Holiday Weekend Open Thread
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
There are a BUNCH of great sneakers in the big Nordstrom Half Yearly Sale that just started, including from P448, Veja, Cole Haan, Vionic, Tory Burch, and more.
(You can see our full roundup here!)
These Cole Haan sneakers are reader favorites, and I love the pink and neon yellow details. They remind me so much of tennis balls, but I think the main visible part, the pink at the back, is very wearable with other colors in your outfit.
The pictured shoes were $150, but are now marked to $99, with most sizes left from 6-11 — if you're size 5 or 5.5 and love the shoe, you may want to hurry because they're down to the last few. They have a bunch of other colorways on sale, though.
Sales of note for 4/18/25:
- Nordstrom – New spring markdowns, savings of up to 50%!
- Ann Taylor – 40% off + extra 15% off your entire purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear
- The Fold – 25% off selected lines
- Eloquii – extra 40% off all sale
- Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
- J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 40% off all sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 20% off orders over $125
- Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale, take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Final few – Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns
If you’re around this weekend, what was the best 4-day mini holiday you’ve ever been on?
I had an amazing time in Miami visiting a good friend — she’s Cuban-American, so I got to see that side of Miami and we had a blast going to eat, to clubs, and her boyfriend at the time had a pretty big boat that we took on the water.
Went to FL with my boyfriend and came back with my fiancé. It was gorgeous and we spent the days at the beach just being happy together.
I did five days in Belize, and while I spent the whole time lame ting that it wasn’t eight, it could have been four and still great if you are traveling from a place with short direct flights. I think it was 3 hrs from ATL.
Paris.
really? where were you coming from? i feel like paris needs at least 5-6 days because of the travel
Not that person but I’ve done it in 4 days from the east coast. If you can get a non stop it’s pretty doable.
NYC between meetings
I replied that I came from NYC – thought I’d add more. I am a Californian. Since business already took me to NYC, that made the flight to Paris shorter for me and not so bad. I did nonstop. I wasn’t planning to hit all of the sights of Paris. I just wanted an enjoyable long meeting, which I had. Then I flew back to NYC for my other meeting early morning on 5th day. Made the pre-meeting dinner that evening no problem, even squeezed in a nice lunch and a nap beforehand.
*long weekend, not meeting haha. Work on the brain. (But not in Paris!)
+1, from the east coast this is wonderful!
Yea I went to Paris and London in about 8 days and it was perfect. 4 days in each city coming from NYC.
Outside of the US probably a road trip in Slovenia or northwest of Oslo to see the Fjords (such gorgeous nature in both). Inside the US probably coastal NC for relaxed beachfront + seafood relaxation or NYC for art, jazz and food
Weirdly – a weekend in Charlottesville, VA. We were living in DC, working constantly at jobs that both made us miserable. We went down to Charlottesville to see a concert and it was the first warm weekend of the year – flowers were blooming, I bought a sundress, and the concert was amazing. We really needed it!
Havana, Cuba. We did an organized tour that was only 4 days (from Miami).
Dispersed camping in a state forest half a day’s drive from my house! It was so peaceful.
Napa! And specifically Calistoga. Wine + Bike + Great food + Spa.
This is high on my list too.
Iceland with my husband. From the east Coast it’s a short flight and just gorgeous once you’re there.
I loved going to Watkin Glen Memorial Day weekend in 2022. Only about 4 hours from NYC. We stayed in a cute bed and breakfast within walking distance of the hike, lake, and great restaurants. If you do go, be mindful that Uber doesn’t exist when you walk a mile to a winery and then have to walk home!
Savannah! Went there with girlfriends last year. Four days is the perfect amount of time to spend there. Absolutely gorgeous city.
Would you expect a refund/partial refund in this instance?
I used a new accountant this year to file my taxes. She told me I would receive $2,919 back. However, she used a tax credit incorrectly and tax officials determined that I only get $3 back. I was banking (no pun intended) on this money for something important and I feel totally let down. I paid her $500 to do my taxes and it says “money back guarantee” on her website, although doesn’t go into specifics. This happened for one state refund, she also did a second state and federal which were both correct.
I would certainly raise the issue. Is she part of a firm?
Yes, I sent an email about it. She owns her own practice.
Yes, I would expect some kind of refund of her fee.
I would definitely invoke the (it’s correct or your) money back guarantee.
Yeah I’d raise some form of hell. This is unacceptable.
Ehhh I’d tread carefully here, it is really hard to find an accountant and things happen. Especially since OP is filing in multiple states. I might look for a new person, but I’d keep good terms with the one you’ve got until you have a replacement lined up (and start looking now).
There are plenty of accountants who take accountability for their errors. It’s right there in the name.
Right. Which is why you give her a chance to do that before raising “some kind of hell”.
Okay, sure.
It’s not that hard to find an accountant, and “things happen” is what the money back guarantee is for, no?
Apparently some very defensive accountants in this thread.
It’s ok to expect expertise and high quality work from people you hire for that purpose.
Can she file an amendment?
I read it as she did the filing correctly; she just gave OP the wrong estimated refund.
No she said “tax officials determined” so the accountant made an error that the IRS or state tax office found.
Ohh yea I missed that. That’s much worse!
You need to check your engagement letter for the terms and if a refund is applicable.
I am a CPA and my specialty is financial reporting. I do cover a lot of tax work and I check my own returns very carefully to make sure it’s right. At $500 you probably have a relatively straight forward return and it sounds like an issue with the one state whose refund was less than expected.
The state and IRS are auditing returns now for many more people as they target those making $200-1m household income for ‘errors’. What happened to me was the childcare tax credit of $6k was reversed along with the children’s deductions, which is entirely wrong. No one communicated this change or asked for support to establish the identity of my children.
My advice to you is to read the engagement letter and see what the provision is for following up on disputes. I would treat this as a dispute with the state and expect the CPA to follow up accordingly including explaining why this refund isn’t due, if that is the case.
What’s the best blow-drying hair brush for dummies? Top priority is quick and easy to use. A perfect blowout is a distant goal.
I have the Revlon, and it is solid: it cut my blowdry time by half, and it is very easy to use.
The Revlon one is great. Caveat: I have very thick, heavy hair so I have to use a regular blowdryer first just to get it most of the way dry, and then use the Revlon for smoothing and styling.
Same! I do a quick allover dry to get my hair to damp, not wet, then use the Revlon.
How important is it to break hair into sections? Can you just do it all at once?
Again, I have very thick hair – like five times as much hair as a regular person – so yes I have to do sections, but most people probably do not.
You can do it all at once, but I find my hair looks better and smoother if I break it up into sections. But if I am in a big rush or don’t care too much how my hair looks and I don’t need it to look its best, doing all the hair at once works.
I have shoulder length hair, but I agree sections is best. Bottom, then middle, then top is good enough for a smooth finish. Also, I have the Revlon but keep it at my boyfriend’s because it gets very hot (to the point I can’t touch the end of the unit to use both hands). I bought the Drybar version for my more home use. It costs more yet is just as effective as Revlon, and Drybar is far gentler on my aging hair. If you just want to try it first, you can’t beat the Revlon price.
Another +1 for the Revlon one – I never was able to blow dry my hair very well until I used that. I was actually thinking this last week how much of a game changer it is to be able to confidently give myself a nice blowout. I definitely think sectioning is the key – I have a short chin length bob and medium thick hair, and I section into three different sections. I just use a clip on top of my head, nothing fancy. When I was teaching my cousin how to use it, sectioning her thin shoulder length hair made it easier for her too. Between each layer I run my straightener over quickly, because I like it just a bit smoother.
I also have the Revlon one and love it. I don’t section into clips or anything. I do just dry starting at the back left in sections that neatly fit on the brush and move forward to the front. I also rough dry with a regular dryer until my hair is about 50% dry. It’s been game changing.
Someone here recommended one that was better than the Revlon for “quick and easy to use” because it was a paddle brush style (it also pulls and straightens my hair less, which is helpful for me). I have the Revlon too, but the round brush is harder to work with in general (though probably easier for sectioning and achieving that perfect blowout). I don’t see the one I got for sale at the same retailer, but this is the one: https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256802941439213.html
I have this one. It doesn’t get as hot as the Revlon one on the low setting and is significantly lighter. I also have very short hair so YMMV.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09PVJNX7N/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Very anon for this – how do you get up the nerve to initiate over and over again if your libido is higher than your spouse’s?
How about you leave the poor person alone?
Not OP, but I did this and ended up moving out.
Ooof. Wrong take.
In the low libido partner and while I don’t think this is always the answer, please have a conversation to see how they feel if you take care of your own needs more frequently.
*I AM the low…
How could they ever object to that if they are not engaging with you? Does the question even need to be asked?
this is just mean!
Are you initiating on a schedule that you know roughly aligns with your partner’s libido or are you initiating on your own schedule? Very big difference.
he doesn’t have a schedule and i’ve mostly given up initiating. we’ve had sex once in four years (last summer) mostly because we were both drunk.
I’m sorry, but you’re probably not compatible on this. It sucks, it really does. But you can’t cajole people into sex they don’t want to have.
I agree, and I’m sorry, OP. Counseling might be an option, but be very honest with yourself if this is how you want your marriage to be.
Oh wow, I’m the low libido partner above and didn’t read down far enough. This is therapist territory.
I don’t really enjoy this kind of physical intimacy at all but realize it is importance to my partner, so I make an effort on a cadence that is too frequent for me and not enough for them. But that is more like 2-3 times a month, not once per US presidential election cycle.
That’s not “low libido”, that’s time for emergency couples counseling or divorce.
Once in four years I’d be out or at least try couples therapy.
I am so very sorry. This is awful that he hasn’t thought to talk to you about intimacy in your marriage before now. Is there a reason you haven’t brought it up? If so, speak to a therapist.
In my experience the only reason a guy isn’t asking for sex with his wife is either he is getting it from someone else (mistress or boyfriend) or there is a medical issue making him impotent, which he should have shared with you before now.
If I were you I would be braced for some seriously unexpected news coming from him. My ex husband withdrew sex for the last 18 months of our marriage. 4 months after I left him he got himself a girlfriend. I might have been born at night but it wasn’t last night. For damn sure he was unfaithful during our marriage and he hid his medical issues from me, shaming me because I asked what was up and to address this issue.
The fact he hasn’t addressed this, I’m so sorry to say, really does not look good.
Project much?
I honestly think if you’re married there should be no “get up the nerve.” You should be able to discuss this directly.
I land somewhere in the middle on this. My husband and I pretty openly and freely talk about things like this, and we even still sometimes have to “get up the nerve”. But I definitely think it’s something that should be discussed and troubleshot with your partner. Having the hard conversation is going to be easier than trying to initiate again and again.
There could be a lot going on. Food for thought:
Some men have responsive desire. Is he one of them? If so, what gets him going?
Does he enjoy it when you do it? Or is he more vanilla and you’re more adventurous, such that he isn’t comfortable with it?
How much foreplay do you want? Does he feel pressured to perform certain acts? Or does he want you to do all of the work? Is he a generous or a selfish lover?
Is he attracted to you?
Has there been p*rn use? (That stuff can wreck marriages.) Men can be the victims of abuse and assault – has that happened?
Which is to say, maybe try out a counselor. Emily Nagoski’s book “Come As You Are” is useful for men as well as women.
Does he say no? That would be really rough and possibly an issue for couples therapy or his doctor (aka indicative of deeper emotional or physical issues).
My husband initiates 95% of the time, and 95% of those times I say yes, even though I don’t really want to (not that I hate it, I would just rather read most nights lol). This amounts to maybe 3-4 times/month.
This is a controversial take here but I do think that part of being in a relationship is being physically intimate (within reason, not under duress, etc) — it’s a reasonable expectation that your partner will say yes on whatever frequency works for the relationship, which usually takes sacrifice on both sides. It’s a big big problem if one person says no for four years, regardless of gender.
I come at it differently. I don’t think anyone should ever say yes when they don’t want to – no exceptions. Some couples might need to break up because they’re too far apart and always will be, and that’s OK. It could definitely be a big problem if it’s no for four years. It can also be a big problem to get nagged for four years. Compatibility is essential.
That said, I do think committed couples need to work on making more opportunities for “yes” from both of them. If the workload is too intense, scale it back. If the kids are a lot, get a babysitter sometimes. If you feel disconnected from each other, invest some time in something you love together. And let’s be real – when it comes to heterosexual relationships, men could do a lot more to take tasks off their wives’ plates. It’s a hell of a lot easier to relax and feel loving/interested in gardening if you didn’t just exhaust yourself with a long to-do list.
I’d add that if there’s something medical going on, it can be necessary to really advocate in healthcare contexts. Medication side effects, hormonal conditions, etc., can change this radically. It’s okay to be committed throughout (it would be weird to say that compatibility shifted with every new prescription), but it’s not okay if a doctor is downplaying an issue.
lol, my husband and I would never have sex with this standard! One of us is usually tired and not feeling it, but once someone starts up, we remember it’s fun.
Op – we are both pretty low libido; when we were first married we were a once a week kind of schedule. Then we had kids and he kept saying no because baby could hear. our parents babysit and kids are often still up when we come back from date nights so even though we have fun and feel togetherness date nights isn’t an opportunity. When we go away together I’ve tried to keep it low pressure and mentioned I brought condoms. Last time we talked about it I suggested a schedule and he changed the topic.
I think he just views our sex life as a failure? He’s never made me come, and I don’t fake. We don’t do oral on each other. When we do have sex it’s over in 3 minutes (he comes). Very little foreplay. I’ve tried to get him to bring it up to his doctor but don’t think he has.
There’s nothing medically wrong with three minutes. The rest is just being a little…selfish. He shouldn’t be satisfied with you never getting satisfied. There should be foreplay and effort.
Yeah 3 minutes isn’t the problem here. It’s lack of caring about his partner’s experience.
OP here – just to be clear I meant bring the low libido up to the doc, not the 3 minutes.
I’ve been here. My ex hated doing anything he wasn’t good at—including sex. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. When I left it had been many years without sex, despite me pleading. Otherwise he was a lovely partner and I still care deeply for him. Just stubborn in some ways we couldn’t overcome.
What. That is not all right. Do you come on your own? Do you have any sort of sex or intimacy that is not him jacking til he comes? This is not all right. You are very right to be extremely frustrated.
I don’t think bringing it up to his doctor will make him a better lover if he disregards foreplay or your enjoyment this much.
It’s kind of interesting you say you have the higher libido, but then you describe sex in a way that does not sound very fulfilling, or honestly, all that fun. But the cool thing is that y’all can turn that around by working on getting better. To be successful though, I think he needs to be willing to work on it too, so my suggestion is starting there with an honest conversation.
OP here – i agree it could get better if we worked on it, and when we got married i didn’t worry about the lack of Os because i figured we’d work on it together, but then life and babies and now we’re here.
Eh… lack of frequency is mostly due to lack of satisfaction, emotional connection, or down time. Women who are emotionally connected, not overworked, and have husbands who prioritise their pleasure don’t usually turn it down.
Tell me you haven’t gone the menopause without telling me. I check every one of your boxes and am often not feeling it these days.
Way to miss the point.
Huh?
“lack of frequency” is a little different from “we’ve had s3x once in four years”
Op here – thx for the feedback, lots to think about. One more thing maybe worth mentioning – I’m 99% sure both our parents have been in sexless marriages for a long time (30+ yrs) so it maybe doesn’t seem that weird to us? I’d just be happy if we went back to birthdays and anniversaries, ha.
We just got hit with an unexpected $2k car repair bill due to rodent damage (and dealer screw-around). Would you attempt to put this through insurance or avoid because they’ll jack the rates? They already went up 30% last year.
I had rodent damage as well and paid almost $2k for it. It was my understanding that it would not be covered by insurance, or warranty.
Our Toyota RAV 4 (maybe a ’14?) was parked outside – the mice got in the heating system and built nests that both smelled and blocked AC/heat.
Our mechanic had to remove the dashboard and clear out a lot of everything as mice are not thinking in terms of human/car logic – lots of manual labor, not just swapping parts. This was my spouse’s car and there were other attractive elements (not cleaning up after food/the kids) so, yes, $2000.
Less than a year later, the car was rear-ended and replaced with a Hyundai. HE KEEPS IT SO CLEAN NOW!
Also – we have moles and voles in our property, so when we put in a raised-bed garden, we nailed a wire mesh to the bottom of each bed so roots, worms and water could go through but not small (some tulip-bulb-eating) tunneling critters. We did have the thought that Toyota should have a similar grid over access points. There were other people online that had the issue at the time.
I have moles in/under my garden. It’s never ending. I don’t have house cleaners & I don’t have gardeners, but I do have a mole guy.
I had a Toyota Sienna that was the victim of rodent damage twice. The first, rats ate a hole in the gas tank. That was a solid $1K 15 years ago. The second, a rat got into my dash and DIED. The repair shop asked if my insurance would cover it if they totaled the car because of the smell. They would not; I did not even ask. But I finally got the smell out thanks to some crazy googling that I was worried would have the police at my door. Anyway, I completely agree that a rat should not have been able to get into the dash. There was really no way to keep them out of my garage; they will eat anything, including holes in my garage door. At the time, I had unclean neighbors, and when they and their food sources moved out, the rats moved over to my house. (I know they were unclean because we bought their house, which they were renting, and flipped it when they moved. That family was really the gift that keeps on giving.)
Have you read your policy to see if something like this is even covered?
I don’t think standard car insurance covers this.
Most insurance policies will cover this if you have comprehensive coverage. I probably wouldn’t file a claim for $2000, but it’s a tough question (and very annoying to deal with !).
Maybe just a vent –
I gave up drinking. I’m not an alcoholic. I am a cardiac patient and it seems to trigger my arrhythmia.
I don’t miss it much at all most of the time except as a social lubricant. Weed is not for me – I’ve tried it many times and it’s just not a good experience. So I’m often the only “straight” person at a gathering. It seems less fun now!
I think when you are sober (good for you!), sometimes you need to press on different kinds of socializing – like more activities and less parties and bars. The latter really are ‘less fun’ when you aren’t partaking, but your life may be overall more satisfying if you focus on the other parts and doing things that don’t resolve around intoxication.
I think reconsidering the types of socializing you do can help. More coffee or activity gatherings and fewer bars or dinners. That works for me.
Aw! I’ve given up drinking for long periods of time in the past. It can be isolating. It hurt to not have a margarita when Jimmy Buffett died. Non-alcoholic options helped me get through it. Athletic Brewing beers, mocktails. It isn’t the same but it helps a bit.
I don’t miss the taste of cocktails or beer so a mocktail or nonalcoholic beer isn’t going to scratch any sort of itch for me.
It’s like I have this friend who gets sort of charmingly obnoxious when she drinks a little too much, which has always led to a really hilarious evening. Now straight cold sober it’s just not as funny. (It’s not the one friend, I use her as an example.)
I guess I would say this is not how it has to be. I have trouble relating because I look forward to conversations with my friends, regardless of whether either of us are drinking. Some never drink, some used to drink and then stopped long term, and some like myself, won’t drink that specific day for whatever reason. Whatever the constellation of drinking and sober people, doesn’t really affect the conversation. It’s always about hanging out, catching up on each other’s lives, goofing off and discussing interesting topics. Alcohol, or whatever behaviors it lubricates, are just not the focus. This may sound preachy or holier-than, but maybe you can make more interesting friends.
I still drink but have started having a lot more mocktails — they’re available so many more places. Could you play yourself some music before going to social experiences to try to get into a more social mood?
I used to have drinkers add to the challenge of being a non-drinker by their comments or behavior – most of them didn’t know me well, and frankly it could make me feel defensive.
For people I trust, I think they know that I want to relax and have a fun, enjoyable time. Maybe think on how you hang out with children-can you get your sense of fun (and sometimes silly) on? I’ve always been able to do this with kids, and also say – hey, I need to take a break or no, that’s not safe/good/etc. without alcohol – it’s a more playful mindset. I strive for more playful/fun engagement when others are drinking, sometimes it works and other times, I might not stay as long.
mushrooms :)
I find social drinking is fun as long as I have something in my cup, NA or not. If you want to attend these events, are you just abstaining or are you sipping on something else?
Following! I have an Aussie product but don’t blow dry my hair often at the moment because I’m scared it won’t work and I will kill my hair.
Nesting fail…
Any interest in long, tiring maybe-adrenaline producing adventures? To me, the kind of tired you feel after a day outside (different from “didn’t sleep tired” or “hard workout tired” kind of feels like I’ve had a beer or two– when you’re sitting on the porch afterwards or around a campfire
Interesting you say that. I’ve been hiking a lot. I didn’t think of it as a substitute for having a drink but I recognize the relaxed feeling afterward.
It’s not the “just had a drink” feeling I miss as much as socializing with a drink, though.
Can anyone recommend a good heat protectant product for hair? I’ve started blowdrying my hair a lot more… thank you!
Following! I have an Aussie product but don’t blow dry my hair often at the moment because I’m scared it won’t work and I will kill my hair.
Following. I recently tried a new salon and I won’t be going back because they botched the actual haircut, but they had some kind of spray that had absolutely no scent and left no stickiness. It was allegedly organic. Does anyone know of anything similar?
Assuming that this recently happened, the salon could probably identify the product if you reach out to them. If not, maybe it was the smoothing spray from Virtue Labs? It’s a red spray bottle.
I like Virtue Labs’ stuff. They have a wide variety of products to suit different hair types and how much heat you use. I have fine, frizzy hair and use low heat sparingly (just to style after almost completely air drying). I really like their smoothing spray. I gave my 6-in-1 styler to a friend with thicker hair and she loves it.
My stylist told me any product you put in your hair acts as a heat protectant so just use whatever you’d use. I like Prime Style extender and Oloplex has a style cream too, No5 maybe? I use one of those two and it works fine.
Aveda cream/serum with heat protection (there are several) plus Amika Bombshell Blow Out Spray. Per the best stylist I ever had, do not use a product with alcohol in it as you will fry your hair when you hit that with heat.
Very silly question, but I swear this place always has answers.
I am looking for a nice/cute/fun new home office trash can. We shred tons but don’t need to shred everything and my husband and I don’t like our old wire black mesh can anymore—stuff gets stuck, it’s boring, blah blah. I can find bathroom trash cans—too small. I wanted one for our alma mater—our schools are not “popular” enough for such a thing to be found online.
Anybody got anything? I told you it was silly :)
I got mine from World Market. They have some cute office stuff
I’m looking for a sanity check on a doctor’s statement made right before this holiday weekend.
Friday afternoon my 47-year old sister’s screening colonoscopy showed ulceration and friability in the ileocecal valve. The colon mucosa was normal. They couldn’t get in the terminal ileum due to stricture at the valve. The doctor said it was 50% likely to be Crohn’s and 50% likely to be cancer. No biopsy results until Tuesday at the earliest. She’s completely asymptomatic except she’s lost some weight due to stress over the past 18 months.
Can it possibly be correct that this is either cancer or Crohn’s? The doctor’s statement seemed weirdly specific. My sister has health insurance, will get the biopsy results, and then we will figure out a plan, but frankly, I’m just looking for a gut check on this. She’s single, no kids, so I flew out to be with her after this was dropped on her while recovering from the procedure.
I’m struggling to understand why it wouldn’t be correct? I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s a scary time for your sister and good for you to be with her.
I’m sorry and hope she hears back soon with the results.
There are probably some other much rarer outlier possibilities, and the 50%/50% is just shorthand for “I’m not leaning one way or the other,” but the doctor is just going by the odds, and it being one or the other sounds about right to me. Either Crohn’s or cancer can be asymptomatic (or cause some weight loss). Neither is particularly rare, and finding this kind of thing is what screening colonoscopies are for.
Did the doctor give any advice on how to eat with that stricture and with suspicion of Crohn’s? (My household learned the hard way that sometimes they do not give dietary advice when they should, especially right after a colonoscopy when there may be extra inflammation from the irritation of the prep, scope, and biopsies.)
Thank you.
The doctor did not give any advice about how to eat pending the results. She ate a big breakfast and we just walked 6 miles, so hopefully that means her post-colonoscopy digestion is ok.
I didn’t realize Crohn’s could be asymptomatic. It never occurred to me that someone could live 47 years and not have symptoms.
It’s definitely possible to lose weight with either and have no other symptoms. This internet stranger is thinking of you and your sister.
Spouse has Crohn’s. It’s very well-managed and he lives a pretty normal life, but when he does have a problem, weight loss is often the main symptom. Avoiding corn, and raw or very fibrous produce, helps keep things under control. What to eat/not eat can vary by patient.
Thank you – I appreciate your insight.
My husband had undiagnosed Crohn’s for decades. I simply had no idea it could be painless. For some patients, the ulceration is excruciating. For some reason, others feel nothing at all. Aside from not feeling pain, he also just didn’t know what digestive function felt like (he says his stomach is calmer and easier now than ever before).
There are special diets for patients with stricturing (low fiber, blended or well chewed, nothing too hard to digest like under or overcooked chewy meats). Basically, if the scope couldn’t get through, other things may not be able to get through, so some common sense applies. It was a couple days of eating normally before my husband ran into issues, but he definitely ate some high risk foods (like a pile of chicken wings). We just didn’t think of it, and no one mentioned it to us. Maybe they assumed we understood, but we didn’t.
That’s good to know. I’ll add this to the list of topics to cover with the doctor if it turns out to be Crohn’s.
My sister had to have surgery for a fistula back in 2004. Apparently the idea of Crohn’s was floated then, but nothing seems to have come from it.
I hope she’ll get the biopsy results soon. One reason these screenings are recommended is that they (a) can find things that (b) they can do something about. GI cancers are often slow, so these screenings can catch them in time for meaningful intervention. The Crohn’s & Colitis foundation can be marvelous for information and support if that is what it ends up being. I’m sorry it’s been bad news so far, but I hope she’ll get best case scenario results when she hears back. Best wishes!
This sounds scary, but in many ways your sister is so so lucky that she has been “asymptomatic” and that they found this early. Once the results are back, she should ask who is the best person to see for whatever the problem is…. (Crohn’s or cancer)… don’t just stay working with whatever “random” doctor she chose to do her colonoscopy. That is one thing you can help her with once she gets the results back. Search her best local academic hospital website to see who the experts are. Also she should ask her primary care doctor to help.
Thank goodness she got her colonoscopy! All of us need to get one at age 45 if not sooner (if family history of colon cancer is concerning).
And OP – she wasn’t asymptomatic. She had unexplained weight loss, you said. Never attribute weight loss to just “stress”. That is a “diagnosis” of exclusion.
Thanks for being there for your sister. Honestly, she should do super well since she is young, healthy … whatever the diagnosis is.
I’m not understanding the disbelief in your statement: “Can it possibly be correct that this is either cancer or Crohn’s? The doctor’s statement seemed weirdly specific” Yes, it can. That’s why colonoscopies are so important.
I had Stage 2 colon cancer at 46 (survivability 89%) with zero symptoms and no family history and a vegetarian diet for a good part of my life. I was told immediately after coming out of anesthesia and then there was confirmation from the biopsy and a subsequent MRI to help assess travel potential and then staging was done after subsequent surgery and removal of lymph nodes. Screening is so important for exactly this reason and colon cancer frequency is growing so much that the screening age was lowered from 50 in the past couple of years.
You seem like you are angry at the physician and I’m not understanding what you think was done wrong. I would advise getting out of this mindset sooner than later. If it is cancer, you’ll be a better support for your sister if you’re calm and open to understanding her health. And all cancer isn’t the same and outcomes will vary by type and stage.
You’re acting like her survivability was 50/50 (you don’t even know if it’s a cancer) and that’s not at all the case nor helpful.
I want to buy myself a necklace that can be a go-to for everyday at work. Budget up to $1,000. what would you get?
Pearls or a diamonds-by-the-yard style necklace (which can have other stones than diamonds).
I loved my single pearl strung on a chain drilled through the pearl for work. It’s a modern take and went with everything. There are some other modern pearl designs as wellnow that would be fun.
I would get a diamond solitaire necklace. I have a moissanite one that I would upgrade if I had $1000 to spend.
Large pearl on gold chain.
Pearls, always pearls.
Eh, I think pearls are really dated. I don’t see them anymore as an “everyday” piece unless someone older than me (I’m 50). I think a diamond solitaire will get more use.
I need a gutcheck on what is normal for dating apps. I matched with a guy, who sent me a LinkedIn request, then seemed to have deleted it because by the time I saw the notification on my phone and opened it, there was no longer an active invitation to accept. I hadn’t even responded to his first message within the dating app itself yet.
As someone who has struggled with boundaries, I know I didn’t like it, but my question is whether this is normal and I should expect it more in the future? I personally wouldn’t look up a guy online until we’ve at least chatted back and forth a bit…. it also makes me wonder how hard he tried to find me since my profile doesn’t have my last name. And of course then cancelling the request to connect.
That would feel weird to me, especially the sent and then cancelled LinkedIn request. I wonder if he accidentally clicked on connect when he found your account and then quickly cancelled it, not realizing you’d still see the initial request.
I do have to admit that I would probably Google people I matched with right away if I was thinking about connecting with them. If he was able to find you based on dating profile, it’s probably worth a review to see what clues are there. And I’m sorry that this happened in such a weird and disconcerting way.
Sounds like he accidentally hit connect when googling you. I wouldn’t read that much into it.
+1
+2
Girl, you will save yourself a lot of time and energy if you Google asap. Why on earth would you wait to do that?
I know it feels weird and it may BE weird, but as a woman, I pretty ruthlessly Google any man I find interesting on a dating app. I want a baseline level of comfort that there isn’t some glaringly obvious red flag, especially one that could put me in danger. It’s very easy to find people on LinkedIn with first name, industry/trade, and location IME.
All of that said, I don’t have as much sympathy for men feeling like they need to do that type of research on women. However, in 2024, this fairly common IMO/E. I agree with the others that he probably accidentally hit connect and withdrew it knowing it was weird at this stage.
Weird double standard you have, he’s meeting a stranger too you know.
I don’t see how the double standard is weird. Men attack and harm women far more often than women attack and harm men. This isn’t rocket science.
I DGAF that men do it, I just don’t think for them it’s as important from a safety perspective.
LinkedIn is really good at suggesting people that you’ve interacted with online, in pretty much any app or form. I wouldn’t read too much into it, yet.
But if this bothers you: you don’t have to go out with him or interact with him on the dating app. No need to get invested if you feel he started on the wrong foot.