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Weekend Open Thread

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hot pink suede loafers with horsebit buckles

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Ooh: these hot pink suede loafers at Boden look perfect as the weather starts to warm up. I love the square toe and the horsebit buckle — they just seem like the perfect chic spring accessory.

The shoes are $165 at Boden, but you can take 10% off new styles.

Looking for something similar? These JCF loafers are similar, as are these Rothy's and these Vivaia loafers. This brand is new to me at Nordstrom (Forever and Always) but they have a nice saturated pink as well. These Naturalizers are on sale also, but down to lucky sizes.

Sales of note for 3/10/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + 20% off
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale and select styles with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off everything + extra 20% off when you buy 3+ styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off all pants & sweaters; extra 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale until midday 3/14: $50 off every $200 – combineable with other offers, including 40% off one item and 30% off everything else

196 Comments

  1. Long time poster, shedding my regular username for a little more privacy!

    Like many probationary employees, I was terminated from my position over the President’s Day weekend. I served as an Accountant for the US Forest Service. I loved (and still love) my job, colleagues, and country. The termination letter cited performance as the reason for my termination, despite having only positive performance evaluations and merit awards during my 17-month tenure.

    Last week, I publicly spoke to the Washington Post about the closing of the Presidential Management Fellows program, as well as the emotional turmoil many civil servants are facing. Gift link: https://wapo.st/4icVCt8

    On Tuesday, I went to the Senate with other terminated feds, contractors, and affected parties to ask for meetings with Senate staffers to discuss the impact of terminations and canceled contracts on civil servants and the constituents they serve. We had a mixed response from the staffers, but overwhelming media attention throughout the day.

    I was filmed crying in the Senate hallways while I attempted to tell a reporter what had happened to me, and the far-reaching impact these inefficient firings will have on the American public. The videos and my commentary quickly spread on social media. Plenty of trolls have said that I was a crisis actor, or otherwise lying about what happened to me; but I am focused on continuing to show up for my colleagues and others who cannot speak out.

    Call to action:
    -If you live in the DC area and are a federal employee interested in meeting up to speak with Senators and their staff, please let me know!
    -For those unable to attend DC-area gatherings, please reach out to your House or Senate members to express your perspective on the impacts of civil servant firings on our country. If possible, attend town halls in person and voice your story.

    1. Hugs from a USDA person out in the field. Thank you for putting yourself out there and taking the risks you’re taking.

    3. I appreciate you. I am just making the one year probationary date, DOI. I am ready to leave and applying to anything freelance/contract, since nobody is hiring. It is a mess and so sad to watch.

    4. I heard your story on WTOP! It was really impactful to hear a personal story. Thanks for all you’re doing and I wish you the best. I’m very sorry to hear this is happening to you.

    5. Thank you for your work and your bravery. I’m sorry our country is failing you. I’m sorry for the whole world that we’re going to continue to inflict enormous amounts of pain around the world.

      It’s truly an embarrassment to be American.

    6. Echoing all of the others – I am so sorry you (and thousands of others) are going through this, and want to thank you for everything you are doing to fight back.

    7. Fellow fed here, I’m so sorry, and thank you for spreading the word and not giving up the fight.

      Everything sucks, but keep holding the line.

    8. I’m a federal contractor so I know this is a tough road for everyone. I know a lot of cynical people will say everyone gets laid off. And that may be true, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t support people like you who want to serve our country.

      1. Yes, but usually there is an actual reason for layoffs, like actual cost-effectiveness in a downturn or drop-off in profits, not just a crazy person who seeks to damage the organization out of a misplaced sense of retribution and retaliation. This bad-faith motivation is one reason these layoffs are not like others, and deserve push-back. Additionally, these layoffs will cause harmful gaps in public service, so they hurt all Americans. Furthermore, these layoffs are unlawful (unlike, presumably, layoffs in the private sector). So federal employees are not behaving like snowflakes or as if they were unusually special. Respectful and lawful treatment is all that they ask for.

  2. I have recently taken on more responsibility at work and am supervising a few staff. I’m an attorney and my role will likely include “public” appearances such as in courts for big name cases. I want to increase my executive presence, basically level-up as a person. I have been targetted for executive leadership type courses but I’m curious if anyone has experience with these or recommendations on where else I can gain this type of knowledge.
    TY

    1. Believe it or not, LinkedIn Learning has a number of Executive presence courses and public speaking courses that are very good. You can just join for a month or two if you don’t want to pay for a whole year of premium.

      1. This is something I am being asked to brush up on too. Can you please share specific courses which you thought were good. Thank you in advance.

    2. You might also look at Continuing Studies programs at some of the prestigious universities. Stanford has courses that might fit the bill, including personal branding, public speaking, etc.

      I’m in marketing, so I’m quite biased, but a few other tips for visual presentation:

      Choose a color palate for your appearances, and make sure that it includes some color, not just black, gray, navy, or white. Backgrounds for speaking or video are usually very dark or very light, so if you don’t contrast, your torso disappears, and you look like a floating set of hands and a head.

      The consistent colors that contrast against the background will look nice in photos that get shared after the appearances, and give you a consistent brand to make you more memorable.

      Avoid tight patterns and/or stripes for on-camera appearances, as they make a weird optical illusion on the screen.

      Work on your posture, particularly when you are sitting. This is especially true if you’re on a panel or doing an interview. I see too many speakers shrinking into the corner of the chair or awkwardly sitting at the very edge of the chair. Seriously, practice sitting in different types of chairs, stools, and couches if you foresee panels and fireside chats in your media appearances.

      Practice a pleasant, neutral listening face. You don’t want to look angry or bored, you want to look engaged. Again, I learned this the hard way after seeing photos of myself listening, but looking very intense. I then tried to smile, but I looked dopey. The pleasant neutral expression strikes the right balance of engaged but not trying too hard.

      And finally, for vocals, think of landing each sentence to avoid up-talk or fading away at the end of your sentences. You need to speak all the way through the sentence, so if you think of landing it, that helps to avoid the sense that you are leaving with an ellipses or a question when you finish speaking.

    3. Appearing in courts for big name cases suggest you should look at workshops on litigation and trial practice, assuming you mean you will be representing clients before a court in active court hearings and the like.

  3. Did anyone watch the train wreck that was the Zelenskyy-Trump/Vance meeting? I was literally sick to my stomach listening to Trump berate Z and to Vance demand Z kiss the ring. Russian talking points. I pray all the other friendly western nations are able to step up and spare Z any more humiliation and degradation at the hands of this administration.

    Also, HOW does Usha stay with Vance? From the outside, he appears 180* different from who he used to be. I’d be so disgusted, I’d be the first Second Lady to get a divorce.

    https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5169310-trump-vance-zelensky-oval-office/

    1. Apparently the Oval Office meeting was so argumentative, the press conference was canceled

      Kind of digging Z right now
      Awesome

      1. They let Russian state media but not AP into the Oval Office for the meeting.

        2. Russian state media apparently entered without permission. Not sure I believe that – how do you sneak into the Oval Office? – but that’s what’s being reported.

          1. That’s what the White House is saying. No independent person is backing that up.

          2. If you can sneak in, they have just told on themselves as to their overall incompetence. I guess that is better than admitting they are working on behalf of Russia.

        1. I’m so sorry. As an American, I feel close to tears too. All I keep thinking about is my late father, a WW2 veteran, and how grateful I am that he’s no longer here to see what has become of this country, because it would destroy him.

        2. It’s so scary. If Ukraine falls, then Hungary via its border with Ukraine is next. Orban is pro- Putin. Austria on the other side of Hungary will be challenged to maintain its border and neutrality especially in light of has a rising problem with the far right and then you have pro- Russian states at the heart of Europe.

          I thought DH was fear mongering when he talked to me about this after Harris lost but not anymore. Ukraine is the bulwark and Russia is so close to defeat that this is unconscionable.

          1. I don’t understand this sentiment. There is a lot of precedent for “if X happens then Y happens next” and people will always accuse you of fear mongering because they don’t like what they’re hearing. Or they don’t have the right background to understand it so immediately discount it. It’s very frustrating. My husband said the same thing and I’ve read the same history as him and believed him.

          2. Guess I was so upset about Harris’ loss that I didn’t want to think about Trump so immediately rolling over for Putin.

          3. My hair dresser was born in communist Hungary and I saw her this morning. She is just beside herself over this.

        3. Someone very close to me said “I left Russia only for the U.S. to become Russia.” Those of us who haven’t lived under totalitarianism before have no idea.

          1. As a Russian American who has family in Russia I haven’t seen in 5+ years… agreed. This is awful.

          2. My friend hasn’t seen his in 10. Before that, >10. It’s a very different reality. I’m sorry you haven’t seen your family in so long.

    2. The problems are bigger than podcast-host-VP and Apprentice-bully-POTUS insulting Zelensky. I fear for my country and my safety and prosperity. This is a full-on attack on the US by Russian agents Trump and Musk.

      2. I agree this is scary, but also must point out that Zelensky was an actor before politician. He far outclasses the US clowns, but it is a wild concept and I think she meant ne needs to study this phenomenon, esp as many Dems seem to be looking for a celebrity candidate for 2028.

        1. Comedians are a big, big deal in post Soviet countries. It’s worth watching Servant of the People.

        2. A lot of people really want Jon Stewart which is funny, they’ve clearly never looked into the man behind the performance, he lives on a vegan animal sanctuary, he’s way more radical then his TV show even. (Which I support, he’s one of the few celebs I think is genuinely a good human).

          1. His comedy is not my thing and there’s plenty we disagree about, but he’s one of the few people on TV who doesn’t seem just totally out of touch to me, and I can see how far that could go with people. It’s like at least we live in a shared reality!

    3. I am convinced that a) Trump is jealous of the admiration Zelensky received for his stance during the early days of the war and b) there is or has been something promised in terms of financial gain to trump or his family for this pro Russian stance. We probably have first Russian oligarch as US president. Ugh.

      1. Trump blames Zelensky for his first impeachment (remember the “perfect phone call”?) It’s all personal with him.

        1. Exactly. This should be emphasize once.

          Trump holds grudges. And he essentially blames Z for loosing the last election.

      3. Zelensky beat Poroshenko (USA’s preferred candidate) on a platform of unearthing corruption including international corruption on behalf of Russia. People corrupted by Russia are never going to forgive him.

    4. It’s so hard to picture women wanting to be with these men. Trump, Vance, and Musk all make me want to vomit. Power-hungry, craven bullies do not make good leaders – or good husbands.

    5. It’s absurd. Women are “too emotional” to lead and then we get these man babies throwing full on temper tantrums?! Like can you even imagine the reaction if Kamala or Hillary had acted like this? I hate everything.

    6. My brain just can not comprehend being so immoral and corrupt as to be Pro Russia.

    7. Ukraine gave up being a nuclear power because they trusted our security guarantees decades ago.

      I don’t know how any country ever trusts any deal we make ever.

      And I wouldn’t blame UK and France one bit if they rearmed Ukraine with nuclear weapons.

    8. I have mutual friends with Usha. She supports his views 100%. Can we please stop pretending these wives of terrible men are helpless victims. She’s rich and educated and has a helpful family and could absolutely leave him if she wanted to. This is what she wants.

      1. This! I don’t have mutual friends with her, but she has stayed married to him through a lot of abhorrent views. So, I just assume she shares those views or doesn’t care that he’s despicable unless proven otherwise. Same for Melania.

        1. I hate him with a burning passion, but I have to admit, that house is gorgeous.

          1. No they ruined that historic house with hollow core doors and white paint. So tacky.

          3. I mean, to each their own. Just because something was old does not mean it was pretty. Lots of those homes in neighborhoods like that were not all that lovely inside because they were just working class homes.

        2. That house hardly counts as “historic” in DMV. It seems like a nice place to live, but having grown up there, looks basically new construction, esp as renovated with total disregard for any history.

        3. Isn’t that just because they moved into the VP residence? I wouldn’t read anything into this.

        6. I know somebody who lives in that neighborhood, and the entire neighborhood hates them.

          2. To be fair, Alexandria is very liberal (>80%) so they’re presumably hated for their politics and his role in the admin. I think they are terrible people, but I think they’d be hated even if they were lovely to their neighbors.

          2. Yeah it would be well under a million where I live. It’s a nice house and beautifully decorated but not a mansion.

      3. Being rich and educated isn’t protective against DV. That said, I don’t believe Usha is being held against her will and I do think that for some women, just like some voters, the cruelty is the point.

        1. Honestly I think if Usha or Melania tried to divorce they would ‘fall out a window’.

        2. It’s not projective against experiencing DV but it’s much easier to leave if you have resources.

      4. Ok, then somebody tell me what kind of cognitive dissonance is at work that she and Melania can both be married to men who who loathe immigrants, even though they’re immigrants/first gen, and hate everything except evangelical Christians, none of which they are. Your.husband.hates.who.you.are. Melania married for money, fine. But Vance didn’t have money or anything when they met.

          1. Exactly. In the case of Melania, she supports the politics 100%. She just doesn’t like that he cheated on her and everyone knows.

          2. I watched a really good clip of Michael Wolff and Scaramucci musing about how much she actually loathes him. Scaramucci recently said he uses her as to top rating on the How Much Someone Hates Donald meter. And they both agreed that everyone hates him – everyone.

        3. Usha Vance is trash. So is Melania. There’s no cognitive dissonance. They’re both garbage people.

          1. Genuine question. I don’t know this reference – could you enlighten me? Thanks.

      5. This is particularly hard to swallow when one of the recent positions he took was “We really shouldn’t have fired Big balls just for saying ‘Normalize Indian hate.’ Can we get him back on at DOGE ASAP?”

    11. It drives me nuts that supporting Ukraine is getting conflated with NATO issues.

      The 1994 treaty was between Russia, Ukraine, US, UK and France. USA directly provided security guarantees so Ukraine would give up nuclear weapons. It’s directly our fault they don’t have nuclear weapons to deter Russia with.

      1. Yes. People don’t know their history, but this betrayal of Ukraine after Russia broke the treaty is a disaster. It also tells every single country in the world….. get nuclear weapons, and don’t give them up. Never ever give them up. Which then destabilizes the world.

        People have forgot the nuclear arms race and cold war with Russia, as well as our efforts to bring down the number of nuclear weapons in the world to decrease the risk of world destruction. Most people on this board were not adults during that time.

        1. No country will ever disarm because of our security guarantees again. We’re such f’ing liars.

          Trump just launched a nuclear arms race. I’d be shocked if other places bordering Russia are not looking for options.

          1. And he did so while scolding a brave and valiant democratic leader for toying with the potential for WWIII.

    12. I am so embarrassed right now. The way they jumped all over him, and adding that Z is not a native English speaker and they were so incredibly petty about some of his word choices – not allowing him to finish a sentence.

      1. I’ve worked with people like that, and it was awful, hair trigger tempers and when you disagree with them they just get louder and louder to drown you out. If you say nothing they walk all over you and if you yell back then it’s all just screaming. No way to win.

      2. The way they reduced the whole thing to ad hominem attacks and personal grievance and demands for Z to genuflect to Trump the man is really nauseating and honestly thinking about it again is making me tear up out of empathy and disgust. And then I’m thinking about the larger context and that sadness is turning to a pit in my stomach.

  4. I saw your morning post late. I agree with others’ advice. Assuming you’re already using tret and good sunscreen, BBL (newer generation IPL) might be a good option, but if you have hyperpigmentation from melasma, it’s not as effective on that. You would likely also need multiple sessions of BBL for lasting results, and that might eclipse your price range. I tried Moxi recently, and while it did diminish melasma, it was quite painful–akin to what the other poster described with Fraxel, and Moxi supposed to less painful than Fraxel. I’m not sure I’d do it again. Even with numbing cream, it was more painful than a tattoo, and it was on my face and neck.
    Another thing to consider is an LED mask. You could get a good one in your price range, and with daily use, I see a real difference in my skin. I have the Current Body Series 2.

    1. Last year I did a series of Moxi followed by BBL (x3, 4-6 weeks apart). Very happy with my results but it was expensive and time consuming. Planning around the appointments to avoid sun exposure and people (I was a super sweller) was annoying. I was told it’s best to continue with BBL quarterly and Moxi once a year. I have my next appointment in March for the combo but I just can’t see doing quarterly.

  5. OP who needed to break up with her boyfriend this morning here. Here is an update I posted on the morning thread but in case you missed it:

    I just broke up with him and I am so sad. He seemed like he was expecting it which makes me feel terrible, especially because things weren’t bad; he just couldn’t talk about anything emotional.

    I had posted a couple months ago that I thought I was in love with him after like only a few weeks because everything just seemed so easy in a way it hadn’t been before. it does seem like he was holding back so he wouldn’t get hurt but it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point. I feel like I have failed at every relationship I’ve ever been in.

    Thankfully I’m working from home because I keep crying at my desk. What a way to end the week.

    1. Future You will be so grateful you made this hard decision. I cried on and off for days even when I was HAPPY leaving a bf just because that’s a lot of emotional energy to expend.

    2. I’m so sorry, but proud of you for ripping off the bandaid!

      I stayed in a relationship way too long because it was good, but not great. Similar issues to what you mentioned & when he finally did open up – they were major problems/deal breakers. It’s painful now but it’s better to break up as soon as you know it’s not working IMO!

      1. I think that’s always what’s going on. The closed personality is actually things that are problems and dealbreakers.

    4. This is so hard, I know I went through this a year and a half ago. I highly recommend reading “Breakup on Purpose.” I really wish I had this early in my healing journey. Do what you can to take care of yourself. What helped me was writing a list of all the good things about breaking up, not being with him and referring to it often. I also journaled and meditated daily. I put post it notes throughout my house to remind myself that my future self will thank me for making hard choices. It helped. I’m on the other side and so much happier. You’ll get there too. Hugs.

  6. Any Trump apologists on here today? Anyone want to defend the shameful display at the White House? Ready, set, go!

    1. Because I am a glutton for anxiety, I went on Fox News to see what they could possibly be saying about this. To my shock, it was the most unbiased, factual set of articles I have ever read. They even quoted Trump making some lie and then said that when asked about it, he replied, “I said that? I can’t believe I would ever say that.”

      1. *have ever read from THEM, I should clarify. I was expecting them to come out guns ablazing in support of cowboy Trump. They did not.

        1. He knew he said that and didn’t care. He smirked at the end. Literally nothing he says is ever true. It’s part of the misinformation and chaos they like to create.

        2. Yes, I didn’t mean to downplay it. I couldn’t remember exactly WHICH lie I had read about and didn’t go check. Awful.

    2. I want to see this too. Please, tell us all how presidential and dignified and important you found today’s show. I’d love to hear how you think this will help the economy and our international standing.

    3. Yeah where are our resident Trump supporters? I want to see how extra repugnant you can be today

    4. Here’s Sean Davis’ take:

      “Trump doesn’t bad mouth anyone who comes to the negotiating table in good faith. Ever. It’s a near-cardinal rule of negotiations for him, and a major reason he’s been such a successful dealmaker.

      If you refuse to negotiate, he will trash you. If you lie or negotiate in bad faith, he will trash you. He has zero interest in allowing empty moralizing to get in the way of a deal that he wants.

      He has done this his entire career, in business and in politics, and it’s fascinating to me how many people who think of themselves as smart and savvy are incapable of seeing or understanding this dynamic.”

      https://x.com/seanmdav/status/1895566031067779501?s=46

      2. That take is just untrue. It must be weird to live in such a different reality.

    5. Don’t have time for a deep dive, but I loved it.

      Europe wants to prolong the Ukraine war to keep the U.S. entangled in European security, propping up NATO instead of investing in their own defense. The U.S. needs to get out—stop pouring money we don’t have into a war Ukraine won’t win and stop pushing the world closer to WWIII.

      Enjoy your weekend twisted up in knots.

          1. Bending over and taking it from a hideous dictator like Putin who actively arranges the torture of prisoners and children. And murders his opponents. Nice team to pick and give the finger to all Americans who fought for democracy.

      2. Trump’s actions today is what pushed the world closer to WWIII by showing the world just how much he’s Putin’s b!tch.

        Conflict has implications for NATO but what Trump did is wholly outside of that. The Ukraine Guarantee is 30’years old and outside of NATO.

        The 1994 guarantee exists entirely separately from NATO and today Trump announced to the world that the word of the US means absolutely nothing. It’s going to F the US on trade because it’s such a clear statement that agreements mean nothing.

        1. If negotiating peace makes Trump a traitor, then every president who’s ever ended a war must’ve been a puppet too. Meanwhile, Europe keeps expecting the U.S. to bankroll this mess while they sit back and let us take the hit.

          ‘America’s word meaning nothing,’ what’s worse—reassessing old commitments that don’t serve us anymore, or dumping endless cash into a war that’s dragging us toward WWIII?

          Putting America first doesn’t mean siding with Putin, it means not getting played into another forever war.

          1. Negotiating peace would be telling Putin to back off, instead he’s bending over.

          2. He’s not negotiating peace. He’s getting on his knees for Putin and it’s embarrassing.

          3. Putin isn’t just going to pack up and leave because someone demands it. Either you force him out militarily (which risks a bigger war) or you negotiate a deal that actually stops the bloodshed.

          4. Are you really this dumb? Putin can’t be trusted. That’s why security guarantees are needed.

            If Trump had actually been a strong leader he’d stop sending used tanks and send decent military equipment. But if I was the Ukrainians I’d be very reluctant to accept it because I would not trust that the US is not leaking troop movements to Putin. They have the Russian state media in the Oval Office Office. Putin owns Trump.

          6. Yes, this. I used to think that “rape culture” analyses came across as a little extreme. Now I think they were just prescient.

      4. I’m just curious, and I don’t know many Trump supports IRL, so I feel like this is a time to ask.

        Do you really wish that other people spend their weekend “twisted up in knots?” That seems so unkind. I disagree with many people, but I don’t wish ill on them because we disagree. I just either don’t discuss the topic or choose not to talk with them at all.

        This entire post election vibe has been filled with gloating and other very unkind behavior from Trumpers. Laughing while other people fear for their lives (even if you believe their fears are unfounded) is what tells me that we are miles apart in the way in which we choose to interact with each other.

        1. I’m the one that said that and I actually don’t wish that nor was it my original intent.

          Based on the general hysteria of commenters here it seemed like that’s how they’d spend the weekend anyway.

          I don’t see you asking the others here why they asked “I want to see how extra repugnant you can be today.”

          1. Because I’ve watched Trump folks revel in the sadness and misery of others and I just don’t understand why we would treat each other that way?

            Rubbing someone’s face in something when they are upset about is not a good look (but I don’t think you care). Being gleeful at people being laid off without any justification isn’t either. It’s the lack of humanity that just baffles me.

          2. You said the “twisted up in knots” comment. Now you have to own it. You can’t take it back. It’s yours.

            Incidentally, I have a liberal friend who likes to say that people voted for Trump because they’re desperate, or they don’t think either party does anything for them, or they’re worried about “kitchen table issues.” But the Trump voters “are not bad people.” I’m always wondering why they think that, because a lot of Trump voters seem weirdly gleeful about the election – not like, “oh, what a relief, he’s going to improve things for me so I can buy eggs” but like “ha, suck it, your person lost!” Your “twisted up in knots” comment confirms that they’re wrong, many people voted for Trump because they are in fact unkind people who would rather see things get worse for others than improve for themselves.

            Enjoy the fact that you’ve outed yourself for who you really are.

      1. I think this is the wrong take. The conversation showed how untrustworthy USA is and how delusional (or bought) leadership is when it comes to Russia. Kissing up to Vance might have won Zelensky an empty promise, but he’s trying to save Ukrainian lives, as he keeps saying. Holding his ground against false and accusatory narratives and representing Ukraine’s interests showed the world the US administration’s true colors and hopefully will have won Ukraine some allies who aren’t going to stab them in the back as they see how dire the situation is.

        This is very, very bad for the US, but I hope Europe is starting to appreciate that USA is too busy shooting itself in the foot to look out for its interests at this point, and that they need to step up now if they don’t want the situation with Russia to get worse.

    8. The irony of Trump caving to weak dictator like Putin is wild. Not like he caved to Xi Jinping.

      Russia lost 0.5% of its entire population already in this war. Mostly men ages 16-30. They got so desperate that they started bringing in North Korea troops.

      Trump is losing it because he promised Putin to end the war asap. Putin needs it over soon before he loses it in the field.

  7. Late to the topic but here’s my two cents.

    I worked for many years as a senior paralegal supporting two groups. One group – insurance and certain related defense – was done at rates significantly lower than market rates. However, the clients in this pool also brought in a ton of market rate work. The defense work was generally known internally at the firm to be client retention, loss-leader work. From a client relationship perspective, the defense work was critical as we met more regularly with decision makers and people with higher roles at each client company (vps, c-suite) than did the team working on the more profitable legal work. Our wins were really big at each client company even though they weren’t big financial wins individually for the law firm.
    For many years the firm would internally adjust our below-market numbers for this client pool and everyone would get “credit” for raises and bonuses based on the adjusted number. (The equity partners bringing in and negotiating the below market rates took the adjustment hit in their bonus for all non-equity partners, associates, paralegals, etc.) We all also worked no more than 50% time on below market rate clients. All fine until the economy hit a small bump. Then no adjustment to market rate. Everyone assigned to loss-leader work had to work more on full market rate work to get their realization numbers up to keep their jobs, let alone make raise and bonus numbers.
    When the system was working equitably, we had a good team -senior income partner, senior paralegal, and revolving group of associates getting experience within a framework of existing base forms and case management outline. Then we all at to fight for every nickle again and last I heard the equity partners are supervising the revolving new associates themselves. I’m not sure if they’re using our forms and outlines. Once we started being financially punished for doing their loss leader work, both the income partner and I left within a few months (independently of one another).
    So, it can work well, but only if people see the big picture. If you’re being asked to do the cheaper work (to keep the client relationship), ask for a cut of the market rate client income to offset your loss. It’s a reasonable request.

    1. Not the OP, but thanks for taking the time to provide a truly informative response.

  8. Anyone want to share way too much information about how menopause went for you? I just missed my first period (day 56 now) so maybe it’s peri, maybe it’s the beginning of menopause. Right now would be the time I normally get my period and I’m having massive cramps. Just not sure whether to expect random periods? A period on the same cycle but less frequent?

    1. Honestly, it could be anything. If you missed a period, and weren’t already having some mild cycle irregularity, I would definitely check a pregnancy test.

      I never had very strict/regular cycles before menopause. For about 2-3 years before menopause I became more and more irregular. Shorter cycles, then longer. Then at one point bleeding/spotting every day for many months… maybe 1 year. I also had a period where I was bleeding buckets. I’m not kidding. For months. My life was chaotic and I hoped for the best, but I should have gone to the emergency room when my heavy periods were going on for weeks. I became severely anemic and my hair started falling out. Finally it started tapering, very low/spotting for many months and then seemed to stop. Then 6 months later I had a mini-cycle of very light spotting for one week. Then nothing. You have to have no bleeding for ONE YEAR to say… you are now in menopause.

      So yes – expect random periods. Check in with your GYN (or get one with an interest in menopause). I basically used a DIVA cup every day for a few years. When the vaginal dryness got uncomfortable, and I was winding down, I used the cup less but still wore a thin pad everyday.

      I went to see my GYN at some point. She handed me a pamphlet about menopause. Very unhelpful. I found a new GYN with experience in menopause.

    2. I am 51. Starting about two years ago, my periods became increasingly less predictable but also, luckily, lighter. I started tracking them for the first time and it looks like I had 7 in 2023 and 7 in 2024 but since last November I have just had about 1.5 (consecutive) days of very light bleeding. I am assuming I’m pretty much done. I did have some unusually heavy first days in 2023/24 with maybe two instances of associated mild cramping, which I haven’t had since my early 20s. I don’t tolerate alcohol as well as I used to, but not enough that I quit. I have not had any hot flashes, but do feel like I overall appreciate cold weather more than before (not sure that is related). And this last 6 months I have felt unusually fatigued, so I am currently considering starting some supplements to see if that helps. Fingers crossed I am getting away with it being this simple. My older sister seems to have been on a similar timeline but with many many more issues. (I have to confess I have not been to a doctor since before Covid, so no professional advice or confirmation has been received here that I can share, and obviously I won’t advocate that for others)

    3. My periods were relatively regular throughout my 40s, although closer together (think 21-25 days vs previously 28-31). Around age 50 I started missing the occasional period, but I was still having 10-11 periods per year. Only around age 53-54 did my periods become much less frequent, but between 53 and 56 I was still having 4-6 periods per year. I had my last actual period at age 56.5. 51 weeks after that, I had a single spot of blood, after a week of PMS like symptoms. My doctor did a few tests to confirm nothing was wrong, since I had bleeding so close to a full year after my last period. That was a little over a year ago. I’m now 58.5 with no bleeding whatsoever, so I can safely say I’m in full menopause.

      My advice is to expect it to take a while. It’s very rare that periods just cease. In my case peri was about 15 years, with a lot of mood swings in addition to the physical symptoms. I had hot flashes late in peri, which was by far the worst time physically. Since full menopause I feel much better and I don’t have hot flashes.

      1. I just saw a clip of Halle Berry and Drew Barrymore discussing this and they both said they had one last surprise period almost a full year after their periods had otherwise ended. And then you have to restart the clock and wait another full year after that. So you’re not alone!

    4. For years I had periods like clockwork. Then I was having a period every other week with intense cramping and was miserable (age 52). After a bunch of tests and workups, my doc prescribed a low dose birth control pill to stabilize things and make my symptoms better. It helped my quality of life tremendously. I did that for little over a year and then stopped. Since that time I’ve had two periods and I’ve gone about 2 months with no period. I am also on vaginal estradiol for vaginal dryness. This has had the added benefit of curtailing my need to wake up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night–highly recommend. The menopause subreddit is very helpful also.

    5. If you are comfortable on the pill, stay on it. I am 50 and have just stayed on the pill and take it continuously now, no breaks, and have had zero issues. Like not even a hot flash. My doc said this is the easiest way to go if it works for you, doesn’t work for everyone, obviously.

    6. If you still are able to, many doctors suggest you ask your mother about her menopause experience, because that is likely how yours will go.

  9. Does anyone know what previous presidents are doing during these bizarre days since T took office? Obama is still young and smart and I really believed he cared – I can’t see him sitting idly by, even if he’s doing stuff in the background.

    1. He’s 63, he’s not young. And he’s too busy trying to keep his reputation and legacy polished.

      1. Yeah, and I get the sense from a lot of Dems that they think we all need to get a taste of what we asked for – FAFO – so they have no current plans to step in. At best they’ll start a podcast to cackle from their gilded homes.

        1. I always think of that bizarre movie the Obamas produced their own production company, Leave the World Behind.

          Or the times that Democrat politicians have told voters to run for office themselves if they think they aren’t representing their constituents well.

          I think they really think that Americans deserve this and worse, and that they don’t care so long as they’re doing okay.

    2. I wish I knew a Secret Service agent on protective detail! I mean, not that they could say anything. But if they could whisper a teeny little hint of what all the retired presidents are up to, I’d be all ears.

    3. I don’t think the issue is what the former presidents are doing. It’s what the current Dem leadership isn’t doing. They want to complain about how the party ran the last election. What they need to be doing is getting out in their districts and in their states and on TV and show up. Complaining about centrist Dems or what Kamala is doing is also not going to change anything.

      1. I don’t know why anybody is expecting Democrats, the minority, to come in and save them. Not going to happen. The only thing that could work is Republicans finally growing some balls/ovaries.

        1. I don’t think it’s a matter of expecting them to save them. It’s a matter of the Democratic Party showing they have a clue. The social media posts and policy platforms from moderates show they don’t. They need to be making the case every day to win midterm and state/local elections. Their only solution so far is be more white Republican old man.

    4. What would you want him or any other former president do? The nation voted for this sack of shit. This is the democratic process at work, and at bare minimum, the former presidents respect that process. The question is not whether/if Obama is going to save us. The question is whether/if regular citizens will by doing more than just fretting.

      1. Right, but the nation didn’t vote for ALL of this, and no overwhelming “mandate” was given with the slimmest of margins for this result. It’s the Republican members of Congress who are inexplicably giving up all of their power as a co-equal branch to the executive. If they stepped up and said “no” to some of the dismantling that is going on, we might mitigate some of the damage. Perhaps they are being blackmailed/extorted by death threats. If so, that is quite sad.

  10. To train for a marathon… again? I have an opportunity to run the NYC marathon in support of a non-profit that is near and dear to me, but I’m a bit on the fence. I’ve trained for and run a marathon the past two falls (Marine Corps and Chicago) and a half marathon the fall before that. I don’t like the fundraising, but this org is truly amazing and I ran MCM for them two years ago. I’m not a fast runner. I’m actually rather slow, so the training is a huge time commitment. I tend to kind of freak out on the day of the marathon and get into my own head, leading to a mini meltdown at mile 16 and then I trudge on. But I love the comradery of being a marathoner, and I actually kind of love the training. The training takes over my time in the late summer and fall, but I never feel more grounded and purposeful than when I’m training. I finally bought a treadmill, so that I’m not entirely subject to the weather. I’ve thought about doing the Marine Corps Marathon again (I have family in DC), but I feel weird about running that race. I haven’t checked in with my kids because they would whole-heartedly tell me to go for it. The NYC marathon intimidates me in a way that the prior two haven’t, and in the same way that Boston does. It feels like a grown-up race when I am a mid-to-back of the pack runner. If I don’t run NYC or MCM, I’ll probably find a different, less hilly half to run because the full marathon close to me isn’t great.

    1. I’m in NYC and somehow have a lot of marathoners/iron man folks in my friend groups. They consider NYC the hardest marathon and the least pleasant up to and including Iron Man’s some have done. However, the crowds at the NYC marathon are truly awesome – the entire city really does turn out to support the runners and there is a lot of energy, especially at the end, that can be helpful.
      I’d go for it especially with a group – it is not easy to get a slot and many consider it a big bucket list race. Good luck!

    2. DO IT!!!

      NYC Marathon is epic. If you hate mile 16, you will love NYC. The QBB is quiet and a nice reprieve from the enthusiasm of Brooklyn and Queens. You start to descend, see the corner, and then there is this absolute wall of noise. Coming off that bridge and onto Manhattan feels like being a pro football star going into the field. It is truly amazing.

      NYC loves its slow runners! Chicago has strict course time limits, NYC? There is a party on the streets for the back of the pack. Especially in the last few miles, spectators get really into cheering on the late arrivals. It’s always right after Daylight Savings Time ends, so it’s dark early. People bring lights, glow sticks, all of that. Runners who wrapped up come back to cheer.

      I really loved going through all five boroughs. Sure, you’re on Staten Island for like a second (not counting the starting village), but it’s a fun way to help the miles go by. Okay, Queens in five miles, four miles… Queens! Halfway mark! Knock that one out, onto Manhattan. Oh, Bronx coming up! Back to Manhattan! Met is coming up! Central Park! Damn I’m almost done!

      It’s an epic race. Dooooo it!

    3. There is an organization called Project Finish that rallies volunteers to cheer at the finish line of the NYC marathon until every last runner finishes, and I think it is much more inclusive than Boston. I can’t speak to how hard it is compared to other marathons–it is definitely hilly due to the bridges–but I will be running it this fall as my first (possibly only) marathon ever. I hear you re: the training time commitment as a slow runner, as that is very much me. We’ll see how it goes. I did volunteer at the start last year and it was a blast – there are people from all over the world, and everyone is excited. New Yorkers truly do love to cheer for the marathon too.

      You should run it if you want to, not to support the org. If you want to support the org just give them some money. If you want to run a shorter race, sign up for a half, or a series of shorter races, and follow training plans for each. E.g. you could do a 5K to focus on speed for 12 weeks or so, then build your base if needed before doing a 16 week half marathon training plan. There are lots of ways to create the structure you enjoyed with shorter distances.

    4. I can’t see any reason in your post not to do this …? You love the training, and nothing makes you feel more grounded and purposeful than when you’re doing it.

      You freak out on the actual day, but what is one day that includes some freak-out compared to months of loving and enjoying the activity and months of feeling grounded and purposeful, and then months of feeling accomplished after you’ve done it?? If I were the kind of runner WHO COULD DO MARATHONS AND LIKE IT, you can believe I would not let being mediocre stop me!! I’d love to find an activity that sounded this challenging, that I could actually DO, and actually enjoy to the level that you enjoy running and training.

  11. Can the DC locals recommend some favorite mid-tier spots for lunch and dinner in the Capitol, Mall, and Georgetown areas? Going as a family in late March (staying in Georgetown) and we’d appreciate suggestions. The kids are open to just about all cuisines but we’d prefer to skip very high-end places and Italian food/pizza (we live in NYC and DC pizza makes me sad).
    Extra points for suggestions of lunch places by the Smithsonian’s – is the Museum of the American Indian the one with the great cafeteria?

    1. Yes that’s the one with the decent cafeteria though it’s not even that good and is insanely expensive. Ted’s Bulletin, Farmers Fishers and Bakers, and Zaytina are good.

      1. +1 to Ted’s Bulletin. Went there on a suggestion from a reader here & it was great.

    2. If you want a relatively inexpensive lunch, there’s a food court at L’Enfant Plaza, at the Metro station. There are a lot of basic options – Au Bon Pain, Five Guys, Jamba Juice, plus a number of others. It’s a couple of blocks off the Mall, near the Smithsonian Castle and the Museum of Asian Art. I believe it’s also more or less adjacent to the Spy Museum; I have never been but have heard it’s a hit with kids.

    3. I’m a big fan of Western market food hall on GW’s campus for lunch/supper options. A lot of food truck joints have stalls in there for decent prices- falafel inc is a personal fav!

      If you’ll be down by the tidal basin for outdoor monuments or L’enfant/spy museam, the wharf is walkable and has plenty of family friendly food options. I like colada shop, surfside, and any of the oyster places down there.

      For CapHill, the Library of Congress Madison building’s cafeteria is pretty reasonable and open to the public. Always has a hot dish, salad bar, sushi/udon, and sandwiches. I also think good stuff eatery and burrito brothers do a decent job for the price.

      If you don’t mind heading toward hill east or if you’re visiting the congressional cemetary, Mangialardo’s is a classic Italian sub shop with cold cuts. Only open on weekdays. There’s also the Roost, which is another new-age food hall.

      1. Also, if you’ve got adventurous eaters please try Ethiopian for dinner! Chercher in Shaw by the convention center is my favorite, but I believe there’s a well-known spot in Georgetown as well.

    6. Any of the Jose Andres restaurants downtown (mostly near Chinatown), not too far from the mall. There are a lot of Tattes around DC- I like it for a quick but good lunch or breakfast.

      I live just north of Georgetown. In Georgetown, I love Yellow for breakfast or lunch. Baked and Wired for cupcakes (do not go to Georgetown Cupcake). Georgetown Waterfront has decent (not outstanding) options; Farmers, Fishers and Bakers would be my vote for kids. La Bonne Vache is great for burgers. Kyojin if you want sushi, and Kafe Leopold for German/European (breakfast, lunch or dinner).

      The Ethiopian place in Georgetown is Das Ethiopian. I haven’t been in years, as I think there are better options for Ethiopian (Chercher is great), but if you want to stay close to the hotel, Das is good.

      Have fun! Despite the crazy right now (and I’m a fed), I love this city.

    7. If the government is not shut down and the federal courts are open, you can try the cafeteria at the Federal Courthouse (on 3rd street, entrance just north of Constitution and Pennsylvania Avenues, very near the National Gallery of Art (which also has decent dining options within). You’ll have to go through security, but it’s a public building, so you don’t need to be there for a court proceeding. The cafeteria is on the ground floor and has a fantastic view of the Capitol from the dining area.

  12. I want to start wearing some of my cute blazers more, and I think my challenge in doing so is that I don’t have great shells / shirts that are basics – easy and simple, but nice looking, that I can wear underneath. If you have a favorite shirt you love to wear under a blazer, will you share it? Pricepoint isn’t a big deal – I’m usually a “fewer, better” person, but I’d buy at any pricepoint for this.

    1. I wear a lot of plain boat-neck tees – the necklines don’t clash, and it’s an easy base for adding a necklace or silk scarf for interest.

    2. I bought a few at BR Factory last year which are great. Also have some Alfani tank tops from Macys that have held up for years.

  13. What are your non-screen hobbies?
    I realize I just “go on the internet” when I have a few minutes of downtime, or when I’m generally bored. Going on Reddit or Twitter etc. I’m realizing that its both not actually relaxing or intellectually stimulating. I used to read a lot (that probably filled this gap) but am having a hard time focusing on a book right now. Jigsaw puzzles definitely work well for this, and I do those. I would love something thats building a skill or that has an output.

    I made ginger ale the other day – any idea for other little cooking projects like that? I want to lose weight, so nothing too unhealthy if possible. Exercise would work for this but I need some calmer things too.

    I realized that I was opening up my laptop just because I was bored, even if there was nothing in particular I wanted to do on it.

    1. I like meal planning for the week. And have been chipping away at another language in Duolingo.

    2. What kind of books are you trying to read? When I’ve not been reading, it’s easier to get back into it if I start with real page turners. Romance, mystery. Nothing too challenging.

    3. Knitting, although any hand work would do. I have more complex projects to work on, but I always have a really simple hat or shawl on the needles for when I have 5 to 10 minutes and need something mindless. Both the hats (local warming project) and shawls (local breast cancer clinic) are charity projects so I don’t end up with a lot of finished products hanging around my house. And I use nice yarn so it’s pleasant for me and the recipiant.

    4. I am all over this at the moment. First attempt at yoghurt turned out not great, but I will take the timing a bit more seriously next time. Bagels – 2 attempts, second one better than the first. Still room for improvement. Fruit curd. Roasted chickpeas. Cinnamon rolls. Growing herbs then drying herbs. Knocking out little DIY and repair projects.
      Ginger ale is on my list – how did yours turn out??

      1. Ginger ale came out so-so – you need to use more ginger than you think. These sound great I will be trying some. Yogurt or chickpeas sound like a good start. I’m making french onion soup right now.

    5. Sudoku and crossword puzzles;
      binge-watching prestige TV series;
      trying out new cooked vegetable recipes
      Good luck!

      1. (Oops, sorry, just saw “non-screen hobbies” in your OP, so please disregard the binge-watch suggestion.)

  14. Looking for recs for a knee pillow/body pillow or similar for a side sleeper, with low back pain and possibly sciatica. There are so many styles and types out there. I also have to share the bed so it can’t be too enormous. Thanks!

    1. I’ve had mine so long that I can’t remember what brand it is, and I appear to have removed the tag. I got one of the smaller c-shaped pillows and am happy with it as an hourglass side sleeper. I think it was marketed as being for pregnancy (though I wasn’t pregnant) and was recommended by my PT.

  15. Is it true that obtaining psychiatric treatment may “flag” you as ineligible to work for a government contractor? Recently, my husband developed crippling anxiety. It has to do with layoffs and general uncertainty about his job. I have been trying to persuade him to get help. He states that if he is prescribed psychiatric drugs he will not be eligible to work where he works. The company he works for is private and has some national security contracts with the government. He is not in any sort of a director role, just a regular employee of the company. Can what he’s saying be true or is this anxiety talking? Is there a way to verify and how? I would love to hear informed responses, I already know it sounds ridiculous to my uninformed self.

    1. This is impossible to answer in a vacuum. Very , very few people are denied security clearances based on a past history of mental health issues. That does not mean it never happens but it does not happen often. He might find this reassuring: https://www.dcsa.mil/Portals/91/Documents/pv/DODCAF/resources/DCSA-FactSheet_Mental-Health.pdf

      His position in the company does not matter. For some projects the janitor needs clearance. Does he have clearance? If so, at what level? If so, he will need to disclose any treatment and medication and they will make a case-by-case determination of the risk, which will include pulling his medical and prescription history and might include a psych evaluation.

      On the other hand if he just works for a government contractor and does not have his own clearance and is not required to regularly fill out disclosures, he probably has nothing to worry about.

      1. OP here – He does not have clearance and none of the teams he may possibly support require clearance. Is clearance the only time this becomes an issue?

        Thank you so much for the helpful response.

        1. Yes, usually the issue only arises in the course of a security background examination or a renewal of a security clearance. He likely has a general clearance that was based on a general background investigation, though. As another commenter suggested, you all might like to explore seeing a mental health professional and paying cash, including paying cash for any medications, and going to a different chain pharmacy to fill any prescriptions than your usual (because no matter how the payment is made for the prescription, the record of that prescription will be added to your husband’s existing profile). Not a medical or insurance or otherwise professional in all of this, so see if you can get advice from a true professional, and not an Internet site. (But yes, a professional who has a high security clearance basing the observations here on personal experience, but, again, the particular may not be universally applicable.)

    2. I know people whose jobs could be affected by seeking mental health treatment will sometimes get therapy and cash pay. I don’t know if that would be a helpful first step.

    3. OP here – thanks for the responses! This is very helpful. Even though the risk seems miniscule, I will schedule him an appointment with a new-to-him practice as self pay.

      1. I can’t speak to the risk to his job, but these days it’s pretty much impossible to guarantee that you’ll be able to keep electronic records separate, even if you go to a new doctor. If this is really a concern, you need to figure this out before you make an appointment because you’re stuck with things in your medical records forever.

        1. Not to mention lying on an application for a security clearance is a crime and is far more likely to disqualify him from any future government or government adjacent position than seeking mental health treatment.

          OP – I would very strongly recommend against anything other than honesty on any application. Because they will probably not ding him for depression, but they will 100% and always do it for dishonesty.

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