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The blazer is $795 at the Carlisle Collection and comes in sizes 0-18.
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Anxious patient
I’m scheduled to have an upper endoscopy this week in my GI doctor’s surgery center. I am extremely anxious about being sedated (they said they use propofol) and potential complications after. I had a minor routine oral surgery that was in my opinion not needed a few years ago where I didn’t react well to the laughing gas and ended up with an issue with my lip, which I think is partly driving this. I also am terrified to fly and do other things where I have to give up control (yes I have been in therapy on and off for this). Medically it would be helpful to have if it finds the cause of my discomfort, but it’s not what I would call absolutely necessary.
Anonymous
I had propofol for a colonoscopy and it felt over as soon as it started with no after effects that I noticed (you can’t drive home though). IDK if that helps but I tolerated it well as did my fellow just-turned 50 friends, so a bit of a sample size that helps me and may help you.
Anon
If you drive a car, we have the illusion of control but it is likely much more dangerous than all this and we do it routinely. These seem to be “giving up control” but it is a complete illusion that we ever have it. Picking lunch might be about the extent of what we really are in charge of.
busybee
I’ve had two endoscopies and I’ve been fully awake and alert for both, no medication apart for a throat numbing spray (definitely recommend the spray). You don’t HAVE to have anesthesia or a sedative. It was difficult to control the gagging reflex but doable.
Anon
I’m glad you’re doing some therapy to start to undo some of your control anxiety; all I can say here is that I had a very, very easy time with propofol. It’s not the same as laughing gas at all. Let the anesthesiologist know you’re nervous about being sedated.
anon
+1
OP, I also share some of your fears, and the propofol is amazing. I had it for my colonoscopy.
Good luck with your test. I hope it goes well and you get the answers you need.
Anon
The last time I had an endoscopy, they used twilight sedation. But that was 15+ years ago. If these days the doctors are all trained on propofol, they may not honestly have the skills for any other approach! That’s how I reasoned it out to myself. If you haven’t used propofol before, there won’t be a period of feeling sedated, if that is one of the factors that bothers you. Typically you’ll just wake up feeling like no time has passed at all. So it’s not like a flight where you have to grin and bear it.
Anonymous
Twilight sedation usually is propofol.
Anon
Sorry, I mean I was conscious and can remember the entire procedure. That doesn’t happen with propofol.
Anon
Wow, I would not want to be awake for an endoscopy! I have severe gag reflex.
Anon
Yeah… the gag feeling just continued the entire time. It wasn’t a fun time but wasn’t as bad as I was expecting either! Probably the meds they were using was helping me stay calm!
Anon
And thanks for correcting me on what twilight even means!
Anonymous
It is necessary. No one is suggesting this for funsies. Are you treating your anxiety with medication? You need to.
Not OP
Doctor,
Should she be on an SSRI all the time for occasional anxiety about sedation or flying? Or are you suggesting that ativan or valium would work until she has the procedure?
Anxiously awaiting your opinion.
Anon
I’ve had propofol for a colonoscopy. You will go to sleep and wake up like it never happened. It wears off very quickly. It’s truly no big deal.
NYNY
This is just my experience, but I have a very hard time with anesthesia – after a laparoscopy I was vomiting so much I had to use prescription suppositories to stop it – and I find that propofol for colonoscopies is the best nap I’ve ever had and I have no aftereffects. So hopefully, your experience will be similar.
I’ll also say that your GI doc has probably had to get a preauthorization for this procedure from your insurance company. And insurance companies LOOOOOOOOVE to deny these types of procedures as medically unnecessary. If they approved, you really do need it. I do hope they find the source of your GI issues, but even if they don’t, this is a step towards diagnosis.
Anon
I also have to take ocean with general anesthesia due to severe vomiting (do you also get motion sick? That is a big clue). No issues at all with propofol.
Anon
ZOFRAN not ocean.
Anon
I will third this. I had a bad vomiting reaction after gallbladder removal 20 years ago. I have had propofol four times now and all have been uncomplicated.
NY CPA
I had issues with feeling trapped (agoraphobia) when having an IV put in for sedation during a previous oral surgery, and the oral surgeon were able to prescribe me a single dose of ativan to take once I had signed the consent paperwork but before they did the sedation and it really helped me. Not sure if they would do that for an endoscopy, but could be worth asking! Also anecdotally, I’ve had IV propofol during 4 procedures now (orthopedic surgery, endoscopy, and 2x oral surgeries) for twilight sedation and never had any issues–I am a little groggy right after but wake up quickly. It’s very different to laughing gas.
anon a mouse
The upper endoscopy is a very straightforward and quick procedure, I think I was back in recovery less than 30 minutes after being wheeled in? That helps because they really do not need much anesthesia at all. I’m a redhead and have had a lot of issues with anesthesia historically, but no issues with endoscopies (I’ve had several now). The doctor and the anesthesiologist will come speak with you before the procedure, and you can raise concerns for them, they will take them seriously. Plan to just rest for the remainder of the day — I was groggy enough that work wasn’t realistic, mostly laid on the couch and watched TV. Good luck, I hope you get some answers.
Anon
Hi! I just got an upper endo done last week and I also have lots of anxiety about medical procedures (although I have, thankfully, not had a reaction to sedation before). I specifically had anxiety about the sedation before the procedure and was nervous the day before all through getting settled in. Like your GI doc, I had mine at a local surgery center. It was absolutely no big deal. Once the medicine went into the IV, I was out within 10 seconds, then woke up feeling super sleepy (but fine) after. It was like a really nice nap. I got a ride home (they prohibit driving from the center) and spent the rest of the afternoon watching Netflix and almost napping. (I did not get good sleep before the procedure due to my anxiety). I still don’t have my biopsy results back, but I’d get it done again in a heartbeat. I mentioned to almost every nurse/doc/anesthesiologist that I was super nervous and they were all very nice about it. Truly, it was so straightforward and simple.
I know that others experiences won’t necessarily calm your anxiety, so I would recommend some meditation and a calming phrase like “I can do this” or “I am safe” to get you through to the procedure.
Anonymous
People who have had propofol–does it make you say embarrassing things like whatever they give you for wisdom tooth extractions?
Anon
I think you’re thinking of laughing gas. Propofol is usually where you’re sound asleep pretty much instantly, then come out of it quickly without a ton of grogginess.
Anonymous
Not laughing gas but whatever IV sedation they give at the oral surgeon. It definitely makes kids act very weird on the drive home.
Anonymous
No – have had an endoscopy and two cardiac tests where they put a probe down your throat – you are asleep the second the med is in your hand. As for waking up, you may talk but really you are too sleepy. Once I asked about my ejection fraction – a number from the cardiac test – and was promptly back asleep when they said I did fine, go back to sleep. Another time I said something and vividly remember the nurse saying she didn’t understand me so I went back to sleep. So no you are either sleeping or awake without huge periods of time to ramble on about embarrassing things thankfully.
Anon
Nope. I was just asleep. I do remember feeling really annoyed when the nurse tried to wake up after, lol. I was having a really nice nap and wasn’t ready to wake up. Once I was up, it wore off really quickly.
Cat
Not in my experience. I walked home (25 mins) after with my husband, and we were chatting normally.
anon
My husband had it for a colonoscopy, and he was a little dumb when he was coming out of it. The nurse was trying to get him to sit up and swing his legs over the bed and he could not figure out how to sit up! It was funny and wore off in like 15-20 minutes by the time we were discharged.
Anon
I’ve been partially awake for an upper endoscopy. You can ask them about that. I was sleepy enough that I didn’t care that much about the tube going down my throat (even made a job about them switching tubes because I had a colonoscopy first) but it was OK & recovery was quick.
Subsequent colonoscopies I’ve had their standard anesthesia and it has been a lovely nap.
Anonymous
I had a bad reaction to propofol during my colonoscopy about a year ago – it felt like my veins were on fire while they were giving it to me. (I think I freaked out more because I couldn’t seem to get the attention of any of the 8 people all clustered around the gurney?!) I discussed it with them after the procedure and they said to request lidocaine before propofol the next time I needed it. Then this January I needed to do an endoscopy, and I made the request, and had zero issues.
Both times though I had zero aftereffects from propofol — both procedures were big nothingburgers because you just go to sleep and wake up.
Anon
My mom has had terminal cancer for a year since diagnosis (and a while before the dx). She had been well but just had a sudden and precipitous decline, from being able to do all activities of daily living to now needing substantial assistance with everything. She is in rehab to try to ge her strength and skills back and is pausing chemo, so far for a month and until she is well enough to leave rehab. So far no one has mentioned hospice (and the rehab center has that and skilled nursing care). Now that she isn’t seeing her chemo doctor, who is it who makes the call re hospice? I feel like it is on the horizon, if not the near horizon, but she only sees a PT and OT now (no doctors). She has a bad relationship with her PCP, who she blames for not catching her cancer sooner, so I don’t think calling him would be good. I don’t have any medical background and I feel like even a rough roadmap would be helpful. I will fly in again next week (all kids live far away; dad is local but even older and is just a total mess right now).
Anon
I am so sorry. You could call her chemo doc; even if she’s paused chemo, they’d still be a participating medical professional in her care.
Anonymous
This. This is the way. You are getting some pretty bad advice in a few instances below based on some fundamental misunderstanding of how hospice works and even how chemo works. Open the conversation (and include your mom) on what restarting chemo will need and what it will look like if it becomes more than a pause. That “what it will look like if it becomes more than a pause” will be the entrance into talks of hospice, where the goal is comfort. It sounds like she is still in active treatment. But it will be good to know options for when the time comes to change to management. My father had a terminal chronic condition, and hospice actually ended up being a good move–over two years, the hospice providers were able to help him and my mom secure things as needed, like wheelchairs and oxygen, and counseling, in tandem with his doctors as his physical condition changed. Having these resources and advice was invaluable. But it needs to start with the care plan.
Nesprin
Especially since she’s paused chemo, her DR should be referring her to make sure that her needs are met.
Anon
You might have to be the one who brings up hospice. Health systems aren’t good at bringing it up, and it’s not something where any particular doctor owns the responsibility for making that call. If there’s a social worker at the rehab, or whoever is doing discharge planning, talk to that person. If there doesn’t seem to be someone in that role, when you get there ask repeatedly for a consult with a social worker and palliative care. (I’d ask for palliative before hospice – to get a more info about whether hospice is the right fit. Hospice had a pretty rigid program where I am and ended up being a lot of red tape for a relative recently (dumb things like: cancelling all her prescriptions including for pain control and needing to get them all represcribed and re-insurance authorized through the hospice’s own doctor), for little benefit. We had a better experience telling all her doctors we were ready for “hospice mindset” (prioritizing quality of life over quantity) without formally transferring to hospice. I’m really sorry to say our healthcare system generally sucks at roadmaps – you’ll likely have to do more pushing than is fair.
Big hugs to you – glad you’ll be able to get out there
Anon Here
My mom died a year ago from cancer. Bring up hospice with her and with her care providers, whomever that may be. Many physicians see their jobs as keeping the patient alive. Period. Your mom will have to decide when she has had enough treatment and does not think whatever additional days she can get are worth it. But her physician won’t necessarily help with that cost benefit analysis. There almost always will be another drug that can be tried and it might get her more days, but she has to decide whether they will be better days or whether more days have value to her because she is trying to live until her child’s wedding or something similar.
My mom said she felt relief when she chose hospice. She had been in treatment with varying degrees of success for years. Her doctors offered her yet another drug to try, but she knew her body was too broken to recover to a quality of life level that she would want to live.
We found hospice to be wonderful. My mom stopped the chemo drugs, but she stayed on drugs for blood pressure, which were in no way curative but made her remaining quality of life better. Hospice managed all medications, including pain medications, once she entered the program. We no longer interfaced with the oncologist or my mom’s previous physicians; hospice completely took over to help her die.
If your mom is still angry with her PCP for not catching her cancer earlier, I suggest she talk to someone about that and try to resolve her anger. She cannot change where she is today, but she can change her remaining days – however many those are. Being angry will not improve any quality of life she has, and being free from that anger will.
Hugs to you, Anon. This is a very difficult life stage for so many reasons, including making these hard choices. Looking back, I wish my mom had decided to stop treatment 6 months before she did. The drugs are absolutely brutal on the body. It’s really hard to give up hope though. You will never regret taking care of or helping your mom in any way between now and the end of her life.
NYNY
If the rehab center has hospice care, they can at least advise you on the process. Can you call and ask to speak with someone there about it? Most people wait too long to go on hospice care, maybe due to a belief that it means the end is imminent. But if your mother is no longer treating the cancer, she’s eligible now. Hospice care focuses on treating pain and making what’s left of life better.
Also, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s really hard. Sending support.
Anon
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your mom should still be seeing her oncologist – they manage her cancer care in whatever form it’s taking, whether or not your mom is currently on chemo. The oncologist should be managing things like how long she can go without chemo, what the plan is for regaining sufficient strength to resume chemo, and whether your mom had reached (or may soon reach) the point where it’s better to start thinking about hospice. There should also be a social worker in the oncologist’s office who can help with these things, and it’s the oncologist and their social worker who you’d talk to about hospice. I agree that it’s a good idea to at least start the conversation – I would make sure your mom, or whoever is helping her with her care, make an appointment with the oncologist to get a better understanding of the care plan. Good luck.
Anon
Perhaps a geriatic social worker would be a helpful contact for you to help you navigate the waters here? The facility can put you in touch.
Anon
To answer your question directly: your mom, and only your mom, makes the decision about hospice (unless she has been determined to be incompetent, which is a pretty darn high standard).
You may have to (and should) broach the topic with her and with the rehab caregivers and her oncologist. Most hospitals have a palliative care coordinator for situations like these and can counsel you all through this.
But in my experience ~15 years ago with my mom, she could not receive hospice care until she discontinued chemo (which was not curative), and she did not want to give up any hope or chance of extending her life, even if her quality of life was less. I think it all could have gone differently if we’d approached the topic sooner, with a holistic team, not in a way that seemed like hospice was “giving up”. And since she was (rightly) making the decision, so it went. I hope the approach has gotten better since that time.
Anon
And yet, with my relatives on one side of the family, one nurse is local to older family members and she does the lion’s share of everything. Even though she has kids at home still and a job. It is so rough. She was the hospice (along with workers coming and going) when my aunt died with hospice-at-home (aka hospice of the oldest daughter).
Spouse’s family and my family: the kids have all moved away. Parents want to stay where they are. How do you manage this if you have very dependent younger kids, teens not yet old enough to drive, or ones to move in to college? At a certain point, families can divide and conquer. And if you have more than one kid (or, god forbid, also pets), good luck trying to do anything on more than a day-to-day basis. Especially if planes are involved. Especially if it’s over spring break or summer travel season.
Anon
I feel like this is a drafting issue for attorneys. What is competent if someone is frequently non-responsive? Or can answer some questions but also talks about people in the present tense that a close family member would know have been dead for quite some time.
Anon
I mean, my mom couldn’t even barely sign her name on the documents authorizing hospice. But it had to be her as she was not officially deemed incompetent. I’ve written about this before but she also got more lucid for a few days after entering hospice when they adjusted her meds – so I’d say she was not actually incompetent until her last few days when she was actively dying. But she was in hospice less than a week.
Anon
I hope so too; I wouldn’t want that kind of black and white, either/or decision. It’s natural to want to extend life at the expense of a little quality of life (that’s what I already do by eating healthy or by exercising even though I hate exercising)!
Nesprin
Call her oncologist. If she’s paused chemo, they should have made the call already.
joan wilder
Does she have a palliative care doctor attached to the cancer center she is bveing trested at? If not, I would recommend trying to find one (I know, it is all overwhelming). As another commenter mentioned, patients can’t be both on hospice and receiving chemo, but in my mom’s case, her palliative care doctor provided a lot of ideas and help that we would have had from hospice, until we took that step when she discontinued her chemo. I am sorry you are experiencing this.
Anonymous
I am completely mortified, a colleague has a last name similar to a type of alcohol, my computer auto corrected their name to the alcohol and I sent the email without noticing. Sorry Mr. Amaretto. Let me just crawl into the corner and die of embarrassment.
Anon
I’m sure that’s happened before and the weirder part is addressing a colleague as “Mr.”
Z
I am sure the OP just called him Mr in her post for the effect. She didn’t actually call him Mr.
OP
You are correct, that was for effect. Seemed like the simplest way to convey the mistake.
Cat
Oh man, no need to be mortified and crawl in a hole. On the scale from “accidentally calling an Erik as Eric once” to “missing letter in the word public”, this is way closer to the former :)
Anon
I have seen (and done!) the latter enough times in my industry that even that is more funny than mortifying.
Anon
Depends on who is seeing the email. Sometimes you need to lean more formal on emails. Not wierd in my line of work.
Anon
Down with autocorrect!
Anonymous
I bet they get this all the time. For example, my first name is Sarah. I can’t tell you the number of Zoom calls I have been on when someone summons their Siri by greeting me. Acknowledge the autocorrect. But I guarantee you are definitely not the first.
A
This seems like nbd? I’d just say sorry. People I’ve worked with for literal YEARS still butcher my last name in official documents . . .
Anon
Agreed. Not embarrassing
Anonymous
My first and last names both auto correct to meat products.
Anon
My last name is a woman’s first name, and I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been called by it. It is usually nbd, but I do notice when people continue to do it.
Anonymous
our last name is sometimes a first name and people call my son sometimes by that name like it’s his first… I don’t mind so much usually but if it’s an IEP meeting it feels very much like “way to tell me you don’t care about my kid without telling me you don’t care about my kid”
SFAttorney
Sorry for calling you Sharon. I think I have done it more than once.
Anon
Heh. I actually add my first name to my signature for this reason!
“Dear so and so,
(Substantive email)
Regards,
Rachael
Rachael Sharon
(Company information)”
Anon
My name is not remotely uncommon and it’s misspelled all the time. Agree that this is nothing to die of embarrassment over. If I do this, I usually send a quick, apologies for spelling your name wrong email and move on with my life. Everyone on the receiving end has always been very gracious.
Senior Attorney
Agree that this probably happens to him all the time and is no big deal. Fun fact: I used to have two law partners whose autocorrect names were “Woman” and “He-Man.”
Anon
Thank you to the ‘rette that recommended The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi. It was excellent, and I’m starting on the authors other books!
Anan
I started this and then got busy and then my Libby hold expired and now I can’t wait to find out what happens! It was excellent! I don’t usually like fantasy novels, but Amina is a kick ass protagonist.
Gail the Goldfish
That was me I think! Glad you liked it.
Anon
Further questions on hospice from the above . . .
IIRC when my grandfather died, hospice was a place you went to. Now, it seems that it is only available in your home. But what if you are an older adult who lives alone — or who cannot return home because the other adult is not a competent caregiver? If you life in a rural area with bad winters, can hospice workers really access you at home?
Also, I understand that at some point hospice says that a person is dying and it’s OK that they aren’t eating or drinking (or eating or drinking much). vs sometimes it’s a sign to escalate care. Or say a person eats sometimes or sometimes gets additional nutrition through a stomach tube (a PEG)?
[Or, as I suspect, is this another area where the world is set up assuming that generations of non-working women are available 24/7, strong enough to help, and completely competent? And with so many only kids out there, what will happen when their parents and grandparents have limited adults to even call on for care or to exercise POAs to decide things?]
Work Phone
In-home hospice is not the only option. Where are you seeing that?
Anon
You need to contact one of the local hospice programs near your mom and meet with them, even if it’s not time for hospice yet. They will explain the process, what care is available through hospice and help identify when it is time for hospice (although your family has to make that decision). Hospice is typically care at home, after all treatment stops (so the decision will have been made to stop chemo for good), but you will still need someone to care for her at home. Hospice as a facility is only available when the person has (generally speaking) less than a week to live.
Anon
Residential hospice still exists although there may not be one near you
YMMV but hospice doesn’t cover 24 hr at home health aides. In my state, it maxed out at 2 days worth a week – like enough for respite, or for helping with harder stuff like a shower, but very much based on the assumption that the family could do a lot of the day to day. Or can private pay for help.
Realistically – adults without family support to make hospice or staying at home work, end up undischargeable at the hospital or at a nursing home. It sucks
Anon
There is such a thing as undischargeabke at a hospital? My grandmother was in and out of “sleep” or losing consciousness and they were trying to push her out and have her do PT.
It makes sense though. My mom couldn’t lift my dad and if he fell, what would she do. Leave him on the floor during an ice storm? Help can be hours away for some people, almost like if you are hiking. Do you jsu keep calling 911? IDK. In my city, 911 is for things like gunshots not things like this (or they are so low priory that you can just wait).
Anon
My grandmother had 24/7 hr nursing care at home. She wasn’t in a rural area though.
NY CPA
There are definitely still both inpatient and outpatient hospice care options available. Many people choose outpatient to remain in their homes because that’s what they wish and think they will be more comfortable. A family member of mine wanted to die in her own home, so we had someone there multiple times a day to care for her under the direction and supervision of hospice doctors, but it was still a lot of physical work for her family members to care for her. I can also understand why people would like to reduce that burden on their family or those who don’t have family members capable of helping choosing inpatient care.
If people are in end-of-life care when their organs start shutting down, they don’t really need much nutrition, so if it’s truly end-of-life care, they wouldn’t typically place a feeding tube. They also can cause their own issues, so when the potential harm outweighs the potential benefit, they would choose against putting one in.
anon
Either one of the kids/family/friend has to move in with Mom to care for her, or she will go to a Nursing Home if she can’t take care of herself at home. This is a scenario that every one of us with a parent may face at some point.
It is amazing that your Mom has been able to live independently at home until now. Sounds like this is the time you / siblings/ family need to go there are decide on the next steps. If she has terminal cancer and is no longer on chemo and has had a sudden decline, I worry that this is a critical juncture for her. I’m so sorry.
Unfortunately there are many cities where inpatient Hospice doesn’t exist. I have seen in some instances people go to Nursing Homes, and then an outpatient Hospice company comes and visits them in the Nursing Home to give additional end of life advice to the Nursing Home.
Oncology Nurse
In terms of access, it’s like everything else, it’ll vary based on insurance coverage and geographical locations. Besides home services, there are stand-alone hospice homes and hospice units in skilled nursing facilities and hospitals. None of these options fully make up for the need for support from family members/informal support network in some functions. I wish I had even the hint of a solution to that problem…
The goal of hospice is really to maximize comfort. Once someone stops eating or drinking and doesn’t really experience thirst or hunger cues, we don’t replace those with IV fluids or tube feeding. These interventions increase discomfort, can contribute to distressing fluid overload, increase the frequency of incontinence, and more. Rather we focus on keeping the lips and mouth moist and offer food that might make the person happy. The focus is really on quality rather than extending life through additional interventions.
Anon
Both of my parents had cancer deaths. My father was in-home hospice, my mother was residential hospice. I strongly preferred residential. Personally, I felt neither confident nor competent with respect to hand-on nursing and assessing and administering pain medication. With residential hospice, I could be in the moment of spending time in the room, gently talking to my mother and holding her hand, without worrying that I was missing something medically. Investigate to see if residential is an option if it sounds like a better fit.
Anon
You need someone with experience with people dying to determine whether they’re refusing food because their body cannot process it anymore, which usually means it’s very near the end. In that case it’s cruel to continue to feed them.
Anon
Who is that person? For a descriptor, is it something that a PT or OT pick up on and bring the right local person into the picture? Or is there a category of titles / education that is this sort of person? I’m not familiar with the terminology for when it’s hospice vs actual-end-of-life care.
anon
Palliative Care. You ask for a Palliative Care doctor/team/nurse to com evaluate. Palliative Care used to = Hospice, but now it can get involved with many types of medical problems that are chronic and affect quality of life. In fact, patient’s like the OP’s Mom who have advanced cancer have been found to live longer and have better quality of life to have Palliative Care doctors as part of the team even when they are continuing to do chemotherapy/traditional treatments. The Palliative Care doctors will be great for evaluating as things progress as to when more aggressive…. or less aggressive things… should be pursued.
Inserting feeding tubes when you have end stage terminal cancer is rarely a good idea. In fact, at that point, often it is difficult for your loved one to eat, because they have no appetite, and part of that is due to the body’s dying process. To “force” them to get nutrition through a tube – which causes its own complications — is often causing more discomfort.
Anon
I had a grandparent who was a hospice nurse for several decades. I don’t mean this to be a blanket declaration and I am sure there are some instances where it happens, but the overlap between someone in likely end-of-life decline who is refusing food, and someone who is attending PT or OT appointments is not exactly large. Refusing food in the end-of-life situation isn’t a situation where someone picks at their plate petulantly or hides the fact that they are not eating while going about business as usual otherwise; it’s far more likely they are bedridden and not lucid.
Anon
I think that “attending PT appointments” is something my kid did when getting over an injury. “Attending PT appointments” for my grandmother was PT would come by her room to see if she could get up out of bed with a walker, stand, walk to the bathroom (20 steps) or a toilet chair (one step and a half turn). Her ability varied between not being able to sit up by herself to walking to the bathroom with a walker. Definitely a different thing entirely but with the same sort of professional.
It seems like “discharge to rehab” is where they give PT every chance to try to see what a person is physically capable of. And if they are in any shape to go home safely.
Anon
You can have hospice care at assisted living facility. That’s what we did. The hospital staff were horrible and pushed at home care non stop but if you have the money to pay for an assisted living facility with levels of nursing care then hospice will come there. Our parent was in the facility a month before passing. Home was not an option for many reasons – it was a dangerous hoarder situation plus I am out of state and sibling had a newborn. I felt judged but it was what we needed to do.
Anon
I feel like this is where we will be (times 3): parents- and parents-in-law life far away in major to moderate hoarding houses, one kid of ours is special needs (so would travel for a funeral but can’t be cared for by a parent while that parent cares for or tends to a grandparent with high needs), and siblings are either far away or in no way helpful. So nursing home when the time comes will be $ well spent.
Olivia Rodrigo
Do you work in corporate philanthropy? I’ve been a fundraiser for years and, after much soul searching, have decided I want to either run a foundation or work on the corporate side. Would love to hear more about your job and/or how you found it.
Anonnnn
Help me shop! For the first time my law firm is doing a summer outing on a boat cruise in Boston. Dress code says “casual.” This is during the daytime. I am a midlevel associate and all attorneys and staff are invited. Size 4/6 hourglass. Need outfit and shoes! Budget up to $200.
NY CPA
I would wear a linen or poplin shirt dress, which is a good blend of casual with still polished. You could go with Jack Rogers type sandals, if you feel comfortable with that. If you wanted covered toes, I’d go ballet flats, flat espadrilles, flat sling backs, or huaraches.
https://www.ralphlauren.com/women-clothing-dresses/linen-shirtdress/0073880940.html?utm_source=CSE&utm_medium=GooglePLA__20509665269_&utm_source=CSE&utm_medium=GooglePLA__20509665269_&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwgdayBhBQEiwAXhMxtlo0HGyZf2BXlRBozWJh1aYOK1LSa5Gn6lx03Y7NZnx_K_-tKcQKVxoCdxkQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
https://www.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/dresses-and-jumpsuits/BY784?display=all&fit=Classic&colorProductCode=BY784&colorCode=BL8133
NY CPA
In m0d due to links but TLDR is linen shirt dress with flats or sandals.
Cat
I would go with ankle length cropped navy linen pants, an upscale tee, a sweater/sweatshirt for layering in the breeze.
For shoes, is this a real sailboat or like, a party cruise where it doesn’t matter if you have appropriate boat shoes?
Anon
Agree, I would NOT do a dress because it’s a hassle if it’s windy and you need to worry about coverage
Cat
not sure what put me in m-d, trying again without slash.
I would go with ankle length cropped navy linen pants, an upscale tee, a sweater or sweatshirt for layering in the breeze.
For shoes, is this a real sailboat or like, a party cruise where it doesn’t matter if you have appropriate boat shoes?
Anonnnn
OP here – Definitely a party cruise type situation
Cat
ok good. So then, nice flats of your choosing. In other words – practical but cute. Stable for standing if it’s wavy, nothing that can cause a wardrobe malfunction in the wind. Would go with a pretty pony or claw clip style for hair.
Anon
Agree with this outfit. The problem with dresses is unless they have a very straight skirt they’re gonna blow up in the wind. I have been there.
Anon
Oh and also, lots of boats have more of a ladder than stairs for getting down inside the boat, which is why another vote for pants over a dress.
NaoNao
Are you cool with jumpsuits? I would think a printed (conservative print) linen jumpsuit and espadrilles would be a option. I’d actually look at Macy’s of all places, they often have cute but work-friendly occasion outfits. Boden is also coming to mind as a possibility, but their spring and summer stuff will be full price right now so it might be over the budget.
Anon
I would not choose a jumpsuit because bathrooms on boats can be a challenge.
Anon
I would go with pants over dresses or skirts because of wind. I would wear a navy and white striped short sleeve cotton tee, white cotton crop pants, and espadrilles. Hair tie, clip, headband, or cap in a tote in case it’s genuinely windy.
Josie P
+1 but I’d wear dark pants in case of splashing. Also LAYER. It will be cold. Even if it is hot on shore it will be COLD (and super windy) on the boat. I would bring a trench coat or similar.
Source: my firm has had multiple boat cruises for the summer outing in BOS
Anonymous
Agree with jumpsuit or pants — maybe a skort, but those can be tricky because the good ones don’t look like skorts which means people are still going to avert their eyes if the wind kicks up your skirt.
Even if it’s a party cruise I’d go for grippy shoes with straps (not mules). If you’re worried about seasickness you can always get cheap sea sickness wristbands on Amazon to tuck into your purse if you need them.
Anon
In our city, elite private schools mandate a sport a season in high school. They all practice throughout the summer except for small breaks. None of these teens have jobs. A coworker thinks that we get these kids and their clones from other cities as entry level hires after elite colleges or MBA programs where maybe they have had an internship but no real job like waiting tables or being a camp counselor. So feedback from us is the first time they have ever encountered real criticism or gotten a sense that they aren’t the best. It’s a broad brush he is painting with but based on interactions I’ve had with new hires starting around COVID, he may have a point.
Anonymous
This is probably going to get me flamed, but I avoid hiring anyone without real job experience or with some sort of a name brand high school. Working at IKEA or McDonalds or Walmart or wherever where you deal with the worst of society teaches real grit and problem solving that the kids with easy lives really lack
Anon
I had a boss who would ding candidates if they didn’t list McDonald’s or similar on their resume. No amount of discussion would convince her that students were being instructed to leave “irrelevant” jobs OFF their resume and that she was likely throwing away candidates that met her credentials. It was infuriating, but in the years since, she has positively struggled to hire as the job market has evolved and I’ll admit to a little smug satisfaction about that.
Anon.
I put a catchall provision on my CV years ago for restaurant and retail 35 years ago and instructed my son to do the same recently. Low level service jobs show the prospective employer that you can work with the public and that you juggled work and school. Once you have your first career job, it comes off the CV. I would be wary of hiring anyone who has never worked at all.
Nora
People often don’t put these jobs on their resume, especially if they have more relevant experience.
Anon
This. I worked at McDonalds in high school. It’s never once been on my resume, even when I was really young.
Anon
When I was interviewing law students at my firm, I always asked about work experience that wasn’t on the resume. A lot of law students were being told that service industry experience looked bad and that it was better to leave it off. Crazy advice, especially if there isn’t more relevant experience to include, but pretty common apparently.
Anon
If they have very little experience in total, I guess I think they should, since it often is relevant.
Anon
I feel like it comes up in interviews. Or a person will have so much “education” on their resume that you know they haven’t worked (e.g., 4 years in college with no job and every summer is study abroad somewhere). I’m not sure where voluntourism fits in — I could see it being work (digging latrines or trail maintenance) or more like a budget travel trip.
I have a co-worker who used to drive a truck and he always asks for deep background since he worked his way up. He swears by scrappy people.
Anon
This is an interesting question when it comes to resumes for college students (I’m a professor). A lot of my students are like me and worked several of these kinds of jobs in high school but then get a series of short internships in college. I know I didn’t include my customer service jobs by the time I was applying for jobs after college because it felt hard to include them and still fit everything in one page (I had at least 8 or 9 internships or work study jobs that were related to my major). When I have students who don’t have internships, I definitely tell them to include “regular” jobs, but if you have to skimp on the more relevant experience to include them, then what?
I absolutely agree that customer service experience was important, but it still would have felt weird to include high school jobs on my resume at that point, so screening out applications based on an incomplete record doesn’t seem like a great practice!
Anon
I’d just list the jobs under a work experience section; ie, “Server, Chili’s Restaurant, summer 2022”
“Cashier, ACME Grocery, academic year 2023-24”
Anon
But do you even list things from high school after college? That was the line I drew, just as I cut most stuff from college once I was maybe half way though grad school (I’m the professor above). I feel like that’s pretty normal. I’d certainly find it strange to see anyone other than a very entry level person do this, right? I ask because I see many more CVs than resumes, where this stuff doesn’t show up at all, but I do have students who ask me for advice.
Anon
I don’t list high school jobs b/c I had plenty of jobs in college (both resume and just to have some $$$; every hour needed to be monetized especially over breaks) and after. Only high school if you have nothing else to write.
Cat
I did until I eliminated HS altogether (after my first real job). At that point I had one bullet for my main skill extracurriculars (music department) and one for other activities, and included something like “part-time work in fast food and retail.”
Anon
Yes, until someone is in their first real career, especially given the bias towards kids who have had jobs v internships. College would not be my dividing line.
anon
I have advocated for hiring people specifically because they worked at Walmart etc. during school. Rarely regretted a hire in a very high end job that had to pay their own rent during university or grad school.
Anon
+1 I’m a biglaw partner and my personal view is the associates who had fast food, camp counselor, waitress type jobs and went to good state schools are way better associates than the Ivy Leaguers who had “impressive”
Extra curricular activities
Anon
Not a flame, but my son was a teenager during Covid and there were no jobs like that available. He was also an IB so didn’t have a ton of time l, so now his only job experiences are an internship which he did actually twice, the same internship. he’s hoping to get a job at a grocery store this summer as a college junior rather than a regular internship. Sounds like he’s doing it backwards, but it’s what he wants to do. Internships in his major have really fizzled due to the tech downturn.
Anon
I don’t know about flamed, but it is a bit out of touch since those are often not “high school jobs” anymore. Where I live in a VHCOL area, McDonald’s and the like hire adults for the same reason you hire adults, and those jobs are sought after for steady pay and benefits.
Anon
This is true, but it isn’t impossible for kids to work for money if they need to. Babysitting, shoveling driveways, mowing lawns, tutoring, dog walking – surely the student/new grad has done SOMETHING to earn money.
Anon
This is coming across as very IN MY DAY bullshit, and I’m an old. Things have changed in the part time job market. Being mad at kids about it is just making you look like a dinosaur.
Anon
You’re determined to be mad an invent facts to fit it, Anon at 2:07. Maybe your kids don’t work and that’s a problem?
Seventh Sister
Same in my city, but part of it is that there’s a large population of young people who finish high school and don’t go on to college. Why jump through all the hoops to get a 16yo when there are plenty of 18yos who’d take the same job? But it’s business-dependent – the movie theaters and the ice cream places near me seem to hire high schoolers, but the fast food places are almost entirely staffed by adults.
Anon
Movie theaters often can’t give you 40 hours of work. Fast food near us needs workers from 5am until about 10pm. Adults need the hours; kids can’t take those jobs but just fill in.
Anon
I encourage teens to look for seasonal work: lifeguarding, caddying, working at the pool snack-bar or an ice gram shop, being a camp counselor in the summer. Working in retail around the holidays.
Anon
I can understand not hiring these people, but it’s worthwhile to ask during the interview stage. My experience scooping ice cream gave me a deep appreciation for office jobs, and I didn’t roll my eyes at needing to do what my boss told me to do. That said, I don’t think it was on my resume.
Anon
i mean you might be getting kids who’ve never had a job for other reasons, but in my city that is not the norm for elite private schools re sports
Anon
I think the fall sports start a week or two before classes begin, but that is true for both private and public schools in my area. There are no summer practices for winter and spring sports.
Anon
Preseason starts about two weeks before school starts for all types of schools. It’s common to have unofficial practices (captains practices, conditioning, scrimmages or pickup games) in the summer – mostly for fall sports but also spring / winter sports. Bring unofficial, it’d not held against you if you don’t partake. What I’d held against you is showing up to preseason out of shape or rusty- so if you’re not partaking it’s expected you’re doing similar conditioning and playing on your own or somewhere else (like when I played field hockey several high schools in our area held pickup games throughout the week – my high school’s pickup game conflicted with basketball but I still played pickup hockey 3x a week at different schools). Plus, camp or club sports.
That being said, it’s definitely possible to go to these practices and still have a job. Usually they’d be late afternoon or early evening.
Anonymous
I used to work with a lot of entry-level JD and PhD hires. The ones who had worked real adult jobs for a year or two between college and grad school were much, much better employees than the ones who had lived their whole lives in the academic bubble. Of the summer student interns, the ones who were paying their own way through school and/or had worked part-time or summer service jobs were always the best.
Anon
I usually think of waiting tables, etc. as valuable experience on a resume. I remember some of the grad students at university needed to learn the 101 of having a job if they’d never had one before!
I worry about this pattern in medicine sometimes since so many jobs in medicine are profoundly public facing. I guess I worried that the pre-meds who had shadowed at fancy practices in nice neighborhoods hadn’t necessarily been introduced to The Public yet and didn’t know what they were in for yet. I realize there are dozens of other contributing factors to burn out in medicine though!
Anonymous
This is becoming a huge problem in medicine. More and more because as costs go up, a lot of the people going into medicine are children of doctors, lawyers etc. I.E. they often have their parents’ network to rely on when putting together a med school application. So when it’s time for shadowing, they aren’t getting those hours at a community clinic – they are getting them via dad’s fancy dermatology or private practice cardiology friends who have the beautiful offices in the ritzy part of town and only cater to a certain clientele. Research experience they pick up at their top tier universities. Things like clinical volunteering or working as a medical assistant – again as much as possible being done at fancy places. Not the places that cater to all walks of life, where you will have doctors discussing with patients how to afford medications or will hear how a person isn’t eating vegetables because they are too costly or they live in a food desert with the nearest store miles away and they have no ride.
Anon
This is exactly what I meant (the fancy dermatology clinics, etc.). Sometimes it has practical implications like with your examples of food deserts and healthcare costs, it is almost like a cultural competency issue. And sometimes it seems like people are really shook by their first encounters with abusive or troubled patients and struggle with feeling betrayed or suspicious going forward, or just kind of hurt and angry. Meanwhile people who wait tables can often spot the “can’t be pleased” customer who is going to make life hell and never tip from a mile away… it sucks in both scenarios but as a life lesson, I think it’s easier to learn it sooner in a lower stakes environment.
Anon
This is a tangent, but I just finished a book that talked about how kids are wired to strive for different aspects of independence at different stages of development, and for teens one big element is financial independence — obviously not completely, but being able to pay for their own wants and learning how to save, the value of work/money, etc. Having a job helps them meet this need (as well as related independence needs, like being responsible for a schedule, reporting to new adults, etc).
It made me wonder if the decline in teens working, and still being provided everything by their parents, is a factor in the mental health crisis. They are still being treated like children instead of having to stretch and deal with all the pros and cons of working. (I mean, it seems kind of a no-brainer…lowering the responsibility bar makes them feel incapable and infantilized. And I don’t think sports team responsibility is enough; sports are still largely done for the fun of the kid.)
Anon
I mean, there’s research that shows that kids who have chores have better mental health. I think it’s absolutely a factor.
Anecdata
When I was ~14, I remember telling my parents (100% sincerely) that my favorite part of a family vacation had been being responsible for the grocery shopping & meal planning because the store was bikeable from the rental where we were staying). Independence and real responsibility are SO motivating at those ages
Anonymous
I tend to agree, but I don’t think it’s just about working. There are so many ways in which today’s teens are taking on less responsibility and society is demanding that parents be more involved. Kids are reluctant to get driver’s licenses. Schools demand a ridiculous level of parental involvement. In the college admissions rat race, if you don’t help your kid or pay a college counselor to help them you are putting them at a huge disadvantage. Trigger warnings and therapy culture communicate to kids that they aren’t strong enough to deal with adult issues. Even the books they read in IB and AP English are dumbed down.
I am the parent of a teen who is keenly aware that independence makes her feel better about herself. When she was stuck at home as a 13-year-old during lockdown, she would undertake independent projects like planning and cooking family dinner or complicated crafts or refinishing the patio furniture specifically for the mental health benefits. She has a bank account and a driver’s license and is looking for a summer job (late, I know) and has flown by herself several times to camp and to visit relatives. She loves the independence. Her best friend has never had any of these experiences and is having a really hard time with the idea of going away to college this fall.
Anon
The kids being reluctant to drive is mind boggling to me! As a teen I couldn’t wait for the independence of a license (even if I only got access to a car once or twice a week! Didn’t have a car until I was 26).
I had a few friends who weren’t in a rush to get their licenses and their parents said that’s fine, but I’m done driving you places – you can take the bus to school, work a job you can walk to, and you’ll need to catch rides from friends or use transit for social stuff. Kids decided they actually did want their licenses after all.
Anon
Eh my son didn’t want a drivers license but he’s very good at the local public transit system. There is no one size fits all on this. We are in an urban area.
Anonymous
I have a nephew who grew up in an area with good public tr@nsit. His mother convinced him he was not capable of getting a driver’s license because he has ADHD, which is total BS. He is now a new college graduate with no license and no desire to get one. It is going to limit his job search to fully remote jobs or jobs in places where you don’t have to drive.
I live in a car-dependent suburb and many of my daughter’s high school friends are reluctant to get their licenses. Even those who have gotten their licenses seemed to be much more afriad than my generation was. They seem to be much more aware of the risks.
Anon
“In the college admissions rat race, if you don’t help your kid or pay a college counselor to help them you are putting them at a huge disadvantage.”
I just finished Jennifer Breheny Wallace’s book Never Enough, Erich is about children and “achievement culture,” and it’s a very good challenge to that way of thinking about college admissions and parenting teens in general. It really shifted my lens on what successful parenting looks like, and is worth a read.
Anonymous
I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been through this year’s college admissions cycle can accurately comment on the admissions game. My daughter had impressive stats (4.5 GPA, IB diploma, 1500 SAT) and chose not to apply to any elite schools, but she still needed coaching on “engagement” because even colleges with a high acceptance rate are not going to offer admission unless they think the student will actually attend, and they are not going to offer merit aid unless they think it is necessary to secure the student’s attendance. Colleges are trying to game the rankings by maximizing their yield rates. For several reasons this year’s admissions cycle was even crazier than those of past years, and students who rely on financial aid were the losers. See this NYT op-ed: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/01/opinion/college-admissions-applications.html
Anon
I went to an elite private school that required sports, but most people I know had some sort of job at some point before college. Our summer practices / conditioning were for a few hours in the late afternoon / early evening so it was easy to schedule a summer job around those hours. Also, while the practices were certainly encouraged they weren’t mandatory – if you needed to workout at another time coaches would provide you with a workout packet and options for other schools’ or clubs’ practices or pickup games.
Of course, many kids also spent summers at the beach so coaches were used to working around / offering alternatives.
Plenty of friends also coached / reffed our sport or worked at camps for our sport as a way to both have a job and be involved. My friends who were swimmers all lifeguarded, for example.
Most of my friends had non-sports jobs but we all had them: receptionist, deli, coffee shop, camp counselor.
Even the very, very wealthy kids at my school had some sort of job at some point. Tuition for my school was 30k back when I went there, it’s now around 40k so everyone was wealthy but also the vast majority of the families I knew wanted to make sure their kids earned (some of) what they had and that they learned the value of hard work. I will say that the demographics of my school tended to be more “old money WASPs”, which definitely seems to be more focused on ensuring the kids work hard than “new money”. For example, while most families could easily afford to get their kids a new, luxury vehicle I knew plenty of kids without cars in high school and my friends who did have cars exclusively had hand me down cars; at least two of my friends drove cars older than they were.
Anon
So having grown up at an elite private school that required sports, I will say that 1) it was still very common to have a summer job despite practicing during the summer and 2) no athlete has been spared from honest feedback and real criticism and no athlete is always thinking they’re the best or is ever complacent with where they are.
I worked at a fast food restaurant, a deli, in retail, and as a camp counselor in the summer while playing 3 sports in prep school and then rowing crew at a private college. I learned more about work ethic and accountability and got way more criticism, tough to hear feedback, and “tough love” from my coaches than I did from my summer jobs.
I think all teens should have a cr@ppy summer job and that those jobs do teach great lessons, but I also think sports are equally important. After all, “the battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton”
Anon
Yeah, I went to a regular public school, but I played three sports a year and still had a job for all of high school. I think that’s harder now, but mostly because employers are less accommodating of student schedules. I also agree that sports are the place where you most regularly are forced to actually work hard and face your real limitations. You really win or lose or are up against clock or judge all the time, unlike most things these days. I was naturally very good at school, but only okay at sports, and it was really good for me to have to work hard at something that didn’t come so easily.
Anon
This is probably statistically true, but it’s not actually okay if a school is not offering a student anything academically challenging enough that it doesn’t come easily!
Anon
I mean, we’re talking AP and IB classes here, it’s not like I didn’t have to do any work, but as long as I went to class and did the assignments, I got As and 5s and 7s pretty effortlessly. My classes were definitely intellectually stimulating and I learned a lot in them, but just not hard to get good grades in, so I’m not sure what else my school should have done. I could have taken classes at the local university, but I think my high school was actually better. But, in comparison, no matter what I did, I was never going to be the best athlete on my team, not even close.
Anonymous
For smart kids I don’t think anything offered at the high school level is going to be so challenging that they can’t understand the material pretty easily if they just bother to do the work. The academic challenge in high school is usually just in keeping up with the volume of boring work. Sports and music are more challenging in high school because no matter how good you are, there is always room for improvement. I was first chair out of 82 (yes, 82) flutists at my high school and there was still always something more to strive for–auditions, competitions, new repertoire to learn. The track star can strive for a new PR, a school record, a state championship, etc.
Anon
There are a lot of reasons teenagers might not have summer jobs that do not mean they are spoiled, entitled brats. My parents were divorced and lived on opposite sides of the country. That meant my summers were split in ways that made it impossible for me to have a job unless I was working for family. And when I did work for family (we had a restaurant) it was off the books and certainly not something I put on my resume once I was out of college. My best friend in high school was the oldest daughter in a large family with very traditional parents who would never have allowed her to have a job and who expected her to stay home to take care of her younger siblings during the summer. And of course many people play a sport that have intense summer practice requirements (my niece and nephew who are high school age both have practices 3-5 days a week).
Which is to say – maybe be a tiny bit less judgmental?
Anon
One summer my friend and I babysat each others’ younger siblings as our summer jobs. We liked it because it felt like a job and not just being stuck watching siblings and our parents liked it because it really cut down of sibling fights that were inevitable when we watched our own siblings.
We got paid $100 /week – less than other summer jobs but more than we would have otherwise. We didn’t mind making less – I think it was summer going into freshman year of high school so I wasn’t old enough for working papers yet, so I was happy to get paid. The job was also very, very easy; I babysit a lot by that age and this was definitely the easiest babysitting I had to do so $20 a day felt great.
Anon
As someone who went to an elite private school, I’m so glad they didn’t make me play a sport!!
Anon
Seriously!
Anon
I used to hire new lawyers and my single disqualifier was if this was going to be their first ever job. If you’ve made it through high school, college, and then law school without ever having a job, I wasn’t going to pay you lawyer rates to learn basic workplace norms.
Anon
I think this is where I am struggling. I’m used to train new hires in the specific job, but now it feels like I’m training them like a social program in how to have a job with “Job 101” skills (like respond to e-mails; show up on time for meetings) and not “this is the spreadsheet template I use to do X task”. They don’t know the basics of working it seems, as if this is their first job ever.
PLB
How do you get through law school with no professionalism? This is…. wild!
Anon
I told a junior lawyer not to send sniping e-mails to an admin (copying the office head and me). She still doesn’t think she did anything wrong even though two partners also talked to her (and told the admin that the attorney was out of line).
Anon
I remember we had a class that covered basic professional norms in middle school! And our teachers expected us to adhere to them in school (proper email with greeting, BLUF, explanation if needed, no shorthand (LOL, “hey”, emojis / proper tone in emails, and sign off; expectation for class and sports that early is on time, on time is late and late is fired; use of an agenda for a meeting / importance of coming prepared). Heck, my school’s uniform was even “training” for working in a professional office since the boys wore coat and tie.
Anon
In my experience at prep school, we were taught a lot of these professional norms in school. That being said, I do think every teenager should have a summer job. Although, I would say it’s not like I learned any office professional norms working in retail or scooping ice cream.
Anon
Maybe not professional norms, but working norms. Like, it’s normal for entry level people to do grunt work, and things that aren’t fun, and to get the worst hours and shifts. And you have to do the tasks assigned to you, even if you have “better ideas”. You need to settle in and learn the existing system before you can offer opinions on changing things.
Anonymous
Can you please just stop with these weird anxious posts?
Anonymous
If you live in a household where you don’t wear outside shoes inside, what do you wear on your feet in the home? For eight months of the year, I’m in socks and slippers – often the type of slippers that are like slip on shoes almost. But from May through August, I’ve always been no socks, just any random flip flops or ratty old slippers type of person. While this worked fine for decades, I’m finding that my feet kind of hurt this year. I’m fairly sure it’s not an injury because both feet hurt – kind of the toes and the bottom of the feet. It isn’t terrible but I notice it when I’m going to sleep that my feet are achy.
What should I be wearing? DH is like eh turn up the AC and put on socks and slippers again. But IDK any other options? Should I break out an actual shoe – that I can wear without socks? I happen to have a pair of comfortable slip ons – think Naturalizer – that haven’t ever been worn outside the home, so I guess I could do something like that. Just curious what others do.
Anon
Crocs.
PolyD
Seconding the Crocs. Ugly, but I haven’t had a recurrence of plantar fasciitis since I started wearing them indoors all the time.
Anonymous
agree, crocs! sometimes in summer i’ll switch to birks, but crocs are good both with and without socks.
Anonymous
I too have a pair of “house” crocs!
It resolved my plantar fasciitis from walking barefoot on tile and hardwood floors
Cat
I have House Birks.
Anon
+1
Anon
Same
Anon
Me too
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I have a pair of the foam Birkenstocks for indoors.
anon
not OP, but I have been considering buying the EVA birks for this purpose. I just cant stomach the price ($50-70ish) for rubber/plastic flip flops. Are they work it? Do they ever go on sale?
Anonymous
I got mine on sale so they must go on sale! I am only on my second pair, the first pair took 3 years for me to wear through with daily use.
anon for this
I wear the Target knockoffs in the house and they are fine.
Anonymous
I love mine to wear to the pool, but for supportive indoor sandals I’d go with Oofos.
Anon
I love mine for travel. I seem to recall they were $40ish, not $50-$70. Maybe that’s inflation.
I like that they weigh almost nothing in my suitcase. I use them as slippers around the hotel room. I like the Arizona style for this because I can wear socks with them if my feet are cold. (Please not I am not going around in public like this!)
anon
I just buy better quality flip flops that have good support. I got a rec on this site actually! They are wonderful. Sorry I’m not at home to check the brand…
anon
Vionic has pretty good arch support.
Anon
FitFlops are great for this.
Senior Attorney
I wear Teva flip-flops at home and haven’t had any foot problems.
KS IT Chick
I have a pair of tennis shoes that I only wear inside. I need more support than socks and/or slippers provide. For evenings I have a pair of Uggs slippers.
Anon
I wear wool socks and slippers at home all year round. In the winter, the socks are tall and thick, in the summer, they’re short and thin (running socks), but I feel like they actually keep my feet cooler feeling than going barefoot because they absorb sweat. Slippers are fairly supportive with a grippy sole so I don’t slip on my steep stairs. I also believe in keeping my feet covered, especially in the kitchen. I’m way too much of a klutz to want sharp, heavy objects around my bare feet.
Anon
I have keens slide sandals that are my summer house shoes. DH uses vans as his house shoes.
NY CPA
Maybe you need arch support? I have flip flops from a brand called Archies that might help. I also have open toed slippers from Vionic which I wear on all but the hottest days.
Anonymous
Yes, you wear an actual shoe! Or put orthotics in your slippers. Or buy flip flops or slip-on shoes designed to fit closely to your feet and provide support.
Anonymous
When my arches are sore I wear house shoes–Birks or Olukai flip-flops that haven’t been outdoors.
Anon
I have a pair of oofos recovery flip flops that I wear in my house in the summer. They’re not really something I’d care to wear outside. In the winter I have sheepskin slippers with a little arch support.
Lizbet
Second the recommendation for (ugly!) Oofos flip flops, which I started wearing for the same reasons the OP described.
Anonymous
I have crocs for inside my house only. Started when my bank was hurting while cooking. In the winter I add socks, still wear crocs. I don’t love the look of crocs, but wear them 95% of the time in my house. Bonus is they are nonskid for my wood stairs
I also have inside exercise shoes.
Anonymous
I have outdoor Birkenstocks and indoor Birkenstocks.
Anon
Same!
anon
Same!
NYNY
Second Oofos! I recently got a pair of their recovery slides to be my kitchen project shoes after realizing that my knees and back were hurting if I was standing at the kitchen sink/counter/stove for more than 45 minutes. They are life-changing. Cushioning, arch support, easy on and off. Not only do my knees and back feel better, but I’ve also noticed less stiffness in my ankles.
Anecdata
For super cushy sandals, maybe try the ones marketed as “recovery slides”
Anon
Im a bare feet or inside slide on shoe inside the house person.
Inside shoes for the warmer months: any kind of slide type sandal, I have some pretty comfy ones from target. Birks. A sperry or boat shoe type slide on. A light weight sneaker.
Anon
I am barefoot all the time at home. I can’t stand wearing socks.
Anon
Barefoot; my feet need a break from even my most supportive shoes.
Anon
USADawgs are super supportive and don’t break the bank.
Nesprin
Vionic makes slippers with arch support. They’re amazing.
SSJD
Oofos
Anon
I go barefoot in my house. Does that hurt your feet? If so, then indoor-only Crocs or something that could support your feet but stay inside if probably the best option.
Anonymous
Depends on your flooring. My podiatrist recommends padded footwear if you have all hardwood like our house does.
Barefoot
I use to wear house shoes, like flipflops, all the time and developed the same type of pain. I completely stopped wearing anything on my feet at home and started going barefoot and the pain disappeared completely.
anon
i work in a business casual office but it’s still really business casual (no jeans, no bare shoulders, no strappy sandals). in past summers i have worn a shoe that is a real shoe and not a sandal but with an open toe (cole haan had a wedge that i had in a million color ways over the year). Shoes like this don’t seem to exist anymore– all i’m seeing is closed flats or strappy sandals. What would you wear with black pants? i can wear a clean white sneaker if i’m wearing khacki or colored but with black?
Anon
If you don’t want actual flats then look for peep toe shoes.
Anon
I really don’t want to see anyone’s toes at work sorry.
Anon
I’m in a similar office and have been wearing similar shoes. They just wore out, and I’ve also been struggling to find a replacement. Things I’m trying: open-toed mules and nicer slides. I tried a few pairs of sandals that were more substantial and they were not dressy– everything seems to be trying to be similar to Birkenstocks.
I ordered the Mafalda Sandals from Margaux. A lot of brands seem to have something similar.
Anonymous
Might be too casual for you, but I wear a clean pair of black and white converse with black pants.
Anonymous
maybe check vivaia? https://www.vivaia.com/item/peep-toe-wedge-tamia-peep-toe-p_10012891.html?gid=10012899
Anonymous
White sneakers with a black accent would look fine with black pants. But I wear real shoes at work – flats or loafers (or heels but I know I’m alone on this now) – all year round.
NaoNao
I’m the OP who asked about sun sensitivity feeling a lot more intense recently. I wound up purchasing a small UPF umbrella/parasol from the ‘Zon and have used it once–it was a bit windy to really test it but it seems like a reasonable solution.
I also purchased the “Hot Girl Pearls” that were recommended on this website–those are a solid C+ in terms of performance. They are an immediate relief and they technically work, but…they get lukewarm and lose their effectiveness within about 30 minutes, and then you’re kinda stuck carting around the necklace and the cooler pouch. The cooler pouch is a “must” as it keeps the necklace cool if you’re carrying it around to use later in the day and/or so the necklace doesn’t absorb odors in the freezer or break. For the price I’m not 100% sure they’re worth it. I think for hot flashes they would be great, or for a time when you know you’ll be in direct sunlight for about an hour, or like…when interviewers decide to talk you on a walking tour of the campus and it’s 90F or whatever.
The only slight downside with these is I walk everywhere–I don’t drive by choice so I can’t just keep the parasol in my car or drop the necklace and pouch off mid-day at work, etc. I’m also bringing a full water bottle and sunscreen with me during hot weather. So my bag winds up being a little heavy starting out even before errands, which is frustrating.
Anon
What about taking an Uber to your first destination when you are running errands and then an Uber home?
NaoNao
I do occasionally! I also use the bus when it makes sense–most of my errands are within about a mile or so and quite frankly I could use the exercise. But if I’m carrying like a big bag of donations or have 3 pairs of shoes to drop at the cobbler, I’ll Uber there.
But honestly…it’s pricey! It’s usually not less than $10 one way and for that price I’ll usually elect to walk and/or wait for the bus if it’s intolerable weather-wise or I’m feeling drained.
My husband helps too, but he’s a night owl and often sleeps until about 11 AM and I prefer to try to get errands done really early in the AM on the weekend before it gets hot.
Anon
I mean, if you live in a warm, sunny area and you walk everywhere you go it does seem like your two options are to put up with having to carry stuff to make you comfortable or walk less and rely on public transportation or ride shares more. There isn’t some magic unicorn solution.
Anon
+1
NaoNao
I get it, I was just noting the downsides of the solutions for others that might have similar needs and situation.
Cat
as someone else who walks almost exclusively for errands – in summer I will go against all of my finely-honed efficient-urban-walking practices and (1) walk slower, and (2) wait at lights or cross streets unnecessarily to stay in the shady side or avoid crossing directly in front of idling cars (the heat coming off the engines! dear lord), and (3) occasionally linger in front of one of those stores that has their doors open with the AC blasting the sidewalk. I also prioritize hotter walks earlier/later in the day and make sure I’m well hydrated.
personally, for an hour or two of errands, I would not haul all that stuff with. Burden outweighs the benefit.
Anon
I missed the first thread but to pare down what you bring, I think you could leave behind the sunscreen. If you use a water based one, do you really need to reapply? Also wear dri fit or cooling clothes. I am sure you are already doing this, but when you are running errands, include a stop someplace where you can sit and cool off before you walk home. If the issue is that you can’t drive, what about trying to run errands with a friend who drives?
Anon
What are things you wish you knew before moving in with an SO for the very first time (like you had never lived with any SO before)? What are tips and tricks to make the experience a positive one?
anon
this isn’t necessarily positive but really pay attention to their habits– if you are immediately in disagreement as to who should clean up or what constitutes cleaning up, that is not going to get better or go away if you get married or have kids.
A
This — based on decades of marriage among all my friends generally those who had the easiest transition to living together have also had the easiest marriages. Honestly think about moving out and resetting if it seems like a clash.
Anon
Sort out household chores equitably prior to moving in together.
Check to see that you can exist comfortably in the same temperature range. I like it 70-72 and exH insisted on 66-67 during the day and 64-65 at night, and claimed he wanted it even cooler so that was the compromise. As a result I spent thirteen years anrguing about the indoor temp and largely miserable in the house where I lived. Sounds petty, but indoor temperature comfort range is now a potential dealbreaker for me.
Anon
– Number one piece of advice I learned here: Begin as you intend to continue. Don’t do his laundry on Day 1 if you don’t plan to do that forever. Of course we help out if someone’s having an unusually busy week, but don’t establish an unfair division of labor from the get-go.
– It’s easier to have each person own a chore than attempt to switch off 50-50. Mr. Anon always takes out the garbage and vacuums, Ms. Anon always swiffers and dusts.
– Get on the same page about running errands. Will you both go to the grocery store on Sundays or will you alternate? Will you keep a running Walgreens list on the fridge or will you check in before going to the store?
– Create a shared calendar. Communicate if you’re going to deviate from the routine.
– Make sure each person gets enough time at home alone.
Anon
One more thing: Figure out how long you’re willing to stay in this relationship before getting engaged. Communicate that to your SO before moving in. I don’t mean an ultimatum to manipulate the guy. Genuinely reflect on when you’d need to walk away. This will be influenced by your age and how long you’ve been together.
Let’s say you’re 30 and started dating a few years before moving in, it’s a red flag if he’s unsure after 2 years of cohabitating. If he balks at mutually agreeing to a timeline, any timeline, maybe he doesn’t take the relationship seriously. I also know women who ultimately got engaged but didn’t discuss the timeline beforehand and they were miserable for way too long. Their SO dragged out the proposal and they were embarrassed to “nag” the guy.
ABanon
Nah. How would she know she’s gonna be ready to be engaged after x amount of time?
Anon
Maybe then she knows to break up because the relationship isn’t going the distance.
Anon
I’m the poster above who recommended this. Before you move in you’re in a better position to rationally decide how much time you’re willing to invest in the relationship. It’s not “I’d love to have a ring by whatever time,” it’s “If he doesn’t know at whatever point I need to make my exit.” The guy should know after X years of living together whether he wants to marry you. At that point if he still says it’s a maybe then either 1) It’s a no but he won’t admit it, or 2) You’re taking a gamble by sticking around and hoping he makes up his mind. Depending on your age there’s a big opportunity cost to staying with the guy any longer.
I have friends who say they stayed in pointless relationships way longer than they should have because once you’re moved in it’s easy to make excuses for the guy and hard to break up.
anon
And from my observation, even if they get the end goal of marriage, the relationship over time is usually not a super happy one or ends in divorce anyway. Be very wary if you have to push a guy to propose, is all I’m saying.
Anon
It’s fun to play house and be the one who cleans and organizes and does laundry and all the cooking and dishes. At first. But start as you mean to continue.
Do not let the guy just assume you’re the default housekeeper / his mother whom he “helps” when he feels like it. If he says he helps out, that means he thinks it’s your responsibility and he’s doing you a favor.
This assumes hetero couple of course.
Cat
1. remember that for every annoying habit your SO has, you have one too. Annoyed he leaves the kitchen cabinets open? Maybe he doesn’t like the way you squeeze the toothpaste. If neither of you sweat that stuff, neither of you feel hen-pecked over it.
2. bigger things to actually sweat? division of labor (both physical and emotional). Noise (is one person a big TV or music background noise person, and the other prefers quiet). Temperature as another poster noted. General standards of tidiness & cleanliness and how to tackle them (hire cleaners? how often to deep clean and how to split chores?)
3. furnishings and decor – have you shopped together for any of this?
4. plan for what happens if you break up- like a prenup.
Anon
Oh god noise – yes! This is huge.
Anon
Number 1 is so true and a good reminder for me today! :)
Anon
Agree with everything about chores and groceries.
The thing I will add: when you move in together, you’re starting to “do life” together, and boundaries become extremely important. It’s everything from when you go to bed, how you use your joint space, how much alone time you each get, who comes into your space and for how long, and where you both go together.
My other piece of advice: masks start to slip when you live together (or get married). Be very attuned to this.
Anon
Figure out the finances before you move in together. Dont do this after you’ve signed a lease. Figure out who pays for what and how you’re splitting bills. I’ve seen this done all different ways including a friend who Venmoed her bf for simple meals. Will you divide things based on percentage or split 50/50? Figure it out now before you start to fight about it.
Senior Attorney
Completely agree with “begin as you mean to continue,” which means “no showing off your fabulous housewifely skills unless you want to do all that stuff every day forever.”
I am a big proponent of everybody in the household doing his or her own personal laundry. We will each pitch in occasionally (“hey do you have any whites for this load I”m about to do?”) but generally it’s every man or woman for him or herself. I just feel like that is a personal chore that, absent extenuating circumstances, should be done for oneself just like any other personal hygiene task.
Cat
this is funny to me as laundry and everything associated with food (planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning) are the two biggest “economies of scale” things to do all at once vs. each person alone.
Senior Attorney
I will admit that this rule came about when I was married to my second husband and it occurred to me that I was doing his personal laundry, which was personal to him and conferred no benefit to me, and there was no equivalent chore he was doing that benefitted me and not him. And then he complained about the level of laundry service once too often, and that was that.
In my current marriage we started out doing communal laundry, and then I found myself doing laundry for both of us on Tuesday nights while he was out with his guy friends, and it stirred up all those old bad-laundry feelings, and we reverted back to doing our own and all has been well.
Anon
I’ve been living w my bf for 2 years and we only do each others laundry if they have a few things to add to our loads. He’s doing a white wash and I have a few socks to add.
Anon
I agree on laundry! It is pragmatic: a lot of my stuff goes in on delicates and air fluffed or line dried. I hate pulling stuff out when folding: this is his, this is mine, let’s make massive piles. So much easier when it’s all one person’s.
Anon
This SA advice was game changing to me back in 2016!
anon
as the exception to this fine rule, check in with each other. You made a plan, divided chores, but are you both happy with how it’s going? Make room for discussing frustrations, or clarifications, or for people to change their mind as time passes.
Seventh Sister
If you can afford it, get a cleaning service arranged ASAP, especially if you already know you are more of a neatnik than your SO. Even though I’d lived on my own and had years of roommates without hiring a cleaner, my SO (now spouse) and I really needed someone else to perform a base level of cleaning so we didn’t resent one another during our spare time.
Anon
Have a frank talk about the difference between living with an SO vs. a roommate and what your expectations are. I had a BIG fight with my now husband because he wouldn’t text me when he was getting on the train to come home. He felt it was me wanting to keep tabs on him, I felt like it was jerky not to know when my SO would be home so I could plan out my night (if he’s going to the gym I’ll meet him, if he’s coming home I’ll plan to cook, etc.). Ditto on sleep- do you both go to sleep together? If one of you goes to bed late/wakes up early can they do it quietly so as not to disturb the other person?
Also +a million to discussing what your next step is – I was VERY clear I would not live together for longer than a year without being engaged. We both viewed moving in together as a final litmus test for compatability before marriage not as a way to save money/play house. My female friends who did not have this conversation were invariably seething after a year when the relationship hadn’t progressed. Breaking up with someone you are living with is MUCH worse than when you are in separate spaces.
anonshmanon
Just a variation on this theme, my then boyfriend and I had no interest in marriage (as a bureaucratic/religious institution), but when we had ‘the talk’, I think we said something along the lines of wanting this to last forever and made sure that we both wanted the same thing from each other. We got married for bureaucratic reasons anyway but that was years later…
Anon
Discuss the alarm clock situation ASAP. My now-spouse likes to set multiple alarms and if left to his own devices will snooze them for hours. I am instantly propelled from sleep at the first millisecond of noise and have never in my life used the snooze function. When we first moved in, he not only constantly shattered my slumber with the instant adrenaline due to his absurd number of early false alarms, he also started to lean on me to really wake him up in time to make it to work (he had previously managed this on his own while single).
It took years for him to understand just how disrespected I felt when he dozed through his repeating cacophony when he never really intending to get up at any particular time, while simultaneously destroying my sleep and making me resent his immature behavior about getting himself up like a real adult. We finally reached an agreement that his alarm can go off as many times as he wants within these parameters: if his goes off before mine, he actually gets up and around without hitting snooze; if I get up first, he eventually gets himself up in time to do whatever responsible thing he needs to do that day; he turns his alarms off altogether on days he does not plan to use them.
anon
Alarm clock wars are real. My husband had a 6 am Thursday alarm for a 7 am meeting. He moved cities to live with me and left that alarm on for 18 months despite not having that meeting anymore.
Anon
Oh I hear this. If you don’t intend on getting up with the alarm, do not set it. You will get better sleep if you just sleep continuously.
Anon
I think all of the above advice is great, but also wanted to add- I wish I had known how great it was/is and how shockingly easy the transition would be. Really not meant to be a humble brag- we were so nervous and cautious about moving in together (we’re both introverts) that I think we overstressed and didn’t really allow ourselves to enjoy how exciting it is.
NaoNao
Consider unconventional solutions. My husband and I have our own bedrooms and bathrooms (which we’re fortunate to get!) and it’s magic. I don’t have to deal with his overflowing garbage can and bathtub that’s a bit grimy, he doesn’t have to fight my makeup and haircare to get to the mirror. Also we can decorate and have the “vibe” we like and have a room to ourselves. Some people feel this like…”defeats the purpose of marriage” or whatever, but we love it! Side note: we’re both autistic so…for sure not for everyone ha ha.
But seriously, consider “weird” solutions to find what works for you.
Anon
Any guesses as to where Trista Sutter, the first bachelorette, went away? No one would have known or cared except for Ryan’s cryptic posts. I’m thinking it was either rehab or filming a new reality TV show.
Anonymous
My guess is some solo adventure retreat or something where she couldn’t be reached – some womens group trip to Antarctica or doing yoga at an ashram in India or something like that.
Anon
This or a tv show like one of those adventure things I don’t watch.
Anon
I definitely think this is all a lot of PR for a new reality show. Trying to drum up interest.
Anon
special forces. ali manno was wherever she was as well.
Anonymous
The fact this is such a a focus is interesting to me, as I saw them in September when they were on a getaway and none of the 15 other women I was with even knew who they were and it didn’t seem like anyone else in the crowded room did, either. But that may track with the concept they are doing soft marketing to get their profiles up before a new show.
Anonymous
If you’re someone who never really ate fruit but then started eating it, which ones did you start with or end up liking the best?
Just a curiosity question as I know tastes vary. I ate fruit when I lived in my parents’ home but really have not for the two plus decades I’ve been out of their house. And even when I lived there by high school it was like take two bites of the apple packed for lunch and throw it away. I don’t like a lot of what they love – cantaloupes, peaches that were unripened and hard as rocks because there was an obsession with firm fruit, things like pineapple or mango were just not worth the effort and mess of chopping and still aren’t, fruits with little seeds like strawberries are unappealing.
But as I’m mid 40s now and trying to be healthy and cut sugar, I think fruit is a nice way to get a sweet snack. I’ve been eating apples but don’t know what else to start with – it isn’t exactly apple season right now. What do you like that’s easy, convenient, keeps relatively well for a while in the fridge?
Z
I really like fruit salad!! My favorite combo is bananas, strawberries, kiwi, and blueberries. I might even drizzle honey over it.
Oranges keep for a while in the fridge. I am not a fan of just eating oranges, I don’t like the texture. But I do like peeling them and putting them in a smoothie with other fruits.
For smoothies, I just keep a variety of frozen fruit AND wash dry and freeze fresh fruit that I know I won’t get to eating before they start to turn. I make smoothies with a base of spinach, banana, and water/milk and add any other fruit I have like strawberries, oranges, raspberries, or cherries. I love buying in season cherries but frozen work really good too, then you don’t have to de-pit them yourself.
Anon
Wow, fruit is one of my main food groups! I eat as much seasonal, local fruit as I can because it makes such a difference in terms of taste and quality. I’m lucky to live in an area where we have lots of local fruit and farmer’s markets in the summer – all types of berries and peaches are my favourite. If you refrigerate them just as they start to ripen, they’ll last awhile. Apples in the fall. In the winter I make do with bags of clementines and grapes.
Also, lots of grocery stores have pre-cut fruit. I love mango but I hate cutting it up so I pay more for the pre-cut kind. It’s worth it for me.
Anon
I am not a big fruit person still and usually have to force myself to eat fruit. In contrast, I love vegetables. I just dont like the sweet stuff much, and particularly dont like the tart stuff.
I eat bananas and oranges most often (typically, 4-5 times a week I eat a fruit). Bananas are easy to cut up and add to stuff, I usually eat them with walnuts because walnuts add a tinge of bitterness to balance out the sweetness of bananas. I used to hate apples with a passion (due to the crunch) but they have now grown on me, though I will still pick a different fruit if I had a choice.
Other than that, my favorite fruits are avocados, mangoes (the really sweet Indian mangoes, not tart at all), pineapples and sometimes unusual things like fresh figs or kumquat.
It’s ok not to eat a ton of fruit I think, as long as you eat veggies. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.
Anonymous
cherries, grapes, apples — frozen fruit can be really good if you’re using it for a sweet treat, like frozen cherries or frozen berries — just let them thaw for a bit in the fridge and then put on top of yogurt or oatmeal.
i wish i could do oranges or clementines because i do like the taste but i hate peeling them. oh i also love mangos but cutting them is a big pain.
PolyD
I find blueberries actually keep pretty well. I rinse them in a 1:4 vinegar and water solution, then spread them out on paper towels on a baking sheet to dry. They keep in the fridge for a while.
If you have a farmers market handy, sometimes they have samples to try. You could try new fruits that way.
I also second the idea of precut fruit at the grocery store. I guess it is a little more expensive that way, but precut pineapple that you eat is better than a whole pineapple rotting away in your fridge. I also have learned that I like to eat fruit cut up, so when I buy strawberries or melon, I clean them and cut them up almost immediately when I bring them home.
I’d also suggest zhuzing up mediocre fruit – like, I don’t come across excellent strawberries very often, but the ones I get are good enough and are enhanced by a little honey, a little chocolate syrup, or even a little balsamic vinegar. A little chocolate syrup is also surprisingly good on cantaloupe.
Traveler
Maybe an obvious thing, but I’ve realized I enjoy fruit much more at room temperature than I do cold.
I generally store my produce in the same way it is displayed at the store – apples, oranges, bananas, uncut melons, mangoes, tomatoes sit at room temperature. Berries, grapes & cut fruit in the fridge.
As for as what to start with, seedless grapes are good. We are also just coming into cherry season, which can be amazing!
And its not a fruit, but I like keeping cherry/grape tomatoes next to my fruit bowl for mindless snacking!
Anon
+1
Fruit from the fridge is too cold for my tastes. It usually suffers in texture, too, getting grainy in the case of apples & whole melons, mushy and dehydrated for fresh unwashed berries. And when it is out on the counter, it is visible and I am more apt to munch on it.
I do like to keep frozen fruit on hand. Frozen mango is great for smoothies, frozen berries for oatmeal.
Anon
Expensive but I really like getting a tray of precut fruit from the grocery store. I live alone and struggle with fruit going bad before I get to it.
I like melons, blueberries, watermelon, pineapple, green grapes (I dont like red or purple grapes, ew) which the platters I get have.
I dont really like strawberries so I avoid those or pick them out.
Precut and packaged so I dont have to deal with rinds or 5 tupperwares for a whole watermelon or cleaning up fruit juices. I’ve had trays last about a week well in the fridge.
If you like bananas but struggle with them going bad like i do:
unpeel and freeze them when they get on the verge of going too ripe or soft for your taste. I let the frozen banana soften up a bit and its refreshing in the summer.
Alternatively, bananas fried in brown sugar, butter, and rum are the best topping on vanilla ice cream.
Anon
Apples actually keep very well in cold storage, so it’s almost always apple season. They’re less prone to spoilage than more delicate fruits, so even “out of season” they’re a good choice, and there are so many different varieties to try that are better than the ones that that used to be common (like red not at all delicious). I don’t like bananas plain, but they make a good smoothie base. I add frozen blueberries to my oatmeal or to baked goods, smoothies, waffles, pancakes, etc. Those are my year-round staples. Seasonally, I like fresh strawberries and peaches, sometimes melons (but not often because I’m lazy about chopping it), plums and pluots. Persimmons and pears in the winter.
Anon
I also thought I hated apples because we only had red “delicious” and granny smith in my childhood kitchen. Then I learned as an adult that those varieties are awful but pink ladies are delicious. I cut up an apple then sprinkle it with cinnamon, dip it into nut butter, or eat alongside cheese cubes. Any type of berry is fantastic sprinkled with cocoa powder.
NYNY
I think blueberries and seedless grapes are your gateway fruits. Minimal prep work, no seeds, sweet and flavorful, keep for a reasonably long time in the fridge.
Anonymous
If you live where you can get ripe peaches (or nectarines) in season, as I do, they are truly amazing. But I agree that eating them hard and unripened is very unappealing and it makes sense that put you off. In summer, our local peaches are so juicy you have to eat them over the sink and there is a new variety with a whole different profile ripening every week. Strawberries are similar – in season and local are a world away from anything in the grocery, but you seem to have your mind made up about those, so might not be for you
Anon
I don’t go out of my way to eat fruit. I don’t actually think it has obvious health benefits.
That said, I think it’s relatively benign and if it’s readily available I’ll eat it. So for that, I like bananas, oranges, pre-cut pineapple, ripe peaches if I’m at a farmers market. I don’t touch strawberries or blueberries. I really love the cosmic apples I find at Whole Foods. Pears are ok.
But again, these are fine if you want to sate a sweet tooth. Not sure they have to be a part of *every* person’s healthy diet. It seems very individual specific.
Anonymous
Fruit doesn’t have obvious health benefits? I’ll start with, at a minimum, vitamin C. (No one wants scurvy!) And if I didn’t eat fruit, I would probably never poop again.
Anonymous
Half a lemon in your salad vinaigrette, some broccoli, tomato, peppers or spinach? There is loads of vitamin C in vegetables, you won’t get scurvy for choosing broccoli over fruit.
Anonymous
Lemon, tomatoes and peppers are all fruit, so I don’t think you’ve made the zinger you thought you did.
Anon Here
Unripe fruit isn’t good. And if that’s a big part of your experience with fruit, I get why you’re not a fruit person.
Watermelon is my hands down favorite fruit. DH and I eat one per week during the summers when they’re ripe.
Watch a couple of youtube videos about cutting pineapple and mango before writing them off; they’re easier to cut than you may think.
Bananas are probably the fastest and easiest fruit to eat. But people like them at different stages. I want mine to have green on the stem but my dad likes them with a couple of brown spots. Both the flavor and texture change as they ripen. Consider trying them in the various stages and then decide if you like any.
Grapes are also super easy and fast. I prefer purple instead of green.
DH could eat his weight in blueberries, but I think they’re eh. Neither of us likes blackberries or strawberries much.
Fresh peaches are amazing, but if you don’t like the fuzz and don’t want to peel them, then try nectarines.
Also, frozen fruit is good! Let it defrost a little bit and then eat it.
Anon
I don’t like melon and I especially don’t like bananas. I can tolerate honeydew if it’s ripe but not overripe. This eliminates most fruit salads for me.
I love strawberries if they’re ripe, and raspberries too. I can down a whole container of raspberries for breakfast, no problem.
I like oranges and clementines when they’re in season, but I don’t enjoy peeling an orange and getting my hands all sticky.
There is nothing like a fully ripe peach in the middle of the summer, but I couldn’t eat them every day.
I do like pineapple but in small doses. Same as peaches.
I’m pretty healthy and that’s about all the fruit I eat.
Anon
Clementines and mandarins are super portable. My fav fruits are mango (but I buy cubed frozen and thaw it to avoid the peeling and slicing annoyance you mentioned), blueberries (by the handful or on yogurt w granola), kiwis (scooped with a spoon as a snack), honey crisp apples, very ripe peaches in summer and persimmons in winter (w cinnamon sprinkled on top) and strawberries/raspberries.
Anon
Watermelon
Apples
Grapes
Strawberries
I’ve always eaten mangoes.
Anonymous
Bizarre question but lately I’ve noticed droplets – like water or condensation – inside jars or bags in my fridge. Like inside an open jar of pasta sauce or inside an unopened bag of shredded cheese. My guess is this has something to do with temperature change – fridge door opening, apartment relatively warm, fridge cold. I will store things further inside the fridge instead of in the doors. But food safety wise – do I now have to toss that pasta sauce or shredded cheese? Part of me thinks isn’t mold going to form? FWIW it’s not an old jar of sauce – probably been open for a week or so, and the cheese is unopened.
Anon
No, you’re fine. The moisture was already there.
Anon
Yes, this happens to me too. It’s the first step to mold.
Only way to avoid is to take it out and dry the item if at all possible. For example, if I buy a cilantro bunch and it’s in the fridge in a plastic bag, it will rot quickly. I have to take it out, dry it, wrap it in a kitchen towel and store it.
Only other solution for me is not to buy the humungous packets of cheese from Costco since I know some of it will go bad before I use it.
Anon
I get this when the ambient household humidity increases. There was more moisture in the air when the container was last opened, and now it is stuck in the container. Moving things deeper into the fridge doesn’t get rid of it (how would that happen in the case of a sealed container?), but leaving the container less-sealed in the fridge for an hour or so allows the fridge to draw the extra humidity out. Just don’t forget to reseal things later.
Anon
I need suggestions for a housewarming gift for a friend. Budget is around $50-$75. She just bought her own house and is single.
– She likes branded and fancy stuff like Lululemon or Hermes and will often buy smaller pieces from these luxury brands.
– She loves skincare and makeup and similarly, tends towards luxury brands and Korean brands. But I am clueless about these things so I don’t know the right items to give.
– I’d like to give a fancy food item but she is careful about what she eats and tends to avoid rich desserts due to diabetes risk. She does not cook much so fancy olive oils or vinegars won’t work.
– A tech item might be good since that’s something she may enjoy but not get for herself or be as aware of. I don’t want to do a gift card but will give a gift receipt for exchange. Thank you!
Anon
A fancy candle (Diptyque, Jo Malone, Nest) or a plant.
Anon
I am someone who would love to receive one of these candles! The mimosa and cardamom candle from Jo Malone is very nice and a great home scent. (I wear the mimosa & cardamom cologne too).
The grapefruit candle from Nest is great for kitchens. I would take any Diptyque candle but Feu de Bois – smells like a fireplace – is very popular, as is the Baies.
A
This seems to call for a diptyque candle or aesop hand soap.
Cat
I prefer to give “house” items for housewarming as opposed to personal like an accessory or skincare.
Simon Pearce is doing 25% off their “seconds” through the end of today, which brings beautiful small vases etc. in your price range. In my experience their “seconds” are not particularly noticeable flaws.
An.On.
A little off the beaten path, but how about an electronic entry door lock?
Anon
Anthropologie do lovely home kitchen things
anon
A small tray from Jonathan Adler or coffee mugs from Le Creuset would be in that price point.
Anon88
Yeah I vote fancy candle and/or a pretty tea towel. I’ve also given snake plants as housewarming gifts since they’re basically impossible to kill.
Anon
Personally I’d want a candle for $25 and Home Depot gift card for $40. As a single woman home owner I assume she will be making a lot of trips to Home Depot or a similar store.
Anonymous
Three Muuto The Dots wood coat hooks in different sizes, in a colour that works with what you know of her aesthetic. Scandinavian modern design:
https://www.muuto.com/product/dots-wood–p1737/p1737
Or a small electric screwdriver with added bits. First aid kit.