Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Aster Pullover
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love the look of a collar poking out from under a crewneck sweater, but always struggle with feeling like the shirt is bunching underneath my sweater.
This sweet collared pullover from Alice + Olivia comes with a crisp, removable collar and cuffs that eliminate the need for an extra layer. Pair this with some wide-leg pants for a fun, business casual look.
The sweater is $395 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Hunting for great fake collars for layered work outfits? Amazon has a zillion options for fake shirt collars as well as faux turtlenecks; also check out Etsy seller Putney Home Design as well as others. On the fancy side of things, it's hard to beat Lele Sadoughi's faux collars. (Amazon also has a number of twofer sweaters, with that layered look built in!)
(Of course, if you're looking for a dickey to layer with a blazer, Veronica Beard makes the blazers and the dickeys — Quince also has zippered inserts for blazers.)
Sales of note for 3/15/25:
- Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)
Does anyone have any recommendations for a stylist I would be able to work with virtually for help on cultivating a professional wardrobe that doesn’t feel cookie cutter? I am moving into an executive role in a more casual blue collar field, so feeling the need to step up wardrobe, but am in a place to do that while still maintaining some character or edge to my style. Am unfortunately not near any major cities so would most likely need someone who I could work with virtually and am solidly in the midsize to cusp size range so am struggling to find inspo that’s not a size 4 or below.
Yes! I’ve been working with Lakyn Carlton, and she has lots of virtual services. https://www.lakyn.style/
I’ve been working with her on Indyx, which is an app where you enter in all your clothes. She has sent me great recommendations through that platform, including recommendations for new pieces that were exactly the mood, price, and size I needed. I don’t think you need the app to schedule with her through her website, that’s just fyi on how I came to find her.
I’m a size 14 on bottom so understand your struggles. Her website shows some clients’ mood boards and they include plenty of mid- and plus-sized inspiration pics.
Congrats on the new role!
I posted kind of a long comment that seems to have disappeared! I recommend Lakyn Carlton (just google her name— not sure if the link is what got me in trouble before)
I use her and have had a great experience!
I’ve heard good things about Next Level Wardrobe for this purpose, although I haven’t used them myself
Maybe someone like bridgetteraes.com – she seems to offer exactly what you are describing. Ive only read her blog, so cant vouch for her though.
Second this. I’ve learned a lot from her blog.
Planning a short fall London getaway- spouse will be there for work and then I’ll come over for a 4-day extension. It’s been a long time (pre-2020) since our last visit so looking for neighborhood advice (or specific hotel advice, ideally with either breakfast included or a mini kitchen). Prefer quiet and classic, and striking the right balance between easy access to Tube lines and not on a mass market corridor. Proximity to a Dishoom also of interest, lol, as I swore I’d come back for that alone!
I stayed at the Ruby Zoe in Notting Hill in January. I was just there for one night but thought it was really cool, and in a different neighbourhood to my usual Westminster stays. It seemed to have quite a bit of atmosphere, and was easily accessible. I walked to Central London via Hyde Park as I wasn’t in a hurry.
I stayed in the Marble Arch area, right off the main area, at a Mariott. Easy access to Tube lines and bus lines, as well as walking distance to the areas of my interest. I would figure out which Tube lines you want to be close to and work from there – don’t end up building in multiple changes!
Close to Holborn metro station, we stayed in a hotel where rooms had a mini kitchen, can’t remember the name right now.
Is anyone here on WW? I’m coming back to it after 10 years away – I really like the GLP track! Any favorite WW-specific food bloggers beyond Emily Bites and Skinnytaste? Thx!
I don’t have any recommendations for food bloggers, but I’m getting Zepbound through WW and have had a really good experience. They got it approved by my insurance and helped me find a pharmacy that had it in-stock. It’s been 3 weeks and I am shocked by how much better I feel. Best of luck to you!
What are your favorite quick recipes for weeknights that don’t require meal prep (planning is OK)? Open to any cuisine and no restrictions – just need a few new options to make us more excited about home cooking again. Bonus points for anything one-pot.
We recently loved Easy Green Vietnamese Herby Green Pancakes. Smitten Kitchen’s one pot pastas are good, I also do an instant pot salmon pasta if you’ve got a IP. But lots of stirfry, ramen, over here.
Minestrone soup made with pre-chopped supermarket vegetables, canned beans, tomato paste or sauce, and small shell pasta or ditalini added a few minutes before finishing so it doesn’t get mushy.
I’ve been obsessed with these alfredo white beans from NYT cooking. They are super quick to make and so delicious (of course, it’s heavy cream and butter, lol). I serve them over roasted cauliflower or broccoli.
(gift link) https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1025330-garlicky-alfredo-beans?unlocked_article_code=1.1E4.eIRF.SHNuUGFbEiTu&smid=share-url
A couple I can think of off the top of my head. I use both these blogs for recipe inspiration
Korean Beef Bowls from Damn Delicious
Maple Dijon Chicken Thighs from Budget Bytes
Other blogs I like are Once Upon a Chef, Mel’s Kitchen Cafe, Well Plated, Recipe Tin Eats.
I often make salmon in the oven and roast some veggies at the same time.
Sometimes, I’ll brown some Italian sausage and add my favorite jar of pasta sauce.
I like a good meatball recipe for this – like the Kitchn’s Chicken Parm Meatballs (I add a bag of spinach to the pot for a veggie; you can serve over salad or pasta) or Half Baked Harvest’s gochujang meatballs (I usually cook rice in the rice cooker and steam some frozen broccoli alongside it).
I also like more of a curry style meal – e.g., Cookie and Kate’s Thai Red Curry (you can use whatever vegetables you have on hand and you can poach chicken in the curry for more protein) or NYT braised beans and greens (I throw some Italian sausage in to cook with the beans; can east as is or over rice or potatoes).
For true one pan meals, America’s Test Kitchen’s skillet lasagna is great, as is their skillet recipe for orecchiette with broccoli rabe and Italian sausage.
Sheet pan fajitas with chicken, shrimp or beef. Sometimes I use a carne asada spice blend and pre-cut peppers and onions to make it even easier. So easy, pretty healthy, and delicious.
https://damndelicious.net/2019/07/24/sheet-pan-chicken-fajitas/
If you eat fish: We like to broil a large piece of salmon – like 2.5 to 3 pounds – and then have it for several days. I usually put some kind of marinade on top; the lemon-garlic salad dressing from one of Kroger’s house brands (Private Selection?) is excellent but I’ve also used a soy-ginger marinade or just olive oil and lemon juice. Make a salad or cook some veggies and a starch and it’s dinner in 20 minutes.
You can put the leftover salmon in sandwiches, tacos or green or grain salads. My favorite salad is cooked farro or rice, salmon pieces, sweet onion, cucumber and Girard’s champagne vinaigrette.
I do a lot of sheet pan recipes for this. You can look up things for inspiration, but honestly, it’s mostly chicken thighs or salmon (my go to proteins), seasonal vegetable and seasoning for the cuisine I’m interested in. I might add a grain like couscous or farro but this is my 25 minute solution. A slight twist would be to do gnocchi instead of protein or just roasted veggies and pasta.
This is a seriously awesome sheet pan meal (the only sheet pan meal I’ve ever enjoyed). We eat it over rice. https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1020436-sheet-pan-sausage-with-peppers-and-tomatoes
sheet pan w/ sausage: broccoli/cauliflower toss w/ olive oil, S&P, roast 425 5-15 minutes, then add sausage (depending on if cooked through or not, add sausage at beginning or near end), roast till toasty, last 5 minutes add honey mustard (not ready made, make your own with 1/2 1/2)
Thin spaghetti with garlic fried eggs. Easy, delicious, nutritious. Enjoy!
Good morning! I posted last week about getting an MRI for arm pain that has been on and off for several years. Results are back and it turns out I have an extra muscle near my elbow, specifically called ” a small anconeus epitrochlearis accessory muscle forming a roof over the cubital tunnel.”
Has anyone else experienced this? From what I see online in PubMed studies it is pretty rare! Doctors usually see 1 case/year.
Wow! I had a grandmother with a third kidney. She made it to 94 with no real impact from that, so hopefully an extra part will just be a curiosity.
Just fyi, it means she was likely a twin.
Makes me wonder if there was a positive impact!
So when I broke my arm in 2020, an x-ray showed a weird growth near my elbow – they kept calling it a “tumor” which I guess is any weird growth. I did get a CAT scan and saw a specialist in bone cancers or something like that who determined it was not cancerous.
It’s not anything like your story except for arm location and weird growth.
Anyone successfully become a morning person (without having kids/sppuse to force you up)? If yes, I would love to know how long it took and what strategies you tried!
I wouldn’t say that I’m actually successful at being a morning person, but this all helps:
Coffee on a timer and prepped the night before so it’s ready when I wake up and stumble into the kitchen
A meditation area with twinkle lights on a timer that automatically turn on. I also found incense that I love the smell of a couple months ago and light that every morning before meditating, which for some reason really adds to it for me.
And then I play a podcast afterwards while I get ready. I mostly just do not want to talk for the first hour I’m awake.
You said no kids/spouse…the thing that really kick started my morning routine was a puppy who needed to go out at 5am. 😂 The dogs still like to go out by 5:30, and I really try and not lay down after letting them out.
Go to bed earlier. It seems obvious but it’s important!
I also do everything the night before in order to make mornings easier: I shower, set out my outfit, pack my lunch, get my bag ready. In the morning I just have to roll out of bed, get dressed and I’m on my way.
I’m still not a morning person but something I’ve done that really helps is have top-down-bottom-up shades in my bedroom. I can keep the top part down so that morning light comes in — even on Saturdays and Sundays I tend to wake up with the light. I also like the soft bird-chirp alarm on my iphone. Some days I need music or YouTube Shorts or something to get up though.
In much the same vein, I am not a morning person but letting early morning natural light into my bedroom seems to help. There are five decent sized windows with eastern and southern exposures so I have to admit it is a fair amount of good natural light. I have a double layer of sheers, with the back layer being what one thinks of as sheer curtains and the top layer being unlined pottery barn white linen curtains. There are creepy plastic roller shades tucked inside the top of the window casing for when I want a totally dark bedroom or need to insulate from heat or cold.
I have to start working remotely at 7am, and I am not a morning person. I found up interestingly waking up earlier and having time to properly make coffee and drink it while sitting down has helped a lot. This stems from a therapists suggestion to wake up with something nice that you like to do first – not dive directly into work.
Also ya gotta go to sleep on time. Basically have a good routine at night and in the morning helps.
My body has never let me wake earlier than 7 without substantial suffering.
But I can be up and alert at 7 if I’m on a good sleep schedule. My doctor says that getting real sunlight right after waking really helps set a sleep cycle so that we can actually fall asleep at the right time.
In the winter, I program the thermostat to start heating the house up about 3 minutes before my alarm goes off. It is only a few degrees above the cool sleeping temp, but it is so much easier to get out from under the covers when the room isn’t so frigid.
My dresser plant also has a grow light on a timer; that comes on a few minutes after my alarm and I absolutely cannot sleep with a light.
oh, I do this too! We keep it as low as 65 to sleep but it starts to warm up the house to be closer to 70 by the time people are up and about. That increase in temperature is usually enough to wake me up also.
I’m still not a morning person and never will be, but:
1) a sunlight alarm clock (mine was probably $30 5 years ago, you don’t need the fancy one)
2) a coffee maker that I can preset so not only is coffee ready when I wake up, but also, I already smell it when my alarm goes off
3) A morning workout. This doesn’t help me get out of bed, but it does help me feel more awake and get going.
YES to what everyone is saying about the need to adjust your evening schedule so that you stop activities, start winding down, and are in your bed so you can get to sleep at a decent time. It’s the stopping activities ‘early’ and winding down ‘early’ that’s the harder thing for someone who is more of night person than a morning person.
Even with an early bed time and waking up on my own after a full 8 hours, I’m still not at all a morning person
Same. And I need more sleep if I go to bed early and get up early.
Lights out by 10, up at 6. I take the dog out first thing just so she can relieve herself and the fresh air wakes me up. Then coffee. Took many years with an alarm clock and now it’s just habit (but I set an alarm just in case).
Not a fun answer but waking up even earlier to workout several times a week has really seemed to re-set my body clock to become a morning person.
I think it has helped make my body tired enough to go to bed early and thus be able to get to bed earlier.
I wake up at 5 am three times a week to run. Start work at 7am.
Do not try to make the change now, with the loss of an hour next weekend already pushing you in the other direction. Get your head ready, but wait a few weeks.
This is a really unsatisfying response, but you just have to do it. There are things you can do to make it easier on yourself, which others have mentioned, but bed will always feel better at 6 am than not-bed. You have to be mentally tough. Remember that your goal is to do X in the morning and X won’t get done if you give into the desire to stay in bed. I do like to reward myself with one day a week of guilt free bed enjoying time.
Honestly? A sleep study that resulted in a CPAP. I used to think I just needed more mental toughness. Turns out I wasn’t sleeping as well as I thought I was. SO MUCH EASIER getting moving now.
It took me several years, but it happened. I think the trick for me was to wake up for activities I enjoyed.
I will never be a person who works out in the morning because I hate waking up early and I hate exercising. But I can be a person who wakes up early because I like to have a delicious breakfast and not be stressed about getting my kid out the door.
Melatonin at night.
Happy light in the morning while you have coffee/breakfast or sunlight ASAP.
Exercise during the day.
Go to bed at night early enough so you are getting enough sleep.
Good sleep hygiene.
A sunrise alarm clock helped me a ton with this.
Is this a BEC situation or is this truly self involved?
An executive sent out a ‘welcome to the team’ email for a new colleague and there is precisely no information on the new colleague, doesn’t mention what office they will work out of, what they studied, any hobbies, nothing, I had to suss out their gender even from the one pronoun on the email. On the other hand there is a whole paragraph about how the colleague will be so helpful to the executive and all the things the executive will be excited to delegate. That’s tone deaf right? I read the email and was like WTF….
I feel like you might be overreacting. Sure, they could have included some detail about the person, but it’s also fine to leave that to water cooler talk. Not a huge faux pas to focus on work responsibilities, especially if it’s a new role and they are trying to convey “for matters on XYZ, go to new colleague”.
A little weird not to say “joining us from X and working from Y.”
I’ve never seen hobbies or education included on this kind of thing. Including a description of planned responsibilities is more of a PSA than self-absorbed.
Our office includes personal stuff in every one of these emails ‘So and so will be working from our Colorado office, she lives nearby with her husband and two dogs who she loved to hike with on weekends’.
ok so then KYO on that part. If everyone else gets this kind of blurb than Exec was being a bit clueless not going with the norm.
I’d vote 99% bec. It’d be a little weird to not say anything about what they’ll be working on, assuming it’s not obvious from their title/role they’re filling, but it sounds like the part about what exec will delegate might cover that.
Definitely BEC, sorry. It’s perfectly normal for an organizational update to focus on the tasks/areas the person will be covering, not on their biography.
Thoughts on Mel Robbins? I’m struggling because more than one person I respect has raved about her and it’s almost a good fit for me but I end up frustrated with her content. She recommended a simple things but makes them out to be ground breaking and it feels kind of scammy to me. I love podcasts and can use mindset and productivity help but this is not it. Does anyone have a self help podcast they prefer?
Honestly I don’t see the appeal of her either. Finding Mastery is quite a good podcast, depending on the guest.
what kinds of self help advice do you need? all i know of mel robbins is “let them” which does seem kind of basic.
Things like time management, mindset, and any kind of perspective on long terms goals and values. I’m in the middle age working mom phase and generally love my life but can always improve. I like the lazy genius but I think her content is kind of geared towards religious women who have issues that don’t affect me.
While I think there are valid complaints about her (e.g., that she has a lot of extra help she doesn’t acknowledge), I like Laura Vanderkam’s work. I read one of her books pre-kids when I was working unusual hours and struggling to fit things in and it really helped me reframe things. I haven’t listened to her podcast but I believe she interviews women about these exact topics.
Forever35 interviews a lot of interesting guests on these topics so you could check out their prior interview podcasts to see if any area appealing.
Gretchen Rubin sounds like she might be up your alley
for time management stuff I like advice from the ADHDers like Imperfect Inspiration
+1 to LVK if your mindset is “can always improve.” I had to stop listening to her and SHU because I found their optimization of every single minute – and themselves! – exhausting.
Side note, I’ve become cynical about “working moms” whose “work” is content creation about being a working mom. All the unpaid time the rest of us spend on e.g. life admin and kid activities funnels back into their work in a way that it doesn’t for those of us with real jobs, which feels a bit unfair/unrelatable.
Personally, same. That said, I know many friends who found the “let them” phrase incredibly helpful for their lives. I think I already have this concept down – just did not have a catchy phrase. Maybe your self-help well is better filled with something like Radical Candor, or The 5 Languages of Appreciation, or the 2-week vacation test, or something to boost your creativity, or learning about various parenting styles. It is OK to not like a genre and OK to not need/be served by a particular author’s concept. And OK to be turned off if something seems scammy. I highly recommend the public library self help sections, you may find oldies but still-goodies there for free.
The self-help authors each have just one big idea that they stretch out over many, many books, appearances, podcasts, etc. You may do better with a podcast that features a lot off different guests. Kate Bowler seems to get a good variety.
I don’t listen to any self help podcasts religiously, but I do really like We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach and Amanda Doyle. It feels more doing life than scammy self help, and I believe they’re actively trying to not be scammy. There have been some episodes on family dynamics that really helped me a lot.
I cannot abide Glennon Doyle.
+1 – she drives me batty. Her tone, her attempt to be all chummy which actually sounds condescending. It’s so cringe.
What seems scammy to you may in fact be ground-breaking for others. If the advice doesn’t resonate for you or seems super basic/obvious, you’re probably not the person who needs her particular advice.
I like some of her ideas, but get frustrated by the delivery, too much repetition and side tracks, 1 part information and 9 part filler. For others I’m sure the style works better, it’s not to my taste. I don’t like the content enough to power through the side tracking.
She’s got an ADHD brain, I think, and some things that can be revolutionary from an ADHD perspective can be simple from a non-ADHD. Everyone can need some help to stop fixing people, though.
I have no design gene, other than strongly disliking the things I dislike. I grew up with hoarders, so I am OK with sterile / spartan living but prefer some sort of elusive middle ground. I am intrigued by the concept of “layered lighting” and that overhead lighting is considered to be harsh and not great as a design choice. What do you all do for lighting in bedrooms? I need good light for reading, so I do use the can overhead lights. I also have a sconce by the bed. But do you all have (or ideally have) something like a chandelier in your bedrooms? Something semi-flush with decent wattage? [One hazard is that my bedroom is my WFH space, so I need really bright lights in there while working, but even I get how that’s not really charming.] I’m hoping to move my work space into a “Cloffice”, so I’m trying to imagine how to make a bedroom better. b
There is a lamp on each end table in our bedroom that is our primary source of light. Our fan has a light as well, but it’s not as bright.
For overall design help, I like Caroline Winkler and Paige Wassel on YouTube.
I will always have a soft spot for Caroline Winkler for the idea of putting your clutter together on one tray. Solved so many of my problems.
I have nightstands with lamps on them, and a tray on my nightstand for things like my hand cream and lip balm that I apply before bed every night. :)
Ballard Designs has a “how to decorate” podcast with a lot of episodes just about lighting. Interior designer Miles Redd says a room needs 14 sources of light (which sounds ridiculous, but the next time you to to a fabulous sitting room in a hotel start counting and you’ll be shocked how many lightbulbs are in a space). Consider: Wall sconces, floor lamps and table lamps for layered lighting in a space.
Are windows sources of light? Because I have windows on two walls. It is also a design challenge, since it’s the north / east walls with lots of doors on the other walls. I get why can lights made sense as there isn’t much floor space that isn’t taken up by paths of travel.
I have tried so hard to like that Ballard podcast because I really love Ballard, but the ditsy sorority girls hosting it drive me up a wall.
Ditto your last line: ceiling light, wall light (or a standing floor lamp – that hits the same height), and table light. You want light at three different heights.
Have you tried Pinterest? It can serve the same function as cutting pictures out of magazines used to. Save the pictures you like to a board and after a while you’ll notice a pattern in what you like, and you can go about trying to recreate that for your space.
Thank you for asking this! I have no intuitive sense for this, either. We are renovating our primary bath soon and will also be adding some lights to the bedroom so this is timely for me. (Right now we have nightstand lamps and two hideous deep can lights from the 1960s over my bureau.) I am intrigued by the sconce looks
I have a deep-seated antipathy for the big light and only use it if I’m vacuuming, doing a big sort, etc. We’ve got anglepoise wall lamps with soft but bright bulbs mounted on both sides of the bed. RIP Made, I’d quite like some more for the sitting room.
I do needlework so I need all of the light with my presbyopia. But after watching The Pitt, I want to get those ER goggles that lets people do fine/detail work. Otherwise, I am struggling with good glasses and good light = bad design.
I knit and also have middle aged farsightedness. I have decorative living room lighting (overhead light, table lamps, a corner floor lamp) but I also have a less attractive task lamp near the chair I use most often for knitting. It’s one of those LED or halogen type bulbs on a flexible neck, floor lamp style, that I can turn on by touching it. It’s the only way, especially if I’m knitting with dark colored yarn.
In addition to that, I have one of those portable “necklaces” which is a rechargeable flexible cable with tiny lights at each end that you wear around your neck and point at your work. Like this
https://a.co/d/ioCc801
I have a related question: has anyone gone down the rabbit hole of trying to find ordinary light bulbs that still have some infrared light?
I should. I bought the wrong kind of newfangled bulbs that look like they belong in some sort of cold clinical space and others that have a sad yellow of . . . a nursing home I once had to go to. I miss incandescents! They were easy! “Soft white” always.
Yes, I wish there were a consensus best-in-show that was readily available. I would pay a premium for it if I were confident that the light quality would be right, but I’m tired of striking out.
Fun fact: lots of times the beautiful homes you see in design magazines have high hats airbrushed out. Yes they’re ugly but you need them in certain spaces. It’s fine to keep them or other overhead lights off or dimmed when you don’t really need light. I really echo what others said about lamps adding to a space but you don’t have to start with 14. Even though that would be lovely. I’m collecting beautiful ones very slowly because they’re pricey. Think of them as sculpture.
High hats are recessed / can lights?
It took all that an architect could throw at me to get me to back away from the fan / light combo that college me saw as a luxury feature before owning lamps and being able to afford a place with A/C. Pointing out that you didn’t see them in 7-figure house bedrooms helped convince me. I saw them as from a bygone era, very Casablanca. I guess they could be, but never as deployed in my life (sad, blades eventually choked with dust or curved down by humidity and age).
Yes. High hats are can lights. Perhaps that’s a regional or antiquated phrase? Anyway I put them in my home.
Ahh the dreaded fan light combo. The nemesis of all architects! I have heard more than one designer lament that southerners just cannot part with ceiling fans so perhaps you’re not wrong about the romance. Although the stand alone fan is probably more romantic than the light combo right?
I mean, they’re extremely functional! I don’t have a ceiling fan in every room, but it’s really hard to sleep when the air is hot and the humidity is high. The AC can’t always keep up, so getting the air moving makes the room 10000 times more comfortable. And a standing fan isn’t as good at the task!
Now I only have one in my bedroom, but whenever the architects can invent something that’s as good at the job, then I’ll consider getting rid of it…
I have a dreadfully ugly ceiling fan in my bedroom – think prime tuscan-builder early 2000s. It continues to survive despite my purge of nearly all other features because I cannot find a fan that moves air as effectively as it does. That un-pretty beast kept the room livable when the AC died in Houston.
I’m in the Bay Area with no air conditioning. Ceiling fans are essential in upper floor bedrooms!
I’d much rather have the ceiling light/fan combo than can lights.
I have both plus bedside table lamps. Normally the lamps are the only thing I turn on, unless I’m trying to find something in a drawer or jewelry box or have dropped a contact.
They could only try to pry my ceiling fans out of my cold but summer damp dead fingers. There’s one in every room but kitchen, bathrooms, and laundry, and two on the back porch. Ceiling fans are very useful for comfort and lessening utility bills in mid-SEUS in July and August. Depending on overall decor, they can fit right in.
Ceiling fans are just a fact of life, and I’d like to see higher end architects figure them out as a design challenge. Fans are great in edge periods when you don’t want to use A/C. I’d also like to think that we’d be more aware of Fan use as an energy friendlier option over A/C, ie a deliberate choice even if the wealthy can choose something else.
Google Maria Killam. She will show you everything you need to know.
I live in an 1920’s DC row house that I love except for the tiny closets in each room. My things are overflowing, there’s not a great system, and it seems like I should have built in shelving or better furniture to help. I need to hire a professional, who am I looking for? A home organizer? An interior decorator? And any recs for a DC based group?
My last house had closets so shallow that hangers needed to be sideways! We used a wire shelf design person who came and asked all the right questions ie: how many long items do you have, etc. and while it was not cheap, it was so worth it.
Before you start organizing, look through your stuff and see what can be decluttered.
I think you probably can’t outsource this all to 1 person. It’s a multi step problem.
1. Declutter, get rid of stuff you don’t need
2. Build better closets, personally I used a handyman because I think the wire shelves look cheap, so I had nice solid wood shelves/rails/compartments built that are period appropriate and functional.
3. Probably some new furniture. For example in my master my partner has the closet and I have a freestanding wardrobe. The wardrobe is antique and has both drawers and a rail. You could either find this yourself or have a designer do the sourcing.
+1 to all of this. I wouldn’t suggest buying/building anything until you’ve decluttered and know what your issues are. Do you need more shoe storage? Linen storage? etc.
I also own an antique house without a single closet so we’ve bought or built cupboards/freestanding armoires in most of our rooms. Once you’re ready, there are LOTS of people who do this sort of thing – just google your area + closets or ask around. Nearly every local person I found was cheaper than the Container store and able to customize to our weird house easily.
Where do you store your shoes? I find that open front/closed side shovels look messy, but then so does the boxes under my bed, and I don’t think closed doors would allow enough air circulation inside a cabinet. Ideas?
-Off season shoes – underbed closed storage
-The pairs I wear daily or near daily – commuting flats, go-to sneakers, etc – Ikea shoe cabinet by the door; shoes are left out overnight for either airing or rewearing before going back in the cabinet, but it means only one pair is ever out at a time
-Work shoes live at work
-Other shoes live on racks in the closet (used with moderate frequency) or under the bed (like, wedding guest shoes)
We had custom closets built in two of our bedrooms (similar house) – used a cabinet company. Not cheap, but absolutely perfect for the need, especially because larger furniture pieces would have required taking out windows and using a crane for delivery.
Just FYI OP, almost all antique wardrobes disassemble, so you wouldn’t have any issue moving them into rooms.
When I lived in a similar setup in Eastern Market I had an Ikea wardrobe. But then I was living in the living room/dining room (during grad school).
Something we always do to our closets is figure out the tallest height we need, and then move the hang bar down to that height so that everything above it can be shelves. (We usually use a man’s button-up shirt to gauge, but I’ve also used a specific coat or dress.) I find the space at the bottom of the closet incredibly useless. If you only have a few longer items like dresses and coats consider putting them all in one closet.
I’m in a 1930s DC rowhouse. The tiny closets are very annoying. When we moved in, we had a contractor come in for various projects. One was to knock down the wall for the very narrow closets in our bedroom and move the wall forward to make the closets deeper. It took up more of the bedroom space, but it was along one wall in what would have been dead space anyways. We got the container store to put in shelving and storage. Not the most cost effective solution, but I found it worthwhile.
Where are your favorite basic t shirts from? Looking for opaque, under $50, and doesn’t need a huge color range – I really just want black and white ones, and maybe grey.
Gap, Talbots, Boden, and occasionally J. Jill. Garnet Hill has some I like (the essential tee and the weekender), but they’re pretty thin and can be not totally opaque depending on the color.
Honestly, nowhere. This is an item that has no place in my wardrobe. It’s boring and adds nothing to regular day to day wear. For working out, I wear athletic tops with wicking. I cannot conceive of reaching for a tshirt. I offer this to maybe solve your problem, perhaps there’s no holy grail because it’s just not a great item to begin with.
Really, not even a nice one, or to wear under a blazer?
Never. If there’s a reason I need to be fancy enough for a blazer I need to be fancier than a t shirt under it
I made the original comment, but exactly this.
This is my issue with t-shirts. If I need to wear a blazer I need to be in business formal, not gen-Z’s version of formal.
As a weekend piece I generally prefer softer blouses which are also more forgiving than a t-shirt. The cut has to be exactly right for a t-shirt to work on me and I don’t like the style enough to spend the energy trying to find one.
i’m curious where you live? in nyc i’ve worked with senior partners (women) who wore t-shirts with blazers. nice ones but your basic eileen fisher or whatever.
It’s not a regional thing, it’s a personal style preference. I’m in SF where a hoodie and sneakers are considered formal wear.
Yeah it’s hard for me to imagine not owning t-shirts! Pre-pandemic I wore plain t-shirts to work every day with a blazer or sweater jacket, but I work in higher ed which is pretty casual.
Everlane in the clearance section right now.
I love the merino wool tees from Everlane. Casual enough to wear on a weekend by themselves, nice enough to put under a blazer. Very limited colors (I think black, taupe, black and white stripe, and maybe that’s it).
I would never, ever work out in one but I like them for lounging around the house with a pair of leggings or with jeans for a casual “jeans and t” look. My office is casual, so I can also wear them to work.
On the other hand, I gravitate towards clean, simple lines and wear a great plain t-shirt almost every day. My holy grail casual t-shirt is the Rag & Bone slub tee in crewneck or v-neck. It’s semi-fitted and looks great with jeans, linen pants, or sweats. With blazers I prefer a more fitted style in jersey or a subtly ribbed fabric with a scoop neck. Patterned tops, blouses, co11ared sh1rts, etc. look cheap and fussy on me so I avoid them.
I also never wear short sleeved t shirts, though I do wear long sleeved ones (I like the ones from Lands End). I’m prone to getting cold, so I want my arms covered most of the time. I have a few short sleeved wicking shirts for working out, but I often do things outside and have super sensitive skin I prefer to keep covered to avoid the sun and mosquitoes, so unless it’s really hot, I wear long sleeves for that too.
Your ‘boring’ is my ‘minimalist’. I always have at least one nice white tee on hand and find it quite useful. Needs to be of very good quality to work on its own though. My current one is a twelve year old EF one that they don’t make any more and I am going to legit cry when it wears out as there are no current tees I can find offering a good thick 100% cotton and nice finishing that doesn’t look like one raided the partner’s undershirt stack.
I really like Gap modern tees – they come in various necklines and sleeve lengths, and basic colours. They are a thick cotton and the white is opaque.
LL Bean pima cotton.
This is my go-to under-blazer short as well. Comes in a ton of colors including an opaque white, many necklines and sleeve lengths, and they wash and hold up extremely well.
Shirt, obviously. I do not wear shorts under a blazer.
Fair Indigo
Lands end. Doesn’t work if you’re really thin though because sizing is generous
Quince. The v neck ones.
These are my go to tshirts and my work uniform, but I WFH. I really like the cotton and the bit of stretch in them. I get the long sleeve and round neck as well.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0775YFJ5G?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_14&th=1
I love Majestic Fillatures. Its a bit above your price range but will last forever.
I would never pay a big premium for a white t shirt, because with stains it never “lasts forever”. I know bleach can sometimes make stains go away, but it also weakens the fabric and I know a $125 t shirt will end up in the discards pile within a couple of years.
Laundry soaking (washing soda, borax, and dawn) is much gentler on whites and more effective at removing stains.
I have good luck with application of stain removers as needed and periodically soaking in oxyclean white. Bleach yellows. I have the 12 year old EF tee as mentioned above and with washing on delicate and hanging to dry it is still pristine white and in excellent shape.
They aren’t under $50 but you can get them from nordstrom rack for about $35, the all saints anna t shirt is great.
For casual wear, Gap organic cotton v-neck. Their “modern” Ts are a rib knit and are thicker and more fitted/dressy.
Lululemon Love t shirt
The Uniqlo crew neck t-shirts are my favorite.
banana republic factory has some nice ones
costco/kirkland brand are ok if you’re ok with a slightly high neck that isn’t quite crew or scoop
J.Crew Factory I like the fit but the white is not opaque
American Giant.
Michael Stars is just a bit more expensive. It comes in actual sizes now.
Quince
I am trying to wear my cute blazers more. I have a nice Veronica Beard navy one. What color pants can you pair a navy blazer with besides navy? Would you match the top with the pants for a column of color and have the blazer be a second color? Or match the top with the blazer. Three colors, one for pants, one for blouse, and another for blazer seems too much. Sorry if this has been covered already. I am fashion challenged as you can probably deduce.
Gray pants and navy top. White pants and white or navy top. White pants and navy/white striped top. Hot pink pants if you are into color.
I like to wear my maroon pants with my navy blazer. I wouldn’t recommend matching the pants and shirt under a different colored blazer because then it looks like you’ve got a jumpsuit on, but other combos should work.
Disagree. Column of color under a different color/pattern blazer is classic.
I like navy with olive, camel, grey, winter white, burgundy, pink, aubergine, pale blue, mustard, bright red, pumpkin, you name it.
The only thing I wouldn’t do is pair navy with another plain navy. Think of it like denim – what color WOULDN’T you wear with jeans, other than a sort-of-the-same-color jean jacket?
Well, the 2000s are back fashion-wise. Seeing lot of denim-on-denim with the younger people.
My millennial self shudders, thinking of Britney and Justin Timberlake in their full-on denim outfits at the 2001 AMAs.
Ha, I asked about what to wear with a navy blazer recently too! So far I’ve gone with black tee and black pants. The navy is light enough that it looks intentional.
Either match top and pants or blazer and top.
With my navy blazers, I wear any of my colored pants. Off hand, I have brown, mustard yellow, green, bright pink, white, plaid, herringbone, and probably some others I am forgetting. I tend to wear a neutral color shirt, such as white, cream, or black, which I think looks classic with navy. I think the only color pant I probably would not wear would be black unless there was an element of the blazer that made it work. I think you could wear navy pants if they are a different fabric. For example, I have satin navy pants, which I think I could do with some of my navy blazers.
Random question – I’ve gotten to be friends with this woman over the last 5 years though we’ve known each other since childhood. Our parents are super close friends for decades – immigrated here decades ago, went to school together back in the old country. Families used to meet up a few times a year growing up and while she and I were polite, there was little in common. Now late 30s, we talk and text on our own having nothing to do with parents, we’re in the same profession.
She had a baby 4 months ago. Last week my dad is talking to her dad who says something like they’re preparing for a second kid. If you knew how repressive my culture was you’d understand how unheard of it was that this woman’s dad was discussing his daughter trying. My dad says nothing. This weekend my parents get an email saying – Daughter has a second child now, pic attached – no other info.
I say nothing right? Like this is grandparent to grandparent info, let the parent tell me if or when she chooses? I mean obviously she had a surrogate or adoption situation but as far as I’m concerned I don’t know, right?
I wonder if this is a cousin has a teen pregnancy type of situation and that’s why it’s hush hush. Either way super weird.
Yeah that was totally my thought. One of my best friends is 3 months younger than her sister. She was adopted by her bio aunt and uncle after her bio mom (who she knew as her aunt growing up) had a teen pregnancy.
I don’t think you NEED to say nothing. Your parents were informed and were sent a picture. They didn’t hear through the rumor mill. It might be weird to pretend nothing happened. But honestly it depends on your relationship with her and how comfortable you are talking about personal stuff aside from work.
I think it’d be normal for your parents to tell you about the new kid. My parents always tell me about family friends’ milestones, even if the kid is someone I haven’t maintained an independent friendship with (and funnily enough, I was once the last to know about a family friend’s kid’s wife’s pregnancy for someone I have maintained an adult friendship with – my parents thought he told me and he assumed I’d heard through my parents!).
Obviously the circumstances here are not typical pregnancy and birth, but unless it’s supposed to be hush hush, I think it’d be fine for you to send her a congratulatory text saying you heard the news from your parents.
+1 to this. My parents would definitely tell me about someone having or adopting a kid. I think OP just says congratulations normally.
It sounds like this woman might be more of a professional connection for you than an actual friend? If so, I’d follow her lead.
However, if you have the kind of friendship where you’re out of touch for months and then catch back up as good life-long friends who are always in and out of each other’s business, then I’d reach out.
Seems odd to me to not acknowledge it. “Heard you welcomed a new addition to the family. Congrats! Can I bring you a [casserole – or other culturally appropriate freezable food item]?”
i agree with this – she’s probably got her hands full with two kids, going from 1 to 2 is like 4x the work
I have long term friends that I’m in and out of contact with periodically and personally I would send a text that said – “my parents heard from your parents you have a second child – congratulations!! what is their name? how’s life with two littles going?”
I wouldn’t probe for details at all about how the second child arrived so quickly – I would just treat it like a normal second child arrival, which would be normal to send a congrats text about.
Yes this. I would find it unbearably awkward not to acknowledge the new child in a non-invasive way.
Totally agree with this. When I read this, I guessed that an adoption or a surrogacy overlapped with a successful pregnancy. It seems normal to congratulate her on the new addition.
I agree with this – I think my default expectation is news that someone is expecting is by default private unless they say it’s shareable; but news that someone has a visible, crying, here’s-a-picture baby in the house is default-public unless they ask you to keep it private. Don’t ask about “where the baby came from”, just a congrats like I’d send any other casual friend or work acquaintance
I would assume that an adoption overlapped with a successful pregnancy and would congratulate her on the new addition.
I would just send a text along the lines of – I heard there’s a new addition to the family, congratulations, what’s his or her name. That acknowledges it and she can share the details or not. As others say it could be a pregnancy for a family member who simply can’t raise a child whether a teen, addiction, medical issues. But absent that given that she had her first baby in her late 30s, it’s quite possible they had been on the adoption road for a while because they thought they wouldn’t be able to conceive. Then they have a successful pregnancy, are super happy to have a baby, a call comes through a few months later from an adoption list they’ve been on for years and they can’t say no. I’ve seen it happen. As much as you’d think people would say sorry no we have a bio child now, in the years they waited many couples pictured themselves adopting and when the call comes thru they can’t say no, think if one baby is great, two are better etc.
Omg just say congratulations! You’re spending way too much time thinking about how this person did or did not have a baby.
No kids so take it with a grain of salt but I’d be much more curious where the kid came from than about the congrats. Would obviously say congrats but would be more interested in other info.
Well, that’s none of your business. You’re just going to have to deal with not knowing.
Not the OP but lol it won’t be the state secret these parents presume. If the child looks like parents or other sibling, surrogacy. If kind of like family – family adoption. If entirely different race – stranger adoption.
What do people think they achieve by not telling people? There will just be gossip behind their back and back channel ways of figuring it out. Just be forthcoming. A friend adopted her daughters teen pregnancy and being hush hush didn’t fool anyone.
If you’re gossiping about a baby’s biological parentage, you really need to get better hobbies. Also, nobody is saying they’re keeping anything secret. FFS you guys.
I commented above to say congratulations. I’d also be very curious but would never ask the friend or any other person to find out bc I know I’m not “supposed to” care. So you’re not alone!
Of course, I would contact your friend right away and give your congratulations. And if you/your families are this close, I would drop off food soon.
If anyone is looking for a leather work tote, I just came across this really pretty blue one and I love the adjustable strap. https://www.mimiberry.co.uk/products/pippin-grainy-blue
Unfortunately, I have to use a backpack these days so I can’t buy it myself.
I’m attending an event with a dress code of Moulin Rouge Glam. Looking for your dress ideas. Budget up to $300.
Anthropology has some fringed and feathered options
when is the event? for some reason my thoughts go to red velvet dresses but that’s weird for spring
Uhh lol. Is it a “gardening” party? Because that sounds like a gardening party.
Something slinky. Think velvet, silk, or lace. Maybe a slip dress? Red lipstick and falsies.
LOL! I’ve seen local PTA have a fancy parents Gala with similar themes. My elementary doesn’t do it, but the ladies just wore little hats and more sequins.
Ooh la la! Assuming this is an evening/formal event. Check the brand AQUA at Bloomingdale’s: looking specifically at the Strapless Lace Tulle Ruffle Gown and the Lace Corset Gown, but there are a few others from this brand that could suit the theme and budget.
I would get something green inspired by Kylie as the Absinth fairy,
What upgrades – home, wardrobe, for your family – have you made that have improved your life? I WFH as an in-house counsel and am a single parent two kids (11 and 14). I am conservative with my finances. I am getting a really great annual bonus, most of which will go into savings/investing, but I would like to spend a bit (1-5K) on making my life (or my kids’ lives) easier/better.
second freezer
upgraded wifi
you might look for someone local to come cook/meal prep for the family once a week
I’m not in your situation (single, no kids) but I have a job that keeps me busy and I’m a fan of buying time or at least out-sourcing things that make my life easier: hiring a handy person, cleaning service, etc. I also splurged on a year long membership to an exercise studio that I love because I feel a sense of community there–a help to my mental and physical well-being.
More than you’re looking to spend: Cork floors in bathrooms and utility room (solved my cold floor problems). Hot tub (for relief of aches and stress).
In the 1-5K range: Second iPad for at home so I don’t have to carry the one at work back and forth. A duvet that is long enough to cover my feet and shoulders simultaneously. EVO Birkenstocks to wear around the house. Cross country skis so I can exercise in winter without the inconvenience of renting and returning. A full length down-filled parka for walking to work. Men’s straight-leg jeans for the incredibly deep pockets.
Joining a small gym with personalized training.
Peloton treadmill and a board to put on it to use it as a treadmill desk – use it daily
My dog (it is $$$ but the best money I have ever spent)
Keratin hair treatments
Regular manis, pedis, massage
Oh, and also F45/personal trainer classes, my roomba, aerogarden
Andrew Cuomo is running for NYC mayor?! I read that but thought it was from The Onion or something but apparently it is real. What will his slogan be, “Less handy, more hands-on”? Who is going to donate to him? This is such a white guy move. Resign in disgrace, ask voters to trust you this time.
It does not appear that anything he did is disqualifying from any position. Plus, isn’t one of the opponents going to be Eric Adams? Lesser of two evils seems to be how we often get to vote these days.
I feel for half of his theoretical female staff. So no. At least no one is groping you in another Adams administration.
Well, he has not been convicted of any crimes or found liable in civil court for unlawful acts, so that puts him ahead of half of the Republicans currently running our government.
But seriously, I suspect that the days when an accusation of misconduct is enough to forever tank a political career are over.
Allegations of misconduct seem to be a plus for political candidates these days.
I’ll never forget his nursing home scandal. Completely agree about white guy move.
I’m looking for good plain everyday underwear (maybe bikini or hipster) that’s available in women’s XS sizes (size 2). Does anyone have any recommendations?
Quince for basics
Parade
Fruit of the Loom?
The cotton ones from Gap.
Gap, Old Navy seamless, Auden underwear from Target
I’ve gotten no show ones from bombas that are great
Natori
I’m really struggling with a job search. I am not in law but transactional finance. We function a lot like law, if that helps bracket how you think about my client base. We’re paid on commission/eat what you kill for the most part.
The challenge is the only way to move from a “firm” to “in house” is to tell people I’m looking. I’m so flipping scared that the word will get out and that for this interim while I’m hunting I risk losing business because people know I’m looking for an exit.
I’m working with recruiters to some extent, so jobs through recruiters I feel a whole lot less concerned about. But I just found a really great job at a client posted on LinkedIn… a client I’m actively also trying to get business from. If I apply and don’t get the job, I still want the business, ya know? How do I figure this dance out?!
Any way you could spin this as being particularly interested in working with the company/the team rather than generally looking to go in-house?
Agree. Also consider whether you need to disclose the conflict of interest if you’re a finance professional.
The accounts for all of our streaming services are under DH’s name. When we are logged out of one of them for some reason then I have to get DH to send the password to me. He says sometimes the services make you update the password periodically, but then he doesn’t share the new password with me. Does this happen to other couples or just us? How do you manage login info for your household streaming services?
I keep the passwords written on a card in the file cabinet.
+1 but one of our Samsung TV’s is always unable to get Hulu/Disney without me re-logging back in or inevitably calling customer service. They’ll only talk to/email validate the account holder and it’s a huge PITA every single time.
Fwiw apparently this is an issue with Frame TVs sometimes apparently?
I’ve never had any streaming service force me to update my password.
There’s no management system that can make your husband be more communicative or thoughtful.
+1
I’ve had to update the passwords on some of them.
This is not a problem in our household because the passwords never change. But could you guys just make a joint email address for this kind of thing?
huh I don’t think we’ve updated our passwords since creating the accounts. So like 15 years in the case of Netflix.
In any event, for any shared thing, the person making the change just immediately tells the other person.
Password managers make shared credentials so much smoother. You both have to use it, though, and not just save changed passwords locally.
Meant to add: a password manager also mitigates the need for your spouse to constantly change passwords because he can’t remember them.
This. We use LastPass. It’s perfect for password and account sharing.
And, yes, it was the subject of it’s own data breach some time ago, but we are fairly savvy and all over our accounts anyway so we’re quick to flag anything suspicious in general. We change the master password and account passwords at least 1x/year. I just assume anything online is at risk, including a password manager, so we can’t fall back on the assumption it in and of itself is adequate.
We have a shared 1Password vault. Similar functionality exists in LastPass.
Yes, the apps log you out periodically. We both get frustrated by it and just handle it when it happens. I always check to make sure things are working before I travel as it’s a common issue.
Logging you out isn’t the same thing as making you change the password.
Agree that I’ve never had Netflix make me change my password, so the theory is that husband misspoke, and meant ‘forced me to reset my password because I couldn’t remember the old one’s.
Logging us out is essentially changing our passwords because we can never remember them….
But now we have LastPass and our marriage is a better place.
Eh, it’s probably the same issue though. I don’t know my husband’s passwords and can’t store them on my devices so it works the same. Could be all that’s going on there. It’s still super annoying.
We went with a small password/website address book. He has one, I have one.
If you are married, it is a good thing for you both to have. If something happens to either of you and your partner needs to step in and take care of things, it is invaluable. If you don’t trust your partner, I guess that’s unfortunate. It is also very helpful if your parents have this.
For those kind of things, we have a shared document. Is it the safest option? Probably not. Does it work? Yes.
Streaming services do not make you update the password regularly. Maybe your husband is doing this as his own personal preference regarding security and falsely blaming it on the streaming services because he doesn’t want to debate it with you? But since it’s routinely inconveniencing you, I think you can reasonably ask him to stop.
+1 this has never been an issue for us. I’m the keeper of the passwords. Once in a blue moon I will need to update the password because of a security issue or something, and then I’ll let my husband (and other family members who share our accounts) know and they’ll update the passwords saved on their computers. Streaming services don’t require you to update passwords regularly; this is a choice your husband is making.
they don’t make you change your password but will log you out, so likely husband is forgetting & having to reset the password. Not the most secure thing but we have a pattern for our streaming service passwords so it’s easy for both of us to remember
Looking for recommendations and thoughts on developing a more detailed firm dress code policy. My mid-sized firm (but large for our geographic area) in the Mid-Atlantic is having issues addressing staff dress code violations because our policy is ambiguous. We are discussing this at the shareholders retreat in April.
Currently, the main issue seems to be staff wearing athletic pants to the office all day and some partial days when returning from the gym at lunch time. By athletic pants, I mean spandex and compression leggings that are meant as gym or athleisure attire without a covering (such as a dress over top or longer sweater). Also at issue is footwear – UGG style slippers or sandals However, our male firm administrator does seem to think that ponte knit work pants are leggings as well, to which I disagree.
Attorneys typically wear suits to court; suits, blazers or sweater blazers with slacks to in-office appointments; and cardigans, sweaters, button downs or polos on non-appointment days. Pants are slacks or khakis, with the occasional jeans on dress-down days.
Are these folks customer facing? If not, then I’d let it be.
If you absolutely must touch this, ensure the staff are paid enough to afford a wardrobe upgrade, and that the policies don’t only impact the women in the office. From the articles of clothing you mentioned, it kind of sounds like the male boss needs to practice not looking at people’s butts regardless of what the staff is wearing.
I wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole. Just communicate that professional or business dress is required for client meetings or court or whatever makes sense for you and for everything else, let it go or face employment lawsuits.
This was an issue for us in the Before Times. We have a gym on the first floor and our ofices are floors 10-12. Floor 12 is our formal meeting space for clients with all the glass-walled conference rooms. People weren’t thinking about it and were walking by clients.
Our rules became:
– Athletic gear may only be worn on the way to or from the gym – no “oh just a second” sitting down and doing emails with it on – no exercising, no athletic attire
– Absolutely no athletic gear in any circumstances on the 12th floor
It helped that one of the biggest offenders was our good-natured executive partner, so it turned into a funny game of “Catch Mike breaking the rules.” He came around pretty quickly ;)
This is the way to do it. Blanket rule.
Any dress code policy that targets women is a bad idea. The problems you’re referring to are women-targeting problems. The male attorneys need to stop ogling staff below the waist and the female attorneys need to get off their leggings-are-not-pants high horse – that ship sailed 10+ years ago.
I MIGHT address the returning to work after the gym in gym clothes issue, mainly because it’s a hygiene/smell issue that I wouldn’t want to have to address with an individual smelly person. I’ve also seen plenty of male offenders, and it’s super gross. Do not leak your body fluids all over the office. Idk how to put that in a policy, but that’s why I’m not an HR person.
I am going to disagree with people telling you to let it go. Even if someone is not “client facing”, clients will inevitably see them. It is not too much to ask people not to wear leggings, huge athletic shoes, and a compression tank to work. And slippers and sandals are a safety issue.
For shoes, we require closed toed shoes with a back or back strap or all employees at all times. (After a nightmare workers comp claim.) We do allow sneakers so removed the old requirement for hard soles.
We also ban the wearing of leggings as pants and “clothing typically worn in a gym or to work-out”. We had to add track pants and sweatpants to the list of banned clothing post-COVID, along with t-shirts with slogans or advertising because we had a few people who just did not seem to understand why they could not wear a shirt with a beer logo and fleece sweatpants to work.
ETA – At least in our office this was not an issue primarily with women. True that the men were not wearing Lulu leggings and compression tanks, but it was the men who seemed to think their sweatpants, running shoes and ratty t-shirts were appropriate office attire.
All we were asking for was a pair of jeans with no holes and a shirt you would not wear to wash your car, but apparently, we had to put that in writing.
Yeah, I totally agree with this. Maybe it’s our firm culture, but I almost never see anyone in athletic gear, even though we have a gym that many use. It’s just not done, rightly so, I think, and as an employment lawyer, I think you’re squarely on solid footing having a policy that athletic apparel is not permitted while at work. Even if they aren’t client facing themselves, someone else is, and then you’re getting into the business of having different rules for different people.
This is how rules get made that end up with women wearing the hated polo and khakis every day that’s not a dress-up day, since no one is sure what else might be banned. It also sounds very high school (“leggings aren’t ok, but they are ok with a long top, we will need to measure your top or call your mom to bring in real pants”).
If an employee cannot understand the difference between a pair of pants or jeans without rips or holes and a pair of leggings worn as pants or sweatpants with a visible drawstring, then they deserve to wear polos and khakis – regardless of gender.
This is learned helplessness to me. “I just CAN’T be expected to understand what it means that leggings aren’t allowed in the office.” I don’t think it’s that confusing. 15 years ago (not that long ago) everyone understood what it meant to “dress for work.” What changed?
why can’t you wear leggings with a dress over them? maybe you prefer that to tights and it can still look professional. i would just remind people that the attire is business casual and not clothing one would wear to/from the gym
LOL sorry, leggings with a dress will never look professional. It looks like you’re a toddler. It’s just bad fashion.
Thoughts on the Oscars? Specific nominees or winners you would recommend?
I loved Ariana Grande’s dress so much.
Really? I thought it was a futile attempt to hide the disordered eating. We should not be praising that woman right now. She is clearly very ill.
Oh JFC I said I liked her *dress* what is wrong with you?
I really liked Anora (though Tangerine -same director- is funnier and more innovative and the Florida Project is sweet/sad). The Brutalist has amazing performances but the movie is a slog of every terrible thing that can be imagined, so much so that you start to wonder when someone’s going to bring out an iron maiden. The Wild Robot is very sweet and 100% recommend if you have to watch a movie with kids. A Real Pain gets a little cringey but again, Culkin’s performance is amazing. There are quite a few I haven’t seen but lots of solid choices.
I haven’t seen any of the nominated movies except Wicked which I loooved but wasn’t expecting to win any major awards, but I was sad Demi Moore didn’t win. I feel like she deserves it for body of work.
I was entertained in general by the ceremony, but it still felt kind of safe and boring.
I found Culkin’s insistence that his wife be a baby making factory so off-putting. I mean sure, if she’s in on it, great, but announcing it to the world is just… ick.
Also Adrian Brody’s speech – smacked of self-importance.
On the other hand, the speech by Basel Adra and Yuval Abraham was beautiful.
And as a theatre kid, I was so excited by Paul Tazewell’s win for Costume Design.
I LOVED Whoopi’s gown – I’m so fascinated by how it shimmered so much.
Of the films featured last night, I’ve only seen Wicked. I’m not much of a movie person- I’m here for the gowns and the gossip. Usually I catch Oscar nominated films on a plane six months after the fact…. (Not sure that they’ll be showing Anora on a plane, though…)
Please find a way to watch Flow, the Latvian movie that won best animated film. It is absolutely gorgeous, like nothing you’ve ever seen. The trailer does not do it justice. It’s not a movie for kids.
I so totally agree with this. It absolutely deserved the win. I saw it two months ago and can’t stop thinking about it.
I am looking forward to watching it! Also I love that they won and how excited they were about winning. The first Oscar ever for Latvia! I love it when a small country wins their first Oscar and it’s like the whole darn place is celebrating.
Work advice?
I was just informed I’m getting transferred to another team, at the other team’s VP’s request – their work overlaps with what I’m currently doing ~30%. Complicating factor — the other team’s VP asked me to come fill this role several months ago, and I turned it down (after an informal interview; my manager hadn’t known they’d asked me).
I am going to have a chance to talk to the VP of the new department (who I’ll report to in the short term; but I don’t know long term who my manager will be in the new role); and HR in the next few weeks. Any ideas on what questions I should ask, or how to approach those meetings? I personally feel like the transfer is a demotion; even though it’s framed as “you have such a stellar track record, New VP demanded he get you”.
My previous experience is all with startups; and all the internal politics of being at a large company is new to me
a unilateral tr-fer without any conversation is…. not normal. What does your manager have to say about it?
Part of what I was wondering is “is this normal??”
My manager just told me this morning; he didn’t address if it was typical in our company; but he did emphasize repeatedly it was a “pull” from the other org rather than a “push” from him wanting to get rid of me. But also, not optional. He also tried to talk it up as “a good opportunity” where I’ll “learn a lot” and will make me “more marketable in my next move” – I couldn’t tell of he was just feeling obligated to try to be positive or really believed that (my manager has a very different background than my specialty; and may well legitimately not realize this is functionally a demotion/not a good career move for me)
FWIW, the other thing I know that my manager doesn’t is that the other team has been trying to fill this role for >year — they can’t get a candidate to accept an offer or when they have hired someone, that person quits in a few weeks. And the position the new role reports to has also seen significant turnover. I’ve worked with the new VP in the past successfully, but I don’t know why they haven’t been able to hire/keep someone in this role, and am worried I’m getting thrown into a woodchipper
I’d start looking for new jobs, probably. You’ll have a really good reason when you get asked why you’re looking — they changed your job on you!
I’m not sure what you mean by “functionally a demotion?” It sounds like this is a done deal, so that is your starting point. You may want to undo it, but it’s best to not communicate resistance.
Here are some things I’d ask:
1. Describe the role to you. Don’t accept that it’s what you do now, people rarely know what someone does every day.
2. Where does the role fit in their organization? Can they show you on a chart? This is may be the opportunity to shift the role to a different manager.
3. What is your career path on this team? Explain at a high level how you see your career path, but not too much detail.
4. Ask who is doing the work now? Then, ask about the people who were in the role, where are they now, why didn’t they succeed? Use this as a base to inquire what’s been done to eliminate those obstacles.
5. Think of things you want that this new VP can give you. This is up to you, but if more training, or an earlier raise, or whatever would make you happier, this is the time to ask.
It appears to me your new VP has a need that the organization thinks is important, and he has more political capital than your boss. You can communicate “I see my career as sales, there’s more opportunity for the company and me” (cringe, but go for it.) Really think about the right note of I’m a team player and my career is equally important. I think your objective is for the VP to think you will come in and give the role a good shot, but that you have well thought out reservations. You want him to think he’s glad you’re coming and that he needs to work to keep you successful. It’s fine to then say to your current boss that you do want to come back eventually to his team, or some other team.
Thank you, these are great questions!
Functionally a demotion is two things for me: I’ll likely end up reporting to a mid level manager where I currently report to an executive; and I’ll be spending more of my time on grindstone, we-need-a-bunch-of-reports cranked out urgently; while my current role I’m only spending ~30% of my time on that, I get all “strategically very important but not urgent work”, and I get all the emerging technologies projects. Department I’m transferring to is very profitable now but will be completely irrelevant (obsolete technology) in 5-10 years, which is the core of why I turned down the role when it was first offered – I’m 33, and I know it wouldn’t make a long term career even if it’s high demand right now. When my company stops working with that technology, no one else in the US will be hiring for people with experience in it. But yeah, it makes sense that other VP has more political sway /right now/ bc his department is the one generating all the profits… for now.
This is information is helpful. I really hate when companies do things like this, it’s all it’s good for us so good for you! I resent being treated like I’m stupid. I don’t know the personalities involved, so please temper this advice with your office:
1. It’s fine to say I report to a director now, and this role reports to a manager. On the organization chart, this is a demotion, why? Be prepared they may tell you something you don’t want to hear, but I bet they duck and weave. You can be clear that you don’t think the LEVEL of reporting isn’t appropriate, no names.
2. It’s fine to go in with a list of here’s the part of my current job I that I like because it adds value (use an example) and it challenges me to learn. How will I get these things in this role? Then stop talking, which is hard! Let him talk — he is either going to try to make you happy or tell you he doesn’t care. You need to know this.
Try to look at this as refining your strategy — if you can’t stay where you are you want to make this new role as good for you as you can while you plan next steps inside or out. My experience is it’s 50/50 if it pays off for you to do what the company needs you to do, so there may be some upside. If you can, it’s incredibly important to make it clear that you are unhappy while bringing professional. Don’t complain per se, but you can still calmly say this isn’t where you feel you add the most value and don’t see how that benefits your career. Then, keep quiet. Don’t give them ammunition to dismiss your concerns because you’re complaining. Manager’s hate it when they don’t know what you’re thinking! Please give us an update.
I don’t have advice; I just want to say I’m really sorry. You’re keeping the emotion out of your post here, but feeling like you just got hit with a demotion is demoralizing at best, and can be devastating. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
If you like, I will come kick people in the shins for you, if you’ll point them out to me (“Go kick him, and her, and him.”)
ah ha ha thanks :) that made me laugh
my friends are taking me out for a beer at “the bar with the really good fries”, and your comment have me that same “this sucks but you’re great” encouragement I did really need. Thank you internet stranger!
I made french onion soup and I’m in love. What else can I make that has that savory onion-y taste? Caramelized onion jam?
A pizza with gruyere and caramelized onions is fantastic. They’d also be great in a sandwich with roast beef/arugula to cut the richness a bit.
caramelized onions and feta on a pizza are my idea of heaven. If you eat meat, add sausage for the winning trifecta of toppings
This tart is so good, with a similar flavor profile: https://smittenkitchen.com/2010/02/cauliflower-and-caramelized-onion-tart/
My boyfriend made me some chick pea “tuna” salad with caramelized onions, and I died when I ate it.
He half-mashed a can of drained chick peas. Added some Greek yogurt (though mayo would also be good), catalyzed onions, chopped scallions, chopped roasted red peppers, and spices of choice (probably some fennel seed and oregano, but he couldn’t remember exactly)
Truly amazing!!
There is a French onion soup lentils recipe a lot of people love. It may be Smitten Kitchen but I don’t recall
We literally just had this for dinner – it’s lentils and farro and it is 100% delicious!
We had this this week and its really good (French onion burgers from a skinny taste cookbook, recipe is also here): https://pin.it/4flHTOINw
These green beans with caramelized onions are my Thanksgiving contribution every year. They’re so good! https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/tyler-florence/green-beans-with-caramelized-onions-and-almonds-recipe-1945766
I’m going to transliterate with the wrong spelling, but mujdara is what you are looking for. It’s a Lebanese (and Jordanian and Syrian, etc.) staple of lentils, rice, and caramelized onions. There are lots of recipes with different variations available online. Enjoy!
I come from a culture where you always pay for the hotel rooms of guests at your wedding (whether they are traveling or not). My friend from this same culture is getting married in our home country 8,000 miles away, with a predominantly U.S. based guest list. He has gotten a big discount on the hotel because it is owned by his friend. The invite says they will be subsidizing the cost of the rooms, and that their planner will reach out to us after we RSVP to coordinate the hotel rooms.
Does ‘subsidizing’ here sound like they will be paying for part, but not all, of the room cost? That would be my understanding of that phrase, but that would be an enormous faux pas in our culture so I am wondering if subsidizing can also mean ‘paying for the full cost of’ the room. Friend is famously stingy though, so I could see him flouting social norms to save money.
Subsidizing to me sounds like only paying part of the bill. A friend of mine (American) subsidized the rooms at their wedding and guests only had to pay 115/night (major city, so very cheap).
it would be an odd word choice if they are paying in full! I’d def read it as covering part.
“Covering” is what people say when they mean they are picking up the tab. Subsidizing is just making it some, undefined, amount less expensive to you.
oh and the fact that you don’t get to find out what this allegedly amazing discount is until AFTER you RSVP… defeats the purpose!
White, US born American here – I’d be more likely to use subsidized/subsidy for “covers part of the cost but not all of it” but not exclusively — eg. a job that offers gym access at HQ and a gym membership subsidy at satellite offices likely intends for the “subsidy” to cover the whole cost of the gym membership (or up to a reasonable cap). If your friend (or their parents; not sure who would be writing the invite) isn’t a native English speaker, I wouldn’t read too much into the subtle implications of “subsidizing” either. If you’re close enough to know friend got a great discount, are you close enough to just ask, assuming you need to know room cost to figure out if you can afford to go?