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Weekend Open Thread

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black hobo shoulder bag with leather studs along front of bag

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I always do like styles with a bit of a tough-girl edge — and this bag from AllSaints fits the bill, as so many of their products do.

The stud-embossed leather brings a lot of texture to the bag, too, so it adds a touch of interest even with all-black outfits.

The bag is $369 at Nordstrom, AllSaints, and Bloomingdale's. (You can also buy a previously used version at Rent the Runway!) It looks like AllSaints also offers bags with similar studded details in a half-moon shape, as well as a crossbody, clutch, and more.

Sales of note for 4/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
  • Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card

190 Comments

  1. I’m at that stage of my 40s where I’m questioning the meaning of everything, where I fit, and what I want the rest of my life to look like. Could you wise women please give me some good resources like books, podcasts, or influencers who have helped you through this kind of midlife crisis? Any general words of wisdom? TIA!

    1. I liked Cheryl Strayed’s essay “The Ghost Ship That Didn’t Carry Us” from her advice column, and several other of her essays. There are a few books of collections of them.
      This one was initially a response to someone asking about having children, but I found it really helpful as a more general meditation on choice and opportunity cost in your 30s and 40s.

      2. People love to reference this essay, but I can’t say I resonate with it. Granted my situation was that I knew I wanted kids but wasn’t able to, I can’t help but feel it’s tone of parental superiority and just how AMAZING having kids has been, and of course my ghost ship is the life I wanted but didn’t get. It’s hard for me to articulate because I think there are good things in there, but something about it just never sat quite right with me 🤷‍♀️

        1. I also don’t feel like this essay resonates, but so many people reference it all the time. It’s just a long-winded way of prompting someone to imagine their life if they take different paths and evaluate how they feel about it. Do we not all do this already? I think the ghost ship that didn’t carry us an interesting phrase that can be helpful to conceptualize how our choices effect how our lives evolve, but that’s about all that seems remarkable about this essay.

        3. “The Midnight Library” resonates with me more than this essay, as a confirmed childfree woman (and childfree husband).

          The premise is a library filled with books about all your possible lives. And it’s YOUR possible lives, not any possible life. But the life you could’ve lived, had you chosen to go right at the fork in the road, instead of left.

          To the OP, I’m also struggling with what to do with myself, particularly from a career standpoint. Am I just supposed to do this for another 20 years? Keep trying to climb the ladder and chase the money and grow my profile in my field? What if it turns out that I arrive at the top of the mountain and the view isn’t worth it? What if it turns out that I wasn’t even climbing a mountain at all, just sprinting on a treadmill to nowhere?

          One exercise that I’ve done in the past (and honestly planning to do again this weekend, see above) is the weighted decision matrix. Here’s the steps:

          Write down up to 5 categories of things that make you feel satisfied in your life.

          Assign a percentage to the influence, the sum of all categories should add to 100%. (ie: career = 25%, marriage = 30%, hobbies = 20%, etc., whatever that mix is for you).

          Write down a percentage with your current satisfaction, the sum of all categories should be add to 100%. (ie: 15% satisfied with career, 90% satisfied with marriage, etc., whatever that mix is for you).

          Multiple the weight and the current satisfaction. Sum the numbers. What’s your score? Which area(s) are you weak? Can you make incremental changes to address the weak areas?

          For example, if you say career influences your satisfaction 25%, but you’re only 10% satisfied with it, maybe you need to find a new job.

          2. Ditto on the Midnight Library recommendation. It’s premise is essentially every path has challenges.

          3. The Midnight Library is such a good book. I picked it up during an inflection point in life and it really stuck with me.

          4. The concept of the Midnight Library is interesting, but man is it a terrible book.

          5. I thought the Midnight Library was terrible too, 9:54. The Husbands is kind of a similar concept and I thought it was much better executed although still a tad on the cheesy side.

          6. I’m pretty sensitive to terrible books and bad writing but find Matt Haig to be very compelling and readable.

          7. I agree that it wasn’t the most well-written book I’ve ever read, but it kept me engaged. Honestly, a recent book that I loved from a writing standpoint is “The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle”. I think some sites list it as “7 Deaths”, but I enjoyed the actual writing as well as the story.

          8. I loathed The Midnight Library (and really disliked the main character) but loved the Ghost Ship essay (for me, I’ve always found it useful in the context of relationships that didn’t work out and I sometimes think about now, despite being married with two kids and not having heard from or seen those exes in upwards of 20 years). I can see it not being as helpful for the calculus on having kids.

        4. I have a kid and have been thrilled with that decision, but I also don’t think this is essay is that great. I think she’s a highly overrated writer in general. She uses a lot of cliches.

        5. I don’t resonate with anything she writes. Obviously so many people do, but it’s all always fallen flat for me.

      3. I re read the poem “The Blue House” which is the poem referenced in the essay, and the last few lines are about a sister ship….the other possibilities of other lives, paths ,roads we could have taken. I view the sister ship not entirely as a ghost, but as the idea that there will always be alternate directions our lives could have taken, and that we will always wonder what if… Here is the quote:

        We do not actually know it, but we sense it: our life has a sister vessel which plies an entirely different route. While the sun burns behind the islands.

    2. I’m also searching for things that are more focused on life experiences, not just health issues. (Not that there’s a ton of robust resources in that arena, but I truly want to explore more of the emotional experience I’m having!)

    4. Might sound odd, but I’ve always found connecting up with women an age bracket or two above me to be the most useful for this.

      Folks have always had winding paths through life. Spending time with people who are on the other side of their mid-life might alleviate some of the pressure!

      1. +1

        A love having older women friends. I wish I hadn’t been so stubborn/clueless in my 20s and learned more from the amazing older women around me.

    5. The podcast “Wiser than Me” might fit the bill — Julia Louis-Dreyfus interviews older women (Vera Wang, Alice Waters, Jane Goodall, etc — my favorite has been Isabel Allende, but they’re all great).

    6. 4000 Weeks is such an excellent book. I’m not exaggerating when I say it transformed my view of time and how I use it.

    7. No recommendations but I felt like this around 45 and I’m only 50now and it’s completely past. There’s something about getting actually closer to retirement and seeing the finish line that’s helped. I don’t feel career angst anymore. I also feel settled finally. Like I can just live and enjoy life in a way that was previously a bit elusive. So I guess my advice is just give it a few years, it will pass and what comes next feels great.

  2. A modest proposal: US News should incorporate voter registration and turnout rates for eligible students into its college rankings. This would provide a metric of colleges’ success at preparing students to be informed and active participants in democracy, which is arguably a core purpose of our educational system.

    Discuss.

    1. Absolutely not. Colleges blatantly game US News rankings. You wouldn’t be measuring how informed students are; you would be measuring how many colleges twist arms to get students to vote. Informed, uninformed, apathetic, not apathetic: you would be measuring arm-twisting.

      Besides, I say this as someone who is very informed and very involved (deploying to a swing state to work the polls): I don’t see anything wrong with people not voting. It is actually something people should be free to do. Now, I wish everyone would be informed and show up at the polls (even if their research leads them to writing in the ghost of RBG), but we live in a world in which people don’t always do what we want them to do, and I would a million times rather have uninformed people stay home than to cast a ballot.

        1. I’m also worried that they would register at their college address and completely screw up local elections, which often have issues going back years that people don’t understand unless they have lived there. Wow, all of a sudden, there’s an extra three thousand votes for city council, in a race that is usually decided by a few hundred.

          (If students want to make their voices heard in their host cities, good for them. I don’t like the idea that the host cities would find themselves catering to a population of forced, uniformed voters.)

    2. I’m not sure they should be a part of the rankings, but I wonder if this is measured at all. Or if it can be measured considering a lot of the college kids probably vote absentee.

    3. Lol. Ridiculous.

      Also, how could you even possibly measure this? Students not registered at their schools’ locations could be registered in their hometowns and voting absentee instead.

    4. Don’t even get me started on the US News rankings. While they tout themselves as being objective measures, they are highly flawed, at best. They are given outsized importance over the things that actually matter in a student’s educational experience. And, I agree with the above poster that the data can be manipulated.

      -Source: Works in higher ed

    5. Just wanted to add my +1 of a person in higher ed who would love to launch US News’ rankings straight into the sun for the same reasons the others mentioned. I’ve seen how that sausage is made. Ugh.

      2. I’m tired of chasing the rankings, with little evidence that doing so actually makes things better for anyone.

          2. For real. There’s stuff I swear came directly from my uni. Would half expect her(?) to pop in here from time to time.

    6. I don’t agree that voter registration and turnout are even remotely within the scope of what we should be evaluating colleges on.

      Also, this would incentivize colleges to admit more white wealthy people, since that is the population most likely to vote. Why work harder when you can work smarter?

    7. Sounds elitist to me. If K12 isn’t preparing students to be informed and active participants in democracy, then democracy is already in trouble.

      I also think that it’s a sort of psychological fallacy to weigh active choices over passive choices here? Not showing up to vote could be a vote of confidence that others will choose well. Or it could be a vote of no confidence that an election will make a meaningful difference. If a political campaign can’t persuade people they’re worth showing up to vote for, maybe they have some more work to do.

      2. (For what it’s worth, I’ve always found there’s someone worth voting for who needs my vote, but that is from my perspective, which not everyone shares, and I don’t think my perspective is just the educated and informed one.)

    9. Must schools do everything? You want us to stalk all our students to see if they register to vote? Tell me more about how you don’t understand higher ed

      1. Right? Maybe we should have US News rank parents on how their kids turn out. Then I could see this making a little more sense…

    10. Along with all the other objections, this assumes all students/most are from the U.S.

      And also as someone in higher ed, the college rankings could not be a more insidious and terrible metric. Like another poster, I see how that sausage gets made.

      1. I think it’s a dumb idea, but you could easily exclude international students in the calculation of it.

    11. But colleges are also measured on % of international students, and some colleges are proud to enroll undocumented students, also. So a measure of registered voters or voter participation would have to reflect these situations, also.

      1. Just want to chime in and say that the survey that studies college student voting is called NSLVE or the National study for learning voting and engagement. They take national clearing house data and pull voter files to see if students are registered and turn out to vote. The data is deidentified and sent back to the institution in a report. I use the tool often to think about democratic engagement. Although I’m not in the camp that wants to incorporate it into rankings- I’d love more emphasis on colleges and universities supporting young people’s civic engagement.

        1. How about lowering the voting age so that civic engagement is more of a focus in high school?

          Or if there are good reasons not to allow high school students to vote, is it possible that some of those still apply to some college students?

  3. WaPo (or WaPo’s owner, really) refusing to endorse upsets me more than I would have thought it would.

    2. I cannot wait until election season is over. I don’t expect this to go the way I hope it’ll go, and I am tired of it all.

      1. i know exactly what you mean. i have a feeling it won’t be over until inauguration day, though.

      2. I already voted and I’m sticking my head in the sand until results are announced.

    3. Absolutely disgraceful. I say this as a former journalist who has sat on editorial board meetings for local candidates.

    4. The LA Times did the same thing, though it’s not clear whether it was the billionaire owner liking TFG or the fact that his daughter is vocally anti-Harris and Biden due to Gaza.

      The LA Times has been a straight-up garbage fire for a long time, but there’s no real alternative for regional news.

        1. sounds like both you and the billionaire owner don’t understand the concept of endorsements?

          1. There is never a reason to be nasty, and it’s a particularly bad look when you’re wrong.

            Examining both sides before making a decision is exactly how endorsements should happen; otherwise, it’s rank tribalism. Sorry you struggle with that concept, buttercup.

          2. So the billionaire owner thought he could force them to be neutral and look at only the policies of the candidates. But endorsements can and should take into account broader things including erratic behavior, dementia, NPD, attempts to overthrow the government, long long lists of former cabinet members saying this man is a fascist and admires Hitler. The paper’s dealings with the candidate, the way they’ve known them to be through a broader interaction outside the confines of the election. That is why endorsements matter. Not because some high school intern put together a list of the different policy statement side by side for voters to draw their own conclusions. That’s a story, not an endorsement.

          3. The “admires Hitler” attack has been thoroughly debunked. Why are you spreading misinformation? It’s really not helpful to a robust democratic republic when people peddle obvious, debunked conspiracy theories as fact.

          4. He literally said he wants Hitler’s generals! That’s admiring at least some aspects of Hitler.

          5. Anon at 5:03, to the contrary, he reportedly stated (more than once) that Hitler did some good things. That’s admiring Hitler. And if you are the same “Anon” as Anon at 3:18, please don’t call people “buttercup,” it’s unbecoming.

    5. I don’t think it matters to the election (no one who would be swayed by a WaPo endorsement is undecided or not voting) but I agree it’s infuriating. The news media has just been terrible in general this election cycle.

    6. I am so, so upset over this. The #1 rule when dealing with ascendant authoritarianism is do not obey in advance. Now, if Trump wins, he knows that the Post will bend over for him. Now think about that fact in concert with the Supreme Court’s view that presidents can do no wrong and the GOP plan to gut the federal government. The institutions are failing, and things could get very dire very fast.

      1. Obeying in advance is the right move if your goal is to become a courtier, I guess!

    7. Welp – just cancelled my WaPo subscription. Now I just need to print out my saved recipes. And remember to tell them to delete my information once my subscription runs out.

      As much as I do not love some of their reporting, at least I still have the NYT.

      If anyone (especially in California) has a recommendation for a source for general interest reporting, I would appreciate the recommendations! I have sources for specialized news (politics, economy) but miss my more general sources.

      1. I subscribe to the San Francisco chronicle. I don’t love everything they do but I believe in local news and this matters.

        1. I couldn’t stand the Chronicle’s on sided coverage on the property tax ridiculousness. I cancelled.

      4. Did you cancel your Amazon account? If you’re going to be self righteous at least pick the platform to cancel that actually hurts.

    8. To Anon who thinks Trump doesn’t admire Hitler, General John Kelly disagrees with you. Please stay informed by sources other than Fox News.

      1. I don’t watch Fox News. What I do know is that people who were allegedly there for the conversations says that Kelly is lying, including Mike Pence’s former chief of staff.

        It also makes no sense – why would he dump this over six years later?

        Sorry, I don’t take the words of disgruntled ex-employees, when other people (with nothing to gain from entering the fracas) say that they are lying.

        But I have long grown tired of “if you disagree with comical and unsubstantiated accusations, it’s because you’re a mindless Fox News viewer.” One of us is mindlessly parrots what her news tells her, and it isn’t me.

        1. This description of his attitude has been substantiated by many other people. Basically nobody in his former cabinet thinks he’s fit to be president, which is extremely telling. Sorry not sorry I trust all the four star generals over the guy who has proven time and time again to be a liar.

          I also don’t see what Kelly has to gain from it – he’s not selling a book or anything like that.

        2. I’m going with Four Star general over political hack. And I have never seen so many people from a prior administration come forward and warn of the dangers of a candidate. A candidate who this week amplified his promises to prosecute everyone who has ever disagreed with him. That is fascism.

          1. I don’t fully understand warnings that seem to amount to accusations of treason that should have prompted urgent action at the time. Is this country so weak and lawless?

    9. To be fair, I cannot possibly imagine any undecided voters I know who’s vote at this stage is gonna be swayed by whether or not WaPo endorses someone

    10. I really fail to understand the agita around this. I don’t want my newspapers to be so obviously biased.

      1. It’s an editorial board, not the news sections. Editorial sections have always been opinions…

      2. Again, it’s not about perceived bias, but context. They said that they didn’t endorse in the past but then did for elections that they considered “so important” but now want to just go back to being impartial – that just rings false. That kind of thing should be done after Election Day, not weeks before when they had no problem endorsing Kerry over Bush or Obama over McCain. CNN has reporting on this being a Bezos decision. Also telling. No issues with newspapers not endorsing. But not doing so when you’ve been doing so for decades 2 weeks before Election Day speaks volumes and what it really says is you’re afraid, which is, frankly, terrifying.

          1. It’s really about the newspaper owners declining to promote a Black woman candidate over a clearly disqualified white man whose lifelong, demonstrated ideology is white supremacy, so these cowards are defaulting to sexism and misogyny. So it appears they are not opposed to withholding basic medical treatment from half the population, and placing our national security and foreign policy economic well-being, snd more, in the hands of a narcissist who has limited capacity. Shame on them for choosing this election to depart from long-standing practice and to shirk their responsibilities as prominent practitioners of nominally upholding the First Amendment.

        2. It was Obama who wiretapped the AP, not Trump. Just in case you forgot which one actually used totalitarian tactics against the media.

          1. Actually, no, the Department of Justice obtained phone records, not the real-time content of communications, which makes a huge difference. Only Trump who threatens to take away broadcast licenses — Obama never went that far. That said, even if arguably both parties pose some threat to the free press, it’s up to the press to bravely take a stand to defend its prerogatives under the Constitution, and it is still a profound act of cowardice and prejudice to forgo making an endorsement for the first time in decades. It also subtly signals to “undecideds” that it’s ok to sit this election out and to stay home rather than vote, which is damaging to our republic, which operates based on the consent of the people.

          2. Or, on the flip side, these could very well be strategic decisions based on a belief that fascism will be profitable, and that choose dollars over democracy, and advance the cause of white supremacist patriarchy. Either rationale is chilling.

  4. Is anyone familiar with “Certified Divorce Financial Advisors”. It looks like they specialize in exactly what I need– avoiding pitfalls that will affect my future. But the certification is just handed out by the organization that invented it. Are they legit?

    2. Are they “certified” like the “certified hormone specialists” I see all over social media?

      Then I’m gonna say it’s a waste of time/money

    3. I am divorced and I can see the benefit of a divorce coach when it comes to having children with an ex who is high conflict. Otherwise, I think a good therapist who is covered by your health insurance is a far better approach.

      I found the social media content helpful from the divorce coach Samantha Boss. This is her workshop which has links to all her free content: https://www.samanthaboss.com/parentingplanworkshop

    4. Is it a newer certification offering? Probably any CFA would be able to help

      Also there may be legit nonprofit orgs in your community that help newly divorced individuals (ok mostly women) manage finances and budget. I admit I am an MBA but my soon-to-be-ex was so controlling with our budget that I did not what was going on. Once things are as final as possible, I am planning to use some of these organizations, if I can. Many help everyone even if on a sliding scale.

      I’m sorry I don’t know the answer to your question directly

  5. Hi! Looking for gift ideas/recs for a friend. She’s in her 40s, non-profit consultant, kids, will be moving to Seattle soon. Thinking maybe a nail salon or wine bar gift certificate for a place in Seattle? Or, if anything anyone has given/received lately that has gone over well (doesn’t need to be Seattle-related), would appreciate hearing from you!

    1. Seattle is the original Nordstrom location so if you send her something from Nordstrom it will be easy for her to return if she doesn’t like it.

      Don’t know what her home situation is but I think a nice new throw blanket is a cheerful refresh when you move to a new place. My favorite one is actually from Nordstrom – easy care, very soft, and the texture stays nice after washing.
      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/7629294?color=250&size=one%20size

        2. NYC has (or had) its own department store landscape (I think of Bloomingdale’s and Lord & Taylor).

    3. Seattleite here. Your friend is going to love it here. If she’s coming from a less-rainy place, a large umbrella or lightweight water-resistant jacket from Vuori or Patagonia or North Face will go far and will be used a lot. A puffy vest would be great too. If her kids play an outdoor sport, my Mambe waterproof blanket (or any waterproof blanket) has been a life saver. For consumables, a Tom Douglas or Ethan Stowell gift card would be great. Din Tai Fung and Dough Zone are great also if she likes dumplings.

  6. I love this bag. It has a bit of edginess without going completely into so edgy that I won’t wear it.

    1. They have a cross body version too! Might be going on my Xmas wishlist…

  7. I’ve been at a new job and workplace for about eight months. I never experienced winter temps here- until recently. I am mostly with men and they love the thermostat being kept 60-65. I have tried to adapt, wearing layers, but my fingers and nose are frozen. I need to still type. Any fingerless gloves that you can recommend? Any other tips for keeping warm? I do have a travel kettle that is perfect for making hot tea, that helps. Thank you

    1. I used to wear mittens if I was just using my mouse! they also make USB-heated mittens if I recall

    3. Get a heating pad to sit on. This helps warm my core temperature so much. Also more discreet than gloves or the big fluffy blanket I wish I could wear.

        1. Make sure it’s intended to support your weight — I think most of them aren’t as it could damage or bend the coils?

    4. I realize you may not feel comfortable doing this..but I would ask if there’s a way to adjust the temperature!

    5. Bring a heater. Mine runs literally year round, including in July, because it is so cold in the building). Make sure the heater complies with company rules (ours have to turn off automatically if they get knocked over).

    6. we have something called cozy toes in our offices and they help a lot. I have one on my desk under my keyboard and mouse and your hands will be nice and toasty! We had to get rid of our heaters because they used too much electricity, but these were deemed to be much more eco friendly. https://www.cozyproducts.com/collections/all

    7. Is it actually 60-65, or does it just feel that way? If they are really keeping it 65, that’s just not reasonable. 68-76 is OSHA recommended. 65 is reasonable basis to complain to the team or HR.

      3. 76 in the winter is insane! That’s like Miami temps! And you don’t need Miami weather when it’s winter and everyone is wearing long pants, socks, boots and thick sweaters. I think 66-68 is a *very* normal temperature to heat a building to in the winter, especially for an office building with a lot of bodies in it. Agree below 65 is cold.

  8. what’s everyone up to this weekend? out with friends tomorrow night, parents coming over tonight.

    1. Watching Married at First Sight on the DVR!! I want all these crazy kids to fall madly in love.

    2. Tonight is a live classical music concert featuring a violinist who hosts a program on the local public radio station, which is broadcasting the concert as a part of their annual live music day.

      Tomorrow is Treat and Eat at the farmers market (vendors offer a small treat for customers who come early), followed by a whisky and cigar festival in the afternoon.

      Sunday is looking like it will include our very first visit to Costco.

      1. ok, i’m jealous of the whisky festival (maybe not cigars, but that’s just me)!

        at costco – definitely enjoy the samples. the rotisserie is surprisingly good, and they lose money on it. we also always get at least 2 of the huge hummus and cottage cheese containers, great prices. if they have sweatshirts out they’re surprisingly good. the kirkland sauvignon blanc is supposedly kim crawford.

    3. Going to a Halloween party tonight at a friend’s house but got home at 1AM from a work trip and all I want to do is stay in bed and go to sleep early. Ugh.

    4. I have an elementary age kid, for context. Community “fall” (Halloween) festival tonight, a 5K with family friends tomorrow morning (the kids are doing it too!), the normal Saturday kid activities and a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, then on Sunday morning kiddo is going to my parents’ (they’re local) to play while I catch up on life admin & have our “reveal” and ordering session with our family photographer, then I’m going over to my parents to help them plant some flowers, and then I’m taking my kid to a Girl Scouts event. October has been an exhausting month, honestly, and I’m ready for Halloween to be behind us.

    5. Taking my kids to a Halloween festival tomorrow and going to a friend’s wedding in Sunday.

      I’m annoyed that the wedding is on a Sunday evening, and trying to talk myself out of that feeling. So far, I just keep telling myself that we can leave early so that we still get home by 10 or so. Any advice on how to get over this feeling?

      1. I had a wedding to attend last weekend that I was lowkey dreading it. I went and had more fun than I have had in months. Sending you good energy.

    6. I am taking the weekend off and planning to be productive with the time. I usually spend the whole weekend with my BF, since we don’t see each other on weekdays, but I need a weekend to myself.

      1. I feel this so much. The last guy I dated wanted to spend every minute together all weekend. It was exhausting and I felt suffocated.

    7. We just got home from a big trip so today will be mostly unpacking and trying to get over jetlag. We are going to a small local theatre production tonight (Saturday). Tomorrow we are having a few people over for dinner to celebrate Hubby’s birthday.

      1. I’m amazed how much energy you have. After getting home from a big trip, going out that same night, and throwing a dinner party the same day is quite impressive to me!

  9. i’m sure this has been covered before but…. I’m almost 50, was always thin ( a 4 or 6) without a lot of effort or dieting and have slowly slid up 20 pounds and 2 sizes in the last year or two without changes to my diet or activity level. Have dieted pretty hard with very little impact. Is there a real reason why i shoudn’t try and go on ozempic or similar?

    1. I would go to your doc first and see if they can discover a cause, like thyroid or something like that. They may be able to identify something causing it that one of the GLP-1s can help with and that could help you get it covered under insurance. I take WeGovy because I have insulin-resistant PCOS and a family history of diabetes.

      1. The cause is menopause. This happens to most midlife women. There’s nothing wrong with her thyroid.

        1. The #1 demographic at highest risk for new onset hypothyroidism is women in their 50s.

          1. I’m not saying OP has hypothyroidism, which has many symptoms other than weight gain, but it’s not silly to consult a physician about weight gain (which may require some working up) or about menopause (which is treatable).

        2. It’s not always menopause, though. No harm in ruling out thyroid or other issues.

          This is why I think the focus on perimenopause is so toxic. It causes women and doctors to ignore the possibility of real medical issues like thyroid problems, B12 deficiency, iron deficiency, long COVID, autoimmunie issues, etc. etc. etc. and just tell women who are gaining weight and/or fatigued that they just need to eat less and exercise more.

      1. this isn’t an answer. dandruff isn’t a crisis, acne isn’t a crisis. people get prescriptions for it.

      4. Snort. Gaining 20 lbs is in fact a potential problem, especially if you were small to begin with and it’s a big proportion of your body weight.

      5. I gained 18 lbs when I turned 45 and it was more than 15% of my body weight. I weighed more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant with an 8-pound baby. That seemed like a crisis to me.

    3. Whether being a size 8 is a problem for the OP’s health is something for her to discuss with her doctor. I am short so size 8 for me is overweight and causes a dramatic difference in my cholesterol. And going up 10 pounds a year might well become a health issue even if it is not one right now.

      OP – One of the unfortunate side effects of aging and menopause is weight gain. Talk to your doctor. Whether a weight loss drug is right for you depends on whether this is purely an appearance issue (in which case the potential for muscle and bone loss, not to mention the less pleasant side effects – might not be worth it) or a medical one. They can also help identify any potential metabolic disorders. However, I will tell you I had the same issue with dramatic weight loss (in my case starting in my early 50s) and Wegovy was indeed right for me.

      1. Dramatic weight GAIN. It caused dramatic weight gain.

        TGIF because I am clearly done

    4. 20 pounds in 2 years is like 100 calories a day more than you needed. Find a way to ditch 200 calories per day and in 2 years you’ll be back down.

      2. I am going to guess that you are not post-menopausal?

        Look CICO is a valid theory, but if OP has made no changes to her diet and exercise and is gaining 10 pounds a year, then cutting 200 calories a day is not likely to do much to help. She might need to do more strength training; she might need to eat more protein; and she might need (or just want) medicinal help. But telling someone concerned about their weight to “just eat less” is not helpful, particularly if that person is approaching 50.

        1. I think the point is that it’s entirely possible OP did make changes to her diet but doesn’t realize it.

        2. Also, CICO is, like, physics. It’s the *law* of thermodynamics, not the theory of thermodynamics.

          1. It’s flawed because digestion is not the same as burning, which is how calories are measured. The number of calories on the food packet can be wildly different from what your body actually extracts, and this varies from food to food, so you don’t actually get the same number of calories out of a “300 calories” donut as you do from a “300 calorie” pile of carrots.

        3. I’m not, but experienced a similar sneaky weight gain, and realized that I needed to revisit the habits I could get away with in my 20s but not my late 30s. Because I didn’t try to go extreme – think going from 3 Dove chocolates after lunch to 1,not 0, and a bit more willpower, reducing pre-dinner snacking – it was sustainable rather than super painful.

          I realize the technique gets harder with age and am currently revisiting my own maintenance level as some pounds have crept back up, but the principle may be helpful that it doesn’t have to be 10 pounds lost in a month to ‘succeed’.

          1. And it isn’t necessarily just a matter of willpower. Why do you resist the suggestion of consulting a medical professional about a sudden weight gain?

          2. I didn’t object? Was just pointing out there could be a very innocent explanation and a way to address it that isn’t super restrictive, albeit slow-moving, rather than jumping to “jeez do I need a weight loss drug to do anything about it.” The side effects of medication aren’t something I take lightly.

    5. Personally, I am not willing to lose muscle mass. But I agree that the question is whether this is a vanity issue or a medical one and encourage you to go find out.

    6. You likely need to lift weights; loss of muscle mass means a slower metabolism. You may need to change your protein intake.

      Of course, a work up with a MD would be valuable. Consider thyroid or hormonal issues, and consider if you have other symptoms of menopause that need addressing (brain fog, etc.).

    7. I don’t think you should go on ozempic for vanity reasons when you already wear a size small, but you should see your doc about the weight gain. I have a friend who was always very small/size two and sudden gained a gut. She blamed it on perimenopause then menopause, but it turned out she has a disease of the intestines that needed treatment. Fortunately it is treatable. She suffered longer than she should have.

      1. Just watched this happen in my household. Weight gain isn’t always fat at all, even if it feels like it is.

        1. Weight gain isn’t even always fat even it it looks like it is (some conditions can cause an enlarged, puffy appearance that can really look like weight, especially in the face, but when it vanishes overnight on treatment you realize it wasn’t fat to begin with!).

    8. Have you talked to your doctor about what’s going on? You definitely should be seeing your PCP yearly now for physicals and to check into this. See how your fasting blood sugar is doing, cholesterol and check things that can be contributing to unexplained weight gain – you need a good physical exam, basic labs, thyroid tests etc.. Also make sure all of your age appropriate cancer screening is up to date.

      It is true that most of us gain with age/middle age, and your speed of weight gain is unfortunately not that uncommon at this perimenopausal phase of life. Is your body shape changing too, with more going to your abdomen? I had a similar gain, although slightly less, and I was still well within normal weight for my height (like you?). But even then, my rheumatologist warned me about my weight gain as I have arthritis and he knows how this trend of weight gain with aging goes. We all know how hard it is to loose, and for some of us based on our genetics/circumstances may not be able to reverse it.

      But this modest amount of weight gain is not what these weight loss drugs are for. This is the time of life where you often have to re-vamp things. Talk to your doctors about perimenopause, if all your tests come back ok. Consider HRT. Optimize your sleep/stress reduction/cut out alcohol/exercise differently/the works. And you may need to change the way you eat, and also accept that this may be part of life.

      I have accepted that my lifestyle has to be different if a value my “minimum weight” goal. But I have also accepted that 10-20lbs+ more is not terrible if my health can tolerate it and I am enjoying life more. It’s up to you.

      Then again… what do I know. Maybe some day everyone will be on these drugs. Just be careful about your nutritional intake OP. It is easy if you are dieting/limiting to start loosing enough calcium/iron etc.. intake and other good things, and that is bad for you too.

  10. I have epilepsy. It was under control but I had a breakthrough seizure last month and I have had my license pulled again for at least 3-6 months. I broke my lease and moved to basically across the street from work and I’m getting used to not being able to drive but I am really missing yoga. Are any online, subscription services worth anything? There aren’t any studios within walking distance of me (especially after the time change) and I can’t afford constant ubers to classes.

    1. I’m sorry, this is a major upending of your routines and I bet that is really hard. Wishing you health!

      To the yoga question, I have some old Shiva Rea yoga DVDs (Yoga Shakti and Fluid Power are my favorites) I still pull out, and you can find segments of them on youtube. Yoga With Adriene is another that I do regularly-ish. I liked Peloton’s yoga offerings back when I had a subscription.

    3. I like the Downdog App. It’s super customizable and really not even that expensive.

    4. I’m sorry about this. Did you know women in your yoga class who might carpool with you? Maybe reach out to your yoga instructor and see if she wants to ask for volunteers. I say women here because I think many women will be sympathetic as to why you need some help getting there.

      1. This is a good idea but unfortunately I lived downtown-ish and was a member of a studio down there. My company is based in a suburb and I have moved to that suburb and it would be a 25-30 minute drive one way for anyone and so it’s not really feasible.

          1. If there is, check if your city has an uber-subsidy program for people with disabilities. Ours is much much more usable than the traditional dial-a-ride with a 2 hr window

    5. I love Peloton yoga classes. There are tons to choose from at all levels of difficulty and I love being able to do it when it fits into my schedule. I think my subscription (which includes all types of exercise not just yoga) is $14.99 a month.

    6. Oh man that stinks
      Ask your insurance provider or EAP, also – a friend was able to get a Sword Health device that coaches through a lot of warmups and workouts and stretching, not sure if it has yoga also but it’s basically a kindle for exercise. It seems to be device-specific, not sure if they have content-only available but maybe the device would help. It actually talks out loud to you not sure if it has a camera too

  11. I’m looking for bath bombs and bubble bath, in different scents. I’m not seeing anything online that looks that great. Any favorite brands? I’ve liked the Salus bath bombs, but looking for other ideas.

    2. So glad to see a shout-out to Salus, a small local store! Love all their bath bomb flavors and haven’t found anything as good quality, especially at that price point. Definitely don’t get the multi packs from Amazon, you’ll be disappointed.

      STEM in Lakewood, Ohio has a similar vibe and very high quality, but pricey and small selection of scents.

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