Coffee Break: Hat Holder

101 Comments

1. Book recommendation request! I have recently been devouring newer sci-fi that is at a human scale and focuses on character development and what it means to be human. I have enjoyed everything by Becky Chambers, Murderbot, and the two Mickey 7 books. Any recommendations for other authors/series in a similar vein?

   I detested In the Quick, but I never liked Jane Eyre so that’s no surprise.

   1. Did you read “Project Hail Mary” yet?

      1. Is it less, for lack of a better term, wooden than The Martian?

         1. For me it was. The Martian had a lot of math and a lot of nuts and bolts in it because there was just the one character in isolation. Project Hail Mary has some interaction and the relationship between two characters is a big plot driver, although still a lot of introspection and flashback, and some math.

         2. Artemis wasn’t as wooden (and is the one I’ve finished).

   2. A little out-there, but you might like The Employees by Olga Ravn. Lots of existential stuff, and overall a pretty quick read.

      1. Oh and not truly sci-fi, but Our Wives Under the Sea was also solid.

   3. Agree with rec for project hail mary. Other ones i have enjoyed.. Starter Villain by john scalzi, in the lives of puppets by tj klune, this is how you lose the time war by amal El-mohtar. More fantasy, but i thought the tainted cup was really good at character development.

   4. Maybe Embassytown?

   5. Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel. Audiobook is fantastic (full cast) if that’s your jam.

   6. sorry your resident smut reader here with a rec – check out The Four Horsemen by Laura Thalassa. series, the first (Pestilence) was my favorite. interesting dystopian fantasy. yes, the horsemen each have their own book where they are the main character. but lots of interesting thoughts on justice, divinity, humanity, etc.

   7. Check out M.R. Carey. The Girl With All The Gifts is great, and his newer two-part series that starts with Infinity Gate had “what is human/intelligence?” that I really enjoyed.

      Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Children of Time series is also excellent.

   8. I’m in mod for some reason, but you want M.R. Carey and Adrian Tchaikovsky. Their books are heavier than Murderbot, but really immersive and enjoyable!

      (Project Hail Mary and other Andy Weir are also good)

   9. have you read World War Z? don’t be put off by the zombies, it’s more thoughtful than the genre suggests!

   10. The Lady Astronaut series by Mary Robinette Kowal is at human scale, but might not fit the request for what it means to be human.

   11. If you’re open to short stories, check out Ted Chiang.

       I am not a SciFi reader usually, but found everything I read from him extremely captivating.

       1. +1

   12. The 3 Body Problem series

2. Calling a plagiarized Victorian accessory ‘revolutionary’ is silly, but these are handy.

   1. Ehh, I don’t think plagiarized is the right word.

      1. +1 – I’d go with “inspired”.

   2. As long as we’re complaining, let me roll my eyes about the recommendation to stock up on multiples of this cute but entirely optional item.

      1. Hahaha, that’s what you get for actually reading the featured content instead of just skipping to the comments 😂

      2. I just don’t like buying stuff for my stuff.

      3. “… you’re unobtrusively prepared to tote all your hats.”

         LOL I am so glad this product came along … I’ve been very worried about how obtrusive my preparations for hat-toting have been. Especially in professional settings. Definitely a real problem that needs solving. Hat boxes aren’t professional.

         1. YOUR hat boxes may not be professional but that’s why you need to upgrade to the fancy hat boxes

3. Opposite question to the poster this morning on botox – I’d like to start getting it done but am overwhelmed tried to find a provider. I’d prefer a doctor and not a random med spa. I have a dermatologist, but she does not do cosmetic work.

   How do I find a good provider? In Chicago in case anyone has specific recs.

   1. Ask your derm? I see a derm at my local university hospital, but she recommended a NP for me to get botox.

      1. +1 my dermatologist recommended my cosmetic dermatologist to me

   2. Only NPs administer Botox at my random med spa

   3. Chicago Cosmetic Surgery and Dermatology. I saw Dr. Ibrahim, great results, not too expensive.

   4. years ago when i asked this someone said to ask the prettiest person you know and they would tell you

      so i asked a neighbor — she did have a number for me. but i worry i insulted her and haven’t spoken to her since.

   5. My derm referred me to a plastic surgeon for removal of a mole on my face, and it turned out the plastic surgeon also did Botox so he has been my provider for that ever since.

   6. My first time was at my derm and it hurt and the results wore off quickly, I pivoted to a medspa recommended by a friend and love her. Its basically all she does all day, she is constantly going to seminars, testing the latest products etc, she knows her stuff, is easier to schedule, and it doesn’t hurt (much)! tldr, a random med spa might be the better way to go.

      1. I also go to a med spa run by NPs for the reason that this what they do all day every day. Their continuing education is all aesthetic based. I love my plastic surgeon but I let him handle the surgeries (he does Botox but that is not his bread and butter).

   7. I go to sparkle aesthetics in oak park.

   8. Anna Grancher at Spaderma! She’s GREAT. You can see her on IG at @anna_spaderma.

4. If you had some truly extra cash right now, would you buy the dip?

   1. I personally think it’s going to get dippier and wouldn’t. But I’m not in finance. Just an elder millenial who lived through the great recession.

   2. Black bean? Maybe. Queso? Hell yes.

      If you mean the stock market, I can tell you that I got my bonus March 15 and am putting $x/day in each day for a month (so almost done). I like this process of dollar cost averaging, because it reduces my sense that I’m timing the market while also reducing my anxiety about dumping $25x(ish) into the market all at once.

      1. Also, part of my commitment to not timing the market means that this is as “timing the market” as I get. My emergency fund is separate and fully funded, and the bonus was always earmarked for investments.

      2. Ok but that was the humor I needed today. Queso is a wish investment.

   3. yes

   4. I mean I’m of the opinion the market is going to collapse so…. no.

      1. I read this article long ago and have thought about it a lot — they imagine what would have happened if you’d bought $10,000 worth of stock on the very eve of the Great Crash (and conclude you’d still have made out like a bandit). Interesting to look back and realize that the article was 1999 when everyone thought stocks were crazy high also. gift link.
         https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1999/09/dow-36-000/306249/?gift=PEb_GDID3744HtoRx9Zp6TCXrmOK1QsrOHn1fNY8HeU&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

   5. I am not changing my investing habits at all. With extra cash, I would (and am) replacing things that are nearing end of life, whether it’s small items like my summer t-shirts or larger items like our aging water heater. Basically, trying to spend intentionally when I can make decisions and not because I am forced to due to an emergency scenario.

      Beyond that, I am keeping my extra cash liquid and easily accessible (some in actual cash on hand, the rest in a HYSA or checking).

   6. just set up my limit orders, baby
      but only with cash that’s just hanging out in the investing accounts anyway earning no interest, i’m not moving money over to do it.

      1. This is what I ended up doing. Set up a couple not-too-insane limit orders with the cash that is in the money market. Definitely not moving cash over for it, but also don’t want to lose out. The limit orders are for if stuff happens while I’m not paying attention at that very minute.

         Also checked and my auto investing is $150/week in the typical broad ETFs, so hopefully that’ll still catch something.

   7. Please consider donating to a food bank, as well, if you have money to buy the dip. The food banks are already desperate and it’s about to get so much worse.

      1. This is a good idea, will do.

   8. If I were well off enough to have truly extra money, I would ask my financial advisor what to do with it.

   9. Trying to time the market is a waste. It’s just gambling. You don’t know. No one knows. Do it for fun if you don’t mind losing. But long-term strategies are what build wealth.

   10. I’m not doing much extra, but I continue to add into my retirement accounts each month so that also takes advantage of what is hopefully a dip!

   11. Jumping on this question – any specific vanguard funds people are investing in rn?

       1. for funds i usually do the big ones, vfiax & vtsax, don’t remember the others. those have lower fees but require a higher minimum investment, if you go to the page for those you can find a link to whatever the “investor class” ones are.

          1. VTI is one of mine, total US stock index

   12. absolutely

   13. How far out are you from needing that money? It can take a decade to recover from a major market event like we are experiencing.

5. Just a a vent. I’m dreading my upcoming performance review. The last 6 months have been full of fire drills that have made it very difficult to make progress on any other goals I might’ve had. Sure, I’m doing the work they want me to do, but I can’t say that I’m feeling great about my job these days. Also, we are heavily impacted by the federal meltdown so it’s hard to feel very invested in any sort of future planning.

   Candidly, I am pretty burned out and just showing up every day is an accomplishment at this point.

   1. Your manager might feel the same way. Just go through the motions. It might not be that bad. Just a box everyone has to check.

      1. As a manager who must do about a dozen performance reviews soon, I agree. We are all just trying to keep our heads above water.

6. I have an opportunity to move from finance (FP&A) to investor relations. Does anyone here work in IR or have any thoughts? I can’t quite figure out if this is taking a step back or if it’s an important skill to have if one wants to become a CFO.

   1. In my firm and most others I interact with, IR and CFO are not overlapping roles. The IR team is firmly front office, CFO is definitely back office.

   2. I have zero knowledge of IR vs FP&A, but I will say that I don’t think I would want to be investor relations for the near future because a lot of investors are going to be PO’d. This feels very glass cliff. but i’m sure you’ll get better advice from the hive!

   3. If you’re looking to polish your presentation skills/corporate comms skills, and enhance your relationship with the C-suite I think IR can be a good move. I wouldn’t think the move from IR to CFO is a direct line (not in my experience anyway) – it’s more related to the CMO/Crisis Comms/Exec Comms/Strategy Comms team.

      1. Thanks for the responses, everyone. Just to clarify: I didn’t mean that IR is a direct line to CFO; more that having experience in IR/being investor-facing is a good part of the CFO toolbox to pick up on the way. In my company, IR reports to the CFO.

         1. Finance director here. It depends on what you’ve already done. The general wisdom is to get experience in controllership (accounting), M&A (either side), management (at least 5 direct reports), investor relations, and business partnership. FP&A means different things in different companies/countries, but generally is business partnering. I think IR helps round out the other experiences, in terms of being externally focused and understanding how IR works. The cadence is predictable but stressful, and not for everyone. I’d go for it, but know it’s a learning curve, and do your diligence to make sure the IR role is a good fit for you. Keep networking as always, because a few years is all you need unless this will be your chosen career.

   4. I was a divisional CFO and dealt with investors if the company CFO was unavailable. I would get the IR experience especially with raising capital. It’s a different communication style and it took me a while to get the hang of it.

      It’s a 2-3 year placement and then move on.

7. How to find the sweet spot being assertive without being presumed to be aggressive? I was told at work that some people feel I am aggressive. I think I am direct and focus on our obligations, the actual job. It seems to me that people do not focus on what happened, they made mistakes, but everything is about HOW I told them, they made the mistake. Honestly I think they are wining. But on the other hand I know it not wise to alienate people. Advice would be appreciated, thanks

   1. I always view “fault” at work as something went wrong in the system and we will address it as a team. If someone didn’t know the procedure or wasn’t the right person to do it, that is still the whole team and managements problem. You may thing that this sounds too wishy-washy but it has worked really well for me and for my team.

      When something goes wrong people are naturally defensive. The key to solving it is not to add to that defensiveness. If you are the leader you should be as practical and forward-thinking as possible.

      Could you give any more specific examples of what happened or what you’re uncertain about?

      1. Have you ever managed someone who is dumber than a bag of rocks? I tried framing things as a ‘team’ issue but if someone doesn’t fully read an email or even reference the SOP there truly is individual blame.

         1. Then manage them. Properly. Be strict and clear about the requirements. If they are unable to fulfill the requirements fire or demote them.

            Don’t just call them dumber than a bag of rocks and say you couldn’t have done anything.

            Also, in my job, I couldn’t give up there. There are some language and cultural barriers, and sometimes it needs to be in a different format, not an email or SOP.

            1. Anon for this but I’m also going to add… there are some rare jobs where it is very difficult to terminate someone, often due to strong union rules. The mistake people make is say it’s ‘impossible’.

               It’s not impossible, just time consuming and difficult. And you want to know what happens? Your team who IS working hard is going to notice and it’ll improve their morale that Dead Weight is being held to a standard.

      2. this is interesting, thanks for answering. A lot of the mistakes I discover are because I am an old hand in this job, they might not impact me personally, but precisely because I think we have a joint responsibility towards the work I mention it. But apparently this does not come across as a team thing

         1. It’s very helpful to either speak completely in a passive tone – “there was an issue with the XYZ report” – or just say “we made an error”. Remove it from being a single persons fault.

            The other side of this is that some people need it spelled out to them why something is important. Why is accuracy important, what issue that error could have caused, how it would reflect badly on the team. Here again you have to be very non accusatory – just giving additional info about why people should care.

   2. People don’t remember what you said. They remember how you made them feel. Were you intent on delivering a message, or did you try to soften it at all or show you assume they had the best intentions? I think this is tricky for women especially but being the one to deliver bad news might not help your career one bit. Shooting the messenger and ignoring the problems at hand is a real thing.

      1. It also depends whether you are talking to peers, people above you, or below you.

      2. very good point about people remembering feelings. And about that messenger thing: I childishly feel like saying, I just keep out of things and see them crash, but I do know it is not productive

   3. I usually don’t directly accuse people of making mistakes. I just calmly point out what the problem is and ask them to correct it. If need be, later on I will initiate a discussion about what went wrong and how we can prevent a repeat in the future, but it’s about collaborative problem-solving and not about assigning blame. If you shame people for messing up they will spend all their energy and effort defending themselves instead of fixing what needs to be fixed. If you don’t shame them and instead help them grow, they will enjoy working with you. At my last job I had multiple people request to be reassigned to me as their supervisor because of this approach.

      1. +1000000000

   4. Are you always criticizing others, or do you alternate that with defending their efforts internally? While not a tone or message thing, people are willing to listen when they sense you are fair and recognize their merits too.

      Also, praise in public and correct in private.

8. I’ve never practiced law, but I’ve been in a JD-preferred job at a law firm. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve enjoyed the prestige of my firm and position. Shallow shallow. But for medical reasons, I need to take a permanent step back/down.

   Think of it as something like fancy recognizable firm with a big practice in X –> doing government affairs in X at that firm –> being a regular (non-JD-p) staff member at an X nonprofit or X state/local agency. I can wrap my head around cutting my salary in half. I can’t quite bring my ego to get on board with losing the childhood dream prestige of this job. Shallow shallow shallow. Any tips? I can’t be the only person to feel this way. Thanks.

   1. There’s lot of prestigious jobs that don’t require a JD and are normal 40h jobs. Depending on the state you could negotiate international conventions, treaties etc. In my opinion it’s a lot more impressive to have your name on a delegation than to work at a firm.

   2. Truthfully, no one cares. By and large, people care if you’re kind and fun to talk to. Passingly, people register your job, but it for the most part doesn’t affect their perception of you if you’re otherwise great. People will also know you worked in this role, so it will still give you whatever points you are getting for it now.

      1. Yeah, I’ve never understood “prestige jobs,” it’s way more important to be able to hold an interesting/engaging conversation with someone. I’ll have a much more favorable impression of a janitor with a cool hobby or side gig than a bigwig lawyer who defines themselves by their job.

      2. You’re not wrong, but prestige can also really help people who are not otherwise popular.

   3. I mean if you can’t physically, you can’t. It’s not sounding like you have a choice here?

      1. +1, aging and reality have lots of things to say about childhood dreams and mood board Plans

   4. Congratulations! You achieved the career milestone of working for one of those prestigious firms. Not everyone can say the same. It will always be on your resume and you can always say that you worked there until health reasons required you to step back. Remember that and feel proud of what you’ve accomplished.

      1. +1

   5. I don’t think big law firm jobs are that prestigious to anyone who isn’t in them. I get it – I’m a lawyer too – but my friends are more impressed by my ALJ position which I viewed as a step back than they ever were by my partnership in a law firm.

      1. Yeah, I had the same fears and then I left to go in-house and no one thinks or talks about prestige outside of biglaw firms anyway.

         1. All this. I have a “lifestyle job” that a lot of people at big firms sneer at. But also I leave work behind when I’m not here, my coworkers are amazing, and my job was really hard to get (career appellate clerk). Oh, and I advise the judges about those lawyers’ cases.

            Every person I interact with outside those people is 100% more interested in what I do now and more impressed.

            So, I’m here to say the step back can be amazing and honestly people who matter don’t care.

   6. No one things working at a law firm is prestigious. You can name any firm and all I (and working class folks I know) think is that you are burning the midnight oil and a slave to partner whims.

9. With the nice weather arriving, I’m considering bike commuting. I only live 3.5-4 miles away from work, depending on the route I take. I’m borrowing an e bike from family this week to try it out. Anyone tried this or have any tips/recommendations?

   1. I used to bike about that distance to work! no e bike, though. A good bike bag is key. I have a laptop bag I really like from Arkel, but depending on how much you need to bring with you, and the formality of your office, you might want to consider paniers or a garment bag-like thing. There are tons of good options out there.

      Safety: Wear a helmet and bring a brush to re-tame your hair. I like to bike in a dorky day-glow safety vest, esp because I don’t have dedicated bike lanes for most of the route. U lock or a thick cable lock is best.

      Enjoy! Bike commuting made my work days so much better, it just feels good to get fresh air and move to start the day.

      1. I also wear a dorky day-glow vest when I bike, and I have little reflective ankle straps too! Plus front and rear lights (these may be legally required depending on where you live). Too many people text and drive so I light myself up like a Christmas tree.

   2. Yessss I love my bike commute. So much depends on your work space and facilities. I keep a few pairs of pants and shoes at the office and just swap out my tops. I wear a laptop backpack and it fits laptop, lunch, blouse, and bra (I like wearing athletic wear to bike so I can go fast). Have fun!

   3. Practice your route early on a Sunday morning when there’s very little car traffic. Google’s bike routes are often not the best route/will try to kill you.
      Biking for transportation, where you can’t always choose your route (or only have bad options) is different than riding for recreation. You may need to be a lot more assertive than you are used to being. Don’t be afraid to claim your space in the road for your own safety (ie if people are trying to squeeze past you).
      A windbreaker jacket/vest is great to have during the spring, and is very light, packable and usually inexpensive. In the heat of summer, I usually wear bike shorts and a rayon button down. It looks a little silly, but is the most comfortable when the heat gets stupid.
      Panniers make life easier and less sweaty than a backpack, but can be a little spendy. They are necessary if your eventual goal is to replace your car with a bike.
      Fenders are a cheap add-on that makes sloppy commutes much less so!

   4. Ask your local bike shop, because this is very dependent on where exactly your route takes you. I miss commuting by bike! It was through London parks and was such a wonderful start and end to the day! Also find out about bike storage and showers/lockers…most workplaces have a local gym with those things nearby.

   5. I used to bike to work three days a week when I worked in an office, and it was a great way to shift my mind away from work at the end of the day. If you can prepare ahead to plan the logistics, I absolutely recommend that you go for it.

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