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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 147 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Boapoco Snake-Embossed Pumps

Coffee Break

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Low Snakeskin Heels: Stuart Weitzman Boapoco Snake-Embossed Pumps Oooh: Bloomingdale's is having a one-day sale on their sale shoes, where code SHOESDAY gets you an additional 25% off almost all styles. I've always been a fan of Stuart Weitzman's Poco pumps, and this textured version (in purple! be still, my heart!) looks fabulous. The shoe was $365, then marked to $182; with code SHOESDAY they come down to $136 — nice. Lucky sizes only (of course), but so it goes. Stuart Weitzman Boapoco Snake-Embossed Pumps Here are some other options out there right now in these category killers: black and “adobe aniline” for $365-$498 at Amazon, five colors at Zappos that are rightfully labeled “bridal and evening” for $355, and a tortoiseshell, a floral, and a linen, each $365 at Nordstrom. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    What are your tips for keeping your office tidy? I seem to struggle with collecting things- papers, pens, paperweights, plants, etc.

      • Anonymous

        If I only kept things in my office that sparked joy, only pictures of my kids would be left! Even my computer would be tossed.

        ;)

    • Jelly

      This may not be that helpful if you also *enjoy* collecting the “things” you speak of, but I just love a clean (almost sterile!) look and remind myself of that whenever it starts getting a little out of hand. I am so much more productive when I have a clear work space. I have a few decorative items but keep those to a limit.

      For papers, I toss them whenever possible (making this possible often involves scanning them), everything has its own place (folder), and when I have a single paper that I need to continually reference (think procedural checklist for a project) I put it inside a page protector. I do a the page protector thing for a variety of reasons, but one is that (I think) it looks more intentional and tidier than just having a regular sheet of paper out all the time.

  2. Jelly

    Financial question regarding car payments: Is there a general of thumb for what percentage of your income should be allocated for a car payment? I know the general rule for housing is 30% or less. Is there something like this for cars? I’d love to hear how much (relative to income) people spend on their car payment(s) per month. Thanks!

    • ITDS

      Since a car is a depreciating asset, and really just an appliance, no percentage of income should be allocated to a car payment. Having a rule of thumb for this sounds like a recipe for lifestyle inflation – does each raise then dictate an upgrade?

      Best case, pay cash for a vehicle that suits your needs but not extra for unnecessary fancy brands, huge size, gizmos, etc. Worst case make payments, but get those payments down as close to $zero as you can.

      • Jitterbug

        I’m going to disagree on that. I bought my current car with cash, it was about 6 years old at the time, but in hindsight I wish I’d gotten a loan so I could have gotten a newer, still used but more reliable car in better condition than what I ended up with.

        • Anonymama

          Yeah, and with interest rates as low as they are, making payments might even be arithmetically advantageous compared to paying cash up front, assuming even a very small rate of return in savings.

    • hoola hoopa

      I don’t know of a rule of thumb, but I did the math for you, and ours is about 3% of our monthly take-home. It’s not much, but after we pay mortgage (~30%), daycare (~30%), groceries (~15%), utilities, school loans – it’s a really large chunk of our “free cash” (~50%).

      • ESQuared

        Also 3% of our take home in this corner (take home has taxes, various benefits & the max tax benefit for retirement taken out). We just paid them off, so now it’s 0% & I’m hoping we can keep it at that for the next 5 yrs.

    • ZoomZoom

      Ours is 7.5% of monthly take home after mortgage (22%) and no other debt. We are also very bonus heavy and this calc is based on salaried income only, in case that matters.

    • Idea

      Reduce the # of payments as much as you can. That’s where the interest comes in, is over time.
      Good luck. Car payments suck. Then they end. And you have an old car.

      Sorry, I was at the dealership today to fix the same thing for the third time since Christmas, ugh. But at least we don’t have a car payment!

      • Anonymous

        +1. It’s a mistake to look at the monthly payment as a % of income because the monthly payment can be lowered by taking out a longer-term loan, which drives up the overall costs due to interest.

      • Anonattorney

        Also, negotiate the lowest overall price you can with the dealer, and then discuss financing. They will want to push you to pick a monthly payment — “tell us how much you can afford to pay per month.” Ignore that. Focus on the total price of the car and negotiate that base price down as much as you can. Then figure out how much you can afford to put down and then finance the rest at the lowest possible interest rate.

        I used to drive a clunker. Just bought a new car and it’s had SUCH an increase on my quality of life. My tall husband and I can both fit in it, with a carseat in the back, and can actually take road trips now. The A/C works and the bluetooth system is AMAZING. Blah blah blah lifestyle creep blah blah blah. We are willing to spend bank on our clothes/make-up/accessories/etc., but not on a new car that you use ever y day and for most travel? Nah.

    • Anonymous

      We ascribe to the ‘nicest house and cheapest cars you can afford’ philosophy so we have a great house and a used 5 year old Dodge Caravan and used ten year old toyota – about .75% of our pre-tax income. We spend more than twice that on vacations every year because we love travel and cars are only a necessary evil in our car dependent city.

    • Cat

      No need for a “nice” car for me/hubs as we live downtown — so we bought an inexpensive used Honda and paid cash. I think the purchase price was about 2 weeks’ worth of our joint salaries.

    • anon

      I used to drive a 10 year old Volvo, bought w/ cash @ 5 years old so no payment, but it started costing me $$$ to keep it running. I was the sucker that took it to the dealer every time, too, since they gave me a loaner and I needed a car and needed not to spend 6 hours there. Now I have a new Honda CR-V and I pay about $500/mo @ 2% interest. (Last year I made around $70/k w/ bonuses so you do the math.) (Payment is less but I round up to the nearest 100.) After I finish paying off my student loans next year, I’ll put the “extra” to getting this off the books quickly. All cars suck money, new or used, expensive or not. I wanted something I could drive the family around in, all our junk for trips, and also look nice enough to drive around to see clients, and I totally got it with the Honda.

    • Anonymous

      Our car payments are about 7% of our net take home but 11 months from now they will both be paid off. We could have bought each of them outright but instead got a 2 year @ .7% and 3 year @.9% loans and threw more savings at student loans.

    • Anonymous

      The general rule of thumb (in terms of personal finance) is that you shouldn’t have a car payment (and you shouldn’t be buying a new car unless you’re already rich). For perspective, my husband and I share a car that cost $4000 off Craigslist, which is about 1% of our household income. If you can avoid ever having a car payment, it will have a massive impact on your finances over time. Google “Mr. Money Mustache Top 10 Cars for Smart People” for some good used car choices. Check out “Mr. Money Mustache New Cars and Auto Financing” for more on why car payments don’t make sense.

      • CFP

        Disagree. That’s not a “general rule of thumb (in terms of personal finance.)” #1, the rate you’re paying on financing is a huge factor. If you had to sell $22,000 worth of stocks right now, you would cause yourself many more problems and lose out on a lot of money than if you only took out $500/month to pay for the car, while paying probably some of the lowest rates available within the last decade. #2, If you need your for work, you NEED it to be totally reliable. I commute 40mins to and fro and investing in my car is the best thing I could have done. I owned a $4000 car prior to this and I was constantly stressed about whether it would break down in the middle of the freeway. Not everyone has the luxury of public transportation, or car-sharing with a spouse for that matter.

        (People, this is my rant: stop asking financial questions on this forum and get thee to a CFP!)

        • Anonymous

          You’re totally missing her point. Mr. Money Mustache advocates for buying older vehicles that are well maintained for $5k. If you buy a vehicle that’s known to hold up well – Honda Civic for example, it should have not problem going 200k miles. You’ve then spent $5k versus $22k….interest rates aside.

    • Anon

      A little less than 3% of our take home pay. Bought new and financed at five years for 1.5%. Researched to identify a car I would be willing and able to drive 10 years. The last one was bought on the same basis only at 0.5% for five years. It has 13 years and is still in service. The key factors for me are long term reliability and a model that the body style doesn’t change often or significantly over the years. I don’t rely on any kind of published reliability ratings. Instead I spend evenings cruising internet car repair forums on particular models to see what kind of and how many problems real owners have.

    • Anonattorney

      Most of this advice doesn’t take into account that car loans are CHEAP. You can get super super low-interest car loans right now. I don’t know why you would purchase a car with cash, when you can leverage one at such low rates. If the difference is using that cash to pay off higher-interest debt, or contributing more to retirement, I would rather borrow at 1% interest for the car.

      • Anonymous

        Yup- did this. My parents wanted to buy me a corolla as a graduation present. I kindly asked them for the money to pay off my ed loans (which were @ 7%) and took out a <1% , 0 down loan on the car. Payments were $310/mo for 5 yrs.

      • ZoomZoom

        YES. This. We just bought a car over the weekend and it pained me to pay 2.49% rate when our car from 3 years ago was 1.49%… but since we put a lot down the interest over the life of the loan is pretty darn small, and the 1 point difference between the two cars is tiny. I’d rather drive a nice car, pay whatever the interest is, and not deplete my savings by paying all cash.

    • waffles

      In Canada, Gail Vax-Oxlade has a blog which includes great rules of thumb for the portion of your income that should be spent on different categories. I think if you go through her budget building exercise, the spreadsheet will give you guidelines (for example, transportation which includes lease payments is recommended at 15% of income).

    • Anon

      I’m 37. I regret not showing off my body more in my 20s. Not that I was model-hot, and I was what’s commonly known as “fat”, but I still looked way better then than I do now (thanks, gravity, kids, injuries). Why was I so modest, even prudish? Dang it.

      • Care

        I can’t tell you how many times I’ve regretted being unhappy with my body in my teens/early 20s. I didn’t think about how I would feel that same way about my body now in 10 more years.

      • ano

        I watched documentary where Paulina Porizkova was interviewed and spoke about how much criticism she had from people in the modelling industry about her body in her 20s. She said in retrospect she looked so amazing that she ” should have been walking around naked all of the time.” She said when she is 70 she will think that about her 50 year old self. I find this quite inspiring.

      • Another anonymous judge

        I watched documentary where Paulina Porizkova was interviewed and spoke about how much criticism she had from people in the modelling industry about her body in her 20s. She said in retrospect she looked so amazing that she ” should have been walking around naked all of the time.” She said when she is 70 she will think that about her 50 year old self. I find this quite inspiring.

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m 57 and without a doubt my biggest regrets are (a) marrying my former husband, and (b) staying married to him for as long as I did. Gigantic, gigantic mistake in the face of red flags everywhere. Gah.

      • NOLA

        I’m 51 and yeah, my marriage is probably my biggest regret, too. I loved my college (went away, majored in what I love, went abroad), went to grad school too young, but it ended up being the right thing. Finished two grad degrees without too much debt. Found my passions pretty young and feel lucky. But I married a man on the rebound whom I thought I knew but discovered many red flags way too late and lived with a lot of stress and financial problems, etc. for way too long. If I hadn’t married him, I probably would have had a lot more fun dating other people in my 30s. My 40s were great after my divorce! I didn’t have that confidence in my 20s.

    • Regrets, I've had a few

      I’m 30. I regret going straight from undergrad to law school, and also going to law school at all. I had a full tuition scholarship to undergrad and graduated with zero debt – I should’ve traveled, and taken the time to live somewhere other than the East Coast for awhile, and just generally gone out and had some adventures. Instead I took the LSAT my senior year of college, got a high score, and got pushed straight through by my pre-law advisor, who I trusted at the time but who, in retrospect, did not have my best interests as a person at heart.

      Along the same lines, I regret not dropping out of law school – I got in somewhere fancy, but had a meltdown halfway through my first year. Every fiber of my body was screaming for me to leave, but I didn’t, because everyone told me leaving my Ivy League law school would be the biggest mistake of my life. So I toughed it out, and now I’m a mid-level associate with $95K in student loan debt, shelling out tons of money for the weekly therapy that I need to deal with how much I hate my job, and trapped because I can’t leave until my student loans are paid or I can find an alternative that’ll match my current income, since my family depends on it.

      I am a slave to my debt, and it is crushing. I wish I had taken the time to grow up a little and figure out what *I* actually wanted from life before plowing ahead with what, in retrospect, was other people’s plan for my life.

      • Anonymous

        Oh my. Ditto all of this. Every word. Except replace “Ivy League” with “top 20,” “mid level associate” with “non profit” and “$90k” with “200k.”

      • Regrets, I've had a few

        To both anons, thank you – it helps to know I’m not the only one!

      • anon

        Same for me. Except replace Ivy with Top 20.

        And add regret switching from my reasonably paying small firm with WONDERFUL people but dull work to large law firm to do my “dream” area of law but with a surprise! extremely toxic work environment. Necessitating daily/weekly crying, thoughts of jumping off the parking deck, loads of therapy ($600/month!), antidepressants. No, I’m not the poster from yesterday’s morning thread. Help.

        • Regrets, I've had a few

          Late, but anon at 4:52, get out! If you’re in a large law firm, there are dozens of smaller ones who’d be happy to have you – jump ship, as soon as possible (I left a similar gig after only a year under similar circumstances – exactly zero people I interviewed with were surprised or troubled with how quickly I was leaving my prior toxic firm).

      • Proud Quitter

        I dropped out of a top-3 school after the first year and I think it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

        Still had $30k of debt from that first year but I chalk it up to being an expensive lesson.

    • jacobsladder

      42. I regret not working on my social skills during my 20s. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time (and I’m an engineer so it seems almost normal to be awkward) but when I hit my early 30s I realized if I wanted a family I needed to make changes quickly. This revelation was followed by ~3 years hard-core work on my interpersonal skills which immensely benefited my professional and personal lives. (I’m a much better team player at work now and was able to start that family.)

    • Jr Associate

      I’m 27. My biggest regret is never taking a science class in college and majoring in English because I was “good” at it (without thinking of any of the consequences, like, what comes next?) and then getting a law degree on top of it all without thinking about whether I wanted to be a lawyer. Basically, my biggest regret is not thinking clearly about my future ages 14-24. Fortunately, the degrees were free from top schools but wow I wasted my best educational opportunities.

    • emeralds

      I’m 27. I keep starting responses and then deleting them, because while I have some regrets, if I’d made different choices I also might have ended up with different outcomes, and all in all I’m very happy where I am right now personally and professionally. With that said, I wish I’d studied abroad for a full year in college; I wish I’d majored in something else (I picked something that was easy for me and that I liked okay, instead of really digging into what my university had available); I wish I’d known how to do a job search my last year of college, instead of taking the first thing that fell into my lap (which ended up being fine, but I could have done a lot better); I wish I’d allocated my out-of-the-classroom time in college differently; and I wish that I’d wasted less of my time between 17 and 26 on the wrong men.

      • DC Anon

        I’m 33 and I could have written this exact response. Wish I’d studied abroad, majored in something more skills-oriented, and spent more time taking advantage of all the academic opportunities I had in college. Of course, it all worked out in the end, in the sense that I struggled a lot after college and that struggle propelled me onto a path that turned out to be awesome. But I do wish I hadn’t totally wasted college.

        • CDA

          This is a late response, but it isn’t too late to serve some of these interests! Sure, you can never go back to college in quite the same way (squandering college opportunities is high on my list of regrets as well), but I also regretted not studying abroad. So, now (at 33) I work abroad (hence the late response). It isn’t the same carefree semester away that I might have had at 20, but I’m still in a new place, doing new things, and meeting new people. It’s never too late to make yourself happy.

    • Anonymous

      I regret not studying abroad in college or taking some time off to travel after college. It’s a minor one in the big scheme of things but it’s my most definite regret.

      In some ways I regret going to law school, but not for the usual debt reasons. I had a big scholarship and got a little family assistance and graduated almost debt free and five years in Big Law has given us the financial means to take some incredible vacations and buy a beautiful home. I also met my husband in law school (he’s not a lawyer, but I would not have met him if I hadn’t gone to law school) so it’s hard to say I regret the decision to go to law school. But now I’m 30 and have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I know I don’t want to be a lawyer. I know I am lucky that my husband has a good job and between the savings from my Big Law days and our LCOL area, we can afford for me to take some time off or even go back to school to do something else, but I’m very jealous of all my friends who have found careers they love and I feel like a big failure because I’m 30 and still have no idea “what I want to be when I grow up.”

    • anon for this..

      I’m 31. I regret staying with the wrong guy for way too many years due in large part to guilt and worry that no one else would love me. I had a lot of insecurity and was raised to be very compliant in the sense that I would do whatever I was told and accept any kind of treatment, especially from authority figures and especially from men.

      It sounds kind of ridiculous but I was like… 28? before I realized that if someone made me feel uncomfortable (for example, standing too close to me on an empty subway car) it was okay to get up and move. When I realized that my personal safety could (should!) trump hurting their feelings or insulting them it was like a revelation to me.

      If I ever do meet the right man and get to have children, I’m going to raise my daughters differently.

      • ESQuared

        I struggle with the personal safety vs. making someone uncomfortable thing as well. You’re not alone!

    • AKB

      Pining after an ex-boyfriend through most of my early twenties. I was a mess. And in hindsight, it was a great time in my life – I was making money (not tons, but pretty good), good friends and family, etc.. The world was my oyster! And all I did was cry over some fool that I barely remember these days. I wish I had spent my time truly enjoying the fabulous life I had instead of squandering my youth on wasteful emotions.

      • nutella

        YES, I did this too. But then I always think if I had done something differently, I might not have met my SO. So while I roll my eyes at how stupid I once was, I learned a lot about life, myself, and what I was looking for and am ridiculously happy everyday now. Guess it all worked out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

        • Anonymous

          I feel this way too. I have some (smaller) regrets – I wish I took time off before law school because I think I would have enjoyed it more. I wish I got out of toxic relationships long before I finally found the strength to. But both of those things had indirect impacts on me meeting my husband, and I wouldn’t trade him or our life together for anything :)

    • Anon

      I’m 50. Regrets, I’ve had a few.

      But I wouldn’t be where I am now without making the mistakes I made. So I’d do it all over again pretty much the same way I suppose.

      Echoing the comment above, I wish I’d been easier on myself about my looks when I was younger. And why oh why did I never take a photo of my bOoBs before kids? They were perfect!

      • Anonymama

        I am still bitter about losing my bo0bs to bf ing. Gravity and age would’ve done it too but kids sped it up and yeah, they were perfect!!!

    • Cardinal

      I’m 36. I regret not going away for college, and living within an hour from home. I spent way too many weekends going back home because I was homesick, wanted to do laundry, still involved with my friends back home, etc. Had I moved across the country, I would not have relied on my family as much and “grown up” a bit more.

      With that said, I went to Stanford and the brand name helped me immensely, no doubt.

    • Anonymous

      I’m 30. I regret waiting until I was 23 to get a nose job. It hurt my self-esteem immensely to have a big nose and I wish I had done it a few years earlier (would have improved my confidence by leaps and bounds in college). Getting that taken care of has been the single most empowering thing I have done for myself (more than marriage, more than having kids).

    • AIMS

      34. I wouldn’t change most of what I regret but if I could, I do wish I spent more time with my dad before he died, and with my grandmother, too. The older I get, the more things I want to ask them. Right before my dad died, before I knew that he would, I went to see a show with a friend and her ex boyfriend when I was supposed to go to see him. I would give so much to be able to just change that one decision.

      • Patricia Gardiner

        Hugs. I have a very similar regret. But you couldn’t have known, and he knew you loved him.

    • calibrachoa

      I’m 30, and my biggest regrets to date are in no particular order

      – Not taking languages in school. Having only English sucks
      – Listening to certain adults when I was a teenager
      – spending too much of my 20s pining after a dingbat who didn’t really deserve a second glance
      -dingbats #2 and #3

    • Anonymous

      I’m 28. I wish I hadn’t been so concerned about religion in my teens and early twenties (drank more, partied more, dated more, etc.), but I was raised in a religious household and it took years of being away to become my own person.

    • anon

      I’m 30. My biggest regret is not studying harder in law school. I am a litigator and while I have done ok (biglaw for four years, then boutique), I really love it and wish I could have more work, more trials, bigger clients, more exciting cases, etc. I feel like if I had gotten better grades a lot of opportunities that I really want would not be closed to me now, like a clerkship or a federal government job.

      It’s funny because a lot of people on here complain about how much they hate their biglaw jobs and really want work-life balance, but I would kill for a litigation career that is more high-powered. Grass is always greener, I guess.

  4. APC

    :( My very fun weekend plans (out of town friends visiting, taking a day off work to go to away with them for the weekend) were just cancelled. I’m bummed. Worst part is now DH wants to go to a superbowl party (the only part of the superbowl I like is the puppy bowl), haha. Boooooo. Fun things to do for now a one day girls-only play date in LA?

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love these pump’s and will try them on today at Bloomie’s, Kat, as I have been let back in after about a year of being BANISHED for suposedley scrapeing poopie onto their carpeting. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, you are so lucky. If I were abel to be in LA, I would go on a tour of the star’s houses, and then stop at the MARINA DEL RAY for tea. I had to endure alot of Superbowl parties with Sheketovits at my apartement, where he would sit and eat bean dip and other stuff on my bed, and then go blow up the toilet after a few hours. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c I had to go in there and even the walls seemed to smell for day’s afterward. That is what men do, Grandma Leyeh told me, so I told her I did NOT want a man who ate bean dip all day just so that he could stink up my apartement. TRIPEL FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      This is very *me* but I’d have lunch at SUR, drinks at Pump and dinner at Villa Blanca then go see a show at UCB. Wow. That sounds like my dream day in LA.

      Or, I’d rent a convertible and drive up and down the PCH.

  5. Anon

    Poll: how much do issues like sustainability and conscious consumerism factor into your clothing shopping decisions and habits?

    • Shopaholic

      I try to buy better quality clothing so end up spending more money but on fewer items. That doesn’t really stem from sustainability concerns though.

    • Anonymous

      Not at all for my clothing, it’s hard enough just to find things I like and that fit relatively well. They factor heavily into my food choices, and the location of my home (so I can walk or take public transit more than drive).

    • KittyKat

      Alllll of the time, for everything I buy. I don’t wear synthetics, only natural fibers, and only companies with good labour policies (I think that people who do “American” made only or what not have no understanding that employees can be abused regardless of where they are and that globalism is a manufacturing reality). Even the canned tomatoes and cheese I get are from local farmers. That said I know how strong willful ignorance is and that I am a psychological anomaly. People get really really angry when you point to discrepancies between their ideals and their realities. It really isn’t hard to be a conscious consumer, you research once and then buy the same brands/items over and over again.

      • hoola hoopa

        What resource(s) do you use to identify “companies with good labour policies”?

        • KittyKat

          Googlefu and NGOs. I find that any manufacturer owned by a government official (like in Bangladesh) is bad news. I sometimes rely on the companies themselves. I often took at labour laws and minimum wages in a country to see if employees are above the minimum. I also look at a company’s practices here, there is no reason a mall employee selling a $200 dress can’t make more than minimum wage. There are lots of resources (like true cost) which do the legwork for you so all you need to do is verify.

          • KittyKat

            Eileen Fisher is glorious but expensive. Le Chateau and Judith & Charles both have lots of Canadian made pieces. Woolovers is the best for knitwear, so many beautiful wools. The usual suspects like Everlane and Cuyana satiate my inner minimalist. I really love the cotton Patagonia leggings, they are my only non-work pant. There are lots of cool denim companies coming out of the states right now too, most of which are less expensive than designer jeans.

      • Anonymous

        There are other reasons to buy American, and American workers are as a fact among the best treated in the world. What workers are “abused” in America? We have hours limits, etc. Compare that to China, where workers have no voice and can be worked at any age and for any number of hours a week, and many workers end up committing suicide. Buying American is a pretty reliable way to draw that line, and you certainly can’t say it is “willful ignorance.”

        • KittyKat

          Well… Lets start off with “american made” often means american assembled. It doesn’t account for where the weaving, growing, and dying was done or where the hardware was made. It just means that someone in the US put the pieces together. In a lot of american states minimum wage is below the poverty line, and that’s what most of these garment workers are paid, minimum wage. It also doesn’t account for the rampant use of illegal immigrants or forced overtime. Also “as a fact” the UE, Canada, Australia, NZ, and many other countries are far superior to the states in regards to employee protection

          • Anonymous

            What I’m saying is that American made is a practical place to draw the line. I didn’t say they are THE best but AMONG the best. (And next time I see clothing made in New Zealand, I’ll be sure to buy it!) I know that American made means American assembled, but nobody has time to figure out not only where the materials were grown, but also where they were weaved and dyed. In the meantime, I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, so American made is the best most people can do.

            Also, you didn’t name any abuse happening in the United States. \

      • Sarabeth

        Same here in practice, but I think you’re pretty harsh on others. I’m pretty resentful of how much of my time it takes to be a conscious consumer, especially for food. Clothing you can indeed buy the same brands over and over. Food means structuring my weekends around the farmers market open hours, giving up most convenience foods, and driving across town to the one place that sells ethical chocolate.

        This should all be regulated much more intensely by the government. It’s a massive waste of everyone’s time and energy to figure this stuff out as individuals. I’d really like to be able to walk into a convenience store and buy a chocolate bar without knowing it was probably produced using slave labor.

        • Anonymous

          I get it, but that ethical chocolate is probably much more expensive than a Hersheys bar, so what is the government going to do? Outlaw non-ethical chocolate meaning most people could not afford chocolate? Force the convenience store to sell both, even though one will sell way fewer bars?

          • Sarabeth

            Absolutely, non ethical chocolate should be illegal. It is literally produced using slave labor – that is not a metaphor for ‘poorly paid’ but a statement of fact. I can’t comprehend arguing that affordable chocolate somehow justifies slavery.

          • Sarabeth

            Also, as with most of these issues, you’d only have to raise the price of a finished chocolate bar 15% or so to make it without enslaved labor.

    • Anon

      I’m an environmental consultant, FWIW.
      I’d say almost never.
      But I enjoy – yes, enjoy – buying secondhand clothes, thrift, consignment, etc. High-end, low-end, whatever. To some degree it’s budget, some style, some “conscious consumerism” and a little bit of environmental. It also, quite frankly,’ allows’ me to ‘justify’ getting rid of my clothes and cycle through them that much faster – I donate to Goodwill, who probably sells the collected fabric to a recycler or abroad. I only spent $x on this and it was used, anyway, so there you go.

    • Cinnamon Gelato

      I shop largely at thrift stores, partially for this reason. I like not buying new, I like spending less, and I like being able to find something older that may be more likely to last longer than the lower qualify items available new in stores today.

    • Cb

      The options for sustainable and ethical clothing seem quite limited, particularly on a grad student budget. I try to buy less, avoid fast fashion and take care of what I do have given limited time and resources. I also try to spend my money in stores that are trying to make a difference, however small (ie. stocking local products, paying a living wage, etc).

    • hoola hoopa

      clothing? Not as much as I’d like, admittedly. I do pretty well in other areas, because as another poster said, you can research once and then buy the same thing over and over. But clothing is so nuanced (does it fit? does it flatter? is it what I need right now? does it coordinate with what I have?) and for me harder to track (Is this spontaneously found item from a brand I’m unfamiliar with good or bad?). Then with the kids clothing, they grow so quickly that it’s really hard to pass up the $5 t-shirts for a $30 one that might be better (is it? or is there just a higher profit margin?).

      Add to that, I do really like cotton, even though I know it’s not environmentally friendly and organic isn’t always available. Polyester isn’t, though, so I’m not sure what else to buy. I don’t know if it’s realistic to wear wool and hemp year round. Rayon? I don’t know where that falls.

      I do really well with buying long-lasting items, repairing them instead of replacing them, and keeping them through their lifespan. I also have a pretty minimal wardrobe.

      Honestly, I need more information and better labeling. I’d be willing to pay more if I could be certain that the workers were better off or the factory had lower pollution. Right now, I feel well-informed enough to just buy less and keep it longer.

      • hoola hoopa

        Oh, I’m get most of my little kid clothing through consignment. Again, focusing on the reduction end of sustainability.

      • KittyKat

        While the farming practices of cotton aren’t the best it can be recycled and is bio-degradable. It’s actually a pretty good option. Rayon/polyester/acrylic ect sit in landfills infinitely after they pass their life cycle, plus they put little plastic particles into the water system every time you wash them which is horrendous to the oceans/lakes/rivers.

        • hoola hoopa

          Good to know. At least I can stop feeling guilty about all my cotton.

    • TBK

      Somewhat but my choices are not what you think of when most people talk about “ethical” consumerism. For example, I avoid fair trade as much as possible because it tends to have negative effects on local economies. I also avoid things like Tom’s shoes because of the effect on local shoe-makers of having free shoes dumped into their economy. I think GMOs are fantastic because they’ve enabled us to feed so many more people than we could with older farming techniques. Workers’ rights are incredibly tricky and I don’t feel competent to determine whether certain practices are good or bad. As with fair trade, the effects on a small number of people may be positive, but that doesn’t mean that the effects on the economy as a whole are good. Plus I’m very wary of judging what’s best for other people. While conditions may be bad, it may be that insisting on “better” labor practices would result in the factory not existing in a certain location at all and many workers may be worse off without it. (Slave labor is totally different. It has nothing to do with people’s choices.) Overall, I’m skeptical of products that use their moral virtue as a major selling point. It injects weird incentives into the process and can pervert market function (see, e.g., the VS cotton scandal a few years back).

    • Anonymous

      Somewhat. Most of my clothes are either secondhand or high-end classic items that last me years.

    • OP

      oP here, thanks all for chiming in. I am trying to be more mindful in my purchasing of all things. I just asked about clothing here because this is a style blog.

      My personal efforts include giving up dry cleaning – I just won’t buy it if it’s dry clean only – and buying all natural fibers. I try to buy fewer, higher quality and items and avoid fast fashion but I do get sucked into a good sale, particularly when buying kid’s clothing.

      I agree that it is difficult to figure out whether companies use fair labor practices. I really think buying less is the simplest thing.

    • SW

      Agree.

      Most Stuart Weitzman’s read “ladies of a certain age who lunch”… But I do have several pairs I got at Consignment stores are and they are work-horses.

  7. KateMiddletown

    (Suggested I repost on this thread:)
    TJ: I have a friend getting married in May, in a destination-ish city where we went to college together. I am going to the wedding and my SO is staying home due to cost and childcare (spending $400 on the flight and $200/night on the hotel). Her bachelorette party is Easter weekend (Fri-Sun) in DC — she and most of my friends live in DC/VA. I could get there and stay for cheap, but it’s Easter and I’d have to depend on my SO to stay home and take our daughter to church/family festivities which is not something he enjoys. None of the other girls going have kids. I enjoy Easter with the family, but I realllly don’t want to miss out on a fun girls trip or the chance to celebrate a friend. Also I am getting married within the next 18mos and I’m not planning to have a bachelorette party. How important are bachelorette parties in ya’lls relationships with friends? I mostly just feel sad I can’t shirk my parenting duties to hang out with the girls.

    • Anonymous

      I think a large part of this depends on how your SO feels about being left alone with the kid(s) on Easter (and how old said kid(s) is/are). If SO doesn’t care and the kid(s) is too young to notice, then go. But Easter is a big deal to me and if I was your SO I’d be pretty peeved if you ditched town for a bachelorette party. In my mind, this is one of the many instances where family obligations trump fun with your friends.

    • Anonymous

      So, I’d go. But that means you aren’t depending on your SO to take your daughter to church and family festivities. You’re trusting him to keep her fed, clothed, and cared for for one weekend. You’re skipping family church and Easter? He can too!

      • Anonymous

        Right, yes, this. If he doesn’t want to go to church and festivities, he doesn’t have to. He’s good to take care of his child and that’s all you can ask of one another. The rest is just gravy.

    • hoola hoopa

      When an event is also the same day as a major holiday for someone invited, I think it’s completely understandable for that person to decline.

      That said, a friend and I were just having a discussion about a destination wedding near Christmas. She thought family wedding trumped Christmas at home; I disagreed.

      As a bride, the bachelorette was not a big deal to me (not all of my bridesmaids were able to attend, and I was fine with that), but obviously that varies quite a bit.

    • NYC tech

      Sounds simple enough to me. Parenting always involves occasionally doing things you don’t enjoy. So you go on the trip (which sounds like it means a lot to you), and he sucks it up and deals with Easter. And then you repay him sometime in the near future by doing something you don’t enjoy so that he can get something he wants. Make the bargain explicit when you talk to him about it.

    • Care

      What if you went Thurs-Sat? You could have a night just with the bride (assuming y’all are close enough) and then get back for Easter. I don’t think the parties themselves are that important to relationships because they tend to be girls’ trips/weekends with girls who aren’t actually your closest friends but the brides’ closest friends, but I think making an effort in general is important. Whether you make the effort for the bachelorette party, the wedding, and/or just a visit to see your friend is up to you.

    • Anon

      Confession: I skipped my girlfriend’s destination bachelorette party weekend because I wanted to skip it. I didn’t want to go.

      The wedding was local. I was a guest, not a member of the wedding party. I liked the wedding.

      It is not important to me in my relationship with friends. It is a 0-2 on a scale of 10.

      Also, from this reader, it sounds like you’re kind of looking forward to Easter, church, traditions, etc.

    • Cinnamon Gelato

      I don’t think bachelorettes are that important in the abstract, but it sounds like you want to go to spend time with your friends. How does your SO feel about an additional weekend parenting solo and you missing Easter with the family? That sounds like the question you really need to answer here.

    • SC

      Several years ago, one of my good friends got married about 1 year after another friend’s daughter was born. The bachelor*tte party was 6 weeks before the wedding. The bachelor*tte was in Key West, and the wedding was in the city we’re all from but required our entire friend group to travel since we’ve all moved away. My friend with a baby told the bride she could only make it to either the bachelor*tte or the wedding and asked the bride which she preferred. The bride told her bachelor*tte so she could spend more time with her instead of just seeing her briefly at the wedding. It seemed like it worked out really well, and I’ll never forget the peaceful, rested look my friend with a baby had while she was sleeping in a hammock on the beach :)

      So, to me, it sounds like you want to go to the bachelor*tte party and not the wedding. My advice is to ask the bride how she feels about that, and frame it as getting to spend more quality time with her.

    • anon

      I think you have to feel out your SO about this and come to a joint decision. I have to say, if I were the SO, I wouldn’t be thrilled about two solo weekends that are relatively close together. Also, as the non-religious half, I would probably put up a fuss about having to attend Easter festivities solo (and depending on the age of the child in question, would very well skip it – but it’s not my family).

  8. New Friends

    How do you make new friends without spending a ton on food/drinks? Context: I just moved to a high cost of living area and am meeting cool folks through friends of friends, biz school classmates, etc. we are all mostly young professionals with solid incomes, and we live in an area where everything is expensive. I’ve been trying to rein in food costs and bit and I find it difficult – most social activities are around going out / eating / coffee – even a brunch where I order the cheapest thing on the menu and no drinks is $17. I’m happy to invite people over, but that’s usually after I’ve known someone for a while (and it’s hard for me to host because I live in a tiny place). I suggest things like going to a free concert, etc., but sometimes food/drinks is just so much easier.

    • Anonymous

      I save other places. When I’m being very social I stop buying any food or drink out unless I’m with someone. I stop drinking at home too.

    • Cinnamon Gelato

      I don’t have an answer, just commiseration. I’m currently getting to know people, and someone always suggests going out for brunch or drinks. I invite people over to my house frequently (and they often come), but that can’t be every get together, and most of the others initiate events that include going out and spending money on food or drinks. I want to spend time with these people and get to know them, so I go. Brunches in particular drives me batty, because I’m much more of a diner person who likes simple eggs or pancakes, so spending $15+ on some fancy schmancy brunch item that I don’t even want is annoying. Ok, rant over.

    • Wildkitten

      Have people over as much as possible. Invite friends to invite their friends over, so you can make new friends, but still be drinking/eating at home instead of out. Make friends at the gym.

    • hoola hoopa

      So much commiseration. I was in grad school (HCOL) while most of my friends were childless professionals and it was so hard.

      I tried to suggest outdoor gatherings (ie, bike rides, hikes, picnics in public parks) or meeting for coffee rather than brunch (still a painful $10, but at least it was cheaper) or doing organized, non-food activities with less cost-creep (like science museum public talks, free expos, etc). But if you are still meeting people, it does feel like you have to pay to play.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly? I go out to cheaper places! There are some… but I know where the good happy hours are, and I’m happy to meet for coffee or walks or bike rides or free concerts or picnics etc… And I know the cheap great diner brunch places. Love brunch… but I hate paying too much for things I can make myself. I hear you.

      I love having people over, but often it was becoming even more expensive because people love to come and eat and drink but don’t reciprocate or don’t pitch in enough. So then it got pricey for me, as I was making multicourse dinners. So now… ordering a pizza is the easiest thing because you can split the cost… usually. Love doing a potluck. I have a diverse bunch of friends (I’m a scientist) and one potluck everyone made their favorite comfort food dish and we had food from China, India, Israel, Southern USA, and Pakistan. Everyone loved it.

  9. Wool munchers

    Something has eaten holes in two of my wool sweaters (one cashmere) and one wool dress. I know that the culprit is in one closet (the one used for off-season storage). But what is it? I’ve never seen moths there (and understand that it’s the catepillars that do the damage) and I think some sort of beetles (carpet beetles) do this. I’ve only seen ladybugs, roaches (SE US — not infested, but the get in somehow), and the occasional stink bug.

    Have you ever battled an isolated problem successfully? I can pack up things in rubbermaid tubs, but would like to get rid of the bugs (or whatever it is) before they spread.

    • Cream Tea

      This has happened to me once or twice, and I actually think the issue was mice.

    • Coach Laura

      To wool munchers – to prevent moth holes in off-season or rarely worn clothes, put item in a vacuum storage bag (or a large glad ziplock bag with air squeezed out) and then freeze the item for a week or so. Then take the bag out of the freezer and store it that way until you want to wear it again. Storing wool sealed up like that could be bad (fabric needs to breathe) but it might be better than moth holes.

      I’ve had good luck taking favorite items to a reweaver and having holes repaired. Won’t work if the hole is somewhere prominent but is a possibility.

    • moths

      Ugh. I had this.

      I took all my wool/cashmere coats outside and shook them well (in case any eggs were attached), and then dry cleaned. I took every wool suit/pants/sweater and dry cleaned them. And then I left all the clothes at the dry cleaner while I started cleaning.

      Then I washed anything that could be washed in my washer with heat if it needed washing and could have my body smell on it, since that attracts moths.

      I set out the moth traps to see if I could catch an actual moth since I hadn’t seen one. I still never caught one, but decided I had to finish what I started after losing two cashmere sweaters already.

      I took everything out of my dressers and closets and cleaned them very well, watching for signs of eggs. I bought one of those toxic, smelly moth killer chemical things from Bed Bath and Beyond and basically bombed my apartment for the time they recommend. I moved out for several days! Then I aired my place out. Replaced all the clothing.

      Bought a bunch of lavendar packets and cedar balls and put them in every drawer/nook/cranny/closet.

      So far, so good.

  10. CPA Lady

    I typically have a glass or two of wine with/after dinner. I’m going to cut back on drinking and was wondering what other beverages are good as an accompaniment to food the way wine is. And any suggestions for food/drink pairings? I’m not doing this for calorie reasons, just want to drink a bit less.

  11. Exercise

    I’d been feeling pretty down lately because I’ve had really good exercise habits for over 8 months and I haven’t been losing much weight. And no, I’m not gaining enough muscle to account for it. I’m eating and drinking too many calories to see the results I want.

    Well today I went to the doctor and got my numbers in. Last year, my BMI was in the obese range and my blood pressure and cholesterol were high enough to be concerning. This year, I’ve only lost 8 lbs, but my BMI is now in the overweight range and my blood pressure and cholesterol are back down to normal. So, yay me! Now I just have to keep myself from celebrating with food. I am not a dog, I do not get food for being SUCHAGOODGIRLYESYOUARE. Repeat.

    • nutella

      Good for you! Isn’t it amazing at how much of a difference those 8lbs make? When it feels like weight loss is going slowly and you’ve *only* lost 1-2 lbs, just remember this! Treat yourself by shopping your closet with clothes that are just a little more comfortable now.

    • Anonymous

      Congratulations! (Mostly, congratulations for keeping up the exercise for 8 months! That is no easy feat.)

    • LAnon

      You may also find you reach a sudden tipping point!

      I was where you are after about 6 months of working out – I felt like I had been putting in a lot of effort and not getting much by way of results. I felt really down after I huffed and puffed my way through a 10K only to finish 5 min over my goal time. I also hadn’t lost much weight.

      Then, it suddenly felt like overnight everything clicked into place. I was fit enough to do long runs on the weekend, and my workouts felt very “real” (instead of “oh I’m out of shape and chubby, just trying to do what I can”). It really felt like turning a corner, and I also realized what a difference it made to my workouts whether I was eating healthy, balanced meals or not – I was as shocked as anyone the first time I ordered something healthy at a restaurant and then declined wine, saying, “I’ve got to do a long run in the morning.”

      All this to say: congrats to you! That is awesome and may get easier!

  12. Anonymous

    I will be in Long Beach this month for a wedding. Any recommendations of things to do/places to eat? We’ll have a car.

    • KinCA

      It’s a little bit out of the way, but drive down PCH through Huntington Beach, Newport Beach, and Laguna Beach. It’s a gorgeous drive and there are lots of great little shops and restaurants along the way.

      Also, 2nd Street in the Belmont Shores neighborhood of Long Beach is really cute. I like La Creperie and Frosted Cupcakes there.

    • Senior Attorney

      For breakfast, go to The Potholder Cafe on E. Broadway. If you bring a photo of yourself holding a sign that says “Eat at the Potholder,” you get a free breakfast and they’ll put your photo on the wall! They have pics from the Great Wall of China and the Eiffel Tower and you name it! Very fun and the food is great.

    • Jen

      I assume you mean Long Beach, California. The Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach is awesome! I highly recommend it.

    • Senior Attorney

      And of course you’re in easy driving distance of Los Angeles so if you’re from way out of town you might want to consider L.A. attractions like the Getty or Venice Beach or whatever L.A. sights float your boat.

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