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These brown linen pumps with embroidered details are sooooo pretty — and they strike me as a great thing to wear if you're worried nude-for-you pumps are out of style.
The Kerry style is apparently a best seller at Ann Taylor — they have it in a ton of other colors and fabrics, include a lovely hot pink suede. If you like the embroidery and color but would prefer a more casual flat, they also have embroidered linen slide sandals with the details.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
Has anyone bought shoes from Ann Taylor recently? The cork flats look super cute but my local stores closed and I hate playing mail order roulette.
Ann
The stores carry a very limited shoe assortment anyway. But I agree, I buy much less from there since the local store closed nearby.
Anon.
If there were an Ann Taylor store that carried all their selections, including petite, I would fly there twice a year just to try on the clothes. I loved the linen jacket from this morning but JCrew does not go up to 14P. I am so tired of being short and post-menopausal. And tired of my bunion hurting feet. Twenty-five year old me would buy the featured shoes in a hot minute.
Anon
I’m a plus sized petite and I feel you. Buying clothes in person is no longer an option for me.
Anon
I have a pair of cream loafers (the ones with the gold buckle) that I really like from this season. I like AT shoes. They fit my very ordinary feet well, and this pair is no exception.
Anonymous
Another NYC restaurant recommendation request. What’s a good place for dinner near Central Park South for two adults and a teen? When we were last in the city before the pandemic we enjoyed the original location of Blue Ribbon Sushi–is the Columbus Circle location also good, or is it a tourist trap?
Anonymous
I’ve always loved Marea but it’s pricey… I’ve stopped into Bergdorf Goodman’s restaurant when I wanted something more casual. In Lincoln Center there’s also The Smith.
anon
Bad Roman
NYCer
I was also going to suggest Bad Roman. It is hard to get a reservation though.
Other options: Quality Italian, Marea, Nougatine, Milos, Casa Cruz. The Blue Ribbon Sushi near Columbus Circle is also fine, but not as good as the Soho location IMO.
Anonymous
Vent: Dear marketing folks.
I get that it is great for a theme to make your whole team wear matching shirts. But please stop with the ask to wear matching shoes. I’m going to spend 5 days grueling walking and standing and the shoes you want the women to wear will not fit my size 12 feet, and the men’s version (aside from being embarrassing as glaringly for men) are too wide. Do not even get me started on how much time and money I’ve now spent trying to track down appropriate shoes that are in the same(ish) difficult color palette. I’m considering myself lucky for going rogue though, as the lack of arch support would have made my PF flare for sure. It could be worse though–at least I know the cheap shirts will have a half chance at being wearable. The Big and Tall sales guy on our team isn’t going to be so lucky.
Some folks need to realize that adults don’t like to be forced to play bridesmaid like this–especially when you’re a certain size or even level of seniority. It’s just not cute.
Anon
Can you just tell your boss that the matching shoes don’t come in your size? I don’t know what industry you are in, but cannot imagine that someone (your boss?) would actually have any issue with you wearing your own shoes.
Anon
I can’t imagine asking adults who aren’t in a uniform industry to wear the same shoes. Just no. Heck, even soldiers in the military get to choose their boots these days – you can wear XYZ brands so long as they’re the right shade of desert tan.
Anon
Matching shoes???
I have problem feet. I would wear my own, no question.
Anon
Marketing folks: run this bs by HR or Legal first. Some bright spark might tell you that it is terrible to be in the business of policing exactly what people have on their feet. Whether the issue is diabetes, circulatory disorders, plantar fasciitis, fallen arches, bunions, or pregnancy, people need to wear shoes that work for their own feet. HR doesn’t need to be giving out reasonable accommodations so that Sally, who is six months pregnant and has enormously swollen feet, can wear different shoes. Just, stop.
Anon
That is such a weird request that I would definitely nope out of! What difficult color palate were they looking for?
Cerulean
I would just show up in whatever shoes I wanted. If asked, I would say I couldn’t find any that worked for my feet. I doubt anyone would ask questions beyond that.
pink nails
Good lord. I organize our trade show marketing and absolutely no to matching shoes.
anon
I’m marketing-adjacent, and this is not normal. At all. Matching shoes? That’s ridiculous; a matching shirt is enough.
How to play it cool on a date
I need help. I went on a first date last Friday. For the first time ever (I am 40-ish), I became a scatter-brain in the presence of this new man. I lost my train of thought a handful of times as I answered his questions about me with way too much enthusiasm. All I wanted to do was get physically closer to him which turned me into an anxious and probably too giggly mess. We held hands for a good part of the evening, which lasted about 7 hours.
Despite my behavior, we have a 2nd date tomorrow. He floated plans for a 2nd date around 15 minutes into the first date. Which only made me things worse.
How do I calm the heck down for date 2? I fee like such a teenager.
Anon
Awwww! I’m smiling just reading this and am so excited for you.
The best dating tip I’ve ever received: he either likes you or he doesn’t (https://cupofjo.com/2014/10/23/my-sisters-awesome-dating-tip/).
I could tell you so many stories about how nervous and awkward my husband was on our first couple of dates. He could probably tell you just as many about me. We liked each other so it’s now a charming part of our history.
Don’t calm down. Don’t play it cool. Do watch out for love bombing and red flags. Enjoy this exciting, magically, giggly time. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but either way just let yourself be.
Anon
It seems like it went well to me :) If you’re a bundle of nerves may do some cardio a few hours before the date?
No Face
Honestly this is adorable.
Anon
Yes this sounds very cute! I’d love an update after the second date!!
Anonymous
this is adorable! all the good vibes!
ABanon
Happy for you!! I see no one has offered advice so I’ll try. Have confidence that if it’s meant to be it will be. Be secure in the fact that it’s going well and you have all the time in the world ahead of you. Perhaps remember you’re there to vet him a bit — truly no one’s perfect (and he might be nervous too) but don’t feel you have to be overly critical either. It can be good to keep it light and fun in early days. Enjoy yourself. Come back and tell us more :)
Anon
Help me not snap at my non-pregnant friend who insists on one-upping me when I say I’m worried about my lack of paid leave with “well at MY job we have even LESS PTO.” Yeah. That sucks. It doesn’t mean that it’s a valid response to a pregnant woman trying desperately to cobble any paid time to physically recover and bond.
Anon
I hate to say it: don’t talk to her about this. Commiserate with better friends. Commiserate here. Drop a burner email and lean on my shoulder.
When I say this, I swear I am not bad at math: I didn’t really understand how bad maternity leave PTO is until after I took leave and did our the math as to why I had no money despite taking “paid” leave.
My company paid 60% of my salary while I was out on the disability portion of leave: 6 weeks for v@ginal birth and 8 weeks for C-section. The first week isn’t paid out; you use PTO for that. Accrued PTO also covers health insurance during that leave. I took 11 weeks of leave.
Because I had a C-section, I got 8 weeks covered, minus the first week; and of course the remaining 3, I didn’t receive a salary. So that was 7 weeks paid at 60% and 4 weeks paid at 0%, for a weighted average of 38% pay. Then add in burning through PTO to pay health insurance premiums.
Anon
I have questions. Were you covered by FML? It sounds like you had three unpaid weeks if the first was PTO. That aside, could you not use sick leave/PTO rather than disability when recovering from c-section?
Cat
FMLA holds your job, it doesn’t get you money.
The rest depends on your company’s short term disability coverage policy.
Anon
I understand that, but FML would not prevent someone from using PTO for recovery from surgery concurrently with FML. If the underlying condition (here, recovery from surgery) would qualify for PTO under the employer’s policies (and it is hard to imagine that it would not qualify), the FMLA permits the employee to run FML concurrently with PTO.
Anon
I was FMLA eligible. That said, we had miserable PTO (3 weeks per year of combined sick and vacation, with mandatory use of PTO for the shutdown between Christmas and New Year’s), and I had not accrued a whole lot of PTO.
Not trying to be too rude: in the future, please assume that adults have already considered the obvious, easy solutions for their problems.
Anonymous
PTO is only helpful for getting paid if you have enough PTO to apply, though. FMLA doesn’t really help if you only have a small amount of PTO available in the first place.
Anon
Yeah, most people in the US don’t have enough PTO to cover a mat leave. I took two weeks of PTO to extend a 12 week mat leave into a 14 week one, and I have no regrets but I wouldn’t have wanted to use more than that. I would have had no time off once I returned to work and it’s hard to go back to work with a new baby and not be able to take any days off. And I have very generous PTO by US standards.
Cat
that’s all well and good if you have lots of PTO, which this person clearly does not.
Anon
Thank you for being nice. It’s so rare and appreciated.
Anon
Maybe she’s sick of hearing you complain about it. Find somebody else to vent to.
Anon
As someone who doesn’t plan to have kids, I can certainly listen to a friend vent about this but after awhile my mind goes towards the question of are you really surprised our country’s leave policy is awful and didn’t you research this before deciding to have a baby?
Anon
Who said anything about being surprised? Would you feel good if you complained about some aspect of your job or marriage and a friend sneered “are you surprised, the economy sucks” or “are you surprised, marriage is hard”? Surprise is irrelevant and it’s dismissive. Remember, we’re talking about talking to people you’re supposed to be friends with.
Anon
If you’re a good friend, you ought to be able to commiserate with your friend, not one-up her. Otherwise, you’re not actually a good friend.
Anon
I don’t know anything about the friend and obviously OP knows more about her own situation, but I’m struggling with infertility right now and nobody knows because people don’t really understand how awful it is, and if a friend started complaining about this to me all the time I would first die inside and second try anything to change the subject. So, this is just to say that there are other possibilities out there than the friend being a terrible person.
Anon
Sometimes people are just one-uppers. I know you know they exist.
RiskedCredit
Until you have been through it no one understands.
I share this openly because it’s vitality important to know that if you have PND the clock on your leave restarts. As a manager I’ve supported plenty of women use this because I could see they needed this time to recover. It was relatively straight forward to add 3-6 months off on pay.
If you are anxious about your post partum plans I recommend speaking to a professional because I’ve seen this slip into PND a few too many times. It’s completely normal to be worried about the transition to motherhood but insurance covers this help and if you haven’t met your deductible yet, chances are you will when you give birth.
Anon
The clock restarting is your company policy, not the law. You are only entitled under the law to take FMLA for 12 weeks in a one year period.
RiskedCredit
There are a few different laws that apply. The ADA laws were what HR was concerned about. As a manager I was supportive of the employee taking additional leave and did the work to support them.
It’s worth checking state rules because that matters too.
Anon
What is PND? Google says Paroxysmal nocturnal dyspnea but I don’t think that’s right…
But either way I don’t think this is correct, unless your company chooses to be more generous than federal law. FMLA only covers 12 weeks off in a one year period, even if you multiple medical issues.
Anonnny
Does PND mean post-natal depression?
Risked Credit
Correct – its pre or post natal depression. It is very common and the stress of a short leave and having to learn to deal with childcare for the first time doesn’t help anyone.
For those parents with a child still in the hospital the rules around leave are awful.
anon
She’s definitely not the right person to discuss this with.
Anon
Why are you bringing this up so often that this is a regular occurrence?
Anon
I didn’t realize that bringing it up twice (when I found out I was pregnant and when it’s now time to think logistics) made me a terrible person. I’m so glad I have this place to always make me realize it’s actually my fault.
Anon
I think we have a couple of regular tr 0 lls here. Imagine being so deeply unhappy you have to t r-ll this site.
Sorry that happened to you, OP. I do think this friend of yours is not actually a friend.
Anon
If you only brought it up twice, how is she constantly one upping you? What type of response are you expecting from someone who has never experienced it? Seriously, what do you want her to say? Omg that’s so horrible and it must be so hard? Sounds like you are looking for validation in the wrong places. Also, if she is someone single and wants kids, she probably wants you to be quiet and stop complaining to a single person!!
Anon
I truly do not understand why people are so awful here.
Sorry about your bad friend, OP.
Anon
So much projection here…
Anon
Your OP made it sound like this had happened much more than twice; I’m not sure how we were supposed to know that you’d only mentioned it twice. I don’t think you’re a terrible person, but I think from her response it’s clear that she’s tired of hearing about it and it would probably be best for both of you if you found someone else to vent to about this particular issue.
I’m a mom, fwiw.
Anon for this
Totally agree. Best response yet.
You have the right to complain. She has the right to not want to hear you complain.
NaoNao
One thing that might help is gently guiding them to what response you want (other than “gee, that sounds hard, sorry about that”).
I have noticed sometimes people snap when they feel helpless–there’s a split second reaction of “feel sad > feel helpless > that makes me mad > now I’m snapping at a friend” + the suffering Olympics and you get this response.
I also admit as someone without kids it’s hard to relate and many pregnant women / moms get this weird condescending tone like “my suffering is the hardest, most complicated and valuable thing in the universe and if you don’t get it you’re a moron”. So just make sure that it’s not coming off that way prior to the “well MY PTO” response.
As a final, maybe ask for help–focus on what you *do* want. Do you want more hang out time before baby comes? Just a shoulder to cry on? Distraction? I admit I feel an almost secondhand frustration here like “well…as a friend what do you want me to DO here?” but then I’m autistic so my social responses are often off-kilter.
Shopping help
I need something to keep in my office I can throw on over my t shirt and look presentable if an unscheduled call pops up. I tried a few blazers but I would prefer something with more coverage, like the men’s version of a company embroidered fleece. I’ve tried the fleece and it isn’t a great look on me because I already look young. Bonus points if it is from Jcrew or lululemon as I know my sizes and order regularly from both of them.
Anon
Do you have a Define jacket? I think it’s perfect, and flattering.
Anonymous
Athlete Pranayama cardigan in black. Looks great on camera.
Cat
I use JCrew’s cashmere ponchos for this.
Anon
Has anyone gone to gotten pregnant while in graduate school? How did it go? I am starting a graduate program in the fall that is going to take me 3 years to complete. Except I’m 31, engaged, and thoughts of my biological clock have started weighing on me recently. I’m starting to panic and think maybe I shouldn’t start the graduate program, but it’s been my dream for so long (which is probably why I had blinders on when preparing for and applying to it).
Anon
I’ll add I’ll also be working full time
anon
I don’t think there are enough hours in a day for grad school + full-time work + spending time with/caring for a child.
You’ll have to make tradeoffs. Accelerate grad school? Quit work? Delay children? Partner agrees to take on all home duties and you add some extra help on top to keep partner from hating you? Two nannies (One for day, one for evening/weekends)?
Anon
While I have no desire to do it, there are several people in my part time grad program who also work full time and have kids. I even knew one guy in my program who had a very demanding day job (Secret Service agent) with twin two year olds and a newborn.
Anon
Unfortunately the key word there is guy.
Anon
I think “guy” is the key word here.
And I say that as someone who believes men should be equally involved in the care of children and was fortunate to marry a man who took a long paternity leave and has been a very involved and equal parent, arguably even the primary parent. But the first couple of years of parenthood are inherently harder on the birth partner with physical recovery + hormones + breastfeeding. Even if you choose not to breastfeed, there’s still a lot more demand on women who give birth.
Also the reality is that workplaces still see dads vs. moms VERY differently. A guy who needs to leave every day at 6 pm so he can see his kids before bedtime is an amazing, dedicated father. A woman who does the same thing is lazy and not committed to the job. It’s not fair, but it’s reality.
Anon
Yeah this sounds like a disaster.
I know a few people who had babies during 3L year of law school and were very happy about that decision, but they weren’t working full time and 3L is kind of a joke compared to 1L and 2L in terms of workload, since most people have a full time job secured and your grades don’t really matter except for bragging rights like Latin honors. And I graduated law school in 2010 so a lot of people got deferred by firms and got an extended paid maternity leave (although not paid at Big Law level).
anon
Well, that doesn’t sound ideal.
I’m assuming this wasn’t planned.
Can you cut your work schedule?
I mean…. some things are just not humanely possible, unless you are so brilliant and your graduate program is so easy you don’t have to do any work outside of class, and you have a full time nanny.
Clementine
I’m going to go ahead and say there’s no good time. It’s grad school and then it’s your first management gig and then it’s X or Y or Z.
Do what feels right for your family. The rest will fall into place.
I also say – as somebody who tried to perfectly time and plan her family – we make plans and the Gods laugh and laugh and laugh. I was going to have Child 1 at age 29/30, Child 2 at age 31/32, and it would be great. This was the plan. Well, I had child 1 at 30 and then things happened and I now am the mom of 3 kids – only one of whom I was pregnant with. Never would I have expected this but… it’s wonderful.
Anon
Totally true that there is no good time. If all of us waited for the perfect time to have kids, no one would ever have kids.
Anon
I hear this a lot but there are better times. My friends who rolled with “no good time” dealt with way more problems and stress than if they’d just taken a few steps to make the timing better. For the OP, I think you can do 2 of the 3 things listed, but not all of them.
Anon
Yeah, personally I really disagree with this saying. They may be no “perfect” time to have a child, but there are definitely worse times than others, and this sounds like a really bad time.
Anon
Start the graduate program and deal with life as it comes.
Anonymous
I had a baby halfway through my 2L year of law school, which was the third year of my joint law/master’s degree program. This meant I was pregnant during the most difficult semester of law school. I also had a two-hour daily round trip commute, a house and a dog to look after, and a part-time job. And hyperemesis for nine months. I delivered the baby in January of my 2L year, took that semester off, went back to work and one grad school course in the summer, and returned to law school full-time the next spring semester (so one semester off and one semester part-time, followed by three more full-time semesters).
It was a LOT. Between hyperemesis and then the fact that I got all the day care illnesses worse than the baby did, then developed a chronic autoimmune condition during my last semester, I was sick and exhausted for most of my grad/law school experience. I did the minimum on my law review note, which had to be written the semester I was pregnant, and it did not get published. I did not apply for law review editorial board. I skipped OCI and the traditional summer associate jobs because I got an offer for a permanent JD-required/non-legal position through my part-time job. I did not apply for clerkships because I did not want to move my family. I didn’t really feel a part of the law school community because I was commuting and sick and busy and working and tied to the campus day care schedule. I did manage to graduate in the top 10% of my law school class but came up .02 short of ranking first.
The bottom line was that when I decided to have a baby during grad school, my decision to prioritize family over school and career was effectively sealed. I can’t think of any way I could have done things differently without making myself even sicker. On the other hand, I had a classmate who did a split summer associateship at two different firms just weeks after delivering her 2L baby, got offers from both firms, and was on law review ed board, so perhaps it can be done successfully if you are physically superhuman. I don’t regret my choice not to wait until after graduation to have my daughter, but I do wish we’d made some different choices as a family that would have made things easier for me. Most days I also regret choosing law school over a PhD for a lot of reasons, but I don’t think that would have been any more family-friendly than law school.
One last note: undergoing fertility treatment during grad school is especially brutal. I cried during class once because of the hormones and got caught and called into the professor’s office. Not fun.
Anon
I just want to give you a hug! That all sounds super hard. I also want to say that a PhD, in most fields, would not have been more family friendly than law school. Maybe during the actual school part it would be easier, but there is definitely still a motherhood penalty and it would have taken you longer to finish, which hurts you on the market, and if your spouse has a regular job, you will bear the brunt of childcare leaving you with less time to work as your job is always more flexible (I saw a LOT of friends go through this). Not even counting the fact that if you want to be an academic, you have to uproot your family multiple times even in a really good outcome!
OP, I think this really depends on your graduate program and why you want to do it. I don’t think you will physically, practically, or emotionally be able to work full time, and go to grad school, and have a kid (or even be pregnant, depending on how pregnancy affects you.) You will likely feel like you are not giving any of them enough time, and it will be very difficult. If it were me and I really wanted the grad degree, I’d see if I could swing quitting work and just go to school. But that really depends on your financial situation. Kids are a lot of work, and you won’t ever magically get more time to do your degree until they are maybe 14-15 (so I hear, my oldest is under 10). Only you can discern whether or not this graduate program is a must-do.
anon
I had a baby my third year of law school (on purpose) and it was great and I wish I had had two kids in law school. Because I had a timeline in mind when I started I planned my class schedule to the extent possible to facilitate a very light schedule for six weeks following the birth. It was hard (I had a complicated end-of-pregnancy and unusually difficult recovery) but it would have been hard no matter when I had the baby, and looking back I’m so glad I didn’t wait.
Anonymous
I got pregnant (on purpose) during the last semester of law school. Took the bar while hugely pregnant haha, then started my job a few months after my baby was born. It was hard, but I agree it would have been hard no matter when I had the baby.
Anon
Everyone is different, but don’t assume that you definitely won’t get pregnant quickly at 34 or that it will go any one way. I got pregnant on the first try every time at 34/35. Had two losses in there (hence the unpredictability), but if you would rather have a child after grad school, there is a very good chance you’ll get pregnant within six months.
Anon
There was a good best of both worlds podcast episode about someone who had a baby in medical school – I think it’s the may 3 2022 episode (there are some other similar ones in the archives). Good luck!
RiskedCredit
You have more time than you think.
Do not be me. Get your education first and then have babies. To accelerate this, consider starting to try to get pregnant in your last 7-8 months of your program.
anon
Baby #1 was born at the end of the first year of my PhD program. At my defense, I was massively pregnant and had a four year-old who climbed on my lap as the examiner were asking questions. Having a baby is always tough and I don’t think having one during grad school was any more difficult than at any other time.
Anon
I did this (kid born while in grad school and working full time). I second the advice that there is no magically good time to do this. Personally, I didn’t want to put my life on hold. My husband picked up a lot of slack, which was huge. One counterintuitive benefit was that I actually found that having classes that were interesting to me & feeling like I had a clear means to advancing my career helped me feel more like myself through the big transition of becoming a Mom. Whatever choice you make will be right got you. Good luck!
Anon
Start grad school! Truthfully, you probably can’t work full time and be in grad school and have a baby, but 1) you’ll figure it out when you get there and 2) at minimum you have at least a year before a baby arrives and 3) you never know about your fertility until after you have your kids.
Anonymous
*shakes fist at sky*
The Target for DVF return window was way shorter than the rest of Target stuff. Booo… (or maybe I’m just used to returning cat & jack basics?) stuck with like $300 worth of stuff I ordered”just to see”
Pompom
This adds work for you, but you can poshmark the $hi t outta that stuff.
Cat
Wasn’t that collab in March? I guess I’m anti spoiled, but used to return windows that are more like 2-4 weeks!
Anon
Target’s return policy is normally 90 days
Anonymous
A shorter window is probably a good thing. Sadly 90 days old fashion is for many retailers probably not going to be restocked when returned, but trashed.
A shorter window might mean they were going to restock and resell, and that they have a higher margin on these items.
Jamie
For the DVF collaboration it was 14 days. More if you had the Red card (don’t remember the exact date-30 days? 60 days?) That fact needs to be more widely posted! Sorry you’re stuck. Good luck if you sell items.