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Advice
Threadjack –
My long time SO’s parents are very likely filing for bankruptcy soon. A surprising job loss coupled with subsequent extended un/underemployment (deliberately being vague), high COL area, unable to dispose of real estate, etc.
SO and I live together but are not married.
Any words of wisdom as to what I can/should do, or just things to think about? We aren’t in a position to help financially.
Thanks in advance!
EC MD
If I were filing for bankruptcy at their age, I can imagine that I would feel a lot of guilt and shame about it…this is the time we should be comfortable, we won’t be able to leave a legacy for our kids/grandkids, are we going to have to rely on our kids in our old age? All of those things may make a huge dent in their identity.
You can’t solve this problem for them, clearly, but you can provide love, emotional support, a no-blame environment. Maybe inviting over for casual dinners if nearby, or chatty emails if far away. Treating them as whole people, giving them an opening to share what their struggling with, and embracing them as you would want to be embraced in a time of darkness. I would avoid trying to do things from a financial point of view, but more from an emotional point of view. Also, if there are specific things they used to bankroll in the past (holiday dinners, vacations, etc) addressing that specifically and asking what they would prefer (hosting Thanksgiving but everyone chipping in, having the location change to someone else’s house) may be helpful too. There may be traditions they want to hang on to, despite the perceived costs, because they were so intrinsic to how they see themselves.
May
Wise words. Wonderfully thought out!
Thanks.
Advice
Thank you!
Austin, Chicago, Boston, NY, Seattle, or ???
I’m looking to relocate within a year or so. Is the finance or HR job market okay in these areas from your experience? I have an okay job with a salary way over what the position is worth now but it’s in one of those Midwest cities where the any significant advancement means a move.
Also are any of these cities good for being being without a car? That would be a good way to offset some of the cost of living in the areas listed.
I guess any pros or cons on the cities listed or contenders not listed I should consider?
Sydney Bristow
Have you been to all of these places before? If so, consider how you felt while you were there and what you liked or disliked. What kind of climate do you like? Youve listed pretty much every type. Its true that it rains a lot in Seattle, but that is the main type of humidity. NYC can be very humid in the summer (and today…ugh). What about work/life balance? You can get a fair amount of it in Seattle but less in NYC. Do you like outdoor activities or indoor activities? Each of these cities has different types of easily accessible things to do. Do you travel often and if so where? Flying to London is cheaper from NYC than the west coast, so if you do it often enough that might be something else to consider. What is it you are ultimately looking for? Do all of these cities currently have an active job market for what you do?
NYC is easy to live in without a car, preferable in most cases probably.
Austin, Chicago, Boston, NY, Seattle, or ???
I would probably choose Seattle or Boston. NY and Chicago have always been fun to visit but I wouldn’t see myself living there long term. Chicago is also a little too close to home.
Enjoy being outside as long as there aren’t too many bigs around. Would probably miss having all four seasons but would give up winter if the only other option was being snowed in for a week every November.
Former MidLevel
You can live in Chicago without a car, as long as you are near a train or bus station. And it’s a great city.
Anonymous
The cities noted have very different personalities and lifestyles — first and foremost, what kind of life do you want to have?
I’m in NYC and we work. A lot. Everyone works late. People who leave at six are slackers. For finance at least, work comes before your personal life, period.
Jax
Seattle here. You can easily live here without a car if you stay in the city. If you have to commute to/from suburbs it can get a little tricky as the bus service is not great to some areas. Zipcar is popular here as is carpool/vanpool setups.
Job situation here is pretty good with most of the big companies doing at least some hiring. And there’s a lot of smaller companies that seem to be really growing.
Burned out
Have you reached a point in a career when you’ve lost any sense of joy/creativity/satisfaction that you once had? If so, how the heck did you get it back? I’m 10 years into my career and have reached the point where I’m plateauing. I can’t seem to feel excited about what’s next, not that I can even see what that might be. I’m good at what I do, but I’m losing the will to do all those ‘extras’ that I know I should be doing, like networking, or even getting excited to learn new skills. I enjoy the people I work with more than I enjoy the actual work, even though I used to really love it.
I think part of my problem is just plain burnout from working in a high-pressure environment and not taking enough vacation. But if I’m really honest with myself, I know that I’ve lost the desire to pour my whole heart and soul into my job anymore. Without that driving me, I feel kind of lost and like I’m phoning it in. I’m not quite 32, and this feels like a really bad mentality to have, considering how many working years I have ahead of me.
Any words of advice (or commiseration)? Or any words of wisdom about how to take time off and actually enjoy it without fearing the huge piles of work that will be waiting when you return?