Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Cashmere/Silk Blend Katie Tee

311 Comments

1. Sorry I couldn’t come back and say thank you yesterday, but I appreciate those of you who chimed in on my question about accruing PTO while on disability leave in CA. I was able to track down some sources from the state that I believe confirm that my employer must allow me to accrue PTO while on disability (“protected leave”) since it allows it for people on PTO itself; however, my employer is already insisting I’m wrong based on its own sketchy interpretation with no source provided. My plan today is to contact Legal Aid and a legal service available through my spouse’s work and hope to confirm my own interpretation. Thanks again!

   1. Don’t cut your nose to spite your face. How much PTO are you talking about? A couple of days? Protected leave is 12 weeks. Think about your end game before you complain, you can be right and also hurt your career.

      1. 60 days. I’m not a believer in staying silent when my company is in the wrong.

         1. Oh god, typo. I wish it were 60 days but it’s 60 hours, so over a week.

            1. 9:36 has a point, though.

            2. Why should the employer get to violate the law? This isn’t a courtesy benefit – it’s a legal right to have certain protections while on certain types of leave.

            3. you can be both right, and suffer subtle practical consequences for taking a stand, at the same time. Which is not fair, but something to consider in deciding what to press.

            4. Anon at 9:36am makes a good point. Pick your battles. Take your leave and have it corrected after you return. Hold off. It doesn’t mean you don’t speak up, it means you pick the best time to speak up.

   2. I posted late in the day with more info for you. I think that info would be enough to provide to your employer to show they are not correct.

      1. Thank you so much! I hadn’t seen your post but I just went back and saved what you entered. The issue is that my employer is trying to argue that seniority only refers to length of service, when it’s clear that in the law, seniority also refers to benefits that relate to your length of service, like vacation accrual. Sigh. Thanks again.

         1. Not a California attorney but an attorney: I can see two interpretations here. One of them is the one you are arguing for: “seniority” means that you accrue PTO while on leave.

            The other one is how seniority interacts with PTO. Imagine that you get 4 weeks of PTO to start, and at 5 years of service, you get another week. In this case, “seniority” means that at year 5, you get another week of PTO, regardless of how much protected leave you have taken during that time. If you had three kids and took a total of a year off, you don’t have to wait until year 6 to get that extra week.

      2. I want to mention that I am not a “rando on the internet”, I am an HR professional working for a company located in CA, and got the information from my CA HR/Leave/Employment attorney. The bottom line is that for benefits you can’t treat employees on disability leave differently than employees not on a disability leave.

   3. I’m not barred in California, but I don’t agree with your interpretation. It appears to hinge on (1) how people are treated during other paid or unpaid leave, and (2) whether or not you are taking paid leave. Remember that PTO is literal here: are you being paid for the time off? Your employer can let employees accrue PTO during paid leave and not unpaid leave, and that means unpaid disability/pregnancy leave would not accrue PTO.

      Here is a source:
      https://calchamberalert.com/2017/08/11/vacation-accrual-during-leave-depends-on-policy-nature-of-leave/

      I agree with the above posters to strongly consider the negative effects of complaining. Furthermore, consider that any employer can comply with the law by *not allowing PTO accrual during any and all paid leave.* Want to be a total pariah at your company, hated by everyone who loses PTO accrual during vacation?

      1. In that link, it makes it clear that legally protected leave, which includes disability, must be treated the same as other types of leave. OP’s employer does allow people to accrue vacation while on paid leave, which means that they can’t discriminate against someone on a legally protected disability leave.

         1. If that disability leave is paid.

            1. That isn’t what that link says. It says “legally protected” leave.

            2. Yes, the words “legally protected leave” are in there, but that isn’t the standard, and the examples make that quite clear.

         2. Regardless, she should talk to an actual California employment attorney about her specific situation, not randos on the internet.

            1. And maybe not IMO Legal Aid unless they are very experienced in CA employment law.

            2. Will Legal Aid even talk to you unless you’re a DV victim?

            3. California has a “Legal Aid at Work” hotline that addresses these issues!

   4. I would not put stock in advice from anyone who weighs in on this who is not a California employment lawyer or HR professional who works specifically in CA and understands CA law. In my state, there would be no obligation to allow you to accrue PTO while you’re on unpaid leave but receiving STD, but a real quick google search shows that CA has its own special disability leave that no one except a CA lawyer or HR person is going to know enough about to answer your question better than you have via your own Internet research. It is a pet peeve of mine when the peanut gallery answers legal questions online when they are not qualified to do so.
      If you cannot get legal help through the options you mentioned above, the next best place is the CA version of the DOL or workforce commission. Those types of organizations usually have hotlines you can call.

   5. Not a lawyer but I helped shape our family leave policy with our in house legal counsel at a large company in CA.

      We allow people to accrue PTO on their paid company paid family leave (8-12 weeks depending on if they’re the birthing parent or not) but they do not accrue PTO if it extends into unpaid (by the company) leave. We allow up to 6 months in total. Much of that leave is protected and often some portion is paid by the state but they do not accrue more than 12 weeks of PTO during that family leave period.

      Similarly, we do not accrue PTO when someone is on disability. It is state protected but unpaid by the company.

      Our counsel could be wrong but we went over it extensively as they were concerned the previous policy left us open to litigation. 🤷🏽‍♀️

   6. Thanks everyone. One thing that’s clear to me from this thread is that this is a complex issue and that it’s very reasonable for me to continue seeking answers instead of relying on our “HR” (a woman with no formal HR experience or training at our small business) as the be-all end-all. I understand why some of you are in the camp of “don’t make a fuss” and I respect that as a decision that some may make. I appreciate all the perspectives and hope to find a clear legal answer soon.

   7. There is a service called milk your benefits focused on California that might be helpful and is rather affordable.

      1. Thank you! This looks like a great option.

2. Taking the bar in less than a week and really feeling the burn-out. Tips to finish strong/stay sane?

   1. I like a change of location for a refresh. I studied in a public library and switched to a different public library and set up in a carel by the travel books for my brain breaks.

   2. Get out for a hard workout. It will actually help the quality of your studying later and oxygenate you a bit.

   3. If you can take a break and jump in a pool for 5 minutes, just float around. If you can’t, take a shower or a bath. Water is restorative. Don’t talk to others who are testing about prep; that will only add stress. Good luck!

   4. Take an actual planned break for something that recharges you, preferably involving exercise or nature: walk, run, swim, hike. Get a fancy coffee at the end of it.

      Then hit the books again, reminding yourself that pushing through is easier than doing this all over again.

   5. Have you been below the curve in anything when putting forth your usual effort? Have you been scoring on par with Barbri guidance? If the answers are no and yes respectively, you’re good.

      1. And even if the answers are yes and no, you will likely be just fine (and if you are not, failing the bar once is rarely the end of the world).

      2. Scoring consistently well above what I need to on MBE, somewhat above on MEE, and right where I need to on the MPT (which, IMO, is a very stupid assessment). So mostly just anxious lol not behind

         1. Also recognize that doing what you can to get good sleep and good food in your body, enough water, is probably the most important thing you can do.

   6. The finish line is in sight! Take a half day for outside the house joy with a friend, then review. In race training, we taper for the final week. That’s biomechanically necessary for physical exertion, but I think it’s a useful analogue for this. Continue to work, but this is your time to also work on building in rest and calm and healthy foods.

      1. My daughter is currently studying, and she’s told me that the bar review program also recommends a taper!

         In the meantime, she is miserable, and won’t take a break, but I asked about this a few weeks ago and the hive advised me to leave her alone and stop trying to drag her out, so I am. I bring her Starbucks and then disappear!

         1. Anon, I was the OP who gently suggested that breaks could be good for her, and I stand by that as good advice at the time. Today however, I’d give anything for my mom to bring me starbucks, so you rock :)

   7. My tip is this–you have worked, so, so hard. You need to let your brain rest daily, or even for a day, but this is your final push to cram all the memorization in. So do the work they’re asking–whether it’s certain MC questions, or watching essay or MPT (if applicable) tips. Write essay prompt outline responses. Read sample essay answers. Memorize your evidence rules and exceptions, and civpro rules. Go over confusing secured transactions or trusts and estates stuff. Know your remedies. Check yourself on your ability to regurgitate. Focus on the subjects you feel least comfortable in. Review all the “gotchas.”

      But also know, that if you’ve crammed in enough, you can wing it on the essays.

      Push hard enough in the next few days to know that you’ve left it all on the table, and done your best.

      Visualize taking the test–the anxiety of check-in, finding your spot, waiting while directions are read and books passed out.

      Prepare your eating plan, your transport plan. Read the test center rules. And prepare where you’re going to celebrate after Day 2.

      And then, like the legal athlete you are, step up on game day and crush it!!! You got this–this is the final push of your three years of law school, and your last eight weeks of studying, so tell yourself that NOT finishing strong is not an option–you must push through. All the best! I know you can do it!

   8. Take an exercise class if you can and like that kind if thing! the day before the bar I reviewed my notes for about three hours and then truly took the rest of the day off and went shopping. I think it really helped clear my head, and for me, the extra time studying would not have helped or made me feel more prepared. you’ve studied a long time (presumably) so it’s okay to take a few hours to recharge before the final act. you’ve got this!

   9. I never ever ever felt ready. I had my outlines in my car and looked until I walked in. So don’t let that get to you.

      Exercise helped tremendously. I had a few like inspo videos I would watch, mainly related to women’s sports that would pump me up.

      Set timers and take breaks but you have to come back. If you can just learn one more rule, that’s progress.

3. I’m finding that in middle age, I need a waist or everything just looks like a sack. Sheaths are out (style-wise and new-shape-wise). I ideally find something with a big of structure above the waist that has a horizontal seam and a wider skirt below it. I’ve never been on Team Belt before, but can you belt most looser dresses and have it work or does it just make things weird and bunchy? I am a pear with a 2-size difference between my top and bottom halves and am struggling with proportions and trying a new skill on top of that. Sometimes adding belt seems to make skirts too short for anything with volume if they aren’t midi length.

   [Prior skills not currently needed: braiding hair; also not wearing scarves but I got good at tying them and knots.]

   1. Others may chime in but I find belting garments is more of a band aid solution to something not being quite right. I like MM style on YouTube which has several classes/videos on pear shapes for middle age.

   2. You’ve accurately summed up the issues with belting: it needs the right type of fabric and cut to make it work. If the fabric doesn’t drape well or the cut is too full, it can simply look bunchy. And belting makes the dress shorter and can throw off proportions. A longer dress in a soft and drapey fabric can take a belt well. What you’re describing with the “horizontal seam and a wider skirt below it” is a set-in waist, and an a-line skirt. Sometimes clothing sites will let you filter for “a-line” in the dress cut.

      I’m a pear and actually find sheaths flattering, IF they are cut or tailored for my shape. A dress that is cut straight up and down will not fit me (too large above the waist, too tight in the hips, and too straight/frumpy from the hips to the hem). If I can find a sheath that is not cut for a straight body type, and then alter it to be more tapered from the hips to the hem, that’s a great fit.

      1. I think a properly tailored sheath dress looks good on most any body type and size. The key here is “properly tailored.” It’s not just about skimming the body line perfectly; it’s also about optimal skirt length and sometimes also about tapering the skirt in slightly at the bottom.

   3. Seconding the rec for MM Style! She has a video showing the contrast of a shirt tucked and untucked that really helped me adjust my mindset about how to dress my body. The styling she suggested felt really awkward at first, but it looked good in her videos and I got so many compliments when I tried it out myself.

      I am also an extreme pair and leaned heavily into belts for definition in the mid 2010s. Now, it strikes me as somewhat time-stamped look. Fine if you like it, but not particularly current and looking at photos of myself from that era not the most flattering silhouette, either.

      1. +1 for Melissa at MM. Her body shape master classes are great. Go back to the older videos to find several about you exact situation.

   4. I also don’t find belting to be all that flattering & agree that it has to be with the right cut and fabric to work. Middle aged here.

   5. Another pear here. A line, fit and flare, skater type dresses. Empire waist. knee length. V neck, scoop neck, square neck, princess neck. Anything that draws the eyes up will look good. Drop waist, boxy, shapeless, crewneck does not work for me at all. Hope that helps!

4. (silly) exericse/weight rant:

   I have like 15 lbs to lose for health reasons. When I’m not exercising much I can also see that my body doesn’t look how I like it. But then once I start exercising regularly, even if I haven’t lost the weight at all, I like how my body looks toned so I’m less motivated to lose weight lol. I need to lose the weight though.

   1. I’m with you. I’m sure you know that losing weight is all about calories so unless you’re in a calorie deficit you won’t really see results. I don’t like or want to track calories, so I am also having a hard time with it.
      I have been at about the same weight for the last 2 years, so I know that that activity level and eating habits were putting me in maintenance. So I’ve been trying to reduce portion sizes, eat less sweets, and move more. That means I’m going to a fitness class 3-4 times a week and trying to take more walks throughout the day at work. I really started committing a few weeks ago so I haven’t really seen results, and unfortunately this stuff takes time lol. We’ll see how it goes.

   2. So regular exercise will help you lose weight, not sure what the issue is.

      1. I’m not sure if this is what OP is experiencing, but exercise just makes me look toned. I don’t lose weight from exercising.

         1. Yeah, but if you look toned then your body composition is likely changing and you are losing fat, which is what you are really trying to lose when losing weight.

            1. Exactly!! I believe any doctor would tell you that building muscle and losing fat is the goal, here, not just the lower number on the scale out of context.

            2. That would be great, but it’s honestly just a pump.

            3. If you stay the same weight and look more toned then you are losing fat and gaining muscle.

            4. I feel confident it’s mostly just a pump because it happens so fast (like after one day)? Exercising also dramatically increases hunger for me (I struggle with hypoglycemia), so it’s hard not to gain weight via fat when exercising a lot.

               I know exercise is still healthy, but I usually have to cut back if I actually want to lose fat.

   3. not being snarky – I have no idea why you would want to lose the 15 lb if you like how your body looks toned when you’re exercising. Especially if you’re lifting weights, you aren’t likely to lose the weight on the scale if you’re gaining muscle. I personally would way rather looked toned and strong at a higher weight than 90s too-thin at a lower weight.

      1. +1 Weight lifting and exercise in general has a lot of health benefits. I would continue with it beyond just needing to lose weight.

         1. I’m going to continue and prioritize the exercise, but also I can’t keep gaining weight in life. It’s both.

            1. Okay reading comprehension failure; totally missed the health reasons. I wouldn’t have questioned that. Sorry OP.

      2. Well she specifically said she needs to lose it for health reasons, so I’m taking her at her word that that’s the reason.

         1. Okay reading comprehension failure; totally missed the health reasons. I wouldn’t have questioned that. Sorry OP.

      3. OP said it was for health reasons.

   4. Same. My mind plays tricks on me when I don’t get on the scale daily. That’s how I got here, telling myself I look ok when the reality is the weight is a real health problem and objective measurement are the only real guideposts.

      1. This is the exact issue. If I’m exercising regularly I still look pretty good / shapely, but I do need to look at the scale too. I know muscle has weight, but there’s still a balance.

   5. Can you reframe? Rather than think about losing 15 pounds, keep exercising (motivated by how it looks is fine) and then try to make healthier eating choices. Forget about the weight for now and instead see what happens after some consistent healthier decisions.

      1. Yeah that’s what I’m doing. I liked the “no S” idea that someone posted here, that works for me.

   6. Here I go preaching again….try the no S diet, it is a plan as opposed to a “diet”.
      Serious game changer with zero pain (for me). Took a bit to get in a groove, now it is second nature.
      Keep up the exercise!

      1. I saw your earlier post – that’s what I’m doing! Feels a lot more pain-free than a “diet”

      2. I’m
         Confused by the no S plan though – what if you’re legitimately still hungry?

         1. Keep tweaking what you have for the 3 meals. The author gives good tips on how to play with what you put on your plate. If you are legit hungry my guess is the protein is too low either for that meal or the one before it. Def takes some individualizing, ie: on lifting days I have to increase protein whereas on yoga days I need more veggies and fruit.

            practice makes better!

   7. What are the health issues caused by the 15 pounds. Is it something like blood pressure? Does it improve when your fitness improves regardless of weight loss?

      1. I’m not the OP, but for me it’s because of an endocrine condition. It sucks, but it’s not about size or fitness (let alone hotness) but just the amount of adipose tissue.

5. I don’t now how long it has been there but on my back, above my bra strap and along my arms, there is quite a bit of chub. And yet I’m pretty bony on the front. Is this where my perimenopause shape-shifting is happening? It’s been a WHILE since I was in a 360 degree mirror. What is going on here and can I attack it? Maybe this is the wake up call to use the lap-swimming suit I just got before it starts affecting how jackets fit.

   1. Get a better fitting bra and you won’t see the lumps. You can’t spot reduce weight, and if you haven’t gained weight, it’s unlikely weight loss will make a noticeable difference.

   2. Definitely check your bra size again. I’ve been lurking on ABraThatFits on R*ddit and they have tips on how to measure yourself to get an accurate size. A lot of people get sticker shock when they realize they’ve been wearing the wrong bra size.

   3. I have this and it’s not a bra issue (for me). It’s that my upper back just seems to reflect that I’m less lean than I used to be. It comes with the underarm flap above the elbows (are these the bat wings that the aunties talk about?). A bad bra can make it look worse but it won’t go away. Teen me didn’t have this and was a lot leaner at roughly the same weight.

   4. You need a new bra.

   5. I found this out when trying on a strapless dress. It looked fine from the front . . .

   6. I have noticed a substantial improvement in this from yoga and all the upper body strength training it entails. I have to think swimming would have the same effect.

   7. Sure, it can be a place that accumulates fat in peri. I wish fat was more evenly distributed, but hormones are powerful things.

      1. And genetics!

6. Good morning, does anyone have a recommendation for a neutral paint color for a west facing living room? We will have a rust/red Persian style rug with blue and other neutral shades, couch is blue, cream side chairs, and furniture is medium brown wood. Current paint color is SW Accessible Beige, which I do not like in the space (looks khaki/green). We are currently considering SW City Loft, Shoji White and Marshmallow, leaning toward Marshmallow, but really not sure what would be best.

   Thank you in advance!

   1. How is your lighting : dim or blinded by the afternoon sun or possibly both?

      I have a dim western room like this and have BM Pale Oak, which feels like a light friendly yellow blended with beach sand. But I painted a piece of white foam board in it with a sample to test.

      1. Pale Oak looks great on our southern exposure. We used Linen White in some other south-facing rooms and it’s a nice glowy color, but have heard it reads dingy in darker spaces.

      2. Blinded by sun in the afternoon, but dim at night with just table lamps. We are putting in recessed lighting in, but probably will primarily use the table lamps.

   2. last time i went to sherwin williams they had big displays of the most popular/neutral colors for each general vibe. I took pictures of them — Misty SW6232 is a really light neutral blue. Icicle SW6238 is a light blue pastel; Sky High SW6504 is another one with a bit less gray, and Mountain Air SW6224 is a bit of a darker, grayer pastel blue. The one they had as the most popular lightest blue was SW6764, Swimming. Maybe see if any of those work? I was surprised to see that Sherwin Williams also had those peel-and-stick things on the wall for a lot of their most popular colors. I think 4 for $14…

   3. SW Greek Villa is a beautiful white that changes shades in different light

   4. Go to the paint sample site called sampllze and order a few sheets of the colors you’re considering, they do roughly 9×12 contact paper sheets of all popular colors. Get a few for each one you’re considering and put them up in your space. The right color will be quickly obvious. You cannot source this on the internet beyond ideas to sample. I like BM simply white and atrium white, but that’s all due to my light situation.

      1. +1 there is no way we can judge- depending on your lighting, windows, tastes and other colors in the room, the best color can vary a lot! The only way to know is to test them out.

   5. I recommend Sherwin Williams Westhighland White — it is a warm white that looks good in all sorts of natural light, without looking yellowy. Sherwin Williams Greek Villa is great if you are painting brick.

   6. Benjamin Moore Chantilly Lace is a GREAT white that isn’t yellow or blue or too cold or too warm. It looks good in all types of light.

7. Thinking back on the donation thread yesterday, can someone please explain what it means to “endow a chair at an Ivy”? I think this is paying for a professorship right, as in the “Scrooge McDuck Distinguished Chair of Medicine”? And the fundraising is essentially to pay this person’s salary in perpetuity or for a defined period of time?

   Do people who want to be remembered not endow scholarships instead? Not that an Ivy needs more money, but I’d feel warmer about endowing a scholarship for deserving students than adding another professor who could easily go elsewhere. I guess that’s my middle class upbringing talking.

   1. My mom died of pancreatic cancer and it was so horrible that I’d endow a chair to keep someone dedicated to studying it. Ditto to remember her as a Greek and Latin teacher (but could see giving a scholarship to a classics major also). I think it is naming rights and at my state U college it used to be 100K, offsetting the costs vs complete funding. With 7 figure, there should be an agreement on what happens if the U wants to keep the $ but end the chair or program (like in something else, like programs with 7 professors and 3 kids majoring in it). Lots of interesting lawsuits over this with higher ed.

      1. I know that endowed chairs have helped Classics survive at some schools, and it is a fabulous major for first gen students that also strengthens gen ed offerings for non majors. It’s even survived cuts of STEM programs at some public schools.

   2. Yes, that’s right. And you can also endow scholarships, student awards, etc. Colleges will happily take your money!

      1. And to endow partial scholarships you don’t even need much! A high school classmate died of a rare disease few years after graduation and our class of 115 was able to fundraise to endow a partial scholarship to our high school in her honor.

   3. It usually pays for the professor to do research instead of teach and includes research funding (which can include directly paying or freeing up money to pay student salaries), so it’s investing in the research side of the university instead of the teaching side. You can certainly debate the merits of that vs. scholarships, but if you believe in medical research, there’s use in these kinds of more unrestricted funds that can come from these donations rather than from federal grants that are very strictly regulated and can end up with gaps that shut down promising research at inopportune times.

   4. I played a non revenue sport in college and our head coach’s position was endowed ensuring our sport had a much smaller chance of getting cut. Actually I don’t think the school would have elevated the team from club to varsity (in the 80s) without the endowment.

   5. The money doesn’t follow the professor. Endowing a chair ensures the existence of the position. The scholarship only allows students to study something if there is a professor teaching it.

      1. Unless the scholarship works differently — eg, not to study something specific but to support first-generation students, or students from a particular community or background, or to do something over the summer (travel, study a language, etc.).

         1. “From a particular community” can be hard if not defined broadly enough.

            1. Depends on the college.

         2. Universities aren’t just about education and social mobility, but also about preserving and advancing knowledge; I think it is okay to invest in what opportunities the first gen, etc. students will have access to? Especially at a med school since stigma and bias still shape what conditions get funding?

            1. Tell me more about this pls. Intriguing and alarming at the same time.

            2. I just meant the usual (e.g. conditions that disproportionately affect women but that aren’t specifically linked to reproductive capability…). It’s getting better, but to me it’s still worth investing in! Maya Dusenbery’s book got a lot of press for bringing up issues with male derived cell lines, male lab rats, etc.

            3. I feel that women’s issues are real but women are often treated in medicine like smaller men? And not smaller humans with significant hormonal flux over each month in some decades and changes en gross in each decade that isn’t just related to fertility but also how we have or lose bone strength and heart health, among other things.

               I almost feel that it’s not politically correct to even say that. Not to mention s*dual health and function / dysfunction and other things like incontinence related to various lady issues. Quality of life matters. And it often takes a lot more than a pill (or a pill tested on much larger men).

            4. For me from a patient perspective, it might be autoimmune disease; it affects me and so, so many women I know, but it’s never been funded like a major public health issue, and in academic medicine there isn’t one obvious specialty that focuses on autoimmune disease as a whole (seems like most immunologists don’t deal with autoimmune disease unless it’s in a primary immune deficiency patient). One patient with one polyglandular autoimmune syndrome might end up with a hematologist, a gastroenterologist, a neurologist, an endocrinologist, and a rheumatologist… it would really help to have some kind of autoimmune specialist internist or immunologist who could do it all.

   6. The money doesn’t follow the professor if they leave the university. It stays at the university, and they can hire someone else to be the Blah Blah Chair in Blah Blah.

   7. You can also endow scholarships at a community foundation. A friend did one in honor of his mom.

      1. Yes, you can do that at my local community college for as little as $25,000.

   8. And fun fact: the is (at least sometimes) an actual physical chair involved. When I was in law school I worked for a professor who held an endowed chair, and there was the actual chair in his office, big as life. I couldn’t believe my eyes!

8. Have you or anyone you know started a small business? What kind of business was it? Was it successful (financially or however the owner defined success)? I daydream about starting some sort of very small business. I think it would be satisfying to have my own business, something I created, even if it’s very small. I am just curious if anyone has any stories, good or bad, about the experience. I guess I’m looking for inspiration?

   1. I started my own very very small business. It’s a small yoga studio in my small town. I still work full time in my career job, which is a stressful big job with growing responsibilities.

      I deliberately designed the yoga studio to be not stressful. The biggest factor in this is that the financials are very easy to manage. My rent is very low (incubator building) and I keep my expenses pretty controlled. I knew that just the two classes a week that I wanted to teach would cover the fixed costs.

      I have 5 other teachers who are drama free and fairly self sufficient. To be honest I got really really lucky with the teachers. They diversify the schedule so we have classes 6 days a week which is perfect for the small community we are in.

      I do not pay myself, aside from fun stuff I buy for the studio that I would want anyway (essential oils, shirts and tanks that I sell, crystals, books for the free tiny yoga library) and free yoga classes from my other teachers (i do pay them for my attendance in their classes).

      It is really satisfying and I love it very much. The community building is wonderful. But I 100% do not do it at all for money and that’s what keeps it low stress and satisfying for me.

      1. Wow, this sounds like a dream. Kudos to you!

      2. you run a business…. for free?

         1. Nope, not for free. Value obtained from a very small business that you build and own can be much more than monetary. Did you miss my last two paragraphs? Money isn’t the goal of this business, and isn’t how success of it is defined.

            I do not need to make money off of this business. DH and I make plenty of money at our career jobs.

            Success is defined from creating a warm, welcoming space where people feel comfortable to come and explore yoga without any expectations or right/wrong way of doing yoga or life. It’s my little corner of peace that I’m creating in the world that I get to share with others. It expands beyond the studio; recently a group of 18 yogis from the studio volunteered together at a local event and it was truly wonderful. Those people wouldn’t even know each other if not for the small little business I created, much less be friends and volunteer together and be lights all together in the community. It really was not about me, but without me creating the studio and holding that space, that community wouldn’t exist. That’s definitely not nothing.

            1. Thank you for creating what sounds like a wonderful space for people. We need more of those in our society.

   2. I started teaching a kids enrichment activity, mostly because I want it to exist for my family. I pay for rented space, trademarked curriculum, and insurance. I have all the business licenses and keep the finances separate from personal/family finances, because DH (lawyer) had concerns about liability. I spend a couple hours a week on it, which is very doable alongside my full time real job.

      So far (16 months) the money is all going out and not coming in, but it’s no more expensive than many other hobbies. I have found the personal challenge and the community connection very satisfying, and I plan to keep going at least until my kids age out. I wouldn’t exactly call it a success, but I think it still has a lot of potential. Next step is learning to advertise, which I hope helps with the financial side.

      Sidenote: I just finished reading Eve Rodsky’s new book, “unicorn space” and I would recommend it. It helped me reframe “success” of this venture, even though I would still prefer to have profits in the black to be able to call it a business instead of a hobby.

   3. I’m a consultant and I started my own consultancy. I’m at the point of turning business away now so it’s going well. My intention was always to work part time but sometimes it’s more than full time.

   4. After over 10 years of doing my work for big professional schools in a regular job, I needed a little health/career break AND I wanted to start my own thing. I took a privileged steps back from FT work and started a solo career and executive coaching practice on my terms. It’s early days yet (still in year 1) but I am currently enjoying the mix of corporate contract clients (Acme Inc. hires me to coach their people, for example), individual clients engaging me directly, and the “working on the business” end of things.

9. I need to shake things up (in a positive way) in my life but can’t figure out what to do. I’m late thirties, single, no kids, bored of my job that is fine but not motivating these days (government lawyer), plenty of hobbies old and new but those aren’t doing it for me anymore either, and sort of trying to date but without much success. I just feel like I need to do something DIFFERENT but can’t figure out what. Anyone have any reasonable or crazy suggestions? Or advice for when you feel like this? I’m sure I can’t be the only one who’s been here. Thanks!

   1. My suggestion for this is always solo travel for a week. Pick a location and book a flight and hotel.

   2. My wonderful, amazing late 30s childless friend has done several women’s only international trips. She comes home with incredible stories of eating food outside her norm, staying in interesting places, and meeting new people. She picks places where she’d prefer not to travel alone or doesn’t have the energy to curate or plan the logistics of the trip (I believe she’s been to Morrocco, Croatia, etc.). She always meets new people, and eats food outside her comfort level/norm. The trips are not nearly as expensive as I would have guessed. I’ve considered joining her, as she always comes back refreshed and engaged with her day to day life.

      1. Thanks for the suggestion. I’ve done solo travel twice in the last year, including a women’s trip a month ago. While I really enjoyed the trips, the positive impact doesn’t seem to be lasting very long for me.

         1. Run for local office? Our city council has several late 30s childless female lawyers currently serving on it, and our town gets stuff DONE. I serve in an adjacent volunteer role, and I have loved seeing how much city council actually gets involved with. I also love knowing a lot of people in our community, which is a small town just outside a large city.

   3. Learn something new & take consistent lessons for a few weeks. I did yoga teacher training; but you could do ballroom dance (or any style); quilting; photography; a language; mahjong; whatever.

      1. I am in the midst of yoga teacher training too, and it has definitely had the desired effect of shaking up my life in a good way.

      2. Agree. I took up martial arts in my 30s and I got at least a decade of great friends and experiences out of it.

   4. I’d suggest the book New Happy and look into ways you can get more connected with your community in a service capacity, or a community you care about

   5. Just don’t drastically cut your hair. I know from experience you will regret it.

      1. Also: don’t cut bangs if you don’t already have them.

      2. hahahaha I was going to say, this is when I cut my hair drastically. fwiw I love it but obviously not for everyone.

         I do agree to that bangs are 9/10 times a bad idea. :)

   6. The two things that worked for me were becoming involved in my faith community and picking back up with a hobby that was my college major and used to be my job, at a very serious semi-pro level. Another idea is to train for a big athletic goal.

      1. I was also thinking that you may be looking for some type of ‘meaning’, which to me says to get more into volunteering and find a cause that you want to support seriously.

   7. Get a dog.

   8. What might you be interested in working into your life? Maybe try a new physical activity, like rock climbing or fencing, and attempt to get good at it. Run a half marathon. Start a garden or join a CSA and figure out what the hell to do with a bunch of random undesirable things like kohlrabi every week. Take art lessons. Attempt to diy a big house project. Volunteer.

   9. Travel! Solo or with a friend. There are so many awesome options out there! What would feel fun for you – new vistas and hikes? Beautiful beaches? Places you have only seen on the screen? Cross country train travel? Road trip?

      I also really like the learning in advance, from the currency to the language to a new culture.

   10. I would try to figure out which part of your life is ‘boring’ you the most – is your discomfort coming from work or lack of a partner or something else? And then laser-focus on that area.
       You asked for crazy, I deliver: I recommend moving to another country and work there. It will challenge you on every level, you may learn a new language, meet tons of new people, deep-dive into a new culture, get a different perspective and maybe your work/partnerships will also improve. Currently living in country #6. It’s not for everyone, it’s not always perfect, but definitely keeps your life interesting.

       1. This is amazing! Would love to hear more!!

          1. My first move was soon after university since there were no marketing jobs in my home country (Slovakia). I moved to the Czech republic, stayed there for a few years and then moved to Poland, Hungary, France and the Netherlands. To be honest, I didn’t plan to move around (at least not this much). But I worked in marketing in a global consumer healthcare company and there were some roles which required me to relocate and I was fine with it (e.g. moving from a local market role to a regional role). When I left the company, I took a few months off and wanted to change the scenery and got a job in the Netherlands. And in a few weeks, I am relocating again for a new job.
             As I said – it is not for everyone. The fact I am single and have no kids makes the logistic easier and I am more flexible. The type of role I am doing is also helping – marketing is ‘universal’ and does not need any license. And after a few moves, you learn the ropes and realize how to settle in new country/team, find new friends, squeeze max out of your location. I know a few people who were miserable as they couldn’t make meaningful relations locally or simply missed their family/friends/culture. Personally, I found it enriching, I gained some friends for life, learned a lot about myself, got to experience and see things you wouldn’t as a tourist.

   11. Volunteer.

       Make the world better in one small way.

       Or fight for this upcoming election / womens rights / abortion.

       DO something real.

10. Any suggestions for very quick meals? Either things that can be made in like 10 minutes or things where I can do all the prep ahead of time (like the night before) and then just pop it in the oven to cook.

    As backstory, I have a ten month old. When we get home from work/daycare, she wants attention from me and time together. But I also need to feed us dinner. I can get away for a few minutes to put something together. But I can’t take half an hour to cook without her freaking out, and honestly I would rather spend that time playing with her. I would be happy to prep things the night before after she goes to bed, but don’t have meal ideas for that

    1. Anything that makes for good leftovers that could maybe get made after she goes to bed for the next day? Spaghetti, sloppy Joe meat mix, lasagna? I still hate day-of cooking except for weekends.

    2. Eggs, any style. Can/boxed soup with cheese and crackers. Premade salad with shredded rotisserie chicken (my local grocery sells both whole cooked & shredded for the win)
       When I was in that life place I put the high chair in the kitchen with blocks, etc on the tray.That allowed for chatting and playing and still felt like we were together

    3. I have 4 kids. I hate devoting time to meal prep on the weekends, and I hate using the last hour before kids come home to start cooking, so I usually put something in the crock pot while making breakfast and lunch.
       Dinner can be on the table within 15 minutes if I have crockpot going. Caveat that my kids are protein heavy.
       My crock pot rotation is:
       BBQ chicken (boneless chicken thighs + BBQ sauce) – served on a Hawaiian roll with steamed broccoli and pasta;
       Tacos (ground beef + water + seasoning) – served with refried beans, lettuce, a cut up tomato, salsa and hot sauce.
       Honey chicken (adapted from NYTimes Slow Cooker Chipotle-Honey Chicken Tacos) – served with 90 second rice and salad.

       I’m not winning any culinary awards, but the kids have a hot meal and I’m not spending half the day cooking.

    4. Scrambled eggs, beans, and toast. Avocado toast. A stirfry is quick if you use prechopped veggies.

    5. Costco has a lot of decent convenience foods right now.

    6. Fresh pasta + prepped sauce.

    7. We’ve been doing meal kits and picking the quick to prepare meals. It takes the shopping and thinking out of the evenings and in about 20 minutes we’ve got dinner on the table.

    8. Damn Delicious Korean Beef Bowl are a staple. I premix the sauce and then it’s just cooking the ground beef. Serve over rice or quinoa with edamame (frozen, from a bag). Veggies on the side.

       1. I make this with chicken and it’s so good with virtually no chopping. Use Dorot brand frozen grated ginger to make it even easier.

    9. oooo – super quick and healthy meals that are made with a child (or three) on my hip is basically my specialty.

       First tip – put bebe in a high chair and either ‘play cooking show’ and act out/narrate the process or have her ‘help you’. This often looks like a child holding a whisk and throwing pieces of something on the floor, but it’s multitasking.

       Second – I double batches of things to effectively do meal prep while I cook. So for example – I’ll do a double batch of grilled chicken breasts and that becomes Burrito Bowls on night 1, Chicken Caesar Salads on Night 2, and lunch on Day 3. Pasta gets turned into a side by being thrown in a pan with whatever is on hand. Roasted Salmon becomes salmon salad wraps.

       Third – the microwave is your friend. Frozen broccoli, cauliflower rice, and frozen naan are three of my MVP ‘oh no, I need a veggie/carb now’ things. Similarly, with little ones, I’ll often let the veggies get extra soft in the microwave for them.

    10. The air fryer was our main source of meals at that age. You can pretty quickly put some seasoning on chicken breast/thighs and put in the air fryer. You can also marinate something the night before or buy pre-marinated meat.

        For veggies– frozen vegetables or microwave/steam green beans/broccoli. Sauteeing asparagus is also fast.

        Grains/carb are kind of the hardest thing here. You could get frozen rice or quinoa. I have trouble cooking something like rice/quinoa on a stovetop while watching a baby and kept burning stuff at that age.

        Instant pot also works well here because you are typically dumping something in a pot, and it’s not a big deal if you don’t get back to it immediately.

        1. The Dash rice cooker is a god-send for cooking rice without supervision.

    11. Grilled cheese!

        Also, can you wear her in a Ecco/Baby bjorn type thing? It will help you get stuff done.

    12. My busy day go to is: a tray of Just Meats + frozen vegetables + some kind of fast prepared starch (Bibigo ready-made rice, instant mashed potatoes, or pasta). In other words, some company at scale has already handled preparing the food for me. It’s a much easier way than take-out to getting a healthy meal on the table.

    13. When my kids were little I’d sometimes do things that you can just heat up – lasagna, manicotti, enchiladas, quiches, pot pies, whatever from Trader Joe’s. A lot of I could buy from a farmer’s market. I also put a little activity center in my kitchen for the kids when I was cooking – worked well with one of them, not so much with the other.

    14. I think premade food is going to be the next use of your time. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s are great places for that. Not everything has to be from scratch!

    15. I think premade food is going to be the next use of your time. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s are great places for that. Not everything has to be from scratch!

    16. My kid at that age loved to play with floor toys in the dining room while I made dinner. We had plastic toy bowling pins, a toy drum & xylophone set, etc., that were quite popular (and also loud enough that I could easily hear if she lost interest and needed to be tracked down).

        I still kept dinners simple and quick, but we needed more than PB&J every night so noisy nearby activities were helpful at that age.

    17. Ali Rosen’s 15 Minute Meals cookbook is amazing for this! I picked it up at my local library, then bought a copy because the recipes actually take 15 minutes or less but taste like I slaved over them all day.

        1. We put magnets on the lower quarter of the fridge for the kids to play with in the kitchen. Also, I would have them “help” by stirring water in a bowl or counting ice cubes and transferring them from one bowl to another one at a time. These little activities helped and were fun while i put together a 5 minute meal. Our go-to was (and still is) quesadillas with beans and cheese and a bagged salad.

           1. https://www.amazon.com/LeapFrog-Fridge-Phonics-Magnetic-Letter/dp/B00JLHVX36/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2OQTWAI0B1LYN&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.G2z9lupJ3RKHMZB6JIA0jzUQoEsbL0JgwcNC81kkvRPUrag8gIoQIvpchoci0UId2Tv7vtgXxtHHA5u6prANnyHbnUSYNdCQ93a96krZp8mRvnPI-g0ja5ECucyAByOX3HzQevuRBOjyEGWcsEMRV-h1QiGQwqARGFH0mOwbSGCvxrPbN2vZkNfW2mcXQDIl9SY_FG-R2f6X86uneNR40fFpJtLBaKZO0LyVamcyOQm4Pm2L1mEmYMby1F7XHj8ySkB1p3zKSrJZAR9soxt0qVw9h1GG4o7XoERa0oc1pWk.kLlCdd1btnkxebhz_GVw6OousZv0NgqbYDJG972MscQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=magnet%2Bschool%2Bbus%2Balphabet&qid=1721864270&sprefix=magnet%2Bschool%2Bbus%2Balphabet%2Caps%2C81&sr=8-2&th=1

    18. Rice noodle or vermicelli stir fry.
        1) boil kettle, put noodles in bowl, pour boiled water from kettle over noodles ro rehydrate
        2) heat wok, dump package of pre-cut stir fry veggies in wok
        3) cube some tofu, quick frying fish or deli bam, add to wok
        4) add a pack of sauce, or mix soy, rice vinegar, add spices if you like
        5) drain noodles, rinse in cold water, add to wok
        Mix. Eat. 10 min max :)

11. Query for this morning — what tangible items did your parents pass down to you/leave to you that was actually meaningful and special to you?

    Background — it has become clear that my mother has stayed in her home far too long and kept far too many things. Unfortunately, we skipped right over the “lovingly pass on special items in a meaningful way” while downsizing, and into the “OMG, we need to get your house sold now to help financially support you in an assisted living center, and I’m sure there are special things being donated, but slowly curating household items cannot be the priority right now.”

    I am committed to do better for my kids. I’d like my house to have functional items that are being used and a dedicated storage space to hold special items, and donate/toss things that aren’t being used.

    So far, I have ONE dedicated plastic bin for each kid for their special clothes (outfit they came home from the hospital in, the first jersey for my travel baseball kid, something my daughter sewed, etc.), and ONE plastic bin for special items they make at school (early writings of their name, pictures they draw of our family, and stories they write that are meaningful, etc.). I am otherwise ruthless in donating or pitching toys that are ignored, clothing that piles up, and dishes, etc. that aren’t being used.

    I worry a little that I’m overreacting and over-purging bc of the emotions of helping my mom. So, I guess I throw this out there – are there things your parents donated/tossed that you wished they’d kept?

    1. No. Thank you for not passing the burden forward. My in-laws just spent several hundred dollars shipping us my husband’s childhood stuff that he didn’t even want (soccer trophy from 3rd grade, etc), and now we’re throwing out 90% of it.

    2. My parents definitely keep way too much stuff, but the only stuff that gets any interest are the old toys and books, which have consistently been played with by visiting children over the years and are now back in the living room for the grandkids. My brother has repossessed many bins of old legos. I have no idea if she still has any of our old clothes or drawings, but I don’t care about that stuff at all. I’ll probably take some of the family history and heirloom stuff eventually, but I don’t have a ton of space and tend toward minimalism, so nothing too big.

       1. Now that I have kids, I’m interested in the books and some of the toys from my childhood. My parents didn’t keep any of my baby clothes, but I don’t think I would have wanted them anyways

    3. My parents moved across the country a couple years ago and did a MAJOR purge…at one point (mid-purge) it occurred to them that their children may want some items so we were given a stack of post its at Thanksgiving and told to put our name on anything we wanted. Some sentimental items of mine and others that I wanted had already been donated (sob) but I was also able to claim some other items before they got rid of them or at least let them know I want them in the future.

       Not sure how old your kids are, but I’d say ask them if there’s anything they want of theirs for the future if they’re like college-age or older. My grandparents did this when I was in high school and I wasn’t old enough to appreciate the opportunity and I’d kill to go through their stuff now in my mid-30s.

       1. Just curious — what are some of the sentimental items that were donated? One of my children is extremely sentimental around things, and so I need to be a little careful. If I asked him, he would say that *everything* (down to his old, outgrown shoes) should be saved, and I would donate everything the moment it is no longer in active use, so I need to find a better balance.

          The flag above on toys is a good one. I have bins and bins of old Legos that are unsorted, so they are hard to play with. I may try to hire a task rabbit to sort them, as I was on the verge of sending away via Lego replay, but I realize I could spend a little money making them useful again. And they are a toy that will transcend generations.

          1. Some of my most beloved stuffed animals and my collection of Polly Pockets (hahaha) were donated which is what hurts! I *loved* those things. My mom also donated a decent chunk of my American Girl accessories too which is sad. Some heirloom/hand me down sets of books are MIA as well so I’m assuming those got donated too. My parents also donated some artwork that I’d always loved and wanted for my own house.

             Things I didn’t care about: trophies, a lot of books, the vast majority of elementary school artwork, etc. My mom kept any artwork that won an award which is fine.

             1. I’m not trying to jump on you– and you’re answering the question that was asked– but I think the take-away here for other people reading is that adult children should bring this up with their parents when the parents are planning for a move. It’s not fair to expect your parents to house your memories indefinitely and to anticipate what items are most important to you when they’re in the middle of a major undertaking like a cross-country move.

          2. Re Legos – I never had “sets” to build specific things, only a huge bucket of parts, and I made up my own designs. Why not let your kids do the same?

             1. Me too, when I was growing up. I also wondered why my kids don’t free build like we used to, and I realized after reading an article that there are SO many more sets now than when we were kids with very specific parts. Hence, needing to sort through and donate pieces that worked in a very specific set for a very specific purpose, from regular building blocks and other more general re-usable bricks. Right now there are just two bins in the basement, and I don’t disagree with my kids that it’s really frustrating to find usable pieces if you want to free build.

             2. Give your kids the project! Put on a movie. Dump the bins on the floor. Into one bin go all the general pieces, into the other go all the weird parts.

       2. I’ve been a fan of Swedish Death Cleaning (SDC for short) for many years, and recommend it highly to others in my age group facing downsizing. Its basic premise is that “your kids don’t want your stuff” and guides folks gently through letting go of the emotional ties that bind us to so. much. stuff. I still have a full house, but over time, the input of our kids, and a very active Buy Nothing group have almost completely rid my house of almost all of their childhood stuff. This is ongoing and continous; I go through and edit all the time, and am ruthless about bringing more in. You can start with the book, or join the FB group. Some of the stories are surprisingly moving; all of them remind me to edit, edit, edit and not burden my kids with cleaning out a huge house when the time comes.

    4. My parents saved pretty much everything from my childhood (I’m an only child), except a lot of my books got damaged in a basement flood. They brought multiple car loads to my house when my daughter was young, which is ok because we have a large basement where we can store the stuff. The things I cared most about were my American Girl dolls and accessories, although my daughter has really enjoyed a lot of the random toys and board games they’ve brought too, and it’s kind of nice to have my old school papers and figure skating costumes. We donate my daughter’s clothes as she outgrows them and books and toys that weren’t favorites, so I think we’ll save less than my parents but still a lot. I hope she’ll be settled in her own home and potentially with kids of her own long before I need to go to assisted living, and I can ask her at that point what she wants and toss the rest.

    5. Just jewelry. I didn’t want anything else. Especially not random junk from my childhood, that’s the kind of thing parents get nostalgic about but rarely their kids.

       1. +1 I want my mom’s jewelry and the family photo albums. That’s it.

       2. Agree with this. If I had kids, maybe I would enjoy seeing them enjoy the same toys, but that’s about it. To be fair, someone else above feels differently, so talk to your kids about it. I would rather want some items that represent my parents, not my childhood self. DH kept one of the ceramic tea mugs from his late mom. I have a simple pendant that used to be my grandmas.

       3. I agree with these comments.

          I treasure the handmade quilt from my great-grandmother (she made over 30!), a favorite cookbook from my maternal grandmother, a ring from my paternal grandmother, and my mom gave me one outfit and a hat from when I was a newborn. That’s it. I have one small box of personal mementos and everything has to fit in that box. For my kid, I’ve kept her hospital outfit and maybe three others from infancy, and I’m going to keep a piece of artwork or school work per year, but otherwise it all gets pitched after a bit of time on the fridge.

          My parents are living, but the only things I feel l would really want from them are a few Christmas ornaments from my mom and maybe the monogrammed silver from my dad (I’m a person who likes to do fancy dinners; I feel like most grown children would have little interest in the silver). No interest in my mom’s jewelry aside from one sentimental necklace.

          I have a theory that a lot of items only become special to the original owner because you keep them for a long time. If they had been donated or discarded once they were no longer useful, you probably wouldn’t think of them much.

    6. This is sort of timely, because my parents have been slowly cleaning out their basement over the past several years, so I’ve had to help go through lots of stuff that was kept over the years. The harsh reality is that 99% of it I have no interest in being saved, and what I did want to keep was probably more unique to my personality than anything. I didn’t want any of my school stuff or clothing or books, and really only cared about a couple stuffed animals (I have always had a soft spot for stuffed animals). But even then it was only a handful of them out of a big bag. My brother really wanted the book that was his favorite when he was little, but not much else. So it’s really hard to know. And if you’d asked me when I was 10 or 15 what I wanted to keep, I would have said to keep a lot of things I don’t care about at all now that I’m 40 – probably why so much of it ended up in the basement in the first place. When it comes time to sell the house, I don’t think any of us kids want any of the furniture. There’s a couple pieces of art that we’ll fight over, and I’m sure I’ll wind up with all of my mom’s jewelry (which I mostly don’t like anyway so will have to figure out what to do with all of that). They have a couple collections of things; maybe we’ll keep a few things but the majority of that stuff will just get sold. Honestly the only thing I can ever remember being tossed that I cared about at the time was a shadow portrait of me that was done in first grade…maybe I’d want to have that now if it still existed but I’m not broken up over it.

    7. My mother’s, grandmother’s and great grandmother’s lockets are the most important things that I own. Otherwise, quality all wood furniture (I like antique furniture, but also willing to paint/repurpose furniture to fit my needs); a few items that had historical importance to our family, and a few letters and photos of ancestors. I also kept a beautiful set of formal dishware, but used it as an excuse not to register for my own. Of my own things, I’ve held on to my favorite doll, some papers, and I am working on my stored cloud photos.
       I got rid of- random cards, papers, linens, dishes (so many sets!), all upholstered furniture, clothes, books, hobby gear, toys, kitchen items, most lamps, tools, etc. Someone loved taking photos and had so many duplicates developed it was like an avalanche. I got rid of 95% of those! I donated most things, recycled papers, and trashed anything broken. I haven’t missed anything.

    8. My parents did a transatlantic move when they retired and they kept 2 small boxes of my stuff from childhood, and that feels about right? It’s a mix of photos and creative projects. There are a few stuffed animals, and some toys they kept (Lincoln Logs, Fisher Price airport and farm) for my son to play with.

       I’m not super sentimental sentimental at all, a photo album would be fine for me. I also have my nana’s platinum watch (wore it on my wedding day) and a family engagement ring. I did a shadow box with my son’s first hat, bootie and a photo, and kept his coming home from the hospital outfit and a pull along bear. But otherwise, things go when they are outgrown.

    9. Honestly, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. What means something to the kid is often some random thing the parent would not be able to foresee. For me, I didn’t want any toys I played with as a tiny child (I don’t remember them; my mom did!). But I did want a random, cheap kitchen item my mom had that I used often when I was baking. She could never in a million years have guessed it would hold any meaning for me. And I wanted the random thing my dad had on his desk that I remembered — he could never have guessed that it would mean something.

    10. My mom saved a lot of my baby clothes, which I have loved dressing my daughter in. Also a lot of my childhood books are now on her shelf! At my parents’ house, she plays with toys from my childhood – Fisher Price ferris wheel, trolls, My Little Pony.
        Now, she also saved for my sister…who doesn’t want kids. Not sure what she’ll do with that. Probably give some to my daughter (OAD).

        My in-laws had a few things from my husband…but then also weird random things. Like, my FIL brought over a binder full of my husband’s old pay stubs from like 2004? He…thought we might want them? Why?

        So far I have a bin with some sentimental clothes. I have a small artifact box for artwork. Toys…I’m sure I’ll keep a few but I’m pretty good about reselling/passing on when we’re done with them.

        1. Those Fisher-Price toys from our childhoods held up – my niece and nephew are playing with ours and they look almost new!

    11. My parents are still alive. The tangible items that grandparents passed down and are meaningful:
        Antique furniture (the stuff that goes for mid-four figures in estate sales, not the stuff that goes for $25 at a garage sale)
        Oriental rugs
        Waterford
        Silver (literally silverware)
        Jewelry
        Teapots (I actually use them)
        Tools
        Photographs
        Books

    12. Ohhhh, this is really helpful thanks to everyone for responding.

        Broadly, I’m not touching stuffed animals, books that are (or were at any point) on regular rotation, jewelry, pictures, holiday decor.

        You’ve all given me some restraint to make sure I’m holding on to much loved family board games, magnatiles, a play kitchen that still goes in/out of rotation, and my son’s outgrown but beloved trucks and cars and Legos.

        1. I have special memories of board games and toys from childhood, but I have zero sadness that my parents got rid of them. Those items (especially if they have plastic parts) also degrade with time and may not be safe to play with over many years.

    13. I don’t have kids yet, so maybe my thoughts on this will change but as of now, I’m only interested in heirlooms from my grandparents or older. I don’t (yet) care about my childhood sentimental items.

        So, I have mostly furniture, some art, and some glassware / china from my grandparents (some of which they inherited). The really sentimental things are things that my grandmothers handmade: knit sweaters and embroidered art.

        I know my mom kept my American girl dolls, so I can pass those on. Most toys, clothing, and the like got passed on to younger cousins and family friends.

        My parents have one shelf in the family room still displaying school age art projects, so I’ll take those when I want / they downsize.

        I also know my mom kept the artwork hung in our nursery, so we’ll get that eventually.

        But overall, not much was kept! And I’m not sad about it!

        I also care about getting copies of old pictures, either digital or printed.

        My parents have my grandfathers’ WW2 Navy uniforms which are cool and worth keeping. I tried (medically not qualified) to join the Navy after college so that was sentimental for me.

        Frankly, I’m saddest about the fact that my mom ruthlessly purges her closet so I can’t steal her vintage clothing!

        1. Oh and all fine jewelry has been kept. None of it has gotten to me yet (mom and aunts), but that should all be kept, even if it’s not my style.

           My grandmother and great grandmother had some just gorgeous, over the top pieces that are to die for. My moms jewelry is less my style, but will be sentimental.

    14. This sounds awful, but it’s true: my mom’s house burned down 25 years ago, including all the kiddie artwork and baby clothes and the contents of my middle school jewelry box and high school yearbooks and who knows what all else, and ya know what? I miss none.of.it! None!

        As I’ve helped her downsize, it’s very clear that Mom and I have different ideas of what I’d want to keep when she passes on. She has (lots and lots of) pretty geegaws that she’s purchased at antique stores and whatnot. I guess I think some of them are pretty? But I’d rather have her lacquered jewelry box that she bought with my dad on a trip to South Korea before I was born – it’s so very “her” to me.

        From my grandfather, I have his WWII flying jacket, complete with hand-painted unit “patch.” From my grandmother, I have this tiny photo of her, maybe only 2 inches by 3 inches, of her in a bathing suit on the beach, turned around to look at my grandfather behind the camera on their honeymoon.

        Ask them what’s meaningful to them. You might be surprised.

        1. I have a photo like that of my mom on the beach!

        2. Oh, wow. I would LOVE to have my grandfather’s WWII flight jacket. I don’t think it still exists.

        3. My MIL is a hoarder, and secretly this is my DH’s wish for a best outcome of the house and crap, provided everyone’s safe. It’s so sad.

           My parents are very organized packrats, and I’m struggling with the idea of combing through 40+ yrs of organized, relatively useless *stuff* stashed around the too-big house. Trying to get them to talk about that they envision is really hard.

    15. My mother kept way too much from my childhood. She’s slowly (very slowly) going through everything as they get ready to downsize. I keep getting random texts of “do you want this”? The answer has almost always been no. The only things I’ve really wanted are my Breyer horses (of which I kept a few sentimental ones and sold the rest), my American Girl dolls, which I plan to pass on to friends’ children or future nieces (childfree here), and a few favorite books that I remember. I don’t need my 8 million school notes or art projects. I wasn’t exactly Van Gogh in the making. Honestly, I dread having to clean out my parents’ house (and my in-law’s) one day–they just have way too much stuff. And if anyone knows a good way to sell a bunch of 1990s era my little ponies that are probably worth something but not the time for me to go through them, let me know…

    16. I have my mom’s fine china and her sterling silver, which I use maybe once a year (I entertain a lot but have china and silver of my own that I prefer). I also have a few pieces of her Fostoria crystal: The punch bowl set that I saw her use at many baby and bridal showers and is almost never used (but I’m happy to have it), plus two glasses that are now in daily use holding my makeup brushes.

        I also have a set of children’s books that I read and re-read for my entire childhood and are very meaningful to me. A couple of pieces of art that hung in their home. Oh, and their wedding rings including my mom’s modest diamond engagement ring. Oh, and a few Christmas ornaments. Beyond that… nothing. And honestly I don’t need or want it. It’s all just stuff. The one thing I consider truly precious and irreplaceable is a watercolor painting by my grandma that she painted when she was 16 — 105 years ago!

        I had a piece of furniture from my grandma in my office at work but I donated it when I retired because there’s no room for it in my house.

        My daughter is adamant that there is not one. single. thing. of mine that she wants. *sigh* I’m saving my mom’s engagement ring for her anyway. And I think I have a box of children’s books squirreled away somewhere but at this point I’m pretty sure she won’t be having children, so…

    17. The quilts my grandmother made, furniture that’d been in the family for >3 generations, books and jewelry. Honestly the stuff from my childhood meant more to my parents than to me- reminiscing about how cute I was when I was young meant a lot to them but felt uncomfortable to me.

    18. My mother’s recipe box, filled with file cards handwritten in my mother’s hand. I only make a handful of the recipes, but it’s something I love.

    19. My mom was a borderline hoarder. The only things I really value that were hers were a few pieces of inexpensive jewelry (that I never wear), a couple of dishes I remember from my childhood (corelle and pyrex bowls – nothing fancy for sure!) and a couple of pieces of handmade wall art.

        My sister took a bunch of random stuff thinking it was sentimental and has spent the last five years trying to guilt me into taking, it but I don’t really want any more of it – warped cutting boards, Tupperware, etc. I’ve taken a few odds and ends to make her happy that I now will have to get rid of someday.

        my sister can’t bring herself to trash the rest of it but it’s not even good enough to donate, to be honest. goodwill would throw it right in the trash. Guess the hoarding gene didn’t skip a generation.

    20. I would appreciate the following:
        Christmas decorations (we always bring some nice pieces from our travels for parents’ Xmas tree)
        Christmas cookie cutters
        Cookbooks
        Photo albums
        Board games

        I have already taken some of my toys and gifted them to my friends’ kids [previous poster, Polly Pocket were a hit!].

        I would not be interested in clothes or ‘art’, although those are things that have some perceived value for the parents.
        Best is to ask your children.

        1. Speaking of clothes, I forgot to say that I have and wear a couple of pieces from my mom (a couple of basic cardigans and her ugly-to-me-but-not-to-her Christmas sweaters) and my dad (I wear his grandpa cardigan and my husband wears his Hawaiian shirt). Turns out clothes are a great way to remember loved ones who are gone.

           1. My father passed away 2 years ago and we all took clothes that reminded me of him. To see my husband or teenage son come down the stairs in one of his shirts or sweaters bring me so much joy.

    21. My grandmother and great-grandmother gave me some serving bowls and platters before they died. I use them regularly, and they remind me of the many, many times they used them at their own tables. My great-grandmother also gave me some small embroidered, crocheted and tatted items that I had framed before she died; she was delighted to see them preserved. For years, when my own daughters were small, the framed needlework hung in their rooms. Now they are in guest rooms. My kids did not have close relationships with my grandparents or great-grandparents, since my grandmother died when the oldest was pretty young, so these things will be meaningless to them and are likely to end up in a Goodwill one day.
        One of my daughters wants my cookbooks and my Christmas ornaments. I have a small box of mementos for each child that I keep for myself; when I die, the child can keep his or her box, or not. Otherwise, I do not expect my kids to care about any of my stuff, and my will actually says they can throw it all away if they want to.

    22. I am the sole heir on my father’s side–my grandfather is still alive and has 5 outbuildings full of stuff; I have an uncle who has storage units full of stuff across the country (including at least 3 grand pianos that I know of to give you a sense of scale). My parents have been fairly ruthless about culling stuff down, but it’s so much stuff. Overwhelming levels of stuff. My plan is to find someone to hire to sell it all off because I have no idea how to navigate it. I want basically none of it. So, be ruthless. Think of the stuff as what it is–almost entirely a burden that your children will need to deal with. Kudos to you for trying to limit that for them. I am very thankful to my parents for their work to do the same for me.

        1. I’m realizing reading other responses that mine was overly harsh. Very good points were made about having conversations with kids. Because there 100% were discrete things I wanted. I wanted the Yahtzee game from the 1960s that my grandmother and I played constantly when I was a child. I wanted a specific set of china from another grandmother because I’d love it as a child and she wanted me to have it. I wanted that same grandmother’s piano (or let’s say I was willing to take it). I got those things because I’d had the necessary conversations.

    23. My parents downsized regularly once I became an adult, and my mom died last year and I cleaned out her things. What I discovered in the far and recent past is that whether I care about what was kept is based on whether I have memories of or related to an item. I didn’t care about baby clothing or kid art projects; my mom had memories of those things, I didn’t and so I didn’t care about them and threw them away. I did care about Christmas decorations that we pulled out every year, the cheese slicer in the kitchen that my parents bought before I was born and we used regularly, and my mom’s favorite pajamas that I love wearing now. DH doesn’t want anything from his parents, and I don’t think his mother understands why he doesn’t want the boxes and boxes full of pictures that she has kept for decades.
        In some respects, what people may want will vary with each person. Which is why deciding what to keep can be hard. But if your kids won’t remember the item ever existed, then you probably can get rid of it.

12. Jones Road has been stalking me on IG, so I finally broke down and bought a mini size of every Miracle Balm color in a set that they were offering a couple months ago. I think that Miracle Balm got poor initial reviews because Bobbi Brown first tried to market them as a replacement to everything in your makeup bag, including foundation and concealer. Really these products are blushes, bronzers and highlighters, and I am glad they are now marketing them that way. I see they are now selling them in a compact 3-balm palette of coordinating blush, bronzer and highlighter, which makes it even easier to try. Also seems like they are marketing Miracle Balms to older women primarily, but I like them and have been using them for the past few weeks, and I am 39 with normal skin. Many of the balms have shimmer, which I like. I think the blush and bronzer look more natural than my pressed powder ones. Not sure why everyone is complaining about the smell, it smells like lipstick or any other wax-based makeup product, which I guess could bother you if you use large quantities of it on your face. When you get a new balm you must first press your finger into it to get to the pigment. This is very important, otherwise the color will not show on your skin at all. So in summary I think it got a bad rep initially because it was marketed poorly and because people did not understand how to use it at first. I am going to keep using it because it’s a fun way to switch up my beauty routine, and if you are curious I recommend the palette.

    1. thanks for this review! I just ordered the mini palette yesterday night…hoping it works out! I’ve also been feeling like powder blush and bronzer look less natural lately than I’d like.

       1. I love the miracle balms! Some reviews here said they were sticky on the face, but I didn’t find that true for me. I lucked out and was able to try my mom’s while visiting her. Now I have my own.

    2. I did not love the product but you’re making me want to try it again. I was disappointed in the concealer pencil from this brand. It’s super dry and doesn’t work on my 50-plus skin. I really wanted to love Jones Road because I love Bobbi Brown.

       1. Your last sentence is me. Sticking with the original Bobbi Brown brand for now. I haven’t liked any of the Jones Road products I’ve tried.

    3. I have the product — bought a set of 4 minis when it was offered around Christmas- and I agree that it was mis-marketed initially. Also, the full size product is WAY too big for what it’s intended for. I received a full size of one of the minis I ordered, and I’ll never use all of it. I don’t love the product and won’t rebuy – but that’s mostly because I was hoping for a substitute for foundation/tinted moisturizer and don’t love shimmer. If you intend to use the product as a blush or highlighter, I think it’s great.

       1. This is fair. I use it over my moisturizer for color. I don’t do any other makeup except for maybe concealer if I have some redness. Early 40s.

13. Workout question: in an ideal world, would you do a small workout every day, or a big workout 3x a week? i have been flummoxed by 5-day-a-week things like Caroline Girvan on YouTube, and have finally realized my problem is the push to get downstairs to our basement gym — but once I’m down there time isn’t an issue. So now I’m trying to do a 60-minute workout 3x a week, which sadly for me counts as “big.”

    1. I don’t do home workouts but I’d rather be active every day and throughout the day. So I ride my bike to drop my kid at school, cycle/walk for errands, work in the garden on a lunch break, and then do a yoga class and spin class weekly.
       I really need to do some sort of strength activity but that’s what fits in my life at the moment.

       1. This right here. I only drive on weekends, and only then if it’s out of town. Being on foot/bike for daily life keeps me active in a way no workout can.

    2. I do a more intense coached group workout 2-3x per week, and then try to walk or do a quick run, and pushups, plank etc on the off days.
       I love all types of exercise and would love to do more, but have Very busy job and little kids.

    3. I feel so much better mentally and physically when I exercise or get movement that I’d rather do something moderate every day than intense a few times a week.

    4. 3x a week is more than most people work out! Do what works for you. I could not do cardio every day – my body needs at least one day to recover between workouts.

       1. Agreed, that’s nothing to sneeze at!
          I shoot for weights + steady state cardio 3-4 times/week, and then walking/hiking at least one other day.

    5. In an ideal world I’d have sufficient time to do at least hourlong workouts each day, 6 days/week with sauna and ice plunge time afterwards…My reality is that I have a job and kids and a life… because of restricted time, I do the Peloton thing. I aim for 30 minutes 5x/week plus a long run of 60-90 minutes… if I skip a day it’s NBD, I’m still at 5 days/week of exercise.

       What helps me with the ‘just have to get down there’ thing is to have a schedule and sign up for things in the future. Like, I have a half marathon this fall so I have a running schedule. That schedule says tonight I need to do intervals and you know what? Who am I to argue with that.

    6. I can’t do an at-home workout every day. I tried that for years.

       I try to do SOMETHING daily. At least a 30 minute walk. I’ve been going to the gym 3x/week to lift weights. I want to add in a yoga or pilates class, too, but haven’t gotten myself there at 5:30 a.m.

    7. I do a 45+ minute workout 3x a week (cardio) and a 15-30 min strength workout 2-4x a week.

       For me cardio is more involved: long trail run, long bike ride, soccer game, skiing, tennis match and strength is just a traditional strength workout at home or the gym. I also live in a city and walk everywhere so most days I get 7-10K steps or more.

       On strength days if I’m short on time I’ll grab my dumbbells and do a 5 min quick workout just to do something.

    8. For me, it’s much easier to do things as part of a routine, so every day when I stop working, I go downstairs (from my 3rd floor office) and get changed into workout clothes and then go down to the basement to work out. So I work out 5 days a week, which for me is 3x weights and 2x cardio. When I’m running (I can’t right now due to a foot injury), I head out of the house after work for a run on the two cardio days instead of down to the basement, and add a weekend running day as well.

    9. I just watched a woman trainer on Peter Attia and she said it’s the overall volume (minutes) that matter vs how many days a week you work those minutes in.

       1. I should clarify, this is from a strength routine perspective and building muscle.

14. Does this product exist? I want an unobtrusive furniture cover, in a wipe-down material, to cover chairs/sofa for when beloved family members with hygiene issues visit. All the furniture covers I’m seeing are fabric. I’d rather not just buy new furniture.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, I’d add a mattress pad in a wipe-down material underneath the fabric cover.

    2. Is there a reason you want the sofa cover to be wipeable? A fabric one can be washed in hot water with appropriate detergent and would probably be more sanitary. This wouldn’t work for a particular person I know though whose issue is sweat and leaving puddles.

    3. No. Just buy the tacky plastic covers or host outside

    4. I have fleece throw blankets I got at Old Navy and Lands End for like $5 and I have them all over my furniture to keep the pet hair and other grossness off (unless your family members shed, track litter, vomit, bleed, and have leaking cysts, they’re not worse then my elderly cats). They’re not wipe down, but I’ve washed them a lot (cold, delicate) and they still look fine after many years of use.

       1. sometimes Aldi has nice waterproof pet blankets that look like normal throws but have a water resistant backing. (I got one for our couch when my daughter was first potty training). I’m sure you could get these elsewhere as well….

    5. I’m so curious what kind of horrible hygiene issues these people might have!

       1. Same. Ready to be grossed out.

       2. Sadly, people can develop problems with continence. Often but not always related to aging. Kudos to the original poster for wanting an “unobtrusive” solution. Losing continence doesn’t need to mean also losing dignity.

          1. OP here. Yep, I think this is what’s happening. It’s a big effort for them just to get out of the house, and I want to welcome them as they are and not add more burden to their lives.

             1. Okay. Let me reiterate the recommendation of Kids N Pets (I have family who work in eldercare, and it’s been a great product for any situations where there wasn’t a waterproof barrier in place). Re. the title, a lot of products are marketed for kids or for pets (like the waterproof sofa cover blankets) with the understanding that they’ll be used more broadly, so it could be helpful to look in those product categories in general.

       3. Incontinence issues? Related to age, some disabilities, or other circumstances that the person probably wants to keep private? Kudos to the original poster for seeking an “unobtrusive” solution.

          1. Sorry for the double post! OK to delete one of them.

    6. Look for waterproof sofa covers for pets. Spot clean with Kids’n’Pets.

       But if you must have wipe down, maybe commission something out of a laminated fabric or oil cloth from an Etsy shop? There’s nothing unobstrusive that isn’t fabric at all.

       1. Not OP, but this sounds like the perfect solution to my not being able to have fabric rugs in my home, since my dog refuses to believe that all carpet isn’t eventually supposed to be used as a bathroom.

    7. When I potty trained my kids I used “Pillowfort waterproof sleep anywhere pads” from Target on my furniture. They are on the smaller side, like the size of a crib mattress. I bet you could use a waterproof mattress pad for a similar product in a bigger size

    8. A washable fabric slipcover+ chucks underneath (plastic backed absorbant pee pads like you’d use for puppy training).

    9. Not wipe clean but you can get washable throw blankets with an inner waterproof layer. We have this one because our cat kept puking on our couch. https://www.chewy.com/petami-fluffy-waterproof-cat-dog/dp/352848. You would never know it is waterproof.

15. Thank you to everyone who weighed in about job searching while pregnant. I accepted a new job and negotiated a leave, for which I’ll use PTO. It’s a raise, better benefits, and a much more stable company then where I’m at now. I’m grateful for everyone who took the time to comment, whether they had been in my shoes or hired a pregnant employee!

    1. That is amazing news – congratulations and well done!

16. I mentioned on a previous thread about pregnancy and CMV that a blood test indicated my daughter’s baby was at risk. She just had a 21 week amnio and the fetus tested negative. One less thing to worry about!

    She’s not in the US. It’s not standard to test for CMV risk in the US, despite it being a cause of birth defects such as hearing loss.

    1. How do they gauge “at risk” for the baby? I know I’m CMV + from being a blood donor (but my blood can’t go to premises because of this).

       1. My daughter’s CMV infection was assessed to be recent based on blood levels and the fact she was negative during her last pregnancy. Initial infection just before or in early pregnancy raises the risk for the baby. Older infections rarely cause problems in the baby.

    2. Great news! Congratulations to your daughter.

17. I work decently long hours and am pretty serious about a hobby (which is fitness related), as a result I don’t have enough time to cook and eat the foods I’d like to eat. In giving myself grace, I have decided that I care about hitting a protein goal and hitting my 5 servings of fruit and veg and that’s enough (and a very lose calorie tracking just to try to eat enough but not too too much).

    I eat a lot of take out, frozen, or convenience foods which I don’t love but I recognize is my life right now. My office is near a sweetgreen so I always get a salad for lunch on in office days and I usually make a smoothie with frozen fruit and kale.

    The rest of my fruit and veggie servings are …dubious: dried fruit (nothing added), applesauce pouches (no sugar added), crushed tomatoes over chickpea pasta or TJs cauliflower gnocchi, etc. Looking for “permission” that this is okay? Or at least not terrible?

    I do my best to incorporate other easy veggies (bagged salad, sliced veggies with ranch, quickly heat up frozen veggies as a side) but don’t always have the time or energy for this. And I find I waste so many fresh veggies (baby carrots, bags of salad) doing this.

    1. A daily salad and a smoothie and some sort of other veggie or fruit actually sounds like a ton of fruit and vegetables.

       1. Sadly, it’s probably one or the other most days (salads in office, smoothies at home).

          I guess I just feel bad because I eat so little fresh and homemade food. But not everything convenient is bad!

          1. permission to stop feeling bad!

             1. Thanks. I know the dried mango I ate today for breakfast “counts” but it doesn’t feel that way since it’s not fresh. Even though I know it doesn’t work that way!

             2. If you want fresh fruit for breakfast, you can buy it precut at the grocery store.

          2. I usually have fruit at breakfast, a salad for lunch, and one large serving of cooked veg at dinner, which sounds similar to what you’re doing. I would not have room in my diet or my tummy for more produce than that. There is only so much food one can eat in a day.

    2. You’re doing better than most people, I wouldn’t worry.

    3. The frozen fruit and vegetable sections of Trader Joe’s is your friend. Their frozen broccoli is the only one that it passable. Yesterday I was slammed all day and had no time for lunch. I made a smoothie with fat free greek yoghurt, frozen mango I picked up from trader joes and almond milk. Kept me full until dinner.

       I do not count dried fruit or applesauce as a serving of fruit because neither fill me up. The frozen mixed berries fill me up so count. I count half a bag as 3 servings of fruit. Not the best food safety but I pour half a bag in a bowl and leave in the fridge overnight. I am still alive. Scoops some greek yoghurt over the top and some higher protein granola for crunch for a solid breakfast.

       On the days I am tired I go ready made meals such as the frozen southwest quesadilla, high in protein and 2 portions of veggies, and eat it with some salsa, which i consider 1 portion of veg. Another good one is the trader joes lentil and vegetable soup and I add a can of diced tomatoes to make it 3 portions of veg. Its two cans poured into one bowl and zapped in the microwave for 3 minutes. Personally I don’t like the cauliflower gnocchi. Its highly processed and just sits in my stomach.

       I do not do salads on the weeks I am on my own. Its just too much drama for not enough macros. Give me a frozen Palak Paneer which has spinach in it or the vegetable tikka masala in the pouch. The thai yellow tofu curry is another good one. It has potato, carrots, peas and onions. I add chicken (just chicken from the fridge section) to bump up the protein in these dishes. If I am hungry I add frozen broccoli and haricot verts.

       1. Forgot to add that the smoked salmon filets are expensive and so high in salt but amazingly convenient. On days I am running I justify the salt as replenishment and drink water not electrolytes.

          It doesn’t need to be perfect, it needs to be good enough. I suggested things I think you could tweak if you wanted to but what you are doing is more than good enough.

    4. Hey friend, you have this internet stranger’s permission.

       You’re doing a great job prioritising, and working within the limits of your current situation.

       Something I do when I crave fresh veggies, is snacking on cherry tomatoes when I don’t have fridge access, since they keep well in room temp. Cucumber, too.

       I also make the budget byte’s fridge salads, when I have time. The cauliflower and olive one keeps for ages – and can absolutely be made with pre-cut cauliflower. I also love cowboy caviar with beans and canned corn. The canned corn ticks the “crunch” button.

18. My jewelry style is minimalist and clean lines, almost always just gold (limited stones). My parents’ style is much more traditional and heavier on gemstones.

    Long story short, my parents want to buy me a nice ring for a milestone accomplishment. I’m not a huge jewelry person in general (wear the same earrings, necklace, bracelet and watch 90% of the time).

    I’m wondering if I’m naturally a sleek jewelry person or if im just too influenced by trends – the intent of this piece is to be something I’ll have the rest of my life and will pass down to future children. So, I want it to be somewhat timeless and not something I’ll regret as being 2020s trendy, but I still want it to be something I want to wear now.

    Also, I’m not a ring person. What finger would you get it for?

    1. Maybe just go to a jewelry store and start trying stuff on. Is your ring finger otherwise taken by a wedding ring? If not I would probably do that, or wear it on the right hand.

       1. I’m unmarried but dating, so should keep the ring finger clear!

    2. I would probably get an eternity band in diamonds or my birthstone.

       I’m not a big ring person either, but I have one I wear on my right ring finger every day that was a gift from my parents. It’s low profile and simple so it’s easy to wear, doesn’t get caught on stuff.

       1. Yeah I like a gold band with a few baguette diamonds in it, but is that weird (even on the right hand) for someone unmarried?

          1. No not at all!

          2. I wear my grandmother’s wedding band on my right hand – yellow gold with 5 small diamonds.

          3. Nah, not at all weird. I’d wear it on the right hand.

          4. I think that sounds great.

    3. Right hand ring finger. Vendor suggestions: Aurelia Demark (fine hand engraving, which is more $$ than you think it would be), James Meyer (craftsman in PA, he has a few rings available now with stones), Caleb Meyer (his son, more selection on his site; both are more of an “arts and crafts” style), Erika Winters (pricey but she has some ready to wear pieces at partner jewelers). Lang’s Antiques for a true vintage option.

       1. You have great taste!

          OP – I posted the other day about a little signet ring I wear every day on my right hand. I think if you’re a simple/clean lines person, a signet ring might work for you.

    4. I’d go with something from the Cartier Trinity line. It’s minimalist, features all three golds in a posh way, and that line has been around for 100 years.

       1. Oh this gift is not Cartier budget!!

    5. Right hand ring finger or middle finger.

       Do you like cabochon or channel set gemstones? They feel much less flashy than a prong set faceted cut.

       1. Take a look at some of these rings from my neighborhood bench jeweler. Their website is terrible and most of these are just examples of the kind of work they do but they do have a lot of less flashy rings here

          https://www.14karats.com/colored-stones.php

    6. William Travis may be a jeweler to check out for inspiration between minimalist/modern and traditional.

       You might also consider something simple but very high karat (yes it won’t be as durable, but the color will be amazing and it will have character).

       1. I love William Travis (and I wonder if you’re local to CH! Hi, neighbor!)

          1. Used to be! I remember he used to showcase another artist who did modernized Byzantine style jewelry that I adored (with the prong-free settings), but I cannot remember her name now. Maybe not the right fit for OP but sometimes there’s a surprising affinity between ancient/medieval simplicity and modern tastes!

    7. I’d want a right hand ring or bracelet by Anne Sportun. https://www.annesportun.com/

19. I was laid off recently and it’s really messing with my head. I have literally never NOT worked in almost 40 years. I started working summers when I was a teen, always worked through college, and went from FT job to FT job straight out of undergrad. My skills have always been in demand and I’ve always gotten really positive reviews at work. So I feel like I’m suddenly operating in an entirely new system where nothing I did before matters, my skills are useless, and it feels like a sick joke, like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.

    I’m starting to freak out that I’ll never work again. I’m doing all the right things—networking, reconnecting with my network, etc. and while I’ve been interviewing, I haven’t landed any offers yet. Someone on the other side please tell me I’ll get through this!

    1. This is not to discourage you, but I’d go on TikTok or Reddit (r/layoffs) and see what is happening at the macro level. This is *not* about you or your skillset, there are larger forces at play that is causing companies to do mass layoffs, freeze hiring, and make the labor market extremely, extremely tight right now. You can come out the other side, but anything you can do to be kind to yourself and understand this is the new reality, I think the better.

    2. I was fired from a start up a few years ago. Honestly before that I felt my resume was “perfect” – name brand school, name brand jobs. I got another job that was alright, but that set me up to get my current job a year later, which I absolutely love. I know I got fired from that start up because of a personality clash, not a reflection on my work. It’s hard, but it’s not at all personal.

       Another friend changed jobs, we went on a trip to Europe, and then a few weeks later she was laid off from the new job. She has a new job now at a great company and was just promoted. It has nothing to do with you at all, this is an unfortunate thing that sometimes just happens.

    3. Similar to you, I was always a worker… but in my case I used my layoff to travel for several months. I had always wanted to do that but fear of a career gap prevented me from it. Now happily reemployed and glad I took a long break because I may not get another chance before retirement.

    4. It is horrible but understand it isn’t you its the market. There are no jobs right now. I have started my own company and I am fundraising which is also tough as a woman, but I figure there is more cash available than there are jobs right now.

    5. I am reading this book called the new menopause by a female doctor and one of the things she said was there is a high rate of women questioning their work abilities forcing them into retirement that doesn’t stick. So if you are questioning yourself, make sure to consider hormonal issues that trick your brain and make you doubt yourself. This book is fascinating to me. I cannot put it down.

       It’s hard to interview when you are older but many employers recognize the value in experience and the dedication of older workers as compared to younger, who come and go and make demands, etc.

       Also make sure you’ve exhausted unemployment options. It’s not a failure. It’s there for exactly this. Layoffs.

20. I just learned I get to have gum grafts, lucky me! Anyone care to share tips on before/after care? Thanks!

    1. My Best friend had this done twice and she subsisted on iced coffee, smoothies, mashed potatoes, and overnight oats. She lost a bit of weight during recovery.

    2. The first 2 hours you’re home after the procedure do 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off with ice on your face. Makes a huge difference with swelling. You may have some bruising on your face, even if you ice, but nothing too dramatic.
       Make sure you have plenty of soft food at home prior to the procedure, you won’t be in the mood to go shopping for a few days but you need to eat. I make some mashed potatoes, buy some macaroni and cheese and stuff for smoothies.
       I’ve had 4 grafts over the last 5 years. I have very good dental hygiene but sometimes poor gums are genetic. Good luck.

       1. Baby food, applesauce, check to see if your doctor wants you to avoid dairy. Some protein shakes are dairy free some aren’t. Also check for restrictions on using a straw at first.

    3. Have you gotten a second opinion? I’ve lived in 5 states in the last 10 years, and I’ve been very surprised to see the split in the various dentists in that time who have told me, yes, I have to have the surgery, and no, the recession is steady and I don’t. I would have expected a bit more consensus on something that major. (I am clearly choosing to listen to the “no” camp because eek! scary!)

       1. This, I always get second opinions on major dental work. If they all agree, that says a lot, but they don’t always.

    4. I’ve had one done. Graft was taken from the roof of my mouth. I had some significant bleeding around day 2ish from that site. I had tea bags on hand and used those to stop the bleeding per the office’s instruction. I was also under the mistaken impression that I would be able to return to work the same day. I was not. I also mostly ate soft food and liquids. I believe I had it done on a Tuesday and didn’t start eating normally again until Sunday. Also, if they offer you meds, take them. There’s no prize for being in pain (addiction concerns aside, obviously).

    5. I’ve had three and echo the advice above. I did the 20 minutes on and off with the ice pack which I do think helped the swelling some. Have multiple ice packs so there’s always a cold one ready. I didn’t do anything after the procedure or the next two days. Like literally sat all day with minimal talking. My mouth was swollen and I didn’t want to be moving much or talking for fear of messing up the stitches before anything had started healing. The pain meds (just large ibuprofen doses) made me sleepy the first day and I was glad I was home and could take a nap. Have lots of soft foods on hand – oatmeal cooled to room temp, yogurt, bananas, and Ensure were a lot of what I ate the first week. Just try to set yourself up for a slow, gentle week or two if you can.

    6. I had one done about 10 years ago, and it sounds like it may have been less intensive than what others have experienced. The worst pain for me was the night of the procedure; the next day it improved quickly. The stitches were SO annoying! Definitely stock up on soft foods – I did yogurt, cottage cheese, scrambled eggs, and those fruit and veggie pouches for kids.

    7. I’ve had three grafts done in the past three years. It’s not fun, but it’s doable. I agree with the advice to ice aggressively for the first 36 hours and take it easy. My oral surgeon is very strict about soft foods for the first 10 days. I did a lot of scrambled eggs, jello, fruit smoothies, mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, stuffing/dressing. I can’t eat dairy, but the plant-based subs are pretty good these days. My biggest food trick is to make a giant pot of congee in the slow cooker (basic recipe is on thekitchn website), then stir in various flavorings: minced chicken, puréed steamed spinach, steamed sweet potatoes, soy sauce, soft-boiled eggs, soft tofu cubes, etc. I have a fast metabolism and lose weight quickly, and congee makes it easier to eat enough calories to maintain weight and support healing.

    8. I had it done 15 years ago. They gave me the option of using tissue from the roof of my mouth or cadaver tissue. I went with cadaver tissue to avoid having one more place that hurt. They also gave me the option of having some light IV sedation, which I took and was happy I did. I think I only ate soup and smoothies and yogurt for at least one week after, maybe longer.

21. Yesterday a pro-Palestinian group released worms, maggots and crickets and pulled fire alarms at the hotel where the Israeli officials are staying in DC. How exactly does creating additional work for the hotel staff accomplish anything or help the people in Gaza?!?

    1. They hate Israel more than poorer hourly workers, but they are expendable.

    2. Because these little performances are for their own benefit, not for the benefit of disadvantaged people anywhere in the world. They disgust me.

    3. this is terrible and so immature. they could’ve used the funds they spent on this for something far more productive

    4. How do you release a maggot? It’s not like it’s going to run around and get everyone. You just throw it on the ground?

       1. i saw a video. i don’t know how they got past security, but it looks beyond disgusting.

    5. Maggots is the best terrorist action I have ever heard to date.

    6. It made the news so that’s the desired effect.

    7. It sounds like a redux of when a pro-Israel activist released rodents into the UCLA encampment, but even more poorly considered since this was inside and involved hotel employees. I hate a lot of Israel’s actions, but this stunt was disgusting the first time, and seems worse this time.

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