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Weekend Open Thread

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professional young woman wears orange button-front shell with ruffles at the neckline and cap sleeves, and shirring along the shoulders

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Ann Taylor's semi-annual sale might be winding down, as they're now offering 50% off all markdowns PLUS an extra 20% off. Prices are as marked, which I always appreciate rather than trying to do the math in my head as I go. (Quelle horreur.)

I am really (really) not into ruffles, but this little ruffled shell looks like the perfect Zoom top, work top, or weekend top — it's polished and special without being overly memorable, which is perfect if you're trying to keep a minimal wardrobe.

The shirt comes in a BUNCH of colors and patterns — the pictured orange version comes down to $18. It's machine washable and available in sizes XXS-XXL and XXSP-XLP.

A few other quick things that jumped out at me in the sale: this pretty short-sleeved sweater with flutter sleeves, all the colors of this “geo stitch” sweater jacket, this blousy v-neck, the fun oversized linen shirts, and this relaxed layered sweater in blue on blue.

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

179 Comments

  1. if you were trying to decide between purchasing a Polene or Demellier, which would you do? i won’t be able to go to a store for a while so this will likely be an online purchase. thx for any advice!

    1. I don’t know Demellier, but I have a few Polene bags and have been really happy with the quality and look.

    2. I have a Polene (numero un) that was beautiful when I received it, but the gathering stitches did not last. I sent it back to be repaired, and those didn’t last either.

    4. I have a Demellier straw beach bag and it is wearing really well despite me not being particularly gentle on it. The large New York totes are super popular right now and I’m seeing them all over NYC.

  2. I have an ongoing anxiety that I smell bad. No one has said anything, but I just feel like I can’t make it through a day without sweating and eventually feeling like there must be some type of body odor coming from me. I shower daily, wear deodorant, only wear clean clothes. Is there anything on top of this that I can do?

    I feel even more self-conscious during that time of the month or after a day of wearing the same pair of underwear. I am not sure if it’s all in my head.

    1. This sounds like anxiety if you’re already following good hygienic practices and no one has said anything to you. I don’t think there’s anything you need to change in your hygiene routine, but maybe discuss things with a therapist to practice some strategies like CBT.

      1. It depends on whether she actually is stinky. Some people, me included, really do sweat and stink a lot. No one will say anything out of politeness, but you can smell yourself and you know. It’s not anxiety to be concerned about something that is real.

    3. Do you eat a lot of spicy food? Or go many days between hair washings? Smoke or vape? These can be culprits.

    4. I know your doctor can prescribe a stronger antiperspirant so that you’re not sweating as much.

    5. I’m also pretty sweaty! A few things I do:
      – Use Lume on pits, privates and feet
      – Benzoyl peroxide wash on pits and feet in the shower – like Beans said it does help
      – Use regular antiperspirant on my pits
      – Wear natural fibers whenever I can
      – Use unscented Oxyclean as a laundry booster
      – Skip fabric softener – it leaves a film on your clothes that can hang on to odors

      1. Add white vinegar to your wash. It kills smells without imparting any residue. It’s great for sweaty clothes

    6. Do you actually smell or is this just anxiety that you smell bad? If you are worried about sweating, I’d try something like Certain Dri to eliminate sweating. I keep an extra deodorant in my desk drawer for those days when one application is just not enough. And I use deodorant with aluminum. Those natural ones may be better for you, but they aren’t better for noses. For my period, I make sure to frequently change what every I’m using (pad, tampon, cup, etc.). I keep a small pack of baby wipes in my purse to freshen up as well. Cotton, breathable underwear are your friend as well. Finally, I have not used this myself, but I know some people swear by using a special anti bacterial soap. It’s the same type of soap they tell you to use before a surgical procedure. The name is escaping me. You don’t smell, the bacteria on your skin smells, and this soap kills the bacteria.

      1. Regular soap works too. It loosens the bonds between your skin and bacteria or whatever else is on your skin and then they wash down the drain. A washcloth helps the soap do the job.

        You know antibacterial soaps are contributing to the rise of superbugs, right? Get a bar of Dove soap and a washcloth.

      2. I think Hibiclens is the soap you are thinking of, but based on my four pre-surgical washes, holy cow is it drying. I felt like someone had dehydrated and shrunk my skin.

    7. I suspect it’s all in your head but if it does bother you I’d look into a full body deodarant like Lume. Also, acids help kill odor causing bacteria – I use the Stridex face/body wipes on my underarms/bikini area/around my bra line in the summer and it does seem to help quite a lot. I use it for breakouts/ingrowns which I’m prone too, but the fresher smell is a bonus.

    8. Sorry you’re feeling this way. I wear Numi undershirts and that helps the smells.

      Sometimes dietary choices and hydration plays a role in the nuances of our smells.

    9. I’d be pretty cautious about dousing your body in lots of endocrine-disrupting chemicals and irritants for a problem that seems anxiety-based.

      1. I agree but doubt the comment will get much traction on this site. I’ll double down on the dietary choices and hydration having an impact.

        1. Yeah this is not a high risk product category; I am glad that wellness culture doesn’t get much traction here. Blaming people’s lifestyle choices is tiresome.

      2. Odds are that there’s a real smell; usually people err on the side of not smelling themselves.

    10. I think it’s a good idea to imagine if this is anxiety.

      A couple of other things:

      Wash your clothes regularly, especially tops. I never understand how people pack for weeks in a carry on, because my tops get smelly enough after one wear that I do not want to rewear without washing. Pants can get smelly, too, after a couple of wears. I think the synthetic fibers everything is made out of these days, doesn’t help.

      I use Lever 2000 soap on smelly bits. I also use a rough mitt to sort of scrub my pits – I think deodorant and the like can build up, so this helps get rid of it. I feel like I’ve been less stinky since I started doing this.

      1. Just fyi, sink laundry is how people pack light. Woolite packets and a sink. It’s the best.

      2. Enzyme detergent can also help with the synthetic fabrics and low water wash machines.

    11. Isn’t Botox supposed to help with this? Like Botox in your underarm area. Also I think antiperspirant is the one that helps with controlling sweat, not deodorant.

      How close are people getting to you on a regular basis, and who are they? Are you worried you smell from across the room or up close? I feel like they’re very different things. If you’re dating and feeling weird about intimacy I think that’s normal at first. If it’s your kid or husband or parent or bff you could just ask. If it’s your coworker across the conference table from you it sounds like just anxiety.

      1. Honestly, anxiety itself can reek. It changes people’s BO and makes it stronger.

        1. What a load of crap? Do you get off on trying to make anxious people more anxious? You are a piece of work.

          1. What? Stress sweat and smells are real. Most humans have real life experience in this and can vouch for it. Chill out.

          2. Yeah, I have 100% realized I smell after a particularly stressful presentation, and it is different than hard-workout sweat smell. I just keep an extra blouse and deodorant in my desk, only need it a few times a year but it’s nice to know it’s there.

          3. A simple Google would’ve told you that stress sweat and exertion sweat are different types of sweat. There are studies focused on the gland-level differences between the two.

    13. Use only unscented soap, lotion, and antiperspirant. Try the Lume unscented cream body antiperspirant (not the deodorant but the actual antiperspirant). Change your clothes regularly, especially underwear. Like at least 3 pairs a day. Wear cotton clothing. Wool and synthetics stink.

      Also, move to a dry climate. I’m not kidding. I live in a humid climate and have been traveling to a dry region this summer. It can be 105 degrees and dry and I will stink less than I do in 85 degrees with humidity.

    14. Is there a trusted loved one you can ask? Or a healthcare provider? “Hey, I have been struggling lately with something- I trust your opinion and hope you’ll be gentle but honest with me. Lately I have been sweating throughout the day and I am concerned I might have b.o. Have you noticed anything?” OR “all day I feel like I’ve smelled – musty? Idk, can you just tell me if I’m crazy?! [hold out your arm]”

      I for real smelled a few times in my life and here’s what helped –
      – my washing machine wasn’t cleaning my clothing. Turns out my water was so hard that my hair was tinted with rust, and my clothes were dank. On the advice of my doc and hairstylist I purchased a water softener, which helped a bit, and eventually moved.
      – 6 years ago I had a medical condition that increased sweat. I wore breathable fabrics and echo the recs above. I used full body shower wipes over lunch hour, reapplied deodorant, and changed my under layer of clothing. (Underwear, tank top/short sleeve, socks.) My feet were bad and I went through shoes like crazy. I started changing shoes halfway through the day, deodorizing Pair 1 in my car trunk, and that really helped.
      – Learning that bad stress sweat is different from normal “I’m warm” sweat. I was in a truly awful work environment with a boss who snuck up behind me and would jump scare me, and then dump emergency projects on my lap due in 30 min. This stressed me out and I did smell. A trusted friend told me. It was a bit embarrassing but I was grateful and on reflection let me leave that job and bad boss relationship.

      If you are simply sweating and not smelly, then you could spend hundreds on products you don’t need, spend hours changing clothes and worrying, and not “fixing” anything. I hope someone in your life, even a healthcare professional, can help give you a more objective opinion.

    15. For shoes, it costs more, but only wear leather shoes with leather linings and insoles. Never wear shoes for two consecutive days; let them dry and use cedar shoe trees. For socks, try a wool blend.

    17. This is for you.

      Shower daily, dr. Bronzers baby unscented soap and a washcloth, don’t forget to scrub the areas where sebum can live, upper back, armpit, groin, scalp, and wash feet every time too.

      We excrete a cup of sebum daily, and it’s this yellow oil stuff that can go rancid easily because it’s a waste product that the body expels out.

      Make a shampoo with diluted unscented Castile soap and rosemary essential oil and water and place it in a small foaming soap pump and make that mixture weekly, or buy an EWG verified shampooo and conditioner set to use.

      Keep unscented lotion in shower and use on wet skin, then pat dry with a towel no scrubbing skin with your towel. Daily showers can dry skin out, use the lotion in the shower after dripping dry for a moment.

      Use the unscented deodorant too.

      Brush your teeth, yo deserve to have clean teeth.

      The scents and fragrances we are exposed to 1000s of chemical assaults every day these disrupt hormones making hormonal smell come out worse as the body tries to expel the chemical residues out again. It seems counterintuitive to use fragrance free everthing to make yourself smell better, but somehow it is worth a try, it takes a lot of discipline in a culture that has to have fragrances in almost everything.

      Use an essential oil, in a carrier oil for a perfume if you want perfume. Try making your own geranium, fennel, rose absolute, and clary sage blend and wear it on your belly and legs, and make a glass spray bottle with the oils and some water and spray it on your pits etc. during the day.

      Cotton undies, natural fibers clothing visit Everlane and quince,

      The glycolic wipe to the pits also a good maintenance option.

      Hope any of this helps anyone suffering the same.

      1. I get that some synthetic fragrance enhancers are unlike all naturally occurring scents (they are a reliable migraine trigger for me, and I genuinely support outlawing them because people could still enjoy other fragrances without causing so much needless suffering). But can’t essential oils “disrupt hormones” as much or more? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321262

        I question some of these other suggestions too. Is Castile soap really the right pH for hair? I’d expect it wouldn’t be acidic enough. I also hate the thought of soap scum building up in my hair.

        Cotton really holds onto moisture; for someone who is dealing with a lot of sweat, is it really better than something that wicks or resists moisture like nylon or wool?

        I’m pretty sure OP brushes her teeth (!).

  3. I have oily skin and large pores and some hyperpigmentation from acne scars. I’d like to try a foundation but now that my Sephora doesn’t book appointments (and is full of teens and gross used testers) might start at department store makeup counters. But where?

    Pre-COVID I had some CC cream and prior to that Bare Escentuals powder. Not sure what is out there for 2024. Any recommendations? I struggle to match foundations, so my drug store attempts have all failed and I want in-person help mainly for color matching.

    1. Not in person but I have had really good luck with the Bobbi Brown virtual consults. In fact, I’ve done it for the last 2 years.
      For in person I used to go to Nordstrom and every counter was always good.

      2. I like Bobbi Brown’s products but FWIW I have never been able to find a foundation from them that works for my pale, cool toned, pinkish skin. All of their foundations skew too yellow or orange for me.

        1. Pink person here. Bobbi Brown Cool Ivory & Cool Sand work well for my pink and white skin.

    2. I would go somewhere like BlueMercury if you have that available to you. Multiple department store level brands but one rep who will help you try whatever brands you would like. Generally pretty quiet when I’ve been–definitely doesnt have the overwhelmed-by-teens issue.
      I also have oily skin, and I like Estee Lauder doublewear if I’m going for full coverage (that stuff is bulletproof!) or Cle de Peau radiant cream when I’m looking for more medium but buildable coverage.

    3. Aside from makeup, have you tried RX-level retinol? That could help address the oily skin and large pores– maybe even the hyperpigmentation.

      1. +1

        I was thinking the same thing.
        Just make sure you are wearing sunscreen if you start.

    4. Estee Lauder double wear, Giorgio Armani radiant tint, or Pat McGrath sublime foundation are my go tos depending on how long I need to wear it. Pat McGrath is at Ulta and those (in my area anyway) still do makeup appointments that you pre-book/pay for.

    5. I am obsessed with Chantecaille FutureSkin, which is just an amazing product. It feels like a moisturizer going on, stays ALL DAY, and makes my skin look so much better. It does not look like a foundation – just like healthy gorgeous skin. My shade is Vanilla. It’s pricy but worth it to me.

    6. I have oily, acne-prone, sensitive pale skin (won genetic lottery here) and I love MAC Studio Fix. It has great variety of shades and tones, lasts all day and can look as natural or high-coverage as you need. MAC sales assistant can heĺp you find your shade.

    7. I found the Yensa pictures of shades online to be surprisingly very accurate, though it might still help you to know whether you have yellow, pink, or neutral undertones and select the depth of shade from there.

  4. Ugh, why are public Dems trashing Biden so hard when there is no replacement candidate identified? As a poster said the other day, this isn’t July 2023. The phrase “put up or shut up” springs to mind.

      1. have the donors soured, though, or is it just the NYT smear campaign? the ONLY thing dems have right now is GOTV and all this talk of “the election is over trump has won” is sucking that out of us. i will be shocked if biden (or kamala) is not the candidate.

      2. The donors will come through if Biden is the nominee. IMHO, they are going through the motions to satisfy the donors and then will say “No other person can do this, the voters chose Biden in the primary, done deal, rally behind him or get Trump.”

        1. I agree with this. Once Biden is the nominee the other dems will fall in line and campaign for him hard, including Barack and Michelle.

    2. I don’t know. I think it’s a disaster. Kamala Harris doesn’t seem more electable than Biden and any other pick is going to lead to huge in-fighting within the party and Black voters (who hugely support Biden) feeling like they’re being ignored. It just seems like a huge mistake to me. In hindsight Biden shouldn’t have run again and we should have picked someone else, but it’s way way too late now and any attempt to replace him will just tear the party apart.

      I’m also confused about why the media is SO FIXATED on Biden looking and acting old, when Trump literally fell asleep during his convention and mixes up names all the time too. Aside from the whole, you know, wanting to be a dictator thing, he seems just as senile as Biden to me.

      1. I agree with you. It’s a disaster. The whole thing is a disaster. It’s like a car crash that I am purposely looking away from. I try to ignore politics although I will vote blue come November either way.

      2. I agree with you it is a strange fixation given they are both old and it shows.
        Reuters did a piece on the falling asleep thing though and it appears that Trump had his eyes closed during a prayer but the photo was circulated saying he fell asleep.

    3. The only thing keeping Biden in the race is his ego. Certainly the polls are atrocious. How do you get through someone’s hubris? Well, you publicly announce it’s time to step aside.

      There are plenty of potential candidates lined up in the wings.

      1. Most of the top polls show a narrow lead for Trump, which isn’t atrocious by any definition (the Guardian has a summary out today). I will be curious to see how support for Biden plummets with everybody screaming at the top of their lungs that he can never win and that he’s so senile.

        2. yeah you kind of have to take polls with a grain of salt. They show a 10+ point gap between Biden and down ballot Dems in many states. In reality that *never* happens. It just doesn’t. Most people vote straight ticket, especially in this polarized climate. It’s possible polls are understating Biden’s support (this is what I think) or overstating the support of Congressional Democrats. But I can guarantee you Biden and purple state Dem senators aren’t going to be 10+ percentage points apart in the final results.

      2. It’s not ego. It’s recognizing there is no one strong waiting in the wings. You can say a lot about him but I don’t think he’s doing this out of hubris.

    4. He has to resign or Trump is going to win, it’s that simple. Trump might still win against another candidate, but when 2/3 of Democrats want your candidate to resign, you should probably listen. Like the person above says, it’s unheard of for polls to show such a big gap between the president and down ballot candidates. Polls might not be totally accurate, but they’re telling us something, and what they’ve consistently been showing for well over a year is that people don’t want Biden. The overwhelming disaster of the debate is what allowed the media and the “elites” to finally admit it, but this really isn’t coming from them, it’s coming from the fact that the people really don’t want Biden to run.

      1. Do you mean resign from the presidency or withdraw as a candidate? These are two very different things.

      2. Explain how that works. No, really. How do we get another candidate on the ballot in every single state at this point. In detail. Not just waiving your hands and saying “by magic.”

        1. This, this, this. Go watch AOC’s video (and yes it is very long but watch it anyway) and then come respond to the following questions: (1) How do we get a Democrat on the ballot in every state? Particularly Ohio? And do you trust the Supreme Court NOT to come down on Trump’s side 5-4?
          and
          (2) Who is the candidate and how do we get there? Because anyone OTHER than Harris will be a major fight, but the powers that be apparently do not want Harris. And do you really think Harris is electable? If your answer to that question is “yes” then do you know who Willie Brown is? Because if not, you have not done your due diligence.

          And no sh*t Biden is polling badly. Maybe that is because instead of covering the Republicans and their unpopular polices, or Trump’s crazy speech, or his ties to Epstein or any of there other half dozen stories that would be good for Democrats, the press is covering the circular firing squad my party has become. (And to be clear I am not really blaming the press. The difference between Republicans who do not like Trump but want him to win and Democrats is that Republicans understand when to keep their mouths shut.)

          2. +1 to AOC’s video. She clearly explains a lot of the problems with replacing Biden at this point.

  5. My memory might be hazy, but I remember Amy Klobuchar taking a lot of heat in 2019 for being awful to her staff. I personally know for a fact that Kamala is worse – she yells at her staff, is demeaning to adjacent staff (AF2, Secret Service), and is an all-round brat to everyone, acting like she’s above them. Are people so desperate to get rid of Joe that they’ll elect a witch or is it not common knowledge how unpleasant she is?

    Could we please, PLEASE have a choice in our presidential candidates for once instead of defaulting to an heir apparent? I’ll take any of the governors except Gavin.

    2. Can someone tell me the objection to Gavin? Is it more than the French Laundry thing?

      1. For me (conservative Dem from the south), he’s too liberal. And this is terribly shallow, but his hair, his smile, his suits – he doesn’t look trustworthy. Too slick. Too used car salesman.

          1. Look, I’m a registered Dem, I will vote for whoever is on the ticket no matter what, and I agree that Newsom is a nonstarter because of attitudes like this. He also doesn’t bring in net new electoral college votes, CA will go blue no matter what.

          2. It’s an unfortunate truth that a lot of Americans vote for the person they most want to have a beer with.
            Being the CA governor is a nonstarter if Dems want to beat Trump.

        2. This is it in a nutshell. He’s too coastal liberal elite to flip red states and NY/CA will go blue no matter what so he doesn’t bring any electoral college votes with him.

        3. Yup he’s very unpopular in my rust belt state because he’s seen as a coastal elite.

          1. And it’s not just that he’s coastal, hating on Californians is like a national pastime for the entire West half of the country

        4. I would be fine with the hair/suits but for the marriage to Kimberly Guilfoile?! I do not get that.

      2. Barely a Dem from Virginia, if we had choices like Romney or Bush still, I’d probably be Republican. But I’m anti Trump no matter what. I personally don’t want anyone THAT liberal.

      1. Pritzker is everything Trump pretends to be (savvy billionaire who brings a businessman’s perspective). Illinois’ pension issues existed long before he came into office. Pritzker has done a good job but unfortunately I think a lot of this country won’t elect a Jewish president, even though he’d be great at it. I can already imagine the conspiracy theories the far right will latch onto.

    4. Funny we never hear how awful men are to their staffs. It’s never an issue. Or is it a gendered expectation that women have to have flowers and rainbows flying out of their ass?

    5. You think Biden doesn’t yell at his staff? Anyone at this level of govt is a narcissist, maybe not clinically, but effectively. Some are just less so than others. And holding it against a woman, but not a man, is unfair.

      1. And half the stuff women get reamed for is completely ordinary – things like expecting something to be done on time, not adding a “teehee sorry” before every task requested, not stroking a man’s ego when he failed to deliver quality, and so on.

      2. I’m sure Biden and Obama have lost their cool and yelled at people on occasion but I don’t see either as they type to be regularly abusive to staff. Not everyone in politics is an a-hole, although I agree most are.

    6. I mean, she IS better than everybody? Everyone but Biden is support staff.

      Especially when i hear that women politicians and entrepreneurs are bossy and bitchy I shrug my shoulders – it is THEM on the line. Not anyone else. The buck HAS to stop with them. A lot of men don’t get that because deep down they think they’re better and this is just a stepping stone, and a lot of women feel like working with someone like that should be a rainbow-filled learning experience so when the woman treats them like their boss everyone gets out of sorts.

      1. Maybe we just expect more of women. No one has to be an a-h0le to their staff. No one has to yell. There are ways to make your point like a professional and to build a cohesive and successful team where being a jerk isn’t warranted. At that level, I expect everyone is performing, and if they aren’t, then they should be redistributed. But I don’t expect presidential material to blow a gasket over staff level stuff.

        1. I think we do apply a double standard. I swear my lefty progressive husband is a decent feminist, walks the walk at home and at work, but we’ve had many a conversation over him choosing the words ‘she yelled at me’ about a random interaction with a woman, and when I happened to witness the situation, there was zero yelling. There is some deep seated bias there where he perceives it as more aggressive when a woman says something that he doesn’t like.

        2. right, but warning people that they will be “redistributed” or initiating “redistributions” sounds a lot like a pissy boss bitch.

    7. I don’t believe her treatment of staff is the problem. She has not had a good 4 years and her pitch for President last time round didn’t fill me with hope. I do not agree with her politics. I do not think she was the best candidate to be VP and race/gender was prioritized over their alignment. Given Biden’s age the VP this time I think the VP should be someone much more of a centralist politically speaking.

      As I said the other day, Wes Moore is inexperienced but I really like what I’ve seen so far. He has military experience, is focused on education and ran a good campaign. I think he would be an excellent VP and able to step into the Presidency with success.

      Obama didn’t have a lot of experience but he did a good job. I do not like the narrative of it being so wrong for women to be demanding when they are in leadership roles. That is part of the job.

      I’m not a fan of Megan Markle but of course she was demanding and it’s ridiculous to complain that she sent emails to staff at 5am. The pressure she was under was insane. Everything had to be perfect. It’s perfect for the Princess of Wales for a reason. It generates positive PR, which is her job.

      Countless women in leadership are chastised when they lead and then we all shake our heads and ask why are there so few women in leadership. We are all trying to get the same results as the guys with barriers in place which are insurmountable when you can’t make your point clear, drive results at key times and get things done on your schedule while we watch how we talk because heaven forbid we speak with force, like men do everyday.

        1. Yeah I feel like no one likes Kamala’s politics! The progressives hate her because she was a prosecutor, but she’s too far left for a lot of moderates.

          1. This is the big tent problem with my fellow liberals. At least conservatives can stay on message. This is why we’re going to keep losing.

      2. I agree with a lot of what you wrote but the MM comments show a lack of familiarity with the structure.

        I work in related govt and similar expectation re responses. Certain level of people are responded to immediately regardless of when the email is sent. You send an email at 11pm or 5am if you expect a response within the hour. You use delay send in Outlook if you are working late and you don’t need a response until the next day. Sending 5am emails is gross power move on junior staff.

        If you are trying to demonstrate that you are hardworking but non- abusive to your junior staff. Make copious use of delay send. I’ve known people who draft email before 5pm then jump on at 11pm to send it on a delay send so it’s received at 8am but it looks like they were working late. Unless you are the actual head of state – don’t be emailing people at 5am.

      3. Gov Wes Moore has indicated he is only interested in governing Maryland when asked by the media on…Sunday?

  6. I have a colleague who I think is passive aggressively refusing to respond to my emails. Aspects of my job may cause him annoyance (think compliance/legal slowing down operations, or marketing causing more work for sales), and likely he would prefer to not deal with me in spite of his role requiring him to do so. I have sent him two emails in the last couple of days: one asking a clear yes-or-no question and the other one asking him for sign-off on a project I can’t submit until he reviews. He hasn’t responded to either, though our company culture usually has us responding within an hour or at the very least day-of. I feel like emailing him or calling to follow up seems aggressive, but am not sure what to do since his non-response affects my ability to do my job. How would you all deal with this?

    1. Personally I’d live with a response taking more than an hour. That’s a ridiculous expectation.

      The standard thing to do is to follow up, starting with why you need an answer now, copying his manager. But that’s not going to make you less annoying in his eyes.

      1. It’s not more than hour – it’s complete non-response after days. I was just explaining that people where I work respond almost immediately to emails for basic communication (we don’t really use Slack), so no response for days is a clear indication they don’t plan to respond at all.

        1. I get it, OP. This is something to mention to his manager – “I’ve noticed Joe hasn’t been able to meet reasonable turnaround times for time-sensitive issues, despite the usual notice. The latest consequence was ___. I wanted to let you know in case there’s something going on that means we need to switch him off my team.” Tailor as needed.

    2. “Following up on my message from ___, I need an answer by ___ to [meet deadline]/[ensure compliance]. I’ll call you if I don’t hear from you.”

      If this continues, raise with his manager. I have no patience for BS like this and people will get called out if they make it a habit.

      1. This, with a side of “your culture isn’t to respond within 1 hour if it’s also “or at least day-of. . .”.

        Check whether your expectations are as clear as you think.

      2. Or ping him on teams, no one I work with uses email for time sensitive quick questions.

    4. “Please confirm receipt of my earlier message below; several emails to you seem to have disappeared into the void lately. SinceI have not received your reply, I am concerned there is a technical glitch that needs resolved.

      Once you provide your input I can push [Project] forward.”

      And copy his boss.

      1. Do y’all want to be top of the list for getting fired for being terrible coworkers?! No no no do not do this. Work it out with your colleague. Call him, drop by his office, message him or send a “bumping to the top of your in-box, need an answer this morning” note. No passive aggressive emails like this, sheesh!

      2. That’s a good way to turn things aggressive-aggressive. And most bosses don’t want to be ccd on this stuff. You run the risk of being seen as the annoyance. Instead:

        -Give reasonable deadlines and make sure they are shared (an hour?!)
        -As often as possible, include “If I don’t hear from you by x, I’ll be doing Y”
        -IM for simple yes/no responses or to send reminders in advance of important deadlines

        Still not seeing results? Call the person to discuss. THEN start ccing the boss.

    5. Huge pet peeve for me. My teams include people who work for themselves and are paid by the court. I will email the whole team and always have to text one member because he will ignore an email forever. Then he mumbles some crap on the text response. I’ve started having my assistant call him for me and him to respond to me but that is not having the desired effect of shaming him. Some people are just lazy and put their heads in the sand when they are busy.

  7. Have you ever been in a position where you sensed many of your colleagues privately are hoping to see you fail? I was promoted to a very senior role, but am much younger than many of the people who will report to me. I’m currently in a training position for a few months prior to starting, and the people overseeing my transition have all raved about me. However, outside of the people I report to, I sense many colleagues resent my promotion and hope to be proven right that I’m unqualified. People will make a huge deal of pointing out minor mistakes or take me asking a question as a cue to emphasize that I don’t yet know something. Other examples include making comments like “Suzie [the manager I’m replacing] is extremely knowledgable. Do you know that you are taking on a very, very big role? Do you think you can manage it?” Meanwhile Suzie, who is training me, feels that I am already doing her job and that I am more than capable of it.

    The most recent example is that I sent an email to a client regarding a topic someone else had already addressed (but not cc’ed me on). A woman who will ultimately report to me responded direcrtly, “How could you not know this?????? [Client] was nice about it but she may now question our competency.” Client had seemed complete unfazed by the email, but I couldn’t help but feel like my colleague was saying that the client OUGHT to question my competency. It is constantly things like this, and it also seems like even praise from senior leadership just irritates the heck out of my peers.

    What do I do here? Just accept that even if I excel, people will still choose to privately believe I am incompetent and undeserving of my role? Not sure how to try to communicate authority or even hope that people start speaking to me respectfully.

    1. “Just accept that even if I excel, people will still choose to privately believe I am incompetent and undeserving of my role?” Yes- accept this fact. You must promote and encourage yourself. The higher you go, the more this is the case. The air gets thinner as your climb the corporate ladder. I was a 37 year old VP managing people twice my age with much more experience. Virtually no one wanted me in the position including my own boss who promoted me. I had to learn to build my self confidence. Key word: self.

    2. Can I ask where Suzie is headed to? I’m hoping she wasn’t pushed out due to ageism and the desire for younger blood from the executive suite.

      I’m sure you’re very competent, but I do raise an eyebrow on how you’ve leapfrogged into a senior role without the necessary tenure. And that is from a single anonymous post! All this to say that as much as it absolutely sucks to be so disrespected, it’s very understandable from their point of view. Time is the only healer – time to demonstrate your value and build rapport.

    3. I worked for AIG for 15+ years. After I left for a competitor, one of the people there said, “I heard AIG was a pretty back-stabbing environment.”

      I said, “no, I’d describe it as more front-stabbing.”

      I always prefer to know when people are coming for me. It’s rarely a secret. You don’t have to be paranoid. Work environments tend to be competitive. Especially when your employer frames it as a zero-sum game.

    4. Your job is to do your (new) job as best as you can. Your job is not to be universally loved. With every new role, we need to re-establish trust and competence and it takes time. It will take longer since you’re dealing with immature and unprofessional individuals.
      What stands out from your post is:
      * Suzie could the word among the organization that you’re competent and you’ve been doing many of the tasks before. That always helps.
      * You wrote these are your future direct reports making inappropriate comments. I believe it is time to set boundaries and expectations for them. ‘Yes, this is a complex role and I expect to learn a lot along the way. I hope that I can rely on your expertise and support, Steven’, ‘Peggy, you are correct, it is not an example of profesionalism when a client sees we have lack of internal alignment. And that’s not a picture we want to paint. From now on, please, keep me in CC on all comms to the client, thanks’.
      This will signal you’re not their rag and sets clear expectations.
      Good luck!

    1. Trial and error? By making mistakes and not being afraid to fail, though painful and frequently embarrassing. Find the Teddy Roosevelt quote that starts with “It is not the critic who counts.”
      Own your decisions, then evaluate them- was that a good decision or a bad one? This means owning your failures fully and wholly, and it allows you to own your successes too. It will allow you to see who you really are, and that will build your confidence.

  9. What are some good sites for kids (5-8) back to school clothes other than the usual big box? What are your go-to sites?

    1. I get most of my 6 year old’s clothes at H and M and Target. Old Navy for staples like solid color leggings. H and M is nice because they have the same styles in both toddler and girl sizes. My kid is 99th percentile height and graduated from toddler sizes around age 3, but the “girls” clothing in some stores looks too mature for a little kid (crop tops, etc.)

    2. For uniform Marks & Spencer. For everyday clothes I do outfit sets from Danish brand molo and Next UK. Hangers are the wooden ones from ikea which I sharpie the day of the week on them. Each outfit goes on a hanger for the day of the week.

      My kids have uniform so it’s the same outfit daily. When they wore regular clothes for school I let them move days around.

    3. Old Navy and Target, otherwise my office has a robust hand-me-downs train that is the most amazing thing ever.

      Jill’s HS kid passes things to Sam’s middle schooler, who hands stuff to Erin’s 4th grader. Erin passes clothing along to Doug’s 6 YO, and Doug routes things to Janelle’s toddler. Not the same article of clothing for this whole chain, of course, but basically any time there is a closet clean out, we each have our person to hand the outgrown boxes to. The first time someone gave me clothes for my kid I felt so guilty just taking them for free. But once I had to unload too-small clothes myself, I realized how amazing it is to have a ready recipient to pay it forward to.

    5. Lands End. Sale prices are excellent, and almost every thing we’ve bought there has made it through three or four years of hard wear across two active boys. Only casualties have been pants and rash guards. The pants… I don’t know what my kids did on their knees, but they wore the knees out of every pair of pants they owned until the age of 12 or so. LE pants held up longer than the others. And the rash guards started looking flimsy in spots after 2 or 3 years. But everything else has been handed down beyond my two while still looking fine.

  10. For those who enjoy reading blogs, I wanted to share: swipesanddatingtales@wordpress.com

    She has posts about her dating adventures. She doesn’t post much anymore but there is an archive of old posts – I just found her and started from the beginning a few days ago – fun reading!

  11. Sensitive self-gardening question, please scroll by if you’re not interested… but Wirecutter just came out with their guide to the best vibrators and I never understand the magic wand. Feels like I’m trying to power scrub a shower wall 🤣

    2. Look for attachments. The magic wand is best with something added like the nuzzle tip.

    4. It’s not that complicated. Powerful vibrations are great to stimulate the tissue below the hood, the clit tissue roots around the lips and make indirect and powerful vibrations to the tip.

      A larger relevant nerve area is stimulated at once than with a rabbit or bullet, for example.

  12. I’ve searched the archives but haven’t found a lot of info:
    Recommendations for a Great Barrier reef boat tour? I am not a swimmer but can stay afloat in calm water with a life jacket and snorkel. I have heard some of the boats come with floats that people like me can hold onto – any recommendations? More generally, what should I look for?
    Also, open to any and all recommendations in Melbourne, Cairns, and Sydney.

    1. Maybe we got unlucky, but our Great Barrier Reef snorkeling cruise was literally the roughest water I’ve ever snorkeled in, and I’ve snorkeled all over the world (Hawaii, Caribbean, French Polynesia, Southeast Asia etc). Not something I would ever recommend for someone who isn’t a strong swimmer. Maybe you could do a glass bottom boat tour?

    2. Do you have time to take swimming lessons? I think that will make your vacation more enjoyable, and will open up your options.

      (If you have physical issues that mean that swimming is Not An Option, ignore me, and I hope you get great resources!)

    1. Why couldn’t this have happened 6 months ago? Why couldn’t he have always planned to be a one-term president and told the rest of the party to get it together with succession planning?

    2. Why are the democrats more interested in destroying themselves than fighting Trump? I’ll never understand.

      1. Me neither. What a way for Biden to go – his party forced him out while the GOP rallies behind its own senile candidate (who is also a rapist) with the utmost enthusiasm. I didn’t want Biden to run again, but I feel bad for him.

      2. Because the Dems are “everyone else.” The Republicans are the gun nuts, baby nuts, white supremacists, and people who care so much about protecting their own wealth that they don’t care who else they’re in bed with. The Dems are everyone else. So no, there is no cohesive policy beyond “maybe kids are more important than guns and a woman should have a right to choose.”

    3. And how long before he’s forced to resign? Ugh, I hate all of this for him and the party.

    4. It’s going to be a Mondale style defeat for Kamala. I’m in the Rust Belt and half the Dems I know won’t even consider voting for her. What a f-ing mess. I think Biden would have lost too, but by a smaller margin.

          1. There are racist people out there for sure, but the people I know who hate her the most are actually Black women and Asian women so no I don’t think it’s all sexism and racism. There’s a real perception in my Midwest state that she’s been a terribly inefficient VP and has done nothing of value, and that as a “coastal elite” she’s out of touch with middle Americans. People aren’t enthusiastic about Biden either, and many people are feeling the pinch economically, but there’s affection for Biden as “one of us” that Midwesterners don’t have for Kamala (even though Biden is not from the Midwest!). I don’t know enough either way to have a strong opinion about her effectiveness as Veep and will vote for the Dem nominee no matter who it is, so just reporting what I’ve heard.

          2. Black voters prefer Biden to Kamala by large margins. Not everything is racism.

    5. At this point, we need to coalesce around the candidate. If it’s Harris, all in. If it’s Newsom, all in. I’m SO SICK of Dem-leaning voters waiting for the mythical unicorn candidate and tearing apart anyone who doesn’t meet that standard. You think every Trump voter is pleased as punch with his remarks on women, veterans, immigrants? A lot of them are, but a lot also learned to hold their noses and keep the big picture in mind. Dems f*cking suck at that and it’s cost us big so many times – not least in 2016.

      1. If we could be like 1/10 as unified as the republicans, we’d be hard to beat. But here we are.

      2. This. The republicans are strategic and ultimately work together to accomplish their goals, regardless of how disgusting and inhumane. Democrats are disorganized. They remind me of high schoolers trying to complete a school assignment. No real leadership.

    6. I love what Biden has done the last four years. It’s so much better than the previous four that cannot ever be quantified (but starting with my mental health). BUT – his polls were in a death spiral, and he was never going to win. Kamala is getting more support by the hour, and she’s has my 100% support. Get onboard the change train – it left the station in June. This is the start of a WINNING ticket.

      1. I hope you’re right. I’ll 100% vote for her (or for anyone.. Gavin Newsom, Bernie Sanders, Mitt Romney, I don’t care who it is as long as they’re not Trump), but I don’t like her odds. On the other hand it does seem to be re-energizing a lot of voters and turnout is everything.

      2. This is grossly ignorant about how popular she is in key electoral college states. A lot of voters who would have stayed home in Trump v Biden will come out to vote against her because they believe a woman should not lead. See the whole ‘tradwives’ movement and the tepid reaction to the Harrison Butker comments.

        She may win the popular vote but I will be shocked in she can win the electoral college. Vance will help lock up both the rural white vote and the Asian/Indian American vote which runs more socially conservative on gender issues. He was a very strategic VP pick by the GOP.

        FWIW I called the Trump win and later the Biden/Harris ticket when everyone was naysaying those possibilities in the comments here.

        I am literally praying that I am wrong but I don’t think I am.

        1. This is my worry (that she can win the popular vote but not the electoral college). Californian alone is a liability. I really hope the campaign pulls out all the stops!

        2. I agree with you, except I don’t think JD Vance adds much to the ticket. Asian/Indian American voters don’t care that much about his wife and aren’t a significant factor in swing states anyway. Trump would have been better off picking a Black person or someone from an important state. But I do think Trump has it in the bag and Kamala will be trounced. I also called Trump and Biden/Harris, fwiw.

          1. I think the only reason Trump’s VP isn’t black is that Trump himself is too racist. Vance with the WOC wife was the furthest Trump would go to outreach to POC.

        3. As someone with a degree in political science and an active government employee, I do not believe my comment is “grossly ignorant”. Yes, the electoral college is an issue – for EVERY Democrat. That’s a party problem – not a Kamala-only issue. However, you can’t start to win by living in the Clinton- era mindset. If Mexico can elect a Jewish woman (note 70%+ of voters are Catholic in MEX, and they also have an ongoing issue with misogyny and female violence), it is possible this nation can figure it out, too. But, “gross ignorance” is one way to say “I told you so” when the Democratic Party doesn’t get behind her (or another candidate) ASAP. She has the money and is pre-vetted – don’t think these potential candidates/VPs are perfect. Unfortunately, President Biden was a bridge too far for 60% of the Democratic Party (by polling). Get real.

          1. You’re missing my central point. She is not popular enough in key electoral college states and likely cannot become popular in the next 100 days enough due to a combination of racism and sexism. Biden should have stayed on the ballot and resigned for ill health in like March 2025.

            You’re comparing apples and oranges but using the Mexico example. Mexico has direct election for the presidency. I’d be much more reassured about her chances if we had the same system.

  14. On Friday I was asked to quit my job. I knew it wasn’t going well, but this is a surprise as I thought there was time to look for something else. It’s fairly well paid and they offered to pay out my notice period of 1 month plus and extra month for signing a settlement agreement. Question for you all: how do I get income in the next month or so? I have small children and no family/spouse so it’s difficult to make things work (I think this is part of the reason I was let go, but they didn’t say so). I have an awesome nanny who I’m going to keep in case I land another role soon. Planning to sign the NDA just for the positive employment reference if nothing else. It was awful and I’m relieved to go. I do general management and have thrived on remote work.

    1. What industry? I don’t know anywhere that hires “general managers” to just manage stuff

      Particularly since you need a new role quickly, you are likely going to need to look at hybrid and in person roles to expand your options. IME management hiring timelines are longer and roles are fewer – are you up to date enough in your field to also apply to senior IC roles?

      Your post makes it sound like you might not have enough childcare, or maybe not a quiet place to work – it sounds like you’re trying hard in a difficult situation, but if you’re losing jobs over it, it’s worth thinking hard about whether you’ll have the same issue at a new job, and being realistic about what will and won’t work for you.

      Best of luck!

    2. 2 things:
      1) The amount that they are paying you is your income for the next couple of months, you space it out. Hopefully, you also have a fully funded emergency fund that you can fall back on. Situations like this are exactly why those are needed. Can you consult or pick up some gig jobs to help with the transition? If you are keeping your nanny, you may have the time while you are job hunting to take on some side jobs.
      2) Did you thrive as a remote worker? I feel if you had, and this is really harsh and I’m sorry, they wouldn’t have asked you to leave. What part of the puzzle was missing? Were you not getting enough face time with the higher ups? Or not tuned in closely to your industry and what was happening in your company? Too removed from those you managed? There were most likely signs. I think you need to consider what that was and how to fix it before taking on a new fully remote role.
      I know you are probably reeling and I apologize for any harshness.

    3. Before you sign anything, check out unemployment guidelines for your state. For example, in mine, I would want them to eliminate my position or fire me because quitting wouldn’t allow me to collect. I wasn’t able to collect unemployment until I ran through the month of severance or pick up any side work.

      1. +1 – i wouldn’t quit unless i was getting compensation to make up for that. including cobra/health insurance.

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