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Coffee Break: Sabremoji Airtag Charm

red leather charm with zipper to hold an Apple AirTag; the zipper is green and there is another green leather detail designed to look like an apple. Tiny letters on the charm (and beige strap in background) read "Maison de Sabre."

I had the Maison de Sabré AirTag charms on my list of possible Coffee Break ideas — they're so fun and colorful! But now they have these adorable “Sabremoji” charms, designed to look like different fruits. Love!

The pictured one is supposed to look like an apple, with bold green and red leather. They also offer a strawberry, orange, and cherry — all exclusive to Nordstrom.

These charms are $65; the brand also makes simpler circular AirTag charms in contrasting colors for $59.

Sales of note for 12.5

199 Comments

  1. Seeking firsthand experiences of people who have done an actual, cold-turkey breakup with their phone/the internet for a period of time on the scale of, say, a week. I’m considering doing one as a reset while on vacation from work in a few weeks. My screen time crept way up while dealing with an infant with reflux who was up every 45 minutes for almost the full first year of her life, and I’d like to get it back to my pre-baby levels.

    The idea of being fully off my phone and offline genuinely sounds fun to me (books! Jigsaw puzzles! Actually using recipes from cookbooks!), and I’m planning to do it. But I’m the sort of person who likes to read travel blogs before I go somewhere, so I’d love to read any firsthand accounts of this sort of thing before I do it! (And yes, I fully recognize the irony of asking for stories and links on the internet in advance of taking a break from the internet.)

    1. (To be clear, I’m happy to hear from commenters here who have done it, or links to articles about someone else doing this.)

    2. I rarely use the internet on vacation, but I use my phone as a camera. I have a DSLR but iPhone cameras are good enough now that it doesn’t usually feel worth it to lug the DSLR around unless I’m doing something like safari where I need a big telephoto lens. I bring physical books and reach for those whenever I have down time. I don’t cook on vacations though, and I’m not sure it would be worth it to me to avoid googling for recipes since that’s not a lot of phone time and has a big benefit.

    3. not as extreme, but to break the scrolling cycle at night, I need my hands to be fully occupied – like doing a crossword, reading a real book (not even a Kindle as it’s too easy to one-hand it), playing a physical board game, etc. The hand equivalent of that old NYT article How Shamu Saved My Marriage or some such.

    4. I recently went camping in a location without cell signal. It was lovely, and I took my kindle so I could read all the books I had loaded prior to the trip. I did use my phone for photos; if you would be tempted to browse I would suggest taking an actual camera and leaving the phone itself behind.

    5. This is such a great idea! I have done this, for the most part (caveats below).

      I went to a writers’ colony earlier this year and decided to use that week as a digital detox. I would do limited texting confined to certain times of day, and I allowed myself to do the NYT crossword in the app because I didn’t have access to a paper paper. I also used the GPS if needed. Other than that, no phone! No podcasts, audiobooks, YouTube videos, scrolling, social media, etc. It was really great. I slept so well and was able to get even more done on my book than I anticipated while at the retreat. I even came to enjoy my phone-less walks and other outings. I had a sense of peace.

      One thing that helped me was that I put my phone physically away in a drawer and I did not carry it with me. I also turned all notifications off that link to my watch (which are limited anyway–I don’t get texts or news alerts on my watch). I do also think it helped that I was fully committed for a short amount of time. I don’t do well with complete life overhauls that feel permanent and scary, so it felt like a do-able goal.

      When I came back home, I kept up with this pretty well for a while, but phone usage has creeped back up. I have still been more intentional about things like scrolling while watching tv or playing video games as a procrastination tool.

      Good luck!

      1. Oh, and I have a GIANT backlog of physical books, so I would just carry a slim one around with me for when I “needed” something to pass the time.

        1. The stack of books on my nightstand was a big motivator for this!

          I think we’re pretty similar—I’m doing this for a short period of time and for a purpose. I don’t mind if I come back and use the phone, and I don’t have any guilt about my current usage, but I’m excited to see how a week off from it feels. Thank you for this comment!!

    6. Wilderness vacations have done that for me more effectively than anything else. If you have a comfortable childcare situation (i.e., healthy and willing grandparents), there are lots of great options for one-week or less trips where there will be no cell service.

    7. Honestly, I don’t get the handwringing over phone use. I definitely use mine “too much”, but its mostly to communicate with loved ones, read kindle books, and do other things that aren’t mindless scrolling so I don’t mind. I also very rarely watch TV, so if this is my vice then so be it.

      1. I think most people who worry about it are more worrying about the mindless scrolling stuff. That’s what I worry about most, at least. I do also think social media is harmful for me, and I want to cut it out.

        I’m not at all concerned about my crossword puzzles or my kindle app. More stuff that doesn’t add value to my life or that actively makes me stressed or feel bad.

      2. I’m not “hand wringing” over it. I just don’t find that it adds sufficient value to my life to justify the time it’s occupying right now, and I’m excited to do a little experiment while on vacation. Your phone use sounds like it absolutely justifies the time it’s using, and I’m really glad that it’s working for you!

      3. I know that it makes me feel worse, so I want to cut down so that I can feel better. Not because of guilt over what I “should” be doing.

      4. For me, even if it is crossword puzzles or library books and not mindless scrolling, I realize I tend to check out from people around me when my phone is in hand. Sometimes a reset so I am more intentionally focusing my time and attention on my friends and family is needed.

    8. I find that when I travel I do not use my phone except for taking photos, looking up tourist attractions and restaurants, dealing with airline catastrophes, and getting directions. I don’t have any desire to check the news, social media, etc. because I am busy doing stuff in real life. So I think you should have an easy time of it.

    9. Hi! It’s not super cold turkey, but the book How to Break Up with your Phone is exactly this (the culmination period is 24 hours, but you could easily do a weekend or a week). The first half of the very, very short book is why it’s important to give your brain a break, and the second half is a 30-day plan for exactly how to track and reduce your phone usage. For example, one day you might need to remove all notifications from apps except those that are critical (messages, telephone function), and another day you might go out and buy a physical alarm clock so you can stop looking at your phone as the first thing you touch in the morning.

      I did it a few years ago and the experiment went well. I still have minimal apps on my phone (forcing me to use web browsers if I want to use social media) and even fewer of the apps I have are allowed to send me notifications.

      1. Oh, and as for “actually using cookbooks” – on my phone free culmination day, I went to a farmer’s market and bought a new veggie and didn’t know how to cook it! I had to pull out my deceased mom’s old cookbooks for instructions, where I ended up finding some of her hand-written notes on recipes, which was a really sweet experience I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

      2. I read this book in an involuntary book club type context, and I was surprised that it was thoughtful and not a bad read.

    10. Check out Simple Purposeful Living – she has a podcast and Instagram account. She did a week phone free earlier this summer and did a podcast about it afterwards.

  2. Does anyone have a recommendation for a probate attorney in Florida, specifically Fort Lauderdale? A family member has been dealing with probate for the deceased’s estate for almost a year now and it just doesn’t sound like their lawyer has been all that helpful. My family member is out of state, and is being asked to fly in to do things like open bank accounts. Is this normal? Seems like a good lawyer should be able to handle this local stuff and have my relative execute things electronically. Are my expectations off base?

  3. I see VP Harris is having a campaign rally in Milwaukee today. However, I can’t find a campaign event schedule anywhere. How do I find out about future events?

    1. Give her campaign $5 and they’ll tell you everything every ninety minutes for the rest of your life

      1. I don’t think the texts are mostly about campaign events. Democrats have sent me about 1700 texts in the last 24 hours but I didn’t know she was having a rally in Milwaukee (I live ~2.5 hours away) until I saw it on CNN.

      2. Ha, I didn’t even have to donate and I’ve gotten 75 texts from her campaign in the last 24 hours. They don’t mention events, only a link to give money.

        I really want them to stop. I’ve blocked every number so far and reported every single one as junk, but they are still rolling in. I’m dealing with a family thing, and I really don’t need to hear from the campaign every 20 minutes.

    2. Are you interested in local events ? Look up your local democratic club or organization. They will have info and you can usually subscribe to their emails.

  4. I have a L&S Seville bag and use it with the travel sleeve shell when I travel on top of my wheelie bag. Is there something similar at a much lower price point? I want to get one for my daughter with a travel sleeve, laptop area, and generous size (but small enough to be a carryon) and good pockets.

    1. Baggu just came out with some nice travel totes that I believe check all your boxes and run <$100.

      1. Has anyone tried IRL? I have a Baggu small purse and it’s great but incredibly floppy. If there is anything that will sit up on its own and not fall over, that’s what I’m aiming for. Maybe it’s a price point thing though, in which case Baggu is generally very good at being lightweight and durable.

  5. I am so excited about Kamala. It feels like there is renewed energy and momentum, and we can really increase turnout among women voters, young voters, and voters of color. I love the way the party is rallying together – such an antidote to what’s going on on the right right now.

    1. I’m concerned about the groups you named and think they might be hard to swing because VP Harris isn’t perfect in their eyes, but overall, I’m excited about the surge in donations and I hope Republicans can’t pull any funny business to stop it.

    2. This feels Obama-lite to me – like not quite THAT exciting but still very exciting. I can see colleges mobilizing big time once they are back in Sept. I think TikTok is buzzing. But I’m mid 40s and so are my peers and when I say that they all eyeroll and say DJT will still win. So IDK why I think there’s a ton of excitement and they don’t except that maybe I spend more time online and see what the 20 year olds are saying? And I’m in a very blue city in the northeast so it’s not like my peers don’t want her to win – they do – they just say it isn’t possible.

      1. IME, the youth vote is not there for her so I don’t see colleges mobilizing. She’s too “conservative” for the youth and they hate that she was a prosecutor – this is the ACAB generation.

        1. I originally agreed with this view but then I remember that college kids would not have been old enough to vote for Obama. They’ve had 8 years of old white guy presidents so I can see some turning out based on the chance to vote for a women and/or person of color for the first time.

          1. This. I work on a college campus. There’s excitement. Kamala isn’t perfect but she’s much better (in their eyes) than the options they had before. I don’t think it will Obama 08 or anything but I do think there’s a chance now.

          2. A friend of mine with a very liberal college-aged son said that he and his friends were literally dancing when Biden dropped out, and they all plan to vote for Kamala. This is just one anecdote, but I have some hope!

        2. I’ve never seen the “ACAB” acronym until the last few weeks on this site.

          I sure hope all people who hold that sentiment would never call the police or look to the police for assistance in the event of a violent crime or emergency. I assume this is standard hypocrisy and those views go out the window when police are needed?

          1. My sister has it tattooed on her. I’m a prosecutor. That was a fun discovery.

          2. I hold this view – it’s more about the way the good ones rally and close rank about the Very Very bad ones that makes them all bad. One rotten apple does in fact spoil the bunch.

          3. You do understand that huge swaths of the population don’t call the police? Look at what literally just happened to Sonya – she called the police for help because she thought someone was breaking into her house. She was murdered by the police

          4. Eh I’m an elder millennial and not left wing and I sort of hold this view. I’ve never met a cop who didn’t have crazy anger issues. I think there’s something wrong with people who want to shoot guns for a living.

          5. I’m not on board with the politics of “all security should be private security,” but a lot of people formed this sentiment based on experiences of calling the police.

          6. I live in a city where police are greatly understaffed and so I would not call them to help me in an emergency. Their response times, if they show up at all, are terrible. I don’t think calling the police ever makes things better. I am a criminal defense attorney with a statewide caseload and while there are some truly caring individual police officers, the overall force–particularly management–are rotten.

          8. What an incredibly priviledged take. I have a brother who suffers from severe mental illness and the LAST people I would call for help are the police. Certainly, black people have to make split second decisions about whether the police will help them or shoot them. I suggest you read the Rise of the Warrior Cop and get out of your bubble. That said, I don’t love Harris’s prosecutorial record but I will vote for her.

        3. she just needs a Taylor Swift endorsement and she’s good to go. meme culture and tiktok are there for her.

          i am a bit concerned about the young men, particularly the young white men – they are “not ok” as the kids say. big concerns about women taking men’s place in the world, feeling like women get allowances men don’t get. it makes me want to scream into the void every time i talk with my 14yo. (“if we’re all pro-equality then why should women get extra stuff?” he’s not of voting age yet, but i think this has been coming down the pike for a long time.

          1. Lol good luck with that. Taylor is a billionaire with a private jet dating an NFL star. She briefly pretended to be politically involved when she was dating Joe, who’s very committed to social justice, but now she’ll never endorse anyone (“Republicans buy music too”), and my guess is she’ll vote to protect her own economic interests, i.e., Republican. Hopefully people like Olivia Rodrigo and Chappell Roan who aren’t afraid to stand up for abortion rights can get out the youth vote.

          3. I’ve had some luck countering this with facts about how recent changes are. Like that grandma could not have her own credit card when she got married – it was literally illegal. Does that seem like ‘extra stuff’ to be treated like a person?

            ‘when there are nine’ and all that – Like how would he feel if all the judges except a handful had been female for the last 200 years and then people complained about male judges.

            Or if all the Presidents had been female for 200 years, would he feel excited about the possibility of a man being President for the first time ever?

          4. I work on a college campus. That kind of snide, “they’re so dumb they just do what Taylor Swift and TikTok says ” isn’t true, or it isn’t always true. This is a generation of kids who are energized but also frustrated — with previous generations’ contempt for the environment, refusal to address wealth gaps, and individual sensibility to the detriment of community health.

            I’d love it if we (generally speaking) could stop sneering at this generation because of their relationship to digital media.

        4. I’m guessing you’re not on TikTok? The vibes there are *immaculate* for Kamala

    3. I can’t say that I have seen the same renewed energy or momentum first hand. Most of the people I have talked to are kind of “meh” about her. We will see how the campaign develops.

    4. I’ve seen so much online about the “vibe shift” lately — it’s like suddenly we all have HOPE again. the divine 9 has endorsed her and is mobilizing (YAAS). there was a Zoom call Sunday night with 40,000 Black women when they originally intended for 1000. The huuuge surge in donations.

      Kamala is brat!!!*

      * I’m an Old but apparently this means cool. thanks to charli xivilwiwixi whatever for calling kamala that.

      1. I was ambivalent about whether Biden should resign — I wasn’t enthused about him at all, tired of octogenarians running things, but would have accepted it if he was our best bet to beat Trump at this time and basically accepting that I’ll never have perfect information and can’t see the future so it’s not on me to figure out if he is the best bet. I’m surprised by how relieved and energized I feel now that he’s stepped aside. It does feel hopeful. Whatever happens, at least I feel like we’re not just plodding slowly towards the grave anymore.

        1. Same. I just had drinks with a friend who’s a high school teacher and she says the youths are hyped. I’m feeling better and better by the day (but still expecting 2016-style heartbreak).

      2. I’m in the DC area and know a lot of people who work in the federal government or on the Hill so it’s a different slice than most regions, but people are THRILLED. Lots of energy and enthusiasm among people from far left to more conservative Dems in my circle.

  6. Re the lip color discussion on the morning thread, if you were just going to pick one, would you get the Clinique black honey or the Bobbi Brown one?

    1. I vote Black Honey. I always have one stashed in my briefcase, my desk, my gym bag and more.

    3. if you haven’t had black honey before go for that one — it’s a classic for a reason!

  7. Does anyone have an office chair that they love? My back sometimes hurt after sitting at my desk for long hours. Also looking for a store to test them out in the NYC/northern NJ area.

    1. I’m late to this but the steelcase gesture! If you took it from me I would buy another in an instant.

  8. Please send good thoughts my way. Helping my mom downsize and it is an undertaking!! We worked briefly yesterday, and the only thing I was able to get her to part with was a dried up package of wipes and a 1970s china cigarette holder and ashtray set. (This from a woman who despises smoking so much she had a painted porcelain No Smoking sign in our living room when I was growing up.) I’m an only, so this all falls to me. Onward!

    1. Honestly? Send your mom to get a manicure or a haircut while you do the obvious work solo. If you’re dealing with a situation where there is actual trash or obvious junk she won’t miss involved (like the 50 extension cords I found in my aunt’s garage), it’ll be better if she’s not there and she’ll feel lighter when it’s gone. You can get a ton done in a whirlwind 2 hours.

      2. This would be good only if OP’s mom isn’t an actual/diagnosed/diagnosable hoarder. My former in-laws were the latter and if anyone threw anything at all away without them (including things that seemed like obvious trash or duplicates), then it was a HUGE thing and no one felt better in the end. I can’t tell which situation it is from the OP’s post. For normal “oops I have too much stuff,” I do think this is a good tactic.

    2. Would it help if it came from a professional? You could hire an organizer or someone who works with hoarders.

    3. Does she had a deadline by which she needs to vacate the premises? Is this a hoarding situation or just your standard “I like stuff” situation?

      Depending on the severity of the situation, I would seriously consider hiring someone who isn’t you to walk with her through this. Having a professional organizer/declutterer there for, say, 20 hours at an hourly rate may remove some of the emotionality and create momentum. You can handle the logistics of the hauling away/Goodwilling/etc., and that person can handle keeping her on track.

      If she is willing and the problem isn’t that bad, I’ve heard good things about the Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning but have not read it. If she is confronting her own mortality in this downsize, I would read it yourself before offering it as a recommendation for her.

    4. Would she feel better if you took the stuff as opposed to trash? My mom has done that for her parents – they no longer travel so there’s no worry they’ll come to her house and realize she actually threw out the old stained casserole dishes as opposed to using them.

      1. I’ve also used a white lie that someone I know is starting their first household and definitely needs whatever random stuff we are looking at.

    5. Is your mom excited about where she’s moving? What really helped my mom let go of things — and my mom was an avid collector of art and certain crafts and a lover of fine china/crystal/etc.– was visiting friends who had moved to small condos in retirement communities and seeing their “stuff” crammed into the new space. Would it help you to focus on what your mom WANTS to bring with her and think about designing the new space?

    6. One of my parents is a hoarder. To the level that when I went to stay with them to assist after a medical procedure, I had to physically clear out a place for me to sleep. I did a huge cleanout/throwout while parent was in the hospital. I thought the piles of trash would lead to a meltdown, but shockingly it did not. Maybe it’s because they were already feeling awful from the medical procedure. I also think that to a larger degree than I expected, there was relief that someone else had handled it. I also threw some of the stuff away elsewhere so the piles going out did not appear as large.
      This is obviously a different situation and each person is different. I do think there is a chance that your mom might be relieved if you did some of this sorting while she is out of the house and she doesn’t have the burden of making the decisions. In this situation, a close family member is probably the only person they would trust to recognize the family heirlooms, sentimental pieces, and grandma’s letters amid a pile of junk mail.

  9. Please weigh in on any aspect of this – how much to give, family, college admissions – as it is a bizarre situation for me.

    Married into a large family. DH is one of 8 kids, they grew up upper middle class though not truly rich in New England, all 8 went to the same ivy that they are still very very attached to. Large dispersion in sibling ages. DH and I are mid 40s, and his oldest brother is mid 60s. Oldest bro went to medical school at that ivy and then worked at that health system for nearly four decades, just announced he’s retiring next summer. I love DH’s family as they truly accept me as their own, and I look forward to any retirement celebrations. But DH and his siblings want to do more and see this as the opportunity for them to endow a chair at the med school or health system in their brother’s name. They all revere this brother, who is an amazing brother and also doctor, and they all want something that is their family’s name at that ivy. This type of thing costs millions – not 10 million per the major gifts office but mid to high 7 figures. The family doesn’t come up with all the money. They put in a good chunk though and then the rest goes through university fundraising.

    What amount would you contribute to this type of thing? DH and I are mid 40s. We do well as in low 300s HHI in the DC area, but we are in year two of a 30 year mortgage and have two elementary aged kids who have to go to college in a decade. There is a lot of dispersion in sibling incomes and live situations – many are career investment bankers, biglaw with kids already launched, others are line engineers or government lawyers like us.

    DH knows that this will be a series of discussions between him and I and he says – yeah of course we aren’t going to drop a quarter million because my 60 year old sister can do that. But I also thinks he’s going to want to go big here because it’s a family thing, his college etc. And while he won’t admit it, he thinks this guarantees our kids will go to that ivy in a decade. FWIW there are six nieces and nephews already college age – 3 applied and didn’t get in, 3 didn’t even want to apply as they wanted their own path and to study things not offered at that school. So I really don’t think that a family putting a few hundred grand into a endowed chair guarantees admission to 15 nieces and nephews, esp not kids who won’t be college age for another decade plus, given that there can be many leadership changes, admission changes etc. between now and then.

    What would you be comfortable with here? DH and I are very easy going with spending but that’s like – one person wants a vacation to be more luxury so let’s spend an extra 5k or one person wants some 2k tech gadget, not dropping five or six digit amounts on a university. I’m a second gen immigrant so this is not a thing my family would ever consider. If I told them my own immigrant parents would be aghast and tell us to save the money for our own kids’ college or put it into our mortgage or retirement.

      2. Yeah I’m probably a little less affluent than you ($200k HHI but LCoL area and only one kid) but I would give like $500 max to this.

      3. +1 – I cannot imagine shifting my donations to this. I mean maybe I’d give $250 or something to honor the retirement in lieu of a physical gift but no more. This sounds bananas to me, especially in light of all the movement away from legacy admits. It’s just tossing money away that it doesn’t sound like you have.

    2. I’m with you – give a nominal amount (which in this case is a couple grand) but use the rest for your kids’ colleges, mortgage, or retirement.

        1. Also, as you rightfully pointed out, this will make zero impact your children’s ability to get in to said Ivy. Admissions would only be impacted if you and DH alone could contributed 7 figures to the school.

          1. That’s not really true. I worked in admissions at an Ivy. Their dad is an alum and even small dollar alum donations are tracked. You don’t get a blatantly unqualified kid into an Ivy unless you can give seven figures, but five figure donations can make a big difference if your kid is one of the many, many well-qualified kids. Legacy alone helps a lot, but legacy + $5k donation helps a lot more.

          2. Of course it’s tracked, but it’s not going to meaningfully move the needle. I know a Princeton family where grandpa was an alum and $$ donor (as in there is something named after the family on campus), all three kids went there, but not one of the grandchildren generation has been accepted (there are still a few more who will be applying, but at this point none of them are expecting to get in). Same at Yale. Third gen was completely shut out. Of course there are exceptions, but acceptance just isn’t a given anymore in these situations like it kind of used to be.

            Here, I realize jt would be parent/alum, not grandparent/alum, making the donation, but still I wouldn’t advise OP to go into this thinking that it will help her kids’ chances of getting in.

          3. Grandparent vs parent alum status is a huge difference at most elite schools. Grandparent alum is one of about a million things that is weighed positively, parent alum puts you in a separate applicant pool.

      2. At most, I might redirect that year’s charitable donations. My big charitable giving dream is not endowing a chair at an Ivy to honor my brother or my family’s surname, nor does it seem to be in your disposable budget.

    4. What is your debt, emergency fund, retirement and college savings picture? Those answers will inform your discussion. Also, would you only contribute in honor of this brother and not the other 6 siblings? How about honoring your family or his parents? If you were choosing to make a major charitable contribution (which this would be), what amount would both of you be comfortable with, taking the brother out of the discussion? And to what would you choose to contribute?

      1. Yeah, part of this stood out to me. If you chip in 5 figures for this person’s retirement gift, what is it going to be for everyone else’s? Are they going to give literal millions to your husband when he retires?

        My own personal contribution would be zero because I think this kind of endeavor is only to signal wealth and doesn’t end up having a positive impact for anyone other than the retiree and maybe the family members. But if you feel you must go along, I’d go with some of the below more in the low 4 figs.

      2. +1. This won’t benefit your immediate family so treat it like any other donation. I think the idea of a big retirement gift is crazy to begin with, especially for a sibling that didn’t fund your childhood via their career. If this were a gift for your parent and something that isn’t an ego stroke (like a vacation or a physical object they can use) it would be different.

    5. With a $300k annual HHI and two young kids, I would do about $5k.

      Unless you two can personally cut the seven figure check, the Ivy won’t care about this when considering your kids for admission.

      1. +1. I would give in the $10k to 20k range. For me, it would be how much we spend on vacation every year and I would only be ok with it if meant we skipped a vacation that year. Not from savings, not cutting into the amount we are saving that year, but an amount we can cut from our discretionary spending for the year.

        And the college isn’t going to care about it when your kids apply

        1. I wouldn’t sacrifice my vacation to help my wealthy family members flaunt their wealth. Ew.

    6. Maybe $10k at the most and stop any annual gifts you have been making. Many schools are eliminating legacy admissions, so even if you put in 6(!) figures, the payoff might not be there. It sounds like this school was important to one generation of his family but the impact on your kids’ generation will be attenuated if nonexistent. He might be pretty brainwashed so it will be hard to say no, which is what I would want to do.

    7. Um, I make similar to you, but I would be thinking more in the $5000, $10,000 tops range. That’s a lovely plan, but there is no way I could contribute more than that without really changing my own savings and spending plans. And while yes, it’s “charitable,” I don’t think of Ivy’s as charities necessarily. There are definitely places that would do better work with scads of money.

      1. Same. I often tell my alma mater than the difference between $250 and $10,000 is functionally meaningless to them but incredibly meaningful to my annual budget. So I donate about $250 a year.

    8. I would chip in $1,000 or $1,500 as long as it wouldn’t interfere with other financial goals. I doubt that your participation in this endeavor will have any effect on your kids’ chances of admission. The university will easily be able to figure out that you and your husband are not going to endow another chair or buy a building after Junior is admitted. They will have your CSS.

    9. This whole thing is insane to me. Why does the family want to spend so much money on this? Ego? Pride? There are so many other, more productive ways to spend that much money. Just my two cents (pun intended).

    10. We make a bit less than you do and have one kid currently in college with significant merit scholarships. On our budget I wouldn’t feel prudent chipping in more than $1,000 and I’d probably resent even that because I’d rather give it to a more worthy cause, like the arts.

    11. Does it have to be endowing a chair or has that ship sailed?

      We had a much lower budget but when my grandfather passed, we endowed a small scholarship prize for top mark is a course that he had founded at the university.

      I would donate the amount of your usual charitable contributions for the year if that’s an option and have a CTJ chat with DH about the fact that this is not going to guarantee your kids anything for college.

    12. We have a similar house hold income/circumstances to you, have no debt outside of the mortgage and are very on track with our savings. We’re planning on gifting $5,000 – $10,000 each to his/our 7 nieces and nephews for college (still a few years away so haven’t come up with the exact figure but it’ll probably be 10).

      That being said, I’m sharing these numbers to help you get a feel for our large family gift plan. I personally wouldn’t contribute a similar sum to your BIL’s cause for so many reasons. For marriage harmony I guess I’d agree to $1,000 and maybe up to $5,000?

      1. Not OP – can I ask why you are planning to gift 35 to 70k to your nieces and nephews for college? Like are you the ones in the family that made it and want to help the next generation? I’m not sure I’ve heard of anyone doing this though I’m sure it happens and people don’t advertise it.

        1. Yeah, that’s exactly it.

          For more details (if you’re interested)- I come from a more upper middle class family than my husband. My husband and his siblings are first generation college grads. My grandfather gifted me some money for college, which I knew about fairly young and helped me dream big about going away from school. Our state has substantial tax benefits for 529s and pretty liberal gifting policies. When my husband and I were DINKs and done paying off our student loans we started putting money away in a 529 for future kids and/or our nieces and nephews. His siblings have significantly lower HHIs than ours and 3-4 kids rather than our 2. My sib doesn’t have any kids.

        2. One of the lawyers I work with doesn’t have kids so they paid for college and law school for his niece.

        3. I anticipate that my brother will make a significant gift along these lines to my kids for college. He doesn’t have kids, is close to them and loves them, and can afford it.

          (I’m not expecting or demanding his money. He has told me he plans to give them money for college, just not the exact amount)

        4. We’re DINKs, our nieces and nephews are still young but I really want to contribute to their educations. They’re good kids and if we can give them a little boost, we will.

    13. This isnt something a couple setting up their own family financially should even consider. I’d do $100 and that’s it, and make it clear now that you aren’t doing it. It’s absurd.

    14. I’m not genuinely comfortable with any of this (I’d be content with a plaque in the med school garden vs. an endowed chair if we’re talking about money coming from people who work for a living!). But if it’s happening no matter what, I think your 2k or 5k expenditures are more in the ballpark than five or six digit amounts. If DH is involved in the fundraising, I can see how there is probably a minimum he wants to give to feel like he did his part, and for me $$$$ is going big enough. I would expect absolutely no return on investment in terms of admissions or really anything. If any of your kids do end up wanting to go there and getting in, this school will be getting plenty of tuition money at that time.

    15. Endowing a chair should not be the type of thing a family scrapes money together for. If it isn’t pocket change to the family (which it isn’t) then they can’t afford it.

      2. Yes. And if endowing something is so important to the brother he should be funding it himself.

      2. I think the siblings are more nouveau riche and want to make themselves feel like old money.

        1. Whether they’re “new money” or “old money” (gross), they’re still rich. A person who can just write a check for $250k like that is rich. I would not think it was any less weird if people who had generational wealth were engaging in this same math.

          1. It doesn’t sound like they’re rich enough to “just” write these checks, which is the whole problem.

      3. I feel bad for the college development staff who are going to have to deal with this. It is hard enough dealing with one rich person, but a whole family who can’t actually afford this? Ooof.

    17. University administrator here. One thing to consider is that you don’t have to give to the fund all at once. If you’re comfortable spending $500 (or whatever amount) this year, you can also contribute $500 next year. Or you could divert whatever your husband was going to give to the annual fund next year and in following years. Small amounts add up over time, and I guarantee the university will be grateful.

      1. This. From an admissions standpoint, it’s better to spread the money out and do frequent smaller donations rather than one lump sum. (Assuming you aren’t giving tens of millions.)

    18. How rich are your DH’s parents today? Do y’all have money set aside to help them with elder care or assisted living? Instead of this vanity project, I’d start there. That’s where chipping in will likely matter most.

    19. Agree with others that it doesn’t seem like the family can afford this. But there is surely something the family can afford that would be really meaningful – like $50,000 could be a great contribution to support kids programming in the hospital or pay for families parking passes or a scholarship to a med student interested in his field. I’d think smaller.

  10. I’m doing a mock interview for a friend tomorrow. He desperately needs a job and wants this practice to be as authentic as possible. I know there are a million lists out there, but can anyone speak to what questions are current for interviews? I’ve had my job for a decade, so I wouldn’t even know if I were reading an outdated list.

    This is for a financial position with a town government.

    Are interviewers still doing, “Tell me about yourself,” to start? Do they still do that thing where they spend much of the time talking about how great they are as an employer and don’t really question you? Help, please, for my friend’s sake. Thank you so much.

    1. I can’t say overall that none do but interviewing is really moving away from the “do i like this person?” kind of thing (which is considered to encourage people to hire people “like them”) and to much more objective. The last few interviews i have been a part of as an employer (and the last interview i went on as a candidate) entailed a list of questions that were asked identically to everyone interviewing.

      1. This is especially true in government; I am currently a Fed and have previously worked in local government. IME, the same questions will be asked to every candidate, there will be no follow up questions or discussion – it feels very unnatural if you’re not used to it, there is no chit chat, and its very, very objective.

        1. Same. It’s so weird.
          That being said, I think the person should be prepared to answer or ensure they share at some point the reason they applied to THAT job (be specific). Also, how they deal with competing priorities is always a good one to ask.

    2. I work in government, lots of “tell me about a time when” questions – you had a conflict with a coworker, you successfully lead a project over a hurdle, you did XYZ core competency for the position. He should use the STAR method for answering these questions.

      A brief “tell me about yourself” or “walk me through your resume” are common.

      1. I always ask “what’s not on your resume that you’d want someone to know about you?”

    3. I work in government and whenever we interview, we must do “structured interviews,” meaning that all questions are pre-written and must be posed to each candidate in the same way. This often means we can’t follow the conversation in a natural way and to candidates can feel like we aren’t truly engaging with their answers. So basically – I would encourage you to practice a particularly awkward, stilted conversation.

    4. Direct your friend to the Ask A Manager blog at www dot askamanager dot org . Creator and host Alison Greene offers a free downloadable guide “How to Prepare for an Interview.” Site has lots of useful information including intelligent comments from readers. Past posts are listed by category. Site is also searchable.

      1. The interview guide is probably okay, but AAM is pretty out of touch on a lot of things. Not to mention the commenters are a very special breed.

  11. What do you do when you’re feeling anxious and burned out? All the sudden over the past week or two I’ve been feeling really off and overwhelmed, and haven’t been able to focus. There’s no obvious trigger, but I am very busy with working full time and going to grad school. I’m already on meds and in therapy, which were working great for me until the last couple weeks. I already journal– what else should I try?

    1. When did you last go outside for a walk without headphones? I’m not joking: walking outside, preferably somewhere with more plants than people, does a remarkable amount of good for me.

      1. +1000000000 to no headphones. I can’t believe how many people are totally incapable of being alone with their own thoughts for even one minute.

    2. I found a hobby that I find allows me to quiet my thoughts and center myself. Sometimes that is reading because it allows me to escape my own mind/reality. But other times, I find crafting (cross stitch to be exact) to be really helpful. It requires enough focus that I have to push thoughts about work/family stress aside. I have friends that have described hiking or being outdoors the same way.

    3. Sometimes you just need a break and there isn’t really a solution until/unless you take one.

  12. New Yorkers– I am a lazy suburbanite who neglected to plan something fun for my boyfriend’s birthday. He is kind of a foodie and loves to wait online for viral pizza or cronuts or whatever. As I neglected to make reservations, any suggestions for fun/ delicious/ festive places that do not require reservations, we are willing to have to wait. Any kind of cuisine is fine.

    1. Superiority Burger for vegetarian or Hamburger America for beef are both good options that don’t take reservations. And Gem Wine always holds some space for walk-ins.

    2. I like the bar seating at Minetta Tavern. The bar tender keeps a list for seating. Order the burger. Yum yum!

      1. Love MT.

        Via Carota is also amazing and you can’t really get a reservation but you can show up, put your name down, go have a drink, walk around or sit in a park and then come back in and 90 min to 2 hrs and enjoy a fantastic dinner.

  13. I wanted to buy higher fiber tortillas that were big enough for wraps — just made my first egg wrap and devoured it. Looked at the nutritional info later: 30 grams of fiber!! In just the tortilla! Wish me luck.

    2. I hear fart walks are the new thing. Congratulations on being cutting edge!

      Seriously though – what kind of tortillas are those. Asking for a friend.

      1. lol – “carb balance” mission whole wheat burrito tortillas i believe. i prefer the Ole ones but this was what the store had. Do note that they’re lying about the calories though on the back if that matters to you!! (They only count the carb grams that are not fiber. The “net carbs” lie.)

        1. what?! how can that be allowed.

          OP – I totally agree. i just found these a couple months ago and agree they taste great and the fiber serving is impressive.

  14. i have the house to myself for a few days now and i’m trying to do a big clean out. i’m trying to primarily use the 20/20 rule (can i replace it in 20 minutes for $20) as well as the kc harris advice like “there are only 4 things in this room, trash, laundry, things that have a place, and things that don’t have a place.”

    anything else i should be thinking about?

    1. “Does it spark joy” really is a wonderful thing to be asking yourself as you touch each object you’re considering keeping or purging.

      1. I agree! And some people will come back and note that a broom will never spark joy. Which, my specific broom isn’t special. But having a clean floor DOES spark joy for me, and I need the broom to make that happen. So for me the broom does spark joy. This question for me also helps me appreciate what I have.

        1. That’s exactly right—and a broom that is too short for you will affirmatively *not* spark joy, so knowing that the answer is a hard no will allow you to buy a broom that’s better for you! It’s a very useful question.

    2. One of my guidelines is “Do I affirmatively want to keep this?” There are a lot of things that I don’t necessarily want to throw away, but I don’t want to keep either. If it’s in that category, it gets tossed.

    3. I don’t like the 20 rule. That sounds like a big waste of future time and money if you have space to store whatever it is. (I’m assuming you’re not referring to things like keeping a dead hand vacuum around for parts!)

      The part hardest for me is feeling like I didn’t get my money’s worth out of something. I have to affirmatively remind myself that whether I keep it cluttering my closet and don’t use it, or get rid of it and don’t use it, the original purchase is unchanged!

    4. i really need to do this, especially the 20 for $20 rule. i have so many toiletry/cometic bags that came free with purchase. some weren’t even mine, but were my late mother’s. i almost never use them bc i like translucent bags i can see inside of, but i keep saying to myself that maybe my 6 year old daughters will want them one day and then i won’t need to spend money on any…

    6. This advice came up the other day for our poster who’s moving in a few months: Would you theoretically pay a professional to move this item to your new home?

    7. My bar is, “Do I love it enough that I want my kids to have to figure out what to do with this when I die?”

  15. I have an update on my antiquing friend who ghosted me. I saw them on the street near our offices, my friend initiated the conversation. My friend is healthy as are all their loved ones. Apparently after our last adventure my friend’s partner though we were ‘too much’ when gushing over a purchase together and asked that we no longer hang out. So that’s the very boring end to my friendship, I’ll reach out if they ever break up and hope my friend’s love of antiques persists.

    2. Woof, what a huge red flag for a partner to chime in on their partner’s friendships in that way — “you’re too happy and excited and I don’t like it” is pretty toxic.

      I’m sorry for you (and for her).

      1. this – and it’s a huge red flag that your friend is putting up with it.

        sorry that you were right the friendship has gone its way!

    6. It sounds like you were definitely correct that something was wrong. It sounds like her relationship at least is not healthy if her partner chose to shut down something that was making her happy because it was making her happy! I’m really sorry she’s going along with this, and I hope it helps you just to know what happened.

    7. Did you tell her about the item you had found that would’ve interested her (or would it be long gone by now)? Sorry to hear you’ve lost this friend and for such a poor reason.

    8. Oof that is just awful. Men are awful, and men who think women are too much are the awfulest of the awful. And your former friend is super awful for going along with this nonsense.

      As my sweet husband says, if you’re “too big for th room,” then you just need a bigger room!

      1. Ah it’s a woman. Well, women can be awful and my second paragraph stil lholds.

    9. I’m so sorry. And I don’t know if this is part of it, but as someone who’s been told she’s “too much” by ex-boyfriends and family members, please know this: it is his problem. And I agree with everyone else — this guy sounds controlling and awful. I hope your friend is okay.

    10. I’m sorry that this happened and I’m sorry that so many posters here tried to make you sound crazy when in fact you were being dropped all along.

      1. No one “tried to make her sound crazy.” From the facts given a lot of people thought there might be more to the situation, and suggested another perspective. That’s not mean-spirited. I’m sorry for OP that it didn’t work out better.

    11. It breaks my heart that your friend couldn’t find a way to gently let you know instead of just ghosting you.

  16. Question – if I go to a franchise tire place – think Mr. Tire or the like – would they check my tires and refill the ones needing air? Or is this the type of thing where if a young woman goes in, they think she’s helpless and try to sell her all new tires? I am capable of taking care of this and have many times over the years. Thing is the tire indicator came on and I mostly use my car to and from work. So the idea of being on the ground at some gas station in a suit checking the tires and refilling them isn’t so thrilling. Nor is going home to change and then going back out to do this – as I live in a city where parking and everything is a hassle.

    This happened right around the same time last year. I kind of wonder if heat has something to do with it. Anyway checked the tires them, refilled them, fine for a while, indicator comes on a few more times. Luckily at that time the car was due for servicing in a few weeks so I just held off and had them double check. Now my dealership has moved a good 30 miles away so it’s a waste of a half a day just for this.

    1. What kind of car do you have? Air for tires is free at gas stations, and this is something you 100% can do yourself, unless I’m missing something.

      1. Sorry, missed the last part of your first para. I think any tire shop is going to try to upsell you, but if you’re due for an oil change, my oil change guys always offer to check my tire pressure for me.

    2. They probably will (Discount Tire will even patch tires for free), but I have a portable tire pump that plugs into the cigarette lighter (or what was the cigarette lighter… what do we even call that now?) that is super useful–I can just reinflate tires in my driveway or in my work parking lot if I need to (doesn’t solve the being in a suit issue, but it’s super easy)

      1. I will add Discount Tire will patch the tires for free even if you didn’t buy them there. They will fix it just out of goodwill.

    3. Yeah, most chain tire shops do free pressure checks. Heat or cold can change the pressure. If your tire pressure light is on, that is a big deal and you do want to get it looked at – just stop in. If it keeps coming on, that sounds like a slow leak

      IME, they will recommend new tires if you’re within the range where new tires are reasonable but they won’t /insist/ on them unless your tires are illegal (and then you should get new ones anyway).

    4. I don’t know if various Mr. Tires are different, but when I’ve had to bring my car in for a potential leak, they have checked all four tires, filled them, and sent me on my merry way without charging me if there was no leak and they only needed air. I’ve had to have a slow leak patched by them and the cost is pretty nominal. They’ve never tried to upsell me new tires. Again, it may depend on your particular location, though. If they did try to upsell you, you could always take it somewhere else.

      1. +1, I’ve had similar experiences. Only had a bad experience with a Tire Barn, and I think that was a location-specific issue.

    5. Look around for a gas station that also does repairs (it will have a garage attached). They will most likely be happy to take a look for you, and top up/deflate as needed. They might charge you $10. Very easy and much less change of being sold an unnecessary set of tires.

    6. Yes they will definitely tell you you need tires whether you do or not. When I was single and did not know much about cars, I made sure I had a good, trustworthy, independent mechanic, found through local recommendations. I took my car to him for every oil change and inspection so that someone knowledgeable was looking at the car regularly, figuring that he would also let me know when I needed new tires or if my engine was about to fall out or something. (It was an old car purchased used, so no reason to go to a dealer mechanic).

      All that said, you should own a tire gauge (under $10) and know how to check your pressure and top off your tires yourself. I live in NYC and can do this. It really isn’t hard and is a safety issue. And yes, heat can impact tire pressure.

    7. Even a small amount of knowledge helps a lot. Know what PSI they should be inflated to, check the tread, and check how many miles they have on them.

      It would be weird to have a slow leak in multiple tires, so it’s likely just that they need to be refilled. If they give you any push back, just tell them that you will be back to have the tires checked more throughly if the sensor comes on again.

    8. This is why I am a member of Costco. Their tire services are great. When you install your tires with them they include rotation, inflation, balances and flat repairs. They are very professional and courteous.

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