. D is the base level and it is a highly functional, durable model. It is still the training model of choice for many rowing programs. Replacement parts are available from Concept at non-exorbitant prices. If I had room for a rower, a used Concept Model D is what I would have.

          1. +1. Not a competitive rower but got into it via crossfit, and I love it. We found our Concept2 on Craigslist for $600, which is crazy cheap.
            In the Before Times, I’d recommend keeping an eye out for crossfit competitions in your area. Some gyms will buy extra ergs and sell them after the event at a slight discount.

    3. Worth it, totally. If you do your research and shop around a bit you can get a newer model, gently used Concept 2 for well under $1000 CAD (sorry, I don’t know what the USD conversion is). Because the rowing machine was the only machine my husband and I used at the gym, it was a no-brainer to buy and get rid of our gym memberships. We love ours and it’s a fantastic workout. I usually put on a podcast and just row!

    4. I have a water tower and I love it. I use it for 45 to 60 minutes a day and the sound of the water relaxes my mind. It can be stored upright so it takes less room when not in use. I highly recommend it

    5. Concept 2’s are sold out or backordered everywhere. The water rowers (OrangeTheory uses them and I love them) are great but easily $2-$3k. In our area there is still a huge run on gym equipment as people aren’t going back to their gyms, I might just take what you can afford and find right now.

      1. My water rower was $900 new just a couple of years ago. I had a concept 2 before the water rower but my husband hated the noise from the fly wheel — so I was rarely able to use it. I didn’t find it to be better than the water rower. I think anything you are able to use consistently is great.

    6. What about the Sunny Fitness rowing machines that are super cheap on Amazon? Anyone know anything about them?

      1. I got the widely reviewed Sunny 5515 one on Amazon for $240 and really like it so far as a cardio option in the summer (and avoiding crowds outside during COVID). Major drawback is that it doesn’t show distance or speed, but it was cheap and easy to set up. I decided not to get the significantly cheaper model that runs around $100 because apparently it should only be used for 10 minute increments.

        FWIW, I rowed in high school, so I know proper form but am not advanced. And the resistance levels work fine for me.

    7. Not directly a rowing machine response but about home exercise equipment. My husband has been trying to buy a recumbent bike, on the recommendation of his doctor.

      Everyone has the same idea right now. People want home exercise equipment. New equipment is barely available and if available, marked up. Don’t think you’re going to find a discount, because you’re not. People are selling used gym equipment for much higher prices than they could pre-COVID.

      I think you need to be prepared to wait a long time to get the model you want.

      In my husband’s case, he ordered the bike before the US was hit by the pandemic, but the shut downs in China meant parts were back ordered. They finally sent him a bike in April but it was the wrong one. We had to wait 2 weeks for freight shippers to come pick it back up. And it was difficult to reach anyone to let them know they’d sent the wrong thing in the first place.

      Since then, the original model he ordered still hasn’t come back into stock anywhere, but even at places that would allow him to back order it, he’d be paying twice as much as he contracted to pay way back pre-March. Twice as much, literally.

    8. I was able to find a water rower on craigslist for $1,500. It still had plastic on it, never used. Not cheap but a lot less than full retail. I love it.

    9. Only the ones that you can sit upright, and then only if you have the ceiling height for it. Once they sit upright, the floor space they take up is negligible, about two feet x 1 foot.

    10. I used to have concept 2, but I wasn’t using the machine as often as I thought I would. It was bulky, but I could fit it in a weird nook in my living room. It felt sturdy. Having said that, with my next international move, I sold it to another rowing enthusiast. Take a look at local rowing club forums or websites, I am sure you will find good deals there. I bought spinning bike as a replacement (through random fb market place search), also a professional model and although I do not enjoy biking IRL, I love spinning. So pick something that you are 100% sure you will use often.

  16. I could use an internet hug today, and giving one to anyone who feels the same. I know the “I hope it works out” when it comes to relationships isn’t always supported, but I have one where I really hope it does. Per my therapist, I wrote my feelings down to speak about to this guy and to give it to him to read. We ended up having take out outside last night (his invite) when I needed to get some of my things back, so a week since we broke up. We had a lovely time, but then also talked about the hard stuff too. The dinner invite shocked me and I had already written my thoughts down before the impromptu dinner addition. I think it went well, or as well as it could have. There is nothing in my letter that I also didn’t say to his face. When he kissed me (nothing more), I hadn’t felt that explosive of emotions ever. He still wanted to read what I wrote, and I didn’t ask him to considering trying to work things out when I was writing it…that seemed “desperate” and it seemed too soon for that. But after last night, I’m hoping my words aren’t taken as me not wanting him. And I’m hoping that after he takes some time to swallow the hard pill, we can come back and reflect together. Of course, I know the chances of it working out are slim…but I don’t want to be afraid to give something I want my best college try, and that’s how I feel with this guy. I don’t know if I should give it time again and reach out in another week or so, or just wait. This one feels different. It can be messy and we both may have things to learn, but something is here that makes me feel like I should try my damnedest.

    1. You broke up for a reason right? And now it’s been a literal week and you’re pouring out your feelings, going on a date, and kissing.

      I hope it does work out! But you have now tried. The ball is in his court. You need to not see him and not reach out to him and not know what he is doing and live your life.

      1. OP here: it was definitely a surprise he asked me to dinner. I liked the idea of writing out my feelings, I talk (argue) a lot so it was a safe way to convey how he made me feel. There were reasons there but I think a large part of it was us both getting in our own heads too much. I don’t want something that would be the same as it was, but if there’s growth to be done, I’d be so happy to do it with him. You’re right, I’ve tried…and if he can’t accept my vulnerability and come to the table (even for his own benefit but also out of respect to me), that’s crappy and very telling.

    2. Hug. I think a lot of people meet the right person and know that it’s going to work; a lot of other people take more time to figure it out.

      1. OP here – exactly, and I know the good things take work. I work really hard in all my relationships and I often tell myself to not be scared of that side of me just because I have romantic feelings. That’s why I’m torn about reaching out again after he’s had time to process things. I do need to live my life and focus on myself, but I want to show up where and when I feel like I should….if that makes sense. It definitely felt like there was still things there we could grow with. As the poster above said, we still wanted to see each other after only a week and had a great time, and was able to talk about the hard stuff…we shall see and I hope I know what move to make when it feels right.

        1. No girl no. My point was you shouldn’t be going on a date a week after breaking up! Has he said “I agree these are problems and I want to work on them together as a couple”? Nope. Or you wouldn’t be broken up. My advice is give this actual time and space.

          1. Received…yes, I was surprised with myself for saying yes. He wasn’t aware of how he was making me feel and my actions were a direct reaction to how he was changing. But we’ve talked about that now and I think there is something still there for us, but yes it’ll take work just like any other good relationship. You’re right, I shouldn’t reach out again. That was part of the issue, I can’t be the only one trying. The next step would be for him to read what I gave him and think and then decide if he wants to work on these things. I wasn’t expecting an answer about that last night. He deserves time to think about that but I guess I’m just scared of radio silence after putting myself out there. But could you imagine that? That would truly be terrible and would say a lot about him.

          2. Yes I can imagine radio silence because, again, you already broke up. And yes, it will be sad! Breaking up is sad!

        2. Don’t reach out again. He knows how to find you after he processes. A week after a breakup is too soon – you’re aching for familiar feelings and are putting blinders to the reasons you broke it off.

    4. You need some distance from this guy, both physically and spiritually. Agree with others – you broke up with him for a reason. Give it a month or so. Go no contact.

  17. I have seen so many good recommendations for hostess/similar gifts here over the years, and when I need one they escape me. Friends of my daughters took her to their vacation home for an extended period of time, thereby giving her some semblance of normalcy in these crazy times and making our lives substantially easier since we both work and all camps are closed. We don’t know them well enough to know their precise tastes, but I do know that they do drink and are not super health-conscious. Any ideas for a thoughtful thank you gift? TIA!

    1. Getting a local florist (not a hidden FTD florist) to do a giant arrangement (expect to pay at least $100 for the arrangement) has been a huge hit. When you have a great budget, the florists can really make something spectacular. My MIL was shocked at how beautiful it was. I’ve also ordered gifts from Jasper Hill Farms and the recipient was delighted by it–I didn’t have to do any kind of gift wrap or packing and she said it looked so cool. (The inside of packaging says something cute like, “It’s your lucky day!” and they use these cool wood curls for padding). She sent me a video unboxing it and she totally loved it. I’ve ordered a business gift from Olive and Cocoa, no word on how that’s gone. I also like Stonewall Kitchen’s gift basket (best value at Costco when they’re carried there, otherwise from their website) for more of a food gift that’s not meat/cheese. Costco also has great gift baskets, but they’re usually seasonally available around holidays. Cheryl’s for my friends with a sweet tooth.

    2. Gift card for a restaurant or gourmet grocery store near their vacation home or nice wine.

      1. I always feel like a Harry and David Tower of Treats is super fun.

        Also co-sign the “extravagant floral arrangement” idea.

  18. There was TV discussion before the weekend – did anyone else binge The Baby-Sitters Club? I cried multiple times – it was just so wholesome and lovely!

    1. YES! I loved it, too! Wholesome and lovely is a perfect way to describe it. Loved how true it was to the books (my inner tween was so happy) and thought the updates for 2020 made sense. Claudia and Kristy were exactly how I always pictured them!

      so cute!

      1. Also, it was funny to identify more with the parents than the kids. I was 9-11 when I read the books and now I’m almost 40. Watson seems kind of great now, but I remember hating him along with Kristy in the books!

    2. Yes, I loved it too! The actors were so cute and talented, especially Kristy, and the storylines were almost perfect. I ended up getting some of the books from the library again too. My only quibble with how the show changed from the book was the regressive tr@ns storyline in Mary Anne Saves the Day. I don’t mind updating the book for that kind of storyline, but did they have to make it so regressive with “pink = girl” and “can you get a hospital gown that isn’t blue?” I felt like that was very poorly done, but I loved literally everything else.

      1. Oh I don’t know – as a middle school aged kid I got mistaken for a boy a lot (short hair, wore lots of tees with boats on) and it made me much keener on pink when there was a pink/blue binary than I might otherwise have been. For Bailey who is having to make her outsides match her insides (as Dawn puts it), I can see that a blue gown (especially plus misgendering) would cause distress. Not sure why a gown is needed at all if you take a kid to hospital with a fever, but that’s a different matter!

        1. People need to get over the idea that wearing pink means anything at all about your sex. I was a tomboy, wouldn’t be caught dead in pink, and was regularly mistaken for a boy. It didn’t mean anything about my sex.

          1. Exactly. Just look at Kristy! Part of the reason I loved the series so much was because it showed a great mix of girls, some of whom were feminine and some of them were not, but they were all spunky and talented and good businesswomen. THAT’S progressive.

          2. Can I just say how much I appreciate Ann M. Martin now? I think her books really held up in terms of showing a variety of strong female characters. I remember my teachers dismissing them as junk, but I read them over and over for a reason.

      2. Agree with all of this from characters to poorly handled new storylines. I loved Claudia and Stacey’s casting too and how they made Karen Brewer creepy.

        1. haha yes! I would wear half of Stacey’s wardrobe. She had such cute neutrals and moto jackets!

          And thought the casting of Karen Brewer was amazing. That little girl’s big-eyed proclamations cracked me up!

          2. Wasn’t the witch a storyline in one of the Karen books? (Babysitter’s Little Sister series or something like that?).

          1. Okay, I’ve got to watch this now. Karen annoyed the sh!t out of me back in the day.

          2. Same here, but the casting is PERFECT in the show and it completely took away the annoying factor for me.

    3. I’m like three episodes in (saving it for laundry folding) and I have to say I am TOTALLY OBSESSED with this weird vintage-now aesthetic of BSC and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.

    4. Dumb question — do they still write these books? I prob read them thru middle school so prob 1994. Are there hundreds written after that? Or is the collection that existed then what exists now?

      1. There’s more – and a spinoff series called Babysitters Club Little Sister aimed at younger kids that’s still getting new books in it.

    5. I loved what a budding feminist Kristy was! I didn’t even know the meaning of that word when I first read the books, but seeing her now as an adult I’m pleasantly surprised by just how progressive she was about standing up to the boys and when she complained that a boy would never have to write an essay on decorum.

    6. So looking forward to watching this!! Also, shout out to whoever around here who told me years ago about Baby-Sitters Club Club podcast. Hilarious. If anyone is looking for a deep dive down memory lane, this could be for you.

    7. Yes! I LOVED the Clueless reference with Alicia silverstone playing Kristy’s mom! I think the kid acting is so cheesy but I still loved it so much. I laughed out loud at Kristy’s wardrobe being re-cast as a “normcore look.” Love the Claudia and Mimi storylines. Love that Trevor is also into art in this version. (Is Logan no longer from Lou-ah-ville in this version?)

      The show has that Hallmark holiday movie glow where it’s constantly super bright and every room has too much light – is it THIS sunny in Connecticut?!

      I have to say I love that they casted actual kids and they look like kids – not hot 25 year olds with pigtails and revealing clothes playing “young teens” (looking at you Riverdale).

    8. Caveat that I didn’t see the show, but I was always sad and felt like I missed out not reading Baby Sitter’s Club when I was younger. I was a book fiend and the sort to read the thick Harry Potter book in one weekend and who won “most books read per month” from first grade on. But I just could not relate to the characters. They were just so….wishy-washy suburban white girl fantasy that I just could not get into it. A couple of my friends read them but they definitely weren’t popular in my very diverse elementary (read about 30% white, 10% black, 20% hispanic, and the rest Asian – par for the course in the Houston suburb I grew up in). The characters were so simple and the story lines so exaggerated. Even as a fifth grader I thought “don’t these girls have real problems”?
      Baby Sitter’s Club just seemed like the series for kids with perfect childhoods and no problems who wanted some sanitized interest to their reading.

      1. I’m surprised that’s your take-away. The main characters deal with divorce, abandonment by parents, death of first-degree relatives, racism, severe chronic illness, child abuse, and probably other issues I’m forgetting. As someone who lost my mother as a child, I found reading about Mary Anne’s experience realistic and helpful (just to give one example) and I’ve heard from others that the divorce and diabetes storylines really resonated. That’s fine if you didn’t have the same experience, but it’s surprising. The books may not be amazing works of literature, but they’re definitely relatable and deal with serious subjects.

      2. How old are you? If HP was out when you were of age to read BSC, then they weren’t popular because you’re younger. I’m 35 and actually started reading the books because my babysitter (hah) who was about 8 years older than me passed her old ones on to me. Their heyday was the late 80s to mid 90s, I think.

    9. I’m 52, so didn’t read this series. Is it still worth watching, as an adult who never read the books? I have no shame about reading YA books, so I’m open to this series.

  19. I have seen so many good recommendations for hostess/similar gifts here over the years, and when I need one they escape me. Friends of my daughters took her to their vacation home for an extended period of time, thereby giving her some semblance of normalcy in these crazy times and making our lives substantially easier since we both work and all camps are closed. We don’t know them well enough to know their precise tastes, but I do know that they do drink and are not super health-conscious. Any ideas for a thoughtful thank you gift? TIA!

      1. For fancy cheese, I love igourmet dot com. Delicious and not overpriced like Zingerman’s.

  20. At work, we often work out math on a white board. This has expanded during coronatimes to also trying to have a math problem-solving session for pre-algebra for kids in my kids’ classes (formerly in-person; their final reports cards were basically snide reminders to the parents that we need to keep homeschooling this summer (sooooo stabby, but they aren’t wrong)).

    Rather than trying to put a white-board on camera (where no one really needs to see me; they need to see the work and just hear me), is there something that will let me write on a tablet (or similar) and have the screen show that?

    I used to be able to do stuff from the office, but I need a home set-up b/c our office keeps getting shut down for cleanings or our camps cancel and I’m pretty sure that the rest of 2020 will be like this.

    1. You can do this on Zoom’s built in annotate features. You can either share a blank powerpoint slide or use the “whiteboard” option when you go to share your screen. Then use the annotate tools to edit, and then save each slide.

      1. Can you annotate on the screen (like with one of those screen pens)? Or do you have to type in comments? I hate typing in comments — with number work, it seems too clunky. Is it a smart board that does this?

    2. My husband the high school teacher bought a cheap document camera to go through equations with his students. He can write on paper on the desk, and the camera is recording from above. It attaches to his laptop, and I think he is using it with Zoom or Microsoft Meet or something.

    4. I sign in to my Zoom meetings twice – one with my computer and one with my tablet. I share zoom whiteboard from the tablet and can otherwise converse on the computer.

    5. If you are on the Microsoft stack, the MS whiteboard is fairly good, although the one that is embedded in Teams has way less features.

    7. I tutored chemistry last semester during the Zoom boom and had pretty good success plugging my ipad into my macbook using a USB cable while running a meeting. In the same menu that you use to access the “screen share” feature, there exists an option to share ipad/ipod. (Sorry PC users, I don’t know about how successful this would be with non mac products). I use Notability/apple pencil for taking notes etc. and was able to keep a blank notability page up and doodle with my pencil. I would usually just scroll down when I needed more space instead of erasing, that way I could go back up and refer to past problems.

  21. Has anyone seen the articles that AC May have something to do with the spread of Covid in the south? Is it changing your AC usage at all if you live or work in a high rise setting?

    Part of me thinks — isn’t the issue with AC still that people congregate say in an indoor air conditioned place and then the air recirculating just pushes stuff around? Rather than issues with stuff moving thru the ductwork? Because isn’t the AC on continuously in places like Saudi, Dubai and desert climates like that as well as places like HK, Malaysia that get tropical heat and all of these places have apartment towers and skyscrapers in their cities. Wouldn’t we have heard of such an issue by now? Even in the south – did people really only start using in the last month?

    1. No I haven’t heard of this and I’m not doing anything differently. I live in a high rise and use the AC. I don’t hang out inside.

      1. Same. Live in a high rise with 200+ units and “shared” AC ducts. If it were a problem, we’d have all been sick a long time ago, especially after essentially staying indoors for 2 months. I could see it being an issue with very badly maintained/built systems where it recirculates air with no filtration (which I think is basically what’s going on in the couple of restaurant spread cases), but I think most modern systems for skyscrapers are fine.

        1. This. And we have central air, so if that is the culprit, I think we’d know by now. I think it’s people going out and getting together in person, close-together, in groups.

        2. +1 I live in NYC in a high rise with centralized air, as do many of my friends. If this a problem, NYC would have been even more of a disaster than it was.

    2. IDK but the South is a big place, and A/C use on upper floors has been going on for months now, at least in the afternoon/evenings. Also, many people here are in SFH.

      IMO, spread is from 20ish people going out and about with each other, not people in their homes getting it from HVAC. Most Friday nights, it’s a very much “what pandemic?” sort of look of people in the stroll neighborhoods.

      1. Totally agree and this is borne out by the majority of newer cases in some areas (I’m familiar with Texas only) are in people aged 20 to 35, but the death rate not dramatically rising. I honestly feel bad for the younger adults who were led into believing this thing wouldn’t harm them – we’ll be left with a generation of adults with who knows what chronic diseases from this thing.

        A video of a 30 something year old having their intubation tube change and coming out full of solid pink gunk that looked like grated lung tissue and blood clots was enough to keep me home.

        1. I’m not sure which way you were trying to explain this (so apologies if you were also saying this) but just wanted to clarify because I have been frustrated with the misinformation out there about this. The death rate hasn’t risen as dramatically YET because death is a lagging indicator. Just like hospitalizations weren’t rising yet, with the initial dramatic surge in cases, but they are now. People are still dying now from COVID infections from April. Those cases are outliers, but generally hospitalization is 2-3 weeks behind infection and death is at least 4-5 weeks behind an infection.

    3. A study just came out over the weekend showing that 25% of HVAC systems tested had coronavirus in the duct work. some 300 scientists have sent a letter to the WHO asking them to confirm this is airborne.

    4. I got the sense that it was more about being indoors than really about AC, but maybe I’m wrong. The dude and I have talked about this a bit because he’s an engineer who works with HVAC. If I understood what he said, it depends on whether the air returns are in the ceiling and how the air circulates.

    5. A month ago would’ve been June. I honestly think people living in the high rise apts in Atlanta and Miami had their ACs on before June.

      This may be dumb but why not run the AC with some or all windows open? I realize it’s not energy efficient and your bill will be higher but it’ll allow some outside air to get it as well as humidity. Obviously that doesn’t work in office buildings but even the most high end residential buildings have some windows that can be opened.

      1. Lol what? Because that’s hideously wasteful, terrible for the environment, extremely expensive, and completely unnecessary.

        1. If the person can afford it and it helps them feel better about this even mentally, why not? Environment- shrug – it’s one summer.

          1. Yikes, I definitely don’t share your disregard for the environment at all. Plus if I ran my AC system at full blast 24/7 to combat the 100+ temps in my city, it would be dead in no time. Also it wouldn’t be even remotely comfortable… You said it best in your initial post: “this may be dumb.”

          2. It’s not proven to be helpful at all. If you’re using it for mental health reason a therapist is a better resource. Honestly I’m shocked anyone would consider that.

      2. That’s a good way to break your AC. A lot of residential ACs have trouble keeping up with 100+ degree heat and humidity as is. If you start opening windows, you’re putting a lot more strain on the system. I don’t even live in the south, but a lot of my neighbors set their system to 72 over the weekend and the best they got was like 75.

      3. If you’re in a really hot place like Miami, it’s likely that your AC struggles to cool the space during the summer with everything reasonably sealed shut. I grew up in Florida and live in New Orleans now. In the summer, we’re re-caulking windows, closing blinds, turning off lights, and keeping the oven off. Our house, a squatty, brick house built in the 1980s for AC, still struggles to keep the house below 72, and we pay about $250 per month, up from $100 per month in January/February.

      4. What the prior poster is saying can work thru say Md or Va but I think places like Miami and NO are a different kind of hot and your ACs do struggle to maintain a temp down here which I honestly had never seen when I lived in NJ or Va.

      5. I would have said this when I lived in NJ or Chicago – the leave the windows open NBD. I don’t say this living in Miami. Too hot for the AC to keep up is a very real condition down here in a way that it isn’t in many parts of the country.

      6. This is actually what schools in Korea are mandated to do – 30% of windows should be open while ACs run in classrooms. Initially the Dept of Education said no AC in the summer, but conceded it is unrealistic goven very hot and humid, 100+ degree summer days in Korea.

    6. I’m not HVAC expert but IDK my common sense on this is similar — the AC has been on for months around the world in places that are hotter than the US and are managing this more competently than the US.

    7. The CDC has recommendations on how HVACs should be set up. “AC”is not all interchangeably equivalent. I haven’t yet heard of any horror stories like with SARS-1 though.

  22. With online dating, how much do you go with your gut? And those of you who met your partners online, did you like them right away, or did you have to fight any misconceptions up front?

    I’ve been trying to cast a wide net and match with guys who are not necessarily my usual type, but every time I do, something happens that reminds me why I don’t like this type in the first place!

    1. I trusted my gut 100% while online dating and didn’t question it. I think there’s a difference between, I usually like the more althetic type guy but I’ll go on a first date with this computer programmer versus, eh, this guy doesn’t seem like a catch but probably won’t murder me so we could just do coffee. When I met my husband, I was so excited to meet him in person and he just blew me away. Sparks flew instantly.

      1. This makes me so happy to hear! I am always looking for that exciting first meeting and I feel like I end up talking myself into second or third dates with guys that I’m just not thrilled about because they seem nice enough and the date wasn’t terrible. I always end up regretting it. I want to be thrilled about the person I’m dating! I guess sometimes I wonder if I can even have that feeling after so many mediocre dates…

      2. I was excited by my husband’s profile immediately, swiped yes immediately, was attracted to him immediately upon meeting him, etc. We got engaged after 11 months and married after 16. We’ve been married three years and are still crazy about each other. We’ve both said that by this point in our first marriages (we’ve both been married before), things were already over, though we hung on for years.

        I was ruthless when dating. I wanted sparks and a click and chemistry and I wanted it right off the bat. I didn’t waste time with perfectly nice guys who just didn’t do it for me; I didn’t agonize over rejecting a nice guy. Either I was crazy about you after the first date or there was no second date. Because my first marriage had been to a nice guy who, at the end of the day, I wasn’t head over heels about. I wanted a YES! relationship for my second and final marriage, not a yes(?) relationship like my first had been. My husband and I tell each other all the time how thankful we are to have each other, any time and especially now in coronavirus.

    2. “I’ve been trying to cast a wide net and match with guys who are not necessarily my usual type, but every time I do, something happens that reminds me why I don’t like this type in the first place!”

      What, specifically, do you mean by this?

      1. I’ll go against type by trying to match with a beefy guy who has profile pics in baseball caps at bars or holding a fish when I’m usually into a thinner type physically who is more brainy than brawny. Not my usual type, but I think, well, maybe he has another side to him.

        1. Not the 11:17 Anon, but don’t do this. Yes, we all joke about guys being simpler creatures or whatever, but they still put thought into the photos they select for their online profile. (And if they don’t, do you want to go out with them anyways?) My now-husband had two mountain climbing photos, a skiing photo, and a photo in front of the Louvre. I had a photo of me hiking, one of me baking, one dressed up, and one goofing around with my dog. My husband is basically outdoorsy dude with a side of culture. I’m basically home & family girl with a side of outdoorsy. Do we each have other sides to us? Of course. But you could get a pretty good distilled version of us from our photos. Trust what you’re shown. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to “what if” every profile you see. Own what you’re attracted to.

          1. I’m the Anon at 11:17, and I agree.

            If you’re into brains, it’s one thing to go on a date with a man who “only” has an engineering degree from a state school, because someone like that is still no slouch in the brains department. (I picked this example because engineering, generally, depends far more on how you do in the office than what school you go to, and even in the very educated northeast, a bachelor’s is enough to be a senior engineer.) Consider the guy who seems a bit awkward but has a variety of intellectual interests.

            But do NOT invent backstories; your judgement needs to have a basis in reality.

            This is not what you asked, but was an issue I struggled with and you may, as well: having so many people tell you that it’s basically your fault that you’re single that you forget that “judgement” isn’t a four-letter word. I was told that I was “too hard” on men, and that lead to a lot of misery in dating: I wasted a lot of time with men who were obviously (through character, interests, or abilities) completely wrong for me. I was told so many times about how maybe I should find a plumber because so many of them read Shakespeare at night (yes, this was actual advice); I’m now happily married to a professor who got tenure in his early 30s. I was told that I was ‘too hard’ on men, which lead me to investing so much time and energy, for nothing but misery in return, with men who just did not have a lot of character. Ultimately, most of that was people putting their own garbage on me and trying to make me own their dysfunction. Many of these people were divorced, some multiple times. One friend, older and blunt, asked why I ever listened to dating advice from people who had been divorced four times. Good point.

    3. I trust my gut in online dating where if something is off-putting or I don’t feel a connection I don’t progress the relationship.

      However, I found my impressions of the “connections” I was forming online prior to an in-person meeting were inaccurate. Some guys I would get really excited about and then not click at all on the date. Some guys I wouldn’t have much of a connection with online, but they ended up being interesting in person. I almost cancelled my first date with my current husband because it was during a busy time of year and we hadn’t been forming much of a connection via text.

      At in-person meetings I 100% trust my gut. I knew as soon as I met my husband that I liked him right away and that there was something there.

    4. 100% I trusted my gut. I liked him right away, on our first date, I was thrilled and was already wanted to kiss him and so excited to see him again, there was no question that we would have a second date. BUT, I will say, I was 30, I had 2 past long-term live-together relationships already, and had spent several months dating online casually where I was going on dates with multiple people. This approach worked for me at this stage in my life, with this guy, with luck and timing and all those other things. All that to say, the 100% gut trust and butterflies right away isn’t how it works for everyone at every stage of life. Some people really find their person by giving a guy a second or third chance or fall for a guy slowly.

    5. I liked my now-BF’s profile ok and we had an ok chat and dates 1-3 were ok (we didn’t even kiss until date 3!). I kept going because I had recently read here to give a chance to the shy guys. After a few dates he calmed down a little, loosened up, and dates 5-now have been amazing. Previously, I wrote off anyone I wasn’t super super into after 1 date — and ended up dating a lot of men who were fun but emotionally challenging. So yes, I trusted my gut and now I absolutely adore him and am so happy.

      Trust your gut but don’t necessarily expect to KNOW from a profile, a chat or 1 date.

    6. Im 51,divorced and was very picky on line. I figure most men in real life would not be compatible so was not concerned that most men on Match would not be compatible either. I did not want to go on dates just for the sake of it. I talked ahead of time and had one date and we dated for a year and a half then it became apparent it was not going to be good long term. Second time back on it took a bit to find someone I wanted to meet, and I’m still dating him. I don’t have a lot of free time and I did not want to be charitable/generous with my standards, so I just had to wait till someone decent came along. For example, profiles with any of these things told me they would not be a good match: marijuana, fishing picture, shirtless selfie, hunting photo, motorcycle, drunk beer photos. On the other hand, every man who had a road bike, no matter how funny looking, I liked because I figured worst case we could talk about biking. As it turned out, none of the men with bikes liked me back so I never had that date. I do know people who have a different point of view and wanted to meet as many people as possible because you never know and in person is better than on line.

  23. I watched (most of) Hamilton yesterday and really enjoyed it. But it made me think a lot about how little I really know about that period in history. Obviously, I know that the musical took artistic liberties, but I’d love to read a really good history on the revolution/founding fathers. A really detailed article that specifically addresses the show would be good, but I’d also be interested in a really good, readable book on the general time period and people involved. Suggestions?

    2. Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow. The musical is based on exactly this really good readable history.

      1. And Chernow’s Washington biography is also very good!

        If you google Hamilton and history, you will find a lot of good articles. There is also a book of essays written by historians about the musical if you want a more academic dive. (“Historians on Hamilton”).

        The musical took a fair number of liberties. Whether it underemphasized the issue of slavery or the contributions of Black Americans is a long-standing debate (that makes me a little crazy; the story of the contributions of Black people to the Revolution is an amazing one, but it is not the one that this musical was telling). As is the issue of whether it overly-glorified Hamilton (it would be possible to make a musical about Jefferson in which Hamilton was the villain).

    3. Ron Chernow’s book? If not, then the Hamilton Libretto? Like my kids read the latter and then re-read it about 10 times.

    4. I’m currently reading “You Never Forget Your First” by Alexis Coe about George Washington and having read David McCullough’s John Adams bio a few years, it feels sooo much more accessible and doesn’t shy away from the bad parts of Washington.

    5. Not really related to Hamilton, but same time period: I found The Americanization of Benjamin Franklin incredibly readable.

    6. I’m currently reading Hamilton biography by Ron Chernow. I’m not typically one to read biographies, but it’s fascinating! And it’s so interesting to read it after seeing the musical because you can see where the songs came from (and see where liberties were taken).

    7. I watched Hamilton over the long weekend too and I was blown away by it! There was so much hype surrounding the show, I felt like it was bound to be a let down, but it absolutely was not. I cannot imagine how amazing it must have been to see in person with the original cast.

        1. Right? It was less like I was watching something and more like I finished it feeling like it was something that happened to me, if that even makes sense. I have not been that amazed by entertainment content in so long. I will need to watch it again because it is so fast paced and I’m pretty sure I missed things with my jaw just hanging open. haha

          1. I watched it Friday night and then again Saturday night, but this time with subtitles!

    8. If you like podcasts, and want a general overview of the timeline and people involved, the Revolutions podcast by Mike Duncan is really good. The American Revolution is the 2nd season. There are only about 13 or 14 30-40 min episodes.

  24. I’m usually very late to the discussions here, so I read the discussion about bike trainers – the brackets that you can use to convert an outdoor bike to indoor use – a few days after it happened. What a revelation! Instead of dropping $500-800 on a spin bike I hopefully won’t have to use after 6-12 months (I’m a gym rat), I can spend the same amount or even a little less on an entry level bike, which I would use in the future, and one of these.Can anyone who has one speak a little about how it performs for indoor workouts? Some of the comments on Amazon suggested there was some problem getting any resistance when it was on the blocks. 

    1. My husband and I both have inexpensive ones we bought a few years ago – they were in the $300 range (each), I think. My only real complaint is that they are quite loud – we have them on the same floor as his home office, and he asked me not to use it while he’s on a work call, because even with two closed doors between us, it was distracting to him. I do HIIT workouts on it, so I think it’s particularly bad in that respect; a slower cadence is definitely quieter.

    2. It depends on the gearing of your bike, I guess. You can definitely get a good workout. If you plan on doing a lot of time on the trainer, it’s worth it to buy an extra rear wheel/cassette with a trainer tire. The trainer will put a ton of wear on a normal tire.

    3. I have a Kinetic rock and roll trainer that I love. It mimics the feel of being on the road instead of the (to me) very rigid feeling of a stationary bike which I dislike intensely. My bike goes in it over the winter, and then I take it off when the weather gets better. I highly recommend it, although the new models are all sold out right now on their website. Mine doesn’t have any connectivity, I just have a cheap manual Cateye computer on my bike that keeps track of wheel revolutions = distance, time, and speed.

    4. Late replying but I have a Kickr Core and love it. Maybe more expensive than you are looking for but I tried using the trainers with rollers and really didn’t like them, it made riding a drag.

  25. My gym opened a couple weeks ago. You have to wear a mask unless you are running or doing something “strenuous”. My husband is older than me…57 and cancelled his membership. He didn’t use it enough and is very active outdoors, says he won’t be back as it is not worth the risk. I am very active outdoors…running and biking, some swimming in a lake here and there. I have barbells at home. We live in the Northeast and I ski in the winter. Thinking I may not go back to the gym for a while….would like thoughts on going back to the gym or cancelling your gym membership. There are so many options to work out at home now…thanks in advance.

      1. Cancel. And I’m the OP for the question just above yours… maybe also a solution for you?

      2. +10,000. I was at the gym 5-8x per week per COVID (sometimes twice a day). I canceled and refused to go back. To me it isn’t worth the risks, and there are other ways to get great workouts

    2. If you’re not using it, I would cancel. Even if there is a fee to re-join later, when you’re able, it’s probably less than the continued cost if you’re not going. And frankly given the economic climate, they may even waive it later to get you back.

    3. I really enjoy group fitness classes, martial arts, dance, and indoor climbing, but don’t feel that any of these is worth the risk. I cancelled all my class registrations and memberships, and my kid’s indoor sport too.

    4. My parents, in their early 60s, are cancelling their gym membership. My dad’s found a neighbour that he can go on socially distanced walks with and they are in Northern California where he can walk year round (far East Bay, so he’s setting out early to avoid the hottest part of the day). I’m trying to get him to try some online yoga videos but he prefers the studio, I suspect because all the yoga babes fawn over this grandpa doing yoga.

    5. I cancelled my barre membership in April (I can use the PureBarre app for $30/month, and the studio’s streaming options weren’t as good). I have free weights and kettlebells at home and plenty of outdoor cardio options. I’m also pregnant, though, so I’m being extra cautious about unnecessary exposure.

    6. I’m normally a big gym goer but I won’t be back until I’m vaccinated. I can run outside, I have some weights and I’ll buy more and I bought a very crappy exercise bike (which I may upgrade).

    7. OP here….wow, lots of cancellations going on out there. I used the gym primarily for weight lifting (they have more weights than I have at home) and when the weather was bad. Definitely not worth the risk. Thanks for all of the input.

    8. I have been struggling with this too. I love my gym. I don’t know if this is an option for you but I was able to put my membership on hold. It will give me up to six months to decide if I want to reactivate it or cancel.

    9. I did OrangeTheory before and I cancelled. I loved the workout but HIIT indoors just seems like such a bad idea. We bought a rower when this all started, handweights, a barbell and plates, and a pull up bar/bench/box along with mats and yoga stuff. I also signed up for Obe for the pilates and yoga content. We’re lucky that we already had a lot of the weights at home, it’s still SO hard to get workout equipment in our NE area.

    11. If I were you I’d cancel. You don’t need to risk your life or your husband’s life if you have other good alternatives that are safer.
      I personally am keeping my membership but only to support a small business (it’s a small community gym) that I want to still be there when this is all over.

    12. I canceled. We had a family membership, but I was the one that really used it. At the gym 4 to 5 a week for treadmill, yoga classes (3 a week), and weights. My kids used it on school vacations (college) and summers. I’m high risk.

      I walk in the morning to get my treadmill workout. The one thing that is missing is reading time, since I used to power through Kindle books while on the treadmill. I bought a yoga app (SarahBeth). I’m using hand weights for weights now, but am thinking about buying some type of resistance band work out thing (Gorilla bow, TRX, etc).

      Our gym was going to have us pre-register for classes and limit them to 10 people. I don’t like the app as much as a live class, and I had a yoga community at the gym, which I fiercely miss.

      I don’t see how gyms will ever be safe spaces in the future.

      1. I miss our yoga crowd so much too, and I share your fears about gyms never really being safe again, especially for high-risk people. This is hard and strange.

    13. Masking UNLESS you’re doing something strenuous? So only the people expelling the most droplets are unmasked? I’m sure that’s more comfortable for them, but it makes no sense in terms of reducing risk.

      I loved my studio classes, but indoor exercise with others, in a limited space, just doesn’t work with proper Covid precautions.

      1. It makes sense from the gym’s perspective. IMHO a business will take precautions necessary to minimize the risk of a lawsuit. If you ask runners to be masked, you risk them not getting enough oxygen, which creates lots of other risks that are more immediate and apparent than a COVID infection (ie, they pass out and break something). So, I think gyms are grappling with competing liability concerns and this is the best they can come up with.

    14. I go to a local neighborhood gym. It’s in a pretty large space but there have never been a lot of people in there, even pre-COVID. I’ve been going back since gyms reopened in my area. I’m usually one of 3-4 people in the gym at a time, and everyone is well over 10 feet apart. Similarly, my 75 year old mother has been going back to her gym, which is her personal trainer’s studio. Only one person is allowed in at a time. Maybe you can look into options for smaller studios that limit attendance?

    15. My BIL is a personal trainer and has lost about half of his clients now that his gym is opening up. We’re in the Chicago area.

      1. … and I’ll add that he mentioned that about half *haven’t cancelled yet*, not that half of his clients are back in the gym.

  26. I’m having trouble understanding the specificity of the COVID test I received. I had the shorter nasal swab (that doesn’t go in as far) and I’m not sure how that affects the published specificity, which is 95%. Do we have any COVID lab scientists here (or anyone else who has gotten this test and heard from their doctor) who can tell me where to find the sensitivity for the Roche MagNA Pure-96?

    1. IDK but I had one for surgery last week and the doctors who I’d be breathing on were OK relying on it for me + all of their other cases.

      1. Same here from a few weeks ago. I was expecting the nasocranial test and was surprised to do the self serve swab, but the doctor was comfortable relying on it for a nasal procedure.

        1. I’m sorry, but I don’t think you have sufficient information to research this. Asking about the specificity of a RT-PCR test on the Roche MagNA Pure-96 could be compared to asking about the success rate of making chocolate mousse with a Kitchnaid mixer, when the outcome strongly depends on what recipe was followed.

    3. No stop this is ridiculous and unnecessary. Was it positive or negative? Rely on those results and move on.

      1. If you want to be ignorant and cruel, can you do it elsewhere? You don’t need to feel compelled to post on every thread every day. FWIW, when you think everyone else is an idiot, the problem is usually you.

      1. I will. The note in the results I received discussed the risk of false negatives and testing too early and I feel like I need more information to understand my next steps.

          2. I mean, flippant tone aside, I think she’s right. If you don’t trust the testing you received, than you have the right to quarantine for 10-14 days. Otherwise, I think all you can do is trust the test, whichever way it came back.

          3. She’s being a jerk but gently you really need to talk to your doctor and trust the test.

          4. I said I was going to talk to the doctor in this very thread. I have a call in now.

          5. I think it’s irrational to trust a test beyond its scientifically demonstrated reliability.

    1. Yes, it’s awful. 41 and no health conditions. He had been in ICU since March 30 I think. Just horrible for his wife and little baby son and all his family.

  28. I know this has been discussed before but can’t find it: could anyone share helpful resources for figuring out what you want to do/career changes?

    1. Chapter one of Leap Year by Helen Russell. The whole book but especially that chapter which is about work.

    2. I like Herminia Ibarra’s book Working Identity for general approach to making career changes. It’s like Designing Your Work Life but before Design Thinking became a “thing.”

    3. The Pathfinder by Nicholas Lore is the best, in my opinion.

      Others really like Designing Your Life, which I liked. By Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.

  29. I have recently trying to get back into running (and have been doing a C25K so moving very slowly) but today my shins really hurt. My calves and ankles have been a bit tight and sore the last few weeks so I’ve just been trying to stretch more but now it seems to be a bit more painful/tender rather than just sore/tight and on around my shins rather than calves. Any advice?

    Thanks all!

    1. Be careful of shin splints as you get started. Really stretch your calves – toe raises (stand on a sidewalk or step and literally just drop and raise up slowly) and calf stretches. Ice your shins if you need (freeze water in a dixie cup, then tear the cup part halfway down and massage your shins with it).

    2. Could be shin splints, could just be your body adjusting to new levels of exercise. Calf stretches, specifically “spelling” the alphabet with your toes with your foot held off the ground, will help with this. The calf is the back of the shin.

      1. I have been doing some stretches but will do more. And yes, I know about the calf/shin distinction – previously, my calves have been tight but this morning I woke up with some pain/tenderness in my left shin which feels different.

        Thanks all!

    3. How much running are you doing? Sounds like you may need a break. Can you do some active recovery – biking or swimming? to give your calves and ankles a break….take magnesium supplements and vitamin C for recovery too

      1. Oh I just saw this – I have been slacking on my magnesium which may help to explain this as well. Will make sure I’m taking it more!

    4. It’s likely a combination of a new exercise, plus tight calves. Also, how recently have you replaced your running shoes? If you’re using the same shoes you did the last time you ran, they’re probably shot and are contributing to the problem.

      If you’re feeling pain, rather than just tenderness, let yourself heal before starting up again!

    5. Definitely stretch your calves- both your gastroc and soleus, so that means straight and bent leg calf stretches. Having tight calves will put strain on your anterior tibialis, the big tendon that goes up the front of your shin. Thus, shin splints. Take a few full rest days, and during those days warm and stretch your calves. Foam rolling your anterior tibialis can also help.

  30. Do you ever feel like conversations with parents leave you a teary, depressed mess even when you have a good relationship and they aren’t trying to be mean and they are sorry that the conversation goes like that? How do you handle?

    Had one of these yesterday, cried myself to sleep and headachy mess today. Idk if it’s the right board for this though maybe bc we have so many backgrounds here — immigrant parents (Asian), expectations re living with when older etc. Yet they are VERY judgy about how other relatives in the family are handling their aging parents. Can you believe so and so is putting their mom in the basement – the nerve. Vs cousin so and so has his mom and dad in the downstairs master of a new McMansion, I mean he treats his parents the best. It was this whole convo about how a basement apt is not acceptable. Meanwhile it opens up all this stuff for me re being 40 and single (which I’m usually ok with), not being settled, and living in a 1 bed rental. Like sorry you must think I’m a loser because I don’t even have a downstairs master myself like cousin so and so, let alone one for you. It’s like they don’t get how unsettled I feel. They don’t get the pressures you feel financially and otherwise when you’re doing it all on your own and then they bring up these judgy conversations/expectations are are appalled that you end up stressed or in tears because – what we’re just talking. We are very close and they do feel bad but it’s like they just don’t get how I feel unless I announce it which I don’t — having grown up in a feelings repressed/get over it — environment. Anyone deal with these kinds or things?

    1. I know there is cultural stuff at play, but let me just say that they’re being objectively mean and terrible to you.

      1. I get what you’re saying but coming from a similar family (middle eastern), the thing is they aren’t necessarily TRYING to be mean. Sure in some families they are trying to be mean — straight up saying you’re a loser because you don’t have a mansion or husband or whatever, but this doesn’t sound like that. In others it is literally just a judgmental conversation they’re having about how “a basement would NEVER be acceptable, take note child” but they aren’t emotionally aware enough to realize how that makes a “child” feel — a child who is 40, paying back student loans, living in a HCOL etc. is now expected to have a mansion too because cousin so and so has one — oh but we forgot to mention cousin and his wife both make 300k each. It’s like they think you’re 10 and they’re saying it as a joke/way way future expectation. But when you’re 40 you feel it is a REAL expectation and like everything else one more life stressor. Hang in there OP. This cultural stuff never changes.

        1. While it may seem so to many on this board, it’s not totally objective. My parents would look at this and think the OP’s parents are just trying to parent their daughter – sharing family gossip and family news and their views on what’s going on with the cousins. And any comments OP views as critical are really just OP’s parents trying to guide her, to parent her, and to encourage her to have the life that will make her happy. Is there a selfish interest in familial piety and having OP live with and take care of them when they are in their old age? Is there only a limited view of happiness (large home, marriage, children)? Sure, but that’s part of the social and family contract in their view. Not saying OP has to be OK with this or that it doesn’t have negative effects on her, but the cultural perspective on this really changes how someone views these conversations and whether they are “mean and terrible.”

      2. +1 to this. Culture is not an excuse or even an explanation for them being objectively mean to you. And I come from the same Asian culture. It is not okay to put these expectations on children in this way. Fine if it’s like “we were loving parents and it would be great if you took care of us when we are older.” Not okay to for it to be “you’ve failed at life and we’re going to throw it in your face every chance we get.”

      3. I’m amending my comment to reiterate that I think they’re being incredibly insensitive and mean. It sounds like you have talked to them, and they supposedly feel bad about it — but nothing changes and they keep bringing up different versions of the same painful topics! I do think it would help to speak to a therapist to develop some different coping mechanisms because it sounds like they aren’t going to change.

    2. Kindly, I think you need to talk with a culturally competent therapist (ideally someone from your same ethnic background that can understand the context of your issues) to work this through. You cannot change your parents, only how you react to them. If you’ve told them these issues bother you, or they can at the very least see how you react to the conversations, and they still make these comments, they will not change.
      It is not normal to have a crying jag and next day headache from a regular (albeit judgy) conversation from your parents, no matter your background, but especially since I’m assuming you and they have been in a Western country for most of your adulthood (again assuming based on reference to McMansion). A therapist will help you figure out how to separate the conversations from realistic expectations you have of yourself and how to process and develop a thicker skin in the context of your cultural expectations.

    3. Yes, kind of.

      Two days ago, my mom kept saying how “behind” our family was because I’m single and grandkids aren’t on the horizon. Of course, it’s also a pandemic so it’s not like it’s easy to date but here we are.

      I am close to my parents but honestly, I don’t talk about how upset it makes me with them. I don’t know if that’s the right solution but I just don’t feel like it’ll make a difference and it’s really hard being vulnerable enough to be honest about it and getting a dismissive response. I talk about it with other people/a therapist and then I generally feel strong enough to talk to them without breaking down. If I feel like I am going to get upset in response to one of their comments, I do my best to redirect the conversation or get off the phone.

      Not sure if this is helpful or healthy but at the very least, it’s commiseration.

    4. You said they don’t get how unsettled you feel, but have you had a clear conversation with them about what’s causing you to feel this way? If you are truly close with them, then you need to explain how these conversations are difficult for you.

      I understand the cultural aspect of it. I’m Indian and definitely see the judgmental attitude among people my parent’s age. Thankfully mine are more laid back.

      With Asian/Indian parents, I’ve found it’s difficult to talk about feelings or have them understand and accept when you are feeling upset. Consider therapy or other support systems to help navigate the stress of what you are feeling. You may just need to accept that your parents judge everyone and then ignore them and forge your on path forward in making your you are happy.

    5. I am going to answer what works for me because I am of a similar background to you. I just decided when I was younger that I simply don’t value the same things as my parents and I just have to find it funny. I take the Lorelei Gilmore approach to this in the episode where she is giving her own mother Emily advice on how to deal with Emily’s MIL (Lorelei’s grandmother) Lorelei the I. I’m paraphrasing but she basically said “You need to develop a defense mechanism. A new system, a new mindset. Take me for example, I know there are many things in my life you don’t approve of. Now, at one point in my life, you saying a couch that I carefully picked out and had to pay off over eight months is terrible might’ve hurt my feelings, but not anymore. Because one day, I decided that instead of being hurt and upset by your disapproval, I’m gonna be amused. I’m gonna find it funny. I’m even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it.”

      Real talk, you’re 40 years old, single and living in a 1BR rental and you’re OK with that! They are even older and not going to change and you are not going to magically give them a McMansion in-law suite, so you can only change your own perspective. You don’t need to be a teary depressed mess because of mismatched values with your parents. It’s still your own life that you get to live. Good luck.

      It took me years YEARS to get here.

    6. Maybe you should tell your parents that they cannot judge a swank in-law suite into existence. Cultural expectations or not, reality is that if you cannot provide for them the standard of living to which they expect to become accustomed, they need to change their expectations. The choices are they accept the help you are able to provide with good grace, or they accept the help you can provide and destroy the relationship. Being judgy doesn’t change your financial status.

      1. +1. I would tell them that they need to seriously prepare for their retirement living arrangement, because it will not be with you. Be up front, be firm, and try to put this behind you.

  31. Has anyone here traveled to the Champagne region of France and used a travel agent that they’d recommend? I’m dreaming of a 10 year anniversary trip (in 2 years, so hopefully less stuff going on in 2 years than we have right now). Unlike most people, I find planning vacations to actually be very stressful (I find the number of decisions you have to make to be overwhelming and while I love researching many things, flights, hotels, and travel destinations are not among those), so I want to use a travel agent that will do everything – pick the time of year we go, the length of stay, book flights, book hotels, book transport from the airport/train, book activities, tell me what to pack, make reservations at at a few nicer restaurants and them provide a list of other places to grab quicker lunches, etc).

    1. No recs, but as part of our own 10th anniversary trip, we spent a day around Reims & Epernay tasting Champagne from smaller vineyards (Cris Event was the guide for that specific excursion) and adored it. It was a very easy day trip from Paris thanks to the TGV. I’m not sure there’s enough to fill a week in that area (not sure what your thoughts are as far as overall itinerary, number of locations, days, etc), but we would have enjoyed a second day to explore more of Reims itself. I read the story of Veuve Cliquot (The Widow) ahead of time and was glad to have the perspective prior to visiting!

    2. This is my dream trip! Never been, but I’m slightly obsessed with Champagne! I follow a couple of local specialized wine shops/champagne bars and sometimes they take trips and post blogs about it. Perhaps you could follow some of these types of places on social media and just copy one of their trips to make it easier? (Assuming you’re not able to find an agent?)

    3. Search for “private tour” of the region, vs. calling it a travel agent. Tour companies do everything you describe and are usually experts in their specific area. I’ve had good luck by finding a local-to-me (or just U.S. based) company that concentrates on the country I wanted to visit. They had itineraries to browse as a starting point, know what American tourists want in general, and took care of all the details you describe. To make sure their price was reasonable I took their quote and then looked at booking all the hotels and activities myself, figuring that the price differential is what I’m paying to have someone arrange everything and be on call to solve problems.

    4. The Hubs and I went to Paris and Champagne for our honeymoon. We are not “tour people”, but we took the Champagne cruise with French Country Waterways and I recommend it highly. We went in late April, but I would recommend May or October for that trip – April is too rainy and June is too hot (and remember that A/C overseas may not be what you are used to).

      Note that we used an agent to book the trip and overall were pretty unhappy with the agent (although the trip was lovely) – and now we book all of our overseas travel ourselves. We found that most agents do not have “on the ground” knowledge and are not prepared for customers that travel the way that we want to travel (we like the “road less traveled” type of sites as opposed to the big tourist spots) and prefer the results when we book ourselves.

    5. Yes, we stayed at the Crillon, that was booked through AmEx concierge, and the hotel concierge arranged for a driver for a day trip. I believe they also arranged the tours (including Tattinger and a VIP tour at Moet). But it was expensive (and unnecessary) – there must be more ‘responsible’ ways of touring the region. I hope you have a great trip!

  33. My husband’s birthday is tomorrow and I sort of dropped the ball on getting his gift. That said, we have been doing a lot of family bike rides on various nature trails lately, and I’d like to up his accessory game. What would you get for a casual recreational rider? The first thing I thought of is a smartphone holder. He always stashes it in the pocket of his (non-biking) shorts. He’s going to lose the thing at some point.

    Also, for someone who is not racing, is there a point of having an actual cycling jersey? I see a lot of other riders wearing them, but we’ve been getting by with dri-fit shirts.

    1. It’s nice to have emergency repair kits with tire patches and a little air pump. Water bottles, if he doesn’t have enough are also nice. Maybe a basket if that’s his thing. There is no point in having a cycling jersey.

    2. My dad has used a little bag that straps across the handlebar for ages. It is cube shaped and the flat top has a clear pouch for placing the map (or smartphone) and glance at it every now and then.

    4. A USB Rechargeable blinky lite. Safety first!
      As for jerseys, YES. Pockets in the back of your shirt are something you don’t realize are amazing until you’re used to it and suddenly don’t have them.
      Also, bike shorts. You don’t realize what a difference they make until you have them. Embrace the MAMIL within (look up MAMIL if you don’t know what I’m talking about and need a giggle).

    5. I’ve been doing a lot more biking this year as well and upping my accessories spend as well.

      I just bought a jersey only because it has pockets in the back for keys, gel, and chapstick and i didn’t like wearing a waist pack like I do for running. They are expensive and I ended up buying a cheap one from China off Amazon to see if I like it before buying a nicer one.

      Other things I’ve bought:
      Bikase smartphone holder – easy to pull phone out when needed and i can see distance/speed from the screen
      Repair bag and pump that mount on seat stem
      Clip in shoes and pedals – debatable, but very helpful on long rides to prevent muscle fatigue
      Polar water bottles – they stay cold pretty well and fit in bike holders
      These bike shorts for my husband, because they look like real shorts so he doesn’t complain about his crotch hurting yet refuse to wear bike shorts: https://www.amazon.com/EZRUN-Padded-Mountain-Lightweight-Cycling/dp/B07H7YVZD7/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=mens+mountain+biking+shorts&qid=1594054995&sr=8-5

    6. My husband loves his cell phone holder. It enables him to see the map of the route we are taking. He also got the bags for the back which are really helpful to ride to the farmer’s market. Light is always a good option. Also, just for fun, maybe a silly bell!

  34. For those of you who are single and feeling burnt out (from work, life, whatever), how are you taking breaks right now? I feel like I really need a vacation, but I can’t go anywhere and I have nobody to go with. How do you get that vacation feeling without going anywhere? Every weekend is basically a “staycation” but it’s not feeling rejuvenating.

    1. I went somewhere alone. Rented a cabin for a long weekend and went there. Being single doesn’t mean you can’t do things.

      1. +1, is there anywhere you can rent a place to yourself that is within driving (no stops) distance? Just the get away from my own house feeling is worth it.

    2. I went to the beach alone and basically read for a week. It was AMAZING.

      Otherwise, for a staycation, I do things I wouldn’t typically do—a noon zoom workout class, sleeping in until 9, baking or cooking time/labor intensive things, crafting, avoiding chores and doing fun things instead.

    3. I tracked down a used wading pool, and now have my own mini-retreat (adult only household). This falls in the category of small pleasures, but I am a water girl, and this is bringing me joy.

  35. Search for “private tour” of the region, vs. calling it a travel agent. Tour companies do everything you describe and are usually experts in their specific area. I’ve had good luck by finding a local-to-me (or just U.S. based) company that concentrates on the country I wanted to visit. They had itineraries to browse as a starting point, know what American tourists want in general, and took care of all the details you describe. To make sure their price was reasonable I took their quote and then looked at booking all the hotels and activities myself, figuring that the price differential is what I’m paying to have someone arrange everything and be on call to solve problems.

  36. Is anyone else having posts get stuck in mod for hours/not showing up at all? This is my 4th attempt in as many hours…

  37. I mean nothing has been PROVEN because they’re having to study this on the go. It’ll only be proven after the fact when this is in the history books and scientists have adequate time to study every aspect of it. Barring the issues of the AC then running 24-7 which you also don’t want, I wouldn’t mock the idea of leaving some windows open with the AC on — they’re requiring it in South Korean schools and let’s be real SK’s handling of this has bested the US in every way.

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