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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Embroidered Floral Cashmere Sweater

A woman wearing black pants and a green sweater with embroidered pink flowers

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This embroidered cashmere sweater from Aqua might be a little too cutesy for some, but I’m really into it! The vibrant green color is gorgeous, and the hand-embroidered flowers are a nice addition.

For the office, I might add a fake collar to this to make it look a little more polished. (I actually own and wear this one with some frequency.)

If green isn’t your thing, it also comes in gray, with the same bright pink flowers. 

The sweater is on sale for $99 (originally $198) at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes XS-XXL.

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

314 Comments

  1. For the first time in my life, looking for a “day to dinner date” dress. Thinking a sweater dress demure enough to layer and wear to the office, but also appropriate for a date at a sexy speakeasy on a Friday night after work. Thinking maybe an interesting neckline? Maybe a shorter hemline if I wear it with my beloved opaque fleece tights at work? Prefer not super bodycon/ribbed fabric – most ribbed fabric looks weird (not cute) stretched across my chest. I’m striking out at mall stores like old navy, Ann taylor, banana, and Abercrombie. Ideas welcome!

          1. I think it works because it’s a shirtdress – the cut is more business-y despite the evening fabric. However my problem with velvet is that it’s a lint magnet!

      2. I have and love this dress, it’s fantastic overall and would be perfect for OPs event.

    2. I generally feel like day-to-dinner is a lie. BUT around the holidays, you can be a bit more festive during the daytime and wear that out. I feel like Boden and Anthro have things with a hint of sparkle that would qualify as festive (but not necessarily s*xy, which is something I can’t pull of in darkness, let alone at the office (built like a thin rectangle with generous hips; I am attractive for a tug-of-war team in a big old way).

        1. historically i have been a huge proponent of the day to dinner dress but i think it’s, as a genre, a little out right now. agree a nice sweater dress with boots might do the trick. midi length, cowl neck….

        2. Or it’s realistic. I have thunder thighs and birthing hips – annoying because it doesn’t always fit with the fashion I like, but also I’m strong and athletic so I’ll take it.

    4. From personal experience I recommend the Eileen Fisher Long Sleeve Rib Dress. The pictures on the model look baggy but if you wear it with a belt it has a very nice shape. It’s not clingy but skims over the body showing your shape without being clubwear. I’d switch up the accessories – wear it with flat and a plain belt to work and heels and a more interesting belt (leopard print?) later. FWIW, I’m a pear and this is not too tight on my hips, which is a problem I often have slimmer dresses.

    5. Does it have to be a dress? It might be easier to wear something like wide-legged black pants to the office with a blouse or sweater, and then swap the top for something slinky on the way out the door.

      I personally dislike sweater dresses for this – anything day-appropriate is going to be bulky and hot in a bar.

    7. Consider a pleated midi skirt (JCrew) that has a subtle shimmer but very office appropriate length and silhouette, with a sweater.
      Garnet Hill has great luxurious sweater dresses including a wrap style that might fit the bill

    8. Maybe something like this? Could dress down the top with a blazer for work
      https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-7112100/womens-draper-james-sequin-tie-waist-sweater-dress.jsp?skuid=29443554&CID=shopping30&utm_campaign=DRAPER%20JAMES&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=29443554&utm_campaignid=20503756948&CID=shopping30&utm_campaign=SSC&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_campaignid=20503756948&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkKCBsaCMigMVVkb_AR06QxZDEAQYAiABEgI4SPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

  2. How do you know when it’s time to quit your job? I’m in a dream mission driven job for the past 15 years and have risen through the ranks from entry level to the highest level at my non profit. However, it is a non profit and I suddenly feel my peers are earning more but I was never chasing the $$. My boss is amazing and I’ve so much independence here. I don’t have an objective reason to quit… more like I have suddenly started questioning if I’m settling… is this ennui/burnout/languishing… please help!

    1. I’m in nonprofits as well and there are SO MANY terrible toxic orgs out there, if you’ve found a good one I would stay!

      1. Yes that’s why I’m considering if I should move away from this world altogether but I don’t have a great move to X yet.

    2. Do you need the extra money? How is your work-life balance? What role do you have in your org and does it have a government or private-sector analog that would be a natural fit?

      1. I’d say, if you are young, especially if you are young and single, you need the $. Eventually, you may want a house. You may need a new car or expensive car repair. You may want to travel. You could eventually want to work PT (and not for peanuts). You definitely don’t want to be working forever. Your SS$ is based on your highest salary working years. What will that be like if you don’t make a lot now and don’t have a high growth potential? I feel like these jobs bank on you getting a husband and the math of two incomes muting how little you make. But you need to manage for the life you have today and the life you want at 67+. The money matters. If you can make more, I’d go do what pays more.

        1. Completely agree with all of this. Unless you have a massive trust fund, go make more money.

        2. I feel like this is where government is often a win. Excellent health insurance. Retirement is generally good also. You generally get raises or at least a COLA and vacation only gets more generous and you can often roll over leave.

          On the private side, you often make more but I feel like I see a lot of basic government workers who have stayed do well, judging by retirement living. Building inspectors, probation officers, court staff. Often these may be county or state or city workers; it varies.

          1. I can’t say this enough but switching to the federal government was the best thing I’ve ever done

          2. I moved to government in my late 40s and never looked back — sitting pretty in retirement now thanks to my pension and the generous 401(k) and 403(b) matching.

        3. I’m the Anonymous who asked the question and I completely agree with you.

          She said she’s been there for 15 years, and I’m firmly of the belief that being underpaid in middle age (or older) is a special kind of suck. It isn’t about buying a big house; it’s about buying a house at all.

          I once went 8 years without being able to afford a vacation. Finally started making decent money, got married to a man who earns less, got pregnant. When people suggested I quit my job when I had a kid, I all but had an aneurysm.

          1. This. Do you want a roommate? Do you want a roommate forever? Do you want to go back to a college-type roommate situation where you share a private room vs have a room in a shared apartment?

    3. Read Working Identity and/or Designing Your Life before you quit. Or even job search. The grass often looks greener, and sometimes is. Maybe it is time for you to change, or maybe time to add a different hobby/personal interest.

    4. I think its worth looking around, but with the idea that you will only move if it is truly a big career and salary boost.

      1. To expand, I’m at a nonprofit and I’ve thought about this a lot. All my friends work in finance and consulting so I see their salaries all the time. I really value my current work, haven’t liked corporate jobs in the past, and I do make enough that its not an issue. Long term, I do see that it could become an issue. My plan is to take advantage of the luxury of having a solid job I like, but as I said keep an eye out in case a well paid job at an organization I don’t hate comes up. Those do exist, but they are further apart. So I want to keep my long term career in mind in case something comes up, but no hurry.

          1. Yeah and I am high enough / specialized enough that I do make decent money now. Those director / ED positions only come around every so often though, so that’s why I said keeping an eye out for them + private sector

        2. I know things are looking a little hairy with the new administration, but I have found (as a former NGO and local gov’t employee) that federal government is the absolute sweet spot for me. Mission based work that I love (my job is very hands on with the mission, I know others are not), good work-life balance, incredible stability*, good benefits, great pay. I never, ever thought I could make 6 figures in my career field. I have a pension and a TSP (401k equivalent) with a 5% match so I worry much less about retirement than I used to. Good vacation time (what’s the point of being single and free if I can’t travel?). Flexibility. I like my day to day job (it was a foot in the door to the org), love my collateral duties, and work with awesome people.

          I’m mid 30s and single. I might get married and have a dual income, I might not – I need to be able to take care of myself financially. While i loved my local gov’t job but it paid HALF of what I make now – that’s not realistic for someone on a single income and there was much worse work life balance.

          1. Can you give an idea about what sector your job is now? (Realizing I am not asking for identifying info, please).

        3. Thank you, very helpful. I do make low 6 figures but I’ve a bet specialized background and everyone else who was a peer 15 years ago seems to be making double. Government is not an option in my specialty (can’t say more without getting outed).

          1. Two things (anon at 9:56 here):
            1) Could you pivot to something related in government? I was working at a humanitarian assistance NGO and needed out. It’s obviously very, very niche work, but I was able to pivot into domestic emergency management when I needed to a) make more money and b) move out of the DC area for family reasons. Is there a similar pivot you could do? I’m having trouble imagining something that’s available in the private sector and NPOs but not government.
            2) Yeah, all of my friends are in the corporate world and I’m in the government world – I will never make as much as them, but I make enough to be comfortable and secure in retirement. I have more time off, great health insurance (more expensive than people assume, but incredible coverage), and excellent work life balance – these are things that my corporate friends don’t have.

    5. Some questions for you to ask yourself:

      You’ve used the word “suddenly” a couple of times. Did something precipitate this? Where did this “suddenly” come from? It sounds like you noticed someone else’s income — is this comparison or envy talking? Or are you genuinely thinking that it’s time for a change?

      Then you also started talking about ennui/languishing. And mentioned burnout. Those are very different situations. ARE you bored and languishing? Are you under high stress and weary? If you’re burned out, a switch to a higher-paying, higher-stress new job may not help. If you’re bored, it would.

      Do you tend to overstay or understay at jobs/commitments? I’m an overstayer, and often stay too long after the job has changed or I’ve changed and it’s time to move on.

      1. Great questions. “suddenly” because it never even occurred to me until a few weeks ago… I couldn’t put my finger to why “suddenly” but upon reflection, I do think I saw some body else who was a peer in a very well paid C-suite job and was like woah!

    6. Have you worked in the corporate world before? I went from a background of NGOs and the government to corporate (to chase the money because I was single and needed to better support myself) and I could not have hated it more. I lasted 18 miserable months before going back to government.

      I just really, really struggled with not having mission-based work. Everything was done for the bottom line. The CEO was a hundreds millionaire and they were cutting perks left and right. I just couldn’t do it.

      1. I’ve not. “Always been mission oriented” sounded like who I’m but now I’m questioning if I’m just choosing the easier path.

        1. Why do you feel its the easier path? Who or what are you comparing it to? People think less money = easier path and that is just objectively not true.

          1. Because I’m very comfortable in my now senior position, my independence and flexibility compared to my corporate friends I guess. I still work very very hard and haven’t had a break in a long time but they all seem to have a lot more office politics/ boss issues and thankless hours as opposed to my hard work contributing to an important mission.

          2. Ah I get that. It sounds like maybe a bigger role, such as ED at your organization or another, is in order. But read what other commenters said about private sector – no guarantee that you would really like that either.

      1. Thanks, this is exactly my worry that if there’s a whisper now there must be something to be done…

    8. I see somebody already mentioned Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra. I read the first edition when it came out, and the new edition was worth paying for.

      Since you framed your question around quitting, I would also recommend the book Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away by Annie Duke. It clears away a lot of unhelpful baggage around grit and persistence, and offers some really interesting frameworks and processes for decision-making.

    9. Another thing to consider with the private sector/Fortune 500 type work is that they can be incredibly ageist depending on the company/industry. So considering a switch in your mid-thirties/early-forties may be the only path into some of those roles. The older you get and more senior you become in nonprofit, the less the for-profit sector is going to consider for transferable skills.

    10. You say you’re at the highest level but also have a boss, have you considered becoming an ED at a different non profit?

    11. IME you’re either a corporate person or a mission-based person – very few people are able to happily move between the two work environments.

  3. Do you tip your pet sitter? This is my first time having pets as an adult. I’ve booked a pet sitter to care for my two cats while I’ll be out of town over the holidays. She organizes appointments and payments through a third-party app/website and I noticed it has an option to add a tip. I looked it up and opinions are divided.

    If it matters: This is a local, independent pet sitter from my neighborhood; she’ll be coming once a day for 30 minutes for 8 days; my cats don’t have any special needs.

      1. But if it’s being scheduled through a third-party app, like Rover, I’ll bet the app is taking a decent percent of the fee.

        1. They are, but she is aware of that and I would assume sets her rates accordingly.

    2. Is it Rover? I always tip, especially if I really like the cat sitter and want them to be available for me in the future.

    4. I use Rover and always tip. It’s already expensive but worth it to me because she is so good about communicationand I want her to accept future appointments.

    6. I don’t have a pet but if you like your sitter and she is reliable, I’d tip, especially during the holidays. I’d also tip in cash.

    8. If you’re using Rover, I would try and move away from the app to just having them come on their own so they get the whole fee after this time. And yes, I would tip when using the app but I would be annoyed by it.

      1. You lose having them bonded and insured. They lose potential for future jobs. That’s well worth using the app to me.

    9. no.

      I tip my hair dresser and nail technician each time I go. I tip my food servers for sit-down service only and bar tenders a couple bucks and amount depends on atmosphere, what’s ordered (beer bottle vs complex cocktail), etc. I tip my food delivery drivers. I tip my housecleaner and childcare providers at the holidays (I think of it as more of a gift than tip TBH. Maybe I’m forgetting something, but that’s honestly about it.

      Tipping culture is ABSURD and I’ve unapologetically put my foot down.

      1. Whether you tip your nail tech has literally nothing to do with whether you should tip a mover or pet sitter. I hope you realize that.

        I also find it rich that the folks on such a high horse about tipping are also those who currently don’t work in a job where it is structured into the means for their pay. Sticking it to a low pay worker and then acting morally superior on top of it isn’t the good look you think it is.

        I assume you will also be turning down your yearly bonus?

        1. People who recieved tips love it because it’s easy free money. I have a 6 figure corporate job and I take home less than I did when I was hawking shots. Don’t be fooled by the narrative that tips are essential to survive, it’s a VERY high income with little education or skill required.

          1. Also, they’re allegedly going to be untaxed soon. Which I have so many very deep, complex thoughts about. Mostly, though, I land on the fact it’s BS in the sense of relativity – think about the types of jobs that are not tip based and ARE taxed (teachers, I’m looking at you).

          2. So you would be hawking shots without the tips? Got it. You seem to be completely overlooking that it is structured into their pay.

            Do I like tipping? No. In a perfect world, the employer would take on all costs and pricing would be set accordingly. But for these low-wage jobs, that’s how America structures it. Not tipping–and then thinking your taking some sort of moral stance on top of it–is literally doing nothing but hurting that low-wage worker.

            I have a six-figure corporate job. I also worked shots and coat check during grad school. I’d take the six-figure corporate job any day.

          3. Why are you continuing to work your six figure corporate job instead of bartending, then?

          4. I’m in a corporate job because I positively contribute to the world and my work matters, hawking shots is not bettering society. I do fantasize about going back though it was great to not have a job that consumed my thoughts and I could do on 15% brain power.

          5. “Positively contribute to the world and my work matters”…. and calling others here on their high horse? Yikes. Pot, meet kettle.

        2. I would tip movers, but I haven’t moved in over a decade nor do I plan to move anytime soon, so it wasn’t on my short list of regular services that I tip for. Also, I did caveat that the list probably wasn’t comprehensive. So, relax? And we can agree to disagree on the rest.

      2. I go to this block of shops near my home pretty much every other day. There’s a bakery I love but they got a new point of sale system, and no, I am not tipping you for getting a loaf of bread off the shelf behind you and handing it to me.

    10. I only tip one of my pet sitters who is a vet tech and does everything perfectly. The others are pretty sub par so they just get their flat rate

    11. I’m in the UK, so the tipping culture is different, but my pet sitter actively resists being tipped – she’s direct originally found on Facebook, not through a platform, I will leave her extra in the envelope with her fee (which she decides and which is really cheap for my area) and she leaves me change. Last time I went away for work, which will be my last trip before Christmas, I left her chocolates and a small toy for each of her dogs, which I suspected she might be happier to accept.

    12. No but my pet sitter is independent so I just pay her rate. She increases the prices at the holidays which is reasonable.

  4. I found out yesterday that my boyfriend of 8 months has been cheating on me. It was so good at the beginning, I really thought it was going to be something real, and I’m pretty devastated. He’d been distant the past month, but he also started a demanding job and we’ve been long distance, so I thought that was why. I obviously ended it and came home immediately, but this has never happened to me before and it’s hit me like a freight train. He didn’t even fess up, I found proof.
    Not sure what I’m even looking for here, just voicing my sadness. If anyone has any wise words or support, I’m here for it. I really thought he was one of the good ones.

    1. So sorry, OP, that is really disappointing. Be glad you only wasted 8 months with this person. Do not make excuses for him (which I’m somewhat reading in your demanding job/long distance comments) or entertain forgiving him. Unfortunately he was never the man you thought he was.

      1. thank you! Definitely not making excuses, I guess just explaining why I didn’t catch on immediately. And no, I will never be taking him back.

        1. You were long distance. He had ample opportunity to hide evidence. You have to give people some amount of trust and goodwill. It makes sense you didn’t realize immediately, and maybe you can reframe it to be proud of yourself that you found the evidence and acted decisively.

    2. I am so sorry this happened to you. Better that it happened now than after you’d invested even more time and emotion. Eight months is relatively short in the grand scheme of things. If he couldn’t exercise some self-control that early in the relationship, this is a him problem, not a you problem.

    3. I’m so sorry. This SUCKS. Give yourself time to grieve the relationship you thought you had, and lean on friends or family if you can.

      1. Thanks– that’s been the hardest part, is having the good parts so tainted, and grieving what I thought I had.

    4. Hug. Feel all the sadness and hurt; it’s normal.

      Always remember that when someone cheats, it’s because of who they are, not because of who you are. (This also applies to basically everything in life involving integrity.)

    5. This s*cks. I’m so sorry.

      I’ve been LD before and have suspected this. If you are LD, how did you discover this?

      1. He had been very affectionate and attentive for the majority of our relationship, then in the past 6ish weeks all the sudden he wasn’t texting or calling nearly as much, and something just felt off. All the sudden he seemed to have very little interest in spending time with me. He was still saying the right things, but he had cooled off so much I was considering breaking up with him anyway.

        I snooped on his ipad while he was at work yesterday–that’s how I found out. I genuinely didn’t expect to find anything real, so I was pretty shocked.

    6. What an ahole. I’m sorry you had to deal with this. He’s a total coward for not breaking up with you and just stringing you along while he moved on with his life. You are definitely better of without him.

    7. I was a grown woman in my late 30s when that first happened to me. It felt so yucky and confusing! We’d also only been dating for a few months, so part of the yuck factor was “You could have TOLD me you were interested in seeing other people, instead of going for it and letting me find out later.”

      I decided I didn’t want to be left with weird residue from someone else’s choices, and I did a bunch of personal work to make sure I knew ***in my bones*** that what happened was about him, not me (or even the other woman). It took energy for sure, and it definitely didn’t happen overnight, but it was worth it. Funny thing, he called me out of the blue a few years later to apologize. I guess he must have been in a 12-step program or something. That’s when I knew that the work I’d done had paid off — because I was not angry with him any longer, but I was also not impressed by the apology. I was kind of like, “Good for you. And good luck in your future endeavors.”

      Agreeing with everyone else who said you were lucky you found out only 8 months in! I know it sucks, but better than the alternative?

      1. Oh those twelve step calls are the worst, such shady selfish BS to try and absolve yourself of guilt and put it back on the wronged party with that faux apology.

    8. I have been there, and I am so, so sorry that this happened to you, too. I was sad and angry for a long time. Cheating, especially at this early stage in a relationship, says everything about his character and nothing about yours, don’t let this shape your view of yourself. If anything, going through this experience pushed me to clarify my values and needs, after time for reflection and healing I came away with a much stronger sense of self. You’re doing great, sending lots of love.

  5. I have several seniors in my life for which my goal is to not add more junk to their lives. A couple years ago I got the suggestion to send holiday florals and I sent mini live, pre lit and decorated table top Christmas trees to my grandmother and grandmother in law for the remainder of their lives, it was perfect and brought smiles to them all December.

    Now I want to start sending arrangements/decor to my ILs but I’m hoping for something more appropriate for their home vs an assisted living facility. Budget up to $200 or so, if you happen to have recommendations local to greater Dallas (north) even better! I would do a wreath but MIL has a lovely one already and they only have one exterior door that can properly hold a wreath. An outdoor arrangement would be fine, they are in TX.

    1. Harry and David have some nice holiday centerpieces/arrangements, as does, interestingly, LL Bean.

      1. OP here- I was looking at LLbean but the quality was hard to gauge. Any first hand experience?

        1. LL Bean’s wreaths are lovely. I sent one to my grandma for several Christmases and they were always nice and well-received.

        2. Yes, LL Bean’s wreaths and such are good-quality, fresh fir. Smell great and stay fresh for several weeks.

    2. How about a poinsettia? We have done that for our moms and it’s always gone over well. Most florists should have them in stock. Caveat: don’t send a poinsettia if they have a cat!

    3. A bit over your budget at $300 for a 6x per year delivery, but Bouqs offers a $48 per arrangement flower subscription. For greater frequency or bigger bouquets, the price increases. Maybe something you could share with siblings if applicable?

      1. OP here- I’ve used Bouqs in the past and been underwhelmed. I don’t like how they require the recipient to assemble the flowers, many come pre bloom, and the quality seems to vary a lot.

        If there’s another vendor I’d consider it!

        1. McShan Florist in Dallas. It’s one that’s been around forever, has a good delivery radius and does the traditional holiday floral drop offs.

    5. I’m in Dallas and I love Dr. Delphinium. Generally, I think they are considered to be a top 3 florist in Dallas.

      1. Same here. Always gorgeous. If you also live in Dallas and are willing to add the lights and decorations, I think Central Market sells smaller trees that may work from a size perspective for you.

    6. I like the Trader Joe’s “amaryllis bulb wrapped in wax” for folks with limited mobility (the wax retains all of the bulbs moisture, so they don’t need watering at all; but you still get to watch a living thing bloom). I think Costco has them packaged up in boxes that would be easier to ship too?

      1. My 92-year-old mom in assisted living got one of these as a holiday gift this year and last, and they are quite pretty and easy to deal with.

  6. Does anyone have a favorite resort / hotel in Orlando for a family of 4? Can be associated with the major theme parks or not.

    My mother lives there so we visit a few times a year. We stayed at Universal Cabana Bay last time and enjoyed the theming and amenities.

    1. We stayed at the Grand Floridian in October and loved it. I haven’t stayed at any other Orlando hotels so can’t compare, but it was really clean, nicely decorated, pretty good food, nice pools, and so convenient to the parks. It also just felt “fancy” which my girls loved. If/when we make another trip to Disney, we will definitely stay there again.

    2. LOL, I was just going to recommend Cabana Bay. My only regret is that we didn’t spend enough time at the pool there!

    3. It’s been a really long time, but we stayed at the Marriott Grande Vista several times as a family and loved it.

      Not sure what it’s like now, but I recall a game room, fire pits and smores nights, and some family fun activities happening on site (a karaoke night, ghost stories by the fire pits). We are not a ‘send the kids to the kids club’ family, so enjoyed that the activities were for the whole family to enjoy together.

    4. As someone who had been to Disney several times in the past few years, I wouldn’t pay WDW prices if you’re not going all in on a WDW trip.

    5. The JW Marriot Grande Lakes is connected via the pool/grounds to the Ritz Carlton and is one of my favorites in the area. I agree that I wouldn’t pay Disney prices if you’re not going to the parks, but if you do the Disney points system you may be able to get a decent deal. My kids have loved the Animal Kingdom and Beach Club resorts the most.

      1. I stayed here for a work trip and loved that there was so much space to roam around in. IIRC, I was at the Marriott but it was an easy stroll to the Ritz. Both were lovely.

      2. I’ve stayed at the Ritz but liked the Portofino better. I have an annual conference in Orlando and they move it around. My room at the Portofino was nicer than my room at the Ritz.

        Business travel is different than family travel, I know, but the Portofino was the only one I wished I had brought my family with me to.

        I’ve stayed at a few others in the same area- I think the JW Marriot – but none were particularly memorable to be honest.

    6. We stayed at the Gaylord just before Easter. No kids. But the entire facility was outstanding, including the decorations and activities for kids.

  7. I’m planning a trip to Costa Rica in early February. I’ll be flying in to San Jose and staying for about a week. We wanted to go hiking, see some waterfalls, etc. We are planning to have more of a low key trip than stay in a luxury resort since our HHI is not in line with others here. Also, I’m used to traveling to European cities with great public transportation options so I’m wondering about renting a car versus hiring a company as well as things like immunizations and health insurance. I’ve never bought travel health insurance so not sure if it’s necessary for a trip like this. Any suggestions or tips? Thanks!

    1. Re: insurance, if you travel internationally more than once a year, it might be worth it to get int’l travel insurance. I use GeoBlue — it’s Blue Cross Blue Shield’s international option, and it’s really reasonable (and worth it for the peace of mind, IMO). The coverage is extensive.

      You will definitely need a car to get around Costa Rica, but whether you choose to rent one or go on a tour is up to you. Have fun!

    2. Not sure if you’re going with kids – we took a honeymoon to Quepos (Manuel Antonio National Park) in CR about 10 years ago. We took a public bus down from San Jose (maybe $5 each), but ended up taking a plane back from the Quepos airport. At the time, the one-way flight was something like $90 each. We stayed at an “airbnb” but it was the Manuel Antonio Estates – the Eco Condos and largely things went well (some unexpected maintenance – both planned and unplanned during our week). We walked everywhere in the small downtown area of Quepos and took a public transit bus (50 cents?) to Manuel Antonio area when we wanted. We also took a taxi for side adventures (eco tourism, stand up paddleboarding, and boating trips). It’s a charming, small area – our tour guide at Manuel Antonio ended up giving us a ride back into town after the tour.

      We didn’t get specific health insurance, but may have gotten some vaccines. I’d talk to a doctor when you have an itinerary.

    3. Your own doctor or a “travel medicine clinic” in your area will be able to advise you on vaccinations.

      GET TRAVEL INSURANCE. It will not only cover non-refundable costs if you have to cancel for a covered reason, but it will cover medical care and evacuation if something happens to you on the trip. You mention hiking – It’s a whole lot easier to deal with a broken ankle in a foreign country if you can call the emergency number on your travel policy to get help with both immediate care and also rearranging your travel to return home for care if necessary.

        1. I usually use World Nomads. I’ve never had to make a claim, but their policies are easy to understand and are affordable.

      2. My doctor told me to never use travel vax clinics (unless, I guess, you need something really “exotic” in a hurry), they’re overpriced and will upsell you like crazy. of course, she told me this after I’d used one ahead of a last minuteish international trip last summer, and was upsold on a TDAP that I didn’t *really* need booster, but live and learn!

    4. I go to Costa Rica all the time, and its definitely driveable but honestly I hate driving there so if you have the money to set up car services between places I would do that (its not super expensive, might be equal or less to the cost of renting a car for week but something to price out). Most places you would go as a tourist have plenty of taxis/uber to get from like, hotel to restaurants so you’ll be fine.
      I’ve never bought specific health insurance for a trip there, although I’m not doing anything wild while I’m there. I did once have to go to urgent care for a relatively minor medical issue and the cost I would say was comparable to the US.
      I usually recommend staying near Manuel Antonio National Park for first timers, especially if you don’t want to spend all of your time traveling around the country. The park itself is absolutely stunning, with a ton of wildlife and beautiful beaches, and good hiking too. There’s plenty of hotels and airbnbs at different price points, and you can walk around the town and grab food without being stuck with a hotel restaurant every night. If you’re less interested in beaches, Arenal or La Fortuna in the mountains could also be good. Don’t waste your time with San Jose, but if you’re looking to stay closer to the airport for a night you could stay somewhere near La Paz Waterfall/Poas volcano and visit those. The Starbucks (I know!) coffee farm near the airport is stunningly beautiful if you need a place to kill time before a flight.
      Happy to answer any other specific questions if you have em!

      1. Thank you so much! Do you recommend any car services? We are definitely doing the trip on a budget but I don’t skimp on things like safety, transportation, etc. We wouldn’t mind a day or two by the beach but we love hiking, wildlife, and nature etc.

        1. Also, I read they don’t have a lot of automatic cars to rent. My SO and I definitely cannot drive a stick. (Being from NYC and all) Is it unrealistic to expect an automatic to be available for rent?

          1. Sorry, no specific recs – I stay with friends who live there and so I either drive their car or take ubers. The tourism industry is built up enough that there should be plenty of reviews for services (check tripadvisor or the helpful Costa Rica travel reddit).

            I never ended up needed to rent a car but every time I checked near San Jose I always saw automatics (more expensive than manual though). I would just book in advance and pick it up near San Jose or the airport, and it shouldn’t be a problem.

    5. I drove in costa rica and was fine with it, but I am not stressed out by driving in unfamiliar places. If you are, do not drive. I will say, if you drive in rural areas you need to deal with the one lane bridges that don’t have signs, but after the first few those make sense.

  8. In recent months, I’ve seen and responded to several comments here about dating around mid-life (defined broadly +/-), while personally I was still very much in sitting-on-the-fence mode, because my take-away from my second divorce was that I wouldn’t be ready to start dating again until I figured out why I’d stayed in that marriage so long.

    Unexpectedly, I find myself ready to get off the fence. And I have a question / invitation to the community here:

    Is there any appetite for a recurring thread here (a la Chapter 13 or Reader I Am Divorcing Him)? Supportive comments from the gallery are encouraged, but what I am mostly looking for is some form of company along the way from others who are also swimming in the same waters. Commiseration, lessons learned, experimenting with systems like Burned Haystack Dating Method or Date Brazen, etc.

      1. Same. I always like the updates from people who post about something important happening in their lives and how that thing unfolds.

    2. As someone who has been dating for most of the last 20 years, it’s frankly boring to talk about. Most of the time, there is nothing noteworthy to say and I get sick of that being a major topic of conversation. It just doesn’t seem like there would be much to update us on.

      1. Yep, don’t undervalue yourself, most men aren’t suitable and when you know you will know.

      2. I can totally see how it wouldn’t feel like there was much to talk about after dating for 20 years!

        Due to the way the timing of my marriages worked, and the self-imposed dating moratorium after my second divorce, I’ve never tried the apps, but I’ve read and heard a lot of horror stories, and it seems like dating culture in general has changed since I was last out there. So for me this feels like new and potentially fraught territory.

        My question was coming from a feminist solidarity place — checking if there was anyone here who wanted to keep each other anonymous company, to modify the “individual consumer” version of the experience. And if the answer is no, then it will still have been worth asking the question, because your message gave me perspective!

        1. Eh, lots of topics that get posted here are “boring.” If you think you might get helpful advice, post away!

          1. Totally post if you have questions or want advice. But I just don’t think there will be much to update people on

        2. While I agree that dating culture had changed, and that the apps are a big part of that, as a midlife dater myself, I would remind you that men our age started dating in the same culture we did, so may be most comfortable and receptive in that space. That is to say that my friends (male and female) and I have had the most success meeting people in person. The friends I know who are stuck on the apps are constantly frustrated. Seriously – go grab a drink and dinner at your neighborhood bar/restaurant regularly, talk to people, make friends, do things with those friends, and you may find you never need to open the apps.

          1. OMG thank you so much for this comment! You totally made my day. Not only had I not thought about this, and now I’m glad I get a chance to, but this is exactly the kind of “experience exchange” dynamic I was hoping for.

    4. Chapter 13 here. Just be ready to be attacked if you’re going to be a regular poster. I must have thin skin because it actually stings a little more than I expected, even though it’s from a stranger on the internet. I haven’t posted in a while because of it.

      2. Ch. 13, I have been thinking of you and hoped that you were doing well.

        Personal attacks hurt, and some very long time commenters (Diana Barry, Dr. The Original…) were driven off because of it.

        I hope you continue to post, and also hope that we can do a better job of having your back when the nasty women come out.

        1. I cannot tell you how very, very not impressed I am by anonymous mean girls. Like, seriously, get an actual life. It’s pathetic!

        2. I love the idea of having each other’s back in a way that extinguishes rather than encourages flame wars. Where do I sign up?

      3. Wow, I really appreciate you sharing this, Chapter 13. I’ve been so inspired by your courage and transparency in taking us along on your journey. Your comment is an important reminder that there are risks that come with that.

        I hope that overall the benefits have outweighed the costs for you, although of course I realize that’s a somehat Polyanna stance to take. Sending you so many hugs!!!

      4. Yea I’ve been attacked by commenters here. It’s definitely not fun and I’ve learned to look for real help elsewhere unfortunately. Keep it light here.

  9. I want to get soccer trading cards for my 13-year old nephew. In previous years I got him a Messi jersey and then the next year a jersey from our local soccer club, which he didn’t know about at the time but is now a fan. I want to get him a soccer trading card set to introduce him to the wider world of soccer – Premier League, MLS, maybe FIFA since the World Cup will be in the US in ‘26. I am overwhelmed by the options, though. Topps, Panini, Donruss, Merlin? Help!

    1. I only have experience with baseball cards, but I recommend looking to see if there’s a local card/hobby shop near you. They are usually very knowledgeable and can tell you about the differences between the brands (and between the types of packs within the same brand). We’ve found the prices to be comparable or even less than A*zon.

  10. Eh, at this point, I describe it like I describe a fixer-upper house. It’s not feeling like it’s horribly personal, just accurate: “It’s solid, but needs a spit and polish.” But I do feel like in a Zombie apocalypse, everyone picks me to be on their A team.

  11. I am feeling very overwhelmed by life, and life admin, right now. If it isn’t written on my calendar, it does not exist. Everyone — colleagues, family members, spouse, kids — needs something from me at all times, it feels like. Even the emails from my kids’ schools and activities are enough to break my brain, and my DH agrees. SO MANY DETAILS. (I seriously do not think our parents dealt with the information onslaught that we have.)

    Whatever self-care I’m doing clearly isn’t enough, because I find myself forgetting things (because there are more details than I can keep track of anymore). And once a project is done, I immediately erase it from my memory and move on to the next thing that needs my attention.

    Honestly, it feels like a very mid-life problem, being squeezed from all directions and feeling like you’re not giving enough to anything or anyone. What’s the solution here? Radical acceptance that I’m just in a busy phase of life? I recently quit a volunteer commitment that I no longer have time for; unfortunately, that was low-hanging fruit. There aren’t many things I can’t quit.

    I’m tired, ya’ll. Really tired.

    2. Schedule blocks of free time or actual days with the rest of stuff, say no to more extracurriculars, try to swap with your spouse rather than both attend, out source what you can, continue to calendar, and recognize it’s ok for some things to fall through the cracks. Loom longer tern—is this a season? If not, look bigger picture at how you want to use time and the payoff associated with sacrifice.

    3. How old are your kids? Can you put them in charge of their stuff? Agree that our parents had much less info (because there was a lot less extra stuff with school back then), but also kids were deputized to handle their own stuff pretty young. PJ day at school was something that was totally on us to remember, not our parents.

    4. Self care and downtime don’t exist to help you remember a million details. You just need and deserve those things as a person, especially as a person with so much on her plate.

      On thing that helps me is to remember that it’s just a season. Sometimes it’s a literal season, like the holidays and sometimes it’s a season of life. It’s ok to accept that you’re squeezed from all directions during this particular season and there is no way to organize or productivity hack your way out of that right now. So give yourself a break, recognize it’s all hard. You’re doing better than you think I’m sure.

      If you went to visit your child 30 years from now and find him or her this busy and still having thoughts that they are not giving enough to everyone else, what would you tell them? You’d probably give them a huge hug and tell them they’re doing fine. And you’re doing fine. And big hugs.

      1. I do not think that I would want to go on vacation to a place that does not welcome people from the US.

    5. First of all, I’m so glad you named your experience! Sometimes I feel like the whole self-care conversation is designed to get tired and overburdened women to shut up and get with the program.

      I will tell you a secret so you know that at least one other person out there is ridiculously overwhelmed. Earlier this year I found what felt like a hard nodule in my abdomen. I thought it might be cancer, but with everything going on I just didn’t have the bandwidth to get it checked out. Not like I couldn’t make a doctor’s appointment. More like I knew on some level I didn’t have the resources to deal with any more bad news. So I worried about it in the background, and didn’t tell anyone, because I also couldn’t deal with another person’s reaction on top of my own. I can tell you this now because recently I experienced some small relief to my overwhelm that opened up just enough bandwidth that I could swing by urgent care to start the process, and it looks like it’s benign (and a well-understood vs. a mysterious thing).

      There are a couple of books I found helpful for perspective over the past few years, but honestly they didn’t feel like a solution, more like validation that I’m not crazy. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, and Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included), by Pooja Lakshmin.

      1. This book is EXCELLENT and one of the few I’ve found that truly seems to get the life working women live today.

    6. I am right there with you. There are multiple days a week that our bandwidth is so fried I truly don’t know how we’d manage one extra thing: car breaks down, appliance stops working, basement floods, unexpectedly sick kid, etc. I don’t have any solutions; my main approach is just to pray that everything somehow holds together ha.

      1. Exactly. Like one more thing might actually break me. And we’re ridiculously fortunate and privileged and all of that. Yet it all feels hard.

    7. School emails are the absolute WORST. Education jargon, rambling prefaces, buried ledes. It’s all SO bad. They write for themselves (look how up on trendy educational nonsense I am!) vs their audience (busy parents).

      Anyways, I recently had to switch to a five subject spiral notebook to keep track of everything. One tab for each area in my life. It goes in the notebook or it doesn’t exist.

      1. Oh geez, you NAILED IT. So many words that say nothing at all, and the information I really need is usually buried three paragraphs deep.

        1. My feedback on the school survey last year was “less correspondence”.

          I would die to go back to the 90s where papers and notes came home once a week in a brown envelope.

          1. We get a weekly brown envelope full of stuff, and stuff in the daily folder, and e-mails.

        2. YESSSSSS My son is at a private school that texts parents important information (X paper due! No school tomorrow!) and I’m here for that. If you can say it in a short text please do that instead of some stupid email that I have to click a link to open another dumb formatted newsletter (s’more, whatever). Also, use the damn subject line in emails!!

    8. I can 100% relate to every word you wrote. Being pulled in so many directions leaves me frazzled and anxious. There doesn’t seem to be a single ball I can drop without all of them crashing down on me. So what’s my plan? Lean out on what I can. Hire out where I can. Ask for help (the hardest for me, by far). And when I can sneak in 30 minutes of “self-care”, sometimes it’s just sitting in silence in my car. Right now, that has to be enough (for me at least).

    9. I recently started copy/pasting school emails into ChatGPT and asking it to summarize key points and call out any dates/action items. I also highly recommend dialing down as much holiday noise as you can. I’ve told my family we’re skipping holiday cards (I’m the only one who cares and it’s a big PITA), I’m only baking cookies once before Xmas and during my work break, and I gave myself permission to go all in on gift cards for teens/teachers/anyone else I ‘have’ to buy a gift for vs. killing myself to research the ‘perfect’ thing.
      One more tip if your kids are young – I scheduled a sitter once this month to get them out of the house on a Sunday so my husband and I can wrap all the gifts in one fell swoop. Alternate no cost plan – lock yourself in a spare room one night after work and tell your kids/husband it’s breakfast for dinner night and you are not to be disturbed. I then wrap everything with Xmas movies on and stick them in the attic after bedtime. My offer to my husband is either he buys/wraps all the gifts or he does solo bedtime 5 weeknights in December- feel free to tweak the ‘exchange’ rate but that felt fair to me.

      1. I’m laughing so hard at the idea of getting ChatGPT to deal with the annoying wordy emails! This reminds me of something I read recently, about how more and more conference papers are being written by AI, and now conferences are using AI to review the submissons. Someone did a research project and found that AI reviewers prefer papers written by AI. This is all getting very meta, but given the level of overwhelm being expressed in today’s comments maybe this is where we are all going!

  12. Hi, resident identity theft victim here. I posted 2-3 weeks ago after receiving something from LexusNexis.

    Well, despite having frozen credit for the last 12+ months, which has successfully worked and prevented nine credit cards from being opened in my name (more accurately, in my maiden name that I have not had for 11 years, but my SSN and other current contact info were used), I started getting emails from Go2Bank on 12/1 stating that my new debit cards (PLURAL) for my new accounts (MULTIPLE!) are en route. So, new information to me: checking and savings accounts can be opened without credit checks!

    Despite my general savvy nature and long-time anal retentive organization and monitoring of my financial accounts, this is happening. I’ve taken every step in my arsenal and that this board to date has provided me on how to remedy, but it’s becoming so much to keep up with. Each week there’s just more.

    Is there a professional I can enlist to help review my security? I theoretically have “Allstate Identity Protection” through work but clearly it’s useless. Is a professional even a thing, to sort of do an audit against my SSN and confirm that I’ve caught everything that was opened? I almost missed these emails from Go2Bank because I thought it was just random spam. I didn’t know the Lexus Nexus report was a thing, but I theoretically could have stayed ahead of that (pro tip: everyone go freeze that for yourself). How do I know that, like, utility accounts aren’t being opened in my name, for example? Verizon accounts? More checking accounts? This is just wild to me.

    I’m so grateful that none has actually done anything to negatively impact my financial status / credit…… yet. But I’m also like… what am I not aware of that I could prevent before someone attempts it? Or what’s the next Go2Bank account that’s already open but I don’t even know it? HALP.

    1. I’m just flagging if helpful that something very similar happened to my father a few years ago and it was a result of mail fraud. Sometimes as a result of forwarding, sometimes theft out of a mailbox/post office/storage box. I would check your mail to ensure your mail hasn’t been forwarded elsewhere. They target married couples and have one person’s mail forwarded (joint mail still gets delivered to the original address, so it can take a while to notice).

      1. Thank you. I will try to figure out how to check on this for both me and DH. Never crossed my mind!

    2. You must freeze your records at Chex Systems to prevent someone opening a bank account. Banks use different bureaus than credit cards, I think due to something about money laundering.

    4. I think IDX does this kind of service. They do seem to provide an enhanced credit monitoring service.

  13. For my entire adult life I was a fit pear – I didn’t love it because its annoying shape to dress but I managed. Due to a few unforeseen circumstances I am now fat. I’m back in the gym, working with a dietician, getting bloodwork run to figure out the cause of this and adjust my lifestyle so I get back to being an acceptable size.

    In the meantime, I need new clothing. I am so mad at myself for letting it get to a point where I have to waste money on new clothes, but that’s where I am. My stomach has gotten bigger, unfortunately, but its still much smaller than my thighs and butt. I’m really struggling with pants – the same issue I had as before (if it fits my waist its too small for my legs, if it fits my legs, its too big for my waist) but it seems worse – now even leggings are a problem.

    Looking for favorite cheaper pants and leggings among the pears?

    1. Poshmark – size up on the old styles you used to love.

      Gently, there’s a lot of anger here about your body. Try to be gentle with yourself.

    2. All bodies are acceptable sizes.

      I wear belts with all my pants to fix the gaping waist issue.

      1. Hard disagree on the first point – I don’t look good and I don’t have the stamina I had before – this is not how I will be living my life.

        1. That doesn’t mean your body is unacceptable. Other people read what you say. Be Best.

          1. I don’t have to like my body how it is – I think it’s gross. It is what it is.

    3. Fellow pear with extra squishies from perimenopause.

      Loft curvy cut cords. I can’t wear AT but I can wear Loft curvy. BRF and JCF pants often work for my shape as long as they aren’t the non-stretch ones. Elastic in the back versions are also very good.

    4. Clothing is a better catalyst for change than a motivation for change. You’ll be more successful in your fitness journey if you buy some curvy cut pants and some new bras and underwear that fits. Puff sleeved knit tops are probably cute on you. Take the day off if you can and hit the actual stores. I’d head to the loft or gap or j crew factor for this. Build a little capsule in colors you gravitate towards just to get you dressed for the next few months. It’s not a waste of money, it’s all probably 40% off and it’ll still be cheaper than dietitians and it’s an investment in yourself. Good luck.

      1. My dietician is completely covered by insurance. Most plans provide some level of dietician coverage. Plus, while clothes help the immediate, they don’t help you getting back to being healthy, a good dietician can.

        1. Please don’t use “healthy” as a euphemism for thin. I am on a weight loss journey for many reasons and I am not healthier now by any markers than I was 40 lbs ago.

          1. All things being equal, it will always be better for your body to be a healthy weight than overweight. Always.

          2. Why can people not resist the urge to just hate on fat people? Just give the gal pants tips and move on. We don’t all need to hear your personal theory on every human’s health.

          3. Saying it’s healthier to be a healthy weight is a tautology.
            I agree that healthy isn’t the same as thin and there’s really nothing gained from mashing the two together. It just alienates the people who could give the relevant advice about dressing a larger body.

  14. I’m mostly liking the new changes to the s i t e, with one notable exception. The blank comment field appearing at the top of the comments is weird to me! It used to appear at the bottom, which makes more sense, since if you post a fresh comment it will appear at the bottom of the list.

    1. If we’re giving input, I’d appreciate larger font size (or the ability to enlarge it further on my iPad)

      1. Interesting! I feel like the font (or maybe the spacing) is too large on my phone, it’s larger than the mom’s page, and I prefer that size for skimming through without too much scrolling. Neither seems to be adjustable.

    2. To add additional input, the link to the next post used to be on the bottom and now it is on the top which makes no sense. I hate having to go all the way back up to essentially hit next. It should be at the bottom which is where you are when you are done reading the current post page!

  15. Another non-mom mom question. One of my kids is kind of tricky to vacation with- she doesn’t like the beach, or long car rides, or boats (she gets seasick) or do well with really difficult travel (eg. waking up at 4am for a flight). We’ve never done international travel but I think a massive time change would hit her really hard, though we are willing to give it a go. We talked about it yesterday and she thinks she’d like to do the leg work to help plan a vacation that she could really enjoy. I’m not sure where to point her and would love ideas. We have 3 kids ages 7-12 and are coming from New England. She is flexible on the beach and car ride, but the point is that it shouldn’t be a “beach” vacation (eg. we did Puerto Rico and she loved it, but the actual beach was her least favorite part; we did a long drive to Hilton Head and while she didn’t love the drive, our rental had a pool and there was enough to do for two weeks that she was fine with it.)

    We are thinking maybe national parks, but I’m not sure how much walking/hiking would be do-able. Canada? Somewhere in Cali? Should we roll the dice on an overseas international trip and pray to the gods of melotonin?

    1. Ideas:
      – Costa Rica would have a similar mix of beach and adventure
      – There are some flights to London that are daytime rather than overnight, which might be easier for your group?
      – What about trying a train-based trip here? Amtrak is pretty easy around the NE corridor.
      – National parks and “not a lot of time in the car to get there” don’t seem like particularly compatible goals, but the point about walking or hiking not being do-able stood out to me aside from that – why are you worried about that?

      1. I was thinking of flying west (Yellowstone? Grand Canyon?), not driving to, say, Acadia :). Costa Rica has been on my mind, and generally South America where the time change is minimal.

        1. You can’t really fly directly to Yellowstone. Even if you fly to Jackson ($$$$), you still have to drive a lot. It’s a pretty cool place, just know that you do have to spend a fair amount of time in the car to do anything.

    2. There are lots of places you can go that won’t involve a time change – what about Disney World?

    3. I would actually just let her run wild on the initial phase of planning. Let her explore intentional destinations, national parks, cruises, whatever. Let her get excited about certain things and cull others.

      Take whatever she comes up with and refine it for budget, practicality, how everyone else would enjoy it, etc.

      1. Yeah, this. Whenever I find myself twisting myself in knots to meet a kid’s preference, I just hand over the reigns completely. Every freaking time, they end up totally and completely blowing me away with a totally unexpected pick that I never in a million years would have gone for (this is true for everything from picking their own punishment to Christmas gifts to vacation destinations).

        1. It’s also about teaching them (in a very fun way) to brainstorm, research, and be proactive. Part of brainstorming can be coming up with the undoable (no, we can’t afford a chartered jet around Yellowstone); that’s going to happen when you learn new things and come up with new ideas.

          It’s also about putting work where it belongs. Someone wants a new vacation spot; that’s nice, but it’s not going to create another chore just for Mom.

      2. Seconded! She knows her limits and preferences better than you do, and kids are usually more creative.

      3. As a start, can you go to the library and get some books on different parts of the world/country (you might be clear what is likely in your budget by showing her places on a map that shouldn’t take so much time or be too expensive (like Antarctica or a Safari). I would give her some boundaries to get her started

    4. I think Buenos Aires or Costa Rica would be good options for international with no/minimal time change.

      Portugal is probably a good match for a shortish flight but will have a time difference (assuming you are flying out of Boston you can fly direct to the Azores for example).

      In the US I would consider Jackson Hole (with trips to Yellowstone/the Grand Tetons); a trip to Bryce Canyon/Zion National Park (with an optional add on to the Grand Canyon, which would require a 4 hour drive), or Florida (can do a day or two in Miami that has beaches and other stuff; visit the NASA center; Everglades tour, etc.).

    5. So this is me- motion sickness, jet lag, I hate the sun, and I just get worn out with too much travel (I have a chronic illness). I do like to hike and I do actually like national parks, but they tend to involve a lot of driving, so you have to be careful about where you stay. I’m an early bird so we try to do as much as possible early in the morning when it’s not crowded, traffic is better, and it’s not so hot, but that’s probably harder with kids.

      Would she be more into a city trip? I think you should base the trip on something she’s interested in, whether that’s wildlife, geology, fashion, food, Greek mythology, history, or whatever, to give her more of a reason to care about all of the travel misery. And then don’t overdo it and make sure she gets enough sleep, eats well, doesn’t get too much sun or heat or whatever else bothers her. I do think California is a decent place to try if you haven’t been, especially if you’re going in the summer.

    6. i mean i don’t like waking up at 4am for a flight. growing up i never went on a beach vacation (my parents dont like the beach), though did do some long drives.

      what does she like to do? hike? walk? museums? attractions? history? sports? adventure stuff? what did she love about what you did in Puerto Rico?

    7. What about Montreal + Quebec City? Would be a short flight and no time zones, but you get the foreign experience. We took our kids (younger than yours) and had a great time.

      1. Montreal and QC are about 3 hours apart driving/train. In OPs situation I would pick one or the other.

    8. Let her do the work! Having control over travel plans (or at least making decisions re tradeoffs) can make a trip a lot easier. Coming from New England, western Europe would be about as far as California, and probably more exciting.

      She sounds like she’d love a city with interesting museums and sights- somewhere with a ton of things to do vs. a beach/pool/boat relaxing vacation.

    9. My kids are that age and we like Italy. Particularly Tuscany at the beach but there are lovely agritourismo accommodations inland. You could fly into Rome and take train to Pisa or Florence then on to Venice and fly out of Venice. The Netherlands would also work well with lots of train and bike options for transport.

      I generally don’t time shift much when we travel. Late dinners and 11pm bedtime and sleep in or have a nap after lunch. In both Greece and Italy it’s common to see kids on the playground in town at like 10pm at night because they had an afternoon nap in the heat of the day.

      At that age, lean into their interests. We did the Science Museum in London and horseback riding in Hyde Park instead of the British Museum and a fancy afternoon tea. You can do olive picking or truffle hunting in Italy in the fall. Pizza or Pasta making class is also fun.

  16. Does anyone else like to get themselves a treat when they hit a certain financial goal? I’m *finally* at a point in my career where I’m able to make and save enough money where it feels like I’m making progress towards savings and investment goals. Of course, this also takes discipline to put off some short term gratification to grow these accounts so when I hit a milestone I want to celebrate.

    I hit 100k NW earlier this year (at 29 – I work in government so this feels huge) but missed it, so didn’t catch that. I also didn’t do anything when I paid off my student loans (I was living at home at the time, and had limited expenses, so I literally EMPTIED my bank account to pay them off before I moved out… no money for treats.

    I’m close to hitting 20k in savings and 15k in non-retirement investments. Goals on the horizon (not imminent but probably in 2025) would include 150k NW, 100k across my Fidelity accounts (some but not all retirement accounts, investment accounts), and down the road 100k in retirement (difficult to calculate bc of pensions). I know they say that once you hit your first 100k you’d be surprised how quickly the next 100k comes.

    I know these numbers aren’t that impressive for many, but given my salary history I’m really proud of this. I want to do something to acknowledge my hard work!

    1. Yay for treats and yay for you for hitting those milestones!! YAY!! How about a spa day?

    2. I don’t know that I’ve ever bought myself something, but a boyfriend once took me out for a fancy dinner to celebrate a promotion and my mom bought me an expensive purse to celebrate a different promotion.

      Do something that makes sense for you: if you’re a social butterfly, invite your friends out for happy hour and buy everyone a round; if you like to keep your style simple but need some solid wardrobe anchors, but that nice pair of boots or earrings; if you value the outdoors or travel in general, take a long weekend to go somewhere you haven’t been to scratch that itch.

    2. I’ve tried Neustadter who was recommended here and several very fancy mainline derms/plastic surgeon. Haven’t been impressed.

      By far the best is Alla Bondarev – nurse injector. Also, by far the least expensive – always exciting when that happens. Recommended by my incredibly turned out Russian friend.

  18. Ugh, my company is doing layoffs this week and apparently if you don’t get a meeting you’re fine…so I’m just waiting here hoping to get through the week without receiving an ominous meeting request. It blows.

    1. I’m hoping for the best for you.

      That said, please gather contact information for any colleagues who would be good references. Gather up any non-proprietary examples of your work (awards you have won, accolades from colleagues, maybe writing down a few key metrics from a project you killed it on). Ensure that any of your personal information isn’t in your email or work computer (ex forward personal emails from your work email to your own email, purge personal files from your work computer).

      1. all this!! and maybe take a look through some job sites now just to see what’s out there — even if you make it through this layoff there will probably be reduced resources at work to do the same work, and there may be a second wave of layoffs

        1. as someone who was laid off earlier this year, +a million. Also, save some notes about major projects and accomplishments / download copies of your reviews. I found a lot of those fell out of my head very quickly once I wasn’t living and breathing work every day, and you’ll want them for resume and interview prep!

    2. If your company is huge and based in the upper midwest, I have a friend there too and she said it’s mayhem. Another friend’s husband who works there is tasked with calling the non-layed off employees to explain the situation. What a cluster. Hoping for the best for you!

        1. Hmmm, I applied for an atty job with them month or so ago. I never heard anything and it wasn’t a great fit so I assumed that was why. Oh well

  19. I’m having dinner with some old friends tonight, most of whom I am really excited to see. One person however, I’ve mostly distanced myself from because she has a habit of saying incredibly mean things to me, particularly in the context of my children and my parenting. Jokes about my kids going to h&ll because we’re not religious, jokes about me not loving my kids, laughing at them, ect.

    How do I handle this? I ask because I have the feeling that standing up for myself will make me the villain, which is a huge theme in my life, and ignoring it makes me feel small and leads to self loathing.

      1. This would be my style. I have no patience for awful people, particularly in settings where they are not in positions of authority over me, and would gladly return her. Preferably in a way that makes it awkward for her to keep it up.

        When she makes a nasty comment, set your fork down and have a concerned look: “Are you feeling alright? Do you need to lie down? Move near the open window for fresh air? That comment is so outlandish I can only imagine how distressed you must be to have made it out loud in polite company.”

        1. No, you have to do it more calmly and simply than that. That’s too many words. Stop at “Are you feeling alright?”

      2. I like to make serious comments back to these kinds of things “why do you say that?” And “what do you mean by that?”

        Undoubtedly she will say some version of “I’m just kidding, stop being so sensitive!” But keep calling her out in front of everyone.

        Don’t let her get away with any of it. It’s the only way.

    3. Can you work on a script to respond to her? Sometimes I get pissed off in the moment and respond with escalation, which is not a good look. Maybe just repeatedly say “wow” and change the subject when she does that. Is she being b*y to everyone else there or is it just you?

      1. She’s had some kind of problem with me ever since we became moms around the same time. It’s clearly a distain for my parenting choices that I guess she can’t hold back on. My kids a fine; my life is good but I don’t need her constant judgement so I’ve avoided her for seven years now. It’s really weird but she is otherwise doing awesome in life, better than me, so it’s not a jealousy thing. I’m fine to go to my grave never knowing what her problem is. It’s so hard to find time for friendships I really don’t need to feel like garbage after hanging out you know?

        1. Maybe it’s competitiveness – she needs to be “better” than you in everything, including parenting. She puts down your parenting because it is not clearly lesser to hers.

    4. I hate this dynamic. I am incapable of meeting someone’s jokey snarky tone with a light hearted ribbing comment that pushes back. Any response I give to these types of comments comes out much too harsh, and I look like a defensive villain, which I also hate bc then the person knows they’ve gotten to me. I also hate letting a comment go. I have learned that I really do best with a blank faced stare. Sometimes I’ll add “sure” then change the subject. Just no emotional reaction/smile/laugh/confused face whatsoever. Just giving the person an absolutely hollow landing to their comment. Let them stew later trying to figure out what I was thinking. Sometimes I do wish in retrospect that I would have made a snarky comment back, but I usually regret my comments more than my blank reaction-less response.

      1. Pull up the Leslie Knope “sure” gif if you need to channel the best body language and tone response here.

      2. I agree with the utterly blank stare. Don’t even pull a face. No response.

        Literal poker face after you’ve drawn a card.

    5. I’m really sorry — this person sounds terrible but also in your orbit; I have a few people like that. My tools aren’t perfect, but here’s what I do:

      1. Avoid as much as you can. In this case, sit as far away as possible. If you can recruit one of your friends as a block, all the better: “Hey, Sara, can you make sure I get some distance from Carol at dinner? I just can’t take her commentary tonight.” You know your group, so that might or might not work.

      2. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don’t respond. Don’t smile or snark back. Turn to the person next to you and start a new topic with them.

      3. (In contradiction to what I say above): Get comfortable being the villain. For me, my friend made comments about my job, which has flexible hours and thus meant to her that I’m lazy. After several comments, I finally said, “Please stop — I’m not lazy, and I really hate these comments.” She sputtered, the group went quiet, and it was awkward. Still, I’d do it again. It did a lot for me to stand up for myself, and I realized that it was actually damaging me to sit silently while someone disparaged something I care about.

      Good luck, truly.

      1. Your “please stop” script is so good. It is polite, direct, and non-accusatory (because it focuses on how you feel not what they are doing).

      2. I’d also try a confused-face “what?!” or the classic, “really?”

        But why would this make you the villain, and why is being a villain “a huge theme” in your life? Seems like it’d be very appropriate to say no thank you to this cruelty.

        Good luck indeed and please report back!

  20. How is your relationship with your in-laws? And how much do you feel it is in your control to improve the relationship, e.g., establishing a compassionate mindset, being accommodating to them, etc.? I feel like we are so different; they don’t get me and I don’t get them. We all try to be nice but it’s never quite received in the right way and the result is extremely stressful. Would love to hear if you think this is fixable or is this just what it’s like.

    1. I get along well enough with MIL, but I have to be very careful with my sense of humor, which tends to be on the dry side and doesn’t land well with her. She’s also much more outwardly emotional than I am, so I often end up feeling like a robot when I’m around her because I just can’t perform emotion in that way.

      With the extended family, it’s exactly as you describe. They aren’t bad people, exactly, but they annoy the heck out of me. The feeling is mutual. There is no fighting, but there is tension and discomfort at times. We just don’t see things the same way (e.g., the amount of time and commitment that’s reasonable to expect from extended family, our parenting style, etc.).

    2. My in-laws are judgy and can be really critical, but it all stems from a place of anxiety. They’ve had hard lives, and I think they really, really want to help their family avoid some of the pain they’ve experienced. Unfortunately, it usually comes out in a way that is judgy or critical (like, they’ll be somewhat moderated in their response to a kid showing them artwork, but you find out later they are afraid that kid is going to drop out of school to pursue art).

      I have empathy for them, but also don’t like spending long periods of time with them. They also have very old school expectations of how kids should act, which is tiresome. They think my daughter is too much (she’s very outspoken and sporty), and my son is not enough (he’s very quiet and arty and not into sports enough). It kills me that they’d have no issues if their personalities were reversed, but whatever. I’m thankful they are not constant presences in our lives, as it’s really just an annoyance a few times a year – they are not making lasting impressions on my kids.

      1. And to answer your actual question – I don’t try to change them, as that would be absolutely impossible. I do try to hear their comments through the filter of what they are afraid of, rather than what they are saying, and explain some of it to my kids later. I don’t spend a ton of time with them, and honestly, our time together just varies on my mental state going in. I’ve had lovely times with them where I meet them where they are bc I ignore most of what they say and we have fun, but over Thanksgiving, I was tired and PMSing and just had less tolerance for it all. So it wasn’t one of our better trips. But, my marriage is strong and we’ve been together for a long time, so I am not too hard on myself, and just went home saying the next time will be better, hopefully.

    3. My husband’s parents have both passed away, as have mine, but he has a couple of sisters who have tried to slide into the family matriarch role. It’s all about control and neither of us are having it. At this point I have no relationship with either of them.

      I had to completely block one of them on social media fairly recently because she was trying to pick a fight with me in the comments of a “congratulations to my daughter on her graduation from college” post. She obviously has no sense of appropriateness or respect, so she can no longer access me in any way. I don’t need any of my actual friends seeing her crap.

      So that’s how my relationship is with my in laws! Haha.

    4. My in laws and I have a definite coworkers vibe going on. We like each other well enough, we keep out of each other’s business but for casual ways. We each definitely do a lot of “wow, that sure is a different way to approach life, glad that’s working out for you” internally, but we don’t say it out loud. I think part of it comes from my strong outward projection of self-assurance and independence that I had when I first met them – they know that if they get in my way or are too judgemental I just will avoid them.
      If your in laws aren’t the kind to take that “different than me, but you do you” approach, I didn’t think it’s fixable. You can explain your boundaries and why you’ve got them, and stick to that.

    5. it was not good, then it got better when we had kids, but once kids turned 4 got bad again bc i feel like i am always being judged for my parenting. my MIL is very very insecure and my FIL thinks he is an expert on everything. my kids generally like them a lot (though as my kids get older they are starting to prefer their aunts/uncles) and after my 6 year old and I being screamed at by FIL last week during our Thanksgiving visit bc my kid tested positive for strep and was having trouble taking the meds, i am currently kind of mad at them. Honestly, if my mom was alive and healthy (which she isn’t) and my inlaws didn’t have a beach house (they do), i’d spend much less time with them

    6. My relationship is okay. They’re very kind people but we’re very different, and they want me to conform to them rather than just let me be. The other poster who said that they can’t perform emotion to the degree seemingly required is exactly me and my in-laws.

      I used to get really frustrated and upset, and then resentful. For me, what has been key is finding some kind of center (eg, for Thanksgiving, it’s important to me that my sons see their grandparents) and keeping that at the forefront. And then for the rest, I just try to let go. Your in-laws won’t change. If they come from a place of love, even if it’s oddly or awkwardly expressed, try to emphasize that in your mind. See if you can de-stress the perceived need to act or feel differently than you do, and simply let people be themselves, including yourself.

      If all else fails, get an enormous puzzle and put it out for people to work on at will.

    7. I have a better relationship with my in-laws than with my own parents, particularly my mother. I empathize with you, as the type of relationship that you describe makes even garden variety interactions that shouldn’t even receive a second thought awkward and stressful! When dealing with my own parents, it is difficult, but I really try to just accept and mitigate. I try to remind myself that they are not intentionally trying to annoy me and just try to prepare myself for unpleasant interactions. I remind myself that I can control my own actions/response but not others’. This may help in your situation. I also try if possible to find neutral interactions/activities and limit my time to those. E.g., nail salon seems to be a place where my mom and I can be normal. So our “activity” is almost always getting manicures, which we both enjoy. This takes trial and error but hopefully you can find a neutral activity or place to spend time together that is not strained.

    8. I’ve had radically different experiences with my two MILs that taught me that sometimes it’s just luck of the draw. My second MIL and I hit it off and were so compatible that when my ex and I separated she told him, “Just so we’re clear, Anon is my friend and will continue to be so. You’re on your own, son.” My first MIL blew up at me on my wedding day, out of the blue, saying that me marrying her son was a disaster and basically cursing me and the marriage. I worked really hard on that relationship and the best I could achieve is that we were polite to each other and she was still undermining me. Looking back, I can see that my husband didn’t support me OR my relationship with his mom, and I wish I had put more of the work where it belonged — with him. So maybe she was right that the marriage was a disaster (for me, rather than for him)…

      1. SIL was cruel to me at my wedding. We had gotten along well until then; she did a total 180 and became a total psycho witch to me from wedding weekend onward. Soon to be ex-husband kept defending her, even though they never got along and she’s always been rude to him.

        It was bizarre – no matter how many times I, and other people, explained to STBX that SIL was being nasty (she would pull the “you’re taking things the wrong way” crap), he decided that her words were gospel. He never thought she was much of anything before this, but man, once she was rotten to me, her crap was practically an announcement from God.

  21. Is it possible to be on the Autism spectrum but be very socially adept? I’m exploring whether I may be on the spectrum and that’s really the only symptom I don’t significantly see in myself. I also think my executive functioning is fine, although I debate with myself how much of that is because I have learned how to cope pretty well with not being on top of little things (forgetting stuff, losing my keys/drivers license etc).

    2. If not being on top of small details is autism than I guess I have it too. Honestly though are we getting to the point where we’re all autistic if we ever make small mistakes or sometimes feel overwhelmed by crowds or don’t feel like socializing or learn differently than others? Because there has got to be some kind of normal variation in people’s personalities, right? im not a mental health professional but sometimes i forget my keys and I don’t think it’s autism.

      1. No we are not all autistic, psychologists are appropriately diagnosing people who fell through the cracks, typically due to being female or POC.

          1. You’re saying that as if it’s a bad thing and not the first step before booking an appointment with a neruopsych.

    3. What are you other symptoms that make you think you may be on the spectrum? Curious for myself.

      1. I have a LOT of sensory issues, I do engage in a lot of repetitive behaviors that soothe me, although I’ve learned over the years how to make these look more acceptable. Obsessive interests and hyperfocus on things I think are interesting and really struggling with things I think are boring or tedious I also think I struggle with emotional regulation but I’m fairly adept at managing how that impacts how I show up/my interactions with other people so it’s not noticeable. I don’t struggle reading social cues or anything like that and have been described as quite charismatic, but I also kind of feel like interacting with people can feel like a performance and it leaves me exhausted after. Like, I feel like I read the cues well but still feel utterly perplexed by how people engage and am generally annoyed that people won’t be more direct about whatever they’re trying to say. I’ve always felt kind of weird and different in a lot of random ways (e.g., even as an adult I’m highly imaginative and live in my head a lot, I anthropomorphize inanimate objects and feel really bad if I make them feel bad, etc)
        I could go on, but I think that hits the high points.

      2. Not the OP but I was Dx later in life and some of my symptoms:

        Intense, inflexible preferences around food, clothing, rest, environments. Easily overstimulated and not enjoying highly stimulating things others seemed to love (concerts, packed bars and clubs, roller coasters or rides, Broadway shows, blasting music–and speaking of, music and tv *always* being too loud for me).

        One really minor symptom but very telling (and I’m considering writing a non fiction self help book about this!) was I was always dressed wrong. I don’t mean garish costumey or cosplay clothes or inappropriate/flashy/revealing, I just mean that no matter what the occasion, I couldn’t seem to easily get it “right”. Like a networking event years ago I wore a cute coordinating embellished terrycloth sweatshirt and matching skirt (in an era where those were very “in”), everyone else was in sheath dresses + skin-tone platform heels with blown-out hair (and this was in a SUPER casual town known for its “workout gear everywhere” aesthetic). I routinely wore vintage clothing in high school, and feel most comfortable in costumes or stagewear. I love fashion and clothing but it’s a constant struggle.

        Intense hyper-specific long lasting interests (often called ‘special interests’) this is not a hobby or a casual “rabbit hole” of a few days’ diversion, this would be a consistent deep and abiding interest in a niche topic.

        I hate this term but “stimming” I don’t mean fidgeting, I mean again long term consistent behaviors like biting inside of cheeks, repetitive movements, etc. Having to conciously monitor them to seem “normal”.

        A generally flat affect (not a “RBF”), an overall lack of expressiveness in emotion and physciality. I noticed this when I started making TikToks and saw how expressive and expansive/casual others were compared to me.

        Someone can be social adept in a masking way by learning the rules, patterns, and general expectations but still feel privately baffled and frustrated, feeling like everyone has a rule-book but you. To me it feels like everyone else gets so much grace and understanding and I get slammed for the slightest mis-step. I believe perceptions like this are at the core of an ND Dx.

        Feeling non-human. Since I was about 6, I have often felt I was not human, I was a robot, alien, AI, or other non-human being since I was so different than others. Of course all children go through a phase like this, but this persisted and only when I got my Dx did the lightbulb appear. A variant of this would be “born in the wrong era” and perhaps being super into re-enaction or cosplay.

        Very lopsided relationships, in family, friends, and romance. Either being used and treated in a very exploitive manner by someone you adore, or feeling like you’re the therapist, mom, and “only friend” rolled into one. Being a “magnet” for the mentally ill, unbalanced, and needy. On the flip side, having a hyper-developed intuition and discernment (instant dislike or icks) but over-riding it because everyone else likes that person, only to be proven right later. It’s likely highly developed pattern recognition of very subtle patterns that NT people may not be dialed into the way “we” are.

        1. You explained it so well. Especially lopsided relationships and the pattern recognition to identify bad people.

    4. Have you looked into masking? I would have previously said I was very socially adept but really I was just a good actor who put effort into perfecting the script.

      1. This. My parents being in sales and then going into consulting in coporate America basically taught me a LOT of scripts very early on but they never ever felt natural.
        I mentioned to a friend that acting courses in high school/college were great because I was finally being taught how to move my face/body in certain ways to better interact with people. Her response was ‘what do you mean that you needed to learn how to move your face?’ – yea, apparently neurotypical people don’t think about how they need to make a curious/sympathetic/interested/polite/neutral face, they just, do? Weird!

        1. This exactly, being autistic is doing all the social stuff on manual rather than autopilot. The facial movements, eye contact (not too much but not too little, count the seconds!), body language, etc is all a performance for the comfort of others.

    5. I never imagined that I had ADHD before being tested, but I didn’t know all the signs they look for. Also the testing wasn’t even close; I absolutely could not complete tasks in the time frame that would apparently be normal even if I sacrificed accuracy.

    6. Penelope Trunk has written some interesting stuff on the topic of how female autism is under-diagnosed because it manifests differently, and the diagnostic criteria are based on men. She’s so persuasive that over the years I’ve taken a couple of online tests to address a question similar to yours.

  22. After Thanksgiving where my family had to leave around 6:30 to put our 9 month old to bed, we’ve convinced my parents to let us host Christmas Eve so we can all hang out a bit longer after bedtime! Would love any recipes or tips for holiday hosting, especially with a baby. My parents said they’re fine with keeping it easy and doing a “snacky dinner” but I kind of want to cook. Any ideas for something simple like a one pan meal or crockpot dish that still feels Christmas-y and a little fancy?

    1. If you can get ahold of it, Barefoot Contessa’s Family Style cookbook has a turkey sausage lasagna that’s so good and so easy.

      1. Is this the one with goat cheese? It’s favorite in my house! I also like mushroom lasagna for this time of year.

    2. My go-to fancy but one dish meal is roasted salmon and ciabatta “salad”. It’s basically salmon tossed with tomatoes, lemons, capers and little ciabatta chunks and roasted so the bread gets a little crispy. It’s super easy but does require a couple of in-and-outs with the oven to add and stir ingredients, so not completely hands off.

    3. A cheese fondue, or even classic fondue is pretty fancy, but also easy to prep ahead of time and throw on the table. Since the meal goes on for a while, it’s pretty suitable to be interrupted by kids and whatnot.

    4. My family’s tradition is oyster strew for Christmas Eve dinner. Clam chowder for those who don’t want the oysters. It’s easy and comes together quickly.

      2. My family has the same tradition. We invited my in-laws over for Christmas Eve a few years ago, and we added a salad, a spiral ham and dinner rolls so people could make sandwiches.

    6. My family has always had soup or stew for Christmas Eve dinner, often paired with snacky things. My grandmother loved oyster stew (not my favorite), my mom made chili or beef stew, and I make posole and red chile and I serve tamales.

      If that’s appealing to you, try Smitten Kitchen’s Dijon and Cognac Beef Stew or Short Rib Onion Soup, or Helen Rosner’s Roberto. All delicious and a little fancy.

  23. Ditto someone else’s comment that it’s strange to have the new comment at the top.

    Do you send out a “cover email” for calendar invites for work *if you have been emailing with attendees about this meeting in the last 24 hours*? Imagine a scenario like, “Hi Bob, does Thursday at 2 work for you?” And then the next day you send out the invite.

    My 60 yo boss wants a cover letter to go with the calendar invite. “Hi Bob, Per our discussion yesterday, you’ll be receiving momentarily a calendar invite for our meeting at 2 pm Thursday to discuss ABC.” DUDE. You are the email problem. You are. Bob remembers – or will when he sees the calendar invite – that he discussed setting up a meeting with you at 2 on Thursday.

    1. As a separate email or in the body of the cal invite?

      A separate email is clutter, but I (31) hate receiving cal invites with nothing in the body – sure I might remember now what it’s about, but will I remember the day of the meeting when I”m trying to prepare?

    2. Yeah no, your boss is out of touch. Why do you need an email to confirm the meeting that’s already been confirmed.

    3. Just put the note in the notes on the calendar invite.

      “Per the Dec. 2 email discussion between Boss, you, and me, this invite blocks time so we can discuss ABC.”

      1. This is the way. Also, people, keep your Outlook calendars up to date. If you need to block time, block time. If something comes up, suggest a different time.

    4. I have some colleagues who do this when they schedule, but none that insist that it be done. I feel like a lot of people maybe don’t see those calendar invite emails, either because they get sent to spam, or they have too many other emails, and thus ignore any automatic notifications, but they would click on a message from a person. In my workplace, those people typically review their calendar to discover that someone has scheduled something.
      But sometimes you gotta do what the boss asks… I am sure you have acquiesced to much more outlandish requests compared to this.

    5. I’m with you, but I wouldn’t fight my boss on this, particularly if you work in a highly formal environment like law, banking, or government.

    6. Depending on the seniority and/or formality of the attendees, I may send the invite and immediately after, add a note to the email thread saying “invite sent for Thursday 2pm.” But never a separate email.

    7. Sometimes, if it’s a large group and it includes people outside my org. We’ve had issues in the past of peoples’ email systems not showing them calendar invites, so I like to send out both an invite and and email. I usually send the email first and say I will follow up with a calendar invite and send that right afterwards.

    8. I used to do this when I was more insecure in my job. Id only do it now if I anticipate schedule a meeting in the next couple days but need to wrangle calendars internally and need to rope other people into a matter or make intros. so something like:

      Hi Ben – As discussed on our call this afternoon, I’ll be sending out a calendar invite to discuss XYZ for tomorrow or thursday, once I coordinate with Bobs and Mary.

      And cc then bob and mary or whatever so they know.

      1. oh also if theres a mismatch between perferred meeting software like teams vs zoom. my org doesnt allow a certain video conferencing software and other orgs prefer it, so sometimes sending a heads up is good incase we need to work around IT.

  24. Oh man. I was so happy the font had been changed to something readable yesterday, but this afternoon it’s back at the new narrow and unreadable one. I tried to turn the page style off to be able to read, but it didn’t work, there are too many image based elements.

      1. For me, the current font is good on mobile but is too condensed on a PC. The serifs run together on PC and my eyes strain to read it.

        And overall, there are so many distant fonts of all sizes and colors on the page that it makes the whole thing feel kind of like a 90s middle school PowerPoint slide.

    2. I think it’s sort of funny that we went through all these changes just to end up with a platform that’s more or less the same as the old one, except for the font.

      I wish it would save my name and email, though!

      1. I’m very slightly nearsighted, and have usually got the perfect eye sight for small screen reading with no strain whatsoever, that’s what makes it so noticable when there’s a change in reading flow.

    4. It weirds me out that the comment box font is different and much larger than the posted comments fonts.

      I liked the edit button, liked the upvote tool (and on mobile, the placement meant I wasn’t constantly hitting the reply button by mistake when just trying to scroll).

      There does seem to be odd proportions of white space and cramped text. Too much white space with too loose of text makes scrolling through quite a long trek, but cramming the font in while keeping all the white borders doesn’t really make it better. I personally think a slightly less dense font with smaller white framing around things would be a better balance.

    5. I just really miss the “next post” button at the bottom of the comments.

      2. Me too! Because that’s the task I always do at the end of reading all the comments; I go to the next post.

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