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Updated: Sep 13, 2024 243 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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beige cable knit sweater tee

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I really like this cable knit sweater tee, which I also featured in our post on what tops to wear with wide leg pants. I feel like the banded bottom makes it a great option for wide legs, but I think it could work with a lot of different bottoms.

The texture is a nice detail whether you're on a Zoom call or running errands — it looks a bit more luxe than your regular sweater tee.

The sweater is on sale this weekend, available in both beige and a lilac. (There used to be a gray version, too, but it isn't online anymore — your local store may still have them in stock though.)

The sweaters were $80, but are currently marked 30% off to $56, and you can take an extra 15% off with a $200+ purchase.

They're available in sizes XXS-XXL and XXSP-XLP.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Curious after reading this morning’s thread.

    Did you make a conscious decision as to where you settled down as an adult? If so, what were the driving factors? Now that you’re settled, what would it take for you to leave?

    • Anon

      Not really. I went to law school here, then got a job here, and eventually met my husband and life just kind of happened. I’m happy where we are but it’s far from my hometown and family, and I have considered moving multiple times. But we would need to find an opportunity that works for both of our careers, and so far that hasn’t been the case and we are not looking that much.

    • Anonymous

      We moved here a year after we were married because we couldn’t afford to buy a home and raise a family where we were living, and we had family that had recently relocated here. We assumed we’d move again in a few years for a job or some other reason, but we ended up staying for quite a while. At this point we are very tied into the community and are priced out of most housing markets because our home equity didn’t explode the way it did over the same period in HCOL areas. We would move if there were a place that offered a better lifestyle and similar affordability. A place without humidity and mosquitoes, with better access to reliable snow, and with similar opportunities for me to pursue my serious hobby would be the ideal, but that doesn’t seem to exist, certainly not within our budget.

      • Anon

        I’m in the Bay Area. My long time bestie left a decade ago for a job transfer to the SEUS without having to take pay cut. Her lifestyle, in terms of her living space & how much she could get for the money, went WAY up. She still says all her friends are here in the Bay Area but she can’t afford to come back. Mainly due to the real estate differences.

    • anon

      Yeah, I did. I always thought I was going to leave my home state and never return. Well, I stayed. I found a good job in the same city I moved to for college. I realized that my life was going to be a lot less fulfilling if I was away from my parents and younger siblings, several of whom were still living at home. 25 years later, I can’t see myself leaving. Maybe, in retirement, if my kids move elsewhere and I want to be near them. And they want me near, lol.

      I realize this is not a popular viewpoint on a board with high-achieving women, but it’s the truth. There are drawbacks to where I live, just like any other place. But I don’t regret for a second that I’ve chosen to stay near my loved ones.

      • Anon

        This! I thought I’d leave too, and I did – briefly.

        But I was really unhappy living “far” from my family (it was a 3 hour drive / or I could also take a train or a bus).

        So I moved back. I had to change careers, but it was an easy enough switch.

        Living near my siblings, parents, and extended family is indeed awesome and well worth moving back and changing careers.

        • anon

          Yes. I don’t WANT to cram in all my quality time with them at the holidays. I want to see them at my kids’ activities. Or go to their house on a Sunday afternoon just because I can. Or invite them over for a meal because they happen to be doing errands in my town. And I realize not everybody wants this, and that’s cool. I found out in my early 20s that I did.

          • Anon

            I wish I had “ordinary” interactions with my family. When I see them, it’s just for a meal or a funeral or a wedding or a holiday. I don’t know their friends or know them as adult people. I’m sort of sad about that.

          • Anon

            Yeah I love being able to do mundane things with my family! I live downtown and they’re in the burbs and I honestly wish we were closer for the impromptu stuff, but it’s great being able to see them pretty frequently.

            The longest stretch I’ve ever gone without seeing them in person was 2 months. Both my college and the first city I lived in after college were 2-3 hours away by car. But, I moved back to my home city in my 20s and have loved being close by.

        • Anon

          I agree with this in general, but sometimes people really live in crappy places that are terrible to visit, much less live in! Ideally everyone could find at least a semi-decent place.

    • Anon

      We were strongly considering moving to Boise, Idaho for quality of life reasons, but after Roe was overturned, that desire went away. The Atlantic article out right now about the exodus of maternal health providers is chilling.

    • Anon

      So, I left for college and 3 years after school, but always knew I’d come back home (which is Philly area).

      I originally thought I’d come back once I had kids. I grew up seeing my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and family friends regularly and loved having that sense of community and wanted the same for my kids.

      I was fine being away for college, but realized I was pretty unhappy living away from family in my early 20s so I moved back at 25. It’s been really fun living nearby family and I’m glad I did it earlier than I had planned.

      I also thought that if I want to settle down in Philly, why wait? I figured it’d be better to build my social circle and date and build my career where I wanted to settle , rather than having to start over in my 30s when I came back. I had some friends in the area still, but made tons of new friends. I’m dating guys who are okay with living in Philly, since they’re already here. I had to pivot my career when I moved back because what I did in DC doesn’t really exist in Philly, but I’m glad I’ve had time to establish myself professionally too.

      I’m glad that I’m from an area that’s affordable, has a good job market, has great healthcare, has good schools, and is just a desirable place to live so I didn’t have to give up too much by coming home. I can live a life I love and live near the people I love and they’re not mutually exclusive.

    • Anonymous

      Not really. I didn’t have a job lined up after lawschool so I moved home. Then I got a job locally, and then networked my way into other jobs, and have stayed in the same area. I could move, my career is nationally portable, but I like my friends and family a lot and don’t want to.

    • anonshmanon

      Not a conscious decision ahead of time. I came to the US from Europe with my husband, for a 2 year job which turned into a great job for each of us in a great place to live. Literally the only issue is distance from our families. We have a decent circle of close friends here. Maybe we will return to the EU one day, but it would take either two very attractive job opportunities to lure us away from here, or for the political landscape to get much scarier still (although defining where the line is, is definitely a boiling frog problem!).

      • Anon

        It’s nice to have the option.

        My closest friend plans to return to Europe for retirement.

      • Anonymous

        I had manifold reasons for coming to the US from the UK a long time ago, but wish I had gone back. Now several decades later and in retirement I would love to go back but it would be difficult. I love my US family, house, and garden here but I still miss Europe my family and freiends there. I loathe the political situation in the US.

    • Anon

      I left where I grew up ASAP after high school and have had to move where jobs were. That’s taken me all over the country and I’m currently in a place I never dreamed I’d live, but it’s been good so far.
      I’ve never had the money or family support to be choosy about what I do or where I live.

    • Anon

      I moved back to my metro area after college. It’s a major city with tons of job opportunities and graduate programs. I was close with my high school friends and they were also staying in the area. My extended family was mostly here as well. There just wasn’t a compelling reason to live somewhere else. In my mid twenties I seriously considered moving out west for a different lifestyle: smaller city, milder weather, more focused out outdoor activities. I ultimately decided against it because I couldn’t picture living somewhere with no family or long term friends. Then I met DH, who also grew up in my area and stayed for the same reasons. We’re not moving until we retire, if ever. I can’t imagine starting a family somewhere without our village. I have friends doing this and it’s really hard for them.

      • anon

        Even though we don’t have a ton of hands-on support from the grandparents, they are still nearby and can be called upon in an emergency. What I love just as much, maybe more, is that my kids are growing up with their cousins close by. It’s like having an extended friend group.

    • Anon

      We didn’t want to be a lot closer to one set of in-laws (whether the sprawling and overly welcoming rural midwestern family, or the tight knit and religiously conservative scandalized big city immigrant family). We felt at the time that we would need some space and distance from family influences if we were going to make our somewhat cross cultural marriage work.

    • Anonia

      Yes. I chose to stay near my parents because none of my siblings are reliable supports for them, and I saw how hard it was for my parents to support my grandmother from the other side of the country. She refused to move close to us, and it was a constant struggle as she aged.

    • Anon

      Yes. I stayed in my home state on purpose but my work is in the nearest major city, a 3ish hour drive from my hometown. My dad died when I was young, and I wanted to be able to get to my mother when she needed help, and I also wanted to be near my nieces and nephews from my one sibling who stayed in our hometown.

    • Anon

      Nope. Academic trailing spouse here, and in academia it’s very rare to have much say in where you move. At least in my husband’s field it’s very normal for even top students to apply to 100+ jobs and get only one or two offers. We did eliminate a few areas from consideration – at my request he didn’t apply internationally because of concerns about whether or not I’d be able to work abroad. This was the thing that hurt him the most since a lot of people in his area work in Denmark and the UK. And I think he also didn’t apply to a few smaller schools in the rural south because we both had concerns about the quality of life there and the quality of the K-12 school systems. We didn’t eliminate the whole south or anything like that though.

      I think I’ve mentioned this before but his PhD advisor was very unhappy about him limiting his job search even a little bit based on my parameters and told him, direct quote – “it’s easier to find another wife than it is to find a tenure track job.” Swell guy!

      We got really lucky with where we ended up – top 20 public university, red state but not one of the crazier ones, in the Midwest where we wanted to be (we both grew up here), relatively close to both our parents (mine have since moved to our town), very LCOL and good quality of life. Biggest downsides were lack of good jobs for me and bad access to airports. Now that we’re settled we would only have left if he didn’t get tenure and thankfully we’re past that point now.

      • anon

        OMG, why am I not surprised that your DH’s advisor said such an asinine thing? I really feel for academic couples and trailing spouses; it is not easy.

        • Anon

          The sad thing is that it’s true.

          And even sadder, all of my married friends where both were academics ended in divorce, which is such a disaster when by miracle they both had jobs at the same university… and sometimes in the same department.

          • Anon 2:37

            Yeah I think it’s probably true (especially for my husband who is conventionally attractive, kind and a high earner by academic standards) but I still thought it wasn’t a nice thing to say!

            We know academics who divorced and had to stay in the same dept too… it can be very awkward.

    • Anon

      Yes. I grew up in the SF Bay Area, but went to college on the East Coast. I went through a bad breakup in college and thought “Do I want to live thousands of miles away from everyone I love, grinding away in NYC?” I decided I wanted to move to SF (since to me it’s the most beautiful and special city in the world), spend tons of times with my family, find a sweet guy to marry who wanted to settle down there too, and start building my life in the place I knew I wanted to settle down. 10 years later and I couldn’t be any more grateful for having that realization when I did.

      • Anon

        Welcome back!

        I am a Californian at heart and though I enjoy other places, “my people” are here whether I know them or not!

        • Anon

          Same! Multicultural, diverse, progressive, open-minded, easy-going and laid-back. It’s just a different vibe than other parts of our country…

      • Anon

        Same! Grew up in the Bay Area, college on the East Coast. I loved living in NYC but always knew I’d be back — and I planned on it including finding the sweet guy and figuring out the VHCOL. I’m so grateful to live here.

    • Anonymous

      Driving factor for me was getting away from my failure to launch sibling. I don’t think I’ll ever move again because my job is so specialized it only exists in a few cities.

    • Anon

      I moved to NYC for law school with no real intention to stay long term. Then I met my now husband who is European and has a great job here, we bought an apartment, we had kids who now are in elementary school, and at some point I accepted that this where I now live. ;) Would I rather live in my hometown in California? Yes. Is that likely to happen anytime soon? No. But it is fine, and we have a great life. We will likely move somewhere else eventually (like when the kids are done with school).

    • anon

      Conscious decision to not live in the same metro area as my parents. After two years of one of them stopping by because they were upset with the other one, we purposefully moved away. Yay family dysfunction.

    • Cb

      Total accident. I grew up in the Bay Area, ended up in San Francisco for 4 years after my masters, then moved abroad for a PhD, met my husband in year 1, married by year 2, pregnant at the time of submission, and here we are. I honestly would rather be on the continent rather than in the UK (the weather sucks, nothing works, UK academia is on fire, and I hate small town life) but here we are. I had a job in another nation of the UK for 2 years and commuted, it would have been a hard cultural transition to make the move, but I do sometimes look longingly at other places. But my parents have retired from Northern California to southern Europe and now we see them every 2 months or so, which is amazing. My husband is abroad for 10 days and my mum came over, we are going away for our anniversary, they come get him on school holidays, etc.

    • Seventh Sister

      I decided to stay here for career reasons after law school, then met someone and stayed on. We thought about moving when our kids were small and he was pursuing academic jobs, but it didn’t end up happening. My family is kind of small and spread out all over, so I never felt much pull to go back to my hometown. And frankly, until my mid-20s, I would have done anything *not* to go back to my hometown. It would have to be a huge job improvement for us to leave, and it would have to be after my kids finish high school.

    • Jules

      No conscious plans – life happens. I went to law school in DC, where I had interned in college and loved, and planned to practice there, with an offer from my summer associate firm for after my clerkship year. But that year I got married to a man who was starting a career in academia and knew it was easier for me to find a job somewhere than for him; we went to the St. Louis area where he had a tenure-track job offer. (I did veto a couple of potential locations that were objectionable for reasons of weather or politics.) When he wanted to leave that position for Reasons, I was still early enough in my career that I said I could make one more move, and we ended up back near his hometown in Ohio, which is about an hour from the city where I grew up and where we met. Just happenstance, really, but it was great when his parents needed us in the last years of their lives and I love being closer to where most of my family still lives.

      We moved to a small college town – not where my now-ex works – that is a fantastic place to live and to have raised our child. And in the move back to Ohio, I changed my field of practice to one that is much better suited to me than what I did in my prior job. When I graduated law school, I never would have thought that I would end up back in my home state, living in the adorable little town that I loved to visit, practicing in an area of law that I hadn’t considered. I got there via a winding road and not careful planning.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, at least in terms of the state. We were in NYC and didn’t want to stay. We wanted to move back South (I hate winter) and wanted a state where husband and I both had a chance of finding good jobs. Didn’t want to live in DC or DC-adjacent, Atlanta, or Florida, and wanted a state with a coast as I like to be driving distance to the ocean, which pretty much narrowed it down to NC and SC, and we had more friends in NC (college connections). We’re about halfway between both our respective parents. We knew we were never moving back to either of our hometowns–neither has a lot of opportunity (My parents flat out told me one time they didn’t want me to move back. They have since retired elsewhere). We’re not leaving until we retire, at which point I might move closer to a beach.

    • Senior Attorney

      I always planned to stay in California and I ended up an hour away from my parents largely through happenstance (went to college in Nor Cal for a year then transferred to UCLA and stayed in LA metro). It worked out well for me.

      • Anonymous

        Hello, fellow Bruin! I couldn’t get out of LA fast enough after graduation, though. I grew up in CA and was tired of the smog and traffic and heat and wanted to see something different.

        • Senior Attorney

          Well I ended up Pasadena and it’s all good. And much less smog now than back in the day, mercifully.

          • Anon

            I’m so pleasantly surprised at how much cleaner the air is in LA now vs how it was when I was a child.

    • Anonymous

      We’ve been here 9 years and anticipate being here for 5-15 more, but we don’t consider ourselves settled. We relocated from New York City to my hometown in Ohio for $/space/having my parents help when the kids were small. We hate it — MAGA + intense sports culture, and they seem threatened by anyone who didn’t go to OSU.

      My parents were mid 60s when we moved here and didn’t seem that old. Now they’re mid-70s, and my mom is in poor general health (nothing acute). While my father may consider moving in the future, my mother is unlikely to do so… so it seems we will remain here as long as she is with us.

    • NYNY

      I love reading about all the different pathways we take!

      I grew up in the southwest US, but knew I wanted to live in NYC from a young age because I was a dancer. I moved here for college, and after graduation I settled in as a dancer/waiter. (Note: this was back when cheap rent stabilized apartments were an actual thing you could find!) I eventually left dance, but not NY. In fact, my now-husband grew up about 30 miles away from me and we knew several people in common back in our home state, but we met on the stairs while living in the same building!

      I cannot imagine moving away. I love this city, and living here makes sense to me in a way that nothing else does. I love not owning a car. I love going to theater and concerts and museums and funny little artsy things that are hard to define (once saw an abstract underwater puppet ballet and loved it). I love the diversity of the people that I interact with every day. I’m not saying that those things don’t exist elsewhere, but I have a relationship to NYC going back over 30 years now, and I don’t want to rebuild my life anywhere else.

    • Nora

      I went to college in the Big City near my hometown, and then very intentionally moved out for grad school. I realized I liked the original city a lot for the city itself + because my friends were there. Family wise I would have been fine staying in my grad school city – only a couple hour flight away

    • In-House Anon

      Super interesting comment! I never planned to leave my SEUS hometown, but married a guy who had a job in NYC so followed him there. Then we became a military family when he joined the army so we’ve been all over the US. We’re outside DC now and I’m not moving again (although he might), and I’m mostly happy where we ended up. If I had my choice, we’d have stayed in the PNW where we lived for two years, but the army didn’t care about my preference (ha) and it was far from our east coast families (and aging parents) which would have made it impractical.

    • Anonymous

      I’m 35, probably not settled yet. I’m ~12 years out of law school, worked in three different regions of the Midwest. Am a partner at my current firm, where I’ve been several years, and yet I always feel a little restless. I am single with no kids and no plan to change either status, so that helps. Lifelong renter, I’ve picked the Midwest as all my family lives in the region and I love them very much. But the nomad in me hates picturing being in (insert state capital) in another 5 years. Now that I’m 100% debt free. I expect to make a change again.

    • Anon Mom

      I went away for school (college and law school) and then worked in Big City for five years. But when I started thinking of having a kid, I moved to the Slightly Smaller City where my mother and stepfather live. They were invaluable as I raised my daughter. I am really happy to be close enough that Sunday dinners are a regular event and holidays do not require travel. While we do not spend every holiday together – Thanksgiving is a popular time to travel for all of us – I would say we are together at least 75% of the time.

      I am not going anywhere while they are alive. They have done so much for me and I am their only child so I cannot imagine leaving just as they are getting old enough that they might need me. I will re-evaluate once they pass, probably based on whether my (now adult) daughter is still in Slightly Smaller City. She says she wants to stay but obviously life changes.

    • Anon

      Essentially, yes. I grew up in the southwest, purposefully moved away for college, returned home for cheap grad school, then moved to the Midwest for my first job and stayed. Moving to my large-ish Midwest city was kind of a fluke. I moved solely for my job after being there for less than 24 hours for the interview, but knew I liked the Midwest. Fell in love with the city, stayed and switched jobs, fell in love with my husband who’s from here and started our family. We had a lot of conversations in our early years about moving vs staying put, but ultimately we like our city, we like our jobs and we like being close to family. Moving back to be close to my family was a consideration but we both dislike my hometown, so really not much of one. My aging parents are going to be an issue, but we’ve at least had open conversations with them about future planning.

    • Anon

      I grew up in a mid-size city in the Midwest and couldn’t get out fast enough. I’ve lived in several regions, and have felt most comfortable in the Mid-Atlantic and New England areas. We moved to our current city as the mix of career opportunities and friend networks we have here are amazing. I would be miserable where I grew up, as I just never fit in with the mentality. I see my family several times a year, talk to them often, and feel like I have the best of all worlds.

    • Eliza

      I’ve lived in the same state my entire life. I knew I didn’t want to stay in the area where I attended college, so after graduate school I moved to the state capital where my close friends were and where the job opportunities were greater. I’ve been here ever since. I’m 90 minutes away from my parents, the COL is reasonable, and there are mountains and the beach within 2-3 hours either direction. I can’t imagine moving away.

    • Anonymous

      I grew up in a small town (under 10,000 people) and would never want to live there again. I do go there frequently to see my family, but I love living in a city where I can go to concerts, plays, get any food, etc. I also never want to live in a majority evangelical Republican place again. I could see myself moving but it would have to be for a good job or maybe more nature.

  2. Anon

    All-time favorite ice cream flavor? I need some new ideas to get me through the third trimester. Like anything except for raisins and malt balls.

    • Anon

      Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Split. Chocolate Fudge Brownie and Phish Food are the next best.

    • anon

      Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch, New York Super Fudge Chunk, or just about any B&J’s flavor.

      • Anonymous

        Ooh. I used to get a pint of green tea and a pint of red bean and eat a scoop of each. That little fancy grocery closed years ago and I don’t know where to find that anymore but now I am thinking of it.

    • Anon

      If you can get them where you live, Weckerly’s ice cream sandwiches. The best.

    • Anon

      Rocky Road is my hands down favorite. I like Dreyers brand, because they invented it. I think Dreyers is Edy’s in some markets.

      Sometimes I need a really good strawberry ice cream, though, and I actually did a pretty involved taste test of the grocery store brand. Tillamook wins that one every yime.

    • Anon

      If you can make it until about the third week of October, Jeni’s seasonal white chocolate peppermint will be out. I don’t like peppermint ice cream. Ice cream is really not even my favorite, but this combination does it for me. If you want to really impress with dessert, make a brownie sundae with it. Brownie, ice cream and hot fudge syrup will make you very popular.

    • Anon

      Jeni’s salty caramel, Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie, or Ben and Jerry’s half baked. If you can find it this time of year peppermint ice cream is great on top of a warm brownie. Or coffee ice cream instead

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Mint chocolate chip generically, but if it’s Ben & Jerry’s, then Americone Dream.

    • IL

      Peppermint Stick
      Cookie Monster / aka Sea Monster at Target (vanilla ice cream dyed blue with cookie pieces)
      Gifford’s Cherry Blossom (cherry ice cream with bordeaux cherries mixed in)
      graham cracker (graham flavored ice cream with crumbled graham crackers mixed in)

    • AIMS

      Talenti Salted Caramel; HD Caramel Cone; B & J chocolate chip cookie dough; Drumstick Vanilla Cone.

  3. Anon

    When you wear sweater tees, do you layer underneath? I feel like sweater material doesn’t hold up for frequent washing, but sometimes I wear so many underlayers (camisole, chub-rub shorts) that I feel positively Victorian. Maybe the pandemic just doomed me to hate things that aren’t easily wash and wear?

    • Anonymous

      I do not layer underneath short-sleeved sweaters and therefore only buy non-itchy washable ones.

    • anon

      Quite possibly! I usually layer at least a tank underneath to keep the sweater itself cleaner.

      • Anon

        See I don’t see the point of wearing a tank under things for cleanliness. What’s the pint if your armpits aren’t covered?

      • Anon

        You can pry my emotional support cami out of my cold dead elder millennial hands. It started out as a way to camouflage the way my midsection looks and to provide additional coverage under thin tops. Now, I just feel naked without it.

        • Anon

          Ha! My mom’s young adult era was late 50s-early 60s and I never saw her even wear a t shirt without a silky Vanity Fair camisole. She also wouldn’t wear even a lined skirt or dress without a half or full slip. I always thought it was a holdover from when she was younger and it would have been thought scandalous not to wear a slip.

          • Anon

            I’m Gen X and I always wear a half-slip under skirts and dresses. The skirt just falls better, and there’s no static cling.

    • Anon

      I don’t, the sweater tees I have are all pretty fitted.

      I wear a t under sweaters though.

    • Anonymous

      Uniqlo used to have some cap sleeved, scooped neck airism tops that were perfect – no lines, pit protection, no bulk.

      Sadly only tanks this season, hope the scoop tees come back next year.

    • Anon

      Realistically, a heat tech layer if it’s cold enough for me to be wearing a wool sweater. In warmer weather I stick with cotton and no under layers.

    • Anon

      I don’t, but I only buy sweater tees that are either a heavier fabric and/or a size up from my normal size. I also only buy them in washable fabrics and on sale as they typically only last for a season or two with a weekly washing. I’m in my 40s and can’t do the super tight Mad Men twinset plus pencil skirt look.
      Fwiw I did wear that look in my 20s when it was in style in the early aughts and it was very cute so I can see the younger generation doing it.

    • Anon

      I only buy 100% washable merino which does not retain odors (really!). So excited it’s wool season soon!

    • Anon.

      I have an online confession. When I started practicing law, the suits were all the kind with three buttons that stayed clothed. I never wore anything underneath at all. I just didn’t know better. Now I can’t believe I did that!

  4. Anonymous

    My brain is tired, it is Friday. I’ve been asked for a proposal to do some contract interim work for a firm. I can tell from the initial calls that this could easily be the sort of thing where they will take as much of my time as I let them. I don’t want this project to eat up more than 20 hours/week of my time. How should I structure my proposal? Let’s just assume for easy math my rate is $100/hr.
    Option 1: Flat rate for 12 weeks of $24,000 for a fixed project scope with deliverables A, B, C. Option to extend. 40% up front, 60% at the end. (deliverables A, B, and C would fit into my estimate of 20 hours/week barring major scope creep)
    Option 2: Monthly fee of $8000/month for a bucket of 80 hours. Billable monthly. Time is tracked and billed. Any time over 80 hours is billed at $100/hr.
    Option 3: Monthly fee of $5000/month for a minimum of 50 hours. Billable monthly. Time is tracked and billed. Any time over 50 hours is billed at $100/hr with a cap of 100 hours/month.
    Option 4: Hourly @ $100/hr, billable monthly, with a cap of 20 hours/week (or 80 hours/month).

    Another option that I’m not thinking of? I track my time no matter what, so that’s not really an issue. This is a scenario where the company wants to hire someone full time but can’t afford it. They are hiring “fractional” instead, which is better for me because I only want to give them a fraction of my time. I most commonly do project-based work so most of my work is Option 1, but in this case the deliverables aren’t clearly defined in advance so I’d have to work with them to spell them out.

    • Anon

      I’m on a retainer arrangement with one client. My hourly rate is high, so the first x hours per month are paid at a somewhat lower rate, but it’s guaranteed, whether I work those hours or not. That’s to keep me from taking on so much other work I can’t get to their stuff.

      Then additional hours over x are paid at my higher hourly rate.

      This only works if you think they’ll sometimes use less than x hours.

      If they are going to overload you for sure, raise your rate and be strictly hourly. Don’t offer any fixed cost options.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks. I have done retainers before but it’s been my only gig and at a company that had a very defined role for me. This is a startup and I’ve seen this movie before. I do want the gig, I just want to box it in.

    • Anon

      As an attorney, I hate flat-rate pricing when the client is in the driver’s seat, so I would not do 1. Options 2-4 are the same if you assume they’re going to use all of you they can, just with different maximums. So I would pick the one that really reflects how many hours you are willing to give them.

    • Anon

      If the deliverables aren’t yet clearly defined, how can you know what flat rate to charge? Charge them a flat fee or an hourly for the project of defining the deliverables. After that you can price the remaining work.

  5. Dresses are too long!

    I got this dress from BR Factory recently: https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=534533031&vid=1#pdp-page-content

    It’s really pretty and seems higher quality than I’ve seen from BRF in the past. (In case you’re considering it, warning that it runs huge – I went down to an XXS, which I’ve never done before.) I don’t love the length. I know that “midi” is the style now, but I really prefer something closer to the knee, and this is below mid-calf for me. I rarely get things tailored – do you think that it would work well here? It would be taking a good 5 inches off the bottom, I think. It’s so pretty otherwise!

    • Anon

      As long as you have a tailor who understands how to get the proper length all around for a bias-cut dress, this is an excellent candidate for hemming.

      It should not be hard, but I would try the finished dress on at the tailor’s so you can be sure it hangs evenly, Bias fabric behaves differently than fabric cut on the grain, so a check to be sure the hem isn’t crooked once it is on your body would be wise.

    • Anon

      You could absolutely shift the length up! The material looks delicate so you’ll want to find a tailor who will do a careful job with the hem, but otherwise this wouldn’t be hard or expensive, I don’t think.

    • Cat

      The hem shouldn’t be too tricky, but I’d stay below the knee to keep the “long and slinky” vibe – probably that sweet narrow spot just below the knee.

    • Anon

      I’d go below knee but not mid or above. The dress should still look fine, but you may end up needing to have the side seams tapered near the hem, depending on how it’s cut.

  6. Senior Attorney

    PSA: If you have an American Express Platinum card, you can book tickets for many Broadway shows on their web site. I just got great seats for Suffs, which is sold out elsewhere, at face value. Yay!

  7. Anon

    I posted last Friday asking for nonfiction recs and got a bunch of great suggestions. The first one available in my library was The Man in the Rockefeller Suit. What a ride!! I’ve told everyone about the crazy story.

    There was someone who replied to that comment saying she knew the guy before he was Clark Rockefeller. I’m VERY curious about any tea you’d be willing to share :)

    Also other interesting run-ins with con men or women? Keeping up those kinds of ruses sounds exhausting to me!

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes! There is No Ethan, about an online dating guy who turned out not to be real in a truly crazy way.

      And in other non-fiction altogether, I just read Twelve Trees: The Deep Roots of Our Future by Daniel Lewis and it was terrific and thought-provoking. (The author spoke at our Rotary Club this week and was great!)

      • Anon

        I knew the woman who was “Ethan”!!! Not super well but I’m still dying to read this book. The hold at my library is so long.

        • Anon

          Pulls out popcorn.

          WOW! I haven’t read the book, so it might go into this, but did she seem normal to people she wasn’t scamming?

        • Anon

          And to Anon at 2:39 . . . this woman needs help – but how do you accomplish what she has educationally and professionally while carrying on this ruse!?!?!

          • Anon

            I didn’t know her at the time she was doing this; we crossed paths earlier. She was always kind of weird and socially awkward but not way out of line with our broader social circle which was generally nerdy and awkward. She never seemed mean-spirited or cruel to me, but apparently kids were very cruel to her when she was young and I guess that pain stayed with her and on some level probably caused her to hurt others. She seemed to not trust anyone and not believe people genuinely enjoyed hanging out with her, probably because of her past experiences. Her parents were also apparently pretty awful although I never met them and don’t know a ton of details about her home life.

          • Anon

            Totally inconsequential point: her parents should have taken her mother’s name, whatever that is, or used marriage as an opportunity to change the father’s last name to something else.

        • Senior Attorney

          OMG and she’s still out there living her life, apparently, like nothing even happened. SO CRAZY.

      • Anon

        I’ll check those out!

        I will say about Twelve Trees— I’m currently also reading The Overstory, which is amazing but heart wrenching. It’s making me try to figure out how to get shot into space so I can no longer harm the trees (mostly joking…) so it might take a minute to recover before I can read something else about the forests!

      • Anon

        I read Ethan too! I will admit to being a bit judgmental – how do these women allow themselves to be so duped, even if they aren’t sending money? I needed to adjust my thinking for the days when it wasn’t so easy to verify someone’s identity – but still.

        I just finished Tanya Smith’s Never Saw Me Coming. Here is another smart woman who let herself be duped while duping others.

    • Anon

      This isn’t about con men, but I meant to include this rec on that thread and forget – The River of Doubt by Candice Millard. It was SO good.

  8. Anon

    How common is it for men to not make their long-term partners finish during gardening? DH has several friends for whom this is the case. It isn’t a matter of the woman having trouble finishing in general, but moreso that the men are just too lazy and don’t really understand (or care to learn) about women’s anatomy.

    I find this a bit flabbergasting? It’s a small way to show love and care for your partner, and requires such a small amount of additional attention. These are not relationships where the men is the main provider, and in at least one or two, the men are very expressive about high interest in gardening.

    Is this common? What percentage is this the case for, would you say?

    • anon

      WHAT? I am surprised they are admitting this. Because that is not a good look!

      • Anon

        That was my reaction! One friend said to DH, “It’s a miracle if Sally comes.” Meanwhile, I know that Sally is able to take care of herself when on her own, so it seems like more of a ‘I have no idea how to make this happen / don’t care to try, and it’s a miracle if occurs because I put absolutely no effort in whatsoever.’

        • Anon

          I find it wild that you have this much visibility into your friends’ intimate lives. I literally have no idea how much or how high quality of gardening anyone I know is doing, let alone visibility into both sides’ perspective!

    • Anon

      I literally never once finished with my soon to be ex husband. He never even did things that would be designed to get a woman there.

      It’s a big part of what torpedoed our marriage. We are religious and waited, but I was very, very clear with him before we wed that I wasn’t going to put up with one sided gardening. I’m not wired to be a martyr or “enjoy the communication” – I have zero tolerance for that bs. He talked a good game and never delivered. Ever.

      (It’s funny – when Jesus talks about divorce for s*xual immortality,” I wonder to what extent being a selfish prick in the bedroom counts. It’s insanely hurtful, at least it was to me, and it’s an affront to – IMHO – God’s plan for gardening. I mean, consider our anatomy… we are wired to receive pleasure, just in a way that isn’t convenient for lazy dudes.)

      • Anon

        Good for you for leaving! I hope you have many wonderful and fulfilling experiences in this new chapter. <3

        And totally agree. I think there is something soul-crushing about one-sided gardening. It feels like allowing your body to be used.

        I don't think men can understand it since it's so far from anything they'd ever experience. I once tried to tell a boyfriend to imagine a girl just roughly pushing four fingers in and out of his mouth for ten minutes, and then once she has been satisfied, rolls over and asks him how it was for him. It's what it's like for us when there's no reciprocity!

        • Anon

          My analogy is: imagine going down on a woman until she finishes, and then she rolls over and it’s over. Maybe you even derive some enjoyment from seeing her enjoy it. But imagine that is your life for ten years.

      • Anon

        Good for you!

        Somewhat related… in Judaism it’s actually part of the Torah that the man is supposed to give his wife sexual pleasure regularly. Our rabbi talked about it at our wedding! I was mortified (about the rabbi’s public discussion of it), but I guess good on Judaism for being progressive on this front.

        • Anon

          Ironically, it’s a rare alignment between progressive and traditional.

          Lack of female pleasure is associated with (and likely causes) decreased frequency, decreased marital satisfaction, and eventually, divorce. Even when you gaslight women into oblivion, they are *still* more likely to get divorced!

    • Anon

      If you read Reddit, it’s EXTREMELY common.

      F8ck those guys. Or rather, don’t f8ck them!

      • Anon

        Ha, same. My narcissistic ex never failed to make me finish. How is your current partner sucky?

          • Anon

            I think sometimes narcissists just have high gardening drive, so they enjoy bringing their girlfriends’ pleasure, but it’s not out of care. Also a bit of an ego thing wrapped up in there too.

    • Anonymous

      My jaw is on the floor… that so many of you guys are surprised at this. The NYT even just had a story about how the orgasm gap still exists.

      https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/06/well/family/orgasm-gap-women-age.html?unlocked_article_code=1.KU4.bPYe.g9Vhg5j0dtln&smid=url-share

      I feel like some of this is generational? I was born in ’75. growing up girls gave guys head and had sex. Cun—— was a weird, foreign idea, and when it was done it was part of very limited foreplay.

      Go back and read things like Bridgerton (early 2000s) – the idealized, romanticized view even that “recently” was that virgins would miraculously have orgasms their very first time from PIV alone. The Rabbit from SATC was the very first time I heard toys or clitoral stimulation discussed openly. I just rewatched “The Holiday” and Cameron Diaz’s character says “yeah, I HATE foreplay,” and it reminded me so much of The Cool Girl concept in the book Gone Girl that it was a kneejerk.

      • Anon

        Oh come on, I was born in 1965 and I and all my friends were getting c—-gus from our college boyfriends. It was not strange and foreign at all.

        • Anonymous

          really?! fascinated to hear that. was it seen as an alternative to sex because birth control wasn’t widely available, or “good girls didn’t”? by the 90s the focus was on safe sex and condoms were widely available.

          • Anon

            I think you think the 80s were the 50s. No one was concerned with being a good girl, and yes, we also had condoms.

        • Anon

          I was born in 69 and the poster is right – it just wasn’t as openly discussed and many, many men were completely oblivious. Compared to,,,, now it is often part of most sex scenes in movies/TV to show the man going down on women in sexual encounters. That was almost never done in the 80s/90s etc… Even in the world of porn there has been an evolution, and honestly, I think that is one of the only good things about endless free porn that boys start watching from shocking early ages. At least now they learn they are supposed to go down on women.

          It’s too bad that porn addiction in young men has led to a exponential increase in the impotence rate in very young men …. with their “real” women partners.

          • Anon

            Speak for yourself about “almost never done in 80s/90s. Sorry to hear about the men you were with but I was with … a lot, and it was completely standard.

        • Seventh Sister

          Yeah, I was born in 1976 and was in law school when I finally encountered a man who wasn’t into cun—-.

    • Anon for this

      I once had a bf comment “you’re one of THOSE women” when I told him I couldn’t finish from PIV alone. I looked at him like he had 3 heads, because my understanding is that it’s actually pretty common. Anyway, he struggled to make me finish by any method, so I guess I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dated women in the past who were adept at faking it.

      • Anon

        UGH. It’s way more common to be one of ‘those women.’ 66% of women can’t finish from PIV, and only 10% of women can finish from PIV without any clitoral stimulation..

        • Anon

          It’s something like only about 20% of women finish exclusively from intercourse, and it’s luck of the draw (how their anatomy is configured).

    • Anon

      Yes, this is incredibly common. It’s also a thing that some men “require” oral but refuse to reciprocate (if the woman doesn’t want to receive, that’s different)!

      Whether a man was considerate in bed was a requirement when I was dating after my divorce. My ex husband was not, and I knew there had to be a better life out there.

    • Anonymous

      Why did they marry these guys???? My ratio when DH and I were dating was pretty much 3:1 in favor of me. Two busy jobs and 3 kids later it’s probably 1:1 and there’s only been maybe a dozen times I didn’t. Mostly first year postpartum when my body didn’t feel like it was cooperating. And even those times he always offered to try longer but I chose sleep.

      • Anonymous

        + 1 million

        Ladies first policy. He can take care of you first and then if you get a 2nd via PIV it’s a bonus.

        • Anon

          I like some of the other suggestions in there too or similar ones:

          “Sure, oral sounds great. Let’s do me first. Oh, you don’t want to? OK, we don’t have do any oral tonight.”
          “What feels best for me is ____.”
          “That’s not working for me but let’s try ____.”
          “I’ll feel comfortable hooking up after a few more dates.”

    • Anon

      Holy hell. Ladies, stop accepting subpar treatment, in and out of the bedroom.

    • Anon

      Eh I’ll be an outlier I guess. I obviously think it’s a HUGE problem if the guy isn’t willing to put in the effort to try to help his partner finish. But I personally have never finished with a partner (and there have been many men) so I don’t begrudge my current partner for it. I enjoy gardening anyway, and it is more about the intimacy and close connection for me. He is caring and attentive when gardening and in all other aspects of our relationship. This is not an area **for me in this relationship** that is worth getting hung up over. Very different if the dude is generally an a-hole or unwilling to try and I totally understand why it is a deal breaker for many women–just sharing my personal experience.

      • Anon

        In other words, your personal experience actually has nothing to do with this thread? Cool, thanks for sharing.

  9. Been there

    Last week I devoured the book “A Well Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy” and I cannot stop thinking about it. What book have you read recently that you can’t stop thinking about?

    • Anon

      -Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women they Destroyed
      -Jaded
      -Sugar, Baby
      -My Last Innocent Year

      • Anon

        Speaking of the Kennedy’s, is there a consensus of what Rosemary Kennedy had? Autism? Something else? The concern was that she might elope (in the autistic sense of elopement, not that she was autistic) and get pregnant or otherwise embarrass the family or make them seen as having a bad gene pool. I recall reading that she had a traumatic birth that could have caused some brain damage but she was presented at court, so she seemed pretty typical if they let her do that.

        • Anon

          Yes! The book talks about this. When she was being born, only a nurse was present and she wasn’t permitted to deliver the baby. The nurse had to block the baby’s head to keep her in the birth canal for hours, until the doctor arrived and was able to deliver her. The oxygen deprivation led to developmental issues / cognitive impairment. She was known to be very sweet, pretty, and functional, but her father Joe Kennedy was ashamed of her. He had her lobotomized, which reverted her the intellectual capacity of a 2 year old, and she spent the rest of her life (which was many decades) in a psychiatric facility.

          Devastating story.

          • Anon

            I read that she was in an institution for like 5 decades and no one ever visited her.

          • Anon

            AND good ol’ Joe didn’t tell his wife about the operation until it was all over. What an awful man. Read about his affair with Gloria Swanson, too. He just used her and her money.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just finished this insane sci fi trilogy (Annihilation) and it messed up my head but good. In a fun way.

    • Anon

      So glad you asked this question! I read both of these a little over a year ago, but still think about them:
      – Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield. It’s hauntingly, heartbreakingly beautiful. I might not have read this if I had someone close to me going through a scary health situation, especially a partner
      – Severance by Ling Ma. It was published one year before Covid-19. It completely changed my outlook to work, career, how I defined ambition and success

      • Brontosaurus

        Oh I love both of those books! I read Severance December 2019 and thought about it … frequently in the following months

        • Anon

          Wow! I’ve wondered if I would have made different decisions during lockdown if I had read the book earlier. I saw a lot of myself in the main character and feel like I made pretty significant changes after reading it

    • Anon

      H Is For Hawk!

      I wasn’t sure what to expect going in, and it exceeded any expectations I could have dreamed up.

    • Anonymous

      This book, a well trained wife,–on the NYT best seller list–is very powerful and moving. It gave me a glimpse into what Project 2025 might look like…

      It motivated me to seek out other similar books.

      Also, Ballerina Farm on instagram. Watching Hannah cook, clean, give birth, tend to her children, milk cows, collect eggs, makes me feel like she is an abused women. Anyone else?

      • Been there

        What similar books have you read? I want to know more about these families. Fascinated and horrified at the same time!

        • Lydia

          it’s a decade old now, but check out Homeward Bound: Why Women Are Embracing the New Domesticity by Emily Matchar!

  10. Anon

    Thoughts about having two sets of wedding/engagement rings? My current set is white gold, but I find myself gravitating toward yellow gold these days. I don’t want to reset my rings into yellow gold, so I was thinking about getting a second set that is yellow gold for a milestone anniversary. Is that odd?

    • Anonymous

      You can do whatever you like and can afford, but I think it’s more usual for a later anniversary ring purchase to be a single different and/or heavier-looking ring rather than the type of classic wedding set you’d receive as a young bride.

    • Senior Attorney

      I know a few people who have multiple wedding rings and I say go for it. I have a very wide wedding band and a fairly hefty setting on my engagement ring, so generally I wear my engagement ring on my right hand. But sometimes I switch it up by wearing my late MIL’s very thin wedding band on my left hand with my engagement ring.

      And also? Who cares whether it’s odd? You do you!!

    • Anonymous

      I just bought a second set with a lab grown diamond in gold (also have platinum in the original). I broke my ring finger and my knuckle hasn’t gone back down to size, so I couldn’t wear my original. I still may get them resized bigger, but I wasn’t ready to pull the trigger. So this one is scratching the itch.

    • Anon

      I have so many wedding rings! I’m still married to the same man. I just like to switch it up. I always wear some form of a wedding ring but I do not feel like I’m not married or going to burn in hell or whatever if I don’t exclusively wear the original.

      Go for it!

      • Anon

        Same here! I have at least 5 sets that I’m currently rotating through and probably a few more in the back of the jewelry box. I love jewelry and neither my husband or I are attached to the first set. He’s also got about 5 different wedding rings and mixes it up too. (Rings. Not spouses.)

        • Anon

          I have multiple rings but not really “sets” like another engament ring type ring. I find bands more comfortable than a center stone kind of ring, but most of my bands have multiple diamonds, either pave set or bezel set.

    • Anonymous

      I honestly don’t think “odd” or what other people are doing has any relevance here.

      I mean, have you SEEN the things human do? Most of it is odd! We punch holes in our ears so we can put metal objects through them and look pretty. THAT’S odd! We run around and around and around in circles until we can see who runs the fastest, and then we hang metal around that person’s neck. That’s . . . odd.

      So if you want to have several pieces of metal in different colors that you wear on your finger in order to symbolize your marriage . . . go for it!! Join the rest of us in being delightfully, quirkily, wackily odd.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly. To me, this is super weird, especially to call a set you bought for fashion, years after you got married, to be your “wedding set”. But if you don’t like mixing metals and you have extra money you want to spend on two rings you would wear in lieu of your actual wedding band and engagement ring, you can buy them, wear them, and call them whatever thing you want. Make sure your spouse knows you aren’t now feeling delayed disappointment about what he got you.

    • Anon

      Not at all. I rotate lots of different rings on my ring finger including my wedding set.

  11. To the Dominica Vacation Poster

    To the person looking for Dominica tips yesterday — I just went in June! I went from Puerto Rico, to Dominica, to Martinique. For Dominica, the number one thing to do is figure out your rental car/transportation plan. We booked this trip last minute and there weren’t any online agencies available so ended up with a local rental car… that had a lot of engine lights on and it seriously limited our hiking plans because we were so worried about the car breaking down. It also required us to get a local driver’s license which required Carribean dollars — not sure how the major rental agencies handle it. The rental car agency did help us with this. Last, everything looks so close together on the map but the reality is it takes forever to get around the island. One lane roads with passenger vans stopping all the time and people passing each other. We probably wouldn’t have considered hiring a driver since our drives from the airport and then to the port were expensive — I think about $100.

    We stayed up north at the Picard Beach Cottages on the beach and in retrospect should probably have stayed at one of the resorts. A lot of the hiking and hot springs are in the south, east of Roseau, and once we realized everything was so far apart and we hated driving there, and were worried about the car, we decided to spend more time on the beach by our hotel. We booked in this area because the diving in the north was supposed to be so much better and we’re not morning people so staying close to dive sites is important to us.

    We also figured we could see about the diving when we showed up and in retrospect should have booked in advance though they were able to accomodate us. We used Cabrits Dive Center. The diving was incredible and the French couple that runs Cabrits were excellent guides. We also drove south to Champagne Beach which I recommend. It took awhile to find the reef (we were snorkeling) but once we did it was beautiful.

    For food, we ate at the Lobster Palace, Keepin’ It Real, Bell Hall Beach Spot — good caribbean food — and at our hotel. We had a kitchenette so were able to make breakfast before diving in our room. We generally found that restaurants did not keep set hours and struggled to find breakfast and lunch spots. Note that sometimes the fish fillets come with a lot of bones, so we wish we had asked about that after we were served it the first time.

  12. Millicent

    Hello, low stakes question here. I want some “soft pants” to wear around the house/small errands in the weekend that are not sweat pants/athleisure but also not like a sweatpants version of work pants. My usual weekend look is jeans, top, sneakers/ankle boots, and blazer/jacket (innovative I know!). I kind of what a “soft pants” version of the jeans I guess. Does this exist or did I just define myself out of all possible clothing categories?

      • Millicent

        Oh yes actually! That wasn’t what I sort of mentally had in mind but yeah I could see this. Thank you!

    • Anon

      Gap has mid-rise pull on jeans and Lands End has their Starfish pants in a knit denim.

    • Anonymous

      If you don’t want work trousers, jeans, sweats, or athleisure, and you don’t want a soft pant that’s styled like a work trouser even though made out of ponte knit or some other kind of soft knit fabric . . . yes, you’re defining out a lot of clothing categories!

      You’re talking about two things: the cut of the pant, and the fabric it’s made out of. It sounds like, regarding cut, you don’t want anything that looks like a work trouser, or that appears to look like athleisure. And regarding fabric, you don’t want anything hard or stiff, anything made out of an athleisure fabric, or anything made out of the same fabric a pair of sweats would be made of.

      So I’d look for . . .
      a pant cut like a jean (waistband, 5-pocket, etc.) but made out of stretch corduroy or stretch velvet. Or, I guess, ponte knit, if that’s doesn’t feel too much like work trousers to you.

      A cut like cargo pants, wide-leg pants, or joggers, but made out of a drapey woven fabric (often will have some tencel in it, and maybe a hint of spandex for stretch).

    • Anonymous

      Athleta can’t remember the name but they have really good options for this.

    • Anon

      Everyone in our house wears the Caslon wide leg linen blend pants. Well, not my husband. My daughter and I wear them.

      Not the dog either. So technically not everyone.

      And yes we wear them into winter.

      I also like the stretchy Levi jeans you can get on Amazon. They’re called Signature and it seems to be a lesser Levi line.

    • Anon.

      I have two styles of J Jill leggings that are exclusively WFH and errand running. Not for when I want to look cute, but not sloppy if I see someone out.

  13. Core

    When someone random or socially asks you what you do, how much detail do you get into?

    I’m the director of data at an environmental nonprofit. I usually say I work at a environmental nonprofit but I don’t think that captures it. People generally look confused.

    It’s an annoying question, but common enough from like distant family members or friends of friends.

    • Senior Attorney

      Or you could tell them what you actually DO. I had a job that was identical in every way to Commonly Known Job X, but my title was Obscure Job Y. I used to hem and haw and it was awful. Now that I’m retired I’m much less picky and I say I’m a retired X.

    • Cat

      I say my basic attorney role rather than the type of company I work at. Like in your case something like “data analyst.”

    • Anonymous

      Flounder because no one even knows my job is a real thing. I generally say I work on environmental issues but it’s not correct just close enough without having an awkward encounter.

      • Anonymous

        “I work for a financial tech company. We sell to companies like (banks they know)”.

        Or, if more relevant to the person asking “I work in M&A”

    • Anon

      I say I’m a lawyer. I only discuss practice area or the firm I work at if someone asks. In your case, I would probably say I’m a data analyst (or something similar, however you would briefly describe your position) at a nonprofit.

    • Anon

      It depends a lot on who is asking. I work for FEMA, so I usually just say that, which invites a lot of questions. Sometimes I just say I’m an emergency manager. Sometimes I explain what I actually do. Sometimes I say I have a boring government job.

      I love my job and am happy to get into the minutiae but it’s complicated and not always easily understood. Lots of people don’t love government. Lots of people still have a bad taste in their mouths about FEMA. So, it just depends.

    • Anon

      I say I’m an actuary then have to explain that no, it’s not like being an accountant.

  14. Anon

    Any recs for books that blend sci-fi with either mystery/thriller or historical fiction? I really like Blake Crouch’s stuff, liked Michael Crichton back in the day (although some of it was sexist, even by 90s standards), and really enjoyed Ministry of Time. I don’t like Andy Weir.

    • An.On.

      Connie Willis has an “Oxford historian time travelers” series with different, stand alone parts, with a broad range of tones- To Say Nothing Of the Dog is Victorian comedic, Doomsday Book is modern pandemic and black death focused, and the Blackout/All Clear duology is WWII. Doomsday and Blackout are more serious in tone, sound a bit more like what you’re looking for although To Say Nothing Of is my favorite.

      • An.On.

        Also, The Kingdoms by Natasha Pulley is a bit about time travel and trying to fix the past during the Napoleonic Wars but I found the story to be somewhat depressing.

        Six Wakes is on my TBR list, and might also be what you’re looking for. And another possible mystery one would be Seven and a Half Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle, which is novel and interesting even if I think the ending doesn’t quite stick the landing.

        • anniny

          Six wakes is interesting, but the worldbuilding is kind of mediocre, and the reveal also lacking in believability.
          Malka Older have two novellas set on Jupiter, which somehow manage to give gaslight mystery while being science fiction. Kind of cosy scifi:
          The Imposition of Unnecessary Obstacles
          The Mimicking of Known Successes
          Spin State by Chris Moriarty is more hard science fiction, with clones and AI and cyborgs.
          One of the murderbot novellas is also a sort of mystery – Fugitive telemetry
          Some people liked The Spare Man by Mary Robinette Kowal, but I was not a fan.

      • Anon

        To say nothing of my own dog, it has been kind of fun listening to this audio book with my own bulldog snoring and farting beside me.

    • anonshmanon

      Frank Schaetzing has a couple of sci-fi thrillers. Usually with several plotlines and many characters which eventually weave into a big ‘it’s all connected’ finale. The Swarm was his first big one.

    • Martine, Willis, and Asimov

      A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine is a fascinating blend of sci-fi and mystery. I loved it. The sequel A Desolation Called Peace is also very good, but not quite as good.

      I second all recommendations for Connie Willis.

      Finally, I always loved Isaac Asimov’s books The Caves of Steel, The Naked Sun, and the Robots of Dawn. Did Asimov write women well? No. Were the books still good reads? To me, yes — in fact I recently reread them again – about 40 years after the first time I read them.

    • Anan

      If you liked Ministry of time, try The Monsters We Defy- i think it’s billed as Historical Fantasy. It’s kind of a like a heist novel set in 1920s’ Black Washington DC community and involves people with magical powers getting together to steal something from someone powerful. I loved it.

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