Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Pleat Side Swag Crepe Sheath Dress

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1. How do you clean your jewelry? Particularly earrings/nose studs, or anything with stones on it?

   1. Every time I put the piece of jewellery on, I look at it, think ‘I really need to clean this’, put it on anyway, and then go about my day.

      (I don’t have any piercings so that hygiene question isn’t there)

      1. Ha! Same.

      2. This.

         Although the spot on my earrings by the post that gets pressed against the earlobe does get very gross and gunky sometimes so I usually just wipe with my fingers.

   2. For gold and hard stones- Commercial jewelry cleaner (ammonia based). Just drop the pieces in for 30 secs and brush them off. Windex works in a pinch. I have one of those fancy steam cleaners, but haven’t pulled it out in a while.

   3. An old toothbrush, a bowl of warm water and dishsoap. Super easy and it makes a huge difference.

   4. An old toothbrush, warm water, and toothpaste. Works WONDERS on my diamonds.

   5. Connoisseurs jewelry cleaner. They have several different types depending on whether you’ve got gold, silver, stones, etc.

   6. A little white vinegar + warm water, with an old toothbrush. Makes it all sparkly again!

   7. A little white vinegar + warm water, with an old toothbrush. Makes it all sparkly again!

   8. I use the jewelry cleaner/brush freebies from our jeweler — I guess I could start turning it down when we purchase something, because it’s taken me 10 years to finish using one of them and I now have a 4-jar stockpile in the linen closet…

   9. I use a microfiber towel or toothbrush, and some stainless steel cleaner because I already have it. I have no idea if it’s the right thing to do, I’ve only cleaned my jewelry once or twice, but it came out nicely.

   10. I found a recipe on pinterest. I only use it on gold/diamonds jewelry, not anything silver or fake. Boil water, put a square of aluminum foil in the bottom of a small bowl, add one tsp salt, baking soda and a squirt of dish soap. Drop jewelry on foil, pour boiling water on top. Leave until water is cooled (at last 10-15 minutes), remove and brush lightly with a clean, soft toothbrush.

       This leaves my wedding rings SPARKLING!

   11. Pearls, opals and other soft stones need special cleaning. They can be destroyed by the same process that helps diamonds or metals.

   12. For my body jewelry (pierced nipples), I clean it with alcohol wipes. I would say do the same for a nose stud.

       1. Oooooohhh, can we discuss this??? I’m really interested in getting them but I’m a bit terrified. How do you like yours? Any challenges while healing?

          1. I LOVE them. I have small barbells (titanium). Healing was super easy. I had very little pain, warmth or discharge during the healing process. I love that I’m sitting here in a suit and no one, literally no one, would ever guess what’s going on under my blouse.

             DO IT!

             1. In counterpoint – I had this done in college. One of them, my body essentially rejected – it healed in such a way that the ring got pushed out, and I have so much scar tissue from it that re-piercing wasn’t an option. The other healed up fine, but my now-H wasn’t a fan, so I removed it when we got engaged, and I have scarring from where that one healed up as well. I’ve also been advised by my OB/GYN that I’ll likely have problems bre@$tfeeding down the line because of the scar tissue, although I don’t have kids yet so can’t confirm whether that’s true.

                The actual piercing/healing process wasn’t super-lengthy or painful, and I did like them while I had them, but overall, I don’t think I’d do it again.

             2. And to be clear, I had the piercings done at a highly-regarded shop in a large city, using surgical-grade equipment and materials, so this wasn’t a “the shop messed up” scenario, as least as far as I could tell.

             3. Sorry about your experience.

                I’ll add that I have already had my children and have also had a bre@st-lift (with augmentation). So the bre@stfeeing issue wasn’t a factor for me. That’s part of the reason I waited until I was 39 to do this; although it’s something I’ve wanted for 2 decades.

          2. I have a recent nipple piercing too (just the one!). Quickest healing process of any piercing I’ve had. Some bleeding and tenderness the first few days, but after that it was perfectly fine. Don’t be scared!

          3. I had them in university but took them out several years ago. I can’t really remember why- I think I just got tired of the look. I healed fine with no issues and liked them while I had them. Never had any issues (unless you include having to think about visibility when dressing- I’m small of chest but no freeboobing it unless you want everyone to see the barbell through your shirt!) Even when i look really close its hard for me to make out the scars now.

2. I dropped my 5S that I’ve had for 1.5 years and now the screen is a mess. Should I pay $129 to Apple to replace he screen, get a 6, or get a cheap Android? I really don’t want to spend the money for a 6.. (But a bigger screen would be nice.)

   1. Get a Samsung Galaxy S5 or S6. Cheaper than an iPhone but still pretty top spec.

      1. And I swear Samsung’s screens are more durable. I see a lot of cracked iPhone screens. I drop my samsung all the time and haven’t had issues.

      2. IME if you’re used to an iPhone, Android is a step down in functionality and design. I have a personal iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy for work, and I hate using the Galaxy. Also, I’ve dropped both phones, but the Galaxy screen is cracked and the iPhone is fine. Might just be luck of the drop. Anyway, I’d say replace the screen, but price it at different places first.

         Also, I miss Blackberry!

         1. Actually, I am a crazy Android user that has my phone super tweaked, so I find iPhones to be a step down in the functionality that I use and prioritize – and my whole world is in the Google/Amazon universe, not Apple, so it would be a lot to changeover. Basically, people like what they are used to and change is hard.

            If you wants a smartphone just becuase he likes that it has a touchscreen, web browser and camera like how much mother and sister use their iPhones and Androids – yes, probably ok to switch after an initial learning curve to figure out how to get his email and take a picture.

            If you are even a moderately advanced or power user with a lot of apps, or if you don’t deal well with change (why do I have to press here instead of there? etc) it will be painful.

            It would be a HUGE switch for me to go to an iOS system, not to mention I would have to re-purchase a crap ton of apps, if they are even available – so that would add up fast.

            +1 to missing Blackberry. And actually, if it was still supported and could handle 4G I would take back my old PalmOS phone from 2010 in a heartbeat. A lot of the functions that were so “innovative” in iPhones already existed in the old Palm phones – they just weren’t as well known or widespread.

   2. I’ve had a screen replaced at a mobile repair shop for $50. You may want to look into one in your area.

      1. This! Check out Yelp reviews to make sure they’re reputable, but yeah — mobile repair shops are cheaper and great.

   3. My brother just broke his screen like you. He was a lifetime iPhone user…. but got an Android. So cheap.

   4. I would get the screen repaired.

      If you’re used to the iPhone you won’t like the android.

      My husband did what you’re suggesting – switched to an android because it was cheaper – and had the only non iPhone in the house hold. Yes, the android is *supposed* to be similar to the iPhone. The apps are *supposed* to be the same. But none of the supposed-to-be things were true. It was a huge disappointment. He was really happy to switch back to an iPhone.

      1. I think this is a huge YMMV thing – Android is JUST the OS, whereas iPhone is hardware + OS. Android is an OS that can be put on a large range of smartphones by many different manufacturers, which means you can have a broad user experience range as well. You shouldn’t expect to pay half the cost of the iPhone hardware for a new Android phone and get exactly the same level of performance. For this, as a lifelong Android user (I still have my G1 in the drawer someplace) it is all about the reviews on CNET and other reputable places before I buy.

   5. Spend the money on a new phone. The 6 will be faster and will last you some time. My husband has an android and I hate using it.

   6. Get a 6 Plus. I went from 4S to 6+ and it’s freakin’ amazing. I got a glass screen protector, after a similar incident.

      1. The glass screen protectors are fantastic.

3. What are your best tips for preparing to leave the working world and go back to graduate school full-time? I’m going to be doing a two-year program and my husband will come with me and find a new job (if all goes well…). I’m going to try to get a research assistant position or potentially stay on-call at my current job (which is in a related field to my degree). I’d love any tips on adjusting to the different schedule, saving money, getting the most out of a program – anything you can offer would be much appreciated!

   1. What are you going to graduate school for??

      I got so much value out of paid internships during my graduate career, I am a big advocate for them. In my field and in my moderate cost city, they paid around $16/hour or so (this was a few years ago) which was enough to offset quite a bit of my costs.

      My sister just went back to graduate school and her husband found some online resources. The biggest thing he had to adjust to was that her ‘free’ time was no longer free- she had schoolwork to do.

      My sister had to adjust to feeling a bit ‘Billy Madison’ at times (she’s 28, so not too far away from school) and found that she needed to brush up on some statistics basics that she hadn’t looked at in a while. She picked up ‘stats for dummies’ and just briefly reviewed it.

      Congrats and good luck!

      1. (Hi Clementine! How are you and your little guy doing?)

         1. Hi! We’re awesome, he’s getting huge and just starting to get really really fun. I’m also getting really good at typing one handed.

      2. +1 to reviewing schoolwork that you haven’t dealt with in a while. Can you put yourself through an online class to refresh things that would be pre-reqs for your program? For instance, stats or calc, if relevant, or start reading some of the books on a current syllabus to get yourself back into the “reading a crap ton every night” mode.

         Also talking about the Plan B, C and D options. What if your husband CAN’T find a job in the city where your grad school is? Do you do long distance for a while? Does he move anyway and how long will your emergency fund last if that happens? etc, etc, etc

         Start living on a grad school budget now. Have money directly withdrawn from your paychecks or bank account into savings, and live on what you will live on then.

   2. Depending on your current job schedule, be prepared to have less mental free time than you did while you were working. At least for me, when I was done with work I was ~done~ and could turn that part of my brain off, while at school there was always the next paper or assignment or homework or studying or job searching that I needed to be doing or thinking about, so I had a lot less truly relaxed time and that took a lot of adjustment for me. Hopefully you and your husband have good communication and will talk about your mental workload as well as the “visible” workload like assignments, chores, etc. Some days even if I was home studying all day I’d be too exhausted to make dinner, and that took some adjustment for me and my husband, whose first reaction would be “but you were just hanging out at home all day.”

      As for budgeting, I became the master of weekly, cheap meal prep and throwing dinner parties. That way I still had a social life and ate well but wasn’t spending a ton on fancy cocktails and restaurants.

      Good luck at school and in your new life!

   3. I think the best thing I did in grad school was treat it like a 9-5 (realistically more like 8-7…) job. I got up around 6/6:30 every weekday, even if I didn’t have to be at class or my internship until later; worked out; and then did homework/reading from 8-whenever I had to be somewhere. If I had a break in the day, I almost always did work instead of chilling or napping undergrad-style. And then in the evenings I took a break for dinner before putting in a few more hours. This was adjusted as needed for deadlines and preserving my sanity, but the basic pattern stayed the same: between the hours of 8 and 7 I was either 1) in class, 2) at my internship, or 3) doing work, unless I had a compelling reason not to be (“don’t have much due this week and am in good shape with my thesis” + “friend wants happy hour” did qualify as a compelling reason).

      You definitely already know this, but also: do not procrastinate. If you’re in a program with a lot of papers, they are probably going to be longer, more intense, and require more research/citation/etc. than in undergrad. If you have a dissertation/thesis required in order to graduate, this is even more important–when you have to turn in a 100-page piece of work, there is no way to pull that off the night before, no matter how much of a genius you are. Your advisor will likely give you a work plan with deadlines for chapters–stick to it, even if you’re busy, even if your research isn’t going great, even if you have the first and only panic attack of your life about your lit review (raising my hand here…). Some people in my program (mostly the people who came straight out of undergrad, now that I think about it) really struggled with this and had a rough time around the time our theses were due, because the deadlines weren’t “real.” Which no, they weren’t, but if you didn’t meet them you were going to get smashed like a bug or turn in a sh****y thesis.

      There will be a lot of different ways to get the most out of your program, depending on what your strengths are and what areas you want to maximize on. Networking was huge for me, and my internship placement was even bigger because it led directly into a full-time offer when I graduated; serving on committees and volunteer stuff through my school ended up being a waste of my time, even though those are the activities that were the most helpful for me as an undergrad, and I completely cut them out after my first semester. YMMV.

      Good luck! I really miss grad school sometimes…do not miss undergrad at alllll but I have zero regrets on my g-school time. Met some great people, found some great mentors, learned some new skills, discovered I’m good at research, will be able to get into a PhD program if I ever need to.

      1. This is my strategy, I arrive at 8 and leave at 5. I often do work at the weekends but having the discipline to arrive and leave at a decent hour is helpful. It helps that my husband works on campus so will drag me out if necessary although I do tend to be the default for parcel deliveries and home repairs. Figure out an exercise routine that works for you / helps keep you sane- I have a lunchtime walk and a non-negotiable 2x week yoga class.

   4. I finished grad school two years ago and did it part time while I was working full time. My advice is, since you will be full time, really really use this time to build your network. Attend conferences, seminars, events, start an email group, get to know people. It is INVALUABLE and I’ve had to play catch up. Use the fact that you are a student to reach out to people you otherwise wouldn’t – being in grad school makes this so much easier. Good luck & have fun!

4. Hive, I need a reality check to see if I should be leaning in. I work in finance and make $80k at a job that’s essentially 9:30-6 with ad hoc late nights. I’m 5 years into my career and I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to be a lifer at this firm (5 years with same firm, 1.5 years in current role). I really enjoy the hours and culture but i feel like I should move to another firm or bank to maximize my earning potential given that’s I’m only 27. But at the same time, I know hours will be longer and it may not be the lifestyle I want. DH and I have no other debt aside from a mortgage which is already half paid off given our large down payment years ago. We’re planning to start TTC in a year. I know a lot can happen between now and then but if you were in my shoes, would you leave an otherwise satisfying job?

   1. Is your goal to maximise your career/ earnings or to maximise your life enjoyment?

   2. DON’T DO IT!!!! Especially if the only goal is some extra money that it sounds like you don’t really need (which is awesome!), v. better quality work, other professional goals.

      Love,

      Someone who “leaned in” and is now spending all her extra money on therapy. Money really can’t replace happiness.

      1. I guess the internal pressure is because I started with a cohort of 15 associates (spread among different dept) and I’m the only one that has stayed this long. Everyone has moved on to other things I sometimes I wonder if the grass is really greener. OTOH, DH works in public accounting with busy seasons and really long hours making a similar amount. At the end of the day, I know there’s more to life than money but with all the talk of leaning in, I can’t help but feel like I’m “settling” or becoming complacent.

         1. Are you settling or being complacent? Or are you feeling that way only because you think that’s how you should feel?

            I would stay where you are and enjoy having free time and enough money to enjoy life. I was really ambitious for a while and my life was miserable. After 2 years at a firm where my life was miserable, 2 years in gov’t where the people were miserable, and 2 years doing random other stuff, I “settled” on a job with interesting work, great coworkers, set hours, no evenings and weekends, with a decent salary. I have time to socialize, participate in my activities and hobbies, volunteer, etc. So what if I never have a corner office or an office ever again? I DGAF. I have no regrets.

         2. Do you still keep in touch with your peers from this firm? I’d reach out to them to have coffee and get a sense of what their current jobs are like compared with the old. Or any other friends you have roughly at your level who are in different environments.

            Believe me, I totally get the urge to feel like you’re maxing out your potential. I’m your age, but in law, and felt the same way at my old firm. That’s part of the reason I made the switch to a bigger, higher paying, more prestigious firm/more prestigious area of law, and now I’m miserable because I fell into a toxic work situation. I know that my situation is somewhat uniquely toxic, but the fact is that this sort of behavior would never be allowed to fly in an environment with better culture, and big firm cultures largely blow. Even in a less toxic environment, having someone drop some BS on your desk at 5pm and ask you to turn it around by tomorrow morning-when it isn’t even urgent- is very demoralizing when you have a family you want to be with.

            Regardless, the further away from grad school I get and the more my friends and I are settling into lives with partners, families, babies, pets, vacations…. the more that stuff seems to matter and actually produce happiness for me, and the less compelling being at the “top” of my intellectual/professional game. YMMV. I never thought I’d feel this way! I agree with the suggestion of pursuing hobbies. Maybe volunteer for or join a board for an org your passionate about?

      2. Yay! Kat, another great pick! I can not buy this, but I can show Rosa, as she has an UNLIMITED clotheing budget now that Ed got promoted to Manageing Director! YAY for Ed!

         As for the OP, do NOT go for the money. Trust me, you have a husband, and you are young enough to bear children! More money in the bank will NOT get you a husband or children or a decent job. Trust me, I have the scars on my tuchus to prove that workeing hard every day will NOT get you a decent man–only a man who want’s your money to spend on his drinkeing. FOOEY on men like this. My Sheketovits typified the type of man you do NOT want. But there are SO many Shetovitezes out there, of every race, colour or creed. They see a workeing woman with a brain and a salary, and they see $ sign’s in their head, and how they can just leech off of us. Do NOT even think of being that woman. You are on a different track, hopefully will become a mommy soon, and retire PERMANANTENLY from the work force, like Rosa did.As long as you keep your DH happy, that is all you have to worry about.

         That is exactley where I want to be by this time next year! YAY!!!!!

   3. To me, hours and culture matter a TON, especially if you are TTC. If you have doubts about the lifestyle and don’t feel like it’s something you really want (i.e., you’d be doing it only because you feel like you “should”), then I would stay where you are.

   4. Do not change jobs – use your free time to do all the fun stuff you can’t do when pregnant or with a small child. Enjoy your free time because post kids it’s a lot harder to have that amount of free time. Wish I could sleep in and go for brunch with the girls every weekend – now it’s like once a quarter.

   5. If you aren’t unhappy with your job, I would suggest looking into hobbies that fulfill me rather than switching jobs.

   6. Rather than leaning in vs. not, I’d frame this in terms of maintaining your attractiveness in the employment market, even if your present job seems to be a perfect fit, even a ‘lifer’. The finance industry has its share of technological, regulatory and business change, and no one I know from a decades-long career who thought they had a job for life is still employed at the same place, whether by choice or not.

      If you got restructured out of a job tomorrow, what would your resume look like ? Do you have deals, projects or other achievements to your credit which would be recognised by potential employers ? Would you have an effective network to kickstart a job search ?

      1. ss- great reply. Second all of this. You don’t want to be a 10+ year employee with no outside network, no big project successes. I’ve seen this happen in finance and the result is not pretty.

   7. Your job sounds great. I would stay. You are doing fabulous in life…… a great job for a good income with good hours, a husband (!! lucky !!), no debt. You may be one of the lucky ones who realizes early in life what is truly important…

      Enjoy!

   8. Huh, I’m surprised to see a 27 year old considering being a lifer.

      From what I read about Millenials, and I realize these things are generalizations, they are more likely to view work as contract- or project-based and are more likely to switch companies than their older counterparts were. The logic is, why would you be loyal to a company when the company has no loyalty to you? Millenials have grown up seeing their parents laid off from companies they thought they’d retire from.

      I also work in Finance, but I’m 50. When I read the above I thought, Millenials have it right.

      There has been so much consolidation and restructuring in finance, it would be foolish to think the company you work for now is going to look exactly the same 10 or even 5 years from now. And it would be foolish to think that the job you are working right now will always be there for you.

      Not to be all doom and gloom. If you are happy with what you are doing now by all means keep doing it. But keep your options open. Do not decide at the tender age of 27 that you are a “lifer”, because I guarantee you, your company will have no such loyalty to you if it hits hard times. Network, keep in touch with friends at other companies, and definitely do not rebuff anyone who approaches you about other opportunities.

      1. +1. OP, maybe your fear of “becoming complacent” is a good indication that you should ramp up networking, even if you have no plans to switch jobs. It’s always a good idea to have a healthy professional network. Maybe join some professional organizations, update your resume, pretend you are about to start job-searching, just to see what you’d have to do. Then come up with an appropriate frequency with which to keep doing that — just in case you do get laid off or you decide you would like to switch jobs. Definitely don’t paint yourself a “lifer” just because you’ve worked somewhere for five years.

      2. FWIW, I’m 28 and am likely a “lifer” with my company. I don’t anticipate my job will be exactly the same, but I would be surprised if I don’t retire from my company in some capacity.

         That said, I’m not naive and realize that I am an at will employee. I keep a resume up to date and continue to network and ensure that I am in employable at companies other than mine.

   9. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again – if TTC were not part of the one-year plan, would you be happy staying? If yes, stay. If no, then start brushing off your resume and see what’s out there. Getting antsy and looking around is not immediately akin to jumping ship. Conversely, it’s totally ok to be the one person left from a large class of hires. I am. I stuck around to make partner and am happy I did. Sure I wonder about other missed opportunities, but I’m happy where I am. Just don’t base it on the TTC thing so much. There’s only so much you can control, so you need to be happy despite what happens with that.

   10. You are in an incredible, enviable position: well-compensated for the hours you put in (especially considering your age), at a job wherein the stress isn’t eating you alive, married to a husband who earns good money, no non-mortgage debt.

       You have some small room for improvement, but a LOT of room to go downhill. Whatever changes you make should be with that in mind.

       If I were in that position, I would either (a) just stay in the job while TTC, figuring that it’s better to be in a company you like, in a role with reasonable hours, when an infant might be in the picture; or, if TTC isn’t that immediate of a concern, (b) look strategically at different opportunities, and apply sparingly to them. Basically, if something is an improvement in quality of firm, career advancement opportunities, and pay, while keeping hours relatively similar, apply. Otherwise, don’t. If there are any red flags during the interview process, don’t bother.

       You’re in the enviable position of having a really good deal going between pay, quality of life, and hours. Be (expletive) sure it’s an improvement before leaving.

   11. If you have enough money for the lifestyle you enjoy, time to enjoy that lifestyle, and you like your work and feel challenged and growing, then you have the dream!

       5 years in the firm but only 1.5 in current role suggests enough potential for movement that you can grow intellectually/professionally within an organizational culture that is a good fit for you. It’s not like you are saying that you will be doing the same job forever. It’s unusual to be a lifer these days but honestly it sounds like you are in a very good place.

       Totally agree with Maddie Ross – taking TTC off the table – do you feel like you have good life now? If not, make a change. If so, then why mess with what’s working?

5. I have a date on Saturday, and I already have pre-date jitters! In fact I’ve had them since Monday when we agreed to make some sort of plan this weekend. Is this normal? How do I cope with said jitters this far out? I try to dance out the nerves when I can, I’m listening to music which seems to help temporarily, and I’m super busy this week but no matter what I’m doing I’m thinking of this guy and how much fun the date’s gonna be. What else can I do to help calm myself down?

   1. Is this a first date? Sounds like you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Sure, it might be super fun, or it might not.

      1. Trollnonymous, you have outdone yourself today! Bravo!

         1. I don’t think this was a trolly comment at all.

            Jitterbug, someone here recommended when I was online dating to have multiple dates lined up with different people. It took all the pressure off. I could go on a Thursday night date thinking that if it was a dud that I still had someone else scheduled for Saturday. If you met the guy online, maybe you can try to set something up with someone else for the following week. It sounds counterintuitive but it relieved a lot of pressure.

   2. I totally understand being nervous/excited/!!! about an upcoming date, but I will respectfully have to agree with Anonymous at 9:30. Lady! You are 100% setting yourself up for disappointment, because there is no way the reality of your date is going to match the date you’re having in your head, even if the real date is fine. You can’t tell yourself not to feel the feelings, but you can mindfully decide not to dwell on it, e.g., “Oh man I am so excited for Saturday with Hotty McHotterson, it’s going to be great…I hope but I have no way of knowing that, how about I text that friend to check in with her since I haven’t heard how her new job is doing?” On repeat.

      I don’t have massively huge amounts of dating experience, but I can tell you that some of my nicest ones have been the ones where I went in with zero expectations (including the one where I met my BF); some of the most disappointing ones have been the ones that I built up wayyyy too much in my head. If it’s a first date, you want to go in with your highest hope being that you will spend a pleasant 45-60 minutes with another reasonably pleasant human, and that conversation isn’t hideously awkward.

   3. The best first-date advice I’ve ever gotten was to pre-game first dates. A glass of wine or like 1/2 a beer settles my pre-date jitters and makes me a skosh more talkative.

6. This is a genuine question. Do people actually wear dresses like this to work? This seems a little c-tail partyish to me (or maybe it’s because it’s styled without a blazer)? Thoughts?

   1. Depends on the material. But the style / shape absolutely. This is kind of dowdy for a cocktail dress (depending on age and party type etc. )

   2. I’d wear this for sure. It’s no low cut, it’s not too short, it’s not tight. In winter with a cardigan in summer with bare arms.

   3. I would wear it to work on a normal day with a blazer or cardigan over it. It would also be great for an office-to-evening outfit (removing extra layer.

   4. I’d definitely wear it to work but only with a blazer or jacket (or a cardigan on Friday) as we’re not allowed bare arms (business formal dress code). I’d probably specifically wear it on days I knew I had something after (party, drinks, dinner) because it seems perfect for that. I wouldn’t like wear it to a cocktail party that I was going to from home (its a bit dowdy), but I’d be perfectly suitable for some bar association function, removing the blazer and adding a necklace.

   5. As a political staffer, my closet is full of similar dresses. J.Crew, Antonio Melani, etc. I am on my phone, but from here at least, I don’t see how this dress is any different than any other work dress. I wear suits when I know I’m heading to a meeting with lots of old men and need to show my authority, otherwise I live in sheaths.

   6. I wouldn’t wear a crepe dress to work, but I’d wear this dress in another material.

      1. Yes. It’s the material that takes it out of the day time category for me.

7. 1) looking for a more fitted cardigan to wear with sheath dresses. price range up to $80 but really hoping to stay under $50.

   2) any deodorant brand you recommend that doesn’t leave a white residue?

   Thank you!!

   1. 1) Personally I like LE supima (or something like that) cardigans, but they may not be fitted enough for you. I just think they’re really good quality and cheap enough to buy in lots of their great colors.

      2) The best deodorant I’ve found in terms of no-white-residue is Arm & Hammer naturals. It’s a clear gel stick. It goes on clear, but it takes a few minutes to dry — otherwise it leaves a clear residue. And it is one of my favorite scents for deodorants ever. I also think Tom’s of Maine in the Wild Lavender scent is good — actually, it’s pretty similar to the Arm & Hammer.

   2. I love Uniqlo for cardigans – today I’m wearing a red 100% merino one which was £20

   3. The blazer style cardigan Kat featured a couple weeks ago is perfect for this for me. And $45.

   4. Check Woolovers

   5. Put your deodorant on at night before you go to bed. It is actually just as effective, and you won’t get white residue on your day time clothes.

   6. I use Old Spice deodorant (not antiperspirant) in Fiji. Not too manly, and no antiperspirant, therefore no residue.

   7. Someone asking about dress shields the other day got the “Go natural” advice. I am experimenting w/ Toms Lavender so I’ll report back if the stains go away!

8. Not sure there’s any action here – just a rant.

   My boss is a native English (not British) speaker but struggles with subject/verb agreement. Especially when it comes to collective nouns. Due to the nature of our work, he makes an error like this at least once a day – often more, often in writing to important people. E.g., “The team have requested,” “The Regulator are asking,” etc.

   This would be bad enough, but he’s often commenting (incorrectly) on other’s grammar. For instance, he recently snickered that someone said “insecure” instead of “unsecure.” When I told him I believed the former was correct, he guffawed and insisted he was right.

   He also pronounces “etc” “eK cetera,” a term he says about twice a minute.

   Don’t think I can correct him on anything, especially given his reaction to my one correction. It just drives me absolutely insane – to the point where I want a new job just to get away from this guy.

   1. Yikes. That is way harsh, Tai.

      Compared to some of the stories we hear about terrible bosses, grammar and pronunciation mistakes do not seem like a strong basis for wanting a new job just to get away from the guy, but, of course, that’s your prerogative.

   2. That would drive me insane!

   3. I had a boss that was just the same. I tried to tough it out but it was like death by papercuts. Eventually I exploded and quit in a ball of fury that had more to do with putting up with years of her ignorance and stupidity than the actual “reason” for quitting. It was dramatic and awful, but I have never looked back with regret over leaving.

   4. Ha! I had a boss who would randomly throw “in which” into most of his sentences in an attempt to sound smart. Example, “the quarterly results for this line, in which the results were unfavorable.” Or “these exhibits in which show the results for the line.” ???

      It was kind of like that viral video of the pageant contestant and her compulsive “such as”-es.

      It drove me crazy and embarrassed me in an embarrassing-dad way during meetings with higher ups. I wanted to wear a shirt that said “I’m not with him.”

   5. Same here. Nothing you can do about it, with a man. They don’t realize how incompetent they are.

   6. Perhaps you can remind yourself that, in some of the cases of difference, neither party is “correct”, you are just speaking different dialects. For example, in British English, “the team are” is an example of correct subject-verb agreement, while this would be incorrect in American English. It can be quite challenging to adopt a new dialect of one’s first language as an adult. I would recommend patience.

   7. This makes me snicker because you could be talking about my husband!

9. Any suggestions for wrap blouses that might work for a long torso. I am typically an XS on top but with my long torso am struggling to find things that cover my midsection when I raise my hands. I love the Deneuve from M.M. La Fleur but have the same problem with it and am sadly sending it back. As this style of shirt isn’t meant to be tucked, it’s a real challenge to find something with the right length (but it’s such a great style for my post-twin stomach)

   1. I just bought a couple from the Limited (these were only available online) and even the regular length is quite long. I think they also come in tall.

   2. Wear a long cami (in a coordinating or matching color) under the blouse, and tuck it in to avoid exposing your midsection.

10. I’m 32, no kids. For the past few months, I feel like my bladder isn’t as strong and like I leak a little pee from time to time. At first it was just if I have a really big sneeze, but now it’s even more often, like sometimes when I’m just sitting down and re-crossing my legs. I don’t know that anything actually comes out, but I just feel like it could. Is this normal?

    1. It’s common but not “normal”. You don’t have to live like this. You should talk to your doctor and also search for pelvic floor exercises. If you’re not doing kegels, start now.

       1. Also recommend lots of squats. Not even necessarily with weights. Like 5 minutes in the morning.

    2. I don’t know about normal, but this happens to me quite a bit – when I run, sneeze, whatever. Posters here have mentioned something about pelvic floor physical therapy, but it doesn’t bother me enough to look into it. Probably gross, but whatevs.

    3. It’s somewhat common – it’s happened to me occasionally, same age, no kids, occasionally if I sneezed hard or laughed too much, or occasionally when I would run. I think part of what exacerbated it for me at one point was how I was sitting, with my lower back arched too much. It’s mostly gone now, I think lower ab exercises and watching my posture have helped.

    4. Common but not something you have to live with. You can go to PT for this – I did after having kids. One session might benefit you so you know you’re doing the exercises correctly, especially since it’s getting worse. Core muscles are important plus kegels and the opposite of kegels (pushing out)… but don’t kegel while you pee, cutting off your stream has actually been proven bad. Also, don’t cross your legs at the thigh, if you must cross, cross at your feet.

    5. Ugh the “just do Kegels” thing drives me crazy. This is pretty exclusively a women’s problem so naturally it isn’t taken very seriously by the medical establishment. Just do your Kegels instead of sitting around eating bonbons all day, you lazy sow.

       If this affected as many men as it does women, there would be entire wings of hospitals dedicated to finding a solution.

       No real advice other than to say Kegeling did nothing for me and it is not your fault! Just try to keep your bladder as empty as possible.

       1. I don’t think “just” kegels is the only solution on offer here! Lots of people have suggested going to her GP. There is PT for this. There is biofeedback training for this. There are more extreme device and surgical solutions that she would probably not be a candidate for, but some women with severe symptoms get. There are even medications that can be tried, although the side effects are probably worse than the problem in a lot of cases. There are lots of options here, but like usual, we would recommend the most conservative option with the least side effects first, especially since it is often very effective! If you are still having issues I would recommend returning to your physician to discuss the next line of treatment options.

    6. If this is a problem that’s really bothering you in your day to day life, go see a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor work (get some referrals – it’s a highly specialized field and some quite intimate work, so make sure you’re comfortable with the person and their approach). I’ve been going to one for the opposite problem (too tense pelvic floor muscles) and it has helped. They can equip you with some exercises (and sometimes tools) so that you can get on top of this now and prevent more problems in the future.

    7. You have symptoms of stress urinary incontinence. A urologist can make the diagnosis, recommend treatment plan (probably PT, as incontinence drugs are usually for urge incontinence).

11. I interviewed for a job several months ago, and they decided not to fill it. Well, they called me last week and asked what I wanted! I am going back in on Friday to meet the team, and I assume commence negotiations. What all can I negotiate? I want more money, obviously, but what else? Their benefits are kind of awful, but I can switch to my husband’s health insurance.

    Ideally, I’d like to at least maintain my current PTO, and I want to make sure that they are flexible on hours (I work early and pick up the kids, husband works later and drops off the kids). And I’d like the ability to telecommute occasionally, too. How can I ask about all this without sounding high maintenance?

    1. Wait for an actual offer (in writing) from them first. That gives you a baseline to start negotiations. Anything before that is premature. You can check talks in general terms about their schedule (so that you have an idea of the flex time options) but don’t talk anything specific until you have an offer in hand.

       1. Missing an edit function…You can talk in general terms…

    2. If you’re switching to your husband’s insurance, could you have them give you a bump in pay reflecting the fact that they’re not paying insurance for you? I’m guessing they’ll be a cost to add you to his plan so they could at least cover that.

       1. Do you know for sure you can go on his plan? My husband works for a large corp with great benefits, so I planned to switch to his insurance, but they have a clause that if the employee’s spouse is offered their own insurance through work, they can’t be on the company plan.

          1. Yes, I can be on his plan. We just did a pretty thorough comparison during annual enrollment, and current employer was cheaper. But I can definitely switch to his plan.

    3. 1. Wait for a written offer. If they try to negotiate before giving you a written offer, tell them you’re looking for “the most competitive package they can offer” or something like that (i.e., a non-answer).
       2. Make sure you can go on your H’s health insurance!!!
       3. First and foremost, negotiate salary. Dollars. Base, bonus, whatever. But straight dollars.
       4. Then negotiate insurance: health insurance (if you don’t need it, ask for a salary bump), life insurance, etc.
       5. Then negotiate time off, flex time, and work-from-home policy. (You can begin this conversation by asking what they offer, what their policy is, etc. If you’ll be non-exempt, ask whether you’re permitted to “make up” hours missed or if you’re just charged vacation time for any time out of the office.)
       6. Then negotiate all other benefits — anything else offered by the company that you want — e.g., free parking, cell phone reimbursement, laptop, commuting expenses, emergency childcare, winter weather accommodations, etc.

       Start all of your negotiations by asking what they offer. Make sure you understand what they offer. Ask lots of questions, and see if they change what they offer, based on your questions. If not, ask if they can offer you XYZ that you want. Good luck!

    4. Definitely wait for an offer. Be warned, I had this conversation once after I had an offer, and they pulled it back. Turns out their idea of work-life balance was 10 hour butt-in-seat days and being available on your phone during vacations and evenings. (I’m not an attorney and this was not for a position with billable hours, and it paid less than $70k in a HCOL east-coast city) It was a blessing in disguise but be ready for that.

       Also be aware… it’s not a lot to ask for, but it’s a lot to ask for off the bat. I’ve seen new managers come in to teams adjacent to mine keeping their old schedule (kind of what you described – in early/out early) and while I’m sure they make their hours, EVERYBODY gives a side eye because it’s like, you’ve been here for two weeks and your team is still here. Perception from your team matters too and while you may have a valid reason for leaving early (“I want to go sit on my couch and worked my hours today by 2:30 pm” is just as valid as “picking up the kids”), people will evaluate you by it.

12. I missed the discussion yesterday on ethical buying and I had no idea on the chocolate thing. I’m about to go google, but any particular information or resources that would be helpful?

    1. Anti-Slavery International has a campaign going related to child slavery in the chocolate industry, their website has some helpful background information. There’s also a Daily Beast article from September that summarizes a class action lawsuit that’s been filed against several major chocolate growers. I’ll post the links separately.

       I basically buy only fair-trade certified chocolate at this point. Green and Blacks is the most widely available.

       1. Thanks for sharing this Sarabeth. I’m the OP from the post yesteday. So this is an issue for me – I love chocolate. I will definitely follow this for “eating” chocolate. What do you do for baking chocolate? Unsweetened chocolate, chocolate chips, cocoa powder – I currently use them all and I’m chagrined that I might be supporting these practices.

          1. I’m blanking on the name of the company – it might be Equal Exchange, but I’m not positive – that we use for fair trade baking chocolate and chocolate chips. In my area, it’s available at the crunchy co-op, but not at the big chain supermarkets. Green and Blacks do make cocoa powder as well.

             It is super-frustrating to me that this is not something that we can just trust a governmental system to regulate.

          2. You can get fair trade versions of all of those. Check the natural food products section at your grocery store if you can’t find them in the baking aisle.

          3. In addition to “health” (vitamins/organic stuff etc) stores I find it at 10,000 Villages (formerly the MCC store) in Canada. I suspect there are places online as well, but I’m lucky to have a few local options even in my small <100,000 people city

    2. Links: http://www.antislavery.org/english/campaigns/cocoa_traders/default.aspx
       and http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/30/lawsuit-your-candy-bar-was-made-by-child-slaves.html

    3. Yes, take a look at Equal Exchange. I buy their mini chocolates for Halloween and give a little card about slave chocolate. Yes, a downer but hey, its not any worse than being a child slave labourer?

13. Question – I got an unexpected bonus and thought I would put part of it towards a grey suede jacket I’d had my eye on for a while. Except I went shopping last week and saw a beautiful Vince leather jacket in grey and now I’m undecided.

    What are your thoughts on suede versus leather? And any reviews on the Vince jacket? It’s so beautiful and I’ve had my eye on it for a few years so this may be a good time to pull the trigger.

    Thanks all!

    1. I’d go with leather – more practical.

    2. Leather is FAR more practical, durable, and you don’t have to worry about the occasional spring shower.

    3. I was always a big practicality shopper, but I bit the bullet and bought beautiful suede boots this winter. They’ve been such a treat for me. I only wear them on nice days and knowing they need to be babied makes them all the more special for me.

    4. If it’s the draped leather scuba jacket, I’ve had one in black for ~3 years and love mine! looks awesome worn open, zipped halfway for a shawl collar look, or (my favorite) zipped all the way up which creates an asymmetric stand collar look. Vince stuff can run big but the sleeves on this one are pretty fitted. I have size M and am almost always size M/8 in tops.

       suede always starts to look bad around the cuffs and neck of jackets too quickly for my taste.

    5. Thanks all – I think I’m going to pull the trigger on the Vince leather jacket in charcoal. (I already have a black leather jacket).

14. Hi everyone – how do you plan for large purchases (like a house) when one spouse has a potentially very variable income (currently high, but it’s a volatile finance job that could disappear in a day or just pay much much less). Of course no one’s job is 100% safe, but my career is more steady and stable – but also not as lucrative. Only count on my income when we work out what we could afford? Wasn’t sure if anyone has been in a similar boat!

    1. My parents tried to make purchases so that if one was out of work, they wouldn’t lose, say, the house because it required two incomes to support. That way, changes in the job market or in family situations (like when my mom stopped working for 6 months to take care of my grandma) didn’t have the added stress of “need to find a job or we’ll lose the house.”

    2. Underbuy for what you can afford (and maybe just on your income or yours + a lower-wage version of he does or what a replacement job might pay) and consider a larger down payment and/or keeping very liquid (so 9 months of expenses as savings vs 6).

       1. +1 to this. I’d buy based on your income + worst case–but still employed — scenario for his. in a perfect world, it’d be nice to buy on your income alone, but in many markets that isn’t possible. I also ditto the suggestion to keep a larger-than-normal emergency fund available.

    3. Only buy what you can afford on your income.

       Save up a lot to have a substantial downpayment.

       When his income is high, save like crazy to cover you during the downtimes.

       You will save so much money, retire early, and still have a great life with a smaller house. I promise you.

    4. Use the variable income to save for the down payment. Use the fixed income to make the payments.

       1. This is what we did. My job was stable. Dh’s was variable. He saves the down payment. We qualified for the mortgage on my income alone.

          Unfortunately I was laid off 3 months after buying our house, but I was working again within another 3 months, and under buying on the house was a very smart move because I ended up taking a pay cut, and we are still fine. We could still survive on my income alone if we had to.

    5. If your H’s job is a situation in which he will always make at least $X, but currently makes 25x $X, then use his current income to save for the downpayment (and sock away in an emergency fund). Use your income plus his minimum income (i.e., $X) as the basis for figuring out your budget and your monthly payments.

    6. You have to be more conservative than you might like.
       We bought a house with mortgage payments and taxes we could swing without my husband’s big law salary. Meaning, we could live on my pay alone if we had to. It’s not a flashy home, but the peace of mind is awesome for him.
       My self employed dad always had a very volitile income and my mom never worked. He made it work by basically having enough money around to pay the mortgage off if he had to. That money is not necessarily cash, but liquid enough so we he would never lose the house. People are often surprised at that he doesn’t live in a fancier house/zip code but again, peace of mind. Good luck and happy house-hunting!

    7. I would strongly recommend you budget for one or one and a half incomes.

       DH and I make about the same. We have kids. We qualified for and could have swung mortgage payments for House Type A in addition to the nanny and car payments etc, but not with a ton left over to let pile up in savings (outside retirement of course).

       We bought House B, about 30% less, and decided we would save the money for home improvements (big addition) and/or second home. Whelp, whaddya know, not 12 months after purchasing the house, I lost my job. Which was a total shock since I had the “stable” job.

       We are able to pay all our bills without reducing our retirement contributions or dipping into savings. I did pull our kid out of daycare and without doing that we’d be breaking even each month; now we put that $1800 to savings.

       In short, we planned it big purchase so that we could afford more or less our current lifestyle on one paycheck. Since we have a young family with high earning jobs we figured we may be single income by choice or by force.

15. You guys, I’m so sad the grammar thread is over.

    1. ME TOO. I did have one additional favorite I wanted to throw in. People who say “balling” when they mean “bawling”. I saw a great meme once that said “If you’re balling like a baby, these nice officers would like to have a word with you.”

       1. Ha! I am guilty of the immature snicker whenever one of my Facebook friends shares a touching video that had her “balling.”

       2. these are homonyms to my Midwestern ear.

          1. Also Midwest and I agree – I should have specified writing, not speaking.

          2. Right but in writing they are very, very different things…. and if you’re sharing a video on Facebook that had you “balling by the end of it” I probably don’t want to click play.

    2. That may have been my favorite thread ever on thiss1te. I work with and am friends with a lot of smart people, but 98% just don’t care about precise grammar and word usage the way I do. I’ve finally found my people!

       1. Yes. To me, it is disrespectful when someone uses incorrect language when they know the correct language (that is, compare how/what they say to me, as compared with what/how they speak to their bosses or other people they respect). Again, a male characteristic.

    3. Oh I missed it! Just went back and read and laughed out loud in my office. The part about eastern Ohio, western PA regionalisms really hit home for me. I grew up in western PA and went to college with kids from all over the east coast. At one point, a really good friend ribbed me about something I said and I suddenly realized that it was incorrect grammar. I’ve never said “My hairs needs washed” since then!

       1. Ah, but was it “washed” or “warshed”?

          1. Never warshed in my household. It’s funny because my mom was pretty strict about some things (like not saying yoonz). But she definitely made that regional mistake, too!

16. How do you stay motivated to do work when it’s not challenging, interesting, or even part of your field? And, oh yeah, the pay is only adequate AND they just announced no bonuses this year?

    My field is X. I’ve been at my new job for 3 months, and it was my understanding that they were developing their X practice. Well, no, it really turns out that there is no X. They do primarily Y, X’s cousin. Y doesn’t get me excited, but ok, I could deal with it…except that there’s not enough work to go around and I’m deathly bored most of the time. Now to compensate for there not being enough Y, they’ve asked me to step in on S and G, neither of which have a darn thing to do with X or Y and neither of which are normally done by lawyers (think IT consulting and complex admin work).

    I’ve kind of thrown my hands up over this place and having a good attitude is getting difficult when there’s no work in my field (which I’m really passionate about). I’m looking for another job, but I’m feeling guilty about leaving so soon (should I stick around for a full year?)…but I’m worried about performing well enough until I get out of here to leave with my head held high. Advice?

    1. I just do it. Because it’s not coal mining, which my grandfather did his whole life, and because I’m an adult with bills.

       1. Good perspective. I needed to remind myself that my dad’s family were sharecroppers as I sit here whining about my bad internet connectivity.

       2. I recently heard someone else say “It’s not coal mining” – I think that’s my new bad day mantra.

       3. So much this. So, so much.

    2. If your resume looks like you job-hop, then yes, you need to stay for a full year. If you were at your last job for 2+ years, and the one before that for 2+ years, then one “bad fit” is completely understandable, and GET OUT ASAP, girl! You are miserable! The employer didn’t hold up their end of the bargain! Did you have any other offers when you took this job? Go back to those employers and tell them your new job is NOT turning out to be what was advertised and you’re interested, if they’re still looking! Don’t waste another day being miserable.

       1. “If your resume looks like you job-hop, then yes, you need to stay for a full year. ”
          +1 As a hiring manager, staying at a series of places for only 3 or fewer years is an immediate red flag… Those resumes immediately go into the “no” pile.

          On the other had, if your resume is otherwise stellar, staying at a place for <6 months or so, says that the place just wasn't a cultural fit for you. I would probe this during an interview (to assess, e.g., if you are high maintenance, not a team player, etc.), but it wouldn't be an immediate "no" from me.

          1. Eh, if I see someone stay more than 2-3 years at the same place with no change in title when hiring non-lawyers I worry that they lack drive and initiative so as long as you have made it to 2 years in most of your jobs I wouldn’t worry.

17. Hey Kat,

    Thanks for featuring a plus sized find up front and center!!!

    1. Agreed!

    2. +1000

    3. The other thing is, plus size models are usually size 10-12 (and I recently read moving toward size 8) so looking at a garment on the plus size model will give the average straight sized woman a more realistic idea of what it will look like on her.

18. Vicarious shopping help?
    I’m looking for a navy and black blazer or jacket, preferably with some interesting texture (maybe tweed?). Preferably $250 or less, ideally $200 or less. And I’d prefer if the navy and black is a pretty even mix, not just navy with a black leather trim or something.
    I’m looking for this to add interest to basic sheath dresses in those colors, if that helps, and hopefully make more outfits blending the two (e.g., to wear with navy dresses, black tights, and black shoes). Business or business casual is fine.
    Thanks in advance!

    1. No links for you, but I feel like I have seen a blue tweedy jacket at Ann Taylor and also one in the Halogen line at Nordstrom.

    2. I have pants from Express that fit that color description, here is the matching blazer (look closely to see its like a tiny black/blue checked pattern)

       1. http://www.express.com/clothing/women/blue-24-inch-textured-knit-blazer/pro/8894561/cat1910071

       2. and, bonus, its only $108

    3. Just got this and it hits on a lot of your cylinders (though is navy tweed, not navy/black):
       http://www.anntaylor.com/belted-tweed-jacket/387433?skuId=20145859&defaultColor=1246&colorExplode=false&catid=cata000017

    4. This one could work with navy and black: http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/kasper-tweed-open-front-jacket?ID=2584182&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-2-_-17-_-MP217&LinkshareID=J84DHJLQkR4-9x10hp7vz6EWLEfViEMV_Q

    5. Thanks everyone! Lots of great options :)

19. One of my coworkers – whom I previously thought was a very trustworthy and ethical man – got escorted out by the cops for theft from the company this morning. The speed with which this moved (initial discovery of evidence to job termination in less than a week) makes me think he confessed.
    O.O
    Never a dull moment…

    1. So sad. I’m sorry, that sucks.

20. What’s the right way to say (for interview/resuem/cover lteter type purposes) that I can get $hit done in an environment where all other department heads pass the buck, want no accountability, and are content to sit on their laurels until someone (me) makes them take action? And manage to make friends not enemies along the way?

    “Successfully executes [stuff] in a highly political environment” doesn’t quite do it for me.

    1. Takes initiative to successfully overcome workflow complications in a political environment and produce excellent work product

       1. Beautifully said.

    2. You seek high-profile assignments, you rise to the occasion when others are unwilling/unable, you hold yourself to high standards, you meet goals, expectations, and deadlines even if doing so is unpopular by your peers/subordinates….

    3. I’d probably save it for the interview, and think about 1-3 anecdotes that demonstrate the quality, rather than trying to describe the quality itself.

       1. +1 avoid putting down anything negative about previous workplaces on paper. Describing a “highly political environment” or anything similar on your resume would strike me as a lack of judgement and a moderate red flag. Showing through anecdotes in an interview is excellent advice.

21. Since this dress is at Nordstrom, I was wondering if anyone has been having trouble with their Nordstrom account this week? I’ve had issues logging in, and with adding items to my shopping bag or wish list. But when I called customer service they seemed unaware of any larger IT issues.

    Just wondering – it has been frustrating, especially as Kat often posts items from Nordstrom.

    1. No problems for me.

22. I am wondering about the side pleats on this dress. Wouldn’t this dress make a woman who already has wide hips look even wider? I wouldn’t dare wear this dress. It would make me look as wide as a billboard!

    1. I like the side pleats but think they would look odd “cut-off” by a blazer

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