Weekend Open Thread: Anine Bing

48 Comments

1. Jenni Kayne as the more reasonable choice :)

   1. But the sweater above is so beautiful. Jenni Kayne doesn’t compare.

      1. Really? I just reads to me as a normal sweater.

      2. Really? I’m not seeing it.

2. I know there are a couple of readers who have had their fallopian tubes removed for ovarian cancer risk reduction and/or permanent birth control. I’m going to emphasize both reasons (which are both true for me) to ensure full insurance coverage and hopefully schedule it within the next year. Can anyone give me an idea of realistic recovery? I’ve found that medical websites describing procedures and timelines for recovery have been REALLY inaccurate for me in the past.

   1. I had mine removed on a Friday, the surgery went very smoothly aside from accidental over inflation of my abdomen. I was on a plane for work travel Monday, it was hard but not impossible to lift my suitcase into the overhead bins (this was primarily due to the over inflation). The bruising was horrific though, so purple and green and huge.

   2. I went to an event the next day. The kind where you just walk in and sit. You’ll feel it in your core but it wasn’t a hard recovery. I have had my gallbladder removed too though so it’s very similar incisions.

   3. I did this a couple of years ago. I had it done on a Tuesday, took the rest of the week off. I took a couple weeks off from working out, especially core work.

      FWIW all I said to my doctor is that I wanted it done for birth control purposes and there were no questions asked, the entire thing was covered. I also had ablation done at the same time.

      10/10 recommend.

3. If you have an elder relative who has started falling and needing to call the fire department to get back up, so many rounds of this are OK before you have a serious talk about whether this OK to continue on like this? And if the elder is lucid (but for a UTI, which can make you seem very altered) and in their home, who do you even talk to about this and how much of an uphill battle? It seems so futile to try to help, when help isn’t wanted, and I don’t want to antagonize or inflame. The next time the elder goes to the hospital (2/3 of the fire department calls have resulted in a trip to the ER, the last one resulting in an admission), do I go in case social work comes by for discharge planning and just get candid? Or do they eventually see X visits and Y admissions and start really questioning whether safe discharge is really possible with no support?

   I wish I had a cousin who was a social worker or nurse because I am not competent in this area but I can see how this problem is getting worse not better (like a first year lawyer: issue spotting but no ability to resolve things).

   1. I suggest calling your county office of the againg for referrals on this. That is what we did with my parent and they were most helpful.

   2. How local are you? I would see if the town has a Human Services/old folks section — in our small town they do wellness checks, have free glucose/blood pressure screenings, drive them to appointments… when my mom was having issues that was one area we explored thanks to excellent comments here. I hope you get more great advice.

   3. Is the elder trying to be careful? My MIL is still in her own home, but we cautioned against doing things like climbing up on a swivel chair to get things from high cabinets, which resulted in a broken hip a few years ago. Now that she’s widowed, that type of scenario will result in having to go to assisted living, so she is much more careful and hasn’t fallen again. I know there comes a point where falling seems to become an ongoing issue, but I think an elder who is cognizant of the potential consequences, and wants to stay in their home, can make good decisions that help prevent falls, at least for a couple of years.

      1. One parent used to live alone, 10+ hours from the nearest child, and then went to the ER with vaguely stroke-like symptoms. Was the ER the best place? Would the doctor or an urgent care or just a visit from someone used to seeing you have been a better starting place? Who knows? You can’t safely drive yourself anywhere when that happens, so off you go. It was hard to go from being fully independent to being velcroed into a bed with a “fall risk” label. He moved into an apartment in my city a few months later. I still have no idea what happened even after re-reading all of the EMRs and paper records.

         My MIL is currently having a fall a month since this summer and stopped going up and down stairs years ago. She just want to be at home.

         1. Stroke like symptoms? The place to be is the ED, a physician’s office and urgent care would not be able to treat within the golden hour and would just be calling an ambulance anyway in those circumstances.

   4. Maybe this is too obvious to mention, but this is often the occasion of a meds review since there are a lot of meds that can contribute to fall risk.

      1. Vision check, too. And Google online, there are sort of home assessments you can do to minimize fall risk–just like an individual would carefully baby-proof a home. Almost a checklist on “remove all throw rugs, avoid all mule-style slippers and other shoes without traction, etc., etc.” That’s the first step since the ultimate goal is to enable them to live independently until it is no longer desired or safe, whichever comes first.

         1. OMG this reminds me that my MIL, described above, fell from the swivel chair WHILE WEARING MULES! Who knows if a more practical shoe would have resulted in less fall risk :-).

            1. Girl, I am in my 40s and do not climb on a swivel chair. The shoes are not the issue.

   5. The answer is so town specific, especially in the US. My general advice is to not let finding the perfect person to call get in the way of the right phone call. For example, the police department’s community relations person was super helpful in finding resources in the small town a relative was in. If your mom is even tangentially involved in a place of worship, they are also a great resource. Worst case, you call someone they can’t help you but they tell you who to call next. If you were in other countries, the answer would be much more standardized due to public health care.

      On your relative, start with easy harm reduction. Do they have a fall alarm? An apple watch amazing well and it can be a gift without as much fight (all our parents now have them). Is someone checking in on them regularly? Think outside the box – make sure their housekeeper has your phone number if something is off.

   6. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this but have you ever actually taken the advice from people who responded the other 100 times you’ve asked this? Like are you actually in a position to help or is this just an anxiety post?

      1. Just let it go angry person. As you know, many people post on this site who have had a very similar problem and this advice is great and helpful and others in addition to the OP learn a lot.

         1. OP has posted this scenario probably 17 times that I can recall. The writing stye is incredibly distinctive and it’s no use denying that. At some point, when does the anxiety get treated?

            1. That is just wild. I am on here pretty much every day and there’s no way I could even begin to recognize somebody’s writing style or count up 17 separate instances when somebody posted about the same thing. Good Lord. Anon at 5:54 p.m., you must be a detective or something.

               Anyway, even assuming it’s the same poster, solving Very Big Problems like this is a process. (Lord knows I posted multiple times about my bad marriage before I finally figure out I needed to leave.) I’m Team Give the OP a Break.

               And on the merits, OP, I think now would be a very good time to have a Very Serious Talk. Have you asked the relative what their plan is? And have you told them that if they choose not to make a plan, they are in fact planning to have an outcome that is not of their choosing? That second part is what I really really wish I’d told my parents when they told me their plan was “to be carried out of here feet first.”

   7. I think there’s almost no scenario where a “hey, what’s important to you/what do you want out of aging/what do you value & what do you want to prioritize” conversation is too early

      But you have to be open to the idea that what *you* value isn’t what the elder values.

   8. What do you mean by elderly? How old and functional? Can they leave the house? Drive?

      Well, someone who is “elderly” with UTI who is falling and is ?lucid but altered shouldn’t be alone. At least they shouldn’t be alone until they are stable. The primary care doctor should be called and an appointment made. The doctor can order Home Health services to come in if they are sick and homebound. They can send a nurse to see how the UTI symptoms are doing, PT, OT and a social worker. PT can focus on strengthening and core work to decrease fall risk and OT can do a home assessment to make suggestions about preventing falls and order needed equipment.

      And as you probably know, no one is going to come out and help if family doesn’t step in to some degree. You can call the local Department of Aging to have a case manager / social worker come in to do an assessment and suggest local resources. I love the idea of calling the local police station that is likely getting to know her and see if they have other local recs if you can’t find other local resources. But it is most beneficial to have someone from the family there to help facilitate starting things or your loved one may not be able to manage it.

   9. If they are willing to let you go with them to the hospital, do it.

      My in-laws refused any help or any move due to my MIL’s frequent falls. They barely allowed my husband or brother-in-law to come to the hospital when the end was near (e.g., the doctors felt treatment wasn’t going to have any positive result). Frankly, she would have had a better quality of life if they’d been open to having their adult children help out with literally anything.

   10. The hospital can’t force someone to remain there. No matter how many times they visit. Have you looked into something like an alert bracelet to signal if the person falls? Assistive devices like a walking stick to help with balance?

       There may be therapy that can help with balance if their primary doctor recommends it. You can also ask if they have a geriatrician on staff or call the area agency on aging. Sadly services to keep seniors in their homes keep getting cut so they often have waiting lists to get care.

   11. Likely they will need a third party to help with discharge planning if they are presenting a rosy view to medical providers.
       Recurrent UTIs are common in elderly but worth checking for proper hygiene and if the person has the cognition/physical capacity to maintain that or if they need a higher level of care. Also worth establishing care with a urologist about prevention since UTIs in elderly can become serious quickly and lead to hospitalization.

4. Okay, fun question for the hive mind. I am on the board of our local design house and there are two half baths on the main floor. One of them will be, of course, the “Ladies’ Powder Room.” At this point we are calling the other one the “Gentlemen’s Powder Room” but that doesn’t seem right to me because most gentlemen aren’t going to be powdering their noses (legally or illegally). Any suggestions? I thought about “Gentlemen’s Half Bath,” “Gentlemen’s Lavatory,” “Gents’ Room,” but not super delighted with any of them. And of course we can replace “Gentlemen” with “Men” in all of the above. “Men’s Half Bath,” etc.

   Any ideas?

   1. I would make them both unisex. But if you must give it a name I suggest Gentlemen’s Quarters.

      1. co-sign as to both!

      2. +1

         Gentlemen’s convenience or G’s privvy might also be twee enough to match podwer room.

         1. Ooh these are all good. I fear twee is what we’re going for…

            1. I like Privvy

      3. Agree with both.

   2. [Name]’s Urination Station gets my vote.

      1. Haha hilarious!

   3. As I understand it, California code requires single occupancy bathrooms be all-gender these days. I don’t think this is an area where creativity is permissible these days, particularly as the ADA requirements are also quite specific.

      If you want a touch of something cute, how about “W.C.” in stylized font on the doors? Then the real signs/placards can be on the wall.

      1. God, I hope that’s not the case. How lame.

      2. They won’t be functional bathrooms. It’s a design house and all the rooms are only to look at.

         1. Well, I just had a terrible idea. What of people use these bathrooms? I guess it happens in the display models at IKEA or Home Depot.

            You could still consider not having such explicitly gendered bathrooms since it’s no longer done.

5. What shoes do you wear as a bridesmaid in a winter wedding in Minnesota? Everything is indoors, being cold isn’t an issue. A sandal feel off-season and a neutral pump feels too workwear. Bride is easygoing, no requests or guidance.

   1. I think you want something sparkly or embellished or in a party fabric (velvet). Boden and Loeffler Randall both have options; LR even has a site category for “party heels” and while most are open toe, many don’t feel irretrievably summery and they do have some non sandal options too.

   2. what’s your dress look like? I like evening-wear slingbacks for dressy winter.

   3. Manolo BB suede pumps

   4. Almost all the online shoe shopping places have a category of cocktail and party or evening. I’d scroll thru some of those and pick something that fit my feet and complimented my dress.

   5. Upper Midwesterner here (not clear whether OP is, or will be traveling) and I find that women wear open toed shoes for formal events in the winter often. Just look for something that reads more “formal wear” (like the common thick strap across the vamp and thin ankle straps style), and less summer sandal.

      1. Same

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