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Weekend Open Thread: Ann Taylor

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black tee with lace trim

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I think this Ann Taylor tee is a pretty top, and an easy way to add some polish to your weekend outfits.

Lace trim tops are actually trending right now — I noticed one over at WHBM a few days ago, Gap has a square-necked one, and it looks like Nordstrom has options from Madewell, Michael Stars (l/s), Generation Love, and a slightly fancier option from Boss. (Actually, it looks like Ann Taylor has a lot of iterations of the lace trim tee also.) (Much fancier, but this top from A.L.C. is gorgeous — and on sale!)

Of all those, though, this Ann Taylor one is among my favorites — I like the wide lace, the slightly longer sleeves, and the fact that it isn't ribbed (for some reason, the lace trim ribbed tees look more like jammies?).

It was $64.50, but is now marked to $45; it comes in the navy pictured as well as a bright white in sizes XXS-XXL.

(And Google just showed me this all-lace one from Z Supply at Evereve.. also nice!)

Sales of note for 4/24:

175 Comments

    2. I haven’t seen it yet so I can’t recommend, but I am planning to watch The Secret Agent tonight now that it’s finally streaming.

      1. Yeah, I haven’t seen it either, but The Secret Agent, It Was Just an Accident, and Hamnet all just went to streaming (Hulu and Peacock) so I plan to watch them before the Oscars next weekend. Other nominees I have seen and liked were Bugonia, Train Dreams, and Sinners.

    4. It’s not so current, but Past Lives is great to watch alone for a quiet night

    5. I prefer to watch old, light favorites for this purpose. Something like Center Stage would be fun.

      1. I love that movie so much.

        If you want something light and silly, Down With Love and Heartbreakers are so fun.

  2. I was asking about the redness for my pale, blonde daughter yesterday and readers suggested it might be rosascea — I had my yearly derm checkup today so I asked about it and wound up scheduling an appointment for my daughter. Has anyone done V-Beam treatments for it? Thoughts on it? The quote was $330 for the laser but it might take 3 sessions and need yearly touch-ups?

    1. Rosacea-prone person, here. I would get the condition under control with topicals first before moving onto other types of treatment.

      1. does it matter that her skin is (for the moment) clear? not a lot of acne (yet)

        1. There are rosacea specific topicals (not the ones used for acne) that can help. And insurance often covers them, which is nice.

          I personally would give treatment a chance and see how her skin is looking. If she still needs V-Beam, then you know it’s an option. But the right treatment may make it unnecessary.

      2. +1. V-beam will help with broken capillaries/redness (and yes, will likely have to be done multiple times in her life) but controlling the flares first is the priority.
        If she’s reluctant to take an oral med, sulfur ointment (de la cruz) or a sulfur face wash has been very effective for me. I would also make sure she’s not using anything with SLS in it (face wash, toothpaste), swap to ‘free and clear’ detergent, and basically stick to simple moisturizers/makeup. The vanicream moisturizer is a godsend. I also find using differin daily cuts down quite a lot on flares, though I scale back to 3-4x weekly in the winter.

      3. Agree. Try gentler treatments first.

        I have had pale, ruddy skin my whole life. Never really had acne issues, but as I got older the redness and flushing became more pronounced and embarrassing. I finally saw a derm in my early 40s, they prescribed a couple of different creams until we found one that works, and it is basically a non-issue now. I only had to use the cream regularly for a few months. The one-month tube is expensive but has so far lasted me about 6 months, with three of those months seeing twice daily use. The first week was a little rough so I used it every other day, then it got dramatically better and I was able to use it twice a day for very quick and delightful results.

        A lot of people suggest Vanicream as a “lightweight” daily moisturizer that doesn’t irritate rosacea-prone skin. I do use it very sparingly in the depths of winter when my skin is so dry it hurts, but it’s honestly still too heavy for me as a daily driver. While it doesn’t cause a rosacea flare, it does make me feel greasy and if I use it more than a couple of days in a row my pores become disgruntled. My compounded rosacea triple cream is less gloppy.

        1. I like Aveeno Calm and Restore Redness Relief Cream as a daily moisturizer. It’s slightly thick but not at all greasy.

    2. My dermatologist prescribed Ivermectin cream (brand name Soolantra), which has to be made by a compounding pharmacy. It works very well. Without insurance it’s expensive, but with it’s about $20.

  3. morbid question – when do you think they will call the Nancy Guthrie investigation? Can you see Savannah returning to TV after, either soon or ever?

      1. I think she came back to see her coworkers, but I do think she plans to return. They’ve most likely accepted their mom is dead but also in the terrible place where they also may never really know. Like any missing person case, they have to figure out how to continue to live with the unknown and that for now requires going back to work.

        She may eventually channel her grief into something like John Walsh did and raise awareness about missing person cases.

    2. I don’t know how I wouldn’t turn into a zombie, going around door to door in Tucson, asking if I could please have a look around with a flashlight. I would just be unhinged. I can’t imagine what she must have been going through, especially initially. I agree that she must know the result but I’d still have a million questions. It’s so shocking how life has to go on with this being unresolved.

      1. Sadly there are thousands of women and girls that disappear in the US every year. And you rarely hear about them.

    3. Many people would have had to go back to work by now, either to pay the bills or retain their jobs. I’m glad Savannah can probably take as much time as she needs & I hope she does. I might go mad without work to distract me, but I wouldn’t have the public watching my every move. All this to say I wouldn’t judge her either way if she returns soon or doesn’t come back at all.

  4. How do you decide whether it is worth it to get something tailored? I bought a beautiful Boss wool dress, but it will need a few alterations: raising the shoulders, nipping the waist a bit, and possibly hemming. The dress (on sale) was $300, which is the most I’ve spent on an article of clothing other than my wedding dress. I live in a HCOL area, so I’m assuming tailoring won’t be cheap

    1. I’d be prepared for a $200 tailoring bill for what you described and no guarantee a tailor can do it – the shoulder bit is tough.

      1. It depends on the seaming. I take almost all of my dresses up in the shoulder, and as long as there is a horizontal seam in the shoulder and the arms aren’t too inset it works fine.
        Just as an FYI – knits are almost impossible to tailor so I avoid anything jersey unless it already fits almost perfectly.

      2. i have never had anything altered other than a hem and been happy with it. the dress doesn’t fit you. return it.

    2. If you ever travel to India, Hong Kong, or other Asian countries and have a trip planned this year, you may want to give it to a tailor there, tailoring is much more reasonably priced than in the US and more commonly used by everyone.

    3. It took a while but I found a great dressmaker in town who also does tailoring. In my Boston suburb all of that would be about $120 cash.

      1. I live near you – can I get your recommended tailor/dressmaker? I’ll trade you my favorite cobbler :)

    4. Get it tailored. You won’t regret it and you will feel awesome every time you put it on.

      2. This. If the quality is decent, get it tailored otherwise you just threw 300 bucks away.

  5. Ladies, as Senior Attorney says, I Did the Thing!
    I am the poster from yesterday and I went ahead and told Company A that I will not be joining with them on Monday. What a relief! Thanks for all your help, moral support, and coaching!
    Now to enjoy my last “free” week in between jobs with a cozy novel at hand in bed, while I recover from my cold. To others who are in job-search mode: good luck to you! You will find something worthy!

  6. A low-stakes WWYD for ya’ll. DH and I had planned on going to a wedding together this weekend. For Reasons, he is going to be staying home with one of our kids. The other kid will be coming with me.

    Without another adult driver, I’m wondering if I should try to spend the night in the town where the reception is being held. It’s a little over three hours from our house to the ceremony, then a one-hour drive to the reception. The drive home is 2-2.5 hours on rural highways. I am a comfortable driver, but I haven’t done a long distance drive on my own in awhile. Plus, that is a lot of driving after dark after a full day of activity. Do I make sure to load up on caffeine, leave the reception by 8 or 8:30, and drive home? Or does staying over make more sense? (Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about just driving home the same night. Weird how things change.)

    1. I would definitely stay over, but I’m allergic to long drives and there is no time in my life that I would have done 6 hours round trip in a single half-day.

      1. Yeah, I would be getting a hotel room even if I didn’t have kids in this scenario.

    2. I would stay over for sure. Not sure how old your kids are, but leaving a reception at 8 pm is quite early. At a recent family wedding, I’m not sure we had been served dinner at 8 pm, and all the kids in our immediate group (ages 5-10) partied until at least 10 pm.

    3. DH & I would stay over even with two adult drivers. 8 is really early to leave a reception; at many that’s just when dinner is coming out.

    4. I’d stay over. At least in our area, night drives on rural highways get the added bonus of someone needs to watch for deer.

    5. Stay over, it will be much more pleasant and also safer.

      In my area, Saturday night on country roads can be quite dangerous this season. Deer, drunk truck drivers…

    6. I would definitely stay. Personally, I’d pick a pretty basic hotel meant just for sleeping but it would be more than worth it to enjoy the reception and not have the discomfort of driving so much in a day, esp. after the party. And it has nothing to do with being solo or night driving. I just don’t see why you’d make the trip so much worse by leaving and driving that night.

    8. +1 stay over, make a night of it with your kid if you still have energy to go to hotel pool if they’re young or watch a movie if they’re older

      1. This is an underrated comment – your kid will probably be so delighted to have some solo time with you around an already-special event! Stay over, have breakfast together, and enjoy the quality time.

        1. +2 – I’d pick better than a basic hotel for this alone and spend all Sunday there at the pool.

    9. Definitely get a hotel! 2.5 hours is a long drive home period, but even worse if you drove there the same day. The longest I’ve driven home from a wedding is 90 minutes and it taught me that 1 hour is my max going forward.

    10. I’d stay unless the Reasons your DH is staying home with one of the kids mean it would be better to have both of you home overnight.

    11. I don’t mind long drives at all — and I define long as 8 hours or longer. Even so, I absolutely wouldn’t do this all in one day, because I wouldn’t enjoy the wedding at all knowing I had a 2.5 hour drive ahead of me before the night was over. It would just be so much more fun not to push it like that.

  7. How do you handle tipping when the salon owner is cutting your hair? I do always tip her because I didn’t know she was the owner at first and then because I wasn’t sure and figured to err on the side of paying her! I think her rate is higher than the other stylists but the place I go mostly seems to focus on color and extensions, so she’s mostly the only person I see cutting hair there and definitely most experienced. I figure if she doesn’t want it, she’ll contribute to the general pot? Is it outdated to not tip the salon owner?

    1. I don’t. Have been seeing her for almost 30 years and she always seems happy to see me!

    2. I’ve been wondering the same. My stylist is the owner and I’ve been still tipping her around 15-20%. It feels weird NOT to, but I never know for sure!

    3. I’d still tip unless she charges significantly more than other stylists. I interpret “don’t tip the owner” to mean don’t tip someone who sets their prices completely independently. If she doesn’t charge more than her most senior stylist plus their tip it means she’s pricing herself like another staff member.

    5. I think the salon owner/no tip rule is outdated and dumb. I generously tip my stylist who owns the salon and always get in when I need to. That alone is worth it.

    6. The lady I go to owns the salon and I always tip her well. She’s the only one there (and few in my area) who cut my curly hair the way I like it. She happens to be the owner but that doesn’t change how I pay her.

  8. I was at a meeting the other day with some people I’ve known for a long time, and sitting across the table from them, I noticed that several of the women had gone from blonde to gray and I hadn’t even noticed! So now I have a bee in my bonnet about giving up the every-three-weeks-at-the-salon grind and going gray myself.

    Question: Is there any way to do it without enduring the skunk stripe for months? My hair is about chin length and I’ve been coloring it for so long that I don’t even really know how gray it is. It’s colored a pretty light shade of blonde but the gray/white roots still show when I’m due for a touch-up. I let it go gray about 20 years ago and I went back to dying because it wasn’t gray enough, if you know what I mean. I suspect by now it’s probably pretty much all light silver. Is there a way to do a demi-permanent that can just wash or fade out when it’s grown out enough?

    How did you former dyers take the plunge?

    1. I feel like I’ve seen more insta videos where people start using a demi permanent dye instead to minimize the line. But I don’t know what that does to the existing dyed part, if that makes sense. Listening with interest. I’m a brunette who isn’t ready to go totally gray, but I wish I had a gentler grow-out happening. The line from permanent dye is so real.

      1. COVID made the decision for me; by the time salons reopened I had a good two inches of grey root going. Since I was WFH, it was easier to endure the awkward phases.

        That said, the grey I ended up having wasn’t grey enough and wasn’t particularly flattering. I’m coloring again and I’ll try again when I’m older. My mom’s grey is pretty and that’s the color I aspire to.

        One tip: if you’re not a makeup wearer, you’ll probably need to start. At least lip color. The grey hair really washed me out.

    2. I would not DIY this even if I’d been DIYing the color before growing it out. Demi-permanent will not wash or fade all the way out. I would ask your colorist–they will probably have ideas involving highlights and lowlights and/or a gradual transition from blonde to gray at the roots.

      1. Oh, I would never dream of DIY-ing! I will definitely ask my colorist. Thanks.

        1. Sorry, I assumed that you were asking here because you intended to DIY with drugstore demi-permanent!

    3. You can get some very fine gray “highlights” to blend from the top and help break up the line. I am contemplating going with my gray and my stylist and I also talked about having her strip the current color, deep condition, and go in with some very natural looking balayage several times, over time.

      I’ve had color stripped from my hair before and if you do this I’d suggest having a tub of Oribe hair mask in your bathroom and giving your hair a weekly 12-15 minute soak in gobs of it.

    4. I used the sprays/powders to get me until about 1.5 inches, then just kind of let it be. At 8 months we did 10 lowlights that helped with the blending so the line wasn’t as stark, and since then I just keep trimming up. My hair was dark brown though and does not take dye well, so demi permanent was not an option. I’ve just been very vocal about it so people know its on purpose. I get compliments every single day. “a year to the ear” was true for me.

    5. tell the ladies their hair looks fabulous, who do they see? and if they want they’ll gush about their colorist.

    6. If it’s just the salon visit, I’d frankly do blonde at home before going gray unless you really want to be gray for the look. In that case, I’d work with my stylist to do the highlight transition thing.

    7. You will absolutely regret this. Have been following your style here for years and you are not a grey hair girlie.

      1. Haha, well there’s that. I’m still on the fence. Thanks for the perspective!

        1. No shortage od cool and stylish grey haired women out there! It was worth the plunge for me.

    8. The common hairdresser is to grow it out while still highlighting to blend it. But that just makes the grow out process take longer. I did Clairol root touch up at home to get me as far into the grow out as I could. And then instead switched to a purple shampoo to tone down my dyed hair to blend with the grey growing in. That got me to where I could do a lob and trim the dyed hair out. Ignore the hater who thinks you need to be blonde. My grey hair is much healthier and shinier than my dyed hair was.

  9. Kind of a vague update but an update nonetheless – I had participated in threads here for literally years about whether or not to have kids and I started at least one myself. I was especially interested in threads on maintaining hobbies and interests as a mom (anyone remember the one about the husband golfing all day)? We ended up deciding to have one (just one) and result? I love being a mom. I don’t wish I had become one sooner because I think I needed to be in the mental place I am now to really be ready for it (and luckily we did not have problems trying to get pregnant), but I’m so glad we did this. It has not been easy but the hard parts are not torture as many people made it seem like they would be. It’s like any other challenge – you dread it more in advance and then when you’re it, you put one foot in front of the other and get through. I have no regrets.

    Would love to hear anyone else’s updates, big or small!

    2. That’s amazing!

      I’ve always wanted kids but I’ve never liked babies. I thought the 0-4 years were something to be survived. My baby is 6 months old and I like him so much! (I love him too, but liking him was a surprise). He’s so funny. It’s cool to get to see him learn things. I have so many, I didn’t know you could do that!, moments. He’s laugh is the best sound in the world. The way his face lights up when he sees me melts my heart. I haven’t slept for over a year (couldn’t sleep while pg) but it’s worth it.

    3. I’d posted years ago about having decided that we didn’t want kids enough to go to the lengths of IVF for them (after ‘trying’ for a year and then doing IUI). I therefore was in a really weird place when people (mostly nosy relatives) nagged us about kids. Like, we hadn’t tried SO hard that I felt like I was justified to put them in their place about the hurtful comment, and we hadn’t been SO determined to be childfree that I could just brush it off.

      Thankfully, now in our mid 40s and people have figured out to stop asking, so we’re now just enjoying our “fully made peace with the decision” childfree life. We’re starting to think about aging and how to set up our lives to not burden our niblings with elder care someday, which is its own set of weird, but glad to be on the other side of BabyWatch.

    4. I have three kids and I’m not really a baby/little kid person. Mine are 7, 8 and 10 right now and it is SO fun. They’re old enough to play games and cards, tell a solid joke, travel like pros, and be pretty self sufficient when needed. If I could freeze time, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

    5. I mean I’m happy for you but take umbrage at your negating other people’s experience. For some, it is really that hard and undesirable. I’m glad you’re happy with your choice but don’t become one of those people who thinks it’s the only right option.

    6. I love this update! I’m a fellow one and done by choice mom and have commented on some of these threads that one kid is pretty different from 2 or more and for us was a really good middle ground. I feel similarly to you – I love being a mom more than I ever anticipated, but I also don’t wish I’d done it earlier because I needed that DINK time in my 20s and early 30s and was really ready when we finally had a kid, which I believe has made me a much happier mom.

  10. Barcelona reqs! Just booked tickets for myself, my sister & two college aged nieces for a week in June. Any recommendations for places to stay – maybe something more like an apartment hotel? Things we should do beyond the typical gaudi things like park guell & sagrada familia? A good beach to hang out at for a day?

    1. Sitges is one hour away and a super nice beach town, I would do that over any city beach.

      To give you more recs: what do you enjoy doing during your holidays?

      Please stay in a hotel, not Airbnb and such. It is destroying the city. I live in Barcelona, I am from here. Will try to write back over the weekend with more recs.

      1. thanks, will look into sitges! definitely not looking for airbnb, but if I could find some sort of aparthotel or corporate apartment with a small kitchenette, I’d be thrilled. the group is not so much into museums, but any sort of neighborhoods to wander or experiences would be grand.

    2. Go see and listen to the Magoc Fountain of Montjuic (check hours online) on a warm Spanish evening. Pay it forward by recommending to ofhers after :)
      Add Casa Batllo to the other two on your Gaudi list. It is enchanting and brings up a different view into his work.
      Go with the furnicular up Montjuic on a sunny afternoon to explore the park and castle and get amazing views of the city and harbor.
      Explore Boqueria market and eat some street food there. Or find one of the small, authentic restaurants hidden in the back streets around there for great food free of toursits.

  11. I need a new career. I’m 12 years into a career in banking (compliance). Not a lawyer, and don’t want to be. Not smart enough to go into healthcare (and can’t handle the sight of blood). At this point, I am so unhappy and bored, I am open to any and all career options, regardless of the pay. I currently make $175k and would gladly cut that in half if it meant I would love what I do, or just simply not hate it. What are some out of the box career options I may not have considered? And yes, I’m willing to go back to school (not willing to own my own business).

    1. do you have a BS or BA undergrad? If a BS I would consider things like speech therapy or occupational therapy — growing fields and they both seem really interesting. (I see it as mom to a ND child but there’s the geriatric end of this also I think.)

    2. Banking sucks. Just left the broker dealer industry and really enjoying my new industry.

      My skills were easily transferable because accounting and finance is in every company. A lot of compliance skills fit neatly with HR. Have you considered that as an option?

        1. Tech focused advertising. It’s wild but very interesting.

          I was scared to move but I’ve not lost anything.

      2. HR seems to be universally undervalued, perhaps because it is dominated by women and minorities. Many aspects of it involve being in the middle of conflict, so it can be high stress. I am HR adjacent and do not recommend.

    3. I think you will find there is plenty of room for dumb people in healthcare administration.

      That being said — I’d be a registered dietitian if I could go back and be anything.

    4. What do you like? What do you want to avoid? It’s really hard to offer career paths with no sense of what you might enjoy.

    5. Out of the box jobs you may not have considered – and may not be interested in – but what the heck I just wrote all this out and might as well post. 🤣

      Construction project management. Think like general or mechanical or even electrical/control contractors who build wastewater and water treatment systems. Or even a subcontractor that is under – like a controls or electrical.

      You may think you need special engineering education or experience – you don’t necessarily. I think most people in my industry fall into it somehow by knowing someone who’s already in it. Willingness to learn, high level of communication skills and attention to allllll the details will get you really far. It’s a lot of reading details, comprehending them, being able to weed through big docs to find your pertinent sections, and then working with people to accomplish the design. You must be able to read/comprehend a lot of details and work with people really well. You’re not the person who does the work, you’re the person who makes sure the person who does the work has what they need, when they need it, the time to do it, and gets it all approved and coordinated with the stakeholders. You are the person who gets the questions answered. You don’t necessarily know the answers, but you take the questions and track down the answer and communicate it back in an actionable way.

      I have done this position for years and I now hire for this type of position and if I waited for someone who had the specific education background i would be waiting forever. My BS is in a totally unrelated liberal arts degree. Almost no one goes to school for it, they all fall in some other way.

      (Yes people go to school for environmental engineering. That’s maybe 1/8 of the people in the industry who actually get the projects done).

      It’s never boring. Lots of relationships and managing stakeholders, vendors, and internal teams while managing all the timelines. You become a random de facto expert on the supply chain and all the things that affect it because your project equipment comes from everywhere and world events can have super practical consequences. You’d maybe start out as an assistant project manager and get some experience with the type of project the firm does before moving into managing your own projects. And then if you’re good at it, you keep managing bigger and more complex projects. You could definitely end up bidding the projects too, which can be it’s one crazy roller coaster.

      It’s important work, while being able to be skilled and make good money. Don’t try to work for the government directly, but think working for the contractors that do the projects.

      Related your compliance background, also may be able to move into a funding position with engineering firms who are focused in water/wastewater treatment. Think working with municipalities and cities to apply for and manage grant and public loan funding from the EPA, USDA, etc. for specific projects. You would be working for a range of municipalities and projects, and getting to navigate changing requirements over time (AIS, now BABA, etc).

      Or not! :) fwiw I think there’s so many random really specific fields like this that no one knows or thinks about until they happen to look for it or know someone and it’s this whole world of its own with tons of professional opportunities no one considers because they don’t even know the jobs exists.

      1. Do you work in the US? I work in the same industry and everyone has a related degree. If you are not engineer your have chemistry degree.

        1. Yep sure do, midwest state. Are you sure you’re talking about contractors? Not engineers. I’m also talking about general and mechanical contractors that are pretty regional, not national big contractor/equipment manufacturers like Siemens or Xylem, etc.

          1. Yes, I speak about contractors but regional/national/international ones. It seems your league is pretty local.

  12. Alpine Dating….i just read the article linked in the ‘in the news’ update.

    Who the heck is going hiking in the wilderness with a random person you have met from the internet in the first 12 months of meeting them? It might be why I’m single but the most wilderness a guy I date is going to get me in the first 12 months of dating is nyc Central Park.

    Also why does no one do background checks on these dating sites? I’m shocked none of these online sites do a detailed criminal background check that shows everything both arrests, bookings and convictions.

    1. Bestie, people MARRY people they meet off the internet in less than 12 months. You are saying “no woods” until then …why?

      2. Yeah, lololololol I married my husband 6 months after I met him off the internet. I’m still alive and we hike all the time.

      3. OP here. Yeah that would probably not be me!

        I grew up in a place where my grandparents knew the grandparents of my friends at school. The new family to the village had lived there for 20 years. I moved away and things are very different now.

        I do date differently. My ex husband wanted to date me for a year before I accepted. I wanted to get to know him first. I liked him but didn’t know him and wanted to get to know him first as a friend and then explore if a romantic connection was there.

        Now I’m single again, I have had a few men interested and I’ve followed the same pattern of getting to know them first and then dating. All 3 revealed something in the first 6 months of friendship which allowed me to see they were best kept as friends. I’ve gone hiking with them as part of a larger group but I would never go just the two of us together.

        1. The whole point of dating IS getting to know someone though. I’m very confused by your stance.

          1. Not the OP, but people are just different. Plenty of people don’t want to date strangers. Maybe it helps to distinguish just seeing someone socially from more of a committed, exclusive relationship, but it probably depends on how somebody’s entire social circle works!

    3. I met the guy I dated for most of my 20s on a backpacking trip. He had extra back country permits because some friends canceled on him, so he invited my friend who invited me (there were 4 of us on the trip). It’s a great way to get to get to know people and do something fun.

    4. First 12 months? What happens at 12 months that suddenly changes for you, where they stop being “a random person you have met from the internet” to a friend? Are they still random at 9 months, or 6, or 3?

      And dating sites don’t do background checks because it’s not their job. If you want to do a background check on the people you meet, you can pay for it.

      I get being careful, and we all have our own boundaries. But this sounds a little unhinged.

      1. I think it’s reasonable to ask why we’re paying for dating sites that don’t do the bare minimum that HR would do for a lot of jobs that are lower liability than a date(!).

        2. No, it’s really not. Dating sites are just aggregators — there is no responsibility for who uses them.

          1. It’s okay if there’s a market for a different service, and also okay if we don’t choose to spend time or money on services we find inadequate.

        3. OP here. Thank you for agreeing with me on the background check. My ex husband left our child in the car when she was under 2. He was arrested but not charged. Our child was severely dehydrated and had a drip to rehydrate.

          His previous girlfriend left her young child with him. Thankfully my teenage daughter told her. The men I’ve gotten to know, one had a DUI from less than 10 years ago. There is zero excuse for someone in their 40s to have an arrest for a DUI. Take an uber. If that’s your decision making ability, I don’t want to be one of that man’s choices.

          1. All fair. But it’s not dating sites’ responsibility to do background checks. It’s up to you do manage the level of safety and information you require.

          2. It would make a lot of sense for dating sites to do background checks, just from an efficiency perspective!

    5. Widlerness camping twelve days after meeting seems a bit aggressive if a total stranger and you haven’t gotten to know them or have any real background on them.

      Twelve months? What haven’t you figured out yet that you still need to discern before going camping together? What is your approved timeline for doing that?

      1. Probably after 2-3 years together. I’d go in a group with others that I know but just not 1-1.

          1. Okay, but they probably cannot get away with it just as easily. And the motivation/impulse/profile seems to be different.

    6. I met my husband online. Our first date was at a winery, our second and third dates were hikes. Granted they were both popular trails, since he was new to the area and I was happy to show him some local highlights, but I’m just not the kind of person who’s willing to constrain my life by living in fear of the worst case scenario.

    7. I recently learned the term “Alpine Divorce” … now that’s some truly wild stuff!

    8. Mmm, I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t comfortable with as a backcountry partner (can we talk about goals and risk tolerance openly; are we attentive to each other’s well being and recognize early signs of impairment due to fatigue/hypothermia/altitude, how do we communicate when tired & hungry etc). But it’s the same for a backcountry partner I’m not romantically involved with!

  13. My work bestie’s twins are getting confirmed or communion at their Catholic church next month. Other than blood family, I am the only one invited- the kiddos call me “auntie.” Google tells me there are traditionally gifts after this, so I asked my friend for gift ideas. After she said “nothing” a couple times, she said no Bibles or white clothes, but each kid could pick where to hang a cross in their room/ closet. The twins are 9. Boy loves animals, dinosaurs, Boy Scout camping trips. Girl loves building things, tennis, drawing houses and buildings. I googled but am overwhemled by options and also if there is something else I should give. I do not know appropriate total budget – $50-75/kid? Looking for both wall cross help and also any other suggestions. I usually give them board games for Christmas.

    1. Nine year olds are usually making their first communion. Honestly, my kids were delighted by cash gifts, so if you’re okay with that, it’ll land well. Otherwise, maybe order a book about saints (they’ll need to pick one for confirmation in a few years). From a wall cross perspective, usually Catholics will hang a crucifix with the body on it, instead of a basic cross. A rosary would also be a perfectly lovely gift. Many cities will have an in person Catholic gift shop, so it might be easier to find one than the online search for something appropriate.

      1. Many Catholics (like me) have crosses but not crucifixes in kids bedrooms. We have crucifixes elsewhere in the house but not in their rooms. I like a pewter cross for durability and there are many first communion themed crosses.

    2. To answer your question: I’d say $50 per kid is plenty. And to offer ideas: What about a zoo or animal sanctuary membership, if that’s an option? Art supplies for the girl? Lego sets are often a huge hit at that age and you can get really cool ones.

    3. It sounds like your friend is saying no gifts necessary (and maybe the kid already has “typical Catholic things” like a Bible, etc), or perhaps wants to deemphasize gifts re: the Sacraments, and at least in my world it would be totally normal to take the first “nothing” at face value. I think my parents and my sponsor gave me a (religious) gift at Confirmation, but no one else.

      That said- if the kids are getting confirmed (some places do this at the same time as First Communion, around age 9), then they’ll have picked a confirmation saint/name, and something related to that name (a medallion or a print of a picture of a saint) would be a traditional gift.

      To be totally honest, if you are going as Auntie, and are not actively Catholic yourself though, I wouldn’t try to pick out a religious book – too hard to know if you’re matching what your friend practices.

    4. Skip the religious gifts like bibles -with twins, they likely have plenty. For Crosses, you might look at some famous place (cathedral?) that has a gift shop nearby. I’m in Baltimore, so there is a lot here, as well as NYC. I was going to say shop online at a place like Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona AZ but it looks like online sales is not that much of a thing. I’m not into crosses but found a beautiful one there when visiting. Kids love their names, sometimes they have saint coins or name cards with a verse. Saint Francis is associated with animals, there is likely a patron saint for architects and engineers. Happy gift hunting

  14. I am finally hitting my stride in private practice- moving from huge spikes and valleys in workflow, to consistently more than I can handle for the last year. One of our new hires for fall is planning to have me as her primary source of work. I am really excited but also aware that I could use some delegation and scaling coaching. I’ve never been the one to fill someone’s plate consistently so I am hoping if I can slowly but surely get some structure in place in the next 6 months, I will be ready to welcome her and not just “good luck” mad swings from firehose busy to desperately bored, which it seems like a lot of our associates go through. I currently delegate a handful of hours a year (maybe 300 total) to 3-4 associates but they all hate the area of law (lots of math) and the incoming hire did a lot for me as a clerk so should know it’s a lot of math. Any suggestions, things to avoid, etc. appreciated!

    1. As you are working, think through what projects provided good samples, and give her a list of those when she is starting a project. Then you can tell her that for client X we did an opinion letter that is a really good example of what that should look like.

      1. +1000

        also-
        -before you start working on something, ask yourself what you can delegate, and do that first. Gives everyone the max possible time on their part, and gets stuff off your plate quicker.
        -invite associates to join calls with clients, even if they’re not in a speaking role, so they can hear the thought process behind whatever it is. Let them bill their time for this even if you have to write it off.
        -rather than marking up a document yourself, give an associate your comments on it, and let them run with how to execute. This is also where having a running list of good samples will be invaluable – you can say ‘mark this up so it’s more like the X project version.’

  15. House purging questions:

    How many sets of placemats do you have?

    How many art supplies do you keep that are only occasionally used? Does paint have a use-by date as a concept (not for fine art, just as a hobby)?

    OTOH, what is a home but a receptacle for the stuff of your life?

    1. placemats – zero. Living dangerously here.

      Hobby supplies that are seldom used – does half a junk-drawerful of stuff I used regularly in school (colored-pencil highlighters, fancy tabs, extra staples…) count? I probably haven’t opened those baggies in 18 years and yet they’re familiar friends in the drawer.

    2. 0

      I have two 10-drawer carts of art supplies that are infrequently used. About 1’ wide and 3-4’ tall.

    3. I’m going to bypass your question and say . . . it doesn’t matter? It sounds like you have more than you think you need and are wondering what is normal and what you can/should get rid of. But your life is different from mine. I have one little box of art supplies, because I’m not much of an artist. Someone else would have two giant tubs. I have one set of placemats, that I never use. Someone else, who uses them a lot or loooooooves them, might have a dozen sets.

      What matters more is . . . how much room do you have for art supplies and table linens? Are your closets or drawers overflowing? Are you having to shove stuff around to find space? Do you avoid putting things away because you don’t have a place to put it? Do you have stuff sitting around everywhere and get overwhelmed by it?Then you need to get rid of stuff. If you have the space, you can keep whatever you want, and however much of it you want. Your house.

      My personal rules are . . . nothing piled/stored on the floor or on flat surfaces. Plenty of room on shelves so that I can easily set stuff down without stuffing, cramming, or tetrising to find room. Plenty of room in the closet so that I can see the clothes I have and find something to wear and its easy to put laundry away. If I meet those guidelines, then I can keep whatever I want even if someone else wouldn’t own the same things.

      You may have a higher tolerance for STUFF, and therefore don’t need as much open space in drawers, closets, or shelves in order to easily handle your stuff. So you’d keep more on a shelf than I would. But even then . . . you don’t want to have more than your shelves / drawers/ closets / storage areas can hold and still be usable.

      1. It matters because we are human and like to compare ourselves to others. I once read that the average American woman has 23 pairs of shoes. That is a little more than fits in my closet but the number helped me decide to get rid of a few and determine what I needed in each category. Now that I am older and WFH, I have more sneakers than pumps but still look at the 20-25 number when ditching or buying. One influence on IG said she had one towel and the internet flamed her. We have 8 for two people and that is enough tl always a few clean ones for guests.

    4. 0.

      Plenty but I have kids.

      A house is a place for peace, and clutter doesn’t bring me peace.

    6. We have two sets of placemats — one for everyday use, and one for “fancy” use. I like placemants, but YMMV. I have two shelves of art supplies, and I desperately want to purge them. As far as paint goes, if its not dried out, then it’s use-able.

    7. I have zero placemats. I do have tablecloths, and I use them.
      I have loads of craft and art supplies. I regularly declutter and donate yarn, fabrics and art supplies that I know I will never get to, to a local charity thrift store.

      I’m not a minimalist, but I don’t want to fight with my stuff for space for living.

    8. I don’t like placemats so we have none.

      Paint…I know I have some little bottles of acrylic craft paint that moved with us over 20 years ago. They are all in one plastic shoe box with the watercolors and brushes, and I only throw them out if I notice the bottle has dried up, if it has separated and won’t mix with a good shaking, or if it won’t dry properly upon use.

    9. Tons of tablecloths and placemats. They are all in good condition and get rotated in through the year.

  16. Question for the lawyers: my niece just finished college and wants to work for a few years in some legal-adjacent job before applying to law school. How do college grads find these kinds of jobs now? (My experience of this is decades old.)

    2. Find the thirty largest law firms in the city and check their websites for “clerk” or “case clerk” positions. Not all firms have them, but many do. And a lot of kids get jobs of this nature by knowing a lawyer at the firm, probably through a parent. Is her college in the area where she wants to work? Career services may be able to help

    3. Admin type job at the legal department of your state, county, or town government. A friend’s son got a job at the DoJ, but you’d need to live in the DC area probably.

    4. US DOJ Antitrust Division has an honors paralegal program that is a typical feeder to law school. YMMV with the current administration cuts.

  17. How early did you see signs of dementia in a parent? What were the first signs that you really worried about, and what (looking back) had been going on a while?

    1. When she went out for dinner with her hair looking like a rats nest. She’d always been very well groomed before. At that point, her husband had noticed that she was slipping but he was in a bit of denial about it.

    2. Grandmother, so possibly different than a parent but we saw her often. The lapses in short term memory were the first clear sign. She’d ask where we were going to dinner multiple times on a ~20 minute drive to dinner. I can’t say we really saw any signs before that. She’d started writing down important info a few years before but plenty of older people do that without developing dementia. No personality changes or hostility at that stage — that all came much later.

    3. My MIL lived in a different city a plane flight away, and we went to visit her and accompanied her to a doctor’s appointment. The security guard at the parking structure pulled us aside to tell us that a couple of weeks before, when she had come to that same location for an appointment with the same doctor, she had forgotten where she parked her car and he helped her wander through the lot until she found it. That this man remembered and took the trouble to tell us about it was a big red flag and a great kindness on his part. It wasn’t just forgetting where she parked but the degree of her confusion that struck him. She had also told us over the phone that she had gotten lost driving home from places she had driven to many times.

  18. Can anyone recommend an online travel agent they’ve used? Ideally with a focus on the Caribbean. I have a husband and two teens and everyone is just so picky. All I want is to book a lovely trip for April before my oldest goes to college in the fall. Unfortunately I’m in analysis paralysis and need someone else to help me plan this before I go crazy.

    1. I’m an online TA with a focus on Caribbean beach resorts! I don’t charge any fees for researching & booking this kind of trip. I’m not sure I’m supposed to advertise here, but if you want to post a burner email I can reach out.

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