ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 174 Comments

Coffee Break: Straw Covered Buckle Slingback Flats

hot pink Straw Covered Buckle Slingback Flats from Ann Taylor

If you're hunting for a new pair of flats, these ones from Ann Taylor look like they would be an absolutely adorable pop of color — and I love the added texture from the straw. I think these would look amazing with a monotone outfit (all white, all black, all gray… and pink shoes!) and you could even do a subtle “outfit sandwich” by adding a lipstick in the same color.

The shoes are $148 and an online exclusive, available in most sizes 5-11.

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

174 Comments

  1. Anyone have a therapist recommendation in SF Bay Area? I have been unhappy for a while but have delayed seeking help, in large part because the prospect of finding a therapist that is a fit is daunting. I am so tired of waking up with a heavy heart and carrying it around all day, I need some relief from this. It is also impacting other areas of my life – I can’t tell if I am unhappy with my job or if my life unhappiness is leaking through. I am considering hiring a career/executive coach but wondering if I would be able to truly benefit from this if I have unresolved life issues. If anyone has experience dealing with similar, please share what worked best for you. Thank you!

    2. Rula is a really easy to use platform and connects you with a therapist quickly. I found it a huge relief since reaching out to individual offices was exhausting. They take basically all insurance and will give you a few options to choose from who have availability that works for you. I had a couple of not-good therapists, but then found my absolute favorite therapist through their platform who changed my life, so you may have to be selective/choose carefully.

    4. Adina Klein in Menlo Park. I see her remotely but that I’m not sure she offers that off the bat. She is really great at career stuff and especially Silicon Valley career stuff.

  2. It looks like we’re finally getting a dog, most likely a cavapoo. What should I know? The breeder is near my MIL so we may be coming home from vacation with this pup — what should I have at the house for when we return? Dog bed? All the old towels we’ve been saving? A really cute collar or leash? I’m hoping the electric fence can wait for a bit.

    1. Yes, plus a few toys or treats. A crate (if you’re going to crate train). Maybe puppy pads if they are very young.

    2. Electric fences are cruel… please do some reading on them and on currently recommended dog care methods. How old is the dog and have you had a dog before?

      1. nope, never had a dog before, just know that the quote to fence our yard was $20k. and that’s with two of the four sides already fenced.

        we wanted to do a rescue but for reasons relating to my autistic child we’ve been advised to go with a breeder so we have a better idea what we’ll be getting.

        1. It makes sense to me to not go with the shelter dog if you have a special considerations related to kids at home. The only dogs available at shelters in my area are pit mixes 100% of the time. They have their fans, but they don’t mix with kids in my book.

        2. Then you will not be able to leave your dog unleashed in your yard and if you are not prepared to use long leash to keep them from running off or take them to Sniff Spots to run off-leash, you are not ready for this dog. You need to meet your dog where they are, not where you are, not electrically shock them because you can’t afford the fence.

          1. And to answer your question, be ready with a safe carrier for the ride home and be prepared your may likely be carsick. At home have puppy pads and puppy safe chew toys, food, and a vet appt lined up for the vaccinations and microchipping. Strongly encourage you to start lining up a force free trainer to help you with a first pet.

        3. Do you have a trainer lined up? A breeder is no substitute for good training. And you and your whole family really should attend and participate, especially since you are new to having a dog. Canine Good Citizen is a phenomenal system; I highly recommend looking for a trainer that teaches to that.

      1. Anyone want to vote on which is more vociferous and irritating – the “adopt don’t shop” crowd or the “breast is best” crowd? Those are the two communities where I’ve seen the most obnoxious advocacy.

        2. My vote is that you go spend an hour at an animal shelter, then loop back to your beliefs on adopt don’t shop.

        3. Hear hear hear. Nothing drives me crazier. And I have a rescue dog. Sometimes I pretend I got her at a breeder because I find the crowd so obnoxious.

      2. Inhumane and unsafe. A determined dog can go straight through them, and a coyote or badly intentioned person will walk right in while leaving your dog trapped. We purposefully bought a house with a fully fenced backyard for our dog

        1. Yes! Please don’t use the electric fence!

          And for the leash, I recommend one of the thick kind instead of a flexi leash. You will have much more control over the dog, which is very important, especially in early days.

      3. Where do you get well socialzed, homeless, adoptable cavapoos exactly?

        OP should avoid the electric fence since it’s an invitation to have her dog stolen.

          1. Thanks for the link! There’s nothing like this near me so it’s good to know about.

    4. I hope you’ve done your research and you’re going with a responsible breeder.

      Electric fences are cruel and unnecessary. Don’t leave your dog unsupervised in an unfenced yard.

    5. Cavapoos are adorable but notoriously difficult to housebreak. Make sure you have a large supply of paper towels and cleaning products. Roll up your rugs and use doggie gates to keep your puppy out of carpeted rooms. Get a crate that isn’t too big for them and line it with old towels. Get a collar with your contact info on the tags, but also buy a harness for walks. A doggie bed is a nice touch if they’re confined to an area with hard floors. Be prepared to walk your dog every hour or so and clean up the inevitable accidents. Even if you have a fenced in yard you need to stand outside with the puppy. A teeny dog is a target for wild animals. As with all puppies, don’t keep anything on the ground that you’d miss (shoes, purses, etc). If you have kids make sure they know that everything needs to be in a closet or on a high surface.

    6. Voice of dissent (always one, right?) – I’ve had two dogs in three different houses with electric fences (Invisible Fence brand) and have been really happy with it each time. Both my dogs learned the fence in less than 72 hours and really were never shocked – they both learned the beeping. My current dog is a big baby and doesn’t even wear the collar anymore. My previous dog only escaped a handful of times and each time it was because the battery was dead and no longer alerted (beeped) when he got near the line. For our first two properties, an invisible fence was really the only option that was feasible and affordable. (And for the record, both are/were adopted shelter dogs. And I don’t abuse my children or anything. Different strokes for different folks people.)

    7. A portable (pet) play pen for outside time would be helpful if you do not want to have her on a leash at all times.
      (FWIW, I would get a second opinion on the backyard fence issue. We just has 2.5 acres fenced for less than $15K.) Regardless, a Cavapoo is an inside dog, so you only need the outside fence for potty time, and a temporary, portable fence would work for that. I would also get puppy gates for inside so you can confine her to a kitchen or whatever is a safe floor, or just set up a temporary fence inside your house where she can be with you but not chew your furniture or pee on delicate surfaces.
      Friends with Cavapoos spent a lot of time house training their pups, so clear your schedule. Their pups are adorable.

    8. My advice would be to get a poodle vs a cavapoo. Doodles are not hypoallergenic and many of them come from backyard breeders, or “legitimate” breeders who don’t do genetic testing, breed dogs too young, etc. Poodles are smart and there are fewer breeders/demand is lower, so you’re more likely to get someone ethical and trustworthy.
      Agree with others that a fully-fenced yard is the best for a dog, and not an electric fence. It’s well worth it just to be able to open the door to let them out to pee, vs. finding your shoes, the leash, etc and going out every time.

    9. A puppy collar and a webbed leash (not one of the retractable ones)
      Food and water bowls (don’t get cute ones; get something study that cannot be flipped over and easy to clean)
      A crate (I highly recommend crating your puppy – it helps a LOT with potty training and for safety reasons you should have your puppy get familiar with a crate). Don’t get one that is too big!
      Whatever food the breeder is using
      A car harness for your puppy in the car to keep it from going flying if there is an accident
      A bed
      A variety of puppy toys

      Decide where your puppy is going to sleep and stick with it!! I crated my puppy at night (with regular potty breaks). They will cry at first. If you let the puppy in your bed, you will have a dog sleeping in your bed forever (and it causes problems with potty training).

      Depending on where you live, you may not be able to allow your dog outside without supervision. In my neighborhood small dogs are coyote/hawk chow. A x-pen is really helpful for outside time that is protected. Buy extra clips to hold it together.

      Ignore the people who say that you should only adopt/rescue. When you have a kid, your main concern is obviously safety. And the multiple people who have talked about the difficulties of adopting from breed specific rescues are not overstating the roadblocks they put in place (and to be honest a lot of those dogs are there for a reason). People who rescue dogs are heroes, but those dogs are not for everyone.

    10. I came back to add something else: there is a product called My Pet Peed that absolutely does what it says it does. Order a bottle before you leave with the pup so it’s at home when you get there.

    11. “Cavapoo” isn’t a breed. It’s a mutt. If you’re getting one mixed with CKCS, you’re going to likely get one with mitral valve disease. Be prepared for heart failure.

    12. Since you’ve probably got the electric fence message, here’s some actual tips:
      – have a fenced in area in your yard where the pup can go to the bathroom
      – keep your dog in your sight line, a cavapoo is small and vulnerable to a lot and they can be little escape artists
      – we feed our dog Sundays for Dogs, which is real food that’s freeze dried so it has the ease of kibble but is healthier. It’s a pain to change food, so start as you plan to continue
      – dogs are smart, best way to go is to hire a 1:1 trainer for a few sessions to teach you how to train your dog, but look for someone who only does positive reinforcement. I hate the adopt don’t shop people, but positive reinforcement only is the hill I’ll die on
      – look for a day care, even if you only send your pup once a week it’s good socialization and often you can find people who board through day cares, which you’ll need
      – in terms of equipment, get a harness for a small dog as their necks shouldn’t get pulled with collars (although you’ll want a collar for ID); one dog bed (we don’t have one anymore bc our dog sleeps with us and hangs out on the couch so see what you need); I don’t know what towels would be for, we use our regular towels if we need to dry our dog off and just wash them; food; a few leashes; some toys. That’s about it
      – some people initially restrict their dogs to part of the house when they’re puppies for potty training so you might want a baby gate
      – ours never took to her crate so that was a short lived piece of equipment too, it wouldn’t invest in anything expensive

  3. Here for the inappropriate crush thread that was suggested this morning.

    I have an off-and-on crush on a colleague. We’ve worked together for well over a decade and have always had a lot in common and some natural chemistry. We are both happily married to other people, but if we’d ever been single around the same time, I think we might’ve tested the waters. It’s not something I dwell on and I’ve made sure to keep some healthy distance, but every once in a while, my stupid infatuation comes back.

    1. I had a crush on a good friend while we were studying abroad. We’re both happily married now but every now and then I do think about whether we would have hit it off romantically. There was definitely a mutual attraction, but we were both dating other people back home.

      1. I’ve been thinking about my study-abroad crush too! He was gorgeous and our chemistry was off the charts, but I never wanted to do more than kiss since I was afraid it would ruin our friendship or that he’d break my heart. That seems dumb in hindsight, and I really with I’d gardened with him or taken it further. My only regret in this life haha.

    2. I had a very intense crush on a colleague a few years ago. Like, intense gardening dreams level. Nothing ever happened except mild flirting, but it was a wake up call that my marriage was ending. Not all crushes are like that, but this one was. I still occasionally think of that guy, and we haven’t spoken for years.

    3. I have an on-and-off crush on DH’s friend. He’s always put me on a bit of a pedestal, even now that he is in a long-term relationship himself. I avoid him at all costs but I find the attention flattering since he is sort of idolized in their friend group for being handsome and wealthy. I wouldn’t even say I’m attracted to him, but more just the thrill of an ego boost.

    4. My same age, very single divorce attorney. I wish there were someone else in town nearly as good as him; I would invent a lame reason to switch. As it is now, I do my best to interact only by email and with his paralegal.

        1. If I told you that I named my Labrador Charlotte, you probably would laugh even harder….

        2. Also, remember that the s3x was fire between Charlotte and Harry, so … have at it once the divorce is final, girl!

        1. I’m the one with the inconvenient crush; you’re on to something. People in that situation are paid to be sympathetic and helpful, and if they are good at their jobs, they excel at both.

          Then there’s the issue of not wanting to be the client equivalent of the dude who hits on the waitress. Back up and assess: this person is just doing their job; this isn’t a social interaction; no one needs to get hit on at work.

          Which is why I (a person who is normally quite in control, to the point where people almost find it off-putting) felt embarrassed and terrible when I tried to leave via a supply closet. Yeah, it was that bad.

    5. Reposting mine from this morning so it’s in the same place as all of these:

      I have developed a major crush on an older married colleague. He actually used to be my manager (well over 5 years ago now) and I had absolutely zero interest in him for the first 10+ years I knew him. But for some reason I’ve had this crush now for about 6 months and I just can’t shake it. Don’t worry…nothing is every going to happen. He lives in another state and only visits my city a couple times a year. The opportunity to even be alone with him in an office – let alone anywhere off campus – is vanishingly small. I would never make a move on him. But yet my brain can’t let it go.

      And adding: how do I make this go away? The daydreaming is fun but also disruptive. I haven’t actually seen him in months so it’s not like I have a frequent reminder of it, it’s literally all in my head. I’ll never act on it, I cannot fathom him ever making a pass at me even if he is interested (which I doubt), and it would definitely destroy both of our jobs (and likely his marriage) if anything did happen and someone found out. Do I just need to go sleep with someone else?

    6. Remember that you’re only seeing the Office version of him. You see him groomed, in presentable clothing, on his best behavior, in a controlled environment. You’re not seeing him unshaved in sweatpants, negotiating who needs to unclog the shower drain, running late while driving in traffic, or dealing with his mother. You only get his highlight reel, not his behind the scenes. The reality of a relationship is much different

  4. I have been doing Pure Barre for 6 months and I love it. I usually go at least 3 times a week. The few times I tried to go 4 times, I found I was really really tired. During the week, I go early evenings, come home, eat, take an Epsom salt bath and go to bed. When I go on the weekends I do in the morning and take a nap that day. I would like to be able to 4 times more regularly. Any tips for increasing my stamina? It’s not an issue with soreness (although I am sore) but just so dang tired.

    3. Does this happen with other exercise with you too? For me it can be a sign my iron is low again.

    4. I think it is totally normal to be tired at first when increasing your volume of exercise. Give it a few weeks and then see if you have adjusted. You may also need to always give yourself at least a day of rest between sessions if this is strength-focused and always working the same muscles (I’ve never done Pure Barre; just guessing here), which would make it hard to do 4 days/week consistently. You could do something more aerobic on the off days though.

  5. Looking for recs on where to stay in the Denver area for a 4 day weekend. Would like to have access to easy/moderate hiking trails, ideally without renting a car. Ideally would like access to swimming and spa activities as well. TIA!

      1. Boulder could work if there’s a relatively easy way to get there from DIA without a car.

      2. Boulder could work if there is a relatively easy car-free way to get there from DIA.

    2. Look at Golden. May be able to take a train from airport and then Uber. There’s no hiking right in downtown Denver.

        1. There was/is a delightful old hotel in the center of Boulder whose name I have, temporarily forgotten. When we used to have cause to visit Boulder regularly, I really enjoyed all the city had to offer without a car, including hiking.

  6. Anonymous internet judging: a swimmer qualified for her second Olympics and her boyfriend decided that was the right time to propose to her. Poolside. I hate him.

    1. Why is that bad? Personally I didn’t want a public proposal and communicated that to my now-husband, but lots of women do — I wouldn’t assume this was upsetting to her or not what she wanted.

      1. Because she should be basking in the glow of making the Olympics team, and instead he made it all about him. Or generously, their relationship.

        1. I see that point, but there are definitely women who would love getting proposed to on a national stage and would be genuinely thrilled by this — hopefully she’s one of them.

        2. Right. I can understand people who propose at the finish line of a marathon; the event is over.

          Olympics are a different story. She might have sponsorship obligations regarding media appearances (and talking about something besides the new ring); she might have logistics to handle regarding getting herself to Paris; she might even have another event coming up that she’s also trying to qualify for and wants to head space to do that.

        3. Exactly. It’s a major, major accomplishment of hers alone. Let her enjoy that!

          And marriage /getting proposed to is in no way an accomplishment the way some people (even here) seem to think it is. Which I say as a happily married woman.

        4. Yeah, I agree. He also made some douche comment about how he didn’t even mind how much he had given up to be there for her.

          1. I don’t know, that’s exactly the same kind of comment that you hear a ton of parents make during Olympics interviews and nobody blinks an eye at that. I’m definitely a bit cynical that they weren’t just doing it for the press, but I don’t know how it makes him a douche to say that he was happy to have given up a lot to support her making the Olympics again. Every single athlete at that level, male or female, is only there because their loved ones have given up a lot to support them. That’s why tv loves to show these kinds of happy stories about all that effort paying off and everyone living happily ever after. But even cynical me is happy to let them be happy together, rather than hate on random people I don’t know anything about but who presumably know each other well enough to know what works for them.

    4. I had the same reaction! Way to take one of the greatest accomplishments of her life and turn it into something about you, dude.

      I mean, she said yes and obviously was very happy, but DUDE. let her have her moment.

      1. And ugh I just watched the video and he leads with “and I don’t even regret moving halfway across the country to support you in your training…”

        Ugh.

          2. What’s wrong with all of you?! That was darling. I’m not a public engagement person personally but they clearly are and they seem really happy. I get that half this board hates marriage and men, but come on.

      2. I too would like to know this.

        Reminds me of the woman who went viral few weeks ago because her husband shoved her kids in front of her just as she was finishing a marathon and about the cross the finish line. She didn’t stop to greet them because she had to finish the race!! But of course people called her an unloving mother.

        2. This. I wanted her to say no! What he said about giving up his job etc..um what? That’s a super odd comment right before a proposal. Red flag zone!

    7. Obviously every woman’s biggest dream in life is to get married and have children (said some brainless sport all player recently at a graduation). Not qualify for the Olympics. He was just making her dreams come true.

      I agree. What the H.

    8. Eh, I’m not a big public proposal person, but I was actually watching the Olympic trials when this happened and I thought it was fine. It’s her third Olympics and she’s already won a bunch of medals, so it’s hardly the biggest thing that’s ever happened to her, more of an icing on the top of the end of her career kind of thing. She was expecting it on their post Olympics trip around Europe, but he decided to bump it up because the trials were in her home state and all her friends and family were there to celebrate with them. It wouldn’t be my style, but the logic is pretty reasonable and they both seemed sweet and happy (and I’m sure it got her lots of good press and maybe some extra endorsement money).

      1. And now, when she’s on TV, it’s all the stupid commentators are going to talk about instead of her amazing athletic feats.

        1. Yeah, but not to be cynical, otherwise they wouldn’t be talking to her at all or just asking her if she’s still able to swim as fast as she used to. This makes her a media darling again, just like she was when she was 16 and winning medals for the first time.

        2. Lily King has some image issues, though. A lot of the swimming public do not like her. If this helps her rehab her image, it could be a good thing for her marketability. She did not seem at all displeased by the timing of the proposal. I don’t know why we all have to assume we know better than her and her fiance what is appropriate for them.

    9. If you hate him, don’t marry him. Lily King did not seem at all displeased. She looked happy. Leave them alone.

      1. Yeah. What happened to “good for her, not for me”? You can say this isn’t what you’d want, but it doesn’t make the guy a monster. And as someone who was at a fairly high level in sports (not swimming) my guess is they discussed in advance and she was fully onboard and hoping it would boost her stature for more endorsement money.

    10. It sounds like she was perfectly happy with the proposal and her long-time boyfriend presumably knows her better than a bunch of strangers on the internet.

  7. Anon for color me skeptical but in my city, there is a language immersion middle school. Obscure language had 3 girls in it who rode the bus together. 1 is autistic, diagnosed just before 6th grade. One girl bullied everyone, especially the autistic girl. By 7th grade, that girl insisted she was a boy and also felt that she was autistic. By 8th grade, that kid was now declaring to be a friend of the autistic girl, but wanted her to be a boy two. The third girl then said that she was a boy and felt she was also autistic. The school told none of the parents. One of the parents is my friend and is livid but doesn’t want her kid exposed publicly, which she feels would make her kid want to leave school. This all feels so icky, especially with the bullying and autism. But so strange in a small sample size.

    4. So you feel that kids identifying as trans and autistic is contagious?

      Kids sometimes try to take on the identities of their friends. It’s fleeting and absolutely no reason to become ‘skeptical’ of children’s autism diagnoses more broadly lol.

      1. She’s not wrong (if that’s what she means). There are entire friend groups changing their identities together. We do need to talk about this and situate it within historical context of other crazes (which is a technical term).

        1. But autism diagnoses are not a craze among youth? That’s a very harmful generalization to make and negatively impacts people who actually have autism.

          2. Maybe this is changing with younger generation, but historically self-diagnosis has been found quite accurate.

          3. I see you haven’t watched Tik tok lately. Everyone is self diagnosed something or other on there now.

          4. A lot, lot, lot of kids with 100% real diagnoses are on TikTok too. But I can’t pretend to understand the switch from bullying disabled kids to pretending to be them on social media, unless it’s another kind of bullying.

        2. Part of this is developmentally appropriate, part of it is kids being too bored and cloistered, and part of it is school having its own norms and hierarchies that sometimes bear no relation to the outside world.

    6. You’re getting quite a lot of hate on here, but I hear you. It’s all fine except if a kid says they want to be another gender, it’s a big deal. Massive repercussions for their medical health (hormones etc potentially to delay puberty), social life during such a tough time, and they likely need more parental support to navigate this, not less. Just adding that for perspective, as a parent of pre teens. Some of these schools are really pushing the agenda on trans, and it feels irresponsible. Meanwhile other schools want to post the 10 commandments. It sounds ridiculous but honestly that’s been the experience of so many of my parent friends and the extremes are concerning.

      1. I feel skeptical that it actually is a big deal, except for the cases where it is legitimately a big deal because someone is actually trans? There’s a lot of temporary experimenting with identities at some of the artsier high schools near me, but people aren’t all rushing to doctors over it, and parents are aware. A lot of people my age didn’t transition till they were much older, which is challenging in other ways.

    7. You mean like the debunked rapid onset gender dysphoria phenomenon? If so, all of the research supporting that appears to come from anti-trans parental panic sample sizes, so maybe chill.

      1. It hasn’t been debunked AT ALL. Quite the opposite. The Cass Review is damning and pretending it doesn’t exist is bad for kids.

    8. Everybody with your undies in a bunch, why do you even care? How does this affect you or your life?

  8. Finally watched the John Oliver special on 2025. Scary stuff. I’m so tired of hearing about this election; I don’t want to hear any more unless it’s like “here’s how to help people in your neighborhood vote.” The polls and commentaries are so stupid. Is anyone going to change their mind based on those things?

    1. I agree. I want “here’s an area that needs help with voter registration” and fewer crappy think pieces about the unique horror of another Trump presidency.

  9. Does anyone have a suggestion for a good birthday gift for a sibling who recently became a judge? Budget is $100-$250. She is a mom of teens, works a lot, likes to read and run too. Late 40s. Thanks in advance.

    1. Mom of teens? Get her a custom gavel for home engraved with “Because I Said So”

      (Totally depends on her sense of humor, of course)

      1. I love this!

        Does she have a spare robe? My friend the judge always takes hers to the cleaners while she’s on vacation and once she forgot to pick it up when she got home and had to borrow a robe for the day.

    3. I would not do a gavel or collar. I don’t know any judge that would actually use that. A spare robe could be nice but the nice ones are generally very expensive ($450 and up).
      What about a nice piece of art or something else for her chambers? Or a nice tote for all her papers? I posted here about looking for a nice leather pad folio type envelope a while back and can recommend the one from Leatherology. I got it monogrammed and it’s great for toting around legal papers.

  10. Anyone care to help me shop? I’m looking for a new date top for going out with hubby. I want something sexy but I’m size 16 – prefer sleeves, deep scoop or v-neck, no ruffles or huge sleeves, not cropped, no cutouts. Does something like this exist?

    2. If you find this, please let me know! Referring back to this morning, I would pay $175 for this and wear it forever!

      1. <3

        Not the OP but i love the white cape blouse – wish it came in other colours!

    5. A shaped fit button front shirt that is 1 size too small for your bust with the center bust button unbuttoned. Worn over a scoop neck cami or just over a lace bra.

  11. What kind of security do you have on your home computers? We’ve had Norton for years but I’m so annoyed by all the popups this year. We also do Carbonate backups.

    3. Get rid of Norton. The built in security is the best security these days, if you’re keeping your OS up to date.

  12. AITA? My husband and I booked a cross country flight and unfortunately couldn’t afford business class. We booked the aisle and window seats. Sometimes we’ll luck out and no one will take the middle seat but this time someone did. Now, if it’s a short flight I’ll take the middle and sit next to my husband. But I don’t want to be cramped for 6 hours, I like to lean against the window to try to sleep. We were talking when our seatmate arrived and she asked if we were going to sit together, then got a little annoyed when we said no. DH promptly went to sleep and slept the whole flight. It’s not as if we were talking over her or passing things back and forth, and we both stayed off her arm rests. She told me several times during and after the flight that I should’ve let her take the window seat. I just ignored her. But, now of course I’m wondering if I violated some unspoken rule.

    1. No she was just salty she didn’t check in early enough to get a window seat and is taking that anger out on you.

      1. Seats are normally assigned at purchase, at least in the US. It’s only in Europe that I’ve had to wait until check in and even there you can pay to reserve them earlier.

    4. No, you did nothing wrong. You booked the seats you wanted and sat in them. There’s nothing more to it than that.

    5. You’re NTA. My husband and I do this too. It’s rude to pass things back and forth or be constantly talking over someone in the middle but as long as you plan to spend the bulk of the flight sleeping, reading or watching TV rather than gabbing over your seat mate you’re good.

      Idk why she feels entitled to the window seat, that’s weird.

    6. I’m not aware of an unwritten rule on this, but you’ve sort of created a societal happiness inefficiency by not sitting beside each other in that presumably a couple is more comfortable sitting beside each other rather than forcing a stranger to sit between you.

      1. Oh, for god’s sake. No one “forced a stranger to sit between them.” This is a flight. People have seats. Everyone can just grow up and deal with the seats they bought or were given. It is insane to me that this is ever discussed, let alone a seemingly big ethical issue.

      2. What?? If she’s not even interacting with her spouse during the flight, they’re not harming anyone by not sitting right next to each other.

      3. “presumably a couple is more comfortable sitting beside each other”

        Nope. My husband and I are both more comfortable not being in the middle seat, so when we don’t score a free upgrade, we have someone in between us.

    7. Super weird she made repeated comments about it IMO. Nothing wrong with what you did.

    8. sounds like you did nothing wrong.
      But speaking of, there is an unwritten rule that the middle seat is entitled to both armrests – just wanted to mention that in case people don’t know!

    10. My husband and I have flown like that before and it was fine. As long as you’re not talking across her or handing things back and forth it’s fine. She just didn’t want a middle seat (I mean, who does?) and decided to make it your problem.

    11. And also? Even if she had been right, which she wasn’t, she was rude to keep harping on it.

    12. NTA, since you didn’t interact with your husband. It is massively awkward and uncomfortable to be seated between people who know each other and interact during the flight, which you knew, and didn’t do.

      She was NTA to ask if you were going to sit together, but to keep harping on about it is uncool.

      As a PSA – it’s possible to be bumped to a middle seat even if you have payed for a different one, e.g. if the flight suddenly has to bring a crew that needs to get to their next flight. (Not what would have happened here, though, OPs rude passenger would have told her, loudly, I’m sure!).

      1. These days the people who get bumped are normally on basic economy tickets. If you’ve purchased regular economy it’s unlikely to happen, and if it does you should complain to the airline, not your seatmate.

        1. Wrong. I’ve been bumped from two flights in the past year. Once when I bought a full priced first class ticket, but I was the last person to buy a ticket or check in on the flight, can’t remember which.

          1. That’s crazy, something really weird must have happened — I fly a lot and airlines definitely prioritize passengers with status and first class passengers when flights are oversold. In 20+ years of frequent flying I’ve never been bumped. I’ve pretty much always had at least the lowest tier of status, but a first class ticket purchased with cash (vs award miles) should put you above most status holders. That’s definitely a situation where you can get money from the airline if it happens.

        2. Or you just miss a connection and get bumped onto another flight, in which case you’re almost certainly in the middle seat, no matter what kind of seat or fare class you have booked.

          I agree that you were fine as long as you didn’t interact across her, but also that it is super awkward when people do decide to talk across you. I can understand why someone would be apprehensive about this arrangement, as most people aren’t that polite and she had no way to know that when she first sat down.

    13. Eh, I would think it was weird and be mildly annoyed to be sitting in the middle of a couple. I would not mention it other than to ask at the beginning if one of you wanted to trade, though. I would be extremely annoyed if you talked to each other over me or violated the armrests, and in that situation I would keep asking if you wanted to trade.

    14. No, you were NTA, she was. You sat in your assigned seat, and she was rude to keep pushing.

  13. Paging poster who was looking for a raffia bag with removable straps.

    https://www.quince.com/women/italian-leather-raffia-crossbody?color=natural&size=one-size&g_network=x&g_productchannel=online&g_adid=&g_acctid=978-058-8398&g_keyword=&g_adtype=pla&g_keywordid=&g_ifcreative=&g_adgroupid=&g_productid=44403950125226&g_merchantid=128669708&g_partition=&g_campaignid=20572575045&g_ifproduct=product&g_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_campaign=&utm_term=44403950125226&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAC4ZeNapm8ejqkqPneHEquOTBuX6P&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoLujl9_3hgMVzHJHAR0ClgtnEAQYASABEgKN7vD_BwE

  14. How do you get into the habit of imputing much detail such as replace filters, change oil in cars, review insurance rates, change batteries in smoke/carbon dioxide detectors, etc.? Do you schedule one day a month to type these things into apps for the next month? Do it 3 months at a time? Or use paper calendar, or other ideas? This sounds good in theory but in practice it’s very hard for me to even know where to start.

    1. I don’t put anything in my calendar but I do things that are twice a year at daylight savings time. Things that are once a year over a holiday when I have time like Xmas break.

    2. The oil change place puts that sticker on my window, so I watch that, and 6 or 8K miles later, I go back for an oil change.
      I shop insurance and cell phone plans when I feel poorer than normal, which is to say about twice a year for cell phones, about once a year for insurance.
      I change HVAC filters every couple of months when the grills start getting dirty. I write the date I install a new filter on the actual filter, so I pop open the grill, check the date, and change if it’s time. Changing filters makes me feel like I am being responsible and good to my HVAC system, and filters are cheap, so I actually like doing that.
      There are a couple of Instagram accounts that remind and teach people how to do things like this. They’re so wholesome. If you can find one you like, it will probably cycle around and remind. you of things that need to be done.

Comments are closed.