ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Moon Pendant

moonstone pendant shaped like a moon

This pretty moon pendant caught my eye when I was browsing the sales this weekend — it isn't on a huge discount (15%), but it isn't that expensive to begin with.

I always love moonstone jewelry, and this delicate chain and pendant look perfect for laying with other necklaces or wearing on its own. The necklace is normally $75, but now marked to $63.75.

Other cute options: this green pendant, or these pretty but subtle hoop earrings.

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

153 Comments

  1. Does anyone have a hard-to-shop for husband? My husband has enough spare cash that he can buy himself anything but he’s also pretty much a minimalist. Compounding that is that he doesn’t have many hobbies, and “experience gifts” are often just at the edge of my budget (like three-figure concert tickets). He doesn’t have many collections or “likes”, he’s not a big meat eater and we don’t keep alcohol in the house. Food gifts have gone over well in the past but he’s also hinted that tasty treats make it hard for him to stick to a diet plan so I want to tread carefully there. The typical “guy gifts” like a BBQ or cooking tools, beard stuff (he has so much beard oil already!), alcohol gifts, gambling (like decks of cards or themed merch) etc just aren’t a great match for him. He has plenty of clothes, although one idea I had was cashmere socks because he does like those! He did say he’d love little things to make his study/library more old-fashioned and vintage looking like a Victorian gentleman’s study, so anything along those lines very welcome!

    Any ideas here? Budget about $50 per item up to about $500 total for Xmas.

    1. Framed print for his library wall? Cashmere cap or beanie in addition to the socks?

      1. Yeah I think a fancy lamp, maybe an old timey looking brass lamp with a green shade, would really fit the bill.

        Some brass or stone ornate-ish bookends.

        Look at Levenger for all things desk-related. Those old fashioned desk pads, leather pen holder, fancy pen, etc.

        1. If you want to go the lamp route I’d suggest a re-wired antique, will look better and be much sturdier.

        3. It is so funny you mention that old timey green shade lamp, he had one that broke! So thank you for reminding me :)

    3. Reasonably healthy food gifts? Coffee (flavored coffees to brew at home?), savory nut mixes, dried fruit

    6. Things my husband likes/has liked in the past:

      – AirPods
      – running/workout/cold weather gear: socks, gloves, hat, nice running jacket
      – artwork related to his hobbies/interests and frames
      – really sturdy pull up bar for the basement
      – useful tools (a small shop vac has been one of the most used gifts), air compressor for bike tires and other things.
      – cup holder that magnets to the lawn tractor
      – high quality flashlight
      – high end kitchen cookware (le cruset/ staub)
      – meat-er thermometer (just a great cooking tool generally)
      – kitchen scale
      – tickets to a sport game
      – jersey related to sport game (he’d never buy himself one so loved getting one).
      – book ends for the study that are either vintage/cool/high quality
      – a new work bag if he commutes

    7. If someone is so hard to buy for, what if you just don’t exchange gifts this year. Donate to a charity in his name.

      1. Yeah, my husband and I don’t really buy gifts for each other. It just feels like a waste since it’s coming from a common pool of money, so neither of us wants the other to blow money on stuff we don’t really want that much just for the sake of getting a present. I’d rather spend it things we can do together, put it into savings, make a donation, or buy something for the house that we actually need (we have a 100 year old house, so there’s always something).

        1. Seriously, I just dont get this. The world has enough crap. Why not take the simple, sustainable path?

    9. If this is out of line, feel free to ignore, but my husband can be difficult to buy gifts for, and I’ve give her would prefer one large gift that he genuinely enjoys to a half dozen kinda okay gifts. So maybe blow the budget and buy those concert tickets.

      2. This, you either buy one gift he would really enjoy or something small that is very perfect for him (e.g., some idiosyncratic ornament or figuring that would make him happy). As someone like your husband, I really don’t enjoy many gifts (and don’t care about the price of the one or two gifts). Other ideas could be a cooking class for the two of you.

      3. This. One big gift is generally much more enjoyable than a bunch of little things, unless your husband is one of those people who never buys what he needs so you have to buy him new socks and t-shirts and razor blades for Christmas.

    10. For the Victorian library/study – IKEA has a great textile series called SANELA which is made from 100% cotton velvet. There is normally at least one dark, library color – would he like dark velvet curtains for his study? Would go well with a leather desk pad, the green shaded lamp, maybe a wing back chair with velvet cushions and a Persian style or animal skin rug (IKEA has both cow and sheep). You could even get an Aspidistra, Fern or Peace Lily in a thrifted plant pot.

      1. I am not OP but thank you for the curtain recommendation! I did not expect Ikea to have cotton velvet, I’m delighted.

    11. What kind of bookshelves does he have in his library?

      The “Augustus Roasted Cocoa Wood Library Bookshelf” with ladder from World Market looks amazing. It would be above your budget but seriously, old timey classy library feel!

      1. Oh he would *lurv* a ladder! Maybe I’ll look into getting a small one for the 2 bookcases we do have.

  2. WTF Georgetown Law?! I thought the story re a pregnant student’s reasonable-seeming (to me) accommodation request to take a final early in light of her due date was a joke or internet over-reaction last week. But no. How does a law school not get this? I feel that a dude with a heart attack (or even any random who claimed to be triggered or similar) would have been swiftly accommodated. But a woman having a baby? Never.

    1. I mean, I kind of get it. She may not have given birth yet. It’s like a dude saying “I’m planning on having a heart attack next week, can I take my exam early?”

      1. But she will give birth sometime, yes? And not more than 45 weeks out, so relatively certain for outcome and timing. I don’t get how this is hard except that there just not be a lot of women working on these requests who have had children.

      2. It’s an absolutely knuckle-headed PR move though, clearly. //gestures at the news//

    2. So as a professor, I’m all about reasonable accommodations, but we really don’t like to give exams early. First, the exams usually aren’t even written until a few days before, and that’s not just due to procrastination, but because you never know for sure what material you’ll cover in the last few weeks of class and if you’ll end up emphasizing slightly different things that would cause you to write the exam differently. Second, cheating is always a concern, so you don’t like anyone having access to the exams before the rest of the class. I don’t love giving students exams late either, but at least then, it would only be a few students, rather than potentially compromising the exam for the entire class. Other than in really exceptional situations, I don’t do make up exams at all, I just make sure that there are enough exams that I can drop an exam score if a student needs to miss and make the rest of the exams worth proportionately more.

      1. I’m a teacher, not a professor, but if someone needs a late or early exam I always give a different test – I assume professors would do the same?

        In fact, I usually give slightly different tests to each class period and that’s pretty standard too. So, a kid taking a test early or late isn’t a huge lift for me, and I don’t see why it would be for others.

        I’m horrified by what Georgetown is doing. She might not physically be able to walk yet and they’re making her take an exam. She’s going to be exhausted. She’s going to be flooded with hormones. I can’t imagine having to concentrate on anything right after giving birth, let alone a law school exam. So much for being part of a church that’s aggressively pro-life…

        1. How long does it take you to write an exam? It would take me at least another 3-4 hours to write another final exam length exam and I wouldn’t feel like it would necessarily be on par with the first exam. It’s hard to fairly assess whether it’s easier or harder if only a few students take it. I don’t teach multiple sections of most of my classes, usually just one big class with a couple hundred students, so it’s a lot of wrangling to start making exceptions for people, starting with the fact that it’s hard to even find a place and time for students to take make up exams. Every student that would take a make up exam would have to find a time that they could sit with me in my office and take the exam (3 hours for finals, 75 minutes for regular classes, times 5 or 6 students who might want to make up the exam). That’s just not viable other than in rare circumstances or for students with disabilities, who can use the disabilities testing center and almost always take the exam the same day as everyone else. I obviously agree that the pregnant student shouldn’t have to take the exam within days of giving birth, just pointing out that taking it early isn’t as easy an accommodation as it might seem.

          1. When I took makeup exams in college it was usually a random TA or grad assistant who proctored in an empty classroom or office, not the professor. If many of us were taking the same exam or taking a makeup at the same time (but different classes), we’d all take it together in a classroom with one proctor. Student support services / the athletic department set this up, not each individual professor.

            I was a student athlete and rarely took spring exams on campus at the right time since it was our playoff season. The school literally does this for hundreds of students every term.

          2. That’s how it worked when I was an undergrad or grad student, but at my current university (large state university with no money), we don’t usually have TAs for the lecture sections of our classes, so there is no TA, just me. There are no empty classrooms during regular business hours, and even finding an empty conference room is tough without booking weeks in advance. My students all have very full schedules (most commute and have jobs 20-40 hrs a week), so it’s really hard to schedule extra time out of class that works with both of our schedules, especially on a time frame short enough to get grades in after a final or before I return exams to the rest of the class.

            Athletes are a different story because they do provide proctoring and it’s known in advance, so they can usually take a proctored exam within 24 hours of the actual exam time even if they’re not on campus that day, so it’s basically the same situation as students with disability accommodations, just a lot less common.

          3. I don’t think you could fairly curve grades if students had taken different versions of the exam.

      2. You can’t just drop one exam in a law school course. In most courses the grade is based entirely on the final exam and class participation.

        1. Agreed — that’s not how law school works generally.

          And do you really think this student will turn around and blab to the rest of the class? She’s more likely to over hear rehashing drom other students if she takes it late. Does Georgetown not have an honor code?

        2. I know, but that’s a terrible system that’s bad for accommodating any kind of disability or anything else that disrupts a student’s life or the university schedule (pandemics, mass shootings that happen right before finals, and weather disasters have all happened in my classes). Undergrad classes used to be taught like this too, but we’ve gotten our act together and changed because it’s bad pedagogy. Law schools should too.

          1. Yeah, based on how I was treated in undergrad when my mother in law had a heart attack (and subsequently died) and my husband needed someone to care for his toddler while he was saying goodbye to his mom and during the funeral – overseas – during my exams, I’m not at all surprised by this response from the university. I was given an incomplete in one class, which turns into an F after a few years, even though the final accounted for 20% of the grade and I had 100% on every other assignment all semester – ie I would’ve ended up with an 80, a B-. The professor was an adjunct and left the university before I could return so I was told there was no opportunity to fix the grade other than retaking the entire class, which I couldn’t afford because – get this – it was an elective and I didn’t need the credits to graduate. Yet that F tanked my GPA for consideration for law school.

            Schools seem to think that the only thing going on in students’ lives is school. They are run by a bunch of rich elitists who can’t fathom that a legal adult might have real responsibilities.

          2. Law school isn’t about pedagogy. It’s about creating barriers to entry to the profession.

      3. What? That’s not how having a baby works. Or a heart attack, if that were predictable.

        If you get short-term disability after a v delivery that’s not complicated, then figure you are postponing at least 6 weeks. And then you are juggling a baby, maybe still physically recovering, and likely another semester’s worth of courses. Early is the option that makes sense. Cheating is still a concern either way, so not a reason not to allow an early exam off the bat.

        IDK how it works when someone is in a car crash and not only can’t take the final but has a recovery to deal with but my guess is that it is managed a whole lot better than this.

      4. I’m a professor and it’s so backward not to make this accommodation. Write a separate exam to be taken early. Or have them write an essay. Treat students like humans.

        And before anyone blasts this for inequality or the like — just don’t. Law school is full of various leniencies, changes, and deals, mostly for much weaker reasons.

      5. You aren’t a law professor, though.

        Many law students aren’t going to risk C&F issues by being caught cheating. Maybe some will, but I think it’s going to be different than undergrad.

        Many law school exams are open notes. To that extent, it isn’t necessarily all that valuable to know what is on the exam if you have your outlines done.

        You can also cobble together an exam from previous years: take one question from the 2021 exam, another from 2018, another from 2017. Bam, done. Or call up a friend at another school and get their evidence exams, then tweak for what was covered in your class.

    3. I have to admit that I’m way too jealous of this woman to have sympathy. Imagine having a law degree from Georgetown and a baby by graduation! I went to a regional law school and had to wait until I had health insurance and someone suitable who wanted to marry me before I even thought of kids. Her life is absurdly charmed. People talk a lot about what a great hack it is to have a kid during law school but oh man you have to be so lucky to have a stable family situation before you’ve even started your career.

      1. Doesn’t look like a “stable family situation.” She’s not married to the dad.

        1. Do you know that it’s actively unstable? Or are you just assuming that because they’re unmarried? Lots of unmarried couples who are in very stable relationships have kids.

      2. “I’m way to jealous of this woman to have sympathy” — maybe keep that to yourself. You don’t know her and she’s not responsible for your life choices or trajectory.

        1. I never said I knew her or that she’s responsible for my life. I said I’m incredibly jealous of her. I’m not proud of it but it’s true. If we’re discussing it, that’s my honest thought. It is a lot of handwringing for a person whose future is incredibly bright by any reasonable measure. I get why others here might identify with her and see this as a grave injustice. I never had the opportunities she’s had and shes got it made in life and in her profession even without an accommodation, which she now also has.

          2. Oh, for the love. No one sees this as a “grave injustice.”

            And you have no idea if she has a bright future; the small details here aren’t the only details of her life. Accommodating people, whether it’s GW law or a different law school, should be available.

            Your “honest thought” doesn’t need to be voiced; and in fact, you should examine it and your assumptions.

          3. What a weird take. You know two things about this woman: She’s finishing at GT law and she’s pregnant. You have no idea how charmed of a life she may have had or not, or the circumstances that led her to where she is, or what she’s currently going through. Based on these two things about her, you’ve created a huge assumption and based on that assumption, you are jealous of her. Bizarre.

        2. Sorry, but judging people for their life choices is this board’s favorite past time.

    2. It varies wildly depending on (1) whether they are having a Eucharist (most do in my experience but not all); (2) how many people are attending/speaking (the more people the longer Communion takes); and (3) how much music. The shortest I have ever been to was about 45 minutes (no Eucharist and short sermon) and longest about 2 and 1/2 hours but that was definitely an outlier (as an example the mayor of my large city spoke and the governor attended). I would say they average around an hour and a quarter

    3. About an hour, give or take, obviously depends on the eulogy and sermon lengths (eulogy given by a loved one, sermon given by the priest, there are both in an Episcopal funeral).

      Get ready for the up down workout (plenty of sitting, standing, and kneeling in a service – you don’t have to kneel (remain sitting) if you don’t want to, folks usually stand but don’t say the responses or sing if they don’t feel comfortable. There will be communion, but you don’t have to go up for it – though all baptized Christians are welcome to partake (you don’t have to be Episcopalian).

      1. Thanks! I’m not religious at all so I will skip the kneeling and praying and so forth.

        1. You can just sit when everyone is kneeling. You’re going to be in a crowd of people who are standing/sitting/kneeling at different times in the ceremony. It’s disrespectful to sit while everyone stands or stand while everyone sits. It is totally fine to sit while everyone kneels, though.

          As for what to do when people are praying, fold your hands and bow your head like you would during a moment of silence.

          1. I don’t think she was planning on standing while others sit…

            You can remain seated while others kneel – that happens often enough. 99% of people who aren’t participating in the service still stand while the others stand, but if you were hellbent against that you can remain seated.

            You don’t have to fold your hands or bow your head while others kneel, but you should be still, silent, and respectful (so basically do whatever you do when you observe a moment of silence).

  4. I need help shopping for the adults over 65 in my life.

    MIL: 75, lives with FIL but has recently started to travel globally with travel groups (and not FIL, who won’t go). Needs nothing, thinking something travel-y? Or possibly a recommendation for a wreath or winter floral arrangement.

    FIL: 85, healthy but basically never leaves home, yells at Fox News. Still drives but shouldn’t. Loses his stuff constantly; we got him air tags last year.

    Can do a joint gift or solo gifts.

    Dad & GF: semi retired but still working for fun at this point, they live near the ocean, split their time between two adorable New England coastal homes, and do a lot of walking and boating. They like birdwatching, the Audubon (birds not cars), live music. GF has young grandkids that she dotes on and is a hardcore crafter (has a full on Martha Stewart setup, it’s incredible). Past hits have been digital photo frames and a felted birdhouse.

    My mom: impossible to shop for, but still in the picture generally so I’ll figure something out ;).

      1. She does, she’s been doing this for a couple years so I dont want to mess with the packing system :)

    2. MIL: a monogrammed set of toiletry cases from Mark & Graham
      FIL: Nice slippers (LL Bean?)
      Dad & GF: a birdfeeder with a camera – I saw one on Amazon that was spendy but looked really cool.

      1. Perfect ideas…they have all of them! But clearly in line with their tastes :)

        1. Do they have any of the Squirrelbuster bird feeders? Pricey for a bird feeder, but truly the only squirrel-proof ones I’ve found (I, a middle-aged woman with the hobbies of a retiree who just likes to watch my birds in the morning)

        1. No – splitting my time between cute coastal towns, lots of boating, live music, and crafting :)

    4. I tend to give consumables to older family members. For your MIL, maybe a few wine bottles from countries she has recently visited? A regional specialty from where you live? I’m from Chicago so have mailed Chicago-style pizzas (mainly to FIL who loves the stuff).

    5. Seems like you’re forcing yourself to shop for people who don’t need anything. Either send a consumable or don’t buy anything.

    6. Similarly difficult to shop for parents. We go with consumables – my dad gets the Kansas City Steaks surf & turf combo, my mom gets a big box of frozen breakfast pastries from Williams Sonoma. They each also get a small ‘thing’ – this year it’s a guidebook for my dad of the destination they’re visiting and a shawl for my mom who gets chilly on the plane.
      Mark and Graham or Quince would be my picks for nice travel ‘stuff’ – leather pouches, dop kits, jewelry cases, shawls, etc.

    7. I got my husband a weather station a few years ago and he still loves it.. Maybe for the guys or dad/GF?

      For the traveler, maybe some beautiful luggage tags?

  5. How did you know your spouse was *the one*? I’ve been dating a guy a few weeks and I honestly think he is my future husband. It sounds kind of crazy to me, but I feel so at home and at peace with him. He gets me on all levels and it just feels right. I’m completely terrified 😂

    2. Not to further scare you ;), but honestly, exactly like that. And we’ve been together nearly 25 years. We just immediately fell in to a comfortable pattern. I literally knew within 48 hours he was the one. But we dated for 3 before we got married.

    3. Second husband: I knew on day 1, and I’ve literally never doubted it once since.

      First husband: I wrote out a pro/con list of whether to marry him and over intellectualized my way into thinking it would be fine. Was never once excited about marrying him, which feels very mean of me (but I was also young and immature, obviously).

    5. I can think of a couple of pivotal moments.
      I was dating someone else when I met my husband. We went out hiking as friends and the topic of relationships came up. Driving home afterwards, I was SO SAD that we probably wouldn’t be friends because far too often in my life once a guy found out I was in a relationship already they moved on to greener pastures.
      Another time is when I was at his house watching a show in the couch and actually fell asleep on him. That is so completely out of character for me, when I woke up I was like “well ****, looks like I’m way more invested in this relationship than I thought.” It’s worked out okay so far though.

    6. I knew during our first date. I bought a bridal magazine (remember those?) on my way home from it. When are a grown-up and you know, you know.

    7. Okay so you all get me then :) I’m trying so hard to not get in my head and plan our life together or, conversely, get anxious about this going wrong and having my heart broken but…this feels really real in all ways. So scary and so exciting.

    8. These threads always make me feel like a weirdo. I’ve dated three guys now who I have felt super comfortable and at home with on day one, excited about our future, and my last boyfriend was truly the one I thought was going to be my husband (he felt the same way, so did the other two). And then it got really really hard really really quickly, and all the crap came up and in one relationship it became emotionally abusive. So now I have stopped dating entirely bc I clearly cannot trust this feeling I am having, which I would describe exactly how the rest of you are describing it. I have done loads of work in and out of therapy on myself over the last 20 years, I am in my mid-40s and all of these relationships happened in my 30s-40s, my communication skills have vastly improved, I know what I need and want, and what I will and will
      not tolerate, and honestly, I think I can be a damn good partner BUT clearly I am doing something wrong here!

      1. I am in the midst of a divorce from the man I knew was my destiny with all the feelings that people are describing. We were married 20 years. I get it and I’m with you

      2. I also have the experience of being very confident, and then a year in things suddenly shift and I’m left shocked and dismayed. Early days are always infatuation, you cannot see someone’s true character until time has passed.

    9. After my second date with my now husband (a date that was 8 hours long), I knew he definitely could be the one, but, like you, wasn’t ready to fully admit to myself yet. I hadn’t felt that way with any other guy I had dated, and I didn’t have any interest in casually seeing other guys after that date. We were exclusive after a month. Engaged 15 months later, married a few months after that. And very very happy :)

    10. He felt like a family member (in a non creepy, functional way) I hadn’t met before. It just felt like “oh, there you are!” a similar sense of peace, calm, and “rightness” not the blazing hot can’t think straight chemistry I’ve had before or that familiar stomach drop of “this person is bad news but dang I can’t help myself”.

    11. This year I read a couple of recently released books by divorced women. This American Ex-Wife (Lyz Lenz memoir) and The Liars (thinly disguised fiction by Sara Manguso). Both describe women who clearly got married under the premise “this is the one,” and then spent way too many years realizing they were in abusive relationships. In combination, they left me questioning the whole construct of “is this the one?” like maybe part of the problem. I’m evolving into the camp that if I ever feel ready for another relationship I will be looking for red flags to “bless and release” people quickly, as a way to compensate for the tendency to get hopeful and forget to listen when people tell me who they are. None of this is good news, I know…

  6. Does anyone have favorite resources for being a single mother by choice? I’m reading the book which is mostly good but also a bit 80s!

    2. I am a single-mother not by choice (husband died when kid was 6). Make your logistics as easy as possible. Have an easy commute, pay for grocery delivery, etc. If you live near family they can be a tremendous blessing and part of your child’s village. I became a SM unexpectedly, but have friends who have chosen that route. Children are a great joy and, if you want kids, don’t want for a man.

      1. These are good tips. I actually think the “by choice” thing might be a little less of an issue than it was in the 80’s – she talks a lot about the social stigma (compared to being a widow) and everyone I’ve talked to about it has been incredibly supportive. I’m a few years out but want to get my ducks in a row as much as possible if I end up taking that route. TY!

        1. I’ve experienced zero social stigma. I think people think it’s kind of cool and I also think I’m some people’s diversity friend, which makes me laugh.

    3. I’m a single mother by choice. I found the most helpful resources to help the forums that the national organization has (theres a membership fee but it’s not high) and the Facebook group for my local city. The national group has contact people that can point you at local groups once you join. But it’s nice to have that sense of community.

      2. Agree with this. Join SMC (the national organization). Their message boards are like all message boards in that there can be a lot of repetition and some sniping but since everyone has to be a member, they are some of the best out there. They can also put you in touch with the local chapter if there is one. How active those are varies a lot but they can also be a great resource. You have to pay the dues for the organization but they are honestly not that high and you can get a lot out of it, especially during the early years.

        I read a lot of books back in the day but since my daughter is now an adult I suspect they are ridiculously out of date!

        1. +1 to the SMC forums. I was seriously considering becoming an SMBC a number of years ago and that board was an incredible resource, far better than any book. I ended up paying the membership fee for an extra year just so I could follow the women’s stories a bit longer.

    4. The resources you need aren’t a book, they’re what does your support network look like and what resources do you have. My friends who’ve made it work “easily” have family help and a lot of it, stable jobs with enough income coming in annually and in the bank to weather storms, own their homes, have the resources to hire help and backup help. The ones who struggle do not have these things. I think it’s great to take destiny into your own hands but be clear eyed about your actual resources.

  7. Another funeral question:
    Our parents Episcopal rector travelled out of state for my mother’s funeral. We are making a donation to the church but do we pay or tip him also? It was so generous and took 2 days of travel. I’m at a loss as to what it is good form to do here.

    1. My mom’s deacon traveled out of state for her funeral, and we paid all travel expenses. He and my mom had been friends, and he refused any other monetary compensation.

      1. +1 that I’d offer to cover travel expenses. That seems to be normal when asking a priest to travel to preside over a wedding (I’m also Episcopalian)

    2. We imported our city Episcopal rector to do our wedding in my husband’s itty bitty hometown. We paid for her air travel, rental car, accommodations, and all food, and made a $1,500 contribution to the rector’s fund (her slush account to pay for leaks in the roof, parishioners in need, etc).

    3. You make a big donation to the church. Or, you could ask the rector if there is a charity he would like you to donate to in his honor since you were so touched by his coming to the funeral. Normally the church will have an affiliated homeless mission, etc. that he will direct you to.

    1. They’re a decade behind. Don’t they know we’re bringing back the 90s now? :)

      1. I’m sorry, doesn’t everyone know that salmon hat are completely out? Halibut hats are where it’s at right now. Duh

  9. For the person this morning who asked about hearing aids for their parent, I’m in the same situation and the cognitive decline/invisible/relationship-preservation arguments haven’t worked (I think my loved one is very shy and LIKES the quiet!), but it WAS helpful to me when I read something like 80% of people who need hearing aids don’t wear them. So this is common and if 80% of us can’t be talked into them, it’s time I don’t need to spend trying anymore.

    3. I have a bone anchored hearing aid and I do not wear it much for the following reasons: there are things I can do without impacting others in a negative way that allows me to hear better (deaf on one ear); my external processor attaches via magnet and it hurts if I wear it for more than a couple hours; the world is loud and it’s exhausting; they make things worse in many scenarios (anything with background noise, loud places, etc.) and it takes a LOT of energy to focus when I am wearing them (again, wildly exhausting); I can’t wear it if it will get wet blah blah.

      So depending on the type of hearing loss someone has, they can be more trouble than they are worth sometimes. But yes, I am also stupid. So there’s that :-p

  10. For the person this morning who asked about hearing aids for their parent, I’m in the same situation and the cognitive decline/invisible/relationship-preservation arguments haven’t worked (I think my loved one is very shy and LIKES the quiet!), but it WAS helpful to me when I read something like 80% of people who need hearing aids don’t wear them. So this is common and if 80% of us can’t be talked into them, it’s time I don’t need to spend trying anymore.

  11. Looking for help with a paralegal gift. Our in-house legal department has 6 paralegals (all women) ranging in age from just out of school to 30+ years with the company. Typically, the attorneys pool together to give a large gift card to each paralegal and then each attorney also does a small ($10-20) individual gift for the paralegals too since they work with all of us. In the past, I have done fancy hand creams or chocolates (and others have done water bottles, mugs, etc.), but I am completely out of ideas this year. I want to show my gratitude so let me know if you have any novel ideas!

    1. Fancy liquid hand soap? I’m obsessed with Molton Brown Orange & Bergamot.

    2. Corporate gifts that I have received and liked:
      A really great umbrella
      A really great camping chair
      A really great portable soft sided cooler

      I would like a really high quality travel mug
      Anything to improve my work from home setup

      Just some ideas

  12. I posted before the holiday that I had a scary specialist appointment scheduled for Wednesday morning. The appointment was, as predicted, scary, but also frustrating, because the specialist I saw basically said “I’m the right specialist for some of the symptoms you’re experiencing and we can work on addressing those, but you’ll need to see a different specialist for the most likely root cause, and you need to go back to your GP for that referral, because I can’t refer directly to them.” GP has been non-responsive to my request for the referral so far (which I get given the holidays!), but I do not want to have to go through another waiting period for another specialist. Ugh. The suspected root cause is “probably serious/chronic but manageable and not cancer, but also not definitely not cancer based on what we know so far,” and I just know this is going to rot my brain and my productivity until that question is answered.

    1. Posted a tick too soon. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you for the kind wishes last week. I have not felt comfortable sharing this amorphous situation with my family, who are navigating their own health challenges, so being able to anonymously vent here was cathartic (as it is again today).

    2. Sorry if this is stating the obvious, but they are trying to reassure you that it’s not the “worst” thing. This happened to me (different health problem) and I was annoyed with them for telling me they’ve eliminated ONE thing but I missed the bigger picture of what that meant. Keep hanging in there & thanks for the update.

    3. I have some sort of condition that makes me quite prone to cysts and tumours. Every time a doctor tells me it’s not cancer I want to scream. Yea, it has never been cancer the last 10+ times, but we still need to figure out what’s going on and maybe stop this endless merry-go-round.

    4. Book the appointment to cut down on the waiting for the actual appointment and simultaneously work on the referral. I’ve never needed the referral to just book the appointment.

      2. I’m not the OP, but unfortunately in my city, the best specialists at the academic hospitals often require referrals first and will not schedule you without one. It varies from department to department. Even at our County hospital (mostly Medicaid/Medicare patients) it is the same. They don’t even pick up the phone in their clinics – you can only leave a message. They will only call you to schedule an appointment once the referral has been received.

        Doctors are swamped. Appointments are getting shorter. Talented doctors are leaving the system for pricey, pay up front /concierge style care. Patients with complex disease are really suffering as doctors don’t spend enough time to figure things out, and rarely coordinate with the other doctors.

        My dermatologist is making a fortune though….

      3. It’s worth a try, but my experience with most specialists is that they require referrals before you can even make an appointment. This has been true in multiple cities.

    5. Yeah, I sympathize. It is a rough road, and I’ve been on it too.

      What has helped me was finding a new PCP who came highly recommended who is a real ally. I keep her in the loop with my other diagnoses/work-up, by having at least 2 appointments a year – not by trying to shove everything into one yearly physical. I asked her point blank in person if she can help send referrals, since my problems involve a lot of specialists and no one specialist wants to take responsibility. Now things move a lot smoother. I try not to bother her too much, thank her every time I see her, and try to be very efficient in our visits.

      But it is true that often the weird things usually become clear over time, and sometimes it is actually good when the diagnoses is less clear. The really bad stuff tends to progress, often more quickly, and doesn’t hide. This is a vast generalization, but often true.

      Good luck. Sounds like you are making progress. Hang in there.

  13. Has anyone successfully stopped staying at their parents’ (or in-laws’) house for visits? We have been staying with my husband’s parents whenever we visit them with our two kids. Their house technically has enough room (a bedroom for the kids and one for us), but it’s not really comfortable or peaceful to stay there. Also, because we stay for free, we end up having long visits (1 week+), and as a middle aged person, I am ready to visit during the day, and then go to my own hotel, with just my immediate family, at night. I am trying to decide how reasonable or unreasonable it is to do this. Does anyone have tips? My in-laws are very nice and welcoming, but it is a lot to have that much time together.

    1. I think this has been discussed here a bit – its definitely know your family. Staying in a hotel would be so weird in my family I’d never even consider it even if I was sleeping on the living room sofa, but for others its fine.

    2. Can you make these visits shorter? A week is a LONG time to stay in anyone’s home!

    3. Just bite the bullet and do it: “Hey, we booked a hotel this time so everybody can have a little down time.” Also depending on the family dynamics, maybe the kids would like a grandparents sleepover a night or two while you two go to the hotel?

    4. We honestly stopped visiting as a family. DH goes with 1-2 of the kids now.

      I pitched the idea of all meeting together at a mutual Airbnb but that was a no-go.

    6. Yes, we just started doing it, and were just honest about it. However, keep in mind that if you stay in a hotel, then you’re all crammed into one room, unless you pay a lot of money for a suite or two rooms. We still do it, as I like the separation and the kids like staying in a hotel, but it’s definitely not relaxing or fun.
      You might otherwise try just using your in-laws as sitters so you can spend more time alone or with your husband. If you’re tired of hanging out, go upstairs and leave the kids with GPA. I do that a LOT when I am there. IMO, it’s about the kids anyways.

      1. Yeah, if you end up at the in laws’ still, just be comfortable disappearing upstairs. Naps, reading, watching tv on a laptop after dinner, etc. If anyone asks, just give a cheery, “oh it’s just so nice to have down time knowing the kids are happy with the grandparents.”

    7. I am comfortable making decisions and let people feel however they want about it.

      We just did this while visiting my mom for Thanksgiving. I booked a hotel 10 minutes away. My excuse was the amenities for kids – pool, arcade, etc. The kids spent the night with her for one night.

    8. Same situation here – technically room for us, but the rooms are super crowded with furniture and it’s literally hard to walk around. We just started getting a hotel and said it’s easier for everyone – ILs didn’t have to worry about the level of prep for a houseguest vs. having people over for casual meals, we could get comfy after a late flight in without waking them up, etc.

    9. Been married for 25 years. For 13 years we lived 1.5 hours away so mostly day trips and occasional weekends at their home. After moving out of state it was easy just to say hey, we booked a hotel. I love my in-laws but they don’t have air conditioning and don’t heat the house above 60 so it was pretty easy to make the decision and be jokey and kind about it. I really dislike sharing space beyond my husband and kid.

    10. I stopped staying at my mom‘s house when my kids were babies. We just blamed sleeping schedules, my mom didn’t like it, but she lived with it and we never went back to staying there.

      It was perfect.

      The hotel we stayed at was a lesser Marriott, and we ended up with a lot of Marriott points through my work travel. So since it was a small town Marriott, we were one of the only guests who ever had status there and we got the “sweet” (that’s how they spelled it on our key case) every time we went there which was hilarious.

    12. How old are the kids? Are they old enough to be without you, maybe 1 in each bedroom? Then you and husband can stay in a hotel and pitch it as a romantic getaway, thanks in-laws!

    13. You just do it. I’m honest with my family and explain we need our own space to wind down. They know better than to argue with me. When things aren’t actually important, just do the thing that will make a situation better for you. It will end up being better for everyone if your nerves aren’t frayed from staying in the same house.

  14. Looking for white elephant gift ideas for my board game group! The group is mixed gender (but primarily men), and in their late-20’s to mid-30’s. Past gifts that have gone well are quite nerdy, such as dice towers and geeky computer mats. Consumables (such as coffee and sweets) and tech-related gadgets (such as portable chargers) are surprisingly unpopular. Budget is $50. TIA!

    3. Maybe a really great jigsaw puzzle? Like the Where’s Bowie puzzle, or the Chicago Gangland Map?

      (Looking at the Urban Artisan Geneva site, lots of their stuff looks promising. )

      I once brought a copy of David Sedaris’s SantaLand Diaires to a white elephant party and it was sought-after.

      Good luck and I hope you get something nice!

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