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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The term “cargo pants” evokes a very specific image in my mind from the early 2000s. (I’m thinking low-slung trousers and tiny tops, Basically, the aesthetic from the “Jenny from the Block” music video.)
These flannel trousers from Vince are not the cargo pants of yesteryear. The fabric is luxe, the cut is a little more sophisticated, but they do have an ease that makes them feel a little less stuffy than your traditional trouser.
This dark green color would look fantastic with any blues or greens, but I think I’d probably do an ivory turtleneck and some brown loafers for a perfect business casual look.
The pants are $495 at Vince and come in sizes 00-16.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anonymous
What are your favorite Spotify channels or filters for upbeat fun dancey music? I’m the kind of person who really likes TikTok/IG type music. More likely to go for Chapel Roan than T.Swift.
Anon
Try Chappell Roan or Sabrina Carpenter radio!
Anon
I need men’s cotton or cotton blend khakis, but with an elastic waist and a real zipper fly. I couldn’t find what I needed at LLBeannor Lands end. I suspect they be maybe at a Sears or JC Penney or a store geared to seniors or people with limited dexterity but am not sure where to start. I was surprised that pull-on wasn’t wanted but apparently men do not like having to drop their pants if they are used to a fly. I guess at some point the calculus flips but not today. Any thoughts?
Anon
Try Eddie Bauer.
Anon
Lands’ End: https://www.landsend.com/products/school-uniform-boys-elastic-waist-pull-on-chino-pants/id_364677?attributes=52958,44967,12323&source=GS¤cy=USD&geo=US&skumv=5454090&gmp=true&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%23PLA%2F_(1)_GGL_(2)_US_(7)_DES_(9)_BC%7C&cm_mmc=139971612&SC=pla_non-brand&CMPGN=20131727717&ADGRP=152106606194&KYW=&MT=&DV=c&PID=5454090&TRGT=pla-1413559272946&gclid=Cj0KCQjwrp-3BhDgARIsAEWJ6Sy_kYl3Vc5Ihofnp0RMPhn2gb-MOCh91DdMJtDoIQ-Z0GCXXy4340IaArOFEALw_wcB&CH=Google%20AdWords&gad_source=1
Anon
These come in adult sizes if you click through to the page
Anon
I thought about those but the lack of a real fly was a big issue IIRC. They are to replace pants with a fly (but no tags! Maybe taken off as scratchy???).
Anon
oh, good point! I had these in the past when they definitely had a functional fly, even in kids’ sizes! I guess they changed their styling.
Cat
https://www.buckandbuck.com/twill-zip-fly-putter-pants-s-xl.html
Anon
The Vermont Country Store or Blair.
Anon
https://www.vermontcountrystore.com/orton-brothers-woven-cotton-classic-comfort-pants/product/77262
https://www.blair.com/haband-casual-joe-stretch-waist-pants/5045221.html?cid=pl_bl_google_rtn_cvn_shp_QT+Shopping+-+Brand&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwrp-3BhDgARIsAEWJ6SzAYLMK_wYz8KRucgMky-i7bUX-YG0x95E3YanNYTAAfWD7wIrXTvQaAo6GEALw_wcB
anon
Does it need to be a true elastic waist or just fairly stretchy? If it’s the latter, you will have good luck at golf stores which stalk plenty of athleisure dress pants. Kohls also has dockers with built it stretch in the waist, but without looking like a stretchy pant.
anon
You might add “adaptive” to your search. Several mainstream retailers are adding options – Jcpenney is one that I just saw – and smaller specialty companies also offer options.
Jules
https://www.duluthtrading.com/s/DTC/mens-belted-lightweight-canvas-standard-fit-pants-40354.html?color=FSN&queryID=c1774e889a7abf2009e57c32378a8f25
Elastic waist and functional fly
Anon
Do you eat a snack before bed? I find that I have to, otherwise I will wake up hungry in the middle of the night.
Anonymous
I do but only because our family eats dinner early and I’ve recently started exercising a lot more. I go with apples or crackers and peanut butter, a bowl of vaguely healthy cereal, or a banana.
Anonymous
Nope. I eat dinner before bed and I’m still full when I go to sleep
anon
There’s nothing wrong with having a bedtime snack, but the waking up hungry seems a bit unusual. Are you eating enough during the day?
Anon
Never. If I eat late in the evening I wake up starving the next morning.
Anon
That’s what my candy drawer is for.
Anon
I never do. But I am also not hungry before bedtime or in the middle of the night.
Anon
Yes, or else I wake up and feel like roadkill. Mild hypoglycemia. Bodies aren’t all the same and doing what works for me is more important than following rules about “close the kitchen at 7 pm.”
Anonymous
Lol 7pm? Are we all midwestern? I’ve barely opened the kitchen to start cooking dinner at 7pm.
Anon
What the hell weird comment is this? This really isn’t the flex you think it is.
Anon
+1
Anon
Ha, I’m a mom and if I want to feed the kids before sports/clubs dinner is at 5 or 5:30pm. We started eating earlier when the kids were smaller and kind of like it. It means the kitchen is fully closed by 7 and my evening feels a lot more relaxing (even if I’m still working on the couch).
Anon
With all due respect to the two replies above, you both missed the point. It’s about what works for you (and your family), not arbitrary rules or what works for other people.
Anonymous
No, I got the point. I was laughing at the “rule”
anon
Yes, I usually have a bowl of yogurt with frozen blueberries, nuts, raisins, and peanut butter. If I don’t add the peanut butter I do wake up hungry in the middle of the night. If I’m feeling frisky I add cookies lol.
I’m breastfeeding but I’ve almost always had something sweet sometime before bed, usually some sort of fruit/nut combo. When I have a big breakfast I don’t need to, though, so I’m probably just moving nutrition from the morning to evening.
Anonymous
I do a small bowl of a light cereal like cheerios or Rice Krispies. Basically a level up from a glass of milk.
Clementine
I don’t. We eat early (small kids) at 5/5:30 and then I usually do a workout at 8:30. I shower and rehydrate but rarely will I eat after 6PM. I don’t like running right after eating and I am not hungry afterwards.
Conversely, I wake up very hungry and usually eat coffee and at least some breakfast by 8AM.
Anonymous
When I was marathon training, I would wake up hungry in the middle of the night if I wasn’t getting enough protein, fat and fiber at dinner (6pm for various family-scheduling reasons). Sometimes I added a snack at 9:30 before bed because my stomach capacity wouldn’t accommodate the necessary amount of food in one sitting. If it works for you, go for it. Peanut butter on an apple, or peanut butter on toast, were my go-tos.
Anonymous
Never. I work out in the morning and need a very empty stomach to do that.
Anonymous
Heh. When I was a morning exerciser I had to eat something before hand (even just a piece of toast) or I got horrible, gassy cramps. Bodies are so weird (and different).
Anon
No. I really try to be finished eating at least three hours before I go to bed. It helps with sleep.
Anon
(Also better for the teeth, my dentist told me)
No Face
I like a big early dinner. I drink herbal tea the rest of the evening.
Anonymous
My dietitian steered me to cottage cheese or nuts (but recommends avoiding snacking as better).
Anon
For me waking up hungry in the middle of the night was a sign of blood sugar control issues. Now I only rarely need to eat a snack before bed.
anon
If you work for a government agency, higher ed, or otherwise complex organization, I’d love your thoughts on this. How much do you care about the political machinations going on above your pay grade that you have zero control over but still affect your work life in direct or indirect ways? I like my team. I have a supportive boss. But I am low-grade miserable because there is so much chaos among the upper leadership ranks and decisions are being made in a way that isn’t transparent at all, which makes my job harder. The goalposts are forever moving, which is just exhausting. It’s hard to feel like I’m successful or making a difference in any way whatsoever. Really, the only thing keeping me here is the fact that I don’t want to start over elsewhere and lose the benefits I’ve accrued. Other times, I wonder if I’m just being a coward and should bail. I’ve been here for almost 20 years, so it’s not like I haven’t been through rocky times. This is just on another level.
I don’t think everyone is bothered by this type of thing, but I am, and I wish I didn’t care. If you have any tips on not getting bogged down in this stuff, I’d love to hear them.
anon for this
I think it depends on the level of chaos. Do you still generally like the mission of the work and is it supported by senior leadership, even if the details are frustrating? I’d say. But I worked at an agency that the last president was deliberately working to undermine, and it was just too much. I left. Which was probably exactly the desired outcome, but my mentor said something to the effect of: it’s one thing to have to navigate rough waters but generally have the wind at your back. It’s another to be a small boat rowing upstream against a very powerful current.
Nina
Your mentors words make a lot of sense. I’m generally fine with dysfunction if it still feels like things are getting done. I had a boss who I did think was trying to undermine or at least being extremely unhelpful and didn’t think that was worth it though.
anon
This makes a lot of sense. I’m trying to figure out what category my situation falls into. For a long time, I felt like the wind was at my back. Now I am less sure.
No Problem
This is actually one of the chief reasons I don’t work in government and likely never will (the other chief reason being the absurd bureaucracy that seems to be in the way of getting anything done efficiently).
I’ll also note that this sort of thing isn’t limited to the types of organizations you cite; you’ll find chaos among upper leadership in organizations and companies of all sizes and types. The chaos may not affect all staff directly like it could in a government agency (like if the new political appointee changes policy direction and literally pauses or changes whole programs), but it would still be likely to affect anyone with the type of seniority you’ve likely achieved by 20 years into your career.
Been There
I’m in public higher ed. I used to care a lot because I had a VP level job. Between the pandemic and political issues (government & organizationally), I got really burned out. Thankfully, I was able to transition back to my previous position which I loved. The upside of burnout for me is that I no longer spend a lot of time thinking about what I cannot control at work. There’s still a lot of disfunction where I work but know I can’t do much about it. I focus on my area and basically work to live, not the other way around. People have noticed the change in me in a positive way and I’m actually more productive at my job.
Anon
I am in this type of situation. One observation: as I have moved up the management chain and have more seniority, I have greater awareness of the politics and the impact on my department’s work. I think the politics were always paramount, but I was less aware. Of course, the fraught nature of politics currently and the growth of social media don’t help, but I think the politics were always there, less visible.
Cora
Do you find that the politics bother you more now that you’re more aware of it – or is it better because you have some transparency and maybe agency at a higher level?
Anon
The politics bother me. In my current position, I try to be proactive, trying to be aware of likely flashpoints and avoid them whenever there is an alternate path. I try to inform those I supervise, so they understand that there is nothing wrong with their thinking, when politics require that a reasonable plan be scrapped. I definitely enjoy my job less now than when I was less involved in the political aspects.
Clementine
I’ve worked in government for most of my career. I have a job which in some ways is profoundly influenced by State and National politics and in other ways I just need to keep things moving regardless of those changes. I am one of those ‘career bureaucrats’ who is at the level where we provide the institutional knowledge and relative stability for certain government services. I pick small goals and hold to those victories, but I have built my career around problem solving. I love tackling issues that don’t have a clear solution and working to get everything sorted.
For me, I remind myself that I’ve been through tough things and this is another ‘season’. And frankly, everything is a season. Some easier, some harder. The trains will keep moving. If your current role isn’t working, perhaps it’s worth it to consider a lateral transfer which is easily framed as ‘wanting to try something new’.
Anon
I’m in your shoes exactly – not govt but an org with lots of stakeholders and a board and leadership that are doing god knows what and it all trickles down to me. I love my team but it’s hard to get things done!
Anon
I’m wondering if you work at the federal agency we consult for. It’s been opaque chaos with arbitrary restrictions on our work and we’re over it.
Anon
I know you can’t be directly involved in politics several levels above your head. It does help to know which way the wind is blowing, though. Do you have an advocate/sponsor above you? Not necessarily your boss.
Cb
I’m in UK higher ed, which is a dumpster fire. And I try to avoid media coverage of the industry drama, speculating about budgets, and engaging in existential moaning with colleagues. My goal is to focus on my research, delivering good teaching, being a kind colleague.
anon
Love this.
Anonymous
I work for a large state governmental agency. I really believe in the mission. My job is also fairly specialized. We are greatly impacted by state-level politics, including who our governor is at the time and their particular policies. The agency is permitted to do some lobbying during the legislative session–which is a blessing and a curse. It can be incredibly frustrating to see how dysfunctional it all is. That said, our leadership is mostly great. Our director is wonderful and my division head is great. When those two positions are not filled with people who understand both the mission and what the people who work here need, then it can be a depressing place. I love the work though and so have stuck with it through many changes in leadership over the last 16 years. As a lawyer, at the end of the day there is a fair amount of autonomy to just do the best work I can on my cases and that helps me see past all the bureaucracy.
Anon
Any good recommendations for outside solar lights wit a motion sensor? I don’t want them to go all night, just when I take the dog out late and early. Otherwise, they turn out of juice.
Been There
There’s a ton on Amazon. Have you looked there?
Anon
Well, I think we are a better source of recs these days than Amazon!
Anon
I had them and they made me crazy. Any animal movement would turn them on. Sometimes. falling leaves would sometime turn them on. I switched to a timer with motion sensor so that the lights don’t wake me when a fox runs by at midnight.
Anon
We have motion lights on our garage that trip if a car pulls in our driveway. The lights shine into our bedroom window when they are on, which in theory is not that often.
However, we once had stray cat figure out it could trip the sensor in the middle of the night and that the light would then attract moths. The cat would proceed to cavort around in our driveway chasing moths all night long, and the light would keep us awake thinking someone was prowling outside our garage. We finally figured out it was the cat and had to turn the motion sensor off for a few weeks until the cat lost interest and moved on.
Anon
Motion lights are good for safety. My solar motion lights near my driveway aren’t very bright. Someone tried to break into our detached garage last winter, and the police officer who came out said there was too much privacy for people with bad intentions over there. He suggested solar lights along the driveway. They are whatever cheapies from Amazon, and they dimly light our driveway enough that they seem to serve as a deterrent.
Anon
I got a remote controlled plug for our string lights so I can turn them on and off inside the house after I take the dog out. The motion sensor kind do t work right – they’ll turn on for a squirrel and off if my dog is just moving in a circle, taking her time.
Anon
I hope you are still reading. We bought these a few years ago and they are still working great and we like them a lot. We have not had to replace the batteries yet either. We have one basically on each side of the house. From the river store: Mr. Beams MB360XT Wireless Battery-Operated Outdoor Motion-Sensor-Activated 200 Lumen LED Spotlight, Brown, 4-Pack
Anon
Has anyone else seen the new study about if TV characters could afford their homes? The interesting thing is that these studies seem to underestimate corporate/law salaries in big markets. I would be shocked if someone who is a CEO in Chicago like Peter McCallister (Home Alone dad) isn’t making $400k before stock options and bonuses.
https://listwithclever.com/research/famous-tv-houses-2024/#analysis
Anon
I think the problem with the study is that real estate has gone crazy in the last few years, and salaries haven’t kept up to match.
Would Walter Stratford be able to afford to purchase the home in the 1990s on an OB’s salary? Probably. That just isn’t the case in 2024 ($380,000 salary, $2.26M home). In 1998, OB-GYNs made $174,400 on average; in the 1990s, the house was worth about $500,000.
So instead of the house costing 2.86x his annual salary, it costs 5.95 his salary. That’s a housing market issue, not an “unrealistic expectations” issue.
No Problem
Yes, this is my chief complaint with the article. What was each home worth at the time the show took place, and what would salaries have been then? We all know that present day real estate is outrageously out of reach for a lot of people, but things were far less outrageous in the 1980s and 1990s when many of these shows and movies take place.
Cerulean
That is certainly true, but then, I remember plenty of contemporaneous articles about how the characters on Friends and SATC couldn’t afford their apartments. Television is aspirational.
Anon
I’m the person who pulled up the 1990s calculations for Ten Things I Hate About You.
Do the math *for the time period.* Some will be affordable; some will be fantasy. That is helpful information both ways.
Cerulean
I rolled my eyes a bit when the NYT did an article on this piece. Television characters almost never live in homes that reflect reality, which is nothing new. This “study” was done by a for-profit RE industry website. They want clicks.
anon
I had so many issues with their analysis. Uncle Phil would 100% have been able to afford that house.
Anon
They list Uncle Phil as a lawyer, but I always remember him as a judge (which is not Bel Air mansion and butler rich). Did he become a judge after the start of the series? I had always thought he had been phenomenally successful as a lawyer in some way that explained his wealth, then became a judge later.
I also thought a lot of the jobs/salaries in the article didn’t make sense. I don’t think it was ever even explicitly said what the McAllisters in Home Alone did, but if you assume “CEO” and “fashion designer,” those are both really, really broad categories that could be anything from super-wealthy to barely getting by in terms of pay.
Anonymous
Finally, my knowledge of 90s tv shows comes in handy: He starts out as a lawyer and becomes a Judge later in the show. But he’s a partner at a firm, so I think we can assume he was making way more than what the article lists as the average LA salary. I don’t think it was ever clearly stated if he was defense or plaintiff side.
Anon
I always think these things are silly because TV is… TV. You need the set to be big enough to allow room for camera angles, actors to move and arrange themselves so that the camera can see them, etc. You couldn’t film a show like Friends in a space that would actually be the size of their apartments IRL, the camera would be up someone’s nose or the back of someone’s head would be blocking the view.
Anon
Fun fact: this is why Volvo 240s were such common cars for TV and movie characters to drive back in the day: they could accommodate cameras and a crew.
Ranoma
We watched the 2010 Ramona and Beezus a few weeks ago, this working class family (mom is a receptionist at a dental office, dad is laid off) supposedly lives in a manicured craftsman on a hill in Portland, OR, which they are ADDING ON TO! . lololololol, I could not get past it.
Anon
The house in Malcolm in the Middle always makes me scratch my head.
That 70’s Show always made me nostalgic for the house I grew up in, though, because it seemed more realistic than many other TV sets.
Anon
As a very working class kid I loved Ramona and Beezus because she had issues that were much more similar to my family (breakfast for dinner to save money, rarely getting salon haircuts, hand me downs, being watched by neighbors as a favor and feeling like an imposition, etc). It’s a shame that they made things much more aspirational in the movie as I think some of the charm was that it was a very normal family, not a well off one.
Anon
+1. The scene where Ramona happens upon her dad doodling babies and dollar signs from one of the books is a core memory for me after they find out they are pregnant with a third child, I think? My parents had a LOT of angst about money, and I found BC’s writing about a child observing her parents as they worry about money (and internalizing that worry) so incredibly relatable. I haven’t seen the movie, but I’m bummed that perspective isn’t reflected in the movie.
Anon
Ack – all these memories are coming back now from reading and relating to Ramona’s perspective — feeling guilt when her mom had to take a taxi to pick her up at school bc she was sick, and the car was broken, eating out and it being a huge treat, but feeling guilty when you couldn’t finish your food, etc. My 9 yr old son has recently discovered Henry Huggins and Ribsy, and it makes me deeply happy to see him reading these books.
Anon
A Ramona memory is when she’s being watched by a neighbor and they are having pork chops but she’s offered peanut butter.
I’ve thought about it monthly for the past 30 years.
dress hunting
Any recommendations for a wedding guest dress for this October? I’m <5' tall, average weight, but need to be able to both breastfeed and pump in it. I'm also trying to avoid Amazon, they've started charging me for returns because I'm not close to a UPS store! Would love to spend <$100 and have it be appropriate for religious functions as well (most clothes I own are anyways, as that's just my style).
I used to find these requests annoying, and now I feel bad about that, because I've discovered it takes a long time to find clothes that meet this description as most websites don't have a "nursing friendly" search option!
NYNY
Lauren Ralph Lauren tends to have surplice top dresses every year, and some are machine washable, which you may prefer if you’re nursing. Here are two examples:
Pretty color, available in all sizes, but dry clean only – https://www.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-womens-belted-georgette-dress?ID=19629586
Similar color, machine washable – https://www.dillards.com/p/lauren-ralph-lauren-jersey-knit-surplice-v-neck-34-sleeve-tie-waist-midi-dress/518526752
dress hunting
Oh those dresses are both beautiful! I’ll have to hem them, but I’ll put on my big girl pants and accept that inevitability lol.
Maudie Atkinson
When I was looking for something similar for a wedding where I’d be nursing, I wore a jumpsuit from Nothing Fits But with a stole over it. It was an earlier iteration of the “Super Comfy Pleated Jumpsuit,” which is also within your price point. Since then, I’ve dressed that jumpsuit up and down and even wore it to court with a blazer over it when I was heavily pregnant with my second.
That said, I think this is a hard thing to accomplish without two pieces. Most of what’s going to be easy to nurse in and also formal enough for wedding isn’t going to be appropriate for most religious functions, without adding a second piece like a shawl or a jacket. And if it’s appropriate for religious functions and easy to nurse in, it’s likely going to skew a bit too casual for a wedding–like a shirt dress.
dress hunting
Oh I *wish* I could pull off jumpsuits! Except when I was massively pregnant and my belly pulled the extra material out, I’ve never found one that fit me right due to my height.
That’s a good point about the mismatch between nursing/religious obligations/too casual for a wedding. A shirt dress is what I wear to synagogue lol and I wouldn’t wear that to a wedding!
Kate
Seraphine has good options. Poshmark is full of second-hand options from the brand. Love avoiding Amazon! Good news for the environment.
Anonymous
Can’t give a specific rec. But I recently had to buy a gala dress for two conferences. Highly recommend checking out BHFO and off r5th for some real deals on formal wear. I think it might be challenging to find one outfit that does it all–maybe it’s a low-cut dress in a fabric that’s lace or embroidered versus satin (for easy nursing) with some sort of topper or shawl that accommodates modesty?
Anonymous
I know you’re avoiding Amazon, but this dress is great:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HVS4KL4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It’s comfortable and I think you could easily move the fabric to nurse or pump. It’s not super formal but accessories and shoes would make it wedding-appropriate, especially with a baby! People understand.
Wondering
Skip if not interested in tirzepeptide/ weight loss conversation.
I had a BMI of 30+ and was prescribed tirzepeptide by my PCP. I’ve been on it since June and very gradually increased my dose. I’m short so even with that high bmi my actual weight was 164 in June. I saw last week someone posted they lost 15 pounds in 3 months. I feel so very disheartened coz I’ve only lost like 3-5 pounds and for the last several months I’ve been giving myself grace: “you’re short, you were not starting at 200+ so harder for you, you travel a lot and eat out a lot so it’ll be slow, slow is not bad etc “ but now I feel there is something wrong with me. Everyone else seems to be seeing life changing differences on the drug and it’s very hard to not be jealous or feel like I’m broken! When the hope was this drug would change that! Please advise and open to any thoughts/tips… (sorry for one of those super open ended questions on a Monday).
Anonymous
That is not a typical amount of weight loss for that period of time. Have you discussed trying another medication?
Anon
I am new to it and am having moderate success. I am dieting hard. I am short too, also post menopausal and insulin resistant. I am eating at or under 1300 cal a day, and aiming for 100 grams protein per day. I normally fail the latter but make my best effort and bring it in at 60-90 grams daily. Physical health limitations are preventing exercise at this time.
I low grade hate my fitness pal but am finding it to be a useful tracking tool and calculator. Prior to this I had no freaking idea how very little protein and how many calories I was consuming. Have you tracked your caloric intake and macros? If not, I’d start there. Also, I do still have feelings of hunger and just have to school myself not to give in it. The whole thing kinda sucks on a daily basis but I have seen thirteen pounds go away in two and a half months so it’s proving to be worth some minor misery.
Anon
+ 1 to tracking your intake for a while to see what’s actually going on. Weight loss, like abs, is made in the kitchen.
Anonymous
Weight loss like abs is made in the kitchen is a cute saying. But it isn’t necessarily true, esp with the insulin resistance. Track your intake but still talk with your doctor. You may find benefit from a different dosage or medication.
Anon
In the long run, it actually is true. OP could benefit from just a week or so of writing everything down. It’s easy to say “but I hardly ate everything” until you see what you actually ate. Have been there.
Anon at 10:31
I think tracking is an important first step. I previously ate healthy, whole foods. I was horrified at how many calories and how little protein it was. Friends and family always commented “but you’re the healthiest eating person I know!” But being short, inactive, old, and insulin resistant meant that “healthy” wasn’t enough.
Anon
We are all so different. I am on a message board for one of the compounded medication companies and experiences with the different drugs are just all over the map. Some people have success on a certain drug; others have terrible side effects and/or no results. Can you try switching to semaglutide?
Anon
I’ve been on a combination of Zepbound and compounded tirzepatide since September 2023. I’ve lost 50 lbs. I am averaging 1-2 lbs. a week, and some weeks I’m losing nothing. You’re not broken. Some people lose more than others. Some things I’ve done to push through a plateau: (1) Walk more; (2) Eat more protein (in the form of chicken, eggs and whey); (3) drink more water and electrolytes; (4) be more mindful about whether I’m hungry or just thirsty (it’s usually the later, especially at night).
What dose are you on? I am on 10 mg and I haven’t felt compelled to go up any higher in dose because I have a good amount of appetite suppression on this dose. But you should consider if maybe it’s time to increase your dosage.
Anon
Is your dose too low? I increased my dosage every couple weeks, IIRC. I lost 40 lbs in 6 months. I don’t think your height has anything to do with it.
Anon
These meds aren’t going to work for everyone in the same way. I think one of the risks of these meds is that people aren’t managing their expectations correctly. The trials had only a 5% to 15% loss of body weight over a 1 to 2 year period of usage. If you started at 164lbs, 5% would be 8.2lbs. 15% would be 24.6lbs. Over 2ish years. Some people are having much better results. Others will have no results at all. They are working for you, though! You are losing. If you are looking for some tips, here are some things that have worked for me while on Wegovy. I have to make sure that I’m getting enough protein. I also have to make sure that I’m getting enough calories. If I don’t do those things, my body goes into starvation mode, and I stop losing completely. I also notice that if I’m eating out a lot, I have to increase my water intake.
Anon
I really wish people on the message boards would relate their weight loss in percentages rather than pounds. If you start at 300 pounds, you will lose pounds faster than someone who starts at 175. That said, you do not seem to be responding well to this particular drug. I suggest talking to your doctor about whether you are at the correct dosage and possibly switching to a different medication.
New Here
I am on Wegovy. I started in April and have only lost 8 lbs. I am moving up to the strongest dose this week (I stayed at the 2nd strongest for two months because I had problems adjusting).
It is frustrating when it is so slow. A friend of mine just started (a compounded version) and has lost more in a month than I have this whole time.
Just chiming in to say you are not alone. Some people are just slow responders. Are you noticing any other differences? For me, the reduced inflammation is HUGE. And I have no desire for alcohol, which makes me feel better overall.
Wondering
Thank you everyone for your comments so far! I started at 2.5 mg as prescribed and I’m now at 7.5. I’m also not loving how much $$$ I’ve spent on this as insurance refused to cover despite the prescription (blue cross). I have admittedly not been very great at tracking calories, or proteins and do a short walk (20-30 max every day). But after a lifetime of cycling through extreme measures and seeing failure, I was under the impression that this was going to be “easy” & maybe that’s the problem! I do see some NSVs in clothes fitting better (smaller size on top only) and my neck/double chin appearing skinnier but not at my waist etc.
anon
At a 7.5 dose that does not seem like a typical weight loss. Definitely worth consulting with your doctor. I’m on 2.5, started in August, and have lost 18 pounds. One thing I’ve prioritized is lifting weights 4-5 times a week (in addition to lots of water and protein). Like the poster above I’m not always successful at 90 grams of protein a day but try to at least be mindful of having protein at every meal.
Anonymous
Can you make some adjustments around the edges of where you are now and see if that helps? Like 30-40 mins for a walk? I have audio books I only listen to when I’m walking and that helps me stay motivated to go each day.
Focus on getting 30 g of protein at each meal as that will help you feel full as well and aim on eating more vegetables which are great for overall health and digestion. Taking a fun cooking class for a new cuisine might also help focus on the positive of food vs extremes.
Anon
What do you mean the reduced inflammation is HUGE? Do you have inflammatory arthritis or lupus etc… and notice that you have fewer symptoms on the medicine, regardless of weight loss?
New Here
In general, I just feel less swollen and puffy. I don’t have any of those illnesses.
Anon
thanks. that’s not inflammation.
Nesprin
These drugs don’t work for everyone, and they especially don’t work for everyone without getting the dose right! Go back and talk to your Dr- you may need a different dose, or a different med or a different diet.
Anonymous
My doctor has told me basically it works if you work it and that’s my experience. It makes it easier to make healthy choices, it doesn’t do the work for me.
anon
I was the person who posted last week about losing 15 lbs in 3 months – FWIW, I didn’t lose much weight the first few weeks, but then it sped up rapidly when I titrated up to the 5 mg and then 7.5 mg dose (I stalled a bit at the 5 mg dose and even gained a couple of lbs but that was b/c I was on vacation). I agree with the poster who said it doesn’t do the work for you – you have to make good choices. For me, it has been especially useful because it has cut off my desire for snacking at night after my kids were in bed, and I’ve also started walking more and being less sedentary. I’m actually about to go into maintenance mode because I only had 15-20 lbs to lose and since I’ve met that goal, I don’t want to lose anymore. I’m sorry it’s not working for you – have you tried semaglutide? I know they all work differently for everyone.
Midwest Girl
Do you think less of people who are not well-traveled? I think less of myself because I am not well-traveled.
Why am I not well-traveled? It’s a combination of growing up in a family that didn’t travel internationally with us kids, a lack of money, and wanting to use what limited PTO isn’t consumed by travel sports and college visits just lying on a beach somewhere. I also find planning even boring domestic vacations to be overwhelming. I am so embarrassed when people start talking about travel adventures and I’m silent. My young adult kids have ventured far beyond where I have. That itself is embarrassing.
I feel like people will assume that since I am not well-traveled, I am also not open-minded or respectful of other cultures. Not true!
anon
absolutely not. this never would have occurred to me. i think that people who like to travel can afford it and enjoy it. full stop. if i ever thought about why others didn’t travel i would think because they couldn’t afford it or didn’t enjoy it, that said i have never thought at all about why others don’t travel. I would absolutely never take it as a reflection that they are less open minded and plenty of people travel a lot and aren’t respectful of culture (an affluent white mom acquaintance posted pictures of her in a full sari having her feet washed by an old man in india. she may love to travel but i hardly consider that respectful)
anon
I don’t think anything in particular of people who aren’t well travelled. We all have different opportunities and interest to do so, and that’s ok! What is important to you and what do you enjoy? I would be interested in talking to you about that.
FWIW, I know plenty of very well travelled people who are definitely not open-minded or respectful of other cultures. No reasonable person would make that association, and if they do then I feel you need to surround yourself with better people.
HFB
Some small minded people might make the assumptions you are concerned about. I wouldn’t. To me, it’s just one fact about you, not a referendum on your character. I usually don’t like to draw big conclusions from small facts.
Anon
Not at all. Most people who are “well traveled” have gone to the same Instagram tourist destinations as everyone else and stayed in the same hotels. Very, very few people are having genuine intercultural experiences (and even for those who are, it doesn’t make them any better than anyone else).
It’s mostly a money and preference thing. I don’t particularly love travel even though I have the resources for it, and will probably wind up going way fewer places than my parents went, and it doesn’t make me feel even a little bit ashamed.
anon
+1 I don’t think any less of people who aren’t well-traveled or of people who travel a lot. Travel can be done as a hobby that takes a lot of money and has a big carbon footprint without much benefit to anyone or it can be the opposite in any of these areas.
Kate
Yes, definitely this. I feel like very few well-traveled people talk about the carbon footprint of travel, and frankly I judge that far more than anyone not being well-traveled!
Anon
i think less of someone who isn’t well traveled AND isn’t open/respectful of other cultures. the two are not mutually exclusive. different people like to spend their time and money in different ways. i did not travel internationally with my family growing up as a kid, though we did travel domestically. i did go on a trip to London with my mom after my Freshman year of college and then I studied abroad in Spain. Post college and pre kids, DH and I took 4 bigger trips abroad, but now since having kids the type of vacation I never understood the appeal of (an all inclusive resort) is now what we are going to do for our 40th bdays bc we only have 4 nights and I’m also too tired/overwhelmed to plan.
Anon.
I agree with you, your AND statement is important.
I am an immigrant in the US and travel to see family abroad every few months, as well as taking my family on vacations abroad (and we include activities to learn about culture and history). I’ve also lived and worked in different countries, so I tend to vibe particularly well with people who can share this experience.
BUT, I have many friends here who have never really left the USA and I get along well with them mainly because they show an interest in different cultures, desire to learn about different foods, customs, science, hobbies etc – basically people who have a learner’s mindset and are open to nuance in any discussion.
We spend $10-20k travelling every year, but we recognize that it’s a huge privilege to be able to do so, and we do prioritize it over other things like home renovations, new cars etc.
I think it is presumptuous and classist to look down on people because they haven’t travelled – there could be so many reasons why someone doesn’t travel abroad. Budget, health, caregiver responsibilities, …
Also, given how few vacation days Americans working in corporate settings usually get compared to other countries, it’s no wonder that most people in the States would want to use this time traveling domestically, probably to see family or friends.
Europeans usually do not appreciate fully the long distances in North America. A 4 hour drive in either direction would get me into a neighboring state here, whereas I could reach 2-3 different countries already in my home country in Europe within that same distance.
anon
Absolutely not. It was not until recently that the majority of my “travel” was not back to see my family. The vast majority of people don’t go on big international trips and if they do, it is less than a handful over their life. Plus, depending on where travel sports and college tours take you, you could very well have seen more the US than a lot of people that are “travelled” but never explore the US.
Anonymous
Only rich people assume that international travel is an essential life experience. Most of my normal middle-class friends have been to Europe once in their lives, either as young adults or on a very special trip for which they saved up for years. Very few of their teenaged kids have ever been out of the country. The lawyers and doctors I know take annual international vacations and definitely look down on me for not taking my daughter abroad, but they really have no clue what it’s like to live like normal people.
Anon
+100000
Anon
Exactly.
Anon
I am a person who can only very recently afford international travel, and I agree with this wholeheartedly. I don’t judge folks who don’t travel internationally. It’s expensive (especially if you have kids), it’s an administrative nightmare to plan.
Travel is great if you can afford it. But I care more that my friends are people who are kind, empathetic, critically-thinking, and curious about the world around them, all of which you can be without travelling internationally.
Anon
This!!! Plus a lot of the people I know who “do Argentina” this week or “do Fiji” or whatever are not kind, empathetic, etc.
I find many people who are “well traveled” to be bores, though not all, of course!
Spend your money and free time how you want, and don’t give a second thought to what others think about it.
Anon
I’m a frequent traveler but can’t stand the “I did [country]” language. Unless you were there for a month (or more, depending on how big the country is) you can’t possibly have seen it comprehensively enough to imply you’ve seen it all.
Anonymous
Ugh you didn’t do Argentina. You went to Argentina! I hate when people say that. I try to be mindful of it.
Senior Attorney
Completely agree with all of this and also think the term “well-traveled” is itself elitist.
anon
I could’ve written this word for word. But, I guess I’m not embarrassed by it. I can see myself being more into travel when the kids are grown and flown, but right now, it feels too overwhelming to plan a huge overseas vacation that I may or may not enjoy. I like the idea of travel, but when it comes down to it, I don’t prioritize it.
Anon NYC
I hate it when people think traveling makes you better or more cultured etc. In my experience, when I travel, I’m going to places like the museums, the Eiffel Tower, and various other tourist places. I’m probably not going to the residential areas or learning what it’s like to live there. In my opinion, traveling is a very expensive and fun hobby. It is a luxury and more people seem to be traveling now because they are getting married and having kids later in life, if at all and we are seeing more of it due to social media. One of my best friends is a great person but she and her husband just don’t prioritize travel. They hate it!
Anon
Yes, this. Travel eats up so much money and flying is a terrible experience. If that’s not how someone prefers to spend their budget and time off who cares? I know people who travel every month and they enjoy it. But I find the constant moving around exhausting and I’d rather live in a nicer home with little splurges every day. This doesn’t make someone culturally inferior.
Anon
To be honest, it depends on the reason. If a person is not well traveled because their attitude is that things are better in the US and they have no interest in other places, then yeah I kind of look down on them for that. But I grew up poor so I completely understand that travel is not in the budget for many families and can be intimidating if you are not experiences with it. My in-laws for example have never left the US/Canada (for money reasons and then health), and I don’t judge them for it.
Anonymous
I am European born and travelled and lived in several countries. But I have to say that Europeans in particular have a difficult time understanding how big the US is compared to their countries. I actually love traveling to different parts of the US and seeing regional differences as well as noticing what is similar/same across the country
Anon
Yes, this is the key difference! Going from London to Istanbul is less than the distance from NYC to Denver. A lot of Europeans don’t get this. I love Europe but the US is huge and has enormous cultural diversity. Traveling within the US is still traveling (and I say that as someone who does more international travel than most Americans).
Anon NYC
100%. I did a lot more domestic travel to places like San Diego, Maine, Boston, New Orleans, DC, etc. We can go on a weekend trip from NYC to Boston like Europeans go from London to Paris or Barcelona, etc. It’s unfair and unrealistic to expect people from the U.S. to travel to Europe multiple times a year.
Anon
Even east coast Americans don’t really seem to get how big California is a lot of the time.
Anon
Not at all. I’m not very well travelled – I went on lots of trips with my parents growing up but as an adult I can’t afford to travel, and I also don’t particularly enjoy it. I want to relax in my own home during my limited time off. Travelling is also a HUGE privilege – and since this board skews wealthy it may make you think that everyone is travelling but you, and that’s just not true.
It’s one of my pet peeves about dating apps! Traveling isn’t a substitute for having a personality. Every guy is like “Visited 52 countries, always off on an adventure!” And I’m just thinking, ok, cool, when are you home to actually devote time to a relationship?
Anon NYC
Omg this as well. Counting countries is so silly. Travel is not a badge of honor to show off. I always swiped left on those lol
Anon
For me, the real issue is people who don’t try to learn about the world beyond their own city/town. Travel is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition for doing so.
I’m bothered by people I’ve met on the coasts and in the Midwest who are just stuck where they are. They don’t want to learn what life is like elsewhere; they look down on people who have cultural differences; they don’t believe that things can just be *different* in other parts of the country. It’s exhausting to be around grown adults who assume that Everywhere and Everyone is Like Them.
(Sorry if I sound short tempered. I’m planning a move away from where I live now because I can’t take the attitudes. Many other transplants bounce out within a few years for the same reason.)
anon
+1 that it’s important to learn about people different from yourself. In my area, one can drive 10 minutes down the road from the rich neighborhood to a working-class community that has a ton of businesses focused on serving local immigrants from Latin America. Lots of people in my area fly to Europe on the regular to see popular tourist attractions and have never bothered to spend time down the road. Their loss, because the community is kind, welcoming, and has lots to offer that one can’t get in the rich neighborhood or at popular tourist attractions in Europe.
Anon
I would NEVER think less of someone who is not well-traveled, although I’ll admit to raising an eyebrow at a family member who is not well-traveled (but more importantly, not intellectually curious) who asked about “cannibals” when another family member was describing a backpacking trip through Asia. People don’t travel for a zillion reasons.
Anonymous
No, but I do wonder why you aren’t. Sounds like you easily could be doing something.
Anon
She explained in the post why she’s not traveling internationally right now. It’s not something to fix. She doesn’t have to do anything “about it.”
Anon
I agree that it sounds like she’s willing to travel but it’s overwhelming. Have you tried a tour company? There are many for solo travelers and they do all the planning for you, including flights if you want! I did a 5 day tour to Iceland that was pretty darn cheap-$1200 plus less than $500 for airfare. Almost everyone on the tour was a solo traveler and I would say that I like every single person in the group (small group of 15). We still keep in touch! You can either share a room or pay a modest supplement to have your own room. The company was G Adventures but there are tons of others out there!
SFAttorney
My daughter just did a trip to the Galapagos with G Adventures and had a good experience.
Anonymous
No she doesn’t. But she literally asked what we thought? And I think it’s sad to have the privilege to be able to experience something different and just decide it’s too much work and not bother.
Anon
She does, though. You might not think they’re good reasons, but I read this to mean she doesn’t have the time, money, or mental bandwidth at the moment to plan anything elaborate.
“It’s a combination of growing up in a family that didn’t travel internationally with us kids, a lack of money, and wanting to use what limited PTO isn’t consumed by travel sports and college visits just lying on a beach somewhere. I also find planning even boring domestic vacations to be overwhelming.”
Anon
Yah – travel is my love language, but it’s not the same for my son or my husband. If given the option, both love going back to the same place they love. They are deeply comfortable and happy there. I have come to genuinely also love having a special place to go with memories of our family over the years, and they both will join me on my crazy, two week sleep in a new place every other night trips. Life is short, life is hard, lots of people like lots of different things, why is this something you are assigning a negative value?
Anan
I mean I have the time and money to read Ulysses, but I don’t ever plan to. I think don’t think travel is morally superior to not travelling.
Anonymous
No, that would not be my assumption without additional information. Interestingly, I pretty much think that of my parents who are “highly-traveled”, having been to many countries and having spent many months of their lives abroad, but not “well-traveled”, as they have exclusively been to European countries. They are in their 80s and keep meaning to go to another continent but somehow never pick it, plus those other desirable destinations are Japan, South Africa, and Argentina.
Anon
I will white knight for your parents. After 60 countries and 6 continents I’ve kind of circled back around to just going where I want to go, even though it’s usually Europe. There are cool places not in Europe but I did feel a bit like we got to the point where we were running out of places I genuinely wanted to go (not all ~190 countries are equally interesting; let’s be real) and we had several trips where we questioned why we weren’t just in Italy or Portugal or Switzerland, which are some of our favorite places. If they’re in their 80s their active travel days are dwindling quickly. Just let them go where they like!
Anonymous
Oh, I’m certainly not going to fight that fight now. In fact, I’ve always just internally rolled my eyes instead of saying anything. But I think it is not a coincidence that they never once went anywhere outside of Europe. Even when they took us kids somewhere, asked for suggestions, and we proposed only places outside of Europe, they overrode everyone’s suggestions and took us to Europe. They think it is VERY.IMPORTANT to be highly traveled, which shall center on trips to cities that include as many museums and cultural spots as you can fit in the trip, but they have a huge blind spot to how little of the world they have actually seen.
Anon
Not at all!
Anon
International travel has only become a long weekend type event for the UMC in the last decade or so; it was a BIG deal growing up in the ’90s and even into the ’00s. So if you’re my age and have only left the country a couple times, no big deal.
I do think poorly of those people who boast that they’ve never left their home state/region because it’s paradise, why go anywhere else. (Looking at you, Texans.) But working parents balancing jobs, kids, and elders? Never.
Anon
You remind me a lot of my mom – it took her a long time to admit she doesn’t travel because…she doesn’t really like it! She’d much rather do an easy trip to the Caribbean and lay on a beach than plan a trip through Europe.
And that’s okay! It makes her happy! She similarly gets really overwhelmed at big international trips, and because she doesn’t enjoy them much, she doesn’t want to push through.
I’d also add – she also lives in the Midwest in a city with slim flight options that are always significantly more expensive and difficult than my flights from NYC, so the idea of an “easy” long weekend trip never really existed for her.
anon
Can confirm. There is literally no such thing as a quick trip. It’s always an expensive ordeal.
Anon
Yep – I really don’t think people who grew up close to a major international hub airport understand how much of a hassle travel is from much of the middle of the country. Even if you have direct flights where you’re going, they’re often expensive, there’s one option, and you have no time flexibility.
Anon
Where I am in Canada, we have very few direct flights anywhere and basically every flight requires that you stop in Toronto, which is a nightmare airport and extends the trip by several hours. It’s such a headache every time.
Anonymous
Depends on how you look at it. I go to Europe to lay on a beach in Italy. I don’t travel around. My kids have been to Italy 5 times and we’ve never gone to Rome, they are too little. We’ve never done the Caribbean because I hate the idea of being somewhere that I can’t just stroll down the beach off resort without worrying about crime. Plus it’s way pricier than our little Italian beach town.
Anon
There are plenty of Caribbean islands where it’s safe to leave the resort.
Anon.
Thinking about this topic more, I wanted to share an interesting observation I have made over the past 15 years of living in the US as a European.
When friends here in the States talk about planning travels to Europe, they seem to spend a lot more money than we are when we are going there (as Europeans). Often, our American friends want to stay in familiar chain hotels that offer the same or similar standard that they know and feel safe with, whereas we book pensions or small hotels via local websites and accept that maybe every 4th or 5th accommodation may not be 100% as expected, but still makes for an interesting experience. I have observed that this desire for safety also extends to food, transportation and other aspects of travelling, and can inflate the costs tremendously, hence the perception that those trips abroad are generally super expensive.
I’ve witnessed this even when high school students here were planning a class trip to Europe: Why do teenagers have to stay in a Holiday Inn for hundreds of bucks a night? There are
perfectly suitable youth hostels with rooms with 4 bunk beds and an ensuite bathroom that cost 5 times less a night! It boggled my mind that the trip cost 5,000 USD for 10 days in Italy for one student, to be honest.
Anon
But I WANT to be comfortable and safe when I travel. Maybe a hostel is fine for a student but not for me. So yes I want to stay in nice hotels and that costs more which means I don’t get to do it as often. But that’s fine with me. I have no desire to rough it.
Anon
You are richer than most Europeans. You are missing her point.
Anon.
What I actually meant is that I see a tendency in some Americans to book the safest option, which for them is the know US brand hotels, when perfectly suitable local hotels are available and often are a lot more economic and most of the time more interesting than your globally standardized Marriott/Hyatt/Holiday Inn.
To me, this is a little bit like going to McDonald’s in France because you’re afraid you won’t like the food or will get food poisoning from the sandwich in a local bistro. (I’m exaggerating here, but this kind of behavior I would indeed judge – barring any specific food restrictions, don’t come at me please).
I do not stay in youth hostels anymore, obviously. I’m 42 and want to travel comfortably and with my family it’s not an option to share a bathroom across the hall.
Anonymous
Another european here and totally agree with you.
Anon
I guess if I’m only going to go once in a lifetime, I want it to go well. On a trip to Ohio, I can easily adjust to something I don’t like going from chain hotel to other chain in a city or town. In somewhere where I don’t speak the language and in facility that is smaller, if the hot water heater or heat doesn’t work, you may just be SOL for the duration. I can take more chances here vs overseas. If you are in Belgium, you may just be more famliar with close-by options or know more people to poll. In a lot of US cities, I can experiment. If I go to Italy, I can spend a bit more to make sure it’s likely to be as expected. More risk averse with that.
Anon NYC
I stayed in a hostel with 5 strangers in a European city when I traveled alone. I didn’t sleep well because there were people coming in at all hours and cell phones buzzing all night. If I’m going to enjoy my trip and feel well rested each day, I at least need my own room. Also, AC is a non negotiable when traveling in the summer so that also limits me.
Anonymous
No one is saying you go to a hostel. USA hotel chains are more expensive than european ones for the same quality.
Anon
I get that people in Europe know this but do people in Ohio? Especially if they have a lot of Hilton points or whatever?
Anon
This isn’t universally true. I’ve been to Europe a lot and my hotel priorities in European cities are (roughly in order) 1) clean, 2) well-located, 3) affordable, anything beyond that is nice to have but not essential. Usually the winning combo of those three factors is a local hotel, but sometimes it’s an American chain. Weirdly, we stayed in an excellent Best Western in Rome although I think it was under local management and didn’t feel like an American Best Western.
Anon
I think it’s partly just that Europe is a lot safer than USA, and that is hard for Americans to get used to? And most people in general aren’t great at assessing their surroundings in an unfamiliar environment!
Anon
Nope, and I love to travel and do a lot of it (multiple international trips per year).
SMC - San Diego
I have travelled a lot and started traveling internationally with my daughter when she was 6 months old. We made our most recent trip to Europe together last year to celebrate her college graduation and are planning a family trip to the South Pacific for next year (delay due to her limited PTO and understandable desire not to spend all of it with her family!).
I would conclude from your lack of travel experience that you do not like to travel, or have a stressful life and prefer to spend your limited PTO at the beach, or that you have family obligations that prevent you from traveling. I would not make any negative conclusions. People are different.
My only caveat is that if you WANT to see certain things or places that require travel, do not let inertia or lack of confidence stop you. My dad started talking last year about places he always wanted to go in Europe and making vague plans about how he could do it. The heartbreaking problem is that his very poor health will never allow it. If he had said that even five years ago, we could have made it. So if you want to go somewhere, sign up with a tour company and go. Don’t fall into the trap of “someday.”
And if you don’t want to travel, that is OK too. As someone who travels a lot, I only ask that you not make assumptions about my life or the state of my retirement accounts based on my annual trips! (Which has happened and is annoying.)
Anonymous
No, I do not think less of people who don’t travel.
I happen to be a person who enjoys travelling, but it’s not a virtue or value, just a hobby like other hobbies.
Anonymous
I don’t think less of people who are not well-traveled at all. I think we all make choices about how we spend our limited time off and resources. For me, I love traveling and so make sacrifices in other areas of my life to be able to travel often. For example, I drive an old, paid off Honda. My best friend prefers driving a new car so she travels less than I do so that she can afford it. I don’t think less of her, I just recognize we have different priorities and preferences.
Anon
Yup it largely comes down to different priorities. I work for the state government in a rural red state with a LCOL. My boss earns more than double what I do, and frequently complains that he can’t afford to travel like I do. Well yeah… you have 4 kids instead of 1, you drive a new luxury car instead of an old Toyota, and you have a much larger and flashier home. I didn’t win the lottery, we just made different choices about how to spend our money. Being baffled – from either direction – about people having different financial priorities than you is weird.
anon
Ok, I’m going to push back HARD that domestic vacations are boring. There are so many freaking cool things to see and do in the continental United States.
Anonymous
Yes! And my teens love a good road trip! We take almost every 3-day weekend and go somewhere that is within about 6 hours driving distance from us. It cuts down significantly on cost since we don’t need airfare and it is fun to spend that uninterrupted time together. As they have learned to drive, they also get a lot of their practice hours on the highway!
Anon
For me it’s less that US destinations are boring and more that the history is relatively less accessible or the history is really heavy even as it extends into the present day.
Anon
I agree a thousand percent. My entire current list of places I’m dying to go is in the USA.
Bay Area
There is so much I want to see within a half-day’s drive of where I live! Despite living here for years and focusing on road/train trips, there is so much I have yet to experience. Due to carbon footprint, cost, and general logistics, I figure I might as well prioritize visiting places that are closer to the extent I can.
Anon.
I agree 100%.
My current travels take me to Europe for family visits to aging parents, but when the time comes we will do a lot of US travel for sure!
Anon
My dad had been all over the world in the military and he always said that about the US. Especially California. There’s so much to do here in California. He never wanted to leave once he got here.
Senior Attorney
Great point. We just did a four-state road trip and it was a blast.
Anon
It’s hard for me not to feel that there’s a difference between “never” and “ever” traveled. I live in a state where some people make it a point of pride that they have never left the state, let alone the country, and part of me respects the choice to embrace roots, but I can’t relate!
I know several people who always wanted to travel abroad and never got to, and I do feel as though it would have meant a lot to ever get that sense of a bigger world out there? Or for people who are part of a diaspora, to ever even once visit the place where their family was from?
On the other hand, there are too many Americans who travel and take selfies at the famous tourist sites and stay in American hotels and eat at American fast food chains while complaining about everything that is different or unexpected about the country they’re visiting. I think a lot less of people who travel this way than of the people who dreamed about traveling and never made it happen or about the people who decided it wasn’t for them and they’d rather cultivate strong local ties.
Anon
FWIW for chosing the familiar overseas, we live and die based on happy sleeps and happy stomachs. For some, the familiar and predictable is what gets them to travel in the first place. IDK how many trips have been ruined by not being able to sleep well or having GI issues, so even the thought of just one familiar meal a day may let a person relax and try something new otherwise, especially if you have kids or older relatives with you.
Anon
I can see this, and I know several travelers who have a “home” hotel chain or who seek out American comfort food with nostalgia when abroad! But they also actively like traveling.
I guess it’s hard for me when it feels like someone is complaining the whole time and not relaxing at all, but can’t let it go that everything is different and worse in their view, or making kind of hostile jokes about how awful the locals are. That is more what I was thinking of. Maybe it bothers me partly because getting to visit some of those places was a dream come true for me, and something my grandma never got to do before her health made it impossible, so it feels ungrateful. Partly it just feels like bad guest behavior on some level? Meeting one’s own needs the way you’re describing sounds more like good guest behavior to me!
Anon
Are there actually people who frequently vacation abroad and complain the entire time? This feels like a trope that isn’t widely applicable in real life. All the people I know who don’t enjoy international traveling don’t do it. I agree with the person above for not shaming people who seek out familiar hotel chains or restaurants (and tbh I love visiting McD’s in foreign countries because they have unique menu items).
Anon
So it sounds like the answer is Yes, you do judge people.
You should work on that. It’s a negative emotion that’s not doing you any good.
Anonymous
Judging people is so fun
Anon
How much good do people who choose to only feel positive feelings while ignoring actual bad things in the world accomplish?
Anon
Ignoring “bad” things other people are doing, when bad means staying in US branded hotels? Yeah ignoring those thoughts is the right thing to to. It serves no one to double down here.
Anon
“How much good do people who choose to only feel positive feelings while ignoring actual bad things in the world accomplish?”
LOLOLOL. I don’t really care whether or not you judge other people and am not in the demographic being judged, but positioning yourself as some kind of social justice warrior for looking down on people who stay in Marriotts while traveling is pretty wild. “I have a dream that one day… all visitors to Europe will stay in boutique, local hotels.”
Anon
Okay, I did say that staying in US hotels could also be an example of good guest behavior. I do think that guest and host behavior matter when traveling. I don’t think less of people based on whether they’ve traveled or not, but I have thought differently and less of people who travel a certain way. I guess for me it’s like the travel version of seeing how someone treats the waitress; just being in another country far from home seems to bring out an unexpected side of some people and has made me wonder how they would treat me if I were from another country.
Anon
My most well traveled friends are gone on some trip or another constantly. He was born overseas so it’s not like the stereotype of sheltered Americans who can’t stand the idea that other cultures eat other things. And he’s the complainer. Complaining is inconvenient. These people speak 5 languages fluently between the two of them and are zero percent intimidated by travel, but they’re going to complain about inconveniences. Complaining about travel is a universal language.
Anon
Definitely complaining about the inconvenience inherent to travel is different from complaining more about cultures being different. I guess what surprised me was that Americans are sometimes capable of traveling quite a lot while still fitting the sheltered stereotype.
Anon
No, not at all.
Anon
Not at all! And in fact some people who are technically well-traveled have done so in such insular ways that their travel hasn’t provided the kinds of cultural eye-openers they think it does.
Anon.
Oh that’s a good point.
I know quite a few people who have travelled quite a bit but I would consider them completely close-minded.
Anonymous
No, not at all.
But what’s interesting is that YOU think less of yourself for not having traveled as much as other people, for not enjoying travel planning, and for preferring a relaxing time at a beach to some other kind of trip. You’re embarrassed and maybe even ashamed. You feel inferior and feel that you need to defend that you’re open-minded and respectful.
You might want to ask: where is this perspective coming from, and how can you let go of it? (Is it connected to growing up without money? Do you feel inferior to your adult kids, or are they making comments? Are you comparing yourself to the people posting on this forum or posting on social media? Is there a friend or two that is especially causing this comparison? Your in-laws? Your coworkers?)
Midwest Girl
I’m the OP. You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Roxie
No, I don’t.
I actually sometimes feel sad for people who seem obsessed with travel because I assume they hate and are trying to escape their day to day life.
I love my day to day life because I focused on building it that way. I’m happy with one international vacation every 2-3 years and then smaller domestic trips, usually tacked into work travel, a couple times a year.
Senior Attorney
Heh I love my life at home just fine, thanks. I also love to travel. It’s not one or the other.
Anon
Yup, this. I’ve seen this comment here a few times and it’s bizarre to me. I love my life at home and also love traveling — they’re not mutually exclusive at all, and I don’t think I’m unique in this way.
I will say that as my only child got into K-12 school, we really cut back on our frequent weekend trips which we used to do ~monthly and focused on fewer, bigger trips usually aligning with school breaks. When we were leaving town for every three day weekend it felt like we were missing a significant number of birthday parties and activities and it was holding us back a bit from really being part of our community. Traveling at fall, spring and winter breaks doesn’t have the same impact since so many people are gone at these times. We still leave town at Labor Day for a reunion with my college BFFs and their kids and we often travel for Thanksgiving and Passover, but otherwise try to be around during the school year except for the longer breaks. But even back when we traveled more often it was never about “hating” our lives.
Anon
This is kind of true for me. There are things outside of my control that make the quality of life better in some places than I can build at home. I can build the life I want in my four walls, but not really everywhere else I go!
Anonymous
I view never having traveled like people who don’t know how to use a computer. I see them as not tuned into modern life. It’s not some sort of moral character flaw, it’s just a different way of living. And maybe they’re perfectly happy doing that, you have only one life to live so you should live it the way that’s best for you. It sounds like you’re not happy though?
If you want to travel then start small (in terms of activities/travel time) and spend as much as your budget will permit. Comfort is key. Some easy trips:
– a long weekend at an all inclusive resort in the Caribbean. Book through a travel agent who knows the resorts. A big plus here is that your expenses are locked.
– long weekend in Montreal. Cute town, feels European, easy to get around.
– check out where you can fly direct. Book a week in a city that appeals to you. Spring for an economy plus and a nice hotel that is walking distance to museums or shopping or whatever you like. Rome, Paris, Barcelona, and London are all walkable, easy to navigate, English is widely spoken, and you won’t get bored with a week there. If you prefer smaller cities, Reykjavik, Edinburgh, Dublin, or Porto are great and you could book a day tour through Viator to see things nearby.
Anon
I think this may be regional, but where I live in the non-Chicago Midwest, it’s way more unusual to travel internationally than not. It’s a rich person thing, not a “modern life” thing. The analogy to computer use is way off base to me since probably 99% of people I know can use a computer and maybe 10-20% travel internationally on a regular basis.
Also don’t agree that a week at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean or similar trip has any intrinsic value. I love Caribbean beach resorts, my kids love them, we go to them often because they’re fun. But you’re not expanding your cultural horizons at all, and are arguably narrowing your kids’ worldview since those resorts are staffed by poor Black people serving rich predominantly white people.
Anonymous
I guess my analogy to computers is less about the location you’re traveling to and more about being able to navigate unfamiliar places – make your way through an airport, order a ride, check into a hotel – all that stuff seems to me to be pretty central to modern life. Domestic vs international travel is a matter of degrees of unfamiliarity.
And I agree there’s no great cultural benefit to an all inclusive, I was just making bite-sized suggestions to OP that might be less intimidating.
Anon.
I think you’re missing the important point of budgeting this. There is a large part of the population that cannot afford long weekend trips like you describe.
Computers are not optional in most jobs today, but travelling is a Want, not a Need.
Alana
I am also not well-traveled because when I lived in places I didn’t want to be, I spent my leave from work on visiting friends and family in my hometown, which is a fun major city and tourist destination. Also, I am allergic to citric acid and hot peppers, which eliminates many cuisines. I joke that I am limited to bland-food countries or just have to eat a lot of plain rice, because even ordering broccoli in Kuala Lumpur meant broccoli plus hot peppers for seasoning. I had low-level anxiety the entire trip, not knowing if my next meal would be ok or cause hives.
Anon
Recommendations for lodging in Bar Harbor, Maine area, for our family of 4? 2 bedrooms is fine. We are looking ahead for a trip next summer and I’m not familiar with the area. We’d love something close to the water. I’m hoping some of you are familiar with the area and could give some advice!
Anonymous
We stayed in a great Air BNB that was close to the Shore Path and had 3 bedrooms technically (host is Lisabeth; description is “Perfect ocean location in town Bar Habor”). It was walkable to everything, had parking (which is clutch!), and had plenty of space. This coming fall we’re staying in a two bedroom hotel room at the Bar Harbor Grand hotel. Location is also great and walkable to everything in town.
Anonymous
https://barharborgrand.com/room/two-bedroom-unit/
Anonymous
Depending on your budget, Harborside Hotel and Spa or Atlantic Oceanside. Harborside is downtown, within walking distance of all the restaurants and shops, and (as the name indicates) on the harbor. The beach, such as it is, is walking distance (though it’s really just a small, pebbly area with a land bridge to Bar Island — the only real « beach » in the area is Sand Beach inside Acadia). There is parking, which is huge because it’s nearly impossible to find parking downtown. The restaurant inside the hotel gets pretty crowded but the food is good, and of course, many options in town.
Atlantic Oceanside is a mid-level option. It’s on the water about a 10 min drive from town, a little closer to the park entrance. There’s a free shuttle bus to town that passes through every 30 min. It takes about 20 minutes to get downtown. There is a tiny, pebbly beach on property that my kid enjoys, but it isn’t much. The food is ok but they have a free breakfast that’s pretty decent and a great option if you’re up early trying to get to the park. There are microwaves and fridges in the rooms so we bring a lot of post-hiking snack options.
We used to be very happy to stay at Harborside until they nearly doubled their rates a few years ago. We have been very happy at Atlantic Oceanside ever since, even though it’s not the same high-end experience
Anon
We liked the West Street Hotel. It is in downtown Bar Harbor which was our preference.
Anon
I’m not sure if they have suites but we have a house in that area and we stay at the Bar Harbor Inn when our house isn’t available. We love it and they’ve recently added more complimentary activities (lawn games, s’mores at the firepit, etc) to have more of a family resort vibe. They also have great restaurants, although of course you don’t have to stay there to visit the restaurants.
Anonymous
We loved Bar Harbor Inn & Spa. Walkable to the town, close to everything, parking was a breeze, the pools are nice.
Anonymous
I’ve received feedback from associates I manage that they’re unclear about deadlines for tasks they receive from me. If a task requires a lot of work, like drafting a brief, then I give deadlines. But I’m struggling with the day to day minutia and admin-type tasks that don’t have set deadlines but need to be done reasonably promptly. I have resisted giving deadlines for this stuff because (1) I hated fake deadlines when I was an associate, (2) I don’t know what else is on their plate so I don’t want to overwhelm them, and (3) I don’t want them to procrastinate until the deadline and then they’re “too busy” to help with an emergency, which is an ongoing problem.
These are tasks like, opposing counsel asked for better copies of documents attached to our recent brief, or more longterm things like, we’re starting a document collection in a case with no schedule yet, we’ve had the initial kickoff call with the client and tech people, please work with them to coordinate collection and getting the review platform set up. I’ll check in with the associate a week later and they’ve done nothing. I’ll look at their hours and they’ve billed like 5 hours a day, so they’re far from overworked.
I’ve told them repeatedly, be reasonably prompt. That doesn’t mean it must be done today, but if you have time today then do it. If you’re slammed then put it on your list of things to do by the end of the week, but don’t put off things until Friday and then you’re unavailable for that last minute filing that must be done Friday by 5. Tasks like this are perfect to fill any downtime you have during your day. I keep being asked for hard deadlines though and I feel like I’m talking to a wall. Advice?
anon
Sometimes I find that junior colleagues or just folks who aren’t very good at their jobs don’ do well with ambiguity. It may be easier for them if you just set whatever deadline you think is reasonable and tell them they need to communicate with you if they can’t meet it.
No Face
I give deadlines for any and all tasks, and ask if they have capacity. If your associates are asking for hard deadlines, this seems like a no brainer.
Kate
It sounds like you are trying to show them it can be done anytime they have time, but you think it’s unreasonable if it takes more than a week. So, the deadline is generally a week.
“I expect it by the end of this week. If you will have an issue with that timeframe, please let me know by Friday at 9 am.”
“Please provide to opposing counsel soon, this is not an emergency but I would expect you to cc me on the email to them within the next 3-4 business days.”
“This will be an ongoing project. Because of that, I expect you to give me a progress report every 2 weeks. The first two weeks I expect you to have met with tech support and the admin team. Then every two weeks after, email me the number of documents you have reviewed, and any roadblocks to date.”
“I need your outline at least a week before the presentation, and the slides at least 3 business days before the presentation.”
Anonymous
I would start by just giving deadlines I don’t get the reluctance. “Pls send these materials to opposing counsel today” is truly not hard to do.
Anon
Exactly, how are they supposed to manage their priorities if OP isn’t telling them what the priorities are?
Anon
It might also be helpful if you gave them information about priority too – “this needs to be done before the research memo I gave you yesterday” kind of thing. But in your shoes, if they’re asking for deadlines and it seems like they’re not overbooked, I’d give them two full business days.
OP
These comments are helpful, thanks.
Part of my frustration with law firms is that you don’t know how busy someone is until after the fact. Associates get work from partners all over the country but those partners aren’t working together. Associates bill their time after the work has been completed. There isn’t a chart I can look at to see who is doing what and who will have time in the future. No one is coordinating associate workflow. As an associate, you’re pulled in a lot of directions at once and it’s on you to push back. I want to be cognizant of that reality and not burn people out. I don’t have any authority to tell people they can say no to such and such partner.
Anon
I totally get where you’re coming from with this OP. When I assign work, I usually learn who has the judgement to juggle these kinds of things appropriate, and who needs the hand holding of deadlines and follow up. I strongly prefer working with the former, but some people need more management than that.
Anon
There’s a feeling among inexperienced or reluctant managers that being specific is being demanding or mean. Not true! It makes it easier to be your subordinate. Give a deadline, any deadline, and I’ll rearrange my own work to meet it or let you know I can’t.
Anon
I think you’re over thinking it. When you send them an email with the ask, just start with the deadline: “Today, can you reach out to opposing counsel” . . . “This week, can you draft X…” “By tomorrow, can you review…”
Nina
+1
No Face
+1
Nina
I think you have to tell them that last paragraph. “This isn’t urgent, but it should be done by Friday at noon latest”. I also didn’t like artificial deadlines as an associate-equivalent but have found that some people need it. Think of it as they can’t read your mind – they don’t know what a reasonable deadline is in your mind unless you state it. Sometimes you may need to talk through the process with them a few times, like what are all the steps involved in document collection and how long do each take and when do you have to start them approximately.
Anon
Lack of deadlines isn’t a problem if the deadlines would be artificial. Perhaps the problem is that you’ve given them a bunch of tasks and they don’t know which one should have priority.
Regular check-ins where the team sits down with everyone’s list of what’s on their desk / their to-be-done stack can really help with this.
Clementine
Yeah, the 5 minute touch base phone call on priorities can be really useful in this situation. I like to start with ‘what’s on your plate for today’?
I work in a different field but it’s also helpful to tell people how long you expect something to take. So if it’s a 10 minute task, I tell them (at least at first). The phrase ‘If this takes longer than 10/15/30/45 minutes, let me know’ is big with me. Helps them figure out the amount of effort I’m expecting.
Anon
Stop worrying about “artificial” deadlines. You do have deadlines for these tasks you want them to meet! Tell them those deadlines.
Anon
“I drop-dead need it Friday by 4, but I’d like it earlier if you can do that.”
Anon
Ack, as a junior associate, I hate requests phrased this way, and it sounds like OP’s associates also wouldn’t like this. It creates a sense of urgency with no clarification on your actual preferred timeline. It makes me feel like I’m late if I send it by Friday at 3:30, and you’ve still left me guessing as to your preferred timeline. Do you actually want it on Tuesday? Or Wednesday? Is it urgent? I legit can’t tell. If you are going to send this type of request, at least include a second ACTUAL date, so “I drop dead need it by Friday at 4pm, but I’d appreciate being able to review it on Thursday afternoon, if that’s possible with your schedule.”
Roxie
It reads pretty clear to me.
Some of this is also about more junior staff learning to manage up and know their bosses, too.
Anon
This response sounds exhausting to me, honestly. Either deal with the (slight) openness of deadlines, or ask for clarification. Are people in your office/field so passive-aggressive that it merits the second-guessing (They said Friday, but do they actually want it Wednesday?).
Anon
Both posters at 12:57/58 kind of proved my point by mentioning you have to know your boss to know whether “earlier” means Wednesday or Friday morning. Yes, I did have a partner who would assign drop-deads on Friday, but would start asking for it on Wednesday and getting annoyed by Thursday if they didn’t have it in their hands.
True, you can ask (or learn what drop dead means to that partner – is it going out the door on Friday? Or do they want to review it on Friday?), but it sounds like OP was actively soliciting help on being clearer with her associates, based on their direct feedback. If OP is looking for crystal clear, don’t add in the second phrase (putting aside the fact that it’s assumed you can always turn something in earlier), or add what your “ideal” timeline looks like.
I’m the poster @ 12:39.
Anonymous
I understand why you are annoyed. I would be extra annoyed on the collection/review platform – that feels like something they should take initiative to do after the client call with no prompting from you. However, when I was frustrated with this with a new junior when I was a midlevel, someone fairly pointed out to me that this was a skill that needs to be taught.
I would do slightly different things depending on the task. For something like better copies of a brief, I would ask them to get that started same day, assuming all they need to do is email some sort of word processing / printing department to get that started.
For the document review platform, I would ask THEM to propose a timeline – I would say “Hey, we had the kick off call. We need to get collection started and get the review platform set up. We don’t want to get caught off guard if things accelerate. I don’t have a sense of your capacity, so can you propose a timeline for setting that up within the next week weeks that works with your schedule?” And then you can provide feedback on the timeline they send you as needed.
Anonymous
Sorry, I think my first paragraph maybe came out harsh but I actually spent a lot of time teaching juniors how to figure out how to manage these ambiguous tasks instead of being annoyed about it. Which was good for them and good for me!
Anon
Ohhh this is really good stuff. Good answer to help both sides.
Anon
I struggled with this as a junior associate. I started out at a firm where I got paid strictly based on hours billed, so my biggest fear was to reach the end of my to-do list and not have anything lined up to do. Even when I moved to a salaried firm, I noticed younger associates realllly feared finishing their list and not having something lined up… so they would just.. never finish their list.
What seemed to be helpful from partners was general expected timelines for certain tasks. One partner I worked for said that she generally wanted anything non-urgent she asked us to do done within two weeks; otherwise, she would take it back and do it herself. The least helpful was an attorney I worked with who dumped a bunch of depo summaries on my desk– I told him I didn’t have capacity then. (I had billed so many hours that month that a partner had actually been concerned I was billing too much). He said, oh that’s fine, they just need to be done by the mediation in six months… and then he proceeded to follow up with me every couple weeks to ask if they’d been done.
Anon for this
Hoping someone will be able to help, a trip to our local mall involved a lot of frustration! My husband needs pleated or “extra fabric in front” pants. He is in a custodian/repair role at a nursing home. Material and color do not really matter, the facility allows him any thing except blue denim jeans. Based on his polo uniform shirt colors, would prefer pant a style that comes in dark kakhi and black. Machine washable is a must. He’s a 33 waist. 30 or 32 length. He needs the pleats because no matter his boxer style, his thing protrudes (I do not understand how this happens to him and not every man – but it is true. Please don’t ban me.). We tried some pants that supposedly had more room in the seat and those didn’t work. The only thing we found was pleated dress pants, like what you would wear with a fancy button down. This fabric tears and rips. He has returned I don’t know how many online orders. I understand his frustration better after going with him to the mall. Any help appreciated!!
Anon
If he’s in a working role, have you looked at working brands like you might find at Bass Pro or Tractor Supply? Duluth, Carhartt? What about technical brands like those sold at REI? Seems obvious to me that you wouldn’t find durable enough materials at the mall.
Anon
This! My boyfriend worked in a similar role for a while and similarly needed a larger “gusset.” Duluth did NOT work for him at all, btw. He had good luck at athletic stores like Academy in addition to places like Tractor Supply. Wal Mart also might have some options. He never was able to find anything that worked at a mall store.
Anon
Dickie’s! That’s the one I couldn’t think of. That’s what school janitor uniforms often are. I’m almost positive they come in pleated pants. Not sure if the Dickie’s sold in Wal-Mart is the same as the main brand.
Kate
+1 Dickie’s.
Anonymous
Try LL Bean or Orvis.
Anon
Have you tried LL Bean or Lands End?
LL Bean’s Double L chingos come in a pleated version and are cotton, not suiting fabric.
Anon
Chinos. Not chingos. It’s definitely a Monday.
NYNY
Chingos sounds like a euphemism for the problem we’re trying to solve here
NaoNao
Dockers has the extra pleats and/or fabric, but you might have to look at place like JC Penny or Kohls–go to the most old-fashioned, conservative, boring store in your town, heh. I’d also look into using hiking or biking shorts as a first layer under the pants because the material is much more substantial and is meant to hold things in place. He could even get cooling or tech material that will be helpful when he’s moving around and being active.
Anon
I swear by Cintas’ offerings, and you can order them online – they’re not just a uniform service. The men’s traditional pleated pant seems to fit the bill. In my experience they do tend to fit slightly small, so if he’s between sizes, order up. https://shop.cintas.com/store/site/Apparel/Bottoms/Pants-%26-Slacks/Traditional-Pleated-Pants/p/08256566?searchText=:relevance&plpcategoryCode=Bottoms
Anon
Could it be an underwear issue?
anon
Yeah, I’m wondering if boxer briefs as opposed to just boxers would work better.
Anon
Try somewhere like Walmart or Tractor Supply rather than the mall. Sounds like he needs pleated utilitarian pants in a functional fabric, not something in line with current fashion trends.
Anonymous
Try Dickie’s or Wranglers. Both make work pants with pleats.
Anonymous
He will have more placement control, although not necessarily less bulk, with tighty-whities or more fitted brief style underwear.
If nothing else works, a tailor can make trousers with one slightly bigger leg to dress to one side.
Kate
This may be a dumb question: Don’t all men of… um… a certain… size have this “issue,” and is it an issue at all? I think he should wear whatever pants he likes.
Anonymous
It does seem like a feature not a bug
Anon
My husband has this issue, and from my perspective, it’s a feature. And he doesn’t wear pleated pants. It is what it is.
Anon
Has he tried Wrangler Casuals Pleated Front Relaxed fit pants? They come in black and khaki, 33 waist, and 30 and 32 lengths.
Anonymous
No recommendation. But just wanted to say if he’s like John Hamm, you’re living the dream.
Anonymous
How do you pick a credit card? I mostly use my Discover for everything because it’s easy and I like the cash back but I want to open another card. I only travel a couple of times a year/already have pre-check.
Anon
I got an American Airlines credit card because it’s the best way to accrue airline status, which I find very valuable. That wouldn’t apply to you though.
Anonymous
Get a 2% cssh back non-Amex, no annual fee credit card and pay it off every month. Add additional cards from there to your desire for specific spending categories that have higher bonuses (e.g., 3% on gas) or specific retailers (many have 5% discount cards).
Anon
+1 This is me.
If I traveled more, I would get more into points etc.. But I am a regular person with regular income so I just want cash back.
2% cash back on everything Fidelity credit card. I have all my retirement/investments at Fidelity.
Costco credit card
Amazon credit card for 5% back
Occasionally I will get sucked in by a credit card offer… “50,000 miles and $200 cash back towards flights…”. It ended badly, they never paid me the cash, I wasted more time on hold/dealing with it than any savings I got with too much stress.
anon
this question stresses me out and is the problem with the modern world! too many choices. Do you have a retirement or any sort of account with fidelity? i use their’s and some percentage goes into your account. I also have an american express one and i never used the miles (likely literally for 20 years, i had a million miles) and in the last year i have used them to do college visits etc with my son. most cards they don’t expire.
Anon
I went with Chase Sapphire Reserve because their travel rewards are hotel, flights and cars. They have other stuff too, but I like taking a free vacation or being able to book a random hotel for free when I feel like it. I don’t view it as capital T travel, but more like “going to a party an hour from my house and it would be nice to spend the night, oh look at that, I can book with points at no cost to me.”
Anon
dear retailers, please do not send me emails that “the countdown to Christmas is on” on September 16. As my kids pointed out this morning on the way to school when seeing Halloween decorations, “It’s not even October yet.”
NaoNao
I recently really put it together that in the last 10 years or so retailers have made it seem like shopping and decor are the *only* way to celebrate holidays, while still using the other aspects to sell that shopping and decor (parties, gatherings, togetherness, rituals, food, celebrations, experiences, appreciating nature changes, etc.) and it feels icky as heck to me. I think that’s part of the reason for the creeping seasons–they’re moving the shopping further from the actual month and season so it’s even more divorced from reality and people start to associate the holiday with “shopping” only.
anon
+1
Clara
There was SO MUCH halloween stuff in Target yesterday and I was just like do people reallybuy all new decorations for every holiday? Maybe I’m just not much of a holiday decorator. But everything from plates to organizers to fake plants to small furniture – actual things you’d have to keep swapping out, not just things to use for a party.
Anon
Eh, I like it. I like to get organized early and I hate rushing to order things during the actually short seasons. If you wait to October to get Halloween stuff, you miss most of the month. Same with the winter holidays and Hanukkah is usually earlier.
Anon
yes, but you dont need to buy a Christmas tree in September or Halloween stuff in July. there is early and then there is ridiculously early. i’m jewish and this year Hanukkah isn’t until Christmas
Anon
Depends on your preference, I’d rather get stuff early so I can focus on putting it up rather than procuring it.
Anonymous
I didn’t decorate seasonally before I bought a SFH because I didn’t have space. Now that I have space I love seasonal decor but I find it overwhelming! I really struggled last year with timing decor among fall to Halloween to fall to (Thanksgiving – except I don’t have any tgiving decor) to Christmas to winter. It’s a lot in a short time! I think my Christmas wreaths stayed up until February because I didn’t know what else to put out. I plan to put Halloween stuff up early so I get to enjoy it longer, but it does feel weird to look at Halloween stuff when it’s 85 outside!
Clementine
My 4 year old daughter informed me that the decor seasons right now is ‘Pumpkins’ and then we add ‘Halloween’ in October and take it away and add ‘Mr. Turkey’ (my one piece of Thanksgiving decor courtesy of my MIL’ later.
Honestly, girl knows what’s up. I add low key seasonal decorations but usually do a full season and no – I don’t buy all new each year. I have a ceramic pumpkin I bought 10 years ago, a couple fabric ones my husband got 2-4 years ago, some stuff kids made at school, a creepy turkey my MIL got me… that’s it.
Anonymous
That’s adorable. I like the idea of having a base for 4+ months and swapping out a couple of things here and there.
Anon
Smart girl! I came to a similar realization. Pumpkins plus black, purple, and skeletons = Halloween. Pumpkins plus dark red and gold = Thanksgiving. Dark red plus metallics, trees, and candles = Christmas. I don’t bother with decorations the rest of the year except for my seasonal dish towels and drying mats.
Anon
My daughter is just out of college and this is her aesthetic. She has been driving the home decor since she was maybe early elementary school. So we do “fall” now and then add pumpkins a bit later, then Halloween stuff, then Thanksgiving. Everything gets put away completely, then Christmas stuff comes out the weekend after Thanksgiving.
I read what I wrote and it sounds like Home Goods threw up in my house. In reality, it’s a couple of throw pillows (the non holiday ones get stored), kitchen towels, and maybe a chrysanthemum for the front porch. I dont really love clutter.
Thanksgiving is when we put out my late mother’s knickknacks, which all stay in the dining room. They’re not exactly Thanksgiving related but my kids associate them with Thanksgiving because they remember the Thanksgiving meals at her home. I don’t like clutter, but I loved my mom, and we can have her random knickknacks out for a month a year.
Clara
I was thinking this – if I had a house it may be different but in an apartment there is not much room to store seasonal things
Anon
I’m with you; I hate this. It also doesn’t help that it’s 90 degrees this week in my part of the Midwest so it feels like fall hasn’t even started. I love the winter holidays (I don’t celebrate Christmas but love the lights and cheer) but I need winter to come AFTER fall.
Nora
Recommendations for a trip from NYC in December with a max 6 hour flight? For parents and 2 adult children.
The “issue” is that we’ve traveled to a lot of the places that fit that. We’ve been to Montreal, London, Iceland, Ireland, Portugal, New Orleans, Chicago etc
I’m thinking of either a southern or mid western city we haven’t been to yet, or somewhere less touristy in Mexico. For Central America the flights would be a bit longer but that would be of interest too. Something that is not just beach – beach + some historic things would be perfect.
Flats Only
Washington DC? Nice hotels, great dining, and you’ll have the whole city to yourselves at that time of year.
PolyD
Indeed! And except for Christmas Day, a lot of things are open, like museums and whatnot. There are often a few holiday-themed pop up bars that can be fun to visit. You can also go see the National Christmas tree and laugh at it (it’s kind of sad close up) and around it are 50 smaller trees, one for each state, decorated accordingly with ornaments made by school children. We have a Christmas market, too, which isn’t the best I’ve ever been to, but is fun to walk through.
The White House is nicely decorated, as is the Old Executive Office Building.
The weather is usually pretty good, too. Last few years, we don’t usually get snow until January or February.
Kate
Ashville, Charleston, Savannah, St. Augustine, Louisville.
NY CPA
Asheville, Charleston, and Savannah were the ones that popped into my head too.
Anon
San Francisco or LA.
Anon
Santa Fe?
Anonymous
Santa Fe or Paris
Anon
I know you’ve been to Portugal, but Madeira and the Azores are great if you haven’t been. The Canary Islands. Germany for Christmas markets.
SMC - San Diego
Perhaps Belize? It is a relatively short flight from NYC and you could combine an interior location to see the wildlife and ruins (not as spectacular as Tikal but easier access) with some time at a beach. They have some amazing diving/snorkeling spots.
If you go, I will put in a plug for the Belize Zoo. We stopped there on the way from the airport to our hotel in the interior and it was amazing.
NYNY
I would love to go to Puerto Rico that time of year. Lots of history and culture!
Anon
Mexico City! There is no beach but it is an incredible city with a ton of history and culture. It is not touristy like Cancun or other Mexican cities, so if at least one person in your group knows Spanish that would be ideal.
Anon
+1 to Mexico City – I’ve been in December and it was a great time to go.
Anon
Charleston or Santa Fe would be my picks. Santa Fe if you like hiking, Charleston for more of a ‘European capital city’ type of vacation – good food, good shopping, interesting art/museums, etc.
Anon
Cartagena, Colombia is a really fun and interesting trip. The flight is around 5 hours from NYC.
Anon
Scotland
Anonymous
Does anyone read the discussions about Ozempic/Wegovy, etc. and start feeling like they are missing out? I am about 25 pounds above where I should be and work out hard, but am not great about my eating. And I read all the comments about people in my range losing reasonable amounts of weight so easily and quickly. Am I the sucker for not going out and using it? It just seems like it’s everywhere… Is everyone doing this but me?
Anonymous
Nope not everyone is. I am, and loving it, but it hasn’t been magic for me, just helpful.
Anon
Yep, seconded. It’s a useful tool, but you still have to be careful about making healthy choices.
Kitchen Remodel
I have a similar amount to lose (maybe 30?) but I don’t care to be on weight loss meds for the rest of my life, so I’m going to be content with where I’m at until I can put in the time and mental energy on myself again.
Anonymous
Similar amount of weight to lose and do feel like I’m missing out but I already have some digestive issues so super worried about messing with possible side effects to digestion system.
Anon
No? For one thing there’s no way I could afford it. I wouldn’t let yourself be fooled by the bubble here into thinking *everyone* is using these drugs.
Anon
+1
This board skews wealthy and extremely proactive.
I also can’t tell yet from what folks say if you would do as well if you still eat “not great”. You may need to clean that up a bit, regardless, if you take the meds. Others can speak to that more than me.
Anonymous
Yeah, it’s not just on this board, it’s among my co-workers and friends (across the country) too. I suppose those individuals continue to skew relatively privileged, but it’s not just readers of this blog or something. I can’t throw a stone and not hit someone on it.
Anon
Hmm, this is not the case in my circles, but I think it’s again because people can’t afford it.
Anon
I don’t want to be on a lifetime drug that doesn’t have large scale long-term studies about side effects, so I’m good skipping it!
Anon
Saaaaame!
anon
+1000
Anon
Yup, same. Although I’m overweight in the “I look chubby” sense, not in the “it’s impacting my ability to live a normal life” sense. I might feel differently if my weight was significantly impacting my health, but at least for now it’s solely a cosmetic issue and I’m not going to take an untested drug to look better.
ANon
i feel the exact same way. DH and I were just discussing it this weekend that we feel like everyone else is using it and why aren’t we.
Anon
As someone on the meds with about three times that amount to lose, I would max out my efforts on monitoring my nutrition, macros, sleep and exercise first if I had about 25 to lose. Particularly if you are not: post menopausal, insulin resistant, really short, or involuntarily inactive. I’m the person in the other thread who is all of those things, and found that maxing my efforts on nutrition, macros, and sleep did allow for some very slow weight loss, but it was going to take something like five years or so at the rate I was going just to get towards the bottom of the “overweight” range. If I were you, I’d put myself on an informed but self guided plan and see how it goes first.
anon
Yeah, I feel you. I am in the same situation. I have tried and failed at least 3 times in the past two years to lose weight. I stick with it for 2-3 months and when I see the scale has barely budged despite a lot of work, and effort, and sacrifice, I feel really upset and even resentful. Why bother working so hard when it’s barely doing anything? After my latest diet failure, I am starting to self-sabotage and I don’t like that about myself.
Jane
I feel the same way, not just about this but also about Botox & all the other “interventions”. I also wonder about invisalign. And having a more aggressive hair and beauty routine by throwing a lot more $$$ at those. Tummy tucks? Lip jobs? Where do I draw the line if I start? But eventually, I know my priorities, and mainly my goal is to die happy having lived a life rich in experiences (try every country’s cuisine in the country among other things), not looking a “certain way” (which btw is absolutely tied to race and class etc).
Anon
I think an easy line is putting something inside your body. Hair dye, tretinoin, and laser hair removal don’t put substances inside your body. Botox, fillers, Ozempic, and surgery affect you internally.
Anon
This is my line also. I’ve never framed it that way, but you’re right that this is probably the reason why I feel differently about hair dye and laser hair removal than Botox and Ozempic.
Fwiw, I don’t put all the “internal” things in the same risk category. I haven’t done Botox or Ozempic and currently don’t feel the benefits outweigh the risks but won’t rule it out. I am 100% certain I will never get cosmetic surgery. General anesthesia is just too risky to undergo for strictly cosmetic reasons, and I’m not going to leave my kids motherless because I wanted to improve my appearance.
Anon
I don’t think the line is so bright. One isn’t supposed to use tretinoin while pregnant, although the causal link to birth defects is iffy. Hair straighteners cause cancer, so what about hair dye? While I respect your line, I don’t think it is so clear.
ALT
Yeah sometimes I feel like a sucker for taking the hard way to weight loss and overhauling my diet and workouts rather than getting a shot, but then I think about how my way is probably more sustainable and healthier long term. It’s frustrating to see the pounds melt off other people so quickly though!
Anon
I think that nearly all of us getting the shot are also doing diet and workouts, it’s just easier to comply with the shot. The shot is a tool, not a magic wand.
Anonymous
I think though that most of us who aren’t using the shot ARE doing the diets and workouts. At least to the same extent you are.
Anon
Is it more sustainable and healthier long term? I thought that statistically the outcomes on the meds were better. I know not everyone falls in line with the stats, and I’m also not choosing the meds, but the research on them is kind of intimidating.
Anon
Different take: people who exercise and eat well usually have better skin and are more toned, regardless of weight. It’s not just about less fat; it’s about blood flow and muscle tone.
Anon
I’m underweight, but if I needed to lose weight, I’d try to do 6 months on Ozempic/Wegovy and then see if I could maintain without it. I wouldn’t want to be on it for the rest of my life and in my city it’s hundreds of dollars a month.
Anonymous
That’s not how it works though. From everything I’ve read, you gain when you go off. And because you also have less muscle following use, it makes it harder to deal with that gain.
Anon
I’m overweight and have a cardiac arrhythmia, which is not really related to weight, but I feel like I take enough drugs for my heart already. Not willing to add more.
I’ve lost a lot of weight slowly for other reasons without using the drugs.
Anonymous
I’m on the meds because I have 100 pounds to lose — I would not do them for 30 pounds.
Unless your insurance covers you and it’s less than $100 per month, in which case, go for it. But I certainly wouldn’t risk the compounded meds or pay $1300+ each month for only 30 pounds.
Anonymous
I’m in the group that should use it but am still sticking it out with a dietitian. Hearing way too much about bad side effects and muscle loss. I don’t want to risk stomach paralysis or not being able to gain back strength. I’ve had some bad health problems in the past (brain hemorrhage, cancer). I don’t take the risks lightly since I know how fragile things can be. I definitely wouldn’t over 25 lbs.
Anonymous
I have a lot to lose but I do not want to lose muscle/lean mass, so no, I’m not choosing meds.
Anon
This comment resonates! I know that feeling. It is a good reminder to see the posts noting that the injectables have their downsides and still require work. There are gradations of medical help for weight loss, other paths to try before semiglutides.
After a lifetime of being athletic and happy with my weight, I found that eating smart and exercising was *not* effective on keeping extra weight off my perimenopausal body. Two years of my weight creeping up despite a huge effort on my part. It was incredibly frustrating. I began to take metformin (my A1C levels were elevated) three months ago and it has been transformative. I still am very careful about what I eat, and I’m active and lift heavy 3x week (just like before!), but down 4% body weight from when I started and more importantly have many NSV.
I was previously opposed to the idea of chemical help with weight loss (for myself), and then I wasn’t. I’m relieved to feel more like myself on the metformin, but wouldn’t rule out other paths if it comes to it. I don’t want to spent my bandwidth on calorie counts and affirmations.
Anonymous
I stay on the med and would love to stay on it forever because it stops the food noise. That constant nagging anxiety about when is my next meal, has it been long enough that I can eat again now, did I eat too much, if I wait longer will I be so hungry I will overeat, I’m still hungry but did I eat more than my calorie allowance, how long do I have to stay hungry before I can eat again. On and on. It’s so freeing to not have that buzzing in my head. And unhealthy snacking and overeating just dont appeal to me like it does without. I don’t need to feel stuffed in order to feel not-hungry.
I haven’t lost much weight on it, but I’ve stopped gaining weight, which I think is a big first step. Creating a calorie deficit is so hard when you have a small stature, I don’t need my hormones actively working against me on top of my natural challenges.
Anon
I am remodeling a large daylight basement to turn it from a yellowing smoker’s paradise (sigh) to a bright, comfortable, modern, and homey space that will serve as a den/play area with a guest room and office. I am looking for a good white color to paint the walls and ceilings, preferably Sherwin Williams but open to other brands. (Contemplating painting the den area a deep teal/green in a few years but will probably start out with white).
I am also trying to decide between two Lifeproof flooring colors – Clermont Elm and Butler Hickory – and I’m open to opinions and thoughts about this decision too! I lean toward Elm since it is a better match for the hardwood floors upstairs, but I don’t know how it will come off in a darker space. I am also concerned about the LVP looking grey.
Anon
I remodeled a yellow 70s kitchen and my daughter was adamant we should not have a warm, creamy or yellowish white on the walls. I don’t love cool colors either. Benjamin Moore Chalk White is perfect, it’s a true white but not too bright or clinical.
For a basement which doesn’t get much light, I would go with a lighter color LVP and not try to match your hardwood. Dusk Cherry is jumping out at me as a light color that’s not gray at all.
Nesprin
Have you considered replacing the drywall? There’s a bunch of research that smoke residue soaked into walls, i.e. third-hand smoke represents a health hazard- if there’s any smell at all I’d get it re-sheetrocked. If you aren’t planning to, you will need to prime the walls before painting to try to lock as much crap out of your space as possible.
I went deep teal in my bedroom recently, and I’m shocked at how much I love it- it’s warmer, it feels bigger and it makes my lighter furniture pop. But for paint colors in general, the absolute best thing you can do is paint swatches, look at them at different times of day and pick the one that looks the best in your space. It’s wild how the same color on different textures and in different lighting really can be so different.
Anon
Ooh, what color did you go with for the teal?
Good point about the dry wall. We are not going to re-dry wall but the contractor plans to spray a special priming product on the walls and ceilings before painting.
Nesprin
Behr aspen valley
New Here
We have SW Snowbound in our living room, hallways and front room/playroom and like it a lot.
Anon
First step is a couple of coats of the original formulation of Killz to lock all those odors,stains, and chemicals into the walls and not in the air. I would absolutely paint anything that can be painted with that stuff first.