Has anyone else found that once you go to Etsy, it’s like you instantly lose an hour or two of time because their recommendation engine is so good — plus while there you immediately think of 40 other things you just might need? (Just me? OK then.)
ANYWAY, while I was rounding up gift ideas for mothers over on CorporetteMoms last Thursday, I found these great earrings. As someone with dark hair, I always like a pop of white on earrings! (It is probably the ONLY place I welcome a pop of white, to be honest.)
These are only $18.40, so they’re clearly not real gold or stone… but I do like the look of them and think it’s far more sophisticated than their $20 price tag. The pictured earrings will arrive between May 23-June 5 if you buy today. Seller AisalDesigns has a lot of other cute things, too.
(Still hunting for something to get your own mother or another mother in your life? A lot of the ideas in the roundup should still be good for shipping by May 14…)
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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
When Your Career Arc is Ending
Re-post because I thought I was posting to Coffee Break
Need some advice from the professional ladies on this board. I am early 40s with almost a decade at two high profile companies. I have reached a point of peak dis-empowerment in my job. I feel like I am paid to argue with people with less than 10% of my expertise, until I finally call in my boss or even a colleague at my same level – always a man – and their opinion is immediately accepted. I attended a major reunion last year, and so many women spoke of the opposite: their knowledge and skills are finally valued, they are feeling a new level of fulfillment in their roles, etc. I feel so alone in my place. Like I have aged out of the workplace. I am a dinosaur nobody will listen to. My boss tells me otherwise, wants me to mentor younger women. I feel like a fraud holding myself out as any example since I feel like this. Nobody should aspire to follow my example.
I have spent SO MUCH time looking for other jobs. I am qualified for many jobs that pay a third less than I make. I am not qualified for jobs at the same or better comp. When I interview for the less-pay jobs, I get a ton of suspicion from hiring managers around why I would give up my existing pay (they can guess my range from online) to take role X. I do not get called back.
I was a BigLaw lawyer, have 6 years of in-house experience, and I have thought about trying to start over as a first year associate in another practice area. Start fresh. Or just quit for awhile and take some menial job like waiting tables. I used to enjoy restaurant work. Or be someone’s secretary.
Thoughts? Go back to school? Work on checking out emotionally, but keep my job? I am not depressed; I am absurdly content and happy when I am not working. My life outside of work is fantastic and I have so much to be thankful for.
Could you transition to the business side of your industry?
Any interest or expertise in transitioning to some kind of DEI role?
If finances allow: run for local office?
When Your Career Arc is Ending
Already did. Now I am viewed as a failed lawyer and unqualified business person (except by my current/former bosses). Worst of both worlds.
How can you possibly be a failure, if all of your bosses think you are great?
Is there something else going on here?
I am terrible with my self-promotion and always undervalue myself and my successes. And you sound way worse than me!!!
If your bosses don’t think you’re a failure, you’re not a failure!!
You need to learn to answer that question in interviews. Try any of the following:
*opportunities for continued advancement in New Company
*current role lacks growth and/or intellectual stimulation
*office politics not a good fit for you
*any reason to change in house roles – you’re a generalist who wants to focus on a speciality, you’re a specialist who wants to be a generalist, you’re in pharma but want to be in tech, you’re in tech but want the challenge of a highly regulated industry….
The business of mansplaining… what industry are you in and what area of the country are you in? Can you move? Take a remote role?
I don’t recommend admitting you’re not good at office politics. Every office has office politics and the potential employer may conclude you’re too sensitive to work at their firm.
I meant those particular office politics, provided you can provide some concrete examples.
When Your Career Arc is Ending
I have used variations of continued advancement, growth, and looking for a long-term and more sustainable fit (vs. current crazy international hours). I state that my student loans are paid off and my lifestyle expenses are modest to accommodate the move.
The hiring manager comes back to the money. Every time.
Okay, so you’re in a DEI type role. Can you transition back to substantive areas of law? Apply to universities or non profits? Clerk for a judge? Start your own firm? Move into more of a legal freelancing role?
I would not work at a restaurant. That’s soul-crushing, physically exhausting and pays almost nothing.
I guess my answer to whether you lean out or go back to school depends on your life stage. I’m in a sort of similar situation although I’m an ex-lawyer who is ~10 years into a non law career after Big Law and smaller firms. When I took this role it seemed interesting and fulfilling and I was willing to accept the huge pay cut for much saner hours. But now I feel like you do – no one values me or my expertise, and after almost a decade in the same job without promotion of recognition, I think I’m kind of toxic to hiring managers. I’m applying but nobody is biting.
I have young (preschool and elementary age) kids so I’m just trying to check out and accept that the upside to this awful job is that I can spend a lot of time with my kids while they still like me and need me. If I had teens or adult children or didn’t have kids I’d probably trying to go back to school or launch my own business but that’s not something I feel I have the bandwidth for at this stage of life.
Are you not applying to better paying jobs or just not getting interviews? Have you worked with a headhunter who deals with senior roles? What made you decide that you were not qualified for roles that pay well?
If you are an in-house attorney , can you take a bigger role at a small company? GC a start up? Open your own firm? It does not make any sense for your to be a first-year associate.
I’m not a lawyer but early 40s in corporate finance/ consulting so a similar path. A couple things to do:
– Read up on imposter syndrome. You have it and most successful women our age have it. I’ve started mentoring younger women and being honest about how insidious it is. You can’t fight it until you know it exists.
– Read up on how women typically only apply for jobs where they meet 100% of the requirements, while men apply when they only meet 60%. The research is iffy on whether this is technically true, but the spirit is definitely aligned with the confidence of most men in our functions.
– Get a sticker or a mug with the saying “Grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man” and put it next to your toothbrush. Look at it daily and remind yourself that faking it until you make it works on confidence too.
– Reframe your thinking. Easier said than done, but people are coming to you as the SME, and care enough about your opinion that they’re trying to convince you of their side. Your boss sees you as someone your younger colleagues aspire to be. Even if you don’t feel like it, your experience and insights are clearly valued just from the short paragraph you wrote. You’re no where near a dinosaur – in fact you’re providing important context and helping your business partners strengthen their positions through your interactions.
– Find a way to reestablish your boundaries. You aren’t as invested in this job anymore, so what is the harm if you get a “meets expectation” this year instead of “exceeds”? If you’re happy outside of work, can you set a firm shut down time at 5:30 every day for an “appt”? Can you start work a half hour later and spend the morning time on your hobby? Can you schedule longer networking lunches with old colleagues, or friends who work nearby, or set up a lunchtime date with your partner? Can you do less in your “day job” so you can join a BRG committee or do a project with the DEI team or join a cool new project as the legal SME or take black belt training?
– Similar to that last question, explore your company benefits and connections. Can you get reimbursed for a new degree? What if you get a cert in your industry – like if you’re in legal for an airline, can you get a hospitality certification? Can you join toastmasters or take a language class or attend panel discussions? If you have an industry relations team, ask if you can be the company liason to the Women in Aviation professional group, or the local chamber of commerce, or the Lawyer Pilots Bar Association, etc? Is there a big company project coming up and you could ask to attend a semi-relevant conference to “get the pulse of the wider industry”? Through any of these things, you can build a network of people who might have jobs for you in the future, and you might find a new passion along the way.
There’s freedom in reaching our age and realizing we don’t have to prove anything, but it can be scary at first. Rather than let ourselves age out, we can find ways to decrease our “real” job and direct our energy to things that will make things better for those coming behind us. Take a while to build your confidence back up, then go exploring. You are in a position of power and you just need to leap and take advantage of it.
Girl, you just need a new job. You’re only in your early 40’s. No where near a dinosaur. What even gave you that idea. That’s your prime! I’m 60 so I have some perspective here. I get man-splained to all the time. I get asked to mentor cute 27 year olds that my boss is attracted to. Does not mean I am a failure. Nope! It sounds like your bad environment has worn you down. Make a list of your strengths. Go for jobs at your level not backwards. If you don’t interview well get some help. Tons of resources on youtube, books, IRL go practice. You sound like you have decided you are a professional “failure” and are projecting that out so you are not getting the best vibes back. Hugs.
+100. In my 40s. In house counsel. Been there. Much better now!
It’s not you, it’s your work setting. The last place I left was like this. I started out with a lot of respect and then with office politics got to where no one would even listen to me or would override my decisions. I was losing a lot of confidence. Covid layoffs moved me into another company (less pay) where I was instantly given a lot of respect and a lot of project authority. The people asking me questions are way smarter and skilled than prior job–so it’s clear I just needed the change of scene. I’m currently looking for another gig to get my pay back up (I settled to avoid a gap). But I have tried to learn from this experience. Other than changing setting, here’s what I’ve learned: A big skill is learning when and how to disagree–alliances are an influence factor that I overlooked too much at last job. Try to control the narrative when you can, whether it be putting agenda points in writing or documenting processes or decisions. Meetings are ephemeral. The person who controls the written word often gets associated with leading. I also have learned to let chronic mansplainers go first until they ramble into word salad and THEN go. It’s easier to hold folks off of interrupting or taking credit when you take the floor. Practice techniques to avoid interruptions (Kamala!! Woo!) Don’t overlook the value in mentoring. I’ve gone from viewing it as a hassle to seeing it as fulfilling. When you take the time to really listen and coach someone, it can be rewarding–and it also helps create some of those alliances that can be important.
Don’t count yourself out just yet. I’m 48. I’ve come down to final interviews for some amazing gigs I wouldn’t dream of. Looking at one right now that has strong potential. The right fit will come. You just have to keep fishing.
Have you tried working with a career coach? There are a lot of excellent people out there who might have some honest feedback relevant for your local area.
Can anyone with duck feet recommend a good loafer or lace up for work?
(Also – I see them a lot with straight legs – what r u wearing now with bootcut and skirts?)
go for it
I wear lug sole black patent loafers from Studio C with everything, bought in DC.
My feet are very happy!
If your office runs casual then Sperry loafers have great arch support https://www.sperry.com/en/seaport-penny-loafer/56482W.html?dwvar_56482W_color=STS88647#cgid=women-shoes-flats&start=1
I like Cole Haan loafers, and their pointy toe cousins the Skimmer for my boot cuts.
Also has some cute loafers that are not bulky
Old Potting Soil
Gardeners! What do you do with old potting soil? Throw it out? Put it down a storm drain? Mix in fertilzer and keep using it? My container tomatoes got a fungus so I need new soil but what do I do with the old stuff?
Can’t help, but I just took all of my old grass seed bags (some could be 10 years old…) out of the garage and filled in the gaps all over my lawns. Even if 10% of it takes… better than nothing?
I’d put it in an hugelkultur pile. Or use it to fill in around things.
For starters, don’t put anything down a storm drain!
I usually add remains of potted plants to my compost pile, or spread it in the yard. If it is carrying something that you really, really can’t chance spreading, double bag it and add to the trash.
Gail the Goldfish
I throw mine in my compost bin.
Spread it around the yard. Compost it. Find a sunny spot to leave it in a low pile o the us rays might help kill the fungus and then use it to fill in things as was suggested by Cb.
Please don’t put it down the storm drain. Storm drains are for water.
I fill in depressions in my yard or dump it in the compost pile out back (really, just the place we pile up leaves every fall in the no-man’s-land out by the treeline…it’s not actually a managed compost pile of any kind).
I wouldn’t put truly gross soil where it could harm other plants, but air and sun work wonders for neutralizing stuff. If you can’t dump it somewhere innocuous, I would bag it up and throw it in the garbage. Please, please don’t put it down a storm drain.
I asked my landscaper to take it.
Put it on Facebook Marketplace for free.
I occasionally spread it out and use it as something like mulch. I don’t think the tomato fungus will harm, say, established trees as a mulch, and I agree with another poster that spreading it out in the sun and air will help a lot.
Otherwise I’d dump it all into the compost bin. I don’t have a home compost pile (insert rat emoji).
Chances are good you have some low spots around your foundation where the ground has settled. Spread it there.
I’m wondering if we have any opinions on the Lululemon Everywhere belt bag that’s very popular these days. I received one as a gift, but as a middle-age (late 40’s) mom of teens, I’m wondering if it will make me look dowdy or like I’m trying to hard? I already have a fanny pack for walks with my dog (and that’s about the only time I used it) and I’m generally not a fashion-forward person. Let me know your thoughts and if you have any suggestions on something else I may be able to get from Lululemon besides leggings (I have a pair of aligns – also received as a gift – and I rarely wear them).
I love mine for practical use on the weekends. I keep my wallet and keys in it inside a bigger purse, and love that I can grab it and wear to the sideline during sports events or run into the store. I carry a normal purse/tote bag the rest of the time.
The belt bag in black seems like a truly useful item and neutral enough that it doesn’t scream Gen Z. In terms of other lulu items, the dance studio pants are calling my name, but most lululemon pants are not petite friendly so I have doubts about whether they’d even fit.
I think they work for all age groups. I wear it crossbody for bike rides and quick errands. I do not wear it actually around my waist.
This. I am in my 40s and have no kids and it’s so useful and easy.
My kids are younger but I think of it as a mom accessory. Lots of moms here use them.
I’m a mid-40s mom of tweens and I use my belt bag in black way more often than I expected. It’s great to carry my phone, small card wallet, and car keys to sports (keeping my hands free for chairs and water bottles), which is like half of my use. But I’ve also used it for evening and weekend errands/ workouts, casual meetups with friends, and yes walks with the dog.
I have a green one and I have been carrying it nonstop. I’m 42 with an elementary school kid.
Not dowdy at all as long as you don’t actually wear it as a belt bag. I see plenty of reasonably stylish girls and women from their teens through their 50s carrying this bag crossbody. I am a mid-40s mom of teenagers and have been using one to carry my phone, wallet, and keys to the gym since long before they were trending. There is also a larger size that will hold sunglasses too.
Okay, a lightbulb just went off. It sounds like I need to carry this as a crossbody bag and I love crossbody bags.
Oh 100% – carry it with the pouch in front of your stomach / chest, not on your hip, though.
Thanks for your comments everyone! It sounds like people think it’s okay and has some practical value. Just so you know, the one I received as a gift is not black, it’s navy blue, but I don’t think that matters really. Thank you for your opinions – I appreciate this group so much!
Even better! Navy is great….
I got thrown under the bus at work last Thursday by an older guy who maybe doesn’t realize but definitely doesn’t care what he did. I thought I’d feel better about it after spending the weekend doing my favorite re-charging hobby, but I’m still raging about it today. It made me feel so powerless and that’s really what pisses me off. He could have accomplished the same outcome by coming to me. Anyway, no question here, just need to scream into the void.
Did you do something wrong? It doesn’t sound like he blamed you for something you didn’t do and potentially was just trying to reach a solution, if that helps with the rage you’re feeling.
There are not nearly enough details in my comment to allow you to reach that conclusion, but thanks for invalidating me!
I’ll validate you. It sounds like he said, “Cheryl didn’t do X,” when he had never asked you to do X, and there was no reason you should have known to do X, and it caused a lot of crap.
Someone did that to me a few weeks ago. It wrecked my weekend. On Monday, I ended up getting IT involved (to demonstrate that I had not screwed up) and kept hammering her until she admitted that she was wrong.
What a waste of time and energy. It just sucked and she should never have done it.
I don’t know if it’s the most healthy thing. But I usually have the best workouts when I’m mad at the over confident older men at my job. I run or do something really active and I feel better after.
I have an Athleta pranayama cardigan and am never reaching for it. I think that it isn’t warm when it is cold out and too long (I’m 5-4, always cold). I love that it has pockets. If you have this, how do you wear or style it? Or is it just for coving your butt if you have leggings on?
I have this problem too. And my phone really makes the pocket drag.
I like to travel with it, as it’s a good extra layer that doesn’t take up too much space in luggage.
I use it as a wrap in my WFH office. It looks nice enough on camera to be semi-professional, but also I can keep it on for taking my dog on a quick walk at noon.
+1 – it looks presentable on Zoom and it keeps me warm/covers my ‘assets’ (to use Athleta’s term) when I walk the dog.
Same here. I call it my fake blazer.
Was just thinking this this weekend! I have 2 and I never wear them anymore. I think part of it is it’s too heavy to use the pockets and it’s too long and flowy to feel or look current. I plan to wear mine around the house only.
I wear mine primarily around the house, or when I go to my yoga classes.
I have the Zella dupe in black and use it as a WFH layer only. The super drapey look doesn’t feel current.
With my pajamas as I’m having tea/breakfast in the morning, getting ready before I put my clothes for the day on, and at night sitting in or on bed in PJs reading.
If you’re still reading—recently I’ve been wearing mine with a tight cotton tshirt, Brooklyn ankle pants, and nice-ish sneakers. Perfect for 50-60 degree weather days to go to doctors appointments, grocery store, etc. I just got some compliments on it last week.
Unimportant anonymous rant about something that shouldn’t really bother me – a friend is being SUCH a martyr about a final presentation for her master’s program to the point of making sure we all know she hasn’t taken a break for a meal or shower or a walk and that she won’t have time for the 30-minute zoom catch-up we had planned. I could deal with bailing on the zoom, but it grates to hear “skipping meals” as some kind of proof of how serious she is. I want to tell her there’s no reward for neglecting self-care. Rant over.
Maybe have some empathy? She’s obviously really stressed and overwhelmed. I can’t imagine being in a situation that had me skipping meals and showers, and to then know my friend is raging at me internally for talking about it. I feel like you need to reflect on why this is making you angry and how you can work on whatever it is…
If a friend was telling me that she was skipping showers and meals because of something school/work related I would simply tell her not to do that. Yes I’ve had crazy busy periods, and maybe this means super simple meals or ordering in if thats a possibility, but not eating/showering doesn’t help anyone’s stress level.
I’d also be prepared for her to not be receptive to any of this, and if that was the case I’d just let her be. Or maybe order delivery if that would make sense.
+1 and I’m someone who really prioritizes self-care, especially sleep. I worked in Big Law for years and I can count on my hands the number of nights I didn’t get at least 7 hours of sleep, and they were all right before or during trial. So I get what you’re saying, but she isn’t doing this AT you. This is how she’s coping and she’s just venting about it.
One of my favorite gifts to give or receive is a food delivery gift card. Just saying.
Same here – you have to be a good friend to send one of those though :)
I did send one (or Venmod money for dinner, anyway). She said she didn’t have time to eat. Maybe no one else has ever experienced a friend complaining every day about being so stressed but taking zero steps to manage stress, but it is truly frustrating. I’m allowed to be empathetic to her and then rant on an anonymous forum.
here she goes
I totally know what you mean about being supportive while the other person driving you crazy with their martyrdom. it’s definitely a weird flex for some people. My sister is finishing up college and has used schoolwork as a reason why she was skipping showers and staying up until 1am to turn in college assignments online by 2am….”omg college life”. I think it’s hard to empathize with because that totally wasn’t my experience at all. I mostly just internally roll my eyes; it drives my husband more bonkers though.
Ok I would definitely gripe about it if I kindly sent someone money or a giftcard for dinner knowing they were going through a hard time and they then told me it was useless because they didn’t have time to eat. If you’re looking for a verdict, you’re NTA and she is being a pill.
Fwiw, I’d also cut her some slack and check in with her after the presentation. If that’s STILL the only thing she can talk about I’d have a gentle come to jesus chat with her before cutting ties – I don’t have time to be ‘friends’ with people I’m annoyed by.
is this out of character for her? If yes, I’d just rant on this site and move on. Wish her good luck and reconnect when she is done with The Thing. But some people just complain about everything and anything, as a conversational habit, and that brings me down and I don’t really seek out those people in my life.
I’m full time in grad school right now, and it’s intense. I practically live at school and it is what it is. It’s a short time in my life, and I accept that sacrifices need to be made. My close friends do, too. She’s not going to school AT you. One thing that’s been unexpected and weird to encounter as a middle-aged person returning to school full time is how many friends/acquaintances are practically offended by it. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s what I want to do. Etc, etc. Thankfully, a small core group of friends have been very supportive.
+ a million. I’m glad you have you small group of real friends. I feel terrible for OP’s friend that she has so-called friends like OP.
It’s crazy to me how mean girl this is.
It is perfectly acceptable to be annoyed at your friends sometimes. Doesn’t sound like OP is doing anything other than ranting anonymously. There is nothing wrong with that.
If you read her follow-ups, it makes OP sound more sympathetic. The original post read a little BEC, but if I sent someone a gift card for food and they told me it was pointless because they didn’t have time to eat, I’d be a little annoyed too.
I had a friend dump me because I was too busy to get together in the final two weeks before one of my actuarial exams. I am NTA but it certainly changed my opinion of her, and I haven’t forgotten.
If you don’t like your friend, which it sounds like you don’t, then don’t be friends with her. But final presentation for a Master’s program is once in a lifetime, and if you can’t be gracious about that and believe that she really is stressed out and overwhelmed, which is what she’s saying, I can’t imagine why she’d want to be friends with you.
When someone tries to flex like this I assume they have poor time management skills. If you think it’s performative then don’t give her the big reaction she wants. “Oh, that’s too bad you can’t join the Zoom.” “Sounds rough, good luck on the presentation!” If you’re genuinely concerned then ask if she’s talked to her classmates about how much time they’re spending on it.
+1 I think this is good advice. If her daily messages about not taking care of her self are stressing you out. Trying to cut down on the reaction. Kind of like kids, if they do not get the big reaction they are seeking from doing something that pushes a boundary. They’ll learn to stop doing the same behavior if the reaction is not exciting.
Also, I use to be this girl in engineering school. Looking back, I really wish I didn’t skip meals, skip showers, lose sleep, etc. I would have done better taking care of myself. But sometimes you can only learn from past mistakes.
When I am stressed, I verbalize it and maybe exaggerate how little I am sleeping or eating. I also complain when I am busy but I actually like it. It is just how I process my life. Sorry if its annoying.
It is annoying.
+1 it’s extremely annoying. EVERYONE is busy.
I get what you are saying, but it sounds like you don’t deal with stress the same way and you don’t ever neglect self-care for yourself. When is this final presentation? It sounds like maybe you should not expect a whole lot until then – when I was studying for the bar exam the second time (and I would be losing my job if I failed for a 2nd time), some of my friends really shined – sent me encouraging messages, starbucks cards, etc. – while listening to me go into anxiety spirals and neglect self-care. I still appreciate these friendships more than 20 years later. If you cannot see it in yourself to understand/show sympathy for her, I do think that maybe this friendship has run its course.
I have been on both sides of this, and all I can say is that not everybody handles stress in the same way, some people’s coping mechanisms suck (have been there), and your friend is clearly feeling really overwhelmed. If it’s bothering you this much, give her some space until she’s ready to rejoin the rest of her life.
Some do these comments are so self-righteous. I think I’m a very good friend to my girlfriends (and they think so too), but I still get annoyed with them sometimes. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love them and empathize with them. You’re allowed to be annoyed by people. Even ones you love. You’re not allowed to be a jerk to them, but venting on an anonymous message board is not being a jerk to them. I would say it’s actually way better than talking trash about them with mutual friends. That would be truly hurtful.
Seriously, are we not allowed to be annoyed at people any more? OP, I would also be annoyed in your situation; I would try to say something supportive like “sounds tough. Good luck, can’t wait to help you celebrate when you’re done!”
+1,000,000 I am 10000000000% sure they get annoyed with me too sometimes! Totally okay! I still love them. I am annoying sometimes! We all are.
WWYD. Woke up this morning with a cold sore. I am supposed to have drinks on Weds with a new friend and one of her friends. Should I go or cancel bc I’m probably going to have a big old sore on my lip? For context, I’m 46 year old, this is the NY burbs. We all have kids in school together and I’m new to the town.
I’ve only had cold sore 2x before so don’t have a real history of how to behave.
Call your doctor and get some Acyclovir and start taking it immediately. Get some abreva from the drugstore and apply is several times a day.
Unless you’re kissing her or sharing drinks it’s not an issue, right? I’d just go.
Anti-virals should be started immediately, so make that happen today!
If I canceled social outings every time I had horrific lesions on my face, I would have no social life.
Got the valcyte prescription and started it this morning!
I get cold sores every winter, I never changed or cancelled plans. The only special behavior is not kissing anyone -especially small children and babies- and not sharing drinks or towels or washcloths until it’s gone.
I would get some OTC meds and go on with your drinks plans. If they ask what happened to your face say “It’s just a cold sore” and move on.
– You need a standing prescription for acyclovir; you can get these through telemed now. For the future, have the doctor or nurse practitioner call it in but don’t fill it until you get a cold sore. When you get a sore, take one 1-mg pill 2x per day for 3 days and that should stop the sore from developing further.
– If you already have some blisters, those will break open unless you get Abreva, which is available OTC at the drugstore (do not get a supposed “generic version,” those are missing the active ingredient. It has to have docosanol in it). Put the Abreva on the sore 3x per day.
Doing this, I have not had a full-fledged cold sore in years. The acyclovir is key; with just Abreva the sore continues to develop (and hurt) but will heal faster than the 2 weeks it used to take my cold sores to heal unmedicated. Now, the sore is gone in two to three days depending on how soon I catch it; no crusting, no bleeding and no scarring. I get 2-3 a year and I used to really suffer until my doctor gave me the acyclovir prescription; I won’t be without it. I take pills with me when I travel, just in case.
FYI – the fluid in the blisters is what’s contagious. If you can’t get meds and the blisters develop and break open, do not kiss anyone on any part of their body or share glasses or eating utensils with anyone. 24 hours after you start acyclovir on the 2x pills per day regimen, you are no longer contagious, according to my doctor.
Who is everyone excited to see at the Met Ball tonight? I’m hoping for some vintage looks…
Has anyone used “K18 Leave-In Molecular Repair Hair Mask Treatment to Repair Damaged Hair” or “Olaplex Hair Perfector No 3 Repairing Treatment?” Interested in your experience, particularly for those with curly/frizzy hair (some of my hair makes Shirley Temple corkscrews; some of my hair is just plain frizz). Also interested in what effect, if any, it had on color. TIA.
Yes, I’ve used the k18 and like it. No affect on color, I thought it did a good job of making my frizzy hair less so.