ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 176 Comments

Coffee Break – Wide Slotted Belt

Alzare EXCLUSIVE Wide Slotted Belt I know, today was supposed to be the “expensive” Coffee Break — the splurgey one. I'm sure you'll all be highly disappointed to hear that I just couldn't resist telling you about this gorgeous wide slotted belt on deep discount (final sale, alas) at Intermix. I think it would be gorgeous with a multitude of colors and outfits. It was $195, but is now marked to $59 at Intermix — which is offering an additional 50% off all sale items for this week. So it comes down to $29.50. Alzare EXCLUSIVE Wide Slotted Belt Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2) Psst: Check out more great deals at the Corporette Bargains page!

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

176 Comments

  1. Immediate TJ for FANTASTIC news! All of that vagueness I’ve been posting…well, it was 3 rounds of interviews and they just extended me an offer!!!

    It’s my dream job. In-house. Out of litigation. I am so excited I’m hiding in my office because I have a big stupid grin on my face that I can’t explain, at least not yet.

    Thanks, hive, for all of the support and random question-answering!

    2. Congratulations!!!!! Do a happy dance in your office :)

      But can you try out for the Amazing Race now?

      1. Thanks! Yes, yes I can, because it is a huge company and they would probably back me and have Amazing Race parties and stuff to watch!

        2. Congrats SoCalAttny – hoping your good fortune will rub off on those of us searching for new gigs.

    6. Also, I’m supposed to be writing a motion for summary judgment and a motion to compel right now in a case that I think is an utter waste of judicial resources. So that’s going well! [sarcastic face]

      I feel slightly bad, because my tiny 3 person law firm is likely going to be totally lost when I leave. They went against my advice and wouldn’t budget enough for a really competent litigation secretary, so while the person we have is really sweet and tries, she’s lost on the motion filing, and e-filing, side. Since they rely on me so much now, they even decided to cut the secretary back to 11-3 (Because why pay full time when SoCalAtty can handle her job and the admin, right?).

      I know I shouldn’t feel bad because I’m being paid way under market, and that whole “no xmas bonus” thing, and the constant abuse that I’ve talked about on here, but I still feel a little guilty for taking off.

      2. Don’t feel guilty for bettering your life. If they didn’t hire a full on secretary, they will have to figure out how to be an admin too. This is cause for celebration. Buy yourself a bottle of champagne tonight!

      3. +1 to the do not feel guilty! This is the market at work. Anyone who is not being paid her fair worth (and being forced to take on extra responsibilities that an admin should be doing, which is not uncommon at many firms) should be looking for a better position. Now put that stupid grin back on your face.

      4. Wow. What you just summed up in this paragraph sounds like the exact situation I am in (including same geographic area), and I would really really like to know how you accomplished this. I have been feeling so hopeless that I was actually contemplating writing a post for advice this morning. If you wouldn’t mind sharing some tips, could you send me an email at lalalalawyer at gmail? I would appreciate it so much! And congratulations!!!!

        1. Absolutely! I’ll send you an email.

          I was reading over on Ask a Manager about “quitting anxiety,” which is what is now developing after the initial adrenaline rush, and it talked about if you are in a toxic firm / workplace you can become “institutionalized” just like an inmate who doesn’t want to leave jail! Crazy!

          But true. I really had to go above and beyond this week to get some motion hearings scheduled at a smaller court branch, and my partner’s “Thank you!” email actually made me feel guilty. My husband would say I’m like a beaten puppy looking for treats, and he’s right! I’m sure lots of you could link me right back to posts I’ve written after crazy partner things, so it’s nice to have a written record of the insanity I’m escaping.

        2. I would love to hear more about this amazing feat as well. Although I’m not in the same geographic area, and my current firm is a little larger. I was under the impression that because there is a large focus on transactional work in-house, it would be tough to make the switch as a litigator. Can I get in on the email action? merriweatherflora at the google’s mail.

        3. SoCal- I was contemplating asking this same question, but wondering if it was too nosy. I am also a litigator looking to make the switch and in California…would love, love, love to hear more about this or to be included on your email!! Congratulations by the way. :)

          1. ML – not at all! If you send me an email over to meyerlemony at g m a i l I will add you to the list!

      5. Similar situation here. I worked in a small law office for three years, was grossly underpaid and had to do a lot of admin work (photocopying and assembling documents etc.) I left to pursue a LLM degree and do a corporate internship (totally different area of practice, not joining the competition), and when I gave them a 3 week notice they told me if I want to leave I should just go now. Then they went around and told all the staff to say good bye to me since I was leaving. It was super awkward but in hindsight helped me realize I am better off without then. Now I enjoy my job a lot more, feel valued, and am fairly compensated. Good luck to you!

      6. As someone at a similarly sounding awful firm (who had an exceptionally bad week and may not be getting paid this week…) your post is so timely. Congratulations, you deserve the best! I too look forward to the day when I am grinning in my office, and I certainly can’t wait to say “See ya, suckers!” (well I would probably be more professional than that…maybe). Congrats again!! Your post totally cheered me up :)

    10. Congreatualtion’s I guess, but I am at my BEST when I am doeing litiegieation! I guess peeople are different, b/c I HATE do diliegeince, and I think you will be doeing that if you are not litiegating like me.

      The reason I perfer Litiegieation is because I get to stand up, think on my feet, and impress the bench. I feel particulearly powerful when the judge asks me to stand each time that I am to speak b/c I know that he is just askeing me to stand b/c he wants to look at me and my body and my clotheing. YAY!

      He also put’s down the other side when they are NOT prepared like me. Doubel Yay!

      You just can NOT get this kind of complementeing and good treatement in Corporate doieng do diliegience!! FOOEY!

      1. Oh my goodness I got a reply from Ellen! Well Ellen, I enjoy the appellate work and motion work, but I hate the very aggressive “scorched earth” policy the firm I’m at has with their cases. Judges used to say, “you’re way too young to be admitted to the bar, let me see your bar card.” True story, only happened twice during my 1st year (I was 25, 5′ tall, to be fair) but I also won the motions so the judge didn’t count it against me.

        No due diligence at the new firm, it is in the construction industry and about 75% of my time will be project contracts and risk management, and 25% of my time will be training project managers and those with client contact on standard operating procedure and what the contracts mean in the real world.

        I’m SO happy about the training part – I get to come up with a curriculum, essentially, and then travel around the southwest to teach it. I also have a teaching credential (English/US Gov) and I LOVE teaching, and that is really something they seemed to pick up on. Which makes me happy I spent the year to do that.

        Also, “impostor syndrome” is setting in. The “holy h@ll what did I just get myself into” kind. I know the industry really well, and I know I can fill any gaps I have with a few weekend CLE classes through the Association of Corporate Counsel, but it is a big leap. Thank you all for being so supportive!

        1. Congratulations SoCal! I am not in law, but do work in the construction industry in the same geography. Love that you read the advice from Ask a Manager–this site is my first read in the morning, but AAM is a close second. Hope it’s not overly nosy, but I’d love to be included in the email as well ireneadler5802 — at — yahoo

  2. Sorry about the immediate threadjack…

    Is anybody interested in a Modalu Pippa in shark, in the longer handles?

    http://www.modalu.com/shop/pippa-grab-shark-2.html

    I got it in December, haven’t used it, but then was gifted a similar bag so while I wouldn’t mind keeping it, it is somewhat superfluous and all the budget talk on this site is making me think I need to be more frugal (and the student loans aren’t going to go away by themselves).

    I will sell it to you at cost $230 and pay the shipping myself if you are in the US!

    Please send inquiries to mskimmath at gmail

    Thanks!

    1. That is a beautiful purse. I am not familiar with this brand but now I’m looking at allthethings!

    3. Dude its selling for less than that on the website… When you sell something used you have to offer a discount. Why would someone by it from you instead of straight from the website? Sorry but it is my pet peeve from looking on craigslist.

      1. I think that she IS offering it for a slight discount (136 pounds plus 15 pounds int’l shipping) = $240.

      2. I noticed that too but when I first clicked the link, it was selling for the 180 euro price, so I think it literally *just* went on sale.

      1. Thanks for the defenders. I should clarify, it’s new, never used, with the tags/wrapping.

        I agree that used items should be at discount when used, on CL, when somebody can get the same item at IKEA at the same price, but new.

        I’m already eating the shipping cost (from the UK) and it’s definitely not $180 on Modalu’s website unless there is an alternative universe website. But I do feel stupid because I didn’t know that you can pay in US $ instead of pounds + shipping which is how I ended up paying more than the $215 that it’s showing on the “US” price. Oh well.

        If there are serious inquiries, I’ll eat the cost difference and lower my price.

  3. The question on the morning thread prompted me to ask for Hive advice. My parents, brother, and my husband and I agreed that we would take a trip together this year rather than doing a lot of Christmas gifts. Problem is, we’re having a hard time pinning down a location. My parents and I live on US one coast and my hubby and I are on the other. We know we’d like to keep to domestic travel this time. BUT…my brother is 22 and wants to go somewhere with nightlife and off-the-beaten path, “non-touristy” stuff to do. He flatly refuses to go on a cruise (I generally feel the same way but would consider an Alaska cruise — but that’s not happening this time). Mom is fighting the idea that this won’t be the same type of family vacation we had when we were kids and that people will want to do their own thing (ex: “what’s the point of going on vacation as a family if we aren’t going to do things as a family?”). She doesn’t like sitting on the beach or “adventure” type things. Dad, hubby, and I just want to rent a house/condo someplace where we can get away from the daily grind and just generally relax and unwind.

    So, given all that, does anyone have suggestions of places we could go? We had a huge discussion over Christmas and never came up with anything solid. I really do want to have a week to hang out with my family and my hubby is cool with it, too, and I’m 99% sure that once we actually get there we’ll all have a good time. But I’m afraid that if I don’t get on top of the planning process, my mom and brother are going to make it miserable. Thanks!

    1. Whoops, that should have said “parents and brother live on one coast and hubby and I on the other” — just re-read my post and noticed the typo!

    2. Rent an apartment/house in New Orleans. You can relax sitting in cafes or meandering the streets. Your brother can live it up at night.

    3. Puerto Rico ? I have some friends who just went there with their extended family and had a ball. There are adventuresome things like zip lines, etc. and quiet things sitting on the beach or by the pool, and more tame things like tours.

    4. How about Boudler, CO? The mountains are beautiful and it is a college town with good nightlife for the brother, and great shopping in cutesy little boutiques for you, along with a relaxing vibe.

      2. Second Boulder. We visited there in August, loved it. If your mother is up for a day of “adventure-type” activities, Rocky Mtn. Nat’l Park is about 2 hours away and it is amazingly beautiful. We got recs for hikes there and good spots in Boulder from a thread here earlier in the summer, search for it. Also, Denver is relatively close (an hour? I don’t remember) if you want to spend some time in a bigger city.

        1. You can easily rent nice cabins in the Rockies for a “staycation” or outdoor stuff!

        2. I LOVE Boulder. Near Boulder is Black Hawk, which has a ton of casinos and is close to great hiking too. We stay at the Ameristar, which is pretty new and really fun.

          Just in case you want something WAY out of the way. If you do Boulder or anywhere in CO, I second heading to Rocky Mountain National Park.

      3. Definitely look into Colorado, including Boulder, Denver, Estes Park, or Steamboat. If you prefer cities, go with the first two, if you’re outdoorsy, there are some great mountain/resort towns.

    5. I second the suggestion for New Orleans.

      Alternatively, North Carolina is really fun and there are parts that have nice nightlife and nice “getaways.”

      Napa is another option that has “family activities” but also plenty of space to decompress and some drinking too!

    6. Rent a cottage on Peaks Island, Maine (or other island in Casco Bay)–Portland is only a short ferry ride away, Portland has nightlife, museums, restaurants, breweries.

    7. Vegas. Middle of the country. Lots of stuff to do (not just casinos, but the Hoover Dam, etc.) You don’t have to stay in the city, your family could just rent a house. Your mom will just have to deal with family time not being all the time.

    8. Could you go somewhere like Austin? I’m thinking of places that are full of leisurely activities like art galleries, museums and restaurants. For you/hubby/dad, those activities aren’t too high-octane, they’re relaxing and low-key. For your mom, you could all see some of those sights together and get the family time she’s craving. For your brother, those kinds of places will probably have good bars/nightlife, too. It won’t be Miami or LA, but it should work for him.

      Even something like Chicago could work, if you just focus on only doing one or two big “touristy” things a day, and spending the rest of the day eating or seeing quieter museums.

    9. Your mother is going to have to come to grips with the fact that family vacations as adults are just not the same. But your brother is also going to have to get over, somewhat, what he wants.

      Aside from that, New Orleans is an awesome idea.

      2. I agree, certain people will just have to chill out a bit — but easier said than done, particularly as my own requirements are pretty minimal.

    10. Central VA! Charlottesville is a college town, so your brosef can have his nightlife, but it’s not exactly tourist central, either. You can get a cabin near town, or an apartment, or a B&B-type thing, pretty much whatever you want. There are interesting but low-key sites like the University of Virginia’s grounds and Monticello, plus a downtown area that’s super-awesome to poke around in. Add great restaurants, plenty of outdoorsy stuff if your family is into that, and a boatload of vineyards, and there’s something for everyone.

    11. Thanks so much for all the suggestions! New Orleans was mentioned as a possibility, so I’m glad to hear so many people say its a good idea. Nashville was also on the list, and my brother mentioned St. Louis, but I really don’t know much about either. I never thought of Austin, but that actually sounds pretty awesome to me do I will definitely bring it up! Napa got ruled out for some reason, I don’t remember why…mayne my brother thought it was too tame or something. We’ve all been to Puerto Rico and loved it, but the idea was to go someplace new so I think that’s out, too. I forgot to mention before that my dad recently had a knee replacement, so hiking and such is probably not the best idea for him and I don’t want him to feel left out. But I will mention Boulder and Maine to everyone, too, and see what they think. And I’ll probably ask for suggestions on food, activities, etc from you all, wherever we end up!

  4. Another threadjack… Sorry ladies.

    I was offered a great job, and finally finished negotiations and accepted. Literally hours before I was offered the job, my boss cornered me and asked if I was interviewing. I was totally caught off guard, panicked, and denied it. Now I have to give notice, and confess that I lied. I felt like I had to deny it, since at that point, I wasn’t sure that I was going to get the job. Does anyone have any advice for how to manage this conversation with him? I’m super nervous… can’t wait to get it over with so that I can just be excited!

    1. Just be a straight shooter about it. Tell her, “I have a confession to make – when you asked me if I was job hunting, I wasn’t honest with you because I wasn’t expecting that question. But I was looking for other work. And I have accepted a new position, so I need to give you my formal notice”

      I think just being honest and human about it is the best way to do it. Any fib you might come up with will only make the conversation harder. I think most people would understand why you lied the first time.

      1. I second this. It’s going to be awkward no matter what, and just like the advice given to SoCalAtty, business is business.
        And congratulations : )

    2. That does sound awkward, but it’s your boss’s fault; it would be unreasonable to expect an employee to answer that question honestly. Frankly I don’t think you are obligated to defend yourself, but if you want to or have a warm relationship with your boss, I might say something (after you’ve said you’re leaving) like, “I wasn’t ready to discuss this earlier.” I definitely don’t think you should get into elaborate explanations or excuses.

      In general I believe lying is wrong, but I don’t think that applies when someone invades your privacy like this (boss asking if you’re interviewing, co-workers asking if you’re pregnant, etc.).

    3. Yay, new job! Agree with the above – you were totally cornered, so totally understandable that you reacted as you did.

      Don’t beat yourself up, what’s the alternative – you feel bad about lying, reject the dream job and carry on working at your current job so your boss doesn’t find out you lied? Just be honest and professional and it will be fine. Even if it isn’t, well, you won’t be working there for much longer.

      And AWESOME NEWS about the new job!

    4. Congrats! It must be contagious this month. I agree, just let her know the question surprised you and you weren’t ready for an answer.

      HIVE FIVE for the new position!

      1. Thanks guys! The anticipation and dread was way worse than the actual conversation. Boss was mad, but now it’s over and I can just count down to my last day here!

        Hope it is contagious and everyone else that’s looking finds something great ASAP!

  5. Reposting from morning thread – does anyone have a steam washer & dryer? We are looking to replace the ancient appliances that came with our house. Is the steam feature just a gimmick or worthwhile?

    1. The steam feature is awesome! It takes the wrinkles out of cotton and even some other fabrics. I even find that I feel like I can stretch the time between dry cleaning by running a suit through the quick steam dry feature on the dryer (just 10 minutes or so). I love mine!

    2. Love the steam dryer for the same reason. Not convinced that the steam feature on the washer makes that much of a difference, but it came with the matching washer.

    3. I have a steam set. I didn’t set out to get steam but the dryer I ordered came damaged and since they were no longer available, they upgraded both appliances for me. I love the steam! I find it more worthwhile in the dryer to unwrinkle things like Anon said, but I also use the washer steam setting when I have to wash something gross, like things covered with my dog’s bodily fluids. I would definitely get a washer with some sort of internal heater – it can sanitize better than just using tap water.

    4. As someone who HATES the new washer that came with her house, please reconsider replacing your appliances if they are still working. Google “washing machines that don’t wash” to find out all the consumer horror stories with new washing machines. They changed how much water the machines can use a few years ago, and many machines simply don’t get clothes clean. If you insist on getting rid of your washing machine (and it still works), please at least put it on craig’s list so that someone can get use out of it.

      1. They are probably 15+ years old and work, but not all the settings function properly. Usually I wash on regular, and on regular the washer does not spin out just leaves the clothes sitting in water, so I have to change the setting to perm press for it to spin out. The dryer just takes forever. We bought the house 2.5 years ago and put off buying new ones. I half hoped the old ones would break so I have an excuse to buy new ones but darn it they’re hanging in there!

      2. This is the reason we went with just the very basic model of a top-loading washer + the fancier drier. So many of the fancy washer ratings, especially the front-loading ones, are horrible.

    5. I LOVE the steam feature on our dryer. It’s great for de-wrinkling DH’s dress shirts or stuff that gets left in the dryer too long.

        1. If you see this, mine are Samsung. I don’t have any problems getting clothes clean and the dryer usually takes less than a half hour unless I really fill it up. My only complaint with either one is that the washer smells a bit musty with the door shut, so we prop it open slightly after we use it. We don’t have the mold problems I’ve heard of with other brands where the seal or drums mold.

  6. I have been posting as Anon for a while, but thought I’d try to establish a persona. For the record, I am nothing like Kim Kelly (Freaks and Geeks, FTW) but I like alliteration:)

    Has anyone ever tried to switch out handles on a purse for different ones? I have a Franklin Covey purse/briefcase that is surprisngly stylish (I think) that I bought years ago at an OfficeMax. But it has short handles and I can’t wear it over the shoulder. Are there any places that would put on custom handles? Specifically, anywhere in DC?

    1. Well, hi Kim Kelly! (And I love Freaks and Geeks!!!)

      You may want to try a cobbler. They are usually happy to clean leather goods or make repairs to rivets and things on leather coats too, so I would expect they could do this.

    2. Welcome! I’m not in DC but I would expect a shoe and leather repair place could do that. The new handles might not match the old handles, though.

    3. Assuming it’s leather, try googling Bedos in Falls Church, VA. They are sort of a super-cobbler, with an extensive leather crafting and repair practice. I have had them shorten sleeves on leather jackets, etc. and the work is beautiful. They are not cheap but they are creative and will do things your ordinary shoe repair place isn’t able to.

  7. For those of you who run from home, how do you tend to bring your keys with you? I’m looking for a no-brainer system that doesn’t depend on the clothes I am wearing so I can’t lock myself out by accident. I can’t think of anything that doesn’t involve pockets or a lot of thought…Thanks.

    1. KangaROOS brand has small pockets in their running shoes (that’s actually one of their distinctive characteristics) big enough for a key. I used to use that pocket *all* the time when I had those shoes.

      1. But is it big enough for 3 keys? I’m actually serious–my building’s front door, my apt’s lock and deadbolt = 3. This might be my no-brainer solution if there’s enough room.

        1. Monday, do you have a car? When I used to live in an apartment with two separate keys, I’d lock my house keys in my car, put my car key on a lanyard, and wear that around my neck (or in a pocket if my shorts had one) or slip it in the thing that I keep my ipod in strapped to my arm.

          1. I used to do this. Or, in the locked mailbox if you live in an apartment building. I would lock all the keys in the mailbox and then slip the mailbox key on my shoelaces. You can slip three keys on your shoelaces, too.

        3. Mine used to fit two keys and a fiver (I am very guilty of the mid run smoothie), I think three would have fit. But my keys were both the smaller kind so I’m not sure if you have big keys, if they’d work.

          In the video for this pair you can see the pocket so maybe that would be a good gauge?

          http://www.zappos.com/kangaroos-combat-grey-green

        4. I’m in moderation, but I suggested a waistband pouch (and linked to one on Amazon) or a pouch to put on your shoes (linked to one on roadid[dot]com).

    2. I take my house key off the key ring and unthread one of my shoelaces from the eye of the shoe. I thread the lace through the hole in the top of the key, then tuck the key down between the tightened laces, re-thread the shoelace through the eye, and tie my shoe.

    3. On your shoelaces! I pull one shoelace out through the first ring, thread it through the hole in the key, and then run it through the ring again before tying a knot. Of course, if you use the “barefoot style” shoes this doesn’t work.

    4. I have a water bottle from lulu.lemon with a pouch to create a handle that loops over your hand, and a zippered section for keys. Previously I had a cuff from them, but find the water bottle is easierr.

      1. This is the current state of my technology as well–just seeing if I might be able to do better. Suggestions are all very helpful! I think I will find a way!

        1. I don’t run, unless it’s to catch a bus, but I would submit two ideas:

          1. those ever so attractive spirally rubber bracelet key rings – this is what I take with me to the store when I don’t want to take my purse. The downside in this one seems to be that it may not be comfortable while running as your keys would be hitting your hand potentially.

          2. buy one of those wrist pocket thingies and have spare keys sans keychain to take up the least amount of room inside. E.g., http://www.solutions.com/jump.jsp?itemType=PRODUCT&RS=1&itemID=12452
          This probably seems like the better solution.

    6. I have two keys, so I’ll either tie one to each shoe, or sometimes if I’m lazy I’ll grab a hair tie, fold it in half, feed one end through the holes at the top of the key then pull that end through the looped tie, and slip my wrist through the resulting loop. I wish I could attach a picture, as it’s kind of hard to explain in words.

    7. I bought the RoadID that’s a pouch. The pouch is velcro’ed around my shoe laces. Inside the pouch I keep my house key and some money. I’ve managed to fit my large car key in there too so maybe it would hold all of your keys. Also then I always have my RoadID info with me when I’m running.

      1. Oh, and I have a separate house key just for running so I’m not always taking my regular-use key on and off of my keyring. That would drive me insane.

        1. Oh! Yeah. When I did this, I made a copy of my keys and kept those keys in my shoe and that was the only place they went. Otherwise, I think I’d have been constantly forgetting my keys either in my shoes or on my key ring.

    8. Hmm, all my gym clothes are from lululemon, and they have little pockets in the waistband of all their pants, so… in there usually? I know my solution is clothing based, but that is my solution.

      I would love to know logistically how people run commute. It’s winter now, so I’ve given up (the limited daylight hours mean that I’m not comfortable running outside in the morning or after work).
      But in the summer I just could not figure out a system that didn’t involve lugging tons of stuff to the office on the weekend…and how would I run with my lunch to work and my empty tupperwares on the way home? I have not loved any of the running backpacks I tried, and none of them seemed big enough to carry all the things I’d need.

      1. It really depends on what you want to bring with you. Honestly, I tried it a couple of times at my old job, but it just didn’t work because I always packed a lunch, and could never think far enough in advance to like, bring every lunch I needed on Monday or something. It was also difficult coordinating with my car. Either I’d have to run both ways, or drive one morning/run that afternoon/run the next morning/drive that afternoon. Giant. Hassle. Not worth my time or energy.

    9. I usually run in pants that have a zippered pocket in the back. I’ve never locked myself out or forgotten the keys there since I had to take them out to get back in the house. Alternatively, I’ve laced them through shoelaces.

    10. Some of my running pants have zippered pockets. I have a detached garage which has a keypad entry so sometimes I put my house keys in the garage. But usually I just hold the keys in my hand. :p

    11. yep – I string mine on a ribbon that I wear as a long necklace. It’s a little annoying, but that way it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing and I don’t worry about them falling out of a pocket.

    13. I have a keypad on my door, but if I drive somewhere and run I’ll stick it in my sports bra. you could get a lockbox like a realtor would use and stick your key in there while you’re out, if you don’t want to bring it with you.

    16. I tend to tuck mine into my bra. I look a little silly digging them out, but otherwise it works perfectly, and I’ve done this with 3 keys.

  8. So the pregnancy post earlier today stirred up some feelings for me. Wondering if anyone out there struggling with infertility has tips on coping when a close friend gets pregnant. My very close friend recently announced her pregnancy in the same month DH and I were told IVF was likely our only option. My friend does not know this, and I don’t want to drag her down or make her feel guilty. I am of course thrilled for her but at the same time will burst into tears just thinking about it at times. I want to be there for her and share in the excitement, but I know I am probably not able to muster the same enthusiasm one would expect during such a happy time for her. For example, the thought of planning her baby shower and actually getting through it without getting emotional seems impossible to me. Any advice?

    1. I’m so sorry. I can relate, as I had a miscarriage 3 days before my good friend told me that she was expecting twins, and I burst into tears while on the phone with her. I think that you should be honest with her and tell her what you’re going through. She will totally understand you’re feeling emotional, even though you are very happy with her. I can’t imagine that she would expect you to plan a baby shower under the circumstances (in the end, I ended up planning a baby shower for my good friend, BUT I was lucky enough to get pregnant again before the shower happened). Be kind to yourself and take this one step at a time. Any good friend will completely understand your feelings.

    2. I’m so sorry it’s been difficult for you and your DH.

      But may I offer up that you’re a fantastic, wonderful friend? Your consideration for her feelings, and efforts to try to not dampen her joy, are heartwarming.

      I wish you and your DH success. *extrahugs*

    3. I feel you. I’m going through this, too. If I were you, I wouldn’t necessarily make a point of telling your friend what’s going on with IVF but if she point-blank asks you any questions about family planning, I wouldn’t hesitate to be honest about what you’re going through while making it clear that it doesn’t diminish your joy for her happy news. (A little white lie is OK in this case, I think.)

      Try not to think ahead to the baby shower yet. That’s still MONTHS away. Your situation may be different by then, and if it’s not, hopefully your friend will be lovely and understanding if you need to bow out of the planning.

      I know it’s really hard — awful, isolating, lonely, you name it. Try not to be even harder on yourself by berating yourself for not being over-the-moon for your friend. It happens. Infertility, and the emotions that go along with it, are certainly like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

      And good luck with IVF. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best.

      1. Thank you! It is so comforting to read your comment that infertility and the emotions are like nothing you have ever dealt with. I swear the past eighteen months I’ve gone from my positive attitude, no-nonsense, motivated self to an emotional irrational stress ball. The worse part is no one else really gets it unless they’ve gone throught it, so my friends don’t know how much I’m hurting.

        1. ((hugs)) I know. It’s impossible to explain in a way that anybody who hasn’t been there can understand. I’ve decided that the desire to become pregnant is such a primal thing that rational thought just flies out the window after awhile. :)

    4. I’m so sorry. Hearing that a good friend is pregnant when you are in the midst of infertility is really tough. As others have said, you are a good friend for being concerned about her feelings. Take care of yourself as well, though. Give yourself some time to be excited for your friend and grieve for yourself. If you need/want to, tell your friend. Allow her to be a friend to you as well.

      Good luck with the IVF. My heart goes out to you and everyone else suffering from infertility. Without a doubt, it was one of the toughest, most emotional times I have been through. Lots of hugs.

    5. We did seven years of infertility before finally going through IVF and having twins. I literally once gave myself hormone injections in the car right before going into a baby shower for my SIL’s second child (both of whom were conceived and born while I was going through infertility). My advice is to give yourself permission to do what you need to do. If that means that you can’t throw the baby shower, then that is okay. Either tell your friend that you are very happy for her but going through infertility treatments and not in an emotional space to be all that she needs or just tell her that you are too busy with work to be all that she needs. If you can’t even attend, don’t attend. However you feel is okay. For me, infertility was so lonely and isolating because no one really understood how I felt and friends told me I wasn’t allowed to feel the way I felt. You can’t always make others understand, but you can know that how you feel is okay and right and let yourself feel it. Best of luck! Having gone through IVF, it’s not as bad as it sounds (although at the same time it’s crazy). I just did it a second time to have another child, so let me add another piece of advice. Hormone injections may make you crazy. I cried at work twice in the space of about two weeks and could.not.stop. A little embarrassing. Be nice to yourself and don’t take on anything more than you need to while you are going through it. There’s time enough when you are done. Hugs.

    6. There was a thread here a while back with someone asking how to break the news of their pregnancy to a friend who was going through infertility issues. The responses on the thread made me think that people are more thoughtful than we often expect them to be. If you friend knows even a bit about your TTC issues and is a good friend, I would hope that she would rather know about them and is thoughtful enough to realize that you may be dealing with mixed emotions and may not want to be overly involved in her pregnancy. If she turns out to be a mom-zilla, well, I guess better to know that now. But I agree with everyone else – do what’s best for you and don’t beat yourself up about how involved you can be in her pregnancy.

    7. If anyone is still reading, thank you so much for the thoughtful comments. It’s amazing how Internet strangers can “get it” so quickly and make me feel so muh better and like my feelings are normal.

  9. Hi ladies, I need some virtual hugs. Just received my yearly evaluation, and it wasn’t good. Never had a bad performance evaluation before and feel crushed. Some of the negative feedback was not surprising. The bottom line is that I’m in the wrong practice group, and can’t muster any motivation to work hard or really push myself because I don’t enjoy the subject matter.

    I don’t have any questions for the hive, just needed to tell someone. I feel too embarassed to mention this to anyone else. Wine and cookies tonight.

    1. not in law, but I got a mediocre eval 2 years ago. I was devastated. I just got promoted last week (same company). So it’s not the end of the world. However, I like my company, my work, and my bosses, so I don’t have a problem with motivation, it was more a training issue. I think it would be really tough to work hard on something I didn’t like. I feel for you. Here’s hoping you find a better fit.

      1. Thanks moss. I really like my firm, the culture, and the people I work with, it’s just the actual work that I don’t enjo, which means that I don’t try as hard as I need to. I’m hoping that switching practice groups will help.

    2. *vodka & chocolate cake*, too

      Oh, these reviews suck. Sorry you’re going through this. Here’s hoping that switching practice groups will happen soon for you, my dear.

    3. I had a bad eval at my last job. Actually came pretty close to getting fired due to a difference between what they thought my skill level was, and what my skill level actually was. And an unpleasant partner with unrealistic expectations (accounting, not law). I was able to get a position with a company, and it has been the best thing I’ve ever done for my career. I was promoted quickly, make way more $$, and love my job way more than I ever thought I could/

      Please remember that a bad eval is not the end of the world and ‘bad fit’ is not just a term we throw around – it actually exists! I hope you can get your practice area changed so you can start being more successful.

      And definitely, wine and cookies (or even cupcakes) tonight for you!!

    4. I got some pretty bad evaluations last time around and quite frankly I deserved them, but they still hurt. I love my firm, culture, and people too, but I was doing work that I was not interested in and even though I didn’t mean for it to happen, it really showed and the work I did suffered. I moved off (was kicked off??) pretty much all of those projects after that and am concentrating on the work that I do enjoy and hopefully the fact that I’m already doing a lot better (at least I think) will show in my next evaluation.

  10. I think I’m broken – I, formerly a Shopaholic, am now finding it impossible to pull the trigger and buy anything. In the past 3 weeks, I’ve walked away from 5-6 almost purchases and I have no idea why. Being frugal is always wise, but these purchases fit wel within my budget, and would be lovely additions to my closet…

    1. I’ve been doing that all month, until this morning’s White House Black Market selection. I pulled the trigger after finding a $10 off coupon.

  12. One last post about the Boston Corpor*tte meetup. It’s tonight at 6:30 at Max and Dylan’s. If you’re interested in joining us and aren’t already included in the email thread, email me at bostoncorpor*tte @ gmail. I used the name of this site to make the reservation.

    1. I had that haircut in late 2008, and again in 2010. It’s cute. I didn’t realize it was groundbreaking.

    2. Seems like … hair. I like some of the photos of her with that cut, but in some of them it looks flat and awkward.

    3. This would look HORRENDOUS on me. I can pull off a chopped angled bob, but the mostly one length htiting just below the ears does my round face zero favors. It looks cute on her though!

      1. The idea of “it” haircuts is just as ananthema to me as “the” fashion thing to wear. People’s bodies and faces are different. No one thing can flatter us all!

    4. This is a thing? This is pretty much what my short bob looks like when I get lazy and let it grow out too long…

  14. Update just in case anyone has been wondering – I posted before Christmas about my annual pap & the dr’s office calling to ask me to come in for more testing. I talked to the nurse, told her I had been in a monogamous relationship for over 18 years and after checking with the dr she said it was OK, I didn’t need to have the extra testing. But it was still odd.

    Today when I was trying to get more Sparkpoints on Sparkpeople I went over to their ‘Health A-Z’ section to see if they had anything on low blood pressure. They didn’t so I decided to check out Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome, which I was diagnosed with 15+ years ago as the cause of our 3 miscarriages. Turns out, according to Sparkpeople (and confirmed by Dr Google), that people with antiphospholipid antibodies can have a positive screening test for syphilis even if they don’t have the disease. So, mystery solved. :)

    2. I’ll let out an ELLEN-“YAY” here. Health mysteries are no fun. Glad yours has been cleared up.

  15. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who recommended ZocDoc in a previous thread. I’d been putting off finding a new doctor/going to my old one when visiting my home state. The site made the whole process a breeze.

  17. Has anyone tried Switchflops? I’ve been looking into the ones that have snaps on the top that let you change out cute embellishments; there are a couple of the shoes that would be work suitable, including the ballet flats and the wedges. Just wondered if they were comfy and whether people liked them. Thanks!

  18. So I’m curious. We’ve had lots of fitness/gym discussions on here before, but I have a specific question. I have decided to try going to the gym during the day (fabulous gym across the street from my office, but I want to go in the middle of the afternoon rather than before/after work). I just got back from my very first mid-afternoon workout, which was great, but I am trying to figure out the logistics. As far as I can see it, I can either do a very short workout and then shower, or only do things that won’t make me sweat too much, and not shower. My goal is for a workout to take me only 1 hour. However, if I end up needing a shower I could see this mid-afternoon workout taking me close to 1 1/2 hours to complete. Any tips/tricks from those of you who do this regularly?

    1. My work has always been based on productivity, not butt-in-seat time, but couldn’t you go to the gym every other afternoon, and take a very short lunch on the other days?

    2. I shower but do not wash my hair. I use dry shampoo and do a minimal make up touch up. I also don’t care a whole lot about how I look in the afternoon, so that helps.

  19. Just catching up on all of the threads from earlier today – I can’t believe people have stooped to attacking named users and comparing their actual problems – which we all have from time to time – to this stupid Notre Dame catfishing story

        1. Just saw it now, for anyone still reading this thread. I commented on it there but am literally sick to my stomach about it. People really think this about me? I am so so hurt to learn that.

          1. _I_ don’t think this about you. Agree w/ NOLA that it was completely uncalled for. Please don’t let one random unkind comment give you so much pain. I’d offer you the blog slogan JSFAMO (just say fooey and move on) but only with the _very clear footnote_ that I’m not offering this with flippancy.

            On a more positive note, how are you? I hope your new job and new puppy (now all grown up?) are going well. Details welcome if you feel comfortable sharing.. silvercurls at gmail dot com

          2. Yes, uncalled-for, mean-girl cr*p. You are a warm source of support for so many here – do NOT let this one comment get to you.

          3. Just saw this, and went back to the ND thread, and am horrified.

            Jumpin’ Nixon on a Pogo Stick, it’s so uncalled for. K, don’t let this get to you. I hope things are better for you all around and that sly snarking from anons doesn’t get to you.

          4. Without commenting on the current situation, just wanted to say that not every opinion or critism is “mean girl.” A few commentators stated an opinion. I don’t think it was necessary to name the person but I don’t think it is mean girl to express the sentiment. And you have to go anon to express a less popular opinion around here because otherwise you get run off the board.

          5. Agree that putting K in transition on blast was unnecessary. OTOH, it’s reasonable to be skeptical of the online personas people present… particularly people we haven’t met (which in my case is most of you). There have been more than a few times that I’ve read posts here and thought, “This has got to be fiction.”

          6. Anon, I think this site does have room for “less popular opinion.” Leaving aside all the political discussions, commenters feel free to express the view that a poster is wrong about a work or personal situation, for example. (Or just to say “those boots are ugly.”) But what amounts to a personal attack suggesting that a long-time poster is just here for the sympathy and, worse, that her personal difficulties were made up or exaggerated, is wrong, in my view.

    3. Didn’t notice that turn in the ND story, but yeah, the baseless ad hominem somebody anon posted on me was not appreciated.

  20. hello everyone! long time lurker, first time commenter. and, oddly, my first post is a relationship question. i know it might be too late in the thread for responses, but i am hoping that this smart and thoughtful community that i have come to admire and respect will have some words of wisdom for me. so, here i go! how do you know when it is the right time to end a relationship? i know this question has been asked before, and the general consensus is that if you have to ask, the relationship is over. however, this is a relationship that probably should not have started in the first place. i am realizing that i am not going to get what i want out of this, but i also have not much else going on (unfortunately, i wasn’t keeping around a few boys to date on the side). i am also facing two of the busiest months at work, and won’t be able to think or breathe really until March. add to that, the fact that i don’t really want to let go. i just want some of the initial circumstances to change, or to get what i want. so, to everyone who has been through this before, if i want my life to turn out to be great, do i hold on to something that may take work, or do i call my losses and move on? In the end, even if i end up with someone who i don’t love nearly as much, we could be together, build a family and a life together, and that would be more valuable than a love that i might not get. so, i guess i am asking–a happy partnership structure with a participating SO is the best that it gets, right? i should give up everything else for that structure?

    1. I think it depends what you want and aren’t getting. If you want more help cleaning the house, working with your partner to adjust the house chore division might take work but is possible. If you want someone spontaneous and outgoing and your partner prefers books and staying in, that’s probably not very realistic. In summary, if what you want isn’t something that would be true or realistic to whom your partner is as a person, it’s likely not something that will change and remain changed indefinitely.

      I understand that work and life make things busy, but it’s really up to you to judge the priorities. If you are truly fine with things being whatever they happen to be (as they are now), then there’s no rush or need to leave. I suspect though, because you’re asking, that you’re not fine with this. If this is the case, it only makes sense to discuss the situation with your partner and discuss whether, as a unit, you want to seek counseling to attempt to repair things or if the only realistic option is to begin to separate and move on.

      If nothing else, perhaps you ought to consider seeking independent counseling to work through the current situation and/or the situation as it changes.

      ((HUG)) hope this helps even a tiny bit!

    2. “how do you know when it is the right time to end a relationship? . . . [T]his is a relationship that probably should not have started in the first place.” Well, I’d say that’s how you know.

      I get that you’re comfortable where you’re at but I speak from experience when I say it’s so much better to end it and move on then to keep ruminating about should you, shouldn’t you, will you be happier, won’t you, etc. The latter takes so much emotional energy. Free yourself up to meet someone you don’t have these doubts about. Also, there will never be a good time, so let go of your excuses (like being busy at work) and just get it done.

    3. Honey, reading between the lines here, I think I may have been where you are now. You need to bite the bullet and move on. This is not good for you. It may hurt terribly to end things, but it will be better for you in the long run. If it is meant to be, the situation will resolve itself eventually, but in the meantime you need to take care of yourself and that does not mean staying in the relationship the way it is. Love and hugs.

      1. Thank you to everyone who responded–K, especially, I appreciate the kind gesture toward a stranger, even while everything else was going on here. Herbie, ruminating has always been a problem for me. And work is an excuse that I use perhaps a bit too much! Nonny, thank you, thank you for reading between the lines and understanding. I was hoping that someone would understand without a direct statement. I know all of you are right. I usually make decisions with smaller steps and hearing this helps to start moving in the direction that I need to go in. Thank you again for taking the time for this!

Comments are closed.